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hethe r we like it or not, most of us will have spent a substanti al part of our young lives in front of th e tell y. Some of the more popul ar programmes from th at decade have refused to die and curre ntly resi de on nostalgic satell ite channels and late night TV , happily repeating th emselves like a stuck record . But what is it about some programmes that make them so enduring? We all remember the theme tunes from Dynasty and Dallas even if we we ren't to o sure wh at was happening at the time and if you try really hard you may even remeber the prologue to The A Team. A gravell y military voice spoke over the sound of drums and helicopters explaining how 'in 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit..

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very generation claims an era , a decade to call their very own. Parents remin isce abou t th e 60s and 70s when money we nt further and the music was really music, grandparents make the War sound like on e big social bonding exerci se which only meant they couldn't eat oranges for a coupl e of years, but wh at can we remember? Wham , Jamie and the Magic Torch, Transformers and reversible jumpers are just the tip of the 80s iceberg . When was th e last time we ever called anyt hing 'bad' wh en we meant it was good or joked about having 'loadsa ' money'? And why don't we ever wear our faux grey leather pixie boots anymore? The only decade left for us to sen timentalise about is the 80s. it's a bit too close for comfor t, the clothes really were bad , as was lots of its music an d there were some ve ry cheesy fi lms. Al rea dy though art ists are ju mping on th e 80s bandwagon : th e catwalks are showing a slight tendency towards the shoulder pads and severely unnatu ral make-up; Busta' Rhym es has a current hit with his Knightrider inspired littl e ditty; and Th e Wedding Singer starring Drew Barrymore, is th e fi rst major retrospective film . In anticipation of the last rehash of the millennium , The Event has traipsed through its toy cupboards and wardrobe s to pull out some old favourites and put together its own tribute to the most fantastically tastel ess peri od of history since th e Norman invasion.

he 80s we re an interesting period in music. At one en d th ere was the raw attitude of punk, whil e the cool grooves of baggy sa w th e decade out . In between. music vee red from new romantic, to big haired rockers . to soft fops with fl owers and back agai n. More often th an not 80s music wa s subject to the te rror of the keyboard synthesiser and th e electric drum kits wh ich rui ned many a good song. Tha t said , the 80s weren't a total loss an d some great bands produced outstanding classics that dese rve to be listened to until the end of ti me (wheneve r that may be). To get a good feel for th e decade, we cast our eyes over three 80s survivors to see what it was th ey were getting up to back then .

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BON JOVI Come on . admit it. we all know at least one Bon Jovi song. One of the biggest rock ban ds of th e 80s the band became a household name following the release of thei r 1986 al bum, Slippery Wh en Wet. So they weren' t pa rt icularly in fl uential or original, and with lyrics like, "remember when we lost the keys and you lost more than tha t in my backseat," they we re

if you have a probl em, if no one else ca n help, and if you can find them maybe you ca n hire the A Team,' cue bull ets shooting Th e A Team logo on to th e screen. Every week the gang of four ran abou t America in their black mini van using their expert military kn owl edge to blast their way out of garages that the baddies had locked them into for the aftern oon, after having made a makeshift ram out of plastic piping and heavy chains. Did you ever notice that there was always a handy welding kit propped up in the co rn er of every baddie's garage? If The A Team was the King of early Saturday afternoon TV then Knight Rider was the heir to the small screen throne. David Hasslehoff starred alongside Ki t the car who often proved to be more in telli gen t than Michael Knight. Just like the A Team. Kn ight solved a crisi s in a swift hal f hourperfect for the small chi ld's even smaller attention span . Weekday TV had a different feel . 3pm to 5pm was that sp ecial time set aside for us kids by the networks who reared us on a diet of Jamie and the Magic Torch, Willow the Wisp, Henry 's Ca t an d the sli ghtly academic John Craven 's Ne ws round. Every so often ou r infinite desire fo r ca rtoons was indulged and Children's BBC would show Th e

l hardly making deep statements on life. However, th ey were fun . Richie Sambora played some great solos and mill ion s of teenagers worldwide jumped around th eir bedrooms to such gems as You Give Love a Bad Name and Livin ' on a Prayer. Admittedly th ey're rem embered for their fashion influence as much as th eir music (sorry, did someone say fashion?! ), but bandannas , loa ds of denim and the mandatory BIG HAIR seemed sooo cool at the time (or was it just me? ) In hindsight it all seems very antiquated, and Slippery' s album sleeve sporting semi-naked women writhing about in bubbles in ca r bonnets is hardly PC, but somehow it didn't matter. Produced by Bruce Fai rbairn (wh o also worked with Aerosmith who, in con trast to Bon Jovi. can still hold the ir own as a rock band) Slippery propelled Bon Jovi into a stadium band. Although many people label them 'cock rock' or 'schlock rock' they still complete sell-out stadium tours now, only th ere are fewer bandannas and, sadly, the hair's shrunk Lee McNico/1 conside rably.

REM Althou gh most widely feted for th eir bittersweet re leases in th e 1990s, REM 's sublime and cathartic sound also won many admirers throughout the 1980s , a decade which was otherwise obsessed with bi g hair and litt le emotion. Michael Stipe, who actually had hair in the 80s which he dyed using Norwich's favouri te export , mustard. provided vocal s and lyrics. while Peter Buck (guitars). Mike Mills (bass). and Bill Berry (drum s) wrote the music . Uniquely, the word s and music were written independently demonstrating how 'into their art' REM really were. Like their

The 80s Remembered, Wednesday, May 13, 1998

English co ntemporaries, Th e Smiths, REM we re extremely popular with lovers of altern ati ve, co llege-orientated music. This limited fan base was refl ected by the none-too-prolific sales of th ei r early singles. However, thei r ca reer stepp ed up a gear with the wat ershed-like The One I Love. Many people believe that this was th e ultimate love song of the 80s, however closer inspection of the son g's lyrics reveal th at it is actu ally about how worthless love really is (a simple prop to occupy Stipe's mind). As th e 80 s progressed REM picked up momentum wh ich powered them onto a par with th eir stadium rivals U2. Gareth Llewellyn

MICHAEL JACK SON Things were a lot more sinister in the 1980s. Ronald Reagan and Maggie Thatch er were busy runn ing th e world and. musicall y speaking. so was Michael Jackson. Th e full extent of his damage wasn't realised until the 90s . Thriller in the early 80s was a huge success , wh ich is maybe a reflection on a time when pastel coloured loa fers and fcotball ers wi th perms we re fashi onable . By th e time Jackson relea sed Bad in 1987 he had begun a subconscious confessional wi th songs like Smooth Criminal an d lyrics like "I'm Bad!"

Cities of Gold, The Muskerhounds or 80 Days Around the World. All three were masterpieces of th e art of cartoonery com plete with catchy intra son gs. Children across the land dran k in the stories of Dogtan ian (a dog) , Philias Fogg (a lion) and the numerous baddi es whose eyes would glint approximate ly once an episode as they looked forward to their latest attempt to foil our great protagonists' plans. Morn ing wee kend te levision was awash with the ancestors of Live and Kicking: No 73, Saturday Superstore. Going Live and Wackaday were a guaranteed ni rva na of tel evisual stim ulati on . Remember Mallet's Mallet, Singing in the Shower, Dungeons and Dragons and th e compulsory phon e-ins hosted by Sarah Greene? Th ere is a distinct el ement of truth in the comment that TV is ch ewing gum for th e eyes. Even wi th fond retrospection it must be admitted that mos t of what we watched was nothi ng but a large stick of spearmint. Funny how it still tastes good after all these Catherine Jones years.

(incidentall y, th e video for Bad was directed by Mart in Sco rsese) . Despite all his faults, Jackson was abl e to fall back on a talent for writing near-perfect pop, and th is combined with Pepsi spon sorship and wise in ves tm ents (outbidding Paul McCartn ey for th e ri ghts to the Beatl es back-catalog ue has proved parti cu larly lucrative) mean t he amassed a vast person al fo rtun e. Despite all the well-pub licised personal problems and allegations of sexu al misconduct, Jackson's success has continued into th e 90s. Wh at's more, if his habit of sl eeping in an ox ygen tent does the business , he may well ca rry on for another cou pl e of decades. Kelly Moran

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www. arcelforce.co.uk The 80s Remembered, Wednesday, May 13, 1998


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l's January 1. 1980, you 're hung over from the previous night's festivities, you've lost your favourite kipper tie, there's no body glitter left and you still haven't started on that Ch~istmas assignment you promised yourself you 'd do the moment you got back from Norwich. Basically you're a UEA student with a new decade stretching out in front of you. If UEA burst into life in the 60s and grew up in the 70s, then the 80s were its first taste of adulthood. and with a brand spanking new Sainsbury centre the average UEA student had good reason to be optimistic. Little did they know that the decade they were about to embrace would brifrg a Miners' Strike, New Romant icism, Thatcherism , and most importantly the worst dress sense witnessed since the huge co llars of the Jacobean period. The first big event to rock UEA was the departure of the founding Vice-Chance llor Professor This lethwaite, who announced his retirement in 1980. lt is Thislethwaite we· have to thank for UEA's motto "Do Differenr because, apparently, he did! So now you know. Michael Thompson stepped in to fill the big man's chair that year. Wolfson

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'i-==C;lii~C'jpill••jll••• and OJWell Close opened their doors tor the first time in 1980, and quick ly established their reputation as the best residences at the far end of Waveney terrace. Must have been the view of Waveney mountain and the fact that they are the only res idences at the far end of Waveney that swung it!· 1982 saw UEA awash with snooker fever when Thorburn and Griffiths brought their gladiatorial arts to the Sports Centre. Clearly UEA couldn't recover from the excitement. so to make up for the gap that snooker had left in everyone's lives the trave l shop opened the fo llowing year to give them all a chance to escape to the sun· and forget about snooker. 1984 was a great year tor Law students, as they were able to aban don the confines of the UEA campus for the more luxurious and stalely surroundings of Earlham Hall. DEV, on the other hand, were introduced to the delights of the arts building as they took up residence within its concrete wal ls. 1985 saw a change in Chancellor {the chap you shake hands with at graduation. No, we don't know what else he does either!) as Lord Franks retired and Owen Chadwick took over. Which was nice. Nothing much happened in 1986, although some of the University's past alumni got together for the first reunion of UEA graduates. 1987 was a new year, and UEA had a n~w v_c. This time Derek Burke took over the Reg istry office with the best view. In 1988 the first steps towards The Village were taken, as the sale of its site was announced, although its construct ion w<is still a few years off. The decade ended on a right royal high for the University as Prince Charles helicoptered in to have a good snoop round ENV and a look round the Library. Presumably His Royal Highness couldn't find the book he was looking for either. 1989 also saw the establishment of the Arth ur Miller centre. The centre to honour The Crucible writer was launched with a star studied bash, with ce lebrities in attendance including te levision's All Garnet. On a more cultural note UEA managed to avoid, for the most part, the 80s hidious excesses. The decade ?tarted well as crowds queued round the block, and some even camped out overnight for tic kets for The Jam and Madness who played over a weekend. Also paying· UEA a vis! that year were Elvis Costello, Gary G litter, and a young, preEurythm ics Annie Lennox who played with Tourist. 1981 will make anyone who's ever paid £20 plus for a stadium gig sick. Iron Maiden played fo r a fiver while the

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i mind the prices for Pop Mart, how much kings of the big show U2 also played . '""" l/0" pay to see Bono and Co in the LCR? Not £50, not £20, not even £1 0! U2 at UEA one to you sir! world isn't it, which of course it was when a of then unknown com ics, Ade Edmondson and Rick Mayall, took to the stage in 1982 under the of 20th Century Coyote. Also appearing under a different banner was The Cure, who played the headline act on "the Features Records Tou r the same year because they weren't big enough do it in their own right. 1983followed with Echo & the Bunnymen making

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Undertones could also be seen year and Lenny Henry got in da house with his 'disco' and so pre-empted DJ cu lture. In 1984, after years of soild service, the LCR took a quick sabbatical for refurbishment work. This meant that when the Smiths visited that year they forced to play in the Hive, or as it was glamorously ca lled at the time: The Foyer. Morissey and Marr put in a 40 minute set, which when you ~ <<o ' '''"' it with their Brixton Ac"a.demy marathons proved that they just hadn't earn't it yet baby! i 985 was year of the ugly bloke as Shane McGowan with his Pogues and Mark E Smith and Fall both paid visits to NoJWich. Slim (aka Norman Cook) could be seen at 1986 in his guise as the Housemartins bass il the Human League asked why no one for the millionth time (it was the silly and the late Michael Hutchence and INXS '' '''"'"o 700, who paid a mere £2.50 to get in. Glitter brought his gang back to UEA in 87 , but twice, as he played a double date to he really was the leader. i rapping, and inane Icelandic gigles were the in thing the fol lowing year, as Public Enemy . However they couldn't match the rock thrills of tho As 1989 dawned the name I to the Stone Roses' lan Brown, became a name to be reck:oned with , and on the road to promote themselves. lan MuCulloch played a solo show (a far cry so all the other famous lans from his latest effort On Top the World, which features the Spice Girls, Space, Ocean Colour Scene, and the Bunnymen because he has got friends, no real ly he has, honest!) as did lan Botham, who came to UEA for a little chat with anyone who 'd listen. The decade ended with Sieve Harley coming up with Cockney Rebel to make everyone smile, except they left it a bit last minute and only had a week:. to flog 500 tickets. Paul Stokes

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· Some of the best things to come out of the decade were small, plastic a nd ma e by Matte . S uart Dredg e a nd Catherine Jones blew the dust off some d favouri es ...

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f there's one certain fact about the 80s, it's this: the toys were fantastic! For those of us who were kids, the decade was a riot of brightly coloured bricks and superhuman plastic figures, with the odd large yellow kitchen utensil thrown in for good measure. And, casting a cynical eye over the toys of today, you can't help wondering where the magic has gone. For a start there were Star Wars figures, which were at the peak of their popularity in the early 80s. Despite being weedier than their recent reincarnations, no discerning child's bedroom was complete without a few of them and, if you were lucky, a spaceship or two. Particularly prized w~ts the Millennium Falcon, although you had to be resigned to the fact that every time you played with it, some littl'e piece would break off. Almost as good were the He-Man figures, spawned from the loins of the popular cartoon series. While the figures were reassuringly bulky, they were nigh on useless if you didn't possess Castle Greyskull, which was either the home of He-Man or his scary foe Skeletor who always complained that he was surrounded by fools and weaklings. No one can remember which. When political correctness began to take hold, He-Man was joined by his female equivalent, She-Ra, a prototype Xena: Warrior Princess if ever there was one. Except without the heaving cleavage, obviously, which may explain why the series never caught on. The poorer cousins of the Masters of the· Universe were the Thundercats with their poetic battle cry, 'Thunder, thunder, thunder, Thundercats ho,' whenever there was trouble brewing on Third Earth. Panthera, Che~tara, Tigro, Whiley-Kit and Whiley-Kat, Schnarf and their leader Lion-o were locked in a constant battle with Mum-ra the Ever Living who resided in the Pyramids and transformed from a puny collection of bandages to a malevolent blue monster in quite a scary way, every week. While Thatcherite Britain was succumbing to the values of greed and selfishness, one group of toys was valiantly trying to instil a sense of decency in youngsters. Yes, The Care Bears enjoyed a good few years of fame, with the obligatory spin-off cartoon, film and, uniquely, an accompanying range of products in the form of the Care Bear cousins. I'm sure we all remember the Care Bear stare which involved the bears joining hands and gushing sentimentality bursting forth from their stomachs. Although nominally targeted at girls, the cuddly bears succeeded in winning over thousands of boys too, which was an encouraging omen of the future. Meanwhile, My Little Ponies resolutely refused to sell out in this way, maintaining a solidly female audience throughout the decade. Despite ridiculously twee adverts, the promise of hair that could be combed, plaited, and even snipped off when you were feeling sufficiently destructive, lured many a parent to purchase the ponies for their offspring.· Sadly, they're also memorable for a generation of schoolboys brought up to taunt their female classmates with songs beginning 'My Little Pony/ Skinny and bony... .' While toy cars have never really gone out of fashion, most of us will remember many a happy night tormenting our parents with astoundingly loud impressions of motors as we played with our collection of Tonkas. Cars were great, and could allow the most unlikely situations to be acted out on your bedroom floor. For example, while in real life most Formula One cars are a lad faster than the average milk float (Damon Hill excepted), scale-size models meant the float could storm home, if you so desired . Children treated Knight Rider with a healthy cynicism. What was so special about a talking car? We all knew from our games that all our cars could talk, if we wanted them to. Take the Transformers for example, those robots in disguise. The Autobots and Deceptacons were forever locked in battle and little boys' Dads played secretly, transforming Optimus Prime and Megatron when their kids weren't looking. We mustn't forget Sindy Dolls, with all their little outfits and plastic shoes that always got lost down the back of a sofa. Some of our lucky little friends even had the Sindy Doll's Ho use that towered over everything else in the room and was the approximate height of a five year old. Our plastic friends enjoyed the height of Matte! decadence in the Sindy house with all mod cons and k.itsch Even if most of your toys are now languishing in your parents' loft they can still hold out against the toys of the 90s. reletubbies? Schmellitubbies! The 80s were fab. ·

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rubbish things about the 80s Amongst all this retro fever Diana Goodman keeps her head and brings us to our senses... 1. Madonna's pre-Evita film career: Shanghai Surprise, Who's that Girl, etc 2. Crimped hair 3. The social acceptance of wearing flourescent pink••• 4 •••• with flourescent yellow 5. The ozone hole, created entirely by the need for big hair 6. Demi Moore and Rob Lowe naked In About Last Night••• 7. And it was before Demi got the boob job, too

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9. Big, heavy He-Man riding around on poor little Battle Cat. Call. the RSPCA! 10. Not being able to find videos at the shop because they were all in VHS and you had Betamax (or vice versa) 11. The incredible career of Mr T 12. Men with eye-liner and lipstick 13. All those American TV shows about rich people: Cosby Show, Family Ties, Silver Spoons, Who's the Boss, Mr Belvedere

14. Robert Redford (Ordinary People) beating Martin Scorsese (Raging Bull) for Best Director at the 1980 Oscars 15. That point where John Hughes stopped making shallow teenage movies where people fall in love with the local rich, popular guy/gal and started making shallow kiddie movies where people fall down and get hit In the crotch 16. The pastel· wearing-Miami-VIcepretty-boy-with· stubble look 17. Acres and acres of plastic and rubber jewellery 18. The uncertain period where you didn't know If tapes would overtake vinyl 19. Or If CDs would overtake tapes 20. Margaret Thatcher and Nancy Reagan: powerful women with Iron hair 21. Shoulder pads, even for That infernal Oh Mickey You're So Fine song, the musical ea'u iv'alttnt of a dental drill post·disco/pre-grunge phase the only rock 'n' roll was by halred prats and made for teenage last nail In feminism's coffin: the ofMTV

25.Beverly Hills, 90210, premiered In 1989 26. Leg warmers 27. Pixie boots 28. Buying perfectly good sweatshirts and tearing them to shreads for that Flashdance look 29. Stone-~ashed, ripped jeans 30. The mullet haircut, RIP 31. The entire US nuclttar man who starred in a movie with a chimpanzee 32. England v Argentina, 1986 33. Those poor blokes from The Village People were out of work 34. Breakdancing takes talent, but doesn't mean it looks nice, breakdancers look like they need medication 35. Jonathon Ke Quan, that kid from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and The Goonies. 36. Lace gloves with the fingers cut off 37. Mlchael Jackson getting stranger and stranger 38. VW signs and huge clocks around people's necks 39. Kylie Minogue 40. Coreys Feldman and Halm 41. The Color Purple: 11 Oscar nominations, not a single win. Beaten by the turgid Out of Africa 42. Retum of the Jedi. Leia turning out to be Luke's sister is stupid 43. Unemployment, the crushing of the working class, civil wars, puppet governments (That's a bit dark. Can't you

talk about happy things? • Ed.) 44. Wheelie Boppers 45. Footballers In skin-tight shirts, shorts, and the occasional perm 46. The rise and triumph of the Yupple and their filofaxes 47. Rubik's Magic· far too easy compared to the Rubik's Cube 48. Tape-based computers 49. WWF duo of Joan and Jackie Collins 50.David Hasselhoff, who also makes the Worst Things of the 90s list

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1 • Which cartoon character called upon the 'Power of Grayskull'?

11. Who became Bananaman after he gobbled a banana?

2. Who was the 'ever living' chief baddie in the Thundercats?

12. Name the Doe in Back To The Future?

3. What was the Care Bear stare?

13. Complete the lyric • "Club Tropicana, drinks are free •••• " 14. David Bowie donned a dodgy wig to star in which fantasy film?

4. Who were the goodies and the baddies in the Transformers?

19. Finish the Trumpton line-up : Pugh, Pugh, Barney MacGrew •••• 20. How did the shop keeper appear in Mr Benn?

22. What is the full name of The Smiths' lead singer? 23. Which Radio One DJ and presenter of Saturday

6. Who was Teela's dad in the Masters of the Universe? 7. What did Jamie come down in the intro to Jamie And The Magic Torch?

15. Which band wrote the theme tune to The Living Daylights?

8. Which former James Bond stars as Prince Barin in Flash Gordon?

16. Who reached the number one slot in 1987 with Pump Up The Volume?

10. Name all four of the 80s Dr Whos.

18. Who followed Phillip Schofield in Children's BBC's broom cupboard?

21. Who did Patrick Swayze bump'n'grind with in Dirty Dancing?

5. Who did Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, turn into in Transformers the movie?

9. Which renowned furry moaner lives in Sesame Street's garbage can?

17. How did Scott (Jason Donovan) first meet Charlene (Kylie Minogue) in Neighbours?

Superstore smashed his copy of Frankie Goes To Hollywood's Relax live on air because he thought it was 'disgusting'· and then saw it shoot to number one? 24. Which Eighties band were Britain's most successful girl group until the Spice Girls arrived? 25. Why didn't Dr Who run up some stairs when the Daleks chased him?

Answers:


Welcome to the eighties issue 86 13 05 1998