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Concrete’s fortnightly culture pullout

Photo by Laura Smith

issue 267 | 13/03/2012

The seventh edition of Latitude Festival, the UK’s favourite multiarts event, is back for another long weekend at Henham Park on 12th– 15th July 2012 and tickets are on sale now. FOUR bespoke music arenas full of the greatest musical talent from across the globe, alongside ELEVEN arts arenas full to the brim with the hottest names from the worlds of comedy, theatre, poetry, literature, art, dance, film and cabaret are ready for you to discover. If you like the sound of headliners BON IVER, ELBOW and PAUL WELLER mixed in with the likes of JACK DEE, TIM MINCHIN and so many more, then Latitude Festival is for you. Find out the full line up and buy tickets now at

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ssue 267 | 13.03.2012 ditor-in-Chief | Chris King |


enue Editor | Alex Throssell |

There was a bit of fuss over our sex issue, so what do we do? We theme our biggest issue of the year around recreational drugs, obviously. We’re a fucking edgy bunch here at Concrete, next thing you know we’ll probably be running a special murder issue or something; send in your cheeky stories and hilarious pictures now ... Seriously though, we are tackling the subject of drugs professionally. Just in case anyone accuses us of foul play, I’ll assure you now that the exclusive images throughout this issue were all staged and completely clean, mostly thanks to Laura Smith’s ingenious manipulation of some non-biological washing powder and Chloe Hashemi’s artistic use of pain relief capsules. And they say the youth of today aren’t creative ... Enjoy.


Music | Editors | Alex Ross & Jordan Bright Music Contributors> Adam Dawson, George Hawes-Gatt, Lucy Jobber, Sam Parker, Cheri Amour, Kristabel Ewers. Creative Writing | Editor | Ella Chappell Creative Writing Contributors> Matthew Mulcahy. Arts | Editor | Emma Webb Arts Contributors> Lucy Jobber, Jenny Grimes, Julia Sanderson, AJ Hodson, Emma Webb. Fashion | Editors | Hannah Britt & Milly Sampson Fashion Contributors> Hannah Britt, Josh Resoun, Electra Gerolymbou, Milly Sampson.

Film | Editors | James Burrough & Anna Eastick Film Contributors> Lucy Jobber, Sam Langan, Jackson Ariaudo, Joseph Murphy, Drew Nichol, Fiona Grundy, James Lillywhite, Saul Holmes, Tom Moore, AJ Hodson. Wired | Editor | Josh Mott Wired Contributors> Andrew Leighfield, Josh Mott, Tom Mott, Leo Hunt. Competitions/Listings | Editor | Sam Tomkinson.

Photo by Laura Smith

TV | Editor | Matt Tidby TV Contributors> Matthew Mulcahy.



album reviews the magnetic fields love at the bottom of the sea The Magnetic Fields really have proven themselves to be a great band. So please listen to them. They’re fun and interesting and different. They’re also all of those things on this album, but it just doesn’t work. Still though, Love at the Bottom of the Sea is better than their last effort. The songs on the album are all less than three minutes long. Essentially it’s a fun album about love in short bursts of two and a half minutes. This sometimes works; more often than not though the songs fall of short of being impressive. There are three that really work: Andrew in Drag, Your Girlfriend’s Face and The Horrible Party. They’re the only songs that really feel like they belong on the album, the others are just there to fill in the average blanks between good songs. And, unfortunately for the poor listener, two of those songs are the first two we get to hear. Don’t let that fool you though. What starts out as something that sounds like it could be

wonderful quickly tells you it’s not. The short songs feel about three times their length and eventually, they just start to sound boring. The first half of the album is enjoyable, but the decline starts in the middle section, and it never really gets its stride back. With the end in sight, I was glad the songs were only two minutes or so long. It begins as fun, anti-pop and then, as the songs get worse, the synths they use rapidly get more annoying. As ever with The Magnetic Fields, the lyrics are flawless. At one point the word “mariachi” rhymes with “Saatchi and Saatchi.” No one can get away from the fact that the songs are impeccably written, but it feels as though it’s Stephen Merrit showing off how clever he is. While I’m glad he has written such good songs, there needs to be more emotion in them to really connect. The wit and clever rhymes only go so far towards making the album enjoyable and the lack of songs that tug the old heartstrings is noticeable. So while this is a mildly enjoyable album for what it is it’s by no means the best thing The Magnetic Fields have ever done. In all fairness, all of their other albums will fall short of 69 Love Songs. If you’re a new fan or an old one, I’d just stick with that. Nothing else they do will be better. Adam Dawson

michael kiwanuka

blood orange

home again

forget it (single)

With so many male singer/songwriters emerging, Kiwanuka distinguishes himself from them all with a great debut album in Home Again. The BBC’s Sound of 2012 winner’s voice is somewhat remarkable and reminiscent of soul legend Otis Redding. For a 25-year-old, he sounds like an accomplished artist in his prime. Clearly drawing inspiration from Otis Redding and Bill Withers, Kiwanuka manages to redefine the soul genre putting his own acoustic vibe onto it as well as his distinguishing vocals. As with his previous two acclaimed EPs Tell Me A Tale and I’m Getting Ready, Home Again is produced by Paul Butler (The Bees) in his vintage equipment-stuffed basement studio in Ventnor on the Isle Of Wight. The whole production of the album is flawless, with simple but eloquent songs such as Worry Walks Beside Me. Butler’s remarkably intimate, detailed productions seemingly match Kiwanuka’s visions for his songs perfectly. The album has been highly anticipated ever since his performance on Later with Jools Holland, and it does not disappoint. There are some stellar tunes on Tell Me A


Tale and the title track Home Again, whilst contrasting the ever-so catchy Bones with the darker, unburdening Any Day Will Do Fine. Kiwanuka seems to be struggling for peace of mind and uses his songs as a form of self-empowerment, which is evident in I’m Getting Ready. The only down side is that the album lasts less than forty minutes, which is shame as you can sense Kiwanuka has so much more to give. Unfortunately, as with most records these days, an album constitutes ten songs and no more. He is, nevertheless, a special talent and having already supported Adele on her 2011 tour, he is an artist that you suspect will have a fantastic year. George Hawes-Gatt

Singer Dev Hynes, previously known for his vocal talent in London based punkrock band Test Icicles and more recently Lightspeed Champion, proves that once again he can flawlessly reinvent his entire image. This time it’s under Blood Orange, his most recent project, with his latest single Forget It released from new album Coastal Grooves showing he has effortless skill in whatever genre he decides to tackle. Both the video and the album cover point to something completely opposite to what we should expect from this single. After listening, one would cynically expect it to follow Foster the People’s lead and be an “Instagrammed” film depicting

the blissful youth of a group of beautiful teenagers. Instead we are presented with a video filmed on old-school VHS, resembling more of a family video tape. Its superbly catchy lyrics leave you repeating “I am not your saviour” long after the track has finished, and the subtle electro undertones build up to the guitar solo which works surprising well in contrast to the light-hearted pop before it. It’s pure and simple indie rock, perfect for a relaxed summer day; and though it may not be ground-breaking, its mellow vibes will leave you glowing.

Lucy Jobber



chiddy bang breakfast It’s not often that you come across a feelgood hip-hop album which dabbles in soul, blues, and mainstream pop. With samples and featured artists ranging from Ellie Goulding to Scandinavian electropop group Icona Pop, and a homage to the legendary Ray Charles, this is exactly what American duo Chiddy Bang have produced with their debut studio album Breakfast. Each track on this album boasts almost a perfect balance with catchy riffs and upbeat tracks provided by producer Xaphoon Jones complimenting the rap of Chidera “Chiddy” Anamege. The title track, Breakfast, could easily be mistaken for a Kanye West track with Chiddy’s style of rap delivering a hint of the 18 times Grammy Award winner, however, as a track it does not portray the “Chiddy Bang sound” heard throughout the rest of the album. It is in fact the lead single Ray Charles, along with tracks such as Handclaps and Guitars and Mind Your Manners, which define their sound. Whilst Ray Charles is a display of

album reviews retro soul piano, Motown backing vocals and saxophone licks, Handclaps and Guitars is more indie-meets-electronicameets-hip-hop and is based mainly upon synths and electric guitar. The high-pitched Icona Pop sample-based track, Mind Your Manners, on the other hand, is fun lyrically with the high-pitched samples of “Bababababa” heard throughout the song. These catchy lyrical hooks and the punchy rap delivered by Chiddy accompany the layers of synth beats and an underlying acoustic guitar in bringing back a retro high school vibe. Other tracks on the album such as Does She Love Me, Whatever We Want and 4th Quarter present a more united, bass-heavy, rap-focused front, reminding the listener that Chiddy Bang are from the hip-hop scene and do not want to be associated as a pop duo. Maybe “hip-pop” would be a better label for the duo from Philadelphia? Breakfast is the type of album which will put a smile on your face, whatever your day looks like, and should Chiddy Bang choose to build their identity around tracks such as Ray Charles, it is likely that their future albums will be an even bigger success. Sam Parker




gig reviews

JOY FORMIDABLE PROJECT 7 02.03.12 Guerilla gigging was all the rage in the noughties. Rock music’s latest trump card, the uber cool band would ditch conventional live formats only to rock up at a kooky take on the ‘so called’ venue and play furiously until they were evicted. It was risky and thrilling and ultimately, entirely free. Like some sort of exclusive underground rebellion (or 90s rave for that matter), news of the impending gig was spread by word of mouth, online and mass text messaging among fans. Clarks Originals may not have a little black book of eager and adoring Joy Formidable fans to call upon on but they have secured the Welsh trio for this edition of the Clarks tour and have 150 tickets to be won in order to see the band perform as part of this unique guerilla tour. The capital hosted the final day of this innovative and epic three day stint for the

band and saw them set up their plethora of pedals and wall of noise within the stark surroundings of East London’s Factory 7. It’s a night of two halves as the ferocious three open with a conceptual campfire performance, complete with mock wooden log décor, but there was no need for glitzy rabbit accessories to woo the fans here. The band made the shift from their ordinarily sprawling live soundscapes to an intimate and raw acoustic setting effortlessly, with a chilling rendition of A Balloon Called Moaning’s opus, Ostrich and the saccharine taste of new and exclusive album material, to boot. A brief transition between the hazy hue of their campfire light and the trio launch into a visceral performance of full band brillance. Super fans won’t leave tonight cursing that their favourite three didn’t play that choice album track, as Ritzy and co serve up a hearty slice of first album delights and singles alike. A Heavy Abacus thrashes in with pounding drums and bittersweet melodies whilst former single, Cradle is a wash of frenetic guitars and a whoozy choral surge from the devoted drove. Teasing with that traditional encore

call, the set culminates in a euphoric and cataclysmic rendition of live fave Whirring, and the anticipation of a hammering rhythmic change for the final refrain. From a disused Police station to an old


school swimming pool, The Joy Formidable have certainly mastered the art of guerrilla gigging down to the last roar. And my, it’s a big one. Cheri Amour




when the doors slam shut

as concrete launches its annual drugs issue, lucy jobber takes a look at music’s most unpredictable muse

With the recent death of Whitney and fans still mourning the loss of Jackson, it seems the glamorous image of the rock and roll lifestyle is no longer holding such a prominence in today’s culture. It seems the British public have grown out of the “age of love” and instead of being enamoured by these reprobates of society, have become more aware that in appreciating and purchasing the work of drug-addicted musicians, they may in fact be leading them to a premature death. With stars such as Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears and Pete Doherty failing to hold any form of sympathy with the press, there seems to be a general consensus that the public have begun to take the moral high ground. The “drugs culture” first began in the 60s with Jimi Hendrix, The Rolling Stones, Janis Joplin and even The Beatles with their squeaky clean image chipping in with drug-infused

psychedelic lyrics, most famously apparent in Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (you only have to look at the initials to identify Starr and Harrison’s particular favourite drug). It seemed a way of defining oneself as a musician, rejecting the stifling “goody-two-shoes” image of the 1950s singers. The 60s also laid claim to Woodstock, a drug-addled festival widely regarded as the most pivotal point in musical history, which saw the public begin to embrace the bohemian lifestyle. As the hippy movement began to fade, the 70s brought attention to bands such as Thin Lizzy (gracing the LCR stage within a few weeks) who lost frontman Phil Lynott to drugrelated complications, Bob Marley and his laid-back Rastafarian attitude went hand-inhand with the recreational drug marijuana and finally The Sex Pistols, who despite only ever releasing four singles, built their fame around an anarchistic lifestyle, with lead bassist Sid

Vicious famously left in the quandary of not knowing whether he’d killed his own girlfriend in a drugged-up stupor. The 80s didn’t just look like an acid trip with its garishly intoxicating colours, it endorsed hallucinogens through the means of “rave culture”, which usually involved an abandoned field and some trance music, coupled with an unhealthy dose of MDMA. Rock bands like Van Halen, Aerosmith, and Motley Crue were also promoting the “sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll” lifestyle. Black Sabbath’s lead man Ozzy Osborne still showing the dreaded after effects of the excessive drug consumption of the decade. Finally we reach the 90s which saw the likes of grunge stars Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, Blind Melon and the two brothers who formed Oasis all heavily involved with cocaine and all storming the charts with No.1 singles. Admittedly, it seems that these illegal

substances have helped to create some of music’s finest hours, from the hypnotic vision of The Beatles I Am the Walrus, to the other end of the scale in Johnny Cash’s Cocaine Blues. Not to mention the idolatry status of nearly all those who died young and in their musical peak. It seems that their horrific deaths have all fallen by the wayside: Hendrix’s unglamorous death which left him choked on his own vomit, Cobain who led a tortured life of anxiety attacks which resulted in him shooting himself in the head and Brian Jones of The Rolling Stones who was found drowned in a pool due to an overdose. We should be wary of attaching too much importance to these substances and look at their work more as a miracle in spite of their drug addiction, rather than as a result of. If you’re still not convinced, listen to Afroman’s Because I Got High. Don’t do drugs, kids.



labrinth interview


kristabel ewers spoke to him ahead of his sell-out gig at the lcr On the oddly snowy Sunday 4 March, after a sold out energised gig at the LCR, I was warmly greeted by the musical genius that is Labrinth. First impressions allowed me to assume he was a typical outlandish East London lad, however as we sat down and discussed my first question I found him quite contrary.

track, she’s got a really seasoned voice. Bow ties are your signature fashion piece, why aren’t you wearing one? Well, I can’t wear them all the time? I started wearing them to a few events and it kind of stuck, you wouldn’t expect a London boy like me to wear a bow tie. It’s fun!

What was it like growing up? I come from a family of 9. My brothers were and still are my inspirations for music and life in general.

Would you ever bring out boxers like Beckham or a Justin Bieber-esque perfume? No, but I am working on a clothing range called Odd Child, it should be out in the shops very soon so look out for it.

When did music first become a big part of your life? It’s hard to say, I was born into a very musical family, so it was just natural progression for me. When your brothers and sisters are into music it’s hard for you not to be inspired too. But I think my real turning point was at 13 when I started producing my own records.

In the past few years many influential pop icons have passed away, such as Michael Jackson, James Brown, Amy Winehouse and more recently Whitney Houston. Could you handle their level of fame? Yeah, it’s mad. It’s hard to say, I mean I just try to find a balance. I used to try really hard with my image and everything but I don’t so much now. These people had every inch of their life interrogated by the media, it’s hard to imagine.

What was the first track you ever produced? It was terrible! In my school in North East London I made a track on a computer. I really enjoyed the process of making and recording, it became an obsession! My teachers must have hated me, I was always down in the music room.

A man of many talents, you’re not just a singer but a restaurant owner too? Wow you’ve done your research. Yeah Mosaica is a great restaurant that I’ve been going to since I was 15. When I finally got the money, myself and my manager became partners.

Did you ever take part in school plays or productions? Yeah, all the time! Me and my friends would put on school concerts in the halls, and they would sell out. We thought we were amazing. What happened at the Brits 2012? If you’re talking about the James Corden blunder, well I’m the king of blunders. I didn’t realise he was recording on TV and accidentally walked in front of him! When I finally realised I thought I might as well give them a bit of a dance while I’m here. Are the award ceremonies what you expected? Well I thought the Brits were boring! Everyone plays it safe. It’s only exciting if people are a bit naughty, I think viewers would agree. How did you come to be signed with Simon Cowell? I called him ugly. No, a lot of people wanted to sign me, and Simon heard my stuff and got jealous so signed me up to Syco!

What’s it like working with him? It’s good, we don’t work that closely, he lets me get on with what I want which is good and that’s how the contract was formed. He gives me the freedom I need to make music. How did you meet Etta Bond? I’ve known her since I was 17; she heard one of my tracks on MySpace and really liked it. Then we recorded a song together, it’s still one of my favourites. Once I had the money I signed her to my label Odd Child. Watch out she’s going to smash it this year. Plan B said you are ‘’the Heston Blumenthal of the music industry’’ what

would you say to that? I said he’s talking crap! No, that’s a really nice thing to hear from your peers. We are all perfectionists and really competitive, so it’s nice to hear someone paying you a compliment. What artists have you most enjoyed working with? Plan B, Tinie Tempah, everyone’s had their perks, we had fun studio sessions. Who would you most like to collaborate within the future? Anyone who can sing! But I would love to work with Chaka Khan, she’s a bad girl! And Sia from the David Guetta Titanium

Is this for a passion of food or a back-up plan? I love the food there but I like to put my money to good use. You see all these artists with big cars, well I like to invest in worthwhile things, eventually I’d like to have a chain of restaurants, maybe get into the property ladder too. Have you ever taken any dates there? Well, maybe, a few, that was before I had a girlfriend. What would you recommend from the menu? Everything’s great, the pork belly and all the fish dishes are the best. What sports are you looking forward to this summer? Well I don’t get to watch sports much, London 2012 is obviously going to be massive, I think I’m performing somewhere.




a small world by matthew mulcahy

He stalked the halls, lost. Were those the flowers he had seen before? No, probably not. So far he had seen a few people but decided to ignore them. He didn’t like asking people for directions; he knew they would ask why, then who, then what, then when, then how long. He didn’t want to answer those questions because they would take ages and he really didn’t have the time. If he thought about it, he would have realised that wandering round corners and through big doors was quite time consuming too, but he didn’t think about it. He didn’t think about it because if he did he would have to admit to himself the real reason he didn’t want to answer those questions. A young lady came out of a door on his left and looked at him for a second, but he ignored her too. She thought he looked lost, but he didn’t ask for directions so he must have been fine. Just taking in the scenery. She sauntered to the stairway and down several flights, gliding left, right, left again and then straight on until she was outside. Strolling down the steps, they were steps and not stairs because they were outside, and she knew that because her niece had told her the difference, she dialled her dad’s number and hung up when it got to voicemail. Her dad could be a bit funny sometimes, which might explain why he never answered the bloody phone, especially when it was important. Probably didn’t even care, the loser, he probably didn’t even really care. He was okay sometimes, when you were drinking tea with him or whatever. She shook her head and looked towards the park at a mother pushing her son on the swings. She could tell they were related because they had the same hair colour, a curiously vibrant shade of brown. Of course, that wasn’t always an indication, but in this case she could just tell. She could tell this in the same way she knew the child wanted to go higher. He wanted to see the sky, see the moon, those bright dots that come out at night, the ones that look like the big thing on Daddy’s table that he called a papewate. He tried to turn round to make sure his mum was still there but couldn’t twist in the right way, he didn’t know how yet, didn’t know about the mechanics of it , and was frightened because he wasn’t as steady as before and he thought he might fall, might fly off into the sky to see the moon that he didn’t want to see anymore. He stopped asking to go higher and after a minute or two Mummy stopped pushing so that he could be safe in her arms again. She looked up from his hair and saw Sharon from next door giving her a funny look like maybe she’d noticed the purple bit underneath her eye, so she looked away again. The bruise would be there a few days to remind her of what she’d done. He told her she deserved it, but she wasn’t so sure. Nobody else seemed to deserve it. She was a good mum, stern but fair and kind and she was good at her job, everybody said so. He didn’t say that though and she didn’t tell him that anybody had because he wouldn’t like that and then she would deserve it again. She looked at Sharon, who was still watching her. Sharon hadn’t actually noticed the bruise, but thought those earrings were nice. Liz never bought her jewellery unless it was a special occasion, though she had those flowers in her hand yesterday that made her blush, like they were teenagers again, turning off the lights and fumbling in the dark. She was wearing blusher today, oddly enough. Was that odd? She wondered if Liz had noticed, because she hadn’t said anything. She thought about this after turning to walk down Prince’s Street, weaving through a sea of faces half-familiar, half-strange, mostly white, a few black, a sprinkling of brown. Why there were so many people about on a Tuesday afternoon she would never know. It’s not like there was anything exciting going on, and the shops weren’t exactly anything special. Spoken like a true native, she thought to herself. Going into a local supermarket, one of the independent ones, she hated chains, she passed some of her neighbours who always tried to avoid her. Apparently it was wrong for her to have a child with another woman. Whatever, she thought, comparing the price of frozen peas. We can’t all be perfect. One of the neighbours would have disagreed with that entirely. He was examining himself closely in the reflection of a saucepan, eventually deciding it was not expensive enough to impress the lady friend he was engaged to cook dinner for. He had set himself the ambitious goal of convincing her to stay over, which probably required a complete overhaul of his kitchen appliances. He finished with the ingredients, theorising that spaghetti bolognese had always been a crowd pleaser, and queued up to be served by a checkout machine which scanned his items and told him how much he had to pay. It asked him if he was using any of his own bags, and he briefly flirted with the idea of saying Yes, before deciding it was too risky. As he went back out onto the street he walked right into a young man with a couple of bad-looking bruises on his face. The man simply shrugged him off, continuing to slip amongst the rest of the midday shoppers. Most people deliberately didn’t look at him twice, which was understandable but still annoyed him. They probably thought he’d done something to deserve it, that wouldn’t have surprised him. He sighed as he turned into the charity shop in which he volunteered, mentally preparing to answer everyone’s questions about his face. Neena was on the phone and hung up immediately, which quite surprised her mother, who was sitting at home trying to keep her youngest daughter from jumping on furniture. Neena was always doing that. Any bloody excuse to hang up, though sometimes there wasn’t even an excuse, just an Oh sorry, Mum. That was all you got out of her sometimes. And Deepak, she thought. She started wondering where in God’s name he was half the time. Another business trip, he said. Yeah, right. Still, he always looked right at her and not off into space or anything, which was a good sign. Wasn’t it? She would never say any of this to him, of course. She sighed

and decided it was probably best to concentrate on Neela, who had now climbed onto the table and seemed about to make a leap of faith. Thamun! she called out, annoyed. Her daughter meekly climbed down and wondered what was going on, but decided not to make any fuss about it. She walked to the window and tucked her head under the flowery white curtains that looked like Amma’s dress in the photo on the table. She giggled at her reflection without knowing why, and continued to search in vain for people she knew. She saw a big boy across the street going into the barber’s, and thought that he looked fat. He happened to be thinking the same thing as he sat down next to three men he noticed were all quite a bit thinner than him. None were looking at him, but he still tried to make himself invisible by burying his nose in the nearest newspaper. This turned out to be a mistake, as he had no interest whatsoever in celebrity scandals. In fact, he was much more interested in the very attractive man walking past the hairdresser’s window, until he noticed the customer on the far left had sat forward and was looking at him. He spent the entirety of his haircut pretending to share in the barber’s intense dislike of Somalians so as to avoid an unnecessary ethical confrontation, and was glad to leave. He might have felt better if he had any money left, but the tenner he’d given to the racist hairdresser was the last of it. He didn’t exactly need money, but it was always nice to have it. As he was passing a corner shop, his phone vibrated to let him know that Jess was calling. She told him she was on-call tonight, so he probably wouldn’t see her, but there was a pizza in the fridge. He hung up, and she hoped he wasn’t annoyed. She leaned against the nearest wall, clipboard in hand, and examined the data on it, smiling to herself. She wouldn’t have known what any of it meant a few years ago. A man walked past her, making sure to look at every sign closely. He looked at her and away again. He was clearly lost. Why didn’t he just ask for directions? Some people were just stupid. Excuse me? Do you need some help? Er, no thanks. I’m fine. He still looked confused, she thought. Okay then. Actually, he said nervously, I’m looking for someone. I have no idea what room they’re in. She led him up some stairs and through a number of sets of double doors before telling him this was where he needed to be. She didn’t like the inconvenience, but it still helped kill some time. He approached a small boy sitting up in a tiny bed. There wasn’t a hair on his head, but his eyes lit right up when he saw the man in the doorway. They both smiled, and the man sat down next to the boy, hugging him gently. He apologised for not coming sooner. You should apologise for being a coward, he thought to himself. He could hear the boy’s shallow breathing, and when he spoke, his voice was hushed, high and cracked. I’m happy you’re here. Me too, little man. How are you keeping? I’m okay. You know that nurse? Which one? The lady that showed me in? The boy nodded. She knows Julia. Does she really? How’s that, then? One of her little brothers is in her class at school. Mrs Czapski’s class. Wow. He smiled. That’s a coincidence if ever I heard one. Small world, the boy smiled. The man laughed. Yeah. Yeah it is. He laughed again, forcibly, and wiped his hands across his eyes quickly. Are you okay? I’m always okay. But that’s enough about me, little man. I came here to see you and that’s what I’m doing. Clearing his throat, he picked up a book from the pile on the bedside table and smiled reassuringly. Right then, he said. Shall I read you a story?

concrete short story competition 1st Prize: £30 Waterstones Voucher 2nd Prize: £10 Waterstones Voucher Free to enter for all UEA students. Judges: a panel of UEA creative writers. Closing date for entries: 20/04/2012 Submission rules: An original short story on any theme up to 2,000 words in length. Send all entries to in a Microsoft Word attachment with your name and a contact email address. Winners will be announced and their stories published in the final issue of Concrete on 02/05/2012



legally blonde the musical

Broadway sensation and winner of the 2011 Olivier Award the Best New Musical, we were fortunate enough to have the London cast perform Legally Blonde at the Theatre Royal, Norwich. Based on the hit movie of the same name, the story follows main character Elle Woods, who decides to swap hitting the town for


hitting the books, after her boyfriend Warner (played by X-Factor contestant and winner of Dancing on Ice, Ray Quinn) dumps her for not being “serious”. After she successfully manages to gain entry into Harvard, with her ludicrous personal statement involving an extravagant dance number and a proclamation of love,

this week in arts history

theatre royal (if only that method could replace UCAS) we meet the characters who each help her towards her destiny. Her “chorus”, a group of feisty friends who rally around her, acting out Elle’s conscience through the means of song. Paulette, Elle’s straight-talking beautician, the somewhat villainous Professor Callaghan (Les Dennis) and finally Emmett Forrest, the geek chic teaching assistant who guides Elle to court victory. Act 2 leads us through reams of catchy numbers, one of which is led by “convict” Brooke Wyndham, involving a highly energetic skipping routine, whilst she simultaneously acts and sings, showing just how multi-talented the cast is. Even the silliness of the courtroom scene is enhanced by having the sexual preferences of the defendant turned into a musical number with everyone inquiring: “Is he gay or European?” As the play develops, we witness a steady transformation of costumes from fluorescent pink track-suits to trim navy suits, as Elle attempts to surpass her pink exterior. She eventually finds her stride, taking on a murder case and gets her man. Admittedly, the storyline is fairly predictable and at times far-reaching, but Faye Brookes is tireless as Elle Woods, commanding the stage in one number after


another throughout the two hour show. Not forgetting the other stars, the “sexy delivery man” and future beau of hairdresser Paulette, who raised the biggest applaud of the evening, and the two little dogs who had the audience “aah”-ing at their every appearance. The stage show has its tongue firmly in its cheek throughout, celebrating its ridiculousness, but leaving every member of the audience swept along in its glitzy, cheesy atmosphere. Lucy Jobber

... st patrick’s day

as we celebrate st patrick’s day this saturday, jenny grimes takes a look at some great irish writing In honour of St Patrick’s Day, Concrete Arts is offering you a selection of Irish literary exports for your enjoyment. From medieval writing and Romanticism to the transition to modernism, Irish writers continue to be some of the most important to this day. Closest to our own time is Nobel Prize winning poet Seamus Heaney. Faber and Faber published his first book of poetry Death of a Naturalist in 1967 and since then Heaney has written 11 other collections of poetry as well as plays, prose and translations. Heaney’s early poetry concerns his rural upbringing in Northern Ireland, whilst his later works take on a darker, political edge as the Troubles raged in his home country. In 1995 he was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature, and has since won various other awards including the EM Forster Award and the TS Eliot Prize. In 2007, Heaney’s volumes made up two thirds of the sales of living poets and it is not difficult to see why. Continuing on the poetry front is WB Yeats, another Nobel Prize winning poet. Writing at the beginning of the 20th century, Yeats contributed to the literary landscape through his poetry and drama. His most popular poems were written when the Irish

were fighting for independence, notably Easter, 1916 about the Easter Rising in Dublin. His work is some of the widest read of his time, as it covers his involvement in politics, delves into history, offers beautiful descriptions of places and also contains some moving love poetry. Modernism largely has Ireland to

thank for the works of James Joyce, most specifically his mammoth work of literature Ulysses, which was published in full in 1922. It pioneered the stream of consciousness technique as well as other aspects of modernism and was also (as many revolutionary works of literature are) promptly banned across Europe for obscene

content, although never actually banned in Ireland. Joyce is also famous for A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and Finnigan’s Wake; both modernist novels worked to challenge pre-conceived ideas of what literature should be like. As an Irish writer, Joyce usually set his books in Dublin, most obviously the epic Ulysses, although he wrote mostly from the continent. Samuel Beckett, a playwright working at the end of the modernist period, wrote some of the most experimental and innovative plays of the 21st century. Yet another Nobel Prize winner, Beckett changed the way theatre was viewed as his absurdist plays are filled with black comedy and gallows humour. His most famous play Waiting for Godot (first performed in 1953) is still widely read, studied and performed, due to how open it is to various interpretations and the questions it forces the audience to ask. These are just a few of Ireland’s contributions to literature, so to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, Concrete Arts recommends you pick up something by one of these Irish writers, to enjoy alongside the Guinness. Jenny Grimes




godspell - uea drama studio

Over the years, UEA Drama department have consistently presented a high standard of musical productions for students to enjoy, a tradition which continues into 2012 with Stephen Schwartz’s Godspell. Based on the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, the show presents a series of religious parables interspersed with modern show tunes. Songs are sung into hand-held microphones passed from one soloist to the next, giving the production a tongue-in-cheek element which is fully hammed up by the cast to great comic effect. However, despite the light-hearted tone of the musical, there are moments of jarring sobriety in which the less joyous elements of Jesus’ life are depicted. These accumulate in a Last Supper scene, in which Judas has fled to betray Jesus and he must bid farewell to his disciples before he is crucified on the cross. These closing scenes were surprisingly moving, with staging, music and acting all combining to create a genuine feeling of loss. A fantastically rowdy

successful at

finale follows, with audience participation strongly encouraged. High praise should go to the entire cast of Godspell who put on a relentlessly energetic and engaging performance, never flagging for a moment despite being on stage continuously. Much of the humour derived from their deliverance and timing of lines and the interaction they had with other performers. Praise should also go to the live band that accompanied the cast; they had to negotiate an incredibly varied number of musical genres, ranging from rock to pop, to gospel to vaudeville. Overall, Godspell was a flawlessly performed and well executed production, although both these factors became largely irrelevant as it was clear the cast were enjoying themselves so much that the audience would have shared their infectious joy and enthusiasm regardless. After all, it’s Jesus with added jazz hands; what’s not to love? Julia Sanderson

jeanette winterson Jeanette Winterson, esteemed writer of Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, visited UEA last Tuesday to promote her newest book, a part-fact, part-fiction, sort-of-but-not-really memoir entitled Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? Her first novel, Oranges, was published in 1985 and has sold over a million copies worldwide. Its blend of autobiography and fairytale atmosphere was used to tell the story of a young girl adopted by Pentecostal parents who are expecting her to become a missionary in adult life, only for her to fall in love with a woman. Winterson’s newest book, Why Be Happy, treads familiar ground as it again studies Winterson’s relationship with her foster mother, who uttered the words of the title when Winterson was only sixteen as she was fleeing from her foster home, looking for true happiness. We were all dazzled by her frank honesty, her admittance of past hurts, and the stark humour with which Winterson delivered what must have been incredibly traumatic and painful experiences. Yet one cannot help but feel that this humour is not dark humour, which partially conceals an underlying horror, but that she is rather revisiting and reinterpreting events, deriving some comedy from them as a way of recovery. What this reviewer found most interesting or, indeed, inspirational about

uea dancesport


50th annual ivda

uea spring literary festival

Winterson’s story was how, in fact, literature saved her from attempted suicide, stating at one point, “Great writers were here in Accrington and they would help me”. There was no bitterness, no self pity in her presentation, only forgiveness and an ability to turn her pen towards the good and bad events of the past, not only to examine them but to reinvent them often comically or in an exaggerated, partly fictionalised fashion, to heal the past with laughter, as it were. Following a personal question from an audience member, she revealed that Mrs Winterson, her foster mother, died in 1990,

around the time the second episode of the adapted television show of Oranges was being broadcast on television. She spoke of her infamous foster mother, surprisingly, not with anger but with regret and with sympathy, acknowledging that she, like Winterson herself, was a victim of circumstance; of the 50s, of class and of gender divides. It was a moment of utmost quiet in the audience when Winterson admitted she had forgiven Mrs Winterson, as if we were all trying to do the same. AJ Hodson

The Winter Gardens at Blackpool once again opened its doors last weekend to some 1000 competitors and hundreds of spectators for the 50th annual Inter Varsity Dance Competition. This year, more than 500 couples from 34 universities competed in ballroom, Latin and rock ‘n’ roll dance in the beautiful venues of the Empress Ballroom and the Spanish Hall. UEA entered five couples into the beginner category, two of whom attended Blackpool to compete for the very first time. The performances given by couples Oliver Lake and Emily Lunn, and Helen Bear and Bethany Freeman were elegant and skilful, and showed much promise for the competitions of next year. Relatively new to the university circuit, Joel Lawrence and Louise Whiteside gave excellent performances in the ballroom and latin rounds. Seasoned beginner competitors Liam Hunt and Bernadette Treen, and Maxwell Rogers and Emma Webb, achieved second and third round respectively in the ballroom; Rogers and Webb progressed to fifth round of the jive in the afternoon Latin rounds. There was much success in the novice rounds for UEA: all seven novice couples achieved between one and three ballroom call-backs, with Richard Ayre and SarahJayne Aston reaching the quarter-finals for the ballroom Two Dance (waltz and quickstep). Mark Provis and Roxy Day attained a similar level of achievement in the afternoon Latin. Acrobatic connoisseurs Joel Lawrence and Nathalie Kernot gave an energetic and spirited performance in the acrobatic rock ‘n’ roll, whilst Kurt Lee and Ruth Jeffrey achieved third place in the overall final for non-acrobatic rock ‘n’ roll. To celebrate the 50th anniversary of IVDA, all-English professional ballroom champions, currently ranked 15th in the world, Craig Shaw and his partner (and fiancé) Evgeniya Sutyaginskaya gave a special one-off performance of three dances from their competitive repertoire. After a day full of entertainment, sparkles and beautiful dancing, UEA Dancesport is looking forward to the next academic year on the university competitive circuit. Don’t forget to purchase your ticket for Strictly UEA from the Box Office before Monday 19 March. Emma Webb

FASHION the hotlist smokin’


chino wanker hannah britt on the curse of disposable fashion The key trend at Alexander McQueen seemed to be the emulation of a toilet roll doll; you know, those cone shaped dolls people used to collect coupons for? Well, imagine a human sized one of them. Now imagine it covered in feathers. Nice one, McQueen, very practical. When am I meant to wear that? Whilst I’m popping down to the Coop for some milk? Out on the town? I wouldn’t fit through the doors of Tao, let alone get anywhere near the bar. Imagine trying to go to the loo... Louis Vuitton was no better. They sent their models sashaying down the catwalk wearing bog-eyed sunglasses reminiscent of Willy Wonka. The aformentioned sunglasses were teamed with hats that the designers had seemingly found when they broke into the Mad Hatter’s house whilst he was out buying cupcakes for his tea party. Oh

Bare midriffs All over the Prada catwalks at Milan Fashion Week. Perhaps it’s time to do a few sit ups...


fabulous. If I wore one of their catwalk looks to the library someone would call the men in white coats to quietly remove me. Vivienne Westwood damned our fashion flair as a nation during London Fashion Week this year when she stated that “Britain has never dressed so badly.” On the rise of disposable fashion, she concluded that “people have never looked so ugly, we’re so conformist.” She has a point. If you’re a girl, raise your hand if you own a vest top from Primark. If you’re a boy, raise your hand if you own some chinos from Topman. I thought so. You can put your hands down now ... So, it can be said that some of the creations which were sent down for Autumn/Winter 2012 catwalks were indeed ridiculous. However, that is a good thing: fashion is ridiculous. And that is what makes it so bloody brilliant.

fix up, look sharp Toms It’s warm now. They’ll be on our feet for the forseeable future. Love Hearts The words on everyones lips during London Fashion Week after Sadie Frost let her daughter wear a dress with a “Blow Me” sweet on it.

chokin’ Marc Jacobs Got in trouble for sending underage models down the runway. Two of them were 14. Tut tut.

Beer goggles Next time you go to the LCR, leave them at home... Tequila hats You know you’re too drunk when you take the cap off your bottle and wear it as a hat ...

inspired by this season’s menswear, joshua resoun reckons men should make more of an effort “I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts ...” So maybe Right Said Fred's one hit wonder did not get every detail right, maybe some of the lyrics were just awful, yet they did send us one fundamental message: spruce up. To put this entire concept into perspective, imagine you're a young woman out on the town. You and your girlfriends walk into a club, only to look around and see that all the guys are sporting stained t-shirts and five o'clock shadow. How would you feel? Disappointed, disgusted, and well and truly turned off. Guys, lads, and bro's: take 30 minutes (and that is all it really takes) out of your evening to put a bit of effort into your attire. Preparation for a guy's night out, or “lads on tour” as some might say, requires three relatively well-known rules: shit, shave & shower. And yes, it should be done in this order. You could perhaps add “shirt” in to this saying, as this clothing item goes a long way to not only make you feel far more important than the guy in front of you wearing that infamous stained t-shirt, but it also makes you stand out to the ladies, which for “lads on tour” is obviously a good thing. The shirt in question should be 1) ironed and 2) different. The standard white shirt is as old as the term misogyny, anyone who wears a white shirt on a night out is fairly unadventurous,

unoriginal, and will likely be dressed the same as the other 20 men in the queue. The advice here is to wear something which stands out. A deep blue/purple (or burple as it is known) is always a good choice, or maybe try for some sky blue colours, even a light shade of pink, anything which is adventurous yet does not compromise your “manhood”. This tactic is of course known as “peacocking”, flaunting yourself to the opposite (or same) gender, and both genders can take note of this tactic. Of course, if you are going all out, particularly for a birthday, stag, or social, there is only one choice for men everywhere: suit up. Barney Stinson, the crowd favourite from How I Met Your Mother, has imparted a wide spectrum of advice over the years, yet suiting up and taking charge of that dance floor cannot be beaten. Dizzee Rascal once said to the whole world: “fix up, look sharp”, and this is a message which we all should, nay, we must, remember for every night out. Women are tired of seeing dirty, greasy, and smelly guys when they are out, let's do them a favour and put in the effort which they deserve.

the catwalk is coming to campus

the annual kaos fashion show is back, and it’s bigger than ever writes electra gerolymbou The fifth annual KAOS (Kids Action Overseas) charity fashion show is almost here and it promises to be bigger and better than ever before. With students from UEA modelling, the show will include a large variety of clothes from shops such as Revolutionz, New Look, Warehouse, Jarrolds, House of Fraser, ARK, Poppy Valentine, SHhhh, Retreat Vintage, Skin Daddy & The Blue Jean co. For the past four years, the fashion show has been KAOS’s biggest event, bringing people together for a night of fun, all in the name of charity. Tickets are £4.50 adv / £5 on the door and can be purchased from the box office (or from the committee members and publicity team). All money raised is spent to further the aims of the charity, with expenditure centred on sustainable community development projects in developing countries. This year, the summer project is in New Hope Children’s Centre, Kenya. A group of UEA students will

be travelling to the orphanage and delivering the money first hand to be spent on essential items such as food and beds. The event is taking place at the UEA LCR on Sunday 25 March. Doors open at 7pm and the event should carry on until about 11. The bar will be open for business and there will be a number of food and clothes/jewellery stalls around the LCR on the night of the show (e.g. cupcakes, sakura and Rice & Spice, vintage clothes, African jewellery which has been made by local women at the orphanage, and much more). There will also be brilliant entertainment, during the intervals of the show. Performing will be some of UEA’s finest dance acts, including dances by ACS, Hindu Society and a dance medley of disco and Bollywood styles performed by students from the UEA drama department. So, why are you still sitting there? Go get your ticket. The KAOS fashion show is the perfect way to get your fash on and be charitable.



Tommy Hilfiger

John Galliano


Yves Saint Laurent



Miu Miu

Alexander McQueen

Marc by Marc Jacobs

Michael Kors

Proenza Schouler

J Mendel

Ralph Lauren

Tommy Hilfiger

Derek Lam

Victoria Beckham

Alexander Wang


Antonio Beradi


Christopher Kane

Topshop Unique



Louis Vuitton

13 13.03.2012


new york fashion week: best in show

paris fashion week: best in show

london fashion week: best in show



and last but not least:


Vanilla Jarrolds



Jonathon Turnbill Hatters Pure

Ginger Love Couture




Jarrolds Jarrolds



norwich fashion week: best in show

when the fash pack descended on norwich milly sampson on her nfw experience There’s a small, predictable, dressing dilemma of what to wear to the press preview of the Norwich Fashion Week launch show. Post-solving and we’re queued up waiting to be let in. We sit front row, and I’m getting ready to snap some shots of the upcoming models strutting their stuff down the runway. I say “upcoming” because, as the presenter kindly announces to us all, many of this young things have never walked before, and yet with the face of Norwich campaign some at least go off to join model agencies in London and other cities in the UK. The show kicks off with a dance troupe who, while we’re not sure about their fashion credibility (they’re wearing emo-esque clothes, stripey fluro socks included), are pretty good in their robotstyle choreographing. Then we’re onto the clothes which are sourced from various stores around Norwich, primarily independent to the city in a bid to raise support of local businesses. Vanilla, the first show, is one of my favourites. Sunglasses instantly make it a summery collection and the colourful prints, wrap dresses and beautiful light-weight shirts in pastel shades instantly jump onto my wish list. In line with the summer dress-of-choice, maxi dresses glide

down the catwalk, paired with loose blazers that are easy to throw over any summer outfit as it gets a little cooler into the evening. Floaty, chiffon dresses are seen in other collections too, such as Ginger. Here I’m also instantly attracted to the beautiful bouffant-style hair that’s been so beautifully composed backstage. We’re not so sure about some of the collections – there’s a slightly worrying 70s-style red, rubbery dress – but in the main it’s pretty wearable. Some collections seem better suited to those a little older, or demurer, focused on plainer pieces and layering. The layering slightly confuses me as we’re headed for summer, but I suppose some are just too worried to fully trust an English summer. Coloured skinny jeans stand out as the jean of choice as black is, quite simply, boring. One thing that is interesting with this show, in comparison to say London Fashion Week, is the involvement of menswear. Stores such as Chaxtons (fairly new to Norwich) allowed for the male members of the audience to get their fashion fix of what to wear this summer. The show ended and off we went for a post-show drink. After all the hard work we clearly deserved it...




CAN WE LIVE TOGETHER? make bradford british


proud and prejudiced

the latest documentary strand from channel four sets out to challenge our ideas of modern britain and our multicultural world Britain is an increasingly diverse society. When David Cameron announced that “Multiculturalism is dead” last year, it didn’t call a halt to the reality of living in these communities; our modern, multicultural world continues to grow and transform, with all the benefits and problems that these co-existences create. Channel Four recently began a season of documentaries about the issues and conflicts that persist across Britain, seeking to understand the reasons for these problems. Make Bradford British is a two-part sociological experiment in which eight people of different cultures, races and religions, all hailing from Britain’s “most segregated city”, are forced to share a house and create their own miniature community within its walls, after collectively failing the national citizenship test. Proud and Prejudiced, on the other hand, is a documentary detailing a year in the lives of two of Britain’s most controversial figures: Tommy Robinson, the leader of the far-right English Defence League, and Saiful Islam, the radical head of a group of notorious Muslim extremists, who fight a war of words, and occasional violence, on the streets of Luton. As one might expect, Proud and Prejudiced features much more intense scenes of discrimination, from both sides in the debate, than Make Bradford British. While the participants in the latter are generally quite friendly toward each other and willing to embrace other religious cultures with open arms, there is no such amicability in the former, with Robinson and al-Islam coming to blows at one point. For the most part, the housemates in Make Bradford British get on swimmingly, with a white pub landlady remarking that living with Muslims had “opened [her] eyes” to a new appreciation of the nuances of different cultures. Despite expectations that the programme might reveal Bradford to be a hotbed of racism, only one controversial issue erupted: a white police officer of over forty years mentioned joking to a fellow officer about going “Paki-bashing”. Despite the fact that the colleague himself was Pakistani, and that the remark was intended as a joke (and had apparently been received as such), some of the housemates were infuriated by the comments, only backing down when he apologised for any offence he may have caused. Nevertheless, the interaction between the participants of Make Bradford British proves that, no matter what your culture, you are more than capable of disagreeing

with someone from a similar background as yourself, and of sharing personal values with people you may expect to be completely different to you. On the other hand, whilst Make Bradford British proved relatively unchallenging, the most disturbing aspect of Proud and Prejudiced is that, at certain points, one finds oneself agreeing with people who allegedly hold extremist views. Of course, many of the opinions of these two men are completely vile, but this is not always the case. Saiful Islam makes an uncomfortably pertinent point about western soldiers bringing terror to the innocent people of the Middle East, whilst Robinson seems remarkably open to and positive about other races, if not religions. He left the British National Party after a year of membership when his black friends were refused entry to their meetings, and was arrested for headbutting one of his own supporters after the man claimed that Asians should not be allowed to join the EDL. Both men clearly have principles, but the problem is that they have simply gone too far. Whereas others may have complained about the conduct of soldiers, or identified themselves as antifundamentalism, most would not have gone on to publicly desecrate national symbols or found a movement which seeks to protest against an entire religion, regardless of the peaceful nature of the majority of its followers. Of course, their opinions are theirs and they have every right to them, they simply express and promote them in an antagonistic and harmful way. However, watching these programmes in conjunction provides an intriguing view of multiculturalism in Britain today, allowing one to come to the conclusion that the only thing standing in the way of cultural unification is simple ignorance. Any misunderstandings between the people of Make Bradford British were the result of a lack of knowledge, rather than any irrevocable differences. Similarly, in watching Proud and Prejudiced, one cannot help being struck by the fact that Saiful Islam and Tommy Robinson have an awful lot in common and share a number of the same views, the only reason their conflict continues is because of their joint refusal to look beyond the surface and understand modern Britain’s many layers. In the immortal words of a Make Bradford British participant, an elderly, middle-class white woman, ‘I don’t care what colour or religion you are: if you’re a dickhead, you’re a dickhead.’ Matt Mulcahy




john carter 3d Based on Edgar Rice Burrough’s 1917 novel, John Carter is a fantasy romance which leaves a US civil war veteran with the chance to reinvent himself after he’s mysteriously transported to Mars. With director Andrew Stanton (behind such Disney classics as Finding Nemo and WALL-E) and not to mention a massive $250m dollars ploughed into its production, with supposed sequels on the cards. It would seem like a winning formula on paper, but unfortunately falls flat to expectation. The story is told through the means of Carter’s gormless nephew, Edgar, who seems to serve no other plot function than for John Carter to boast of his adventurous life, which veers between his pad in London, playing cowboys and Indians in the desert, and “Barsoom” (or Mars to you and me). Carter finds himself transported millions of lightyears away after stumbling upon a cave

of gold, and is swiftly captured by creatures called Tharks, living amidst a war between two humanoid races, the evil and tyrannous Zodangans against the Heliumites. But this struggle appears merely as a backdrop to the somewhat predictable Disney love story between Carter and Dejah Thoris, Princess of Helium. Taylor Kitsch, renowned for his transformation from homeless to Hollywood, admittedly puts in a charismatic performance as the titular hero, but the plot leaves no room for his character to develop into anything other than the all-macho super hero. Carter’s occasional flashbacks to his tragic domestic past, appear completely out of sync with both the atmosphere and storyline, leaving the one opportunity for emotion in Carter unexpanded on. Lynn Collins, lead actress and princess of Helium, also provided little more than an attractive

subject for the endless plot exposition, and you’re left unsure whether she’s playing the role of “feisty femme fatale” or the “damsel in distress”. The dialogue proves equally cringeworthy, with lines such as “you are ugly but you are beautiful” which make no more sense in the context of the film, than they would anywhere else. It also feels overloaded with unnecessary sci-fi jargon, leaving you trying to distinguish between your Tharks and Therns, your Barsoom’s and Jasoom’s. It would probably receive more critical acclaim if it’d had followed in The Artist’s route, and stuck to silence. Its one redeeming feature, however, is the amazing digital effects which have an uncanny way of planting you directly in the action, and the beautiful landscapes which leave you urging the camera to reveal more. Of course not forgetting the star of the show, the blue-tongued martian dog,

who showed far more dedication to Carter than his royal beau, although admittedly with far less sexual tension. Humour also very much underlies the plot, even if this is an accidental by-product. For example, Carter’s ludicrous jumping ability, and the arena scene where he is left without weapons facing a gargantuan “white ape”, and he merely sighs with minor irritation, as if he has better things to be doing on Mars. Edgar’s work has had more than a strong influence on such major films as Star Wars and Avatar, but it seems John Carter appeared just a century too late. So much attention has been put on the visual aspects of the film, that both the plot and acting fall to the wayside. But if you have a spare few hours and need a good brain workout, then by all means, go and see John Carter. Lucy Jobber



this means war

This Means War stars Tom Hardy and Chris Pine as two CIA agents who fall for the same girl; gutsy Reese Witherspoon who owns her own product testing company. Over the course of the film they compete for her affections while she remains oblivious to their real vocations. All three of the main stars are competent enough to do “funny”, “action” and “romantic” in a film which is nothing more than a amalgamation of all three in terms of genre. There are some highly objectionable elements however; the film’s cinematography is repulsive as it paints modern day L.A in a nauseatingly bright sheen that makes it looks like it’s set


hunky dory

in a comic book. The lack of depth in general is the main problem. Important details about plot and character development are left by the wayside for one fast paced, green screen (why so much?) riddled action scene after another. It’s tired, it’s clichéd, it’s corny but what do you expect from McG aka the same director as the Charlie’s Angels series? Thankfully for McG he’s been given three actors (one Oscar winning) that can be given a dire script such as this and bring a little life to it. Sam Langan

It’s 1976, it’s surprisingly sunny for South Wales, and Viv (Minnie Driver) is a secondary school teacher trying to put on a “groundbreaking Shakespearean concept rock opera” version of The Tempest. Meanwhile, her largely apathetic and frustrated students are getting to grips with adolescence. While their various stories are far from innovative and can stoop to sentimentality, they are nevertheless wellplayed, and director Marc Evans’ calm, lilting camera moves keep the film gentle, sympathetic and light. The weird, pagan glam-rocker vibe of the final show is striking, and the students’ rehearsals have

ranter’s corner

the raven The spectre of Guy Ritchie’s surprisingly and embarrasingly enjoyable Sherlock Holmes films looms large over James McTeigue’s fantastical take on the last five days of Edgar Allen Poe like... well, a raven. Although it nicely imitates the classic Hammer meets steampunk look Ritchie’s films established, The Raven forgets to borrow any of the former’s self-awareness and slightly mocking humour. It remains po-faced long after it

an elaborate but lo-fi charm reminiscent of the (superior) Son of Rambow. Most importantly, Hunky Dory is relentlessly and unremittingly likeable; it only becomes more and more endearing as it goes on. There are problems. Viv is underdeveloped, the characters’ struggles against conformity are never knowingly left implicit, Driver babbles about ‘selfexpression’ at every opportunity, and the pre-credits montage is an overwhelmingly unnecessary lunge towards insipid territory. Overall, however, the film is simple and small and not too shabby. Jackson Ariaudo

should have cracked a smile. For such a ludicrous premise, it’s stony faced attempt at gravitas is pretty much unforgivable, especially as it’s a movie about a writer with an infamous acid wit and macabre sense of humour. Even John Cusack, an effortlessly likeable actor capable of wading through the very worst movies with his dignity intact, can’t save this film, although he tries his very hardest. His Poe is suitably

ragged, washed up and prone to violent outbursts, but even this isn’t enough to stop the deluge of vacuous heavy-handedness that McTeigue brings to the table. There’s nothing here that couldn’t be seen, but done far more effectively, with a double bill of Se7en and Roger Corman’s Pit and the Pendulum. Save yourself a trip to the cinema, and just watch those two instead. Joseph Murphy


great wait”

The once joyful experience of going to the cinema has, for me, become a form of personal torture. Even if you get over the two fold financial rape of actually getting a ticket with popcorn or other treats, the thing that really gets me is the adverts. I know a lot of people say the pre-film trailers are a big part of the movie going experience, and to an extent I agree. Seriously though, the mountain of advertisements, then trailers, then more adverts is just taking the piss. It’s got to the point where you can be 20 minutes late to a movie and you won’t have missed a second of the actual film. I have genuinely had a moment where I’ve been sitting, watching the hundredth advertisement telling me to buy more sweets and I’ve actually forgotten what film I’m there to see. The thing that annoys me the most about this self inflicted tedium, is when they show you the advert for the film you’re actually about to watch! I don’t need to be sold this anymore, I’m physically in the cinema already! All that does is ruin all of the best scenes right before I’m meant to see it in full. Drew Nicol





the popcorn chart venue’s top 5 historical

When George (Paul Rudd), loses his job, he and his wife Linda (Jennifer Aniston) are forced to uproot from their New York dream apartment and head to Atlanta to move in with the awkward and dysfunctional inlaws. However, on their journey a slight detour leads them to Elysium, a hippy commune living on the no-rules philosophy of free love, resulting in a comic clash of worlds. Unfortunately, it’s not funny. Wanderlust is a tale of the most predictable and unfortunate situations leaving the audience wishing for the end they know is coming. Jennifer Anniston is stuck playing the uptight and unpleasant Rachel character she has

been for her entire career, leaving the comic acting to fall to Paul Rudd, who does occasionally pick it up, playing his failsafe role of likeable average guy. However, the comedy seems patronising, expecting laughs from unnecessary nakedness and offensive hippy stereotypes, a far cry from what is expected of the Judd Apatow gang. If you’re looking for some hilarious Apatow goodness, you’re out of luck; his trademark awkward-funny comedy falls flat here with the absence of any real comic talent, leaving the audience waiting for a punchline that never arrives. Fiona Grundy

the cinematic experience james lillywhite assesses the impact of cinema audiences

There is a point in every classic film which grabs the audience’s attention. The horse’s head scene in The Godfather. The “I am your father” revelation in The Empire Strikes Back. When the Grinch’s heart swells three times its size in The Grinch. But while these moments were vital to the story, it is how much they affected the audience that makes them memorable. However, imagine if when that unexpected twist was revealed, there was a laugh, or someone talking in the theatre? The impact of the audience can seriously affect a cinematic experience.

Horror films are the best example of this. As a genre of film that relies almost entirely on tension, watching scary movies in the cinema often is the best place to see them. An anxious atmosphere, combined with the expectation of fear, usually equals a terrifying experience. But, this can turn. People laughing at the wrong point can ruin any sort of fear or emotional attachment. A group of people talking throughout can distract and take away from the film, ruining it. It is in this way that a cinema audience can impact a film negatively. It is not to say, however, that a cinema is a bad place to see a film. Indeed, it is still ideal. A cinema wide gasp, a laugh, or a stunned silence can be as engaging as any cinematic technique in the film itself, creating a whole other level to the experience. A cinema audience can change how a film is viewed. It can make horror inane, comedy unfunny, even a bad film seem better. But the right group can improve the experience so much too. It is why people love the cinema, and it is a necessary risk in order to enjoy the premier way of watching and appreciating movies.

spartacus (1960) Hundreds of actors and extras crying “I’m Spartacus!” in a muddled confusion of voices and passion, is enough to pull at the heartstrings of any audience. This infamous scene sums up Spartacus: sweeping, glorious, produced on a scale never seen before. The film, just like the legend itself, is timeless, and definitive of its genre. Whether it is the energy and grandeur that Kubrick infuses the film with, Kirk Douglas’s butch and inspiring performance as Spartacus himself, or even Lawrence Olivier’s Crassus, every epic since has taken something from this masterpiece.

braveheart (1995) As director, producer and as William Wallace, all credit goes to Mel Gibson for the creation of this rough and real masterpiece. The film is littered with historical inaccuracies and Gibson appears to have been under the impression that a slightly gruffer Australian accent sounds exactly the same as a Highland burr. However, the battles are grand, the scale is sweeping, the film is brilliantly brutal. Plus, who could forget Patrick McGoohan’s turn as Edward I, the melodramatic and theatrical epitome of evil. Harrowing as well as hugely entertaining, this list simply wouldn’t be right without Braveheart in amongst it.

a man for all seasons (1966) This is a very different kind of film from other historical epics, a genre defined by war. A Man For All Seasons is the tale of Sir Thomas More, advisor to Henry VIII. Based on Robert Bolt’s play of the same name, the film follows More’s journey of intellectual and religious conflict throughout the attempts to end the marriage of Henry and


Catherine of Aragon. Paul Scofield won an Academy Award for his portrayal of More himself, and the film rightly won the award for best picture. Grand and refined, this film is undeniably a classic of the genre.

zulu (1964) Lieuntenant Gonville Bromhead hardly seems like a fitting name for the first starring role of the king of cockney suave, Michael Caine. Nevertheless, there is something undeniably cool about the film’s exciting and full-on nature, as well as the stubborn and noble performances given by the entire cast, especially Caine. The ending of the film, where the British soldiers defending Rorke’s Drift from the Zulus all join together and sing “Men of Harlech”, and the Zulus depart peacefully, is completely fictitious and more than a little cheesy. However, it remains the poignant final note of a tense and exciting film.

gladiator (2000) Last but definitely not least, Ridley Scott’s masterpiece is perhaps the greatest historical epic of all time. Russell Crowe captures the furious energy of a man on a quest for vengeance, while still maintaining something classical about his performance. Similarly brilliant is Joaquin Phoenix as the unstable Commodus, and the relationship between the characters remains fiery throughout. The fight scenes, from the battle at the beginning of the film, through to the duel at its climax, are captivating in their energy and brutality. Blending a personal story of vengeance with the heroism of gladiatorial combat, this is the perfect historical epic. Saul Holmes




black pond q&a

Up against already established household names Richard Ayoade, Joe Cornish and Ralph Fiennes in the Bafta category for Outstanding Debut by a British Writer, Director or Producer, Will Sharpe and Tom Kingsley, along with their sardonic comedy-drama Black Pond, went largely unnoticed by the ceremony’s viewers. Unfortunately confined to an extremely limited initial release due to the film’s miniscule production budget of £25,000 and the considerable amount of controversy attached to its lead actor, Chris Langham, Black Pond was thankfully granted a single screening at Norwich’s Cinema City followed by a question and answer session with the two young directors and their star. While it was not possible at the time to record the speakers’ responses verbatim, the following article should provide a clear idea of the key points covered in the all too brief session. Following a bewildering few days in which a middle-class couple’s stagnating lives are enriched by (and subsequently turned upside down by the death of) an eccentric, naïve man named Blake, Black Pond is incredibly lyrical in its form. The piece is peppered throughout with excerpts from the work of John Clare, serendipitously stumbled upon by the directors in a book in Sharpe’s bathroom, and intermittently inflicts upon the audience crude animations which reflect both its modest budget and youthful philosophy. Though for every drop of poetry, be it literary or visual in form, that threatens to submerge the narrative in the murky waters of pretension, there is a torrent of self-deprecating humour which firmly grounds it in the realm of emotionally stirring black comedy.


nero fiddled

The young directing duo, who met while studying at Cambridge University, filmed in Surrey, using Sharpe’s parents’ house (in which the principle cast lived during production in the name of developing a realistic familial bond as well as cost-effectiveness) to situate a large portion of Black Pond’s action. The titular pond (though not named so ominously in reality) is located a short distance away from a roaring motorway, a fact Sharpe and Kingsley chose to highlight by not eliminating this noise pollution in postproduction, emphasising the film’s key theme of needlessly complex human constructions (be they motorways or marriage) encroaching on the simplistic and natural. Addressing “the elephant in the room”, the directors explained that they did not choose Chris Langham to star in their debut feature as a means through which to garner publicity, or because they felt that his release from prison may have led to desperation and a lower fee. Rather, they had been fans of his since observing his work on the BBC’s The Thick of It, basing the lead role of Tom Thompson on his performance in the series. Langham added that it was not an urge to accept whatever morsel of work was thrust his way that resulted in his acceptance of the role, but his own interest in the script and the overwhelming praise it received from his late father, theatre director Michael Langham. Sharpe and Kingsley are hoping to soon commence filming their second directorial effort: a modern treatment of Voltaire’s Candide.

Following his success with Midnight in Paris, Woody Allen’s next cinematic effort sidles from Paris to Rome. Entitled Nero Fiddled, the film is to be released 22 June 2012, and stars Woody Allen himself, in his first acting role in over five years, as well as The Social Network’s Jesse Eisenberg and Juno’s Ellen Page, two very promising younger actors who have already made their marks. In fact, Eisenberg’s mannerisms and screen presence do bare a lot of resemblance to the famed director. In addition to Eisenberg and Page, an increasingly random list of actors follows in typical Allen fashion, including Penelope Cruz, Alec Baldwin, Alison Pill, Roberto Benigni, Judy Davis and Greta Gerwig. The plot is rather hazy at the moment but it involves a collection of four interweaving vignettes, hopefully not producing the same nauseatingly bland effects of, say, Valentine’s Day. Although, of course, Valentine’s Day suffered from having a million vignettes, but that is another article altogether. Supposedly, the film was originally going to be called The Bop Decameron and was supposed to be based on Giovanni Boccaccio’s The Decameron but these rumours were later dispelled by Allen himself, who labels the film in his own right a comedy, not a romantic comedy as it appears to be billed. Allen’s section of the story involves him and his wife travelling to Italy in order to meet the boy their daughter intends to marry, but whether or not this is one of the vignettes or the story that threads the vignettes together remains to be seen. It’s no surprise, of course, that Sony Pictures is desperate for more Allen goodness following the phenomenal success of the late career blossom that is Midnight in Paris. Could Nero Fiddled better Midnight in Paris, a film that has put Allen back on the map somewhat in terms of awards and box office success? This reviewer hopes so, and hopes further that we may yet be given the Annie Hall or Manhattan of our generation; a romantic comedy that works intelligently and thought-provokingly, where Allen has already set the benchmark. Who else would be better placed to beat it but himself? One cannot help but say, whether Nero Fiddled succeeds or not, welcome back Woody Allen, it is wonderful to see you, again, at the top of your game, fighting for Oscar glory.

Tom Moore

AJ Hodson

e4 slackers club: this must be the place This month at Cinema City, E4 and Picturehouse Cinemas offer an advanced screening of Paolo Sorrentino’s This Must Be the Place on 28 March 2012. The film follows Cheyenne (Sean Penn), a former rock star. At 50 he still dresses ‘goth’ and lives in Dublin off his royalties. The death of his father, with whom he wasn’t on speaking terms, brings him back to New York. He discovers his father had an obsession: to seek revenge


for a humiliation he had suffered. Cheyenne decides to pick up where his father left off, and starts a journey, at his own pace, across America.

Students can pick up free tickets from Cinema City. Just remember your student card!





assassin’s creed iii


by andrew leighfield On 5 March Ubisoft released the first trailer for their upcoming title Assassin’s Creed III, revealing exclusive information on the game’s protagonist, setting, and a number of new game play features. First things first: the next instalment in the series will be set during the American Revolution. The game’s protagonist has been revealed to be a Cherokee Assassin known as Connor, born of an English father and Native American mother. The story will follow Connor’s experience during the war of independence, his involvement in the fighting between American and British troops and, of course, the far more secret Templar-Assassin war that constitutes the overarching storyline of the series. In keeping with previous games, some of the period’s more influential historical figures will make an appearance. So far we can expect to see the likes of George Washington, Benjamin Franklin and the lesser k n o w n Charles Lee, as characters within the story. The specific role of each, and any possible affiliations with the Templars or Assassins, is, as yet, unconfirmed. One aspect that Ubisoft has pushed quite heavily in its press release is the use of the new Anvil game engine. This, they claim, will not only allow players to enjoy glorious assassinations in next-gen graphics, but will also enable the game to render more on-

screen characters than in any of the previous titles. This means that the likelihood exists of players being able to take part in some huge-scale, epic battles.

Other gameplay features have been given a bit of an overhaul for the next instalment, one big change being the style of free running involved in the game. The architecture present in previous games leant itself quite neatly to the fluidity required for any parkour-style game mechanics; however the same cannot be said for the sparse wilderness of colonial America. Ubisoft’s solution to this dilemma has been to make the landscape itself climbable. Players will now be able to run and jump between trees, and scale mountainsides, actions that weren’t possible in the previous games. It will be difficult to predict how well this will work in action, but if the trailer is anything to go by, free-running will remain an integral part of game play. New weapons will be present in combat, the trailer shows the use of a tomahawk as a main weapon, and a hunting bow can be seen strapped to Connor’s back. It is also likely that guns will play a bigger part this time round, given that rifles were much more common at this point in history than in earlier eras. And finally, although not actually seen in the trailer, it has been confirmed that the hidden blade will make a return, ensuring a continuation of those stealthier aspects of game play. Online Multiplayer is back for its third instalment in the series. Players can no doubt expect new maps, characters, and perhaps one or two new game modes. Rumours have also surfaced that there will be an online co-op mode, although nothing official has yet been announced. This could be a co-operative version of the main story, or perhaps even a separate campaign, similar to the Templar storyline worked into Revelation’s multiplayer. Whilst there is still plenty of room for speculation, with a release date set for later this year, the only thing to do now is wait.



under the radar: nba jam

Xbox Live, PSN and Steam, these are all great friends of the university student, primarily because all of these services provide great games for a relatively cheap price. The game in question in this instance is EA’s NBA Jam: On Fire Edition, which is available on PSN and Xbox Live Arcade, the spiritual successor to 1993 arcade game of the same title. First of all NBA Jam is above all superb fun and a game that really does remind one of the 90s era where games did not need a story or superb visuals to be memorable, they just needed to be amazingly addictive and often rather goofy. In NBA Jam you take control of two bobble headed characters in match of two on two. You start with the standard roster of 30 NBA teams but as you progress through the Road Trip mode you will unlock a collection of mascots as well

as many other wacky and wonderful teams and characters. It is in these strange but brilliant characters where NBA Jam sets itself apart from other quirky sports games. Wired’s favourites are the USA Democrat and Republican teams as seeing Obama or Clinton dunk on Bush or Palin never gets old. The mascot teams are also hilarious mainly for the reason that seeing a giant bear flying 10 metres through the air whilst blue flames envelop his feet for a completely obscene alley-oop is a sight that is unrivalled in the video game world for sheer awesomeness and comedy value. Another great feature is the audio commentary of Tim Kitzrow who hands down wins the award for best ever sports game commentator with his trade mark catchphrase “boomshackalacka” ringing out regularly throughout the game. Visually NBA Jam has a certain charm about it. The players are sort of bobble headed characters with computer generated bodies but heads that are all photographs of the players pulling many different faces. This classic NBA Jam style is both unique and adds to the wonderful tongue in cheek tone of the game. Overall NBA Jam is truly wonderful and one of Wired’s favourite games of all time. If you are yearning for some outright fun then NBA Jam is for you, it does not matter if you are a basketball fan because NBA Jam is far from basketball. Just invite a couple of mates around and enjoy some two one two wonderment that you will never forget. For 1200 MS points or £12 on PSN, you will not be disappointed. Joshua Mott

preview: windows 8 When Windows 8 was announced, it took the world by storm. It was inspired. A single operating system (OS), designed for both PCs and tablets. The best of two worlds. But how good was the execution? The epiphany at Microsoft for 8 was the Metro UI interface. This replaces your traditional start menu. It looks good, but even after some getting used to it feels as if it has been written more for the tablet end of the market, and unfortunately for computer users, there is no way to turn it off. It feels designed for touch rather than mouse and keyboard. This makes the simple tasks, which influence the feel of a product, harder. Wired has had a few friends try and turn off the computer with the Metro UI. All of them gave up. Now, this probably won’t be an issue for tablet users, because most tablets have a simple sleep button, but the computer users seem to have lost out on functionality so tablet users can benefit. Other new features include the app store and optimisation improvements. The app store should bring a vast array of new applications for users. Chances are most developers will


rewrite their apps for Windows 8 tablets, and this means PC users will obtain app access. This is one of the few benefits for PC users. Furthermore, due to the need to meet lower-end hardware requirements for tablets, there have been many reports of Windows 8 working on ancient hardware, and PC users are also experiencing a faster more responsive system. There are a few bugs, glitches and driver issues, however expect these to be ironed out by launch. Overall Wired believes that Microsoft need to work on Windows 8, otherwise it will be a repeat of Vista. The concept behind 8 was ingenious, however it feels like PC users have lost the ease of use that makes Windows such a popular OS. Rather than an inspired product, it feels like Microsoft could not be bothered to create two operating systems, (one for tablet, one for PC) and instead created a single, halfhearted OS, that does not suit either. The most disappointing part is this has foundations of greatness. If PC users get the old start menu back, and if Microsoft replaced the old icon system on Windows with the new Metro UI, they would have an incredible OS.

retro column: killer 7


Released for Gamecube in 2005, Killer 7 is far and away the most psychotic and wilfully impenetrable game Wired has ever played. We are amazed it was green-lit by a major production studio. Killer 7 tells the story of (bear with us here) an assassin called Harman Smith, who has split personality disorder, playing host to seven personalities in total. Although Harman is wheelchair bound, he can change “personality” at will, physically transforming as well as mentally. You control the personalities as they attempt to combat the “Heaven’s Smile”, an army of giggling suicide bomber zombies which are invisible to the naked eye. In between times you talk to ghosts and severed heads, solve incomprehensible logic puzzles, and hang out with Harman in his trailer while his live-in nurse sexually abuses him. There are too many memorable scenes to recount, but a special highlight has to be the third mission, where the seven are sent to assassinate a cult leader. Finally tracking him down to his skyscraper lair, you open the front door only to discover the skyscraper is a cardboard cut-out, which falls over into the desert. The cult leader is found hiding in a caravan, and informs you that he’s infected himself with every disease known to man. He’s then shot by a US Army sniper, whereupon his afro detaches from his body and begins to attack you. I can only assume this is a side effect of the diseases. It isn’t just the story which breaks the mould. The graphics are a hyper-stylized breed of cell shading, so everything is played out in

a flat, disturbing anime world. The audio work is similarly nightmarish, from the grinding back masked voices of the ghosts to the incongruous techno music that plays over boss battles. Although I’d be the first to admit the gameplay lets Killer 7 down (invisible exploding enemies that kill you in one hit become tiresome rapidly) we would argue the game is worth playing to see what acid trip scenario comes next. The combat is iffy, the puzzles annoying, the characters are completely imbalanced: the only one worth playing is the masked wrestler, unless the game demands you switch in order to solve a puzzle. None of this matters to Wired. Killer 7 is style over substance, but in this case the style is so breathtakingly original that it’s worth struggling through the sticking points. Leo Hunt

appy corner: temple run One of the most addicting games to hit the App Store in a long time, Temple Run has been sitting on the Top 10 Free Apps for a while. It is a super simple game that can be played with the swipe of one finger and a little bit of tilting. The Temple Run game mechanics themselves are simple too. The hero escapes from the temple and must run from demon-monkeylike-creatures while trying to collect as many coins and power-ups as you can. These power-ups include sprint, coin magnet and invisibility. Along the way our adventurer has to avoid running into any obstacles. These include gaps to jump over, fire to slide under, broken sides to dodge and much more to avoid, while trying to get as far as you can to increase your score. If the hero runs into the side the demon monkeys gain ground and you must complete several jumps to leave them behind. The coins that you collect can be spent on

upgrades to make the power-ups last longer and be more effective once you snatch them. This addictive game play will keep you going for hours as you try to level up and not make the mistakes that you made before. The game reminds you of all of the scenes from your favourite adventure movie in which the hero is chased from the ruins after stealing the sacred golden relic. The imaginative powerup levelling and randomly generated temple makes this game a must have. Tom Mott

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6. What mineral is spinach high in? (4) 8. What would a cartographer make? (4) 11. Which American sprinter who has been charged for both steroid use and drug dealing? (3,10) 12. What is a baby seal called? (3) 14. How many units of alcohol should men not exceed a week? (6,3) 15. What type of vegetable is mangetout? (3) 17. The name of a breakfast cereal and a class C drug? (7,1) 19. How many units of alcohol should women not exceed a week? (8) 20. What is the capital city of Lithuania? (7) 21. In which city is the Louvre Museum? (5) 22. The name of a garden nuisance and a class B drug? (4)



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1. Which country is the largest supplier of heroin? (11) 2. Which band in 1992 had their song Ebeneezer Goode banned due to subliminal messages about recreational drug use? (3,6) 3. The sound that cats make and a class B drug? (8) 4. The name of The Doors frontman who died of an overdose? (3,8) 5. Which side of a ship is starboard? (5) 7. What travels by conduction, convection and radiation? (4) 9. The name of an animal and a class B drug? (5) 10. The name of a soft drink and a class A drug? (4) 13. What is the name given to a group of lions? (5) 16. What do Americans call a torch? (10) 18. Which country has won the most RBS Six Nations competitions? (6)



see how many words




word wheel:



18 19 20 21 22


left: easy difficulty

you can make


right: hard difficulty must use the centre

letter in every word

complete both to have a


chance of winning a free

is at least one

nine letter word to be found

jaguar skills cd, detailed in the competition below!

9 3 1 6 7 8 5



7 5


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8 3 5 4 7 6 9 1 6 5 2 3 4 8 7 1 7 2 3

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JagSkills A4 Solus_Layout 1 24/01/2012 16:20 Page 3

WIN JAGUAR SKILLS TICKETS Jaguar Skills And His Amazing Friends Spring Tour! The original ninja has announced that he will return to the road in Spring 2012 with his “Jaguar Skills and his Amazing Friends” Tour. The Radio 1 mixologist will be hitting 12 venues with his lightning-quick mixing and mashup skills throughout March and April with a bunch of his favourite DJs including Brookes Brothers, Loadstar, DJ @War, DJ Cable and many more to be announced. 2011 was another landmark year for our masked hero. His highly successful mix compilation for Toolroom Records received critical acclaim,

and marked the start of his quest to conquer every mix series in existence and become the unrivalled “King of

the Comps”. With some exciting comps in the pipeline for 2012, Jaguar Skills looks set to be achieve this accolade very soon.

Concrete is giving away a pair of free tickets to Jaguar Skills’ show at the Waterfront on Friday 23 March, and a free CD to one lucky winner. To be in with a chance of winning this prize, all you need to do is submit your completed crossword to Union House reception by midday on Thursday 22 March for the tickets, and complete the sudoku for the CD. Tickets are available from and the Ticket Office, priced at £15. There are a limited number remaining, so move fast to avoid disappointment.

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NORWICH WATERFRONT 016 03 50 8 0 50



23 Tuesday 13th March 2012 Waterfront Gigs: Yashin (7:30pm) Price: £8.50 The Waterfront LCR Club Nights: Masquerade (10pm) Price: £3.50 UEA LCR Wednesday 14th March 2012 LCR Gigs: The Maccabees UEA LCR (7:30pm) Price: £17.00

Waterfront Gigs: Stiff Little Fingers (support from Spear of Destiny) (7:30pm) Price: £17.00 The Waterfront Friday 23rd March 2012 Waterfront Gigs: Romeo Must Die + My City Burning (USA) + The Crisis Kings + Want For Destruction + Mastema (Metal Lust) (7pm) Price: £6 / £5 (NUS) Adv The Waterfront



13-27 march 2012 Thursday 15th March 2012 Bent by Martin Sherman (6:30pm) Price: £6.00 / £4.00 (Conc) UEA Drama Studio Friday 16th March Waterfront Club Nights: NOUGHTIES! (10pm) Price: £4.50 / 3.50 NUS The Waterfront Saturday 17th March 2012 LCR Club Nights: A List (10:30pm) Price: £4.50 UEA LCR LCR Gigs: Nero (7:30pm) Price: £16.50 UEA LCR Waterfront Gigs: Jaguar Skills (10pm) Price: £15.00 The Waterfront The Music House Acoustic Session (8:15pm) Price: Voluntary Contribution The Music House

Waterfront Club Nights: MELTDOWN + METAL LUST (10pm) Price: £4.50 / £3.50nus The Waterfront

Monday 19th March 2012 Waterfront Gigs: Chimaira Price: £14.00 (7:30pm) The Waterfront

St Patrick’ s Day

Tuesday 20th March 2012 LCR Club Nights: Wild West (10pm) Price: £3.50 UEA LCR

Sunday 18th March 2012 LCR Gigs: Black Stone Cherry (7pm) Price: £16.00 UEA LCR LCR Gigs: Inspiral Carpets (7pm) Price: £17.00 The Waterfront

Saturday 24th March 2012 Waterfront Gigs: Nervana (USA Nirvana tribute) + Solidagoes + Saigon Kiss (Metal Lust) (7pm) Price: £10 / £8 (NUS) Adv The Waterfront

Wednesday 21st March 2012 Le Mariage de Figaro by Beaumarchais presented by Sacre Theatre (6:30pm) Price: £6.00 / £4.00 (Conc) UEA Drama Studio Monday 26th March 2012 Other: Gerald Dickens - ‘Mr Dickens is Coming’ / ‘Nicholas Nickleby’ (7:30pm) Price: £4.50 Adv UEA LCR

LCR Club Nights: A List (10:30pm) Price: £4.50 UEA LCR

Waterfront Gigs: Never Means Maybe @ The Waterfront Studio (7:30pm) Price: £7.00 The Waterfront

Waterfront Club Nights: MELTDOWN + EXILE (10pm) Price: £4.50 / £3.50 (NUS) The Waterfront

Tuesday 27th March 2012 LCR Club Nights: Fashion Disaster (10pm) Price: £3.50 UEA LCR

a very brief history St Patrick’s Day, March 17th, commemorates Saint Patrick (387–461 AD), the most commonly recognised of the patron saints of Ireland. Even though nowadays we associate St Patrick’s Day with the colour green, originally it was blue. Through the years the use of the colour green grew, primarily due to the days’ association with shamrock. St Patrick is said to have used the shamrock, a three-leaved plant, to explain the Holy Trinity to the pagan Irish, and the wearing and display of shamrocks and shamrock-inspired designs have become a ubiquitous feature of the day.

st patrick’s day in england Throughout England there are many annual events in our major cities. Birmingham holds the largest St Patrick’s Day parade in Britain with a massive city centre parade over a two mile route through the city centre. London, since 2002, has had an annual parade which takes place, usually in Trafalgar Square. In 2008, as a way of getting into the spirit of the day the water in the Trafalgar Square fountains was dyed green. Manchester hosts a two-week Irish festival in the weeks prior to St Patrick’s Day. The festival includes an Irish Market based at the city’s town hall which flies the Irish tricolour opposite the Union Flag, a large parade as well as a large number of cultural and learning events throughout the two-week period. At UEA there is sure to be an exciting atmosphere in the square. The Blue Bar will be screening the highly anticipated Six Nations match between the exciting Ireland and the ever improving England. The LCR should be selling out so in order to enjoy the festivities, and the one time of the year that many of us actually drink Guinness, make sure to book your tickets as soon as possible.

Photo by Chloe Hashemi

Ga Chun Yau

Derby Day 2012

p1 Issue 267 13 March 2012


UEA 16 Tom Oliver

Derby Day 2012

p3 Issue 267 13 March 2012

Men’s Tennis Essex 2 UEA 4 UEA Men’s Tennis secured a comprehensive victory over Essex, winning the tie 4-2. With heavy rain affecting play throughout the entire fixture, Essex took an early 2-0 lead after both their double pairings were victorious. Capitalising on the tiredness of the UEA players, double pairing Ben Roger and Miroslav Atanasov took victory against UEA’s Ross Culley and Alex Wilkins. With an effective, streamlined style of play, Atanasov’s powerful forehands and Roger’s commanding serve, Essex were able to dominate the majority of the match, despite a better performance from UEA as time progressed. UEA’s other double pairing of James Riley and Harry Crane were unlucky in their match. Riley was producing some fantastic shots and despite being 5-2 down, Essex were able to claw back and win the second set 7-6,

which ultimately gave them the match. The pressure was now on for UEA and there was no room for error, as they had to win all of their singles matches in order to win the tie. Alex Wilkins lined up against Antansov again, but this time UEA emerged victorious after a straight sets victory, 6-3 6-1 the final scores. Harry Crane also defeated his Essex opponent in straight sets, 6-2 6-2 the final score. Crane was so superior that the Essex competitor smashed his racket in rage at the end of the game. Undoubtedly, the match of the day was between the captains of both sides. Ross Culley took on Ben Roger in a heated encounter that saw Culley take the first set, producing some impressive backhands that Roger found difficult to deal with. Both players were outstanding in their shot placement, and should the courts have been dry enough, the game

Women’s Lacrosse Essex 2 UEA 9 A dominant and ruthless performance from UEA Women’s Lacrosse handed them a crushing 9-2 victory over Essex in the early afternoon encounter. The game finished early due to a hailstorm that had a damning impact on the players’ visibility, and actually forced the UEA goalposts to collapse. But by then the damage had been done and the hosts could have no qualms with the end result. Despite the testing conditions, UEA were always in control of the game and the victory never looked in doubt. The visitors scored immediately from kick-off, penetrating the space and firing past the Essex goalkeeper. However, the home side fired level soon after following an inspired counter-attacking move, moving the ball from one side of the pitch to the other before unleashing an unstoppable drive into the top corner of the net. This did not hinder UEA’s game, and they were soon back in the lead courtesy of two quick fire goals. It soon became apparent that the U’s were on another level to their counterparts, and it was more of a case of how many goals

would have been faster with a lot more rallying. But due to the standing water on the court both players suffered from slips and a slower game was the consequence. After taking the first set 6-3, Culley seemed to go to sleep in the second set and only won one game, and the scene was set for a tense deciding third set. Both players upped the tempo and there

With the score of the tie at 3-2, many were expecting another titanic battle between the players in the match that would determine the final result. However, UEA’s Luke Bennett-Driver was far too superior for his Essex opponent, who looked slow and lethargic. Bennett-Driver only dropped two games overall, winning 6-0, 6-2. UEA should be very pleased with their performance. The

Tom Oliver was more impressive rallying and good agility from Culley in particular. Two composed lobs from Culley despite heckling from Essex fans were the highlight of a set in which UEA were dominant. The final score was 6-3, 1-6, 6-1.

conditions were dreadful and the incredibly early start wasn’t ideal, but all competitors performed well, and gave UEA their first victory of the day. Billy Sexton

Men’s Cricket Essex 2 UEA 0

they will score, as opposed to if they will win or not. Nonetheless, the Essex goalie did well to keep the score down, and was probably the stand out individual for the home side after producing a number of eye-catching stops. With the first quarter ending 4-1 in UEA’s favour, the visitors refused to become complacent and they continued to rack up the goals, with Maddie Barton and Harriet Raper in particular impressing. Essex netted one back just before half-time, but the hosts were still trailing 6-2. Things went from bad to worse for the home side when they lost a player to an injury. And with no replacements available a UEA substitute was forced to pull on an Essex jersey to even the two sides. The goals still came raining in though at a consistent rate, netting another three in the final quarter. With UEA wanting to reach double figures before the final whistle was blown, the match was forced to come to a premature end as the referee deemed the conditions unplayable. Matt Scrafton

UEA Cricket matches are always close and fiery encounters. All involved showed impeccable levels of determination which saw both matches going down to the wire. UEA second team faced up first. Captain Purnell won the toss and decided to bat first, which looked like the right decision as score board pressure can tell if a large enough score is posted. This looked inevitable as Blandford starting tearing into their openers with 16 off the first over. Unfortunately for UEA this was not the case as some tight bowling, mix ups with the running and quality fielding saw them restricted to 110 all out off their 10 overs, which was competitive but after the start UEA would have wanted much more. In reply Essex got off to a flyer, scoring 46 off their first 3 overs. Things were looking bleak for UEA; however two wickets in two balls from Venner-Woodcock pegged Essex back to 67-2 off 6 overs and with some tight bowling from UEA, Essex were left with the daunting prospect of needing 19 off the last over. Though some clever batting saw them achieve

this off the last ball. The second match was similarly competitive, almost boiling over. This time Essex won the toss and elected to field first. With some fierce short stuff Essex were able to limit the openers to slow starts. Though once they got into their strides both Atkinson and Turner scored fluently before retiring. Hennessey, who was controversially run out, Northover and Tosland all scored well as UEA set an imposing 157. Essex set about reaching this target in a similar vain to their first match and by the half way point had amassed an impressive 88-0 off 5 overs. Once again the lack of depth in the Essex batting showed, as well as the determination from UEA with the ball and in the field. This left a captivating climax to proceedings with Essex needing 15 off the last over. They were able to achieve this on the last ball to the despair of the UEA players. In the aftermath UEA will reflect that perhaps they didn’t bowl as well as they could, but Essex were a strong side and the narrow defeat will hurt. Sam Tomkinson

Derby Day 2012

p4-5 Issue 267 13 March 2012

Men’s Boxing | Essex 5 UEA 3 After taking a year off in 2011, boxing made a triumphant return to Derby Day for the 2012 instalment in a superb atmosphere at Sub Zero. It was a fascinating and intense evening, and despite

the home side taking a 5-3 victory overall, the UEA fighters emerged with a great deal of credit, and could possibly have earned the decisions on another day. The evening’s events began

with a skills bout between UEA’s Liz Coe and Christiana Maria of Essex, with both women landing a good deal of punches throughout. As it was a skills bout, it did not count towards the final result, but it certainly set the tone for the rest of the 11 total bouts. UEA’s Raphael Vaton was next in the ring, and was highly impressive in his demolition of his opponent Pawel Wargan,

thanks to three superb rounds of fast punches and stunning combinations. Wargan looked exhausted by the end of the bout,

Vangelis Nicolaides was next in the ring for UEA, and after a cagey opening round was knocked to the canvas early in the second. He

unable to make any more of an impression on the judges, and the match was levelled at 1-1. The fourth and fifth bouts were

“UEA fighters emerged with a great deal of credit, and could possibly have earned the decisions on another day” and it was no surprise that Vaton earned a unanimous decision and put UEA into a 1-0 lead overall.

was up quickly, and showed no illeffects, but given the short format of the three-round bouts, he was

probably two of the highlights of the match. First, Zulfiqar Azam was involved in an old-fashioned

tear-up with his Essex opponent, but would have considered himself slightly unlucky for the bout to be declared a draw by the judges. Then, Irene Cuder suffered a first-round stoppage after a barrage of punches from her opponent. The score overall was now 2-1 to Essex, and it was quickly 5-1 to Essex thanks to unanimous decisions, but perhaps Yuki

Sakurai would have felt harddone by again after what an enthralling three rounds. From there, the away side tried to mount a recovery, with another draw following in the ninth bout before David Duncan took a unanimous decision in the tenth bout in an absolutely superb demolition of his opponent Keith Sparrow. The final bout also saw another UEA victory, as Ed Howes took a split

Hannah Brooks

Chris Teale

Tom Oliver

Women’s Hockey | Essex 2 (p) UEA 2 Kicking off on time at 2PM, UEA Women’s Hockey, resplendent with their blue & yellow bows and matching kit, took to the field to face off Essex University. Fighting back the rain and an early UEA attack, Essex countered within the opening minutes, forcing UEA to concede a short corner. Coming into the 12th minute, it was all to play for, yet Essex slipped through UEAs defence to take the lead, taking the home team to 1-0. Taking formation after this early goal, UEA put the pressure on the home team, and in the 15th minute UEA’s Chantelle Farrell

decision in probably the closest match of the evening. Overall it was a good performance by UEA’s boxers, and while the final 5-3 defeat was disappointing, they would have taken great heart from their performance, and will be hopeful of avenging that defeat in the future.

was awarded a penalty flick after a disputed goal, placing the shot past the Essex goalkeeper to make the score 1-1. Building on this momentum, UEA’s Esme Barber knocked a goal back past the Essex goalie in the 22nd minute, bringing them into a 2-1 lead as the whistle blew for half time. The early minutes of the second half saw UEA take the advantage, placing pressure on the home team. As the crowd cheered on UEA, a quick counter by Essex secured another equaliser for the hosts, bringing the score to 2-2 in the 41st minute. As the half

progressed, a number of players on both sides became agitated by a number of questionable calls from the umpires, leading to rising tensions amongst the crowd. In the 50th minute it was anyone’s game, yet Essex soon slipped through UEA’s defence, and in the 52nd minute they took the lead once again, with the score at Essex 3, UEA 2, the UEA ladies pushed hard to break through a solid Essex defence. As the final minutes arrived, the crowd fell to silence as UEA drove Essex hard to attempt a late equaliser, after awarded a number of short

Men’s Hockey | Essex 3 UEA 4

corners, the blue & yellows got their chance, with Esme Barber scoring her second goal of the game. As the game ended with the scores 3-3, the decision was made by the umpires to go to flicks to decide the game. Throughout the flicks, UEA goalkeeper Shannon Baker, put up an admirable defence against the Essex shooters. With flicks entering sudden death, the pressure mounted and it was Essex that came out on top, with them winning 7-6. Joshua Resoun

As the rain and the wind died away, revealing a slight glimpse of sunshine, the UEA Men’s Hockey team took to the pitch determined to prove their superiority over Essex. After a tense and disappointing loss beforehand for UEA during Women’s Hockey, the Men’s team were out for revenge. From the opening whistle UEA were on the offensive, slipping through the Essex defence the UEA forwards took advantage of an open goal, with the shot blocked not by the Essex goalkeeper, but by the goalpost itself. Utilising their sideline coaches though, Essex manoeuvred themselves into position, placing pressure on the UEA defence, and winning a short

corner. Going into the 3rd minute Essex took the lead, taking the score 1-0 to the home team. Building on this momentum, Essex scored once more in the 8th minute, taking the score to 2-0 in favour of Essex. UEA bounced back, and despite a number of umpire decisions going against them, UEA boxed Essex into their own half going in to the 15th minute. In the 18th minute UEA endured another close miss, with the ball going inches wide. As the first half drew to a close, Essex remained 2-0 ahead against a still resolute UEA team. As the second half came under way, the tensions amongst the Essex players grow as UEA’s defence remained solid despite a barrage of Essex shots. Countering easily

UEA pushes through a tiring Essex side, and in the 43rd minute UEA began their comeback, with Matthew Knight bringing the score to 2-1. In a quick succession of shots, the 46th minute saw Nick Charlish gain the equaliser, bringing the score to 2-2. With UEA struggling to hold back a resurgent Essex offense, UEA goalkeeper Tom Palmer proved his worth with a number of successful saves, allowing UEA to counter, with yet another UEA shot bouncing off the post. The start of the 56th minute saw the visitors take the lead, with Stuart Gagen slamming a shot past the Essex goalie. As Essex began to buckle under the

pressure, a foul tackle takes place, giving UEA a chance to further their lead, and Will Oates impresses the growing UEA crowd with a well-placed penalty flick, allowing UEA to take their lead to 2-4. As the time drew short, Essex place one final goal past UEA, bringing the score to 3-4, yet with their heads held high the final whistle blows, giving UEA a fantastic victory over a devastated Essex side. This result will hopefully serve as a morale boost for the side going into their final two BUCS matches in Midlands Division 2A against Lincoln I and Nottingham III. Joshua Resoun

Women’s Badminton Essex 4 UEA 4

It was a mixed day for UEA’s Basketball sides with the women comfortably winning their game before the men suffered defeat. In the women’s game, UEA preserved the lead they gained just two seconds into the game and kept the Blades at bay, finishing with a ten point advantage. The first two minutes of the game couldn’t have gone any better for the Panthers who raced to an eleven point lead with no reply. Essex looked shellshocked at being dominated on their own court, and it took them six minutes to register their first points of the game. After a quiet second quarter, UEA maintained control into the second half, and benefited from Essex failing to convert their free throws to power ahead to a seventeen point advantage. Both teams started to tire towards the end but the determination remained and although Essex gained more points than the Panthers in the final quarter, UEA always looked reasonably comfortable and confident that victory would be theirs. Following a great victory for the UEA Women in their Derby Day Basketball encounter with Essex, the men’s side went into their game hoping to complete the Basketball double against

The honours were shared when UEA Women’s Badminton took on their opponents at Essex, 4-4 the final score. Essex player, and arguably player of the match, Tanapat Pisitpong was key to the result, as without her it’s debateable whether the end result would’ve been the same. Pisitpong made easy work of her opponents in both of her games, moving effortlessly around the court, unstoppable smashes just one of the shots in her repertoire. She was able to dispose of UEA’s Cat Fletcher very quickly, Fletcher seemingly giving up after the first set despite still putting in a strong performance that would have been more than enough to defeat any other opponent. Despite a strong following from Essex spectators, both the UEA doubles were agile in their movement around the court, keeping their cool in rallies and forcing Essex into mistakes. It was obvious to all that the UEA doubles were a lot more used to playing together as they took the

their bitter rivals. Despite a great effort from the UEA side, Essex proved too powerful to be stopped and they romped home at the end to a comprehensive victory, roared on by a vociferous crowd inside the Essex Sports Centre. After a tense few opening minutes, Essex opened the scoring with a three pointer and they complimented it with three more points before UEA could reply with a couple of points to get themselves on the score sheet and end the quarter 22-18 down. Essex always appeared to be one step ahead of the Panthers, and they pulled ahead before UEA brought the scores to within two points at the end of the first half. UEA had done brilliantly to end the second quarter with just a couple of points between them and Essex but their downfall came in the third quarter. The beginning of the third quarter was a crucial point in the match and it was Essex who grabbed the advantage with eight points without reply. It was a hammerblow to the UEA side and they never really recovered from it, ending the game 18 points adrift at 86-68.

first set. Unfortunately though Essex emerged victorious. Pisitpong, meanwhile, who appears to be quite a sporting celebrity around the University of Essex campus, started her second match ruthlessly, taking the first set in just under 10 minutes. She appears to be the complete player and pulled off some fantastic shots. It is doubtful that any BUCS competitor would have an answer to her game. However, Jamie Isitt of UEA dug deep and certainly provided the strongest challenge to Ging. With the tie scored at 4-3 to UEA, Cat Fletcher was involved in a tense three set match that saw attractive play and intense rallying from both players, particularly in the final set. However, despite a comeback from Fletcher looking likely, an impressive drop shot from Essex’s competitor sealed the win and denied UEA what would have been a deserved victory. Billy Sexton

Greg Lewry

Ultimate Essex 5 UEA 15 UEA Ultimate, known to friends and admirers as “Aye Aye”, came through 15-5 against Essex in the freezing Derby Day cold. Aye Aye were superior throughout, and Essex’s challenge diminished early on as results flooded in from elsewhere, and the extent of the hosts’ overall victory became clear. With an expectant and somewhat inebriated home crowd assembled on the side lines expecting an Essex walkover, and in view of the day’s events up to the delayed start time of 6pm, UEA were, to their credit, unfazed. The visitors began the game in confident fashion, going two points up early on, before a slight Essex resurgence saw the arrears reduced to 3-2. UEA’s play was

incisive, and characterised by good handling and impressive catches. Essex failed to really ever assert themselves on proceedings, and despite the UEA defensive team being wide open for Essex to scythe through and make it 5-3, the visiting team never looked likely to succumb to defeat. It could have been harder for the blue and yellows, however, had a tremendous long pass not been dropped agonisingly by the offensive Essex player, leaving the door open for a UEA comeback. UEA proceeded to move further into the lead following this briefest of scares, and despite a couple of near-misses, moved into an 8-4 lead at half time courtesy of an incredible

Tom Oliver long throw from Ryan Tarascas. The second half was a tale of poor throwing from Essex and a change in attitude from UEA. The intensity level dropped drastically, as the imperious visitors adopted a “wait and see” attitude, and took on a more relaxed, less pressing style. Essex scores were few and far between as UEA racked up the points on their way to a 15-5 victory, a huge positive for the visiting Aye Aye players, which built on their 20-2 triumph in the

bright sunshine at the Sportspark last year. Aye-Aye president Jack Davidson commented on the game: “We are pretty happy with the score as we didn’t have the whole of our first team there, which allowed some of the freshers to step up and perform very well. It feels good to be one of the few to win although we did expect as in fact during Derby Day matches, Ultimate have been unbeaten since the cup began”. Chris King

p6 Issue 267 13 March 2012

Derby Day 2012

Basketball Essex 1 UEA 1

Final Score: Essex 27-16 UEA

p8 Issue 267 13 March 2012

Tom Oliver Men’s Rugby were edged out of a thrilling and hard fought Derby Day contest by a determined Essex side. The teams lined up on the pitch to a large crowd and damp conditions. UEA kicked off and immediately put in some

thundering tackles. The sides traded turnovers and appeared evenly matched, but the deadlock was broken when an Essex attack erupted down UEA’s left wing. A number of tackles were missed and Essex scored their first try in the far right corner of the pitch,

however their conversion went wide. UEA immediately responded with a try that was the result of a kick and link-up play culminating in flanker Simon Portwain touching the ball down under the posts. Scrum-half Michael

Parr had an impressive first half and successfully converted to take the lead. The wet conditions played havoc with the handling of the ball and both sides were prone to knocking the ball on amongst other penalties. UEA incurred a penalty on the edge of their 22-metre line and Essex chose to attempt a kick which Robert Baynes successfully converted. The second half began with Essex narrowly ahead 8-7. UEA collected another penalty that Essex chose to kick with Baynes successful once more. Despite UEA’s dogged efforts, Essex scored a further try but they were unable to secure the extra two points. This was negated by another successful kicked penalty from Baynes’ boot. The away side refused to give up and scored the best try of the game. An attack rippled forward through the Essex defence and Rich Heap received the ball. He charged forward and produced two devastating handoffs that left prone bodies in his wake. The ball was touched down under the posts and the conversion slotted between the posts. UEA produced a brilliant effort that was narrowly bested by a resolute Essex side. James Dixon

Men’s Volleyball | Essex 2 UEA 3 Derby Day 2012 came to a close with a scintillating victory for UEA in the Men’s Volleyball, edging out their rivals by three sets-to-two after a five set thriller. With the game starting with the ever popular Men’s Basketball game taking place on the next court, there was a sizeable and noticeably enthusiastic crowd there to witness a highly enjoyable match-up between the two rivals that kept the spectators glued to the action for all five sets. UEA had the upper hand for

the vast majority of the game, and after a dominant first set which ended 13-25, it seemed as though they would go on to win the tie in a comfortable manner. The tall figure of Lee Cunningham was a dominant force at the net, securing a number of key points for his side. Nathan Dixon also produced an impressive performance from the back of the court, as the hosts struggled to deal with his powerful volleys. The likes of Daniel Warner at the net also did well to produce

a number of key blocks to keep Essex at bay. Nevertheless, the away side were forced all the way to the fifth and final set to clinch the win thanks to a spirited fight back from Essex. On two occasions they battled back from a set down to equal the scores, taking the second set 25-18 and then the fourth 25-23, the latter of which was particularly compelling and produced a nail-biting finish when it looked as if UEA would win the match without the need

for a last set decider. The lead changed hands on a number of occasions in the final set, but UEA overcame any potential nerves and held on for a 12-15 victory, handing the U’s the final point of the day. Despite the knowledge that Essex had already taken the overall crown earlier in the day, this was a deserved win for UEA that should give them confidence going into their future fixtures. Matt Scrafton

For more match reports from Derby Day 2012, go to

Derby Day 2012

Men’s Rugby | Essex 19 UEA 14

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