The event issue 152 21 05 2003

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02 contents

CONTENTS: 21.05.03 Oh my God. It's the end, it's finally the end. And are we gonna go out on a bang? Well, that's entirely a matter of opinion. But we think so, just as Blur's new album creeps up on you slowly and after a time you realise there is a beautiful work of art sitting in front of you, this issue of The Event will slowly work its magic on you as you turn it's sexy news print pages.

Well it might do. Mel C waxes lyrical about her big thoughts, which is nice , and we also have two amazing authors and the return of the Bluetones for you. And it's free. And then, just when you think it's all over we still have all the reviews, previews and opinions for you. And if you thought you'd have to watch this sununer's movies without the film team's patronising tones making you feel guilty for enjoying Hollywood, then don't dispair as we have a complete Sununer preview.

So that's it, we hope you have enjoyed reading The Event this year, and on behalf of the team, enjoy your summer and good luck for the future.

Fe

ures

04 NORTHERN STAR The most likeable of all Spice Girls reveals all to The Event. Damn nice she was too.

os

A REAL ADDICTION Reality TV addictions and what they can mean for the summer. A:re you gagging for more Jade, or are you about to place your head in the oven?

06 SANDY LEAR Rose Tremain talks to us about crossing Shakespeare with golf amongst other things.

08 A MONGREL NATION Editor-in-Chief Katie Hind Editor Luke Wright Arts Editor Kathryn Hinchliff Assistant Arts Editor Nathan Dixon

Caryl Phillips talks about his new novel and British Imperial history

09 RAISING THE 'TONES The Bluetones are making a comeback. Rejoice or dispair but atleast hear them out.

10 SUMMER FILM PREVIEW With the sun shining and the outside feeling good, lock yourself away in a large darkened room a nd watch these instead.

Film Editor Ryan Stephens Assistant Film Editor Phil Colvin Music Editor Mischa Pearlrnan Assistant Music Editor Joe Minihane TV & Radio Editor Britt Juste Assistant TV & Radio Editor Sarah Edwardes Listings Editor Matt Sargeson Contributors: Vanessa Beresford • T D Bidwell ·Paul Case • C atherine Clernow • Christian Floyd • Toby Gethin • Kate Herrington ·John Kellar • Alistair Lawrence • Lincoln Malory • Jirn Parker • Ben Patashnik • Luke Roberts • Torn Sutton And finally ...

Thanks Ryan etc etc.

03 Opinion Channe l4

03 Critical List Fortnightly round-up of the b est in live events .

04 Burn Out, Fade Away Creation Records and what went wrong

06 Cinefile Obscure Austrian thrille r Funny Games

08 Almost Famous Funeral For A Friend, and they're welsh too , hurray!

·12 Albums Alkaline Trio , Mogwai, Chungking

13 Singles The Bandits, The Darkness, The Cosy Cat Club Band

The Event is published fortnighHy by Concrete: Post: PO Box 410, Norwich , NR4 7TB Tel: 0 1603 25055 8 Fax : 01603 506822 E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac .uk Printed by: Archant Newspapers, St Andrew's Business Park, Norwich

14 Films Anger Management, Full Frontal, 8 Mile

17 Arts Killing the Girl Again. Virginia . Midnight 's Children

18 TV/Radio Big Bro th er 4, Club Reps, Trust Me I'm A Teenager

20 Listings Films, g1gs, clubs and arts m NoiWlch tlus for trught

21 .05.03

( ;~

1~

opinion 03

• •

111011

With the advent of Trust Me I'm a Teenager't " ke W • ht lias a bash at Channel4's 'concept TV' withhis concept driven poetry "channel" "4" reality tv bites and the public it bites back drip fed neat their own lives by lifestyle guru hacks pointless pop psychology passes for viewing pleasure with the odd erect penis thrown in just for good measure even trash has got an ethos and gameshows mirror lives tell us something about ourselves before pulling out the knives for live autopsy analysis of celeb culture law but it's so "bold" it's so "shocking" .it's so "channel" "4" this summer everyone will be talking about "brits do the orient" find out what happens when a school girl from kent swaps her daily routine with that of a nepalese prostitute will jenny smith find herself helpless and destitute or will she loosen up that stiff upper lip and get on the game answering the much asked and increasingly complex question are english people different from foreigners or are we essentially just the same? thought provoking stuff i think you'll agree media types who don't slog a nine to five who believed the hype around dogma 95 prop up soundbite culture with their depictions of youth and dte vernon kay and june sapong as their proof that they're in touch with all the hip and trendy kids out there vomiting top lOO hundreds lists as if somebody cares with a presenter whose not afraid to swear and a soundt.rack by the cure it's so "retro" but it's so "now" it's so "channel" "4"

this autwnn davina mccall will take to the streets of b r ixton at night and find two young men to take part in an shoot til you drop gun fight handheld camera action captures the edgy gritty inner city vibe

whilst short-lived press attention is promised to whoever survives "street hate" which aims to glamourise poverty and excess violence to white middle class children who don't live in cities and poses the pertinent question is gun crime excusable in the context of late-night youth tv i think you'll find the answer 's yes poorly scripted porno soaps are here to deal with issues but simply have the teenage boys reaching for the tissues a group of pseudo rada hoes dressed in neavo prada clothes will strike an eldorado pose with their newly sculpted nose and 'teach the kids about drugs and aids and rape and aids and drugs and stuff then undermine the efforts made by flashing us their bleached blonde muff but whatever the case this blonde master race can never be a bore it's so "provocative" it's so "huh like i give a fuck" it's so "channel" "4" and don't forget that week nights at half past eleven is graham norton's new show "graham's about" - the concept is similar to the sad much hated show "beadle's about" but with a gay presenter now that's progressive tv programming

Critical List ~

fortnightly round-up of all the best gigs, plays, films and shows that any self-respecting UEA student

01 Aim A full live band are here to back the UK's finest in hip-hop and down tempo urban beats and breaks. One of the best UEA gigs all year!!

LCR

21/05/03- £13.50

02 Tony Hadley Gold! Always believe in your soul, and why not?

Especially when your career has gone down the toilet and then you make a brilliant comback.

LCR

03/06/03- £14.50

03 Pop Video Workshop This might be total shite, but it is worth a look, especially if you 'really really' wanna be in a band. etc etc etc etc Norwich Arts Centre, St Benedicts Street 29/05/03 • £25 (includes final cut of video)

04 Tim V ine A funny man in small doses, all depends on how big a dose you consider an hour or so stand-up to be. Maybe worth a look.

Norwich Arts Centre, St Benedicts Street 22/05/03 -£9 (01603 660352 for booking)

YOUNG'S HIRE AT SUITS YOU

05 Catch Me If You Can Cooper Temple Clause

Okay, okay, I know it's sad but Leo is still a pleasure to watch, and if you missed this first time round then go see it LTl LTl 8.30pm 23/05/03-£2.75

06 Daughter of the Law A TV pilot that was penned by a UEA student, starring UEA's finest actors and will be aired soon on ITV. Not bad work at all!!

LTl 19th/2lsV26th/28th May· 8·9pm

Tony Hadley • ugly man

07 The Underground The Underground is a funky night filled with nostalic trendy tunes - 70s music with indie downstairs.

The Lightbar, Prince of Wales Road 22105/03, free before !0:30pm, £2 after

08 Cooper Temple Clause Gay rumours escalate as Tim Vine begins to mince

Cool rock type people from Reading. A friend of mine used to drink with them and there is no doubt about the fact that they rock, check 'em out.

Waterfront 22105/03 £9.50

21.05 .03

04 features

Burn Out, Fade Away

Northern Star

whatever happened to ...

them. And I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to upset anybody, I'm just being honest. But I think in their hearts, they know the truth . Do you know what I mean?''

While this is probably true, she does also acknowledge her past. For better or worse (and probably the latter), the Spice Girls had a huge influence on the music industry. So does Melanie think the Spice Girls are to blame for the huge explosion of manufactured and contrived pop that has been dominating the charts in recent months and years?

She nods. "I totally think the success of the Spice Girls caused the whole Pop Idol phenomenon, if you can even call it a phenomenon, if it's worthy of that word. But yeah, I do think the money generated by the Spice Girls made record companies hungry and jump on the bandwagon."

So what does she think about the current state of the pop industry?

"Pop music 's pop music, isn't it? You've always got a load of shit and you 've always got some good stuff as well. It's just such a broad spectrum at the moment. I would class Justin Tirnberlake as pop. I would say he 's at the top of the pop tree.

What he 's doing is fantastic and I think he 's a fantastically talented guy. He 's got great tunes, well produced- that sounds really patronising, fantastically produced- and then of course, at the other end, you've got the f***ing Chee ky Girls. People harp on about the state of the music industry, but there's always been rubbish and there's always b een great stuff, so I've kind of given up slagging stuff off. I just think, if you don't like it , don't fucking listen to it."

While it would be difficult, if not impossible, to classify Melanie C 's music as anything other than pop, she is certainly trying to be a more credible musical artist and move away from the typical S-Club sounds of bubble-gum pop.

"I've always loved rock music. And, y ou know, as everybody knows, I do do lots of different styles, but I think anybody that sees the live show , you will see that rock is something I do feel very comfortable doing, hopefully I do it well, and it 's something I find .... [momentarily losing her words) ... .! just find it the most inspiring kind of music. "

Who? Perhaps the most famous British Indie label of the nineties, Creation Records became a byword for musical success. Yet the blizzards of cocaine and dangerous associations with New Labour and Be Here Now belie the fact that Creation had been one of the most vibrant breeding grounds for British alternative music in the Eighties. Before five Mancunians, with a penchant for two-fingered gestures and a songwriting strategy that involved taking a copy of The Beatles Complete on tour , Creation was in the financial doldrums and had been on the verge of bankruptcy for years. In spite of Noel Gallagher's single handed act of saving the label and taking it into the Stratosphere, this is not the story of Oasis . This is the story of a ginger haired Glaswegian with a drug problem, Jesus and Mary Chain, Primal Scream, House of Love and (ahem) Heavy Stereo.

What?

In 1977, a year after punk had taken London by storm and swept away the dead wood of American excess, Glasgow finally played host to the Sex Pistols. The gig would go down in history, Alan McGee, a typical disaffected unemployed Glaswegian, being inspired to eventually set up Creation. He began small. This was a time when Indie labels were not owned by the mass conglomerates that dominate today's fickle and turgid music scene. And small doesn't mean a million quid and a top forty single. Small means three people showing up at gigs in your own flat because people are unwilling to put you on. The signing of the Jesus and Mary Chain though, marked a turning point.

Jim and William Reid, two brothers who fought like cat and dog (these two made Noel and Liam look like schoolgirls tugging at each others hair), were the core of the band, who soon developed a cult following and released a number of feedback driven singles, culminating in an album, Psychocandy and a gig at the North London Polytechnic that ended in a full scale riot. Cult success though does not equate with financial success. Creation struggled through the late eighties, the eventual jewels in the crown Primal Scream failing to make an impact until they dropped E's like there was no tomorrow and created Screamadelica, Creation's first major success in 1991.

Why? The Briti"sh indie scene was full of small scale labels who couldn't cut it, and for a long time Creation was one of them. They may have produced classic albums including My Bloody Valentine's eponymous debut (seven studios, eighteen months and a brush with bankruptcy), but McGee was forced to 'sell his soul to the devil' and signed a deal with Sony who became majority partners. McGee's vindication came in May 1993 when he fell into a Glasgow club and found Oasis. Noel Gallagher initially told McGee to "Fuck Off' because he'd "heard the shite on your label."

The monobrowed dwarf was not wrong. BMX Bandits and later Heavy Stereo and Hurricane# 1 (who's members now 路 grace the stage with Gallagher) proved his point. McGee 's saving grace was Definitely Maybe, his last hurrah the final Creation release , Xtrmntr, Primal Scream's best album.

So where are they now?

McGee wound up Creation in 1999 , leaving behind a legacy of great bands and great albums, those not mentioned including Super Furry Animals, the underrated Arnold and Felt. He now runs Poptones, most famous for releasing rec:crds by Iggy obsessed Scandinavian bores The Hives.

His partners now run Wichita home to Yeah Yeah Yeahs amongst others. Suggested listening includes My Bloody Valentine, Ride's first album and anything by the Scream post 1991. For further reading check out David Kavanagh's excellent My Magpie Eyes Are Hungry For The Prize: The Story of Creation Records.

]oe Minihane

ii#IWI:tjjtii 21.05 .03

e lanie C, former Spice Girl and now rather successful pop star, doesn't like Tony Blair. It is a lm ost the end of the interview, a nd what started out as a rather guarded a nd slightly bland affair has now, thankfully , become more interesting.

"I won't be voting Labour while Tony Blair's the leader. I was completely anti-war, and I think it's disgusting that war is still an option in this day and age. And I just think it's all bollocks, all these polls and everything saying that people are behind Tony Blair. I don't know one person- ok, I don't know everybody in the f***ing country but I know enough people to get a bit of an idea- and I don't know one person who wanted to go to war. And of course we want things to be sorted out in Iraq and we want people to be free but is war the only way we can achieve that? I don't think so ."

It has taken a while to get this kind of reaction from Melanie, to get answers that are more than just standard CD:UK-style, popstar-esque platitudes and niceties. Not because swearing is cool, but because it seems, finally, with answers like this, Melanie is letting her guard down and being herself. So does she think that music has a place to make the statement she has just made?

"I don't think music has that much power, unfortunately, but I think what we can do is raise awareness, and that's the important thing that music can do. I don't think it can change the world, but hopefully if we can change people's opinions, then that can change the world."

This, perhaps, is the greatest insight into who Melanie C is and what she thinks about what she does - that she takes music, and her music, very seriously. It is clear from what she says that she really does have a great passion for her music, something that has possibly given her the reputation for being the most musically talented Spice Girl (not, mind you , that that's particularly difficult , considering the four alternatives). So how does it feel to be Talented Spice?

"I think it's quite rightly deserved. I don't want to sound like a bighead, but I am the most serious, musically. And I don't want to take anything away from the girls, but we all have different aspirations and mine is purely within music. I'm not interested in being a celebrity, I'm not interested in being a TV star, I'm not interested in being a movie star, so I think that just gives my music a bit more substance. But I totally still get on with them and I think from time to路 time I do say things that upset

"I 1\ri\S t:~OIII)JJrrJ~IJY 1\NTI1\ri\Jl, i\NJ) I 'ritiNii IT'S J)JSfiiJS'I,INfi Tlli\T ''Ti\Il IS S'I,IIJt 1\N OI)'fiON IN TillS J)J\Y i\NJ) 1\fil~."

What bands have influenced her recently, then?

"I take inspiration from everything, but bands I've been listening to at the moment -Foe Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age , Red Hot Chili Peppers. But I like some dance stuff. I like Groove Armada, Basement Jaxx, Zero 7. I like pop stuff. I like Christina Aguilera, I like Justin Tirnberlake, I like Pink. I love Coldplay. I love Blur. I've not got their new album yet , I've gotta get it."

No matter what you think of her own music, it is impossible to dislike Melanie C herself- she is sweet, charming, occasionally funny and perfectly, perfectly nice. So much so, in fact, the consequences of the Spice Girls ' success can almost be forgiven, though not quite. Yet she is far from the air-headed pop star that many may have thought - or wanted- her to be. Not only that, it seems that she knows exactly what pop is and where her place within music really is. Which, perhaps, is why the most interesting and intelligent things she had to say were about Tony Blair - war will, after all, always be much more important than pop music, and so it should be.

features 05

With viewers in the millions reality TV goes fronistr~ugth to strengtH~- but an{ we geHing to

he 34-year-old star started life in showbiz after spending six years (four of which were spent as an apprentice) working as a bookbinder in a printers. He tells me how from the age of ten after performing as the Artful Dodger in Oliver he knew that his destiny lay in acting.

When asked about how he got the role of Pippin he describes the process as "really simple. There was a casting agency who had cast me in an earlier film who I went in and read to for both the parts of Merry and Pippin". Just through skimming the book he says he had always been drawn towards Pippin who he describes as having a huge heart. After auditioning, the tape was sent to Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh in New Zealand, who sat through thousands of tapes of actors from all over the world. Eventually six people were narrowed down for each part and Peter and Fran travelled the globe meeting each individual, of which Billy was one.

It wasn't until a month later that he received the phone call saying that the part was his.

"The part was one, and they very seldom come up, where I just thought I really, really want to do this. Even before filming everyone knew it was going to be very special. So when I received the news that I had got the part, The thirty-three cameras are in place; the

have to look at Heat magazine to see that celebrities bending down on a grassy verge with a pooper-scooper is actually news.

P

to call it "compelling". Moreover, she claims that reality TV, along with the usual array of gardening, cookery and makeover programmes, is hogging our screens, meaning that we're not getting much of a "varied diet".

Chloe Hall, Nexus Secretary instantly agreed that reality TV is being "flogged to death" and argued that producers are going to greater and greater lengths to pull the viewers in.

Commenting on last year's rich and poor divide in the Big Brother house, Chloe said that the shows are doing "more and more stupid things". Of that incident with Vanessa Feltz on Celebrity Big Brother, Chloe reckons that "[the show's producers] sort of forced it

"I. I Iil~ Sll 0 IiJN(J 0 It (~D ()(~OJ.. Jl'rl~, lll~ili.. I'I,Y '1,\7 IS AN Jl))J)J(:!'I,J()N." Nigella Lawson pots in the kitchen have been strategically positioned; and the chickens (squeaky clean and picked especially for their egg-laying abilities, so we are told) lie in wait, ready to be molested by another lonely, doting contestant. It can only mean one thing. Big Brother is back. And the bad news is that we're probably hooked already.

As yet another series of Big Brother is set to get underway, a few workout videos and one Domestos ad later, it seems we've only just managed to wrench ourselves away from the last one, with all its 'endearing' contestants.

Jade Gopdy can still cause a stir at the local supermarket and even Jenny Regan has been snapped up for a touring production of Boogie Nights. Before we know where we are , it'll all be happening again - the hundreds of viewers that can't cope with the end of a nine week era will be ringing the late night help line with the shakes, once more trying to overcome the unbearable withdrawal symptoms and pick up the emotional pieces.

It's no wonder then, when putting it all into perspective, that people are beginning to lash out against the infestation of reality TV. It's filtered itself through nearly every channel in some shape or form, and it's affected almost everybody - from us 'normal' people to celebrities - in its bid to take over. Two weeks ago, Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell claimed that reality TV as a genre is being over-used, stating: "You can have too much of a good thing ...reality television is not a moral ill, but it's a genre that should not be flogged to death" . Visions of a TV set being mercilessly whipped with a tea towel aside, Ms. Jowell's claims definitely aren't unfounded. If it's not a manufacture-a-star pop programme we're watching, it's The Salon or I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. These days it seems people can't even have a quiet five minutes on the loo without having a camera capturing the very twitches of their face muscles. Ms. Jowell, of course, isn't saying that this type of TV is badindeed she admits herself that she's an "avid" fan of Big Brother and she's even kind enough

out of her on TV" , in what appeared to be a deliberate stunt.

Lord Lipsey, Chairman of the Social Market Foundation (and industry bod in general) also agreed with Ms. Jowell, stating: "You can have too much of a good thing. Reality programmes are like chocolate - they're delicious , but eat-

ing too much makes you sick." Quite. But if reality TV is so popular - and the ratings prove that it is, with Granada recently raking in an audience of nine million for I'm A Celeb .. . -then does this mean that we're really just a nation of gluttonous heffers, out to scoff all the reality TV that we can squeeze in?

One Film Studies student would certainly seem to think so. "Reality TV is something that we all love to hate," she said. "At the end of the day, whe!her we like it or not, it's incredibly addictive."

So why do we love reality TV so much? Well, as Stuart Prebble - former Chief Executive of ITV - says, the shows wouldn't be screened or made in the first place if the audience didn't like them. Mr. Prebble, rightly in response to Ms. Jowell, notes how "broadcasters are acutely sensitive to audience reactions".

There may be too much reality TV on our screens but what Ms. Jowell hasn't noticed is that it's because it's still - believe it or not heavily in demand. People will never get sick of the sight of loveable celebs lowering themselves to everyday standards, by way of chomping on bush tucker or wading through excrement with only a swimming costume and a pair of goggles to protect them. You only

erhaps it's that we as a nation (or as a race) just can't resist being nosey.

So Chloe Hall points out, reality TV is voyeurism down to a tee. Reality TV is just a televised equivalent of the common net curtain syndrome, occurring across various streets all over the country. As she says, "[Reality TV is] like a car crash.

When people go past them they can't help but to stop and look."

Vikki Croucher, NaSTA co-ordinator also of Nexus , offered a different outlook on Ms. Jowell's statement altogether. "They haven't flogged the reality TV to death, but the actual programmes." This hits the nail on the head.

Maybe it's not that we don't like the concept ofreality TV- we 're just bored of all the same or similar programmes that keep rearing their ugly heads over and over again. How many spin-offs exactly were there of Popstar? There are so many (and so alike) that it's getting difficult to remember. And we're already on Big Brother 4 - any more and it'll be giving even Rocky and Karate Kid a good thrashing in the sequel stakes.

But, as the ratings seem to suggest (even if the opinions of majority of the people don't) , it seems we 're just not ready to give up reality TV yet. Like smoking or chocolate, it's an addiction, and as much as we try our hardest to quit , or manage to ween ourselves off one programme, we 'll move onto another, confirmed TV junkies who can't stop till we get enough. Eventually, no doubt, we will get tired with reality TV. It'll be buried at the back of a shelf in Auntie 's Bloomers and left to gather dust, only to be pulled out at Christmas.

There is too much reality TV - but hell, if we really do like it, why not indulge in it till we really are sick of it. For now Tessa Jowell, sorry, but your desired revolution just isn't looking likely.

21.05.03

06 features

Cinefile Sandy Lear no. 31

Nothing to do with the kids' book Funny Bones, by any chance?

You wish. No, this is psychological horror featuring two mysterious men, a family and their dog. Dripping in scenes of violence and served with a German accent.

German?

Well, to be more specific, Austrian. Director Michael Haneke, the creator of such completely unheard of gems as Le Temps du Loup and Das Schloss, is German born but has previously made films in France and Switzerland among others. Funny Games, as a result, has a distinctly cosmopolitan llavour despite having some obvious roots in American cinema shockers such as Natural Bom Killers and A Clockwork Orange.

So what's the pitch?

Two well educated young m en, who call each other Paul and Peter amongst other names, approach a family on vacation. They are, apparently, friends of the neighbours, and at the beginning as they coax the holiday makers into their house, their real intentions are not known. But soon the family find themselves imprisoned and forced to partake in a bizarre serious of violent games by their captors.

Oh, you mean British Bulldog, right?

More like sexual, physical and mental torture. Making the mother strip, breaking one of the father's legs and adhering to the unspoken law of true cinematic villainy: killing the family dog.

Most of which we don't see, however, thanks to Haneke 's decision to leave the camera remaining focused on the perpetrators of the violence, and not their victims. A move made either for stylistic reasons, or simply to reduce the amount of bloodshed on screen to get away with the more sadistic psychological terrors the film offers. And, to be perfectly honest , it's never clear which. Especially when the film then takes long, lingering shots, often for five or six minutes , watching the family cowering interror.

Hnun . .. I guess the word for that is stylish ...

Dull is another. But some of them film's more interesting tricks with the cinematic craft do pay off for tongue in cheek value.

When the mother manages to shoot dead one of her family 's captors, the other simply rewinds the film using his handy remote control and saves the life of his partner in crime. More disturbingly, though, we the audience are invited to become complicit in Peter and Paul's b izarre games, as Paul occasionally shifts his glance to the camera. Either winking to us or saying lines like, "You're on their side, aren't you?"

I don't want to watch this. I'm scared.

It is a genuinely unnerving film but, beneath the bells and whis-

tles there is a hollow familiarity about what is another spin of the Que ntin Tarantino appreciation wheel. You can read the film in a couple of ways. Either we've been successfully manipulated into accepting a succession of horrific acts by a master of his craft, or we've been gently teased by vaguely interesting direction on a tehninally undeveloped script. Whichever the case, the most interesting thing about Funny Games is that it's Austrian. And I think that is jolly exciting.

Lincoln Malory

21.05 .03

ose Tremain makes one feel that there 's almost nothing she'd rather be doing than sitting in a pokey office in the arts building, half an hour before she has to give a talk, chatting with a student who has had the temerity to have not read all of her book yet. " It arrived late, you see ... and what with the and essays ... " She had every right to tell said student to get out and stop wasting her time. Instead, she sat patiently, listened to the questions, and answered relevantly, with real charm and warmth. "Don't worry [laughing], the number of journalists that turn up all ... 'oh, I've read your book daaaarling , oh and it 's wonderful, simply wonderful' and by the end of the interview you know they've read nothing more than the blurb on the back. " She reassured. She, in turn, is assured that the book will be read by the time of the writeup. It has , and it's excellent. Tremain, as !an McEwan once said, truly "cares for the sentence". Ignore the 'historical fiction ' label, The Colour is a metaphysical work concerned more with universal truths; it is "complex, engrossing and intelligent", as the TLS has stated re cently.

Like many novelists, Rose Tremain began writing stories early.

In her case from the age of about te n. She had led a very 'normal ' life in London when, suddenly, her father left, moved out and went to live with somebody else: "Mum was heart broken and I ended up having to go and live away from home. All at once I lost my dad, we lost the house, I lost my friends and one day woke up in this boarding school and started writing. From this point, early on, I had the feeling that it wasn't really enough to just experience the world. I wanted to write it as well. I felt I was carrying a second voice, of sorts; one which wanted to describe." Did she find it a kind of release, then? A means, perhaps, of helping make sense of events outside of h er control? "! think it was, in a way. But I wasn 't just writing a thinly disguised diary- 'poor little me' etc- I was writing stories. I found writing about people very unlike me very consoling."

The stories she now writes have been described, reductively it should be said, as 'his torical fiction' - a label that seems to be flung around rather indiscriminately at the moment. Whethe r one agrees with the term or n ot, history is certainly the frame within which she chooses to explore many of her ideas - why is this? What draws her to history so? ''I'll give you the surest answer I can! As an example, with Restoration (a rumbustious

'I 1\JI StJI•J~IlS'I'I'riOIJS ilUOIJ'I' \\rlti'I'INtJ. I UON''I' 'rili.. Ii iliiOIJ'I' IT IJN'rll.. IT IS, SOtiiUIO\\r, Sill~lt' story set, obviously, during the reign of Charles I!), the protagonist is a guy who trades loyalty for money. I wrote it, in part, as a response to the Thatcher era - a time very much characterised by just that, people tra ding various loyalties for money etc. It was meant to be a mirror for that time. What had grown on me then, and what has definitely grown on me since, is the fact that contemporary life is very difficult to seize. Things are moving and changing so rapidly . If you use history and find some kind of parallel with your own time you can find some kind of constant. That's one of the reasons anyway."

Her new novel , The Colour, again delves imaginatively into the past; this time into 19th century New Zealand and the gold rush. How did she come by this story - what gave rise to the work? "I think novels arise out of a kind of synthesis between an idea and then an encounter of some kind . The ide a that was floating around in my mind was to write a novel that attempted an examination of the way in which, even though we live in an age of, in this country anyway, material well-being, people, even young people, seem to be finding it harder and harder to achieve contentment. Why is that? What do material things do to us, do they distract us from our better selves? The collision of the idea with the e ncounter came when I was actually in New Zealand. I did a tour of the south island, around its amazing West Coast. There was a little museum that had made a mock-up of how the gold miners used to live: these really small, tragic little hovels - very basic and litte red with tools: pick-axes, dishes for prospecting and mining. I was quite moved by the idea that they were attempting to change their lives with so little. But the idea that really inspired m e, about that particular rush, was that all the settle ments were on the East C oast near Christchurch, and the gold was found in the west. But, in between, was this enormous range of mountains.

They were faced with this dilemma: were they going to be

content with the little life ; the farming life, which is quite arduous - day after day after day and with difficult weather to contend with- or were they going try and cross the mountains and change their lives?" oes she think there's a 'ro le' for the nove list today, moral or otherwise? "Yes, I absolutely do. I think that empathy is a huge thing. The n ovelist, all the time, is trying to find a way into other people's behaviour and ways of thinking. I think we are becoming more and more - I was going to say ghettoised, but I think that is p erhaps a little strong. But each one of us is separated into some form o f little 'gr oup'. You know- by gender, by class, by profession. By all these things, by material things: poor, rich etc., all of these , even within this small island, and writing reminds people that there are big questions, outside their own concerns."

Rose Tremain was a student at UEA from the second year of its existence , 1964 , and graduated in 1967. She returned later to teach for seven years and was awarded an hon. doctorate in 1999. Does she have any particular memories or stories about her times here that have stuck with her? She becomes quite animated at this point, craning her neck and twisting her body round to the window of the arts building office, pointing out across the way, towards the large chimney, saying: "Oh yes . If you've seen photographs of how it was then- it was tiny.

What's now called 'the village ' - that's where we worked.

There was none of this (now gesturing out of the window) this was all a golf course. I remember one very flamboyant Shakespeare lecturer, called Nicholas Brooke, who used to give Shakespeare seminars in the bunkers. All of us out there in the sand reading these great lines, that was quite memorable. I can almost recite King Lear by heart as a result! So , it was a great time. " Do you think that analysis of a text, analysis of the story, of a novel, can pin it down too much? Till its dead and the essence, the energy, that made it what it was is lost somehow in too much 'study' - like the lepidopterist and his collection of once animate moths and butterflies? "Yes, I think- I think that's absolutely right. And I think that it can also kill something that you are trying to write - too much talking about it and 'analysing' and 'studying' it I mean. I'm very superstitious about my writing- even though I live with a writer I don' t actually talk to him very much about what I'm doing! Until it is sort of, somehow, 'safe' -if you see what I mean?"

In case she curses it or something? "Yes! [she laughs] But all tha t said, I don't want to sound too negative about the teaching. I had some very good times here . I love the actual moment in the room , the hours toge ther are great, but there's an awful lot of adrnin to get through! " No doubt most of the EAS staff would sympathise. There are a few more brief moments left which are spent lamenting the dreadful state of university funding these days, how little teaching time there is and how awful it is that students have to pay fees ; but it is agreed it seems unlikely to change any time soon. It is a shame not to have enough time to explore some of the topics that came up in more detail; but with her obvious fondness for the place it shouldn't , hopefully, be too long before we see her here again.

D

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08 features

A I m o s t A Mongrel Nation Famous Looking Beyond the Top 40

no . 13

versity, and all the time o ther peop le are going off to holiday here and th ere in Europe, and all the tim e I'm thinking that's all well and good, but I've never seen where I was born."

C aryl Phillips fre que ntly write s about the margin alis e d in society. He is one of the answering v oic es to the overt xen ophob ia prop a g a ted b y organisation s such a s the BNP and re gurgitate d in the tabloi d m edia. I asked him what it means to give a voi ce to minority a nd marginal groups.

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Pie (1-r) : Kris , Darran, Matt , Gare th, Ryan

You appear to be in quite a rare position: well regarded by both journalists and word-of-mouth scenesters . Is that flattering?

Darran : We' ve seen a few articles whe re p e ople h ave writte n som e cool stuff but in all h onesty we try not to concen tra te on it.

Kris : It's more important to us to stay grounded and play the b est shows we can .

How lon g has th e b a nd b e e n around in its curre nt guise?

Darran : Only eight or nine months .

Kris : We 're already waiting for the backlash , though!

Darran: It's bound to come along sooner or later . .Our only maj or tour before this was the three weeks we spent supporting [crud nu-metal type s] Fony, trave lling around in the back of a Transit which was slogging it, big-style!

Th ere h ave b een s ome murmu r s y ou ' r e about to s ign up with a m a jor label.

D arran: Yeah, Infectiou s, which is p art of the Mushroom group. The new EP [Four Ways To Scr eam Yo ur Name] h as com e out under their banner, but the actual deal is for 5 albums.

Kris: They 'd fo llowed us since the release of Be tween Order An d Model s o it seems like the natural next move fo r us to m ake . We're no t sceptical because it's a label with m ajor-affiliates; their attitude is very hands-on so we're not going to be dealing with people wh o the n have to run off and report b ack to th e people 'upstairs' .

D arran: The fact that it's such a long deal shows we 're not being looked a t as a quick buck, either.

e h as ne ve r read a single r e view of his nove ls. Hi s editor p laces the r e views into labelled envelopes. One envelope for each of his seve n n ove ls. They are in a draw somewhere , should he ever change his mind. I me t C aryl Phillips in the lounge of the Hotel Ne lson an h our b e fore he departed for UEA to talk about his ne w novel A Distan t Sh ore .

He applied to d o the c re ative writing MA run by Malcolm Bradbury a ft er g raduating fr om Ox ford University, he tells me . But chose to go in another direction.

I started by a sking h ow h e made the tran sition from writing radio and stage plays to novels , he see m s pleased wi th the question: "You kn ow, I've done twenty inte rviews today , and n obody has asked me about the p lays ." Lucky to g e t off on a good foot then .

He continued, "When I left unive rsity in 1979 I didn't know how to write a n ove l. And I also knew that , even if I did , it would take a long time . A couple or thre e years maybe . I had to do s omething to earn a living at that time.

I managed to get some contacts in radio drama and in small theatre s where there was a lot of subsidy ; particularly arthouse subsidy , and not much financial risk for the theatre. But all the time I was wanting to write fiction ."

How do y ou feel abou t b ein g lump ed in with the current post-wha tever b racke t?

Kris: (sig hs) It 's always e asie r to g r oup m usic together rather than sit d own an d co nsider the individualities of different b and s . We play what we play because we love p laying it. but regardless of what we want our music will always be labelled somehow.

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British se nsibilities to a n American style of music, if th a t m akes sen se.

Darran: Yeah , stuff like the song title s are deliberately tongue-in-cheek. Matt (FFAF vo calist) does them to play on words or just purely for our own amuseme nt.

Kris: The Art Of American Football is the most ob vious one, I supp ose. It 's funny when people criti cise that song in particular for trying to sound Ameri can b ecause it' s about the British educational sys tem, so h as n othin g to d o with America in that respect.

D arran: B etween us we h ave a wid e range of influ ences - DC har d c ore, Morbid Angel, Bon Jo vi ...

Kris: ... But at the e nd of the day it's all about British 80s metal. Hail to Maiden , baby!

Alis tair Lawrence

He broke off for a moment, then smiling broadly he confided, "You didn' t have to b e a very e xperie n ced writer to write for radio drama ... At that time I would probably get between £1500- £2000 to write a television play , w hich would take m e maybe a month to write . My adva nce for my first novel was two thousand pounds and it took six years to write. " He sp eaks quietly , but very cle arly and with great assurance .

He is th e only write r I have seen so far who matches the ir pi cture on the literary festival pos ters , in the fle sh. Born in St. Kilts in the Eastern Caribbean , I asked him wh e ther his birthp lace a cts as a s ource of creative nourishment. His b ook The A tlantic Sound (2000) for example, deals with the African slave trade .

"When y ou are an immigrant , a s my pare nts were , you have to c onstantly reinvent yourself. If you get to 21 and you 've still never seen the p lace where you we re b orn and you 're at uni-

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21 .05 .03

omeb ody on ce said that history is like an interview with the winne rs . The big prize is that you ge t to tell your story the way you want to tell it. But that m e ans th e re' s always a lot of p eople who didn 't really have a chance . The ir story is just as importa nt and v alid but it's n ot in the history books . It's not going to be told b ecause it's, in a sense, ' the ir loss '.

They were exiled , th e y were kicke d out , the y wer e sold.

W omen had that p r ob lem fo r many , many years. The narrative of w ome n's lives in the west is that of the p e ople who lost, the p eople who didn 't h ave a voic e . Similarly with Jews, similarly with Blacks , similarly gypsies. Many , m any p eople wh o d on ' t have a voice . So to be able to write their story or to re p air the historic al imbalance h as always been upp e rmost in my mind ."

His lengthy trave l e ss ays , collected in Th e European Trib e(1987 ) uncovered European racism and spa rked some c ontrove rsy . Th ey look not just at racist a ttitude s, but also a t the e xclusionist thinking , the r efusal of diverse cultural roots in the arts and historic al acc ounts which cre ate e nvironme nts of racial pre judice.

Phillips te lls me , "The subject I was b est at in sch ool was not English it was history. What cause d me b oth confusion, and a little bit of frustra tion, was the fac t that as much as I lov ed history , there' s nothing in there , I never did any history tha t concerne d anybody that looked like m e.

"I'm like, h ang on a minute, wh e re' s all th e stuff ab out Africa.

Whe re's all the stuff about the Caribbean? Whe re 's all the stuff ab out India? Whe r e's all the stuff ab out China. It seem ed to m e a very parochial history.

"That is what makes me want to write b ecause I feel there's a gap on the she lf. Not just on a li terary shelf but on the history she lves too . The re's so many connections. You wa lk d own the stree ts of Liverpool and see some b eautiful buildings, or you walk down the s tr e ets of Bris tol, you have to know where the money came from that built those b u ildings . Sugar a n d In dia , and then you begin to un de rstand ...you had a coffee earlier.

C offee, tea, tob acco , sug ar , all this stuff came fr om connecte dness to other people's cultures and oth er people 's history.

W e talk in a very narr ow way ab out how history is som e h ow c ut off from othe r things , and so th at's why I write , to make th ose connections . Not only to give voice to other p eople, b ut to make th e connections which com e righ t b ack to Britain. " This relates directly to Philip 's latest n ovel A Distant Shore . It opens with the simple statement, "England has changed."

The novel interweaves the n arr a tives of Dorothy, a white mid~ die class English woman and Solomon, a b lack , male immigrant who esc apes to Eng land fro m a b rutal civil war in East Africa. The complex temp oral arrangement, insightful handling of character relationships against the backdrop of English attitudes towards identity, race, status and gender m ake a very good read . But it is about m ore than enjoyable readin g . A Distant Sh ore co ntain s an im portant dialogue on wh at it means , and h ow we cons truct our identities.

In response to A Distant Sh or e I ask e d Phillips w heth er the conc ept of a homogenous Britain is false. "It is a lie , a homogenous Britain. This country has been charac terised as long as three hundred years ago , by Daniel De foe . He wrote a very great poem called Born An Englishman , and he called Britain a m ongrel nation, successively fe d by Angles and Saxons and the Normans. There 's French, Irish, Dutch, G e rmans in the r oyal family. It is a mongre l n ation and always has been .. " In 1997 , Philips e dite d Extravagant Stranger s: A Literature of Belonging, a c ollection of texts by British writers born outside Britain that que stion the myth of a h omo gene ous British tradition. He is also the editor of the Faber Caribbean Series, whose aim is to publish works by write rs fr om the e ntire C aribbean area, no t only the We st Indies but also the Dutch, Fren ch an d Spanish-speaking te rrit ories.

"No m atter wh ere we look; look at our liter ature: Conrad, Orwell, Sterne; all these people were not born in Britain. Look anywhere in our historical culture; look a nywhere in our contemporary culture. Look at any first division or Premier League football match to see who kid 's h e roes are today. We are not homogenous . We never h ave b een ."

features 09

1

e Tones Having survived Britpop and escaped their record label, The Bluetones recently returned to ob Mortirner once said that you can tell how financially desperate someone is by the length of their tour. Looking at the fifty dates recently undertaken by The Bluetones, it's easy to conclude the band have fallen on hard times since their chart-topping days in the . rnid-nineti~s. Sat in their highly impressive tour bus (the interview took place in the down-stairs lounge) prior to their Norwich gig, the observation immediately gets frontrnan Mark Morriss talking: . ''Why would you tour in the first place unless you want to make some money? With us it was a case of it's been a quiet couple of years for the 'Tones in terms of not really being able to get out and about as much as we would have liked to. What with the whole thing that happened with the record company last year and changes that have happened behind the scenes, this record did feel in many ways to be like a new beginning. So what better way-to hammer that point home to ourselves and to the world than to go on this grass-roots, all encompassing, fifty date tour. We've not really toured as much as we would have liked to since about 1998. So this is really an opportunity for us to get out and win over a new audience as well."

Right. The record in question is Luxembourg, the band's fourth album, and their first since splitting with former record label Mercury. For Morriss, the freedom going independent allows has been refreshing. "This record was only finished about ten weeks ago .. So it's still really warm. We're used to sitting on an album for 6 months before we can release it. So for us to be touring it while it's still so fresh is a very new experience." A lot of the problem with Mercury was a lack of control, "How much money was being spent on videos and that sort of thing was, to us, utterly obscene. The video of Autophilia cost nearly a hundred grand. No one saw it. We didn't want to make that video, but we played ball with the record company who were very keen to make it. It was a very commercial treatment. It was one of the few videos where the idea hasn't come directly from the band. When we were with Mercury, because they h ad the cheque book, we had to go through them to okay our ideas, like getting approval all the time. Now that's not there anyrnore."

Morriss sounds genuinely relieved and you can't help but feel happy for them. Whatever you may think of The Bluetones, it's hard to deny the band are likeable. When I arrived, the singer was just finishing "hoovering and polishing the bus" and asks for a moment to appreciate his hard work before we begin talking. Slightly built and neatly dressed in shirt and tank-top, he seems unable to leave his hair alone. Discussing the band's initial success during the Britpop years, his comments mix modesty with a slightly disappointed bemusement at the.i r fortunes since,

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J..()JlJ) 1l CJililNI)Fil'I'DI~ Il (jJ. O(;K IN'I'O 11()0'1' ()I~ Dl~ll (jJlll 1~11011 'I' DI~ llil(jK 01~ il llCJOS. '~ "We never indulged ourselves too much really. While it was all happening we were blissfully unaware. We didn't expect it; we didn't think it would last. We knew the wave would break and we'd clatter out, as I guess we have, but in the last couple of years we've been held back. We've not been able to express ourselve s as we 'd like to. Success is weird. It changes people 's perspective of all the music you make. They treat you with a different ear b ecause one of your records has sold." As an example he cites the NME review of their late st single Fast Boy, "It didn't mention the song at all. It gave a brief synopsis of our history in 15 wor ds. And I think that's the case with a lot of elements of the media when it comes to us. I d on't know why. And I've f***** all their girlfriends."

T

heir se cond album, Return to lhe Last Chance Saloon, was seen as a failure, a judgement Morriss disputes, "Wait a minute, that album went gold, top ten, hung around the charts, spawned three top 40 singles. It's a we ird failure." He also isn 't sure where talk at the

The Blu etones tone d blue. time that the band were falling out originated, "There was also enjoyed by a small group of people and never likely to be that rumours of some trouble during Science and Nature. I know important? "No, it's a safety word in S and M sex. Not that I'm Ed's (the drummer] left a couple of times according to the an expert in such things. It was just a light-hearted conversaTeletext pages. I do enjoy that. I do love all that rumour and tion I had with a friend and it's sort of a word that means 'no hearsay. I'd never discourage it. It wasn't true. It's nice to more, please stop."' Which seemed like as good a place as have people talking about you though." Does he have a any to end the interview. favourite rumour? ''Yes. This 1-----==:--.:o:-;;;;;;=-::::-------.......,.,.,.,.--.....,"''!!nr~~-~711FS•I&'"'1'='----, is true ; this is a true rumour. I recently read on the intemet f __ ..... _________________ _ ____ t that I was seen helping one of the Sugababes load a grandI father clock into the boot of I I 1 month Inter-rail Pass her car from the back of 1 Argos." valid in any zone £265 I But now they hope to put such I I talk behind them and the I 11 response to the tour so far is Qn:!l.l',' & virgin atlanltc I to Calais return London promising, ''Yeah, it's going I t rail ticket £29 very well. It' s been very Rtn f rom 1 rewarding so far. It's taken EXICO CITY £454 us to a lot of places we've · · I £507 ( I never even been to before; a "10 DE JANEIRO IIARSAW £158 : STA Sacl<.pack insurance lot of the venues we played £484 on the way up, when we were HAVANA 1 When you buy a "1 month all ;rone" 1 lOKYO £399 establishi.n g ourselves. So inte:r~.an pa~ and a London to £233 MIAMI far, out of thirty one shows l Calais Return Rail ticket 1 { 1 there have been three that I I haven't been good: I ON rRESI:f,iTATION Of THIS ADVERT t Aberystwith, Breacon and I I I I Whitehaven. The people who I t showed up were really good.

Under 26 year ~only : But there weren't many of them.

"I think the new material is going down really well. It's very immediate, sounding, anyway, but there 's not going Overland Journeys to be any compromise from the band on this tour. We I ~),> ......... -- ; ~ ....~\, spent a lot of time last year >.!._ ... p laying the singles collection, N so this time around the new ~Ctr.rtN""'-M~.,._...,...,_ - ~ ~ record is what we're playing." At the Waterfront that ~ night, they play all ten tracks r ~~ .lnd .... eorneo ~ China ~ ll(lia .... t.aos 'lil!l "'Nt>pal ,...11~t .... Vretnam,.. Egypt from Luxembourg. The large A - -~ .. -"~~ crowd is clearly appre ciative , cheering each song, although understandably the best r eac\· --~· L tion is r eserve d for the old ...._.,.. .. •101• "'"""'"""""' ~..,., stuff.

Sp eaking of the new record, 1 - - ... ~ <'ll i.t~-' &< ¥nod"-"""•-· ask if the title has anything to ~,_ do with The Blue tones' cur0 rent situation. Like '~ Lu.xP""i-,ourg, are the b and clair et 1 to be independent 'rlT'r ' \ and very pleasant, b ut only

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centrespread 11

Escape the Sun with this

Summer~

Blockbusters

lt's that time of year: exam results are looming, the irritation at the living back at your parents', and a menial and tedious summer iob that you're only doing for the money. But in this sea of gloom and

HULK

We couldn't find a picture of The I talian ] ob, so here's some minis.

"l:iulk smash puny box office records." Well, it hasn't·happened yet. In the 80s there was the passable, though generic and predictable, TV series, which was like The Littlest Hobo but with a big, green, angry man instead of a dog. Then there were several spin .off TV movies, which were most notable {or the various cameos and gue~t appearances by Hulk creator Stan Lee, long before Kevin Smith had the hcainwave to give him a speaking part. This time, the muscle-bound green one certainly stands a good chance. Hot on the heels of a spate of comicbook adaptations including last year's summer hit S?ider-Man, the sub-par Daredevil fiick, the frankly a'Nful Bullet Proof Monk, the disappointing X-Men sequel earlier this month, and the much-troubled uague of Extraordinary Gentlemen [see below], fillk will c·e rtainly have to potential to cash in on a well-established trend. Ang Lee (no relation) of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon fame is in the directorial chair and is, without a d~ubt, a bizarre c:1oice. The film has train-wreck potential, but as with many of the other films mentioned, there will h'pefully be as much time spent on the characters as on the carnage that will surely ensue when Hulk p11ts in an appearance. As long as they don't try to . recreate the TV series, it'll do fine.

Ryan Stephen$

TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF -THE MACHINES

Doing their bit for feminism- Ch arlie' s Angels get wet.

Ten y.ears after TZ comes the belated and almost certainly redundant sequel. But not everyone sold tl.eir souls to come back for the ride: Series creator, drector and all round crack pot James Cameron jl:lllped ship before a word of script was written, whilst eo-star Linda Hamilton at least got through reading hers before publicly slating the project.

T:1ere is really only one big name attached to the project, and that is Arnold Schwarzenegger, who returns as the monosyllabic killing machine.

Except, it being a post TZ and 9/ll·world, he's the monosyllabic wise-cracking, gentle maiming machine. Arnie, having seen his film career disappaar down the End of Days/Collateral Damage shaped plughole, was desperate to reprise his most fsmous role, graciously accepting the 25 million dollar paycheque offered to him. Reasons to be excited, besides the possibility of an on form Schwarzenegger include a new killer robot in the shapely form of Norwegian supermodel Kristanria Loken and a budget so stupendously huge that it has to result in some impressive set-pieces. And, daspite all prophetic visions of doom, initial word is that the super sequel has impressed Warner Bros. bosses and test audiences with Jonathan Stahl coming in for much applause for his more authoritative, less fiicky-haired interpretation of John Connor.

Replacing Edward Furlong, who was unavailable due to his continued drug addiction. The scamp.

Phil Colvin

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

Sean Connery p repares for a final showdown with Stephen Norrington.

21.05.03

H;tting our shores in August, Pirates of the C3ribbean is an incredibly promising adaptation of the well-known Disney attraction. Although its roots in a theme park ride have caused many to have severe feelings of trepidation over the success of the project, the production team, writing sta.ff and c~st involved in the feature should lay those fears to a watery grave. Jerry Bruckheimer was approached

by Disney with a script for the film which at first

failed to "wow" him, although he claims he could see its potential. After drafting in writers Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio (the partnership behind Shrek and The Mask of Zorro) the story started to take a very pleasing shape. From the conceptual art available on its website, pirates of the Caribbean :seems to contain a whole host of endearing pirate cliches, from walking the plank above shark infested seas, to on ship battles. The cursed Pirate crew led by Geoffrey Rush present a fantastic spin on the typical parrot-toting, rum-swilling villains, that have a nasty surprise when moonlight falls upon them. Johnny Depp stars as "good" pirate captain Jack Sparrow who becomes embroiled in the p lot after. his ship is stolen by Rush's character. Gore The Ring Verbinski directs, who should create a very eerie, atmospheric ambience over the already existing dark areas of the plot.

Christian Floyd ·

TOMB RAIDER 2: CRADLE OF LIFE Also back for a sequel is every feminist's favourite symbol of well proportioned, ass kicking glory, Lara Croft. Having made a capable first s tab at cinematic immortality in Simon West's first film, Angelina Jolie returns with new director Jan de Bont. Best known for the cinematic thrill ride which was Speed, and the cinematic boat wreck which was Speed 2, De Bont's attachment to the franchise suggests the film's producers aren't keen to tread the path of a high minded, dark sequel with what is essentially a paper thin character (enormous cleavage withstanding, obviously). The order of the day, then, are motorcycle chases on the Great Wall of China, jet skis and base jumps from terrifically high buildings.

Fan boys may be distressed, however, to learn that Lara is not travelling the world alone. Gerard Butler (soon to be seen in the ominously under publicised Timeline) has been drafted in to play a fellow Tomb Raider cum love interest Terry Sheridan. Those worried about the alterations to their Angelina Jolie fantasies may be comforted, though, by the

prospect of some semi-revealing love scenes for their favourite leading lady. Just pretend the guy isn't there, or something.

Ph ll Col vin

CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE Back in the 70s, Kate Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Jaclyn Smith unshackled themselves from their kitchen sinks and, as Charlie's Angels, proved that women could do the James Bond thing, too. Once they'd made their point (without a charred bra in sight) they were banished to satellite reruns and celebrity mediocrity. There were rumours that one of them had started doing porn to eap1 of living, making a mockery of everything the Angels did for feminism. Then three years ago, the entire concept was reborn for the big screen and took the world by storm- well, less 'storm' and more 'spring shower' really - with Drew Barrymoore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu as the leads. Unfortunately the three original Angels were too old to reprise the roles. So much of make-up and special effects. This summer sees the sequel, which means the first one mu.s t have actually made some money. So once again, you can catch the Angels as they battle to stop the nefarious schemes of an evil former ally. This will most likely involve stuff blowing up and people hitting each other, as they strike another blow for women's rights in an age when the point is mute. But if they wear bikinis while they're doing it, who am I · to complain?

Ryan Stephens

THE ITALIAN JOB Back in the mid 1980s, media mogul Ted Turner decided that the main problem with most old movies was that they were in black and white. To fix this, he

decided to make them colour, buying the rights to dozens of classics and fiddling with them digitally.

And he would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for a pesky consortium of sane people, led

by Martin Scorsese, who pointed out what a stupid idea it was.

Now, underpant model Mark Walllberg has apparently identified another problem with old movies: they don't star Mark Walllberg. To fix this, he's decided to remake them all, starting with Planet of the Apes and Charade (remade as The Truth About Charlie) and continuing soon with The italian job.

Heston, Grant, Caine, Walllberg- somehow one of those names doesn't fit. ' Hey... you were only... [looks concerned] ... supposed to blow...[squints a bit] ... the doors off'. No. Sorry. It's just not going to work. And hopefully, after this fails, neither will Wahlberg. Has anyone got Scorsese's phone number?

]im Wlaalley

LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN Or LXG as it's ·b een dubbed. Yes, it does sound stupid, but let's not judge a book by its cover. The film does have the advantage of being this summer's third (well, fourth if you count Bullet Proof Monk, which I don't) comic book adaptation. On the other hand, it has the disadvantage of not being a particularly well-known one. Hulk has a past in televiston.

Spider-Man is a household name. Even X-Men was the best-selling comic in America for over ten years, including during the boom of the early 90s. The original comicbook only came out about three or four years ago with a sequel being published at the moment, and while it has a loyal following in that market, a few comic nerds who exult Alan'Moore as a comic-writing god and master magician aren't necessarily going to equate to huge box-office takings. Add to that the troubled production of the movie - involving the floods in Prague last summer destroying the set and rumours that male lead Sean Connery and director Stephen Norrington had arguments that may or may not have resulted in fisticuffs - and hopes aren't particularly.high. With 200 l's mediocre From Hell, Moore hasn't been particularly well represented at the cinema and sadly this looks set to continue that trend.

Don 't do it, Lara. We love you!

Suddenly the reasons for all the b a d acting b ecom e clear.

R yan Stephens

SPY KIDS 3D Robert Rodriegez is a crazy, Mexican genius. He more or less makes films on his own· (he wrote, directed, filmed and designed Spy Kids 2, as well as eo-writing the music) and they are usually more fun than ten movies made ·by anyone else. Spy Kids 3D looks like continuing the trend. For a start, as the title so subtly suggests, it's going to be in 3D. Not since the third jaws have people had a chance to sit together in the dark wearing stupid glasses while waving their hands in front of their faces. Then there's Rodriegez's terrific sense of casting. Spy Kids managed to find not one but two non-irritating child-actors as well as let'ting Antonio Banaras be funny. This time, the director has managed to find a role for Sly Stallone. But most of all, it's the level of invention that makes Rodri~gez's movies such essential viewing.

If you honestly can't bring yourself to watch a film . called Spy Kids, don't fret: Rodriegez's new film for adults, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, starring Johnny Depp, is out later in the year.

]im Whalley

Revealed: Details of Johnny Depp's lifestyle choice.

21.05.03

12 Albums

Alkaline Trio Pop punk, ska punk, emo, hardcore, post hardcore ...

The list goes on, leaving me feel that many punk fans must be. the most obsessive compulsive creatures when it comes to labeling what they like and what they dislike. Alkaline Trio, I have been reliably informed, fall under the category 'Emo Pop', and I'm not going to debate it. But is their new albwn any good? I hear you cry. Hell yes, it's fucking great!

I first came across the band about a year ago when a dear friend took me to go and see them when they came to the LCR. 'The intensity and sheer power of there live show convinced me that Alkaline Trio were a band worth giving a shit about. So much 路so, that we waited around at the end like sad muppets in the cold, just to get their autographs.

Their la.s t albwn From Here to Infirmary was a lot of fun filled with self consciously 'dark' lyrics, black hwnour and a firm grasp of what makes the three and a half minute pop song such a winning formula. Yet I never felt that the full energy of their live show had quite been captured on that record. Step forward Good Mourning. Oh how they love their pun-tastic titles!

Good Mourning is the sort of albwn that you know is

going to be great from the moment it starts.

Everything I loved about their last record is present and in working order: the boys can still 'do dark.'

Lyrics like "I shat the bed and lay there in it thinking of you wide awake for days" or "I b ring to you this sacrificial offering of virgin ears," are definitely going to keep the fans happy. 'That said, the song writing has come on leaps and bounds in just over a year and both Dan Andriano and Matt Skiba's vocals have developed immens~ly. Andriano particularly can really whack out a tune, sounding like a cross between Elvis Costello and Adam Duritz with the occasional hint of Morrissey.

'There is also an intensity and a tightness in the music this time that has never been so acute. Alkaline Trio aren't a band that have to churn out eight minute epics to prove their worth; instead they have made themselves kings of the punk pop formula. I'm sorry, I mean 'emo pop.'

TomSutton

Outlandish

Mogwai

Bread And Barrels Of Water

Happy Songs For Happy People

"It's grown into a family business", says Waqas, one of three members of the increasingly popular Outlandish, a group of three 'brothers' who are trying to break away from what they feel is the typical Hip-Hop gangster scene. As with so many new bands, their ethnic roots and diverse backgrounds have had a tremendous influence on their songs.

Since forming in '97, their first albwn rocketed them to star status in their homeland of DelUl\ark. Following on from their initial success, Outlandish have set their prayers and dreams on their new albwn Bread and Barrels of Water, in the hope that it will take them to the next level.

Outlandish do seem to be a different breed from the Hip-Hop gangsters they talk of.

'Their deeper understanding of life is pointed out by Waqas, "'The world's bigger than our egos and we're all pieces in a greater puzzle" Outlandish's different angl~. a topical melting pot of diverse languages and musical styles, aiming towards important issues of love and religion, has been acclaimed by Radio 1 to be 'one of the most exciting rap acts of the year so far' . 'Then again, 2003 still seems young to me ..

Toby GetlJin

'There's nothing particularly wrong with makmg an albwn of background music. It doesn't make it irrelevant, just more conducive to building an atmosphere. Happy Songs For Happy People, the latest offering from perennial indie strugglers Mogwai is a very good example. 'This record was not written to be listened to with lights off and the headphones 路 on. It was made with the express intention of being played when sat around the living room drinking rotgut with friends and discussing how many biscuits you can fit in your mouth at once. It will not induce heartfelt emotions, more of a warm glow. Opener, Hunted By A Freak builds from a simple

路 picked guitar line into a pretty but understated crescendo. Golden Porsche is a short and tidy piece, nothing really special, but it fits in all the same. With titles such as Kids Will Be Skeletons and Killing All The Flies, Mogwai also make up for their lack of vocal action.

'The one major flaw is the eight minute opus Rails Of The Capital, an unnecessary extended jam which lowers the tone disappointingly. When succinct, Mogwai make wonderful music. When not they are guilty of over indulgence. A fine albwn nonetheless.

]oe MinilJane

Chungking We Travel Fast We Travel Fast. Now come on Chungking are you really sure about that? Travelling fast suggests creative urges, pushing the boundaries, making a difference. Surely you're confused We Travel Fast lacks the tiniest of sparks, it pushes the boundaries as much as Blair pushes Bush, and it leaves you with ~xactly the same feeling as you had when you pressed the play button.

Its attempts at furthering the genre of chillout tunes so well developed by Zero 7 is at best average. Opener and single Making Music is not ironic..You could be forgiven for thinking that they needed a lesson in actually making music.

'There's no imagination here, no shift in style

between songs which made Zero 7 stand out from the pack. Instead each track bleeds into one entire album of elevator music. 'There are occasional flashes. We Love You pwnps life into the record at the moment that it needs it the most and the laid back groove of Let The Love In would fit in perfectly on any swnmer compilation. 'IWo tracks though, is-not enough. Suite sounds like Macy Gray on acid put through an electronic voice box. If you want to chill out do not purchase this record. Drink and be merry instead.

The former front woman of Skunk Anansie and one of the most amazing vocal talents of the nineties is back. E7es.hwounds is the solo deb ut album from Skin, the rather scary, bald woman wi!h the enormous mouth.

If you used to like screaming along路to Skunk Anansie to release your pent-up aggression then this is not the album for you. Skin's music has progressed from anger to the realisation that life is a bit crap. 'The tracks are reminiscent of You'll Follow Me Down from Post Orgasmic Chill, a calmer, more mature sound.

Skin's vocals are still perfectly suited to the songs, and her versatility and range has to be admired. Skin's voice is haunting. She evokes

p ain and sadness but also beauty, reflecting the bitter-sweetness of love.

'There are not really any outstanding tracks on the albwn but every song is listenable, and overall the albwn is quite good 'The albwn was written by Skin and Len Arran who eo-wrote many Skunk Anansie tracks, and still comprise the interesting and cutting lyrics we used to expect from the band. Good music for a chill out mood, but probably not best to listen to if you are depressed.

Ratings: Michaelangelo

]oe MintlJane

Vanessa Beresford

Leonardo

Raph ael

Donatello

Splinter

Singles 13

Gone Live

Single Choice The Bandits Take lt And Run Critical acclaim from NME and such like suggested that the support Oasis' recent tour received from the up and coming band the Bandits went well. So what would my initial reaction to hearing their new single, Take it and Run, be?

Judging by reaction alone- "Hey, this sounds great," the single might be worth a go!

The song comes in perfect time for that bright summery feeling and as a particularly happy-go-lucky strum-along tune, it will at the least brighten up those four vital minutes of your life, if not make you go out and buy their forthcoming album.

To encourage you that little bit more, the lead singer revealed that the song was actually first born around a camp fire in the midst of the haze that was Glastonbury 2000. With the Bandits appearing at both Reading and Leeds, and Glastonbury this year, things seem to be hotling up for this bright young band.

Take it and Run might be just enough for you to actually recognise the Bandits when they partake in the summer fun of charts, festivals, and sun. You might just hear a little more of these cheery Scousers yet!

Event is proud and pi~...~ to,Jbrit:t9

Toby Getbin

A.R.E. Weapons

Turin Brakes

Hey World

Average Man

First things first. Hey World is an oafish single, the kind of track the Pet Shop Boys would shackle together after a couple of bottles of dry white; this I cannot abide. Think P.O.D.'s Youth Of A Nation with an even more cringeworthy child choir dawdling behind the chorus and a similar toothless lament on the state of 'the kids' . The b-Sides however are pretty sexy, especially F*** You Pay Me, which shows a dark, feral side to New York electro that's been a long time coming, retro-cool beats laid down under a gnarly hip-hop lyric that any cats into El-P, Company Flow or their Def Jux stablemates will no doubt dig.

Matt Sargeson

Eskimo Pi

·

Proto·Pi By rights, quickly recorded demos shouldn't be particularly great. That said, there are bound to be exceptions to that rule, and this is one of them. Though far from perfect, this five song sample showcases a band that, on record, already sound fantastic and should only improve with time. Secret Song and the incredible Images display the band's talent for carefully balancing beauty and noise to just the right degree, complex, varied melodies combining with vocals that sound, at times, like a Cathedral choir, and, at others, like Courtney Love at her most volatile. An extremely tasty piece of, uh, Pi. Mischa Pearlman

This song is a lot like a pie. A pie which has a filling unbeknownst to you, the gentle muncher prior to eating.

The verse is the crust, predictable and familiar, but crust all the same. Something you need to get through in order to encounter the filling of the chorus . And with this pie, the filling is whatever you want it to be. A calm, lilting melody that is so perfectly simple that it could just be a nice warm apple sauce , smoothly slipping down the throat of the discerning pie-eater .

Average and delightful in equal measure .

Ben Patashnik

The Darkness Growing On Me The brightest British rawk'n'roll hopes since Eighties Matchbox, or merely middle-England's kinky carnavalesque shooting for their 15 minutes? This juror's decision is most firmly 'out' . Growing On Me isn't a patch on previous single, the catchy Get Your Hands Off My Woman (You Motherfucker); weighted under the awkward sound of a Van Halen guitar solo taken one finger tap too far and with lead singer "J" Hawkins sounding unusually disinterested, this is old-school revivalism taken to the very brink of shitsville.

The Cosy Cat Club Band

Hot Water Music

The Cosy Cat Club Band

Remedy

The Cosy Cat Club Band came third in last year's Battle of the Bands, which is testament to how good they were then. Now, their quirky, mellow, kinda folk-rocky songs have been captured on disc for all to hear. And these are wonderful, musically intricate melodies - the mournful pseudo-waltz of opening track Secrets and Ideas, the slightly Gomez-esque Dreaming, and the ridiculously chirpy The Western Song (which bounces around like a space-hopper on speed, belying its wistful lyrics) are all proof that this is a band who have a real knack for writing great songs. Third? Pah! What do they know?

Mischa Pearlman

By no means the most popular choice amongst their hardcore following, last year's Caution albumnonetheless saw Hot Water Music teach their peers a lesson in anthemic post-punk. From frontman Chuck Ragan's throat-stripping opening plea for "Something I can taste/With a fix I can trust", this is immaculately produced, irresistible stuff, sharp enough to catch itself on its own hooks. The B-sides and CD-ROM video are a welcome bonus, but in all honesty no-one should be mucking about with this when they could have the fabulous long-player it's sprung fro.m . You have been warned ...

JUistair Lawrence

Gran daddy Evil It's the time of year when everyone needs to relax and, so the release ofLadytron's latest electro-pop single may be just what those suffering from chronic and potentially terminal exam stress need. Electronica bands have a horrible tendency to slip into a gloomy dirge after a few albums in an attempt to do something new and 'cutting edge' (yes, Air, I'm looking at you). Ladytron, however, have managed to maintain their original and eccentric sound while not falling into the age-old trap of tedious repetition. Definitely an essential chillout tune for the summer. Don't believe the title- it's good.

Ryan Stephens

For this final issue, it's probably best to start with an apology. In the last issue of Concrete I The Event, Probably Your Teacher's eponymous debut album was reviewed and lyrics from its title track quoted. However, the lyrics that were printed were not as they should have been, mysteriously changing sometime before publication, causing much embarrassment. So, by way of saying sorry to the band (who will, no doubt, be reading ~s), here are the lyrics of the song as they actually are and should have appeared in the review: "We're probably your teacher I You probably think we suck I We're probably your teacher I We don't give a f"**." And indeed, it was with this song and these lyrics that, on Saturday May 11, ProbalSly Your Teacher, delivered their first (and possibly last) concert- in their back garden. Loud, electric and in the middle of a dense residential area, the band played forty-five songs in under two hours, warding off the rain clouds with a frenetic and energetic performance and prompting the question as to why these sorts of things don't happen more often. They should. They really, really should, because it was a great experience.

Which seems like a perfect way to end this column for what could possibly be the last ever time. Yet, unfortunately, word count dictates that it needs to be around twice as long

Now lt's On A couple of years have gone by and now Grandaddy are back. If this single is anything to go by, the forthcoming Sumday should be a cracking album. It starts like a cleaner version of Kim You Bore Me To Death, but then soon kicks into blistering pop. Now It's On is actually one of Grandaddy's most straightforward records: it's as catchy as AMI 80 or The Crystal Lake, but tidier round the edges. And this isn't a bad thing. There are still enough muddy guitar sounds and weird noises in the background to keep the fans happy.

TomSutton

to fill up the column space. But suffice to say that it's been a very good year for live music here in Norwich, and that everyone should make the most of what it's got to offer from the Ferryboat to the Norwich Arts Centre, from the Waterfront to the LCR, from the Playhouse to the occasional back garden, there are some great venues here which will serve host to some great bands, well known or not. Rumour has it that way back at the start of the 1990s, Nirvana played to a practically empty Arts Centre. Which would have been pretty cool. Suffice to say then, it's well worth going out and seeing as many bands as time and money can allow, because once bands get big, it's difficult to see them in such intimate venues. Even the LCR, which is, by far , the biggest venue in Norwich is relatively small - it's a far cry from Brixton Academy, let alone somewhere like Wembley Arena. So if there's a band playing somewhere in Norwich that you think you may want to see, but you're not entirely sure about, it's worth taking the risk and spending that fiver. That way, if it turns out you do, after all, fall in love with them, you won't kick yourself when, months or years down the line, the closest you can get to them is fifty rows back with a crap view.

On which note, it's back to the presenno wish everybody a happy summer, full, hopefully, of good music and great memories. It's been fun. Keep it that way. · •

21.05.03

ii*IM!Mj§ii

I

14 Film

Anger Management Director: Peter Segal Starring: Adam Sandler

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discovers, when he's actually

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Although I'm not the biggest Adam Sand.ler fan in the world , the idea of seeing him in a film with Jack Nicholson was quite intriguing. Whether or not his performance in Punch -Drunk Love has left a calming, more mature influence on the actor will be proved in further films, but this rather restrained Adam Sand.ler is certainly one more agreeable to the masses, even for cinema goers who in the past have made a point of avoiding his films . What is more surprising is that his role as the straight, reserved half of the comedy duo is not overshadowed

by Nicholson's slightly psychotic uber-therapist who seems to complete whatever has b een missing in scenes with Adam Sand.ler until now.

The story tells of an "implosively angry", downtrodden catalogue designer, Dave Buznik (Sand.ler) who , after a misunderstanding on an aeroplane, winds up in court on ludicrous charges of assault. As a result the judge enrols him on an anger management course led by Buddy Rydell (Nicholson) .

After further misfortune befalls the bewildered Buznik leading him again to appear in court under similar charges, Rydell convinces the judge to allow him to subject Buznik to around the clock "full-immersion" ther apy. Rydell's behaviour while co-habiting with Buznik is such that it is supposed to teach Sand.ler's character the difference between anger that is justified and that which causes problems.

Although the ending is very p redictable, the journey there isn't, with Rydell's ultimate intentions concealed in ambiguity until the end. Nicholson is able to deliver his lines in a way that the audience is never sure whethe r he is telling the truth

6 J

u N E

and being serious or not. The film is full of the usual Sand.ler traits that we have come to expect over the years; the stock stereotypical characters, the tantrums from Sand.ler (homed to a new level in this film) , the unusual job (Buznik is designing outdoor clothing for obese housecats) etc. Yet the tone of the film is kept to the eccentric rather than the ridiculous which serves as one of the main strengths of the film and allows it to sit happily in the niche of mainstream romantic comedy. The buddy element of the film is confident with both actors seeming comfortable with each other on screen which puts to rest

claims by some critics that Nicholson's involvement in the film was nothing more than clever stunt casting to broaden the films appeal.

Anger Management is not a romantic comedy to end all romantic comedies, but it does what it is supposed to , and still stands out as one of Sand.ler's strongest films to date.

Full Frontal Director: Steven Soderbergh Starring: David Duchovny Steven Soderburgh doesn't want to be pigeonholed. Ever since he returned to the Hollywood fold with Out of Sight, the director has carefully alternated between star-driven fun and more arty, challenging fare. Out of Sight was followed

by The Limey; The Limey was followed Erin Brokovich ; Brokovich was followed by Traffic.

Each can be seen as carefully balancing the last, maintaining a healthy mix of respectability a nd industry clout. This career high-wire act was upset , however, by the commercial juggernaut that was Ocean 's 11 .

Soderburgh's response to his Vegas-set caper was Full Frontal , a low-budget, digital video project inspired by his 1989 debut , Sex , Lies and Vi deotape, apparently designed to trash all that Ocean 's 11 stands for. It is a wretched, self-satisfied mess .

The film's big idea, although it isn' t big, and hardly qualifies as an idea anymore , is that people in Hollywood aren ' t as happy or interesting as they appear on screen. Shocked? Amazed?

No , neither is anyone else. It's territory where The Player, Sunset Boulevard, even Burn, Hollywood, Burn have already been and stripmined bare . Worse, Soderburgh doesn 't seem to believe his own message. After all , how cutting can you really be when your movie is populated almost e ntirely with film stars? Juli a Roberts , Brad Pitt , Davi d Duchovny , Catherine Keener a nd David Hyde-Pierce all turn up, h a rdly a ble to keep the smiles from their faces as the y reveal how p etty and supe rfi cial th ey are.

This all-pervading sense of smugness is ju st one of a long list of irritants the audience is asked to endure . Coleman Hough 's script cannot decide

ii#IW!Mjflj 21 .05 .03

what it wants to be, at times leaving Full Frontal resembling less a coherent film than a show-reel of cinema's most indulgent moments. You get the neurotic writer, his discontented wife, her famous boyfriend, his hopeless vanity project. There 's a quirky , mega-rich producer and a masseuse who uses a fake name but may - or may not - be the only genuine person in town. There's also a play called Th e Sound and the Fueh r er that lapses into farce; imagine Me! Brooks' Springtime for Hi tler with all the humour replaced with swearing and you' ll realize just how misguided the whole affair can be .

What little involvement these witless events do inspire is destroyed by the film 's oh-so-clever intention to continually remind the viewer that it is, in the end, only a film . You get to see an actor playing an actor playing an actor being interviewed by an actress playing an actress playing a journalist. Soderburgh himself appears at one point, directing the film within the film , although he has a black square superimposed over his face . If I'd directed this nonsense I'd want to hide my face as well. lt 's almost surprising the rest of the cast didn't ask for squares of their own.

Full Frontal is difficult , tedious viewing with a huge , unplugable void where the point should be. Sode rburgh partially atoned with Solaris, made a fter b ut r e lease d here first; but it's going to take several more good films y e t before balance is res tor ed.

]im Whalley

0

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Film

15

A Guy Thing Director: Chris Koch Starring: Jason Lee In a world where Hugh Grant sleeps on a bed of money and wonders which challenging role to do next, one often finds that when the words "romantic" and "comedy" appear in a trailer the words "don't" and "watch" are unconsciously manifested.

Once lucrative and, at times, hilarious, this particular genre seems to have become both highly predictable and exhausted.

How interesting would it be, therefore, to take the above mentioned predictable plot but present it in a fresh and exciting way?

Probably not very, because in the end it's annoying to know that the sensitive man with the shallow spouse will ultimately seek true happiness by eloping with the equally sensitive and slightly less "mainstream" beautiful woman. In A Guy Thing this prospect is made slightly more sickening by the fact that the protagonist, Paul Gason Lee) spends the majority of the fihn trying to cover up any hint of such a relationship between the woman he just seems to "share a special bond" with.

Paul, it seems, lives a very safe life. He has a safe fiancee Karen (Selma Blair) , a safe lifestyle and works well in accordance with health and safety regulations for his fiancee 's father Ken Games Brolin) .

Foolishly (and out of character, it seems) the morning after his bachelor party Paul wakes up to find himself in bed with a tiki girl from the night before, Becky Gulia Stilles). Despite her sensitivity and slightly

less "mainstream" beautiful looks he has to rush her out of the apartment because Karen is about to pay an unexpected visit.

Covering up his misdemeanor suddenly becomes a lot harder when he realizes that - would you believe it? - Becky is in fact Karen's cousin. Add to this the fact that Becky's ex-boyfriend (Lochlyn Munro) is an insanely jealous cop and I assure you that hijinks ensue.

A cross between Father of the Bride and Meet the Parents, Jason Lee seems to bring a touch of comedic credibility to the piece, despite being far from his humoristic roots.

'This fihn presents the type of comedy that makes you feel awkward - think of a man trying desperately to make excuses for a series of extraordinary coincidences, think of a man who seems to have the worst luck 路 in the world, think of David Brent from The Office dancing his heart out. There are some good moments in the fihn and the happy, if not foreseen, ending would warm the most cynical of hearts. As long as there's Doritos, wine and bedfellows to appease, romantic comedies will continue to have a place in our lives. But they're probably more of a girl thing.

1

3

TDBidwell

The Hot Chick Director: Tom Brady Starring: Rob Schneider In Deuce Biga/ow, Rob Schneider played an everyday blue-collar worker forced to become a gigolo. Hilarity ensued. In The Animal he played an everyday blue-collar worker who starts to act like .. . an animal.

Hilarity ensued. In The Hot Chick he plays a teen who wakes up in the body of... an everyday blue-collar worker. Hilarity?

Hardly.

In all three fi.hns , Schneider remains decidedly unfunny. Considering they're supposed to be comedies, it's a major misgiving. It's almost as though Schneider thinks he's come up with such a strikingly original and uproarious idea that he has to reuse it again and again so as to claim ownership of it, even though every 80s child knows that this was handled much more poignantly and amusingly in Big all those years ago.

The story is simple enough. Attractive and popular cheerleader Jessica (Rachel McAdarns) treats just about everybody but her friends with contempt. Then a pair of mystical earrings makes her switch bodies with a grungy lowlife (Rob Schneider).

Jessica then has to spend the rest of the movie trying to adjust to being inside a man's body. Let the shenanigans begin!

The jokes that follow include the usual jaunt through every highschool custom and cliche (cheerleading contest, prom) known to humankind, various penis gags (let me just say 'morning glory' and leave it at that) , and the stereotyped, 'hysterical' Asian accents ("me likey fery much" - no wait, that's The Simpsons) . In other words , the usual overdone, lowbrow humour that Rob Schneider is renowned for providing. It's like Saved by the Bel/ filtered through SouUz Park, but not nearly as funny as that has the p otential to

be. As a vehicle for Rob Schneider, it just about works, but mainly due to the talents of the cast outside the lead - Anna Faris of Scary Movie fame and Rachel McAdarns in particular deserve praise. Adam Sandler also turns up in a small speaking part (he produced it, too, you know) and does nothing in particular but further lower the tone and expectations of the film. ' Within the hackneyed plot, the main problem is that at the beginning, we are introduced 路to a cliched group of obnoxious, conceited cheerleaders (the complete opposite of our UEAngels) but by the end of the film , the makers actually expect us to like them.

Not many people change so drastically in a lifetime, let alone in an hour and forty minutes. This is the worst piece of saccharine, puerile, preachy, Disney-fied nonsense since The Breakfast Club and exactly the quality of cinema that will be the death of the American entertainment industry. If you've got nothing more to say than 'let's get along', kindly shut up. It's already been said.

If you're a Schneider fan than you've no doubt already decided to see this. For others, this is a piece of infantile garbage with the mental outreach of Spam. The pace is often sluggish, it's feebly directed, and written with a distinct aim at crudity and dangerous stereotyping. About as much fun as castrating yourself and rubbing salt into the wound. Best avoided.

Ryan Stephens

07.05 .03

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16 DVDIVHS

8 Mile Director: Curtis Hanson Starring: Eminem and Kim Basinger

Ah, a movie starring a music star, never something that invites feelings of joy and anticipation (Glitter, anyone?)

What we have here , however, is not a badly written and acted pop song vehicle. Instead, 8 Mile is an extremely well written and well acted (yes, well acted) piece of filmmaking by a director so clearly in control of his craft that he can take extraordinary risks and succeed ..

But this film isn't really about director Curtis Hanson following up his sublime lA Confidential and Wonder Boys. This is all about rap-star supreme, Eminem. Like him or loathe him, and whether you find his music glorious or think its junk, Eminem is an undeniable presence in today's world, no matter what people like Tipper Gore in the US would have you think. And here he proves he is also a good actor, at least when he is not required to stretch himself. In 8 Mile he's called to play moody, resentful and angry, all parts of his natural personality as it appears in public. I mean, this is man who wrote Stan. But he can act, that is a fact. His persona has been watered down for the movie (or beefed up for Slim Shady, whichever you prefer). Here he is not homophobic (he even defends a gay man in a rap sparring battle at work), he is not a gangster (he gets beaten up by them), he is, despite his group of friends, pretty alone. He is prone to bursts of random and ferocious violence and temper tantrum.s. Okay, so you still sometimes see him as a rap star with somewhat objectionable views rather than the character he plays, but that's not the point. Overall, Jimmy Smith Jnr. is a pretty well drawn character, definitely not one hundred percent likeable, but not wholly unsympathetic either.

After he chokes in the opening scene of the movie, a rap

battle where rappers spar with each other, producing ingenious slices of rhyme , he is booed and ridiculed by all but his four friends and Alex (Brittany Murphy), a girl he meets.

This is not a happy movie, it deals with a bleak landscape and bleaker lives, people stuck where they are because they can't bring themselves to leave, caught in a cycle of violence.

When the film was first released, many reviewers took the moral high ground, unfavourably comparing this movie to Rocky and finding it unworthy due to the immoral nature of its star. To that I ask, why is a mari stringing together rhymes to overcome adversity worse than a man who is paid to beat another man into a pulp? The character Jimmy goes after in the final battle is ridiculed for reasons this reviewer saw as .commendable, but the character is a violent, murderous bully who was threatening to kill Jimmy earlier in the movie, so why stand up for him? This is a movie about the underdog, and it has the likes of Rocky on the ropes from the word go.

You may not like Eminem and his views on race sexuality and women, but for now, that's not the point. Yes, the movie is violent and full of swearing, but so are Scorsese movies, and he's hailed as a genius. Yes, the female characters are not held up as role models for young girls, but Alex does at least show her support and affection for Jimmy in spite of what happens. To conclude, you should watch 8 Mile, not because it's got Eminem in it, but because it is a very good movie.

Director: Gaspar Noe Starring: Monica Bellucci its ingenuity: lovers Alex (Monica Bellucci) and Marcus (Vincent Cassel) go to a party with their friend Pierre (Albert Dupontel). Marcus gets drunk and high on cocaine, and begins to be rowdy, forcing Pierre to calm him down while Alex , clearly annoyed by her boyfriend's behaviour, begins to walk home. On the way home, she is raped and beaten by the sadistic La Tenia Go Prestia) . When Marcus sees her later being taken into an ambulance, he goes on a raging quest to find the culprit.

This, however, is in its chronological order, where the brutal act of vengeance is the clil:pax. What Noe does is shoot the film back to front, so we are immediately forced to endure the later horrors of the night before we are let into the earlier happiness of all the character's lives. But this vision is completely obliterated since we know what is to come.

The performances exhibi t an honesty too rarely seen in film, which is all the more fleshed out as Cassel

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and Bellucci are married in real life. Cassel is fine, brilliantly depicting his slide from happiness to rage with perfect logic and judgement. Dupontel provides interesting support, his underplaying of his character making him all the more fascinating.

However, it is Bellucci that shines , being one of the bravest actresses ever seen - I have only ever seen two performances that perhaps equal this power: Harvey Keitel's in Bad Lieutenant and Isabella Rosselini's in Blue Velvet. But neither of them shows the diversity that Bellucci shows so realistically.

As a way of warning, this film has some of the most cruel, unspeakable violence I have ever seen committed to film. It opens with someone's head being caved in with a fire extinguisher, and it then goes on to depict a vicious nine and half minute rape sequence from a completely static camera angle, sparing the viewer little. However, the extremity of the violence is more than equalled by the by the tenderness Noe depicts Marcus and Alexin later on.

Irreversible avoids trivialism or exploitation and, in showing us the horrors first, overshadows the later scenes with a dimension of sickening dread. With this , the audience is forced to recognise the fragility of the couple's joy and, in turn, the fragility of every moment in every day. It is this mixture of bleak nihilism and violence that makes this film something very few people will be able to handle, but those who endure it will experience a film by a director who is in masterful, radical control of his mediwn.

Paul Case

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Irreversible Irreversible's story is relatively simple compared to

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Director: Tobe Hooper Starring: Marilyn Burns Banned for 25 years, the reputation of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre precedes itself. Despite this, it is not the blood-fest that people expect and little blood is actually spilled on the screen. The template of the film, teenagers get murdered by psychos, has been copied many times.

However, nothing since has come close to the mind bludgeoning power of TTCM. From the arresting opening shot of desecrated graves the viewer knows they are in for an intense ride.

One of the crucial differences and unlike other 'teenagers get murdered' films, there is nothing camp or mysterious about the villains.

Leatherface is truly one of the most insane and violent murderers ever to grace a screen. He doesn't give the victim a long speech or a dry witty comment before doing them in, he just does it. Preswnably, being one of a member of a family of very nasty Redneck cannibals, witty and sardonic comments are rare .

Leatherface, however, just scrapes the surface of the nastiness of the film. The filmmakers fill the cannibals' house full of disturbing visuals such as a fat chicken in a cage and furniture made from hwnan bones.

Like any great horror film, the fear of not being able to comprehend why these things are happening resonates with authority.

Much has been said about the documentary nature of the film. The lack of music and the silence before the

murders makes them all the more shocking. Leatherface suddenly appearing in a doorway with a hammer raised above his head is utterly terrifying.

The last section of the film as an experience is frankly incredible, the combination of a girl seemingly constantly screaming while Leatherface chases her with a chainsaw is a violent assault on the senses, exactly what the film-makers wanted.

It's one of those films that makes you wonder just how it ever got released. TTCM was banned not for the violence, but like The Exorcist, for the sheer intensity of the viewing experience. Once seen, it will not be forgotten in a hurry. ]imParker

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Arts

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Man and Boy

Star Kulvinder Ghir, embarrassingly, finds a sneeze coming on mid-performance.

Theatre Previey,: Salman Rushdie's epic novel Midnight's Children not only won the Booker prize in 1981 but also, in 1993, it won the Booker of Bookers and is therefore, supposedly, considered the best book out of all the novels that have ever won. This adaptation by the Royal Shakespeare Company is the first time it has ever been brought to the stage.

An extraordihary and kaleidoscopic tale, Midnight's Children is the story of the birth of two nations. On August 15 1947, at midnight, India achieved its independence from Britain.

At the same time' Saleem is born, one of 1001 children born at exactly the same time, all of

Midnight's Children; Theatre Royal

whom have strange powers. Saleem is swapped at birth, and his life becomes magically intertwined with the destinies of the two nations. 'The story deals not only with the politics but also conveys the humour of the life and adventures of an important Indian family at a very important time.

'The stage version, eo-adapted by Salman Rushdie, places its characters against the backdrop of the historical events that occurred in India during their first thirty years of independence. 'The production has already received rave reviews celebrating its ambition, history and humour, while the Sunday

Telegraph noted the skill of the twenty-strong cast who "slipped in and out of a multitude of parts with verve and animation." 'The cast is made up of mainly British-Asian actors with Zubin Varla in the primary role as Saleem.

Varla is well qualified with leading roles in Romeo and Juliet, Roberto Zucco and Jesus Christ Superstar. Also appearing is Kulvinder Ghir, better known for his television role as part of the Goodness Gracious Me team.

This epic play offers an opportunity to see an amazing novel brought to life in all its mystical glory. Showing at the 'Theatre Royal, 27 -31 May.

This is a wonderful book that combines laughter and tears, simplicity and complexity in a sympathetic and heart-warming look at the workings of that most complex of things: the family. 'The 'man' is a combination of touching naivety and fleeting conviction, he is infuriating and loveably funny and by the end of the novel like a good friend it's sad to say goodbye to. 'The 'boy' is a beautifully drawn character who develops from a sweet, humorously realistic toddler into a perceptive and original child. 'The relationship between them is the main plot of the story. 'The 'woman', conspicuous in her absence for much of the novel, and consequently the title, is presented as both a victim of her circurnstances¡and a pivotal player in a game of deciding what consequences should follow which actions.

Parsons is careful not to lose his reader by forcibly delineating the 'right or wrong' side of an undoubtedly painful conflict, leaving them to interpret and sympathise as they will.

It is a deeply touching story which deals with the changing role and nature of the family, something Parsons has a great deal of interest in and examines in his other well-known and loved novels Man and Wife and One For My Baby. As Harry and Pat learn to make do without their wife and mother and create a family life for themselves the author uses wit and sensitivity to show their trials and tribulations, tragedies and triumphs. As in all of Parsons' work the dialogue is handled with delicacy allowing each character to shine in their individuality. 'There are moments of exaltation at a first bike ride without stabilisers, anger at being made to feel dispensable, bitter disappointment in a loved one, tender realisation that a father's strength fades with time; and the resignation that family must prevail over work.

'The crux of the plot is the result of one night, the outcome of Harry's mid-life crisis and increasing dissatisfaction with what life has brought him but by the end of the story, which is one of endings and beginnings, a sense of new hope is introduced and it is story that provokes thought and emotion and is truly deserving of the praise it has received.

Katharine Clemow

T eatre Reviey,:

Boo Reviey,:

Killing The Girl Again, Drama Society

Virginia, Jens Christian Grondahl

Killing the Girl Again opens with a string of monologues - one from each of the main characters. To some extent this promoted the idea that everybody, to a greater or lesser degree, is distanced or alienated from everybody else.

It just avoided being tedious or over-simplistic, but the dialogue contained far too many dud lines. When the monologues continued into the first 'scene' proper, it began to get irritating.

'The action took too long to get going and a good portion of the lines were unintelligible.

This was partly due to poor projection and partly to do with the intrusive soundtrack. 'The actors seemed awkward with the script and if actors are reluctant to be saying it the audience is reluctant to hear it. Few seemed willing to give themselves to their roles and instead retreated from their lines - disagreements between director and cast or was it the fact that so many sentences were too 'chewy'?

'The script wasn't all sledgehammer cliche and awkwardly 'knowing student' in tone, however. 'The writer displayed some skill with the more comic moments. But the script had a complete lack of tension and relied too heavily on interminable soliloquies and static monologues to establish character or intent - the effect is that the characters seem a rather boring bunch of people that won't stop talking about themselves. Eventually the play came round to the point - a group of friends enjoy an

evening out drinking and somebody is murdered. When they awake the next day to find a gun in the house, in Jay's pocket, suspicion starts to stalk the rooms.

'Tasks' were assigned in a drinking game on the night out in question and via this haphazard, half-bored process the play's main conceit is born. 'The trouble is that this scene, in places, was almost inaudible, and, although it is clearly intended as understated, the fact it was buried alive under what was by now proving increasingly annoying score (whether or not the song titles provided amusing jokes) detracted from the play's final intelligibility.

Without the knowledge of what was set in motion here the climax ends up an inadvertent anti-climax with a finale not all that different from a cop-out Scooby-Doo 'unmasking' : "he would have gotten away with it too ... " Normally it would be bad form to spoil the ending and give the 'bad guy' away, but the fact that Harper (who seemed to have been plucked, reluctantly, out of a Camus novel) was dressed all in black and possessed a German accent gave the play an unintended, farcical dramatic irony that consistently deflated what little tension there was. Either this was stillborn, badly-written postmodern-by-numbers dramatic dross, or the director has made some egregious errors in the adaptation. Perhaps a combination of the two?

Nathan Dixon

Virginia is the thirteenth novel from the pen of Danish writer Grondohl. Although not as well known or as widely read here as in Denmark, his fiction has been translated into sixteen languages.

Virginia is a very short novel that can easily be read in a couple of hours. Narrated by an elderly man remembering an episode in his youth, it tells the story (in an extremely round-a-bout way) of the brief relationship between three people thrown together by circumstance.

It is 1942 in Nazi occupied Denmark. A young woman is invited to spend the summer at the coast, with a family she hardly knows, to get out of the city apartment where she lives with her mother. Also staying at the cottage is the fourteen-year old nephew of the family. 'The two quickly form a friendship characterised by his devotion to the older girl and her refusal to acknowledge it.

One night an English aeroplane is shot down nearby which supposedly changes their lives forever. She finds the pilot and during the night sneaks out to get him food .

He follows and unwittingly leads the Germans straight to the hiding place. From then on the book goes downhill, the girl decides to go back to the city never knowing that it was the young boy who betrayed

the pilot. 'The pilot is never heard of again and the two protagonists live their lives completely separately. 'The rest of the book is from the perspective of the boy, now an old man, reflecting on how both their lives had been affected by that one summer.

Virginia is a nice book. Grondahl's skill is in creating atmosphere and bringing the stark Danish, and later Parisian, setting to life.

However, the characters have suffered from his over-reliance on description and unnecessary detail - is it really essential to the plot to know that a small dog sits in the corner eating a cocktail sausage? Just one of the mundane observations that obscure the fact that there is no plot. Names of the characters are also missing, which creates a distance between the reader and the protagonists and adds an air of pretention to the prose. It is difficult to care, or to believe, that the event really played such a large part in the rest of their lives.

Grondahl has attempted too ambitious a project in such a short word count. Memory, love and destiny are massive concepts that have been better explored at greater length, and in more satisfying detail , by writers such as Kazuo Ishiguro.

Kathryn Hincliliff

21.05.03

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Essential

Soaps: Oh dear Lord, what on earth is going on with Eastenders these days? O ne minute 1t's going all fairy-

ta le on us with the Kat/Denms/ Cmderella shoe fi ndin g saga , and the next it's turned in to a fu ll-b lown crime -a rama that makes The Bill look like a teatime version of C rim estoppers . The re are e n ou gh cnminal s in this week's epis odes to c onver t th e re side nt Plod 's usua l bit part to a one-year co n trac t. Yep , b olt your doors an d wind ows p eople, suspec ts numb e r one a nd two make up the d a n ger ou s d uo Martin an d Vi c ki , wh o , for some re a son, decide to d on their bala clavas and go on a ' cr ime spree ' a t the Minut e Mart. Or s h ould th a t be the Mi-nut e Ma r t si n ce there' s h a rdly a nythin g th ere w orth ni c king in the first pla ce . No t content with this little show-s topping story line, the p eop le a t the BBC h ave gone all out and a ls o thrown in a hit man to b ump off undercover poli cew o m a n Ka te , w ho' s been para ding a s some body call e d Hele n a t Jack Da lton 's gangs te r d e n . Brin g in the rather p e rilo u s so unding George (eek) who 's re sp o nsible for the job , a lthough- as if we didn ' t spo t it a m ile off - in b urs ts Phi! to the res c ue with something like a Magnum (no t the ice cr eam, ob vi ous ly ) to save the d ay, a n d a sks Dalto n to call it a ll off. ..

Things are n 't looking too wholesome in Ramsey St reet e ither, when Lou apparen tly discovers a naughty se c ret about Dor o thy . If only it w a s something tantalising- that she 's called Denn is a t the w e ekends , th at she 's an O lympic sho t-putte r , tha t she' s got a third nippl e or somethi n g . But, in reality , it 's bound to be somethin g mo re m und ane , like owning a recorder or a push up bra or s omething . May be she has a secret love child wi th Harold - we ' ll hav e to wait a n d see .

The re ar e d odgy g oings on in Chester to o , when Hollyoaks' Izzy g e ts in a tuss le wi th Da le an d the n ge ts arres te d fo r a ssaulting a police o ffic er. Things aren ' t a ll b a d whe n she 's le t o ff with a caution, but the n the silly girl r e fuses to sign it. Don 't say we d idn 't warn y ou ...

I am not going on holiday thi s y ear. Instead I have decided to spend my money on a s a tellite dish so I can watch the contes tan ts in Big Brother sleep live on E4 every night. It sounds really pathetic , and I c an assure you I h ave never done it b e fore, b ut this y ear I a m d etermined no t to mis s a thing . Can y o u imagine being the only p e rs on in the co untry who doesn' t quite get the word " mi n ger", an d who doesn ' t unde rstand w hy "That 's the way aha - aha I like it" has got a re vival? Well , that was m e last y ear but this summe r I c ome prepared . Accordi ng to H eat m agazine Big Broth er is go ing back to its roots . Th a t means no rich a nd p o or sides , the return of the vegetable garden and the we ekly task where the contestants will h ave to gamble a t le a st fifty perce nt o f the ir sh op ping b udg et. It is, in short going to be abou t ch a ra cter s and personalitie s r a ther than silly gi mmicks . The h ouse has seen a number of imp rove ments too . Although it is smaller than previous y ears it h a s b een d esigned in a way to make it m or e intim a te and cocoon -like . Great for those inti mate moments that the vi e wers , a n d n o d o ubt the producers ,

are hoping for. There are 33 camera s in the house; some of th em a t eye-level , which means Big Brother will app ear sli ghtly differe nt this time round. The scene then , is set for two months of fly -on-the-wall drama with tantrums and arguments , rom ance a n d b ackstabb in g on the agenda d aily . But w ha t ab out the cas t? As you a re rea din g this th e y are s till b e ing se le cted, go ing thro ugh physiological tes ts , audi tions and interview s. There will n e ver b e another Jade , Alex , Hel e n or Paul but I can guar a ntee the re will b e ple nty o f p e rson ali ties tha t we are all going to love to h a te or hate to love.

So on Frid a y I will b e ready for te n weeks of highly a ddictive reality TV, only interrupted by w o rk . There will be no socia lising , no o ther TV programmes and no serious indep th conv ersati ons a b ou t the meanin g of life . Unle s s it 's life in the Big Bro th er house . I k now, I need to g e t a life. I 'll recl ai m the remains of it in August.

Channel4, Friday May 23, 9.30pm

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TV/Radio 19

TV & Radio High ights Text: Sarah Edwardes

How Clean is Your House?

Channel 4, Wednesdays, 8.30pm Very clean? A bit mildewy but nothing to worry about?

Or wall-to-wall grime with interesting new variants of flora and fauna behind the sofa and an inexplicably pungent smell coming from the drains? Answer the latter, and you - and your house - may need some help from Kim and Agi, two housekeepers on a mission.

How Clean Is Your House? is A Life of Grime with a selfhelp element: if you've ever wanted to know how to remove fungus from the bath, doubtless our intrepid cleaners will have the solution. Be sure fo watch with the cream-cleaner at hand.

Miss This:

Club Reps: The Workers

ITV, Thursdays, 10.30pm It seems that TV producers are obsessed with

thinking up ideas for programmes that it would be so much more fun to take part in than to watch. Take Escape to the Country (BBC 2) as a prime example. Couples who are selling their homes in suburbia to move in to their dream home somewhere in idyllic countryside England. The only thing that this programme does for me is show me all the houses I can't afford unless I stop watching telly, and do something serious about my degree. And so it is with Club Reps, JTV's new series that focuses on the drunken trials and tribulations of a dancer, a waitress and a party host on the Greek holiday resort of Rhodes . As we all know, ignorance is bliss, and I am not quite sure I even want to know what goes on in Faliraki in June , July and August, let alone what the not so responsible and mature workers have to endure. And even if I did want to know, I'd rather experience the drinks and the 25' C first hand.

The key word here is alcohol. Alcohol, of coiuse makes us all do things we wouldn't do after consuming an innocent Red Bull, but infuse it with a dash or ten of Smirnoff and whahay, away we go, thinking we can conquer if not the world, then a little Greek Island. It seems that as soon as the plane leaves the ground the holiday-makers forget all about decorum and self-discipline and indulge in a week of embarrassing antics fuelled by sunshine and treble vodkas. But the only thing more tedious than being the only sober person at a party is being sober in your living room watching other people being drunk and disorderly on holiday. And one thing is for sure; there will be bad behaviour, bad taste, bad suntans and bad hangovers aplenty. Forget about the holiday-makers' morning after, for the viewers this will be the hangover from hell.

Britt Juste

Celebrity Detox Camp Five, Thursday May 22, 1Opm If a sentence including the words Richard Blackwood, Keith Duffy, Tamara Beckwith, Kim Wilde and "enema" induces a mild feeling of nausea, it would probably be best to stay away from this one-off celebrity special.

Four hapless celebs have been shipped of to Thailand to face a week on a solid-free diet in a top-class health spa. Rest assured there will be little actual science going on here - is eating baby food and having hoses stuck in unpleasant places really good for your wellbeing? - although Detox... may be final proof of the crossing of that fine line between vanity and insanity.

So many bottles, so little time ...

Have I Got News For You Fridays, BBCl, 9.30pm This has been a feature of the schedules for so long that it is easy to forget it's even there - or how good it is. Nevertheless, since the dramatic departure of Angus Deayton last year, Have I Got News For You has undergone something of a resurgence. With guest presenters as varied and unlikely as William Hague and Charlotte Church, we now get not only Paul Merton's whimsical musings and a regular dose of cynicism from Jan Hislop, but also a completely different dynamic (or in Boris Johnson's case, planet) for each show. And don't worry: it doesn't clash with Big Brother.

Trust Me, I'm a Teenager

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Channel 4, Tuesdays, 9pm Given that most adults wouldn't trust a teenager with a pair of safety scissors, let alone their family, it is almost a surprise that this programme was ever made.

Praise be, then, for the Rainbow clan, who are more than happy to let a panel of teens scrutinise their household and come up with a new set of rules to make all their particular familial peculiarities go away.

Like Wife Swap before it (How long, by the way, will we have to wait for Husband Swap?), the joy of Trust Me ... is watching the personality clash that inevitably ensues.

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lt's Been A Bad Week Radio 2, Thursdays, 1Opm It's Been a Bad Week reveals a shortlist of unlikely sto-

ries of human stupidity or just plain bad luck, and whittles them down to a single winner of the coveted Worst Week of the Week Award. So no matter how bad that exam seemed, at least chances are you haven't recently given yourself an unexpected vasectomy by hiding stolen lobsters down your trousers. If you have, it has probably been a very bad week indeed. But, as a wise person once said, try to think of that embarrassing moment less as a personal humiliation and more as an amusing anecdote.

C' ~

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All films start at 8.30 pm and are shown in Lecture Theatre 1 unless otherwise stated. Tickets £2.75

The Matrix Reloaded Wed 20:00,20:45,21:30,23:00 Thu 11 :00,11 :45, 13:30,14 :15,15:00 16:45, 17:30,18: 15,20 :00,20:45,21:30

I Capture The Castle Mon-Wed 15:15,18:00,20:30 Thu 12:15, 15:15, 18:00,20:30 Fri 15:15, 18:00,20:30 Sat-Sun 12:15 , 15:15, 18:00,20:30

Catch Me IfYou Can Fri 23/ 05 The Evil Dead Sat 23/ 05

Irreversible Sun 16:00 Tue 13:30,16:00,19 :00

Gangs OfNewYork Thu 29/ 05

Johnny English Mon-Tue 14:00,16:30, 18:45 ,21 :00 Wed-Thu 14:00,16 :30,18:45 Fri 14:00, 16:30, 18:45,21 :00,23:30 Sat 11 :45, 14:00, 16:30, 18:45,21 :00 23:30 Sun 11 :45,14:00, 16:30.,18:45,21 :00

Ice Age Fri 30/ 05 City Of God Thu 05/ 06 The Life of David Gale Fri 06/ 06

Kangaroo Jack Mon-Thu 14:00,16:15, 18:30,21:00 Fri 14:00, 16:15 ,18:30,21 :00,23 :10 Sat 11 :45,14:00, 16:15, 18:30,21:00 23 :10 Sun 11:45,14:00, 16:15,18:30,21:00

The Hours Wed 11106

Old School Mon-Wed 16:45 ,19:00,21 :15 Thu 13:15, 16:45,19 :00,21 :15 Fri 16:45, 19:00,21:15,23 :40 Sat 13: 15 , 16:45, 19:00,21 :15,23:40 Sun 13:15 ,16:45,19:00,21 :15

From 21Y05

The Truth About Charlie Mon-Wed, Fri 16:00,19:00,21 :30 Sat-Sun 13:15,16:00, 19:00,21:30 To Kill A King Mon-Wed 15:30, 18:00,20:45 Thu 13:00,15:30, 18:00,20 :45 Fri 15:30, 18:00,20:45,23:20 Sat 13:00,15:30, 18:00,20:45,23: 20 Sun 13:00,15 :30, 18:00,20 :45 X-Men 2 Fri 13:30,14:30,15:30,16 :30, 17:30 18:30, 19:30,20:30,21 :30,23:00 Sat 11 :30,12:30, 13:30,14:30,15:30,16 :30 17:30,18:30, 19:30,20:30,21 :30,23:00 Sun 11 :30,12 :30, 13:30, 14:30,15:30 16:30, 17:30, 18:30, 19:30,20:30,21:30 Mon 13:30, 14:30, 15:30,16 :30,17:30 18:30, 19:30,20:30,21:30 Tue 13:30,14:30,15:30,16:30,17:30 18:30, 19:30,20:30,21 :30 Wed 14:30, 15:30,16:30, 17:15, 18:30 19:3020:30 Thu 11 :30,1 3:30, 14:30 ,16:30, 17:30 19 :30,20:30

Darkness Falls Mon-Tue 17:00,19 :30,2 1:45 Wed-Thu 14:45 , 17:00 Fri-Sun 17:00, 19:30,2 1:45,23:50

Phone Booth Mon-Tue 16:45, 19:00,21 :45 Wed 16:45, 19:00 Thu-Sun 16:45, 19:00,21:45

Ararat (21105-22/ 05)

Hey Arnold Sat-Sun 11 :00

S Club Seeing Double Sat-Sun 11 :15, 13:30

I Capture The Castle (21105-22/05)

Hope Springs Mon-Tue 14:00,16 :15, 18:30,20:45 Wed-Thu 14:00,16 :15 ,18:30 Fri-Sun 14:00, 16:15, 18:30,20:45 .

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days Fri 15:15 ,18:00,21 :00

The Actors Mon-Sun 13:45,16:00, 18:15,20:45

The Heart Of Me (23/ 05 - 29/ 05)

The Jungle Book 2 Mon-Wed, Fri 14:45 Sat-Sun 11 :00,13 :00, 14:45

Open Hearts (23/ 05 - 29/ 05)

Godfather Part 2 (25/ 05) Francis Ford Coppola's masterp iece gets a much welcome screening at Cinem City. Put on your pinstripes, pour the martinis and just dig the Pacino in this offer you can't refuse, huck.

Aim Wed 21 / 05 The UK's finest performer of down tempo urban breaks and beats that are both beautiful and dance-nasty.

Featuring a full live band. £13 .50

Shed Seven Sun 25/ 05 Shuffling out of their King Jarnes arrnoire 's, cowering from the Sun, Shed Seven dust off their guitars and tindersticks and say, again 'Hello Norwich'! Well beer lary, 'ave it etc. £12.50 Tony Hadley and 'band' Tue 03/ 06 Kung-fu pirate and part-time a ccountant, Tony Hadley comes to us fresh from his " success" in TV's 'Reborn in the USA' ..."Gold" is a tired old donkey these days though Tone, kick it nu-school. £ 14.50 (pah! )

ELK Promotions: Bleed 13 + Swiss Miss + TenEx. Fri 23/ 05 Some punk, some rock, some rocky-punk? And then some gringo ... £5

wombatwombat presents Six Ray Sun + Luma Lane + Sennen Fri 30/ 05 Fresh from a festival in Hong Kong playing with Ash, Doves and Echo & The Bunnymen, Oxford's finest cyborg pop rats make a welcome return to wornbatwornbat promoting their new album. £5

The Cooper Temple Clause Thu 22/ 05 Rawk 'n roll baby! You cannot afford to miss Team Cooper, they rock and they're dashing, in that kind of, unshaved Errol F1ynn way... a show of tracks from the forthcoming new album is also promised. £9.50 , remember,the price is what you pay,the value is what you get.. .

Mostly Autumn Sun 25/ 05 A new band recreating "the halycon days that were F1oyd, Genesis, Yes and Deep Purple." Enough to give you nightmare s . £10 Ten Years After Tue 27/ 05 Formed, theatrically, in the Summer of ' 68, this band mix blues , boogie and country to create their brainliquifying muzakal atrocities. £1 2 Mudvayne Mon 02/ 06 The guitars plugged in at 11 , their reputations fixed as "eedjits", the stoopidist and bounciest night of nu-metal fun for months to come. £10

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