The event- issue 113- 24th May 2000

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wednesday, may 24, 2000

here's ooking a you • voyeur tv examined insight:

inspected:

the future for friends stars tate modern explored bluetones • mp3s bbc and bias spy tv rawk! old or new? and ••• the event goes to cannes

guys and dolls • angelou • virgin suicides • urban chaos • angelou • mojave 3 • richard blackwood • touch poetry • ministry of sound • the bacchae • maybe baby • st etienne • 28 days· fear effect

contents: short cuts: 04 04

how to be: a student journalist left leanings: the beeb and political bias

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the knowledge: sonic youth

insight: 06 07 08 09 10 11

leather or combats?: old -vs - new skool metakl moving out: what could the friends stars do next? peeping tom: fly on the wall going too far? sounding lovely little bit of capitalism sweet art: we visit the new tate gallery

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doing the cannes cannes: the event hops off to trance

ins ected: 14

music: mojave 3 - angelou - ministry of sound kacknifelee - st etienne - wannadies - precious bentley rythm ace - muse - louise

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film: virgin suicides - 28 days - maybe baby

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arts: four meals - touch poetry - the bacchae guys and dolls video-game: simply irresistable - fear effect vampire hunter d - urban chaos

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tv: essential television - scent of a woman richard blackwood

event horizon: 19 21

cinema: now even bigger guide to all the films showing in norwich listings: the comprehensive guide to all that's happening in norwich until the end of term

editor-in-chief: james tapsfleld editor: Iuke turner arts editor: alex mcgregor assistant arts editor: elln jones music editor: darcy hurford screen editor: adam chapman assistant screen editor: astrld goldsmith tvvldeogame editor: steve collins assistant tvvldeogame editor: markland stakle listings: darcy hurford adam chapman copy editing: ruth levls jane klrby dtp: Iuke turner - carollne ]eater - mark edwards - steve colllns - alex mcgregor - adam chapman contributing writers: anthony lovell - kate forbes - christine davies - siobhan dologhan - james goffin - angela wood - jane klrby - mlscha gilbert - robbie uprichard - ayo mansaray - mark edwards - tania neumann - jonathon rolfe - steven graves - will halsey - jim whalley thanks to: mark and caz - le gaufln - darcy - ruth - clare - markland - astrid - the cringleford hood - t hat editor fella - everyone whose been fantastic and saved my arse this year. and as a fi nal t hought: look out for fudge! he's a bit of a loony, flying rou nd cadbury land firing fudge bars out of his hoseplpe. best 15p you 'll ever spend. cheers.

?l~"'(u;: the event Is produced fortnightly by concrete: po box 410, norwlch, nr4 7tb tel: 01603 250558 fax: 01603 506822 e-mall: su.concrete@uea.ac .uk and printed by: eastern counties newspapers, rouen road , norwlch nr1 1rb

the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

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loose talk: T

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he words BritiSh Summertime conju re up images of cricket on th e green , summer fetes with a maypole as the central attract1on, Losely ice cream, and lashings and lashings of jolly good ginger ale. Al ternatively, it mea ns sticky heat and sunburn, fat pasty g1rls bu lgmg out of "two for a fiver" lime green M1ss Sel fndge vests, pissed up sk1nny runts wea ring Ocean Colou r Scene ha ts and

clubs are overrun with boob tubed, hot pants wearing slappers well into november, all requesting ATB's til i come Topman shorts wh1ch reveal sporadically ha1ry white legs, and, wo rse of all , it means Whi gfield. And Lou Bega. And Ricky Martin. And the two dodgy old blokes who d1d Macarena. But the horror does not stop there, oh no. Not content with ruin ing the radio 's playlist and the charts , the powers that be have decided that summer, when you have the most free time , wou ld be a good ti me to release the produce of the arse end of the film mdustry. Last

year we got trea ted to the Brannagh/Smith/ Ki ine masterp iece, Wild Wild Wes t, oth er summerti me releases include Wa terworld, Batman and Robin and Godzilla ... need I say more?

Even if you stay in, you can' t escape the terror.

Channel Four kindly decided to bestow the beautifully tasteful Uncovered series upon us, giving us the joys of the British abroad, JUSt m case you cou ldn't afford to go to Ibiza or Greece yourself. I don' t know what's worse , escap1ng from England just to find the worst of you r race 1n your holiday destination (well , that's you r fau lt for going to Ibiza ), or watching it sober on TV. And 1t's not like you can get rid of summer after the requisite six weeks holiday, because the British don 't like to let go of summer. Late mto September, wh1ch IS technically autumn, you sti ll find queues of people shivering in Alton Towers, refusing to admit that it is too co ld to get soaked on the log fl ume . Clubs are overrun With boob tubed, hot pants wearing slappers we ll 1nto November, all requestmg ATB's Til I Come and doing the carefu lly choreographed clapping, bum slapp1ng dance they learnt in Magaluf.

And if heat stroke, wasps , fat hairy men with the~r shirts off, swea t, heat rash, tacky package holidays, bad mus1c, TV and films aren 't qu1te enough legitimate reasons to hate the summer, then girls, bear this 1n mind: the summer is the only time when you are forced to go through the hassle of shaving your legs regu larly. Grrr. astrid goldsmith

the tickler: D B L A C K A D D E R N T E H NHLNUSSDRCAOREE A J A 0 J M T K J R S L A J R LAM I TCET I HCRAOC SSANCKRHMSTKXLU I VHSAG I AAS I AON L EOERZEXWHARPBOE RI RALSHAOLPOMI S USCWPQPTRISOTTO S E A T D E E P I L L L T A C

A LD0 DZ P J ZYEGVRH E I E B K U P I 0 C D I F E G R F 0 E N N E A N E F N D N D T X P R E P R A Z E N T L E E BRPXPTOBTGRSOGW we're off, we 're off; my girl 's shagging frank bough , but never mind, it's time to unwind, come on everyone and 'ave a good mince. or you could do the tickler and win everything we haven 't rid of yet ... basically, that's over 100 cd's to be shared between whoever gets here quick. luvverly.

1: roni size's band (9) 2 : niNana song (5 ,6 ,3) 3: mulder and scully (1,5) 4: greek men I disney film (8) 5: baldrick et al (10) 6: cartoon gaul (7) 7: machines battle it out on tv (5,4) 8: _ terrorists or _ game (10)

9: edge of the sky or sea (7) 10: chair (4) 11: italian rice dish (7) 12: designer of buildings (9) 13: south american la rge animal (13) 14: salt and (6) 15: eski mo house (5) 16: multi stringed instrument (4)

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OPEN MONDAY-SATURDAY 7AM-7PM SUNDAYS 8AM-7PM the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

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so you want to be a: student journalist well we've been grumbling and groaning for a year now, so lt's time to turn the smoking gun upon ourselves. want to be an Inept reject from society? here's how .. .

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what do they do ?

The student newspaper, like Pravda, is in the somewhat privileged position of being the only form of free printed media on campus. This means that, like Pravda, its journalists are free to disseminate their rancid and vitriolic opinions around 10,000 of you lovely people, thus managing to upset a few folk with subjective um, rants that trash your favourite CD/film/boolv'Whatever. So it's time for a bit of justice, brothers and sisters; time to expose our feeble, cowardly, blackened souls. Basically, the student journalist is a callow creature who has no friends. Those people who were your soul mates in the first year are cruelly abandoned as you are swallowed by a small office in Union House and the rest of the coven take their place because, basically, you have no other choice. what do they wear?

Their style is pretty varied; and this is perhaps not so important as what they generally look like. Haggard, tired looking, stooped with the true horror of spending every other weekend cooped up inside without ever realising or understanding why they do it. The student journalist will also be more pallid and wane than everyone else, as the joys of spring are ever ,::;, •·

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lost to them. where do they go?

Largely they sit in an office hunched over a computer, although occasionally they venture out to smoke a cigarette. This is their definition of a holiday from the drudge. Perhaps it is more important to look at where they never go, which is basically anywhere fun happens, creating a group of crones and scrooges aged before their time.

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BBC is run by the Labour party nd takes its orders from it.. . lt is a thoroughly unreliable broadcasting organisation'. These were the rather predictable words of Lord Tebbit, the former Chairman of the Conservative Party, in response to the news that the man chosen to replace Robin Oakley as the new political editor at the BBC was to be Andrew Marr, former editor of The Independent and a well-known New Labour supporter.

The response to this appointment is hardly unexpected if one bears in mind the furore that surrounded the appointment of Greg Dyke as the Director-General of the BBC last year.

Leading Conservatives expressed outrage that a man who had donated £55,000 to the Labour Party before the 1997 election should be given one of the most prestigious and powerful jobs in British media. The recent news has raised suspicions that Dyke was behind the decision that Robin Oakley should take early retirement to make way for Marr this summer.

However, claims of bias at the BBC are nothing new. lt has been a bone of contention ever since the heyday of Margaret Thatcher and the political appointments she made to the board of governors of the BBC. This interventionist response followed her mcreased critic1sm of some of the organisation 's more controversial investigative reporting, critical of many of the government's key policies.

A Panorama report on the Falklands War was found to be merely neutral in its coverage, the BBC 's coverage of the US bombing of Libya in 1986 was not considered supportive enough and the Secret Society programme on the Zircon satellite was banned on "national security" grounds. The BBC 's relationship with the nght has never been what one might call "flourishing".

The appointment of Marr, therefore, has added fuel to the Conservative Party's claims of bias in its news coverage. Their concern is understandable, but not altogether founded .

The position of political editor is one of the most highly sought after in British media, with a great deal of political influence. The move comes at a time when the Tories feel that news coverage at the BBC has

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where will they go?

The student journalist often embarks upon his or her quest in the hope that it will lead to the dizzy heights of fame on a national. But alas, the road to London media heaven is strewn with corpses and good intentions, and there are far too many who are caught by the evil clutches of the Runcorn Evening Post or Angle Poise Monthly' s of the professional world. One thing is certain, however, they will all burn in hell. Journalists are evil, friends, let's not ever forget it, and us lot up here are the insignificant, squirming, putrid sperm of Beelzebub himself. If there were stocks around today there would t>e a set in the Square with us lot in it.

Luke Turner

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the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000 ~

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the beeb has once again found itself in a political minefield, with the appointment of former independent editor, andrew marr, as political editor, adam chapman asks if auntie is looking after her favourites ...

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become consistently pro-European, an issue they hope to exploit in their favour with a "Keep the

the idea that andrew marr has been appointed to warp the bbc in favour of new labour, is one steeped in paranoia 'rom the right Pound" campaign at the next General Election .

The Tory Party's argument should be taken with a pinch of salt, however, especially if one considers the political affiliations of Marr's predecessor, Robin Oakley. Having at one time held the position of political editor at both The Times and the Daily Mail , Oakley could hardly be considered to be a man who sits on the centre of the political fence. However, he also received criticism over his appointment in the position when he replaced John Cole at the start of John Major's troubled time at Downing Street. Cole too was accused of political leanings, this time to the left, having worked on both The Guardian and The Observer before he reached the BBC. lt is perhaps in the light of this realisation that the outcry has died down over the past week, with the Conservative Party releasing this statement; "We know Andrew. He is a distinguished journalist and we have no doubt that he will continue the BBC tradition of unbiased reporting".

Such attempts to "make nice" have been marred , though, by the news that the Conservative Party is preparing to spend tens of thousands of pounds to pay an independent firm of media monitors to watch over the BBC and , specifically, Marr. In particular, the company will police the 'lbday programme on Radio 4, reporting of the single currency and coverage of the party conference season. lt is important, however, that such issues are raised . Even if the parties raising the question are hardly impartial bodies. The media's role as the "fourth estate", acting as a watchdog of those in power, is one of the most vital characteristics of democracy in

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SOlllC

youth

what ' s the big fuss then?

Sonic Youth have spent the past 20 years evading musical conventions, subverting well-established traditions, contriving unique ways of playing instruments and generally kicking up a commotion in the face of corporate complacency and artistic inertia. In re-appraising rock they changed its parameters forever, throwing out the old rulebook and, by default, writing a new one. Their sound is characterised by intense pulsating drones, fractured with outpourings of jarring cacophonous sonic bile topped with anxious, emotive vocals. who does what ?

The vocals are shared between 'sonic holocaust' guitarist Thurston Moore and bass player Kim Gordon. Lee Ranaldo is the other guitar player, and Steve Shelly has played drums on almost all their recordings. wh ere are th ey from ?

Stuck firmly in the New York underground tradition, Sonic Youth have always had one foot in the art gallery. Their album sleeves are awash with pop art images; the cover of the 1990 album Goo is a work by French cartoonist Raymond Petti Bon, and the rock poet Lydia Lunch's contribution to Death Valley ' 69 on Bad Moon Rising seems to fit in as naturally as a rude word on a Two Uve Crew album.

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plenty of units. Prior to that they sold well relative to their contemporaries, though I doubt that those involved in the pop hegemony were ever overcome with fear of the threat Sonic Youth posed to their domination of the -mainstream in the 1980s. which is best ?

There is a¡ received wisdom that the records Sonic Youth made prior signing to Geffen were the best.

Indeed, it is the early albums that have informed the countless bands they influenced. Kurt Cobain was seldom seen not sporting a Sonic Youth T-shirt, indicating the profound impact they had on grunge; and in Britain the likes of Blur, Radiohead and Mogwai all owe a tremendous debt to the 'Youth. what does the future hold?

Another album is in the pipeline, with a tour to coincide with that. Unfortunately, the theft of their equipment last year left them unable to play much of their back catalogue, as many of the songs require instruments that have been mangled to precisely the right criteria. After years of young bands stealing their thunder figuratively, someone has quite literally nicked it. in retrospect ...

I've been around the world a million times I And all you men are slime (100 %)

sold a few record s?

Since they signed to Geffen and allowed the marketing department to impose the band on the mainstream they've shifted

this country. The BBC holds a position whereby it's news has to be impartial. Bias, in any way, shape or

the bbc owes the license payer an impartial news service where they provide in depth news coverage ~ without fear of political recriminations form would be totally unacceptable. The BBC, due "to the unique way in which it is funded", as they are quick to point out at e.very occasion, owe the license payer an impartial public news service whereby they provide in depth news coverage without fear of political recriminations. t is true that the BBC is never going to get it completely right. The very nature of the corporation's funding is such that the DirectorGeneral is always aware that it can always be taken away at any moment. Take for example the BBC's response to the Conservative uproar before the 1987 Election under Thatcher. Short of funds and increasingly aware of their precarious position ,-the BBC became a casualty of internal bureaucracy and

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managerial interference in a desperate attempt to avoid political criticism.

Or the bloody fury expressed in many of the right wing tabloid newspapers at the news that the license fee was going to go up. The fear of losing the licence fee is far too great, and the one thing that stops the BBC from being truly 'independent from political interference.

However, perhaps the most important aspect of the whole affair is how it has provided us with a stark illustration of how many people perceive the roles of politicians and journalists in this country. To assume, purely because a journalist has a political allegiance, that this will effect his or her coverage of the news is ludicrous. lt is to place journalism into the same frame as politics: a profession whose fundamental foundations are rooted in bias and the creation of "spin".

Critics have argued that Andrew Marr, because of his work as a columnist, is, therefore, inherently biased because he is used to voicing his opinion on issues and, as a result, cannot be put in charge of a job that requires impartial commentary of the news.

This argument completely misunderstands the role of a news journalist, which is to convey a perception of events, albeit an individual one, to an audience in . as honest a fashion as is possible.

The idea that Andrew Marr has been appointed to warp this perception in favour of New Labour is one that is steeped in paranoia, and only seems to suggest the growing insecurity of right-wing politics in this country.

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heavy metal has defied pre~ictions of it's demise by enjoying somewhat of a renaissance in recent months. but is it ·up to the standards of the hoary old days? anthony love// grabs his jd and looks at the past, while kate forbes looks at the trouser chained present .. . ause, If you will , and picture this scene ... lt is 50 years into the future. In a hospital bed in Los Angeles, legendary Motorhead bassist/vocalist Lemmy, just two days short of his 105th birthday, is dying. A drip going into his arm pumps a combination of neat Jim Beam and Dexedrine into his ailing system. His famous bass is propped in the comer, and Motorhead's seventyfourth album, completed just days earlier, plays from the stereo system in the corner, rattling the bone marrow of passing nurses.

His many .children are seated around the bed, easily identifiable by their facial warts. Lemmy is telling them about the old days, and what rock fans used to be like before it became trendy. This is what he would be saying... Long hair was essential- a glance at any of the legends of the 1970s would prove that. Without a thatch that would have many a haystack shuffling in embarrassment, you simply wouldn't fit in. Later of course, this developed into the hairstyle from hell, the mullet. Still sported proudly in Germany and more remote districts of Norfolk, the perfect mullet would be short on the top and sides of the head, and long at the back, reaching down to the shoulders.

Wide was the choice of upper garment for the pretrendy rock fan. The particular favourites were the sleeveless denim waistcoat (with patches extolling the virtues of Ratt, Saxon, and Tokyo Blade, naturally) and the perennial favourite, the leather jacket. This is a much maligned item · it is a sign of the trendy times when there are more combat trousers at a gig than the good old denim and leather combo.

The 1980s saw the advent of the spandex trouser.

This legendary stretchy material was the perfect accompaniment to the white ankle-high baseball

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eavy metal, like most transatlantic Initiatives, started with the Brits'. Then the Americans, in time-honoured style (see: flares, bad food, and the Second World War) took over and claimed all the credit. They repackaged rock and sold it back to the Bntish legions of bad-haired, home-pierced frat rockers with Blink 182 T-shirts and worried suburban mothers.

Not that I'm suggesting that the metal/rap of Limp Bizkit could ever steal the thunder of old skoolers

no belt from topshop can be slung around the hips in a 'yeah, i'm on my ninth virgin of the day' way such as Mbtorhead. In fact, Lemmy triumphs singlehandedly in the facial hair, road stories, groupie shagging and moles categories (although Limp Bizkit probably wins on tattoos). If there was such a thing as a Rock God Top Trumps, you know who'd win.

"Stop trying to fool the kids" said Maxim on lV. You want to know why he said that? Because he knew that if the plastic-man-boy-band machine didn't stop churning then some-thing drastic would happen.

Guess what, it has: Metal lica are number nine in the charts, Motorhead T-shirts are in Topshop, and Billie Piper has, in the process of trying to 'do' a Debbie Harry, ended looking li ke Samantha Fox (bless her cotton socks).

The trendy, jokey festival guides that provide filler material for lazy journalists are warning against Slipknot/Korn kids for the fi rst time this yea r. Not

because you m1ght fall over in the draught from the1r humungous trousers, but because they are begmning to adopt an almost heinous form of 'genuine' rock behaviour that could easily lead to beer being spilt on the ironed GAP combats of the day trippers.

If the new metal kids weren't so uniform they'd almost be there, adopting the rock & roll attitude of being f**ked and not giving a f**k ·and taking it to new extremes. However, when there's fewer frat brats are involved, there's less puking up on your Stan Smiths after 'having it' with a bottle of whisky (having what? A brain haemorrhage?).

The metal attitude is something much imitated (go away, Insane Clown Posse), but rarely reached.

Sorry to drag Lemmy, the rent-a-face of UK metal, back up again , but his style is one you just can't buy. No belt from Topshop can be slung around the hips in a 'yeah, I'm on my ninth virgin of the day' way (although Ad Hoc do a good attempt), which is where the rock chick/ ironic metal dude look fails.

Heroic attempts have been made by Miss Sixty, Hysteric Glamour, Superlovers and Britney Spears, but even £70 won't buy your T-shirt that authentic 'on-the-road' smell.

If you see a bright young thing in a Topshop Motorhead T-shirt looking lost at one of this year's festivals, pause a moment before you pour scorn on their Toni and Guy 'shag', and you might just get one yourself (a shag, not a Motorhead t -shirt).

Remember, if you pull a proper metaller, you 'll be limping for weeks.

The ironic metal band T-shirt wearer is bound to be cleaner, fitter, and won 't go on about the good old days or the old drummer.

Plus, there 's a high likelihood that they'll 1) be a virgin (applies to boys and girls) and 2) off their tits.

Rock on, kids.

the event, ·wednesday, may 24, 2000 .

boot that the likes of Iron Maiden 's Bruce Dickinson sported. Failing that, black jeans topped by a bullet belt would see you getting maximum respect from fellow gig-goers, and would have mothers pulling their chi ldren indoors as you walked past. lt all sounded so different as well. Iron Maiden with their galloping bass lines, Van Halen with their keyboards, Europe with their sky-high vocals ... it was a million miles from the grunted or rapped angst of today's pretenders. Guitar solos, solos, and more solos were also a prime ingredient. Ice ages have come and gone in the likes of Yes' shorter ones. Pre-trendy rock- technical ecstasy!

ice ages have come and gone in the likes of yes' shorter guitar solos Has there ever been a more maligned genre? I doubt it. But there had to be a reaction to the saccharine sweet pop that is today's norm. That means that there should be deeper and darker rock to provide the alternative.

Should be? There is. And it's now popular and trendy to be a rock· fan- witness the increased numbers of people wearing nothing but black in town centres. This isn't how it was supposed to be.

Rock was a very elite clique- now anyone can throw on the horns.

Right, I'm off to swig Jack Daniel's neat from the bottle, push Salvador Dali off a stage, urinate on the Alamo, and learn the fingering for UFO's Doctor Doctor. Oh Lord Yeah!

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friends has finally been renewed for a seventh season, and its stars will receive a reported $750,000 per episode. adam chapman, chrlstlne davles and slobhan do/oghan ask what the future holds for the residents of the world's most popular sitcom when the show finally ends ...

lisa kudrow ·aka· phoebe the "kookiest" character and arguably the nniest (that is if you can get past the fact at "kooky" American style, does not necessarily mean "funny" English style), one would have thought it would be difficult for her to cast off her Friends persona. So far, though, her future is looking bright. Now happily married to film director Michael Stem, Kudrow's personal life has been far less tumultuous than that of her colleagues, which leaves her less scope for turning into the tabloid fodder that they have become ... Instead, Kudrow has chosen her roles wisely in the past few years, although it seemed at one point that she would be forever forced to play the kooky card, as illustrated by Romy and Michele's High School Reunion.

However, her role in The Opposite of Sex, opposite Christina Ricci, was truly mesmerising, suggesting a previously hidden depth to her acting skills, and a knack for playing character roles. In other words she is funny, doesn 't have traditional good-looks and is actually quite intelligent.

matthew perry ·aka· chandler the cynical Chandler, Perry has proved utstanding, becoming the lynchpin of the ow, far surpassing the rest of his cast members for timing and comedic skill. Perry seems to have succumbed to television breakout syndrome and has subsequently found it difficult to escape from the public perception of his television counterpart, which has seen him giving a number of one-note Chandleresque performances. The result of which seems to have been a worrying fondness for slightly twisted 'screwball' romantic comedies, such as Fools Rush In and Three To Tango. All of which were a wee bit. .. shite.

the future .•.

His latest role in the The Whole Nine Yards shows promise, albeit a stark similarity to ... you guessed it... Chandler. However, with the post Sixth Sense appeal of Bruce Willis, the film has gone on to make over $100 million, but may not be what he needs to catapult himself on to the Hollywood A list. Being the most popular friend may finally prove to be his undoing, and he might find himself forever cast as funny characters who possibly, maybe, probably be ever so slightly gay, in occasionally successful comedies.

Cox's latest attempt at acting is The Runner; directed by. Ron Eldard, but perhaps the best example of where her career could go is mirrored by her modelling contract with Head and Shoulders - it's all just a tad flaky. New film with stylistically challenged husband, David Arquette (Hawaiian shirts are NEVER a good idea, no matter how "individual" you are trying to be) should test their popularity away from Scream.

Sadly, though, she seems to have become the latest victim of the media's obsession with all th ings Size 6 . Cox, like Calista "Feed Me" Aockart, has found herself more famous for looking like a lollypop than for anything remotely resembl ing acting talent.

Her latest release, Hanging Up, had huge potential for drawing in the chickflick portion of the market, casting her opposite romcom heavyweight Meg Ryan.

The result, though, bore a distinct similarity to having one's tongue ripped out with a red-hot pair of pliers. lt would appear that her movie career isn't quite as settled as one might have assumed ...

david schwimmer ·aka· ross

matt le blanc ·aka· joey

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the future ...

Barring Friends, Le Blanc's career survives more through his off screen exploits than on. But we haven't seen much of him yet, so time may tell a different story. Who knows, he may turn up at the 2002 Oscars, nominated for best actor for his breathtaking performance as a gay, paraplegic, heroin addicted, HIV positive circus performer (a pretty standard checklist of Oscar worthy attributes).

Then again, delusion can be a wonderful thing. Bear in mind, though, he once played opposite a chimp.

'Nuf said I think .. .

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spent the firSt three series of Friends as e most unpopular character according to a Guide poll of audiences. The development of her character over the past few seasons away from neurotic clean freak to Chandler's love-interest has seen her become more appealing to audiences.

Noticeably this has translated into lucrative performances in the Scream trilogy, the last of which did not see her character butchered, so she may yet return as Gail Weathei'_S. Previous credits have included a Bruce Springsteen video, Ace Ventura : Pet Detective, Cocoon : The Return and an episode of Murder She Wrote; though it is doubtf~l whether Cox could even get past the doorman at RADA.

the future ...

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o far, there has been more interest in LeBianc's off-screen conquests than his ability to read Chekov on Broadway, having been linked with volleyball star Gabrielle Reece, Minnie Driver, porn star Jenna Jameson, Goldie Hawn's sixteen-year-old daughter Kate Hudson and several strippers. In other words, he's a bit of a tart. Is his career suffering because he's been such a busy (pretty) boy? Well, no ... but not quite the type of work he might like ... Matt Le Blanc has already taken advantage of his looks by appearing in advertisements for Levi 501's, CocaCola and Heinz Ketchup, but these have hardly required a high level of acting skills.

The words "nice but dim" spring to mind. This is just as well considering his questionable attempts at thesping in Lost in Space, opposite a big metal robot.

courtney cox· aka· monica

chwimmer, perhaps because he is the most whiney, unattractive, goddawful bore in the whole world (understatement), has been typecast as a nerd. As has become apparent, it is increasingly difficult for actors who appear in living rooms around the world every week to branch out into new characters. However, Schwimmer, more than anyone else seems to have built his career on playing the type of character you would like to do a Patrick Bateman on. Tbe Pallbearer, where he played alongside Gwyneth Paltrow, was a resounding failure, as was his appearance as Anne Heche's fiancee in Six Days, Seven Nights. In true Friends style, it flopped ... as did he.

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jennifer aniston ·aka· rachel iston has now become famous for being niversally despised by a frenzy of jealous rad Pitt fans around the world, and conversely adored by men who like that shiny hair thang she has going on. Indeed, some might argue, that Ms Aniston's fame is more to do with her "Because I'm worth it" appearance and ability to sell sexy posters to a whole generation of masturbating teenagers. After losing 301bs to get her part in Friends, Aniston now seems to compete with Courtney Cox to gain the perfect "I look like I spend my days lying in a tank pretending to be a stick insect" figure, but she hasn't managed to equal Coxs' Scream success. Her one foray into the horror genre was in Leprechaun, a straight-to-video flop.

Her post-Friends movie career has not been quite as dire but neither Picture Perfect or The Object of My Affection, typical girlie films, achieved the box office success many expected would go with one of the most famous women in the world ..

the future ...

Her latest film Metal Gods should prove far more successful. Definitely one for the boys, it features a steamy orgy with the increasingly bankable (rhymes with ... ) Mark Wahlberg, albeit with a distinctly unLoreal haircut (most definitely not worth it). If that should fail , though, she could design a new role for herself with boyfriend Brad and become a slightly less common, far more beautiful version of our very own Posh and Becks. Imagine the Hello spreads ...

Brad and Jen lounging by some Highland loch with very little on ... Jen shopping at Harvey Nicks for the very latest Prada and complaining about the paparazzi. .. the Daily Mail running a "concerned" campaign about her weight "problems" ... the possibilities are endless. Although, I suspect, Aniston would not be able to pull off the whole Essex thing quite as well.

the future •..

Schwimmer has made perhaps one of the smartest moves in Hollywood history by ditching the acting hopes. After directing part of series six, he has signed a multi-million dollar deal with top Hollywood Studio, Miramax. Although in comparison to other directors from the same studio, Quentin Tarantino and Sam Mendes to name but two, Schwimmer may not prove to be the most, how shall we say, original of signings. Unless you like your films about seemingly unemployed coffee drinkers who sit around all day with their thumbs up their respective arses complaining about their rather incestuous relationships.

the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

insight

imagine the building underneath those two tall chimneys on campus that- mysteriously belch steam filled with some of the finest art in the world. mark/and starkie visited the tate modern, the real thing in Iondon ...

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x rnt of contentron, 11owever, that wrll not drssrpate o t r t e s the or ga'lr ,atron c' •he art. The gallenes t~ emsel\es are arra1 "ed '10' chronologrcally. or by artrst, !Jut thematrcally and, ·while thrs rnnovatrve style of composrtron does not rmmedrately present a probiE.m, tt1e themes themselves are so broad and vague (eg Hrstory/Memory/Socrety) that the collectron appears rather di parate. For mstance, one may view Dali's l.nh..,tcr Td:phnnc (1936) in one gallery, not see any more of hrs works for several rooms, and then come across two more of his parntmgs Mctamnrphn'i' of Narci-,,u.., (1937) and 'v!ountain l akc (1938) - rn a completely drfferent sectron of the museum. Also, quite what Marcel Duchamp has to do with the 1960s and New Realism I have no rdea, yet the two exhrbrtrons have been rnexplrcably Juxtaposed. !though this disparity may detract from the overall experrence of the Tate Modern, there re several rndrvrdual exhrbrtrons whrch make a vrs1t utterly worthwhile The Mark Rothko exhrbit, whirn drsplays his series of Scagram murals, is an

having to travel down a floor in order to move up two just seems a bit too "arty" for my liking ,nteresting look at hrs later. more subdued style of parr •rng, while the Subversrve OI>Ject~. exhibrt JPat.Jrrng tile wonderful y t1t1ed I ittk Death \1achinc

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how many times have you headed into middlesborough just to admire the "artwork" of dirty brick factories and faded brown concrete?

As wrth all good art gallerres the volume of art here means that to take rn everythrng on drsplay you wrll need more than one trrp, yet rt rs small enough to g1ve you a decent overview of what rs on offer.

However, one may consrder the compact srze of the gallerres rs unnecessary wrthrn the context of such a massive building and, wh1le the vast openness of the Turbrne·Hall rs prelim rnarrly qurte staggerrng, one may conclude (and several crrtics already have) that rt is simply a rather large waste of space and could have been put to much better use. The layout of the museum rs also quite confusrng and a lrttle effort was needed rn negotratmg myself between the floors. Whether thrs rs due to over complex plannrng, or to the fact that I am vaguely stup1d I am not sure, but the rdea of some escalators travelling two floors rather than one: some floors not havrng any escalators. but just lrfts or <;tarrs; and havrng to travel down a floor rn order to move up two jUSt seems a bit too "arty'' for my rking.

Overall. the Tale Modern preser•s a successfully attractive look at art from the last century, and whrle there are a few teet11rrg problems with • after all rt 'lcs only beer open for two wef'hs) rt lonk as though the Brrtrsh art world has a new asset to IJe very proud of. Oh. and for •ro e of yol! who are thrnkrng that a vrsrt to thrs f'10St modern of modern art galleries wrll break your bank, there rs no need. for the Tate Moderr (lrke rt's orrgrnal cour terpart) rs gratrs. Whrch rs nrce.

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the bluetones have recently released their third studio album and played a barnstorming gig in the lcr. darcy hurford chatted with affable frontman mark morris about fighting liam and robbie and cd storage methods ...

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ormally, trying to arrange an interview is a long process. You make phone calls, wait, make more phone calls, hunt down your finest TDK cassette, practise your 'special' phone voice, and then wait a bit more before you get to talk to your victim. Not the Blueton.es though. No, this is a band so approachable and helpful that I find myself talking to Mark Morris a mere 20 minutes after ringing up and asking whether there was any chance of having an interview. Gracious, you rightly think.

The Bluetones have just released their third album, Science and Nature, a chirpy concoction featuring ace single Autophilia. The album, says Mark, is "bouncy. There are usually about one or two words that sum up an album, and this one's 'bouncy'".

And they're touring this month, as well as playing at a few festivals. Which is Mark looking forward to most? "Concerts", he admits. "Festivals are a great

"bouncy. there are usually one or two words that sum up an album, and this one's 'bouncy"' day out, but it's better having your own show". Our azure toned friends are, at least according to their press releases, one of the first bands ever to successfully sell their records over the internet.

However, they don't intend for this to become their exclusive vending outlet. "We've never thought of releasing records just over the internet", says Mark.

"I like the idea that you can go into the shop and

our records are there."

The impressive thing about the Bluetones is that they have kept on making records and being successful while many of their contemporaries have disappeared from the public eye. Neither have they resorted to press publicity stunts to get attention, unlike other trad-rock musical acts of late that we could mention at this juncture. But you never know, someone might offer the bluehued ones out. What would Mark do if he found himself entangled in a fight la Uam and Robbie?

"I'd hold the coats!" he announces. "Have you seen the size of me?" (admittedly, he is er, not of rugby player proportions). "Seriously though, I wouldn't fight anyone". Very sensible. And this sensibleness extends into other areas of life too. Although this interview was carried out before the mayoral elections, it is pleasing to report that Mark Morris backed the winner. "Yes, Ken", he says. "I just see him as an interested Londoner."

regrettable character trait? He recently told Jo Whiley about his penchant for arranging all his CDs in alphabetical order, so perhaps that's a sign of a pathological desire for order. Well, maybe. Mark denies this emphatically: "Well, I have about two rooms full of CDs and videos," he protests. "I need some kind of order." All right then, that's fair enough. He does, however, admit to something of

an obsession with cleanliness, confessing to cleaning the house "after friends have been round".

But really, that's hardly Lord Lucan territory now, is it? Come on Mark, you must have some personal failings. Rnally, he thinks of something. "My worse fault is probably that I'm really unapproachable for about two hours after I've got up", he concludes.

Now that's more like it.

a

M

ark certainly seems to be a nice bloke politically astute, not inclined to random acts of violence - but is he genuinely all that he appears? Can there be some small stream of nastiness running below the surface? A

the ev·ls of the mp3 recently metallica attacked. the revolutionary new mp3 format as being detrimental to their creative drive. katy o'flynn asks if they have a point; or are they merely Iuddites fearful of damage to their bank balances ... hence their fear.

So scared are they, in fact, that The Money Programme recently devoted a whole episode to the

safe in the knowledge of profits, your average exec enjoyed life and powdery joys to the full

T

ere was a time when a record company ass would bounce out of bed in the mornmg and skip off happily to work, merrily whistling the hot tune of his label's atest hit act while his chauffeur polished the wing mirrors. Safe in the knowledge of secure profits, your average exec enJoyed life and its powdery joys to the full. Today, that same record company man IS a shadow of his former self,

possessing the sort of whey-toned countenance you only acquire by worrying a lot. H1s cause for concern? The advent of the internet, and, more specifically, of the MP3 file, a pernicious dev1ce that allows tracks to be posted on the net and downloaded by net users to listen to. Wh1ch IS all very convenient, but it does mean that people are less likely to go into snaps and buy albums there, meaning less revenue for the record compan1es,

threat (or lack of it), that MP3 files and their downloaders posed to loveable record companies and their artists. Now, I wouldn't normally watch lre Money Programme - why learn about something you scarcely possess- but then, the drummer from Metallica doesn't normally appear on it. Great was my joy when I saw Lars Ulrich, sitting by the side of a big swimming pool, complaining about how Metallica fans were ripping off the band by downloading tracks as MP3 files. "I don't agree that creative people should provide services for free!" said Lars, gesticulating wildly. "If you call in a plumber or an electrician, you have to pay", he continued, quaintly regarding Metallica records as being as useful as non-leaky taps or a mended circuit. The opposing view was expressed by pseudoFrenchman Jacques Lu Cant of Les Rythmes Digitales, who, rather reasonably, pointed out that fans wouldn 't download MP3's if they could buy the real thing cheaply from the band. In between all this, we were introduced to a man who hunts down websites that direct users to MP3 files by bands they like, and to Californian students illicitly downloading the files at rheir university situated in 'the Heart Of Sil1con Valley', as the vo1ceover told us at least three times, making it sound like some sort

of futuristic Catherine Cookson Country.

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ether you approve of MP3 files and the ites that supply them or not, their effect will inevitably rebound on the music industry. As we step boldly into the pale blue future of the twenty-first century, Sony, EM I, Time Warner, and all their little friends will have to think about an overhaul if they want to survive in the face of internet competition. Now that they no longer have a monopoly on the sale of musical produce, they'll have to start thinking about the quality of what they sell. "Ha ha ha", gloats the spirit of Capitalism, rubbing its hands together, "Market values will triumph". All of which may even mean an end to exploitative two-part CDs, retrospective 'best ofs' by bands that have only released three albums (Shed Seven, I mean YOU), and, er, overpaid label executives. But perhaps that's excessively utopian .

Perhaps we could set our sights lower, and hope that record companies in Britain are sufficiently moved by the net threat to address the issue of

"ha ha ha", gloats the spirit of capitalism, rubbing its hands together, "market values will triumph" their pricing policy, and answer the question; why does a CD album cost £14 in Britain, when the French price is nearer £10 and the American as little as £8? That's something for Lars Ulrich to ponder over as he perches by his pool.

the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

the

event

insight

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dutch import tv show big brother will surely be a hit on this side of th~ channel, with the prospect of seeing people about their conjugals and necessities. mark/and starkie looks at the implications of voyeur tv ...

E

ver thought how fun it would be to spend several weeks locked In a house with a group of complete strangers, while having your every move recorded on camera {and I mean every move, including sex, sleep and even going to the toilet) • and viewed by millions of people? No? Okay, how about if you got £70,000 at the end of it? Hmm, slightly more appealing, isn't it. Well, this is the challenge facing 10 lucky {or not, as the case may be} contestants on a new show arriving on your telly in July, which claims to break the boundaries in flyon-the-wall TV shows. As if we don't have enough of those around anyway. But, however much the

promise of a new fly-on-the-wall show strikes fear and boredom into the hearts of the British public, it looks as though Big Brother is going to be megahuge. And that is not a term I use lightly.

Big Brother is built around a Truman Show-esque idea, in which 10 people are moved into a specially constructed house where each room {including the shower) is overlooked 24 hours a day by several prying cameras at different angles. They then have to live in this house with each other, without being able to leave it, while trying not to kill each other.

But merely trying to cope together under the stress of living in a confined situation is not enough.tor Channel 4. No, no, this is television and, as such,

we want drama! And so, to fulfil the public's voracious appetite for sex, fighting and general torment, the contestants are given a specific challenge (eg trying to snog a fellow hpusemate) to complete each week,

it seems ironic that tv producers are promoting voyeuristic viewing when people are expressing concern over more salacious 'spy cam' material

third year student at Warwick University - gave one reason: "I would rather spend 10 weeks going through hell in a bid for fame than get a proper job." Well, it looks as if we've hit the nail on the head there; the age-old prospect of getting your name in big, colourful, glittery lights is enough to get people to do just about anything, even if it includes forfeiting your personal freedom and privacy. Of course, the prize money is a bit of an incentive as well. But, even with these pretty impressive benefits, is giving up your life really worth it? Surely, no incentive would be enough to compensate for the loss of your basic human rights? I am probably being over-dramatic here; after all it is only for 10 weeks.

But no matter how much the producers play up the family entertainment value, the idea of such a show is still a rather voyeuristic one, and there is no guarantee that you will win the prize money at the end and become an A-list lt Girl or Boy. At best, the type of celebrity status you are likely achieve could be your own chat show (as achieved by one of the contestants from the Netherlands' version of Big Brother), at worst - and most likely- it could be a

specifically designed to heighten further the already taut atmosphere in the house. But even that's not all, folks! Oh, no, in order to win the booty and ·subsequent stardom that's offered at the end of the series, the contestants. have to try and remain high in the popularity stakes, not only with their housemates, but also with the viewers. For each week the housemates get together and nominate two people to be evicted. The viewing public then votes which of the pair must say goodbye to the nest and fly away into obScurity. But not before Davina McCall has set them up with a random guy working behind the counter in Top Man. Oh sorry, wrong show.

In this one she lovingly reunites the unlucky loser with their long lost family and friends on a weekly show running along side Big Brother, dedicated to depicting the trials and tribulations of their return to society. Bless. And, in case anyone feels that the chosen few will still be getting an easy ride, the producers of the series have refused them all contact with the outside world {and that means no TV or radio either), meaning that although we'll be able to hear every bitchy, behind-the-back comment Page Three slot, but I wouldn't expect anything made from one person to another, they themselves much more prestigious to come from it. After all, will be none the wiser, nor will they know who is this wouldn't be the first time "home-grown" celebs likely to stay and who is to be chucked out. have been created after appearing on fly-on-the-wall This new generation of fly-on-the-wall programming documentar.ies and the like, and look where it got will not stop at your television. Since we are now them - a temporary job presenting four shows of the living in a internet-friendly society, the producers of National Lottery, and some student piss-head Big Brother have thought it a. great opportunity to heckling them in their local Sainsbury's. Remember expand the programme onto a cyber-level, meaning •Jane McDonald, star of The Cruise, Maureen from that if the thrice weekly showing or the 'Bro does Driving School and Jeremy from Airport? Well, if you not satisfy your appetite for "real-life" TV then you do now you won't in a year or two's time, basically can follow the contestants' dirty exploits (and it will because they're ordinary people who didn't deserve undoubtedly be less "family orientated") 24 hours a to become celebrities in the first place. day on the Internet. How interactive the web-site will But the fact is that they do. And there are going to be the show has not disclosed - but the scope is be more, many more of them to come. For we there for full interaction (well, not quite full stand upon the threshold of a new age in television, interaction. Ahem); meaning you will be able to in which ordinary people who wouldn't normally be choose which camera to view, much in the same famous become exactly that because they, er, way that you can with existing web-cams. it seems , aren't. ironic that TV producers are contemplating the 'Fame' as we know it is gradually going to promotion of such voyeuristic viewing when so many undermine itself, with the nature of celebrity people are expressing concern over rather more changing, becoming more ephemeral. In an age in salacious and controversial 'spy cam· material on which genuine old-school star quality and glamour is the 'net. replaced by average folk, where Uz Taylor's ineffable, timeless cool is replaced by Posh Spice o, who would be crazy enough to want to with her Hello!-friendly parody at glamour. Whatever bear all {or is that bare all?) in front of the future holds for fame, one things for certain: rf several million people for 10 weeks, and you want to get recognised, start perfecting your why? One appliC<U~t.to the show, WUI McGinn - a - .Jimmy Nail ~mpersor:~ation now.

whatever the future holds for fame, one things for certain: if you want to get recognised, start perfecting your jimmy nail impression now

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the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

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you've read about cannes in those big newspapers that you have to pay for; but now hear the real story from our very own reporter, deep in the heart of the french riviera. a/ex mcgregor slapped on the sunscreen and delved into the world of the· cinematic celebrity .. ~~=:=-~-:-----;---:-:--:----l~

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'd love to go to the Cannes F1lm Festival. Where are they holding it th1s year?" These now 1mmortal words were uttered by pint s1zed pop prlmess Christina Aguilera in a recent interview. lt is typical of these overprivleged vacuous celebrity types that when they have the ability to go to posh things the rest of us can only dream of, the{re so damn ignorant you can't help feeling they don't deserve the luxuries thot their fame brings.

Bt.t your humble Event correspondent wcs able to fleetingly experience the trcppings and facets of fame when he re-:ently attended the Cannes Rim Festival.

Now before you leap to any inaccurate conclusions, I am not a richer than rich, WAM student type of chap, nor am I s:arring in any E-list quality British torror film with Keith Alien and Elizabeth Hurley. I went to Cannes because I was fortuitous enough to win a competition run by the good people of Calferys and Heat magazine.

Early on Sunday May 14 the other winners and I arrived at Stansted airport ready to tiugge1 off the French Riviera willing and able to stuff my fat face with enough free food and drink to put dear old Oliver Reed to shame. lt was at the airport that I realised all was not what it seemed. I had assumed that all the other 50 or so winners would also have won the com:>etition from Heat but I was wrong.

Upon in~tigation I discovered that one women tad won this free holiday of a life time in a pub quiz, while another man had won his tickets in a drinking contest. He had, apparently, downed 16 pints in a row. You would have thought a more appropriate prize for such c talent would not be a free holiday to Cannes but a new liver and perhaps a breath mint. By obtaining the victors in such an eclectic fashion was a policy that ensured a rich blend of drunks, slappers, Ocean Colour Scene rejects ane me and my sister. r tried in vain to chat to a woman I was sitting next to on the plane but !fte wasn't having any of it. The closest we :ame to bonding was when she stood on my foot with her stiletto. it is hard to. keep up the small talk when your foot expands to the size of a melon.

We landed at Nice airport at about 12 noon local time. The temperature was a lovely 26 degrees centigrade, the sky was a wonderful ocean blue and you could smell the wealth in the air, it \rfclS tangible. Excitedly my sister and I quickly made our way through the Arrivals Lounge where I spied a man holding a sign that read 'Columbia and Tristar Pictures welcomes Denzel Washington'. We looked on the arrivals board and there was a flight from LA rue to land in about half an hour.

Unfortunc:tely we had to get on our coach before then so there was no time to loiter and find )•Ut if Denzel .did show. We had resigned ourselves to not spying any celebrities at the airport when suddenly the hulking frame of Michael Madsen came in1o view. Michael, the star of such films as Reservoir Dogs, Species (One and Two) and Free Willy. I rushed up to him but there was a large crowd with a French man yelling "Miqueel, remembre whin yoo were a child?" I was then expecting him to add something to the

.

effect of "remember that French foreign exchange student that baby sat you", to which Michael replies in his husky voice "I remember, I was that French exchange student", tears streaming down his face, Michael cries "Pierre? Pierre, is that you?". There follows a emotional reunion. Unfortunately, this did not happen,

god only knows what piece of shit michael madsen was in cannes to promQte. something like the amazing panda adventure 2: pandas in peril and all the guy wanted was for Michael to sign an autograph for his son, which Michael happily did. lt was then my tum; Michael and I posed for a photograph, he said "ttlanks man" and slapped _me on the back. Michael Madsen: diamond geezer. Although God .only knows what piece of shit he was in Cannes to promote.

Something like The Amazing Panda Adventure 2: Pandas in Peril, I expect. He probably didn't even know he was in Cannes. "You mean this isn't the Winnipeg Television Movie Festival. Oh man, I don't even speak Spanish, I don't wanna be in Spain", France, Michael, "sorry, no I don't dance".

B

uoyed by Michael Madsen (not literally), my sister and I clambered onto the coach that was to take us into Cannes. . it was at this stage that we realised that we had put.no film into the camera. Typing this now my nails want to dig themselves into my palms, I was not a happy bunny, but hey, you can't let something like that spoil your fun. So onward we went.

The coach journey took only about 30 minutes and as you descend into Cannes to view is quite breathtaking. But then suddenly the coach driver switches on the radio, and 1 don't know how this will read, but it seemed strangely comforting to be travelling into the world's most famous film festival with Britney Spears, Oops I did it Again as your sound track. lt could only have been more appropriate if it had been Christina Aguilera.

Moments later we reached our drop off point and were now free to wander around Cannes for the next couple of hours. My first impression of the festival was just what a large police presence there was. The mighty police presence is a thing cunningly hidden from the TV cameras. and as such was something I did not expect, although in retrospect it does make perfect sense. For example, I was standing by the barrier that prevented the scum getting anywhere near the stars going into the Cannes 2000 main auditorium, and I thought, scum I might well be but I don't know if I'm ever going to come back to Cannes again: I want to stand on those famous red steps where all the movie stars wave to the crowd. So I leapt over the barrier and sprinted the 10 metres or so onto the famous steps. I quickly linked arms with one of the blue suited ushers. You know, the guys who open the doors of the limos and escorts the wealthy into the

theatre. The usher shot me a look as 1f to say "You English scum, you brainless son of a prostitute, you pig fellating hairy cornftake, what are you doing? I blow my nose at you". The police then closed in41round me and started to reach for their big, big guns.

Now, I don't know if any of you have ever been threatened by a man reaching for a loaded gun but let me tell you it is a pretty strong motivator to do what he tells you to. And who can blame the filth for acting in the way they did? After all, I could have been some wacky anarchist with a bomb strapped to my chest, hell bent on destroying the Cannes film festival as an emblem of the increasing global bureaucracy, capital and political hegemony.

Obviously, they soon realised that I was just some dumb, pointless, over-excited tourist from Essex so they just kicked my ass for a while before throwing me into the road.

After some time away in the hope they'd forget my malevolent mug, we returned to the scene of the crime. We scrambled to the front (although this time I was careful not to go any further) , just in time to see a procession of the stars from the French film 1re King Is Dancing, which looks like a bit of an ancient Greek epic. lt stars il<echy Kayro, who also played in Nikita, Golden Eyes and er, Bad Boys. I was also privileged to spy Luc Besson (chairman of this years Cannes jury) at this premiere. His blond highlights were a bad idea, that's all I'm saying.

The atmosphere at Cannes seemed strangely dignified, although . this was metaphorically blown out of the water with the arrival of the All Saints, at the festival to promote their feature debut Honest. Eager to create a media frenzy to detract from the overall cruddiness of their film and the critical drubbing it received, the 'Saint girls wore very little but inspired a big response. In fact they inspired a small riot. Their idea was to make the general public believe they could get inside Nat's knickers if they shouted loud enough, a theory that most of the tourists were employing. At The British Pavilion, where the very best of the UK's C-Ust talent hobnob, the entrance was jam packed with hormonal French

the 'saint girls wore very little but inspired a big response. their idea was to make the general public believe they could get inside nat's knickers if they shouted loud enough teenagers attempting to lure Nick Moran out into the open by yelling tbe size of their breasts at him. Although my favourite sight of the seedy Cannes underbelly was the guys selling fake tickets to bad premieres for some £2000. They weren't even real tickets.

Surely you could tell; "£2000, you say? That seems a fair price

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packet and is written in crayon".

Before I knew it, it was time for me to retire to my accommodation for the duration of my trip, which happened to be the world's largest sailing ship, the imaginatively titled, Club Med 2. 1 presume this is some kind of Jackson Pollack homage.

Once on board, I indulged myself in all the available entertainments. These included kayaking in the bay of Cannes, eating a~d dnnking myself into a coma and larging it to the big up, massive, lbiza-stylee, banging sounds of Brandon "Yes, I would like a twenty seventh piece of cake, please" Block.

So there I was drinking my free champagne, relaxing on deck as the sun set over one of the world's most beautiful coastlines, pondering the most intriguing element of this film festival; why do they French inexpJicably change the titles of some of the films? For example, The Michael Mann film, The Insider is known in France as Revelations. This is not too baffling, but there are far more confusing examples such as the recent update of Dangerous Uaisons, Cruel Intentions, which is known in France by the moniker, Sexy Intentions, presumably because there exists no French I$ word for cruel. However, I find this impossible to believe because I've been inside ~ French toilet.

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f

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e next day I was "privileged" to be ttending the official Cannes screening of Best, the filmography of football legend George Best. Now, you'd think this would make for quite a good film, after all ol' George is somewhat of a, shall we say, perverted alcoholic.

But you'd be wrong. In fact this film was so dull and was such a chore to watch that during the screening the authorities were chaining paranoic schizophrenics inside the theatre as some kind of natural therapy to calm them down. Unfortunately it worked a little too well and by the end of the . film the cinema was filled with comatose, crazy

•

French people. \ By the time Concrete went to press the festival had not yet run its course, as such we don't know w.1o won the coveted Palm D'or. The word in Cannes · was that it will be the Coen brothers' latest effOit 0 Brother, Where Art Thou? Which is the story of a runaway chain gang in the deep south during the \ depression. lt stars George Clooney, in his most unGeorge Clooney (therefore r--!

c~e:p:t:th~is~tic~k:e:t:ap~pe:a:rs~t:o~p:ri:nt:e:d:o:n------=::::::~l

the back of a cereal

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best?) to date.

Coens performance tend to do very well atThe Cannes, having won the Palm D'or for Barton Rnk and having scoop much praise and awards for Fargo and 1re Hudsucker Proxy as well.

Nevertheless, 0 Brother faces stiff competition from Ken Loache's first American shot film Bread and Roses and the latest picture from the Merchant Ivory stable, 1re Golden Bowl, adapted from the Henry James novel. lt features Uma Thurman, Kate Beckinsale, Nick Nolte and Angelica I Houston. So by the time you J read this you will know that my tips were thoroughly erroneous and in actuality, some quasi · feminist, pseudo existentialist, five hour, black and white, Kazakstanese film featuring a cast of pygmy-goats eating their own dung won.

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I the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

the

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albu ·s: ~7

saint etienne sound of water

you're never quite sure what to expect from Saint Etienne: despite their pretensions to "pure pop", there's generally something else there too, be it the orchestral lushness of Tiger Bay or the Seventies sleaze of Good Humor. This new album, however, lacks that depth, with its pared-back sound playing pleasant though cold.

Sarah Cracknell's voice is as seductive as ever, but as much of the album is instrumental she's robbed of the chance to sidle up and pout at you, and when she does, the material she's put to work on doesn't grab your attention. it's almost as if the group hasn't got over their last project · working on a movie soundtrack • and have pumped out another

event

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singles: 40 minutes of background music. it's less porno than Good Humor, less atmospheric than So Tough, and less poppy than Foxbase Alpha, and probably less impressive than either of their two fanclub albums. But it still sh**s on the Backstreet Boys. james goffin

~6 b

jackknifelee punk rock high roller

Now what is this album title all about? One imagines a suitably pierced, bondage trouserwearing Sid Vicious wannabe in a 'salon' sitting under one of those big egg things like Nora Batty has and then going on a roller coaster to make a spllff. Whether or not this is a vision of the man with the mind that thought of the title is as yet unknown.

He is

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musical references are your thing, then this is the album for you. However, lazy comparisons to Beck will become inevitable when listening to this melting pot of hip-hop, dub, jazz, disco and Las Vegas swing. angela wood

~8

mojave a· excuses for travellers

In a world dominated by Travis and other 'sensitive' musicians you'd imagine there would be a space on the market share shelf for Mojave 3, but you'd be wrong. While Mojave 3 constantly create lovingly textured songs, refreshingly free from glib remarks and all based on louche melodies and touching lyricism, no one takes much notice. Which is a damn shame because Mojave 3 are a band who have crafted in Excuses for Travellers their most ambitious album to date.

Beginning with In Love WrttJ A View, where the omnipresent acoustic guitar is supplemented by a tender piano hook and emotive pedal steel guitar tied together by Neil Halstead's warm vocals. The peak of the album is reached by the glorious Return To Sender, which with its wonderfully upbeat melody and harmonica overdubs produces a true singalong-around-the-camp-fire classic.

Even if Excuses for Travellers doesn't quite reach the dizzying heights of Mojave 3's previous work, Out of Tune, it remains an outstanding accomplishment. alex mcgregor

wannadies big fan Another glittery pop classic from everybody's favourite Swedish pop group. Apart from the Cardigans. And Abba. And Roxette. Actually, no, Roxette were crap. But, anyway... Big Fan is typical Wannadie fodder, complete with lots of hand-claps and one of those annoyingly infectious choruses that still ferociously bounces around inside your head days after you last heard it. Definitely worth an inspection. markland starkie

also released:

ministry of sound precious various its gonna be my way

angelou waterfront

live: As it was a Sunday, and a beautiful balmy evening at that, it was something of a surprise to see what might loosely ·be termed a crowd gathered at the Waterfront to see Angelou on the Norwich leg of their Sleepy tour, promoting their second album, While You Were Sleeping. · Support was provided first by songstress Lisa Redford, whose upbeat R&B inflected acoustic formula gently warmed the crowd. The second support came in the form of The Wrecking Co, who I'm sure had just hotfooted it from a fete in Dereham or somesuch place to come and bless us with their spectacularly dire blend of barn dance inspired noise. Thus they provided support in the sense that by contrast Angelou came as a blessed relief. For those unfamiliar with Angelou, they consist of Holly Lerski (vocals and guitars), Jo Baker (backing vocals and guitars), Chris Evans (no, not that one; electric and double bass, hammond organ), and Phil DiPalma (drums and peccussion), the focal point being Holly, and to a slightly lesser extent, Jo. ·

As hardcore clubbers get ready to mingle on the island of Ibiza (lbitza, lbeefa etc) with your average tart and tartlett dressed in glitzy get-up, Ministly of Sound have released yet another compilation.

Joining the plethora of COs that entice young frolickers out to play, this double outfit is obviously aimed at recovering Ministry's status as a serious label following the release of a couple of dodgily mashed together albums. Its 39 tracks · presided over by Judge Jules • reveal a pretty mixed bag of choons including everything from the semi-cheesy • Paul Van Dyk's Tell Me Why and Angelic's tt's My Tum • to dancefloor trance fillers like Song to the Siren by Lost Witness. Well, at least it doesn't feature ATB. The album's worth a purchase if you want to hear what Jules is tipping for mid-year madness, but don't let it overshadow some of the summer's more serious dance releases. jane kirby

As one would expect from a gig on a Sunday at the Waterfront, it was a low key affair, but this Intimacy suited Angelou's style. Unfortunately, Angelou can't escape a comparison with Beth Orton's music (Orton also hailing from this area), because Holly Lerski's vocals have that rather beguiling mixtur~ of both fragile and imperturbable. I say 'unfortunately', because Beth Orton sings as effortlessly as a bird and writes·songs as near to perfection as the human condition will allow. So it Is with Angelou that they settle somewhere near that indie folkstress ground where the likes of Joni and Betlh have been, but because tl}ey are a band and not Holly Lerski as a soloist, the possibility for mainstream success is perhaps limited. The crowd responded with periodic enthusiasm, partly due to the general down-temponess of the set, though there were occasional bursts of energy with the faster Summer Homecoming and This Is Not A Love Song. In general, not a bad gig, but the evening seemed to lack an inspired air. mischa gilbert

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the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

Bereft of any memorable hook and lacking anything which could be construed as 'personality', you're left wondering what it is you're supposed to like here. it's so bland it makes S Club 7 sound like Add N To X. I guess the cover's nice, let's try to appreciate that · 'cos there's precious else to. robbie upritchard

bentley rhythm ace theme from gutbuster For a track entitled in such a way, this isn't the phattest of tunes. Pleasant and likeable as it is, with an 'inside a dance tent at a festival' feel, at times it just sounds plain jumbled. More like a Ford Escort convertible than one of them posh Jags. anthony lovell

muse unintended Normally a morose bunch, Muse have a go at what amounts to a love song. This single is a lovely and melodious song with their characteristic haunting vocals. An excellent single that will probably not do very well in the charts, but so what? ayo mansaray

01

WHITNEY HOUSTON the greatest hits

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BRITNEY SPEARS oops I did lt again

louise 2 faced

03 04

TOM JONES reload MOBY play

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PEARL JAM Binaural

'The wait is over! Louise returns,' and after listening to this record lets all hope she f**ks off again.

Unfortunately 2 Faced proves to be nothing of the k.ind, as Louise chums out the same banal girly pop sh*t as all the others. Avoid unless you really want to hear the lovely little bit of Essex banter between Louise and her 'bitches'. mark edwards

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PAUL SIMON greatest hits

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BLUETONES science and nature

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SANTANA supernat ural

Og 10

DRDRE 2001.

Engelbert Humperdink at his very best

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28 days

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good effect. lt seems that there might actually be a future for her away from speeding buses and poor romantic comedies. She is still a highly watchable actress, luckily devoid of the grating perkiness that released : continuously infects the performances of Meg Ryan showing at: and her like. The same can be said of Dominic West as her boozy (English) boyfriend who, in his selfinvolved (English) way is part of Gwen's problem.

With a central message revolving around the The solution to this romantic denouement? hazards of drink and drugs, 28 Days may, at first Introduce a boozy, misunderstood (American) love glance, appear to be more of a preaching sesh than interest who is far nicer, in his own unique a couple of hours entertainment. Surprisingly, (American) way ... Despite this cultural stereotyping, though, it manages to be a very watchable film.

West creates a very appealing character, putting his Sandra ("girl-next-door") Bullock makes a successful American rival in the shade, and demonstrating a transition from typecasting hell to play Gwen, a wonderful lack of Hugh Grantitis ... no stuttering, and writer with a weakness for alcohol who, after a surprisingly sexy. misadventure with several litres of champagne at While 28 Days tackles the subject of sobriety in a her sister's wedding, lands herself a court-ordered fair and intelligent manner, unfortunately it doesn't holiday at a rehabilitation clinic. After a fair amount make up it's mind which genre it wants to slot into. of internal conflict and further external destruction, it's preaching is not staunch enough to create a real Gwen is forced to recognise her addiction and moral undertone while the characters, especially begins the process of self-realisation. A friendship Gwen's rehab group, are not exploited enough to with her roommate, Andrea (an endearing create strong comedy, although there is unrealised performance from Azura Skye) and her fellow potential. addicts ensues, which forces Gwen to open her eyes The sexual tension between Gwen and The to the negative world she has created around her.

American does not lead to a romance, and the The journey is 'troubled' in a somewhat stereotypical moments of self-realisation are not emotional fashion, but the result of this is the shedding of her enough to result in Bullock's usual case of the old skin to reveal a sympathetic, sensitive woman who has found both interior and exterior happiness. â&#x20AC;˘ weepies. Which may be a good thing, depending on your tastes. Despite this uneasy inability to settle And, after a brief period of cold turkey where her down, 28 Days is still an entertaining film with hair and makeup take a bit of a nosedive, she engaging performances, and amidst many of the leaves rehab looking gorgeous. Rehab Hollywood current blockbuster action types it deserves a style ... you can't beat it. Bullock settles well into an. viewing. tania neumann edgier role than her usual mindless pap, and to starring :

sandra bullock dominic west azure skye friday, may 26 uci, abc, odeon

~... 8 starring :

released: showing at:

the virgin suicides kirsten dunst josh harnett kathleen turner out now uci & cinema city

Can Sofia Coppola's career get any better? As well as appearing in the last instalment of her genius father's masterwork Godfather saga (and not being very good), she has found time to produce her own super-trendy clothing label, Milk Fed, and also marry wDnderkind director Spike Jonze. And, in case that wasn 't enough, she has now followed Francis Ford's footsteps by directing her own film, The Virgin Suicides. But, before you start moaning about her blagging her way into film through her famous

daddy, you need to know the facts. First of all, they couldn't be more different if they tried. While Papa Coppola favours opulent, sprawling tales with little sense of humour, Sofia's debut offering is as light and airy as they come, with its tongue stuck firmly in its cheek. And secondly, the film really is fantastic. Although the title conjures visions of scary cult mass suicides, the 1970s set film is actually about five gorgeous blonde teenage sisters, who are the daughters of ultra-strict religious parents, played superbly by James Woods and Kathleen Turner.

After the youngest (Cecilia) attempts to commit suicide, the parents decide to allow them live more normal lives, letting them associate with boys and attend the homecoming dance. All five actresses give excellent performances as the oppressed, frustrated and slightly odd sisters with a very special

bond, but it is Kirsten Dunst as Lux (the second youngest), the intensely sexual, rebellious one, who steals the limelight. The centrepiece of the film is Lux's relationship with Trip Fontaine, the coolest kid in school. Josh Hartnett (the drug dealer in The Faculty) is perfect as the sexy, pot-smoking, virginity-stealing rebel without a cause, with his aviator shades, low slung trousers and rock star walk. Apart from his comedy wig, their relationship is handled with great sensitivity. The other strand of the Virgin Suicides focuses on the group of boys who live in the same road as the Lisbon sisters, and who happen to be obsessed with them. This is real coming of age stuff, reminiscent of Stand By Me or American Graffiti. Coppola adds some sweet touches among the wistful voiceovers such as the boys collecting Lisbon 'memorabilia ' which proves to

~. 2 starring : released: showing at:

be genuinely moving. lt still manages to retain a sense of humour and never risks drowning itself in its own sense of pathos.

What's even better is that these are no pretty-boy Hollywood twenty-something actors unconvincingly playing teenage boys Dawson's Creek style. Instead we are faced with authentic semi-gimpy, squeaky 15 year olds. The same goes for the girls. The girls are beautiful in a flawed, natural, Seventies kind of way. Indeed, the whole film is sty!ed in just such a way: dreamy and beautiful to look at, with a laid back, atmospheric soundtrack by French duo Air. Although the subject matter can be a little sombre at times, the tone is kept so light that it is more poetic than depressing. A lingering, magical film , which will renew your faith in teen movies. astrid goldsmith

maybe baby joely richardson hugh laurie june, 02 uci , abc, odeon

How many times would you like to see Hugh Laurie with his shirt off? A silly question I know, but if the answer you are searching for is somewhere less than zero then you have found the first reason for not touching this latest stab at Brit-corn with a tenfoot barge pole. The next reason? lt really is one of the most excruciatingly awful films released so far this year.

Set in uber-trendy London media land where everyone works, lives and plays in expensive loft apartments, we follow TV editor Sam (Laurie) and casting agent Lucy (Richardson) in their quest to have a baby. The result? Quite frankly the most unwelcome gratuitous nudity in the history of film .

And I'm including Showgirls in that assertion. To complicate matters (for, let's face it, two marrieds shagging in various attractive locations around London does not a long movie. make) Sam's career at the BBC is failing. When prompted to "look within " by hippie friend Drusilla (Emma Thompson in the worst, albeit brief, performance of her career) he decides to write a screenplay on their infertility problems, despite being forbidden from doing so by Lucy. Cue a gradual breakdown of their relationship as Sam gets distracted by his screenplay and Lucy starts to look elsewhere. ¡ Perhaps the main reason why none of this mess of a film works is because everyone involved seems to be trying so hard to make it funny. Every line is said

as if the actor involved, in. the hallowed traditions of British television comedy, is waiting for the sound of canned laughter to emanate from the sidelines. The script, written by Ben Elton, that most archaic of comedic talents, is so obvious in its attempts to be funny, trendy and vaguely satirical (and I use the term very loosely) that it cannot help but fail.

Indeed, many of the lines would be better suited for ¡ sitcom than for anything else. The fact that the film is based on Elton's own experiences in trying to impregnate his poor wife should have made for a slightly more realistic, if not entertaining, viewing.

Instead, it's as if he decided, after one or two many oh-so sophisticated dinner parties with his showbiz mates (Joanna Lumley, Dawn French, Rowan Atkinson), to make a film which all his friends could be in. Add to this the fact that both Laurie and Richardson are never, at any point in the film, a believable couple does sort of undermine a relationship which is really at the heart of the film.

Laurie appears not have been able to understand that each scene is not part of a sketch show, and, thus overacts like mad, while Richardson, although not as bad, is terribly terribly wet. As a result, neither character is in the slightest bit engaging.

Indeed, Maybe Baby seems to have contracted the disease which has been threatening to kill off the so-called resurgence of the British film industry for much of the past year. Commonly known as Law/FrosVMiller Syndrome, it is assumed that if you combine the egos of individually talented actors then the end result will be a masterpiece. And the outcome, yet again, is that we the audience, are treated to a medley of unadulterated crap. adam chapman

the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

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re 1ew: pages l!l

four meals meir shalev Though not exactly a household name over here, Meir Shalev is an accomplished Israeli novelist, although this is only his third nove l. All -ready a hit across Europe, Four Meals finally gets its English debut. The four meals of the title refers to a series of mea ls that Zayde, the narrator, has over a period of several decades. Zadye is the son of Judith, a beautiful and enigmatic woman who entered and cha nged the lives of three men irrevocably. There is Globerman, a coarse cattle- breeder and Rabinovitch, a haun ted cha racter with an obsession for his lost braid of hair which his mother cut off in childhood.

The thi rd man is She1nfeld who IS the host of the four meals. Throughout the meals with Shienfeld Zadye comes to learn why all three men consider h1m their son and learns of his mother's life and the history of these men that have all had a role in bnnging him up .

This IS a quite amaz1ng book. A celebration of life in all its poetic beauty, sorrow and melancholy. Most of

•

rev1ew: pages

all , it is about love, what it does to people, the need for love and the desi re to follow it wherever it may take you. Shalev's narrative talent at tell ing a story with vision and scope, as shown in th is novel, IS reminiscent of Gabriel Marq uez at his best. This is a fairyta le which, at the same ti me, is all too real in its sentimen ts. There is a line where Zadye muses "some say that the purpose of every story is to give order to reality . .. not chronological order, but also degrees of importance. Others say tha t every story comes into the world only to answer questions. In school, the teacher once told us that the story of Adam and Eve .. . explains why we hate snakes. At the time I thought 'why not make up a big story w1th such weighty matters ... simply to explain such a trite and trivial issue as hating snakes? '' This is a dazzling book, wh ich gleams wi th untold riches, told w1th a searching and piercing eye. Shalev has shown himself to be a master storyteller. ayo mansaray

~8 b

touch uea creative writing This latest collection of poems from the prolific students of UEA are bound together by the common theme of colour.

The concept IS expoited 111 an disparate yet effect1ve way, from the simple descnpt1on of "light brown stubs" m To You Who Speak no English to the whole essence of the poem in What's the colour?

Th1 s poem by Rachel Crookes IS a sad story of love, with the narrative voice trying to rel1ve the love of her parents by sl eep1ng w1th a man w1th ha1r "like gold", l1ke her fathe r's. Of course, their love-making was "every bit a shade of grey" and 1t ends on a solemn note w1th her heart "half lit w1th a dy1ng flame ". Many different colou rs are used in th1s poem, all creating different moods and contrasts.

The poem is easily the most moving and descriptive 111 this volume and IS a good example of colour be1 ng used as a tool to create moods and explain emotions.

Dragons by John McCullough uses colou r 1n a very different way. The poem is short, being four stanzas of two lines, yet it uses the colours of "blaze red dragons" and "the pink of your lip" to grea t effect in

review: theatre

view· theatre

~7

guys and dolls uea drama society

the bacchae silhouette productions Prom1smg a sensual , modern update of Eunp1des' Greek classic The Bacchae complete with a hard core dance soundtrack, th1s was a spinted Interpretation by the director Alex Sehmer. As with reworkmg any class1c, there are pitfalls to avoid. lt 1s easy to make any work modern , but the di fficulty 1s to make 1t seem somehow relevant. Choos1 ng to stay close to the speech of the text, w1th 1ts someti me poetic sol1loqu1es. there is a Shakespearean quality to a lot of the dialogue .

The st01y 1s m essence a moral ta le. of one errant Dem1 -god D1onysus, and the folly of one man m pa rticular - Pentheus. D1 onysus, god of wine and org1astic excess. has been lunng the good women of Thebes mto the mountams where they engage m savage Bacchanalian ntes and org1es.

Pentheus, the k1ng of Thebes was none to pleased, and was concerned by reports of what the women of Thebes are gett1ng up 1n the mounta1ns. Impotent and unable to do much about 1t, the k1ng IS offered an end to the Bacch1c org1es by D1onysus, who appears to h1m unknowmgly m mortal gu1se.

a simple and minimal form. The language IS used spanngly in succ inct phrases, leav1ng the real meaning of the poem's allusions up to the Interpretati on of the reader. The first en try 111 th1s volume, Millennium Gift, charts the changing colours of a Cathedral in the sunset. The meta phors used in th1s poem range from the realiStiC to the fantastica l, with phrases such as "the sweet music IS the sound of Mickey tak1ng M1nnie from behind" and "a drunk woman who has fallen over and finds the holes in her t1ghts amusing". Millennium Gift uses colours ranging from "Disney-pink" to "turquoise" to symbolise feelings and events. it is a fairly impersonal poem 1n comparison with the other entnes in Touch Poetry with the author giving away little about herself, but the diStance which she keeps between herse lf and the reader makes it easier to fi nd a personal meaning between the lines.

The idea of using colour as a theme for t h1s volume of UEA poetry has worked well, with an intell1gent and diverse style tha t creates an emotive response in the reader. elin jon es

Recalcitrant and proud , Pentheus refuses to offer worship to the megalomaniac Dionysus. Th1s being a Greek tragedy, woe and more woe is brought upon the house of the k1 ng.

The play opens with a quite brilliant and audaciou s scene, where Pentheus IS seen masturbating to a film. However, this mitially strik1ng use of a collection of televiSIOn screens placed on the set 1s not continued.

Th1s IS a shame and a m1ssed opportunity. The choreograph ed pant1ng and wn th1ng of the Bacchana lian org1es d1d become sl1ghtly weansome, but w1th a dance rou ti ne thrown m for good measure, the play was constantly interesting.

Performances by the cast though generally good, were somewhat uneven .

Part1cular noteworthy were Ryan We1r as D1onysus and Ben Bedford who played t11e feeble Pentheus w1th comed1c panache. Th1s was an enterta1n1ng 1nterpretat1on of a class1c, w1th skilful directing. and creat1ve performances that delighted aud1ences at ayo mansaray the UEA Studio.

the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

The Drama society put on their interpretation of Frank Loesser's Guys and Dolls at the beginning of the month under the direction of Aoi fe Clifford . The cast was led by Robin Phlllips as Sky Masterson , Frederik Straarup as Nathan , Elinor Lester pl aying Sarah and Katharine Chambers as Miss Adelaide.

The LCR lent 1tself well to this Informal performance wi th the bar being open throughout, especially useful on the second night as the performance was delayed for an hour by a techn ica l problem with the lighting. Whi le not to some people 's taste, mus1cals always provide a fun and entertaining nigh t out and Guys and Dolls was certainly no exception. The excellent score was done justice by the band, and Included famous class1cs such as Luck be a Lady and Sit Down You 're Rocking The Boat. Although some amateur productions are marred by poor vocal performances, the cast of Guys and Dolls was made up of some very ta lented vocalists, 1nclud1ng Kathanne Chambers, Stephen Qu1n, El1nor Lester and Robin Phillips, who showcased h1s talents agam at last week's T2K. The supportmg cast was also

very good, with the dance rs of the Music Box and those from Ballads giving vibrant and enthusiastic performances.

Guys and Dolls follows the fortunes of Nathan Detroit as he tries to find a venue for his 'Crap game' (no sniggering! ) while avoid1ng h1s fiance Miss Adelaide who is desperately try1ng to set a date for the1r weddi ng. Sky Masterson's tumultuous courtship with Salvation Army Sergeant Sarah forms the subplot, as doesthe fight to keep the Salvat1on Army open 1n New York, city of smners. The start of the play seemed a little over-indu lgent - 1 5 mmutes of InCidental mus1c w1th the open1ng cha racters standing 1n the dark .

For the remainder of the mus1ca l, however, the pace was fast-moving and we ll -directed. The light1 ng and props were min1mal (as one would expect from an ama teur performance) yet effective, and the costumes were surpns1ngly good - apparently due to afternoons spent m1ssmg lectures by trawling the chanty shops of Norw1ch! elin jones

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video: simply irresistable sarah michelle gellar ean patrick flannery

available to rent now Sarah Michelle who? Oh, her. In case you were any doubt, the video sleeve-notes themselves tell you all you ever needed to know about the star of I Know What You Did La t Summer, the Maybelline adverts and that, er, vampire thing. Fans of these will probably have a tough time with this lightweight "enchanting romance", though how many will watch this for the plot?

Talking of plot, director Mark Tarlov's debut film sees SMG as Amanda Shelton, the owner of a restaurant inherited from her mother. Whilst buying a stock of crabs from a strange figure in a marketplace, as you do, Amanda's path crosses • with wealthy executive Tom Bartlett. (Flannery, star of the Young Indiana Jones and of considerably less interest to the sleeve-note writers.) Inevitably, he becomes the man of her dreams. Uttle does she know that help to win him over will come from one of the crustaceans she's just bought.

Watched over by the supernatural crab (!), the restaurant staff begin to see exotic souffles appearing out of nowhere, something they seem more than ready to accept. Then Amanda's meals start havmg strange effects on her customers, to the point where her own emotions are somehow

~... 8

inserted into the food and then "experienced" by the diners.

As you 've probably noticed, this is not a film to argue for on grounds of realism. In fact, the scene in Bartlett's restaurant with the billowing fog and wavy psychedelic flooring suggest a very sinister edge to the whole project. Of course, it is nothing more than the "intoxicating power" of love itself that allows the characters to float on air, first metaphorically and then literally, surrounded again by an unashamedly cliched smoke effect.

More Sabrina the Teenage Witch than Buffy the Vampire Slayer, this moves along pleasantly if you're watching for any other reason than the two stars.

Patricia Clarkson, recently in The Green Mile gives a notable performance as Lois McNally, Bartlett's love crazed assistant. Probably the best scenes in the film are her desperate attempts to get her hands on yet more of the eclairs; delicacies inspired by the influence of a culinary crab. And that just about sums it up really.

Sickeningly sweet at times, but surprisingly watchable consrdering the well-worn plotline. But simply Irresistible? it depends on what they've put in your food.

Johnathan Rolfe

gam . fear effect

playstation £39.99, our now "Death the thing we fear most: of all the senses pain is the purest, it rs wrthout ambrgurty, you erther feel rt or you don't".

Looks like the game makers are gomg all philosophrcal on us. They can pack that rn for starters. Anyway, except for the cheesy dralogue thrs game rs a peach.

007 Bond meets Stealth A~sassin, creep up behrnd undetected and 'do-em' mobster style wrth one bullet 1n the back of the head or JUst strck a gun in each hand and let all hell break loose.

If you're into action packed 'shoot em ups' then thrs one rs nght up your street. Four drscs-worth of non· stop actron. This rs the eprc that wrll break up those long bonng summer days before your return to glorious UEA. A qurck synopsrs of the plot for those who are rnterested: it's Hong Kong, some trme in the future.

You're on another rescue mission; this trme rts the daughter of a powerful Chrnese business man and he'll pay handsomely for. her safe return - or will he?

Tell you the truth I haven't got past drsc one yet so

~. 6

game: vampire hunter d left hand • 10 out of 10 to who ever thought of that.

playstation £39.99, out now how the hell should I krlow.

You get to play three characters at the same trme, its the usual assortment, the chrck with the body and the attitude, the washed up Rambo geezer and the psycho - but he's JUSt mrsunderstood really. As you go through the game, you flick between characters action packed scenes.

One mmute you're the grrl and someone's holdrng a gun to your head and the next rnrnute you're Rambo and you're face to face wrth a helicopter gunshrp.

Of course, there rs the odd puzzle to solve keys to collect and the usual accoutrement of odds and sods. But don't let that put you off; the real fun starts when you're all guns a-blazing 1n a full-on fire fight.

For sheer entertamment you'll have to go along way to find a better game than thrs one. There are plenty of moves to get the hang of: but nothing you haven't seen before. The graphics are spot on, can't really fault them.

All sard and done thrs game is a must.

Stevcn Graves

Same, same, but drfferent rs the only way to describe Vampire Hunter 'D'.

All the usual stuff,mind numbrng problems to solve, zombies and a vanety of other evrl creatures to slay rn your quest to vanquish the forces of evrl etc etc ..

Go from room to room, unlock the various doors, solve the puzzles and kill everything that moves.

Sound familiar?

You are 'D'. a cross between Dick Turprn and Bons Karloff, and your mission is to rescue the farr marden Charlotte from the evil clutches of the vamprre kingy type person.

Set some time rn the distant future, when the world rs overrun by vamprres and the human race is all but extrnct, 'D' rs a confused character, half human and half blood sucker, though berng the nrce chap that he is he prefers 'Blood Prlls' to the real thing.

He's the kind of guy Buffy would go for rn a big way.

Armed wrth a sword, a vanety of exploding devrces and a Batfink·style cloak he sets out to slay the evil ones.

Bizarrely, hrs company on the mrssion is his talking

7

it's worth a look JUSt to see the hand talk!

Though anyone who rs of a neNous drsposrtron mrght want to avoid lookmg, rts JUSt too werrd for words!

Its a brt slow to begm with, the action scenes are farrly dull, the game suffers from a lack of atmosphere, and the zombres are rubbish - though I think we've all had our fill of zombres for the trme berng.

The graphics aFe passable and the backdrops are fairly bright with some elaborate designs, which is handy because, rf you're like me, you'll spend the first few hours runnmg mto the walls .• 'D'has a two speed gear box whrch veers from mrnd numbingly slow to uncontrollable fast, whrch is rrntatrng to say the least.

However, once you've avorded the walls and mastered the crazy speeds, you can zap around the castle for hours on end. it's a case of 'thrs looks shrt' but like many such puzzly games rt's so addrctrve that once you start Steven Grave~ you JUSt have to finish.

game: urban chaos

plays tat ion £39.99 Out now Urban Chao is dubbed as the 'Tomb Raider for the millennium', but this seems a tad early. Indeed, the female star of Urban Chaos, D'arci Stern, will probably never have in her honour three models, four games, a contract with Lucozade and a 'special place' in the minds of 13 year old boys.

Asrde from this, the description is actually inaccurate. The game is more an attempted hybrid between Tomb Raider, Driver and Grand Theft Auto.

The first person perpective of Tomb Raider is present, as is the enjoyable pursuit of random shooting that made GTA so popular. Add vehicles available for Driver-esque police work, and the makings of a stunning game are in place.

Unfortunately, rt doesn't quite pull rt off. The game falls short in all departments, with the graphics poor compared to what the Playstation is capable of. The drivmg, while fun, has none of the handling of Driver, although the missron set up of GTA is well recreated.

Other factors add to the irritatron. The radar to navigate is a good idea, but isn't explarned, and is rmpossrble to use when dnving. The game is also far

from plug in and play material - rt takes a while to get into and learn the ropes.

The object of Urban Chaos is to control one of two characters and complete missions. D'arci Stern rs "an agile street-savvy female cop" while Roper Mclntyre is "a mysterious ex-soldier". The missions with D'arci, though, are easier to grasp, with policing a gang war the marn task. However, the very first mission with Roper is extremely difficult, which is annoying. Needrng to enlist the help of two men, one is impossrble to find whrle the other beats the hell out of any man that comes near him - not good when trymg to avoid the police.

Despite the rrntations, though, this game is fun to play. Indeed, some of the flaws add an important element of comedy to the game. Not knowrng the buttons can lead to lamprng passers by (funnrer than it sounds) but the real comedy is through an inspired sense of humour from the game rtself.

Indeed, at one point, D'arci tells an rnformant "If I don't find this guy I'm going to get it in the ass!"

Maybe she wrll be in those fantasres, after all.

Will Halscy

the event, wednesday, may 24 , 2000

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inspected: tv

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essential tv 01: highlights Perhaps tt's because the weather is Improving, but highlights are suddenly rather hard to come by. Depressing though it is to announce, the summer season is upon us, bringing with it the usual range of repeats, sport and programmes that weren't deemed good enough for the rest of the year when peop le actually watch TV. Channel Four are finally allowtng Lock Stock ... (Mon, 21:00), The Series Based On The Hit Film, to see the light of day. lt wil l probably be interesting to watch, m the same way as watching a car accident.

Didn't these people see Po l ice Academy: T he Series (C5, Mon, 19:00 if anyone wants to)?

Of course some good shows have escaped.

Michacl Moore's The Awfu l Truth (C4, Tue, 23:35) is back at last. Mark Thomas may have stolen Moore's brand of political comedy, but the original remains the best. Recent stunts include persuading presidential candidates to crowd surf. Reputations (BBC2, Tue, 21:00) IS always worth a look, m case you need reminding how genuinely weird celebrities can be. And provmg that the

general public can be equally as odd IS Euro tras h (C4, Wed, 22:30), which seems to have been running forever. Although, how long it will stay afl oat without the unique talents of Lola Ferrari is another matter entirely. Pun most definitely intended.

Also, some of the repeats are worthy of repeating. Friends (C4, Fri, 21:00) and Spin City (C4 , Wed, 23:05) never fai l to raise a smile, and there is classic British comedy with Step toe and So n (BBC2, Thur, 21:00) and Not The Nine O'Clock News (BBC2, Sun, 21:30).

Just make sure you avoid 13 irds of a Feather (BBC1, Fri, 20:30): it wasn't funny the first time. Finally, Maki ng Faces, last week (C4, May 19th, 19:00; pictured) was an Interesting little one-off to say the least. Presented by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (the weirdo chef who likes cooking insects and things), it was an inteNiew with Jerry Hall ... whtlst she had her portrait done (by artist Paul Benney).

Hmm, I wonder why they haven't made it into a series. Better luck next time, Hugh! jim whallcy

essential tv 02: the richard blackwood show

essential filrn: scent of a woman friday. bhc I

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Marttn Brest's Scent of a Woman (1992) IS the story of a rettred lieutenant colonel, Frank Slade {played to Oscar-wtnnmg perfectton by AI Pacmo) who 11as lost his sight. Having dectded to commit suictde, he dectdes to spend one last hedontsttc weekend m New York, and chooses unworldly 17 -yea r -old student Charlie Simms (Chns O'Donnell) as hts eyes wtth whtch to navtgate through thts deftly executed tale.

Delicately keeptng 1ts balance between mushy sentimentality and unnecessary melodrama, thts film is at once funny and genuinely moving, taking us through the deepenmg relattonshtp between Stmms and Slade as 1t moves towards its inevitable concluston. O'Donnell .. as Pactno·s gutdmg escort through an eye-opentng Thanksgtvtng weekend of last-chance sinning, gtves an understated, memorable performance yet is almost tnevttably ecltpsed by Pacmo·s wonderfully controlled role.

Waltztng with Gabnelle Anwar, takmg a Ferarn on a htgh-speed test dnve, and caustng a trail of destruction through hts sutcidally nonchalant

dtsregard for the Green Cross Code, Pacmo's character blunders delightfully through a pile-up of very funny set-pteces, hackmg out hts rasptng "lloo-ha'" catchphrase at ternfied and bemused ctvtlians all the way. The tdea of the blind leadmg the blmd - Slade leadmg hts natve escort towards a fuller apprectatiOn of life - allows for the relattonshtp between the two characters to balance and compltment each other so well that you sense by the end they're almost ltvtng symbiollcally. O'Donnell also manages to use Pacino's bombast and the nature of the two characters' relallonshtp as a means of definmg Stmm's growtng personality. But tt's the waltz scene that will stick in your mind, seNtng to provtde a template example of what makes thts potentially mawkish movie so sattsfying. Filmed wtth all the neNous attentton to detail and k1net1c excttement of an action sequence. it totters precanously between disaster and bnlltance, providmg a textbook example of how to make the most perfectly choreographed scenes look ltke the vttal, precanous balance between ltving life as completely as posstble and falling flat on your arse. Hoo-ha, mdeed. stephcn collin:-.

wcdncsda) C4

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Rtchard Blackwood recently beat off competition from Red Dwarf's Cratg Charles, Dudley's finest, Lenny Henry and fellow chat show host lan Wnght to win Best TV comedy personality at the first Black lnternattonal Comedy awards . it's wtth thts m mtnd that there are even htgher hopes for the second series of hts no-holds-barred comedy chat show. Becomtng as btg as the stars he's able to pull 1n every week and sportmg the obligatory ·shiny' su1t to match hts new status, the ·man' Blackwood looks ever closer to achievtng the same dizzy hetghts as his tdol, Will Smtth. Can he add an acttng debut to his ltst?

A long-ttme presenter of tile Select Request Show on MTV, and soon to be a pop star wtth new single Mamma. Who·, Da Man'' released at the beginning of June on the East West label, Blackwood IS 1n no way a stranger to fame. Able to boast Naomi Campbell as a cousin, the man htmself hopes she'll turn up for hts show at some point. Hts uncle, Junior Giscomb is managing his new music career and had a hit himself 1n the 1980s With Mamma U>cd To Say. Never short

esseP soaps

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tv:

So final ly Brookside's long-awaited double wedding reaches our screens this week. Rachel Jordache will tie the knot with Mike Dixon, whilst Jacqui intends to get hitched to the aristocratic Nathan, but tenston rises when Rachel starts soapland's ob ligatory preceremonial crisis by getting all jittery and uncertain of her feelings. She's learned of the paedoph ilia accusations that are being levelled at her 'surrogate' father, Sinbad, and after fi nding Mike in a locked bathroom with Beth, becomes disturbed by echoes from her own experience of abuse. Becoming convinced that Mike may be more like her father than she thought, she starts to question her love for him.

Her previous marriage to bonkers Christian has added to her wariness of getting hitched, but it seems all the clues are pointing to a rather tearful day at least.

Eastendcrs sees a somewhat fraught time for Beppe when he has a heart attack after knocking back some of Steve's amphetamines, mistaking them for aspirin.

Waking up in hospital (still with the most immaculate beard on TV, naturally) he gets a great opportunity to look a bit worried about life and that, perhaps knocking out a few croaky-votced soliloquies on the nature of existence and beard maintainance . We also see his bare chest as he lies in his hospital bed, and it is hairier than Pat's btkini line . lt also gtves you a chilling idea of what his face might look like if he didn't keep it in check. Terrifying.

Over Neighbours way, Teresa the sexy teacher is

the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

of stars, the ftrst senes of The Richard Blackwood Show saw appearances from Sptce Girl turned Dance Diva Mel B/G and 'wtld-ha tred ' boxmg promoter Don Ktng.

Even wtth the huge number of stars seemingly flocking to appear on the show, there's also more stand up comedy and sketches to show why Blackwood got the award. Expect to see the return of Rev Richie, the best and most notonous part of the show last year and perhaps the greatest .. homage to hatrstyle" the aforementioned Ktng has yet recetved. More outrageous audience embarrassments to come as well, though whether they go as far this ttme rematns to be seen. Spontaneity betng something of a Blackwood trademark, the show IS recorded very close to transmisston. If you think you've seen Jma , the smger with house band Superfly before, she was also on the Hi-Gate track. Pitchin a whtle back. There's no shortage of live acts either; last week saw De la Soul performing t11e1r new smgle and thts week rapper DMX puts in an appearance.

One to nval the I an Wright Show on the other stde. thougl1 tt's already one - nil to Richard Blackwood on comedy awards. Wonder what his football's ltke? jonathan rnlfc

disturbed to find her violent ex-husband Brendan back on her tail. He skulks in begging her to give him another chance, claiming he can now control his anger, and she finds herself getting sucked m. But will she give him another go? Also in Erinsborough, Tad believes he's found his real mother, as he gets talking to Rachel after te lling his sorry ta le to the adoption support group. But will he find the bottle to come out with it and ask her? Meanwhile there's finacial worries in the Scully household when Lyn gets fired from her sa lon job and t he contractor Joe has been working for goes bust. And Libby decides to bring her marriage to Drew closer by changing t he date.

In Home and Away, Natalie has left Summer Bay and her husband after he refuses to forgive her adulterous ways and bring up another man's baby. Sam Marshal! seems to be verging on a prom ising surfing career, perhaps looking to take his considerable acting talents elsewhe re. The question of whether or not he too says goodbye to the Bay rests upon a big surfing competition he needs to win. Dona ld tells him that if he wms, he can go professiona l, and if he loses he must stay at schoo l. And Edward's struggle to cope with Huntingdon's disease by living for the moment comes aga inst problems when he tries to get Peta into bed. She's furious at being treated like a lastminute addition to his life experience, and refuses to satisfy his, er, lust for life. Perhaps if he tells her he loves her ... ? st ephcn collins

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the essential guide to what's going on in norwich over the coming fortnight

event horizon: film union films double jeopardy thursday, may 25 Ashley Judd stars as the wronged w1fe who goes to Jail for the murder of her husband, a "cnme she didn't commit" ... she has, instead, been set up by the aforementioned hubb1e. Taking advantage of some dumbarse loophole 1n the U.S. legal system she sets out to kill him after release, knowing she cannot be tried for the same crime again. Tommy Lee Jones repnses h1s role from The Fugitive and sets off to stop her from breakmg her parole. Utter pants ... but still quite fun.

wonderland fnday, JUne 09 M1chael Wmterbottom's critically acclaimed film makes one last appearance before 1ts VIdeo release.

An exammat1on of a London fam1ly pulled off with such style and feeling that you would be stup1d to miSS lt.

varsity blues tuesday, JUne 13 James Van Der Beek and John Vo1ght star in th1s h1gh school Amencan Football mov1e. Van Der Beek show about as much charisma here as he does as on Dawson's Creek. In case you find sarcasm in pnnt a hard one to get.. . he is shlt.

stigmata fnday, may 26 Patnc1a Arquette 1n crap mov1e shocker, starnng as a hairdresser who starts to suffer from Stigmata.

Prizes for originality true ... but the less said the better.

pushing tin wednesday, June 14 Followmg the day-to-day goings on at a New York a1r traffic control facility, John Cusack and Angelina Jolie star.

edtv tuesday, may 30 Ever wondered what it would be like to be followed around 24 hours a day by a television crew and to have your every move shown m telev1s1ons across the country? No? Well, here's your chance; as Matthew McConaughey stars as Ed who is chosen to do just that. Nothing too demanding... an entertaining night's viewing.

toy story 2 thursday, JUne 15 If you haven 't seen this yet... YOU ARE A FOOL! Far surpass1ng the first Toy Story 1n both humour, characterisation and style, 1t is well worth catchmg in all 1ts glory before video release. And bear th1s in m1nd: at least there won't be any puk1ng, mewling, scabby little brats running up and down the aisles pulling each other's hair. Then again .. it is LCR night.

the limey thursday, june 01 Steven Soderbergh who recently made Erin Brokovich With Julia Roberts, directs Terence Stamp and Peter Fonda in this stylish film about an ex-con Investigating the death of his daughter. the astronaut's wife friday, JUne 02 Rosemary's Baby with a space age tw1st, starring Char1ise Theron and Johnny Depp. Not exactly brain surgery ... but it beats revising doesn't it? guest house paradise tuesday, june 06 Does the idea of two has-been retarded television stars who were funny when you were about 13 and still found tart jokes funny still appeal? Are you a member of the rugby club? If yes, then this "film" starring Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson basically rehashing their life's work into an hour and a halfs "amusement" should be right up your back alley.

Death is too good for you, you morons. summer of sam thursday, june 08 Meeting only luke-warm reviews on its release last year, Spike Lee's ensemble piece starring Mira Sorvino is still a touching and, at times, funny, movie set during the "Son of Sam" murders in 1975.

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cinema city the cherry orchard Costume drama starring Charlotte Rampling as a spurned woman who returns to her family home 1n Russia to save her family estate from financial rum. wednesday, may 24 - 14:00 the carriers are waiting (les convoyeurs attendant) Cntically acclaimed French comedy drama about a father's obsession with getting his son into the Guinness Book of World Records. wednesday, may 24, tl)ursday, may 25 - 17:45 the cradle will rock Set at the tail end at the Depression, Tim Robbins' film is an entertaining look at the attempts• at a theatre troupe led by Orson Welles to stage the prounion musical The Cradle Will Rock. Starring John Cusack and Bill Murray. wednesday, may 24, thursday, may 25 - 20:15 holy smoke Kate Winslet and Harvey Ke1tel star m this disappointing film from Jane Campion. friday, may 26 - 17:30, sunday, may 28 - 14:30, tuesday, may 30, wednesday, may 31 and thursday, june 01 - 20:30 •

sunshine Follow1ng three generations of a Jew1sh fam1ly th1s ep1c film sees Ralph Fiennes playing a different part 1n each generation. monday, may 29 - 19:45, tuesday, may 30, wednesday, may 31 - 17:15, thursday, June 01 14:00 and 17:15 three kings Brilliant Gulf War drama starring George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg. Quite original by Hollywood standards. fnday, may 26 - 23:15 asterix and obelix vs caesar Live action adaptation of the Astenx com1cs. D1d very well 1n France ... 'Nuf sa1d. saturday, may 27, monday, may 29, tuesday, may 30, friday, june 02, saturday, june 03 - 14:30 love's labour lost Kenneth Branagh's latest attempt to adapt Shakespeare for the masses. Th1s lime he cut out half of the Bard 's own l1nes and replaced them w1th Cole Porter songs. Cultural barbarism anyone? wednesday, may 31 - 14:30 the insider AI Pacino and Russell Crowe star in th1s "based on real events" drama about the infamous exposure of corruption in the tobacco industry. Not to be missed. sunday, may 28 - 19:30 of freaks and men Russian film set in turn-of-the-century St. Petersburg. fnday, June 02, saturday, june 02, monday, june 05 - 17:45 tuesday, June 06, wednesday, june 07 - 20:15 thursday, JUne 08 - 14:30 and 20:15 nor a Following the exploits of Nora Barnacle and her relationship with Irish writer James Joyce. Starnng Ewan McGregor and Susan Lynch. friday, JUne 02, saturday, june 03 - 20:15 tuesday, june 06 - 14:30 and 17:45 wednesday, june 07, thursday, JUne 08- 17:45 portrait of a lady Nicloe Kidman stars in this uneven adaptation of Henry James classic. sunday, june 04 - 14:00

joan of arc The English really are ev11 bastards aren't we? Well 1f films made by non-Anglo Saxon directors are to go by then the answer would seem to be yes. wednesday, June 07 - 14:00 -~ la nouvelle eve This latest French release follows Camille -and her love for a married father of two. friday, june 09, saturday, JUne 10 - 17:45 tuesday, June 13, wednesday, june 14, thursday, june 15 - 20:15· my life so far David Puttnam's latest tells the story of an eccentnc Scottish family, told through the eyes of a ten year old boy. Starnng Calm "I'm never go1ng to escape that bastard Darcy for as long as I can fit 1nto a pa1r of breeches" Firth . · friday, JUne 09, saturday, June 10 - 20:15 tuesday, june 13, wednesday, june 14: 17:45 thursday, JUne 15 - 14:30 and 17:45 the piano Jane Camp1on directs Holly Hunter in th1s story about an autistiC woman and her piano. Better than my summary implies. sunday, JUne 11 - 14:30 the talented mr. ripley Anthony Mmghella's Oscar nominated film, based on Patricia H1ghsmith's R1pley novels, starring Matt Darnon as the outsider who wants a part of Jude Law's life, as well as a part of him (if you know what I mean .. hurhurhur) wednesday, june 14 - 14:30 the virgin suicides Set in 1970s America Sofia Coppola's eagerly awaited debut. Well worth waiting for and definitely , _ enough to forgive her lamentable turn in The Godfather, Part 3. Reviewed on page 15 .. fnday, june 16 - 17:45

uci american beauty A little-known film which should do quite well, starring a real mover and shaker, Kevin Spacey.

Should hear big things from him. american psycho Mary Harron's far superior adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' novel. Starring Christian Bale in a careermaking performance as Wall Street yuppie Patrick Bateman .

whatever happened to harold smith?

The "revival" of the British film industry does not start here. sunday, JUne 04 - 17:00

elmo in grouchland Three words ... Like pulling teeth.

magnolia Two words ... Utterly sublime. sunday, june 04 -. 19:30

!'lrin brokovich Career resurgence of the highest order for Julia Roberts in this environmental human drama based

use our searchable listings database at www.concrete-online.co.uk

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the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

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event horizon on real even ts. fight club One of the most stylistically accomplished and sorely underrated fi lms of last year. Catch it here in all its glory before it is released on video. Starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton and Helena BonhamCarter. fina l des tin at i on See essen tial film 02. ga la xy quest Space spoof starring Sigourney Weaver, Tim Alien ·· and Alan Rickma n, following the exploits of a group of television actors who get m1staken by a group of al1ens for real space explorers. Funnier than it sounds. g l adiator See essential fi lm 01 . hanging up 111-advtsed teaming of Meg Ryan, Lisa Kudrow and D1ane Keaton in this pretty damn poor comedy about three s1sters coming to terms with the1r own relationships as a result of by the illness of their father , played by Waiter Matthau. in spector gadget

For some unknown reason this is still around. STOP GOING TO SEE IT!!!! :;.- hcvin and perry go large Fans of the TV sketches wi ll lap it up (if you 'll pardon the visual nature of that sentence), others won't get 1t. .. unless they are entirely puerile.

the tiggc r mo vie The ginger tiger goes a bit mental again .. this time because he wants a mum and dad. All together now ... aaaaahhhhhh. the vi rgin suici des Reviewed on page 15. the w hol e nin e yards Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis star in this successful U.S. comedy.

as ter i x and obelix v' caes ar Live action version of the famous comic books. With English voices dubbed over the original French speaking ones. A good idea? That's what they said about th e Millennium Dome.

skinny TV stars with hair that looks like it has been butche red by the latest LA "stylist ".

ode on g l ad i ator See essential film 01. i run giant Stylishly-made kiddie flick abou t a boy and his ... iron giant. What a lovely euphemism. the whole nin e yards Hitman moves into nice subu rban neighbourhood.

Managed to do big business in the U.S . due to th e appeal of its stars, Matthew Perry and Bruce Will is. th e ti gger mov i e The best Milne character gets his own movie.

Reports from outset tell of clashing egos and cast walkouts.

sav ing grace Brenda Blethyn stars in th is latest attempt at British comedy. And , for the most part, it actually works.

Set in Cornwa ll it follows a newly widowed woman who resorts to haNesti ng weed to make ends meet. po kcmon - the firs t mov i e This is one of those occasions where you are either going to love it... or are really really going to hate it.

Unless you are seven, or like hanging outside the Star Wars emporium in town this may not appeal. I happen to have the mental age of the former so it was actually rather enjoyable.

Listi ngs written and compiled by Adam Chapman

kev in and perry go l arge Penis jokes, masturbation and grownups dressmg up as teenagers. Long live the British film industry. final destination Go here to see this latest Hol lywood '"scary" mov1e, as I'm goi ng to the UCI and I wan t a seat. Cl1eers . ga l axy quc't Vaguely satirical comedy about the stars of a sc1-fi series and their geeky fans, starring Tim Ali en, Sigourney Weaver and the ever-amazing Alan Rickman.

pokcmo n -t he first movie Roll on the second and the third and the fourth and the ... at least until a new fad comes along.

down to you Romantic comedy starring Freddie Prinze Jr and Julia Stiles ... a harmless enough affair. One to take a date to. That is if you can get one.

sc re am 3 Not nearly as bad as people have made out, and far better than Scream 2.

scream 3 Courtney Cox-Arquette proves there are far scarier th ings in life than a psyc ho in a Munch mask ...

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02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10

gladiator showing at: uci riverside, odeon Gladiator has been spectacularly over-hyped in the past month and, as is usually the case, you may leave disappointed. Having said that, Gladiator really is better than most of the dross out at the moment •. which is perhaps the reason for the gushing that took place on its release. Rid ley Scott has managed to create a visua lly stunning

mupp et s fr o m space Which is nothi ng compared to the off-scree n antics on this latest from the Jim Henson company. Union strikes over pay, pregnancy scare for Miss Piggy and the news that Gonzo had checked into rehab for coke addiction (hello ... you 've seen the nose).

epic with so lid performances from the likes of Russell Crowe and Joa qui n Phoenix. The on ly qu ibble is th at it is a little bit too epic, and overreliant on CGI effects, so much so that it manages to detract from what is actually quite a pedestrian story-line. Worth seeing, though , for the excellent fight scenes.

'" the event, wednesday, may 24 , 2000

chart .

gladiator kevin & perry go large scream 3 erin brockovich galaxy quest american psycho hanging up pokemon: t he first movie the tigger movie man on the moon

£3, 555 ,446 £621,343 £454,746 £322,232 £301,322 £218,822 £194,112 £169,969 £159,078 £108,722

final destination showing at: uci In many ways far more impressive tha n the somewhat jaded Sc ream trilogy, th is latest "scary movie" is quite effective with its own mix of death and humour. Eschewing the irony of the most recent spate of teen horror movies (it's sooo 1990s), Final Destination follows the story of Alex who, the night before he is due to leave on a school trip to Paris,

has a premonition of the plane exploding and subsequently gets his group of friends kicked off the fl ight. Having cheated death ... death decides it has other ideas, and stalks the group one by one.

Starring a host of good-looking American teens (are th ere any other kind?) including Kerr Smith (Jack from Dawson 's Creek) .

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pure swing

wednesday: may 24

manhattan's - club n1ght it's pure and 1t's swmgm· . What more could you want?

a simp le man theatre royal - play Based on the life and works of L.S.Lowry, this work, performed by the Northern Ballet Theatre, combines ballet and modern dance techniques to superb effect.

Runs until Saturday, May 27 . £4.50-£23 19:30

superfly mojo's - club night H1p-hop, funk w1th the odd splash of drum & bass here and there. Watch out for breakin ' boys on the floor and afros reaching to the ceiling

thursday: may 25 Ier uea - club night A chance for drunken mid-exam hedonism, before, at midnight, the grim realisation hits you that life is evil, the floor is sticky, and no, they really don't fancy you after all. And you pay to come here £2.75 advance

essen t i a I time - club night Time goes head to head w1th the lcr and liquid With another student night. With promoted drinks at £1.50 all night, you are sure to be drunk in no time. £1 B4 23:00. (With NUS)

headup + d minus fat pauly's - gig more corking alternative tunes from El Pablo, who also promises us 'very special guests'. £3 bj col e and Iuke vibert waterfront - gig collaborating artists, whose album 'Stop the Panic', was released 1n February and got lots of acclaim for being a top concoction of hip hop, jazz, drum & bass and even country.The Neutnnos support. £8.50

rammed ikon - club night Chart mus1c, cheap drinks .. . time to get drunk methinks.

the loft - club mght

charty handb aggy

Prince of Wales Road

Book Now On 0541 560 567

danza libre uea - gig it's not every day that people from Cuba come to Namge, especially not a Folkloric and Contemporary Dance company celebrating its tenth anniversary. should be better than a lot of what passes for entertainment these days.

elegant mojo's -club night Feeling a bit shabby recently? Well come here and you'll feel utterly refined. If you're not drunkenly puking your guts out by the end of the evening, that

is.

friday: may 26

a simple man theatre royal - play See Wednesday's entry for details 19:30

student nighi liquid - club n1ght Cheap dnnks and large choons for anyone willing to tear themselves from campus and into town.

space

empower fat pauly's - club night Bands featured are Midget and Spot, who sound more like children 's book characters than bands but who are we to judge. £3

a s imple man theatre royal - play see Wednesday's entry for details.

14:00, 19:30

nuff waterfront - gig nothing to do with snuff movies, we are assured, expect indie rock from some very much alive musicians. Support from Less Than Jake. Perhaps Jake will be in the audience. £7

Popular gay n1ght at the club with the attractive zebra decor on the wall outside. Mmm.

2 1 ..

kitch e n waterfront - club night Luckily this venue bears no resemblance to your Waveney food preparation place, or you wouldn 't want to come here and dance to some ungodly hour 1n the mornmg. Plus, you wouldn 't all fit in the

ODEON

elit e ikon - club n1ght Ah yes, Fnday nights at ikon- where you can look - ~ down at all those commoners frequenting Norwich's less classy haunts.

Anglia Square

Book Now On 0870 5050 007

•••coming soon••• Honest ... U-571 ... Maybe Baby... Battlefield Earth ... Frequency... 28 Days

• Competition • Competition • Competition • Gladiator, currently screening at the Odeon Cinema Norwich stars which famous actor that recently passed away% Send your entries to Concrete Competition C/0 ABC Cinemas, Prince of Wales Road, Norwich NR I I NJ . ._ ..

- 20 double guest tickets are up for grabs, closing date I st June 2000

.the event, wednesday, may 24, 200Q

the

event

event horizon

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re :fresh ikon -cl ub night No, it's not a typing error. They really do spell it that way. Chart tunes and club anthems that you can dance al l night to.

saturday:

may 27 meltdown waterfront - club night In a world that's constantly changing, it's reassuring to know that Meltdown will always a)play lots of Pixies records, b)offer a shelter to fey indie kids, and c)a lways play a Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson song that clea rs the dance floor in seconds. £4/£3 miss moneypenny's uea - club night In wh1ch the secretary woman from James Bond hotfoots 1t from the Secret Service to large it for the Bank Holiday with DJs like AI Mackenzie and Tony Clarke. £9.50 advance b min or mass st peter mancroft - gig J. S.Bach's B Minor Mass gets an a1 ring, courtesy of the UEA Festival Chorus and Orchestra 19:30 £6.50/ £5 hip hop meets hardcore night fat pauly's - club night Featuring the turntablists' very own Def Tex, as well as Moonjuice and some top DJs who we can safely assume won't include Judge Jules or Pete Tong £3 a simple man theatre royal - play see Wednesday's entry for details.

14:30

classic anthems and dancefloor fil lers time - club night . The nice people at Time have thought up a club night that does exactly what it says, wh1ch means less work for me. saturday rewind mojo's - club night Phat beats abound at tonight's club n1ght in everyone's favou rite refurbished basement.

sunday: may 28 sunday service manhattan's- club n1ght Worship the DJ, pray to the bouncers to let you 1n, and then kneel in front of the toilet when you've drunk too much. extra smooth sun day the garden house - club night Dance the night away to hip-hop and drum &bass, or sit downsta1rs 1n the posh conservatory bit.

Sounds like fun. band competition waterfront - gig In which loads of Norw1ch bands sling it out in order to win the princely sum of £1000. £4/£3 hank marvin theatre roya l - gig

CROP SHOP Cut & Blow Dry

Shadows frontman comes to play his guitar. Back by popular demand apparently. £3 .50 - £18.50 19:30

live in the hive uea - quiz night Test your wisdom and wily wit at this quiz which is like a pub quiz, but just not in a real pub.

monday

indie flight fat pauly's - club night Pretty self-explanatory, I suppose, and also featu ring lndiecation, who, er, no, I'll let you guess what sort of music they do £2

ma 29 a lternative nig ht fat pauly's - club night Tonight we get to meet the Secret Hairdresser, a group who'll do you a n1ce short back and sides without you know1ng it was them. Oh, and play some tunes. entry £2 sanctuary ikon - club night Ikon shock punters by surprising them with a groundbreaking new club experience to blow their mmds. Heh heh, just joking. it's yet another night fi lled with chart hits and club anthems. lexington brass band lt1 - gig Direct from the USA, the Lexington Brass Band are performing several works, alongside the Hilgay Silver Band.

19:30 underground mojo's - club night Lo-fi and indie in wha t is basically a cel lar, but I'm not advoca ting prejudice aga1nst cella rs here. furry box york tavern - club night Drink cheaply whilst listening to chilled tunes, funky mus1c and trip-hop. All available without even having to leave the Golden Tria ngle. carwash liquid - club night Don you r bell-bottoms, retrieve you r oversized afro' and strut your stuff on down to liquid's famous '70s night. While I'm on the subject, does anyone else think a non-70's or 80 's retro night would be quite nice? I'm all for a Roaring Twenties revival myself; the Charleston, long cigars, drop-waisted dresses and feathered head-dresses ... okay, well 1t was just a thought. I'll be back to my listings now ... hank marvin theatre royal - gig No, he hasn't gone yet.Oid Hank plays for one night more. Oh the joy. £3.50 - £18.50 19:30

just

tuesday

may 30

with this ad!

a wa terfront - gig The name is blatantly chosen to make them first m the CD shelves in HMV - like that's going to make everyone buy their records. But Ke rrang1 love. them. £7.50

.

F

revival time - club night Needs no explaining since everybody knows exactly wha t this is- student night!! No more tribute bands though (thankfu lly.) £1 all night (NUS)

~'1

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MW'deren

Tenn• and Condltlons £10 cut & blow dry ls tor walk-In clients only and ttt. appolnbnent clients are £15.00.

Tel. Crop Shop Norwich Ltd. 622062

. . . the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

slinky hy's - club night Another student night. Not as popular as the leviathan over at Time, but titularly much more exciting. the all new adventures of noddy theatre roya l - play Toytown holds an ice cream eating competition, but hings start to go missing ... bloody Big Ears, trying to fund his gambling habit again, I shouldn't wonder.

Runs until June 1 £3.50- £7.50 16:30

wednesday

may 31 supe rfly mojo's - club night Boogie on down to mojo's and get funky to hardcore funk. hip-hop and drum'n'bass. it's cool. trust me. rammed ikon - club night Lets get rammed down at Rammed. Ha ha ha ha ha I Oh, I kill myself sometimes. Yeah, the usual chart stuff from Tombland's finest. pure swing manhattan 's - club night I bet it's not really pure swing. I bet they play at least one poppy chart hit, and if they do we cou ld sue their arses under trade descri ptions, or something. Well , maybe in America. fashion show uea- gig Lots of lovely clothes, worn by lovely people, the UEA Fashion Show makes its annual return, dahlings. the all new adventu res of noddy theatre royal - play see Tuesday's entry for details 10:30, 13:30 and 16:30

thursday june 01 lcr uea - club n1ght Yes, it's the lcr. Yes, you will be there, despite repeated assertions throughout the week to the opposite. Yes, you will hate it. And, yes, you will be there again next week. But! This week, the Turntablists are going to be drumming and bassing it in the Hive, something to bear in mind when Will Smith in the LCR gets too much. essenti a l time - club night Blow off all your other commitments, as this IS the only essential event you need go to this evening. £1 B4 23:00 (NU S) the all new adventures of noddy theatre royal - play See Tuesday's entry for detai ls 10:30, 13:30 charty handbaggy the loft - club night Yep, it's gay night at th e Loft. Isn't it strange how zebras have stripes to camouflage themselves, yet the Loft sticks out like a very sore, black & white thumb? stud en t night liquid - club n1ght Cheap drinks, hit songs, lots of students ... you know what I'm talking about.

the

event

in the be inning

directory: friday june 02 blue and soul extravaganza uea- gig Here to prove that blues music is not JUSt some old Southerner whinging about how his baby done gone left him, is a night dedicated to funky soul and Blues Brothers style blues, including UEA dancers.

There's a late bar too. £3 advance 80 ' s experience waterfront - club night why is this not called the Thatcher Years? Then I really could have expended some venom here, but as it is I will content myself with observing that 80's tribute bands are the work of Lucifer, and that there are lots of retro nights as it is. £3/£4 elegant mojo's - club night Inject a little je ne sais quoi into le vendredi soir down at the 'jo. gorgeous manhattan's - club night You can only come here if you are higher than average in the looks department. If not, you can always inflate your self-importance by heading on down to ... elite ikon - club night ... where you can look down at all those commoners frequenting Norwich's even less classy haunts. hy times hy's - club night Oh my, those guys down at Hy's sure know how to pun with style. Chart tunes abound at this event. dorninic kirwan theatre royal - g1g Irish easy listening singer charms the elderly of Norfolk for one night only. How can you miss this? £3.50- £14 19:30 empower night fat pauly's - gig If you want to feel happier about your own life, you could do worse than come here to see Tribute to Nothing, a band I saw about 7 years ago in Bath, hardly rock & roll central,but even now won't give up. and keep doing the toilet circuit. £3

saturday june 03 renaissance uea - club night Michaelangelo, Botticelli, and Henry VIII assemble to discuss the impact of this historical era. No, I'm joking. lt's a dance night, featuring the DJ-ing talents of the Scammers, Gordan Kaye, Marcus James, and Paul Christian.

21:00 - 02:00 rneltdown waterfront - club night lndie nights are curiously liberating because you can go there looking like you've just fallen out of bed and no one cares because they're too busy mouthing Pavement lyrics.ln the Bag's upstairs. £3/£4 re : fresh ikon - club night Put on that sparkly strapless top you bought in Top Shop today and make your way over to Ikon for some banging tunes. lunchtime recital st giles on the hill - gig A recital by lan Roberts, including works by Bach, Rheinburger and Buxtehude.

13:00 £2

Way' now. Look out for the usual promotional offers at the bar.

saiurday rewind mojo's - club night Gosh , it's another night filled with chart music and clubby-type songs. You don't see many of those in Norwich.

deft ex mojo's- gig The first appearance of Deftex since the addition of new instrumentalists, presented to you by the Turntablist Society Network, who I hope are still finding time for revision and suchlike. £5/ £4 members 22:00 - late

laurel aitken + UB4T + protection racket fat pauly's - g1g Three bands for a fiver. I really do see Fat Pauly's as the Poundstretcher of Norwich venues.

sunday june 04 unday service manhattan's - club night And so it was that he turned the water into wine.

But lo, no one drank the bounteous gift he offered · because they were already pissed up on beer, and anyway wine doesn't go down well when one is dancing the night away to top tunes. extra smooth sunday the garden house - club night Fancy a bit of drum'n'bass and live scratching with your pint, sir? I thought so.

monday june 05 carwash liquid - club night Norwich just wouldn 't be the same without it. Try not to get too annoyed at the DJ interrupting every song with inane banter and shouts out to the Waveney J posse. sanctuary ikon - club night If you're looking for a sanctuary from chart hits, alcohol and drunken people having a good time, best not come here. the underground mojo's - club night One for the indie kids tonight. And, unlike the falsely descriptive titles of the other clubs on tonight, this one is actually underground. Excellent.

dusty the musical theatre royal - play See Monday's entry for details 19:30

if you have a gig, club night, play, reading, sock darning event you'd like to tell the lovely folk of uea about, just put the details on a piece of paper and drop them into the concrete office so that we can include them in this very listings section.

hy's 621155 623559 the loft 629060 manhattans 621541 ikon 611113 liquid 632717 the waterfront 622533 mojos 63076 zoom 767671 concept 660288 rick's place 627478 canary cue club 624677 abc cinema 622047 cinema city 621903 ode on 0870 0102030 uci 620917 maddermarket 660352 norwich arts centre 766466 norwich playhouse 630000 theatre royal 592272 uea studio 62992 norwich puppet theatre 766129 king of hearts 508050 uea union ents 223624 norwich castle museum 0800192192 scoot 0800 600900 talking pages

listing written and compiled by Darcy Hurford all details correct at time of going to pres

concrete:

®ITO ~OITO~

www.concrete-online.co.uk

alternative night fat pauly's - gig Does what it says on the tin. Delicate Awol are playing. So if Delicate Awol's mums are reading this, your sons will be home late tonight. £2 dusty the mu ical theatre royal - play Tells the life story of 60's icon Dusty Springfield and one of her fans. Starring Mari Wilson. Runs until June 10. £3.50 - £15.50 19:30

tuesday june 06 revival time - club night Student night again. Celebrate the end of exams (hopefully) with a mixture of pop I dance and indie classics. Mmm ... cheap beer. £1 all night (NUS) slinky hy's - club night More student-type shenanigans going on here, although this one has a distinctly sexy feel about it. live in the hive uea - club night Kareoke tonight, me luwers, so get practiSing 'My

the

event the event, wednesday, may 24, 2000

•

r

I ..

139- 141 King Street Norwich Tel 01603 632717

SNUFF

+ LESS THAN JAKE WED 24 MAY £7.00

BJ COLE + LUKE VIBERT +NEUTRINOS THU 25 MAY £8.50

~

UNION FASHION THE SHOW LEVELLERS RESCHEDULED SUMMER 2000 BJORN ORIGINAL TICKETS VALID • OR REFUNDS FROM THE BOX OFFICE TUE 28 NOV £12.00

AGAIN

BAND COMPETITION 1ST PRIZE £1 000 SUN 28 MAY

TUE 3 OCT

EO

£3/£4

'A'

BYRN

+ CRASHLAND TUE 30 MAY

FRI 6 OCT

DANDY WARHOLS SUN 11 JUNE £8.50 TUE 13 JUNE

£7.00

BENTLEY RHYTHM AC WED 14 JUNE

£8.00

£9.50

DREAM THEATER

£7.50

ONE MINUTE SILENCE

£13.50

FRI 20 OCT

LCRJUEA • WED 31 MAY £3 BPM & THURS 1 JUNE £5.50 7.30 PM INC DISCO TICKETS UNION BOX OFFICE 01603 50 80 50

JOOLS HOLLAND +GUESTS SAT 25 NOV

£15.00

EVERY THURSDA V THE LEG NDARY

Le

TICKETS FROM UEA UNION, SOUNDCLASH, HMV a OUR PRICE.

CREDIT CARDa 01603 508050 All prices are advance only

£13.50

may be subject to a booking fee.

se