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you'll see of The Event before Easter. We will be coming out again at the end of April, but 'til then you'll just have to drift aimlessly in the murky sea of things to do in Norwich. In the meantime, tuck into a healthy portion of tunes, flicks, interviews and so on. Star Wars for example. Brilliant! The merchandising for the re-release of all three films is already all over the place. New action fi gures are out (not as good as the old ones), the Happy Meals are on their way, and our crisps are full of Star Wars Tazos. And while I'm on the subject, this whole Tazo thing I find extremely dodgy. lt wouldn't surprise me if we were being infiltrated by small creatures from Mars (probably) who, before they start their full-scale invasion, want to make sure that beer mats are available and in good supply which suit their smaller pints and smaller hands. On the other hand, I'm in full support of this whole Comic Relief Red Nose Day business. I think the more people wearing furry red noses the better, when the Martians land, because Mars is the red planet, so they would probably be pretty sick of red as a colour. Or they might think it was some kind of fluffy facemounted weapon, and abandon their attacks for fear of being sneezed on by the superior technology of Earth. I'll keep you posted.

The Crocodile PS This is the fruit ratings key:

@ (top banana) - good thing @(average apple)- medium thing @(bitter lemon) - bad thing THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5, 1997

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The Event is produced fortnightly by Concrete: PO BOX 41 O, NORWICH, NR4 4TB TEL: 01603 1SOS SS FAX: 01603 506811 E-MAIL: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk and printed by Eastern Counties Newspapers, Rouen Road, Norwich NR I I RB Editor-in- chief: James Curtis Editor: Matt Fasken Music Editor: Mark Tobin Assistant Music Editor: Stuart Dredge Screen Editor: Carolyn Boyd Assistant Screen Editor: Catherine Jones TV&Radio Editor: John Spacey Assistant TV & R a dio Editor: Amy Pierce Food Editor: Ashley Perks l nter@ctive Editor: Stuart Dredge Arts Editor: Seth Levine Advertising Manager: Matthew Doyle Everything else: Emma Newbery Contributing Writers: Chris Knight, Andrew Davies, James Tapsfield, Paul Stokes, David Jenkins, Oliver Cogswell, Solomon Rose, Elizabeth Seal, Catriona Maclean, Matt Stocks , Emma Lee, Emma Bolton , Jan Robertson, Martin Yew, Jo Khanum, Russel Woolford, Mark Ray, Lauren Cohen


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Hip-hop hurray! Stuart Dredge grapples w ith the insanity that is The o, discovering just h~w they plan to achieve world domination ow could one not love the sinewy scent of a grim Walthamstow eve?" The poetic words are ..._courtesy of Druggy G, one of US hip-hoppers 11111111 The O's two rappers, explaining their love of England. He continues. "The thick, grey, meaty 'air' pulsing through London , or the warm, re-assuring whiskey breath of a Bobby as he prods one with his truncheon, saying 'Where's th e gear mate?' How could you not love that?!" If I had to describe their sound, it would be someth ing like a hyperactive House of Pain hanging with Cypress Hill , with an added dash of eccentric Fun Loving Criminal musicality. Of course , Druggy is cryptically unforthcoming when I ask how he reacts to these comparisons: "I raise my left eyebrow about a quarter of an inch , squint the right eye slightly shut, and upturn each side of my mouth about 30 deg rees ." Er, okay ... on the evid ence of the demo tape, The 0 have created the perfect blend of catchiness and credibility, enough to make chart success a very real prospect once their first single , Walkmann, is released at the end of Apri l, when

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Don't forget Mother Day Sunday 9th March for cards and chocolates. Buy early for Easter, cards now available. Sunday 30th March. Don't forget your tickets for the National Lottery Saturday and NewMi -week Wednesday draws. THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5, 1997 . , .. . . .

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they'll also play their debut UK gig. The album IS just being finished. So, how does it sound? "it's sounding DOPE! We expect a 5-6% monthly growth rate in both off-shore and domestic holdings, plus a 5-600,000 unit increase of CD sales upon the death of one of the lesser 0 members." Fine ... what comes after that? "With post-tax profits, we expect to start our own small personal army in either Utah or Israel , to f... up some major US power-brokers." As you can tell , serious answers are only a minor priority beh ind intra-band murder and world domination. Whatever, with an army or not, The 0 are poised to bounce into your hearts and wreak havoc with their very own brand of riotous hip-hop. Watch out!

\\\ereats lly Bloody Valentine lsiJ't Anytbillg or those of you unacquainted with My Bloody Valentine (quite reasonable, since they haven't actually released anything since 1991) they are prime exponents of British guitar noise with an experimental twist (or something) and listening to this album again in 1997 it's staggering how fresh and vital it still sounds. How it must have sounded when first released in 1988 I can only wonder at About half the tracks on this album are relatively slow and quiet numbers, and all the more unusual for it. These songs are filled with beautifully played acoustic and electri"c guitar, high pitched harmonies and, like the rest of the album, the most amazing drumming ever. Yet'despite these seemingly conventional elements MBV always manage to subvert what would otherwise be a normal song; whether it be discordant or backward guitar in the background, or just using the guitars and voice in a haunting or unsettling way. The rest of the songs rock in a major way. In virtually every one there are melodies and techn1ques that sound so natural, so familiar. Take Feed Me With Your Kiss as an example utilising one of the most underused techniques in rock: male and female vocals accompanying each other in the same song, the deep and h1gh voices acting as two opposing instrvments. And to top it all off they were signed to Creation when Liam was still nicking mountain bikes: Their influence on the indie scene, and especially on shoegazing, was massive (Chapterhouse, Slowdive, The Swirlies) but since 91 's album Loveless, which almost bankrupted Creation, nothing has been heard. Shame.


espite being singled out by the NME as one of the four most promising bands around, Geneva are disarmingly friendly. Bassist Stuart and guitarist Keith ask with genuine interest about Concrete, and even admire my dictaphone before concentrating on the interview proper. The Bratbus tour is quite high-profile, so I wondered whether the band ever get tired of the never-ending stream of interviews? "I've had a lot of sh.. jobs," says Keith with some feeling, "and this isn't one of them. This is what I've always wanted to do, and I would never complain about it." Stuart agrees. "lt passes the day, and what would we do otherwise?! We'd probably go to the pub, imbibe things, and kill ourselves! Or each other... We've had five interviews today, but we split them between the whole band so that noone gets too bored of it. it's always the same questions anyway, vaguely." I swallow hard and try to think of an intelligent, witty, probing question to ask. Having failed, I ask about inter-band relations on the tour so far. I'm reminded of a recent crisp-related incident which led to a band being thrown off a recent Suede tour ... "That was blown so much out of proportion!" exclaims Stuart, and Keith explains just how. "That was another band, Jack. They got really hungry and took some crisps. it wasn't even a crisp was it? lt was a tortilla chip. I mean, you've got to set the record straight!" What a revelation! Someone should tell the NME... "lt has been good meeting Tiger and Symposium though, although we haven't seen much of Three Colours Red because they prefer to stay in hotels. Symposium are really sound blokes, even if they

80 Rose LaDe _ __, Norwich

do go to bed a bit early!" I resist the temptation to slag them off, even if they are the most irritating band in the known world. However, we settle for idle speculation on exactly how old the young whipper-snappers are. Eventually the discussion turns to the music press. Despite all the praise, Geneva seem to have maintained a healthily cynical view of its value: "You're perceptions of it change once your involved in the business," says Stuart, "The only thing you can believe in the music press is the price on the front. All the rest is just opinion and I don't see why one opinion's better than the other. I mean, if its interesting and well put, yeah great, but its not that important to me really." "We don't want to be sucked in to, or labelled as belonging to any musical scene," continues Keith, "We get compared to all sorts: Jimmy Sommerville, Blondie ... it's like, all over the place. People seem to find it really difficult to categorise us, especially because we've only had a few songs out - they are

still trying to get their heads around what we're doing. Which is good because I really want to do something that will stand out. I've got no time for mediocrity." So who do Geneva think their influences are then? "We don't have influences, more inspirations .. ." says Stuart. "Nothing and everything," adds Keith, "Not really music anyway .. . books, films. Scorcese, Bukowski, Henry Miller... Brookside." "And pizza. The lowest common denominator." And so there you have it. The interview ends with a brief rendition of These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things from Stuart, and then they disappear back in to the bowels of the coach to prepare for the gig. Will Geneva make the big time this year? With another hit single under their belts, an album that promises to be well worth a listen, and a philosophy based on the multi-billion dollar pizza industry, you would be foolish to bet against it.

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BRISTOL Twenty four hours ago , we didn't know where we were going , how we were going to get there and what equipment we needed to take. Thankfully, due to an organisational miracle, our volunteer driver, Matt White , is parking our hired Rover outside the Bristol Louisiana. Our risibly-named support band, Scooby Does, proceed to unveil hundreds of effects pedals. Our stage set-up is laughably minimalist in comparison. A perk of dorng proper gigs is that we get a 'rider', the interpretation of this term varies from venue to venue . In Bristol , we get a rather nice lasagne , but no beer - only orange jurce. However, we are suspicious that the lack of alcohol may be a result of interference by our manager, Pete Noisebox. Apparently, when delegating tour manager's responsibility to Matt, amongst the list of rules were two relating specifically to me: firstly, no getting drunk, secondly, no pulling. I remain faithful on this count, although sadly, active restraint is not necessary. Eventually, the gig is a success. Some of Scooby Does' mates are unimpressed by our lack of volume and air their complaints vocally. However, a hardcore stick with

us, and we receive many favourable My parents are in attendance and thought it was "quite good."

EDINBURGH The city is surrounded by mountains and huge volcanic plugs, and the centre is a haven of fine architecture with every house being about ten stories tall. Once the Attic club is located, we immediately bond with headline band, Mogwai and head out for an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet. We eventually play a reasonable set to a packed venue , but feel somewhat incongruous alongside three much louder bands. Still, we receive many compliments, not least from The Delgados, who have all come to watch. There is evidence of a real Scottish scene - all the bands share members, run each other's record labels and go out to see other play. Eska rock a great deal , but sometimes miss the target in the tunes department. Mogwai, though, are fantastic - they wring the weirdest noises from their guitars , creating a futuristic, epic feel. Due to cool licensing laws, the club stays open until 1am (and this is Sunday!). At closing time, we find a pub that serves until 3am, but it's a dive, so we go back to the flat of Nick's mate, Helen , who lives in one of those huge, Shallow Grave style apartments.

WELCOME TO

THE FERRYBOAT INN NORWICH'S OLDEST RIVERSIDE PUB 191 KING'S STREET NORWICH 613553 ONLY 200 YARDS FROM THE WATERFRONT ... SO WE ARE THE PERFECT PLACE TO STARTTHE EVENING

JL [VE JEVJEN'f§ I GliG§ A1' 'fJHIJE JFJERRYJBOAJr THUR 6th MARCH LAST STRAW FRI 7th MARCH TRANCE+ DANCE with Resident DJ SAT 8th MARCH WRECKING COMPANY SUN 9th MARCH BLUES BAND THUR 13th MARCH CLEAVING HEAVAGES FRI 14th MARCH TRANCE + DANCE with Resident DJ SUN 16th MARCH ALBERT COOPER THUR 20th MARCH THE EMMA HALL BAND FRI 21st MARCH TRANCE+ DANCE with Resident DJ

N'J pR\CE. BANDS EVERY THURS & SUN 'oooue\-e.s PLUS MOST FRI & SAT

JFREE ENTRY 4 HAVING A PARTY? OUR BOATHOUSE BAR IS AVAILABLE FOR HIRE THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH·S; 1'99'7

GLASGOW We mean to rise early in order to wander around Edinburgh, but we all sleep too late, and in any case , it has decided to piss it down in typical Scottish fashion. We skid all the way down the M8 to Glasgow and meet up with Colin, Mogwai's manager, at the 13th Note club. Most 'alternative' venues are rather dingy places, but the 13th Note has recently been refurbished and masquerades as a posh cafe-bar, which also does fantastic vegan food. We relax , read the papers, and severely confuse a fanzine writer by talking about Stuart Staples' hairy back. The show is far more relaxed than the previous night. it is actually one of our best gigs yet, enhanced by the presence of Brendan O'Hare (ex-Teenage Fanclub and Telstar Ponies) bantering with us down at the front. Colin gets the beers in, and we end up back at his flat watching videos of Johnny 7, the easy listening band that he manages. And if anyone ever comes across a bootleg tape of Nick playing Wichita Lineman, accompanied by bizarre harmonies and strange noises, destroy it immediately.

We play quite well, despite me getting locked in the toilet and '' Nick swearing at hecklers who are calling for ' ' Motley Cri.ie covers

BRIGHTON Norwich to Brighton in two and a half hours - is this a record? The city is shabbier than I remembered , and the Free Butt pub where we are to play is in the middle of a building site. it's a tiny, dingy venue with a makeshift stage, but Anna the promoter makes up for it by cooking us dinner. The place is already heaving by the time the first band (a kind of acoustic Reef) have finished. The second act provides me with possibly the most tortuous half-hour I have ever spent in the name of music: one man playing an out-of-tune acoustic guitar and emitting unbearable wailing noises from his mouth. Luckily, the crowd stick it out, and we play quite well in the end, despite me getting locked in the toilet as we are about to take the stage, Nick swearing at hecklers who are calling for Motley Crue covers, and Matt playing the

keyboard part to Impossible Without ... completely pissed. We sell out of singles, and even get paid £30 more than originally promised. Matt, my brother Will and I venture off into the night and discover a very cool jazz and soul club. We drink too much, oversleep, and piss everyone else off by being two hours late the following morning.

LONDON The gig is at Camden Dingwalls - a huge place, perhaps the largest we've played. We are supporting David Thomas, who apparently achieved cult fame during the 80s with Pere Ubu. He turns out to be a very fat man who wears a butcher's apron, plays the accordion , sings through a telephone and along with his Two Pale Boys on trumpet, guitar and samplers, makes the weirdest noise this side of Twin Peaks. I am highly annoyed, however, as our set is scheduled to take place right in the middle of the England vs. Italy match. We play OK to a receptive audience but England lose 1-0. C'est la vie. David Thomas goes on for about three hours and we have to wait until the bitter end to move our equipment. The only amusement is provided by spotting Dave Gedge (of The Wedding Present) and Luke Haines (of the Auteurs) in the audience. We decide that we desperately need some money so we can employ somebody to carry the drum kit around.

NORWICH You should have been there ...


ALBUM REVIEWS Ul

Pop Reviewer: Paul Stokes

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etter kick off by saying most of the fortnight's releases are indie tunes. I appreciate that the majority of students who'll actually bother to read this may not actually mind, in fact you're probably thinking "Hurrah! Let's see what splendid new wacky tunes this young buck's about to review!" Well sorry fellas but the truth is, I ain't really in to this whole rock thing, and like Q-Tip says, "another thing I'm not is a damn ass-kisser.. ." so don't expect any apologies. Lets start with the worst: Monaco's What Do You Want From Me?, this tune soul\ds old, Helen Daniels style - bin! West Pier's Beginner, yeah that's right it's a beginner 'cos my CD player's got too much taste to let me hear the rest of it - it spewed it up straight into the bin, where it landed on top of Flyscreen's She Smokes (which definitely didn't). On the smoke tip, I needed X • amount of buds to calm me down after Live's Lsklni Juice. What a headphuck! Okay so I'm hungover but, if you're gonna put out tunes that sound like a car crusher on mashup setting, then put some sort of warning on the cover fellas, my ears can't take that sort of caning. The Sam Sever remix is better solely due to the hip hop beat. STOP STEALING OUR BEATS! If your music's so good why the f... are you skanking rhythms from a style you care sod all about? True crossovers can be cool (credit due to Bjork and Darkman for I Miss You) but this crosses over about as much as Gold Blade's Strictly Hsrdcore crossed Earlham Road when I chucked the piece of filth out of my window. Luckily though, it wasn't ail so grim. Corduroy's The Joker Is Wild puts one back into a listening mood with its dirty, thematic B-movie flavour, and from the rest of the tunes on this sampler, I reckon the album could do well. Gently easing in Olive's new single (Miracle) to my CD player resulted in a near climax when I hit the Roni Size remix. What else ... oh yeah, INXS's new single Elegantly Wasted, wicked title but the tune's nuffin' special. Faithless have released a third single Reverence, after the success of Salva Mea and Insomnia, and with the 12" you get two fairly hard mixes of Insomnia which are probably more worth having than Reverence itself. Right that's it from me ... er ... keep

rockin'; readers.

• C,.,..lfntght

hey could have had it easy. They could have sat back and rested on their past achievements. Instead, U2 choose to utter the word which has spelled the end for so many bands: reinvention. And now the new danceinfluenced album is here. This is the album that many critics believed would destroy U2, the album which would scare away the old fans, and put off new ones, the album which I, as a casual observer, thought would tarnish U2's reputation. We couldn't have been more wrong! From the opening track (and single) Discotheque, you know that this is going to be different, but as the dance vibes kick in and the sequencing starts, one thing is for certain: U2 are at their excellent best. This album's strength lies in its songs. They could have been performed in any style rock, dance, folk, classical, whatever, and Pop would still have been a fantastic album , it just so happens that U2 chose the dance influence. This only fully manifests itself in Miami, whilst on the rest of the album the dance grooves serve to complement the songs to such a degree that U2 redefine dance/rock crossovers. U2 are so highly original and brilliantly unique, they don't sound like any other band. This is U2, this is the future, this is POP/

VARIOUS ARTISTS Cream Separates Reviewer: Oliver Cogswell

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arren Emerson (making a dodgy departure from his brand of hard house) and the increasingly popular Deep Dish combine to present a platter of rather bland deConstruction tunes. This is called 'super house' in some quarters and is reminiscent of the Sasha and Digweed mixes on the Renaissance compilations, but it won't be to everyone's taste. A high cheese content may put some people off this restaurant of tunes. While no single track grabs you by the balls and makes you yelp and dance about like a madman, the Emerson mix still makes for a sexy and mellow listen . This is DJ warm-up material essentially and one can easily imagine sitting back in an Amsterdam cafe watching the world -go by while listening to dreamy tracks such as Envoy's Seawall and the gradual progression into laid-back house with a slightly acidic flavour. Deep Dish serve up a similar selection of tunes with deep basslines and the odd funky vocal track to keep everyone awake, but despite the experimental nature of some tunes this album remains less a dance extravaganza to remember, and more inoffensive muzak to forget. If I was in the restaurant of house I might select this as a starter but I certainly wouldn't 'have it' as my main course.

DEATH IN VEGAS Dead Elvis Reviewer: Andrew Davies

NICK CAVE & THE BAD SEEDS The Boatman's Call Reviewer: Elisabeth Seal

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n album full of songs about love and religion , The Boatman 's Call is very different from Murder Ballads. There are touching love songs such as Into My Arms and Are You the One That I've Been Waiting For? in which the lucky girl escapes being beaten to death by a rock. Musically the songs are lifting and gentle. Lyrically the album is very satisfying. The impression given is of characters from hundreds of years ago but this is belied by some modern references. There are romantic images of "cherry trees" and a "lime tree arbair" but also more disturbing ones of a "valentine of blood" and "my old razor blades". These contrasts illustrate the mood of the record quite well. Although the transcendent nature of love is represented , the songs are also laden with sadness, suffering and despair. The Boatman's Call is a beautiful, old fashioned record which requires concentration. Listening to each track is like being told a story. If you're only interested in pop's hedonistic thrills then you 'd give this album short shrift.

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ver since last year's single Dirt and live shows with musical soulmates Lionrock, fans have been waiting for Death In Vegas to take their rightful place with the big-beat big boys and Heavenly Social soulmates The Chemical Brothers. Enter the debut album Dead Elvis, not a title likely to impress followers of the king, a prospect about which Death In Vegas probably care not at ail, as, far from being fetishists of the past their album is about as experimental as they come. Dead Elvis could be called diverse, if that's the word for a record which varies from surprising laid-back vibes to Prodigylike leviathans of organised noise. Death In Vegas claim to occupy a genre all of their own, those familiar with Lionrock's music may not agree as they take many cues from last year's very fine Instinct For Detection. lt shows the same stylish method of forming an amazingly coherent sound form a melee of samples, guitar riffs, reggae style jams and probably pretty much anything they found lying around their studio. Dead Elvis is an exciting.album, distiUing ideas from numerous dance crossover bands.

At gentleman's walk ....,.~,..·~· t


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The Portrait Of A Lady

USA (199 6 ) D ir: Jane Campion Opening Feb 28

ane Campion (director of Angel at my Table and the Piano) goes all Merchant-Ivory on us for her latest film The Portrait of a Lady, umptuous adaptation of Henry James' novel. lt seems that no expense has been spared for Campion's first film since The Piano with big name stars, lavish costumes and stirring orchestral music that would give even the most ardent techno fan goosebumps. Nicole Kidman stars as lsobel Archer, an independent, headstrong girly who rejects a lucrative marriage proposal in favour of 路experiencing the world'. As you would expect from a film set in the 19th century, lsobel's independence offends her family's sensibilities and there is much wailing and gnashmg of teeth. As usual, Nicole Kidman treads the fine line between being rather foxy and looking far too much like Spuggy in Byker Grove to be sensible. John Malkovich is imaginatively cast as Gilbert Osmond who - surprise, surprise - is a bit of an evil psycho (or rather a 'devious dilettante' if you want to be poncey about it) who flits around like the hooded claw being ... well. .. generally quite evil and psychotic really. With the help of a

ow I know what you're thinking: "a Tom Cruise film? I'm turning the page". But wait a minute, th1s film isn't as bad as you might expect. Jerry Maguire is the story of a top sports agent (Cruise) who is totally devoted to his impressive client roster and beautiful yet bitchy fiancee. One night the revelation hits him that it's people and not money that really cou nt, so he writes a booklet stating that the agents in his moneygrabbing co mpany should take on fewer clien ts than they do, so as to develop a more personal, caring relationship with them. Jerry IS subsequently fired and dumped by his f1ancee. He finds himself virtually alone, followed only by second rate Amencan football star Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr) and single mother/ office clerk/potential love interest Dorothy Boyd (Renee Zellweger). What follows is not a critical examination of the ruthless exploitation of sports stars by their amoral agents, but a gentle, enjoyable and engaging comedy-romance.

i there filmsters! No doubt you 're all wait1ng for the veritable film-lest that's about to descend upon us over Easter. Not only have we got the long-awaited Star Wars trilogy heading our way but Beavis and Butthead have, uh, landed themselves 90 minutes in wh1ch ""-~-- ,to burp, headbang and mention the word wiener as much as possible in thei r own feature-length movie. I wonder if these virtues are Oscar-deserving. Speaking of which, things must be getting a bit tetchy in Tinsel-town right now with all the nominees pretending they like one another while secretly wishing their opponents would be the recipient of a gold envelope .. containing semtex. On the other hand, the Academy Awards have been mspirational to the makers of In And Out, a new movie starring Glenn Close, Matt Dillon and Whoop1 Goldberg based on Tom Hanks' tearful Philadelphia speech from the 1994 Oscars. Apparently he inadvertently "outed" his high-school drama teacher during the blubbing . Look out for Matt Dillon also in Grace Of My

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What separates Jerry Maguire from the usual more-cheese-than-a-fondue films that Hollywood churns out, is the witty script from writer/director Cameron Crowe. Those who have seen Crows's films w111 know what I'm talking about. He packs the script with enough clever one-liners and funny situations to prevent his film from losing momentum and being dragged down into the drawer marked "Hollywood cack". Cruise and the rest of the cast turn in likeable performances, giving their characters plenty of depth and so on, but be warned of Dorothy's SIXyea r-old son. You will either leave the cine ma thinkmg he's the cutest thing you've ever seen , or you may find him so annoying that if you ever saw him m the street you'd want to beat the living crap out of h1m. Bas1cally, if you hate Tom Cruise, if you want nonstop action, or if you're at all cyn1cal , don't bother with this fil m. But 1f you're in the mood for an am1able, gentle romantic comedy that'll give you the warmest and fuzziest feeling of the year, then Martin Yew check it out.

Heart, a musical biopic of the life of Carole Kmg. Probably about as interesting as the Tammy Wynette story, wi thout the Country and Western. Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn and Bette Midler seem to have got on like a house on f1re during the shooting of The First WIVes Club, and have re-teamed for the rather dodgily-titled Avon Ladies of the Amazon. Presumably they're off to try and help the crocodiles of South America hide those fine lines they wake up with so often in the morning. Somewhat closer to home than the rainforests, the Union Film Society are getting all nostalgic on us nex1 term, by showing the hilarious black farce His Girl Friday, starring Cary Grant. And if you 're sick of War of the Worlds-style flicks, take a look at an alternat1ve Orson Welles classic A Touch Of Evil, with Marlene Dietrich and Charlton Heston. Well , that's it from us, we'll be back after Easter you keep you informed about all that's hlttmg the big screen between now and summer.

THE EVENT, WEDNE DAY, MARCH 5, 1997

hat initially seemed to me like cinematic suicide looks set to be a winner. Refusing to compromise on detail (it's three hours long) and aching for the author's approval, the man responsible for a national favourite 'Truly, Madly, Deeply' has pulled off the unthinkable. Michael Ondaatje's Booker Prize win ning novel 'The English Patient' is like a sequence of tenuously related dreams, strung together with heart quicken1ng poetic elegance. So it seemed laughable that it could come together coherently for the big screen- and even more so, for the movie-going public. The poet's searching eye wh1ch digs up a heart in one phrase and a lifetime's hang-ups in another has had to be replaced by a less articulate medium but with twelve Oscar nominations, including Best Picture, director Anthony Minghella can't have done a bad job. The Second World War is drawing to a close and four people - damaged by the conflict in MOVIES SOUNDTRACKS CD Cinema Choral Classics Available from March 10 W1th a title like Cmema Choral Class1cs - the most beaut1ful and dramatic choral mus1c ever wntten for the c1nema, and taken from films as diverse as The Omen and Jesus of Nazareth plus cover art featuring hopelessly unrealistic lightning, this album smacks of sitt1ng in the bargains section of Our Price between Hits of the Beatles - on Pan Pipe and Polish Balla ds Vol2 . These aren't even the original versions but covers by that legendary pairing of the City of Prague Philharmonic (sounds impressive, nght?) and, er, Crouch End Festival Chorus (exactly). Depending on your tastes orchestral choral music IS either an epic and dramatic fusion of voice and music. or overwrought and pretentious. Despite all the bad signs I was relatively impressed. For a start I recognised the f1rst tu ne , 0 Fortuna by Carl Orff (from Excalibw') although I soon realised this was only because it was that music from the Old Spice

devious fnend, Gilbert convinces lsobel to marry him but very soon she realises she's been a bit of a silly-billy and runs home to mother with her share of the crockery (I made that bit up). The Portrait of a Lady has been years in the making and the big budget means splendour and wealth everywhere you turn; following The Piano was always going to be a toughie and I still can't help thinking that maybe she's just tried too darn hard. Still, if you're a fan of heaving bosoms either m general or, more specifically, in costume dramas, then this is the Matt Stocks one for you.

varyi ng degrees - inhabit a dilapidated villa on a North Italian hillside. Devoted Hana (Julliet Binoche) ten derly nurses the English patient (Ralph Fiennes) whose identity is as indistinguishable as his horribly burnt features. it is his reminiscent episodes, told at the mercy of morphme, that probably make up the bulk of the film. Fiennes painfully recalls the glamour of Cairo in the thirties, sweeping desert landscapes and the passion responsible for destroying him and his lover, Katharine (Kristin Scott-Thomas). His 'memories' are received with suspicion by the ex-thief Caravaggio (Willem Dafoe). No one knows who the English Patient is and this question forces his three companions into investigations of their own identities. The English Patient should serve as a VISUal feast with stunning performances by ScottThomas and Fiennes. The book is a masterpiece, this shouldn't be far off. Catriona MacLean adverts. The rest of the tracks are largely pieces that have been composed tor the score of a particular film and sound su1tably cinematic and dramatic, including less famous tracks from well known scorers(?) like Enn1o Morricone and John Barry. You also get a booklet which prov1des 1ntell1gent and honest summaries and criticism of the films , fo r instance First Knight is 'too san1t1sed and glamorous, with a convoluted plot confusing and distortmg both legend and history' . Blimey. Ultimately probably too classical for film fans and too film linked for classical fans , but at least that's Mother's Day sorted (a day late).


This Easter holiday, the Event team will be spending at least six hours in a cinema watching the revamped Star Wars trilogy. Matthew Doyle explains exactly why we need to see Luke Skywaker duelling with his pa, Darth Vader, one more time sk most people at university what their biggest regret is, and selling their Star Wars figures is high on the list. Twenty years ago, the film which launched a thousand little plastic figures, first arrived on the big screen, and now, George Lucas's masterwork has been given the five-star treatment and arrives specially polished for its re-release this month. Not only that, extra scenes have been added which Lucas wasn't able to include due to technology restraints. lt was this search for new technological back in 1977 that caused him to form the company Industrial Light And Magic which has revolutionised the world of movie special effects ever since. After ILM's triumph in films such as Jurassic Park, Lucas wishes can now be fulfilled. Three years of hard work by a team of film-makers and restorers has revamped the definitive versions of Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Retum of the Jedi. "I wanted to preserve the Trilogy so that it would continue to be a viable piece of entertainment into

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them the way I originally envisioned them." Apparently, the inspiration for releasing the Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition stemme-d from the approaching anniversary of the original American release of Star Wars, which took place on May 25, 1977. "Several years ago, we began to wonder what we were going to do for the anniversary," says Lucas. "I suggested we try to release all three films as a trilogy within a few weeks of each other; this would allow audiences to experience them like Saturday matinee serials, which they closely resemble. Because I've always seen the three films as one epic story, this seemed to be a very appropriate way of celebrating the 20th anniversary." Before the special edition bandwagon could roll in to town, Lucasfilm Ltd and Twentieth Century Fox had to address a significant and unexpected problem: the original Star Wars negative, from which pristine 35mm prints would be struck, was in such bad condition that it was impossible to use. The colours had faded by 10-15% and dirt embedded in the six reels of the negative could produce scratches and pit marks that would loom

process, which since its inception in 1932, had been considered the finest printing process available; it is now almost a lost art. George Lucas himself provided one of those original Technicolor prints, which had been in storage in his home. "That's the Star Wars I made," says Lucas. Since making Star Wars, Lucas has pioneered the THX sound system in cinemas, and consequently the Special Editions will have super-duper, clear, crisp sound quality so you can hear Darth Vader's clock swish as he walks, or the stormtrooper swear as he bangs his head on the door in Star Wars. Rnally, the new bits could be added in. Lucas explained, "A famous filmmaker once said that films are never completed, they are 路 only abandoned, so rather than live with my abandoned movies, I decided to go back and complete them.n That completion is exactly what makes the release of the Special Editions such a top event. Perhaps the most exciting encounter restored to

the 21st century," gushes Lucas. "Nothing has " " " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - . . . . . . . _ the Special Edition comes between Jabba ' ' the Hutt and Han Solo at Mos Eisley. previously been done on this scale. I enjoyed the chance to re-work the movies and finish In 1976, the Han Solo/Jabba encounter was filmed using an actor to play the' part of 'the Hutt', with the hope that the double 路 could have been replac~d by a puppet or

I wanted to preserve the Trilogy so that it would . continue to be a viable piece of entertainment into the 11 st century. ' '

stop-motion creature. However, due to time and budget constraints, that never happened. Since the Han/Jabba relationship became a major plot point in the rest of the

George Lucas large on the big screen. Precautions had been taken. In 1977, the original Star Wars negative was carefully stored in a subterranean vault in Kansas, at an optimum temperature of 50 to 53 degrees. But due to unforeseeable circumstances, such as now-discontinued colour stock that proved susceptible to fading, the filmmakers were faced with the daunting challenge of first restoring the negative before any changes could b e made. The restoration was carried out by Lucasfilm and Twentieth Century Fox, by various top notch experts. Special Edition producer Rick McCallum, who first came into contact with Lucas working O[l the Young Indiana Jones television series, says "lt has been the most difficult and collaborative portion of the whole process, and was our major accomplishment. "There is a group of about 30 people who worked for three years cleaning the negative with a sponge, frame by frame. These are really the unsung heroes, because the restoration is what this was all about in the first place." Twenty years ago, two Star Wars prints were struck in the three-strip Technicolor

scene for the Special Edition. "!'really wanted to put that back in there," he explains, "because it was relevant to what happens to Han at the end of the movie and in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedo. I wanted to be able to connect the first film with the next two, the way it was meant to be." So with the help of new techie tricks, the actor could be

replaced with a Jabba that was built by a computer. Clever, eh? The ILM team deliberately designed Jabba to look younger than he does in Return of the Jedi, and he also moves under the power of his own undulating organs. Says sound effect guru Ben Burtt, "We had a lot of fun creating Jabba's unique sounds. I went to the Foley stage and filled up a garbage can with wet towels, with which I produced a very smushy, squishy sound for Jabba as he slithers around and gesticulates while conversing with Han Solo." Indeed, Mos Eisley itself has also had a space lift, to show it really is a hive of scum and villainy. To this end, Lucas populated the streets with several new creatures, droids and people. In addition, the computer graphics team at ILM doctored Luke Skywalker's landspeeder so that it is now floating as it arrives in Mos Eisley. "A lot of work has gone into enhancing the entry into Mos Eisley," Lucas says. "Twenty years ago I couldn't make it into the bustling spaceport it was meant to be. I only had路half of one street to shoot on, and no real special effects or matte paintings to work with. Now we're able to travel through the town, see how big it is, see that it truly is a spaceport and make the scene a more interesting experience." Later on April 11 , The . Empire _ Strikes Back Special Edition with a jazzed up Cloud City, scarier Wampa and enhanced Hoth battle at the start, will be released, closely followed on April 25 with Retum Of The Jedi Special Edition. Again effects are , enhanced, \ especially in Jabba's palace. Of course, some cynics may suggest that this all a big seam to get a new generation of kids, plus a whole bunch of nostalgic older kids, and wring more money from a movie which is already one of the top five grossing films ever. But heck! I'm willing to ignore this in exchange for seeing this modem masterpiece on the big screen again.

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5, 1997


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Invaders from outer spacet President Jack Nicholsont Tom Jonest 1t could only mean one thing:nm Burton. Hollywood's child-genius proves once again that there isn't a darker or weirder place than the depths of his mind. Cairolyn ~d joins him and girlfriend Usa Marie to find out just what makes him tick ' ' Tom Jones is like an action adventure hero, you feel like he can sing at a concert, jump in a car,,, fight martians. He can handle it all

meeting with Tim Burton? lsn, he too weird and wacky to expose his soul to the press? lt appears not. At first glance, his Robert Smith hairstyle and black TV screen glasses portray an Image of reclusiveness, mystery and eccentricity. They suggest a person who would really rather be sitting in a dark studio drawing quirky cartoons and thinking up absurd storyllnes for new films, not sitting In the Dorchester Hotel in London preparing to answer questions on the subject of his latest project, Mars Attacks!, the most extravagant B-Movie in the history of alien invasions. Accompanying Burton is his stunning girlfriend of four years, Lisa Marie, who stars in the film as the Martian girl with a massive Beehive and retro dress. Having met in his now defunct strip-joint, this former Calvin Kline model won his heart straight away and from the way they behave together, the flame seems well and truly alight, in the bonfire sense of the word. After the rather cold reception to Batman Returns, Burton was seriously considering quitting Hollywood, yet it was Lisa Marie who brought him back from the edge and saved the world from the disaster lhat.could have ensued - no more Tim Burton films. Having worked with him on Ed Wood previOU.,~ Attacks. Marte's relationship with $oitOWceA,Ymlped when playing the Martian gh1. 'We get to talk about things that others actors don't talk about, but 1 don't get any special treatment," she elaborates. Burton's friends have also noted the change in him since they met in December 1992, noting an improvement in his wardrobe, diet and even his personal hygiene. When questioned on this, all he can do is giggle in a way that no-one would expect from the madcap director. "Wel~ do I smell?" he laughs. From where I'm sitting, it would seem not. With no lines In the entire film, Marie had to portray the Martian girt solely through body language. Did this bother her? "I actually found it intere.sting that I had to use my imagination and my Cl"8atlvlty to discover ways that I could communicate," she says. "There really wasn't any limits. I'm a Martian - I can't just call up a Martian and ask for some pointers." · Unable to sit, eat, or respond to 1he call of nature due to the struqtu;e of glitter 8I'IQ fabric she was sewn into, the only

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rest Marie got in a day of shooting was on a board with arm reaiS. Not only that, she had to constantly chew 'nitrogen' gum because this is the only way that the Martians can survive on earth wJthout a helmet. 'We can't forget that the Idea of the film is based on a set of bubble-gum say$ Burton. HmvAvf~r.

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THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5, 1997

costume

"I action personalilY· at a conce.rt. jump in a car, f!ght Martians. wnatever, I just really liked that about him. He can handle it an. ~ Many would think that to have so many stars in a film was a dream come true. But did Burton have a wish-list of stars he wanted to cast? "Not really. I was just lucky to get all of these people. 1CJ!aS a strange energy, all tllese different gen~tions, all these different acting styles..." Strangely enough, there wasn't a big war of egos amongst the battling aliens. Says Burton, "it was really very casual. lt was probably the most ego free shoot I've ever been on. Ifs hard for people to get real upset and not come out of their trailers when their eo-stars are little green men." Mars Attacks! has received a lukewarm response in America and presumably that's why he's over ~ere i_ n Blighty to give it a push. Comparisons with fellow alien invasion Independence Day can't be avoioed in the light of Its huge succ:ess, so did Burton expect Mars Attacks/ to be as big? "From the beginning of my career, in any movie I've done, I've never expected too much. As far as I know, any movie I've made could have gone either way. Obviously, when you make a film you want it to reach out there, but at the same time I don't set myself up for something to be big when it is s9mewt1at abstract. •

nd. abstract 1t is. lt is impossible to guess where Burton's inspiration cam& from, ~h,er than the dark depths of his unptediota* arid extraordinary mind. "The (Jlspirations behind the film ana obseMdions I've made in America, the feeling that are getting stranger and stranger. I'm feeling a little bit more alien there, myself." , Judging by Burton's previous movies, all concentrating on an individual, ~Attacks! iscertainly a new-idea, but he's unsure Whether or not it marks a new direction. •t trled a lot of different ideas, all kinds Of juxtapositions of the subiect. That was part of the fun of it for me. I like the way that the film doesn't have one ~ingle strong clear overriding idea. I don't know what's next really, I'm still getting over this one.• Having said that, in the case of Batman Returns, when Burton was given a free rein, Warner Brothers weren't too happy with the resulting picture. "l hac:i a different feeling about Ba~ as a oharac:ter. I think I could have taken btn in a diffarent direction, which was not necessarily the direction other people wanted to s.... Despite this, Burton was left to his own devices to make Mars Attacks!, as well as being glvltn creative control of the $80 million budget (although this is a relatively small sum for a film that appears so extravagant). Not only is there an all-star cast, but the special effects take the filn'l into another dimension. Burton originally wanted to use stopmotion animation, as used ln The Nightmare ?efqre C/Jristmas, .but this dJdn't"prove as

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successful as he had hoped. Ultimately, his attention turned to computer animation. "We did work with stop-motion animation for a fair amount of time, but there were technical problems, one being that we wanted to shoot in widescreen format. The second problem was the am01:1nt of Martians we wanted to put in. lt's one of the few cases where computer animation is less expensive than doing stop-motion.• The unfortunate result was a group of disgruntled, mainly British, stop-motion anltll81Ql$ and from the way Burton responds to any qlleSIIon-on the subject you get the feeling that ~ really doesn't want.to talk about it. He's gained fl reputation for being~ and but if you~ his gothic and just Usten to gothis frGIT1 his llti~Mlt<~ he doesn't answer exPeCt - he giggles at the OfJl~~'lf!ry seli~:a and anslral& indirectly as

becomes an accepted, regulated way to draw, but the thing is that everybody can draw, everybody has one teacher that inspires them. For me, it was the one that allowed me to be an individual and explore different ways of doing things." So what's next for Burton? Most directors have had a stab at a remake of some kind by now, could this be next? "Well, you could go back to the original King Kong, take out all the old effects and put in state of the art technology, but you would lose the film's original beauty. lt would be Uke changing history." Does he, therefore, agree with the recent adjustments to thf --~ bilogy? "I'm someone who Jcv~ ~and it was definitely a landmark rncM8. &0. ith'lnitthe remakes are unn~:

Wllh the dogy making IMJCb a mark even now, ~ ~ _.ltwact-te1eased first time around, how doEiieurtan think a')eople wUI regard Mars to come?

~ explodllJ9 If\ his bt~~~~~~~~··~~=:~= wo'ii< out what he shaiAd say. answers her questions with a sweet anci1Ql11881C'/ voice, he quietly sketdle& an • rie ~· scary, cartoon spirit with thEHiead of a JtMeJ'. Nothing could be more typical of Ttm Burton. everal of Burton's previous films explore the dark side of traditional children's themes, and he feels that this sl~ald not be hidden from young audiences. The banntng of the Topps trading cards in the 60s for their supposed unsuitabHity for children is an action that Burton thoroughly condemns. "I grew up watching lllO\Iies which used similar imagery to the trading cards. I always 1hought they were very cathartic as opposed to being unacceptable or too lurid. I think that finding anything dlsturblng about these Images Is a very adult concept. Sometimes people forget their own childhood, and can belittle the value of fantasy elements which are very much a p~ of growing up and learning the abstracts of life, like a falry1ale, folk tale or mythology. "I've always been fascinated by the fact tHe all kids tove to draw. At an earty age, any kind of drawing is encouraged, but as you get older, certain institutions beat those things out - there

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lt was probably the most ego-free shoot I've ever been on. lt's hard for people to get real upset and not come out of their trailers ' ' when ' 'their eo-stars are little green men

more fab1ei.llke and lesSIIeral.• All his films do appear to be set in another worfd Burtonwl¥td - but for him, picking a favourite would b&far too hard. ·r truly feel like that would be like ptdQng one child over another," he reasons. "There·~ aspect in each one that's close to me, it's •e a weird encapsulation of a time and a feeftng. Maybe one day I could select a favourite, but now I feel strongly about each on&. None of them are perfect; thafe for sure: There has been talk of a Batman spin-off movie, catwoman, but he'\ not saying much on lhl8 subject: !'We're working on a script, I ICNa \M ci'Wac:tt~J:of tnat; world.•: and he trails Q\ ~- doesn, want to say any more. ditlctotf'M)uld ~not be so polite and refuse tot~wer:.. But tbal's the difference~ Tim BurtOO -.dmost dltecfOr8 • consideringW huAdreds qtimiJQIJ8'-0f.dD1181W.._t have paseed through His-~. -·~ humble about his ow~ a.,ttw .......,.dother films W" dlr~ .-ang&given that many ~rs must admire every take and shot he makes.. So even if the fiiJipon&e to the we1rdeat film to hit tbe screens this year Is "lukewarm in thi:5 country too, Burton should feel safe in the knowl~e that there isn't' a single other directQI" that could match him. And with a film where no tdea was toO wacky to be excluded, Tim Burton's Mars Attacks! should send other alien invasion films into.orbil

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PREVIEWS

it! You should be rolling around on the floor in a fit of hysterics at his latest hilarious facial contortion although it's doubtful. While it's not the funniest cable television caper in the universe this flaccid comedy will confirm Carrey's reputation as one of the most punchable men in movies today. All in all, The Cable Guy is not the electrifying · experience it promises to be. Perhaps the moral of this disappointing tale should be 'steer clear of people who know more about Emma Lee electronics than you do'.

The People vs. Larry Flynt This Golden Bear winner charts the rise and fall and rerise (Is there such a word?) of Larry Flynt - publisher of Hustler American porno mag. Interesting idea for a film directed by Milos Foreman who also did One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest so it might be worth checking out... if films about porno mag publishers are your sort of

GOODFELLAS (18) USA (1990) Dir: Martin Scorsese Video - out to buy · artin Scorsese's epic mobster movie is re-released on widescreen format, making sure that an ever greater quantity of gore fills your TV screen. Based on a true story, this film follows the career of gangster Henry Hill (Ray Liotta). From his life of teenage crime to his successful mobster status, Henry achieves a lifestyle so luxurious that wouldn't any students rethink their career plans? The aftermath of a $6 million robbery provides the basis for much of the movie, displaying the paranoia and greed of the gangster~. leading to their eventual decline. The film also comes complete with extra scary red lighting to thrust the gangster violence further into your living room. This creates an even more gory atmosphere- not that it needs it with the amount of blood that gets splattered around. These hotblooded Italians seem to get het up over the slightest thing - even the slow bar service gets them a bit hot under the collar - how would they cope at the LCR? This is definitely a Scorsese movie, displaying acute attention to detail and a fragmentary plot, never quite allowing the audience to empathise or detach from the characters. The stars - Robert de Niro, Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci - are the most stunning part of the movie, showing the alternative gangster lifestyle in cold reality. Despite being a lad too long, this really is compelling viewing. All .in all, an excellent movie. Emma Bolton and J an Robertson

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Judging by some of the rid iculous names on the cast list I guess this must be a French film, no doubt Barry Norman will love it, 'cos he's a fool. Although it's been nominated for twelve French Oscars. So if you love European films (NOT of the dodgy Swedish variety - no offence ment to those of you who are Swedish) you'll this

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here are arguably three groups of people in this world , TrekkiesfTrekkers, those who aren't bothered and those who are Insane! I make no claim to being anything other than a member of the first group, but in my completely non-biased opinion I still declare that this is quite simply, and by far, the best Star Trek film ever, in fact, this is one of the best Science Fiction films ever made. Combining impressive special effects, with an intelligent plot (a rarity in any genre these days), black humour and a fine performance by Patrick Stewart (Cpt. Jean-Luc Picard) this is Star Trek :The Next Generation at its best. Jonathan Frakes (Cmdr. Will Riker) as well as returning to the role of first officer, also follows in the footsteps of Leonard Nimoy and directs this latest instalment. He does so with much skill, and with a quickly moving plot, the

Yep, more Shakespeare in the place. lt's the same with buses - you know - you wait for one then loads turn up all at once. This is a modem-day retelling of the classic love story - it replaces the two rival families with gangs, their rapiers with hand guns. The words, however, are all Shakespeare's originals. And if the trailer clue, this'll be a smash

Looking For Ri chard This marks AI Pacino's directorial debut. it intertwines Shakespeare's Richard Ill with an intimate look at the actors and filmmakers hearts and minds as they get to know the aforementioned tale - I know it sounds a bit rubbish - BUT it is meant to be good. With AI Pacino sitting in the directorial chair it~ bound to be interesting at least.

Space Jam This film will either be purely funny or an utter steaming pile of shite. Basketball mega-genius Michael Jordan stars alongside Bugs Bunny and other Tunes characters - they challenge a group of aliens to a jumped-up game of netball, in a clever mix of cartoon and real live action. Like Roger Rabbit, but with balls in.

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ound, apparently, is a movie with a twist. set agelnst the background of

mob ITIW'd9rs and Intrigue, it plays on the familiar themes of greed versus loyalty versus fear of gaGing caught, a la Trainspotting and Tile Last S«Juction. Jennifer Tilly - "Oscar nominee•, as the promotional video never tires of telling us ·plays a bored mob mistress who claps eyes on a pUe of money thet her boyfriend (Joe Pantoliano) has acquired in some less than SOiubrious flllhion, and decides to run off with it. To this end she enlists the help of her new lover CQd(y (Gina Oenlhon), an ex-convict who - and heJe Is lhe twist· Is also a woman. After some

sex, a lOt or lntente talk about sex, and some

diecuss1on of how it relates to trust, plans are · made aftd put In to action. Of course, things do

noli go smoothly... Well, what fun would it be if they did? Thi8 is the first offering from the Wachowskl brothers, who are hotly tipped to follow the Coen brothers (directors of Fargo) to fame and 8UCC888. Bound lOoks -.as if it may be weU worth a look despite the pretentious idiocy

of the Wachowalds lri the Interviews. And yes. JeMfer TlJiy does speak lb that in real life. • • • J.tnW T.,_fleld

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5, 1997

conflict between the Borg and the crew of the spectacular new Enterprise E develops rapidly. Underlying this, is the psychological trauma that Cpl. Picard must face as he meets the Borg once again. Do not expect gentle daytime viewing, this is a far cry from the original series, as it's dark, gritty and unashamedly violent in places, With a fine performance by James Cromwell (Farmer Hoggart in Babe) as flawed hero Zephran Cochran, this film shies away from the moralising that Hollywood seems so obsessed with these days. This is Star Trek as it was originally designed to be, an optimistic view of the future and a satirical view of the present. A film, that boldly tloes far beyond the standard of Independence Day and should convert many in to a fully fledged Trekkers . . Amy Pierce

The Cable Guy {15) USA (1996) Dir: Ben Stiller Video - out to rent oh, a Jim Carrey film to review I Oh Joy! Now there's a talented bloke. Few comedians today possess the rare talent of a perfect comic timing coupled with the gift of a rubber face like him. This, however, is not good news for Matthew Broderick, Carrey's eo-star, just as he is about to descend into ex-Bratpack obscurity, Carrey turns up at his lonely bedsit offering to install Cable telly to make his retirement years more enjoyable. Predictably, it's not long before Broderick's ordered life quickly dissolves into mayhem as The Cable Guy takes over his life making trips to restaurants a living hell (funny, that's what watching this film feels like at times). The film moves clumsily from one scenario to another to give Carrey a chance to show his 'wide range' of comedic talent. The Cable Guy's systematic destruction of the unfortunate Broderick's life turns this film into very uncomfortable viewing. But it's got Jim Carrey in

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Fair Game (15) USA {1995) Dir : Andrew Sipes Video - out to buy icture Cindy Crawford running scantily clad, Pamela-style along a beach. Cindy Crawford's latest workout video? Nope. it's Fair Game - Cindy's attempt to ditch the big hair stardom and opt for some big screen fame. She stars opposite the equally gorgeous William Baldwin in the dirty t-shirted, bruised face action film. Crawford plays a civil lawyer (beauty and brains!), who becomes the central target of a ruthless clan of inter1,1ational embezzlers. These traditionally Russian baddies follow Cindy and her cop in shining ~.ll!l-llll.llu.l armour (Baldwin) across Florida, leaving a trail of blown-up cars, boats and buildings behind them. Not surprisingly Crawford and Baldwin hit it off, but their steamy scene in a train ends with a bang when Cindy shoots a Russian who catches them in the act - talk about a passion killer! v;;_ _ Fair Game is the supermodel's acting debut, and you can tell. She maybe Wonder Woman on the catwalk, but she has to be Wooden Woman on the screen. But it's not just her fault, as although William manages to save the day he doesn't manage to save the film. Despite being full of Cindy's bum, boobs and legs Fair Game doesn't do much more that deliver the usual explosions and corny jokes. So, if it's Crawford's curves you want, get out the workout Lauren Cohen video ... the plot's a lot better.

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Mucbado about Bill hey just can't get enough of oi'Shakespeare in Hollywood can they? And as for that Branagh fellow, he must be Bill's biggest fan. But just what has he done with all those lovely pieces of prose?

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BRANAGHIBILL COLLABORATIONS Henry V- excellent, even with Emma Thompson with top French accent as Catherine. Much Ado About Nothing- Denzel Washington and Keanu Reeves play brothers, go figure. Othel/o- Lawrence Fishboume in the title role only because there's no way Branagh could ever play the role himself. Not really. In the Bleak Midwinter- Follows the story of a bunch of actors who are putting on a production of The Winter's Tale. Hamlet- Ken's mega movie- probably getting to big for his boots by now.

NON-BRANAGHIBILL COLLABORATIONS

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ith all the let's-tum-this-aged-novelwhich-you-probably-st~died-at-A-Ievel­

into-a-box-office-smash that's been plaguing Hollywood lately, one would have thought the movie moguls would be tired of grand old costumes and big wigs. One writer, however, startling in his use of language, clever plot twists, and bloody death, was a solid favourite with directors and punters alike, long before this retro fad took off. William Shakespeare, come on down! With an absolute feast of English luvvies swarming around the Hollywood honeypot, casting for Shakespeare movies wouldn't be much more difficult than falling of a thespian log. For a start, the UK release this month of Branagh's fourhour Hamlet sees Kenny B surrounding himself by a cast more starstudded than an astrological chart. Not only is there a multitude of keen "I went to RADA/was In the RSC/was a member of the Cambridge Footlights" actors out there but given the extremely posthumous nature of the thing, producers won't be forking out wads of cash for movie rights to Shakepeare's best works. it all started with Lawrence Olivier, the second most famous man in tights (after Errol "Robin Hood" Flynn), who played the Prince superbly and who all budding Royal Danes aspire to and are often (unfortunately) compared to. Olivier's Hamlet, with its over-excited incidental music and costumes no actor worth his salt

enough to don, is dramatic, racy and action packed. The winning formula for a crowd pulling smash. But what about all those luscious Shakespearean settings? Thanks to a lot of artistic license we'veo wooing Juliet amongst futuristic gangland warfare and Richard Ill in Third Reich Germany. Branagh, always one to indulge, has shot Hamlet at Blenheim Castle, dripping in decadence with a scrupulous attention to detail, Ken even went to the trouble of using film twice the size, at twicethe price, creating a mega widescl9en effect. Set in a very frilly

Hamlet- Mel Gibson beat Ken to it playing the Dane as a man of action. Decides, unwisely, to cast Helena Bonham-Carter as Ophelia. Twelfth Night- B-C pops up again (groan) but her effect is diluted by the likes of Mal Smith, Richard E. Grant and all the actors who appear in British films but never really made in tinsel town. Macbeth- Roman Polanski did this production back in the seventies, wierd, with dodgy soundtrack. My Own Private Idaho- Based loosely on Richard 11 and Henry IV Part I with River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves as two call boys with crap lives. Looking For Richard- AI Pacino's play within a play. Nice. Forbidden Planet- Sci-Fi comedy with a strong Mars Attacks! flavour based on The Tempest. Prospero's Books- Peter Greenaway 's bash at the Tempest, Sir John Geilgud plays all the roles in an epic jackanory type thing.

original and four hours in telling, be warned. Kenneth Branagh excels both as actor and director and his supporting cast create Elsinore in a way William would be proud. Briars plays a mean Polonius and rising star Kate Winslet does admirably as Ophelia. The cast list heaves under the weight of immensely big names, proof of Branagh's talent for networking, no Emma Thompson though, hmmmmm. In a film version that sticks so closely to the original, familiarity with Elizabethan jargon helps but with a story as famous as this it's bound to evoke memories of corduroy English teachers and York notes. A brief synopsis: Hamlet's dad dies and two months later his mum, Gertrude, marries his dad's brother, Claudius. All is not well and Hamlet doubts some foul play and he'd be right. For the rest of the time Hamlet plots and ponders, scheming to avenge his father's murder. Being a tragedy a lot of people get hurt including Ophelia who's driven to madness and Hamlet's beloved mum. There are all sorts of Hamlet theories, my personal favourite is the one which thinks Hamlet wants to kill Claudius out of jealousy, now his father's dead he wants to bed his mum and not be jilted for some uncle. Viva fraud. Branagh has made the effort here of making Shakespeare as understandable as possible with attention on the visual and the use of flashback scenes to get the message home that something really is rotten in the sate of Denmark. Despite such an epic production of which Shakespeare is probably not turning in his grave this is no Independence Day, no mega blockbuster, and won't appeal to the 'Jackie Chan's First Strike' film goers. Shame. So if you fancy a bit a' high culture, watch, just remember your colostomy bag. Catherine Jones

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casting couch fromllell-

We all know that the casting agen_t_""!"!"-. for Much Ado About Nothing made a grave mistake when they picked Keanu for the part of Don Juan, but what would happen if that same casting agent was let loose on some of William's other plays? Othello: Bill Cosby, Will Smith Hamlet: Michael Caine, Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis or anyone from 'Friends' Ophelia: Pamela Anderson Romeo: Macaulay Culkin Love Juliet: Cou Gertrude: Dolly Parton Macbeth: Rod Stewart King Lear: Marton Pauline Robson Joseph Ill: Hugh Grant

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he nose is back, and yet again 1t's taking over the TV schedules. The main programme (BBC 1, Friday March 14, ?pm-1 am) is guaranteed to produce at least six fun-filled hours of television, featuring the finest com1c talent available: presenters include Lenny Henry, Dawn French (but there's no chance for her to snog Hugh Grant this year, even if she wanted to) , Jennifer Saunders, Sieve Coogan, Dame Edna Everage (fabulous possums!) and Father Ted (With Father Dougal if he remembers to turn up). The list of special guests is long and typically star-studded, with Frank Bruno, Miranda Richardson . Richard & Judy, Honor Blackman, Buddha and God all making appearances. Well , perhaps not the last two, but this is live TV so expect a few unique occurrences, though some sketches have been recorded in advance, as have the documentary reports charting the work that Comic Relief has done. So, settle down with the red nose, a six pack, laugh as hard as you can and remember

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to give a little as well. Though the evening of March 14th will have the highest profile, before the big night itself come a whole range of programmes. Delia Smith 's Red Nose Collection (BBC 1 & BBC 2, Sundays 6.35pm) provides a selection of quick recipes supplied by special guests, while on a more serious note there are also a series of documentaries taking a closer look at the problems the organisation tackles. Balls to Africa (BBC 1, Sunday March 9, 9.259.55pm & Tuesday March 11, 10.50-11.20pm) shows the effect of various projects Comic Rel ief has sponsored as the Sporting Noses football team (which includes Frank Skinner and David Baddiel) travels around the continent. Walk On By (B BC 1, Wednesday March 12, 10.2011 .20pm), hosted by Lenny Henry, takes a look at homelessness in Britain. These documentaries serve to remind one what all the fuss is about, but don't forget to have a bit of a chuckle on March 14 as welL After all, laughter is the best medicine. Amy Pierce

film of the fortnight

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his is one of those classic WW 11 films that you tend to watch in instalments and without really knowing what you are watching. I must have seen the scene where Schaffer is on top of the cable car at least three times before finally catching the film from the beginning and realising why it had all seemed so familiar: I had read the book . Generally you expect to be disappointed with movie conversions of good . books , but then Maclean's novels were always perfect for dramatisation and having the man himself write the screenplay can't have done any harm. The film follows the attempt of seven Allied paratroopers to rescue a high ranking officer held mission to have a chance of success. Superb prisoner in the near-impregnable Schloss Adler. entertainment with some decent twists and turns in Things start to go wrong almost immedia tely when one of the team is found dead upon landing, and it the plot and a star studded cast (Richard Burton , is soon abundantly clea r that there is a trai tor in Glint Eastwood, Michael Horden) all putting in solid

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this week: The YoUilllhles

ah, students, wastrels living off the fru its of other people's labours. They wouldn't know what hard work was if it came up and slapped them in the face with a large cod. All too common a gripe amongst the vast majority of the population who are not students. Of course, we all know that all those not enjoying such a bohemian, alcoholic, selfdestructive lifestyle is, to put it bluntly, insanely jealous. Who wouldn't want to sit about for three

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years living in filth and being generally slobbish? All of these wonderful sentiments are encapsulated in The Young Ones, which in two series managed to confirm most common student myths . lt followed the day to day lives of four ordinary students: anarchic geek Rik, destructive punk Vyvyan, hippy Neil and smooth ie Mike, and in the half-hour slots encapsulated the common problems facing the student of today - how troublesome it is when top pop acts turn up uninvited at your house at all hours and play impromptu gigs in your living room , the difficulties of staging medieval battles and gameshows in your home, and somehow managing to find the time to do your coursework. And not getting any sex. The quartet's ability to cope was inspirational, and they provided many sensible survival tips ranging from pet-care (remember, don't let you r hamster snooze on your car radiator) , to dealing with your poor exam results (rob a bank) to alleviating sexual frustration (use your imagination!). Sadly the series came to an abrupt end with the tragic deaths of the students in a freak bus accident, but their pyromaniacal, antisocial cricket bat related antics had already ;.,$ln~ured tt'leir place in hi Emma Le~ •J

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With Comic Relief just around the corner, why not get your laughs on-linet Amy Pierce dons a virtual red nose to find out how

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omedy on the interne! is alive and hysterical, and if you're ever feeling blue then the best remedy is to peruse one of the many multi-coloured, purple polka-dot sites, and there are sure a lot of them. The interne! is a comprehensive database of stuff - the trick is finding your way around its dazzling expanse. Once you do, you can find complete comedy lists, picture galleries, episode guides, the lot. To begin with there are the classics of British Comedy, countless sites dedicated to Monty Python, Fawlty Towers along with comedy gems such as Red Dwarf, Mr Bean, and of course Absolutely Fabulous. Most comedy programmes

that generate the faintest of canned laughter have their own web sites. The mark of success is the number of unofficial sites each generates. The phenomenon that is Friends generates more than most, with the expected pies, bios, and episode guides, but more interestingly, drinking games, recipes and Phoebe's song lyrics. the ultimate accolade has to be the fact that there are even Anti-Friends sites (check out Sites For Sore Eyes)! The range of comedy sites is not however restricted mearly to sitcoms, comedy also has an impressive presence on the net in the form of individual comedians and comedy troupes. Eddie lzzard, Reeves & Mortimer, and even Roy Chubby Brown for the chauvinists among you, have their own pages where you too can know their height, weight, favourite food , and probably the maiden name of their Granny's second cousin to boot! The mine of information that awaits though doesn't always provide much comedy. That comes in the form of quotes, extracts and features from the respective shows/comedians. You can also find loads of audio and visual clips, and countless idol worship sites including the Dave Letterman for President website .. With such a dazzling array of information at your finger tips then the potential number of chuckles and sniggers should be

unlimited, and Saturday March 1 sees the addition of a guaranteed funny site, Comic Relief it's on the TV, in the news, on the radio, talked about on the street, so the transition to the web was inevitable. Currently the Comic Relief web site provides details of events, and all related topics (merchandising etc.) but it promises much much roore. The interne! is echoing with laughter, and there would seem to be no limit to the cyber realms of comedy, so what is the appeal? Well we all like to laugh, and surfing the net is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying videos, or tickets to shows and, unlike television, there are no schedules to limit your laughter. The uses of the web seem endless, and I for one am impressed and laughing hysterically...

SITES

FOR SORE EYES

FRIENDS SPECIALI Hey! This week, to tie in with our classic comedy article, we've trawled the net to bring you the strangest Friends sites out there! Remember, they'll be there for you ... The Friends Drinking Game http://www.centralperk.com "Rosssshh, you're my bessshhht mate!" The Phoebe Songbook http://www-personal.unich.edu/-geena/friends/phoebesong.html Mother's Ashes! Shower Song! And, oh yes, Smelly Cat! !I The Official Friends Hate Website http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/9325/ Best quote: "Feel free to hate Hootie too.• You're not wrong!

cean rnfLe .J:afLt:e "A hundred thousand welcomes" "The Union needs to look to the future, and the future is electronic."

--••~• FREEHOUSE ·~-10 real ales alway1 available Probably the largest selection of Irish Whiskeys in the country Great value meals - including our 'Taste of Ireland' menu Come and join U8 for good beer, a great atmosphere and JDishty "craic"

Find out more about this story and no end of other stuff on the Hype website. To get there, simply open Netscape on your PC. You should see the UEA home page. Click on the blue Student Media text, and then on the Hype link. Alternatively, type in this address in the space at the top of the screen: http://www.uea.ac.uk/menu/student_medialhype/welcome.html

............... 92 POTTERGATE, NORWICH ir {01603) 626627 ·THE EVENJ, WEDNESDA.Y, MARCH 5, 1997

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cu rry and a pint of beer fo r only three pounds. Sounds good. If your idea of a curry is a cereal-bowl of spicy stew, then yes , this is an excellent deal. The idea behind this 'special' offer is a good one; many pubs and restaurants have now realised that Monday night is student night in the city. However this particular opportunity to dive into the discount diner's club of cheap meals should probably be left unsold. I was intrigued to find out what, exactly, constituted as a curry in the eyes of the Firkin pub, considering that this is not a curry's natural habitat. For £3 it is a mistake to think that you receive a pint of beer with compliments- th is was lean-cuisine with the implication of not much food . The size of the portion of carrots, mushrooms, onions and potato mixed generously in a fairly bland spicy sauce, would barely compete with the muesli that was probably seNed in the bowls previously. Small and healthy it might be, but curry it is not. The so-called curry was not so much poor value, just a little insignificant. The £3 would be best spent on the beer alone . A choice of any of the five 'house' ales is by far the best value part of th is purchase. The pub itself is pleasant enough and the friendly atmosphere cou ld make it a worthwhile place fo r a few quiet dri nks before moving on. The special student offer is seNed on Monday nights from 7.00 to closing time (subject to availability, of cou rse). The Firkin pub, formally known as the The Reindeer, rcan be found on the Dereham Road. If you want value for money, cook at home, if it's a curry you want, go elsewhere , and if you want to eat a Firkin stew make sure you eat something before you go. Russe/1 Woo/ford

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uestion : Wh at have Hector th e dog , a Wildebe est, and a Mad Moose got in com mon? An swer: Henry Watt and A dre Wil kins. Er, Yeah? And? Alright I'll put yo u ou t of your misery and explain. These two guys, nght, are th e Gilbert and Sullivan . the R1ce an d Lloyd-Webber, the Hale and Pace of pub/restaurants in Norfolk and Norwich. Toge ther they now own Hector's House in Bedford Street, a very 'in' joint where people go who want to be seen to be seen ; The Wildebeest (formerly The Red Lion) at Stoke Holy Cross , about five miles south of Norwich, definitely the place to go for someth ing different in a decidedly old co lonial decor with an 'Out of Africa' theme and a highly original men u; thirdly, The Mad Moose Arms (fo rmerly Th e Warwick Arm s) which funni ly enough is in Warwick Stree t, on the junction with Dover Street off th e Unthank Road . Even in the Food and Drink section , sometimes it's not what you know bu t who you know. Sara Eresen, former UEA student in EUR is now the PR supremo for the company run by the aforementioned Watt and Wilkins. "Please do a feature on The Mad Moose ," she implore. "Please feed mel" I replied, in my best freeloader fashion . "Deall" she concluded. So here I am , Thursday February 27, 1997, The Mad Moose , Norwich, high noon .The decor is good quality London Pub style with stripped oak floors, high ceilings and windows. Th e atmosphere is friendly, (especially student frie ndly). and customers are a healthy mix of (coming back now after shunning the place because of the cha nge of name). students, and young professional business types. The menu is Thai orientated and th e cooking is absolutely genuine as Bernard. the group 's hea d chef, spent two years in London's top Tha1 restaurant learn ing how it is done. I had battered king prawns with a ch illi and plum sauce on a bed of fried seaweed, Singapore stir fri ed prawn and

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ve ryone in the office is jealous of the few of us who get to go out and do a food review , so it was w ith great p leasure that I was able to treat them to a sensational little sweetener sent to me courtesy of Mars confectionery. Deccribed in their publicity blurb as " Idea l for Mother's Day an d perfect for Easter", the newly arrived Galaxy Cara mel Swirls are bitesized bits of confecti onery heaven . Decorated shells of

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chicken noodles , and from the specials blackboard , trio of grilled fish, chicken and prawn in a Thai marinade seNed on green leaves . The chilli and plum sauce was not so much swe et and sour as hot and heal ing, th e plum worki ng as a soothin g agent to the chilli . The best idea is to scoop up a forkful of fried seaweed wi th a prawn and sauce and eat togeth er. Delicious. The noodles were lovely, and , as with all the meals , the port ions are humungous, so fast for a week beforehand. Small portions are available wi th some dishes at aroun d half-price , i.e., my Singapore stir fry kicks in at £5 .95 or £8 .95 . And as for the tno , well. .. The fish was salmon, (and I love salmon), RED NOSE COLLEC110 and I fo und the Thai mari nade worked rather like a curry, which is to say that my tongue and the roof of my mouth we re gradually es, it's Comic Relief time again when people do daft thi ngs warming up as I ate, but not to earn money for charity and go aroun d with red noses (not excessively, and the overall taste to be confused with the red noses wo rn all year ro und by and sensation was very pleasant. studen ts with a penchant for the publ) Am ong the numerous ideas The place can get packed pretty Jo;1:: for fund-raising , th is year sees the advent of cooki ng for Comic quickly so get in early or, even • :;:;Relief. better, book to avoid Thanks to the generosity of New Crane Publishing ltd and the disappointment. Sunday Lunch is sponsorship of Birds Eye Walls, Delia Smith has published Delia 's £6.95 (two cou rses) from 12.00 to Red Nose Collection, a selection of reci pies that anyone (really, 2.30 and is a welcome change from anyon e). can cook and which is distributed by Sainsbury's, WH the tract pub grub jostling for custom Smith , Menzies and Savacentre. The book costs just £1 wh ich in the area. goes entirely to Comic Relief. There are barbecues in the garden Th e book ties in with th e current BBC programmes of th e same when the weather warms up. name wh ich also feature TV comic Lenny Henry in his ro le as I was intrigued by the "co nstantly Gareth Blackstock, Chef de Cui sine . On a serious note, Lenny cha nging vegetarian soup" new 'FJVB..minfrte' recipes Henry poi nts out in his preface to the book th at eve ry penny rai8ed (£2 .75/£4 .95) . Is that someth ing to 12 goes to useful projects. He writ es: "We promise to spend your do with the hallucinatory effects of money wisely and really make a difference to the projects we support .. . homeless people on the campus life? Or is it like the effects of streets of London , young disabled people, pensioners living below the pove rty li ne in Glasgow or a Lava Lamp? And th en there's the chicken , tee nagers whose lives are being destroyed by drugs or alcohol." peanut and banana broth . And you thought Pub The book also gives a menu plan for a Comic Relief Dinner Party where you can charge money for the food was all th e same. Bon Appetit! meal and so have fun gorgi ng yourself while helping to make some dough tor charity. The details are give n on the page entitled 'How to turn your cooker into a cas h-make r' . Th e best bit is that the recipes only take five minutes to prepare (or ten if you 're really slow as Delia points ou t in her preface) . So, buy th e book and start cooki ng for a good ca use , and as Lenny says, "eat, eat , and then have some pudding .''

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smooth chocolate, filled with flowin g caramel, these are a seriously del icious treat, individually wrapped in gold foil. A 180g bag contains 18 chocolates and retai ls at £1 .49. Hyped as ideal for selfindulgence, I wou ld still defy anyone to get through a packet in one sitting! These are sweet with a seriou s " S" ! Still , the bag empt ied fast enough among the team , so perhaps it is the sort of th ing to buy someone, especia lly if you are sure to be able to sample some yourself! he annual Good Food Show takes place in London at Olympia from March 6-9. lt incl udes a celebrity theatre; various stalls and demonstrations, as well as wine tast1ngs and a Fine Food Fair. Tickets cost £8 .50, (£7 in advance ) on the door for Thursday and Fri day, and £10 on the door, (£8 in adva nce) for Saturday and Sunday. Book with a credit ca rd on the Ticket Hotl ine: 0990 143014 .

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5, 1997

Comic BeHelBecipe: CruBJpet Pizza

I does make sense if you think about it; soft squidgy bread that gets lightly toasted tor just a bit of crunch, then all these wonderful holes so that th e cheese and other ingredients can melt right down into it. First preheat the grill (about 10 mins) the n lightly toast the crumpets on both sides. Remove and pile on the ingredients and put back under the grill (but lower down th is time or they won't fit! ) They will take about 5 minutes to cook.

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Ingredients: (For 4 as a snack or 2 as a meal) 4 Crumpets 1 rounded tabl espoon of tomato paste 3 oz mozzarella cut into cubes 2 small open mushrooms , th inly sliced 4 slices of prosciutto, chopped

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1 tabl espoon salted capers, rinsed 4 cherry tomatoes, thinly sliced 4 anchovy fillets, drain ed and sliced throug h the ce ntre 4 pitted black olives 4 basil leaves, torn 1 tabl espoon of olive oil Spread th e toasted crumpets with tomato paste, then put the cubes of mozzarella on each 'pizza '. Pu t the sliced mushrooms on one quarter of each crumpet, the proscuitto on another, th e capers on the thi rd quarter and finally the chopped tomato. Then lay the anchovies in a criss-cross pattern divid1ng the quarters, add the olives an bay leaves. Finally drizzle over the olive oil and grill as above . (© Delia Smith)


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he only other impro comedy I've ever seen at UEA was an abysmal Live in the Hive thing two years ago with two women running on and off stage putting on daft costumes and desperately trying to be heard over the din of disinterested conversation. Since then, I can't say I've missed it much. However, as far as I'm concerned, Klustafux are welcome back any day. The format will be familiar to anyone who's ever watched Who's Line Is lt Anyway?, with Jannit Zarecor taking the Clive Anderson role setting up games for the other 'fux to act out. Some games work better than others, but then this is only their second performance, and they still managed to get nearly as many laughs as the tv version. My favourite was Foreign Film, where two people acted out a film in Japanese while Paul Skelton and Eliot Stewart provided a translation. While they apparently forgot all about the film (something involving Top Gun and tornadoes), the game worked thanks to the off-the-wall translations, funny if only for their inappropriateness. Equally clever was Slide Show where a couple showing off their holiday slides

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were depicted by the rest of the troupe. Their holiday, as suggested by the audience, was in Amsterdam - it doesn't take much imagination to guess what kind of tableaus were conjured up. While the caption round (where players read out phrases written by the audience at crucial moments of an improvisation) failed because the incongruity of the phrases wall r~lied upon too heavily for comic effect, merely succ!)eding in interrupting the flow. On the whole, the Klustafux team worked well together and individually, and Joe Morris hell, they were funny.

Book: Facts and Fancies Armando lannucci

and Information Assistant for the Yorkshire and Humberside Regional Arts Board is now conducted live on Channel Four News, all with the enthu· siastic co-operation of the candidates. Though this book is seemingly designed to come across as a collection of incoherent trivia, a examination of sections such as 'A Workable Alternative to Tramps' reveals that it's not the author but the world that's going mad

enghis Khan fought all his wars by correspondence", says Armando lannuci, "delivering his tactical manoeuvres by letter to each enemy while staying in Mongolia. He then allowed several months for them to write back a reply , and so wars would rage in the post throughout Northern Asia, until eventually Genghis, a keen letter writer, built up an Empire via the mail system." At first impression this book may seem to be a masquerade for the rant· ings of a madman, though it ends up as the observations of the last sane man on the planet. Early on in the book, Armando reduces the whole history of the world to less than ten significant events, including the decision of a Lapland cattle herder in 1929 to move his herd from Finland to Sweden, and the Greek invention of truth in 892BC. He then proceeds to circumnavigate his way through modern life, arguing that the value of silence has been reduced to such an extent that it is "only located in those tiny moments between momentous events, between high spirits on a speedboat and the moment when they result in a manslaughter; tiny spots of inactivity pregnant with disturbing consequence." This is before going on to describe how he's ordered his life into distinct periods according to whichever Prime Minister happened to be in office at the tim.e. One of his main subjects is the media, and he describes how even applicants for the post of Planning Officer

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Faets .tnd Faneies

ARMANDO IANNUCCI

VISiting Writer: Rose Tremain Rose· Tremain, the established novelist and author of short stories and radio and television dramas came to UEA on Wednesday 19 February. She has always been closely affiliated with the University - teaching on the Creative Writing MA as well as originally studying for her English degree here. Her books, Restoration (1989) and Sacred Country (1992) have been met with a great deal of acclaim. In writing her latest novel The Way I found Her, which will be published in May, she and her husband spent a number of months in Paris, where she reexplored the city she loved in her youth. The book centres around an adolescent boy who has travelled to France with his mother and is staying with an eccentric, flamboyant, beautiiul author. The boy narrates the story, which allows for the childlike sense of discovery and awe at the many new experiences he finds in this strange, foreign land. Rose Tremain captures his wonder as he is submerged in this totally new culture, extremely accurately portrayed in her memorable, Emma Newbery scintillating novel.

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izarre is a new and slightly unusual magazine (as the title may suggest). lt doesn't quite fit into any particular category but neverthless it is both fresh , informative and appealing. The Bizarre Images section featu res a man cutting his own eyeball as part of a ritual ceremony. A stuntman bungee-jumping on a ~~~~~~~~~ii motorbike and two polar bears fighting! The magazine also includes G::"":~....,WC.LU regular sections entitled 'Bizarre Stories' ( defusing bombs and surfing treacle tidalwaves), Bizarre Lives (this edition: Mark Radcliffe and Lard), Films, music, clubs, travel , investigations~ this packs a lot into a hundred pages. Combining a fadd ish writing style with obscure topics, including a straight-out-of-the-X-Files review on spontaneous combustion and a format of personally researched articles (such as on the hidden depths of orgies!) this is a highly entertaining magazine. Yes, you will find topless women and lots of sexual innuendo. Yes, magazines with a section called 'Smut' will be offensive to some. And yes, at a regular price of £2.50, this is as dear as a lot of much fatter magazines. However, I'd be prepared to spend the money every month for the weirdness factor alone. You just won 't find this much odd material in any other mags.

..... The Sewell Barn Theatre may have burnt down, but a number of its plays have been transferred to the Maddermarket and it is here that we begin our thespian tour of Norwich . Balmoral is set in 1937 and is based on the unique idea of Britain being a Soviet Republic. Essentially, however, this is a comedy of mistaken identities . ..... At the Theatre Royal, The Three Musketeers is showing, though this version is only loosely based on the Dumas classic. Jasper Carrott is set to provide three nights of stand-up hilarity later in the month and then for any amongst you who are still children at heart, the Roald Dahl classic The Witches is also showing . ..... Stephen Fry appears for a one-night show at Norwich Playhouse and he will also be present at Colin Self's auction of a number of his Pop Art drawings. Showing towards the end of March is the musical The Prostitutes' Padre with West End stage and television actor Jimmy Thompson in the lead role. The Playhouse will also be Educating Rita as it presents this popular and enchanting play by Willy Russel. The same cast will be starring in a second play about university tutors - Oleanna - which follows a battle of the sexes. Both plays are being directed by Peter Dugid and will be alternate nights between March 3 and March 15. ..... Meanwhile, Maddermarket is showing Home by David Storey. Apparently he wrote the play in three days and it is described as "a play which nobody could improve on • neither the author nor (especially) anyone else. .... Closer to home, March 19 sees the opening in the UEA Studio of a Drama/French Department collaboration, La Cantatrice Chauve by lonesco, a hilariously absurd play of mistaken and confused identities. UEA's visiting writers season comes to an end but not before appearances by the acclaimed novelist and scriptwriter lan McEwan and the Booker Prize-winning novelist Ben Okri. The Sainsbury Centre is continuing to host the Derek Jarman exhibition. Amy Pierce

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PIZZtl Licensed Restaurant & Take-ilway

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53 Earlham Road, Norwich Tel: 615853 THE EVENlf WE.JNESDAY,. ~EBRUARY 6, 1997 · ·: la r1 J .f ,t f

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fii111S ARC MARS ATI ACKS(12) Tim Burton's new b movie unfortunately timed after Independence Day. Look out for all the cameos amongst the flying saucers. AK AK AK AKAK! FIERCE CREATURES(15) Not quite so funny follow up from the Wanda team . All about zoos and gross corporate advertising . STAR TREK (12) The best Star Trek movie ever. The evil borg try to re write the history of man. SLEEPERS (1 5) Very loosely based on a true story (allegedly) . A tale of the revenge of four reform school kids in New Yo rk SHE'S THE ONE (15) Even friends fans will find this latest offering from Edward Burns dull . A bland film about thirtysomething angst and marriage.

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BRASSED OFF (15) Still pulling the crowds after all these weeks. Ewan McG regor and Pete Postlewaite star in this northern film about brass bands and coal mines. STAR WA RS (PG) The firs t of the trilogy begins on the 21st March. Feel the power of the force. THE ENGLISH PATIENT(15) Excellent film from Anthony Minghella, a mystery patient burnt to a crisp unravels his past. BLOOD AND WINE (15) Jack Nicholson and Michael Caine steal a pri cey necklace but it's not long before Nicholson's wife makes off with it and the trouble really begins and then there's Stephen Dorff for the younger viewers.

ODEON THE CRUCIBLE (12) Arthur Miller's play, written at the time of McCarthyism in the 1950s is loosely based on real events that occu rred in Salem Mass., when nineteen people were hung for witchcraft on the unsubstantiated accusations of a group of children. RANSOM (15) Still th e number one film in th e UK. Me I Gibson can probably pay his son's ran som ten times over by now.

MICHAEL (PG) John Travolta lowers himself further in this bland comic film about an angel who walks about the earth, with the equally bland Andie MacDowell. EVITA (PG) Alan Parker still may be a little upset that his film hasn't had much luck at the Oscars still , at least he's made a packet along the way.

CINEMA C ITY BOSTON KIC KOUT (18) Wednesday , March 5, 5.45pm Trainspottingesque low budget British film , gritty, grey and most excellent. BRASSED OFF (15) Wednesday, March 5, 8.15pm, Thursday, March 6, 5.45pm & 8.15pm, Saturday, March 8, 5.45pm In case you missed it the fi rst time here's another chance to enjoy the frolics of a colliery band, with Ewan McG regor THE DEVILS (1 8) Friday, March 7, 11.00pm Pervy, pervy 70s film starring Glenda Jackson . Nuns masturbate on alter of catholic church- no joke . LES PARAPLUIES DE CHERBOURG (PG) Thursday, March 6, 2.30pm & 8. 15pm, Friday, March 7, 5.45pm, Saturday, March 8, 8.15pm French film about umbrellas and love . CAR LA 'S SONG (15) Monday, March 10- Wednesday, March 12, 5.45pm & 8.15pm, Tuesday, March 11, 2.30pm, Thursday, March 13Friday March 14, 5.45pm, Satu rday, March 15, 8. 15pm. Ken Loach's much publicised film about a young Scottish bus driver who befriends Carla an unfortunate Nica raguan ca ught in her country's conflict. BEYOND THE CLOUDS (18) Monday, March 17- Wednesday , March 19, 5.45pm & 8. 15pm Director Michelangelo Antonioni 's first film in ten years , starring John Malkovitch. I SHOT ANDY WARHOL (18) Thursday, March 20- Satu rday, March 22, 5.45pm Depicts the crazy lifestyle of Warhol 's factory and the deranged freak, Valerie Solanas, that shot him.

UNION FILMS COURAGE UNDER FIRE (15) Thursday, March 6 Meg Ryan is the victim of unfriendly fire during the Gulf War but was her death courageous or cowardly? DEAD PRESIDENTS (18) Friday, March 7

A. Disillusioned vet returns home with nothing to look forward to.

ANTONIA'S LINE (15) Tuesday, March 11 Won best foreign fi lm last year. This Dutch gem recounts the musings of an old lady as she looks back on her life. ESCAPE FROM LA (1 5) Thursday, March 13 Kurt Russell in Mad Max mode in this futuristic action movies, no brains required, just watch. LONG KISS GOODNIGHT (18) Friday, March 14 Geena Davis wakes up one morning and rea lises she used to be a spy. Quite a realisation for a suburban 'mom'. TWELFTH NIGHT (PG) Tuesday, March 18 Brother and sister are shipwrecked and assume the other one dead until other people's love affairs bring the two together. Good thespian stuff. STAR TREK : FIRST CONTACT (12) Thursday, March 20 The best Star Trek film ever, watch it. Even if you're not a trekkie it's really good, honest.

drama UEA STUDIO LA CANTATRI CE CHAUVE Wednesday March 19- Friday March 21 Productions by the School of European Studies £3.50

T HEATRE ROYAL THE THREE MUSKETEERS Wednesday March 5 - Saturday March 8 (Matinees on Wednesday and Saturday 2.30pm) A not very accurate interpretation of this classic, "More hysterical than historical" £3.00 - £13.50

OLEANNA Wednesday March 5 - Saturday March 15 (Matinees Thursday March 6 & Saturday March 15 2.30pm) Another play that features University tutors, this one is performed in conjunction with Educating Rita and stars the same cast under the same director £3.50- £12 .50

STEPHEN FRY Sunday March 9 The Playhouses most famous patron appears for a special one-nightshow as part of the theatres fun draisng activi ties £10- £15 POP ART AUCTI ON Sunday March 9 Famous Artist, Colin Self se ll s off a number of his drawin gs as a continuing part of th is campaign to raise money. Free

MADDERMARKET THE WINTER 'S TALE Wednesday March 5 - Saturday March 8 (Matinee Satu rday 2.30pm) Shakespeare, he simply wont go away! £3.50 - £7.50 HOME Thursday March 27 - Saturday April 5 (Matinee Saturday April 5) A play based upon the fine art of convefSation and encounters £3.50 - £7.50

BALMORAL (Moved from Sewell Barn) A comedy set in 1937 England, an England that is a Soviet Republic (!) £3.50 - £7.50

event UEA VISITING WRITERS (LT I)

JASPER CARROTT Monday March 10 & Thursday March 13 A Stand up show from one of th is countries fore most comedians as he stops in Norwich to make one of his limited appearences £3.50 - £15.00

IAN MCEWAN Tuesday March 11 One of the todays tormost Scottish authors, writer of "The Black Dogs" & "The Comfort of Strangers" comes to Norwich . £3.50

RAM BERT DANCE COMPANY Tuesday March 18 & Wednesday March 19 (Matinee Wednesday 2. 30pm) A European dance troupe performing to music as diverse as Bob Dylan and Yiddish street music £3.50 - £17.50

BEN OKRI Wednesday March 19 The final visting writer to come to UEA before the easter is break is th is talented poet and Booker Prize Winning novelist £3.50

BEN ELTON Saturday March 22 Another comedian graces the stage and more laughter is in order £3.50 - £15.00 THE WITCHES Tuesday March 25 - Saturday March 29 A stage version of this classi c Roald Dahl story, wickedly funny £3. 00 - £8.50

NORWICH PLAYHOUSE EDUCATING RITA (Matinees Thursday and Saturday 2.30pm) In its original stage version this classic is a witty and touch ing play that is always worth seeing . £3.50 - £12 .50

... THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5,

UEA LCR BABYBIRD + SALAD Wednesday March 5 Steven Jones brings his fledgeling (art!) band back to Norwich. Hecklers beware! £8 adv DIVINE COMEDY Friday March 7 Suave crooner Neil Hannon arrives, replete with facial fuzz and 30-strong orchestra. One tor the romantics amongst you. £10 adv


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CHARLES & Dl EXPERIENCE Friday March 21 The best eighties night in the world ... ever! With Meltdown in the studio 9pm - 1.30pm £3.50 I £3 cone

RITZY MONDAYS- STUDENT NIGHT 9pm-2am 50p with student ID I £3 otherwise WEDNESDAYS - STUDENT NIGHT 9pm - 2am 50p with student ID I £3 otherwise FRIDAYS- FAST TRAX 9pm - 2am £3 b4 1Opm I £4 after SATURDAYS- FURIOUS 9pm - 2am £4 b4 1Opm I £5 after

ZOOM MONDA VS - HUBBA BUBBA I HOME GROWN Student Dance Night 1Opm - 2am £1 .50 b4 11 pm I £2 after {with student ID) WEDNESDAY- KATISFACTION Alternative Night 1Opm -2am £1 b4 11 pm I £3 after SATURDAYS- LOVE BOMB BABY Pumping house and garage 10pm -3am £6

THE LOFT MONDAYS - STUDENT NIGHT lndie Hits 1Opm - 2am 50p all night with cheap drinks WEDNESDAYS- ELEVATION Uplifting hard house, garage and techno, drum 'n' bass from outer space 10pm- 2am Free to Movemeni menbersl 50p otherwise THURSDA VS - GA V CLUB NIGHT 9pm - 2am free b4 10.30pm I £1 after SATURDAYS- GAY CLUB NIGHT 9pm - 3am £3 b4 1Opm I £4 after

LEMONHEADS + YOU AM I Sunday March 9 America's finest exponents of country-tinged slacker rock are back, with a top new album to defy the critics you said Evan Dando was finished. £8.50 adv ORB Wednesday March 12 Orblicious fun and frolics as the ambient-meisters wobble back into the limelight. £10 adv

THE WATERFRONT BEN FOLDS FIVE Thursday March 6 Piano-tastic threesome {?!) led by the charismatic Ben Folds. Billy Joel never sounded this cool! £7.50 adv MANSUN + TRAVIS Tuesday March 11 The cream of the post-Noelrock crop, Mansun, hot on the heels of a Number 1 album, supported by upbeat angst-rockers Travis. £6 adv KATHRYN TICKELL TRIO Sunday March 16 Nope, we've got no idea either! £7 adv

WILDE CLUB

UEA LCR

MANHATTAN$ UPLIFT - WEDNESDAYS Happy House 1Opm - 2am Free entry CAMOUFLAGE- FRIDAY FEBRUARY 7 Fortnightly Drum 'n' Bass night with guest DJ Devious D 9pm - 4am, £5 b4 11 pm I £6 after SHEER BLISS- SATURDAYS Regular house night 9pm- 3am, £5 SUNDA V SERVICE - HOUSE NIGHT 9pm - 2am, free entry .all night GORGEOUS FRIDAY FEBRUARY 14 Fortnightly Happy House night with resident DJ MCG. 9pm - 4am, £5 b4 11 pm I £6 after

6liiSS 6l3SS9 6l9060 Manhattans Ritzy 6liS41 63l717 The Waterfront 610760 Zoom 6lllll ABC Cinema 6ll047 Cinema City 6ll901 Odeon 6l0917 Maddermarket Norwich Arts Centre 6601Sl 766466 Norwich Playhouse Theatre R!_Yal 610000 S9ll7l UEA Studio SOS401 U~A Union Ents 610561 Norwich Gallery

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CLUB RETRO-ACTIVE Saturday March 15 Live performance from The Village People tribute band, New Recruits £5 adv MISS MONEYPENNY'S Saturday March 22 Expect a packed night courtesy of the Luvdup DJs, Russell Salisbury and David James £9 adv

THE WATERFRONT OFFYERFACE PRESENTS JOEY BELTRAM Friday March 7 On Beltram's first visit to Norwich he teams up with Louis, Vodka, and CJ, Dr Tonic and Stuart in the studio 9pm - 2am £7 I £6 cone MELTDOWN Saturday March 6 The usual mix of Britpop and indie downstairs with The Flying Squad playing upstairs 9pm - 1.30am £3.50 I £3 cone

JONATHAN FIRE*EATER +PRIMARY Monday March 10 They're the fire-eaters, twisted fire-eaters! US band much-praised by the music press. £4 adv

LOST IN MUSIC Friday March 14 Upfront house from the Milky Lunch crew 9pm - 2am £4 I £3 cone

THREE COLOURS RED + HURRICANE Monday March 17 The Wilde Club succumbs to ROCK for one week only! Hurricane feature Andy Bell, ex of Aide. £5 adv

MELTDOWN Saturday March 15 As per usual downstairs with In The Bag, a tribute to Madchester upstairs 9pm - 1.30pm £3.50 I £3 cone

14 day listings in association with the Theatre Royal - (01603) 630000 for reservations Tickets always available from £3 or £4

· More hysterical than historical ! MON 3RD - SAT 8TH MARCH MATS: WED & SAT 2.30PM EVES 7.30PM TICKETS: £3.00 - £13.50 BOX OFFICE (01603) 63 00 00 THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5, 1997

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WEEKDAYS IN TERM TIME

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The event issue 071 05 03 1997