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COVER ART BY FUCHSIA FUTURA


EDITOR HOLLY J. McDEDE ART DIRECTOR ADAM WHITE 04 WOMAN CUTS THINGS by FUSCHIA FUTURA 05 FROM BRUSHES TO BYTES by JAMES McLEAN 06 MUSHROOM BREEDS ART by KATIE KEMP 07 DIAL 906 by JESS HOWARD 08-09 RUN THIS TOWN by MIKE VINTI 10-11 LIVE FLESH by HOLLY J. McDEDE 12-13 EAT SHIT INVADERS by BECKY MANNING 14-16 TATTOO CULTURE by RUTH KNAPP 17 SK8 TERROR SWOOP by HOLLY J. McDEDE 18-19 SKATE OR DIE! 20-21 AN ARTISTIC WALK by ANA DUKAKIS 22 GRAFFITI IS EVIL by HANNAH ARMSTRONG 23 BRINGING HOME THE BACON by ADAM DAWSON 24-27 REWRITING THE NEWS: THE SAD TALE OF THE CONSTIPATED GOLDFISH by HARRY ARREL, JAKE HUNTLEY, ALICE HUTCHINS, HOLLY J. McDEDE, KR MOORHEAD and ADAM WHITE COLLABORATIONS BETWEEN WRITER AND ARTIST: 28-29 AN ARTISTIC WALK by JAKE REYNOLDS and IMO SIMMONDS 30-31 INT/EXT by ELLIE GREEN and SILVIA ROSE 32-33 AN ARTISTIC WALK by GIULIETTA LANTERI LAUD and CARLO SAIO 34-35 STORY FROM THE CITY by JAKE REYNOLDS 36 EINSTEIN HEARTS BOMBS by DANIELLE HANCOCK 37 THE KNIFE CUTS by ALICE HITCHENS / FONTASIA by NIGEL HERWIN 38 THERE IS NO NEWS by HANNAH GARRARD

ILLUSTRATION BY ANA DUKAKIS


C

BUT DON’T WORRY, IT’S ONLY PAPER! ollage is the sound of ntz! ntz! ntz!, it’s a man with

In the digital age, collage offers a way to connect the

a chair leg for an arm. It’s, ‘What’s a beautiful

past with the present, occasionally offering glimpses into

woman like you doing in a bar like this?’, a monkey

the future. By asking ‘what if?’, recycling and combining

driving a car, a woman with the eyes of a fish. Collage is for

disparate images to make new illustrations, new ideas can –

anyone who ever wondered how to put a spider into space, who

just sometimes - be teased into being.

dreamt of being as tall as the Eiffel tower, who contorted

The process of creating these illustrations can sometimes

their faces in strange ways as child, and secretly wished

be instantaneous. Two pieces of paper can fall together

that the wind would change.

on the page in front of you and form wonders of their own

In short, collage is about possibility and finding new ideas

accord. Other times, it’s all about the hunt, leafing through

by combining existing ones, putting characters into places

old books and well-thumbed magazines to find just the right

they’d never otherwise be, giving life to the inanimate, new

images to combine.

surroundings to those stuck in one place too long.

Look out for FuchsiaFutura avidly perusing the second

That’s how it is to FuchsiaFutura, anyway. A collage

hand bookshops of Norwich or get yourselves over to her solo

artist based in Norwich, common features in her work

show, Gallops, at Yallops Gallery, St Augustine’s Street

are black and white photos, bold bright colours and

from Friday 1 – Monday 4 May, 10am – 4.30pm.

simple design. She sees collage as a visual form

Check out more of her work on Instagram [search for @

of sampling, cutting up and reforming images to

fuchsiafutura] or for queries/commissions/digital contact,

shift thoughts and perspectives.

email fuchsiafutura@gmail.com. Fuchsia Futura

‘CARMEN MIRANDA AIN’T GOT NOTHIN’

‘WHAT’S A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN LIKE YOU DOING IN A BAR LIKE THIS’

NEWS EATS MAN 4


C

reative industries are funny, frightening,

and

unpredictable

cosmically places

Straight into

is

and

cosmically

illustrator and occasional storyboard

of creative employment; you adapt to

artist, I found myself sliding into

your surroundings if you want to stay

this quirky digital industry.

in a job. secure

In-game

funny,

This

freelance. From working as a freelance

To

the

mutated

work.

part

approach.

of

artwork

all

illustrative

JAMES McLEAN

in-game

to

At first it was working in a purely

frightening

unpredictable

work

is

a

nature

fascinating

and scary role. First and foremost,

money or product licenses, video game

there’s

companies will use pitch documents to

time. You’re hired as a product moves

define the fundamentals of the game they

into production and everyone has their

plan to development. I found myself

own horrors to focus on. In-game work

doing

is high pressure. You are sometimes

artwork

pencil

for

pitch

storyboards

interfaces colour

level

pictures

concept.

I

to

documents;

convey

plans to

recall

or

sell

game

digital

no

developing

training

as

thousands

there’s

of

pieces

no

of

graphics for a game, graphical assets

the

game

that have to be mathematically pixel

on

pitch

perfect - make a minor mistake and

working

documents including Tracey Beaker, Hot

create

Wheels and Doctor Who. Some secured

forced, frustrated smiles flashing in

development, some failed

your direction. High School Musical

From there, storyboarding was also

a

major

calamity

with

many

was one game I worked on, creating

added to the job description; sketching

hundreds

out the scripts for intro and outro

clickable items to the little arrows

scenes for in-between levels. I would

on the navigation HUD. All very glam.

break

down

assets

from

Over the past few years, with the increase in online stores for handheld

technical chaps who would mock up the

devices,

storyboards using the 3D game engine

veterans in the game industry describe

then send these crude screen-caps back

as a return to the “golden age” of

to me to be tweaked in Photoshop. For

the 1980s. From being dominated by the

Star Wars: Jedi Trials (2009), I was

major corporations in the 1990s, video

given access to Lucasfilm’s art vaults

games has returned to its roots, with

where I could sign out images, chop

developers and coders shrugging off the

them

big

montage

into

graphical

storyboards that would be sent to the

and

scripts

of

pencil

up

the

their

digital

there

has

distributors

and

been

what

some

mid-management

artwork place them over the screen-

and going straight to the consumer.

caps

as

from

one

finish

stills.

arm

It can be a lucrative, artisan gaming

from

world if you’re lucky, but it remains

another. I did the same for Doctor

filled with stress, risks, and a lot of

Who: Return to Earth (2010) on the

job juggling.

picture,

a

A

Yoda

Yoda ear

Wii. That would have been a set of

NEWS EATS MAN 5

forward

digital

If there are designers out there

animated comic-strip style intro and

considering

outro sequences, however budget cuts

their

and time constraints meant most of the

versatile, and worryingly undeterred

scripted storyboards never got used.

by the last five hundred odd words,

Got my name credited above Matt Smith

maybe consider looking at videos games

though – and we all know the higher

– it’s a world of design that seems to

on the credits the more important you

have no really inclination of going

probably are. Probably.

away. James McLean

work,

what if

E C N E HOW TO MAKE G U L F N AMES AND I

direction they

are

to

take

creative,

S L E PIX


‘TRANSPARENT’ (PAUL STANLEY)

N

THAT IS NONSENSICAL. THE XVI COLLECTIVE ISN’T. ew York to London, Manchester to Norwich. These are

exciting to listen to once it all came together.’ As well as

the cities inhabited by the various faces of the xvi

these audio pieces, Harris’ miniature silverpoint drawings

collective. It all began back in 2012 with a summer

also provide a fascinating depiction of the Atomic bomb test

residency in London: twenty artists came together for over 100

that took place on Bikini Atoll on 1st July 1946; the images

hours of lectures and one-to-one tuition under the tutelage

vary in size and format, bringing a sort of dynamism to their

of Matt Roberts Arts. Artist and member Paul Stanley said,

appearance.

‘over this period we began talking about support networks for

Norwich-based

range

greater network for exhibiting work and arranging shows in

cities, ‘exploring the idea of the sacred and mystical in

new cities.’

the modern world, and specifically urban environments.’ She

uses

a

watercolour

a

materials. Her work aims to explore the psychogeography of

which

and

uses

installation

variety

of

alongside

objects

and

works

said, ‘It seems to me that something that is shaped by the

mediums

from

will of so many human minds over hundreds of years must

painting

and

have a higher significance’. Watts’ work is striking for the

audio-visual

way in which it reads meaning into spaces which are often

compilations and found images.

overlooked as redundant and without significance; her work

Kirsty

with spaces in Norwich in particular brings alive aspects

with

diverse

photography, sculpture

out

graphite

also

it would provide us with more expansive opportunities and a

work,

a

Watts

was after this that we brought together the xvi collective;

artist

such

Jemma

of

Each

techniques

artist

artists and the need to work together to pull resources. It

with

to

Harris,

miniature

who

started

portraits

has

expanded her work over the past year, incorporating audio clips into her work, leading to new experimentation with sound and images.

of the city’s ‘rich spiritual history’ through the use of natural materials. The collective has worked on numerous projects over the years, one of their great ventures being a residency at the

‘I have recently begun exploring nuclear explosions, using

Lookout Tower in Aldeburgh; Stanley said ‘being in such a new

a variety of mediums. I started off by taking photographs of

environment, and such a specific construct of space leads to a

the sky. One of the images I captured really held me: it

great deal of experimentation; our work develops based upon

drew the vision of a mushroom cloud. This led me to the

our surroundings, and the lookout tower provided a specific

development of an audio piece How I Learned to Stop Worrying

challenge to our way of dealing with this space and the

(1945-2013), which plotted the timeline of nuclear testing. I

presentation of our work.’

worked with a number of musicians who each produced different

xvi are currently working on numerous projects for the

sounds relating to the countries who partook in the testing.

future, with some artists travelling out to New York over the

It was a challenging piece to put together; I had very little

summer for a residency which promises yet another explosion

control over its development, but the final version was really

of talent. Katie Kemp

NEWS EATS MAN 6


‘UNTITLED’ (JACK CORNISH)

HELP! ART EMERGENCY!

U

ntil I took on the task of writing this piece, I had

now that they are away from the pressures of deadlines and

never heard of artist collectives before. The only

academia.

method of artists working together I had previously

The

group

currently

consists

of

6

members;

Katerina

researched was the work of patrons, lead artists and the

Artemiou, Jon Charlton, Jack Cornish, Alec Game, Jade Jamean

employees they supervised to create their work. I had no

Lees and Tom Little. The current members of the group are

knowledge of artists working equally to reach a set of shared

all photographers, with a multitude of working styles. The

aims and goals.

collective say that the make up of the team is very fluid, and

As it happens, there are a number of artist collectives

will inevitably change and fluctuate over time. This change

working in Norwich. To further my understanding of the working

will predominately be a result of the movement within their

of these groups, I looked to the production style of the 906

working styles, and the individual goals of group members.

Collective, a group of artists that started working together whilst in University in 2013.

The artist whose work stood out most prominently to me was that of Jack Cornish. Cornish’s work is reminiscent

The collective was born after the group first organised

of

childhood

magazine

images

that

instructed

the

reader

an exhibition together whilst still studying at University.

to guess what object a close up picture had been taken

Whilst collating the show, the group realised that their

from. There are intensely detailed close ups of everyday

working

styles to

could promote

that

mesh

well

their

others.

auditions,

own There

together,

natural objects and movement. His series Abstract is almost

work

and

mystifying. Identifying origins of photographs takes repeated

no

consideration, and could speculatively been interpreted in a

or

number of ways. I would suggest that this is why Cornish has

were

interviews

competitions

to

bring

the

chosen to leave the photographs untitled.

collective together, just a

I found the first photograph in the series to be the

group of friends with shared

most interesting. At first I thought it was a flower, I saw

goals and common interests. With

gradient colours reminiscent of petals, and an intensely

a desire to involve the community around

detailed centre with all the movement of a natural object.

them, and the works of other artists. Individual shows are, for the majority, produced by the featured artist alone, with the group often coming together

Upon additional consideration the image turned out to of a paint droplet on water, the ripples of colour exploding across the fluid’s surface.

to help produce the final exhibition. However, members often

My research into this particular art collective has been

help each other out by providing input and a fresh set of

most educational. Examining how different artists have are

eyes to a project.

The collective have said that they are

able to maintain individual working styles, whilst helping

eager to return to a more rhythmic working schedule, now that

each other with group projects, is new method of working to

a number of founding members have left University. They are

me. One that I hope to continue exploring as I investigate

excited for the collective to develop ideas and exhibit work,

these types of artistic groups further. Jess Howard

NEWS EATS MAN 7


S

treet

before the first Art In My Mouth at Stew

people’s art on walls and that was it.

journey in recent years; since

art

has

been

on

a

big

Gallery.

This is our own space so there’s more

Banksy broke out of the Bristol

Mike

What’s

the

to consider but it’s great to have a

underground and it became ok for middle

Norwich street art scene? Do you paint

permanent home for it. First Norwich

class kids to like graffiti there’s been

or anything yourself?

then New York, Singapore….

plenty of debate about the future of a

Frazer

long neglected movement.

guess. I used to doodle and that here

the work it shows?

No,

your

I

involvement

live

through

in

others

I

Mike

What does Moosey Art look for in

and there but now I put artists on and

Frazer It has to be different, exciting,

leading the way in keeping the spirit of

run these shows.

something

the street art scene alive while moving

Mike How did you get into street art in

Norwich has a strong fine art scene,

into

Somewhat surprisingly Norwich is

people want to see oil paintings of the

Frazer I like the difference of it. I

broads etc. but we want to bring some

and Sam Harrons’ Shhh collective bridge

guess i like things that aren’t supposed

colour into the city.

the gap between canvas and spray can,

to be there. When I got into I used to

Mike Are there any artists from Norwich

focused firmly on alternative lifestyle

read books and follow the scene but I’d

you rate in particular?

and breaking down the barriers between

never go out and do it, until a few

Frazer Anmar [Mirza], Jay Cook is great.

art and its audience.

years ago I was just a fan.

He does kind of dark illustration but

artists in the street art scene reject

Mike Talk us through the idea behind

there’s colour in there too. Everything

the label, seeing their work as just

Get Walls.

he does has something to do with Norwich

another form of art and questioning why

Frazer Well it started with Toasters,

as well. They’re both in the opening

the distinction exists, after all no

who are great, but it’s simple. We just

show.

one claims to be a ‘gallery artist’.

want to ‘get walls’. More walls, more

Mike You also have the London Police

behind

Art.

displaying some work and they were at

Frazer

Mike Has there been any tension between

the first show, what’s it like working

Bailey, founder of Moosey Art and one

your project and the more ‘old school’

with such a high profile collective?

half of the team behind Get Walls, a

graffiti writers in Norwich?

Frazer

project aiming to bring more art to

been a lot of talk of gentrification in

before the first Art In My Mouth show I

the streets of Norwich and beyond. Mike

the scene generally.

emailed them explaining that I’d set up

Vinti sat down with him as he gets ready

Frazer Not really, they want to paint

Moosey Art and asking if they’d be up

to open Moosey Art’s first gallery.

where they’re not supposed to, that’s

for showing in Norwich. It was a lot of

part of the ethos I guess. We do it

work flying them out and everything but

legally but we’re not stopping them or

they’re great guys.

taking it away. Most people have been

Mike If you could show any artists work

Mike So you’re opening the gallery in

really supportive. Same with Norwich in

whose would it be?

a few weeks, could you tell us how you

general, with the gallery everyone’s

Frazer I’d love to put on D*Face. He’s

started Moosey Art in the first place?

been saying ‘Ah Norwich needs this’ and

my

Frazer I’ve loved art generally since

so on, they seem pretty up for it.

just street art. I’ve sent him like 4

I was young. I was out on my bike one

Mike

day and I saw a nice piece on a wall

gallery been like?

and I thought “I’m going to put on a

Frazer

show”. That was a couple of years ago,

with the Gallery. At Stew I just put

Norwich’s

the growing

Many of the

masterminds scene

Local

before.

particular? What drew you to it?

of

spaces.

seen

artists such as Henry Boon, Anmar Mirza

One

traditional

haven’t

is

What’s

THESE INTERVIEWS MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE BY MIKE VINTI

the

There’s

a

transition

There’s

to

the

I

love

favourite

the

artist

London

in

Police

general,

so

not

million emails but so far no luck. He’s big so I guess when you’re at his level

a

lot

more

work

you have to know you can sell at a show, one day.

ANMAR MIRZA

more

you

NEWS EATS MAN 8


M

oosey Art opens on the 16th and its

process as sampling; does music influence

to ponder it I guess.

opening show runs until the 2nd

your work in anyway?

Mike

May. One of the artists featured

Anmar I can’t paint without music; I’ve

doing with Get Walls….

in the show is NUA student Anmar Mirza.

always got headphones in. I’m really

Anmar Yeah, we were going to go to

His work is all over Norwich both on

into lo-fi surf rock and Motown/ Northern

Norwich’s twin city in France and spend

canvas and the street and that’s set to

Soul.

a

be just the start. Mike Vinti spoke to

Nina Simone. David Ruffin is probably

because of the gallery opening we have

him at his studio, which he shares with

my favourite musician, he was in the

to postpone it. Hopefully there’ll be

local artist, Sam Harrons and designer

Temptations. It’s such powerful soul

enough free food at the show to make

Kieran

music.

up for it.

opening a café space next to Moosey’s

Mike What’s your involvement with the

Mike You’re launching a clothing line

new gallery on Bridewell Lane.

street art scene in Norwich?

as well.

Harper,

the

two

of

whom

are

Jazz

as

well.

John

Coltrane,

Similar

week

ethos

painting

to

with

what

Get

Frazer’s

Walls

but

Anmar I wouldn’t say I’m that involved

Anmar Yeah with the clothing its part of

Mike Could you talk us through your

with

another

a lifestyle brand. I’m trying to tie in

work? You’re a guy with a lot going on.

canvas for me. If I see a plain wall

food as well, we’re doing blogs and some

Anmar Well, I get bored pretty easily.

it’s the same as painting on a canvas.

stuff with local restaurants which is

When I find something I like I want to

It’s just there, paint it.

about gourmet food on a student budget.

run with it as far as I can. With the

Mike Moosey’s opening is pretty big for

My art as well. It’s about promoting an

art, I used to be into filmmaking and

Norwich and the whole scene in general

‘alternative’ lifestyle I guess.

then I got bored of that so I started

has gained acclaim recently…

Mike What motivates you to do all this,

doing

Anmar Yeah, there are some big street

how do you find the drive to keep it

that. Then I saw a documentary about

artists there as well.

going?

Jean-Michelle Basquiat and that got me

Mike

How does it feel being put on

Anmar My background I guess, my parents

into painting. It’s harder get bored

alongside people like the London Police

are from Pakistan so we didn’t have a

with painting, there’s so many avenues

and Toasters?

huge amount of money growing up. When

you can take it down so at the moment

Anmar It’s weird because when I was in

I left school I didn’t have any gcses

I’m still exploring.

school those were the guys I used in

either. I spent ages seeing everyone

Mike How did he influence you?

my research so to be in a show with

doing what they wanted and I wasn’t. So

Anmar What I took from Basquiat was how

them is pretty surreal. I haven’t taken

I had to flip it. I got a place do to

to use Colour. I’m influenced by Picasso

it in properly but it’s overwhelming.

a Fine Art foundation at City College.

as well so I spent a while learning to

Hopefully I can sell more work than

Now I’m in a position we I can do the

use lines. I just take bits of art I

them…

things I want.

like and keep sampling it until it’s

Mike

something completely different. What I

Norwich you rate?

paying off as well.

like about Basquiat’s work is that it’s

Anmar Henry Boon, I have a thing for

Anmar it’s getting there, a few years

all spontaneous so everything I do now

line work. He does big illustrations

and I reckon it’ll be where I want it

is just off the cuff.

which is cool because a lot of people do

to be.

Mike Do you ever plan what you’re going

tags or more conventional graffiti style

Mike Where do you want it to be?

to paint?

work so he’s bringing something fresh.

Anmar I want to get paid to travel and

Anmar Not really, when I was in high

Mike Your work is all over Norwich, from

paint walls and do shows. And the money

school

planning

gig posters to the inside of cafes to on

from that will fund the next thing when

and it just kind of killed it. When

the street, do you have a preference of

I get bored of painting. I want to

you’re painting spontaneously it’s like

where you put your work?

branch out sometime, who knows what’ll

instinct, so if you make a mistake you

Anmar If I’m painting a wall I go where

happen? No point panicking about it,

have to work to fix it and that’s where

there’s traffic. It needs to be central.

we’ll see where it goes.

the fun is.

People take different things from my art

there

You

was

referred

and

lots

to

got

of

your

bored

of

artistic

Are

art,

there

it’s

other

just

artists

from

Mike

It’s

an

impressive

story,

it’s

so I want them to take some time just

LEFT TO RIGHT: ANMAR MIRZA

Mike

illustration

street

NEWS EATS MAN 9


M

any of us can remember the disappointment of the face painter who cannot grant us our every wish and turn us into who we want to be. “Can you turn me into a

squirrel?” can sometimes be met with, “I only do dragons.” Dragons sometimes look like iguannas, and requested fairies sometimes look more like moths. While working at a zoo, Cat Finlayson was watching a face painter at work, and the child emerged, looking like a green tiger rather than a snake. “And I basically lost my temper,” Finlayson said. “And so I decided to have a go.” Soon the Suffolk Wildlife Trust asked her to paint faces for their events. She’d paint animals on people’s faces to help the children learn more about the animals their faces had come to resemble. Before long, Finlayson started winning face and body painting competitions. When her husband took a a job at the Hong Kong Yaht Club,

IT’S ART ALL OVER YOU!

she discovered a whole new world of faces demanding to be painted. That’s when she decided to go professional. Since then, she’s gone on to win 1st place in Professional Body


Panting at the Phizzog/Folkestone Art Trinniel Competition,

though that’s not necessarily a good thing. But that’s just

1st place in BodyFactory Cornwall, and actually, she’s won

child’s play. Then there’s the body painting championships,

pretty much all the Body Painting Awards that can be won. Up

where hundreds gather to watch the best of the best compete.

until last year, she trained staff to decorate the faces of over 40,000 Rugby fans at the Hong Kong Rugby 7’s.

“You’re given six hours to paint,” Finlayson said. “I never paint nudes. I should make that clear. The girls and

Now she’s the resident artist for Paintopia, a face

guys are always in their knickers. Most of them give you a

and body painting festival held in Norwich that includes 3

theme to paint on. The World Champions gives you a theme

days of competitions as well as a parade. Since she started

about a year in advance. So there’s hundreds of people

nearly ten years ago, not much has changed in the world of

competiting under the same theme but there’s a hundred of

body painting, except that there’s more of it. Now, she

different ideas.”

says, it’s hard to find a children’s party without a face

While Finlayson has experience in other art forms, she

painter, though the face painter will usually be a clown who

says there’s no experience like working with artwork that

isn’t very good.

can get up and move around. And, before the day is over,

“Whatever booking you’re doing, whether it’s at a night

it’ll be gone. “It just comes together in people’s heads to

club or a party, 80% of the boys still want to be bats and

choose something really memorable,” Finlayson said. “It’s

80% of the women still want to be butterflies,” Finalyson

artwork that’s living. It’s moving. It’s sweating.”

said, though she gets the strange requests as well. “I had

Holly J. McDede

one man who said he wanted to be a piece of cheese.” These days, the face paint is cheap, so anyone can do it,

Left to Right: Wish You Were

Here

Backing

Our

McKenzie); (Helen

On

Daubney);

Boys Brighton

Elvins

Smalley); Vogel,

(Vix

and

Professor:

Apprentice:

Jo

(Carla Pier Marni Sabine Banks;

The Suffragette (Kim Jackson) Photography courtesy of Cat Finlayson.

NEWS EATS MAN 11


T

he sun-vibrant shots of Anglia Square may never be possible again. A drink and some cheap film from Poundland, looking at the graffiti, noticing the elderly regulars

of the covered benches. At the end of antiques browsing, away from concept cafes in a living part of the city. Reflective flats surround the area – ‘eat shit’ invaders softened to ‘eat shitake mushrooms’ a week later, at least it’s life. Developers were trying to be fought off with hate graffiti and a sense of disgust, the reasonable response to homeowners of public space.

Now it has a buyer so will be “renovated” and

of course gentrified. Student housing, supermarket chains – the rare legal graffiti wall, independent businesses, charity outlets

and

low-income

shopping

is

being

pushed

out.

In

favour of... cleanliness, income for the council, independent entrepreneurs, modernity. The violence of these mechanical decisions I’ve simulated, I put film through the harshest conditions; I didn’t care for it like I should. It’s a faded postcard, a sun-ridden ‘the way we were’. No one knows how much of the architecture will remain after they have had their way – the pillars careering roofs upwards, a clock on top of a glass bud, Partridge looks to the sky in despair, hoping for survival. Taking in the sweet-soaked pavement, in trilby and tweed – fresh street wear, not tired hipster wear. I want to see that clothing store struggle, he has a dream.

A car dealership, a caff, a

butchers, a budget store I have never heard of. Across the street they sell coffee for a fiver and slices of unrisen tier

PHOTOGRAPHY BY BECKY MANNING

cake and coffee for a fiver. Becky Manning

NEWS EATS MAN 12


BECKY MANNING

NEWS EATS MAN 13


NORWICH INFESTED BY RABID SKIN ART FANATICS! BY RUTH KNAPP

There

are

a

ton

of

tattoo

shops

in

Norwich, so many we could arguably be recognised

as

the

tattoo

capital

of

England. This is a guide to several of them,

their

specialities

and

notable

features. First of all, though, remember to do your research! A tattoo is for life, unless you pay loads to get it removed with hot ouchy lasers, likely more than it costs to get your tattoo in the first place.

Indigo Tattoo and Body Piercing is the

just

around

corner

does cute food and a mean cacti. If you were after a mandala or a sleeve of dot-work, then you’d want to book in with Aston Reynolds - his recent

on

leg sleeve on a client is stunning and makes me jealous I

Lower Goat Lane. It’s a

didn’t plan my tattoos better. He also has a rather awesome

well-established parlour with piercing available every day,

Cara Delevingne mandala print that is something to behold!

and also a team of four full-time tattooists. Hollie West is

Heather Gee is the lady to see if you want any kind of

the girl to see if you want something cute or chubby! Her

Polynesian tattoo, her intricate designs take patience by the

‘Chubba’ Girls tattoos have gone down a treat, and she also

bucket loads.

Left to right: One of Hollie’s ‘Chubbas’, Aston’s Cara

print; Hollie’s signature food

Photography by Ruth Knapp.

NEWS EATS MAN 14


Rag and Bone is a lively, bright

Brad Ward has a darker style and is happy doing anything

studio above Philip Browne menswear,

from his ravaged mind, like creepy dolls, devils or lonely

with four full-time staff. Old master

hearts. He has a lot of stuff drawn up and ready, so if you’re

Wink Evans can pretty much do anything.

not entirely sure what you want this can be a plus. Rob

He’s an incredibly talented artist, so expect a

Wilden is new to the team and his forte is pastel cocktails

waiting list - good things come to those who wait,

and trippy mushrooms. Also full time in the studio is Wink’s

remember. His speciality is super-bold/traditional with his

twin brother Rich aka Dicky - he is particularly keen to

own spin and the thickest of lines, also anything weed-

put Russian criminal tattoos onto you, super old-school/

related.

traditional, perverse cartoons, or anything from the 90’s.

Clockwise from top: Rob Wilden’s colourful flash; Rich Evans’ flash sheet; a neon entrance; Wynx’s lynx! Photography by Ruth Knapp.

NEWS EATS MAN 15


If

you

were

Barbareschi is a master of nouveau trad, it’s traditional

looking

for

a

with a more romantic edge - think stags heads, birds, flowers,

more

serious

and flamboyant ladies. However, if you were after a more

place

to

get

soulful approach to tattooing, then Oliver Whiting can hand-

tattooed, then head

poke a tattoo into you. His designs are dainty and detailed

to Black Dog Tattoo on St. Benedicts, where you will find a

and black... always black.

team of three full-time tattooists, including Jon Longstaff.

Elsewhere in Norwich, head to Rude Boys for black and

He loves a bit of traditional Japanese and Norfolk folklore -

grey, and Sith for bio mech. And don’t say getting one done

I still wear my Norfolk windmill with pride, thanks Jon! Enzo

didn’t hurt, because we won’t believe you!

Clockwise from below: Black Dog’s flashbook; Oliver Whiting’s hand-poked moth; Jon Longstaff’s Japanese work; Enzo Barbareschi’s bird work Photography by Ruth Knapp.

NEWS EATS MAN 16


When

Liam

occasionally

Painter

discovers

walks new

through

worlds

and

Norwich, new

places

he to

skate. These places tend to be grudgy, sometimes trashed utopias. Painter knows they won’t last long, and so he and his friends frantically photograph and video tape these places to make them last a little bit longer. One of the spaces, in the south of Norwich, used to be ruled by 12-year-olds who seem to be auditioning for crafty tyrants in Lord of the Flies. “Once I came by and they were mixing cement to build stuff to skate on,” Painter said. He and his friends would offer their cement mixing insight. A few homeless people would sleep there as well, and an old sunken boat occasionally emerges to the surface. Another space was the old Lakenham cricket ground, which was recently demolished to make room for housing. “I got most of my cutlery for university from that space,” Painter said. “And some old VHS tapes for cricket lessons”. He and his friends code named it Wimbledon. Most of the spaces he used to dwell are no longer there, or are no longer inhabitable. But he doesn’t mind so much. “That’s why we document,” he said. “Like our Wimbledon space. We’ll always remember that as the Wimbledon summer”.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY LIAM PAINTER

Holly J. McDede

NEWS EATS MAN 17


When Norwich City Council announced a ban on skateboarding in the Norwich City Centre, Jon Swords

and

Michael

Jeffries,

two geographers who teach at Northumbria University, headed to

Norwich.

They

asked

the

skateboarders there to doodle their worlds. These are some of the results. Graffiti

supplied

by

Swords and Michael Jeffries.

Jon


ANA DUKAKIS


I

f I asked you where in Norwich has the most graffiti, your first answer probably wouldn’t be the cathedral – and yet Matt Champion, head of the Norfolk Medieval

Graffiti

Survey,

markings,

has

ranging

found

from

over

those

five

carved

thousand during

individual

the

twelfth

century, to those surreptitiously left last month. The Survey was established in 2010 to find and document examples of medieval graffiti in Norfolk’s numerous churches. The pilot project studied 200 churches, only a third of the medieval parishes that can be found in Norfolk, and found that over eighty percent of the churches contained significant amounts of pre-reformation markings. Matt Champion is an alumnus of UEA, but that’s only part of the reason for his interest in the area; East Anglia has the highest concentration of medieval churches in the country, as you may have noticed when walking around Norwich. There seems to be one on every street, rather like Starbucks. They

serve

as

a

reminder

that

Norwich was once the second city of England, built on the back of the wool trade. Due to their prominent numbers they are an excellent place to start when studying medieval graffiti. During

the

seventies

and

eighties

there

was a strong public feeling that graffiti was anti-social and culturally subversive, this feeling is only recently beginning to be shaken off with well-known artists such as Banksy harnessing its provocative and political nature. But this is very different from how it was seen 700 years ago. According to Matt, the graffiti found in churches wasn’t viewed as vandalism, but rather as an act of devotion. Many of the markings were either requests for divine intercession, or attempts to ward off evil. Some of the most common engravings are what are known as Compass Markings, named such because they are near perfect circles, the kind you could make using a compass (although the current theory amongst archaeologists is that they might have been made by women using their sewing scissors). They are often found near the font, which has led historians to suggest that they were designed to ward off evil spirits that may prey on newborns before their baptisms. The medieval graffiti which has survived to this day is HANNAH ARMSTRONG

only that which was carved into the stone of a building, any markings made on the plaster of a wall have long since been re-plastered or painted over, but these kinds of detailed markings in such a hard-wearing material would have taken a great deal of time and, as most church walls were painted during medieval times, would have stood out. This would suggest that graffiti was not frowned upon in a medieval parish, or even discouraged, rather it was seen as part of worship. Perhaps Norwich County Council’s legal graffiti walls aren’t as novel an idea as previously thought. The

Norfolk

Medieval

Graffiti

Survey,

and

its

sister

survey in Suffolk, are run by volunteers, so if you would like to find out more about the local ‘wonders of the medieval period’ or get involved, you can visit their website (www. medieval-graffiti.co.uk), or for those who’d like to just dip their toes in, Norwich Cathedral’s visitor guides are always helpful in showing you the graffiti of our Norwich ancestors.

ACTUALLY, GOD REALLY DUG IT!

When so much history is on our doorstep, it would be a crime to miss it. Hannah Armstrong

NEWS EATS MAN 22


‘THREE STUDIES FOR A CRUCIFIXION’ (VIA PULLED UP)

B

LOOK AT ALL THAT MEAT AND BLOOD! ritain was never really at the forefront of painting for

horror it becomes difficult to think a person like you or I

the first half of the twentieth century. All the great

could feel such depths of torment. The figures are so twisted

Impressionists you know, all the Post-Impressionists,

with rage, pain, agony, they look like they just stepped

and most of the Modernists belong to Europe or America. Then World War Two happened and destroyed everything. All the

right out of a nightmare. In

the

case

of

this

particular

painting,

all

those

beautiful scenes of the night sky or a countryside village

horrendous faces might be reactions to the other figures in the

waking up seemed pointless, vapid even. The world had fallen

scene. In the centre of the painting, or the middle section of

apart, why bother with nice little pictures of places that

the triptych, a man lies in the foetal position on a bed. His

had probably been bombed off the map? It was Europe that

innards are his outtards. Blood spatters stain the sheets.

suffered the brunt of the war, and it was an English painter

Something has torn him apart. His face is twisted in agony

who responded to the horror of it all.

– his pain might be beyond the physical, or it might hint

Francis Bacon was the best, and also the most controversial

at something sexual, or it might be

artist working in the immediate aftermath of the war. First

both. The figure has been brutalised,

a little biography. Bacon was born in Dublin in 1901 but

though maybe he perversely enjoys it.

moved to London just before World War One. He left home at

There’s a shadowy figure in the third

16, wandering aimlessly around London, Paris, and Berlin.

painting, watching everything. They

In 1927, he happened to wander into a Picasso exhibition in

might like it too.

Paris (as you do) where the show tattooed his mind. He picked

The third part of the triptych

up a paintbrush, moved back to London and started to oil

is the crucifixion.

paint. Unfortunately he didn’t like them too much, destroyed

thing is hung like a slab of meat in a butcher’s window, cut

most of them, and paid the bills as a furniture designer. A

open and helplessly dangling from the ceiling. It’s mangled

fulfilling career path for a man like him, I’m sure. Anyway,

almost beyond recognition, except from a couple of bones

to cut down a bit, in 1945 Bacon exhibited his now infamous

sticking out here and there. The body is meat. Bacon was

triptych (a traditionally religious set of three works meant

an atheist, only using religious symbolism to explore his

to be seen together), Three Studies for Figures at the Base

themes. The crucifixion is removed from its usual context,

of a Crucifixion. It made him a star, loved and repulsed in

away from its hopeful ending, where there’s a resurrection

equal measure, like Miley Cyrus.

and everyone lives happily ever after. Now it means everything

It’s easy to see why people were (and still are) repulsed by Bacon. Take another triptych, this time 1962’s Three Studies for a Crucifixion. It has all the elements Bacon loved to work with. So let’s look at them.

Well, a kind of crucifixion anyway. The

that’s terrible in the world: mortality, suffering, brutality, violence, fear. There’s no hope here. If you get the chance to see any Bacon, there’s no reason you shouldn’t go. So visit the Sainsbury Centre for Visual

First comes his treatment of human figures. Sure, Bacon

Art, from 18 April until 26 July, look at their Francis Bacon

is a figurative painter but he does what he can to complicate

and the Masters exhibit and feel like nothing will ever be

this somewhat. The things you’re looking at are human, yes

okay in the world again. Or if plunging to the depths of

excellent let’s move on, except they’re not. That’s not quite

suffering isn’t really your thing, there’s always Picasso,

human. Their faces are twisted into such expressions of

Matisse, or Titian on display instead. Adam Dawson

NEWS EATS MAN 23


EASTERN DAILY PRESS JANUARY 1, 2015

ILLUSTRATION BY NATALIE ORME

NEWS EATS MAN 24


THE SUN JANUARY 2, 2015

THE FORTEAN TIMES JANUARY 2, 2015

NEWS EATS MAN 25

ANIMAL LIFE MAGAZINE JANUARY 3, 2015


THE HUFFINGTON POST FEBRUARY 20, 2015

NEWS EATS MAN 26


MAIL ONLINE APRIL 9, 2015

READER’S DIGEST APRIL 10, 2015

NEWS EATS MAN 27


WORDS JAKE REYNOLDS ILLUSTRATION IMO SIMMONDS The ocean laps Norwich now, or Norwich laps the ocean. The cathedral’s up next, its windows dark with a glimpse of the underworld’s water, wrung black from the Fens. It started with a nation collectively forgetting and priests trying to seek meaning in the rapture’s slow agony. Now the cathedral crumbles into surf: a blessing in a font of earth. Of all the centuries this city saw, the twenty-first was the beginning of the worst, caught in the complacence of creeping comfort. The flat lands fell into a doze and ended up comatose: dozens of Zs spiralled up, dizzy from the nether zone. Now children make paper boats and blot them with the last of the honey. They float like a halo of tiny omens, colours not seen since the sun folded. The folk of Earlham and Dereham come for this, the quiet demolition of the last great building. The cathedral bends its knees, head cast down, ready for ritual, ready to drown. It started with houses and human chains in the sea, arms straining for tablets that played out fate in real-time. Before the blackness took the archives you could see the houses topple and rewind to see the bricks jump out of the ocean. Norwich laps the ocean now, ready to capsize. The last of the wild folk watch as, in four heavy sighs, the cathedral collides with the sea. The organ pipes flood: the first time blood has met these veins in decades. A distant wheeze begins a haunt that will settle like frost over the city’s remains.

NEWS EATS MAN 29


WORDS SILVIA ROSE ILLUSTRATION ELLIE GREEN

‘Sometimes I walk through crowds

and pull down my hood as far as it can go’

‘Last night I dreamt that I was telling everyone a story

but no one was listening - no one let me say the

punchline’ ‘I try and do things that will make me melt a little, give me nice quiet feelings. Those morning moments - sunlight - coffee - just you awake’ ‘Soaked with sweat

I danced up close to everyone - as close as I could -

I did - I needed it - but I left hungry - the true thing wasn’t there’

‘I sat on the bath’s edge it all felt so deliciously helpless my wet face my wet arse the cold bathroom. There was something so beautiful in giving up’

‘The sickening crunching and tightening

that happens when you neglect yourself - travel far from yourself -

travel far away into other people’s bodies. I’ve been on holiday for too long’

‘I need to strip everything away lose my layers turn away from the sun so I can build myself again’

‘What scares me most is living a dull life, one of seclusion,

one where I choose to be upstairs creating a cocoon to prevent any love

from penetrating me, leaving me naked, unarmed’

‘I fear the path where I lose myself, become heady and withdrawn from routine, choosing powder and the dwindling promise of adventure that gets old and lost over time’

‘I seek the world, I embrace it’

‘I seek myself, I embrace my knees... I bend my knees’

‘I open the door’

‘I bend my head’

‘I call out -’

‘I look inside’

‘I look outside’ I see me

NEWS EATS MAN 31


WORDS CARLO SAIO ILLUSTRATION GIULIETTA LANTERI LAUD He rests among a Savannah of ash that has become our memory to the open wilderness. The dust of ourselves, like bloods-rust forgotten on him, in the wind that no longer sings, but groans distant, through the lost skull I now eternally wake in. Through the cycling shadows of hollow sockets…I look out. The wandering mosaic of the savannah unfurls delicately before me to defy the artistry of this civilization, grown in our minds silence. And though this silence is but a mirror of the air, it shimmers like a mirage in the desert of my gaze. Above this mirage the air lays placid as a film pulled off a lake in the breathing sun…but the sun here does not end with the day. It takes film after film off the lake, until the lake is one barren negative. A desert, wherein the journeys of lost valleys are shaded by the contours of ourselves; within which, we gather our ash, to cast out into the night, to try and plot an unfinished constellation to the map of our undoing. That unfolds in this speechless desert. A desert on which descends the rich musth of the rain, speaking to me in hopes I am too old to contain. They fall like torture. Alive, momentarily -on impact, then gone in another memory, hiding itself amidst a tear that mixes with my brittle chalk to satin my shadow. Even as it remains there, growing, the more I fall away; I still hope, I still manage to imagine that my white shadow will somehow ossify and form the whole again. If I did not…well, this would just be a savannah of ash…a desert of white shadows, and I, a wayward traveler, found inside the skull of the elephant that remained.

NEWS EATS MAN 33


NORWICH YOUTH IN FRIVOLOUS ADAPTATION SHOCKER! BY JAKE REYNOLDS

NORFOLK, SWALLOW THE SUN

Developers consider Norfolk as a top area to generate solar electricity Open wide. It’s coming to you, spoon-fed, a golden nugget for your tongue. You feel like the adults have been ignoring you, but look at them now, all crowded in your lap, their fingers on your lips, their lives in your mouth.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. WARD Ex-pupils say ‘Happy birthday, Mr Ward!’

Mr. Ward is ninety today, and the girls he taught aren’t girls any more. Some are, in fact, grandmothers. They take him to lunch and pay with pocket money. None of them fight. There is a quiet love between them, a straight-backed respect for the man who still calls them the bestbehaved girls in Norfolk, their hands on his, their smiles: didn’t we do good? No - didn’t we do well?

WRITE TO: HMP BURE

Wymondham rapist serving life sentence posts lonely hearts advert in biker magazinew Meanwhile, in Scottow, a rapist serving life takes a moment out from lunch to look for love in the pages of a biker magazine, the first man to write of ‘live music, camping & rallies’ from behind bars, no mugshot, just a blank silhouette, a dot-to-dot, a fill-your-own.

NEWS EATS MAN 34


THE MATCH

Prime Minister goads Ed Balls over Norwich City at PMQs The thugs leave for the beer-stained stands of parliament mahogany, where up front Balls cradles a yellow shirt like it’s a doorstep baby, his parents further back, shouting at Cameron’s boy in the hope that he will wet himself and let down his old man, all of them screaming at these children, these potentials, these barely-formed ideas.

MJ CRANE’S FIRST AID CASE

Can you solve the strange case of the 100-year-old medical kit left on a Dereham doorstep? A tincture of iodine, its label a filter of what we like to think the past looked like: maybe it did, after all. All this and more, swept onto the shore of a doorstep. A sling and bandages, loose as skin, the corpse of an old safety pin, aromatic ammonia for waking something dark within.

A SWIFT PINT

Norwich City of Ale team asks Taylor Swift out for a drink Imagine the tab for a Big Weekend, a whistle-stop tour of pubs per head, a rolling of barrels, an invitation written in the foam: come on, Taylor. While you’re here. Think how good this will look on Twitter, on Instagram. You, here, with us, pretending it’s a pint that brings us all together.

SONG FOR STACIA BRIGGS

Five steps to mastering the art of being miserable O before you I felt nothing on pissing in the shower, what men and women should know about cleaning, how to get my kids out of this fucking house, how to master the art of being miserable, how to understand the pain of watching kids having fun and then how to avoid it, how to feel about Eastenders, how to script the murder of a woman played by four girls.

THE BRADWELL BUTCHER

Bradwell butcher carves out new career as ballet dancer Arabesque: tighten shin and leg, the flank taut under muscular mass - hold -pirouette: rump right round, rally the raw meat to the ground and plié, right down, all haunches, the neck and clod twisting as the eyes meet their maker.

PAULINE KING

Pauline King murder: The very private life and very public death of Pauline King Pauline King, when I was eighteen my mother said, ‘I think it’s going to take you some time to truly fall in love.’ Pauline King, that scared me. I walked past your house every day and now it’s in the papers, your life spread over a line of text. I could have stopped for a glass of water and listened to your life, then asked, ‘how should this be remembered, let alone reported?’ Look at me, with all you know: is it better nearly being there, or having long to go?

NEWS EATS MAN 35


CHRISTIAN KETT (LEFT); TIM KLOED (RIGHT)

O hut

liver

Locker

Lampton

of

I walked past last night and they

Cromer

invited

Einstein

to

were lit up, flooding the beach with

stay

on

in

an

Roughton

isolated

beach

panels

of

panels

stretched

bright

light.

it was wooden and small and today it flew away. At ten thirty this

hung

fulfilling

when the tide came in they shifted

morning its rooftop was glowing,

his un-unusual hobbies of sailing

with its motion, they blazed across

and when I looked to the windows all

and

position

the new-lain sea. Heading home I

the flowers had turned white. Not

became safer, even gave a speech

consider telling mother but think

an ordinary, dirtiable white but

to the locals. Inside the beach hut

better of it, she’ll only think of

something much stronger. It had heat

Einstein carried out his unusual

spies and tell me to stay home.

and a pulse, and a strength that

violin

job -

and,

beach as

his

across

There was a house on Cromer cliffs,

dark sand, the opposite of shadows;

the

out

These

Nazi persecution. He came along, on

to

evade

the

out

Heath

hurry back against the wind.

experiments that lead to

hurt my eyes. I covered my face,

the first nuclear bomb, a fact that

That house on Cromer cliffs, it’s

just for a moment, and when I looked

the known pacifist never reconciled

still

it’s

again the flowers were knocked over,

himself with. This story imagines

getting brighter all the time. Now

their vase rolling in the sill as

another use of his nuclear power.

the chimney smoke has settled as

the whole building shook. The pink

pink, with glimmers of gold that

smoke

There’s a house on Cromer cliffs, it

seem

the

from the chimney and as I watched

is wooden and small and very close

wind. Often, there’s flowers at the

the whole hut rose slowly from the

to the sea. Till recently I thought

window but not like any I’ve ever

ground. It took maybe a minute for

it stood empty - that it was hollowed

seen. If they’re daffodils then they

the house to leave the cliff-face,

out and silent except maybe for the

are the first of their kind - the

dropping great clods of wet earth

wind. But now, maybe not. Now, for

petals are luminous, a faint mintish

from its bottom like a dog shaking

the first time I’ve ever known, smoke

green hangs about each stem. They

mud from its feet. As it went over

rises from the chimney - every day

peer out to the dark sea, heads

the cliff and out toward sea I saw

and

the

swaying as someone within grazes

a face at the window, with a soft

windows were always dark; blank-

past. Every night now the lights

cloud of hair; old but not tired and

eyes that hinted at the thoughtless

burn late and faint hum comes from

smiling as he left.

gaze of crouched-up spiders, backed

within. I heard music in that hum,

into the frames’ tight cracks. But

maybe Mozart. I think of mum and

in

many

colours.

Before

wooden

to

and

weigh

small

heavy

but

against

came

quicker

and

stronger

Danielle Hancock

NEWS EATS MAN 36


Film student is really, really sorry he accidentally caused a manhunt in Mousehouse Heath

THE KNIFE CUTS! il coltello taglia: The knife cuts. Deep as a double edged sword. It was all an accident, a

misunderstanding,

a

moment

of

absent-minded

madness. The machete and the blood were as fake as the mask which concealed the actor’s eyes and expression. There was never any need for panic, panic was not the intention. The flash of red in the

Leder Lalsh

hands of an apparent mad-man soon saw to it that

A film student is really, really sorry he accidentally caused a manhunt in Mousehouse Heath, as we just said but which should bare repeating because of just how sorry he is. The 18-year-old student has apologised to everyone he knows and everyone he does not knows for bringing a fake machete to Mousehold Heath while filming for what he described as a “Blair Witch style movie.” This move brought 5 million 999 calls on Wednesday evening.

panic, people did. il coltello taglia. The knife cuts. The current condition of the world is in utter disarray. The Mousehold man-hunt a fine example of the cautions people must take in an ever incautious world. The 999 as quick as the thumping of a heart. The police in the road were easily explained away, a film project gone wrong. But fear is a lasting response, and the responsibility cannot be shrugged off like the mask of a killer. It is not so easy to dissuade from the system. Words and actions, sharp as a blade, define us. il coltello taglia... The knife cuts. Alice Hutchins

Diss printing firm discovers mystery font Cathony Farroll

A family-owned printing company in Diss has stumped upon a very special collection of never before seen fonts on its very own business space. The fonts have yet to be identified, but font experts believe they are from the mid 1800s. They were found in the premises of Cupiss Letterpress. This business is stationed in The Wilderness, leading some to think this story to be fake even that it is, in fact, real. It is hoped that the newly discovered fonts will spark another new interest in typography. “It looks like they were cut out,” said the font expert, John Smith, who owns the space. “Someone cut them with their own hands. It’s very strange.”

FONTASIA! There’s... Comic Sans, Verdana, Arial Black, Garamond, Vivaldi, Kino MT,

Times New Roman, Techno, Impact. Goudy Old Style, Bauhaus 93. And now there’s Diss. Perpetua, Excalibur, Smashed SF.

Westminster, Ravie, News Gothic Condensed, Jokerman, Elephant, Gill Sans Ultra Bold,

Bazooka, Fine Hand, Lucida Sans Unicode, Did I mention Diss? Webdings, Wingdings, Fuji, Beach Thin, Wide Latin, Rage Italic, Jagger, Ninepin. Nimrod, Mackintosh, Matisse ITC, Parchment, Poor Richard, Hobbit, Andy. Stop. Finding a font to rhyme with Diss, Is not exactly a piece of cake. And, hand on heart, I have to tell That rhyming fonts has been absolute Hell(vetica) Sorry. Nigel Herwin

NEWS EATS MAN 36


There’s been a fire in a tumble dryer sirens wailed down Chapel road to put out the blaze No one was injured. In Ridlington near North Walsham a donkey stumbled across a field strayed from the herd needing to be heard alas, the ass fell into a ditch. Rescued, it is now back with its owner. Cawston man in real-life drama will be cooking Thai food for ITV’s Come Dine With Me. Everyone got along perfectly, apparently. There’ll be strong winds overnight in Mattishall and Stiffkey but police are not expecting calls for trees that fall because everyone’s tucked up safely in their beds. In a similar vein there are no problems with trains between Yarmouth and Sheringham. But Norwich tracks are notorious for points of failure It has been said. Finally at Stalham Tescos the manager is going nowhere on an exercise bike. Hannah Garrard

ILLUSTRATION BY NICK TREGIDGO NEWS EATS MAN 38


BACK COVER BY FUCHSIA FUTURA



News Eats Man - 14/04/2015