Concrete 170

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM CONCRETE

Issue 170 · Wednesday, December 1st 2004

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IN BLACK AND WHITE XMAS Page 7

KARL KENNEDY Page 8

‘JUSLIKETHAT’ DAVID LODGE Page 9

MERRY CASHMAS A LONG TIME COMING FOR SOME, BUT STUDENT LOANS ARE FINALLY ARRIVING Becky Wiltshire The crisis surrounding student loans seems to be calming down after a new computer system was beset with problems at the Student Loans Company (SLC).

Concrete reported on the crisis at the start of the year which had left thousands of students throughout the country wondering when they were going to receive their payments.

Anna Steward, LIT3, did not receive her loan until two

weeks ago, but is optimistic, “At least it’s come in time for Christmas”.

Concrete spoke to Linda Shepherd, the Deputy Dean of Students, who told us “for those that have been involved it’s been horrible.

The worst thing has been the lack of information.” She explained the students had had trouble tracking their loans online and some students reported problems with the accuracy of information given by the SLC. Helen Harvey said “although the loans company were not inefficient, they were not

particularly helpful and they did give me the wrong information a couple of times.”

Not all students were critical of the SLC though. Kevin Rowe, a second year Computer Science student told Concrete “I found the service good” but went on to explain “I was probably blinkered by the joy my loan was finally coming through and I could begin to live properly.”

The problems were not restricted to the SLC, however, with some students LEAs proving difficult See Page 4

Students should be able to afford their heating bills this winter after the loans have arrived

FAIR TRADE IN NORWICH

THE ‘FINE CITY’’ HOPES TO BE A ‘FAIR CITY’ AS FAIRTRADE IN NORFOLK CONTINUES THE CAMPAIGN Laura Palmer The insurance group Norwich Union and local confectioner Caley’s of Norwich have pledged their support to Fairtrade in Norfolk, a local action group who are campaigning to

make Norwich a Fairtrade city.

Fairtrade city status is awarded by the Fairtrade Foundation to cities that use and promote products carrying the FAIRTRADE mark which is said to guarantee a fair deal for producers in third world countries who might otherwise receive a very low price in exchange

for their goods.

There are currently 71 Fairtrade towns and cities across the United Kingdom and over two hundred others are working towards achieving Fairtrade status.

Both Caley’s and Norwich Union promote the benefits of buying Fair Trade products and offer fairly traded refreshments to their

staff.

Roger King who is one of Caley’s’ directors said the decision to sell Fair Trade goods was based on customer demands as well as a moral obligation: “Everyone wants to make a profit but we think it is immoral to do so at the cost of others.”

Noting the success of the Coop supermarket chain who

support Fair Trade, he added “There is a growing trend for people to want Fair Trade products” and confirmed that Caley’s will soon introduce a Fair Trade chocolate bar.

Jane Rooza, Executive Member for the Environment on the city council, said: “Having such well-known businesses as Caley’s and

LLT SHOCK AT ZIGGURAT -SEE SPORTS PAGES

Norwich Union join in is a real boost for the campaign” Students are also involved in a bid to make UEA a Fair Trade university.

The Student Union promotes Fair Trade products such as tea, coffee and chocolate which are available from the bar and in the Hive.

SEED’s campus campaign See Page 7

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From the

Editor concrete.editor@uea.ac.uk

HOUSE OF LORDS GRANT LIBERTIES LANDMARK ACTION BY THE INSTITUION ALLOWS FOR LGB UNIONS JULIET HARRIS

W

e have had our ups and downs, but we’ve had record numbers of contributors, and, while some of them are completely new to the paper, they’ve done sterling work.

Anyone who’s joined the society, but hasn’t had the time or inclination to attend the meetings and take part in some way, I hope we’ll see you more next year. I hope our readers have enjoyed reading the paper, we’ve enjoyed making it. This will be my last Editorial spot in the paper, as we’ll be going back to the Concrete Comment of yore. So, from everyone here at Concrete, we hope you have a happy holiday and wish you the very best for the New Year.

There’s plenty of writing about Christmas in this issue, so I thought I would talk more about the New Year. The juxtaposition between Christmas and New Year’s Eve has always made a huge impact on me.

Christmas Eve is so quiet and peaceful, with a fascinating atmosphere; while the night before the New Year is full of activity and noise. So much so that, by the time you’ve woken up and recovered from a, usually horrendous, hangover it is easy to have forgotten what the whole thing was about.

It would be nice if I didn’t state the obvious and go on about new beginnings, but I’m afraid I’ll have to. It’s easy to forget our potential, both individual and collective, and the potential that every day, let alone year, brings for the future. It’s easy to forget that we have the capacity to change – our own lives, and the lives of others. It’s important that we don’t forget the possibilities. While it is hard to look at our society – in the local, national and global sense of the word – and recognise any ways in which we can make a difference, we must always remember that we can.

Another world is possible, as the saying goes. Many of us will go and get jobs where we are steeped in the existing bureaucracy and tradition of

Legal Editor

the position, but we must remember that we have the capacity to change the things around us. Even small changes can make a large difference.

T

he only problem is that there are large changes taking place, which have dire consequences for the capacity of an individual to have an impact on the future.

Sam Webber’s Political piece, on page 10, discusses the political implications of the Queen’s speech. My personal feeling on the subject of her polemic about terrorism and the benefits of identity cards (an oxymoronic term, in this context), is purely a case of the ruling elite – the Government and the rich – closing ranks in reaction to widespread civil discontent.

We have to accept that this Government is intent on Americanising their politics, and running a campaign based on fear; whether such a campaign would have as big an impact on our society as it has had in the US, remains to be seen. Terrorism is a consequence of not having any courage to change things for the better. From this point of view, the thing we have to fear most are the actions or inactions of those in power, rather than the reactions of marginalised peoples.

The Iraq debacle, covered

by Nadia Bennich on page 11, certainly need not have gone so far, if the Government had listened to the feelings of the largest protest in British history. The Red Cross (and the Red Crescent) have taken an unprecedented step in speaking out against the conflict, calling it a major humanitarian catastrophe. The opinions of such a well-established and respected organisation should surely be heeded.

It’s easy to forget that the conflict in Iraq is still taking place. Many US, British and Iraqi lives, so over the holidays we should remember that there is suffering in the world and we can make a choice to end it.

Philip Sainty Editor 2004-05

Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

In a historic event last week, the House of Lords passed the Civil Partnerships Act 2004, giving same-sex couples the chance to register their partnership. Whilst not the same as a marriage, couples will be given many of the same attached rights, such as pensions, tax, tenancies and acknowledgement when their partner dies.

Supporters of the Act are especially relieved given its troubled history at bill stage.

Upon the bill reaching the primarily Conservative House of Lords, Baroness O’Cathain attempted to introduce an amendment extending rights under the bill to allow family members who have lived together for over 12 years to register their partnership. The reasoning behind this was to give rights to family members who care for others that are ill. However, respected campaigning organisations such as Stonewall and Carers UK argued that such an amendment would make the bill unworkable, as it

failed to fulfil the needs of both carers and same-sex couples. The pension, tax and intestacy rights under the bill were highly unsuitable for carers, in fact possibly even resulting in a reduction in benefits in some cases. In short, this was not the appropriate bill for such provisions to be introduced.

Furthermore, criticism was levelled at the motive of the Lords in introducing this amendment. Far from magnanimously preventing discrimination against carers, it was suggested by numerous commentators and sources that the “wrecking amendment” was merely an attempt by an institutionally homophobic House of Lords to derail a law that would finally give many same-sex couples a chance for the legal recognition that they had waited year for.

Supporters of this view pointed to debates in the House leading up to the vote on the bill, where homosexuality was denounced by one peer as an “unnatural sexual practice”.

However, this amendment was successfully removed by the House of

The Union’s LGB wedding in 2002 Commons, who passed the bill by an overwhelming majority (by 389 votes to 47).

On its final return to the Lords, the unamended bill was finally passed by 251 to 136 votes. “We’re delighted that the House of Lords has rebuffed those peers who indulged in offensive sneering at Britain’s lesbian and gay population,” said Ben Summerskill, Stonewall Chief Executive. “For the first time, the front benches of all three major political

parties have backed equality for gay people. That represents a hugely positive change.”

Couples will be able to register their partnerships under the Act from Autumn 2005 onwards. Upon receiving Royal Assent, the final stage required to make an Act law, couples may hold civil partnerships ceremonies in exactly the same venues as current civil weddings, from registry offices to stately homes.

TACTICALLY FUNDING UNI EDUCATION Jessica Fielder Education Editor Despite the imminent introduction of top-up fees and much public debate about financing Higher Education, most Universities continue to make a loss. Recent reports have shown that many Universities have been forced to take questionable measures in order to create more money.

An Observer report in August told of Universities effectively taking money in exchange for degrees.

According to the report, American students are frequently awarded exceptional results regardless of the quality of their work because

the money they attract is hugely beneficial. A department head at Bournemouth University reportedly emailed staff requesting that they raise the grades of students achieving marks of 38 or 39 to make them pass.

Better results as a department were likely to increase applicants and have consequent effect on funding.

CAFAS, the Council for Academic Freedom and Academic Standards has said that a range of practises from plagiarism and lecturers writing students’ work to awarding passes to poorly examined essays have all been tactfully ignored to ensure that students do not fail.

Friday the 26th November’s Times Education Supplement

quotes an alarming statistic: 25% of students admit to plagiarism. Much of this is evidently being overlooked in order to improve results.

What does it say about the British Education system if money is forced to come before integrity?

An increase in overseas applicants is also financially beneficial. For a business degree, for example, an overseas student may pay as much as six times more than a UK student (anything up to £30,000).

Some Universities have recently been accused of scrapping less popular departments in order to increase the number of places available on the types of courses that attract students from overseas.

The past few years has also

seen a dramatic increase in the number of students studying in a postgraduate capacity, particularly in taught courses. These can be very lucrative for Universities and there is therefore likely to be an increase in the variety of such courses available.

Some lecturers have expressed concerns that it is virtually impossible to fail a Masters degree because the money that these bring with them is far too important.

In the long term, students will lose out if their grades and hard work are discredited by a few Universities who bend the rules to increase fund. There must be a way to finance Higher Education without resorting to these drastic measures.

Inside Concrete This Week

RETRACTION – SHORT CHANGE

Page 2: Civil Liberties, University Funding Page 4: Hiding Student Debt and Google Page 6: Panic Attakcs Page 7: Nursery and Sport Debacle Page 8: Laptop Security and Big C Page 10: Queens Speech and Virus Problems Page 11:

While Concrete endeavours to be accurate in the reporting of stories, we regret to announce that there were large factual mistakes in the front page story of issue 169, produced on the 17th November 2004.

Iraq and Ukraine Page 12: Columnists Page 13: Christmas toys Page 14 -15: Christmas around the world Page 16: Christmas Innuendo Page 17: Stella Rimington Page 18-19: Turf - Car Park and Chicken Shit Page 20: Enquirer

Page 21: Travel - Latvia Page 22: Fashion - Christmas woollies Page 23: Lifestyle - Coco Cola Page 24: Letters Page 25: Ziggurat finals Page 26: Frisbee and Sailing Page 27: Fending and Football Page28: Rugby

The following information was inaccurate: “The football society had a lack of equipment” “Nightline’s budget has been halved to £750” “The Rugby club have not had their transport paid” The Football society had not put in a funding request for equipment, and so the Union cannot be held responsible for an issue it was not aware of.

Nightline’s budget for the year is £1,341; a drop of £159, due to chairs that were bought last year and do not need replacing.

The Union funds all transport for Sports clubs.

Concrete would also like to point out that the budget allocation for SCP’s overall has increased by £22,359.

Concrete accepted the information given to reporters in good faith, but was at fault in not checking the information with the Union before printing. Concrete would also like to issue an apology directly to James Drakeford, whose name appeared with the article and who suffeed a lot of criticism as a result

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Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

HOW MUCH DO YOUR PARENTS KNOW? STILL PROBLEMS SURVEY REVEALS EXTENT OF DEBT HIDDEN BY STUDENTS Olly Haywood The NUS has recently reported that £24,000 – a figure set to rise under the new top-up fee scheme – is the average cost of a threeyear degree, including tuition fees, basic living costs, beer and anything else vital to student life. Subtract a typical three-year student loan allowance from this figure – around £9/10,000 – and it is easy to see that other sources of finance are essential.

While around 40% of students engage in part-time work at university to ease the strain on the overdraft and the credit cards, parents seem to be the first port of call when funds are low.

55% of undergraduates have said that they rely on parents for financial help, which can range from help paying off a phone bill to payment of tuition fees, rent, even a monthly allowance.

However, despite this apparent generosity towards their offspring, it seems that parents are not always given the full story.

A recent online NUS survey shows that up to 36% of students hide the extent of

their debt from their parents. Indeed, one anonymous source said that her parents are practically clueless on the subject of her financial situation: “In my first year I managed to spend all my savings, use up my entire £1000 overdraft, max my £500 credit card limit and deplete a £200 university loan in the space of around four months. My Dad was paying my tuition fees and rent so I felt bad and told him I hadn’t even started using my overdraft. This backfired on me, since he obviously didn’t think I needed any extra money. In the end I had to start selling off my stuff on Internet auction sites.”

Parents can be seen as the most reliable source of financial advice, with over 66% of students preferring to phone home when in financial difficulty as opposed to seeking help from friends, tutors or student advisers. Accordingly, 37% of students choose to speak to their bank when in difficulty, evidently not wanting to break the bad news to anxious parents.

Surveys have shown that students are more concerned about their student loan repayments than bills

WITH THE SLC

From Page 1

run up on credit cards, though the latter accrues a considerably higher amount of interest. Equifax, the online credit information provider, says in order to tackle debt most effectively, one of the most important things to do is to be practical when thinking about repayments: “prioritising paying back high interest and secured loans is paramount to managing your finances.”

They advise students to obtain a copy of their personal credit rating to help

them prioritise in the most effective way.

One of the most obvious ways to ease debt worry is to limit spending in the first place. While some expenses are unavoidable, minimising spendings on takeaways and drinking – estimated to be £1,490 million a year for UK students collectively - makes a huge impact on the bank balance. Sporadically replacing a night out clubbing with a night in watching DVDs can make a real difference.

reporting major problems with the Local Education Authorities (LEA).

Kevin Rowe, from South Wales reported, “I was rudely spoken to by my LEA, at one point the woman on the other side of the phone laughed at me because I was phoning her.”

The Department for Education and Skills had reported that the advantage of the new computer system is that it allows the performance of LEAs to be monitored. It is unclear which LEAs were the worst performing.

David Andrews, Head of Student Support at Norfolk County Council, explained that “97% of full-time students have now had their applications fully processed.

Unfortunately, we have been experiencing problems for some months with the new national student finance computer system.”

Linda Shepherd also acknowledged that Norfolk LEA, which looks after many UEA students, had dealt with the problems very effectively.

Mr Andrews went on to say that “we have been working flat out for some months, taking on extra temporary staff, to try and minimise the effect of these problems

on applicants in Norfolk, working in close liaison with the Department for Education and Skills and the Student Loans Company.”

The problems with the SLC haven’t been confined to loan payments, some students have reported problems when they’ve tried to pay their loans back. Dave Barker, a post graduate Law student, has had major problems with the company following changes with his repayments. He explained “I’ve received a different story each time I call.” He is now writing to the SLC in the hope of resolving the situation.

Despite all the trouble that students have been experiencing, UEA students do not seem to be so badly affected that they need to claim from the many financial support services available to them.

Linda Shepherd explained that: “applications to the University’s hardship funds are not significantly different this year”. She reminded Concrete that the University is able to help students in financial difficulty by extending the period for the payment of fees and rent for student accommodation.

THE INTERNET IS ACADEMIC

Resident Tutors GOOGLE LAUNCHES STUDY SEARCH ENGINE Applications are now invited from highly motivated, enthusiastic and suitably experienced full-time students and members of staff for appointment as Resident Tutor for the academic year 2005-06.

Students spending next year abroad should also apply now for appointment in September 2006.

Resident Tutors welcome students when they first move into residences, provide information and support to help them manage the transition to university life and, throughout the year, are available to deal with issues of welfare and good order.

By using their mediation and problem-solving skills, Resident Tutors help maintain a balance between the interests of individuals and the community in residences.

Successful applicants will have excellent all-round people skills, be non-judgmental, able to empathise with the academic problems commonly experienced by students, have good written and spoken English, good time management skills, the ability to follow clearly defined procedures, flexibility and a willingness to work unsocial hours.

This appointment will be subject to a criminal record check from the Criminal Records Bureau.

Further particulars are available from the Dean of Students’ Office Reception or from www.uea.ac.uk/dos/intranet/welcome.html (click on to Residences).

There are 2 closing dates for applications: Friday 17 December 2004 (applicants will be invited for interview or informed that their application is unsuccessful by 11 February 2005) 28 January 2005 (applicants will be invited for interview or informed that their application is unsuccessful by 18 March 2005).

Jane Douglas Leading internet search engine company, Google, is creating digital waves by making academic research freely accessible to all internet users.

Google Scholar will allow students to search for keywords in theses, books, technical reports, university websites and traditional academic publications.

The results of each search are ranked in terms of their relevance, for example, how many times other academics have cited the research in their work, rather than how many hits a site has had.

Google Scholar, now running in test form at www.scholar.google.com, is set to enhance the way students search for information. The search engine only looks through academic documents, cutting out inappropriate and less factual sites, which often lend no more than a passing, popular commentary on a topic. For example, a search on ‘life on Mars’ using Google Scholar yielded up-to-date information on strategies being developed to cope with the Martian terrain on future unmanned missions.

Whereas, the same search using conventional engines leaves the user overwhelmed with a mix of science, conspiracy theories and little green men.

The motto of Google Scholar

is ‘stand on the shoulders of giants’, which although somewhat pretentious, is an accurate description of its purpose. The search engine provides access to useful and current academic research in a number of disciplines ranging from medicine to computer science.

However, Google Scholar is largely science-orientated.

Searches on historical topics, such as the fire of London, result in a couple of book titles and various papers on Samuel Pepys’ post-traumatic stress disorder. Those searching for information relating to English literature might also be disappointed, as a search on Othello gave more results on strategies for the game, than the issues of race and gender in one of Shakespeare’s greatest

works.

The new search engine does, however, enable the general public to have access to the raw facts and latest scientific thinking on issues which affect them, the possible link between the MMR jab and autism, for example.

The innovation comes as the Commons science and technology committee call for the results of publicly funded scientific research carried out in Britain, to be made freely available on the internet.

Google Scholar certainly allows students to find articles from a wide variety of academic publishers, professional societies, preprint repositories and universities, as well as scholarly articles available across the web, with relative ease.

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PANIC SUFFERERS NOT ALONE AT UEA NEW SURVEY REVEALS LARGE NUMBERS OF UEA STUDENTS SUFFER FROM ANXIETY ATTACKS AND WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE CONDITIONS Kate Wilkinson

Experiencing a panic attack...

A recent survey conducted at the UEA revealed that 73% of students didn’t feel enough was being done on campus to raise awareness of panic attacks and other mental health issues. The survey was conducted on 22nd November this year and 100 students took part.

The survey revealed that 51% of those questioned have experienced attacks themselves or know someone who has, but no one seems to be talking about the frequency of them or how frightening the experience can be. “Not a great deal is said about them anywhere, not just at UEA but in schools as well”. One student pointed out that “the

effect they have on the sufferer is often underestimated” and that “they are a symptom of other stuff. It’s not about being weak”.

Numerous participants in the survey felt that more needs to be done to raise awareness of this issue and wanted to know more about them, particularly those who knew people who had experienced them. One student said: “When I have been with people who are having an attack it is very frightening and I would like to know more about them”, another said “I think if someone had one I wouldn’t know quite what to do other than to call an ambulance…” Although 92% of students had heard of panic attacks and had a fair idea what they were there were a lot of misconceptions about them. Many people believed that they only happened to an “unlucky few” and that “if you have lots of issues all the time you get them”.

Panic attacks are feelings of extreme anxiety and/or fear, which can seem unconnected to what the sufferer is experiencing. For example, sufferers can experience an attack while waiting for a bus or at the cinema, situations most people wouldn’t associate with fear.

Panic attacks can be linked to phobias but can also result from generalized anxiety. Symptoms of panic attacks can be shortness of breath/hyperventilation, fast heart rate, pain in the chest, feeling as if you’re choking, feeling faint, feelings of unreality, numbness, wanting to go to the toilet, sweating, flushes, shaking, and feeling nauseous. These

can happen in any order and any combination. Thoughts sufferers commonly report when experiencing an attack are fear of death, fear of fainting, fear of losing control, fear of heart attack, and/or fear of going mad.

During an attack none of these fears are likely to be realised: in fact, sufferers are very unlikely to faint during an attack as their blood pressure is raised. But it is very difficult to believe this when you are in this state of heightened anxiety.

It is important that people are aware of what a panic attack is, as it can be even more frightening when you don’t know what it is you are experiencing, and it is crucial that they seek help as they are frightening things to face alone.

There are lots of treatments available to help, including Behavioural Therapy, which is used to help sufferers overcome feelings of terror on entering situations that they would prefer to avoid, such as places where they have had attacks before. In the short-term, sufferers can be put on medication, although this is a last resort as the medication used is highly addictive and it doesn’t solve the permanently.

Panic attacks can happen to anyone. You do not have to be physically, emotionally or mentally weak in order to suffer from them.

Recent research by the Health Press has suggested that almost a quarter of the population will experience an anxiety disorder during their lifetime. Sufferers can also experience other mental health issues such as

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), agoraphobia and depression, but do not have to experience any of these to have an attack.

What is important is that sufferers try not to avoid situations where they have experienced attacks, as avoidance can help to aggravate the condition as the sufferer gets stuck in a panic cycle where more and more situations are avoided. This can lead to heightened sensitivity to anxiety and loss of the life you were previously able to have.

It is often very difficult for a sufferer of panic attacks to explain what the experience is like. One sufferer said that: “To me, panic attacks are like losing your sense of time, space, self and reality, all at once. But what makes them even scarier is the feeling that you cannot connect or explain what’s going on while it’s happening – you feel stranded and isolated, and each time feels as disorientating and alarming as if it’s the first time, because it is so hard to remember anything outside the panic”. They feel that “at UEA there is a severe lack of access to, and clear information about, services that are available, and options that can be tried. However, students in the Union are pushing to get this changed and hopefully the group tackling mental health awareness will continue to raise knowledge, and reduce misconception and stigma”.

There is help available for anyone who suspects they may have, or someone they know may have, experienced a panic attack. There are many web sites offering

information, advice and support on panic attacks including music to aid relaxation, some of the most helpful being: www.anxietycare.org. uk, www.first-steps.org, www.nopanic.org.uk, www.nomorepanic.co.uk and www.mind.org.uk.

There are also books available, some in the library, such as Dennis Greenberger’s Mind Over Mood (RC 489.C63 GRE), or to buy, such as Christine, Ingham, Panic Attacks, (Thorsons, 2000.), which

offers a useful chapter with advice for people who want know how to help someone they know who has experienced attacks. Furthermore, your GP can offer you advice, referral and support concerning panic attacks so if in doubt make an appointment. The mental health awareness group at UEA advertise their meetings in Rabbit and Concrete so if you want to do more to help raise awareness get down to their next meeting.

....try not to scream, there are plenty of places to get help

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SPORT DEBACLE

TEMPERS FLARE OVER LOSS OF GYM EQUIPMENT

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BABY STEPS TOWARDS NEW NURSERY NEW CENTRE IN FINAL DEVELOPMENT STAGES

Sportspark rethinks safety measures following recent incident.

Robin Budd A safety decision for the Sportspark a few weeks ago has provoked a dispute between a student and the staff over the equipment currently available.

It centres around a piece of equipment designed to help with free weight lifting called a ‘squat rack’ which consists of bars on a frame, designed to support the weight of a barbell – a long metal pole designed to hold weights on either end and be lifted. One gym user, despite warning signs, removed all the weights from one side of the barbell at once. This caused the barbell on the rack to swing over, and strike a customer on another piece of machinery in the face.

The head of the Sportspark, Keith Nicholls, removed the squat rack from the gym immediately on the grounds that he has “a duty

of care to customers and responsibility to the university to ensure the same accident cannot happen again”.

The Fitness Centre of the Sportspark has been examined by the University Safety Service, and the staff made a number of other changes to the layout of the gym in order to ensure that this kind of accident would not happen again.

All Fitness Centre users are required to have an induction on the equipment in order to ensure that damage to the machinery and personal injury is kept to a minimum. As a replacement for this, a Smith machine was ordered, a similar weight lifting aid which consists of a barbell integrated into a machine with safety stops to stabilise it. It is therefore a safer option.

There is already one of these machines in the fitness centre, which Mr Nicholls describes as “very popular and used for a whole range of exercises”. The student opposing this, Robert

Barrington, argues that this machine is useless and also claims Mr Nicholls has refused to meet him to discuss this.

Mr Nicholls, on the other hand, says that Mr Barrington has had the situation explained “on a large number of occasions by the Fitness Assistants, the Fitness Manager, the Duty Manager, the Assistant Director Performance and on four occasions by myself”, and that any alternative was impossible due to “the physical limitations and the level of usage of the Fitness Centre”.

Mr Barrington also claims that he has collected the signatures of several trainers, who agree with his views that the new machine is useless for what its needed. He has also alleged that he was forcibly thrown out of Mr Nicholls’ office after requesting an appointment, a claim currently being dealt with by Jo Wright, the Student Union Welfare Officer.

A FAIR AND FINE CAMPUS?

The city of Norwich vies for Fairtrade status, should UEA do the same?

From Page 1 Given such high-profile support in the city, further questions are raised about whether the University should support the drive and become a Fairtrade campus.

Yasmine Dialdas, secretary for SEED (The Society for Everything on the

Environmental and Development), are hoping to set up a Fair Trade society at UEA and is planning to raise awareness of trade issues with another Fair Trade fortnight which will take place in March next year.

She said “We are hoping to have a gig and open mic night as well as a quiz night.

Photo: Philip Sainty

There is going to be a fashion show featuring charity shop clothes and Fair Trade labels. We are also going to hold an educational weekend event in the city. We are very open to ideas and volunteers!”

For more information email Yasmine Dialdas at yas_d@hotmail.com

Artist’s impression of the nursery to be opened in the new year

Sarah Smith No one can have failed to notice the large number of building projects currently in progress on campus but many may not have realised that one of the buildings will be a Health and Community Centre on the edge of campus. This new building as well as containing the health centre, dentist and laundrette will also become the home of the nursery.

Currently the nursery is located in the temporary green portacabins behind the main car park.

The nursery looks after children ranging from 6 weeks to school age from both staff and students.

Although staff have managed with what they have, the new building will be purpose built for childcare. It will also be much larger.

The new building will allow enrolment figures to almost double from 52 to 106 places. There will also be an emphasis on new baby places and facilities.

The nursery is very oversubscribed and it is hoped these new places will dramatically

ease placement problems as well as providing a better and easier environment for children and staff alike.

The new nursery will have purpose built classrooms for each age group as well as a garden and outside playground. Although children are placed in age groups there is also the freedom for children to move between classes to see siblings. This was one of the aspects of the nursery that was praised in recent OFSTED inspections. There will also be improved facilities particularly for catering which is all made on site.

This will be useful because all children follow a vegetarian diet whilst at the nursery.

Because it is such a multicultural group this means the meals are suitable for all the children. The children all celebrate the various religious festivals another fact that was praised by OFSTED. Whilst most of us have probably been moaning about the disruption caused by the building works, the nursery has turned them into a learning opportunity.

The children have been learning about how the machinery works and have

been watching the new building as it has gone up.

It is hoped that the new nursery will be finished by summer ’05 however at the latest it should be ready in time for the new academic year. Although there is the possibility of changes to fees and session times parents will be consulted on this as they have been for the whole project.

The increase in the number of children will also mean the number of staff will double as well. In spring there will be a recruitment drive to find the new staff necessary. As well as looking for experienced nursery staff the university will also be liasing with City College to look for graduates of their nursery childcare courses to help fill places. It is hoped that many parents will consider applying or moving their child to the new nursery. Whilst many parents may have looked elsewhere because of over subscription with the new places it is hoped many will look to the UEA as their first choice.

If you would like further information on the nursery their website is www.ueanursery.co.uk.

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PARTNERS AGAINST CRIME UEA AND POLICE CONTINUE TO WORK TOGETHER Helen Pike News Editor

Police in the Earlham area have teamed up with the University of East Anglia to help prevent further computer thefts.

Norfolk Constabulary have received a grant for security software and have provided UEA with 40 software licenses for students living in Waveney Terrace, where many have recently fallen victim to computer theft.

To be installed this week, the software ensures that if a computer is stolen the server will be notified. It will then be able to trace the computer and inform the police.

Inspector Peter Walsh explains the reason behind

the new system they have implemented. “Laptop computers have become the target of choice for many thieves and burglars. Their mobility ends up being a hindrance to those who have had laptops stolen.

“We have been using the ultra-violet link to mark valuable items for some time but recently the Norwich Crime and Disorder Reduction Partnership has helped us to obtain this new software. It will make crime more risky for the thief and for those persons who buy a stolen computer with no questions asked. The new kit will help us to locate a person who is handling stolen equipment.”

Greg Newton-Ingham, director of UEA’s web, learning and network services encourages the idea. “The

UEA takes computer security seriously and is very pleased to support police in their efforts to reduce crime.

We believe that the use of this new software will improve security for users of laptops and we hope to make it available for all students to purchase in the future.”

Owners of computer equipment can contact their local police station for crime prevention advice.

Information on tracking software can be obtained from the Central Area Crime Prevention Unit.

Several laptop computers and other valuable items including electrical goods have been recovered by police recently after officers checked suspected property with ultra-violet light.

BIG C RAFFLE IN HIVE UNION INVOLVED IN RAFFLE TO FUND NORWICH CHARITY THAT SUPPORTS CANCER SUFFERERS

Cassie Edmiston The observant amongst you will have noticed that the Union Bar is running a Christmas raffle this year in support of The Big C Appeal.

With many great prizes on offer, including two tickets to the Summer Ball next year, it’s definitely worth a go at only a £1 an entry. As well as lightening your pocket,

and giving yourself a chance to have a great night out for free, you will be supporting a vital local cancer charity based in Norwich.

The Big C Appeal assists in providing doctors, equipment and support services in Norfolk and North Suffolk, as well as research in our very own BIO department. The Big C Appeal is one of those few charities where people can actually see the benefits of the money they raise being used in their local area.

The money from the raffle will help to support The Big C’s latest project, building a Family Cancer Information and Support Centre at the Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital.

The first of its kind in the area, this unique walk-in centre will provide counselling, comprehensive access to information and support for those who are

having difficulty dealing with a disease that now affects one in three of us. Cancer patients and their families will be able to find the information they need, away from the clinical and often frightening environment of the hospital.

If the idea of a raffle doesn’t appeal, the charity also runs two shops in the city centre, one on Castle Meadow and the other at the top of Timberhill. If any student has a few spare hours and feels like making a difference to a small charity with huge ideas contact Cassie Edmiston on 01603 619900 or e-mail c.edmiston@uea.ac.uk/cassie.edmis ton@thebigcappeal.co.uk.

For raffle tickets simply visit the Union Bar or the Hive and pay to put your name and number on a square where you’re in with a chance to win a fantastic prize and support the Big C.

PC Richard Bell shares tips on avoiding theft with student Mark Phillips (LAW 1)

RESOLVING RENTS STUDENTS COULD BENEFIT FROM SERVICE THAT HELPS RESOLVE RENT DISPUTES Katharine Clemow Deputy Editor

Students across the UK are missing out on a government-backed tribunal service that could help them resolve arguments with landlords over unfair rent.

The Residential Property Tribunal Service (RPTS), which was established in 2001, believes many students are unaware that a comparatively quick and affordable dispute resolution services is available to them locally.

The tribunal service can assist regulated, assured or assured short hold tenants in a variety of circumstances; for example where a student is charged what they believe is an unfair rent, or faces a sudden unjustified rise in rent.

“Housing disputes can

be stressful, time-consuming and expensive,” says RPTS Senior President Siobhan McGrath. “Our committees and tribunals, which are available locally throughout the country, can resolve many types of dispute, breaking deadlock with the potential to save both sides time and money.”

The RPTS is strictly impartial and every case it handles is decided on its merits. Hearings take place locally, usually at a location near to the property in question.

Hearing panels are typically made up of a valuer, a lawyer and a lay person.

Seventy per cent of rent disputes are heard within 12 weeks or, in urgent cases, even sooner. Panel members almost always undertake property inspections.

The service is both efficient and extremely cost

effective – rent disputes are handled free of charge, while other disputes cost between £50 and £500 depending on their complexity. You don’t have to hire a lawyer or valuer and hearings are semiformal and user friendly.

In addition to rent disputes, the RPTS is also empowered to adjudicate in other matters including disputes concerning leases, service charges, insurers and building management.

Siobhan McGrath says the service is open to everyone and adds “We are urging anyone who is having problems resolving disputes to contact one of our regional offices, or phone the national helpline.”

The national helpline number is 0845 600 3178, and further details of the service are available in free booklets explaining the work of RPTS.

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Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

ONE’S GOVERNMENT IS DOING RIGHT BY ONE QUEEN USES SPEECH AS PLATFORM FOR FEARMONGERING AND ENDORESMENT OF IDENTITY CARDS Sam Webber Political Editor It is fairly clear that the main proposals in this year’s Queen’s speech focus upon the climate of fear in which we now all live. Through various security-related measures, such as the introduction of ID cards and the establishment of a ‘Serious Organised Crime Agency’, the government is trying to convey the impression that it will keep us safe from increasing terrorist threats.

A great many people, including politicians from all parties, are very cautious about going down this road.

In fact, some feel Blair is only taking yet another leaf out of George W Bush’s book by preparing to run an election campaign based, not on hope for the future, but on fear.

Senior ministers have even gone as far as to claim

that, unlike the opposition parties, Labour will truly keep Britain safe.

Leader of the House of Commons, Peter Hain said, “I believe the risk would be lower under Labour because we are bringing in the measures to deal with terrorist threats”.

Senior Conservatives and Liberal Democrats have seized upon these and other allegations and argued that, even if they oppose ID cards or a similar piece of proposed legislation, they still do so with the country’s best interests at heart.

The part that identity cards will play in monitoring terrorist threats is itself questionable. If these cards are required to prevent a 9/11-style attack on London or elsewhere, why then are they not being introduced until 2011? Surely here those arguing that Labour is trying to scare voters in to supporting them win some

credit. This was a Queen’s speech focused primarily on security and anti-terrorist legislation, with hardly any proposals devoted to other crucial areas such as health and education.

However the government has decided to extend child benefit support for children up until the age of 19 so long as they are engaged in education or training. Certainly this will be viewed as an improvement on the previous system, which could be said to have discriminated against those leaving full time education at sixteen to pursue vocational apprenticeships.

A bill was also proposed to “reduce further the numbers of those killed or injured on the roads”.

Precisely what this bill contains is not known yet, but it is highly likely it will increase the penalty drivers face if caught using their mobile telephones whilst

TB OR NOT TB?

CAMPUS WARNING ON TUBERCULOSIS RISK Robin Budd The Dean of Students has released a briefing to all students about the risk of Pulmonary Tuberculosis, after a student was recently diagnosed. All who have had recent close contact with the student are also being instructed to be tested and have been given advice and information on how best to proceed. TB is easily treated and takes a long time to develop, so there is no major risk as long as it is caught before too late.

TB has been declared a global health emergency by the World Health Organisation since 1993 – it causes more deaths than Aids and malaria combined,

and it is estimated that up to 10 million people are infected each year, with around a third dying. The main areas at risk are South-East Asia, Sub-Saharan Africa, and Eastern Europe. There had been a trend in the last two centuries for a decrease in the disease, but recently cases have been increasing again, leading to an estimate that by 2020 one billion people will be newly infected with the disease.

The two major factors in the increase of the disease are the increase of HIV and the increase of resistant strains. Since HIV lowers the resistance of the immune system, the bacteria has more chance of spreading through the body – one third of all HIV deaths are TB related. While nonresistant TB can be cured for

only around a thousand pounds, drug resistant TB can cost up to a hundred and thirty thousand pounds to fully treat.

TB is spread through the air when a carrier sneezes or coughs. It can lie dormant for a long time if it is transmitted to someone with a healthy immune system, However it may return when the person is weakened and the immune system is less active. The worst areas for transmission are in badly ventilated or confined places.

The symptoms include a cough that will not go away, feeling tired, weight loss, loss of appetite, fever, night sweats and coughing up blood. Anyone with these symptoms should see their GP at the Health Centre immediately.

driving. Concrete readers who drive and have yet to purchase a suitable handsfree device will now face a heavy fine, so it is worth urging all drivers to consider this proposal very seriously indeed.

This was a particularly dry Queen’s speech, and it is unlikely that more than one or two of its thirty-seven proposals will go through parliament before a general election is called.

Conservative MP Sir Michael Spicer referred to it as “more of an election manifesto than a Queen’s speech”, and perhaps there is an element of truth in that.

Rightly or wrongly Tony Blair certainly looks like he is going to fight the next general election, which is still expected on 5th May, on standing issues like terrorism and security, examples of which are the aforementioned and highly contentious ID cards.

The Queen poses for her identity card picture

SORRY, WE CAN’T HELP COMPULSORY SOFTWARE FAILS TO DETECT VIRUS Robin Budd

Recent computer problems which have been reported to the University IT service have been met with less help than would be expected.

Various viruses going round the university system of computers cannot be removed by the compulsory virus software, McAfee.

McAfee is compulsory for all computers before they connect to the network, and this year the IT department gave out hundreds of CDs to all users wanting to connect to the network which contained the software McAfee.

However some of the viruses currently going around the UEA network cannot be detected by McAfee, or are detected but cannot be removed.

Undergraduate student Oliver St Clair – Stannard reported his computer to ITCS, after it began running

much slower than normal.

He was told he that his computer was affected with a ‘Trojan’ virus, disconnected from the network and given the address of where to find McAfee updates, and told that his problem was not the responsibility of the IT staff.

There are other reports that problems caused by this virus include one student losing two thousand pounds while using internet banking, and one staff member being told that the problem is so widespread that removing one virus would create a precedent for clearing viruses off network computers which would have such a backlog as to be impossible.

While no-one expects this IT service to fix each and every problem on every user’s computer, a computer that has caught a virus off the network they maintain deserves their attention, and the staff should certainly ensure that the antivirus software they enforce is capable of dealing with any

Aitchoo: Students deal with the after effects of computer viruses

and all possible viruses. The only way to remove the virus is to load a more advanced antivirus program such as Norton – the only problem being that these programmes are usually quite expensive, costing usually at least twenty pounds.

There are around 53,000 computer viruses currently in existence, with a new one detected every 18 seconds, with the most damaging virus so far being the ‘ILOVEYOU’ virus, which caused seven billion pounds worth of damage. There are some simple steps that should be taken to reduce the risk of virus infection.

Do not open an attachment from an unknown source, even if you have a virus scanner on your computer, always back up your work, and send any email you think is infected to an anti virus company (you may have to own a copy of their virus software), as they will be able to tell you if it is infected.

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BLAIR AND CHIRAC UNITE

Chirac and Blair finally agree....

Nadia Bennich

International Editor In the framework of the Anglo-French summit, French President Jacques Chirac visited Britain to celebrate the 100th anniversary of “entente cordiale” with Tony Blair.

After a period of tension between both countries, both statesmen want to draw a line under the differences concerning Iraq and aim to achieve a democratic, stable and peaceful Iraq.

Blair recently appealed to the EU to work alongside the U.S. to help to attain this

objective.

Jacques Chirac, however, still refuses French military participation and denounces the fact that the removal of Saddam Hussein has not necessarily made the world a safer place. The unrest in Iraq would have actually increased terrorism.

The situation in the country is still very chaotic and latest events in Falluja represent further challenges for the international community to tackle. In this context, Jordan’s Prince Hassan explains his concerns to the BBC by describing the situation in Iraq as “spinning out of control”.

Thousands of civilians

have died since the beginning of the war and their number is increasing daily.

Terrorists kidnapped many civilians, journalists or other civilians of Western origin, to urge the removal of military troops. Their victims were killed under barbaric conditions with the latest incident of the murder of Margaret Hassan during the last week of Ramadan.

Margaret Hassan was the director of Care International and devoted her life to help the Iraqis.

She was married to an Iraqi and has been living in Iraq for over thirty years. Her death caused worldwide emotional outburst and was condemned by political leaders.

Terrorists provoke the reigning chaos in the country which is challenging the international community. A long-term solution for the crisis has not been found yet but the planned elections in January 2005 will hopefully return a sense of order in Iraq and contribute to the creation of a stable and democratic country.

It is not only the Iraq crisis which has to be solved in the Middle East , also the Israeli-Palestinian conflict must be tackled. Therefore, finding a long-term solution for the Middle East conflict remains a dilemma.

OBITUARY IN LOVING MEMORY, NICK O’MALLEY, 1982-2004.

Julie Therese and Friends We recently learnt of the tragic death of Nick O’Malley. Nick was a student from Wake Forest University in North Carolina, and spent a year studying at UEA on an exchange programme.

Adapting quickly to life

in East Anglia, Nick threw himself into everything he did. He was an open and friendly man whose enthusiasm carried others along with him. By the end of the year, Nick had achieved legendary status at UEA for his numerous pranks and escapades, and for his eagerness to talk and to listen to everyone he met. He will be remembered for his

inquisitive nature, his generosity, which was frequently and appropriately expressed, and his awful shirts.

We know how much Nick loved his family, and we can never fully appreciate their sense of loss. As we shall never forget Nick, neither will we forget those he loved most.

INTERNATIONAL

SUPREME COURT TO DECIDE FATE OF UKRAINE COUNTRY “ON BRINK” AFTER ELECTION DEBACLE Robin Smith Hundreds of thousands of Ukrainian citizens have been demonstrating this week after the country’s hotly disputed general election.

Prime Minister Victor Yanukovych was originally declared the victor of the contest on the 21st of November. However, six days later, the Ukrainian parliament officially rejected the result after an appeal by the party of Victor Yushchenko.

Yushchenko’s party allege that voters were intimidated by officials at polling stations into changing their vote. There was also a huge media bias in favour of Mr Yanukovych and certain regions recorded an unnaturally high turnout especially

Donetsk, traditionally a stronghold for Yanukovych’s party which registered a turnout of 96%. These claims have been upheld by Western observers of the election.

In response, Mr Yushchenko’s supporters have staged five days of mass demonstrations outside government buildings in Kiev. Following this, Mr Yanukovych released a statement calling for his supporters to avert an “unconstitutional coup”.

The electoral fiasco has served to heighten the boundaries between East and West Ukraine. The East voted in favour of Mr Yanukovych whilst Mr Yushchenko won by a large margin in the West. In response to the protests by Yushchenko’s supporters, many Eastern Ukrainians

have stated that if the election results are not upheld the East of the country will cede from the West and become an autonomous state. The matter is now in the hands of the Ukrainian Supreme Court which will vote on Monday to decide if there was a breach of electoral regulations.

The election has caused friction between Russia, the EU and the USA. President Putin is a strong supporter of Mr Yanukovych and publically backed him during his campaign. When the result was declared on the basis of exit polls, the Russian Premier congratulated Mr Yanukovych, a move which drew criticism from the USA. Mr Putin then condemned the EU for suggesting that the election had been run unfairly.

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Opinion

about that concept I realised what a joke it was. Rabbits delivering eggs?

Who came up with that?

Even my birthday has lost its zest. I’m a year older, well done.

These days my birthday is just an excuse to get hammered, so hammered that I don’t even remember what it was I did to celebrate the fact that I’ve made it through another year. I simply don’t have the passion for these annual celebrations that I used to. Some of you will have experienced the same thing, and maybe Christmas doesn’t impress you the way it used to.

It’s still impresses me, though. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I’m up for Christmas as much this year as I was when I was five and could have sworn

I heard Father Christmas eating the mince pies we left him.

Father Christmas still does it for me, and by ‘it’ I mean that exciting, youthful feeling. I still get that from Father Christmas. Whether he’s in a mall, on the street collecting change or on TV in one his many movies, the sight of a jolly fat man in a red and white suit still makes me smile. You can’t say a bad word about Santa. He’s all the good things about mankind – generosity, hard work, crisp white beard – and he does his job without asking anything in return. If you ask me Father Christmas should be God. He certainly works a lot harder than God, and his ultimatum to children is just what the porky slackers of today need: be good, or you get nothing.

Tough, but fair.

God, though, is what Christmas is supposed to be all about. I went to Church everyday for sixteen years.

My desire for organised religion has all but vanished, but I still believe all the Christmas stories. The wise men, the manger, some spooked shepherds and a virgin birth. The

this Christmas - I do hope George gets him something nice

more impressive than being born.

The last point of course is crucial.

I am not approaching this from an anti-religious viewpoint – if people feel the need to celebrate the birth of Christ then so be it. The problem is that everyone celebrates this festival.

Most of the people who celebrate Christmas probably have no clue as to what other Christian festivals exist.

Surely Easter is a more monumental event than Christmas? It is proof of just how consumer based our society is.There are already enough holidays to keep any greeting card manufacturer happy, but Christmas has become ridiculous. Any foray into WH Smith becomes a life-or-death struggle for survival – you are either going to get lost and never find your way out, or slowly starve to death in the queues. The amount of money we spend each year on Christmas is phenomenal – your average family will have to invest in a tree, lights,

decorations (interior and sometimes exterior), a new fairy, enough food to feed the five thousand, presents for every single person in the family, cards for everyone you know (and some you don’t or met on holiday 32 years ago) and most importantly of all, enough alcohol to float an ocean liner. I am forgetting all the minor expenditure, such as paying the electricity bill, as most people will probably not even consider how much energy they use during the holiday period. The heating goes up, the lights stay on, the car gets run into the ground what with all the last minute shopping trips because someone forgot to buy cranberry sauce – but don’t worry, I’m sure the environment can cope!

The Marmite logic can be applied to Christmas. You either love it or hate it. Some immerse themselves in all aspects of the festival from decorating the tree to ensuring there at least three varieties of stuffing. It is hard to begrudge these people their fun - most of us would assert Christmas is a deserved break from the toil of working for the rest of the year. The whole of society is granted a period to be with their families unrestrained by the ties of their job.

Doubtless even Tony Blair will be opening his presents under the tree

fasting during the day in accordance with Ramadan. These people believe that Abraham, the Father of the Jewish people through the line of Isaac, is also the father of their people through the line of Ishmael who was disinherited via trickery by Isaac. But they do not believe that Abrahams God had a child who was born on the night of the 24th of December, and they do not follow the teachings of the Torah either, though they trace some of their history back to some of the events written in the Bible.

forces are battling against the forces of the rebel cleric Moqtada Al-Sadr.

And of course the war on terror with the mainly Christian West against the underground forces of the fundamentalist Muslim organization Al Qaeda, headed of course by former CIA-funded leader Osama bin Laden. All of these religions, and many others, fight against each other because of faith. Faith drawn from texts varying from hundreds of years old to thousands of years old; to put it bluntly people are dying because of pieces of paper.

It seems very strange to think that millions of children will be opening presents because of one of those old pieces of paper and millions of children in other parts of the world will be dying because of them.

This is not to say that these pieces of paper, or indeed these religions are directly causing murder. The blame for that can only rest in peoples hands, the people that are alive today and choose to kill. Indeed these religions have also been the driving force behind such life saving groups as the Red Cross and the Red Crescent. But those pieces of paper have caused a huge amount of suf-

ROSS GRAINGER

I LOVE CHRISTMAS

Y

ou might remember me as the bloke who loves football (but hates the advertising). Well there’s something else I love even more than football, and it’s not Natasha Kaplinsky (though she is lovely).

It’s Christmas! I love Christmas.

Over the years my enthusiasm for annual holidays, religious or otherwise, has waned considerably. I haven’t been trick or treating in years. In my heyday I had bags of sweets to offer neighbourhood children, but when children knocked on our student house this year, all I could offer them was apples.

Easter’s not that cool anymore, either. I mean, the Easter bunny? A few years ago when I actually thought

SIMON SHERIDAN

I HATE CHRISTMAS

T

he High Street decorations are up, the shops are full of scarves and gloves, children are jotting down a list of the latest toys for Santa to get them this particular year, and Bridget Jones is back for yet another seasonal rom-com. Is it just me, or have we been here before? The answer is yes! It was last year, and the year before that and the year before that. In fact, this happens every year and it gets worse all the time. Each year the shops put their decorations up a few days earlier. I even received a Christmas catalogue on my doorstep in July! Doubtless another ‘classic’ tune will make it to number 1 in the charts following the likes of Westlife and Mr. Blobby! What is it about this festival that makes us lose all sense of perspective in our lives?

We don’t we feel the need to celebrate any other of Christ’s achievements, most of which were much

TIM BARKER

LET’S THINK ABOUT CHRISTMAS

I

n 24 days it will be the 25th of December and little kids and big kids all over the country, and the world, will be getting up early and opening presents.

Some will have been to Midnight Mass the night before and more still will be going to Christmas Day morning service at their local church. They will be opening presents because this was the day that Jesus Christ was born in a stable in Bethlehem. We know that he was born on the night of the 24th because that is when it was celebrated for the last one and a bit thousand years in this country. It was actually celebrated on this day because it was already a pagan festival when the pilgrims came over and they thought that it was easier to convert the pagan population by nicking their pre-existing holidays in the

name of God. The same goes for Easter. But the point is still the same; we open presents on the 25th of December because the saviour of the world was born.

But this month also sees the celebration of Hanukkah, a Jewish celebration for the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem after their victory over the forces of the Hellenist Syrian king Antiochus in 168 B.C.E. It’s a celebration that lasts eight days to commemorate the miracle that happened during the rededication of the temple where a Menorah was lit for eight days with only one days’ worth of fuel. These people believe in the God of the Old Testament, at least that part of which is contained in the Torah, but not that the son of God was born in a stable two thousand and five years ago.

Even more people are currently

T

hese are three of the world’s major religions, religions that are in conflict around the world. From the 17-year old war still being waged by the Ugandan Government forces, the UPDF against the Lord’s Resistance Army in Uganda (an army composed almost entirely of kidnapped children brainwashed into being murderers for God), to Israel, where Jewish and Muslim people fight over each others Holy Land, where both their peoples combined have thousands of years of history. Then there’s Iraq where the American and British

Christmas story has got it all. But even if you don’t believe it, and even if you do nothing on Christmas, or celebrate it purely for the presents, on Christmas Day we should all take a moment to give props to Jesus Christ.

He’s like Michael Jordan, the Pope and Nelson Mandela rolled into one.

P

eople use the erosion of the religious side of Christmas as a way of criticising it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with celebrating Christmas and not believing that it is the day when Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was born. Christmas is more than a religious holiday.

This is part where a Christmas cynic would say, ‘yeah, it’s about the shops making loads of money. It’s capitalism on fast forward. No one believes in it, people just want presents.’ Well, true. The shops do make a killing at Christmas. They take advantage of the festiveness to make you reach deeper and deeper into your wallet. And there are millions of people who only have on thing on their mind when they wake up on

I

t has to be noted that it is our own fault Christmas has become the way it has. What with all the war and anguish in the world, we enjoy perpetually looking forward to Christmas. It allows us to turn the other way and concentrate on something we feel is important. If only people living in Sudan had that luxury. Christmas allows society to forget about the pain, misery and suffering we dish out to the world. Whilst the people of Iraq and Afghanistan are bedding down for another night of artillery shelling, we will be putting out the cookies and milk for Santa; whilst the starving in Africa go another day with only a mouthful of grain to live on, we will be enduring an epicurean orgy in the form of turkey, roast potatoes and those little sausages with bacon wrapped round the outside; whilst 8 year old children cry over their bleeding fingers in a sweat shop in Indonesia, we will be opening presents made by these same kids – presents that, a lot of the time, we don’t really want anyway.

How is it we have become such a selfish society? Why do we allow shops to throw advertising in our faces in late August? The answer is

Christmas day: presents.

But for me Christmas isn’t just about presents, or just the day when Jesus was born. Christmas is something much more important. It’s an excuse. In any given year Britons have a myriad excuses to get drunk: birthdays, England matches, St. Patrick’s day, New Year’s Day, weddings, the list goes on.

What we don’t have, though, are excuses for uniting the family and just letting that warm, thankful feeling wash over us. Christmas is that excuse. In my family, and in many others I’m sure, Christmas is the only time we are all together. It is the only time of the year when you actually feel obliged to do nothing other than indulge in nostalgic conversation and shortbread.

Intangible family goodness aside, there are so many other reasons I love Christmas. I love Christmas trees and I especially love decorating them. The stockings, the presents, the Christmas dinner, the family visits and Boxing Day football.What’s not to love? Merry Christmas! simple: it gives us something else to think about, something more pleasant than starving kids in Africa or petrified children in the Gaza strip who could at any moment be on the receiving end of a bullet to the head.

Christmas means we don’t complain; it keeps us pliant. Even our troops in Iraq will be getting their serving of turkey, and later that day they’ll be called upon to blow up an Iraqi school in the name of democracy.

There is a word for this – hegemony.

The late genius Antonio Gramsci coined the term to describe how the elite persuade us that life is “alright” as it is and we should therefore not complain. Christmas keeps our minds busy for a good four months of the year, what with the planning, shopping, and haggling with the family over who gets Grandma this year!

As an atheist I don’t begrudge people their religious festivals (even though Christmas is actually much older than Christ – it is a Pagan festival) but surely we have gone too far.

It is just another example of how immoral we have become as a society that we feel the need to celebrate Christ’s birth by getting as drunk as we possibly can on as many drinks as we possibly can. Mulled wine anyone?

fering from the moment they were written. Pogroms against Jews, long before the Holocaust, were perpetrated by supposedly right thinking Greek Orthodox Christians. The witch hunts throughout the middle ages were conducted with great religious fervor, helped along by a huge amount of Christian doctrine. Who knows how many women and men were burnt to death because of Church authorized, and indeed organized, trials of ‘witches’. The long running and devastating wars between Protestants and Catholics throughout Europe, arguing against each other because of different interpretations of the same pieces of paper, a conflict still kept alive in Northern Ireland. And who knows how many men and women have been stoned to death for being homosexual or indeed adulterous in a country that enforces Shariah Law. Pieces of paper that bring both a child’s glee and death and suffering - it seems strange to weigh the worth of a life against the meaning of words on a page. But it is nice to have an excuse to get presents.

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DON’T TOY WITH US Every Christmas brings a new ‘must-have’ toy. With the Christmas season in full swing Concrete sent Anthony Jackson to Toys R Us to resurrect his inner child and sample the latest gadgets and gizmos.

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t is upsetting, but Christmas loses its magic when you get older. After losing faith in Santa (he only stops once you stop believing!) the trips to Toys R Us with your parents, on a reconnaissance mission, also stop. When we wake up on Christmas Day there are no more battery operated objects of fun to keep us entertained; or at least none you can share with your friends and family. Maturity brings with it mature gifts and the youthful excitement of ripping presents open is lost. Who can forget the indescribable buzz of tearing off the wrapping paper in hope of finding that year’s must-have toy? Thunderbirds’ Tracy Island, Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles and even Cabbage Patch Kids rekindle past Christmas memories. In recent times we have had to look on as our younger siblings enjoyed scooters, Furbies and robotic dogs while we made do with a CD player or socks. In an attempt to revisit the inner child this Christmas and re-create the buzz that is so sorely missed, Concrete looked at what is on the Santa’s top ten most wanted list this year; and then played with them (it only seemed right).

On entering Toys R Us the theme tune slowly starts floating inside your head. The palacial grounds that youthful memory preserves have given way to sterile aisleways. After walking through the swing gates all the magic of the experience comes back: millions of toys all under one roof can do nothing but excite. There are literally hundreds of distractions with various noises and signs reaching out for the attention of the passerby. Possibly the biggest and most elaborate point of sale comes from the makers of Bratz. The shelf, filled with various Bratz dolls, cars, jeeps, and catwalks, is nearly 20ft wide and 12ft high. In the middle there is a large cardboard cut-out of the Bratz gang and a speaker somewhere belts out a 70s tune. Bratz are on the top ten most wanted list and since this is apparently the year of retro, Bratz have launched a ‘Flashback Fever’ range with 70s and 80s clothing accessories.

There is also a flashback fever retro ride complete with ‘pimpin station’, which prompts concerns about our children growing up so much that they recognise a ‘pimpin station’ at the age of ten.

It’s hard to know what it is when you’re in your twenties. Nevertheless, it gives some indication as to the progress today’s kids and their toys have made. The retro ride is huge, about the size of a lawnmower, and can seat up to six Bratz dolls. It is clearly a toy aimed at girls, as they are a species that can identify with the entertainment of dressing a plastic girl in knee-high boots. The toys do offer something more than the average Barbie and some of the accessories are pretty high tech, including a Bratz pad with working lift and Jacuzzi.

In keeping with the retro theme, toy manufac-

turers have given old classics a new makeover.

Also on the top ten list this year are the board games Buckaroo, Twister and Cluedo. These games have been given a modern remake and now Buckaroo looks more like Donkey from Shrek with a multi-coloured coat. Cluedo has been updated with new moulded figurines and weapons. Now Miss Scarlett didn’t simply commit the murder in the Dining Room with a spanner; she did it in the Media Room with a Tomahawk Missile (it was a pre-emptive strike on the shifty Professor Plum). You can even buy an electronic Cluedo that talks. This seems like another method of forcing parents to fork out for more batteries; a possible conspiracy between Duracell

different types of mode, but this just does not interest a grown up kid; the fascination of action figures dies in your youth as the adult imagination turns to other forms of delight.

Moving on with a sense of dread towards the younger children’s section, cartoon adventurer Dora the Explorer was encountered. Dora has various toys to amuse and entertain toddlers, but the toy that made the top ten list is the We Did It – Dancing Dora. The title is intriguing, but only enough to dicover that it was created in the Ronseal Quick Dry mould; it did exactly what it said on the tin. You squeeze Dora’s hand and she dances, rather violently and erratically, while singing “we did it, we did it”. What it is she is sup-

to make learning fun and from a toddler’s perspective, it’s easy to imagine they do.

The last two toys on the list provided another look at the progress made since we were young whippersnappers. The new Tamogotchi Connexion displayed yet more technological advances. The virtual pets now include Infra-Red so you can interact and have Tamababies with your friends. Although this sounds a little sordid, the packaging states you have to nurture a friendship with another owner before the pets would have babies. A great way to make friends, it appears, and possibly a way of eradicating racism and homophobia at an early age. Maybe it will just spawn a generation of swingers; only time will tell.

The final toy on the list is the trampoline, and according to the store assistant they are possibly the best sellers. Large 8ft trampolines are moderately priced at £79.99 and larger 14ft trampolines at £149.99. These prices have been drastically reduced in recent years and so it would appear that come Christmas Day there will be an array of bouncing boys and girls around Britain. Trampolines are fun for all ages and the inner child was eager to test the springs, but unfortunately bouncing in the store was strictly prohibited.

Walking through the store you cannot help but squeeze any toy that says “try me”, and you can’t resist any electronic game free to trial.

There was a frequent compulsion to explore beyond the list, and by doing so, a toy worthy of honourable mention was found. Somewhere between the action figures and Dora there was the compelling, yet sinister, presence of the McDonalds McFlurry maker. Seeing the young child smiling on the front of the box brought back all sorts of memories about the Mr Freeze ice pop maker, the absence of which made for one particularly

You can even buy an electronic Cluedo that talks. This seems like another method of forcing parents to fork out for more batteries; a possible conspiracy between Duracell and the Toy industry cannot be ruled out.

The Robosapien is a perfect way for children to vent repressed rage. It also teaches them the importance of raising your hand to answer a question.

and the toy industry cannot be ruled out.Yet there is definitely something refreshing about children taking time away from Playstations and X-Boxes to play with a hands-on game.

Leaving the board games aisle, attention is quickly grabbed by Hamleys’ Top Toy of the year; the Robosapien. The name alone tells you that this toy is cool. It has been featured in various ‘lad’ magazines and gadget features, but it has the unique ability to appeal to kids and adults alike. It is a toy that will have you uttering the cliché “they didn’t have toys like that when I was young”, because, quite simply, they didn’t. The Robosapien is a programmable robot that can walk, dance, pick things up and probably fix your television. This toy nearly had the Concrete budget for the issue spent on it purely to liven up the dreary days in the office. In our youth, the equivalent was probably the little dog that could do back flips until it fell of the table. On examining such an exciting specimen a regression to childlike awe was inevitable.

The Robosapien is designed by NASA and has an Interactive Reflex System. This technology basically means it will avoid bumping into walls, but the complex words help to reinforce the futuristic draw of the toy. The Robosapien is just over a foot high and would not be out of place in I Robot, what with its white armour and beady eyes. After ten minutes of stares from impatient parents the remote control was reluctantly handed to a chubbyhand and solace was sought in the aisle of the action figures.

This year sees the emphatic return of the Power Rangers Ninja Storm and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (notice the word ‘Hero’ has gone from the turtles and the word Ninja has become more popular). Although children’s TV is something that we try to ignore, the presence of the Power Rangers Battliser toy in the top ten list is surprising. The Turtles (complete with new manga style animation) have regained popularity, but surely the Power Rangers were finished. The ever-knowleadgeable store assistant said it was the complete opposite and they were actually temporarily out of stock due to such a high demand. There was, however, no time to mourn the loss of playing with a Power Ranger. The advert states you can transform them into three

posed to have done remains a mystery. In a similar vain, the Cabbage Patch Kids failed to invoke the inner child. Complete with Certificate of Adoption, there are sixteen dolls to collect. The idea of a child being conceived within a cabbage patch is somewhat tainted once you learn about the birds and the bees, so this one is definitely best left alone by the older contingent.

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lso in the younger section are the toys Leapster and V-Smile. These are both educational toys. As a child, the association between the words “educational” and “toy” were met with huge perceptual resistance, as it usually meant some form of maths. However the modern generation are actually quite entertaining. V-Smile plugs into t h e

gloomy Christmas Day. The injustice left me scarred and I hope the endorsement of McDonalds will convince parents to let today’s young children make ice-cream unsupervised. This year’s most wanted toys provide a great variety yet I am reluctant to suggest they will leave you feeling young again. Only a couple can provide child-like excitement but it is worth a visit just to see how far toys TV and is ultimately a form of game console for preschool kids.

Leapster looks like a Game Gear and includes educational games and a digital art mode. In this mode you use a pen to colour in various scenes on the screen. Both toys profess

have come.

You’ll probably find that your imagination just isn’t what it used to be. Remember the days when you could have an inter-galactic adventure with only a small plastic T-Rex and a Batman action figure? We see these toys now and feel nothing.

For children, Christmas Day is a competition, of sorts. It’s the day when you meet up with your friends and see who got the better hoard of presents. Sampling all these toys reminded me just how emphatic growing up can be. Now the very idea of a robot-homosapien hybrid is absurd, but for children it’s a marvel and a musthave.

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Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

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Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

concrete.features@uea.ac.uk 15

CHRISTMAS

INTERNATIONAL

half right. The statistics tell us that there over a billion Christians around the world, so why does Japan have Annual Gift Man? And what’s it like Down Under? Victoria Leggett and Ross Grainger surveyed the globe and found out how the birth of Jesus Christ is celebrated, if at all.

It’s that time of year again, the time when Germans unveil their prune people, Mexicans write wish-lists to El Nino Dios and Venzeulans roller-skate to Church. If you thought every country opened presents on December 25th and spent the rest of the day getting drunk, you were only

SWEDEN In Sweden celebrations start on the 13th December, which legends tells us is the longest day of the year. Lucia is the queen of light and in the morning the eldest daughter must wake her parents by and bringing them breakfast in bed and singing the Italian song ‘Santa Lucia’.

The traditional Swedish Christmas meal conjures up the same sort of feelings as that of Jamaica – ham, jellied pigs’ feet, lutfisk (cod in a cream sauce) and rice porridge. There is also a tradition called dipping the kettle in which a piece of dark bread is dipped into a pot of pork drippings, sausage and corned beef. This is to remember those who are hungry at Christmas. It all takes place on Christmas Eve. Santa also comes in a different form in Sweden. They have a gnome called Jultomten who lives in a barn. He is credited with looking after the family and their livestock and has the same popularity in Sweden as Santa does in Britain; adults even dress up as giant gnomes and visit children to give them presents.

USA As with everything, Christmas in America is bigger and better. Bigger certainly. Unofficially the Christmas countdown begins the day after Thanksgiving, that’s the day when Americans actually have an excuse to gorge themselves and sit around all day watching American football. The Day After Thanksgiving is a capitalised occasion, the day when all the shops have massive sales and desperate shoppers wait outside the doors at 6am, ready to burst in and grab the bargains.

As for Christmas Day itself, it’s basically the same as here.

Unfortunately, though, because of America’s religious and ethnic diversity, the term ‘Merry Christmas’ has vanished from the everyday social lexicon.

What with Hanukkah for Jews, Kwanza for African Americans, and, er, nothing for the atheists, it’s just not smart betting so say ‘Merry Christmas’ to your average Yank on the street; there’s too high a risk they don’t celebrate Christmas. Instead Americans say ‘Happy Holidays’, a blanket term that wishes goodwill without any specific creed in mind.

THE NETHERLANDS In the Netherlands feast and present giving day is on 6th December. This is SinterKlaas’ (St. Nicholas) feast day.

Children put out their shoes instead of stockings. And SinterKlaas has a white horse instead of his sleigh and reindeer.

An interesting part of their Christmas preparations is the horn-blowing, which starts on the first Advent Sunday right up until Christmas Eve. At dusk, farmers take long horns and stand over a well to blow them. This creates an eerie sound and is to celebrate the coming of Christ.

MEXICO In Mexico Christmas is known as Navidad and is a great celebration that lasts from Las Posadas on 16th December to the end of Candelmas on 2nd February. The focal point of the decorations is the nativity scene, which can apparently take up a whole room in some houses. They go all out – there’s the stable and the holy family, the ox and the ass, shepherds and their flocks, and other random people thrown in for good measure. Some even add a serpent to represent the force of evil, and a full blown landscape with cellophane waterfall, mirror pond and artificial trees.

Instead of writing to Father Christmas with a wish list, Mexican children direct theirs to El Niño Dios (the holy child). They also manage to incorporate a type of April fool’s day into the Christmas calendar. On 28th December King Herod is said to have killed all the babies in the land, hoping that one of them would be Jesus, but it was not. Because of this the children get to play tricks on each other on this day.

Children do not actually get their presents until 6th January which is reportedly when the three kings arrived with gifts for Jesus. This is known as the Feast of the Epiphany, and is a legacy of Spain’s colonialism.

GREECE Christmas in Bob Marley’s homeland begins with the cleaning of the house. The inside and outside are made spotless, the lawn is cut and the tree trunks are whitewashed. The first settlers in Jamaica were determined to hold out for some snow, but they soon realised they were in the Caribbean, and so in place of the white stuff there is a dazzling display of lights and decorations.

The best thing about Christmas in Jamaica is that they sing all the well known carols in a reggae style. Their Christmas dinner however, does not produce the same elation – rice, gungo peas, chicken, oxtail and curried goat. However their traditional Christmas drink is apparently the dogs’ bollocks. Consisting of dried sorrel sepals, cinnamon, cloves, sugar, orange peel and rum, and served over ice it’s a national favourite.

In Venezuela they take decorating at Christmas very seriously. The decorations are often expansive and numerous and can consist of anything from the traditional nativity scene to rather inappropriate and extravagant displays of model electric trains and boats, mixed in with the traditional saints, shepherds, and kings.

A rather odd Christmas practice occurs in the capital, Caracas. As in most countries people go to church to celebrate Christmas, but the authorities have to close many of the roads. That’s because it is the custom to roller-skate to church. Equally odd is the way that at bedtime the children tie a piece of string to their big toe and hang the end of the string out of the window. In the morning the roller skaters tug on them to wake them up.

BRAZIL December is a very hot month in Brazil, with temperatures ranging in the high 30’s and even the low 40’s, which might be why we celebrate Jesus’ birth on the night of Christmas Eve, so we don’t miss a day at the beach! As the sun sets on the 24th, the whole extended family unites, with each clan contributing a different dish for the feast. As midnight approaches a prayer is said before sitting down for dinner. We do not have any traditional dishes specially made for the date, such as Christmas pudding, but the chances are turkey will be on the menu.

After everyone can eat no more the time the children love most arrives: presents!

One normally buys gifts for all the members in their immediate family and for closer cousins and uncles; not everyone can afford presents for all.

As the beer and bottles of wine start to run dry, the younger generation head to a party or club to meet up with friends. The clubs and bars stay open until the last person leaves. Club owners sometimes get carried away with the festive spirit and it is therefore not rare to find somewhere which is offering free champagne and whiskey paid for at the door for a set fee. I have to confess I don’t really remember what happens after that…

(Douglas Clayton, FTV 3)

In Russia there are two types of Santa. St Nicholas is the first: he was said to have been performing miracles in the 11th century and they celebrate a feast for him on 6th December. The other is Babouschka. The story goes that she failed to give food and shelter to the wise men during their journey to see Jesus (presumably they were very lost on the way to Bethlehem). According to the tradition she is still in search of the Christ child and visits the homes of children every Christmas.

The Russian church uses a different calendar to that of Britain, making their celebrations for Christmas 13 days behind. They have a Christmas dinner, but it is meatless. One of the most important features is the kutya: made of wheat berries to symbolise hope and immortality; and honey and poppy seeds which ensure happiness, success, and untroubled rest. However they don’t just eat this delicious-sounding concoction. Some families choose to throw a spoonful to the ceiling. The myth says that if it sticks to the ceiling there will be a good honey harvest in the year to come - an odd and messy way to look into the future.

JAPAN

JAMAICA VENEZUELA

RUSSIA

On Christmas Eve in Greece you will find children visiting the neighbouring houses and offering good wishes and singing kalanda, the equivalent of Christmas carols, much like the carol singing we have. Similarly the Christmas feast is an important part of the celebrations. However the most important item on the table is not the turkey, but the ‘Christ Bread’ – a large sweet loaf with an engraved crust.

Another variation is the symbolic ornament used to keep away bad spirits over Christmas. It consists of a small wooden bowl of water with a basil leaf hung over the top. Each day the basil is dipped into the water and the water is sprinkled around the house. Also, they receive gifts on 1st January instead of Christmas day.

Greece also has a different view of Father Christmas. According to the Greeks he was the patron saint of sailors. Instead of the jolly little fellow we all know and love with his long white beard and red and white outfit, their Santa Claus has his clothes soaked in brine, his beard drenched with saltwater and a face covered in perspiration after braving the storms to reach sinking ships. Not exactly a person you want popping down your chimney while you’re fast asleep.

You may recall the episode of the Simpsons, ‘Homer’s Phobia’, in which Homer is saved from stampeding reindeer by his gay nemesis, John, who releases a robotic Japanese Santa Claus into the herd. His name is Annual Gift Man and he lives on the moon. He takes on a similar appearance to the regular Santa Claus, though he also has eyes in the back of his head. These are presumably to watch the children all year round. In the Simpsons he can also fire missiles.

Christmas is not a religious, but a secular celebration in Japan and mostly used to show love for one’s children. This isn’t surprising when you consider that the major religions in Japan are Shintoism and Buddhism. In terms of celebrations and enthusiasm the day pales in comparison to New Year’s Day. Christmas is not even a holiday in Japan; it’s more of a gift to shop owners, especially those that sell the traditional Christmas cake.

ARGENTINA Summer is the time of year when you take a break from the routine, leave the city for a nice coastal resort, and celebrate Christmas... Well, at least in South America you would. The 24th of December would be a perfectly suitable day to go to the beach; blue sky, 32 degrees Celsius and a light summer breeze beckoning the start of a new year.

The preparations start at 8pm, as the sun is setting.

The first guests arrive at around 9:30pm. The guests might include your family, some other branch of the family you never see, friends with their families, and some other randomer who has been dragged to your table by one of the above. Dinner is served at 10pm. The food varies from mum’s ridiculous experiment to the good ol’ barbecue.

At exactly midnight everyone raises their glasses of cider or champagne for a toast, and then the kids rush to the Christmas tree to open presents. There is usual exchange of affection between invitees ranging from the sincere blessing, to the more alcohol motivated bear hug, and through it all the blasts of heavy fireworks ring out around the neighbourhood Towards the end you bid farewell to all those who you probably won’t see until the next Christmas, pile up everything in an already messy kitchen, drag grandma from the couch where she passed out to the bed, and get ready to party all night long!!

(Federico Stange, former UEA student)

SOUTH AFRICA NEW ZEALAND Merry Christmas, Geseënde Kersfees, Sinifisela Ukhisimusi Omuhle, Sinifisela Khisimusi Lomuhle, Matswalo a Morena a Mabotse. These are just five ways of giving festive greetings in South Africa, a country with eleven official languages. Like many countries around the world South Africa is such a cultural and ethnic mash up that there is not one Christmas tradition.

December is summer in South Africa, but while the weather is drastically different, many of the Christmas celebrations are the same. This isn’t surprising when you consider the fact that Britain colonised and ruled South Africa for nearly a century. Most homes are decorated with pine branches, and have a Christmas fir in the corner of the living room. The Christmas meal is enjoyed outside and consists of turkey or suckling pig, yellow rice with raisins and plum pudding.

South Africans also take the day off on Boxing Day, which, as in Britain, is a national holiday. Families will enjoy the day on the beach, or by a river, and it is a day of total relaxation and enjoyment.

Yet another former British colony, Christmas in New Zealand has lost a considerable amount of spark since they stopped filming ‘The Lord of the Rings’. Gandalf used to dress up as Santa and deliver presents on his dragon, but now that that’s over the usual Christmas traditions are back in place.

As in South Africa, and all countries in the southern hemisphere, New Zealanders celebrate Christmas during summer. They spend most of the day by the beach or at pool parties with cold beers and ice buckets. All the usual Christmas icons are embedded in New Zealand culture, but the Maori traditions are strong as well. Many of the spirits and creatures of the Maori culture resemble elves and gnomes of the European traditions.

The huge number of sheep in New Zealand (45 million sheep, 5 million people) means there are plenty of shepherds to look after them. As such they have a special time on Christmas Day when they remember the important role shepherds played in the Christmas story.

16 concrete.features@uea.ac.uk

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Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

CHRISTMAS INNUENDO There’s a sinister side to Christmas, one that we’re often reluctant to acknowledge. While innocent children are writing toy lists to Father Christmas, Matt Shoesmith disregards his morals and embraces the world of Christmas innuendo.

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t is, as the song says, the most wonderful time of the year. It is a time for family, for lovers, and for many, it is a time for God. However, Christmas is rapidly becoming a time for endless innuendo, relentless eyebrow raising, giggling, and a global overuse of the expression, “wahey,” as innuendoes new and old are as abundant, and as inevitable, as turkey sandwiches on Boxing Day. The festive filth manifests itself in almost every area of the Christmas tradition, often making its first appearance of the year in alterations of much loved and ever-catchy festive music.

Songs reporting shepherds washing various unspeakable items (or areas), whether sat on the bank or the moss or by the brook (think about it)

ductive gland, on an unfortunately positioned redhot cinder.

Unfortunately, the festive season is dragged further into the gutter long after Batman’s odour has driven Robin to an untimely exit, when the table has been laid (that wasn’t one) and the family join together to share Christmas dinner. Even in the preparation of the meal, certain individuals cannot resist the opportunity to refer to “bigbreasted birds”, often adding indescribable atrocities about being “well stuffed”, or even worse, “slowly roasted.” And even once the turkey has been cooked and is ready for distribution, many fail to disguise their shameful amusement at the traditionally painful inquiry, “are you a leg or a breast man?” The sniggering and smirking

“Most of us will be forced to endure the old one-liner, “Santa only comes once a year and that’s down the chimney.” can be heard across the country, sung without any consideration for the implications of their effect on the sheep farming industry. And it is not just the working class agricultural workers who suffer at the hands of crudely edited carols, as even the Three Kings from Orient-are find themselves being described selling all manner of undesirable items from underwear to hard drugs, whilst the delightful, “Good King Wenceslas,” has been tainted, perhaps forever, by those who sing that, when harmlessly looking out of his bedroom window, he fell out and burnt his, erm… repro-

evoked by the asking of what is, essentially, a functional question may well lead those few who manage to remain morally upstanding during the season to sit out their Christmas dinner in silence, for fear of accidentally falling foul of the growing infestation of seasonal sauciness.

However, even those who adopt the strategy of silence are subjected to the yearly cracker related embarrassments, as cries of “have you pulled a cracker?!” serve to further besmirch the noble tradition of the Yuletide feast, before the meal has even begun.

Indeed, even if one manages to observe the main course free from the further pollution of the sanctity of what is, after all, a religious holiday, the presentation of the traditional desserts provides the less reputable family member with the often irresistible opportunity to pass on seemingly well-meaning advice about the importance of “not burning your pud.”

Most worryingly, even the most fundamental elements of Christmas have not been left untouched by the filthy minds of those who seek to dissolve the wholesome atmosphere of the season, in favour of a sickening celebration of half-disguised references to sex. Even Father Christmas fails to avoid the growing tidal wave of filth, as references to his “enormous sack” plant what is, frankly, a dangerous subliminal message into the impressionable minds of a generation of children, who may never know the joys of an innuendofree Christmas. Furthermore, the growing trend of apparently humorous cartoons circulating via email, which depict Santa in what can only decently be described as “compromising” situations, threatens to drastically alter the traditional image of the warm-hearted, generous saint into one of an outrageous reveller, with no regard for the consequences of his shameful antics.

Needless to say, this is not an appropriate symbol for the season of religious celebration based on family values. Indeed, it is not just Santa’s image that is being attacked by mindless smut, as jokes at the expense of Father Christmas are commonplace, and have a similarly detrimental effect. Most of us will be forced at some point to endure the old, but ever-popular one-liner: “Santa only comes once a year, and that’s down the chimney”, a joke which could possibly explain the reason why no-one has ever seen Santa, as he probably wishes to avoid the public speculation about the condition of his libido.

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any of the innuendoes used at Christmas are actually year-round, but are made more conspicuous over the festive season. For example, the higher numbers of parties being held means a sharp increase in balloons arranged to resemble unspeakable areas of the human form, and a similar rise in the number of raunchy party games. Even the delightful custom of exchanging gifts, which seems to be the entire purpose of Christmas for the current generation (apart from filth), has been dirtied by the outbreak of festive lewdness, as phrases such as “can I feel your package?” are greeted with Jerry Springer-esque whooping, or perhaps worse, that noise Kriss Akabusi used to (or probably still does) make, with choruses of “it’s quite big”, and, “longer than mine, but not as wide.” Even ladies, innocently expressing their curiosity about what form of jewellery to expect when the parcels are handed out on the morning of the twenty fifth, may be confronted with the sickening response, “a pearl necklace”, from their partners, followed with an inevitable Sid James chuckle, often to find no evidence of the jewels of the ocean when tearing away the wrapping paper on Christmas morning to reveal a puncture repair kit and a bottle of festive bubble-bath.

After some lenghty plastic surgery, this turkey went on to star in an underwear ad for Jarrold.

The effect of these innuendoes on the Christmas period is difficult to gauge, as the damage is only just starting to show. However, the evidence suggests that everyone can now expect at least one rudely shaped piece of chocolate and several emails showing Rudolph, Santa, and often a few elves, disgracing themselves through lewd debauchery. Furthermore, it is conceivable that many people will now experience premature wrinkling of the forehead, due to excessive eyebrow raising, or perhaps more probably, as a result of a vast increase in the amount of time during the season that they spend frowning.

Indeed, during Christmas, it is traditional to consider those less fortunate than ourselves, and in terms of innuendo, this must surely mean sparing a thought for girls named “Holly”, for whom the festive season must surely be a trial rather than a time for happiness.

Christmas is closely linked to the loss of a child’s innocence. There’s nothing like learning the awful truth about Father Christmas to make a child grow up. It follows, then, that once all the myths about Father Christmas and his reindeer have been dispelled, children are free to start dropping some innuendo.

The only problem, of course, is that when hormone-infested teenagers do it, it isn’t innuendo. Innuendo is subtle, and teenagers aren’t subtle. When two or more of them are gathered, any joke about sexual anatomy or just sex in general will be greeted by triumphant laughter.

However it can be argued that since Christmas is the season to be jolly, perhaps we might all benefit from indulging in innuendo as a harmless way of communicating the mirthful spirit of Christmas, rather than tainting the holiday for future generations. Indeed, as students, the burden of responsibility for creating new and interesting innuendo quite rightly lies squarely on our shoulders - so go forth and spread the festive filth!

Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

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concrete.features@uea.ac.uk 17

The Spymaster Speaks

Robin Budd went to talk to Dame Stella Rimington, the former head of MI5. She was the first woman to hold the position and the first person to be named in the position. Her career as a novelist, with the autobiography Open Secret, and now the thriller, At Risk, add to an already lengthy list of achievements. personal openness and had quite a dramatic effect on us. We then decided that we would try and use that to be more open about what a security service does. It seemed to us that that was the right moment to do it and this was the opportunity. So that was us, me and the rest of us at the top of the service, making the decision that we were going to use this to be more open.”

But how much openness and transparency was the right level? And did the imprisoned agent David Shayler, who gave away official secrets after saying that he wished to expose an abuse of power in MI5, go too far with his desire to give out information?

“I think there should be transparency in a democracy about what it is a security service does, what it doesn’t do, and the sort of people that are there should be from open recruiting.

They’ve got this now but there should not be discussion about operations, individual methods and that sort of thing. I think what David Shayler did wrong was to breach that particular rule. He claims he was doing it was because he wanted to reveal that something was being done wrong.

However, he didn’t go to the mechanism that exists for people who have those concerns – he went straight to the press and I think that was a big mistake.”

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omething about interviewing an ex-head of the secret service, let alone a woman with the drive to make it to the top of what was a masculine monopoly, is really quite intimidating. All these fears turn out to be for nothing upon the initial reception: Dame Rimington is friendly, funny, and immensely personable.

Dame Rimington was born in London in 1935 – a true war child – and describes her first experience of ‘need to know’ intelligence as when she was left waiting for her school bus for a day – it turned out it was being used to pick up retreating British soldiers from Dunkirk. After a spell as a records administrator in England, she moved to India with her husband where she began work in MI5. Recruited in quite a casual way – she joined as a typist to help an MI5 worker in India with a backlog of work – she describes her path up the ranks as quite gradual: “When I first joined it was a very male-dominated world and woman really joined as a second class career, so you were only there to support the men. At that stage it didn’t seem to be much of a job, then gradually as I stayed there a bit longer and got more involved in what was going on I realised that this was a serious business, particularly since when I joined it was the height of the Cold War. We were working against the Soviet Union and its allies who, in those days, were our prime enemy. Gradually, as I got more involved, it became apparent that it wasn’t just a sort of thing you took on part time.”

As she rose up the organisation, she got more of a sense of the work, and describes the comparisons in the secret services to the cloak and dagger perception of the spy world in the entertainment media.

“Certainly nothing like James Bond. That’s pure fiction. If you want a comparison from litera-

ture, I suppose it’s more like Smiley in John Le Carré, because what it’s about is trying to gather prior information about what’s threatening us, put it all together, work out what it all means, and then try and take some action.”

Working at MI5 through a period of such immense change – almost for the duration of the Cold War – meant that Dame Rimington had a

hen she moved to publish her autobiography, Open Secret, Dame Rimington faced a lot of pressure from both government and opposition MPs not to – although an honourable exception was local MP and current Education Secretary Charles Clarke, who agreed with her that the official secrets act was too unreasonably tough. Did she ever feel so discouraged that she didn’t want to write the book?

“I did for a brief moment but not for very long, because I knew the public furore was very overdone and was artificially stirred up by certain parts of Whitehall who had taken the view that I shouldn’t be able to publish my memoirs. But I’ve had them all cleared, and I’ve taken out anything that I was asked to remove. At the end of the day I thought that I wasn’t going to be put off by this artificial furore”.

Her new novel, At Risk, is a complete book of fiction, based around a female MI5 operative

“Well all the characters and plot are entirely fictional, obviously. But what is based on my experience is the way in which the different agencies work together, so the way in which MI5 works with the police in that continuous liaison, that’s all quite real.”

The book received brilliant reviews from publications as diverse as the Scotsman and Marie Claire, but with no prior experience, I wondered if it was hard for Dame Rimington to write fiction novels as opposed to her autobiography.

“Easier in a way because I wasn’t conscious of the censor looking over my shoulder, although I did have it cleared because whatever I write I’ve got to get the clearance. It was more difficult in other ways because the art of fiction is not something I’m skilled in. Although I don’t find plot difficult, and I don’t find characters particularly difficult, what I do find difficult is keeping the thread going, keeping the tension going and making sure you don’t lose the subplot. It’s all in your hands so I do find that quite difficult.”

In Dame Rimington’s past there’s no history of writing fiction. When asked if she’s ever written before, and if she planned to continue writing fiction after this, she seems optimistic.

“Yes I’ve always wanted to write a thriller. I’m a chronic thriller reader and of course anybody who’s worked in my sort of job has got lots of potential plots in their head. It’s the sort of thing I’ve always wanted to do, and I used to start books - I used to go away on my holidays, unpack and start working out the plots but when you’re working full time you don’t have time. I’m working on another book with the same character, Liz, and one or two of the other same characters as well but she changes her job. She’s still in MI5, but not working against terrorism.”

MI5 is at the centre of the domestic efforts to avert terrorism, for example in the recent claim by the Daily Mail that it averted an Al-Qaeda plot to destroy Canary Wharf. Dame Rimington worked hard against terrorism in her time there to ensure it was well equipped to deal with national and international terrorist threats, but does she feel it’s still well prepared?

“I think it’s a continuous struggle. The difficulty is that there is no such thing as 100% intelligence by definition, so although they are very good at what they do and we have not yet had a serious terrorist attack in this country, which says to me that they are doing well, clearly things have been planned. I feel very great sympathy for them because it’s unlikely that they’re going to be entirely successful all the time – that’s one of the problems with an intelligence service. Everybody sees your failures but your successes are not seen.”

“There should be transparency in a democracy about what it is a security service does, what it doesn’t do... but there should not be discussion about operations.” real sense of the dangers and concerns facing the country. She explained when terrorism first emerged as a real threat to the country.

“Really in the late 1960s, the beginning of the 1970s. That was the beginning of the IRA and gradually that’s become a more serious threat.

But it didn’t seem to us at that stage nearly as serious as the issues thrown up by the Cold War. There were other kinds of terrorism as well, even at that stage we were calling it international terrorism – we were dealing with Palestinian terrorism, there were hijackings of aeroplanes and that kind of thing.”

In her time as Director General of MI5, she presided over a change in MI5 policy on secrecy where the agency would advertise clearly and publicly for jobs, create a website, and even discuss the food in the staff canteen – apparently they make a mean Madras. Though Dame Rimington is often credited with these changes, I asked if she thought they would have occurred if someone else had been in charge.

“I think it probably would have happened anyway. I was the first head whose name was made public and that was not my decision; that was the government. The reason was that I was the first head to be appointed under the act of parliament which now covers the work of MI5. That precipated a certain degree of openness, although it was

unravelling a terrorist plot – integrating Islamic extremism and the role of women in the security services. It clearly has some of her experience in there, but how much?

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C o n c re t e Wednesday, December 1st, 2004 C U T S H O RT If you have been lucky enough to pick up this issue of Concrete hot off the press on Tuesday 30th, then you are also lucky enough not to have missed this weeks debating society meeting.

After reading the article below about the car park, head down to Nelson’s Court common room A at 6 pm where they will be debating the project. STAG will be guest speaking and everyone’s opin ion will be heard.

YOUR MOVE

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his weeks issue of Turf is encouraging you all to get started with your Christmas preparations. Too long have we brought those cheap plastic baubles from the newsagents to go with the blindingly sparkly strand of tinsel that litter the tree…this week we plant ideas of a recycled Christmas, where you can actually put litter on the tree while maintaining your dignity.

Tinsel: cutting up different coloured shopping bags into thin strips of about 10cm and simply tie a single knot on to the string bunching them close together for convincing tinsel 'effect' Tin can stars: clean out your old can of organic cider and using some sturdy kitchen scissors cut down to the base at regular intervals, then bend back the strips to create that sparkly Christmas star (N.B. be careful not to sever any fingers) Wrapping paper: some of the more plastic-based wrapping paper cannot actually be recycled. To avoid waste while adding some style ,and a good read, to your presents this year, wrap them in newspaper.

CAR PARK DELAYED

Hope for a sensible solution to congestion continues as car park plans are delayed

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ast week involved a tense few days for all those following the development of the multistory car park plans. University officials met on Monday 22nd to decide whether the project should be confirmed and when construction should begin. The meeting followed months of contention since the plans were first announced, with concerns being voiced over the lack of consolation.

There have long been congestion problems around UEA, and no one is in doubt that time and money need to be invested to deal with the situation. When the university quietly informed the public over the summer that it would spend £12 million pounds in the construction of a multistory car park there was immediate outcry and appeal, which triggered the reformation of STAG, the Sustainable Transport Action Group. Organisations such as STAG and the Green Party, have condemned the lack of open debate

The plans for the proposed car park involved in process of solving the congestion problems, especially when it was discovered that the University had been holding onto these plans for nearly three years. All have called for the car park project to be delayed while more economic and environmentally sustainable alternatives are investigated.

The fears over the lack of democracy surrounding this issue grew even further as the results of the Monday meeting were held tight at the beginning of the week. As uncertain details began to emerge Turf was informed on Wednesday that any construction work will not start until 2007, and other solutions would in fact be looked at in the meantime.

However, this result carries a mixed mes-

sage, as the overriding consensus is that the delays are due to financial difficulties, and the alternatives sought include the possibility of a flat car park built on a yet to be discovered site.

TAG is remaining positive though and will continue to hold talks and work with the university in drawing up more sensible plans. Others are still furious that the building of a multistory car park is still even being considered as a viable option at all. Indeed, looking at the figures it seems to make very little sense. The university cannot afford to spend £12 million pounds in this way at all, and will be forking out something in the range of £1 million interest a year. But

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HIGSON HASSLED

Bog-roll nativity: that precious bit of cardboard is a versatile commodity; scrunch up a piece of kitchen towel stick it on top for the head add some cardboard arms and glitter at some point is probably advised, get the old felt-tips out and create that Bethlehem scene.

Controversy surrounding the Environmental Officer threatens some important policies

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Alternatively if your bank balance hasn't already withered away 'Kettle of Fish' in Pottergate sell some original recycled decorations including pressed bottle tops and button Christmas stars.

We hope these have provided satisfying alternatives to finishing off those end of term essays.

Andy Higson, Environmental Officer

ndy Higson's role as Environmental Officer was always going to be a controversial one. As the first person to occupy this position without being in the school of Environment Sciences there were questions of suitability from the start, while his committee position with the Liberal Democrat society left concerns over conflicted interest and divided responsibilities. However, as Higson settles into his role he is not letting petty criticisms get to him, and is as determined as ever to push forward the University's environmental polices. Readers who work their way to the back pages of concrete will have found the letter page full of discussion

over Higson's performance as Environmental Officer. These letters have been highly politically charged and it seems that party politics is what this all boils down to. Indeed, Higson's biggest critic is the Conservative Party society member, Michael Illman, who has called for Andy's resignation on the university radio station Livewire. William Kemp, the president of the UEA conservatives, informed Turf that Illman does not speak for their society, and while they do wish to scrutinize the Environmental Officer's practices, they do not wish that he should step down.

Turf has heard from a number of critics who claim to be unsatisfied with Higson's performance and feel they are

even if congestion was considered such a bad problem that the money could be found there are seemingly endless more sustainable alternatives, including free unlimited bus travel around Norwich for each of 10,000 UEA students for the next 10 years.

Exactly what the university is up to is still hard to decipher, despite continued pressure to keep this hugely high profile process transparent. One thing is clear though; the need for debate, pressure and action is still required from all those concerned about the environment, and while nothing is likely to happen over Christmas, this story is set to grow throughout the whole of next year.

being let down. Certainly there was cause to worry when he failed to condemn the proposition of the multistory car-park.

Since then though he has raised his voice and is now seeking to unite the whole union in rejecting the car park project.

Higson has certainly stepped up a gear in the last few weeks, and has admitted to Turf that the "job has been a learning curve". But as he starts to adapt to the role there are fears that all this needless contention will jepodise many important environmental issues. Right now the Environmental Officer needs full support to push some important motion through. Higson stands by the claim that he is unaware of how he may have caused any resentment but offers his apologies if this has been the case, urging people to email him at su.environment@uea.ac.uk with any concerns or suggestions.

TREE OF THE FORTNIGHT Tree of the Fortnight prides itself on its sensitivity towards trees and tree lovers of all variety. It is for this reason that the Abies Alba was the only reasonable choice for the last tree of the fortnight before Christmas. The less compassionate readers may be wondering why a fir tree of a more festive genus wasn't chosen, but as these 'Christmas Trees' will be having more than there share of attention over the next month the Abies Alba, or Silver Fir, has been chosen to highlight the beauty of all the other firs out there. But as well as representing all those under privileged firs that will be forgotten this Christmas, this tree is deserving of any reward in its own right. It's impossible to gaze at the subtle silver tint that this tree produces when gazed at from underneath without being aroused.

Height: 125 ft + Spread: 35 ft + Shape: Pyramidal Foliage: Shiney needles green on top and silvery beneath Flower: Yellow flowers grouped on undersides of twigs, Green flowers on upper sides. Fruit: Cones 10-15 cm long.

The Abies Alba

Last issue Turf noted that Norfolk County Council had launched a large scale publicity campaign to encourage the opinions of local residents in regards to the proposed northern bypass. Sources have since suggested that the campaign is just a stunt designed to cover their tracks.

The green party are questioning why the Assembly approved the scheme in light of its previous report stating that the scheme "does not score high on conges tion"; one of the main aims of the project.

concrete.turf@uea.ac.uk 19

www.concrete-online.com

Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004 On Monday 22nd November work on the East Cycle link began; the project will create a permanent cycle way and foot path in place of the existing rough path that runs from Bluebell Road across the grass area to 'The Street'. The new cycle way is due for completion by December 17th. It will provide a lit asphalt path with a secure compound for 60 cycles at the university end of the path.

A Victorian post box was stolen out of the wall from the corner of Chestnut Road and King's Road, Wisbech, Norfolk.

The next day the said post box appeared on eBay. Bearing the inscription VR, it was not in use but had been restored by Royal Mail following a request from the Wisbech Society. Inquiries by Wisbech police are continuing. Anyone with information should call 0845 4564564.

The issue of waste paper produced from printing receipts in the library was brought up at the Union Council last month and although the saga still continues the council voted to have a trial peri od after Christmas where no receipts will be offered. However, there will not be a final decision to scrap the receipts until the trial peri od has been carried out.

CHICKEN!

How Norfolk Chickens Will Save The Planet...

here, that got your attention didn't it?

There's nothing like a catchy headline to drag you kicking and screaming into reading a little of this environmental nonsense before you dash straight for the horoscopes! How, you may ask, can chickens save the planet? I'll tell you. It's a question of what the chickens have to offer one of Norfolk's more environmentally friendly businesses. Well, to be honest, the chickens don't have a huge amount of say in the matter - and since the implementers of the new scheme are chicken processors Banham Poultry Limited, the chickens are probably crapping themselves. Which is, in fact, the point.

Did you know that the excrement produced by one chicken in its lifetime can supply enough electricity to run a 100-watt bulb for five hours? Robin Goram, director of Banham Poultry Ltd, does - and he doesn't see why all that waste should go to waste. In February this year, he announced that his company's innovative proposal to develop an entirely chicken-run renewable power plant had been approved by the Environment Agency.

And it's not just a load of crap - blood, feathers and all sorts of other disgusting parts that get removed from the chicken before it is wrapped for distribution (sorry if you were just tucking into a sandwich) can also be converted into power! Previously, Banham Poultry were facing rising prices for disposal of these unappealing by-products since the BSE scare. The new scheme when implemented will dispose up to 1,200 tons of them cheaply and cleanly, and provide over 5

this June the company began pioneering trials of biodiesel fuel efficiency in their fleet of 40 transport vehicles. Biodiesel is made from used cooking oil - fried chicken, anyone?

These innovative energy-saving schemes have won Banham Poultry many glowing plaudits from UEA's very own Carbon Reduction P r o j e c t (CRed). With regard to the new waste-powered plant, Dr Bruce Tofield is enthusiastic "up to 20,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide may be saved each year by the operation of such a plant.

If adopted more widely by the meat and poultry processing industry, carbon dioxide savings could eventually exceed one million tonnes each year in the UK alone."

Unfortunately, support for these endeavours is not universal.

Banham Poultry is still awaiting approval from Norfolk County Council for the project to go ahead.

There has been some opposition to the scheme from the residents of Attleborough who live near the proposed site. Local Town Councils have raised concerns about odour, noise and traffic disturbance a new plant may cause to the surrounding environment. However, The sub-

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Mega-Watts of lovely renewable energy enough to supply 7000 houses in the area.

Just in case you were wondering "but‌how??", and entertaining grisly visions of blood, guts and effluence pumping their way around power-cables, the way of extracting energy from excrement is simply to heat the waste without oxygen and then generate electricity by the combustion of the gases produced. If you really want to go spoiling a nicely bizarre mental image with science, I suppose.

Banham Poultry have a long-standing commitment to energy conservation for both financial and environmental reasons. Quite simply, conservation of energy makes good business sense. Since 2001 the company's Station Road processing site in Attleborough has enjoyed a Climate Change Levy rebate

due to the efficiency of its Combined Heat and Power Plant, powered by natural gas (from all those anxious chooks, perhaps), which recycles the site's water and even puts electricity back into the National Grid! In addition,

division of Banham poultry in charge of the project, Banham Power, insist that all these factors were taken into account in the planning process which has been given a clean bill of health by the Environmental Agency - so perhaps dissenters are just too, er, chicken.

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hicken Nuggets: here for your enjoyment are some important chicken facts.

SUMMED UP Amount of money that will be spent on christmas food and drink this year = Amount of money required to feed two million AIDS Orphaned Malawian children for ten years = Amount of money Britain spent on the Falklands war =

ÂŁ1.6 billion

Chicken waste, it seems, is powerful stuff - and it would be as well to harness this power for the good rather than evil.

Only this July the dreaded stuff laid waste (as it were) to three agricultural workers in Thetford, Norfolk. Whilst transporting four tons of concentrated chicken slurry to a recycling plant, one man succumbed to the noxious fumes emitting from an open hatch and slipped into the mobile storage tank, disappearing under the surface. Two colleagues attempted to rescue him, only to fall prey to the poisonous gases themselves and joining him in his murky grave. A fourth man called for help and survived with mild poisoning. A truly crappy way to die. * There are four places in the United States with the word "chicken" in their name. Chicken, Alaska; Chicken Bristle, in Illinois and Kentucky; and Chicken Town, Pennsylvania. * Alektorophobia is the Fear of chickens. Don't tell me that's not a thing you had to know. * The average mature production breed hen produces 0.2 pounds of manure daily. Who needs fossil fuel!

Report by Merinne Whitton

Number of Buddhists living in the UK = Number of people in the UK who die from smoking every year = Population of West Berkshire =

144,000 Number of days that one night of heavy drinking can affect your ability to think abstractly for - (abstract thinking such as relating textbooks to seminars or determining plays in football) = Number of days it takes to witness the destruction of 4 million acres of rainforest = Number of days it takes the avergae Brit to consume half their own body weight in household waste =

30 days

NOT SURE WHAT TO BUY YOUR FAVOURITE CELEBRITY FOR CHRISTMAS? read our guide

YO HO HO UEA sets sail to steal academic achievement

Captain Eastwood, Yesterday

The university rulebook was being torn up, set alight and fired out of a cannon last night as UEA admitted resorting to piracy in a bid to join the academic elite.

The admission comes just weeks after the University denied any involvement in a series of moonlight raids carried out against Cambridge University, in which books, research and at least one senior lecturer were carried away as bounty.

UEA's newly renamed Captain - formerly ViceChancellor - David 'Brown Beard' Eastwood, said he deeply regretted the course of action, but felt it was necessary in the increasingly competitive world of higher education. Between long swigs of foul-smelling grog he announced, "No scurvy dog's going to get between me and a top-five place in the Times Education Supplement's annual league table."

It is thought that piracy was selected as the only viable option after other, more law-abiding methods of doing different were judged to have failed to produce satisfactory results. Now, University chiefs have drawn up a 'treasure map' on which each 'X' represents an academic institution to be plundered. Though few were willing to talk, fearing lashes from the Cat, it is understood that the raids rely on fleets of rented coaches taking staff and trusted students to the various locations. One brave soul recalled, "There was one embarrassing incident when we got a puncture on the M1 on the way up to Durham. I bet Captain Pugwash never had to call out the AA." Despite this small set-back, the new policy is proving to be a success. And it isn't just the looting: the number of essays submitted late across UEA's faculities has dropped by 60% since walking the plank became the punishment, replacing the old system of deducting marks. A spokesperson for EAS said, "We expect the number to drop even further once we get some sharks in the lake. At the minute students only risk hypothermia and being pecked by swans. That just isn't enough."

The good results also seem to be protecting the University from legal action. A statement from the government said, "UEA now leads the world in producing students who know how to get what they want, how to take charge of a situation, how to wield a cutlass. This is exactly the kind of forward thinking education the children of Britain need."

Your Problems Solved Prof.

Roderick Mulhapton Filkington-Phipps, Rodders to his friends, senior economic adviser to the World Bank and the IMF gives informed counsel to your personal problems.

Dear Rodders I have just split up with my long term partner, who I had come to regard as the closest of friends. Without her, life seems empty and fruitless. I don’t feel as though I’m walking on anything solid and I’m finding it hard to go through my daily routine in the knowledge that the future holds such uncertainty and doubt without her in it. She was such a special person and I thought we had the strongest of bonds that would resist all adversity.

I’m really having trouble coming to terms with this special person’s absence in my life.

Do you have any words of wisdom that could comfort me in this, the darkest of times?

Yours, Saddened Dear Saddened The loss of a loved one – be it through death or circumstance – is always difficult to bear.

It is at times such as this – when formulae and equations do not make up for the heavy weight of the soul – that I turn my thought to that greatest of principles upon which economic study is based. I speak, my friend, of ‘The Pie’.

The Pie (which I find to be a suitable analogy for the world’s wealth) is the zenith of economic purpose and we economists conduct all our activities in the knowledge that the world must create as large a pie as possible so that all the people of the world may feed from it. Until such a time as The Pie is large enough to support the world, sacrifices must be made (Iraqi civillians, for example).

Think of The Pie, take comfort in the bigger picture, and all will be well.

Alternatively, you could just find some young filly with which to spend a night of shameless lust.

HRH GIVES CLARKE AN EARFUL The feud between Prince Charles and Norwich MP Charles Clarke looked set to continue yesterday as the Prince of Wales announced his intention to sue the Education Secretary.

In a private memo faxed to every newspaper in the land the Prince is reported to have said, "How dare that beastly man stand up on television with his big, sticky out ears and call himself Charles, that's what I bloody well do and he's threatening my brand image."

It is thought his royal highness copyrighted the Charles/big ears juxtaposition in the early 80s during an abortive attempt to produce an endorsed range of organic cotton thermal wear. While he has been aware of the Education Secretary’s infringement for

several years, it was only following Clarke’s recent attack that he decided to take action.

Though the Prince has long been personally associated with large ears, the feature has been an integral part of royal life for generations, having been intentionally bred into the family following the mistaken introduction of a slightly over-sized crown.

However, the Prince is not expected to stop with a simple court case, and is known to be investigating what power the royal family still retains that would further enable him to victimise Mr Clarke.

Royal Expert Nancy Stone-Cladding said she would be surprised if the Prince could muster a combination of measures that would really trouble Mr Clarke.

“His Royal Highness will certainly be able

Above: Wherever they go, both the Prince and Mr Clarke’s ears provide amusement to stop Charles Clarke from attending any Of all the Education Secretary’s compublic archery practice, and there are cerments, Prince Charles is said to be most tain types of fruit preserve that may be out of upset with the accusation that he is out of bounds, but that is about it. The Prince has touch. He has announced that, if all his the right to use his subjects’ horses whenev- other plans come to nothing, he will be chaler he pleases, although I don’t believe Mr lenging Mr Clarke to a duel at dawn.

Clarke has one.

Concrete Wednesday, Decem,ber 1st, 2004

www.concrete-online.com

concrete.fashionlifestyle@uea.ac.uk 21

LIFESTYLE Coca-Cola: Just for the taste of it…

by Clare Aitchison

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oca-Cola is the world’s most popular soft drink. Over one billion servings are consumed every day.

In every single country Coca-Cola out sells every other soft drink (except in Scotland where it takes second place after Irn Bru). Even in our own humble Union it has a quiet hold over us, providing all of the soft drinks machines, and all of the sodas behind the bar. Look around you now and the chances are you will see someone drinking a Coke.

But what actually is Coca-Cola?

Where did it come from? What is it made of? If you are gong to drink so much of the stuff, it only seems right that you should know more about it.

Luckily, I’m here to help.

Coca-Cola was first invented in May 1886, by John Pemberton, a drug addict. The drink was called ‘Pemberton’s French Wine Cocoa’ and the original recipe consisted of red wine, cocoa, caffeine and cocaine. It was designed as a tonic to help relieve morphine addiction, basically by replacing it with cocaine addiction. The cocaine came from the coca leaf, and the caffeine from the kola nut, giving Coke its ‘stimulating’ effect, and also its name. By accident, one of the drugstores selling the drink mixed it with carbonated water, and the rest is history.

Although Coca-Cola still contains an extract of coca-leaves, this is now used only for flavouring, since the active cocaine drug was removed in 1903. In 1919, the red wine was taken out of the recipe as a response to prohibition. Despite these changes, by 1937 – only 50 years after it’s invention – the drink had reached the status of a national symbol for America.

Urban legends say that there are only two people in the world who know the exact formula, and they only know half of it each. While this is probably an exaggeration, it is certainly true that the company keeps the recipe a closely guarded secret.

But it’s no real secret that CocaCola’s main ingredient is sugar. Look

high in sugar is also an independent risk-factor for a type of diabetes called type 2 diabetes. Normally, when you eat food that is high in carbohydrates, your blood sugar rises.

This makes your pancreas release a hormone called insulin, which tells your liver to store any spare carbohydrate. This can then be released later when you need more energy, and stops us having to graze the whole time like cows. If you overdo the

ed with a change in lifestyle.

So what about Diet Coke? Yes, to be fair, the diet variety of our favourite soft drink contains no sugar, no carbohydrates. In fact no anything except sodium and aspartame. Aspartame is nutra-sweet, an artificial sweetener. It does not cause your blood sugar to go up when you drink it, so it will not cause type 2 diabetes. It is made from two naturally-occurring amino acids: aspartic acid and phenylalanine. There are stories linking aspartame to psychiatric problems in children, and diseases like asthma. Coca-cola denies that it has had any adverse effects,

drink in your mouth overnight, and tooth decay is generally best prevented by brushing regularly with a fluoride toothpaste, but it doesn’t seem right that a drink that can rot your teeth so effectively is marketed to children. Not to mention the fact that it contributes to the chances of them developing type 2 diabetes and makes them addicted to the caffeine.

But it’s the age old truth of marketing: “Get the kiddies hooked young and you’ve got a customer for life”.

Coke is the biggest soft-drinks company in the world. They even tell us that they invented Father Christmas. With that much power

There is one more vital ingredient in Coke which gives it that unique and refreshing taste. Acid. That’s Citric and Phosphoric Acid, not LSD – sorry to disappoint you! These two lovelies are the chemicals that give Coke its tangy edge, and who along with the sugar are responsible for tooth decay. You’ve heard the story that a tooth placed in a glass of Coke will disappear overnight? Some people use Coke to clean their loo – expensive and sticky perhaps, but it does get rid of that limescale!

Obviously you’d be a fool to keep the

and money, they can get away with pretty much anything they want: from selling us addictive caffeinated sugar which will rot our children’s teeth, to cooperating with paramilitary organisations to murder trade unionists at their Colombian bottling plants. A boycott is the only way to make them stand up and take notice.

You may say boycott Coca-Cola to register your disgust at their corporate behaviour, I say boycott it for your own good health. I just hope you can cope with the withdrawal symptoms.

Photograph: Anna Steward amount of carbohydrates you take in, for example by drinking sweet drinks, then your liver cannot store all of it.

This means that your blood sugar remains high all the time, and your pancreas is continually releasing

and to be fair, any evidence to the contrary is anecdotal and unproven as yet. The main problem is the sweetness of aspartame. Artificial sweetener is over 200 times sweeter than natural sugar, which is one of

“Drinking a 330ml can of coke is the equivalent of drinking 14 teaspoons of sugar” on the side of a bottle of Coke and the ingredients read; Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Caramel Colour, Phosphoric Acid, Natural Flavours, Caffeine. And then there’s the nutritional information:100ml contains 39 grams of sugar. Drinking a 330ml can of Coke is therefore the equivalent of drinking 14 teaspoons of sugar.

Extraordinary when you think about it. Even the most sweet-toothed person in the world doesn’t ask for 14 spoons of sugar in their tea. There wouldn’t be any room. You don’t put that much on your cereal. Yet many of you will be drinking at least two or three cans of Coke a day. That’s 42 teaspoons of sugar.

You don’t need me to tell you that this is not good for your health.

Apart from being incredibly unAtkins, taking in that much sugar, without even satisfying your hunger makes you put on weight. This weight gain makes you more likely to get heart problems, joint problems and diabetes. Having a diet that is

lates your adrenal glands, making them release adrenaline, causing your heart to race and increasing the pressure in your blood vessels.

Bearing in mind these are the same blood vessels you have been furring up with sugar, it is hard for them to cope with all that blood, and your blood pressure gets even higher.

Caffeine is also addictive; as your liver becomes more able to metabolise it, so you need more to get the same hit. Withdrawal also produces headaches, dizziness and the shakes, only relived by drinking caffeine again. Clever of Coke to put it in then.

insulin. Eventually the poor thing gets tired, and begins to give up secreting the hormone. Also, your liver, which would usually respond to insulin by storing all that sugar, gets bored. So you have a vicious circle where your pancreas can’t be bothed to release any more insulin, and your liver can’t be bothered to act on the small amount that is being released, and voilá, type 2 diabetes. Your blood sugar is high the whole time when you are eating, and yet if you stop eating for too long you become hypoglycaemic and black-out.

H

aving high blood sugar is very dangerous as it makes your blood all sticky so it cannot get round your body properly. This can cause you to get things like high blood pressure, impotence, kidney damage, nerve damage and blindness. Hardly seems worth it for a soft drink, and yet 10 million Americans have developed this condition, which could have been avoid-

the reasons people prefer diet drinks.

You can become addicted to the sweetness, and since they do not fill you up at all, when you do eat you have to have a much more carbohydraterich diet to satisfy your cravings, negating any of the benefits of a diet drink.

Caffeine is another important constituent in Coca-Cola.

This is one of the reasons the drink is so popular with students, as it helps keep them going whilst burning the candle at both ends.

Caffeine stimu-

22 concrete.fashionlifestyle@uea.ac.uk

Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

www.concrete-online.com

TRAVEL Ross Grainger visited the Baltics and discovered a place with an amazing culture, fascinating history, and very cheap beer.

F

rom Ross Grainger and Thomas Morgan, the people who brought you ‘Mauritania – an anonymous country’, comes their latest vaguely planned trip: ‘The Baltics – a chilly utopia’, this time starring North American veter an Simon Sheridan.

The first thing you should know about the Baltics is that they are actually three separate countries – Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. They share geographic proximity, but don’t like to be lumped together as one by ignorant outsiders.

So of course we did just that.

‘Where are you going?’, people would ask. ‘Baltics’, we’d say. The next question, to which we had several unspecific answers, was ‘why?’

Well, Ryanair recently began flying to Riga, the capital of Latvia; the Baltics are home to flying squirrels; and we’re travelling in November, so although it will be cold, it won’t be very busy.

It was neither busy nor oppressively cold, and we had a great time.

Our first main stop was Tallinn, the Estonian capital.

Considering Estonia, like its Baltic neighbours, only became independent of the USSR in 1991 it is doing remarkably well. It joined the EU in May and parts of Tallinn resembled London or Paris. Slick, sprawling shopping centres, all-night bars and casinos, and one heck of a night-life are just some of the attractions. There’s also the Old Town. As its name suggests, the Old Town is a throwback to the city’s beginnings. It’s a quaint maze of cobbled streets and daunting churches that has been unaltered for centuries.

We spent our days in the Old Town and our nights in the New. The new is very new, and the draws for

tourists are everywhere. The beer is cheap (less than a pound a pint), the nightclubs and bars stay open until sunrise and keep serving all night, and the women, oh my – they’re beautiful. And most, if not all, speak English.

But there’s a significant drawback to the cheap beer, all-night night clubs and gorgeous women.

Estonia has the highest HIV infection rate in the EU. It’s small – 1% of the population – but it’s enough to remind you how important it is to cover up should an Estonian girl be wooed by your charm. It’s important to remember that although the three Baltic nations are very advanced, they are surrounded by Russia and Belarus, two countries with high infection rates and a poor health care system.

Somewhere between the Old Town and the New City is the ‘other’ Old Town, the Soviet one. When I hear Soviet I think of one word: bleak. Bleak, bland buildings rising up into a grey, drizzly sky – that’s what I imagined, and we saw plenty of it. Tallinn and the other capitals are working hard to shake off the Soviet image, but we saw modernity and Cold War living side by side. For every concrete apartment block there

by most of the 20-somethings.

There are also a monstrous number of newspapers. It was hard to discern the Sun-esque tabloids from the classy, Guardian-esque papers, especially since we didn’t speak the language. But the point is newspapers and magazines are immensely popular in the Baltics. Unlike here they don’t feel the need to put a transparent sheet of grey cling film across the cover of dirty magazines, and all the children in the Baltics must be really tall, or just uninterested in buying smutty magazines, because the porn is stacked on the middle rows with the likes of Gardener’s Weekly and Der Spiegel.

I

n the modern parts of the city it’s possible to get by without knowing anything about the Baltics. As John Travolta says in Pulp Fiction: “They got the same shit we do, but it’s just a little different.” Example? Well, in Latvia you can get a carton of milk, right, but they don’t call it a carton of milk.

They call it something in Latvian that I couldn’t understand. I bought it anyway, got back to the hostel and poured it all over my cereal, and recoiled in horror and amusement when I realised it was cream. The

not only dirt cheap in the Baltics, but sprinkled all over the cities. In Vilnius, for example (my favourite of the three capitals), you can choose from a large supermarket with enough liquor to inebriate Norfolk, or choose from one of the many street huts, which sell cigarettes by

“The street markets and local restaurants are filled with old women who grew up under a communist thumb. The malls, though, are filled with young women wearing knee-length leather boots and chatting on mobiles.” is an expensive clothes shop. For every creaking tram bursting with passengers there is a Mercedes or Land Rover. We wandered round an open market filled with old women selling hand-made winter garments, then walked a couple of blocks and ended up inside a fourstorey mall where an Estonian popstar was giving a concert.

You see the contrast in the people as well.

The street markets and local restaurants are filled with old women who grew up under a communist thumb.

The malls, though, are filled with young women wearing kneelength leather boots and chatting on mobiles.

The perfect beauty of advertising models that we are so used to in Britain is just as prevalent over there, and their call to perfection is being heeded

clue, Simon pointed out, was that it was measured in grams, not litres.

My cornflakes were ruined.

Perhaps to make up for all the partying that was banned during Soviet times, the nightclubs in the Baltics are open all night. After a rough night out in Club Hollywood in Tallinn, we got an overnight coach to Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania. All the coach journeys we took were enjoyable both for the recovery time it gave us and for the scenery.

Outside the capitals there is very little urban sprawl – thick pine and spruce forests cover most of the landscape and lakes and rivers abound. Nature’s sprawl is interrupted every now and then by a tiny village with an utterly unpronounceable name. Once we reached Vilnius we were exhausted. As we staggered through the city in search of a hostel we saw the same contrasts between modern and Soviet.

The Old Town in Vilnius was just as picturesque as in Tallinn and Riga, the nightlife just as entertaining, and the accommodation just as accommodating. We were blessed when it came to picking hostels. In Estonia we stayed at the Hostel Vana Tom. Located on the same street as several classy bars, it’s also on the floor below a strip club, one of many in the Baltics. In Vilnius we came across four Americans disgusted at the election result, but happy to drink their sorrows away with us in the hostel kitchen.

It really was a superb trip, and a perfect advertisement for cheap, largely unplanned student travel; £200 was enough for ten days, and the flight was £90 return. All of life’s essentials – beer and cigarettes – are

the pack and brick. Either way, your health is guaranteed to plummet quickly and cheaply.

We ended our trip where we began: Riga. Located in the middle of Latvia in the middle of the Baltics, Riga is a wonderful city with enough bars, clubs and casinos to keep you busy until the Gulf of Finland thaws out. Although it’s the largest of the capitals, hostels are a rarity. Our guide books suggested we find a hotel, but after leaving the bus stop we came, purely by chance, to the Riga Old Town Hostel. It’s in the centre of the city, and has everything you

need in a hostel; warm beds, showers, internet, kitchen and a spiral staircase that’s really hard to walk up when you’re drunk.

I don’t know what it is about the Baltics that is so appealing to Aussies, but in this hostel half of the people we met were from Down Under. The other half was American and Finnish, and there was one legendary Canadian bloke who made our last night one to remember. We sat in the hostel kitchen while he played and sang one hilarious song after another on his guitar, songs such as ‘I like to f*ck rich people’s daughters’, ‘Single white male aged 24’ and ‘Being an extremist is giving me the blues’.

For the next few months, the Baltics will be unpleasant to anyone other than Father Christmas. We felt winter encroaching during the last few days, and it is bitter. The locals assured us that during winter it would be below zero nearly everyday.

However once Spring arrives I suggest you get out to the EU’s furthest frontier and experience the Baltics.

You’re a short coach journey away from Russia and Belarus, but you’ll feel like you’re in the heart of Europe.

It’s really cheap, and did I mention the flying squirrels?

Like the sound of it? Check out www.visitlithuania.net.

www.concrete-online.com

Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

concrete.fashionlifestyle@uea 23

Nathan Hamiliton - Event Designer Phil Sainty - Editor

Anna Steward & Donna Boam

Dean Bowman - Film Editor

Donna Boam Fashion Editor

Helen Pike - News Edito

As its the last fashion shoot before pies, and put their wonderful modelChristmas, it seemed only right that ling skills to good use. the Concrete team should get togethMerry Christmas everyone!! er, drink some wine, eat some mince

Laura Cobbs & Katheryn West - Fashionistas

WIN! Exclusive Miss Selfridge Gift Card Launch The re-loadable gift card...the ‘must-have’ gift for this season. Launching the all new re-loadable gift-card this month, it’s the most stylish way to shop and the ‘must have’ gift for this season.

The new gift cards are re-loadable and easy to use and ideal for your parents to credit you with clothing allowance! You can start shopping with a minimum payment to the card of just £1 or splash out and credit as much as £300, that’s where parents fit in! To make life a lot easier, payments or top-ups can be made by simply logging onto www.missselfridge.co.uk Not only is this card the most fashionable, up-to-date way to purchase those ‘must-have’ items, but if you register your cards on-line you can protect your card against loss or theft.

Update your life, update your wardrobe and join the latest trend to hit the high street and get your card now... Available from 25th October 2004. www.missselfridge.co.uk To celebrate the launch of the new re-loadable gift-card we have a pre loaded gift card with £25 on it to give away. For you chance to win simply answer the following question: When are the gift-cards available from?

Katharine Clemow Deputy Editor

Many thanks to Fat Face and Soho for last minute lending of clothes.

(Lower Goat Lane, Norwich). Also Many thanks to The Slug and Lettuce, (Tombland), for use of their wonderful bar.

Festive fun and fashion

Katherine: Poncho £22.99; Kat: Gillet £45; Laura: Gillet £45 (all from Soho); Phil: Jumper £70; Nathan: Jumper £80; Helen: Hat £15, Gloves £12.50, Scarf£19.50; Dean: scarf £17.50 (all from FatFace); Donna: Hat £8 Asda, Jumper: £19.99 River Island; Laura: Green top: 14.99 H&M, Butterfly pin (in hair): 3.99; H&M bangles: 12 for a pound Beau-Jangles; Skirt: £14.99, H&M; Boots: £50 Schuh

FASHION

24 concrete.editorial@uea.ac.uk

Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

www.concrete-online.com

HOROSCOPES Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 My crystal ball tells me there’s a disappointing Christmas in store for you sweet-pea.

Don’t fret, New Year celebrations will more than make up for the lumps of coal in your stocking, so save your cash and make sure you’ve got your bestest undies on.

Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22 You’ve been hitting the sauce, getting in the festive celebratory mood. There’s no harm in this, but you must make sure that you can look all you comrades in the eye the next morning sugar. Striptease is best left to the professionals. If problems persist, drink alone in the future.

Libra Sept 23 - Oct 23 Your cullinary skills will come in more than a little handy this fortnight. Woo that special someone with your infamous coq-au-vin, it beats the competition hands down. Their measly efforts will result in nothing better than a stale cheese toastie, so bide your time and pounce.

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19 Get yourself down to the gym, wibbly!

There are those among us that like meat out our bone, but needing a sit down after climbing the stair in the library just isn’t on.

For effective motivation, stick a picture of a doughnut to the wall in front of your treadmill.

Lucky Words: stocking filler

Lucky Words: brassiers and bottles

Lucky Words: fondue and fondle

Lucky Words: clogged artery blues

Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You’ve finally come to the realisation that stalks most students’ existence.

You, sweetie, are skint, Take advantage of this by forcing friends and family to accept homemade gifts this year and spend the cash you’ve saved on a treat for yourself, you’ve earned it.

Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22 Dumped? You didn’t need them anyway petal.

Take that rock hard arse of yours out on the town and bag yourself an easy lay.

Short term solutions will stand you in good stead for the rollercoaster of romance that 2005 will prove to be for you.

Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 21 You’re making serious plans to dig a big hole in the square, bury yourself in it and pay a well meaning passer by to cement you in. All part of a newly devised masterplan to avoid handing in any coursework, hoping that your lecturers will think you’ve been abducted. Don’t.

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Give in to your creative urges my lovely!

You’re a budding artist at heart and you can’t deny it.

Start a band this fortnight, and abuse every right it affords you.

The groupies will come in handy and the copious drinking will make every day feel like Christmas. A star is born!

Lucky Words: sticky-back plastic

Lucky Words: cheap dates aplenty!

Lucky Words: spam and candles

Lucky Words: intimate autographs!

Gemini May 21 - Jun 21 Oh my lordy! You have been good recently, haven’t you poppet?

Clean house, clean mind and (almost) completed essays!

Give yourself a pat on the back and stay in bed for the next fortnight making up for all the lost laziness. Watch all the omnibuses you can stomach,

Virgo Aug 23 - Sept 22 You may think it’s ok to have mature tastes, but quite frankly honey that new squeeze that you’ve got your eye on needs a zimmer frame.

Drop the old dear and embrace your youth to the fullest.

At least you can stop having to record Antiques Roadshow now.

Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 Selfish! That’s what you are darling, and its most umbecoming. Tough love I’m afraid. It’s the only thing for you right now, naughty little scamp that you are. Get yourself down to your nearest day center and read trashy novels to the crinklies until your throat is sore.

Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Santa has a big something in his sack for you, pet.

You’ve always loved presents! Don’t be too eager to unwrap it though, or it may turn out to be smaller than you thought. Be patient and you’ll find that Christmas day will be an absolute cracker.

Lucky Words: my duvet is my best friend

Lucky Words: Loose kaboose

Lucky Words: war stories and wheel chairs

Lucky Words: It just went off in my hand

Conservative thoughts on debt

Keep pushing for reductions

Dear Sir,

Dear Concrete

I am writing in response to Mr. Peacocks’ thoughtful letter regarding higher education funding. His letter makes several incorrect assumptions about the Conservative higher education proposals that it would be prudent to correct. He suggests that the Conservative proposals will create a “great imbalance in Higher Education” but this is not the case. His belief that the new loans system will “take from the poor and give to the rich” is not the case. Poorer students will need more financial assistance to go to university and the Conservative policy has provision for this with the continuation of grants for poorer students. With the scrapping of means testing it will also help those students from middle income backgrounds as well. No student would be worse off under the Conservatives.

What fantastic local newspapers and radio we have in Norwich. They have been superb exposing the problems that the Norwich City Council has with its CityCare contract. The reports that finally the City and CityCare have caved in and agreed to re-negotiate their contract is wonderful news. There is even talk of compensation for leaseholders.

A graduate on average earnings will have nearly half as much debt than under Labour. They will pay the debt off 2 years earlier and will pay back more than a quarter less than under Labour.

Even though we have been trying to tell City Hall of the problems for over two years now; they tried to ignore us. Even though we suggested that contracts seemed to be inflated by sometimes over six times their real value; they tried to ignore us. Even though we reported leaseholders were angry at enormous bills they could not afford; they tried to ignore us. Even though we told them that if the Leaseholders were being robbed then it would mean that the Council tenants were being robbed too; they tried to ignore us. We even told Lib-Dem deputy leader at a Leaseholders meeting at City Hall; and he tried to ignore us. Even the City Treasurer, supposedly the guardian of the City’s finances, has never replied to our letters; and tried to ignore us.

Yours faithfully, Robert Barclay Co Vice Chairman and Treasurer, UEA Conservative Society

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Letters...

No student will be worse off under the Conservatives.

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Why has it taken all this time and a campaign by the local media to make this happen? As ordinary citizens of the City, we try to get answers, but way back in February of this year the Chief Executive at City Hall told us they wouldn’t reply “to requests for information from people who do not have a direct interest in the matter”.

Abi Foldes

concrete.turf@uea.ac.uk Editor: James Conway Deputy: Hannah Newton Reporters:

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City Hall has tried to block us.

Concrete is published by UUEAS

As I said at the beginning, the local newspapers and radio have been brilliant but they should not stop now. The citizens, Council Tax payers, tenants, and leaseholders are clearly paying way over the odds, and the Lib-Dems running City Hall are clearly not willing to challenge anything. As ordinary citizens we are continuing to challenge City Hall over University Ward contracts like the Russet Grove and Pippin Green roofing contract. We believe the Lib-Dems at City Hall could cut the bills for the tenants and leaseholders by half. If it can happen there it can happen all over the City. What a massive saving for everyone!

ISSN 1351-2773

Yours sincerely Bert Bremner

Concrete Society ©2004 Concrete.

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SHOCK WIN FOR LLT

Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

concrete.sport@uea.ac.uk 25

www.concrete-online.com

Language students win Ziggurat football tournament against all odds, whilst BIO knock CAP off top spot in the overall standings Marc Dudley Sports-Editor Last week, the biggest and most stressful tournament in the ziggurat competition came to a conclusion with the Men's Football Finals.

Sixteen teams progressed from the qualifying stages, with some schools getting more than one team into the final sixteen.

However, the story of how LLT managed to go all the way is something you would usually see in a Hollywood movie. With fifteen seconds left of the final qualifying game and LLT on their way out, Wil Hardman of LLT blasted home the schools only goal of the qualifying stages and secured the team's progress to the finals as one of the best runnersup. On the morning of the finals, the team was on the verge of pulling out, due to lack of players. However, some good work between the sports-reps and remaining LLT players meant the school just managed to put a team together.

Before the finals kickedoff, EDU were hoping to win the competition they won last year, and decided to play their first joker of the Ziggurat competition. With three teams in the finals, they were in confident mood they were going to repeat the previous year's success.

DEV and MED also had three teams in the final 16, whilst ENV managed to get

two of their teams into the finals. LAW, MGT and the underdogs of FTV, ECO and LLT were the last teams to qualify, with the latter three hoping that they were not just there to make up the numbers.

EDU's first team blasted their way into the SemiFinals with a 9-0 win in the last 16, and a 3-1 victory over MED in the QuarterFinals. LLT managed to find the scoring touch after only one goal in the qualifying rounds, six went past LAW and then they managed another four to beat MGT to progress to the Semi-final.

DEV 3 also impressed in their first match winning 7-1 over FTV, and booked their place in the last four with a close 1-0 win over MED 4.

ECO, another team that surprised everyone, progressed after two close victories against the bigger schools of EDU 3 and ENV 2.

The semi-finals saw a repeat of last year's finals with the two big schools of DEV and EDU battling it out, whilst LLT and ECO slogged it out for the other final spot. A close game between the giants saw the favorites EDU book their place in the final, whilst an amazing game between the "underdogs" ended with LLT winning 5-3 in a game that could have gone either way.

Whether it was the luck of the draw and the magic of football, or just the determination, LLT - the small language school - was in the final against the P.E teach-

Ziggurat School Standings after 7 events 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

BIO (Biology) 517 CAP (Chemestry & Pharmacy) (J) 512 MED/HPP (Medical/Health Policy & Practice) 500 ENV (Enviromental Studies) 497 AHP/CMP (Allied Health Professionals/ (J) 485 Computing Sciences) 6. DEV (Development Studies) 480 7. EDU (Education & Lifelong Learning) (J) 479 8. LAW (Norwich Law) 461 9. MTH/NAM (Mathematics/Nursing & Midwifery) 427 10. LLT (Language, Linguistics & Translation) 370 11. PSS/SWK (Social Work & Psychosocial Studies) 361 12. HIS (History) 291 13. MGT (Management) 14. ECO/PHI/PSI (Economics/Philosophy/ 226 Political, Social & International) 15. WAM (World Art & Music) 176 16. AMS/FTV/LIT (American/Film & Television/ 93 Literature and Creative Writing) (J) = Joker Played

LLT (left) and pre tournament favorites EDU (right) line up before the final, which the underdogs from LLT won 1-0. ers of EDU. The final saw both teams go for it with tackles flying in from all directions. Half-way through the match EDU had a goal disallowed. LLT then went straight up the other end and slotted the ball home to take a 1-0 lead. The last four minutes of the match were not pretty, with LLT doing everything absolutely everything - to keep a clean sheet. With the fans, who

Football Final Results Last 16 EDU 1 - ENV 4 MED 1 - DEV 4 DEV 3 - FTV MED 4 - DEV 1 ECO - EDU 2 ENV 2 - EDU 3 LLT - LAW MGT 4 - MED 3

9-0 1-0 7-1 1-0 2-1 3-2 6-2 4-2

Quarter-Final EDU - MED 1 DEV 3 - MED 4 LLT - MGT 4 ECO - ENV 2

3-1 1-0 4-1 3-2

Semi-Finals EDU - DEV 3 LLT - ECO

2-1 5-3

FINAL LLT - EDU 1

1-0

were all behind LLT, and the "give-everything" style of defending, the Language students managed to pull off the shock of the tournament and win 1-0.

The shocked faces of the LLT players after the game told the whole story. "How did we just f**cking win the whole thing?" was heard over and over again from various members of the LLT team. It is the first time in the history of the Ziggurat tournament that LLT have managed to win an event, and with the men's football being the biggest of them all, and the fact that LLT struggle to compete every week, made the achievement even more remarkable. The only downside is the fact that they only had one team entered. Schools received an extra eight points for each extra team they managed to enter, so the win has not done much to their overall Ziggurat position. However, the LLT team won't care, as winning the football season has made their season!

As for the overall standing, CAP, who had a disas-

Football Results Schools best placed team 1. LLT 2. EDU 3. DEV 4. ECO/PHI/PSI 5. ENV 6. MED 8. MGT 14. LAW 14. AMS/FTV.LIT 18. BIO 21. PSS/SWK 23. MTH 23. HIS 25. AHP/CMP 32. WAM 37. CAP trous performance in the football, were knocked off top spot after BIO finally managed to catch up with them. MED leaped into third, whilst a solid team performance from the ENV team saw them shoot up into fourth only three points behind their rivals. The fact that CAP are the only school in the top four to have played a joker, means they now have a big fight on their hands to retain their title from last year.

LLT's win moves them up to tenth, whilst EDU move

Campus Challenge Results 1. MTH/NAM 2. BIO 3. CAP 4. EDU 5. ENV 6. DEV 7. MED 8. AHP/CMP 9. LAW 10. HIS up to seventh after cleverly playing their joker.

As for the Campus Challenge two weeks ago, MTH/NAM managed to get their first win since merging into one team. They beat of the top two teams of BIO and CAP into second and third, respectively.

Today, the men's and women's swimming gets under way with the final event of the term being women's football on Tuesday 7th December. With only twenty points between the top four, this year's Ziggurat competition is looking like it is going to go all the way to wire.

26 concrete.sport@uea.ac.uk

DUDDERS SPEAK

Marc Dudley speaks his mind on burning issues What the f*ck! That was the feeling many British Rugby League fans were left with after the disastrous TriNations Final defeat to the Aussies. It was painful to watch the way they completed outclassed us, and the fact that we "thought" we had a chance to beat them, makes it hurt even more. I always felt that after we beat the Kangaroos in the group match that it was a game that gave us false hope. Many seemed to forget that Australia had already qualified for the final, so they were not as committed in that match as the British were, so the Lions were always going to be in with a chance. Also, the Aussies were missing Darren Lockyer, arguably the best player in the world, in the first two encounters with the Lions. The return of the Kangaroo captain in the final gave Australia the extra class they needed, and his presence on the field shows you that one player can really make a difference to a team! We still have a lot to learn on the International stage, and sooner or later we are bound to beat them. Hopefully, in next year's World Cup Final, as we seem to enjoy beating the men down-under on the bigstage!

Now, on a more serious note, the big story in the media over the past fortnight was the amazing scenes in Spain.

Like everyone has mentioned before me, it was one of the worst displays of racial abuse I have ever seen. Hopefully we will not see anything like this again, but with the way FIFA are handling the situation (very...very...slowly) I am afraid it will not be the last time we see it. And the fact that Spain seem to have a fascist in charge of the national team only shows you that the Spanish FA are not doing their job either. All the abuse from the fans thrown at Shawn Wright-Phillips, Ashley Cole and Jermaine Defoe was no doubt caused by the negative views of Spanish coach Luis Aragonas, and this could have been avoided if the man was sacked after his first racial outburst against Thierry Henry. However, racial abuse is not something new on the European continent.

Great Britain is miles ahead of its European neighbours in the fight against racism, and in places like Italy and Spain, racism is still a major issue. It is going to take a long time to fight the problem, and even though I don't like admitting it, the problem will probably never go away. There will always be a small crowd, that will use racial abuse to target opposition players. Like with the small number of hooligans in England, the small number of racists in Spain ruin the game for the rest of us. This is why FIFA need to act now, and it is this that really annoys me. Whenever England get into trouble they get treated really badly. The number of times we might have been chucked out of a competition for not being able to control our fans (who happen to be outside the ground!). However, this happens and FIFA have not mentioned what they are going to do. However, throwing a team out of a competition for something their fans have done is a bit harsh. They could, for example, force Aragonas to be sacked, and if the Spanish FA refuses, then they should be thrown out of the competition.

Another thing they could do is move the game to a neutral venue and ban any Spanish fans from entering the ground.

They could also ban the match from being shown on Spanish TV, so the fans at home would not be able to watch the game. Playing behind closed doors is not a good idea, as it affects both teams and Spain would still be on home turf. FIFA need to make some clear rules about the issue, and stick to them like they stick to their drug and hooligan policies.

What the fans did in Spain was a disgrace. However, it would be even more of a disgrace if FIFA let the Spanish get away with it. It is time they start showing a bit of backbone and start handing out severe punishments which they threaten to do with England every single year. The problem has to be dealt with, and whatever FIFA decide will send out a clear message to the footballing world. It is for that reason alone that they must give a severe punishment to Spain. If they don't, then FIFA and Sepp Blatter would, in a way, be just as bad as the fans in Madrid on that unforgettable night.

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Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

A POINT AWAY FROM NATIONALS

Aye-Aye Ultimate Frisbee lose Playoff match in Sudden Death but acheive all-time best

George Marshall The UEA Ultimate Frisbee team (Aye-Aye) narrowly missed out on entry to the nationals despite a spectacular performance in a qualifying tournament last weekend.

Aye-Aye recorded their highest position to date after a string of victories led them to a dramatic play off qualification match against arch rivals ‘Sublime’ of Portsmouth University, but tragically lost in sudden

death.

Team captain, Will Routh led his team by example with an amazing performance throughout the tournament, and was presented the prestigious ‘Most Valuable Player’ award for the final match. Captain Routh said “The team gelled at the time, all the hard training paid off”.

The final match against Sublime started at ferocious pace fuelled by mutual animosity for either side. AyeAye played excellent defence giving an early 2-0 lead.

Unfortunately, Sublime came back rapidly with some highly contentious points to reverse the score to 5-2.

In the absence of a referee, arguments between the players regarding an illegal point scored by Sublime halted play and elevated testosterone levels even higher. Encouraged by massive spectator support, AyeAye regained composure and blocked the sublime offensive with some stunning defence. With 15 seconds remaining, Aye-Aye levelled the score to 5-5. The game

entered sudden death, and an intense battle was concluded by a lanky 6’7” Sublime player, who by catching the disc in the scoring zone, won the match and ended Aye-Aye’s hopes of making the nationals for the first time.

The first team’s performance was matched by excellent display by the second team, led by the society president Alex Rigge. Seeded 15th out of 16 teams, the second team pulled a highly encouraging performance to finish 7th. The second team beat several experienced first teams, despite having a number of first year players sure to be up and rising stars for future years. Rigge said, “The performance by the first years and whole team was unbelievable”.

First year, Chris Davies made a magnificent catch to score the winning point against the ‘Disc Doctors’, but smashed his knee in the process and remained injured for the rest of the weekend.

The weekend’s performance by both teams certifies that Aye-Aye Frisbee team continues to go from strength to strength. To quote Captain Will Routh, “The future is bright – the future is Aye-Aye”.

FUN WEEKEND FOR SAILORS IN WEYMOUTH UEA sailing team gain experience from sailing against the best in a National BUSA competition.

Tim Graham & Fran Bonnington On the 5th and 6th November the UEA sailing club took part in the BUSA Fleet Racing National Championships held at Weymouth and Portland Sailing Academy.

The club entered four boats in the Laser 2 class.

Tim Graham & Emma Moreton were the crew members of the first boat, whilst Fran Bonnington & Peter Carleton (Boat 2), Tamsin Butcher & Mickey Longstaff (Boat 3) and Ben Balaam Reed & Paul Alani (Boat 4) completed the UEA team.

The first day saw relatively light conditions in the morning as the boats took to the water for the first race.

However, much confusion

about the course left most of the fleet unsure where they had finished over all and after several protests the results were taken from earlier on in the race. The UEA boat of Reed & Alani retired with a ripped spinnaker. As the second race of the day got underway, the wind started to increase and this resulted in several dramatic capsizes amongst the entire fleet, including Reed & Alani who capsized just before the finish line. As they crossed the finish line upside down they were awarded a ‘Did Not Finish’ result on the scoreboard.

The second day saw even lighter conditions for the early start with many of the fleet feeling the effects of the night before. The two races passed fairly uneventfully

Photo: John Butcher with all UEA boats finishing both races.

Overall, out of 58 boats, Graham & Moreton finished 25th, Bonnington & Carleton finished 34th, Butcher & Longstaff finished 38th and Reed & Alani finished 49th. In the team prize

UEA finished 17th out of 22.

The overall winners of the Laser 2 fleet were Gemma Friea & Sophie Esson from Glasgow University, who won every race. For the second year running Exeter won the overall team prize.

Concrete Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

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concrete.sport@uea.ac.uk 27

FOOTBALLERS FACE TOUGH BATTLE

UEA men’s first team struggle in as they prepare for relegation battle, whilst the seconds take the title four weeks before Christmas Ross Grainger The men’s football team have a battle on their hands as the team have struggled to find form so far this season. Allegations of under funding aside, it has been a dramatic opening to the new season.

The first team progressed in the Junior Cup, but had another frustrating start to the BUSA campaign.

The season actually started two weeks later than usual for UEA. Cambridge could not play their opening match on the 13th of October, and the away match against Lincoln the following week had to be rescheduled after UEA’s bus broke down and the team arrived too late.

Things finally got under way on the 27th of October at home to Bedford. Captain Lee Pendrey led out his newlook team, a combination of improved second team players and a selection of freshers. They gave a great performance and claimed a vital 1-0 win. New right-winger Sven Siegin settled the match with a speculative long-range effort that was just out of the keeper’s reach.

Action from last Wednesday’s 2-1 defeat to Lincoln Unfortunately poor away form continues to plague UEA. Away to Warwick at the beginning of November, the team lost 1-0 despite a strong performance. A week later away at Birmingham things got even worse.

Although UEA matched Birmingham for most of the first half, the early start and long journey eventually took their toll. After going 1-0 down midway through, the team responded immediately and equalised thanks to a fine finish from striker Mike Stevens. Just before half time, though, UEA conceded again, and in the second half

leaked three more soft goals to give Birmingham a score line they didn’t deserve.

Had the team gone out of the Junior Cup, which they are current holders of after winning the competition last year at Carrow Road, the season might have gone downhill rapidly. Away to Thorpe Rovers, though, the team gave one of the best performances of the year to move into the fourth round.

Duncan McHardy got things started with a close range finish after good work on the left by Steve Moore. First year centre back Paul Andrews, playing in midfield

FENCING TO THE TOP

UEA in Action in Sabre weapon match

Sarah Smith Last Wednesday saw UEA’s men’s fencing team achieve their fifth win of the BUSA season beating Staffordshire (Stoke) 135-100.

The week before saw a convincing 135-82 win against the Warwick first team, continuing their unbeaten home record

since last season. Their score of 135 meant the team won all three weapon categories in each match. Their 100% winning streak keeps on going with the team not having lost a single weapon in any match since facing Birmingham at the beginning of term. For each weapon category (foil, epee and sabre) bouts are played until one team scores 45.

The impressive results by

the UEA fencing team means they remain in second place behind Birmingham in their BUSA Midlands Conference.

UEA’s team of the year winners 2003/04 are hoping to equal or better the results from last year where they reached the BUSA Shield Final, and will be hoping to win their remaining two matches in the initial rounds of the competition.

in place of the injured Jake Berry, headed UEA 2-0 ahead in the second half.

Moore got the reward for his good play when he made it 3-0 with a lovely chip from outside the area.

Rovers battled back with two goals in quick succession to make it a frantic last ten minutes. UEA held firm, though, and booked their spot in the fourth round where they will face local hard men Earlham.

Unfortunately this good cup performance was not matched in the next BUSA match. UEA made the short trip to Cambridge on the 17th of November and lost 41. A torrid opening twenty minutes saw the team go behind quickly. UEA gradually gained composure, but conceded a killer second goal just before halftime.

Manager Gary Butcher’s halftime team talk did the trick as UEA dominated the

second half. Sven Siegin got the goal they craved, but as the team piled forward Cambridge got two on the break to leave UEA in the drop zone.

Things got worse in the BUSA campaign when UEA played Lincoln at home this past Wednesday. In desperate need of a win to move out of the relegation zone, the team lost 2-1. Veteran forward Dan Petto got the only goal from the penalty spot, as UEA struggled to create anything on the day.

This loss meant UEA were bottom of their sixteam group halfway through the campaign. Losing to Cambridge two days later would have been disastrous.

But having been beaten 4-1 just over a week earlier, UEA dominated the match and won 4-0. Playing a 4-3-3 and favouring the long ball, UEA grabbed four goals in the first half with two for

McHardy, and one each for Burton and first-year left back Dave Mahoney.

It’s been a mixed season for the firsts, but the seconds are having the time of their lives.

This past Wednesday they beat De Montford Bedford 5-1 to waltz to the BUSA Midlands Conference 5D title. Captain and leading scorer Chris Westwood described the preChristmas title as “f***ing quality.”

MENS FOOTBALL BUSA MIDLANDS DIV 1 A P W D L GD Pts Lincoln 6 5 1 0 9 16 ---------------------------------B’mingham 6 4 1 1 8 13 Cambridge 6 2 2 2 -2 8 DMU (B) 6 1 1 4 -5 4 ---------------------------------Warwick 6 1 1 3 -6 4 UEA 6 2 0 4 -4 3* * Deducted 3 points for failing to turn up to Lincoln match on 20th Oct. Lincoln awarded win

INSIDE Men’s footballers struggle to find form

PIRATES ON COURSE FOR PLAYOFFS Sharla Ansett With the term drawing to a close the ‘Pirates’ can look back on the first section of their season with pride.

They have commenced their season with some remarkable performances, which can be illustrated through their impressive results.

Their first match is a representative example of this category of performance with an outstanding trouncing of the APU ‘Phantoms’ 57-6, with this result the boys set the tone for their proceeding matches. Undesirably their next scheduled match was against the four times champions, the Hertfordshire ‘Hurricanes.’

Where the ‘Pirates’ performed well but unfortunately couldn’t secure a win.

Essex ‘Blades’ was up next for their defeat against the mighty ‘Pirates’ with bitter rivalry felt by both sides and to say the least by the cheerleaders! The boys stopped them in their tracks and went on to gain their second success of the season, by defeating them 28-19. Finally to add to their numerous successes the ‘Pirates’ beat the Greenwich ‘Mariners’ 28-6 in their most recent match to date.

Peter Davis of the ‘Pirates’ has confidence in the team, he said after their success at Greenwich.

“With the impressive performance today and the win at Essex last week it should prove to be a great season.”

The team hopes to round of the year with another win in their final match before Christmas, on the 5th December, where they take on Nottingham ‘Outlaws’ at home.

INSIDE Unlucky Aye-Aye miss out on Nationals

SPORT

RUGBY BOYS DESTROY BEDFORD UEA outclass De Montfort Bedford 24-0 in BUSA League to keep promotion hopes alive.

Darren Stott The UEA rugby team won a comprehensive victory against Bedford last Wednesday. The home side started the game in a confident mood and piled the pressure on the visitors from Bedford from the first whistle.

The pressure resulted in an early penalty kicked goal

by Fly-half Iain Young. Soon, The visitors started to make basic errors and the inevitable occurred when a Bedford attack broke down, UEA gathered possession and after good link-up play by the Backs, young received the ball and produced an excellent weaving run to score a try on the 10 minute mark. UEA converted the pressure into points and started to totally dominate.

They were more organised and their play was increasingly effective At 20 minutes, Young produced the best moment of the match with a sublime solo try. The kick and chase was executed with precision and finished off in style.

Young converted his own try to make it 17-0. By this stage, the team were encamped in Bedford’s half.

The home team made constant drives through the middle to consolidate their advantage. Only a break in play, due to injury, gave Bedford a respite. After the delay, the opposition gathered themselves and came back into the game, but UEA controlled play until the break.

Half-time came and there was no surprise when Bedford’s coach visibly laid into the team because of their dismal first-half efforts, there was no doubt as to who the stronger team was.

The crowd started to build and there was no shortage of beer on the touchline. The atmosphere was filled with certainty that UEA would achieve a large score. Bedford, meanwhile, had other ideas. The started to play well and forced UEA back towards their 22-yard line. The away team played more positive rugby and applied the pressure well, but the hosts held firm and showed dogged and deter-

mined defence. With all their efforts, Bedford could not convert it into points and get back in the game. UEA soaked it up and went on the counter attack. They sealed the game on 51 minutes when a brilliant run by Chris Godwin opened up the defence to score the final try.

The score was now 24-0 but Bedford still fought on, wanting to get themselves on the score sheet. UEA could have scored another try but were denied by some excel-

lent defending by one of the visiting Backs.

With the match coming to a close, the pace of the game slowed and the attacking play diminished, which produced scrappy rugby with many mistakes. The final whistle blew, putting Bedford out of their misery, and it left UEA celebrating an impressive 24-0 win.

With only a few games left now, they are still in with a small shout of promotion, and with more difficult

games around the corner, UEA will be hoping their can take this performance on into their future fixtures.

MEN’S RUGBY BUSA MIDLANS DIV 2 (B) P WDL GD Pts Notts 2 7 6 0 1 78 18 --------------------------------L’boro 2 5 4 0 1 152 12 UEA 5 20 3 4 6 DMU(B) 5 1 0 4 -67 3 --------------------------------Coventry 4 1 0 3 -82 3 N’hampton 4 1 0 3 -85 3

GOT A SPORTS STORY FROM YOUR CLUB? E-MAIL US AT CONCRETE.SPORT@UEA.AC.UK Concrete Prize Crossword #60 ACROSS

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9. Force to (6) 10. Add - positive (4) 13. Tidy - pure (4) 15. Is often 16 with dogs (6) 16. Equine activity (6) 17. __ Cowell (5) 19. Leave (2) 20. Fill with liquid or gas (4) 21. Young woman (4) 25. “__ tu Brute” (2)

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