COMSOLE Magazine: The Aging Gracefully Issue

October 2018

Issue 5

comsole.org

COMSOLE MAGAZINE

The Aging Gracefully Issue

Page 2 COMSOLE Unwinding

Unwinding Aunque las personas lesbianas, gays, bisexuales y transgénero (LGBT) son una parte cada vez más abierta, reconocida y visible de la sociedad, se sabe muy poco sobre el estado de salud de esta comunidad.

Las iniciales LGBT se refieren a una amplia coalición de grupos que son diversos con respecto al género, la orientación sexual, la etnicidad / etnia y el nivel socioeconómico. Estos grupos son tratados por los medios y la sociedad médica como una sola población y, aunque comparten muchas experiencias, también difieren en muchos aspectos.

Diferencias • las lesbianas, los gays y bisexuales se definen por su orientación sexual; cada grupo en particular tiene diferentes implicaciones para la salud.

• las personas transgénero, que se definen por su identidad y presentación de género y también tienen sus necesidades médicas específicas.

Similitudes • todos los grupos han sido históricamente marginados • todos han sufrido estigma, prejuicio, discriminación y violencia.

Las diferencias y similitudes de estos grupos han creado una falta de interés de la sociedad hacia las necesidades de salud de esta comunidad. Superar esta invisibilidad en la atención médica y los servicios es un objetivo fundamental si esperamos eliminar las disparidades de salud.

Como resultado de haber sido empujados a la invisibilidad a través de la discriminación y la violencia, las personas envejecientes LGBT se abstienen de revelar su orientación sexual o identidad de género a los proveedores de atención médica, creando así un vacío en la investigación médica y los estudios sobre las necesidades de salud de la comunidad LGBT. En el caso de las personas LGBT mayores, estas brechas en la relación entre ellos y los proveedores de atención médica crean un ambiente muy peligroso en el que deben conformarse para sobrevivir.

Contents

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The Angle 04 The Fix 18 Look & Feel 28

Contents

Drafts 30 In Tune 38 Adroit 44 Intermezzo 46 At the Loggia 52 Cookery 56 In Print 57 Toon 58 From the Editor 60

It is about time we take a deeper look at the older men in our community.

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Facing the Mirror We asked twenty-five 55+ men some questions about getting older adn the answers we got are quite inspirational

In our quest to find out what older men really felt like about aging, we asked 25 of our friends in Puerto Rico, the following questions. Suffice to say that we were very pleased with the answers. ¿Qué significa envejecer con gracia para ti?

“Envejecer significa en mí caso madurez aunque también meto las patas de vez en cuando.”

“Envejecer significa recoger frutos de lo sembrado y mirar hacia el frente sin rencores ni arrepentimientos, solo enfocándome en lo que me queda de vida.”

“Para mí, envejecer con gracia es llevar con orgullo esa hermosa etapa de la vida.”

“Vestir y actuar de acuerdo a tu edad.”

Para la gran mayoria de los encuestados, envejecer es una etapa muy bonita de la vida en la cual han encontrado un grado de paz interior que les ha permitido mirar al pasado con amor, al presente con valentia y al futuro con esperanza.

¿Qué piensas cuando te miras al espejo y ves que tu cuerpo y tu cara cambian debido a la edad?

“Me veo mejor ahora que cuando era joven.”

“Pienso: este soy yo.”

“Son cambios, pero mas que cambios son huellas que ha adquirido mi cuerpo conforme a la edad y no necesariamente, tienen que ser negativas, sino que cada huella es un mapa de lo que he vivido.”

“Cuando me miro al espejo veo a un hombre que me gusta mas que antes. Me he ocupado de mantenerme en forma y me gusta cómo me veo.”

¿Gris o no gris?

“No temo a envejecer ni a morir.”

“Barba blanca.”

“Desde joven he tenido pelo canoso, ahora blanco.”

“Gris se ve distinguido.”

“Para mi solo existe blanco o negro. No gris.” “¡Las canas me gustan,

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“No temo a envejecer ni a morir.”

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¿Cuáles crees que son las ventajas de envejecer?

“La ventaja de envejecer son los descuentos de senior jejeje.”

“Mi hermana me dijo hace tiempo: deja que cumplas los 50, ya no te va a importar nada. Tenia la razón.”

“El sexo mejora. Lo malo es que lo que hay disponible son jovencitos porque los viejos ya están emparejados.”

“Las ventajas de envejecer es que adquieres un conocimiento y unas vivencias que no tenias antes y te ayudan a ver y apreciar mejor cada momento de tu vida.”

“Aprendes a apreciar todo mejor y a darle valor a las cosas que antes las ignorabas.”

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¿Qué tan importante es ¿Podrías nombrar una de para ti compartir social- las lecciones más impormente? tantes que has aprendido a lo largo de su vida?

“Las amistades son muy im- “Trato de no mentir, cuando portantes en este momento lo hago la conciencia me para no caer en depresión.” quiere matar.”

“Si de algo me arrepiento, es de no haber cosechado mas amistades y mas cercanas.”

“El pasado no se puede cambiar ni olvidar. Solo debe servirnos para aprender de él.”

“Soy una persona sociable, “La lección mas importante pero no tengo que dem- que he aprendido es ser yo ostrárselo a nadie.” mismo, ser sincero conmigo mismo y no dejarme llevar “Soy muy sociable y quizás por un mundo de vanidad.” sea lo único que extraño, aunque para mi edad so- “Vivir el presente y no cializo bastante en com- preocuparte por lo que no paración con otros amigos puedes resolver.” de mi edad.”

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¿La felicidad se define de forma diferente ahora que eres mayor?

“La felicidad es más apreciable en la vejez.”

“Definitivamente. Felicidad es levantarse en salud todos los días.”

“La felicidad para mi plena y real no existe. Son momentos efímeros que te marcan.”

“Para mi ser feliz es poder hacer lo que quieras y gozar de buena salud. Gracias a Dios tengo buena salud y hago lo que quiera hace tiempo.”

Al mirar hacia atrás, ¿ves puntos de inflexión que ayudaron a formar tu vida?

“Puntos buenos y malos.

La vida tiene una forma graciosa de llevarnos por caminos, nosotros escogemos los atajos.”

“Toda experiencia me ha ayudado a formar mi vida.

Para mi no existen experiencias positivas o negativas, solo existen experiencias y estas te ayudan a ser la persona que eres.”

“No recuerdo ninguno importante o significativo. He aprendido según he ido madurando.”

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“La lección mas importante que he aprendido es ser yo mismo, ser sincero conmigo mismo y no dejarme llevar por un mundo de vanidad.”

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Page 14 COMSOLE Angle ¿Siempre estás al tanto de tu edad, o los demás a menudo te lo recuerdan?

“Mis amigos se encargan de recordarme la edad.”

“Mis hijos siempre me la recuerdan.”

“Los peores son los millennials. Te juzgan por tu cuerpo y por tu persona.”

“Nunca me ha importado la edad. La edad es solo un numero. Lo importante es como tu te sientas internamente.”

“Recientemente estoy mas al tanto de mi edad pues estoy perdiendo muchos amigos debido a enfermedades y/o porque se retiran a vivir cerca de sus hijos. También lo noto en el trato de algunas personas que me ofrecen trato deferente por mi edad, lo cual agradezco, pero me recuerda mi edad.”

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¿Los momentos más felices duran más que los momentos más tristes ahora?

“Ahora aprecio los momentos felices de la vida, trato de olvidar los tristes por lo menos en esta etapa de mi vida.”

•Los momentos felices duran más. Los tristes siempre vienen cuando uno esta solo, hay que estar pendiente para no dejar la mente flotar hacia la soledad.”

•Todo momento grato o no grato es importante y su durabilidad depende de cómo uno lo afronte.”

•Los momentos difíciles me afectan mas ahora que antes… Tengo que hacer un esfuerzo para no tomar muchas cosas personalmente.”

Page 16 COMSOLE Angle Una preocupación muy válida es ¿a dónde van esos gays viejos y abandonados? No hay un solo hogar para ancianos homosexuales en nuestra isla. Los afortunados son aquellos que tienen lugares para establecerse, pero ¿qué pasa con los que no? ¿Cómo lidian con los temores de salud que surgen con la edad y la homosexualidad?

Hace unos meses, la alcaldesa de San Juan, Carmen Yulín prometió trabajar para que se cree un hogar para este propósito. La organización SAGE USA, que es el grupo mas importante defendiendo los derechos de envejecientes de la comunidad KGBT en los Estados Unidos continentales, ha nombrado a la fundación local llamada Waves Ahead, para que represente sus intereses en Puerto Rico.

Si los miembros jóvenes de LGBT ya sufren discriminación, ¿cuánto más van a sufrirla cuando lleguen a la vejez? Dentro de la cultura gay es difícil verse viejo en el futuro, porque el enfoque es fuertemente en verse joven y caer dentro del estereotipo.

La gente olvida que los viejos somos humanos, y eso es simplemente triste.

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Page 18 COMSOLE The Fix

Here’s Some Tips For You Although many men hate aging, it happens. And the sooner we realize that it isn’t true that we hate it but rather, we fear it with a passion, the better it is and the easiest to prepare for it. Here are some helpful tips on how to welcome aging with grace.

Remember that you are human. If you’re one of the less pretty boys when you are young, count yourself lucky. You have a head start in preparing for later in life because you already know how to handle not being the center of attention, which can be awfully

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good once you grow older. Be thankful that you survived bullying, hatred, HIV & AIDS along with the whole array of other illnesses. Be happy you wake up healthy every day and can maneuver the sidewalks and recognize your neighbors.

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Remember that others are human. Even pretty boys have feelings and they will come out the most as they grow old and face the fact that beauty is skin deep and it erodes as does anything else that endures gravity.

Everything falls sooner or later. And everyone shits just like you do, seriously. You’re no different from the rest as far as being a human being goes. We all suffer similar experiences.

Find spirituality. God does not have to be an omnipotent man, he doesn’t have to be anything specific at all.

And you should make your peace with humanity and spirituality early in life so that the spiritual side of you will be taken car of and you can move on to living and not worrying about what “HE” will do to your soul once you die. Seriously, find inner peace, it makes a huge difference.

Who better to judge than us, right? Throughout our loves, people have judged us. But there is not a worse critic than a gay judging other gays. Face it, we are our own worst enemies. By the time we grow old, that energy is best invested in focusing on judging ourselves, our friends, our surroundings. Because the people we associate with tell us a lot about ourselves and how solid our chosen family will be once we grow older and need them.

Remember, at some point you are going to die. Sad as it sounds, it is true. Prepare for it. Legally and emotionally. Don’t leave a mess behind for your loved ones, it really isn’t fair. Also, think about simplifying your life by cleaning out your closets, giving away the stuff you don’t need.

Write stuff down. Buy a simple notebook and just sit down whenever you feel like it and write things

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down as if you were chatting with a friend about your life. It helps in the memory part and looking back also brings many happy memories that you may want to share with others.

Finally, if you are older then that means that you have survived all sort of shit throughout your life.

Congratulations! It’s time to pamper yourself, care less about the unimportant and devote your time to living a better life and making a better life for those around you who love you.

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The fact that we have reached a certain age does not mean we are ready to deal with life at this stage of the game. We’re still here. We’re still queer. But we’re also still figuring some things out. Many of us never thought we’d even make it this far, especially with the AIDS scare of the 80’s. But, we made it. Now we need to take stock of our lives and determine what we want to do with it for the remaining half. How will we spend our time? What is important for us? How socially are we adjusted?

These are some hard questions and thankfully we are not alone in searching for answers.

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You gotta get up every morning‌

Being single in a now gay-partnered world is definately not easy. It has been a bleesing and a course that the heteronormative institution has been thrown at us so abruptly.

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Don’t stand in the shadows

There’s kids, barely in their 20s, with no money and no real plan who get married because it’s the new gay thing to do, ike owning a summer home or jet setting to the Mediterranean.

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Thinking Out Loud Ed Sheeran When your legs don’t work like they used to before And I can’t sweep you off of your feet Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks And darling I will be loving you ‘til we’re 70 And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23 And I’m thinking ‘bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways Maybe just the touch of a hand Oh me I fall in love with you every single day And I just wanna tell you I am So honey now Take me into your loving arms Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars Place your head on my beating heart I’m thinking out loud Maybe we found love right where we are When my hair’s all but gone and my memory fades And the crowds don’t remember my name When my hands don’t play the strings the same way, mm I know you will still love me the same ‘

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‘Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it’s evergreen Baby your smile’s forever in my mind and memory I’m thinking ‘bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways Maybe it’s all part of a plan I’ll just keep on making the same mistakes Hoping that you’ll understand But baby now Take me into your loving arms Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars Place your head on my beating heart I’m thinking out loud That maybe we found love right where we are, oh So baby now Take me into your loving arms Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars Oh darling, place your head on my beating heart I’m thinking out loud That maybe we found love right where we are Oh maybe we found love right where we are And we found love right where we are

Songwriters: Amy Wadge / Ed Sheeran Thinking Out Loud lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Bucks Music Group

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For the older y

VS

Advice from

Do not try to dress like a young man.

Be aware of societal expectations.

Experiment wit

Antonio Centeno is the founder of RealMenRealStyle having s mer US Marine Officer with an MBA from

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e you

S.

m an Expert

Find brands that suit you.

Own the latest technology.

th the classics.

studied style in London, Hong Kong, and Bangkok. He is a forUT Austin and BA from Cornell College.

Page 30 COMSOLE Drafts

Tales from the Tail — Loss and the Aging Gay Male

Client’s Tale Relationships change and the usual “fuck me all the time” morphs into an occasional blow job (I’m the top and he’s the — you guessed it — “fuck me all the time” boy). But the love of the individual and the union of intertwining experiences goes beyond the unimaginable and intercourse becomes secondary. I must say, though, my life had a sudden twist this past year, not for the better, and this unfortunate event would alter our

Dr. Evan Goldstein NY | LA Gay Surgeon discussing ASS: A\rt, S\ cience, and S\ex www.bespokesurgical.com/

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worlds like no other. There’s no denying it was completely unfair. I know life is not fair, but when it hits right in your West Village apartment, you scream, “Fuck! Why me?”

Even though we weren’t officially married, we lived like any other blissful couple, both in the rat race of NYC. But the weekends were for us and we traveled extensively. One weekend, while at Soho House in South Beach, Nate awoke earlier than me and headed down to the gym. It must have been around 8 when he departed and he was still yet to return to the room by 10. This wasn’t totally unlike him — a long run and lifting session — so I didn’t think anything of it. But by 11:30, I started to worry.

I walked downstairs to see he was not in the gym, and so I made my way to the pool and beach to see if he had decided to lounge. Still no sign of him. Finally, an employee came running towards me, exclaiming, “Mr. Davis, I have been calling and looking all over the hotel for you. Nate suddenly collapsed while running on the treadmill and stopped breathing. Some of our attendants assisted until the ambulance came and he was rushed to Jackson Memorial Hospital. We have a car waiting for you!” Suddenly, my world stopped.

When I arrived, nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to witness. His physician greeted me and right away I could tell it was devastating news. I was right. Nate seemed to have had a massive heart attack at the age of 55 and our world together suddenly ended.

Can you imagine going to South Beach, the

Page 32 COMSOLE Drafts two of us, and me flying home never to see my love again? Unimaginable and one of the things most people would not wish on anyone. Well, that was me last year and I am still hurting. But through therapy and supportive friends, I am finally starting to date again.

After 34 years, it has been quite interesting to resume dating and we forget the many barriers and obstacles the aging gay male faces. Some being the loss of youth, that young muscular smooth mass of a body, and, for me, it’s more the situation surrounding erectile dysfunction. Performing, at this point, is suboptimal at its best. It has limited my topping world, that’s for sure, and has made me think beyond my own cock, placing me into the bottoming world. Me a bottom? I would of never had thought. But we have to adapt, don’t we?

This past week I went out on a date and really enjoyed his company. We have had subsequent dates this past month and are taking it slow, on my request. He acknowledges my past, which I love, and has been so supportive, especially with the new adventures awaiting my tail. My friend was telling me about Bespoke Surgical and its ever encompassing mental, social, and physical analysis, especially as it pertains to bottoming. Regardless of where this new guy falls, though I do hope it’s behind me đ&#x;˜†, I really needed someone to talk to about all of my psychological and sexual issues, most of them, though, not an

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ticipated. What a relief to have a safe space to explore it all. I hope it all works out. I need some positivity in my life these days.

Discussion “No one could have prepared me!”

These words — gay, straight, trans, identity-less, whatever — affects each and everyone one of us. The aging gay male faces many challenges that accompany not only this type of loss, but also the new, uncharted territory for the out homosexual. Unfortunately, no one has written us a “how to” guidebook. And when you take a look at the reason for this lacking or complete absence of knowledge, it stems from the fact that most of the instrumental gays succumbed to the horrific AIDS epidemic. The issues we face, day in and day out, no less fearsome than the crisis of the 80’s, are different and complex and affect all of us, specifically as we live longer and more fruitful open lives. What are the issues and why aren’t we talking about them? Who is managing them or at least consoling people through the process? I’m not sure, but we’re gonna tackle a few of these timely topics right here.

Loss Losing anyone, through breakup or death, can be quite devastating, specifically when analyzing the overall make up of a same-sex relationship.

Page 34 COMSOLE Drafts One’s support system can be quite thin and limited, depending upon whether one or both are either fully out and/ or accepted by either their own family or their partner’s.

The likelihood runs high that any guidance comes more from one’s close friendships that they have formed along this complex journey.

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This was one of the instrumental reasons that led my partner, Andy, and I to start our own family (besides me being a recluse with limited friends đ&#x;˜‚) — knowing that creating our own infrastructure would provide the support we all would love to inherit. Not everyone has the means or the desires to take child rearing on, and again, with the loss of a partner, these events can truly leave someone feeling completely alone. The best time to create the support we all need is when everyone is present. Talk about these potential events and work with one’s family and friends in creating a strategic plan of action, not in anyway to minimize the loss, but to foster the future that lies ahead. Hard to do, but worth the forward thinking discussions.

VanityLooks, looks, looks! It’s terrible that the ‘swipe left’ option has become the way in which we evaluate our compatibility, but that’s a fact of life. We all are subject to this and our preconceived visualization, unfortunately, sets the stage for quite a vain gay society. And even though the aging gay male is more likely to be physically fit compared to their heterosexual counterpart, it’s a tremendous amount of pressure to be placed on anyone, leaving many of us feeling under appreciated and, more importantly, lacking the confidence to begin the next phase in one’s life (i.e. dating again). The “youth is ours� concept rings beyond true, but as we all head into unchartered territory, I hope we

Page 36 COMSOLE Drafts can look at the entire package. Sometimes when you open the box, it’s actually a present.

Newbie Bottom To add fuel to the fire, our bodies, with inevitable failing parts, play an enormous role in the loss of our sexual compatibilities. Erectile dysfunction is for sure a thing and even though there are ways to combat this unfathomable future, it does alter self-confidence and, again, limits one’s pool of options. I see many seasoned tops, who in order to open wide (pun-intended) their reach of potential suitors, taking on a bottoming role. With this needs to come not only a thorough understanding of the science behind bottoming, but also the aesthetics to boot. We see recurring themes in gay relationships with aesthetics ranging from one’s overall external visualization to — you guessed it — that beautiful, lickable, and playable asshole. And if you have never needed to use it before, other than to đ&#x;’Š, we are definitely here to fully support you as a newbie bottom — not only on the proper ways of engagement, but also on all of the above psycho/social ramifications that accompany it.

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Conclusion There are so many important issues that we will continue to discuss in the coming ‘Tales from the Tail’ as I do believe the more we engage in these conversations, the better our community will fare. Every day, I see incredibly brave individuals who have experienced such hardship, beyond any of my wildest imaginations. The daily struggle of life, in general, can be quite difficult, let alone the uncharted, unspoken waters of the aging gay male. I am right here with you and look forward to attempting to mend the ailing heart. I am sure, one day, I will call upon you.

https://medium.com/@drevangoldstein/tales-from-thetail-loss-and-the-aging-gay-male-341e41841ef0

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In Tune

MOREIRA: Abriendo Paso Post Trauma Moreira es un proyecto de música electro-pop/rock fundado por José Iván Lebrón en el 2012. La agrupación “busca combinar diversos elementos y procesos de la música electrónica con la energía del rock y el performance en vivo con banda.

Siempre con miras hacia la evolución y expansión sonora, el proyecto comienza en solitario, enfocándose únicamente en la producción electrónica hasta convertirse formalmente en banda, de la cual forman parte hoy día Kevin García (bajo) y Pablo Prieto (batería).” (https://www.facebook.com/pg/moreiramusica/about/?ref=page_internal) Luego de haber estado desempleado tras el paso del Huracan Maria, Lebron Moreira se vió obligado a buscar empleo y abandonar al publico.

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Tras recibir ayuda del Puerto Rico Independent Musicians & Artists Fund (PRIMA) , pudo retomar la música. “Más que la cantidad recibida, que fue muy generosa a mi entender, la motivación significativa fue saber y sentir que hay un círculo de apoyo entre los artistas de esta escena y la de afuera”, compartió el músico. (https://noisey.vice.com/es/article/j5vw7y/buscabul la-entrevista-puerto-rico-huracan-maria-fondo-prima-2018) “Catharsis and self-cleansing are different for everyone, but that individuality isn’t always appreciated. Spiritual renewal is serene and peaceful by stereotype, while any release of aggression is often denigrated as too antagonistic to be restorative. The video released today from Puerto Rican indie rock act Moreira, though, champions the singularity of coping, of renewal. In “La Vorágine,” there’s no right way to purge and emerge anew.”

– Johni Jackson, Moreira’s New Video is a Biting Metaphor for the Struggles of Puerto Rican youth on the Island, May 16, 2017, (http://remezcla.com/releases/music/moreira-la-voragine-video-premiere/) Canciones en el nuevo CD:

La Voragine Como Nunca Antes Gedeon Felidae

Anguilas La Ruta de la Sal

La Selva Al Vacio

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Photos from Instagram and website: http://moreira.pr/

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Adroit

Javier Garcia

Steve Johnson

JR Korpa

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Intermezzo

What?

For many within our local LGBT community, the acronym SAGE means absolutely nothing. However, the few that have already been touched by the angels that form the organization SAGE USA, know just how very needed they are in Puerto Rico. We had been hoping that a local chapter be opened and finally, through their devotion to the aging LGBT adults on the island, Waves Ahead has brought SAGE to Puerto Rico to stay.

SAGE USA is a national advocacy and services organization that has been looking out for LGBT elders since 1978. They build welcoming communities and keep the issues in the national conversation to ensure a fulfilling future for all LGBT people. The organization has key staff in Washington, D.C., Los Angeles Chicago and San Francisco plus a large number of nationwide affiliates who advocate at federal, state and local levels.

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Among its continuing efforts, SAGE: •Mobilizes LGBT people and allies when our rights are at stake; •Educates policy makers about LGBT aging issues; •Releases original policy briefs, publications, and infographics; •Leads coalitions that integrate diverse elders into policy conversations; •Marches and rallies with LGBT older people and our allies.

Present at a dinner heldon October 24, at the Carnegie Library in Old San Juan, was Michael Adams, who has served on advisory councils for AARP and the New York City Department for the Aging and is chief executive officer of SAGE. Mr. Adams was one of the people celebrated at the dinner for their longtime work on behalf of the aging LGBT community.

Other honored guests were: José Roberto Acarón, state director of AARP; Ada Conde, attorney and president of Fundación de Derechos Humanos FDH): Ivonne Álvarez, Conde’s wife and long-time LGBT activist; Víctor Alicea, renowned actor who played for many years the first dignified gay character on local television: “Guille” and Astrid Santiago Orria, associate professor at the Universidad del Este, author and precursor of the rights of the elderly). Each of the honorees were awarded a trophy for their excellent work.

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The dinner was hosted by Waves Ahead, an organization which has reached outstanding achievements working hand-to-hand with the LGBT aging in Puerto Rico. They are dedicated to working with marginalized and vulnerable sectors of Puerto Rican society by providing support in their needed areas in order to reestablish and strengthen them. Waves Ahead is a nonprofit organization lead by the heroic team of Grissel Bonilla and Wilfred Labiosa. Together with volunteers, Bonilla and Labiosa traveled throughout the island in the many months after the pass of Hurricane Maria, helping to reconstruct homes and feeding the needy of our community. Presently, the organization works on many projects which go from educating people on issues pertaining to the aging LGBT to pressing the Municipality of San Juan for the creation of a LGBT community center.

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The dinner was hosted by Waves Ahead, an organization which has reached outstanding achievements working hand-to-hand with the LGBT aging in Puerto Rico. They are dedicated to working with marginalized and vulnerable sectors of Puerto Rican society by providing support in their needed areas in order to reestablish and strengthen them. Waves Ahead is a nonprofit organization lead by the heroic team of Grissel Bonilla and Wilfred Labiosa. Together with volunteers, Bonilla and Labiosa traveled throughout the island in the many months after the pass of Hurricane Maria, helping to reconstruct homes and feeding the needy of our community. Presently, the organization works on many projects which go from educating people on issues pertaining to the aging LGBT to pressing the Municipality of San Juan for the creation of a LGBT community center.

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It is thanks to the work of Bonilla and Labiosa that SAGE is now present in Puerto Rico. Also, it is thanks to Mr. Adams, who speaks fluent Spanish (despite his denials) and has grown to love our island. It is a historic achievement for the island and should be appreciated as such by everyone in the LGBT community. We age, gay or not, and if we do not work as a community looking out for our best interests, who will?

Griselle Bonilla

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Michael Adams & Wilfred Labiosa

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At the Loggia

Why not lose you

At the Loggia

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urself in a book?

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At the Loggia

GOALS

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At the Loggia

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Cookery

Puerto Rican Mofongo 4 Plantains 6 Garlic Cloves Salt Pork Grinds

Mortar & Pestle Canola Oil Olive Oil

Score each plantain by the seams, not too deep. Cut the ends off.

Push the skin off of the plantains. Soak the plantains for half an hour in some water with salt. Then cut each one in 1-inch pieces. And return the pieces to the salted water for another 15 minutes.

Drain the plantains. Place the stove at medium-high and heat canola oil. Lower the heat to medium and add the plantain pieces. Cook but do not brown the plantain pieces (5-6 minutes). Flip all the pieces and cook for another 6 to 7 minutes. Remove from the stove and drain the pieces of plantain on a plate with paper towels.

Pour a tbsp. of olive oil inside the mortar. Add one garlic clove and salt to taste. Mash these using the pestle. Add some pieces of plantain, as many as can fit comfortably in the mortar. This should be done while the planting pieces are still warm.

If you wish to keep the dish vegetarian, stop at this point and serve.

If not, add pork grinds and smash in the mixture. It is suggested you taste as you mix. Once the mofongo is all smashed together, simply turn the mortar upside down on a plate and serve. It should be served warm with any food as accompaniment. Enjoy!

In Print

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Photo by Regner Ramos

inForma Reveals New Exciting Identity

“It’s been two years since the University of Puerto Rico asked me to reformat the School of Architecture’s magazine into an indexed peer-reviewed journal. It’s been a quite a ride since then, but I’m super excited to reveal our new identity designed by Regular Practice. This is inForma #11 ‘Hybrid Realities’! Every book’s cover has a unique variation in its gradient, so no two are the same. If you’re in Puerto Rico, come to our launch party this Thursday at the UPR School of Architecture at 6PM. There are only 200 copies for this issue, so be sure to get yours (if they arrive on time because they’re still en route from the Lithuanian printers ok bye). Photograph by Regular Practice.”

- Regner Ramos, Assistant Professor at University

of Puerto Rico, Rio Piedras Campus

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Toon

Ad

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for our past issues at www.comsole.org or www.issuu.com

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From the Editor

Se nos ha olvidado ser cuir

En su pagina de Facebook, amigo cita a Paulina Rubio: “Yo quiero que me quieras como soy. Yo quiero que me quieras porque sí. Un palacio en el espacio Solo para ti. Yo sueño que me sueñas en color. Viviendo y desviviendote por mí. Para ti todo mi amor. Todo mi amor…”

Salir del closet es el primer paso. Para la mayoría de los hombres gay, encontrarse de cara con la soledad que trae ser homosexual es el segundo. Ser libre para amar a quien quieras no te brinda automáticamente ese príncipe azul con el que soñabas dentro del closet. Por ende, dar el paso de asumir la homosexualidad, no te libera de la infelicidad, las dudas y los miedos.

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La soledad y el abuso a las drogas han sido parte de la vida de los hombres gay siempre. Si no usan drogas, tienen amigos que las usan. Y el hecho de que el Tribunal Supremo ha aprobado el matrimonio entre dos hombres, para algunos ha creado un vacío más grande. Se trata de una aspiración de muchos alcanzable sólo por algunos, algo que hemos heredado de los heterosexuales inadvertidamente.

El problema no es el cambio en la actitud de la sociedad, en el matrimonio igualitario, ni en que hoy es posible salir del closet a los ocho años. El problema es que todo ha sucedido tan rápido, que aún no nos ajustamos. Y por eso incrementa la depresión, la soledad y el abuso de sustancias.

Vemos en los medios sociales que todos los fines de semana hay actividades en las discotecas gay. Fiestas y más fiestas. Llamados a confraternizar. El lunes, todos los posts son fotos de lo bien que la pasamos el fin de semana bebiendo y

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From the Editor

bailando con otros gays. Sin embargo, llega el martes y comienzan los posts: “¿Cuando llegará?” “Me siento como mierda.”

Como robots vamos al gimnasio diariamente, comemos keto o cero gluten. Nos cuidamos y gastamos fortunas en ropa bonita. Posteamos cientos de selfies al año en Instagram. Estamos adictos a las redes sociales. Gritamos “¡QUIERO UN MACHO!” Según vamos envejeciendo como comunidad, crece el número de suicidios. Las personas homosexuales tienen mayor tendencia a suicidarse que sus contrapartes heterosexuales. Hombres gay no salen de sus casas excepto a trabajar. Crece la dismorfia corporal.

La ansiedad es terrible.

La realidad es que continúa siendo peligrosamente alienante vivir abiertamente una vida como hombre homosexual. Es más importante que nunca conocer las causas y comenzar a corregirlas.

Muchos describen salir del closet y enfrentarse a un discrimen aún más atroz que el que sentían

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dentro del closet. Porque la comunidad gay puede ser muy cruel con sus propios miembros. Especialmente si no llenan un molde específico creado por los heterosexuales pero continuado y alimentado por los homosexuales. Entonces, la comunidad gay crea un estrés fuerte en los hombres cuando salen del closet.

Salimos del closet buscando un lugar dónde quepamos. Soñamos con ese encuentro con otro hombre que nos ame y con quien podemos casarnos. Pero quizás nos sentimos como un pedazo de carne al que todos miran a ver si le quieren caer encima para alimentarse sexual o emocionalmente.

Si eres oso y extrovertido, encuentras tu familia escogida. Si eres gym bunny, igual. Si eres de ir a la playa semidesnudo los fines de semana, hay un sitio para tí. Pero entre medio de todo eso se cuela el que no es extrovertido. ¿Y el que es afeminado? ¿Y el que tiene algún impedimento? ¿Gordos

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From the Editor

o flacos? ¿Negros u orientales? Sobretodo, ¿y si eres HIV positivo? Y muchos dirán:”No es nuestra responsabilidad, es su problema por ser chango.”

Aplicaciones como GRINDR perpetúan todo esto. No nos engañemos, se trata de un espacio para bugarrones pescar gays que estén dispuestos a tener encuentros sexuales breves y luego desaparecer. Sin hablar de la red de distribución de cristal que se esconde dentro de la aplicación.

Las redes sociales y las aplicaciones nos han hecho vivir nuestras vidas a traves de los ojos de otros. Presentamos un personaje que deseamos sea aceptado por cientos de “amistades”. Esto alimenta aún más nuestra soledad. Reforzamos nuestro miedo al rechazo aceptando cuánta solicitud de amistad nos ofrecen en Facebook.

Buscamos ser igual que los demás pero nunca lo seremos.

Porque lo que nos hace especiales es exactamente a lo que le estamos huyendo: somos distintos. Tenemos que aceptarlo y bregar con ello.

No importa nuestra edad, todos nos sentimos iguales. El miedo nos une. Siempre nos ha unido. Lo reconocemos en nosotros mismos y en los demás hombres gay. Es ahí donde hay que comenzar a trabajar para destruir los estigmas que hemos perpetuado. Para hacer espacio a nuestras diferencias.

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Ser diferente nos hace cuir, nos hace patos, maricones. Y salir del closet no nos cura de esa condición. Adentro, sabíamos que éramos raros.

Solo se nos olvidó cuando salimos, eso es todo.

All photos contained in this magazine have been reproduced from Pintrest or Adobe Stock. Photos in the SAGE article were taken by the editor.

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