Compete May 2016

JOIN GAY GAMES IN PARIS

JUMP INTO THE

POTOMAC!

OUR 2016 SWIMSUIT SHOOT WITH TEAM DC

GYMNAST JOSH DIXON IS AMERICA'S OUT ATHLETE

SUPPORT EQUALITY FOR #EVERYFAN MAY 2016 • VOL. 10 NO. 5 $3.95 • COMPETENETWORK.COM

MAY 27-29 2016 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP OF GAY AND INCLUSIVE RUGBY

MAY 2016 Volume 10, Issue 5

PUBLISHERS Eric Carlyle • eric@competenetwork.com Patrick Gamble • patrick@competenetwork.com

PHOTO BY ROBERT W. MERCER JR. OF RIPPED GENES, LLC

COMPETE MAGAZINE Editor-in-Chief Connie Wardman • connie@competenetwork.com Style Editor Bobby Ciletti • bobby@competenetwork.com Graphic Design Assistant Matt Boyd • mattb@competenetwork.com Field Ambassador Alfonzo Chavez • alfonzo@competenetwork.com Contributors Harry Andrew, Ian Colgate, Joseph Gaxiola, Jeff Hocker, Jeff Kagan, Miriam Latto, Kevin Majoros, Charles Naurath, Dr. Rob Elliott Owens, Brian Patrick and Ted Rybka Photo Editor Jacquelyn Phillips • jacquelyn@competenetwork.com Photographers Thomas Fleisher, Leland Gebhardt Sales & Partnerships Chris Cheuvront • chris@competenetwork.com KC Jones • kc@competenetwork.com Jonathan Bierner • jonathan@competenetwork.com

16 COMPETE’S 10TH ANNUAL SWIMSUIT SHOOT:

Administration Camille Fitzgerald • camille@competenetwork.com

Rodney Rudd, Team DC Model Search Winner

Copyright © 2016 MEDIA OUT LOUD, LLC All Rights Reserved.

Corporate Office 4703 South Lakeshore Drive, Suite 3 Tempe, Arizona 85282 • 480-222-4223 Compete is a trademark of Media Out Loud, LLC MISSION STATEMENT Compete unites the world through sports.

COMPETENETWORK.COM FACEBOOK.COM/COMPETEMAG @COMPETESPORTS

COMPETE MAGAZINE

FEATURING TEAM DC ATHLETES

KICK–OFF

11 COMMUNITY HERO Jeff Kagan

12 LEFT FIELD

Speed Read, Grandstanding,Thumbs UP/DOWN

DEPARTMENTS 24 MVP

Kathy Collova

27 INTERVIEW

Olympic Hopeful Josh Dixon

30 ATHLETE

34 ATHLETE ALLY #EveryFan Initiative

SPORTS 36 38

Time to Register for Gay Games 10 Dallas Hosts 2016 NAGAAA Cup

OVERTIME 40 STYLE

Sweat in Style

42 GYM BAG 44 EVENTS 46 BEDROOM SPORTS

More on Open Relationships

COMPETE ONLINE

Check out Compete stories, videos and more online at: competenetwork.com

COVER ATHLETE Rodney Rudd, Rowing, Skiing PHOTOGRAPHER Robert W. Mercer Jr., Ripped Genes, LLC

www.CompeteNetwork.com

| COMPETE | 5

FROM THE SKYBOX

BY ERIC CARLYLE, PUBLISHER/CEO

“10” IS OUR LUCKY NUMBER

@CompeteEric

T

en is a big number and for Compete, this issue is our tenth swimsuit issue. It all started in 2007 when local athletes showed up to our photo shoot in Dallas. The athletes from our first swimsuit issue represented an array of sports, including rugby, softball, mixed martial arts and more.

This year we called on our friends in Washington, D.C. to help us celebrate this important milestone. Team DC accepted the challenge and put together an amazing roster of athletes to take part in this year’s shoot. Just like in Dallas, several sports were represented.

We love to feature athletes from as many sports as possible because we are big sports lovers ourselves. This year’s shoot included athletes from darts, running, flag football, rowing, bocce, dodgeball, skiing and rugby.

It wasn’t just the athletes—Ryan, Grace, Rodney, Tyler, Porter and Rachid (not to mention our swimsuit issue MVP, Kathy) - who make our swimsuit issue so popular. This year sportswriter and athlete Kevin Majoros coordinated the photo shoot on behalf of Compete and Team DC, and our good friend Robert Mercer served as our photographer.

Suits for the swimsuit spread and this month’s swimsuit MVP were provided by Mensuas, Andrew Christian, OP, O’Neill, Beach Diva and Lucky Brand. The swimsuit issue is sponsored by MyOatmeal.com.

Which athlete do you love? Which suit is your favorite? Which represented sport do you play? Be sure to tell us so that we can continue to bring you more of what you really like in future swimsuit issues. So please pop open the champagne (or Gatorade) and celebrate Compete’s tenth annual swimsuit issue with us!

Sport On,

Eric Carlyle Publisher/CEO eric@competenetwork.com

www.CompeteNetwork.com

| COMPETE | 7

Sunday, May 15, 2016 Our 2nd annual event brings the community together for a morning of recreational golf, giving everyone the opportunity to give back to Aunt Rita’s Foundation.

General Registration

Prizes will be given for: *Best Team *Worst Team *Pride Ball *Longest Drive *Closest to the Pin

Individuals $125 Teams $500

*Includes admission, cart, gift bag and brunch.

*Individuals will be placed on a team. *Early bird registration ends April 15th.

VIP Registration

Individuals $155, Teams $620

Ways to Donate

*Includes admission *Golf Cart *VIP Tee Time *VIP Golf Night Out hosted by Sue Wieger *Autographed Copy of Sue’s Book, “The Last Six Inches”

Sign up today at:

competenetwork.com 480-222-4223

*Mulligans *50/50 Raffle *Team Donation

Starrre Golf Club

11500 North Hayden Road, Scottsdale, AZ 85260 Sunday, May 15, 2016 7:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. *Golf Attire Required

Join celebrity host Sue Wieger, LPGA golf professional, for a morning of fun for ALL levels.

FROM THE CATBIRD SEAT

BY CONNIE WARDMAN, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

A FOCUS ON SPORTS RATHER THAN GENDER

I

t’s hard to believe that this is our tenth swimsuit issue. We want to extend our thanks to Team DC’s Kevin Majoros and the athletes from the various sports represented by the organization. They all took part in Team DC’s annual Fashion Show and Model Search event that raises funds for their scholarship program for LGBT high school athletes already accepted to a college.

We hope you enjoy it. @CompeteConnie Part of the Model Search winner’s prize is a photo shoot by Robert Mercer and the cover of a Compete Magazine issue. Kevin has written an article introducing you to this year’s winner, Rodney Rudd. He also mentioned that a number of the athletes shown are crossovers, meaning that they’re participating in more than one sport I think this is an important observation about the increasing number of different sports being played by LGBT athletes and their ally friends and neighbors. It not only indicates that there really are lots of gay athletes who love a variety of sports but there are also straight players wanting to join them on a team. It indicates a healthy growth in sports diversity that focuses on the sport rather than the athlete’s gender, something also shown in multiple ways in the other stories this month.

This issue has an interview with out gymnast and Olympic hopeful, Josh Dixon. He’s giving it his all leading up to the U.S. Championships and the U.S. Olympic trials, both being held in June. He represents the new breed of young athletes who have come out while still actively involved in a sport and gotten lots of support and respect. His career goal beyond competitive sport is to make an impact in sports and perhaps politics. He’s definitely someone to keep your eye on in the future.

The NAGAAA Cup, happening this month in Dallas, is the qualifying tournament leading up to NAGAAA’s annual Gay Softball World Series being held in Atlanta in August. For those of you planning to attend Gay Games 10 that’s being held in Paris in 2018, registration starts this month. It’s not too early to begin your plans for this life-changing event (did I mention it’s being held in Paris?)

And be sure to check out Athlete Ally’s newest initiative #EveryFan, focused on what it means to be a good fan – on how sports are committed to every fan having a great experience celebrating the teams and sports they love without homophobia and transphobia raising an ugly head.

Keep Smiling,

Connie Wardman, Editor-in-Chief connie@competenetwork.com

www.CompeteNetwork.com

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COMMUNITY HERO

KICKOFF

Jeff Kagan: A Courageous Hero for Sports Diversity WHEN YOU THINK of a community hero connected to sports diversity, Jeff Kagan is one who immediately comes to mind. He’s long been involved in the LGBT sports community in the New York City (NYC) area, both as an athlete and as co-founder of the NYC Gay Hockey Association and the NYC Gay Photo courtesy of Patrick Chin-Hong Basketball League.

He’s also a co-founder of Out of Bounds NYC, an umbrella organization supporting all LGBT sports and recreation groups in the greater NYC area as well as a contributing writer to a number of magazines, including Compete. But being a courageous leader, founding and contributing to the on-going growth of gay sports in his community wasn’t always the case for this hockey-loving athlete.

Following the founding of the You Can Play Project (YPC) intended to make locker rooms a safe environment for all athletes, Jeff wrote a piece for Compete about what YCP meant to him. He shared his early fear of coming out.

“Covered head-to-toe in all of my gear, I felt invincible.

But deep inside where no hockey gear could protect me, I was still vulnerable due to a part of my life that I had yet to reveal to my teammates, my friends or my family. I was gay.” He worried that if his secret got out, he’d no longer be able to play hockey, saying “… it is a feeling that I will never forget.”

Jeff eventually traveled to Canada to play in the Toronto Gay Hockey Association’s Friendship Tournament and for the first time felt a sense of belonging that enabled him to let down his guard and play the game he loved. He wrote that those four days were “… the very beginning of my journey, not just toward opening the closet door but toward finding real happiness in my life.”

After his second year playing in the tournament, one of the tournament directors asked him to write a short article on “What Gay Hockey Means to Me.” Jeff agreed, figuring that no one in Toronto would know who he was. But when he returned home Jeff Minck, one of his NY teammates told him he’d read an online article by a gay hockey player from NYC named Jeff Kagan and wanted to know if he was that Jeff Kagan.

As Jeff felt a panic attack coming on, Minck shared that he was also gay. The fact that there were two gay men playing on the same hockey team was a revelation to them; their personal sense of isolation as the “only gay player” vanished. They celebrated by forming a gay hockey league in NYC modeled after the group in Toronto.

Holding their first meeting on July 29, 1999, according to Jeff, “new players started coming out of the woodwork.”

Jeff’s commitment and contributions to sports diversity have only continued to grow over the years.

Married to Joel Pascua in 2013, the couple moved to New Jersey where they knew no one. True to form, Jeff and Joel cofounded the Jersey Out Bowling league, picking up 30 new friends in the process.

But the move to New Jersey hasn’t stopped Jeff’s commitment to the gay sports groups in NYC. Still director for the NYC Gay Hockey Association, he’s also on the organizing committee for the group’s Sweet Sixteen celebration of their annual Chelsea Challenge tournament on Memorial Day weekend. He says they’ve lined up all sorts of fun things like a photo booth, colorful t-shirts and other “stuff.” And he continues to organize meetings for hockey, Out of Bounds and bowling.

Thanks to Jeff, places for NYC gay athletes to play openly have come a long way since that first NYC Gay Hockey Association meeting in 1999. Jeff has been celebrated for providing an inclusive sports environment free from discrimination for members and friends of the LGBT sports community by many, including Compete Magazine who honored him as its first Athlete of the Year in 2008. He’s also been featured in “Jocks 2” by Dan Woog and in “Outsports Revolution: Truth and Myth in the World of Gay Sports” by Cyd Zeigler Jr. and Jim Buzinski.

Jeff Kagan is a true community hero.

DO YOU KNOW A COMMUNITY HERO? Community Heroes is a regular feature in Compete Magazine. Nominate deserving individuals by emailing us at heroes@competenetwork.com and include a brief biography of or a link to your nominee.

www.CompeteNetwork.com

| COMPETE | 11

KICKOFF

LEFT FIELD

SPEED READ BASEBALL COACH APOLOGIZES TO GAY PLAYER FOR “WE KILL GAY PEOPLE” REMARK

next contract negotiation with the NFL Players Association (NFLPA) rolls around.

Following a revelation by gay former pitcher Tyler Dunnington about quitting the St. Louis Cardinals’ minor league team after hearing players and a coach talk about killing gay people, team officials investigated and uncovered the coach in question was Colorado Mesa University (CMU) coach Sean McKinney.

McKinney has apologized and also called Dunnington to make a personal apology, saying he wants him to have a good life. In a conversation with Outsports, the school says that rather than fire McKinney, it will use his genuine desire to make amends as a learning experience to move the entire campus forward in an understanding of LGBT issues. McKinney also had lunch with LGBT members of the university and reported that their stories were eye-opening for him.

TWO WNBA STARS DIFFER ON WOMEN’S SPORTS

CANDACE PARKER NOT PICKED FOR U.S. WOMEN’S BASKETBALL TEAM FOR RIO OLYMPICS Candace Parker has been left off the U.S. women’s basketball team headed to the Rio Olympics. The two-time WNBA MVP and two-time Olympic gold medalist learned from USA Basketball recently that she wouldn’t be part of the team. Although injuries caused her to miss half the WNBA season, she scored career high marks in points, rebounds and assists when she did return. The decision was a surprise to everyone, including Parker.

DEFLATEGATE’S BACK: A STRUGGLE FOR POWER AND CONTROL BETWEEN THE NFL AND THE NFLPA Judges in the Second U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New York reinstated NY Patriot’s QB Tom Brady’s Deflategate four-game suspension, overturning Federal judge Richard Berman's September decision. While the court acknowledged there were flaws on both sides of the argument, they ruled the system used by the league and the players association had been agreed on in their current collective bargaining agreement, making it clear that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell’s decision to suspend Brady was within his authority.

The appeal wasn’t about Brady’s guilt or innocence; it was really about whether or not Goodell had the authority to suspend Brady for his role in footballs being deflated.

However, the court did address Brady destroying his cell phone. Judge Barrington D. Parker, who wrote the majority opinion, said that Brady’s destruction of his cell phone raised the stakes “from air in a football to compromising the integrity of a proceeding that the commissioner had convened.”

The NFL has won the battle but the fallout from this decision is almost certain to be a major issue when the

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| COMPETE | May 2016

In the on-going debate on how to raise visibility in women’s basketball, Elena Delle Donne, the Chicago Sky star told For the Win that she’d like to see the rims in women’s basketball lowered from their current 10-feet, adding that UConn head coach Geno Auriemma agrees with her. She went on to note that women’s volleyball nets are lower, women’s golf tees are closer, women’s tennis they play fewer sets … and it continues. But in an ESPNW column from Kate Fagan, she quoted Mercury star Diana Taurasi saying, “Might as well put us in skirts and back in the kitchen.”

U.S. WOMEN’S SOCCER STARS ACCUSE U.S. SOCCER OF WAGE OF DISCRIMINATION Five of the top stars of U.S. women’s soccer, Carli Lloyd, Alex Morgan, Megan Rapinoe, Becky Sauerbrunn and Hope Solo, have filed a federal complaint accusing U.S. Soccer of wage discrimination, saying they earned as little as 40 percent of what players on the U.S. men’s national team earned. Some feel the outcome of this case may be a turning point not only in sports but also in the workplace in general.

Goalkeeper Solo said, “The numbers speak for themselves.

We are the best in the world, have three World Cup championships, four Olympic championships.” She also said the men’s players “get paid more to just show up than we get paid to win major championships.”

MICHAEL SAM TALKS RACISM VERSUS HOMOPHOBIA IN LGBT COMMUNITY Michael Sam has said there’s a level of racism in the LGBT community. In an interview in Attitude Magazine he recounted that he’d experienced high levels of racism in the gay community since he came out.

“It’s terrible,” he said. “People have told me I’m not gay enough, people have told me I’m not black enough. I don’t know what that means. You want to be accepted by other people but you don’t even accept someone just because of the color of their skin? I just don’t understand that at all. How are you saying that, ‘Oh, I want people to accept me because I’m gay but I don’t accept you because you’re black, or because you’re white or because you’re Asian?’”

About homophobia within the African-American community, he said he can only go by his own experience, saying that there are lots of openly gay black people and his experience is that people are more accepting of gay people. But then he says that “There are people who are over religious who go, ‘Oh, you’re a fag, you’re going to hell.’ That’s everywhere. Ted Cruz is pretty much anti-gay.”

GRANDSTANDING LETTERS TO COMPETE MAGAZINE

WITH YOU (April 2016) I totally got into Compete’s recent rugby story. Wow, what an awesome contact sport. I had no idea there was a big gay rugby tournament like the Bingham Cup. Being it is being held in Tennessee, the Bingham Cup will hopefully set an example for other southern states to welcome LGBT sports tournaments.

I was equally impressed that you featured photos from USA Sevens right alongside photos of gay rugby players. It seems as if rugby is an extremely welcoming sport and maybe one I should play.

Tony James Seattle, WA. (via email)

COMPETE READER SURVEY Favorite Beach Accessory

Flip-flops 19%

Sunglasses 37%

Sunscreen 21% Towel 23%

TALK TO US! Submissions to Compete should include the writer’s name, address and contact phone number and should be sent by email to letters@competenetwork.com. Letters may be edited by Compete and become the property of Media Out Loud, LLC.

www.CompeteNetwork.com

| COMPETE | 13

SPORTS KICKOFF

QUIZ

?

What kick do synchronized swimmers use to stay on the water’s surface – flutter kick; whip kick; bicycle kick or eggbeater?

enabling them to perform arm sequences at presentable heights.

THUMBS UP THUMBS DOWN

A. Eggbeater - the continuous movement in which the legs rotate in opposite directions. This keeps swimmers on the water’s surface,

US LACROSSE AND YOU CAN PLAY … for teaming up to promote ability and commitment to a team and sport without regard to sexual orientation or gender identity. US Lacrosse is the first national governing body to provide LGBT-specific inclusion messaging to its entire membership and teams.

ELLEN DEGENERES … for welcoming as a guest Schuyler Bailar, the first transgender male to compete on an NCAA Division I Men’s Team in any sport. She told the swimmer she’s proud of him and encouraged schools and teachers to be as “open and kind” as Bailar’s family has been to him.

Source: funtrivia.com

SEPP BLATTER (FORCED OUT AS FIFA PRESIDENT DUE TO CORRUPTION WITHIN THE INTERNATIONAL SOCCER ORGANIZATION) … for saying that all the corruption that has taken place “was the fault of Americans, south and north.”

APOLO OHNO, EIGHT-TIME OLYMPIC WINNING SPEED SKATER … for being inducted into the U.S. Speed Skating Hall of Fame on May 13 in Park City, Utah.

Pictured above, Henry Beam, Beam Law, PLC

WHAT SAY YO

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| COMPETE | May 2016

OU, GEORGE? PHOTOS BY ROBERT W. MERCER JR. OF RIPPED GENES, LLC

W

hat would George Washington say about six athletes repre-

senting Team DC in a swimsuit photo shoot in his namesake city?

We think he would agree with us— They’re HOT! To make sure our photo shoot was sexy, we turned to D.C. sports writer, Capital Sports TV host and swimmer Kevin Majoros to coordinate the shoot.

He jumped at the chance to showcase some of the finest athletes from the more than 35 different sports represented by Team DC. He even filmed a special episode of Capital Sports TV featuring our shoot. It can be seen at ccesportsnetwork.com.

So we think George would agree with our assessment that these athletes are HOT. What do you think?

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| COMPETE | 17

TYLER BREWER

STONEWALL DARTS AND STONEWALL BOCCE

Cover Male, Electric Blue Swim Boxer, Mensuas - mensuas.com

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| COMPETE | May 2016

RACHID LOUIS

WASHINGTON SCANDALS RUGBY

Andrew Christian, Coronado Swim Short - andrewchristian.com

www.CompeteNetwork.com

| COMPETE | 19

GRACE THOMPSON DC FRONT RUNNERS

White String Bikini, OP - op.com

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| COMPETE | May 2016

RYAN HAYNES

WASHINGTON SCANDALS RUGBY

Pink Night Swim Brief, Mensuas - mensuas.com

www.CompeteNetwork.com

| COMPETE | 21

RODNEY RUDD

DC STROKES ROWING CLUB AND SKI BUMS

Andrew Christian, Swift Bikini - andrewchristian.com

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| COMPETE | May 2016

PORTER BROCKWAY

DC GAY FLAG FOOTBALL LEAGUE AND STONEWALL DODGEBALL

Andrew Christian, Active Trunk - andrewchristian.com

www.CompeteNetwork.com

| COMPETE | 23

KATHY COLLOVA

2016 Swimsuit Issue Sponsored by

TEAM COMPETE MVP

To be included in our MVP section, e-mail: MVP@competenetwork.com

Photography by Brock Elliott PhotographyŠ

Centerfold: O'Neill, Retro Americana Revo Tri Top and Retro Americana Hipster Bottoms - oneill.com Middle: Beach Diva Bikini, Wild Inhibitions, swimoutlet.com Bottom: Lucky Brand Swimwear, luckybrand.com

ATHLETIC ACHIEVEMENTS: In 2011 I ran a half marathon!

GREATEST PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENT: Staying committed to living my life with love and compassion.

SPORTS PLAYED: I played soccer when I was young.

WHY I LOVE SPORTS: Learning how to work as a team is an invaluable lesson. And who doesn't want to be part of a team?! It's also really important to learn how to win or lose with grace and dignity.

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: I think the smile is everyone's best feature as it allows your inner light to shine! (Although, I've been told it's my eyes and...I do have pretty rad hair!)

INTERESTS: Living a life rich in love, laughter, music and art. And I'm eternally grateful that I get to do just that!

FAVORITE ATHLETE: My husband. He's the most inspiring, most encouraging person in my life.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Blissfully, ridiculously happily married!

SPORT: I practice Yoga! (Contrary to some recent thinking, Yoga is not a sport. Sports have a competitive aspect where the goal is to win. But with Yoga, it's just me on my mat where my only goal (intention) is to be present.)

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Scottsdale, Arizona

HOMETOWN: Erie, Pennsylvania

AGE: 47

PHOTO BY GREGG FELSEN

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INTERVIEW

JOSH DIXON: LIVING LIFE IN BALANCE

BY CONNIE WARDMAN I FIRST INTERVIEWED GYMNAST JOSH DIXON back in 2012 not long after he had came out. He was letting the world know that as an openly gay athlete he was training to compete for a spot on the U.S. men’s gymnastics team headed for the 2012 Summer Olympic Games in London. One of the things I remember most about him is his family’s insistence on living a life in balance, a concept that truly describes him.

While he didn’t make the U.S. Olympic team for the London Games, he is back living and training in Colorado Springs at the U.S. Olympic Training Center, working hard to grab a spot on the team headed this year to Rio. When I called him recently to catch up, as soon as we began the conversation he excused himself, saying he had to go but would call me right back.

Once we reconnected, my first question was what had happened on his end.

JD: Just as we started to speak, I was selected to take a required random drug test and had to go immediately.

You’re not allowed to take your phone with you but they finally allowed me to use one of their phones to let you know why I wouldn’t be able to call you right back.

Random drug testing is a regular part of the required process for athletes who are competing, done once every three or four months. Usually it’s quick but sometimes they do a longer test requiring a 90 milliliter blood draw and a urine test.

PHOTOS BY TRI NGUYEN PHOTOGRAPHY

Compete: When we spoke in 2012 you had just come out as gay. And happily, you reported that your experiences with others were very positive. Back then you said you needed to own who you were as a person in order to grow and mature. Are you still happy with your decision to be an openly gay athlete?

JD: Yes, absolutely I’m happy I came out! I realized that as a U. S. national team member I was now a public figure, that I had a responsibility to act as a role model for others. While I would rather just be known as an athlete, I feel an obligation to speak up as a gay man, as a gay athlete to help others who may be struggling with their sexuality.

It’s important for them to hear someone who’s gay say it’s OK to be yourself; you don’t need to apologize for being who you are.

And I’m honored that last month HRC Colorado invited me to speak at their 25th Anniversary Mile High Gala where they presented me with their Visibility Award.

C: When will you know whether or not you make the U.S. Olympic team headed to Rio? How is the decision made to ensure the greatest depth of talent in the men’s gymnastics team?

JD: The U.S. Championships are being held June 3-5 in Hartford, Connecticut and the top 15 will go to the U.S. Olympic trials. Those are being held June 23-26 in St. Louis. Of that group there will

www.CompeteNetwork.com

| COMPETE | 27

INTERVIEW

be five team members and three alternates selected. The five men's events everyone must be able to perform at a high level are the floor exercise, vault, pommel horse, still rings, parallel bars and the high bar.

There’s lots of depth in the U.S. men’s program and the team has to be well balanced overall. As an Olympian, you have to perform your top three of the five exercises. If I’m chosen, my top three are the floor, the vault and the high bar.

C: How is your health at this point?

JD: After reconstructive surgery on my shoulder before 2015, it took a long time to come back, both physically and mentally. While your body is being rebuilt, you also have to rebuild your confidence and your attitude. But I’m finally at 100 percent.

C: Wonderful! Since you’re in such good shape, if you don’t make the Rio Olympics are you contemplating another try in four more years for the 2020 Summer Games in Tokyo?

JD: No. I’m continuing training for the World Championships in a year. At age 26 I’m still young enough not to be concerned about my age. But for another four years? No, I don’t anticipate continuing my life at that level of sacrifice.

The total focus and extreme dedication that training for the Olympics requires gets kind of suffocating after awhile.

You can get too wrapped up in that world. As a mature adult, I want and need to strike a balance to be my best self.

I also know some of that maturity comes with age. I have other aspirations and goals I want to accomplish beyond the Olympics.

C: Like what?

JD: I’ve applied for a JD/MBA (doctor of law and master’s in business administration) dual degree program back on the east coast for perhaps the fall of 2017 when I’m possibly ready to retire. I’m intrigued by politics or some sort of work at the intersection of sports and politics; those seem like they would be a good fit for me.

I’ve also done an outside internship with Jon Denney, the chief development officer for the U.S. Olympic Committee to get a feel for the job. My shoulder injury in 2014 kept me out of training for awhile so it gave me free reign to explore career possibilities.

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| COMPETE | May 2016

C: I remember your family’s emphasis on living a balanced life. What else interests you beside gymnastics, the Olympics and your future career?

JD: I love tennis and I also like soccer and baseball. I want to make an impact in sports and in other facets of my life.

I’m inspired by what others have done and I want to do that for those coming along behind me. Kind words of support reach further than we realize.

C: What about your personal life – can you even have one right now?

JD: While it’s not the daily routine of “eat, sleep, train and do homework” of my college years, I still need time to train and recover. It has to be a balance that compliments my life goals.

C: Josh, from all of us at Compete Magazine, including our readers, we hope to see you and your teammates on the medal stand in August representing the U.S. in gymnastics!

ATHLETE

RODNEY RUDD: CROSSOVER ATHLETE AND TEAM DC MODEL SEARCH WINNER

BY KEVIN MAJOROS IT IS 5:20 A.M. ON A MONDAY MORNING IN Washington, D.C. and Rodney Rudd is lying on the ground in the pitch dark with his teammates from the DC Strokes Rowing Club. It is 31 degrees and behind them, mist is rising from the Anacostia River.

The rowers are doing their morning warm-ups and in a few short minutes they will be in the boathouse getting their equipment ready for the water. There is a team huddle, the navigation lights are turned on and the rowers slip their boats into the dark river. Once in the water, the rowers go through more warm-ups and move into their practice for the morning. Before it all ends, there will be short burst sprints in preparation for the upcoming spring racing season.

Rudd is one of the crossover athletes that are becoming more commonplace among the LGBT athletes of Team DC. Because of the cohesive LGBT sports community that has emerged in the District, more and more athletes are crossing over into other sports. Just last month Rudd was skiing on the slopes of Big Sky, Montana as part of the LGBT sports club, Ski Bums.

Team DC is the information clearinghouse for over 35 LGBT sports clubs in the D.C. metropolitan area. It was originally formed in 2002 to lead local athletes to the Gay Games in Sydney. Since that time it has become the tent pole for a thriving LGBT sports community that numbers well over 7,000 athletes. In addition to offering support to the LGBT sports clubs, Team DC hosts a popular Night OUT series that partners the LGBT community with the D.C. professional sports teams.

The organization also runs the annual Team DC SportsFest, a gathering of all the teams, and the Team DC College Scholarship program that awards college money to local LGBT high school athletes. In February of this year Rodney Rudd was crowned the top model at the Team DC Fashion Show and Model Search. The event is a fundraiser for the college scholarship fund and athletes from the LGBT sports teams serve as the models.

Growing up in Richmond, Virginia, Rudd tried all the major sports such as soccer, baseball and basketball, but found that the desire wasn’t there to pursue any of them.

His family’s annual skiing trip to small resorts in the midAtlantic was the only thing that stuck with him.

After finishing up his undergraduate and graduate work in biomechanical engineering at the University of Virginia, Rudd moved to the District to work in his field.

In his present research position, Rudd applies mechanical

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Photo by Robert W. Mercer Jr., Ripped Genes, LLC engineering principles to the human body to understand the body’s response to car crashes.

The knowledge he has acquired from work sometimes gets into his head when he is skiing on big mountains. “I drove to Vermont in 2010 to try some bigger mountains and met some of the Ski Bums,” says Rudd. “I love skiing with them because they push me to do more out on the slopes. Knowing what I do about how injuries occur tends to hold me back.”

(Continuned on page 32)

ATHLETE

Since that initial meeting with the Ski Bums, Rudd has joined them on trips to Banff, Canada, St. Anton, Austria and Big Sky, Montana, among others. When Ski Bums founder and president Chris French began an expansion effort in D.C., Rudd was one of the first to step into a leadership position.

"Ski Bums is lucky to have skiers and snowboarders like Rodney. When I first met him I knew he'd make an incredible addition to the club,” says French. “He's genuine, laid back and friendly. He fits right in whether we're skiing and riding in Montana or we're exploring the exhilarating terrain of the Austrian Alps.”

Rudd’s crossover into rowing is actually tied to the Ski Bums.

When he was in college he was intrigued by the rowing club at an activities fair on campus. After moving near the District’s Navy Yard, he began seeing rowers on the Anacostia River and his interest was piqued again.

“I was working at the Team DC SportsFest in 2013 for the Ski Bums and the DC Strokes members were at a nearby table,” Rudd says. “I ended up joining their Learn to Row program that month and was hooked after the first couple of sessions.”

He segued into the novice program and tried a couple of rowing regattas. In 2014, he joined their competitive program. “Rowing has unearthed this competitive side of me I didn’t even know existed,” says Rudd. “I love the regimented nature of it.”

He has since competed at regattas throughout the Delmarva Photo courtesy of Dan Berndt Peninsula, the US Rowing Masters National Championships and the Head of the Charles. The first race of this season will be the Stonewall Regatta next month which is hosted by the DC Strokes.

As for his participation in the Team DC Fashion Show & Model Search earlier this year, Rudd points to several factors.

“Rowing has helped me get into the best shape of my life and I just turned 40,” Rudd says. “I am much more willing now to try different things.”

The athletes this year modeled fashions from Inseam Clothing & Supply, FM Leather Design, Ex Nihilo Tees, Rufskin, Mensuas, UnderBriefs, TrickBox, Whiskey Ginger, Universal Gear, Bite the Fruit, Skiviez and Fireboy. In many cases, the clothing left little to the imagination of the audience who bought the fashions right off of the models.

“What surprised me about the show was how intense and fast paced it was. I didn’t have time to think about the fact I was onstage in a rubber jockstrap,” says Rudd. “I was very happy to raise money for the Team DC College Scholarship fund. I am big on education and I think I got a bit of an education myself.”

Photo courtesy of SportGraphics, used by permission

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ATHLETE ALLY

WHAT ABOUT THE FANS? OR NO FAN LEFT BEHIND PHOTOS COURTESY OF ATHLETE ALLY

BY TED RYBKA FAN CULTURE. IT’S ESSENTIAL TO SPORTS BUT often ignored by sport-focused organizations. For example, most of our focus to end homophobia and transphobia in sport has emphasized individual athletes and the climate on the field of play.

Fan behavior, fan treatment and the LGBT climate in the stands, however, have been long-overlooked. And it appears it has been to the detriment of fan culture.

A recent international study revealed that outside of locker rooms, the stands at sports events ranked as one of the most homophobic spaces. In fact, 83 percent of Americans felt that LGBT people were unsafe at sporting events.

Given the crucial role fans play in the sports world and their value to the game, seeing these stats is both shocking and concerning.

Further, legislatures across the country have been proposing and passing anti-LGBT ordinances at an alarming rate. Most of these laws would dwindle or eliminate the protections that LGBT individuals have in public accommodations, including sports stadiums and arenas. These laws would allow discrimination against any LGBT fan in attendance.

So what about our fans? Until recently, there was no coordinated strategy or response to this problem. But in March 2016, in celebration of March Madness (one of the biggest celebrations of fandom), Athlete Ally launched the #EveryFan campaign. #EveryFan is a national fan-centric initiative that focuses on what it means to be a good fan and how sports are committed to every fan having a great experience celebrating teams and sport. The campaign encourages

safety and inclusion for every fan at every sporting event, regardless of the fan’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Every athlete, fan, team and league are welcome to sign on and pledge to provide a safe and welcoming environment for every fan, particularly LGBT fans.

Dozens of athletes and several teams across the country have already signed on to #EveryFan, including the Atlanta Hawks and Georgetown and West Virginia Universities. Several student athletes from Duke and UNC have already posted an #EveryFan video. The momentum for the campaign continues to build as more and more states attempt to pass anti-LGBT laws.

LGBT sports organizing has come into its own over the past few years. More athletes are coming out and more sports corporations are supporting LGBT equality on the field. Now it’s time to turn to the stands and incorporate the fans. And the #EveryFan campaign is a major step in increasing the number as well as the safety of LGBT fans.

“#EveryFan is a national fan-centric initiative that focuses on what it means to be a good fan and how sports are committed to every fan having a great experience celebrating teams and sport.”

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SPORTS

SIGN UP FOR PARIS 2018 GAY GAMES 10

BY CONNIE WARDMAN EVEN THOUGH GAY GAMES 10 ISN’T BEING HELD until 2018, registration opens on May 16 and it isn’t too early to sign up for what many prior participants have called a life-changing experience. The Federation of Gay Games (FGG) will bring this next celebration to Paris, the world’s City of Light. Here 15,000 anticipated participants from 70 countries will be taking part in a menu of 36 different sports, 14 cultural events and multiple conferences under the Paris 2018 Gay Games 10 motto of “ALL EQUAL.” Thanks to the vision of Dr. Tom Waddell, himself an Olympic decathlon participant, the idea of an Olympicinspired competitive sports festival for the LGBT community was born. Originally called the Gay Olympics, the name was changed to the Gay Games after the U.S. Olympic Committee sued him for use of the Olympic name. In 1982 the first Gay Games was held in San Francisco under Waddell’s founding principles of Participation, Inclusion and Personal Best.™ Since that time, the FGG has continued to promote equality, diversity and inclusion in sports and culture for the LGBT community. While the Gay Games has grown into the world’s largest gay-oriented quadrennial sports

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and cultural festival over the years, it is still based on Waddell’s welcoming and inspiring principles.

This event really is open to everyone – the Gay Games has no requirements or qualifications for people wanting to take part in this special event.

Young or mature, experienced or novice, gay or straight, the Gay Games is sure to have something for everyone to enjoy at his or her own level. The Gay Games emphasis is more about participating, an idea that is also reflected in the Olympic creed: “The important thing in the Olympic Games is not so much to win, but to take part, just as the important thing in life is not to have conquered but to have fought well."

SPORTS

After two years of planning, the May opening registration date for Paris 2018 Gay Games 10 will begin the process of gathering all those who want to be a part of the Gay Games experience and assigning them to their chosen sports and cultural events. Individual participants then will receive a transportation pass and a participation medal for being an important part of this exciting event.

On August 4, 2018 the festive opening ceremony will welcome all the participants to march into the Jean Bouin Stadium located in Paris as proud athletes or artists, sharing their experiences with their co-participants from around the world. And all those attending will have access to an amazing selection of hotels, apartments and other accommodations across Paris.

You never know what will happen for those who attend a Gay Games or how it will impact them. At Gay Games 9 held in the Ohio cities of Cleveland and Akron, an international group of powerlifters (some gay, some straight) came to the conclusion that they wanted to form a group based on their common sense of community, personal achievement and success to create a more inclusive and cooperative environment for the strength sports. The result of their discussions is now known as the International Federation of Alternative Strength and Power (IFASP).

The Paris 2018 organizing team includes former members of the FGG board and leaders of the Paris sports and cultural communities. With support from the city of Paris, the Ile de France region and the national Ministries of Sports, Culture and DIGES (the inter-ministerial delegation for large sporting events), Paris 2018 Gay Games 10 involves the entire Parisian community as well as other communities from across France.

For those athletes and artists who want to come to the Games but can’t afford it, the Inclusion Paris 2018 Foundation is already raising funds for the Gay Games Scholarship Fund. In keeping with its mission of inclusion, the financial support from the foundation and the FGG enables deserving but economically-challenged candidates from under-represented populations and regions a chance to participate.

Supporters known as Gay Games Champions are part of a global network that reaches every country. Their role is to provide information about Paris 2018 Gay Games 10 to those within their reach. If you would like to be a Gay Games Champion, please contact the FGG at contact@paris2018.com.

To learn more about Paris 2018 Gay Games 10, take a look at the Paris 2018 brochure at gaygames.org

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SPORTS

2016 NAGAAA CUP COMING TO DALLAS

BY HARRY ANDREW DALLAS IS PLAYING HOST TO THE 2016 NAGAAA Cup over Memorial Day Weekend, May 27-29. According to Keith Speers, assistant commissioner of the North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance (NAGAAA), the NAGAAA Cup is the invitational qualifying tournament for the annual Gay Softball World Series (GSWS) which is being held this year in Atlanta in August.

The Cup’s purpose is to increase participation of the two highest NAGAAA divisions – A and B. Hosted each year by one of NAGAAA’s member cities, the three highest placing A and B division teams receive an automatic berth to the GSWS. It is Speers who is responsible for the tournament itself, including the brackets, pairings, time keeper, umpires and any issues that may arise.

Invitations have been sent to all of NAGAAA’s A division teams and those B division teams that placed highest at the 2015 GSWS. As the approximately 20 or so softball teams and their players from across the U.S. and Canada arrive in Dallas, members from the host league, the Pegasus Slowpitch Softball Association (PSSA) have fun events lined up to go along with the hard play.

Tournament director Ryan Holdhusen is responsible for the logistics of hosting the Cup. Aided by Jesse Baker in charge of fields and softball operations, and volunteer coordinator Donnie Sawyer, he says the sponsors are in place and the fields, the hotels and entertainment as well as the opening night and awards parties are lined up and ready to go. And once the tournament starts, they’re also responsible for things like making sure that all the dugouts are stocked with water and ice.

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It turns out that this weekend is bringing a new opportunity to build the camaraderie for which sports are known. “We’re especially excited to announce that the NAGAAA Cup will coincide with the World Championships for NAGVA (North American Gay Volleyball Association),” said Holdhusen. “The opportunity to have joint events and share host hotels with NAGVA's athletes is a first of its kind for NAGAAA Cup, and will provide an even better player experience!”

A 10-year member of PSSA, Holdhusen prepared the bid to hold the Cup in Dallas this year. He said that preparing a bid for this and the GSWS is quite an extensive process with the winning city finally decided by the NAGAAA board. There were other cities that also submitted bids for the 2016 Cup but the board chose Dallas, a decision that has thrilled him and his PSSA teammates.

And things are definitely in good hands with Holdhusen at the helm; he’s had prior experience holding successful tournaments. Beginning in 2011 to prepare the bid for the 2014 GSWS that was held in Dallas, he wound up serving as the vice president for the week-long series that is one of the largest gay sporting events held annually.

This year’s Cup will continue the Pick-A-Stick format that NAGAAA piloted two years ago at the NAGAAA Cup and then continued throughout last year’s GSWS. “We’re thrilled to have All American Athletics return as our PickA-Stick partner for the NAGAAA Cup and GSWS in 2016,” said Chris Balton, NAGAAA commissioner. He added that the format is growing in popularity and the organization is pleased to continue it in the 2016 season.

Speers added that “All American Athletics will provide the same type of bats we used during the GSWS, although they will be sporting some new colors. The Future is end-loaded, and the Legacy is balanced and was designed specifically for NAGAAA.” Each bat will be provided in four weights: the Future will be provided in 25.5, 26.5, 27.5 and 28.5 ounces while the Legacy will be provided in 25, 26, 27 and 28 ounces.

Created in 1977 to promote amateur athletics for the LGBT community, NAGAAA is currently comprised of 800 teams in 43 leagues across the U.S. and Canada. If you’re interested in playing softball, check out their website: www.NAGAAASoftball.org.

STYLE

BY BOBBY CILETTI, STYLE EDITOR

SWEATING STYLE BOBBY IS A TRAVEL AND LIFESTYLE EXPERT AND FOUNDER OF THEDAYSOFTHECHIC.COM. TWITTER @BOBBYCILETTI

FOR MOST OF US FITNESS IS ABOUT LOOKING and feeling good. So naturally that influences how we present ourselves at the gym, on a run and especially at those trendy fitness classes we can’t live without, whether it’s SoulCycle, Body Bump or Yoga. After all, we are putting in hours of hard work and discipline so is it surprising we are similarly dedicating resources to our fitness style?

Now I am not suggesting that your gym has transformed into New York Fashion Week, although for some it certainly has. But it is hard to deny that fitness fashion is now more relevant than ever. Fitness expert Nadia Murdock agrees that “clients get excited about wearing their latest find, it encourages them to work out and embrace a fit lifestyle. When you look good you feel good! It helps to create a positive self-image which helps you to stay on track.”

With the proliferation of elite fitness apparel, retailers like lululemon, our #fitfam is not only paying a premium to work out but also to look the most stylish. Visiting a lululemon store in person or online it is obvious men will need to drop over $100 for an entry level outfit. What is one to do if he or she is in the gym five or more days a week? Is it reasonable to spend upwards of $1,000 or more to sweat in style?

Die hards will not dispute the quality and comfort of lululemon and neither can I, but for many the price tag is not realistic or acceptable.

So what alter-

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natives exist for quality fitness fashions with function and form? Initially, not many were competing in this space. But in recent years it seems that the apparel industry has seen a disproportionate insurgence of new activewear brands than in other apparel categories. This is good news for us.

If lululemon remains at the top, at least price wise, it has left space for many brands to fill in the demand for affordable, stylish activewear. However, one brand with a catchy commercial seems to have broken through the clutter. Fabletics, a stylish activewear brand by Kate Hudson offers yoga pants denizens style and savings with the tagline, “Get your first outfit for $25” or $50 at its FL2 brand which provides the same concept for men.

While the offer may be enticing, is it as good as it seems?

The short answer is yes. The Fabletics and FL2 brands offer fashionably affordable opportunities through a membership model. For $49.95 each month, you can become a VIP member and gain access to exclusive discount pricing and, in theory, get an outfit for as low as $25 or $50 respectively. From timeto-time other promotions exist. So if you are committed to style and savings, spend your common sense, not your money, doing research.

BOBBY SAYS …

Kate Hudson is not the only celeb to get into the activewear space. Heidi Klum and Pharrell are no strangers to sweating in style. Pharrell even wore an Adidas rendition of a tuxedo to the Grammys. Most recently Beyoncé debuted Ivy Park, her activewear line online and at retailers Top Shop and Nordstrom. While it is marketed to women, several pieces can work for everyone.

Now you may be thinking if you spend $50 on a membership and another $50 on an outfit, are you basically buying at the lululemon price tag. No, because the membership fee exists as a credit toward your purchases. Even better, Fabletics and FL2 allow members to pause their membership by the fifth of each month so you have flexibility, not a rigid commitment. If you forget to hit stop by the fifth, you simply accrue $50 in your account that can be spent at anytime. With new styles debuting the first of each month it is easy to make use of any credit.

For added convenience, FL2 and Fabletics offer a lifestyle quiz and virtual stylist to help identify the best items for your workout.

Shoppers are able to shop and select the entire collection as they see fit. Find more information at fabletics.com.

GYM BAG

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A TSA-approved digital smart lock feature enables you to secure your cargo from your own phone as well as a 10,000 mAh internal battery that holds enough power to recharge your phone up to six times. Connect via BLE, and global coverage is provided in partnership with Telefonica so you can track your luggage anywhere in the world.

Bluesmart works with iOS and Android; Apple Watch app is in the works. There are two standard USB ports as well as a USB charger included – you can use any standard adaptor to connect your suitcase to a USB port to charge it. Sells for $399.

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The Axe bat is the first bat built from end-to-end to give the player a distinct advantage at the plate.

It is more comfortable, delivers a more efficient power transfer, increases bat speed through additional barrel acceleration and reduces hamate bone/ulnar nerve injuries and incidents of thrown bats. It’s the first asymmetrical handle approved at all levels of baseball and softball and it comes with a 30-day money back guarantee and a one-year manufacturers’ warranty.

This bat's asymmetrical handle is the first with an ergonomic grip that increases swing speed and transfers more power to the bat. Built more like a golf driver, the bat has a hitting side and a non-hitting side. Its engineered hitting zone is designed to perform closer to the legal limit than any other bat on the market. Prices vary based on model ordered.

As laptops get lighter and thinner, it eliminates room for USB ports for hooking up an external hard drive, flash drive, keyboard, mouse or any other accessory. Rather than settle for a heavier laptop, try the Anker 10-Port hub. It adds seven additional USB 3.0 ports, allowing you to bypass the slower USB 2.0 ports still built in to many machines. It also has three 2.1A charging ports so you can quickly recharge a smartphone or tablet right from your work station. Its small size doesn’t require much desk space.

It sells for $39.99 at Amazon.

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Additional features include: • Holds up to 3 regular sized bats • Provides advanced organization and storage for a player’s batting helmet, mitt and shoes • Mesh water bottle pocket on side • Batting glove hookup attachment • Blank panels for team embroidery option • HeatGear® padded back panel for carrying comfort • PTH™ valuables storage compartment for wallet, keys and more • Abrasion-resistant, PU-coated bottom panel construction prevents bag sagging and protects gear • Fabric: 600D polyester construction with DWR treatment • Dimensions: 12” length x 8” width x 19” height It sells for $59.99

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OVERTIME

EVENTS

CURRENT EVENTS IN MAY AQUATICS

2016 City of Decatur Tournament Decatur, Ga., May 16-22

Aquapalooza III Bronx, NY, May 21

Long Beach Pride Doubles 14 Long Beach, May 21-22

Holedrive VII New York, NY, May 28-29

2016 Marsha Day MTG Club Championships Flushing, N.Y., May 28-30

GOLF Compete Charity Golf Classic Phoenix, May 15

HOT 14 Austin, May 28-30

ICE HOCKEY

United States Gay Open 2016 San Francisco, May 28-30

Chelsea Challenge Sweet Sixteen New York, NY, May 27-30

World Championships Dallas, May 26

RODEO Hot Rodeo 2016 Palm Springs, May 6-8

VICTORY FUND CELEBRATES ITS 25TH ANNIVERSARY

Great Plains Rodeo Oklahoma City, May 27-29

RUNNING OC Marathon & Half Marathon Newport Beach, Calif., May 1 Avenue of the Giants Marathon, Half-Marathon & 10K Southern Humboldt County, Calif., May 1 Bay to Breakers Race San Francisco, May 15

SOFTBALL NAGAAA Cup Dallas, May 27-29 Big Peach Softball Tournament Atlanta, May 28 Liberty Bell Classic Philadelphia, May 28 Bay Classic San Francisco, May 28 North Star Classic Minneapolis, May 28

TENNIS GLTA Grass Court Championships 2016 Rancho Mirage, Calif., May 5-8

Sports Club at

Your Uptown Fitness Experience! www.sportsclubatcitysquare.com (Indian School Rd and 2nd Ave)

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VOLLEYBALL

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THE VICTORY FUND WILL BE CELEBRATING ITS 25th anniversary on Sunday, May 15 with a National Champagne Brunch held at the Omni Shoreham Hotel in Washington, D.C. The organization’s mission is to change the face and voice of America’s politics and achieve equality for LGBT Americans by increasing the number of openly LGBT officials at all levels of government.

Over the years the Victory Fund has built political power in the LGBT community by recruiting, training and electing openly gay leaders to public office across the country. One of the current political candidates endorsed by the Victory Fund is Brian Sims, an early pioneer in the sports diversity movement. The former civil rights attorney is the first openly gay person ever elected to Pennsylvania's General Assembly.

Currently running for reelection, he's already defeated his Democratic primary challengers, and with a district that is about 80 percent Democratic, he'll be hard to defeat in the November election.

Sims remains the only former NCAA football captain to have ever come out and he spent many volunteer hours speaking to students, coaches and school administrators on issues of homophobia in college sports long before it was the accepted thing to do. He has also served on the board of directors for the Victory Fund as well as the boards of Campus Pride and the Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation over the years.

BEDROOM SPORTS

DATING, SEX AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

BY RYAN O’CONNER, GUEST COLUMNIST

MORE QUESTIONS ON OPEN RELATIONSHIPS ONE OF THE MOST FREQUENT QUESTIONS I get as a guest contributor is, “What are your thoughts on open relationships?” I’ve tried to answer that question in the past but because I’ve never been in an open relationship I didn’t think I was the best person to take on this question in any depth. Now I figure I should talk to those that have had or are currently experiencing this type of relationship and ask them to educate me.

I called on my former college roommate, Kyle and asked if I could meet with him and his partner. Kyle and Scott have been in an open relationship for several years and, in my opinion, they are much more qualified to take on the subject of open relationships.

Several years ago Kyle and Scott were introduced to each other by mutual friends. Kyle experienced a conservative childhood in Utah while Scott was raised in a more liberal San Francisco household. Kyle grew up playing sports, especially football while Kyle remembers protesting George H.W. Bush’s reelection campaign with his mother.

So while they were opposite personalities from opposite backgrounds, like so many opposites, they were attracted to one another, falling in love soon after meeting. And like all new relationships, theirs was extremely passionate. While they didn’t move in with each other right away they spent most of their free time together.

As the relationship matured Kyle and Scott said that their sex life began to suffer. They tried spicing it up but somehow the fantasies never lived up to the reality. While they claimed to love each other more as their relationship continued, they agreed that their sex life was plain and boring.

“Kyle was the first one to bring up the idea of an open relationship,” Scott said. At first, Scott was surprised that the man he was in love with suggested that they have sex outside of their three-year

relationship. “But the more I thought about it the more I thought it might be a good idea,” he confessed.

The couple took out a notebook and began developing rules around how their open relationship would function.

They included conditions, such as “no sex with others in our home” and “condoms even for oral sex.” An attorney, Kyle even went as far as typing up an agreement for the two men to sign.

The couple signed that agreement more than a year ago and still live by its mandates. They both agree that their commitment together continues to grow, insisting that they are even closer because of the trust that has developed from their open relationship. They shared that they plan to continue with their open relationship for the foreseeable future.

I also asked my straight and lesbian friends but wasn’t able to find any straight or female couples that admitted to being in an open relationship. I will continue to inquire around and hope to discuss those scenarios in a future column.

In the meantime, for me at least, I do not think I am open, ready or willing for any type of open relationship.

RYAN O’CONNER is just a regular guy who is dating in this great big world. His advice comes from personal experience and his advice is for entertainment purposes only. We recommend you consult a physician, counselor or therapist in your area for specific advice about your personal situation. Otherwise, questions can be submitted to bedroom@competenetwork.com.

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