Covid

Women Dating In The Time Of The Coronavirus

Women are finding new ways to date and taking precautionary measures in the time of this epidemic

By Violeta Rocha

One hundred faces stare back at Matthew Hussey, life dating coach expert and New York Times best-selling author of how to “Get the Guy,” each one enclosed in a box as he kicks off his Webinar scheduled for 11 a.m. sharp. When participants successfully log in, they can’t help but notice a diverse crowd. All of these women - Black, White, Latino, Asian - are trying to get answers to their relationship questions during the pandemic from this author and life dating coach, and who better to turn to than Hussey to better understand how a man thinks.

Before the coronavirus disruption, Hussey was giving women guidelines in what to do to feel lessdesperate and more fun to be around. Every week, women tuned in for a new dating buzzword - cheating, ex-boyfriend, ghosting, breadcrumbing - and how to deal with an ex-partner when they return with an “are you up” text. But Hussey is even breaking his advice and giving women the “okay” to be quarantined with their ex-boyfriends but, obviously, there are always exceptions to this rule. Hussey has answers to women’s questions, especially if they should reconnect with an ex-boyfriend during quarantine. He says that by being alone, it is easy to get drawn back into former relationships and want to rekindle a fling. “Should I make a pact with someone that’s causal, but you know, we have a kind of isolation pact where we say let’s just be together right now and go through this together?” said Hussey. He explained there is nothing wrong with this as long as each person is honest and direct about only wanting to ride out quarantine together with no further expectations. During these times, when practicing social distancing, there’s a lot of uncertainty and the singletons are figuring out ways to feel less lonely. The main thing is that people are having to navigate how to be together or stay apart during a deadly pandemic, which has profound effects on people’s personal and romantic relationships. Whle Americans are being told to practice social distancing, stay home, limit unnecessary interactions and even avoid intimate moments (no hugs and kisses), there is also a surge of people turning to dating applications to bridge across physical distance. Online dating has seen a resurgence precisely because so many are stuck in confinement but still yearning for human connection. Online dating apps and websites allow people to open their laptops from the comfort of their own homes with new video-based features, making it simpler to meet more people despite social distancing requirements. People can maintain these connections and display their communication skills even more now through dating applications. “One upside to this [is people are] making time and enjoying conversations and bonding,” said Dr. Giacomo Bono, Associate Professor of Psychology at California State University, Dominguez Hills, whose specialization includes studying gratitude and mindfulness. According to Hussey, one thing that this pandemic has forced us to do is to be creative when wanting to impress the person on the other side of the screen and not having sexual intimacy during quarantine is an advantage “Sexual intimacy is often used as a surrogate for real connections,” said Hussey. “Right now, sexual intimacy isn’t possible for

Photos by Violeta Rocha

many, which opens the door for us to build a deeper connection through real conversation.”

Dr. Bono also emphasizes how important it is to have real connections with the people you love and how highly stimulating it is to maintain those bonds, even during this time when we don’t have access to connecting with one another. After several weeks in lockdown in Huntington Beach, Calif., Kailyn Jackson found herself with a lot of lonely downtime. Her classes at Golden West College had gone remote — she studies liberal arts remote —so she opened Bumble last week and started scrolling down. “I have a lot of downtime, and I’m most definitely going to be swiping right to talk to potential guys that I find attractive and fun to talk to,” she said.

Gen Z and Millennials still want to date during the pandemic, virtual dating has become their new norm and this has only intensified their focus on dating apps and sites. Bumble, Tinder, and other dating sites have seen an increase in their traffic flow since mid-March. According to YPulse’s Extended Singledom research, they found a 40 percent increase of Millennials from the ages of 25-34-years-old that said being quarantined hasn’t stopped them from dating, even if their goal is to be in a relationship. Natascha Vand, a single-family Marriage Therapist, has been casually dating before this coronavirus rampage started but has been spending more time on one of the many dating sites she’s encountered in the past. She understands the challenges when it comes to dating in the coronavirus outbreak and knows it comes with its pros and cons.

“You will run into people wanting to break quarantine and health regulations,” said Vand, “but if you can build a connection without physically seeing each other, then this has potential. But other guys care about their health and don’t want to meet up right now. So far, I have two dates planned after this whole situation is over.” Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd recently spoke on how it’s essential to practice social distancing and has pushed users to continue dating online. Bumble added two new features to make it easier for people to date while social distancing. The video chat and voice calling features are simplifying the way to connect with others. Wolfe announced that Bumble had also expanded their distance filters to those wanting to connect in other countries instead of having the 100-mile radius. “We want to help you stay connected,” Wolfe said, “even when physically apart.” There is no secret that the importance of a healthy relationship is the base foundation ingredient in establishing secure communication. To build a physical intimacy, you need to create an emotional and intellectual connection to have a successful relationship, and maybe, just maybe, online dating during the coronavirus is showing us different horizons in bonding with one another.