Social Media & Relationships

People often think of social media as a way to connect with others but it can also create a divide, particularly between partners in a romantic relationship. Nowadays, just about everywhere, couples can be seen in public not paying attention to each other and giving more attention to their phones. Part of this is that with advances in smart phones, mobile technologies, and WiFi, people can now take their social media wherever they go, to share their thoughts, political beliefs, where they are at any given moment, who they are with, and even what they are eating. However, while they’re holding their screens in front of themselves, many users are not paying attention to their partners who are right there with them competing for their attentions. But what cannot be ignored is just how significant a role smart phones and social media now play in relationships. For some, a relationship isn’t even considered official until both partners change their relationship status on social media. Some breakups are even done through the same means. “Social media is a double-edged sword,” said Leslie Shore, communications expert and professor. Acknowledging that since there are no official rules to how a person in a relationship should treat social media, not everyone shares the same expectations. For instance, on several, if not all, platforms there are ongoing jokes about people reacting to their significant other liking people’s pictures, following certain people, posting themselves and not their significant other. Sometimes being tagged in others’ photos or checked in to places by others can create issues, as well. All these scenarios and more have been deemed to

be problematic in some relationships and can lead to distrust. Social media posts can also provide a false impression when couples compare their own relationships with others who post seemingly idyllic relationships, even if they are not representative of reality. If someone were to see their families or friends going on flashy dates and extravagant vacations with their partners, it is easy for someone to compare their relationship to what they see online. “They’re busy, but you have no idea whether they’re happy or not,” said Shore. “You’re only seeing a snapshot. You’re not seeing the full 360.” It is important to note that a post does not reveal everything about a person’s relationship.

Several people envy the lives of the people they see on social media and desire the perfection being portrayed by these people. Although, there is absolutely nothing wrong with admiring other people’s relationships, it does become problematic when that turns into dissatisfaction in your own relationship Although taking out a phone has become purely out of instinct for many, being on the phone while completely neglecting a partner can also make them feel undesired. Although this may seem minor to some, the fact of the matter is that something or someone else is taking away attention from a meaningful connection with the significant other who is present. Without any words, it can still project that they are not a priority. An article titled, “More information that you ever wanted: Does Facebook bring out the green-eyed monster of jealousy?” states, “Facebook may expose an individual to potentially jealousy provoking information about their partner, which creates a feedback loop whereby heightened jealousy leads to increased surveillance of a partner’s Facebook page. Persistent surveillance results in further exposure to jealousy-provoking information”. “They need to be noticed,” Shore said. “They need to know that they matter, and social media can be a wonderful way of doing that in terms of posting small messages, little videos, something that tells that person that they are on your mind and they are on your mind in a very fond way.” Such posts also can be seen as a publicly stated feelings of adoration or affirmation of commitment. However, social media can also be mis-

used. Some monitor their partners through social media, while current partners, suitors or exes alike can use it for stalking or other threatening behaviors. There are numerous examples of how some with unhealthy obsessions will follow or friend the actual friends or relatives of those they are spying on to keep tabs on their partners, would-be partners or exes. Even in the healthiest relationships, though, social media and incessant phone use can still distract from the meaningful connections to be found in romantic relationships. While not the only cause for blame in any relationship, social media still needs to be considered as playing a more prominent role in today’s dating and relationship scene, and it’s still too soon to fully know its longterm effects on how we socialize with others and even how it will affect all of our other significant, long-term relationships.