Nettleham News - 2012-04 - Winter 2012 - Issue 120

Front cover photograph by William Lee

The village magazine of Nettleham: Lincolnshire

Winter 2012

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THE PLOUGH PUB & RESTAURANT

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Selection of traditional Batemans’ ales

Air-conditioned smoke-free atmosphere ●

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Home-made food 7 days a week

Lunches, evening meals and Sunday lunches

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Hemswell Antique Centres Coffee Shop

Take time out from browsing the largest selection of antiques and collectables in Europe and visit our licensed Coffee Shop where, in addition to a range of refreshing cold drinks and hot beverages, you can enjoy a choice of freshly prepared meals and light snacks, using only the very best fresh, locally-sourced produce.

Open 10am - 5pm every day Caenby Corner Estate, Hemswell Cliff, Gainsborough, Lincolnshire DN21 5TJ

Specialities from the blackboard

FREE PARKING

Special Senior Citizen 2-course Sunday lunches

Telephone 01427 668389

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Open all day 7 days a week

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Quiz night every Sunday and Wednesday

1 The Green, Nettleham, Lincoln

Email: enquiries@hemswell-antiques.com H E M S W E L L

C E N T R E S

or view online at

01522 750275

People trust Mundys A high quality 21st century marketing service: Worldwide access to your property via the internet Voted Lincolnshire’s top Estate Agent in 2008, 2009, 2010 and 2011 Valuation by qualified local valuers (Telephone or email for FREE valuation within 48 hours)

Unique Nettleham village video guide

Late opening

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LF N SE O UR GO YO T EA TR

Bob & Pauline Woolley offer a warm and friendly welcome at

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www.hemswell-antiques.com

FAMILY

RESTAURANTS

Your Favourite Choice Open all day every day for

snacks, drinks, meals and special offers Table service no need to queue Next to the river on Waterside South near High Bridge

01522 531126

KENDALL CARPETS Carpets ● Vinyls ● Woods ● Laminates Over 35 years’ experience, our family-owned business provides a friendly, reliable service offering: ● FREE estimating and planning ● FREE shop at home service ● Guaranteed expert fitting service ● Moving of furniture ● Uplift and removal of old carpet ● A huge range from £4.99 sq m ● We’ll beat any like-for-like quote Visit our new showroom, or telephone us with your requirements and we’ll visit you with a full range of samples for you to choose from in the comfort of your own home.

29 Silver Street, Lincoln LN2 1AS

Telephone 01522 510044 Email: info@mundy-uk.com

391-392 High Street, Lincoln

www.mundy-uk.com

Telephone: 01522 244595 Email: info@kendallcarpets.co.uk

Specialists in Nettleham properties

www.kendallcarpets.co.uk

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From the Editor

DEADLINES Nettleham News magazine is a quarterly publication and the deadlines for receiving contributions for each of the editions are:

Nigel Kingston 1 High Street Nettleham Lincoln LN2 2PL

NEXT EDITION

➜ 1st FEBRUARY for the spring edition 1st MAY for the summer edition 1st AUGUST for the autumn edition 1st NOVEMBER for the winter edition

Telephone/fax: 01522 753000 Email: nettlehamnews@ntlworld.com

All contributions should be sent to the Editor

Read Nettleham News online at: www.nettleham.info Welcome to Nettleham News Welcome to the winter 2012 edition of your village magazine - I hope you find it interesting, informative and perhaps sometimes amusing.

You Have Been warned!

On 3 December 2012, a new Civil Parking Enforcement (CPE) directive comes into force which will affect village residents and, if ignored, may cost you money in the form of a fixed penalty ticket!

Whilst warnings only will be issued during the first few days of its initial introduction, thenceforward the new rules will be strictly applied.

The scope of this new CPE directive is wide-ranging and motorists would be wise to familiarise themselves with its content.

If you want to find out all about it, the full document (amounting to 54 pages in all!) appears on the Lincolnshire County Council website, which can be accessed via a link from the West Lindsey District Council website: www.west-lindsey.gov.uk So do please be vigilant and careful how, when and where you park your vehicle in the village from now onwards.

Front Cover Photograph I am grateful to William Lee (age 16) for the stunning photograph of a wintry All Saints graveyard on the front cover of this edition of Nettleham News.

Young Reporter What a pleasant surprise to receive an article for the magazine from one of our younger readers in the village. Breton Towler has interviewed and written a most accomplished and interesting piece about the sporting achievements and ambitions of his brother Harley. Well done to both of them and let’s have some more articles from youngsters for future editions.

Grateful Thanks At the end of another year, I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank all the local businesses which advertise in the pages of our magazine.

Nettleham News is published entirely through the funds generated by the advertisements and readers are urged to support these local businesses wherever possible.

I would also like to thank our stalwart team of volunteer distributors who deliver the magazine to your door, come rain or shine, throughout the year.

Many thanks also to the volunteers who assist ‘behind the scenes’ in so may ways their time and effort, given so freely and willingly, is very much appreciated.

Travel Pass Renewal For those of us (yes, me included!) who possess a Concessionary Travel Pass, these are due for renewal early next year so do make sure you get yours renewed in plenty of time (see page 72) A Skate Park for Nettleham?

There isn’t much in the way of leisure facitilities for youngsters in Nettleham and in past editions there has been a number of articles about the possibility of adding a skate park to our village.

On page 11 of this winter 2012 edition, Parish Councillor Joseph Siddall gives some background information and reports on the current situation.

I would strongly urge readers, who may be interested in taking this project forward, to contact the Working Group, which has already put a great deal of effort into getting this project off the ground.

If there is insufficient response, then the entire concept may have to be postponed indefinitely, which would be a shame and a loss to the youngsters in our village.

Bishops’ Palace Site Work continues to develop this historic site in the heart of Nettleham into an attractive village amenity.

Readers may already have noticed the new ramps at the front of the Methodist Chapel, which will enable visitors, including disabled persons, easier access to the Scheduled Ancient Monument site.

Next spring, probably in March, there will be a community planting day on the ‘pastoral’ area of the site and more information will be published in the spring 2013 edition of Nettleham News.

Talking of the ‘pastoral’ area of the site, this smaller area of land in the south-east corner of the site, which contains no significant underground archaeology, will now be known as Bishops Meadow and, under the guidance of Nettleham Woodland Trust, a series of different ecological features will be created there in the future (see pages 32/33).

New Distributor Required I would be very pleased to hear from anyone living in the High Leas area of the village who would be prepared to be a Nettleham News distributor in that neighbourhood (contact details above).

For many years Mrs Brown, who lives on High Leas, has delivered the magazine (a total of 35) in her neighbourhood but, due to a recent serious fall, is sadly now unable to continue with the deliveries.

I would like to take this opportunity to extend my sincere thanks to Mrs Brown for her very kind efforts over many years and, on behalf of readers of the magazine, wish her a full and speedy recovery.

And finally...

It just remains for me to wish everyone a very happy Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous New Year in 2013.

The views and opinions expressed in Nettleham News magazine are not necessarily those of the Editor.

Where photographs and/or names of children are published in this magazine, it is assumed that prior permission has been gained from parents/school.

Nettleham News is designed, edited, originated and published by Nigel Kingston, 1 High Street, Nettleham, Lincoln LN2 2PL. Design copyright © Nigel Kingston.

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under design copyright above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed by F W Cupit Printers Limited, Horncastle.

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Directory of Advertisers This magazine is funded solely by the revenue from advertisements and readers are urged to support these businesses whenever possible. Please mention Nettleham News when responding to advertisements.

Acceptance of advertisements does not imply any endorsement by Nettleham News and those responding to the advertisements are responsible for confirming the quality and suitability of the products and services offered.

It is the advertisers’ responsibility to ensure that their material does not contravene advertising standards or any Act of Parliament.

IFC: inside front cover; IBC: inside back cover; BC: back cover

ACCOMMODATION The Old Vicarage Hayman’s Ghyll ACCOUNTANCY SERVICES ASAP Andrew Seymour S C Warren & Co

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ANTIQUES Hemswell Antique Centres

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ARCHITECTURAL SERVICES Chris Butler

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BATHROOMS Elixir Bathrooms

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BUILDING DESIGN Gary Milnes

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BUILDING DEVELOPMENTS Beal Homes BUILDING SERVICES M J Spencer & Sons Fairclear Construction L&J Construction & Maintenance WEH Property Services Leesing Construction Ltd RF Building Services Limited S J Wood Building Services BUILDING SUPPLIES & TIMBER Listers CAKE CREATION Fiona Milnes: Cakes by Design CARPET SERVICES Kendall Carpets CHILDREN’S SERVICES Jo Jingles Loobyloos CHIROPODIST SERVICES Mandy Spring CHRISTMAS TREES Fillingham Trees

68 04 08 24 26 28 40 48 40 10 IFC 08 18 16 07

CHIMNEY SWEEPING SERVICES TL Chimney Sweep Services 28 CLEANING SERVICES Allan Cotterill Sarah Parker

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COMPLEMENTARY HEALTHCARE Lincoln Chiropractic 10 COMPUTER SERVICES Bob’s Computers The PC Stop (John White)

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CONSULTANCY/TRAINING SERVICES ESH Consultancy & Training Ltd 08 DANCING CLASSES Susan Gaisford Danielle Rawlinson Lisa Hurst

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DOMESTIC SERVICES Pepperpots Domestic Services

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DOMESTIC APPLIANCE SERVICES Neil Bark 12 Larry Jackson 30

EATING OUT JayDees ELECTRICAL SERVICES Nock Electrical Neil Caldwell Mike Pollard

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ESTATE AGENTS Mundys Harrison EYECARE SERVICES Clearview Opticians David Burghardt FINANCIAL SERVICES Thompson & Richardson

INTERIORS Nu Door

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IRONING SERVICES The Iron Lady

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JOINERY SERVICES Colin Pyrah

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KITCHENS Jackson Building Centres

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KNITTING WOOLS Louby Lou Wools

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LAWNCARE Lawnmaster

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FLORISTS Flowers by Design

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FOOD DELIVERY SERVICES Wiltshire Farm Foods

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FOOTCARE SERVICES Amble Down

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FUNCTION VENUES The Old School Nettleham Village Hall

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FUNERAL SERVICES Jonathan Whiting Lincolnshire Co-operative

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FURNITURE & SOFT FURNISHINGS Edward W Crowther Ltd 20 Robert Truelove & Sons 22 Thorpe Soft Furnishings 28

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HANDYMAN/HOME MAINTENANCE Helping Hands 22 Nettleham Handyman 28 Andy Gregory 56 HEALTH & BEAUTY The Beauty Rooms Aspects of Beauty

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PROPERTY LETTING SERVICES Future Lettings Your Home

08 56

PUBLIC HOUSES The Plough Inn The White Hart

IFC 60

RESIDENTIAL CARE HOMES St Luke’s Nursing Home Willan House

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MOBILE HAIRSTYLIST Maxine

ROOFING SERVICES Simon J Humphreys Philip Linder N B Reid

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SIGNMAKERS Venture Signs

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SKIP HIRE SERVICES Handy Tip Thompson Waste Management

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SPECIALITY FOODS The Cheese Society

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SPORTS CLUBS Nettleham Tennis Club

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MUSIC TUITION Brian Handley Kirk Stephenson Guitar Tuition

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NAILCARE SERVICES 1st Class Nails

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SUPERMARKET & POST OFFICE Lincolnshire Co-operative IBC TAXI SERVICES Your Cars Private Hire

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NEWSAGENTS Beckside Newsagents

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THEATRICAL GROUPS New Youth Theatre

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OVEN CLEANING SERVICES Oven-U Valeting Service

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TRAVEL AGENTS Imp Travel

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PAINTING & DECORATING S J Skepper Graham Hill T Lawson Holmes & Fields Tom Day

08 10 18 22 28

TREE & HEDGE SERVICES Tip Top Tree Service Mark Cropper Sara Bright

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TV/VIDEO SERVICES Horizon Aerials

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WINDOW CLEANING DLH Window Cleaning Services

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HEARING AID SERVICES Claire Armitage

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HOLIDAY RENTAL Pollensa, North Mallorca

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PET SERVICES & SUPPLIES Taylors of Welton Scothern Kennels & Cattery Cats Prefer Home Major Groom

HOME SECURITY Secure Homes Limited

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PHARMACY SERVICES Lincolnshire Co-operative

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MULTIMEDIA SERVICES Blow by Blow Productions

HAIR STYLISTS Salon Rouge Margaret’s

PRINTING SERVICES Cupit Print

MATHS/ENGLISH TUITION Lynn Williams Kip McGrath

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06 18 38 40 42 46

GARDEN SERVICES Lincs Landscape Co P Westman Landscapes

GOLF CENTRES Welton Manor Golf Centre

PRE-SCHOOLS Beckside Pre-School Stepping Stones Pre-School

LEGAL SERVICES Page Nelson Dale & Co JGQC Solicitors Andrew & Co Wilkin Chapman Sills & Betteridge

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PLUMBING & HEATING SERVICES D White 08 Gas Wise 18 Glyn Rudd Plumbing 22 Paul Strong Limited 24 Apex Plumbing 30 Simply Heating (Lincoln) Limited 38 Trevor Lawrence 48

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MOTORING SERVICES Roy Wilson Auto Services Lincoln MOT Centre

GARDEN CENTRES & NURSERIES Rudies Roots 10 Wainwright Utilities 38 Scothern Nurseries 42

PLASTERING Nettleham Plastering

LAWNMOWER SERVICES Paul Dales

GARAGE DOOR SERVICES Castle Garage Doors

GIFTWARE Troika ScandiGifts

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WINDOWS & CONSERVATORIES CRB Installations 10 Andy Yates 40 Starglaze 54

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Nettleham Noticeboard If your local group or organisation is staging an event, use these free spaces to let everyone know FRIENDS OF NETTLEHAM GUIDES AND SCOUTS

GRAND CHRISTMAS RAFFLE DRAW incorporating

NETTLEHAM COMMUNITY MARKET Crafts and Produce Stalls SATURDAY 8 DECEMBER 2012 AT THE SCOUT HUT 10.00am to 12.00 noon Stalls and refreshments Carol Singing outside the Co-op Grand draw at 12.00 noon

Arts & Crafts for Christmas Sunday 9 December 10.30am - 3.30pm at

The Old School, Nettleham

FREE ADMISSION Seasonal refreshments

ST. BARNABAS COFFEE MORNING Come and see the photographs of the Nettleham Diamond Jubilee Street Party

Saturday 8 December 10.00am - 1.00pm The Old School Rooms, Nettleham Do please bring along your own photographs too!

Tickets available from leaders or outside the Co-op on 1 and 7 December

www.tempopromotes.co.uk

Raffle, tombola and cake stall

Telephone: 0786 6864062

All are very welcome

CAN YOU HELP?

‘CUPPA TIME’

NETTLEHAM VILLAGE HALL

Age UK Nettleham Luncheon Club need volunteer drivers to work through Dial-a-Ride minibus service.

ALL SAINTS CHURCH

MARKET RASEN BRASS BAND Saturday 22 December 7.30pm Tickets: £6.00

This would be for the benefit of senior citizens in our village collecting/returning to Luncheon Club (The Old School) on Thursdays during school term time.

This service is greatly appreciated by our members, who would be unable to attend without this amenity.

Please telephone Mike Paley

01522 754132

WANTED Your ideas for future editions of Nettleham News It’s your magazine, so if there is something that you would like to see covered in its pages then contact the Editor on

753000 nettlehamnews@ntlworld.com

CHRISTMAS CONCERT BY

Refreshments available during interval

Every Sunday afternoon 3.00 - 4.00pm Come along and enjoy some cake and biscuits and a chat

&

MUSIC MEDITATION Every Thursday throughout the year 2.30pm - 3.00pm

All Saints Church Come along and let your mind experience peace and tranquility for half an hour on Thursday every week

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Advance tickets may be purchased from Andy Handford’s butcher’s shop, Nettleham or arrange by telephone:

J Prince: 07731 183053 For more information please telephone

01472 840870 or

07525 033192

WANTED Your views on whether or not Nettleham should have a skate park It is important that readers who have a view on this subject should either let their views be known by post or email to the Parish Council, or complete and return the questionnaire provided on page 11 to the Parish Council.

Thank you

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BECKSIDE NEWSAGENTS 751331

Nettleham’s Paper Shop M J SPENCER & SONS (NETTLEHAM) LTD Builders & Contractors 22 BECKSIDE, NETTLEHAM, LINCOLN LN2 2PH FOR A

COMPLETE BUILDING SERVICE TELEPHONE 01522 806919 MOBILE 07887 855921 or 07789 406660

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Parish Council News The fluttering leaves of autumn have been cleared from the drains, and the icy tendrils of winter are approaching and may even be here, but the Parish Council quarterly report surely contains something to warm up the cold December days.

Best Kept Village Competition Congratulations and many thanks from the Parish Council to everyone in the village whose floral displays, tidy gardens and litter-free streets helped us to gain a magnificent second place in our category of the competition.

We were beaten only by Woodhall Spa, whose resources are somewhat greater than ours! The scores and comments from each round can be found on page 52.

Nettleham Parish Council The Old School Mill Hill Nettleham Lincoln LN2 2PE Telephone/fax 01522 750011 Email: parishcouncil@nettleham.info www.nettleham.info

A decision will need to be made in the near future on whether to proceed and in order to help with the decision, the Council is undertaking a survey (see page 11).

Residents of all ages are asked to make their views known by responding to the questions in the survey, but in particular we would like to hear from residents below the age of 17 years. Please be sure to return the questionnaire by Friday 11 January 2013 at the very latest.

Village Trees Until this year the Parish Council has undertaken, via its contractor and on a refundable basis, minor work on Highways trees on the verges in order to both expedite urgent problems and achieve a result at a competitive price. The Highways Authority (Lincolnshire County Council) has now indicated that all Highway tree problems (broken branches, obstructions and diseases) are to be reported to them and they will undertake the work.

The number to call is 01522 782070.

The Parish Council will continue to be a contact point for enquiries about any other trees which might be perceived as a potential problem. It should be borne in mind that there are many trees in private ownership, some, where ownership is unknown, and some for which the Parish

The matter was considered by the Council in October and an Advertising Policy for Nettleham has been agreed. Details of the policy can be found on the Parish Council’s website.

Parking and Traffic Management This featured at length in the autumn edition, since when the Council have received a number of observations on the proposals for additional yellow lines and have considered the matter further.

It has been decided to take no further action for the present, but to monitor the effectiveness of the new Civil Parking Enforcement regime, and to reconsider the matter in summer 2013.

Skate Park Proposals Unfortunately attendance at the recent Working Group meetings has comprised only Parish Councillors, although the Committee does include public members and interested individuals. Little progress has therefore been made in settling on a preferred location within the most obvious site: Mulsanne Park. Partly as a result of this level of interest the Parish Council has been considering whether there is any merit in pursuing the proposal, given the time and financial commitment which will be involved.

time a perception that the Council was ‘anti-business’ (a suggestion which was strongly refuted). The Working Group subsequently produced suggestions which aimed to strike a balance between local business needs and the desire to avoid a proliferation of notices, often irrelevant to local people.

Flower Tubs Parish Office Open Monday - Thursday 9.00am - 12.30pm Council is responsible (mainly on its own property at Bill Bailey’s and Mulsanne Park). Where possible, the Council will advise on ownership and responsibility.

Bishops Palace Site You may have noticed that work has started with the rebuilding of the ramp outside the Methodist Church, to provide easy wheelchair access to the Bishops Palace site. The next building work will be the construction of a lych-gate at this location and a more substantial gateway (to be known as Prince of Wales Gate) at the entrance from the Scheduled Ancient Monument area to the pastoral area.

Fencing of part of the periphery will also be undertaken to define the boundary.

Full details can be found on pages 32/33 of this edition of the magazine.

Advertising in the Village The Council has for some time been keen to agree a voluntary advertising policy for the village, the objective being to clarify the way in which the large noticeboard at the Co-op is used, to control, if possible, fly-posting on lamp-posts and telegraph poles, and overall to avoid the village being inundated with notices which contribute to an untidy street scene.

Meetings have been held between a sub-group of the Council and local businesses, although there was at that 5

It is appropriate to repeat our thanks to the sponsors of the flower tubs in the village centre: Rudies Roots, for the ones on the bridges near the church and the Old School, and Nettleham Gardeners who have renewed their sponsorship of the Vicarage Lane tubs for the winter.

Village Walks At the last Fieldpaths Advisory Committee meeting, discussions took place regarding recent village walks held and the dwindling attendance of residents to these walks.

It was agreed that no village walks would be organised until after the next meeting (March 2013) where ideas and suggestions for village walks would be discussed.

Coles Garage Site In October the Council considered a resident’s suggestion that they purchase the site and convert it to a car park. Whilst the Council is as concerned as residents are at the continued forlorn appearance of the site, and the apparent lack of progress in any new development, it was felt that the suggestion as made could not be proceeded with, not least because with a recently-approved planning application for the land, the cost would be prohibitive, and the Council is not in a position to either afford such expenditure on a car park (even if charges were imposed) or be able to repay the costs of the purchase.

The selling agents will again be asked to undertake tidying up of the frontage.

(Future Parish Council Meetings appear on page 7)

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LINCS LANDSCAPE CO

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Self-catering Holiday Cottages

Horticultural Contractors ● Contractors for all horticultural advice ● Suppliers of all trees, shrubs, plants & seeds ● All estimates Free

Nettleham, Lincoln

David Storey FRHS

Delightful cottages within easy walking distance of the Village Green.

Offering well-equipped accommodation with garden and off-road parking Weekends, weeks and longer-term lets available

CG Certs in Horticulture

Cherry Willingham, Lincoln LN3 4AN

English Tourism Council

Telephone: 751325 Mobile: 07754 778361 Email: storey-david@btconnect.com www.lincs-landscape.co.uk

TROIKA CARDS & GIFTS Greeting cards, Gifts, Jewellery and Toys

The Green, Nettleham

LINCOLN 751164 House Signs

English Tourism Council

For more details contact

Self Catering Accommodation

Susan Downs Telephone 01522 750819 Email: susan@oldvic.net Website: www.oldvic.net

A friendly and local firm of solicitors providing: ● ● ●

Conveyancing - at a low cost fixed fee Probate - a sensitive and efficient service Wills - a personal approach with reduced rates for all Nettleham News readers

Victory House, Henley Way, Doddington Road, Lincoln LN6 3QR Telephone (01522) 687500 Fax (01522) 690296 Free car parking available enquiries@pagenelson.co.uk www.pagenelson.co.uk for appointments

Regulated by the Solicitors Regulation Authority

The Old School NETTLEHAM TENNIS CLUB MULSANNE PARK Nettleham Tennis Club is LTA registered and welcomes everyone, irrespective of gender, age or ability, providing tennis for both social players and league players, seniors and juniors

Owned by Nettleham Parish Council Suitable for meetings, parties, receptions, events, exhibitions, etc Competitive Hire Charges

Junior coaching Thursday evenings (see website for details) Membership Secretary: Chris Chester

Telephone

01522 824597

Self Catering Accommodation

Email: chris.chester@ntlworld.com

Telephone/fax: 01522 750011

or visit our website at

Email: parishcouncil@nettleham.info

www.communigate.co.uk/ ne/nettlehamtennisclub

www.nettleham.info

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PARISH COUNCIL MEETINGS All meetings commence at 7.30pm and all are open to the general public All meetings at The Old School unless otherwise stated

Tuesday 18 December 2012 Tuesday 22 January 2013 Tuesday 19 February 2013 Property Committee Wednesday 12 December 2012 Wednesday 6 February 2013

(at Mulsanne Park: to be confirmed) Dates correct at the time of going to press

Knitting Wools

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Patterns & Buttons

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Needles & Accessories

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Kits for Scarves, Cushions & Bags

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Range of Hand-Knitted Garments

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Knitting-Up Service

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Monthly Knitting Club

8 Lodge Lane, Nettleham

USE THIS SPACE

(to be confirmed)

Mulsanne Park Users’ Committee Monday 25 February 2013

●

(near the surgery)

Opening Times Friday: 10.00am - 4.00pm Saturday: 9.00am - 5.00pm Other times by arrangement

to promote YOUR products or services

Telephone

01522 752854 or 07794 946830

Contact the Editor on Lincoln

Email

753000

info@loubylouwools.co.uk

Do you need help looking after your trees?

Not sure if your tree is safe?

Would like to plant new trees, but not sure what species would be best?

For professional and independent advice please contact me ● Over 30 years’ experience of working with trees, gardens and woodlands ● The Arboricultural Surveyor for Lincolnshire County Council ● Public liability and professional indemnity insurance held ● Technician member of the Arboricultural Association ● Based in Nettleham

Sara Bright TechArborA sarabright141@gmail.com

01522 875939 Mobile 07885 914305

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www.loubylouwools.co.uk

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Simon J Humphreys

S J SKEPPER Interior & Exterior Painter & Decorator City & Guilds Holder For free estimates telephone

● ● ●

Letting only Letting and rent collection Letting and management

We guarantee our fees will be lower than any other agent Let us Let - you won’t be disappointed

WELTON 01673 861443

Email:zoe@futurelets.com

Mobile telephone: 07930 227414

Telephone: 01522 595 515

3 Ridge Close, Welton

www.futurelets.com

PEPPERPOT’S

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TEL 01673 857691/07947 322023 LANGTON-BY-WRAGBY, MARKET RASEN elizabeth@pepperpotscleaning.co.uk

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20 The Green, Nettleham, Lincoln LN2 2NR

Accountants and Business Advisors Catering for all your small business needs in a prompt, efficient and friendly manner

Specialist in built-up felt roofing 8 Sudbrooke Lane Nettleham

Telephone 01522 751561 Mobile: 07905 092174

D WHITE PLUMBING SERVICES Over 25 years experience

Cygnet House, Exchange Road, Lincoln LN6 3JZ

Telephone: 01522 698329 Mobile: 07775 934527 Fax: 01522 501426

info@asap-lincoln.co.uk www.asap-lincoln.co.uk Managing Partner: Andy Seymour

Bathroom design, supply and installation Showers and shower repairs Wall and floor tiling All types of plumbing repairs No job too small and no call-out charge

01522 690554 55 Meadowlake Crescent Lincoln LN6 0HZ

REGISTERED PLUMBER

P WESTMAN LANDSCAPES

ScandiGifts

Garden Design, Pruning, Turfing, Fencing, Tree Surgery, Patios, Hedging

The perfect place for Scandinavian home and gift ideas Telephone 07931 554674

FREE ESTIMATES GIVEN Telephone Philip Westman Ash Tree House 25 Eastfield Lane Welton Lincoln LN2 3NA

Open: Tuesday - Friday: 9.00am - 5.00pm Saturday: 9.00am - 1.30pm Unit 2, 19 The Green, Nettleham, Lincoln LN2 2NR (Just behind the Co-op)

01673 866660

Beckside Pre-School Extensions, New Builds, Brickwork, Block Paving, Patios, Concreting and more

For details on classes in: North Hykeham, Welton, Bailgate, Waddington, Saxilby, Gainsborough, Retford and Bawtry

Call Katy on 07736 463605 lincolnjojingles@hotmail.co.uk www.jojingles.com/lincoln

Early Years Unit, All Saints Lane, Nettleham 16 Sibthorpe Drive Sudbrooke Lincoln LN2 2RQ

Competitive Rates Free Estimates t: 01522 595189 m: 07970 387909 / 07970 387910 w: www.fairclear.co.uk e: enquiries@fairclear.co.uk

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For children 21/2 to 5 OFSTED Registered

Monday - Friday 9.00am - 12.00 noon & 12.00 noon - 3.00pm, also full day Come and see us learning through play

Telephone: 07940 873505 Helen Hancock & Sharon Donaldson

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Letters from Readers More readers letters on page 21

From Margaret in Watford ‘Blast from the Past’ I heard a word this week that I hadn’t heard for many years: ‘scullery’!

It conjured up so many memories, as we had a scullery, leading from the kitchen, which held a gas stove, a built-in copper and a sink.

How, as a child, I hated Mondays - the dreaded ‘wash-day’! I would get home from school, scullery filled with steam and my dear mother wielding a long stick with a copper end, prodding the whiter than white sheets, which in those days, of course, were starched. Cold left-overs from Sunday on the menu for tea!

In those days I remember the lamp-lighter would come round every night and, with a long pole, light all the gas lamp-posts in the street.

Feed the Birds We have definitely noticed there are a lot more birds at our bird-table this autumn and I want to ask you to feed the birds, if at all possible.

Every morning we get ‘flash mobbed’ by several starlings (their numbers are seriously declining). They tend to make a general mess of everything and then go away! However, they are funny to watch and naughty too!

I put out niger seed early this year and we can have as many as seven goldfinches waiting to feed. They are very bright in colour, particularly on dull autumn days.

This can only mean there is a shortage of seeds for them in the wild, as usually they do not start coming until well into the start of winter.

An organ-grinder would also sometimes come, with a monkey on his shoulder, and sharpen household knives. The muffin-man came round too, with a large tray of muffins on his head.

We also see a regular group of long-tailed tits. Again, they are quite unusual visitors.

We have blackbirds and sparrows, with a robin that has been calling for about three years. I have named him Rufus!

Rag-and-bone men came every week ringing a big handbell and calling out, which haunts me at times and even now I associate the sound with so many events of my life.

I know the birds depend on us, so I do keep up the feeding. If we go away for a few days, it is possible to fill up the feeders and it does last.

Getting back to words from the past, I feel a bit naughty mentioning ‘Liberty Bodice’, stays, corsets and coms (which I believe are now called ‘Long Johns’ - horrible garments which we had to wear as children!).

Ah well, despite hating wash-day and wearing horrid garments, I still had a wonderful childhood, so much better I’m sure, than many childen have today.

Collared doves are also suffering from a downturn in numbers. Four visit and peck up all the bits off the floor.

Remember to wash down tables and feeders every so often, as birds can catch salmonella.

Happy bird watching! I would love to hear if anyone sees anything unusual on their bird tables.

Phyllis Maiden

My parents were not well-off, but we always had clean clothes, good food and lots of love!

What more could a child ask for?

Margaret Waggett Editor Many thanks for these childhood memories Margaret - I’m sure many readers will be interested to learn of those bygone years.

A Very Sad Incident Via email I am shocked and saddened.

Today, 1 October, my daughter (23) was waiting for Colin’s bus at the corner on Highfields. Her husband was working and she decided to get the bus to her medical appointment. She collapsed, fell to the ground and went onto all fours. May I add that my daughter is nine months pregnant (very obviously so).

Five women, all middle-aged, passed her by, walking directly past her and not one of them stopped to help or support her, but carried on their way, chatting.

As her mother, a midwife and resident in the village, I feel I need people to read this on behalf of my daughter and her husband.

Today I am disgusted with the ability of people to ignore someone in need, even in sleepy, middle-class Nettleham. And we say the young are ignorant!

Karis Annette Editor It is with great sadness and dismay that this letter is included in the magazine.

It belies the usually strong and supportive community spirit which traditionally prevails in Nettleham and I sincerely hope that this is an isolated, atypical incident and not a sign of a general change of attitude among residents of the village

Disposal of Autumn Leaves I acknowledge that we all love trees, except perhaps at the end of October/early November, when leaf-drop occurs.

However, I was appalled to see one resident’s answer to their disposal.

Having declared that the leaves were ‘contaminated’ and therefore he would not deal with them, he promptly blew them from the front of his bungalow onto the grass verge and road outside his elderly neighbour’s house on the pretence that they would likely (hopefully) blow away in the next couple of hours. The road is the main arterial route into this village.

My concerns are threefold. Firstly the anti-social behaviour involved; secondly the potential danger to users of the highway, in particular cyclists returning home from work in the dark; and finally, the implications in terms of lack of community spirit, which is an integral part of this village’s success in the Best Kept Village competition.

Do any other readers have fond, perhaps humorous, memories of their childhood?

Why not send them in to Nettleham News and share them with all our readers.

I remember when I was a lad, the daily milk delivery came by horse and cart and, if I was unlucky, the animal would relieve itself in the street and I would be despatched with a bucket and shovel by my dad to collect the manure for his precious roses!

Let’s hope that this proves to be a one-off event.

Name and address withheld 9

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A step in the right direction

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A Skate Park In Nettleham: Yes or No? As you are probably aware, there are discussions in progress regarding the possibility of providing a skate park in Nettleham.

To this end, a small Steering Group has been investigating potential sites, designs and costs. This Steering Group has comprised Nettleham Parish Councillors, the Parish Clerk, a representative of Groundworks Lincs, a small number of Nettleham residents and the West Lindsey District Councillor for Sudbrooke: Stuart Curtis.

Cllr Curtis is involved because Sudbrooke have expressed an interest in joining Nettleham in this possible development.

In the absence of a suitable site in Sudbrooke, they would be happy with a location in Nettleham. As a Parish Council we are very aware of the relative lack of permanent facilities for our teenagers.

Recent visits by ‘mobile’ skate parks have been very well supported.

The Skate Park is envisaged as being in the region of 20 x 35 metres, costing between £60,000 and £80,000 and funded by a mix of Parish Councils’ support, public fundraising and grants, (although the latter are becoming increasingly difficult to secure). This ‘skate park’ could be used by those with skateboards, BMX cycles, skates and scooters, (not the motorised variety, of course!), so would be truly multi-use.

We have looked at four potential sites: ●

Bill Bailey’s Playing Field

●

An extension (into the car park) of the old Boule Court at Mulsanne Park

●

Part of the football training pitch at Mulsanne Park (next to the tennis courts)

●

Lincoln Rugby Club site off Lodge Lane.

Each site has its pro’s and con’s and none is simple and/or ideal.

It is our intention to provide greater detail at a later date, but for now we need input from you, the residents.

The number of residents prepared to sit on the Steering Group has been very low (typically 3-4), and even that number has fallen over the last two meetings.

We need to determine whether, or not, there is real support in the village for this proposal and if it would continue to be used in the longer term.

Your responses to the following questions will help us to decide whether we continue with this proposal, or put it back in its box, perhaps to be revisited at some date in the future.

We are particularly interested in responses from teenagers, parents and grandparents of pre-teens, but everyone is welcome to participate. All responses will be treated as confidential and an indication of your age group would be useful.

The Steering Group will meet again early in 2013 to review the future of the project, in light of responses to this article and questionnaire.

We would be grateful if you would let us have your views on this by Friday 11 January 2013 at the latest.

Thank you for your time, we look forward to hearing from you.

✂

QUESTIONS Do you support the proposal for a skate park in Nettleham?

■ YES ■ NO Would you/your children/grandchildren use such a facility?

■ YES ■ NO Would you be prepared to sit on the Steering Group?

(2 hours per month)

■ YES ■ NO Would you be prepared to organise and/or participate in fundraising? (up to possibly 50%+ of the overall cost)

■ YES ■ NO Would you support a Precept to pay for a skate park? (subject to Parish Council discussion)

■ YES ■ NO

Cllr Joseph Siddall Nettleham Parish Council

Please return this questionnaire to the Parish Office, The Old School, Nettleham, Lincoln LN2 2PE

Any relevant comments you wish to make? (please write your comments below)

Alternatively you can send your response either in writing to the Parish Office, or via email to: parishcouncil@nettleham.info

Name:

Age group:

Please contact me via:

Local youngsters make the most of one of the past visits of the ‘mobile’ skate park to the village

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Your New County Councillor...

The thing I notice most about Nettleham people is the kindness. As a new County Councillor I might have expected to be greeted with suspicion, or even dislike, as would happen in a lot of areas, but not in Nettleham.

Everywhere I go and whoever I talk to, I’m greeted with warmth and kindness and a genuine interest in the way the village is run.

It’s wonderful to pop into The Tea Cosy and to share a table with people I’ve never met before, whilst chatting about village matters and eating a slice of that lovely cake!

I take my work as a councillor very seriously and I’m lucky to be both retired and healthy, so that I can go out and about in the division, dealing with issues which come my way.

Recent concerns include the custody suite - which seems to be on hold, thank goodness - as well as parking problems.

Most of you will be aware that new traffic wardens will be in place from 3 December

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and I’ve had word that they will be coming to Nettleham to look at parking around the village green. They’ll be giving warnings rather than tickets in the first few days, but after that they will issue formal tickets, so it might be worth watching out for them when you do your shopping from the beginning of December.

I’ve started attending Parish Council meetings at Nettleham and they’re very interesting and extremely well run.

It’s noticeable that residents come along regularly to take part in the proceedings, which is brilliant, because that doesn’t happen in a lot of places.

I’ve been able to provide some of the information requested by the Chairman and I hope to be as much use as possible while I hold this seat. I’m thrilled that so many people trusted me with their votes and I will always be respectful of that trust.

I look forward to working with you.

Hand crafted traditional rocking horse (height: 112cm, length: 140cm) locally made to raise money for a special-needs school.

If you are interested in making an offer (IRO £400), or would like to view the rocking horse, please telephone

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Carnival Cheque Presentation

Jackie Brockway County Councillor, Nettleham & Saxilby Division

...and District Councillor 30-year-old Nettleham resident Giles McNeill has become the youngest district councillor to be elected to West Lindsey District Council.

He takes over from District Councillor Raymond Sellars who sadly passed away earlier this year.

Giles, who works for local MP Edward Leigh, became interested in politics whilst studying in the sixth form at De Aston School in Market Rasen.

He said: “I am delighted to have won this by-election and to join the council as its youngest member is an added bonus.

“Ray Sellars was a good and popular councillor and very much appreciated by the community for all the work he did.

His death was a sad loss and I have big shoes to fill.”

Giles has lived in the village of Nettleham since 1990 and studied at Hull University for his politics degree.

MP Edward Leigh said: “Giles is a hard-working, committed individual and I am sure he will bring his talents to the council, delivering for the people of Nettleham, Greetwell, Riseholme and Grange-de-Lings and all the residents of West Lindsey.”

West Lindsey District “I believe it is important WLDC Chief Executive Manjeet Gill Council Chief Executive, that the council reflects with Cllr Giles McNeill Manjeet Gill, said: “We the people of West Lindsey. are very pleased to welcome Cllr McNeill Whilst older members of the council bring to the council and wish him well for the experience, younger councillors bring a future in this position. different world-view.

“I am looking forward to learning from my colleagues, just as I hope to add value to the council with my own perspective.

“It is good that young people are getting into local politics, they can make a real difference to the district.”

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Nettleham Carnival took place on Saturday 14 July this year and as usual raised a significant sum of money for good causes.

The Carnival Raffle proceeds are split between the Village Hall Restoration Fund and a charity which the committee decides on at the first meeting each year.

SENSE, a charity for deaf-blind people, was the charity the Carnival supported in 2012.

The photograph shows Phil McGuiness presenting the cheque for £600.00 to the SENSE Charity Education Co-ordinator: Caroline Paing, on The Green.

Phil McGuiness Chairman, Nettleham Carnival Committee

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Tractor Fire in Nettleham At midday on Tuesday 2 October 2012, there was some excitement in the village when a vehicle caught fire on the highway in Washdyke Lane.

Whilst other villagers were probably unaware of the drama that was happening (unless they had previously heard the fire engine sirens approaching in the distance), the residents of Washdyke Lane and nearby roads were witnessing a serious tractor fire near the Beck road-bridge.

The tractor, with a special road-brush attachment, was being used to clear the highway of mud left by other tractors (seen in the background of the bottom right picture) harvesting a crop from a nearby field.

The fire brigade attended and eventually the fire was brought under control, although the the weeping willow tree next to the fire was severely scorched and blackened with the heat and acrid black smoke. It remains to be seen whether this tree will survive the ordeal.

Below can be seen the remains of the burnt-out vehicle, which was clearly a total write-off, and the blackened willow tree behind. Fortunately no person sustained any injuries.

Many thanks to Phil McGuiness of Washdyke Lane for sending these dramatic photographs for publication in Nettleham News.

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Old Country Weather Lore I think nearly every one of us looks up at the sky in the morning, or when we are arranging an outdoor trip or party.

We are a country of weather watchers, as our climate is so fickle. A scorching day can be followed the next by a near-monsoon!

The sky and wind direction have much to tell us. Country people relied on the weather for their livelihood and a wrong decision could spell disaster and starvation. Therefore, a farmer would frequently look at nature or atmospheric conditions before he planted or harvested crops, or moved animals.

The first weather satellite was not launched until 1960. Before that it was vital for people who depended on the weather to develop the skills of weather forecasting. These traditional skills were often passed down through families.

Because the church provided the highest point in a village, it became habitual to erect a weather vane on the top of the spire for the benefit of the people in the community to immediately see which way the wind was blowing. Wind direction holds many clues to coming weather.

Fishermen in particular are guided by wind direction and believe it is not wise to set off on a fishing trip when the wind is coming from the north, as this could cause heavy seas. They will also constantly look at the sky even when they are out at sea.

Of course, predictions could not always be accurate, but study of some of the sayings, which often rhymed, does show that many do actually have scientific support. Some seem to be nonsense. For instance, I used to know an elderly Yorkshire lady who said that if the moon was on its back, it was full of rain! She also said that a full moon meant that the weather would change.

A shepherd, outside for most of the time, was and still is, very observant.

He needs to keep his flock healthy and safe. Each morning he will work out the wind direction and look all around him at the sky.

When ditch and pond affect the nose, Look out for rain and stormy blows.

High pressure would keep smells at bay, whereas low pressure, before rain, would cause the smells to rise from the ground.

The most well-known saying is probably: Red sky in the morning a shepherd’s warning, A red sky at night a shepherd’s delight.

There is some truth in this saying as a clear western sky at sunset suggests hundreds of miles of clear sky without any approaching rain. In the morning a red sky means that the sun could be shining on rain clouds moving in from the west. Another saying is: An evening grey and a morning red, Will send the shepherd wet to bed.

This is self explanatory!

Clouds are often ‘read’. Most of us know when a storm is looming as we look at clouds piled high overhead.

The old sayings are: When clouds look like black smoke, A wise man puts on his cloak. and: When clouds appear like rocks and towers, The earth will be washed by frequent showers.

Low pressure has an effect on hair and many a lady in the days of having hair curled, would bemoan her curls soon dropping out in a damp atmosphere.

Furniture does not escape scrutiny.

A delightful rhyme tells us what to look for in our surroundings: When windows won’t open, And salt clogs the shaker, The weather will favour The umbrella maker. and: If chairs squeak It is of rain they speak.

Animals are sensitive to changes in pressure and many react badly to low pressure. Sheep, if reluctant to move up to higher grazing, tell us that bad weather is on the way.

Some sayings relating to animals seem bizarre, such as cows lying down when it is going to rain. In reality, they are probably lying down to digest what they have just eaten!

Birds’ flying habits are always useful clues. Birds will fly high in good weather as they take advantage of insects. Owls’ feathers do not do well when they are wet, so they do not hunt so much on wet nights. When the weather changes, they can be seen desperately hunting by day, as they are so hungry.

Many pages could be written on this fascinating subject, and I have barely scratched the surface.

Phyllis Maiden

Some clouds look like animals’ tails and the rhyme goes: Horses’ manes and mares’ tails, Sailors soon shall shorten sails because their sighting was frequently a precursor of bad weather.

We occasionally see a ‘mackerel’ sky and this cloud, the altocumuli, warns us that a storm will follow within 36 hours.

A country person’s body may even tell him how the weather was behaving.

If his corns had shooting pains, then a storm was coming, as with the aching of a hollow tooth or his back.

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All Saints church in Nettleham with its familiar golden cockerel weather vane

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Nettleham Gardeners’ Annual Show 2012 We knew it had been a difficult year in the garden, with the result that many people said that they had little to enter this year. However, we were pleased to see that people had made an effort and most classes had entries displayed, with the flower classes being even better supported than last year.

Pictured here is a selection of the ‘Best in Group’ winners in the 2012 Nettleham Gardeners’ Show, including the ‘Best in Show’ exhibit (left) from Sally Bradley, a delightful small arrangement of hedgerow fruits and autumnal foliage with the topical theme: ”Time to Economise”

We actually had more people entering this year, but the number of items entered in total was less. As you know this is an open show and schedules are sent out to other clubs, and we were surprised and very pleased to welcome a gentleman who had travelled from Boston to exhibit.

One-third of the entry forms came from Nettleham News and 20 people came and recorded their entries on the Friday evening, making for less of a queue on the Saturday morning of the show!

15 children entered this year, the same as last year, and I have to say thank goodness for grannies, as well as mums and dads, for encouraging the children to enter.

The addition of the recipe for traditional Yorkshire Parkin was not popular (only two entries), in fact the baking section was down on numbers and the weather can’t be blamed for that!

The liqueur class was well supported, which boosted the wine entry numbers, although others classes were less well supported.

Despite the poor growing conditions we did get good feedback from the judges and visitors who had enjoyed their visit.

We do have some very talented people living in and around Nettleham!

We are always pleased to receive suggestions for new items to include in the show, so please let me or any of the committee know. As I continually say this is your show and we need your support, as we do not want the show to be discontinued, as has been the case in some other villages.

If you haven’t joined us before, why not give us a try and come along to a Garden Club meeting. They are held on the first Wednesday of each month in The Old School starting at 7.30pm.

Thank you all for your support.

Sally Bradley 19

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SALON

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A boutique salon conveniently located in the heart of Nettleham

Highly trained stylists for all your hairdressing needs Salon Rouge Unit 4, 22 The Green, Church Street Car Park, Nettleham

Email: salonrougethegreen@hotmail.co.uk

Telephone 01522 752746 20

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Police News There is no Police News in this edition of Nettleham News

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Non-emergency number: 101 Telephone: 01522 882222 (Ext:5796) Voicemail: 01522 558798 (0440) Fax: 01522 805797 Email: nettleham.npt@lincs.pnn.police.uk PC 277 Donnah Thompson Mobile: 07939 312757 Email: donnah.thompson@lincs.pnn.police.uk

PC 440 Dave Morgan Mobile: 07825 523426 Email: david.morgan@lincs.pnn.police.uk

PC 481 Chris Pointon Mobile: 07500 920477 Email: christopher.pointon@lincs.pnn.police.uk

PCSO 2108 Jackie Parker Mobile: 07944 776801 Email: jackie.parker@lincs.pnn.police.uk

PCSO 2176 Ross Payne Mobile: 07833 143606 Email: ross.payne@lincs.pnn.police.uk

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More Letters from Readers Lincoln Drill Hall I was very interested to read the article by Patricia Gregory in the autumn 2012 edition of Nettleham News about Lincoln’s Drill Hall, a place which brings back many memories for me, too.

CUT OUT AND KEEP IN A CONVENIENT PLACE Nettleham Police Station Scothern Road Nettleham Lincoln LN2 2TU

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In 1929, when I was a boy, I returned to England with my family from India, where my father had been Regimental Sergeant Major of the 2nd Lincolnshire Regiment.

He had retired from the army after twenty-two years’ service and obtained a civilian post as an Orderly Room Clerk for the Territorial Army, based at the Drill Hall.

He had an office upstairs there, which has since been converted into a flat.

In the 1930s, when I was a pupil at the City School - which in those days was on Monks Road - I would call and see him on my way home. Every Christmas an indoor ‘shoot’ (shooting competition) was held at the Drill Hall and my father, who was an excellent shot, won many prizes, including a dinner service which we still use today.

During the war the Drill Hall was a popular dance venue and I visited there many times when on leave from the army. These days my wife and I attend there regularly for a less energetic pursuit: to listen to the excellent literature lectures given by Dr Jane Mackay, often followed by a film.

As we sit there enjoying our lunch, I often reflect on the many ways the Drill Hall has touched my life for over eighty years.

Michael Gravells

www.twitter.com/NPT_Nettleham www.facebook.com/nettlehamnpt

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Nettleham Cares Thank you so much to everyone who joined in Nettleham Cares on Saturday 20 October 2012 and made the day so memorable. It was really good to have so many charities participating. On their behalf, I would like to thank all of you for your support.

Thank you ladies for providing delicious refreshments once again. Whether as stall holders or supporters, we did so enjoy the goodies you provided and know you will have slept well that night!

Macmillan Coffee Morning Once again, my sincere thanks to everyone who supported the Coffee Morning at my home on 28 September and for donations received. Grateful thanks also to my friends who worked so hard to keep the coffee flowing and sale tills ringing. I am pleased to say that I have been able to send a cheque for £275 to Macmillan.

Kath Ersser

Nettleham Age UK In our village, for over 30 years, our more elderly residents have enjoyed the opportunity to socialise together at the Thursday Luncheon Club, Tuesday Coffee Morning and Forget Me Not Club - many of them relying on transport to get to these weekly events.

However, Lincoln Dial-A-Ride, who provide the minibus service, is now very short on volunteer drivers which is impacting on our membership. The Tuesday Coffee Morning Club lost its transport two years ago and consequently some members are now unable to attend. It would be such a shame if this situation resulted in the closure of some of the clubs, as they are of such importance to our senior citizens, who really do value these amenities.

Please consider whether you could help us - no special driving licence is required, training is given and travel expenses into Lincoln to collect the minibus are paid.

If several people came forward it would spread the load - a little of your time would mean a lot to them.

Please contact Mike Paley on Lincoln 754132 who can tell you more.

Kath Ersser Secretary, Age UK Nettleham

Fundraising for Sight Savers Thank you all so much for your most generous support of the stall, held at Nettleham Cares, in aid of Sight Savers.

A sincere thank you to Doris Colman and her family for all the knitted gifts sent to us for sale on the stall and to Win Rollin for all her help in so many ways.

Finally, my thanks to Chevrette, who not only provided the music for us, but made no charge for playing, thereby contributing to all the charities. Such a lovely gesture.

The proceeds of the stall, together with donations received, meant that I was able to send the grand sum of £100.00 to Sight Savers to help in their excellent work.

Joyce E Lewis

Joyce E Lewis

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Queen Elizabeth II Coronation I am writing in response to the letter from Marion Jones (nee Shaw) from Australia, in the autumn edition of Nettleham News.

I too remember the Queen Elizabeth II Coronation celebrations in this village.

I was eight years old and a pupil at Nettleham C of E school around the same time as Marion’s sister Angela.

Yes, we did all receive a copy of the Coronation New Testament, which I still have to this day. I also remember the Celebration Parade in the village.

I was living on Deepdale (now The Dene) with my family at the time across the pathway from Jimmy Brown’s family.

I include three photographs of us re-enacting a wedding (not sure why!) at the Parade. The ‘Vicar’ was Marilyn Brown, the ’Bride’ was Jean Sleet (she has since left the village) and ‘Bridesmaids’ were myself (Christine Kinder), Angela Thompson (who, soon after this photograph was taken, contracted polio along with her four brothers and sisters. They were our next-door neighbours and Angela was my friend. Sadly she died from the effects of polio in her early 20s). The other ‘Bridesmaid’ was one of the Baker girls I think. I can’t remember who the ‘Groom’ was.

Left to right: Marilyn Brown, Jean Sleet, ..........?, Christine Kinder, Angela Thompson, ? Baker

Left to right: Marilyn Brown, ? Baker, Jean Street, ..........?, Christine Kinder, Angela Thompson

There were also floats from village organizations and my sister June has some photographs of herself, Joyce Bell, Rene Franklin and Joan Porter as ‘Nurses’ on the Red Cross float.

Christine Edison (nee Kinder)

Editor Many thanks Christine for your fond reminiscences about events and people of past years in the village, including some of the youngsters who were brought up in Nettleham.

Many thanks also for the photographs I know readers are always interested to see old photographs of the village and the people who lived here and if any readers have other old photographs of Nettleham, perhaps tucked away in the back of a drawer, do send them in for publication - they will be returned safely to you

Left to right: Angela Thompson, ? Baker, Christine Kinder

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AGM: 23 May 2012

Additional Committee Members Required

The AGM briefly reported on the state of our Association and the existing committee were re-elected, with the exception of Ken Redmore who wished to step down.

Many thanks Ken for all your excellent work for the Association.

I plan to leave the Nettleham area next summer, providing, of course, that the sale of my house proceeds successfully.

I will complete my year as the Secretary of Nettleham Heritage Association, but after that it will be necessary for someone else, or perhaps more realistically, some other people, to take on the job.

This was followed by a talk by Samantha Gordon about Bishop Grosseteste’s new Archaeology Lab. Here, Stewart Kerrison tells you about the lab project:

The tasks involved could be broken down into four separate categories as follows: Secretary This is perhaps the least onerous task, as not many letters are required in the general administration of the Association.

Mostly you need to be the one that arranges committee meetings, compiles an agenda, reminds people of meetings and generally keeps an eye on the whole set-up from an organisational point of view.

Newsletter Editor Write, edit and distribute the Association newsletter to the membership of the Nettleham Heritage Association.

Assistant Treasurer/Membership Secretary Maintain the membership list, collect the subscriptions, attend meetings to collect the latter (together with any one-off entry fees), collect payment cheques from the Treasurer and take all moneys/cheques, with list of money in/out, to the Treasurer.

Talks Assistant Pearl Wheatley books the speakers and arranges the dates for the programme of talks throughout the winter months.

The task of the assistant will be to organise the booking of the hall on the relevant dates, the key to be collected from the parish office on the day of the talk and the hall to be opened up at 7.00pm, arrangements made to pay hall rental and return of the key to the parish office.

The existing committee members can probably cover a number of these tasks, but they will definitely need some new volunteer members to cover the rest.

I have thoroughly enjoyed the eight years plus that I have been involved in Nettleham Heritage Association, seeing it grow and develop from the start. However, with the death of my mother in April this year, the need for me to stay in this area has disappeared. Thus I have to think of my future and move on.

Please consider offering to assist with some of the above tasks to ensure that Nettleham Heritage Association continues into the future.

Pat Gregory Telephone: 809062 Email: p.gregory@ntlworld.com

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Nettleham Heritage Association 2013 Programme These meetings are open to everyone and start at 7.30pm in the Old School, Nettleham

Wednesday 23 January 2013 Local Films & Film Makers Andrew Blow Andrew has saved and edited numerous past films, particularly of the Lincoln area, a recent edition including Nettleham.

He will illustrate his talk with extracts from some of his productions Wednesday 27 February 2013 Robert Grossesteste: Scientist, Scholar and… Saint?

Dr Jack Cunningham Jack Cunningham, a lecturer at Bishop Grosseteste University College, is the author of a biography of this medieval bishop who was a highly intellectual national figure Wednesday 27 March 2013 A Piece of Paradise: the Medieval Garden Mrs Jean Townsend One of historian Jean Townsend’s special studies is in medieval history. This talk may help us to visualize the garden which is known to have existed on the site of the Nettleham Bishops’ Palace Wednesday 24 April 2013 The History of the RAF Fire Service Stephen Shirley MBE Stephen Shirley is a serving fire officer who has studied the RAF service’s history and curates the Fire Service Museum at RAF Scampton Wednesday 22 May 2013 Annual General Meeting After which the Association Secretary, Patricia Gregory, will give a talk on her researches into the history of the medieval Bishops’ Palace in Nettleham and other historical palaces around the county of Lincolnshire 25

Bishop Grosseteste University College Archaeology Unit were awarded a Lottery Grant for the ‘Open Lab’. This is basically the facility for archaeological groups to use the Archaeology Department’s laboratory.

I represented Nettleham Heritage Group on the steering committee, the first meeting taking place on Monday 30 January 2012.

Unfortunately, at present, I am the only member of Nettleham Heritage Group to attend, which is a shame as I feel that both our group and individuals within the Association could gain a great deal.

What do we do when we meet? Groups can bring in their finds to be catalogued and recorded with their own unique number, then washed (if appropriate), preserved, photographed drawn, etc, and if appropriate sent to the archive.

Even if a group does not have any finds of their own, their members can assist other groups to do any of the above. Also it is an opportunity to meet experts and other like-minded people. Times run from 10.00am - 3.00pm, but you don’t need to be there for the whole meeting. Some only stay until lunchtime, whilst others come in the afternoon - in other words times are flexible. If you want to come all day, please bring a packed lunch (tea or coffee are supplied). It is a really relaxed meeting with everyone able to do what suits them best.

Members are also invited to attend a number of free workshops as listed below (all from 7.00pm - 9.00pm): Animal Bone Analysis Monday 10 December 2012 Post-Medieval Pottery Monday 7 January 2013 Medieval Pottery Monday 4 February 2013 Roman Pottery Monday 4 March 2013 A History of Coins in Lincolnshire Monday 25 March 2013 Identifying Shells & Clay Pipes Monday 6 May Anyone who wishes to attend please let me know, either by email: stewart.kerrison@ntlworld.com or telephone 852156

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Harley Towler: Smashing his Way to the Top Having lived in the village all my life, I thought maybe it was time for me to add a small contribution to our magazine.

After constantly changing my thoughts on deciding what to write a piece about, I thought it would be fitting to give my publicity-shy brother and badminton superstar, Harley Towler, some spotlight.

How did you start in the sport?

Many people in Nettleham will be unaware of Harley’s sporting achievements given his modest demeanour and quiet nature. We as a family have always admired Harley’s total dedication and focus on his discipline, which has resulted in him fulfilling the potential he demonstrated from an early age when he became (as far as I am aware) the youngest County Mens Singles Champion at just 15 years of age.

How do you fit the demands of the sport into everyday life and what does a typical badminton week consist of?

Harley started playing badminton at the age of seven and specialises in both Mens and Mixed Doubles. He was also a member of the World Class Potential Programme run by Badminton England before moving up to the senior age group. Harley is now a Talented Athlete Scholarship Scheme (TASS) badminton player studying Sport and Exercise Science at Loughborough University. He is currently ranked 11th in England for Mens Doubles and 9th in England for Mixed Doubles. His recent results on the international stage have seen him rise rapidly up the world rankings where he now lies 223rd for Mixed Doubles and 119th for Mens Doubles.

I interviewed Harley over the internet (he doesn’t know this is going to be published in Nettleham News!). I hope it provides an insight into the lifestyle of an elite athlete and maybe in a few years he could even feature on your TV screens.

I started playing badminton at the age of 7; all my brothers played it, so I got involved that way. I originally played tennis, but badminton seemed more interesting to me and also was much more accessible, due to it being played indoors.

Typically, I train 20 hours a week (4 hours Monday - Friday), comprising 15 hours on-court training and 5 hours dedicated to strength and conditioning, speed-work and circuit training. During term-time this can be challenging to fit in, but on several days we train in the morning from 7.00am to 9.00am, so that it does not clash with lectures. Of course certain aspects of life have to suffer, ie socialising, but that is a sacrifice you have to make if you want to train like a full-time athlete.

Who were your greatest influences growing up?

My greatest influences from badminton are Lin Dan, a player who has won every title available to him (most of them on multiple occasions) including 4 world titles and 2 Olympic gold medals. His playing style fast and attacking, and his determination are what most inspire me. I am also inspired by Cai Yun & Fu Haifeng, a Chinese Mens Doubles pair, who are both very different players, but together are an incredible partnership who have also won Olympic gold and silver along with 4 world titles.

Outside of badminton, probably my favourite sportsman is Roger Federer. He is an outstanding tennis player to watch and has an incredible attitude and dedication, both on and off court. His records speak for themselves and he is a great model for any young sportsperson.

If you were not a badminton player, then what would you be?

Many other sports and also other areas of life interest me, such as music and science. I would have to say a guitarist or tennis player.

Your strongest disciplines are Mens and Mixed Doubles. How different are the styles and training routines of a Doubles specialist, compared to that of a Singles competitor?

Singles requires much more endurance based training, such as long routines requiring a lot of movement, something that doesn’t particular appeal to me.

Whereas Doubles training is much more diverse in my opinion, as well as having many more technical components, it is also much more intense and faster. In Doubles you have to focus on counter-attacking and controlling the net, as well as being solid in defence. However, in Singles you focus more on out-manoeuvring your opponent.

What is your greatest achievement and your biggest disappointment to date?

My greatest achievement is probably two silver medals at the U19 National Championships in Mens and Mixed Doubles, and beating a GB-funded pair along the way. My biggest disappointment is not getting picked for any major junior international competitions, such as European Juniors or World Juniors.

You played a few international events last season - what has been your favourite tournament and what countries are you looking to visit this time around?

My favourite tournament was the Dutch Junior International, because of the atmosphere and how good the accommodation and food was. This season I am looking at going to Belgium, Czech Republic, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, Austria, Croatia, Portugal and Spain.

Czech International 2012 Finalists Left to right: Peter Briggs, Harley Towler, Peter Mills and Chris Langridge (Follow Harley on Twitter: @harleytowler)

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You will soon be commencing your second year of studying at Loughborough University how has the Performance Centre supported you?

Overall the University has been great, continued on page 29

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obviously providing me with regular training and world-class facilities. The support is fantastic with physiotherapy support, strength and conditioning, as well as some funding for tournaments through certain scholarships.

What are your goals for the 2012-13 season and long-term ambitions in the sport?

During 2012-13, I am aiming to win an International Series event and to reach the semi-final of an International Challenge tournament. I would also like to get into the Top 100 of the World Rankings.

Domestically I would like to reach the semi-final of the National Championships and also to have rankings within the Top 8 in both Mens and Mixed Doubles.

I am also aiming to meet the criteria to get a place on either BE or GB senior programmes. Other goals include selection for World University Games and to win BUCS Individual and Team events.

Long-term I am hoping to play in major competitions such as the Olympics and World Championships and gain a medal in these events.

What long-term effect, if any, do you think the recent match-throwing controversy at London 2012 will have on the sport?

I can’t see it having much effect. I think badminton needs publicity for sure, but not for these reasons. I doubt that it will affect participation in the sport. I just hope that badminton continues to remain an Olympic sport.

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As I am writing this Harley has already achieved one of his aims for the season when recently he and partner Peter Briggs (Leicestershire) reached the final of the Mens Doubles at the Czech International in Brno. The Loughborough-based duo showed complete disregard for the world rankings, beating two higher-ranked pairs en route to the final before falling just short in their first big international final against Chris Langridge and Peter Mills of England (losing 21-14, 21-16).

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Nettleham Medical Practice and Cherry Willingham Branch Surgery Flu Vaccinations Programme Our flu campaign commenced on 29 September 2012. Following the success of our Saturday morning flu clinics, we shall again be running our flu clinics on various Saturday mornings throughout late autumn/winter at both Nettleham and

Cherry Willingham surgeries. We will be providing limited Thursday evening clinics at Nettleham for those patients who genuinely can not attend on a Saturday.

Vaccination is available for patients who fit one of the criteria listed below:

Aged 65 or over Have chronic heart disease Have chronic respiratory disease (including asthma when regularly using an inhaled steroid) Have chronic liver disease Have chronic renal disease Have diabetes Have suppressed immune systems Are a carer Have multiple sclerosis Currently pregnant Please contact the surgery to book an appointment in one of the flu clinics.

There is no need to wait until you receive a letter.

If you fit into one of the criteria listed above, please contact the surgery to make an appointment.

Monthly Early Closures for Training Winter 2012 In order to enable our doctors and staff to be kept up to date, Nettleham surgery will be closed for training at 1.00pm on the following afternoon.

(Emergency help is still available by calling 111).

Tuesday 18 December Contact Details: Telephone: 01522 751717 (When the surgery is closed call freephone 111)

And to end on a positive note why should people take up badminton?

I think badminton is a great sport and a very enjoyable one. Not only does it require so many different elements at the elite level, ranging from precise technical net-play to physical endurance and power, but it is an excellent sport for people to take up and meet new people and socialise. Overall badminton is an exciting sport at both elite and recreational levels and is very diverse.

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Website: www.nettlehammedical.co.uk Practice Manager: Helen Lunn

Nettleham WI Programme 11 December 2012 Christmas Meeting: Lindum Ladies’ Choir 8 January 2013 My Life as a Spy: Stephen Griffiths 12 February 2013 Take a Scrap of Fabric: Tempo Talks: Serena & Julie 12 March 2013 Gardening for Necessity: Lorna Bennett 9 April 2013 Annual Meeting Social Time and Hat Parade 14 May 2013 Resolution Meeting: Quiz

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The cost to members is ÂŁ35.00 per day.

Contact: Christine Bradbury (RGN) 01673 86271 or email: christinebradbury601@btinternet.com

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safe REGISTER

ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED

TELEPHONE 01522 882061 MOBILE 07957 700690

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Link Romania Family Shoebox Appeal 2012 First of all, many thanks to you all for your support of the Coffee Morning on 15 September, when we launched the Shoebox Appeal.

This was so well attended that we raised £291.00 which was a fantastic start.

We did so appreciate the help given by both supporters and stall-holders.

Thank you all so much for your support of the Shoebox Appeal. This has been a fantastic year, as once again you have all been so very generous. At the time of writing 184 shoe boxes are now ready to make their way to Romania, as well as boxes of cuddly toys, stationery, hats, scarves, jumpers, cardigans and blankets.

Many more of you felt able to sign the Gift Aid form this year and this will mean increased funds to support all projects.

The response to the appeal for hats and scarves was wonderful again this year most boxes contained a hat and there are more which can be handed out to the children. How much joy they will bring to Romanian families at Christmas time and indeed for many months to come.

Once again support for the appeal has come from far and wide - Barnsley, Doncaster, Gainsborough, Nottingham, Swansea, Scunthorpe, Leeds, London, Lincoln and all the villages around us.

Both St Mary’s Primary School and Cherry Willingham Primary School have also made contact and arrangements have been made for the lorry to call there. So many folk told us how much they enjoyed packing the boxes, so please will you pass on this ‘thank you’ to those you know who will not receive a copy of Nettleham News.

We so appreciate all the support we are given and thank each and every one who has joined us in our care for our Romanian friends.

Happy Christmas to you all and thank you for making it a joyful one for so many families in Romania.

Cora, Mary, Janet and Joyce

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Nettleham Community Lottery Nettleham Community Lottery has been in operation now for a year.

We would like to thank the businesses in the village which are supporting us: The White Hart, The Tea Cosy, Salon Rouge, Hair Innovations and Scandigifts - local businesses supporting the local community and the character of the village. If you run a business in Nettleham and would like to join, please use the contact details below.

Thank you also to all the people in the village that have joined, recognising that there are community organisations and groups without which Nettleham would not be the vibrant community it is.

The number who have joined have enabled us to begin looking at organisations and groups in the community to help and have started to boost the funds required to complete the roofing and stonework required to maintain the Grade One listed building of All Saints Church. The church is a landmark that we know villagers are proud of and wish to maintain, even if they are not regular visitors.

We have had 36 lucky winners this year and there will be 36 more next year. If you would like more information, are a local business, or somebody who wishes to help local organisations and maintain a Grade One listed building that helps to make the character of the village that you live and perhaps work in, please get in touch using the contact details below.

Also if you are an organisation or group that benefits the community of Nettleham and requires some funding, do please get in touch and we will look at each case on an individual basis.

Thank you to all our supporters.

Neil Duff 07789 543422 Russ Coulter 01522 850708 community.nettleham@gmail.com

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A Timely Warning!

The autumn edition of Nettleham News carried a warning about a computer scam in which anyone who telephones you and claims to be from Microsoft or McAfee (indeed any anti-virus company), your bank or financial company and seeks access to your computer, will be a criminal.

Two days after reading the article my wife was called by ‘Microsoft’ saying that she had a problem with her Windows 7 and was she near her computer? Fortunately she had read the article and realised the significance of the call the caller even left a telephone number saying they were from Hanover Street, if she wished to call back and confirm identity! Of course, she rang off immediately from the very foreign and difficult-to-understand voice. I telephoned the Lincolnshire Police HQ to ask if they had a department dealing with this sort of thing as it happens they don’t, but they suggested telephoning ‘Action Fraud’ (part of Consumer Direct) on 0300 1232040 who take care of this sort of thing. I did so and left details of the attempted scam, which they informed me is happening with thousands of calls. They were very efficient and warned us not to make any attempt to call the scammer’s number, since to do so would put you on their ‘suckers list’ and invite further calls and attempted hack-ins.

I don’t know whether or not we would have been taken in by this if we had not read the article - I like to think we wouldn’t, but you never know and this call was one of an untold number of unsolicited calls from all over the world with which we are plagued, even though we are on the Telephone Preference System which, in theory, screens us from this sort of thing, but sadly doesn’t eliminate calls originating overseas. For that reason we now have caller display and do not answer any calls which indicate ‘International’, on the assumption that overseas friends will leave a message on our answer-machine if they want to talk to us. We are also non-committal with our response if we do not recognise the caller’s number. I have now taken to telling them to “B***** off” if I don’t like the sound of them, much as it goes against the grain to do so.

I don’t know whether it does the trick, but I feel better for it!

With thanks to Nettleham News.

Ken Pilbeam Editor Pleased to be of service and if other readers know of any other scams, do please let me know

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Bishops Meadow: The Concept Progress on the development of the ‘pastoral’ area in the south-east corner of the Bishops Palace site in the village is now gaining momentum.

It has been decided that this ‘pastoral’area should henceforth be known as Bishops Meadow. At the present time it actually is all meadow, with open grassland that has become the subject of regular mowing during the spring, summer and autumn months of the past year, including perimeter footpaths, which are being increasingly used by residents for a pleasant stroll around this previously neglected and inaccessible area.

It is anticipated that planting of the area will commence in 2013 and under the sensitive and thoughtful guidance of Nettleham Woodland Trust, the working group has created a planting plan which is reproduced on the facing page. It should be emphasized that this is only conceptual at this early stage and may be subject to modification as the development of the site progresses in the future.

Essentially, Bishops Meadow would be divided into two main sectors: an area of open grassland in the south-west corner and an area of woodland in the north-east corner. Separating these two areas would be a footpath, initially of mown grass, leading from the existing burial ground extension field-gate to the new ‘threshold’ entrance, to be known as Prince of Wales Gate, leading through to the Scheduled Ancient Monument (SAM) site.

This feature gateway would be bounded on both sides by traditional Lincolnshire post and rail fencing, together with a hedge of mixed native species, including hawthorn and blackthorn, clearly delineating the boundary. The location

of this gateway was influenced by the position of two existing ‘grassy knolls’ in the adjacent SAM area of the site.

Along this path, in the form of an avenue, a number of ‘memorial’ trees could be planted, with occasional groups to form small copses along the way. Approximately halfway along this path, in the centre of the site, it is suggested that a ‘significant’ tree is planted. An English oak would probably be the first choice here, which, in the fullness of time, would grow to create an imposing central focal point. Taking two- to three-hundred years to mature, the great-great-grandchildren of the present generation may see a mighty oak!

This could eventually have a circular bench around the base, from which an observer would be able to watch the sun setting on the western horizon directly through the Prince of Wales Gate.

The open meadow grassland would be mown perhaps twice a year and seeded with a meadow wildflower mix to create a traditional English wildflower meadow.

The open aspect of this area, bounded on the south by an existing low dry-stone wall, will ensure that it receives the benefit of full sun throughout the day.

The north-east corner would be the subject of ‘woodland’ planting, with a core of native birch and oak, surrounded by a mixture of woodland margin species including hazel, aspen, wild cherry, guelder rose, etc, many of which will provide a valuable source of food for birds and other wildlife attracted to the area.

Planting of suitable woodland wildflowers under the trees (eg wood anemone, snowdrop, English bluebell) and around the margins would provide additional interest through the seasons of the year.

Around the entire perimeter of the area there would be a mown grass path, around 5 metres wide, enabling machinery to access the site. Later to be sown with wildflower seeds to create a wildflower walk, this access is important in the early years, when mowing and spraying out of weeds is necessary to give the newly-planted trees the best chance to become successfully established.

This is also the reason why the young tree saplings would initially be planted in staggered rows, enabling access for maintenance, in the same way as those planted in recent months in Monks Wood at the Ashing Lane Nature Reserve, Dunholme. Over a long period of time, as excess trees are removed and others may die through natural causes, the initial rows become progressivley less apparent and eventually present a completely natural appearance.

It is anticipated that the combination of open meadow grassland and mixed native woodland will attract a widely diverse variety of wildlife to the area and create an attractive wildlife sanctuary in the heart of our village for the benefit and enjoyment of future generations.

The Bishops Palace working group has already put a great deal of thought and effort into this project and, with funding through the Heritage Lottery Fund, has been able to commence work on what will be a very attractive and pleasant village amenity in the years to come.

Many readers will already have seen the new low-gradient ramp near the Methodist Chapel on High Street, which will enable easier access to the SAM site for both pedestrians and disabled persons.

The next improvement will be the installation of a new perimeter boundary fence around the SAM site, comprising traditional Lincolnshire post and rail fencing. This should be completed before the end of the year. Interpretation boards will also be added around the site to enable visitors to appreciate the important historical significance of the area.

Readers may remember that in the questionnaire involved in the creation of the Nettleham Parish Plan in 2007, the development and improvement of the Bishops Palace site was identified by residents as a very important long-term aspiration - and now this is becoming a reality.

There is clearly still much to do and anyone who may be interested in participating in the realisation of this concept would be most welcome.

Regular mowing of the area during 2012

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Bishops Meadow: The Plan The sketch plan below shows the ‘pastoral’ area of the Bishops’ Palace site located in the south-east corner and which contains no significant underground archaeology.

This entire area will now be known as Bishops’ Meadow and, under the guidance of Nettleham Woodland Trust, a series of different ecological features will be created including: open meadow, woodland, wildflower walks, shrubs, heritage fruit orchard, specimen trees, woodland margin and copse.

Feature gateway to be known as Prince of Wales Gate, leading from Bishops Meadow into the SAM site

It should be emphasized that this is only a concept planting plan at this stage and if any reader has any additional suggestions for the area, do please contact the Bishops Palace Working Group (through the Parish Council Office) with your ideas.

The intention is to create, over a period of time, a number of different environmental habitats which in turn will encourage a wide variety of wildlife into the area: mammals, birds, insects, amphibians, reptiles, wildflowers, etc.

Heritage fruit orchard with a number of small trees, including varieties of historical interest

It will also provide an attractive and important educational facility for local schools, with opportunities not only for studying the native wildlife, but also an introduction to the history and heritage of both the Bishops Palace site and the village of Nettleham.

Woodland margin planting with mixed native shrubs and other low/medium height plants

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Mown grass path continues into the designated Scheduled Ancient Monument (SAM) area of the site

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Mown grass path around perimeter for vehicular access, later to be sown with wildflower seed mixture to create wildflower walk

KEY TO SKETCH PLAN S Significant tree (Bishops Oak?) F Heritage fruit trees M Memorial trees H Mixed hedge: hawthorn, blackthorn, etc

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Traditional Lincolnshire post and rail fencing on boundary of the SAM site

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This sketch plan is only conceptual at this early stage and may be subject to revision as more work on the site progresses

Woodland planting with native British trees underplanted with suitable plants, eg wood anemone

In time, it will provide Nettleham with a small, but diverse, wildlife sanctuary and also a pleasant place in which to walk, or perhaps picnic with the family, in a peaceful rural setting.

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Informal avenue of memorial trees following the path through the site, with occasional small groups to form a copse

Vehicular access by existing field-gate from the burial ground extension for mowing, etc

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The Bishops’ Palace and Manor In the late Saxon era, the manor of Nettleham covered most of the centre of today’s village. The term ‘manor’ meant an area of land held by a tenant or ‘lord of the manor’, the ultimate owner being the king. This usually included land farmed directly by the tenant and other farms, which were sub-let. There was usually a ‘manor house’ on this land, used as a home either for the lord, or his or her nominated representative.

Nettleham’s manor and its manor house, (the latter on the site we refer to as the Bishops’ Palace field), was in the dower lands of Queen Edith, wife of Edward the Confessor (king of England 1042 - Jan 1066), daughter of Earl Godwin and sister of Harold, who was king of England from January to October 1066.

A queen’s dower lands remained in her hands until her death, in Edith’s case in 1075, and their purpose was to maintain a queen both during her reign and after the death of her husband, when his property would pass to his heir. It is not known for certain how this land came to be Edith’s property, but some believed that her family, the Godwins, were related to, or linked to, Earl Leofric or Lady Godiva (Godgifu) of Mercia, and thus to Countess Lucy of Lincoln Castle. However, later research refutes this claim, as it is more likely that the Godwins came from comparatively lowly origins in Sussex and therefore more likely that the land was given to Edith by her husband, Edward.

It is not known exactly what happened to the manor of Nettleham after Edith’s death

The Bishops’ Palace site in Nettleham

in 1075, although it is likely that it passed into the king’s ownership to be reallocated at a later date. This seems likely since William the Conquerer gave the church at Nettleham to the Abbey of Ebrulfi (Evroult) in Normandy in 1081. Furthermore, the Domesday book of 1086 lists Nettleham as in the ‘Land of the King’, although he had given a small amount of land to Gilbert of Gant (or Gaunt) and Bishop Remigius of Lincoln.

The next evidence of ownership is that it belonged to Maud, daughter of King Malcolm of Scotland and his wife Margaret (related to the Anglo-Saxon kings of England), who married Henry I, son of William I, in 1100. It is likely the manor of Nettleham was given to her on her marriage, as it is later passed by Henry I to Robert Bloet, bishop of Lincoln, in July 1101, with the consent of Queen Maud who is referred to as owning the land. This gift was later confirmed by their grandson, Henry II, in c1155-8.

In 1219 Bishop Hugh of Wells negotiated with the Abbey of Ebrulfi for the rights of the church of Nettleham to be returned to the Bishopric of Lincoln and thus reunited with the manor of Nettleham. A yearly pension of 40 shillings or 3 marks was paid to the abbey in exchange.

Queen Maud, daughter of King Malcolm of Scotland and wife of King Henry I of England

In 1281 Edward I claimed that he was the rightful owner of the manor of Nettleham and all its rights and revenues. Bishop Oliver Sutton contested this claim, citing the charters of Henry I and Henry II, and the Bishop’s rights were upheld.

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However no personal ill-feelings appear to have been maintained between the king and the bishop, as when Edward’s queen, Eleanor of Castile, died at nearby Harby, Bishop Oliver Sutton assisted in the funeral ceremonies in both Lincoln (which houses her viscera tomb) and Westminster.

Indeed Bishop Sutton accompanied the body on its final journey to Westminster, when stone memorial crosses were erected en route to mark the resting places of the funeral courtege.

Bishop Sutton was a frequent visitor to Nettleham, as can be shown by the number of documents he witnessed here.

He died in the palace/manor at Nettleham on 13 November 1299.

A few days later his body was carried by some of the cathedral canons towards Lincoln. They rested halfway through the journey and raised a cross there which is thought to be the site and origin of Myle Cross. Relatives took him to the city boundary, from where the city elders bore him to the cathedral. He was interred in the Angel Choir, not far from St Hugh’s head tomb. This marking of stopping places of a body on its final journey follows the example of Louis IX of France and, of course, Queen Eleanor.

John Dalderby was elected bishop in 1300.

In January 1301 Parliament was held in the Chapter House of Lincoln Cathedral.

Edward I and his retinue stayed at Nettleham with the bishop. It is clear that much business was carried out here between 25 January and 12 February as

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at Nettleham: a Concise History many Charters, Patent and Fine Rolls and Inquisitions between those dates are referred to as taking place ‘at Netelham’.

On 7 February in the Parliament, the king created his son, Edward of Caernarvon, Prince of Wales and Earl of Chester.

If the usual custom was followed, the scribe would have taken notes during the Parliament and then scribed the document back at their temporary home in Nettleham for it to be ratified there, but we have no documentary proof.

There is also evidence to suggest that when later Parliaments were held in Lincoln Cathedral, by Edward I in 1304 and Edward II in 1316, the appropriate king stayed at Nettleham with the bishop.

In 1336 Edward III granted Bishop Henry Burghersh and his successors ‘free warren of all his demesne land of Netilham’.

(Free warren is the sole right, granted by a royal charter to a lord of the manor, to hunt usually pheasant, partridge, hare and rabbit, within a certain area. These charters were popular between the late twelfth and early fourteenth centuries). Also in 1336 the bishop was granted the right to crenellate the manor house. This would have made it stronger and more imposing.

It is thought that a garden, bounded by a stone wall, was created just after the above date. There is evidence of the remains of paths and flowerbeds following rectangular patterns.

The Nettleham Charter, written in Latin, proclaimimg the son of King Edward I to be the first Prince of Wales: Edward of Caernarvon and Earl of Chester

When the mob reached Nettleham, they attacked the Bishops’ Manor doing considerable damage. Once their petition was presented it was refused and many supporters from the gentry melted away.

Eventually the Duke of Suffolk arrived with his army and rounded up the ringleaders.

The ordinary protesters were pardoned, but many of the ringleaders and gentry were duly executed.

On 26 March 1514 Thomas Wolsey was made Bishop of Lincoln and so lord of the manor of Nettleham. However his tenure was short-lived as in September 1514 he was made Archbishop of York and became a cardinal shortly afterwards.

Bishop John Longland granted the keepership of the manor of Nettleham to Jerome Morton on 30 September 1546.

It is possible he took this action as he did not like being reminded of the Lincolnshire Rising, when it became clear that he was unpopular. It may also mean that the manor house was no longer habitable after the damage done by the rebels, although later events refute this, the grant referring to pears, apples and other fruits being grown there, as well as kitchen herbs.

On Sunday 1 October 1536, civil unrest started in Louth and subsequently spread to Horncastle, Caistor and Wragby.

This, the famous Lincolnshire Rising, was a protest partly against Henry VIII stripping the churches of their treasures and partly fearing the rumours of new taxes on cattle and sheep - a serious concern for a largely agrarian county. By Friday 6 October many thousands of men were encamped on Nettleham Field, about one mile from the city. On the Saturday they were joined by six canons and the abbot of Barlings Abbey and a priest of ‘Netlam’. On the Monday the leaders met at Myle Cross, mentioned previously, to revise their demands.

Participants in the 1536 Lincolnshire Rising, comprising many thousands of local citizens, supported by clergymen and county gentry, meet at Myle Cross just outside the city of Lincoln

Bishop John Russell, lord of the manor of Nettleham, died here on 30 December 1494. He was carried to the cathedral and buried in his chantry chapel, east of the south door of the cathedral.

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After Longland’s death in 1547, Lincoln got its first married bishop - Henry Rands or Holbeach. He lived at Nettleham, with his wife Joan, son Thomas and daughter Judith, so either the palace was not too badly damaged by the Lincolnshire Rising, or repairs had been carried out in the meantime. He signed away nearly all of the rich manors belonging to the see of Lincoln in exchange for various rectories and other privileges. The manors given up numbered either twenty-six or thirty-four, according to different authorities. Holbeach, as well as Longland, was a believer in Protestant reform, reflecting greater austerity and less adornment of the church’s property.

Bishop Holbeach died at Nettleham manor house on 6 August 1551.

His son, Thomas Rands, was given the rectory of south Gainsborough and also granted the lease of the Dean and Chapter’s farmhouse at Nettleham.

His daughter, Dorothy, married Walter Nethercotes on 19 January 1591.

After Thomas Rands’ death, a lease, dated 26 September 1610, granted the Dean’s farmhouse to Walter Nethercotes for his life and thereafter to his children.

It is probable that the Nethercotes family already lived there. On the south wall of Nettleham church there is a memorial to Dorothy Nethercotes, who died on the 29 June 1603.

The Rands/Nethercoates family and their descendants were granted the lease of the Dean and Chapter’s farmhouse until at least 1723 and were frequently mentioned in the Court Rolls and parish registers.

Continued on page 36

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The Bishops’ Palace and Manor Continued from page 35

The period following the death of Bishop Holbeach was a tumultuous one for both the country and its church, as this covered the brief reigns of Edward VI (1547-53), with its strong Protestant ideology, and Mary I (1553-58), when the country reverted to Roman Catholicism. John Taylor succeeded to the bishopric in 1552, but at Mary’s first Parliament on 5 October 1553 he withdrew from the celebration of mass and was subsequently deprived of his bishopric in March 1554. His residence was divided between Nettleham and Lincoln during his brief tenure in office and his death in December 1554 saved him from any further punitive measures against him.

At the accession of Elizabeth I in 1558, the country once again became Protestant, but with less reforming zeal than in her brother Edward’s time.

John White was briefly bishop 1554-56 and was then moved to Winchester. Thomas Watson followed White, but was deprived of his office in 1559 by Elizabeth I. During his tenure he granted the office of keeper of the manor of Nettleham, with profits of the park and gardens, to Thomas Partes, yeoman. The bishop was to have all apples, pears and other fruits, and also ‘necessary vegetables’ during his residence there.

Nicholas Bullingham was the bishop from 1560-71. The surname Bullingham occurs in the Nettleham parish register in 1610 and 1612. It is possible these were Bishop Bullingham’s grandchildren. Remember that with the accession of Elizabeth I and the return to the Protestant faith, married bishops and priests were permitted again.

Bishop Thomas Cooper (1570-84) made long stays at Nettleham according to his records. Three letters were written from his manor at Nettleham exhorting clergy to conform with Elizabeth I’s vision of the Church of England, as the early years of her reign were still unsettled times as regarded religious observances. During his tenure of the bishopric, many priests were ordained in the chapel within the manor of Nettleham.

The next bishop, William Wickham (1584-94) suffered the death of his daughter at Nettleham. She was buried there on 4 May 1585.

After this date there is scant reference to the Bishops’ manor at Nettleham, until in 1630 it is described as being ‘for three score years or more … deserted and not habitable’ as well as being ‘altogether unnecessary and useless for that See’.

This is clearly an exaggeration, as there are references to its use until 1585, so it should read two score and five at most.

There are references to material being taken from the Nettleham site into Lincoln to restore the Bishops’ Palace in Lincoln.

This had never been repaired after the damage inflicted on it by the rebels during the Lincolnshire Rising of 1536.

During the tumultuous reign of Charles I he devised different ways of making money as he endeavoured to rule without Parliament, which would not always do his bidding. Early on he sold Crown lands an example of this occurred when he sold the dry moat, or ditches, of Lincoln castle, which is why today we have houses whose gardens go right up to the embankments of the castle walls. However in 1645 he demanded land from the church, thus in June and July 1647 a Parliamentary Commission surveyed the church’s land at Nettleham. This useful document not only tells us of the extent of the land, but also the state of the extant buildings. It is clear that the land was extensive, stretching from Myle Cross (of Bishop Sutton fame), with the A158 as one boundary and the A46 as another - ‘by estimation ten miles in compass, and 3,300 acres of ground’.

Little stable eighteen foot by twelve, with stone walls and tiled roof.

Little kitchen sixteen foot square and a little brewhouse of the same size.

A long range of buildings called the Officers’ Lodgings, four rooms long, with two cellars below, four chambers above the ground floor and two large garrets above the chambers. This was built of stone with plaster floor and tiled roof.

There are also references to orchards and gardens, enclosed by stone walls and well planted with fruit trees. A ‘brewing furnace of lead’ is also mentioned, as well as wood from a barn which had fallen down. This same document also lists a windmill, probably a post mill, in the hands of Robert Emerson.

During the Commonwealth Nettleham manor was sold, by order of Parliament, to Nathanial Lacy and Thomas Lambe on 28 September 1648 for £2,029 15s 11/2d.

At the Restoration of Charles II in May 1660, a Bill of Parliament restored the manor to the Church of England in the name of the Bishop of Lincoln.

The manor still had some very large buildings and had had a chapel, the latter having been demolished by this date. The survey goes on to describe the buildings: A range of buildings with a chamber, called the King’s chamber thirty-three foot by sixteen foot, with an adjoining chamber six foot by sixteen, with plastered floor and cellarage, and a further chamber twelve foot by twenty-seven. The walls and windows were of stone, the floors of timber and plaster, tiled roofs and cellars beneath.

A range of buildings called the Long Chamber forty-four foot by fifteen with floors of boards and cellars underneath, walls and windows of stone, roof tiled.

The entry in Nettleham Parish Records recording the burial of Suzane Wickham on 4 May 1585

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Two of the three carved stone heads, believed to have come from the Bishops’Palace, which can still be seen in the village today

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at Nettleham: a Concise History

This illustration depicts how the Bishops’ Palace may have appeared around the middle of the twelfth century, although much is conjecture, as evidence is too fragmented to create an accurate picture.

It may be subject to revision as new information comes to light in the future

From here on there is little documentary evidence of the manor house itself. It is very likely that it was used as a source of building stone as more houses were constructed in the village. At least three carved heads can be seen in nearby houses - two on the gable end of a cottage at the corner of Watermill Lane and one in the middle of the gable end of the house opposite Greetwell Lane. These are likely to have originated in the manor buildings.

In 1837 the previously huge diocese of Lincoln was much reduced by the newly formed Ecclesiastical Commission.

The county of Huntingdonshire went to the diocese of Ely, the county of Buckinghamshire to the diocese of Oxford, the county of Leicestershire to the diocese of Peterborough and the county of Bedfordshire to the diocese of St Albans.

The county of Nottinghamshire was removed from the arch-diocese of York and attached to the diocese of Lincoln until 1884, when it became a separate diocese of Southwell. The palace at Buckden, which had escaped the purges of Bishop Holbeach, was no longer needed.

It was therefore surrendered to the Ecclesiastical Commission, whilst in exchange they bought some of the Riseholme estate and caused a palace to be built there.

Much of the information here is from Florence L Baker’s book: Nettleham: A Short History of the Village, published in 1938 and this will be acknowledged when the booklet is produced in the future.

Although Manor Courts were still held in, or for, Nettleham, there is no evidence of diocesan business being carried out here.

In addition, it is not known where the Manor Court was held, although various local public houses claim that honour.

Documents often just refer to the court being held in ‘the usual place’. It is possible that eventually it was held in the cathedral precincts.

If anyone has any other information, I would be pleased to hear from them, particularly if anyone knows if there are still descendants of the Rands/Nethercoates family in the village. Florence Baker indicated there were still some living in the village in the 1950s.

During the nineteenth century the rights of the manor courts were slowly eroded and by 1908 what business was carried out was done from 1 Millbank, London. The manor, as an administrative area, was abolished from 1 January 1936.

The above narrative will form the basis for a new booklet which is envisaged to be published in the future about the history of the Bishops’ Palace in Nettleham and related topics.

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Any information would be gratefully received at: p.gregory@ntlworld.com or telephone 809062 Patricia Gregory

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100th Birthday Celebrations Madge Bayes, well-known and respected resident of Scothern Road, Nettleham, celebrated her 100th birthday this autumn.

Congratulations Madge!

Along with many family members and friends, Madge celebrated the auspicious occasion with a lively party at the Old School in the village on Friday 5 October 2012.

It is hoped that Madge will take part in an interview for a future edition of this magazine, but for now, on behalf of all the readers of Nettleham News, I would like to wish Madge ‘Many Happy Returns of the Day’ and many congratulations on reaching 100 years of age - something I’m sure to which we all aspire!

The array of congratulatory cards and gifts, including the special card from HM Queen Elizabeth II

My sincere thanks must also go to Jack Snowden for the bottom four photographs taken at the event.

He is an active member of the Nettleham RB Camera Club and takes excellent pictures, many of which have appeared in the pages of this magazine over the years.

100 CONGRATULATIONS MADGE!

Madge with her daughter Sybil

Madge shows she can still take to the dance floor with style (and her nephew Fred!)

Cutting the celebration cake

Madge with her granddaughter Rebecca

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Andy Yates UPVC SPECIALIST/JOINER ● Private and NHS eye tests ● Contact lens trials and aftercare

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Nettleham Ladies Club Nettleham Ladies Club meets on the last Tuesday of the month in the Village Hall at 7.30 pm. It is a very friendly and sociable group with nearly 100 members. New members are always welcome - great value at only £10 a year.

2013 PROGRAMME

As you can see from the 2013 programme alongside, we have a wide range of interesting and varied speakers. We raise funds for many different charities and other good causes. Several outings are arranged each year.

26 March Edwin Clarke ‘Beekeeping for Beginners’

If you are interested in joining us or would like more information, please do not hesitate to contact: Jenny Staveley Chairman

Telephone 01522 824541

29 January Andy Blow ‘Bygone Lincoln’ 26 February Mary Porter ‘Lincolnshire Wildlife Trust’

30 April Jennie Storr ‘Life with the Colonel’ 11 May Spring Fayre 28 May Thomas Mawer & Son ‘Antiques Road Show’ 25 June Summer Meal 30 July Annie Binns ‘Past Personalities of Lincoln Cathedral’ August No meeting 24 September Doddington Hall ‘Hall and Gardens’ ‘Saving the Tapestries’ 29 October Tommy Steele ‘Taken for a Ride’

Jenny Staveley, Chairman of Nettleham Ladies Club, presents a cheque for £1,250, raised for ‘Action for Young Carers’ at the Spring Fayre on 12 May 2012.

Receiving the cheque are Cameron, a young carer, and Janette Southall, Team Leader for AYC.

26 November Annual General Meeting December No meeting

CHARITIES AND GOOD CAUSES TO BENEFIT FROM NETTLEHAM LADIES CLUB SPRING FAYRES 1962 Cancer Campaign 1963 Spastic Society 1964 Village Hall Fund 1965 Lincolnshire Association for the Deaf 1966 Village Hall Fund 1967 Fields Home Children’s Home 1968 Village Hall Fund 1969 Guide Dogs for the Blind 1970 Conservation: Beckside 1971 LIVES 1972 Scout Hut 1973 Queen’s Park School 1974 RNLI (Royal National Lifeboat Institution) 1975 Kidney Research 1976 Ashby Ward, St George’s Hospital 1977 Linkage Community Trust 1978 Guide Dogs for the Blind 1979 Mulsanne Park 1980 St Barnabas Hospice Trust 1981 Vera Dean Body Scanner Appeal 1982 LAARA (Asthma Association) 1983 LIVES 1984 NSPCC 1985 Church Clock Fund 1986 Arthritis & Rheumatism Council for Research 1987 Research into Multiple Sclereosis 1988 Malcolm Sargent Cancer Fund for Children 1989 Nettleham Health Centre 1990 Marie Curie Cancer Care 1991 Age Concern Minibus Appeal 1992 Alzheimer’s Society & Iodine Therapy Appeal 1993 QE Liver Patients Support Group 1994 Lincolnshire Ambucopter Appeal 1995 British Red Cross 1996 STRUT 1997 See More MRI Scanner Appeal 1998 St Barnabas Hospice Trust 1999 Macmillan Cancer Relief 2000 Defibrillator for Nettleham Medical Practice 2001 St Barnabas Hospice 2002 Lincoln & District Stroke Association/Club 2003 Lincs and Notts Air Ambulance 2004 Nettleham LIVES First Responder Scheme 2005 SENSE 2006 British Heart Foundation 2007 St Andrew’s Children’s Hospice 2008 RNLI 2009 Lincolnshire MS Therapy Centre 2010 Alzheimers Society

Members of Nettleham Ladies Club manning the Cake & Produce stall at Nettleham Carnival on 14 July 2012.

A total of £173 was raised for the Village Hall Restoration Fund

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2011 Nettleham LIVES 2012 Action for Young Carers

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1st Nettleham Scout Group First of all, I would like to take this opportunity on behalf of the Nettleham Scout Group to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

I would also like to thank everyone who supports the group in so many different ways: ●

Glass bottles for the bottle bank

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Visiting and supporting the Nettleham Community Market

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Coming along to the famous Breakfast on the Green

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Buying raffle tickets

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...and many more

The scouts in Nettleham continue to thrive, with the children enjoying lots of different experiences from beavers sleeping over at The Showroom in Lincoln, to scouts hiking in the Peak District, from sausage sizzles to pizza making, from night hikes to raising money for charities, the list is endless.

The recent Breakfast on the Green was our best ever, raising £402.84 and the Nettleham Community Market has raised over £300.00 for the Scout Hut Committee over the past year. The money raised has bought new tents and equipment for the group.

Please see the advertisement on page 3 for the next Nettleham Community Market on Saturday 8 December, 10.00 am until 12.00 noon. This is a great opportunity to buy some lovely Christmas gifts and will also include our Christmas Raffle draw - don’t forget to buy your tickets outside the Co-op!

So a very big ‘thank you’ to all our supporters, all our leaders and volunteer helpers and especially to all the young people who come along every week to take part!

Trudy Connor Beaver Leader

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Report Back from Three Nettleham Streets did not have their bins collected recently!

Recently there was a telephone call to say that Beckside, Watermill Lane and The Rookery in Nettleham had not had their rubbish bins collected on a Thursday. After discussion with an officer at WLDC notices were delivered to all the houses on the Monday asking residents to put out their bins again on the Tuesday, which were duly collected. Then two days later there was a report that once again the refuse lorry couldn’t access Watermill Lane, due to a badly-parked car and the same three streets couldn’t be serviced The police were contacted, the car moved and the collection made. Please be careful to leave access for these large lorries throughout our village.

Grants!

A derelict railway station building has received a make-over thanks to funding from West Lindsey District Council.

The Market Rasen Station Adoption Group applied for a grant from the council Community Action and Volunteering Fund (CAV) to make their station building more attractive.

The Group have worked hard in recent years to revamp the station and make it a more pleasant place to visit, but getting the £245 grant made a big difference.

“We were delighted with how easy it was to apply, how smooth the process was and with the helpful and supportive approach of the people in the West Lindsey CAV Fund team.

“It was so straightforward and beneficial that we have already applied for a further grant.”

The CAV Fund was set up to give community groups an opportunity to pay for small improvements to community assets and invest in local activities. £200,000 was set aside and will be available in small grants until 2014!

Another community that received help was the parish of Springthorpe.

They needed some new chairs to be used at their local events.

They applied to the CAV Fund in March and received £250, with which 28 folding chairs were purchased, which have since been used for Jubilee events, open days and parties.

If you know of any special-interest groups or organizations in Nettleham where up to £250 would make a difference - then please let them know about the CAV Fund.

The fund has been set up as part of the council’s commitment to its Localism Programme, which aims to support sustainable community activity. The maximum you can apply for is £250 and this can be up to 100 per cent of the project cost. Any constituted community group or parish council in the District can apply. If you are a group who does not have a constitution, you may still be able to apply, so please contact Community Lincs, who manage the fund for West Lindsey District Council.

The fund can support a broad range of activities including: ● Community events such as street parties, a ‘big lunch’ and litter-picking days ● Setting up new community activities, such as a gardening club or residents’ group ● Undertake small improvements to community assets, such as painting a community room, buying equipment for the village hall or purchasing planters and hanging baskets to improve the street scene.

Can any Nettleham group or organization usefully use up to £250 on a project?

You can even apply to the CAV Fund again six months after your initial application, as long as it’s for something different.

To apply for a grant please contact Jenny Stone at Community Lincs on 01529 301951 or 01529 302466 or email: cav.fund@communitylincs.com Winter Garden Waste The garden waste collection service (green bins) shut-down for this year starts on 3 December 2012 and collections will resume again on 25 March 2013.

Following comments from councillors and residents, the shut-down is commencing a month later this year.

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Suspending garden waste collections during the winter enables WLDC to reduce costs and work within the reduced budget from central government whilst continuing to provide vital services.

As before, WLDC are encouraging residents to try composting their garden waste.

Composting is the best environmental option and subsidised composters, starting at £16, are available by contacting 0844 571 4444 or by ordering on line at: www.lincscc.getcomposting.com Alternatively, residents can use their local Household Waste Recycling Centre (HWRC) and information is available on the Lincolnshire County Council website: www.lincolnshire.gov.uk/hwrc Residents can also store small amounts of garden waste in their green bin until collections resume in 2013.

WLDC are also introducing a bespoke service this year for those residents who are unable to make use of either of the above options and still require a kerbside collection service of garden waste during the winter. WLDC will offer a service whereby residents can purchase sacks and book a collection slot. These sacks will be collected via the ‘bulky waste’ service which means they can be kept separate and sent for composting.

The charge for collecting sacks will be £7.25 for every 5 sacks collected.

Council Tax Benefits These are set to change in the District from April next year.

The current system, which is standard across the country, will be replaced by local tax support schemes.

The new scheme and the rules on who can get help will be decided at a local level, rather than nationally.

The change is in response to a new way of providing support to people on low incomes and the vulnerable, introduced by the Government in the Local Government Finance Bill, currently going through Parliament.

Currently, £50m is spent annually on Council Tax Benefit in Lincolnshire.

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your Local Councillors Nearly 66,000 households get some financial reduction in their Council Tax through this benefit. The new scheme will be funded by a fixed grant that is 10 per cent lower, which means that savings of about £5m per year have to be made across the county.

Sometimes it helps to see the actual plans of what is proposed and eventually to read the reasons behind the decisions decided on appeal.

Local councils have been developing their own schemes to continue providing support, whilst responding to the reduced grant. They can either reduce the amount of benefit awarded to residents, or fund the shortfall in other ways such as reducing services, using reserves or increasing income from other sources.

These can all be seen and read by going to the WLDC website at: http://www.west-lindsey.gov.uk/ and clicking on View Applications, Decisions and Appeals then View and Comment on new Planning Applications online or All Appeals decided since 1 April 2010.

Pensioners are protected from the savings. Under the new scheme they will receive at least as much in Council Tax Benefit as they do now.

Try accessing it each week if you want to see what the new proposals are for your neighbourhood.

This does however mean that savings have to be found elsewhere and people of working age may be the most affected. This could affect the 33,000 working-age households who currently get some Council Tax Benefit.

What is the Food Hygiene Rating Scheme?

A consultation questionnaire can be found at: http://survey.westlindsey.gov.uk/snap/ council_tax.htm More information on how Council Tax Benefit is changing can be found at: http://www.west-lindsey.gov.uk/ residents/council-tax-and-councilbills/council-tax-benefit-is-changing where residents can also download full details of the proposals.

By the end of January 2013, WLDC will have needed to put its finalised support schemes into its budget plans. WLDC will then be providing further information about their proposals.

Planning This is always an emotive subject, with your viewpoint often governed by whether you are the applicant, or an adjoining, or affected, neighbour.

Planning applications all start with the presumption that they should be granted - and refused only where there is a specific overriding planning reason against them.

West Lindsey District Council is participating in the National Food Hygiene Rating Scheme to promote high performing food businesses and enable consumers to make informed choices about where to buy and eat food.

The food hygiene scheme will help you choose where to eat out, or shop for food, by giving you information about the hygiene standards in restaurants, pubs, cafes, takeaways, hotels and other places you eat out. Supermarkets and other food shops are also included in the scheme.

Each business is given a ‘hygiene rating’ when it is inspected by a food safety officer from the business’s local authority. The hygiene rating shows how closely the business is meeting the requirements of food hygiene law.

When you eat out or shop for food, you might see a sticker in the window or on the door, or a certificate on display, showing you the hygiene rating for that business. Businesses are encouraged to display these stickers and certificates at their premises in a place where you can easily see them when you visit.

A business can be given one of these hygiene ratings:

The food safety officer inspecting a business checks how well the business is meeting the law by looking at: ● how hygienically the food is handled -

how it is prepared, cooked, re-heated, cooled and stored ● the condition of the structure of the buildings - the cleanliness, layout, lighting, ventilation and other associated facilities ● how the business manages and records what it does to make sure food is safe The scope of the scheme extends to establishments supplying food direct to consumers and includes restaurants, cafes, takeaways, sandwich shops and other places where people eat food prepared outside the home, as well as food retailers.

Several Nettleham food suppliers display their rating - watch out for them.

West Lindsey District Council contacts West Lindsey District Councillor Malcolm Leaning 11 Highfields Nettleham Lincoln LN2 2ST Telephone 01522 873175 Email Malcolm.leaning@ntlworld.com West Lindsey District Councillor Giles McNeill 3 The Chestnuts Nettleham Lincoln LN2 2NH Telephone 07896 730737

Recent planning applications on Sudbrooke Lane, Greetwell Lane, Lodge Lane and the potential one for a new police station on Deepdale Lane have all prompted comment.

Email Cllr.G.McNeill@west-lindsey.gov.uk

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Guitar Tuition in

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Nettleham Methodist Church

Susan Ulyatt: My Mum

Are you ready for Christmas?

If you still need those last-minute stocking fillers, you’ve run out of cards, or perhaps just enjoy meeting over coffee and cake, then come along to our monthly Coffee Morning held in the Nettleham Methodist Church (NMC) hall each second Saturday throughout the year - the next one is on the 8 December 2012.

consider the producers and farmers who supply our food, and not just the price in our pocket. By buying a Fairtrade gift or bar of chocolate your money works twice once in supporting the producer and again in giving the gift or eating the chocolate in today’s economic climate that can’t be bad value.

The money raised from the sale of refreshments goes to support missionaries Ian and Simea in Brazil, and their work with disadvantaged youngsters. Ian is the brother of one of our church members.

In 2008 NMC officially became a Fairtrade Church, pledging to use Fairtrade refreshments at church events. In the last financial year our turnover was around £4,000 and each year we send the equivalent of our 10% commission on sales back to Traidcraft for their development fund.

Alongside the refreshments and cake stall, where you can purchase homemade cakes to take home, we hold a Fairtrade Stall with a wide range of produce, including cookies, chocolate, compost, hand-made cards and gifts, and, at this time of year, Christmas cards - it’s still not too late to put your order in!

We have been holding the Fairtrade stall now for over 10 years - every month on the second and fourth Sundays after each morning service, in addition to the monthly Coffee Mornings. We also supply the Fairtrade stall at All Saints Parish Church and occasionally other groups in and around Nettleham who wish to include Fairtrade in their event.

Our aim is to highlight Fair Trade and Trade Justice and encourages people to

When all the shopping is finally done and all the cards written and posted, it is time to focus on the real reason for celebrating Christmas - the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ over 2,000 years ago. Over the Advent season there are several special events at NMC to which all are welcome, including: 16 December at 4:00pm Carols by Candlelight 24 December at 7:00pm Carols on the Green along with other Nettleham Churches. Our minister Rev Alan Swann will speak.

25 December at 10.30am Family Worship

It’s been two years now - time just flies by.

I just can’t put into words to describe what life is like without you. You were such a brave, strong, amazing and independent woman. I admire you for the strength you showed throughout your life. You never let anything get you down - you just kept on going. A lot of people miss you, but will always remember the memories. I miss your smile, laugh and your loving heart that was with me every day.

I am so proud of you - you were the best mum, always there for me when I needed you, always teaching me right from wrong.

Always there with your advice and support.

Your cuddles were the best! Life just isn’t the same, there is always something that reminds me of you. To know that every day when I wake up you’re not there breaks my heart. The occasions that you miss - I know that you are somewhere watching and celebrating too. I will never forget the memories we had together and I will treasure them in my heart forever.

In the future as I grow older, your wisdom and love will help me through and guide me through anything I may face. Without you the world’s a lonelier place. I promise to make you a proud mum in anything I achieve. I will never ever forget you, I love you ever so much - you will always be in my heart and thoughts. I love you mum.

Your loving daughter Amy

Fitness Sessions The Lincoln Triathlon Club are currently running a weekly Strength and Conditioning session on Thursday evenings from 7.00pm - 8.00pm in the Main School Hall at Cherry Willingham Community School, Croft Lane, Cherry Willingham.

They would like to include more of our local community and possibly help them to improve their fitness and get into shape.

The sessions are run by a qualified personal trainer and coach and are suitable for all standards. They are open to all aged 13+ years. Cost is £5.00 per session.

Martin Wood Head Coach

Email: martin@lincolntri.co.uk Website: www.lincolntri.co.uk Telephone: 01522 751420 Mobile: 07980 434166

The Traidcraft stall at the October Coffee Morning

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TREVOR LAWRENCE PLUMBING AND CENTRAL HEATING GAS SAFE Registered gas installer Central heating installations, boiler change and servicing.

Bathroom and shower installations Tiling: wall and floors

KITCHEN INSTALLATIONS & SMALL BUILDING ALTERATIONS Free estimates and advice 2 Orchard Way Nettleham

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Telephone 01522 750146

WOULD YOU LIKE TO START DANCE LESSONS? Wednesdays at the Old School, Nettleham

Classes in ballet, tap and freestyle jazz taught by fully qualified teachers Ages 3 - 18 For further information please call:

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Other classes held at Swinderby, Coddington, Wellingore and Welton

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Website: sjwoodbuildingservices.co.uk

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Nettleham Cricket Club In what was officially the wettest summer on record, the cricket season for all the club’s teams was severely disrupted, resulting in not only the cancellation of fixtures on the field, but also dramatically affecting the club financially off the field.

In that respect the club would like to especially thank all those who bought raffle tickets from outside the Co-op.

The club made a profit in excess of £650 towards its youth cricket development.

The weather did hold up for the annual Junior Kwik Cricket Tournament hosted by Nettleham at Mulsanne Park on Friday 3 August for the U9’s and U10’s age group.

Each game in the tournament was 8 overs a side, with each team consisting of 8 players, who all bowled one over and then batted in pairs for 2 overs. The U9 and U10s competitions were contested by a total of 14 teams from Market Rasen, Kexby, Bracebridge Heath, Cleethorpes, Hartsholme, Washingborough, Lindum and Nettleham.

U9 Winners: Cleethorpes Runners Up: Hartsholme U10 Winners: Nettleham (managed by Colin Hopkirk, coached by Juan Grobbelaar) Runners Up: Washingborough Events like this cannot take place without volunteers from Nettleham Cricket Club, who would like to express their thanks to tournament organisers Colin Woolfson and Russ Binnington and those helping on the day with refreshments, car parking and umpiring. Also, to John Dingley for preparing and marking of the pitches and the tournament sponsor: Simon Bilton (We Can Do Flooring of Nettleham).

Friday 7 September saw the Junior presentation night at Mulsanne hosted by Joint Junior Co-ordinator: David Lea. He reiterated the excellent junior set-up at Nettleham Junior training held on Friday nights under head coach Russ Binnington, specialist Thursday night training for the senior juniors under overseas player Juan Grobbelaar, and the ‘Chance to Shine’ programme. This had culminated in several

players of all ages representing both the county team and development squad at all age levels. The winners were presented with their trophies by overseas player Juan Grobbelaar.

Winners in the U9 team coached by Martin Strawson: Batting Award: Matthew Baker Bowling Award: Guy Hinchliffe Fielding Award: Harry Thornton Winners in the U10 team coached by Phil Brown and managed by Colin Hopkirk: Batting Award: Alexander Howes Bowling Award: Daniel Hopkirk Fielding Award: Hayden Bromfield Most Improved: William Beckett Winners in the U11 team coached by Craig Cosgrove: Batting Award: Jack Thornton Bowling Award: Charlie Elliott Fielding Award: Harry Conlan Winners in the U13 team managed by James Marshall: Batting Award: Thomas Lea Bowling Award: Lewis Bromfield Fielding Award: Deklan Binnington Most Improved: Harry Gelder The Howman Junior Clubman Trophy was awarded to Thomas Lea. Sunday 2 September saw the Club hold its Annual Sponsors Day, where the club held an ‘Open day’ providing refreshments as a ‘Thank You’ to all those who had sponsored the club throughout the season.

Thankfully the arrival of the short ‘Indian Summer’ ensured the weather was glorious and enabled guests to sit outside and watch a 1st team game against local rivals Cherry Willingham. This match marked the end of the senior cricket season one decimated by the weather.

The Saturday 1stXI playing in the Lincolnshire Premiere League under Captain Russ Binnington, after a promising start to the season, finished 4th in the league, only managing to play 11 out of their 20 matches due to the weather, winning 8 and losing 3.

The Saturday 2ndXI playing in the Lincolnshire County 2nd Division under Captain Ben Pearce also finished 4th in their league. They only managed to play 8 out of 18 matches due to the weather, winning 4, losing 3, with one match tied.

The Sunday sides struggled in their Lincoln leagues, the Sunday 1stXI under Captain Danny McCardell finished 7th in Premiere Division, losing all 8 matched played, with 4 cancelled.

The Sunday 2ndXI playing in the Lincoln 3rd Division under captain Steve Peace finished 8th in their league, winning 2 out of the 12 matches played, with 4 matches lost to the weather.

Saturday 28 July saw the marriage of long-serving player Dave Manby to Michelle Hall. Congratulations!

Another of our long-serving players Sam Hickingbotham also gets married in November and we send best wishes to him and his future wife Kate Matthews.

If you would like more information about Nettleham Cricket Club, please contact the club by email at: cricket@nettlehamcc.co.uk or by telephone: David Wheatley (Secretary) 01522 857933 or visit our website: www.nettlehamcc.co.uk

U10 Nettleham Cricket Team (Left to right) Charlie Elliott, Will Beckett, Hadan Bromfield, Oliver Wilson, Alex Howes, Tom Hardy, Will Whellhouse, Dan Hopkirk, Zeph Smith

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Problem: Looking back it seems a long time ago since Sue Turnbull trounced up the road with a Rottweiler attached to one hand and the other gesticulating wildly in the general direction of the Police Headquarters. I have to say, it was an interesting introduction to her unique, but very effective, recruitment campaign and SOLVE (Save Our Local Village Environment) was born. That was back in March and a lot of murky water has since passed under the bridge.

Soon after the turn of the year, it became known there was a proposal to build a new ‘custody suite’ in the grounds of the present Police HQ. Although detailed proposals have never been publicised, it is believed the plan was to limit the number of police stations in the county that could accommodate prisoners in favour of two, or possibly three, large custody-centres.

This would mean prisoners from all over the county, and in some circumstances from even further afield, could be lodged, processed and released from these centres, including the one at Nettleham.

Many villagers were shocked at these proposals, expressing a sense of betrayal when they remembered that the building of the present HQ was preceded by a meaningful consultation process with the police. The Chief Constable of the day promised quite categorically that the new building would accommodate only an administrative unit, which would normally operate during conventional office hours.

He also clearly stated that he had no wish to impose anything on the village which would detract from its character. These

assurances are clearly set out and are available to view in the meeting minutes of the Parish Council.

Members of the Parish Council were equally dismayed and they arranged for the police to have an opportunity to explain the proposals at the March meeting of the Parish Council in Mulsanne Park. The strength of feeling became clear when the meeting was almost overwhelmed by the numbers attending.

Sadly the presentation added nothing of value to the debate and nothing of consequence to inform the villagers of what was planned. Indeed at that meeting the so called ‘custody suite’ was then talked of as a Deployment Base/Police Station - Lincoln Police Station! Yes, there really was a suggestion, we think a serious one, to build Lincoln Police Station at Nettleham! Amidst the misinformation and confusion, the Parish Council asked the police to arrange to arrange an Open Day so that residents of Nettleham could be properly informed about what they planned to do in OUR village. As G4S were known to be involved with the project, the police were specifically asked to include that organisation in the presentation, to ensure that a full and accurate picture of the proposals was made available to villagers.

As the many residents of the village who attended the Open Day at the Old School will know, the presentation did not provide the answers to the questions that had been posed. The custody suite was again back on the agenda, but now there was to be a police station as well, although there

Members of SOLVE with the Deputy Chief Constable of Lincolnshire Police on The Green From left to right: Rachel Little, Elaine Jenkinson, Roy Davey, Alec Wood (Deputy Chief Constable), Sue Turnbull, Peter Cheng, Steve Perkins

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were no plans on display to show it and no details of the accommodation they needed, even though the meeting had been called for that very purpose.

This was probably the lowest point, when it was concluded that if the police side really knew what was happening themselves, they certainly had no intention of telling the village. This conclusion gathered strength when another very large turnout at the Village Hall heard a series of presentations that used a lot of words, but conveyed very little information.

The audience became progressively more irritated when responses to simple questions were not answered, spuriously citing ‘commercial confidentiality’ as a reason. It has to be said that the audience fully engaged with the meeting and villagers really did ask some perceptive and probing questions - even though they received little in the way of replies.

At the conclusion of the meeting the Parish Council voted to strongly oppose the police proposals. One councillor neatly summed up the situation by reminding the audience of what good neighbours the police had been over the previous thirty years, but pointing now to a very bleak future.

It was clear that SOLVE had to step up a gear if the interests of the village were to be taken seriously and hopefully safeguarded. Since that last village meeting SOLVE members have attended and contributed to a number of other meetings in Lincoln and the village.

Members have briefed county and district councillors in meetings arranged round dining-room tables in our homes and during the recent elections we provided an open house to a number of prospective councillors and to others in positions of influence who were prepared to listen to the case for Nettleham. This ensured they had the true facts and the full information which had been unearthed by the SOLVE team. Part of the campaign was to win over the Police and Crime Commissioner (PCC), who will have been appointed by the time this edition of Nettleham News is published. To pursue this objective, all of the prospective PCC’s have been contacted individually by SOLVE and the positions of those who responded are recorded on the SOLVE website. Some of the PCC’s have also attended meetings with us, again in private houses away from officialdom and

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SOLVED! significant promises were made and these were clearly and overtly recorded for future reference. It was very satisfying afterwards to hear them denounce the Nettleham plans much more convincingly.

Part of our love-in with the establishment has so far seen two meetings with the Deputy Chief Constable (DCC) and his support staff. Again these were held in domestic dining-rooms in the village and have proved to be a really positive step forward in genuine discussion and understanding. The DCC has taken over responsibility for liaison with the village and he has made it clear that his first role is to ensure that effective and meaningful consultation takes place, but he also pointed out that with the appointment of a PCC, the police will have no direct responsibility for the provision of new buildings - only the new PCC can do that.

It is fully expected that the new PCC will seek advice and recommendations from the police and there is every reason to believe that development of the present HQ site will not appear as a proposal in that list of recommendations. The DCC summed this up by saying, “The incoming PCC … will be responsible for setting the police budget and, in the current economic climate … there is little prospect of any major structural developments for the Force”. Following our discussions, a statement jointly produced by the police and SOLVE was circulated with the last edition of Nettleham News.

So what is the situation now? From paperwork handed out at the Village Hall meeting it is known there was an intention to submit a planning application in the autumn of this year. That did not happen.

The DCC explained this change in circumstance when he said, “... any future proposals (for development on the Police HQ site) would entail going back to the drawing board and starting afresh … and that is likely to be some years down the line.”

SOLVE was promised that there is little likelihood of any significant development taking place on the site of the Police HQ and a categorical promise of early consultation between villagers and the police has been made, should that picture change. SOLVE members remain vigilant, but following those meetings the need for further intervention, certainly in the

medium-term seem to be unlikely.

Hopefully the final chapter in this unhappy saga was provided towards the end of October when representatives of SOLVE, together with members of the Parish Council, turned up in force at a public meeting in Lincoln where all four of the prospective PCC’s were bidding for the post of Police and Crime Commissioner.

Each gave an absolute and categorical assurance that they would never authorise the building of a new police station, a custody suite, or a combination of the two, on the land owned by them in the village.

This should be an end to the matter.

Nevertheless the SOLVE team continues to monitor new planning submissions.

Legal specialists have been consulted and practical innovators who deal with planning matters on a daily basis are providing active guidance to the team.

SOLVE has a properly constructed and convincing response ready! A slight fly in the ointment is the fact that planning law is being eased at some stage in the future, so the picture could change. SOLVE remains vigilant and flexible enough to meet any new challenges.

Lines of liaison and communication that have been built up over the past months are being retained and where possible strengthened, but a longer-term solution to ensure that the spectre of inappropriate development in the village is not always hanging in the air, is now needed. SOLVE is in the forefront of finding long-term solutions and looking for ways of implementing these, so that the previous good relationships between the tenants of the Police HQ and the village can be restored and returned to normality.

I know that many villagers are following SOLVE activities on the website: http://www.solvenettleham.co.uk/ The site will be maintained and supporters are encouraged to log in regularly to keep up to date with developments.

Throughout the past months of activity, members of the team have been sustained by the good wishes and unwavering encouragement of significant numbers of residents from the village. It would be wrong to miss this opportunity to thank everyone concerned for their support, their help and their kind words of advice.

Thank you to all.

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28 September 2012 Lincolnshire Police have met with the Chairman and Clerk of Nettleham Parish Council and also Nettleham’s SOLVE (Save Our Local Village Environment) group to reassure them about plans to develop the police headquarters site at Nettleham.

Deputy Chief Constable Alec Wood says there is little prospect of any major capital development for the Force in the next three years. “The original proposal to re-site Lincoln police station and build a new custody suite at Nettleham is not on our current agenda”, he said. “A perception also developed that G4S were contracted to build the new police station and custody suite but this is not correct. These proposals - and that is all they were - were in addition to the contract with G4S, not part of it.”

He told the group that the major changes to the governance of policing, which would be implemented in November, means that the incoming Police and Crime Commissioner (PCC) would be the authority to decide on any new building development for the Force.

“The incoming PCC, elected by local people, will be responsible for setting the police budget and, in the current economic climate, and with the potential for further CSR cuts, there is little prospect of any major structural developments for the Force,” he said.

Mr Wood said that the kind of expenditure involved in commissioning a new building would be completely in the hands of the PCC. “He or she will be elected on 15 November and take up office a week later and any future proposals would entail going back to the drawing board - ‘and starting afresh’,” he said. “Even then - and that is likely to be some years down the line - the chances are that any new build would need to be in partnership with one or more other agencies, for instance in the criminal justice sector, to make it affordable.”

“I can promise that any future major issues will be fully discussed and consulted upon locally,” he said. “The issue raised concerns both in Nettleham and the Carholme area and I have attended meetings to ensure that local people are fully informed of the current situation. The Chief Constable, Neil Rhodes and I have also met with the Chairman and Clerk of Nettleham Parish Council to appraise them of the situation.

Mr Wood said that in view of the impending change in the governance of policing, all further issues in this context will be dealt with directly by the incoming Police and Crime Commissioner.

(The Chairman and Parish Clerk of Nettleham PC, Chief Constable Neil Rhodes and the newly-elected PCC will meet in March 2013).

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Best Kept Village Competition (Class III) 2012 Summary of the Judges’ Comments and Points Awarded Ref

Area under scrutiny

Summary of the judges’ comments

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Overall appearance and condition Absence of litter, unauthorised/unsightly refuse, absence of graffiti and vandalism, condition of roads and paths

First Round: The overall appearance and condition of the village very good.

No graffiti or unsightly refuse. Roads and paths tidy.

Second Round: Mostly litter-free with no evidence of graffiti, etc.

Final Round: Pleasant approach with neatly-mown verges and clean throughout.

No litter, unsightly refuse or graffiti. Beckside path with its many bridges is attractive.

The village is fortunate to have a regular bus service to Lincoln.

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Green spaces Provision for wildlife (eg bird-boxes and feeders, bat-boxes, wild flowers, etc) and general appearance of trees, ponds, streams, dykes, verges, parks, playing fields, nature area, hedges, children’s play areas and public green amenities

Public premises Community centre, community buildings, schools, road signs, noticeboards, advertisements, directional signs, bus stops, telephone boxes and allotments

First Round: There are many green spaces here, both large and small.

The burial ground extension, Vicars Wood and The Beck are well-loved and used, as are the play areas and playing fields. All very well cared-for.

Second Round: Good to see provision for wildlife with wildflowers, etc.

It would be good to see this extended with bat-boxes, etc.

Final Round: Mulsanne Park with community hall and small children’s play area.

Nature area behind cemetery for recreational use. Bill Bailey’s excellent children’s play area.

Disappointing access to Bishops Palace site - hopefully to be provided in the future.

First Round: Schools tidy, although all their gardens are not. Signs are all in good order. Community centre is tidy.

Second Round: Super hanging baskets and planters. Nettleham Garden Association shows community spirit. Village let down by the school and out of date notices.

Final Round: Old School buildings serve as community centre. Excellent village map on The Green and noticeboards well used. Both schools equipped for outdoor activities.

Good to see Safer Parking Scheme in operation.

Max points available

Points awarded

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Private premises Gardens, hedges and walls

First Round: Most private gardens are delightful, with walls and fences in good order.

Second Round: Mostly neat and tidy.

Final Round: Some colourful gardens, generally well maintained throughout.

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Religious buildings and memorials Churchyard and Chapel surrounds, cemeteries, war memorials and their noticeboards

First Round: All in very good order.

Second Round: Very neat war memorial. Mostly neat and tidy.

Final Round: Churchyard grounds well looked after and attractive footpath through Vicars Wood. Cemetery also well maintained and war memorial on The Green in good order. Attractive village sign well looked after.

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First Round: Shops, inns, etc, are looking very good and the additional flowers enhance them and give a lot of pleasure.

Second Round: Some posters outside Co-op out of date. Otherwise neat and tidy.

Final Round: Three pubs and tea shop with a small parade of shops including post office. Library in good central position appears well-used and very helpful.

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Business premises Including inns, farms, workshops, post office, shops and caravan sites

Overall community effort Evidence of community activity within the community for all ages

Total marks and general comments

First Round: It is hard to perceive the community effort, but the Parish Council clearly must be harnessing the effort of many people to achieve the general standard of tidiness and the attractive appearance of the village. The Carnival is evidently involving a large number of people.

Second Round: There would appear to be plenty going on for most age groups Final Round: Notices show wide variety of activities. Nettleham News is an attractive 72-page well-produced and informative magazine for the village - congratulations on maintaining this publication.

First Round: It was a great pleasure to visit this attractive, lively village. The village map made it easier to find all the amenities. Even on a showery day there were people out and about and there is a strong sense of the residents’ enjoyment and care for their environment, even though the village has become so much larger in recent years. The many baskets and troughs of flowers bring pleasure and colour.

Second Round: Well done Nettleham, good effort by the community which shows a great overall presentation!

Final Round: Pleasing to see afternoon activities in the two halls, including the village hall. Nettleham, with its long history, now appears a quiet, tranquil backwater enjoying Beckside walks, but it is obviously a village proud to show itself off well.

Congratulations on reaching the final stages of this year’s competition. Thank you for the excellent village map.

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Mixed Palette Art Exhibition For the second year running, local art group ‘Mixed Palette’ held an art exhibition in the Chapter House, Lincoln Cathedral.

The exhibition was well received and a percentage of the sales was given to Cathedral funds. Subjects ranged from local scenes, landscapes, abstracts, flowers

and animals in a wide variety of media watercolours, oils, acrylics, and pastels and pen and ink. Of the ten artists, six were from Nettleham, the others from the surrounding villages. You may know the Nettleham artists and their work, but here are some examples.

The next exhibition is in the Chapter House from 29 April to 11 May 2013 10.00am to 4.00pm Do come and have a look around and a chat

Val Fane

Mary Perridge

Jean Gledhill

Rachel Little

Christine Edison

Nettleham green bin garden waste collections for 2012 continue until the end of November and resume at the beginning of April 2013 Suspending green waste collections during the winter months enables us to continue to make substantial savings without affecting vital services and reduce our carbon emissions at the same time!

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A Timely Warning!

The autumn edition of Nettleham News carried a warning about a computer scam in which someone telephoning you and claiming to be from Microsoft or McAfee (indeed any anti-virus company), your bank or financial company and seeking access to your computer, will be a criminal.

Two days after reading the article my wife was called by ‘Microsoft’ saying that she had a problem with her windows 7 (which she hadn’t) and was she near her computer? Fortunately she had read the article and realised the significance of the call - the caller even left a telephone number saying they were from Hannover Street, if she wished to call back and confirm identity!

Of course she rang off straight away from the foreign and difficult-to-understand voice. I telephoned Lincolnshire Police HQ to ask if they had a department dealing with this sort of thing - as it happens they don’t, but they suggested telephoning ‘Action Fraud’ (part of Consumer Direct) on 03001 232040 who take care of this sort of thing. I did so and left details of the attempted scam, which they informed me is happening with literally thousands of calls. They were extremely efficient and warned us not to attempt to telephone the scammer’s number, since to do so would put you on their ‘suckers list’ and invite further calls and attempted hack-ins.

I don’t know whether or not we would have been taken in by this if we had not read the article - I like to think we wouldn’t, but you never know and this call was one of an untold number of unsolicited calls from all over the world with which we are being plagued, even though we are on the Telephone Preference system which, in theory, screens us from this sort of thing, but doesn’t eliminate calls emanating from overseas. For that reason we now have caller display and do not answer any calls which indicate ‘International’ - on the assumption that overseas friends will leave a message on our answer-machine if they want to talk to us. We are also very non-committal with our response (which is usually our telephone number) if we do not recognise the caller’s number.

With most of them I have taken to telling them to “B***** off” if I don’t like the sound of who they are, much as it goes against the grain to do so. I don’t know whether it does the trick, but I feel better for it!

With thanks to Nettleham News.

Ken Pilbeam Editor Glad to have been of service!

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1st Nettleham Guides It always amazes me, when the time comes to review the year, how much we do at Friday-night guides and the opportunities, excitements and adventures we create.

blended with stuffed safari animals and platefuls of food ranging from the exotic fruits of Africa to the traditional cakes and sandwiches of a British celebration.

It takes hours and hours of dedication, planning and commitment to produce an active and dynamic programme and hopefully the results speak for themselves.

In a culture where girls statistically leave Guides at twelve years of age and with the size of the average unit being fifteen, Friday Guides is a consistently full unit of thirty girls aged from ten to sixteen.

The bunting was out in force again at our Jubilee fete and also at our campfire tribute ‘60 minutes for 60 years’ held with all the uniformed units of Nettleham in Sudbrooke Park. I applied for and gained a Co-op Jubilee Grant which enabled us to buy brightly decorated Gadsby cupcakes to celebrate the event. The Co-op even came along to photograph the event, pictures of which appeared on its website and in its magazines for members. Then we were into the Olympics and the excitement and anticipation of seeing the Olympic torch as it passed through the county.

It is not all plain sailing! Sometimes there are hiccups that occur that make one question the amount of time and energy one has given voluntarily for the past thirty years to run activities for other people’s children. I think the time is drawing close for me to hang up my guiding hat.

However, for the time being, things remain as they are at Friday Guides.

We have had such a very busy year.

We celebrated Christmas at Rand Farm cleaned out the animals, rode the tractor, and played leaders versus guides ‘tig’ in the play barn. We even managed to fit in a visit to Father Christmas (who gets decidedly younger-looking each year!).

Giving girls self-organisation and responsibility is important. We have girl-led nights where the guides plan their own activities and bring their own equipment.

Known as ‘Go for its’ these meetings usually include a craft, getting dressed up (or made up) and lots of eating. Chocolate is always popular and consumption was incredibly high at our Swiss night - an evening to celebrate our fantastic summer trip to Adelboden in the Swiss Alps - blue skies, warm sunshine, cable cars and trains up snow-topped mountains. Bliss.

We like going out and about at Friday Guides. Residentials over the past year included Switzerland and PGL. We saw Alexandra Burke, Rizzle Kicks and Olly Murs at the Big Gig and went down to London to the West End performance of Shrek.

We hired the open-top bus which took us from Nettleham into Lincoln. The soaking as the front of the bus hit the trees giving the journey an unexpected Alton Towers theme-park experience!

This was the year when Britain celebrated the Jubilee and the Olympics and guides was no exception. The county challenged us to hold a Safari meal with photographs taken being sent to the Queen. Guides and parents did us proud. The hut was awash with colour as the red, white and blue of the jubilee flags, merchandise and clothing

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Guides is a great place to have fun, make friends and participate in amazing experiences. A big thank you must go to our leadership team for their expertise, dedication and commitment that keeps a girl safe, secure and stimulated during her time at guides.

Rachel Coxon

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A GREGORY HOME SERVICES All indoor/outdoor improvements and maintenance Joinery, painting and general handyman Repair and replacement work Aerial, electrical and plumbing services available Bathrooms, kitchens and tiling

NO JOB TOO SMALL CLEAN, FRIENDLY AND RELIABLE SERVICE

Contact Andy on 01522 826067

Mobile 07757 211374 Cliff Avenue, Nettleham

HOLIDAY RENTAL POLLENSA, NORTH MALLORCA A spacious, modernised town house available for holiday rentals in the picturesque mountain village of Pollensa.

4 bedrooms sleeping up to 8 people with a central location that is ideal for exploring the village, as well as the beautiful countryside and local beaches.

Telephone: 01522 750336 Mobile: 07732 771249 Email: offshoreyachtchandlers@gmail.com

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The Winter Book Review Phyllis Maiden Wonder

by R J Palacio (Suitable for adults and teenagers)

This book was given to me by Emma Shaw and her son, Joseph.

I was captivated from the first line and read it in one sitting.

It is an American book about a boy called Auggie who has a severe facial disfigurement. However traumatic it sounds, this book is totally uplifting.

Narrated by Auggie himself, who is never self-pitying, though he knows his face shocks people, the story is also told by other people in his life such as his sister, his friend Summer and his sister’s boyfriend.

Thus we find out about the effect of his disability on other people as well as himself.

Of course, along the way he encounters bullies and parents of other children who find his disability too daunting.

In this world, where beauty is much admired, the book is a view of another world, but it is compulsive reading and is one to pass on, or highly recommend, to all your friends.

The ending is moving, but never sentimental, and I think this book is suitable for teenagers and adults alike.

Christmas Carol

by Charles Dickens (Suitable for adults and children)

I am sure many people have seen umpteen versions of this wonderful story.

Every December, without fail, I read it and never tire of old Scrooge and his adventures.

It is both funny and moving and the portrayal of London in Victorian times is vivid and lively.

Dickens’ description of Scrooge on page two is compelling and brilliant.

He ends the portrait with: “...he iced his office in the dog-days; and didn’t thaw it one degree at Christmas”.

Whitby is, of course, well-represented and this is responsible for many tourists making the pilgrimage there, to see for themselves the places which are mentioned in the book.

Yet dear old Scrooge does see the error of his ways and all’s well that ends well. His unhappy childhood made him what he was and once he realises this, he does all he can to make amends.

Bram Stoker is clever in that the portrayal of each of the characters is so different. He cleverly weaves in several different writing styles, which at times seem quaint, but it is of its time and has not lost any of its suspense.

Curl up in an armchair and make the most of this tantalising book with its timeless message of love and compassion. It is never too late to make amends!

Better still, gather round your family and read parts of it out loud.

Dracula

by Bram Stoker I recently discussed this Victorian epic with some friends over a meal, and it made me want to read it again.

I had neglected this book after being terrified reading it, whilst I looked after a child in a Victorian vicarage in the Wolds during a dark winter evening many years ago. But I have dug it out and have thoroughly enjoyed it this time.

Maybe this is because I am reading it during the day!

It is indeed an amazing book written over a hundred years ago. The opening pages introduce us to the creepy Dracula in his castle, deep in Transylvania, surrounded by howling wolves and three ghostly women who appear to our hero, Harker.

Dracula’s horrible night-time adventures leave Harker in no doubt that he is in mortal danger and that Dracula is not of this world.

The book is written in the form of journals and letters between the characters, whose lives are being horribly disrupted by Dracula and his wicked ways.

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The last third of the book will keep you on tenterhooks. It is a terrifying story you have been warned! Close the curtains and sit by a bright light when you confront this monstrous character trying to take over England.

Follow the Swallow and Spinderella

by Julia Donaldson These are two lovely little books in one and suitable for young children.

They would be ideal for reading out loud and for helping little ones to read.

Follow the Swallow tells the story of a blackbird and a swallow who become friends during a summer.

When the swallow sets off to fly back to Africa, Chack the blackbird longs for his return.

They do indeed meet up again when Apollo the swallow returns to his former nesting site. ************** Spinderella is a spider who lives with her family in a school. The spiders start playing football and learn to count.

This book is a tool for learning to count at least up to ten.

Spinderella eventually acquires football boots and becomes a good footballer, despite being a spider!

This book was originally printed in 2000, but has now been re-issued with bright illustrations.

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Beckside Preschool Learning through play We have been having lots of fun learning through play this term. Interests have included dressing up as people who help us and showing an interest in people’s occupations. Policemen/women, fire-fighters, shopkeeper and hairdressers have been popular. The children also made a stage using wooden blocks pretending to be their favourite pop star! We made up our own comic strips using superhero characters from magazines which we cut out and laminated. This activity increased vocabulary, thinking and provided mark making opportunities. We drew around each other on rolls of wallpaper inventing our own superhero characters, talking about the characteristics of our favourite superheroes.

We discussed autumn, singing songs, making pictures and displaying words that the children use and already know about autumn such as ‘cold’, ‘windy’, ‘leaves’ and ‘crinkly’. We sent home a cloud bubble with each child as part of our partnership with parents encouraging parents to work with them at home to think of words related to our themes and then displaying the children’s ideas on our board.

Take learning outside We are currently developing our outdoor area by looking at the benefits to children of outdoor play (see photographs right), reorganising resources to enable more free-flow play. Taking learning outdoors provides the children with more freedom to explore and ask questions about the natural environment, creating worthwhile learning experiences. We have already purchased some new resources and hope to buy a scramble net and some real tools.

Our Aims To provide an environment that is safe, secure and welcoming, which promotes a child’s health, individuality, dignity and an opportunity for fun, learning through play.

“Children are cared for in a warm, safe and secure setting. The highly committed staff team promote children’s welfare and safeguard them from potential harm”…OFSTED To work with parents to provide good quality care and education for all children.

“Extremely strong links with parents and carers contribute to children’s individual needs being respected and valued by the caring staff”…OFSTED To provide positive play opportunities which are planned around the child’s interests.

“Children have fun as they participate in a balanced range of adult-led and child-initiated activities which are planned around their interests”…OFSTED Find out more We are an inclusive preschool and welcome all families in the community and surrounding areas, where places are available for children aged 21/2 to starting school. We are open Monday - Friday (term-time only) and offer full-day and half-day sessions. Our opening times are 9.00am - 3.00pm.

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You can contact us on 07940 873505 to arrange a pre-visit and we would be very happy to show you around.

Alternatively you can visit our website at: www.becksidepreschool.co.uk to view our prospectus, policies and current newsletters.

You can also email us at: becksidenettleham@googlemail.com We look forward to meeting you.

Jayne Ellis Deputy Manager

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HELP LIVES Update on the Carnival I promised to let you know the outcome of the Nettleham Carnival balloon race in the autumn edition of Nettleham News.

Despite the balloons getting off to a good start (they appeared to be heading for Gainsborough/Doncaster), the only ticket we received back, was one returned from the village! The lucky owner of the balloon was Andy Seamer, who received the £25 prize money from our treasurer David Wright. This is the second year running that our balloons have been a bit lazy and I’d like to encourage anyone who finds a ticket from a balloon to return it to us, as I’m sure there must have been some that travelled further afield.

Fund-raising at Nettleham Cares Saturday 20 October 2012 was the date of this year’s Nettleham Cares event, where Mandy, Mavis, June, Shelagh and Maurice were kept busy, with help from Nigel and David in setting up our tables.

The number of visitors again seemed to be down a little on last year. Despite that, our jams, chutneys and tombola helped us to raise over £249, which is a very welcome addition to our funds. Special thanks go to all involved, especially to our main fund raisers: Mandy and Mavis.

The First Responders really could not continue to operate the service without the generosity of both residents and local businesses - thank you all for your support.

Joining the team As always, Nettleham residents are very supportive of our fund-raising efforts, but we are constantly on the look-out for potential new Responders for the team.

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SAVE LIVES

Can you help us to save lives in Nettleham?

First Responder’s required The sad reality is that everyone reading this article will probably have known someone who has had a heart attack.

Whether it was a member of your close family, perhaps a friend, or even a work colleague; some will have been fortunate and survived, but sadly others may have been less fortunate. In most cases, it’s what happens in the first few minutes that count.

We are looking for motivated and caring individuals, living within the Nettleham area, to be trained as Level 2 First Responders, in order to support the local Branch team.

As a First Responder you’ll be responsible for providing early basic life-saving support, in the vital minutes after a 999 emergency call has been placed and before the ambulance or paramedics arrive at the scene.

Working with similar volunteers, you’ll be aged 18 or over, with a car that has a current MOT and is fully insured. You should be capable of carrying a 15kg bag of equipment and also be able to kneel and administer CPR for up to 20 minutes.

Excellent communication skills, an eye for detail, together with a calm and friendly manner, are also important.

No previous experience is necessary, as full training will be provided at LIVES Headquarters in Horncastle. Once trained, you decide how much time you are able to spare.

What’s involved for the First Responder?

At the start of any shift, the equipment is delivered to my door by the previous on-call First Responder. I give it a quick check so I know where everything is and put it into my car so it’s ready for use.

I then continue my daily life as normal.

The fact that I’m on call doesn’t stop me gardening, decorating or doing anything around the house. It doesn’t stop me from visiting the library or local shops and I can still visit my friends in the village.

On average I do about four shifts a month, but each month as the rota is drawn up, I say what dates and hours are convenient for me and my family.

Every four weeks we have a meeting in the village hall to discuss a variety of different matters, including fund raising. We also have training sessions on a four-weekly basis in order to practice and to keep our skills up to date, as well as learning from other members’ call-out experiences.

No two call-outs are ever the same, but the basics are similar. The mobile phone rings and the ambulance controller gives the location and the reported condition of the patient. On reaching the location, I put into practice all the things I have learned during the training.

The benefits There are many benefits of joining Nettleham LIVES including giving something back to the community in which you live, as well as working with a friendly and sociable group of like-minded individuals. Whether you work full-time, part-time or are semi-retired, we would love to hear from you.

The hardest thing you need to do is to take the first step and find out more.

One thing is for certain, it’s the first few minutes that count. Think about becoming a First Responder today - you could help save a life.

To get involved, why not come along to one of our meetings or training sessions, every other Thursday at the village hall, or contact Edward Rouse, Co-ordinator, Nettleham LIVES on 01522 753033.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Pictured here are some of the Responders and fund-raisers you’d be joining.

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Nettleham From tiny acorns mighty oak trees grow!

Well, not yet that mighty, but when you walk through PC Wood (planted in February 2008) and Monks Wood (started in February 2009), you can see the huge difference less than five years can make.

Birch have been the fastest starters. The oak will take a couple of centuries to get up to speed! In the Co-op Wood naturally regenerating willow are spreading enthusiastically across the site, and overall, although the weather hasn’t really come in ‘the right order’, the trees, shrubs, wetland plants, wildflower mixes and grasses we have put in seem to be thriving.

PC Wood There is little to report beyond that nature is taking its course. Some of the dog roses near the picnic table have been released from their guards and the rest will be liberated soon, which should soon create mighty briar patches.

Monks Wood This year The Wykes wetland has been behaving as a seasonal wetland should appearing and disappearing, depending on the rainfall in the previous weeks. The plants have generally taken well.

Saturday 29 September: the brushcutter and scythe were put to work on the memorial garden and south glade to keep the growth down and encourage the development of these areas as wildflower meadows.

October 2012: sheep are now on the new meadows for the first time.

Aspects to consider in the next few years will include identifying some hotspots for additional planting to attract particular species of butterfly, bees and so on. We will also host a meeting for local teachers, youth leaders and other interested parties, to show them the area and hopefully inspire them to bring groups to visit.

The All Abilities Area in Monks Wood Visitors to the AAA will have noticed a lot of changes, especially in late September.

The path from the main car park has been given a new surface identical to the LWT paths at Whisby, the profile of the pond has been softened and a barrier added to deter the careless.

In the coming weeks, both a vehicle gate and pedestrian side-gate will be installed at the entrance to the AAA from Ashing Lane and ‘dragons’ teeth’ fitted around the rim of the minibus turning area to keep vehicles out of the rest of the AAA. Future glade areas for cultivation and the sowing of wildflower mixes have been identified.

Work in the next six months will include the construction of a giant raised bed as a tree nursery, and the ‘Oak Tree Theatre’, a seating area to be used when briefing visiting groups.

We will also design and commission an interpretation board on which we will mention our sponsors. St Francis Special School has constructed and donated a wooden work-station which will be placed in the ‘classroom’ area accessed through the willow tunnel. The major funding for the project so far has come from a National Lottery Access for All grant of £9,000, and we must also acknowledge important donations from Bishop King Primary, Welton St Mary’s Primary, Welton William Farr, Lincoln Christ’s Hospital School, the Lincolnshire Co-op Community Fund and ASDA on Nettleham Road, totaling over £3,000.

This is a long-term project, but we can now begin to plan in more detail how the area will be used. In particular, we need to add suitable furniture so there are plenty of seats, resting posts and tables suitable for people of all ages who are less mobile.

If any supporter would like to make a private donation, or is involved in a business or school which would like to sponsor part of this, please get in touch.

Jubilee Wood in Monks Wood Most of the sixty small-leaved lime planted on 10 March 2012 have now taken well.

We will replace a few this autumn. The Lord-Lieutenant’s visit has been postponed until spring 2012, by which time the whole area will look magnificent.

The Co-op Wood This new ten-acre (four-hectare) site to the east of Monks Wood has received a lot of attention in recent months. Plants dredged from the ditch last year have been moved into the lake, the walks have been created, cultivated and sown, and Mother Nature is making her own contribution with dispersals most obvious along the margins of the lake. A pair of swans took up residence for the summer and some lovely photographs of dragonflies and grass snakes were taken by Mark Johnston.

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When we first considered the possibility of developing this site, we had hoped that it would develop into a wet woodland. The weather of the last few months, indeed ever since that implausibly dry spring which allowed us to excavate the Co-op lake, has helped us meet this expectation.

The water-table is high and so this site can be seriously wet, which is reflected in the trees such as willow, downy birch and alder. We still have work to do on the edges of the newly-seeded walks and around the lake on the west side in particular, whilst keeping the open vistas to the east. By creating suitable thickets, including hawthorn graduating from the lake edge through areas of long grass into shrubs and then woodland, we would hope, over time, to attract East Midlands species such as woodcock, garden and willow warblers, nightingales, spotted flycatchers and willow tits.

In the coming months the landowners, the Lincolnshire Co-operative, will be involved in further planting and the development of their own memorial garden, an open area just north of the main entrance to the site at the end of Ashing Lane.

Other News Summer 2012: the two willow trees by the ford in Watermill Lane, Nettleham were saved from felling after a campaign led by villagers which revealed that in fact they were the responsibility of Lincolnshire County Council (Highways), not the Parish Council. There will be some pruning.

25 September 2012: Chris Williams, NWT Chairman made a presentation to a well-attended meeting of the Nettleham Ladies Club.

Various dates: the Bishops’ Palace Working Group has been regularly attended by the NWT Chairman. Councillor John Evans of Nettleham PC is steering the group, with the most obvious progress being the reconstruction of the slopes in front of the Methodist Chapel to provide a more accessible entrance to the site from High Street. New perimeter fencing is imminent.

The ‘pastoral’ area next to the burial ground is currently being designed (see page 33) and will feature a small orchard of traditional species which a village resident has agreed to develop, open space, seating and a small copse comprising British native trees sponsored by members of the community. Additional offers of sponsorship would be very welcome. The group anticipates that planting in this area will take place in March 2013 on a date to be confirmed.

Volunteers will be very welcome.

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Woodland Trust Various dates: Lincoln Rugby Club is now making significant progress on its new Lodge Lane ground. NWT, with LRFC and village supporters will be involved in extensive planting here. A major step in this will be moving the new fence away from the bridleway to make the new woodland accessible to the general public, a condition of the English Woodland Grant Scheme funding. Spoil from the building work will be used to create a raised zig-zag footpath through the new wood as an alternative to the bridleway. Planting dates to be confirmed.

Trees and Shrubs Chalera Fraxinea (Ash Dieback Disease) On all our sites we are creating British woodland typical of the east of England and appropriate to the soils we have (not an arboretum), and so with the exception of a couple of specimen trees all our planting is of UK-grown English native species. Rod Newborough, NWT Woodland Advisor, writes: “You may have heard about the aggressive pathogen, Chalera Fraxinea that has recently been found in imported ash trees and has the potential to have a devastating effect on Britain’s ash trees. The fungus causes leaf loss and crown die-back and can lead to tree death. It has wiped out 90% of ash trees in Denmark in seven years and is becoming widespread throughout central Europe. To date, only a handful of cases of the disease have been found in urban Britain. The Government proposes an urgent ban on the import of ash tree plants from Europe.”

Nettleham Woodland Trust is committed to planting native broad-leaved species of trees and shrubs grown from local/regional seed sources.

The vast majority of trees (well over 99% and totalling 25,000) planted at Ashing Lane Nature Reserve, Monks Wood and Lincolnshire Co-Operative Wood, were purchased from reputable growers, British Hardwood Trees being the main supplier, whose Managing Director, Andrew Henderson says: “We’d like to reassure all of our existing and potential customers that all of our ash plants are always of UK provenance and UK grown for maximum peace of mind.

In addition, although our stock is certified disease free, we act to halt the spread of ALL pests and diseases by conducting our own regular and rigorous checks of all stock for visible signs of pests and diseases and by treating stock against pests and diseases prior to despatch.”

NWT Diary March 2013: planting at Bishops’ Palace site, Nettleham (more information in the spring 2013 edition of Nettleham News) March 2013: planting at the Lincoln Rugby Club, Nettleham over several days (dates and times to be confirmed) Spring 2013: perhaps a major event and opening ceremony in the Co-op Wood at Ashing Lane, Dunholme.

May 2013: separate visits to Monks Wood from the Lord Lieutenant of Lincolnshire and Karl McCartney MP (to be arranged).

May 2013: our AGM will take place in the Old School, Nettleham (date to be confirmed).

How else can you help Nettleham Woodland Trust?

All Abilities Area: as mentioned previously, we would welcome donations of seating.

Join in. In the autumn edition of Nettleham News, supporters were requested to consider joining the committee, or taking on other roles. We are still waiting for all those enthusiastic new volunteers!

As with any voluntary organization and charity, NWT is dependent on continuous regeneration from within our community.

The underlying challenge is the standard one - if new people don’t come forward to serve for a few years, the core group will progressively diminish to a point where the charity is unsustainable, and it has no other alternative than to dissolve itself and hand assets to another organization with similar interests. In the case of Nettleham, there is the real and present danger of building development, whether through a change to policing strategy, residential growth or the extension of the city of Lincoln.

In addition to the creation of new woodland other environmental projects, NWT also provides a well-established forum for lobbying and drawing people together.

If you would like to talk about the opportunities, please contact Nettleham Woodland Trust - you would be most welcome to join us and join in.

Chris Williams Chairman, Nettleham Woodland Trust

Sometime: construction of a hide overlooking the lake in the Co-op Wood.

Please get in touch if you would like to assist at any of these events - all volunteers would be most welcome.

Telephone 07952 346223 crw197@gmail.com Susie Mendel Secretary

members@nettlehamwoodlandtrust.co.uk

The new Co-op Lake at Ashing Lane Nature Reserve, Dunholme

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All Saints Parish Church, Nettleham Christmas 2012 This year Bishop Christopher, Bishop of Lincoln, will be spending the night of 20 December in a stable in a field near Harmston, with only a sleeping bag and a flask for company. Hopefully the straw bales he’ll be given to rest on won’t be too prickly!

What a peculiar thing to do - especially at a time of year when the weather turns decidedly chilly, and we decorate and heat our homes to make sure they are as comfortable and welcoming as possible for the festive season.

Bishop Christopher’s night out isn’t quite as mad as it seems - he’s hoping to be sponsored in order to raise money for both The Nomad Trust, the well-known Lincoln charity working with those who are homeless, and Christian Aid’s project in the Favelas of South America. He’s also bringing to life a part of the story we remember at Christmas - how Mary and Joseph arrived in Bethlehem with nowhere to call home, and ended up sleeping - and having a baby - in the stable of the inn, because they had nowhere else to go.

We’ve become so familiar with the story we forget the harsh reality of what must have been a desperate situation.

By 21 December, I wonder if Bishop Christopher might be wishing that the Holy Family had been able to find a room, even a small one, in a Holiday Inn instead of a stable - surely a much more suitable venue for God’s own Son to be born.

But that’s not God’s way - the Son born that night is Emmanuel, which literally means “God with us”. And God is with us, not just in the comfortable, tidy bits of our lives - the hotel rooms and luxury apartments - God is with us in the dark

despair, the cold and fear, the soggy straw of daily life - bringing Light and Life and Hope. And that’s what being born in a stable is about - God doesn’t stay “out there” untouched and beyond the often harsh realities of our human experience he is with us to share all it means to be a human being - even when that means rejection, pain and death on a cross - to weep with us, as well as share our joy.

But when God shares our human life, he’s not just there to sympathise with us - he’s present in all humanity to transform it with his new life. He endures the injustice and cruelty of a world that doesn’t care - and urges those who would share his Life to work with him to transform the world around them so it can reflect the love of its creator for all his creation, including the marginalised, the voiceless, the hungry, the homeless and oppressed. And Bishop Christopher’s stable experience is intended not just to show solidarity with those who are homeless and hungry, but to transform real lives in real ways through contributing to the work of The Nomad Trust and Christian Aid. The collection at ‘Carols on the Green’ at Nettleham this year will go to the Bishop’s Sleep-out, so that those who join together to enjoy carols on the village green will have the opportunity of working with God to transform this bit of his world - before we head off to a warm church to enjoy festive refreshments!

As ever, I wish you all the blessings of the Christmas season and a peaceful and happy New Year Jenny To sponsor the Bishop, please visit: www.charitygiving.co.uk/stablesleepout

“A Quiet Christmas” You might like to know that, once again, this year at All Saints we are holding a different kind of Christmas service: “Quiet Christmas” on Wednesday 19 December at 7.30pm.

Christmas is traditionally a time of gladness and celebration - a time when families gather together for parties and merriment.

But for those grieving the loss of loved ones, or whose family circumstances are difficult for some reason, it can be a very lonely, depressing time. Somehow isolation is even more painful when it seems that all the rest of the world is joyfully celebrating.

While the birth of the Christ child is rightly an event for joyful celebration, a quieter service, which acknowledges that not everyone is looking forward to Christmas and the New Year, can offer some people a way of honouring mixed feelings at this special time.

This service offers prayers, scripture and music that acknowledge God’s presence in the lives of those who mourn and with those who struggle - and that God’s Word comes to shine light into the very darkest places of life.

All are welcome.

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From the Parish Registers We welcome into the Family of God’s Church through Holy Baptism:

12 August Faith Scott 26 August Jensen Mannion 16 September Max Ling Oliver Middlemass Samuel Middlemass 21 October Charlie Johnson We share in the joy of those being married in the Church

3 August

David Games and Lindsay Wilson

11 August

Adam Louth and Claudia Smith

18 August

Paul Blake and Karen Atkin

25 August

Timothy Cabrelli and Jennifer Taylor

8 September

Paul Williams and Kerry Micklethwaite

15 September

Tom Bates and Sara Hillier

22 September

Angus Macdonald and Clare Purdy

29 September

Jonathan Powell and Marie Sleight

20 October

David Cawdron and Susan Leggott

We share in the sadness of those who mourn the death of a loved one, remembering those whose funeral has taken place, or cremated remains have been laid to rest:

6 August

Raymond Sellars (Cremated remains)

20 August 3 September 4 October

Catherine Jubb Margaret Herrick Ida Fields

Family Praise Every Saturday during term-time from

12 January 2013 at All Saints Church, Nettleham

4.00pm - 5.00pm Worship and fun for children and families All are welcome!

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Services and Forthcoming Events at All Saints Church unless otherwise stated (all other services as normal)

Sunday 2 December (Advent Sunday) 8.00am: Said Eucharist 9.30am: Parish Eucharist 6.00pm: Advent Carol Service

LOOKING AHEAD IN 2013...

Sunday 6 January (The Epiphany) 8.00am: Said Eucharist 9.30am: Parish Eucharist 6.00pm: Healing Service

Saturday 8 December 6.00pm: ‘A Shepherd’s Tale’ (see below) 5.30pm: Refreshments at Junior School 7.30pm: ‘A Shepherd’s Tale’ (see below) 7.00pm: Refreshments at Junior School Sunday 9 December 8.00am: Said Eucharist 9.30am: Parish Eucharist for All Ages 4.30pm: ‘A Shepherd’s Tale’ (see below) 4.00pm: Refreshments at Junior School 6.00pm: ‘A Shepherd’s Tale’ (see below) 5.30pm: Refreshments at Junior School Wednesday 19 December 7.30pm: A Quiet Christmas (see facing page) Date to be confirmed: see posters!

9.30am - 12 noon: A Christmas Journey A morning of Christmas crafts and activities for children Sunday 23 December 8.00am: Said Eucharist 9.30am: Parish Eucharist 11.15am: Holy Communion at St Mary’s Riseholme in Traditional Language 3.00pm: Carol Service

Saturday 12 January 4.00pm - 5.00pm: Family Praise Worship and fun for children and families Monday 24 December (Christmas Eve) 3.00pm: Crib Service - a simple Christmas service for the young and young at heart!

Children are invited to come dressed as a character from the Nativity story 7.00pm: Carols on the Green followed by refreshments in church 11.30pm: Midnight Mass (preceded by carols at 11.15pm) Tuesday 25 December (Christmas Day) 10.00am: Parish Eucharist. Children are encouraged to bring a small (!) present with them which they have opened already, perhaps something from their stocking 11.15am: Holy Communion with hymns at St Mary’s Riseholme in Traditional Language Wednesday 26 December (Boxing Day) St Stephen’s Day (the first Christian Martyr) 10.30am: Said Eucharist

Starring

Saturday 19 January 4.00pm - 5.00pm: Family Praise Worship and fun for children and families Thursday 24 January 7.30pm: Joint worship with Nettleham Methodist Church for the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity (at the Methodist Church) Saturday 26 January 4.00pm - 5.00pm: Family Praise Worship and fun for children and families Saturday 2 February (Candlemas) 4.00pm - 5.00pm: Family Praise Worship and fun for children and families 7.30pm: Sung Eucharist for Candlemas Wednesday 13 February (Ash Wednesday) 2.30pm: A service for Ash Wednesday 7.30pm: A service for Ash Wednesday

Performance times:

Saturday 8 December 6.00pm & 7.30pm

Sunday 9 December 4.30pm & 6.00pm ●

Molly ●

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Milly ●

Tickets: £4.00 or £14.00 for 4 tickets

and also this year: Sonny the Pony

Festive refreshments prior to each performance - see tickets for details

Special lighting effects All age cast

Tickets available from 1 November 2012 All Saints Church (Sunday Services) Beckside Newsagents

December 2012

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Major Groom Dog Grooming Boutique A one-to-one personal service for your dog, catering for your pet’s every need Located at Sudbrooke Lane in Nettleham, Major Groom is owned and run by a Level 3 City & Guilds qualified groomer, to Breed and Crufts Standard.

Purpose designed and built to meet the requirements of the Animal Welfare Act 2006, Major Groom uses the very latest equipment to cater for breeds of all types and sizes, ensuring your dog receives only the very best in welfare, health and safety.

Our friendly, family-run business offers your dog something special and provides you, the owner, with a quality service at a competitive price.

At Major Groom we offer ● Full groom, health check and consultation ● Full bath service using specialist shampoo for your dog’s specific coat type ● Breed Standard cuts ● Hand stripping ● Ear and eye cleaning ● Nail clipping and grinding ● Methodical fluff drying service - ideal for Bichon Frisé, Poodles and Irish Water Spaniels ● A large, secure, purpose-built exercise area ● Pick-up and delivery service available ● Free customer parking

For more information visit: www.majorgroom.co.uk Telephone 01522 831249 or 07961 237290 Like to look around?

We welcome visits - no appointment necessary Help and advice given freely Major Groom Dog Boutique 30 Sudbrooke Lane, Nettleham, Lincoln LN2 2RP

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Please remember your dogs cannot phone for themselves - they would if they could!

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Robin Redbreast

RB Camera Club JOHN WELLS (1943 - 2012) John Wells, one-time member of RBCC, a lecturer and judge of international acclaim, died a few weeks ago and whilst we shall never again be entertained by his unique, thought-provoking dissertations his legacy of images remain, to be savoured and mused upon for a long time to come.

John brought new meaning to the term ‘roving eye’ - his eyes panned, scanned and scrutinised his unique personal world the composition was particularly meaningful to him and that was the best reason for recording any image.

He became a legendary figure in his own lifetime - who else would take a trip to Norway and return with only pictures of the ship because he ‘liked the colour of it’ or swing a camera from the knee, operating the shutter by remote control just to see what he could get?

It all sounded very haphazard and unprofessional to many - but his results were ‘different’, inspiring and provocative. Candid portraits by this method sometimes appeared like caricatures from ‘Punch’ - humorous and revealing.

One felt at times he was looking for the truth of reality a place devoid of the trappings in which the world is enshrouded an honest, candid man and these traits are reflected in the freshness of his work.

He sought not to please by flattery, but to woo with honesty.

Oliver Goldsmith (1730-1774) wrote a poem entitled ‘The Village Schoolmaster’ saying:

Autumn arrives, flowers and plants are beginning to curl up and die. Animals grow thicker coats, or feathers, preparing for the colder weather.

In the tree tops a loud ‘peeping’ trill alerts us, of the robin choosing his territory. The tiny bird with bright red breast feathers is a joy to behold. A perky, handsome little creature with a beautiful voice. During autumn the male and female call to each other, a distinct chirrup in the hedgerows.

With the first snowfall, robins hop around the gardens standing out like buoys on the ocean, to brighten up a cold winter’s day.

My mum befriended a robin. When she baked pastry, she would crumble some into small titbits for the bird. After a couple of weeks, she stood with the palm of her hand outstretched and the robin flew to her from the bottom of the garden.

Alighting on her hand, he pecked the tasty morsels of pastry.

Robins feature on many Christmas cards and there is no doubt they are one of the most attractive birds in Britain.

Janet Lazell

And still they gaz’d and still the wonder grew That one small head could carry all he knew

So relevant to John, for he was indeed a giant of creative ability, encased in a very human frame.

Thank you, John.

Words by Stick Hancock RBCC’s new programme for 2013 will be on our website shortly: www.rbcameraclub.co.uk

Pecking Order Autumn has arrived, with high winds causing leaves to tumble down in cascades of rainbow colours onto the lawn.

It is essential to clear them up when you have time, otherwise they will rot and damage the lawn. They can be thrown onto your compost heap to mulch down and the resulting leaf-mould can be used at any time of the year as rich nutrition for shrubs and flowers.

Birds are a great help on the lawn, pecking up insects and turning over grass with their sharp beaks. If leaves are cleared, birds are able to forage until the first snowfall, helping you out by aerating the lawn at the same time.

Janet Lazell

Image by the late John Wells FRPS

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The Long Wait A short story by Harry Carter Martin slowly walked along the concrete runway of the old airfield. It had become delapidated. The concrete was being slowly eroded by the elements of time. Water had seeped in between the cracks and, as winter drew near, so did the frost and ice which played its part in pushing the cracks further apart. That would give the seeds of nature time to burrow and produce their own kind, causing weeds of every description and the beginnings of young tree saplings.

All gratuitous gifts of nature’s wildlife taking over the ice and pushing the cracks further apart to flex their roots and then reach out into the open.

The buildings had not faired better and all were now old and derelict. The old control tower with all the windows gone, displaying gaping ugy holes.

The door hanging on one hinge which would soon relinquish its struggle and collapse, breaking no doubt as it reached its final resting place.

The lone hangar loomed up. It had been one of three, but the other two had been demolished after the war and the materal used elsewhere. Why they left the one was a puzzle, but it seemed to despair of being the only one there. The wind loved to play games within the vast interior with whistles and cries as it found a new gap to push through. Sometimes it sounded like the cries of the past. The tempo of the wind played different tunes sometimes gaining strength encouraged by the music it was producing. Whether it was gales or calm, the wind had a tune to play and Martin had heard many variants through the times he had strolled around this old place.

Martin was always drawn to this airfield, maybe because he had been posted here during the war. Nothing romantic - he had been a pilot who flew Dakotas. There had been three here among the other aircraft, namely Lancasters and Halifaxes. They were the real heroes he thought. He was more like a taxi, although he was never accused as such and treated with a respect he didn’t think he deserved. Always taking off at night with someone or something in the

back, over France mostly, or Holland, and on occasions picking up passengers, always at night and nearly always back for breakfast, he mused.

They had all gone now - all the men and women. The women of course were the WRAFs. Always with smiles on their faces, always joking. They worked mostly in the control planning room which was underground and now filled in. He had fallen in love with one of them - Helen, and like many war-time lovers they quickly wed. Dating was never going to be long the way the war was on everyone’s mind. They had one son Thomas and were fortunate to live in a cottage only two miles from the airfield which belonged to her father.

He had left it to her and Helen had turned it into a loving home.

He kicked his heels and listened to the wind howling through the old hangar.

He had walked around it inside and out, but it held no attraction. It was built both for aircraft and people and when they went it became forlorn and lonely, giving up its pride of place.

He slowly walked back to the entrance to the airfield and looked at the war memorial. So many men, so many brothers, sons, fathers. They said that the place was haunted by a lone pilot with a flying jacket and scarf who stood near the memorial when the dampness of the earth produced a thick mist enveloping the airfield and the road. Well it was misty now and he wondered what it would be like to meet this so-called pilot; I wonder, he mused, whether I knew him from the past. Disused war-time airfields always had that air of loneliness and mystery, so it would not be surprising that ghost stories were commonplace.

He then thought of his own son, Thomas, who had died when he was 14 of a weak heart. It had been so unexpected and such a blow. Now, years later, Helen was very ill with heart problems and was in the local hospital. He had gone there every day and sat on her bed, but she was always asleep. The last time was yesterday and he was overjoyed when she seemed to open her eyes and look 69

at him. She gave him a beaming smile and winked - yes winked! She had not done that since they started going out together. He smiled and she seemed to slip back into a deep sleep.

He thought of the look on Helen’s face. She seemed to be content and peaceful. He sighed. He thought he would have one last walk around the airfield when he heard a voice behind him.

“Martin Allday. Thought you would be hanging around here you old rascal!”

He turned to see Helen standing near the memorial with a big beaming smile. He walked towards her and took her by her soft warm hand. “Helen you look as lovely as ever” and starting to laugh “and as ever, delectable in uniform”.

She giggled. “You flatterer, you always did like women in uniform and I might add you look as handsome as the day I saw you in your pilot jacket”.

Together they walked slowly around the airfield arm in arm.

Martin looked at her. “Came to see you yesterday”. She smiled. “I know, I saw you“.

“Thought you did, and what’s this winking skylark then?“ he teased.

She gave him a squeeze and whispered with an impish grin, “Didn’t you like it?”

He laughed and looked at her with pride in his eyes. “Why do you think I married you all those years ago?”

She gave a push on his arm. “Now come on, let’s go and see all our old friends and family. ”Mmm, he replied in a pretended sultry tone, “As long as you don’t start winking at any of those reprobates, I don’t mind”. They burst out laughing and in the distance they heard Thomas laughing too.

The wind gave a mournful sigh as it seemed to realise that its old friend and companion had at last gone.

It could only say farewell by pushing leaves against the memorial near his name - one among so many others.

Harry Carter

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Beyond the Crib Imagine a manger where shepherds have knelt Giving honour to a maid and how her babe dwelt; Then think of the house where astrologers trod To offer their treasures for the meekness of God. Please prize each present round your bright Christmas tree Depicting that child’s love both for you and for me; Perhaps the most difficult gift to accept Is deep love abiding through an infant’s bequest.

For beyond the crib a tree’s dark form stood tall Where He offered us wholeness as all else must pall; These are all stories about giving not wealth And found in the Gospels so best read for ourself.

ANON

Six Haikus for Christmas Christmas baubles shine with glimmering fairy lights on mantelpiece green Stars filled the night sky to announce that holy birth to the lonely hill Winter green fir tree in full Christmas finery lights up the dark days Angels sang at night filling the dark sky with light to proclaim the birth Bright star leads the way the three magi follow it to find the baby Harbingers of joy another world’s messengers angels bringing news Pat Gregory The following poem was read at the private commital for Ray Sellars at Lincoln Crematorium on Wednesday 18 July 2012

REMEMBER Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land; When you can no more hold me by the hand, Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day You tell me of our future that you plann’d: Only remember me; you understand It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for as while And afterwards remember, do not grieve: For if the darkness and corruption leave A vestige of the thoughts that once I had, Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad.

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Poetry NOSTALGIA I looked out this morning and saw the fog Lying about on each wet, dripping tree, And was taken straight back to the days of my youth Spent in the chilly north-east, by the sea.

Mist, up there, is known as ‘the fret’ And hangs about where the land and sea meet, A few miles inland there’s wall to wall sunshine, On the beach you’d be lucky to see your feet!

Mist, in the country, is cleaner and lighter, Even the fog doesn’t have any smell, But the fog that you get in industrial counties Has, in its content, the perfumes of hell!

Smoke from the chimneys of houses and factories, From the chip shop the savoury smell of hot fat, The pub doors exuded stale beer and tobacco And, round many a corner, the fragrance of tom cat!

The sea-front at Seaburn was our stamping ground, You could go there any night in the week And meet up with two or three folk that you knew, Whether the weather was clement or bleak.

We’d go into Notts for hot orange or coffee, All smoking like chimneys, we’d put the world right, Then, someone would say “Let’s have fish and chips,” And out we would go in the damp, ‘scented’ night.

We’d walk on the beach if the tide was out, Climb over the rocks, the seaweed and shingle, Then, there in the gloom, were the cafe’s bright lights The smell from the door made the taste buds tingle.

We didn’t go in and sit at a table, We wanted ours wrapped, to be eaten outside, Because, if we wanted to walk on the beach, An eye must be kept on the turn of the tide.

We sat on the sea wall with bums nearly frozen, And ate, with our fingers, this sumptuous feast, I can still smell the vinegar, newsprint and fish, And I’m sixteen again in the smoky north-east.

Lincoln Cathedral High over city and countryside Dominant for miles around, Heavenward-searching towers above, The wondrous cathedral in Mary’s name; Fashioned of old to ease man’s fears Through prayers from nigh on a thousand years.

Climb from the town by hillside steep.

Exchequer gate through to Minster yard.

West front so grand linking ancient and new Bishop and swineherd are gazing down United to bless as each pilgrim appears By prayers for nigh on a thousand years.

Remigius’s portals lead to the nave.

Vista so powerful senses suspends.

Space, light and beauty crowd on the mind.

Numbness recedes and, perchance, in its place The voices of gone congregations one hears Saying prayers of nigh on a thousand years.

So to Hugh’s choir and wonder again At the ancient ribbed vaulting built by the saint.

The altar and chancel revered from his time The fine oaken carvings, the misericords, Magnificent organ whose music coheres With prayers from nigh on a thousand years.

The east end contains the great Angel Choir Constructed to venerate St Hugh’s remains.

Stone-carved angels cluster on high, Enormous east window flanked by the past.

Famed lurking imp that downward leers Defying the prayers through a thousand years.

What then to say of the chapter house?

What of its 14th century throne?

What of the cloisters and library?

What of the rood screen’s hand chiselled work?

What of the grand Purbeck marbled piers?

Come, join in the prayers of a thousand years.

J P O’Donoghue Brookfield Avenue

MY APPREHENSION I sit and ponder In the dim light of doubt, Which begins to cast disconcerting shadows.

Hunched outlines appear In the comparative darkness of corners, Whilst, my straining eyes, Become brimful Of trepidation and anticipation.

Those were the days when untreated sewage Was piped out to sea when the tide was right, Sadly, the wind brought the odour of outfall, Which ruined the charm of a bright, moonlit night!

Subtle hues become insignificant, As the gloom of depression Pervades an unfamiliar room.

My mind frames fearful fantasies; Introduces the unwanted, And illuminates the unknown.

However, ‘twas all part of life as we knew it, Sounds pretty awful, but really was grand, I have many memories of childhood and youth, And part of my heart is always in Sunderland.

Fear bubbles and effervesces, Tingling and thronging Throughout my being; Producing perspiration and perturbation; An agony of uninvited avocation.

They say that, with age, short-term memory goes, I’m finding out now that this is so true, Sixty five years ago - clear as a bell, But what I did yesterday - haven’t a clue!

I pull myself together: Stand; turn on all the lights; Cross myself; Then leave to seek company, Reassurance, And day-to-day reality.

Christina Rosetti

Phyllis Stephenson

(1830-1894)

Riverdale

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A Smile for Christmas Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?

Where do they go?

Wonder no more!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

Now that’s what I call a Christmas tree!

Gotcha!

I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law yesterday, when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

My daughter said “This is the 21st century Dad, we don’t waste our money on newspapers any more, here - you can borrow my iPad.” Well I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it...

“Freeze a jolly good fellow” - then they kick him in the ice-hole.

Seconds

Wise Words

Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out.

Middle-age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

By the time you can make ends meet, they’ve moved the ends.

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Tasty...

Gourmet readers of Nettleham News may be interested to learn that production of both humus and taramasalata has been seriously affected by the economic downturn in Greece.

A spokesman for the Government said it was a direct result of the double-dip recession!

Why oh why!... ... do we always press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? ... do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they know you’re broke? ... doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

... did some cruel person decide to put an ‘s’ in the word ‘lisp’?

Five days a week my body is a temple the other two it’s an amusement park.

... is it that, no matter what colour bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Learn from your parents’ mistakes use birth control.

Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

We are born naked, wet and hungry.

Then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you.

Furry green meat is bad for you.

Xerox and Wurlitzer are going to merge to manufacture reproductive organs.

The doctor said: “I need a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample”.

“He wants your underpants” she replied.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

Everyone has a photographic memory.

Some, like me, just don’t have any film.

An elderly man was accomanied by his wife to an appointment with the doctor.

“What did he say?” said the man, who was rather hard of hearing.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the deceased bird.

Remember...

Once you get over the hill, you’ll begin to pick up speed.

Get ‘em off!

... is there never a day that sofas are not on sale? ... is it that no plastic bag will open from the first end you try? ... do insects somehow find their way into enclosed light fixtures? ... is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over? ... do you never hear father-in-law jokes?

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My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant in town last night.

“Did you smell that food?” she asked, “incredible!”

Well, being the perfect husband I am, I thought, “What the heck - I’ll treat her!”

So we walked past it again.

And finally...

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst I know a man who’s addicted to brake fluid, but says he can stop any time After staying up all night and wondering where the sun went, it dawned on me The theatrical performance about puns was just a play on words The report showed that I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O A dyslexic man walks into a bra At first I didn’t like my beard, but then it grew on me With a bladder infection, urine trouble Broken pencils are pointless I tried to catch some fog, but I mist A dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary is a thesaurus I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx Spooky French pancakes give me the crepes Velcro: what a rip-off!

Cartoonist found dead - details are sketchy I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure

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