When I Was Seven

1. When I was seven

When I was seven my mum and dad split up.

From four we were now three.

It was a shock to us all.

A short time later, we found a new place to live. No. 73.

My sister, my mum and me.

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Now, I was the man of the house.

At night, I checked the windows were closed.

Then I checked the front door was locked.

This made me feel safe.

I was looking after us all.

My sister, my mum and me.

I switched on the TV. The light and colours filled the dark gloom of the front room.

Blues and reds, flickering and dancing across the walls.

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The sound of the music!

The trumpets blasted loud.

Two figures, blurred motion, the roar of the crowd.

I rushed to turn the sound down.

They’re all asleep, don’t wake them up!

But in a heartbeat, I remembered: “Them” doesn’t include my dad now so why not turn it up?

I didn’t though, I panicked and turned the volume down.

But even with the sound down low, something pulled me once again to the screen.

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Something in my head went click; The movement, the colour, the image, the sound.

Around the sun the earth spins round.

In that moment, there was a change.

Something that I had missed before, something I’d never seen.

Watching.

Listening.

Hypnotised, by the action on the screen.

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2. Changes A short time after my voice started to change.

When I wanted to speak, every other word I uttered was now staggered and strained.

I started to stutter.

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To make extra money, my mum tried bed and breakfast: B and B at no. 73.

A grumpy builder stayed one night.

The sound of an electric razor in the morning.

It felt strange to have a stranger in the house.

My sister and me would have preferred a mouse.

He complained about the lack of choice for breakfast.

No more bed and breakfast.

No more B and B at no. 73 For my sister, my mum and me.

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3. Disappointing adults – Dad Dad worked in the town but lived in the countryside.

One day at a country fair Stalls rides coconut shies legs, sweaty summer feet people moving and mingling everywhere

A woman shook my hand: Hello, nice to meet you.

I’m your dad’s new girlfriend.

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I swallowed down the heat in my face and hid in a cloud of candyfloss.

It was easier not to speak.

Instead, head lowered I turned away.

A few months later, that winter, together at a Christmas show.

My dad and his girlfriend holding hands as the lights went dark I turned and faced my sister.

She smiled.

She didn’t know.

The lenses in her glasses flashed as the stage began to glow.

On with the show.

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An invite to the wedding: My dad and his girlfriend Would love your company RSVP

My mum gave me the choice to make to go or not to go.

My sister would be a bridesmaid.

But my answer was a simple … no.

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