1. When I was seven
When I was seven my mum and dad split up. From four we were now three. It was a shock to us all.
A short time later, we found a new place to live. No. 73. My sister, my mum and me.
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Now, I was the man of the house. At night, I checked the windows were closed. Then I checked the front door was locked. This made me feel safe. I was looking after us all. My sister, my mum and me.
I switched on the TV. The light and colours filled the dark gloom of the front room. Blues and reds, flickering and dancing across the walls.
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The sound of the music!
The trumpets blasted loud. Two figures, blurred motion, the roar of the crowd.
I rushed to turn the sound down. They’re all asleep, dont wake them up! But in a heartbeat, I remembered: “Them” doesnt include my dad now so why not turn it up?
I didnt though, I panicked and turned the volume down. But even with the sound down low, something pulled me once again to the screen.
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Something in my head went click; The movement, the colour, the image, the sound. Around the sun the earth spins round.
In that moment, there was a change. Something that I had missed before, something Id never seen. Watching. Listening. Hypnotised, by the action on the screen.
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2. Changes
A short time after my voice started to change. When I wanted to speak, every other word I uttered was now staggered and strained. I started to stutter.
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To make extra money, my mum tried bed and breakfast: B and B at no. 73.
A grumpy builder stayed one night. The sound of an electric razor in the morning. It felt strange to have a stranger in the house. My sister and me would have preferred a mouse. He complained about the lack of choice for breakfast. No more bed and breakfast.
No more B and B at no. 73
For my sister, my mum and me.
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3. Disappointing adults – Dad
Dad worked in the town but lived in the countryside.
One day at a country fair Stalls rides
coconut shies legs, sweaty summer feet people moving and mingling everywhere
A woman shook my hand:
Hello, nice to meet you.
I ’ m your dad ’ s new girlfriend.
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I swallowed down the heat in my face and hid in a cloud of candyfloss. It was easier not to speak. Instead, head lowered I turned away.
A few months later, that winter, together at a Christmas show. My dad and his girlfriend holding hands as the lights went dark I turned and faced my sister. She smiled. She didnt know. The lenses in her glasses flashed as the stage began to glow. On with the show.
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An invite to the wedding:
My dad and his girlfriend
Would love your company
My mum gave me the choice to make to go or not to go.
My sister would be a bridesmaid. But my answer was a simple … no.
RSVP
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