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The College View XMAS SPECIAL

www.thecollegeview.com

Competition Time

Pg.17

Eddie is ‘rip pin’ with SU Meabh Ni Ghealbhain FINANCIAL GURU Eddie Hobbs has slated DCU’s Students’ Union and Events Co-ordinator Shea McNealis for charging students to hear him speak.

The presenter of ‘Rip off Republic’ says he had “no idea” students were being charged €15 to hear his advice on how to live on a budget of €100 a week.

The event was arranged on a commercial basis and an undisclosed fee was charged. However Hobbs said that he did not expect that this fee would be passed on to students.

Deputy Students’ Union President Eoin Byrne says: “Eddie Hobbs’

SPORTS

ARTS

Vol.8 No.3

agent was charging a significant amount of money to do it (the talk).

We had to meet costs so we had to charge €15 per head to meet his fee, not to make money”.

“If you’re going to charge that amount of money to do a two hour show expect that the customer is going to be charged for it,” he said.

Hobbs added that he was out of the country at the time and was only made aware of the ticket charge when the event was cancelled. “I was glad the event was cancelled because I never would have spoken…It’s a non-sense thing to speak to students about finance and charge them for it”.

However Shea McNelis told The College View that Hobbs was made aware of the ticket charge when the talk was arranged. “I don’t know why

December 2006

Interview with Ardal O’’Hanlan Pg.9

he says that, there is a breakdown of communications between his agency and him.”

He continued: “If this was an issue we would be in a lot of trouble.

Everyone was under an understanding about what time it was on, where it was on and how much the tickets were... If anyone said the wrong things it was him.”

When asked if his agency knew about the charge Hobbs said “that’s a matter for the Students’ Union and the agency. As far as I was aware the

The Hooky Monster Pg.21

Eddie Hobbs poster ripped off after event cancellation

college were organising it. I then rang the Students’ Union to discover they were organising it.”

Hobbs also contacted the Irish Daily Mail about the matter. “I contacted the media because I wanted to get across to DCU students that it wasn’t me charging them,” he says.

In the Irish Daily Mail on November 24, Hobbs is quoted as saying “Whoever decided to charge for tickets may think it is of no consequence, but it is a matter of consequence, it’s my reputation at stake.”

An audience with Eddie Hobbs’ was due to take place on November 23 in the Venue, however, McNealis and Hobbs’ management made the decision to cancel the gig for reasons including poor ticket sales.

McNelis says that presales for the event were steady but figures were not what they wanted and it was a possibility that the Students’ Union would make a loss if the talk had gone ahead.

Boycott of the boycott Janet Newenham

Photo taken by Sarah Cramer

THE DCU boycott saga has ended for now after negogiations between the Student’s Union and University Management.

Two months after a comment left on the DCU student forum, life.dcu sparked off the campaign, management have been fored to conceed that students are being overcharged.

Due to over 5,000 hits on the forum and a general consensus that students were being ripped off, the Students Union decided action needed to be taken.

They brought the issue to Union Council and it was decided that if

President Ferdinand von Prondzynski and the management of Trispace don’t compromise with the SU in lowering prices on campus that action would be taken.

Two weeks later the Students’ Union executive returned from a meeting with the President and the managers of Trispace feeling very dissatisfied.

They strongly felt that very little thought had been given to their proposals and that Trispace management weren’t taking the matter seriously.

Students’ Union President Charlene Connolly decided further action needed to be taken. All students were notified that an official boycott of Spar and all on-campus catering facilities was taking place.

After unexpected media coverage in the Evening Herald later that week, the SU decided an official picket of Spar was to be organised for that Friday.

With the majority of the Student population boycotting spar, a group of dedicated activists stood in the rain all day, singing, picketing and ensuring (perhaps with a bit more force than passion) that no one crossed the picket line.

The SU set up “The Lunch Box”, a cost price tuck shop in the venue selling drinks, fruit and sweets all at cost price.

The Lunch Box quickly became popular among students with constant queues during its opening hours from 12pm to 3pm daily.

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DCU

The College View December 2006

NEWS

Contents

Film Soc lodge complaint against nuBar

News Hub break-in P.3 Contraception P.6

Arts

Claire Ryan

Neil Delamere P.10 Your View P.14

Technology Windows Vista P.18

Sports Connor Mortimer Pg.22

Letters P.17 The College View Vol 8 No

3

Editor Aisling O’ Rourke News Editor Lyndsay McGregor Ass. News Ed Kevin Doyle Arts Editor Lyndsay McGregor Ass. Arts Ed Clare O’Reilly Tech Editor Catherine Carr Sports Editor Gillian O’Hea Image Editor Alan Waldron Layout Editor Joann Enright Ass. Layout Ed Karen Howley Sub Editor Eoin O’Neill Webmaster Aoife Connors Advertising Nigel Wheatley Leah Yeung

Contributors: Claire Brennan, Louise Bruton, Sean Callery, Aoife Connors, Sarah Cramer, Susan Doyle, Michelle Crawley, Cathal Dennehy, Allan Dixon, Alan Flanagan Darren Gleeson, Patrick Griffin, Conor Higgins, , Joey Kavanagh, Sinead Keane, Aidan Kelly, Jack Kissane, Ailish O’Donoghue, , Conor Lynch Sarahlee Madigan, Paraic McGeough Ciarán Mc Keon Maria Mulhall, Meabh Ni Ghealbhain, Janet Newenham, Stephen O’ Shea, David O’ Quigley Yvette Poufong, Claire Ryan, Dermot Ryan, Eimear Ryan, Denise Sammon, David Smith, James Ward Caroline Walsh, Dawn Wheatley, Nigel Wheatley – Special Thanks To: Anne Gildea, George Hook, Conor Mortimer, Nicholas Claus, Redbrick, Sportsfile, Hodges Figgs, Steven Foster, Shea McNelis, Dan Oggly and Friction PR, Christina Dwyer and LisaRichards, Laura Quartarone, Monica Cullinane and IMMA, Ray Byrne.

Published by DCU's The College View Printed at Spectator Printers ©2006 The College View

DCU’s FILM society has lodged a formal complaint with the Hub Management Committee following what they feel to be the unfair handling of their events by staff at the nuBar. The issue first arose in November when Film Soc, in association with Game Soc, hired the nuBar to show a number of films. When they arrived to set up their equipment, they were told that the jukebox was the only source of sound in the venue. This meant that the society would have to find alternative sound equipment for their event.

Film Soc chair Andrew Harford was forced to return to his house to get his own speaker system, delaying the beginning of the event by over half an hour. This delay led to a significantly reduced number of people attending the event, Harford claimed.

“We presumed we’d be able to connect straight into the sound system that’s used there everyday, the one the jukebox and the sound for the television are on.

“But we were told when we arrived that that option had been disabled; the jukebox was the only sound.” he said.

Mr. Harford brought a stereo from his own home to the bar but it wasn’t loud enough to fill the room properly.

“People behind the stereo couldn’t hear a thing. We were actually 45 minutes late starting at that point so people turning up to see the movie had left,” he told The College View.

The society claim to have received similar treatment during the “Keep the Ball Rolling” event, which was held the day after the Clubs and Societies Ball.

Harford explained that they organised with Events Co-ordinator Shea McNelis to get a PA system of their own, in case the same problem arose again. But when the society returned to the bar, Harford found that despite what they had been told, the sound systems in the nuBar had not been disabled.

“In the meantime we turned up and found out that they were playing the sound on the television, so obviously the system hadn’t been disabled,” he fumed.

Again, the jukebox continued to be left in use while their event was being run, despite the fact that the bar had been booked for the day to run the event.

“We had in association with the Socs Ball Committee booked the nuBar for the day to show these movies and for game soc to run events.

“Apparently people were asking for the jukebox to be turned back on, but either way they kept switching the jukebox back on and made sure it was louder than anything else we

Photo taken by Ciarán Mc Keon were playing,” said Mr. Harford.

According to Film Soc’s Secretary Cian Brennan, the committee made a formal complaint about the issue to the Hub Management Committee, who have said they will discuss the matter with management at the nuBar. “They haven’t told us what happened with that yet,” he noted.

Hub Management Committee member Roibeard O’Mhurcu told

The College View that the problem had been noted and was in the process of being dealt with.

He comfirmed: “A complaint was relayed to the Hub Management Committee on behalf of Film Soc with regard to Film Soc showing films in the nuBar. “It was brought to the attention of the Hub Management Committee at their most recent meeting, which was the 27th of November. The Hub

Reprieve for low attendance nursing students Kevin Doyle NURSING STUDENTS who failed to attend a mandatory 80pc of their lectures have been given a reprieve due to a technology error.

At the beginning of this semester, students in the nursing faculty were outraged to discover that their attendance was to be monitored using a swipe card system. However, now the process has abruptly suspended after a fault in the coagulation of attendance was discovered by the Computer Service Department.

According to Science and Health Convenor, John Cannon: “There was a problem that results weren’t coming through and students were seeing wrong attendance information on their portal pages.”

As a result, many students will be relieved to know that the strict enforcement of the scheme has been postponed.

“Its implementation is just being put back to next semester,” Mr. Cannon told the College View.

The policy is now a legal requirement which the Standards for Nursing Education Board (An Bord Altranais) enforces.

It requires students to attend a minimum of 80pc of lectures, tutorials, seminars and other elements per module.

This attendance was to be recorded and monitored using a barcode reader to scan student ID cards.

However, the recording system failed and therefore the college has no option but to discount all records for this semester.

Had the scheme operated successfully, students who had failed to attend 80pc of lectures would not have been permitted to sit examinations or submit the assessment for the module.

Furthermore, students who attended less than 50pc of their module

classes would automatically have had to repeat the year.

DCU had feted the policy as a way of utilising the benefits of technology to improve student education.

But initially the process led to an outcry of condemnation from nursing students who claimed the regime was unfair.

One student compared it to secondary school stating: “Attendance capture treats us like children when, in fact we are responsible adults.”

Photo taken by Joann Enright

Despite the unrest, Mr. Cannon feels that the swipe card system is justified.

“An Bord Altranais set the standard for nurses so they need to know that nurses are attending lectures,” he said.

Mr. Cannon added: “Personally I think nurses are taking on a very responsible position with the community so this way they can be deemed responsible.”

The College View: Corrections & Clarifications Style Soc Fashion Show

The 2005/2006 College View editorial team wish to correct an article published in the February 2006 edition of the paper.

The article, written by Alan Flanagan, accompanied a photo of models rehearsing for the show, and

included the line: "The show - organised by new society StyleSoc - will be hosted by Off The Rails presenter Pamela Flood, and all proceeds will go to Our Lady's Hospital" This was incorrect, as it was a portion of the proceeds rather than the full amount that was agreed to be

donated to the hospital. StyleSoc never claimed that all proceeds were going to charity. The College View wish to apologise for misleading the student body and the wider public.

Alan Flanagan (former arts editor) and Cathal McMahon (former editor)

Career profile November 2006

Correction: “Putting the life and soul in DCU”. The article stated that Shea McNelis was Damien Rice’s manger this was not the case. He did however work as his tour manager.

We wish to apologise for this typo.

DCU

The College View December 2006

NEWS

3

Hub security concerns after latest break-in Aidan Kelly DCU SECURITY are reviewing video footage after another break-in at the clubs and socs office the weekend before last.

The latest security breach, the third such incident in six months, resulted in a 19 inch computer monitor being taken and many of the officers’ desk drawers being searched.

The break-in is believed to have occurred between six o’clock on Saturday evening and eight o’clock on Monday morning when the campus is at its quietest.

After it became clear that there was a breach, security were contacted at around twelve o’clock on Monday and according to Administration Officer Una Redmond are currently reviewing recorded footage.

It is not yet clear how the intruder managed to get in and Gardaí at Santry Station say they have not been contacted in relation to the theft.

The break-in follows another unre-

lated incident at the Hub, which took place the previous Wednesday night during the Judge Jules concert when Gardaí were present.

A number of people were stopped

by Gardaí following the Judge Jules Concert in the Hub on Wednesday 29th November.

Gardaí at Whitehall Station could confirm that some people had been stopped, but they were unable to say for what reason.

They do not believe that those stopped were at the concert themselves and said they were “just youths looking for opportunities”.

These incidents at the Hub follow a string of problems there since the summer.

This is the third major break-in at the Hub since June when valuable equipment purchased by the Music Soc was stolen from the glass room.

And in Mid-July, thousands of euro worth of equipment was stolen after a break-in to the Societies and Publications Committee’s storeroom.

On that occasion, the worst hit

society was Games Soc, who lost almost all of their equipment including several valuable items that are no longer in production.

During that breach, the intruders gained entry to the storeroom through an open window on the roof of the Hub and were then able to let themselves out through the door.

The break-ins are a major headache for all staff involved in the Hub including the SPC. Ms. Redmond says that she is finding it difficult to strike a balance between access for students and security.

“Many societies like The College View would love to have access to the Hub all weekend but unfortunately it’s proving not possible for security reasons,” she says.

She added that many SPC staff are removing valuables and leaving their desk drawers unlocked to save them being forced open by potential intruders.

DCU security has refused to comment on any of the above incidents.

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However, the Hub management committee and Trispace management were furious at the idea.

On November 27, it appeared that management of the University had changed the locks on the Venue preventing the SU from setting up shop.

Such an extreme action outraged students as the Venue is in the student centre, a facility which each and every student in DCU pays to use.

Martin Conry, Secretary to the President, claims that the locks were changed to stop the misuse of the facility. As one student put it “The campaign is no longer just about the prices on campus, it's now about students not having access to facilities which we

McLoughlin’s apartment block at this time.

“The block door to our apartments is always open, and has been since we’ve moved in,” said McLoughlin Shanowen management told the College View that: “Gardai are taking care of the situation.”

When asked why the broken apartment block door has not been fixed management insisted that they were not aware of this and stated that: “It’s not about the outside door being locked, students leave their own doors open.”

This news comes at a time when numerous puzzling posters have appeared in DCU Campus mostly focused on Campus Residence.

They contain a mug shot of a

man and urge the public to ‘contact security immediately’ if he is seen. These very amateur looking posters contain the obscure detail that the man in question has been seen wearing a white coat.

This may be perceived as a joke if not for the fact that these posters have not been removed from Campus.

Security was adamant that they would “not discuss any operational issues at this time’”.

Although it is believed that this man is not a high-risk criminal, students feel that the matter should be clarified. Some feel a statement from the Campus Security wound be welcome at this time in order that the ambiguity surrounding the poster not lead to unnecessary rumours or concern.

pay for with our registration fees.”

A new twist in the tale took place last week as we saw the closure of the “Lunch Box”.

According to SU Campaigns and Information Officer Michael Robinson, “Trispace refused to go into negotiations until the official boycott and picketing action was stopped”.

Following discussions, SU President Charlene Connolly informed students that “there will be new student specials available in the canteen and a canteen committee has also been set up and will meet at least twice a semester or when is necessary.

Speaking to Martin Conry about the situation he feels progress could have been made a lot sooner and students have to

realise why prices on campus are higher than elsewhere.

According to Mr Conry the canteen in DCU is state of the art and a lot of improvements have taken place over the years.

“DCU is a relatively new University and thus was on the bottom of the list for government spending when set up. For example all Sports facilities in DCU have been privately funded where as they are funded by the government in other institutions.

This means we don’t have the money to subsidise food like other Universities,” he said.

According to Mr Conry, on campus catering barely breaks even each year, a fact confirmed

by President Charlene Connolly after reading Trispace Ltd’s statement of accounts.

DCU

NEWS

The College View December 2006

‘Mezzmerising‘ cafe 4

turns canteen digital Kevin Doyle A REVOLUTIONARY digital café, The Mezz, has opened above the DCU canteen.

With the latest computers, webcams, free international web phones and other hi-tech equipment, the facility has attracted huge attention since it was unveiled last month.

The work and play concept also includes a ‘chill’ area equipped with 12 Xbox units, which can also be used to go online with webcams and headsets. Four Skype Internet Protocol phone booths which enable free international calls also be available.

Two 60” plasma TV wall screens are provided for international free to air television services including RTÉ, TG4 and TV3, as well as Sky TV.

The main area is designed around three tables, equipped with 12 iMacs with built-in webcams and headsets.

Beanbag seating is scattered around the units. There is also two laptop bars, and the area is furnished with sofas.

This concept is designed to provide students with a new forum for working and playing. Students can write or research coursework, video conference with friends, join chat rooms or phone home for free.

The entire area is wireless enabled so that students can bring their own laptops for work or pleasure.

DCU President, Professor Ferdinand von Prondzynski says: “This is a new concept for our café society. This wonderful new digital café will provide a window on the world for our students who can catch up on work, or they can catch

up with friends and family in a totally 21st century environment.

“In DCU we are trying to anticipate the kind of services that students will want, for their studies and for fun. The ‘Mezz’ will provide a combination of both.”

The President of the Students’ Union, Charlene Connolly, said: “This initiative is yet another aspect of the fantastic facilities provided for students in DCU that really sets us apart from other Irish universities.

“The provision of such a facility will increase and foster a healthy student atmosphere for learning, information and relaxation. The Mezzanine Café will undoubtedly be a place of high quality entertainment and learning for our students, and probably the most appealing characteristic is that it is free of charge.”

Dublin students more likely to live at home Sarahlee Madigan WITH THE uproar regarding DCU’s overcharging, more students than ever are questioning whether moving away from home is the most financially smart decision.

A recent survey carried out by Research Solutions for Ulster Bank has shown that Dublin students are definitely aware of the costly outcome of moving out with two thirds choosing to remain living with their parents. A wise choice when you calculate the cost of living independently.

This year, the Union of Students in Ireland (USI) estimates that students will have to part with as much as €500 a month for rented accommodation with an added increase of 30pc if they choose to live in city locations.

In the Ulster Bank survey, Trinity College had the largest amount of students living at home during their studies while universities outside Dublin such as Limerick and Galway had the highest percentage of students renting.

Overall, only 31pc of students attending Dublin universities live in rented accommodation compared to 62pc of students in colleges across the rest of the country.

It seems home-based students have realised that the 42pc (€293) of their monthly income that would be taken by rent, could be better spent on other activities. Socialising is one area that suffers due to rent bills with renters only allowing for 21pc of their total income to be spent on going out compared to the 29pc live-at-home students spend.

Though not too huge a difference, it’s still surprising that those living

independently and away from parental restrictions spend less on alcohol and nights out than their counterparts.

In 2003, the Department of Health and Children and the 21 third-level colleges carried out a survey which found the average student spends €110 a month on alcohol. A lot when you consider €109 was the monthly expenditure on food.

Although this figure will have steadily risen due to inflation, it is likely that students are still more concerned about drink than nourishment and are forced to turn to employment to fund their lifestyles.

The survey found that the average time spent on study by full-time students has decreased while the average time spent in paid employment has increased.

According to the 2003 survey, one in four males and one in five female students blame drinking for

their money problems.

Though many students prefer to pay their own way through university, 62pc of all Irish students still rely on the pockets of their parents.

With healthy social lives and no employment pressure in order to pay rent, Dublin students living at home may seem to be getting the better deal. However, only 16pc of them get financial assistance from the government compared with 31pc of students going to college outside the capital.

Nicky Sheary, Student Banking Product Manager with Ulster Bank, recommends planning ahead and working part-time if necessary to help with the costs. “While the fun and excitement of starting or returning to college is high in most students’ minds: rent, registration fees and many other costs faced by Irish students in September can make it one of the most stressful times of the college year.”

Photo by Sinead Keane

Photo taken by Ciarán Mc Keon

New clubs and societies want a LIFE line

thread in the General Chat forum on the life website, entitled ‘Where are the new society forums?’

ALL OF DCU’s new clubs and SPC Chair, Roibeard O societies are unrepresented on the Mhurchú, insisted that the glitch life.dcu.ie website. was a result of difficulties encounThe latest in a series of technical tered by DCU’s Computer faults experienced by the website Services Department, while since its much-feted introduction attempting to synchronise the sixteen months ago has meant that clubs’ and societies’ data with the none of the clubs or societies life.dcu.ie database. founded in the past twelve months Meanwhile, former Computer have been provided with a profile Applications student, Mark Boyle, or a forum on the site, while sever- attributed the fault to “teething al defunct organisations, such as problems” experienced by the Dodgeball and Murder She Wrote, website’s host, Belfast-based web continue to be listed. design company, Front.

Chairperson of the recently Galvin admits that she is frusfounded DCU Book Society, Ann trated that no party seems prepared Marie Gannon, admits that she is to claim responsibility. “It just frustrated by the situation. seems that we are being pushed “Life.dcu.ie has really taken off around and that nobody is actually this year and it is a pity that we giving us a straight answer. can't use that to our advantage. It’s Everyone is blaming someone else exactly the type of medium that for the lack of forums. It’s really BookSoc could really benefit ridiculous that this still hasn’t been from. For example, if some of our sorted out.” members didn’t have the opportuThe SPC have assured the new nity to come to a particular book clubs and societies that they are meeting, they could use the forums currently in the process of dealing as a way to share their opinions.” with this issue but Galvin believes Gannon also believes that new that, if established societies had clubs and societies are being put at been involved, the matter would a disadvantage by virtue of the fact have been resolved a lot quicker. that they cannot upload content to “Ask yourself this question: if, the life website or post to the site’s for some reason, one of the major event calendar. societies like Drama, Poker or “Life.dcu.ie has become a refer- Style had their forums and life ence point for what is going on privileges taken away, do you around campus. By being excluded think that, eleven weeks later, they from this we are, firstly, not being would still be waiting for a forum? recognised as contributing mem- I really don't think so.” bers to campus life and secondly, it In the meantime, Home & Away is does not allow our clubs or soci- Soc has resorted to setting up a diseties to function as effectively as cussion forum on its own website, they could.” www.dcuhom eandaway.com .

Conflicting theories as to how Book Soc have taken a similar this problem has arisen were put course of action, with a temporary forward after Katie Galvin, forum accessible from www.redAllan Dixon, winner of Bebo the Movie Treasurer of DCU’s newly-formed brick.dcu.ie/~booksoc.

Home & Away Society, began a

Joey Kavanagh

NEWS

The College View December 2006

Tribloid i Meircea Darren Gleeson GAN DABHT, ba é scéalta na míosa ná torthaí na dtoghchán sna Stát Aontaithe. Chuaigh an pobal Meiriceánach chuig an bosca ballóide agus is cinnte go raibh na torthaí tubaisteach do na Poblachtaigh .

Chaill na Poblachtaigh breis is fiche suíocháin sa Teach na nIonadaithe agus chaill said sé cinn sa Seanad. Mar gheall ar, bhuaigh na Daonlaithaithe smacht na dtithe Chomhdáil don chead uair ó 1994.

Cén tábhacht ag baint leis?

Bhuel, nuair a smachtaigh ‘The Grand Old Party’ Comhdáil, bhí sé i bhfad níos éasca do Dubya dlíthe a chur trí parlaimint.

Anois, beidh na Daonlaithaithe an phairtí is cumhachtaí do dhá bliain ar a laghad, nuair a críochnóidh téarma Bush sa Teach Bán.

Ní foláir Bush a oibrú lena Daonlaithaithe chun an tsaol polaitíochta ag feidmiú san SA.Thaispeáin sé gur féidir é seo a dhéanamh le linn a thráth mar ghobharnóir Texas. Ach is dearfa go bhfuil brianglióid áirithe a bhí aige marbh.

Níl seans ar bith go n-aontaíonn na Daonlaithaithe le cosc bhunreachtúil ar phósadh aeracha. Ina theannta sin, deir na Doanlaithaithe go dtosnódh aistarraingt na saighdúiri Meiriceánacha i gceann sé mí.

Titheadh cinn mar thoradh ar na torthaí. Thit an Rúnaí Cosanta, Donald Rumsfeld, ar a chlaíomh. Cuireadh an milleán air don phraiseach mileata in Iráic, agus d’éirigh na toghcháin sin cineál reifrein ar an gcogadh sa tír sin. Ceapadh iar-Stiúrthóir an CIA, Robert Gates, mar an Rúnaí Cosanta nua.

Idir an dá linn, bhí cath fíochmhar ag tarlú i Missouri.

Bhí an dushlánach Daonlathach don Seanad, Claire McCaskill, i bhfábhar taighde stem cell, ach bhí Seanadóir Jim Webb ina aghaidh. Arís, d’eirigh sé reifrein. Rinne an t-áisteoir Michael J.Fox fógra conspóideach ag tabhairt a chuid tacaiochta do MacCaskill, nuair a thosaigh a cheann agus a chos ag crith.

Mhaigh Fox nár thóg sé a chiud leigheas chun éifeachtaí an ghalair Parkinson’s a léiriú don phobal. Chuir an tráchtaire teilifíse , Rush Limbuagh, Fox ina Leith áibhéil a chur ar an bhfógra.D’éisigh sé leithscéal i ndiadh sin, ach bhí an dochar déanta. Bhuaigh MacCaskill go compordach.

Ar an iomlán, cuireadh léasadh ar na Poblachtaigh.

Chailleadar tromlach na rasaí gobhairnóra lena chois sin, agus is é an t-aisteoir is tábhachtaí sna stáit é an gobhairnóir. Scuab na Daonlaithaithe na toghcháin stáit fresin.

Tá sé ró-luath a fheiceáil cad a tharlóidh, ach tá rud amháin cinnte: tiocfaidh athruithe móra ar an modh oibre Bush. Agus creidim go mbeidh illiomad daoine ag ceiliúradh mar gheall ar.

REVIEW

5

Cuts in college counselling services Joey Kavanagh

THE STUDENT Empowerment Programme has been cut, with understaffing of DCU’s counselling service being cited as the main reason.

Until this year, the university employed three fulltime counsellors but, due to a review of the counselling service, this number has now been reduced to two.

Without sufficient numbers of staff to operate the Empowerment Student Programme, The Office of Student Affairs have been left with no alternative but to scrap the scheme for the current academic year.

Since its introduction in 1997, the programme has offered students from all years of study the opportunity to partake in a 35 hour self-development course, run over the course of fourteen weeks. The objective of the scheme was to assist students in developing a variety of life skills such as self-confidence, assertiveness, presentation skills, time management, conflict management and interview

skills.

Levels of participation in the Student Empowerment Programme have been consistently high and the scheme has been widely regarded as a success. A survey conducted by the Office of Student Affairs found that 59.2pc of participants considered the programme to be 'very helpful' to their personal development, with a further 36.7%pcof students describing the course as 'helpful'.

Third year Accounting and Finance student, Aisling O’ Flanagan, was one of more than 60 students to complete the programme last year and says she is “upset and disappointed” by the loss of the scheme. “I understand the decision was made because there is no longer enough staff to facilitate it but I just think that so many people are going to lose out.”

O’ Flanagan claims that she is a prime example of how students can benefit from this scheme. She believes that it is largely as a result of her involvement in the programme last year that she had the confidence

to nominate herself as a candidate for Business Convenor in the Students’ Union elections last March, a position she now holds.

“Sharing your experiences and receiving such great encouragement from other students on the programme really helps to build up your self-esteem.

Personally, I found myself becoming much more comfortable talking to people.

Being involved in the scheme helped me to overcome my fears and to get more involved in college life.”

Photo taken by Joann Enright

SU Education and Welfare Officer, Eoin Byrne, is calling for the Student Empowerment Programme to be reinstated and has met with the programme’s founder, Helena Ahearn, to discuss the possibility of the scheme being operated through the Students’ Union.

Byrne describes the counselling service in DCU as “an integral part of the student support system” but, although he is eager to stress that funding has not been reduced, he believes that the service remains

critically under-financed and under-staffed.

He has recently brought this matter to the attention of several university authorities and is currently awaiting a response from DCU President, Professor Ferdinand Von Prodzynski.

“The Students’ Union fully supports the Counselling Service and we are now calling for the University to realise their responsibility to provide an effective and adequately funded counselling service for the student population,” said Mr. Byrne.

Dear Santa, this year for Christmas I want a government Stephen O’Shea AS CHRISTMAS approaches, the country’s party leaders have winning next year’s election on top of their wish list. But unfortunately Santa has a terrible habit of leaving his sinister side under the Leinster House Christmas tree.

There may be one exception when the Oireachtas envelopes arrive at the North Pole; Bertie’s letter to Santa. If the recent polls are correct, Bertie’s Christmas has come early.

In the first poll of the month The Sunday Business Post puts Fianna Fáil on 39pc, retaining the boost that it received after the Bertie payments scandal. Fine Gael remained unchanged at 23pc, just one point above its dismal 2002 performance.

Then the following Friday a poll carried out by The Irish Times put Fianna Fáil at 40pc. Apparently Bertie went up to the Santry Onmi to thank Santa personally.

Election over. Or is it?

Fine Gael scored 27pc in The Irish Times poll, meaning that the party’s opinion poll position is the highest in 20 years. Bearing in

mind that the party almost always does better on Election Day than in the polls (Fine Gael took nearly 30pc of the vote in the 2004 local and European elections, for which the poll ratings were between 21 and 24pc), Fine Gael has every right to be optimistic.

But if this is the case, why is there the perception that Fine Gael is floundering in the wake of the Bertie saga? It took an American to come up with this answer.

RTÉ’s Week in Politics did a special programme on Sunday December 3 with the renowned American pollster Dr. Frank Luntz, who specialises in getting focus groups together and measuring their reactions to politicians and their policies. Dr. Luntz uncovered what is wrong with Fine Gael – Enda Kenny. Gold star for him you might say. But he also uncovered something more significant.

I think I am correct in saying that Kenny is perceived as some sort of lame Manchurian candidate who is Fine Gael’s front man, while others pull the strings out of fear that they don’t have the “common touch”. So unsurprisingly when Luntz asked for people’s reactions to Kenny, the result was

miserable. But when they heard the Fine Gael leader speak, they liked what he was saying. And here arises the main flaw of all opinion polls.

They are gauged on support for political parties and their leaders.

But in the Irish system, voters have a nasty little tendency of voting for local candidates and their policies.

Come next May, the parties who are seated in Government buildings, will be the ones who can suc-

cessfully market their message and local candidates.

The pollsters will do their thing, the papers will use them to sell copy and RTÉ will do anything to make people stay awake during the Week in Politics. But elections have an awful habit of being about the electorate and not the pollsters.

Until then, Bertie better put being in government this time next year, back at the top of his Christmas list.

6

FEATURES

The College View December 2006

The serious side to fun and frolics As students join in the fun and frolics of unversity life Joann Enright takes a look at the rise and importance of contraception…

IN THE early 1970’s a large group of Irish feminists rode the “contraception train” to Belfast and scattered the fruits of their travels all over Connolly station upon their return.

And by challenging the authorities in such a provocative manner they effectively set the scene for the legalisation of contraception in Ireland in 1979.

So why make such a big deal about contraception?

For those women it meant the freedom to choose when and if they wanted children. It meant they could have careers before having children. It meant they could have some choice over the amount of children they conceived. For them contraception gave them control and power over their future.

A generation later and little has changed. There are still 350 million chances of getting pregnant after unprotected sex. There are many myths surrounding contraception, such as a woman not being able to

get pregnant if she doesn’t orgasm or if she has her period, however the only prevention is the use of contraception.

The pill is now one of the most effective methods of contraception.

It has a 99% success rate, is easy to take and allows women to have much more control over their menstrual cycle.

While it isn’t suitable for smokers, women with high blood pressure or thrombosis, for most young healthy women the pill is ideal.

Here in DCU it is free to visit the nurse or doctor to get a prescription, all they require is booking an appointment five day’s in advance.

With a prescription the pill is relatively cheap retailing at between 10 and 20 euro for six months, for most brands. The biggest draw back for students is that it must be taken every day at around the same time.

It’s advisable to set an alarm or make a note of it in your diary, as missing a day massively lowers the pills success rate.

Despite its popularity the pill ‘s biggest draw back is that it does not protect against STDs and STIs. Between 1994 and 2003 there was a 174% increase in the number

of STIs reported in Ireland.

Only the male and female condoms offer protection against sex diseases. With careful use the male condom is 98% effective.

However, according to Mikey Robinson: “A recent survey carried out in Cork revealed that among sexually active 18-24 year olds, 51% of men and 43% of women did not always use Condoms.”

The main reasons people do not use condoms include, the sex was unplanned, it would ruin the moment and they were drunk.

Condoms are also quite expen-

sive, which could deter use among young people, especially students living on a budget.

But a few euro is better than sacrificing your health.

If you are having sex with someone for the first time it is empirical that you use a condom as there is no way of telling for sure that the other person has been sexually active or not and whether or not they have an STI. Condoms are not just for use with a new partner; even if you have been going out with someone for years it condoms mean extra

Photo by Joann Enright

protection against pregnancy.

Here in Ireland, we are lucky enough to have the choice of family planning, and in DCU we can have free access to healthcare and advice.

We now have the right to protect ourselves from pregnancy and disease, so it is up to us to make the right choices.

Next semester we have DCUs SHAG Week, where sexual awareness is given priority around campus, we’ve come a long way since the days of smuggling contraception, so let’s make the most of it!

DCU media student wins Roberta Gray Award Eimear Ryan

Roberta Gray Winner Sarah Traynor

DCU and the Sunday Tribune collaborated early this year on the Roberta Gray Features Award, established in the memory of the DCU graduate and former Sunday Tribune columnist.

Roberta took her own life in the early hours of January 1st after a long battle with depression.

She left behind word that her memorial service should be a celebration of her life rather than a mourning of her death, and it was in this spirit that the award was created. Entrants were encouraged to write in the personal style practiced

by Roberta.

Sarah Traynor, a student of the Masters in Communication and Cultural Studies, received the inaugural Roberta Gray Feature Award in July.

“I was delighted to win,” says Sarah. “It is such a wonderful way of remembering Roberta – it will get people to write. I am sure I am not the only contestant that needed a deadline to get writing and so it resulted in a lot of articles,” she said.

When asked if she was a fan of Roberta’s work, Sarah replied: “When I read about the competition I looked up all Roberta’s articles on Lexis Nexis.

“She was a wonderful writer and described a good sentence as a well she really connected with the reader. packed suitcase and a good writer as Her parents have written to me an excellent suitcase packer. I spent since, they were so nice,” she hours plucking out paragraphs and weeding sentences when writing my added.

Sarah’s winning feature traced piece” revealed Sarah.

She received €500 in prize money two major events of her life in tandem – the birth of her son, and her for the award, as well as having her trip to Australia to identify the body piece published in the Sunday of her brother. The article, the Tribune.

Since then she has been busy with judges noted, avoided being too invasive or intimate while still prov- other projects, and her first book, How to Have a Champagne ing insightful and affecting.

“I really enjoyed writing it,” she Wedding on a Buck’s Fizz Budget, says. “It was cathartic, yes – I used will be out in March. a diary that I kept during the trip to “It is all about getting married on remind me of the time. Of course I a budget,” explains Sarah. “It will didn’t need a diary to recall the be published by Gill and Macmillan. I managed to get some birth!” she laughs.

“My style came quite naturally good interviews with Eddie Hobbs, when I had to narrow down the two Georgina Campbell, Alex French biggest events of my life into 1,000 and Paolo Tullio, among others. I words. Having said that, I could was married myself two years ago have written a novel!” and realised just how many corners The juxtaposition of the two you can cut to avoid being bankevents, as well as Sarah’s spare rupt!” prose and use of small, simple senAs for future projects, Sarah is tences combined to create a power- working on an idea for another nonful mood throughout the piece. fiction book, “but I would love most “Like a lot of writers I left it all to of all to write a novel,” she says, the last minute, so it was written in smiling.

“Or a collection of children’s one sitting, although I did think about it a lot in advance,” she poetry would come a close second.

In the meantime I am trying to read admitted.

“I am a big fan of poetry so I some good books for inspiration but think that explains my use of small it is hard with a baby and of course the Gray small award, matter ofSarah a thesis!” precise sentences. Syliva Plath Winner ofonce Roberta Traynor

TRAVEL

The College View December 2006

7

Its up to you, New York, New York Yvette Poufong LAST JANUARY DCU drama kindly took my musical loving self, 29 other dramaheads and my long johns (I’d been warned temperatures would drop below zero) to the place I had longed to visit since I was in nappies – Broadway baby!

After a slightly uncomfortable six hour flight to JFK airport, I must admit I was slightly intimidated by the burly airport security officers but my initial nerves soon wore off when I heard my first, authentic New York accent.

My first few hours in New York mostly consisted of lugging my suitcase around from bus stop to train stop, up hill and down hill.

Honestly, the sight of 30 Paddies traipsing round the city with heavy bags and suitcases must have been hilarious. One little kid even asked her mother where we were going to which she replied ‘Oh, they must be on American Idol’!

After a good night’s rest, I felt like a fool the next day when I woke up with my thermal underwear and winter woollies on, only

I would strongly recommend wearing layers and bringing a bag so you can alternate between outdoors and indoors.

Travelling on the subway for the first time gave me a real sense of the hustle and bustle lifestyle of New York. Although I was not the greatest at reading the subway map, once onboard, I was fascinated.

The subway was a haven for a diverse range of people - builders, stockbrokers, homeless, charity workers, dodgy looking ‘gangsta’ types complete with oversized clothing and medallions. No wonder myself and a group of friends got distracted one day and ended up in Queens! I could have listened to the variety of accents all day long.

My most memorable experience while staying in New York actually happened on the subway, when a group of Barber shop singers sang their way onto our train.

While they sung in sweet harmony, the native New Yorkers carried on reading their newspapers and listening to their i-pods, but we sat in awe. This stuff never happened on the Luas!

At one stage a very friendly Naked Cowboy outside the TRL studios offered to take care of me! to discover the weather was milder than Ireland.

I was perspiring like crazy within minutes of leaving the hostel, so

At one stage a very friendly Naked Cowboy outside the TRL studios offered to take care of me!

Being on Times Square for the

Photo courtesy of Yvette Poufong

Photo by Yvette Poufong first time was surreal. The lights were amazing and literally lit up the whole sky at night time.

The cacophony of sound set this city on a completely different level to any other I had ever visited before, and I was quite content just standing at a corner, soaking up the atmosphere and watching the city that never sleeps.

But first on our list was Central Park.

The bare trees and scurrying squirrels were the closest thing to nature in the city, and a nice change from the skyscrapers I had quickly become accustomed to.

As the park was simply too big to walk around in the few hours we had to spare, we decided to go iceskating. This is something I completely recommend. Ice-skating is fun anyway, but in Central Park, in the middle of New York – magical.

Being in New York post 9/11, we felt we should pay our respects at Ground Zero.

The site was an empty, dark, grey, messy pit, and it was hard to imagine that two of the tallest buildings in the world once stood there. My ears tuned out the city noises as I stared at the vast hole behind a wire fence. I could almost feel the emotion and tragedy in the atmosphere.

Due to time restrictions we never visited the Statue of Liberty up close, but we did see it from afar.

Travelling around New York is a tiring and hungry business, so when my friends and I discovered the budget friendly Café Duke on Times Square (also one on Canal Street), we fell in love.

Café Duke was a self service restaurant/café and had food to appeal to everyone’s tastes.

Generally people go to New York before Christmas to stock up on all the wonderful treats the Big Apple has to offer, but I’ll let you in on a little secret. If you go after Christmas, specifically in the last week of January, its tax free week,

meaning everything is MUCH cheaper. A post Christmas flight also means you get to avail of the best thing about January- the Sales!

We shopped around the typical tourist spots, along Times Square, where you can find plenty of souvenir shops that sell both tacky and original NY merchandise, on 34th street, Century 21, a discount store similar to TK Maxx and Chinatown, where you can get designer knock offs, but don’t go if you’ve a weakness for saying yes as they will rip you off.

My favourite spot for shopping was along Canal Street, just between Soho and Chinatown.

Here, I saw a lot of the European

star cast made this musical a very good first stop.

The second show we viewed was Wicked, the Tony award winning musical extravaganza. The theatre itself was breath taking, with ornate ceilings, beautifully carved stage pillars and an enormous audience capacity.

My jaw dropped when the curtains pulled as I had never seen such an amazing set. The plot excited me also, as it was a prequel to the old classic The Wizard of Oz. With sharp choreography, colourful costumes, phenomenal singing and a silly but clever script, Wicked lived up to its name.

The last and my personal favourite show was Hairspray.

I could almost feel the emotion and tragedy in the atmosphere. chains such as H&M and Mexx, but also several other funky boutiques and skater shops. There really was a great selection available, both commercial and alternative.

For anyone with the slightest interest in make up, Sephora is a shop you must visit. And I simply couldn’t go to New York without stepping foot in Bloomingdales.

Although in reality it’s just the US equivalent to Brown Thomas, the fact that the shop is shown in nearly every NY film made me feel like a star when I stepped in. The only thing I could actually afford though was some make-up, so sadly I didn’t get a Big Brown Bag, or even little brown bag - gutted.

My main reason for going on the New York trip was that we would be seeing three Broadway shows.

My love of musicals and all things bright and fabulous was bursting out of me by the time I got to see my first show Spamalot, which followed the style of the comedic show Monty Python.

I didn’t expect to love this show as I wasn’t a huge Monty fan, but it was wonderful. The comic gags, catchy and ironic songs along with

With a blend of 50s rock n roll and soul, this musical had me smiling the whole way through.

Although the show tackled serious issues such as black and white segregation in 1950s America, it was bright, bold and most of all fun. I couldn’t contain my excitement by the end of the show and simply had to dance during the finale. As one fellow drama-head described Hairspray, it’s like Grease on speed!

When it was time to head home, I was devastated - but exhausted.

New York is a superb city but between sight seeing, wining and dining and of course shopping, you get worn out easily. It’s impossible to see and do everything the Big Apple has to offer in just five days.

I’ve since been back but still haven’t gotten the opportunity to touch on half the things I want to.

There are certain places one should visit in a lifetime, and New York is definitely one of them.

As Frank once said: “It’s up to you, New York New York!”

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DCU CAREER PROFILE

The College View December 2006

Surpassing deadlines: Anne Gildea Claire Ryan It’s hard to know how to label Anne Gildea – the DCU graduate could equally be called a comedian, actress and writer. Gildea began her third level education at DCU, doing a degree in Communication Studies.

While at the college, she was actively involved in society life, especially in the Drama society, where she showed her acting skills at an early age. “The drama society started when I was in DCU, we used to put on plays in the canteen and I was in the first play, “Zigger Zagger”. That was put on in the canteen. I was always in plays in the drama society and I was in the debate society, I was one of the main debaters.”

Gildea finished the degree in 1987, and has had a very varied career path since then. Following her graduation, she moved to England, due to a lack of jobs here at the time.

“There was no work in Ireland at the time of course; it was 1987; so I went straight to London after I graduated.”

While in London, Gildea took a while to get into a steady job. “I temped for a while, for a couple of months. I was involved in all different sorts of theatre projects. I was on and off the dole, doing different stuff for years.”

She used her time in England to further her education, studying both acting and comedy. “I trained as an actress at ALRA - The Academy of Live and Recorded Art - in Wandsworth in South London. I did a post graduate acting course and I also studied comedy in London.”

Following this, she set up a theatre company with two other women, and found herself in permanent employment. “I was self employed all of a sudden; I had this theatre company, Doris Karloff.”

This wasn’t Gildea’s only foray into theatre at the time; she also worked with a youth theatre company in 1988. It was around this time when she began working in comedy.

Despite having a number of projects to work on, Gildea felt that her career wasn’t taking off in London, and she decided to move back to

Dublin to work with two old classmates.

“I’d been in college with Ardal O’Hanlon and Barry Murphy, and they set up the Comedy Cellar. I came back and I really liked what they were doing so I just wanted to move back to Ireland. I just thought it would be a better place to develop my work. I was just going around in circles in London.”

As well as being involved in comedy in Ireland, Gildea began working at RTE, on the Gerry Ryan Tonight Show. She stayed with the show for a number of series, until she decided to set up her most successful comedy venture, The Nualas. “I just set it up with two other women, Susan Collins and Tara Flynn. We toured all over the world; and we did two radio series for Radio 4.” The Nualas was one of the highlights of Gildea’s career, where all of her previous experience helped her to make the best show possible. “I really loved doing the Nualas I just felt that everything I had learned through all my years of doing stuff came together through the Nualas.”

The Nualas came to an end in 2001, following a finale show in New York. Gildea’s career path took another turn in 2004, when she began writing books. “I finally got my deal in 2005 and I published my first book in 2006. It took me, on and off about 18 months to write.”

This first book was Deadlines and Dickheads, which came out to critical acclaim in late 2006. Her second novel is currently a work in progress, but she hopes it could be out by this time next year.

Currently, Gildea is focusing on her writing, as well as her stand up, and both are thriving for her. “My plans are to get this novel and do some more stand up, I have an hour long show and I just want to keep doing that.”

When asked about her advice for anyone planning to follow her career path, she bursts out laughing, saying “I don’t believe in career paths, I believe in being alive. I wouldn’t call it a career path; I’d call it following my nose.”

Anne Gildea doing book reading at Book Soc event

ARTS

The 12 College View December 2006

VIEW

9

Standing up for DCU Dermot Ryan talks to everyone’s favourite DCU graduate Ardal O’ Hanlon about running for SU president, worrying his parents

and leaving Dougal behind DCU HAS a lot to be proud of. It was here that Ardal O’Hanlon discovered his love of comedy and began doing stand-up. Without this experience, he wouldn’t have set up the Comedy Cellar in Dublin with fellow DCU students and then may not have been discovered for Father Ted. Is this a bit of a stretch? Maybe – but let’s take credit for it anyway.

While studying for a communications degree in DCU Ardal, Barry Murphy from Après Match and others would use the debates held in college as a platform for comedy.

“The debates were what started it; I suppose we treated it like stand-up in a way. I didn’t know much about stand-up because you wouldn’t see any stand-up in Ireland. We just sort of decided that we were funny blokes and we would sabotage all the debates. That was the only motivation we had - to ruin it for the swotty people.”

Not content with making fun of the debates, Ardal also ran for Student Union President on a joke ticket. Inspired by his campaign, and the debates, Ardal, Barry Murphy, Dermot Carmody and Kevin Gildea made a pact to start a comedy club in Dublin after graduating in 1984. The Comedy Cellar in the International Bar was the result of that pact.

This began Ardal’s life as a comedian, much to the worry of his parents.

“My parents were distraught at this career and it didn’t look like there was any hope or any potential. But every week that we did it, it went well.”

It was after one of these shows that Ardal was approached by writers Arthur Mathews and Graham Linehan for what was to become his defining role; Fr. Dougal McGuire in Channel

like the new boys, we weren’t really proper actors either of us and we had a great laugh doing it, particularly in the studio in London we just treated it like a big joke.”

There were worries in the studio about using comedians rather than actors for the series but Arthur Mathews in particular was determined.

“Arthur was very adamant he wanted these people in it. He wanted Frank Kelly in it as well.

He wanted sort of generations of Irish comics represented.”

“I don’t know if he wanted Pauline” he says sheepishly “I think originally they wanted Rosaleen Linehan for that part, again because she’s a stalwart of Irish comedy. But then, of course, he ended up going out with Pauline.”

According to Ardal there’s a simple explanation as to why using comedians worked.

“The thing about Dermot and myself was we never took it too seriously. We never tried to act. I think that would have been a big mistake. So you’d just try to be as natural as possible and be yourself and it just seemed to work.”

So is Ardal forever to be typecast as Dougal?

“The only way of looking at that is how lucky I was to get such a great thing, but I suppose when you become so associated with something that is clearly very popular people don’t want to see you in anything else” This annoyance led Ardal to take a break from stand-up immediately after the show. “For a few years I didn’t want to do it because it was too annoying to go up there and have people expecting you to sing ‘My lovely horse’ or something. But it’s not a huge problem I think you just have to be confident.”

Looking to his future in stand-up he explains, “All I can do is continue the things I want to do; you can’t live in the past.”

In 2000 Ardal starred in another sitcom, My Hero, in which he played a dim superhero.

My parents were distraught at this career and it didn’t look like there was any hope or any potential 4’s sitcom, Father Ted. “I remember them coming up to me - it was actually one Christmas in the Comedy Cellar” he says, “they said ‘we’re writing a sitcom about three priests and we think you might be suitable for one of the parts.’ But by then they weren’t well known so I thought ‘pfft - pair of arseholes.

Who do they think they are – writing a sitcom?’

You don’t believe things like that.”

Quickly forgetting about the encounter Ardal returned to doing what he does best – stand-up.

“About six months later I got a call from Arthur saying ‘you haven’t come in for the auditions’ for the simple reason I hadn’t heard about them. But he had remembered and asked me to come in. So it was literally by the skin of me teeth that I got in there.”

“It was a great time, it was just great and I loved it” he says, recalling the show.

“It was all new to Dermot as well. We were

“I stayed on far too long in that”, he says bluntly. “If anything, I became more typecast because I did that” “I really enjoyed doing it but I didn’t enjoy the end product that much. It was what it was. We tried to make it as good as we could but it was so clearly pitched at the middle of the road.”

Ardal’s television career by no means ended with My Hero. He provided the voice for Robbie the Reindeer on BBC’s claymation Christmas show and starred in Ben Elton’s sitcom Blessed.

So does Ardal have any TV projects lined up for the future? “There are a few things in development at the moment and that’s a way of not answering the question.” he says, smiling.

For the moment his attention is on stand-up, which he still loves. “It concentrates your mind.

You have to watch the news, read the paper and if I wasn’t doing stand-up I probably wouldn’t – I’d probably just eat all day or something.”

Irish comics are a very prevalent group in the world of stand-up today and Ardal isn’t short of opinions on them. “There’s a shocking amount, far t o o many”.

While h e

b e s t o w s praise on T o m m y Tiernan and Dylan Moran, he’s not as complimentary about everyone. “There are always going to be hack comics who just do any old shit” he says, “There are some people who really shouldn’t be doing it.”

R i g h t now he’s using his current shows to introduce new material – this includes the recent gig at DCU. “I’m in a process of trying a bunch of new stuff, so from my point of view if I don’t try a certain amount of new stuff I get really disappointed but at

the same time you have to try and do a good gig as well so you can tell by the look of terror in my eyes the new bits I’m trying.”

Students are a notoriously hard bunch to entertain so how does Ardal find the student gigs?

“I don’t really do very many of them bu with DCU having such a special place in my heart (mimics vomiting) I did this one.”

While he says the crowd in DCU were very nice he’s a bit sceptical “But you know – they’re not really interested, are they, in the ravings of a forty year old man?” Judging by the reception he received during the show it’s safe to say – Yes Ardal t h e y apparently are.

10 COMEDY

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The College View December 2006

VIEW

Comic relief James Ward “I WAS just cleaning up in the back of the theatre with a brush and they saw me and thought I looked really good on camera. That’s how everybody gets started on the Panel.”

Meet Neil Delamere, the unsung hero of the Panel, the man who had us all in fits of laughter on November 27 (except for those poor feckers at the front). And he’s a damn nice guy. He cites Enda Rickstrom as one of his top three comedians of all time “because he’s my friend”.

At this point he adds, “It would be funny if he ever read the DCU newspaper, Hello Enda!”

Just as our interview ends, I ask Neil if there is anything he would like to add. “I’m going to have my dinner” is the reply. If you will, Neil Delamere is the Niall Quinn of Irish stand up.

Neil is bursting with the secrets of behindthe-scenes shenanigans of the Panel, but he’s damned if he’s going to tell me. He does however; offer me a rather charming anecdote

It’s all very hush hush. If I told you, I’d have to kill you.

involving Andrew Maxwell and Anne Summers.

“I wasn’t there, thank God, but I do remember hearing about Andrew wearing a thong with a monkey face on it for when the Anne Summers lady was on. I thank God every day that I wasn’t there because that image would be burned into my memory and my retina’s. So I hope I never have to see that. But that pretty much ranks as one of the dodgiest things ever on the show.”

As he speaks, that particular image of Maxwell comes rushing back to me in painful detail. “Yeah you probably tried to block it out”

he adds.

One thing that has always struck me about the Panel is the guests. Although the Panel is one of RTÉ’s top shows (i.e. home-grown and not sh**e) the guests are far from A-list.

‘There’s a lot of competition for guests in Ireland at the moment. You’ve got Tubridy, you’ve got the Late Late Show, and you’ve got Podge and Rodge and the Panel. So I think sometimes we need to be more creative about who we get. So you get people on the Panel who may not necessarily be well known but will have done something interesting.”

It’s certainly a tactic that works for them. The Panel has never really had the guests you might expect to see, but it never stops the hilarity.

I tell Neil of a statement that his buddy, Jason Byrne once made: “Irish comedy is about as big as Icelandic comedy on the world stage.”

“Jason said that?” he laughs. “I think we’re bigger than Iceland but we’re not exactly massive” “I just think that there’s not a lot of us doing comedy generally in Ireland. We only have thirty-five, maybe forty professional comedians.

People like Tommy and Dara are as good as anybody. But I don’t think we have the same strength and depth as, say England has, because it has a much larger population. I don’t think we’ve particularly dented America which is the place most people would aspire to eventually break into’.

So what’s in the pipeline for our loveable micro-culchie comedian? He’s got gigs aplenty lined up and hopes to do a tour sometime in the New Year. This February he’ll be heading to Scotland for an appearance at the excellent Edinburgh Fringe festival, where he will rub shoulders with some of the finest comedians on the planet. He will also be returning to Montréal for the Just for Laughs festival, which is hosting its first ever Irish Stand Up gala. Aside from the Panel he’s appearing on The Blame Game on

BBC Northern Ireland (it’s basically cheap imitation Panel). And just maybe, if we cross our fingers and wish very hard, he’ll have his own show.

But Neil is glad to past the stage of doing gigs in dodgy pubs with a dodgy mike and a dodgy crowd. Apparently, he no longer has to worry about “dying on my arse”.

It’s just five people around a table messing. And even if it wasn’t craic, we’d pretend it was.

“I’m currently trying to pitch things to RTÉ.

They seem interested in a couple of ideas, but the wheel turns slowly. It’s all very hush hush. If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

He’d also like to get involved in radio at some point in the future. He’s a very busy boy.

‘I’m not going to say it’s the toughest job in the world, it’s clearly not. It’s not like I’m a fireman’.

“People are there to see you; you’re not standing up in the middle of a pub anymore when people are having their dinner.” And although Neil’s career is going from strength to strength, there’s no danger of him leaving the Panel. “It’s as much craic as it looks. It’s just five people around a table messing. And even if it wasn’t craic, we’d pretend it was.”

Northside humour Dawn Wheatley Venue: TheVenue, DCU Date: Monday, November 27

ON MONDAY November 27 in The Venue, the majority of people had paid their €5 to see “yer man from the Panel” Neil Delamere, but to warm up the crowd first we had three locals, who run The House of Fun Comedy Club in Ballymun.

Photo by Allan Dixon

Dean Scurry opened up and was the compere for the evening’s comedy, followed by Willie White. For both men the basis of their performances was joking about life in Ballymun, and its stereotypical features; getting the Dole is “30 years of Scurry family tradition”. I think White shocked everyone with his ridiculously angelic singing voice that he opened up with, and then concluded with his version of the Proclaimer’s “500 miles”, based on claiming compensation.

Both were entertaining enough, but Scurry especially could do with a bit more experience I thought, and the Ballymun driven humour was wearing thin by the end.

Eric Lalor was third up, and at the start it looked like it was set to be based on the same topic as the others; another Ballymun-motivated stand-up. Hearing about how difficult it is to look after ten children, who all have drug problems, and their ten horses, who in turn all have drug problems couldn’t help but make you laugh though.

But to everyone’s benefit the themes moved on, and an image of a confrontation between drug addicts and new Chinese Gardaí filled the stage. Also Anne Frank being alter-egoed as “World Hide and Seek Champion 1940”, and stereotypical descriptions of holiday reps abroad really warmed the crowd up. Lalor was very articulate on stage, and definitely overall the most enjoyable of the three.

It was a good night’s entertainment, and definitely a decent warm up for Neil Delamere.

Maybe with more experience, more different material, and a few different themes, the comedy will flow more naturally, but there’s definitely potential.

I dare ya...to laugh David O’Quigley Venue: The Venue, DCU Date: Monday, November 27

I Dare Ya… with a name like that you would expect the likes of jackass, frat-boy, spring break sort of behaviour carried out live on stage with hammers and hooks and the possibility of a live bat or two? Or at least I would. With what the name suggests and what you actually get, the two boys (Andrew and Damien) should consider re-naming the show to Here’s One I Prepared Earlier. Unlike most comedy acts I’ve seen, Here’s One I prepared Earlier, takes a different approach to comedy, one that might prove to be unsuccessful. Instead of performing the dares live on stage, as you would expect, the boys go out and film dares suggested by e-mail and then just play them back, as if hosting a cookery show and they didn’t have time to roast the turkey. This doesn’t work. This type of

humour is better kept for the likes of YouTube where you can watch it at 4 in the morning once all the regular programming has stopped. To be quite honest, I probably would have enjoyed it more that way. As a live show it’s not very convincing and incredibly high-tech with laptops and data projectors replacing the classic props, such the glass of water on a stool or a towel.

The show itself is much like a presentation you might have sat through. The lecturer standing in front of a screen telling you why he’s dressed as a super hero running down Grafton street while struggling to speak above the back row, who I’m sure we’re only there ‘cause it was free.

And, of course, who is constantly interrupted by people leaving. I Dare Ya takes a back seat to comedy, leaving the brunt of the work to their pre-made videos and slide shows.

Although it’s a novel idea and some sketches are funny with a Borat feel to them, there’s a reason why no one else has tried to do what the boys do, it doesn’t work.

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Raising Eyebrowys

Claire Ryan speaks to Colm Russell about his comedy series Eyebrowy and the friends and enemies the crew have made “I’M SURE we’re not on The Thrills’ Christmas card list” laughs Colm Russell.

Russell is one of the creators of Eyebrowy the cartoon series which satirises practically every Irish musical act to use the “singer-songwriter” label, and many others besides.

The series, which started as an internet site and has also been shown on RTE’s The Last Broadcast, parodies acts such as The Frames, U2 and Damien Rice, as well as the aforementioned Thrills, who feature prominently in a number of episodes.

The idea for the series stared purely by accident during a college project, as Russell explains.

“One of the characters in the project just happened to look like Glen Hansard, even though it wasn’t based on him. We thought that if we did another project, we should base a character on Han, put in his nature and what he would be doing and that was how it started.”

Eyebrowy (which, incidentally, means dodgy and is an in-joke among the creators who studied at Tallaght IT) started operating as an internet site, and despite the fact that no one working on the cartoons was trained in animation it quickly became a success.

“None of us have studied animation and we pretty much go along the basis that we’ll try and get away with as much as we can.”

While most Irish acts have been given the Eyebrowy treatment, some of them have taken it in better spirit than others. Most notably The

Frames, who used some of the animations as a backdrop for a gig at The Point, and also Bell X1, who dedicated a song to Eyebrowy at one of their gigs.

Following the success of the site, the creators began to look for other ways to further publicise their cartoons.

“We were getting decent exposure and we were definitely getting a lot of hits on the website. Hotpress started a little column saying Eyebrowy should have its own TV show. So we started thinking ‘What can we do now? Maybe rather than wait for someone to come to us, we can go to them.’ We literally just got a number for The Last Broadcast and we asked them would they be interested in showing some of our stuff and they said ‘yeah’.”

While working for The Last Broadcast, Russell got to meet one of his favourite people to satirise – Dave Fanning.

“I listened to him growing up; every night he’d be on the radio, and you pick up so many things that he does that when we go to write stuff for Dave Fanning we have so much material.”

With so many satirical shows on the Irish market nowadays, Gift Grub and Après Match among them, there is a danger of Eyebrowy being pigeon-holed into a certain category of entertainment, or even worse, being overshad-

owed altogether.

Although Russell admits there is a similarity in what these shows are doing, he doesn’t feel worried about Eyebrowy’s competition, believing that they keep their show fresh by not dwelling on one topic for too long.

“I wouldn’t really worry about it. In Ireland there seems to be a huge thing for satire, especially caricatures and parody. With the likes of Gift Grub, I’ve probably heard more Gift Grub sketches with Roy Keane than I have Roy Keane interviews. We definitely don’t want to get to that kind of stage. The singer-songwriter thing is ending in Ireland so now is a good time to move on.”

This move is highlighted by the release of their DVD “I prefer the early stuff”, which, for Russell, signals a change to new material.

“The DVD kind of draws a line under the ones we’ve done, and if we do anymore we’re going to maybe go towards English bands. One idea we have to do stuff on a more ‘mocumentary’ basis, there’s so much material on the UK bands, and we have a bit better equipment than we used to. So we can come up with stuff based on a few more well-known bands. Give the Irish ones a bit of a break.”

No doubt The Thrills will be delighted.

Back to panto panto-land Our intrepid reporter Claire Brennan sails the seven seas to bring us back reports of a pirate-filled pantomime far, far away…

CHRISTMAS IS almost here and that means one thing to DCU Drama; its panto time! (Oh no it isn’t, oh yes it is!)

This year’s show brought us Back to Neverland, where pirates rule the seas and green tights are so ‘in’!

The opening act introduced us to the delightfully evil Captain Hook, played by Brendan O’Rourke. Together with his gang of swashbuckling pirates, Hook hatches a plan to bring down his arch enemy Peter Pan (Gary Boylan).

However, Pan is too preoccupied with trying to find his shadow which he lost on a recent ‘sightseeing’ trip to London. So he flies back beyond the stars and to the left and tumbles through the window of the Darling family. Here he meets and falls in love with little Wendy Darling (Niamh Maher,) much to the horror of her manic mother Dotty (Naomi Linehan).

He grabs his shadow and manages to convince Wendy, Dotty and Michael to fly with him back to Neverland.

Once there, it’s not long before Dotty and her brood are captured by Hook’s henchmen Smee (Gary Furlong) and Sharkey (Conor Lynch).

But the pair aren’t the sharpest swords on the pirate ship, allowing Wendy to send Peter’s fairy, Tonkerbell (Megan O’Riordan), for help.

In the second act Hook bakes two poisonous

cakes (mmm mmm cake!) and is intent on feeding them to the Croc (who ate his hand) and to Peter’s friends, the Redskin Squaws. Hook also manages to capture Pan and it looks like most of the cast are set to walk the plank.

But in classic panto style our hero escapes and puts an end to Hook’s dastardly life.

And what a pity! Together with Smee and Sharkey, the gang made a great comic trio, soaking the audience with water guns and bursting into renditions of the Pokemon song and ‘Living La Vi Da Loca’.

The gorgeous Redskin Squaw kept the crowds entertained with their energetic dance routines and flirty antics.

Dallan McCormick also offered plenty of comic relief as an overly flamboyant pirate with a real soft spot for Communications students.

But the real stars of the show had to be ‘MILF of the Year’ Dotty Darling, and the ‘twat’ himself Michael. The pair delivered some of the best lines in the show with sour faced Dotty declaring that the audience were a bunch of ‘mad bastards!’ and Michael telling his hesitant love interest, Runningwater (Gillian Gormley) ‘woman, know your place.’

Throw in some Frank Sinatra, cream buns, dodgy accents and a little bit of wigwam lovin’ and Back to Neverland comes to a close.

Back to Neverland was definitely well worth the price of the ticket and DCU Drama should keep up the good work

Photo by Allan Dixon

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Glenroe revisited Louise Bruton

Processing art Denise Sammon IMMA AT the Royal Hospital in Kilmainham comes highly recommended.

Not having been there in over a year, I looked up the variety of exhibitions currently on show and decided to make an afternoon of it.

Disappointment soon set in. “Due to lighting maintenance work, the first floor,galleries are closed” I was told by a rather unapologetic museum attendant.

What was left to see? All but two of the exhibitions IMMA had to offer had been eliminated. One of them did catch my attention though. It was called all hawaii eNtrées/ lunar reggae, and is the Museum’s newest exhibition, running from 30 November to 18 February 2007.

Preferring the novelty of the unfamiliar, I tend not research art exhibitions before I

go to them. But the exhibition’s bizarre name and blurred lettering was the first indicative sign that this would be more than ‘unconventional’.

Confusion would best describe my initial reaction. At first, I wasn’t certain that this exhibit had even been set-up properly yet. The ticking of Douglas Gordon’s amplified clock distracted me as the light flickered on the descriptive passages accompanying each piece. I approached Wilderness, a collage of mirrors by Doug Aitken, in which satisfactorily viewing one’s self is impossible. Looped video and sound without beginning or end ensued.

Still no clarity.

This is the collaborative work of Phillippe Parreno, a French artist/curator, and Rachael Thomas, IMMA’s own head of exhibitions. It boasts works by 25 artists, writers and thinkers. The pieces, some coming from separate collections

and others specifically created for this, have been brought together under the notion of ‘process’.

Separated into two different gallery spaces, the works range from constructed multicoloured zig zag floor patterns, to provocative photography, sculpture, video, sound and light installations. This composed exhibition world manages to connect its pieces, transforming them and hypnotising the viewer. This is achieved by a heavy lack of clarity using multi-sensory stimulus, so that the receiver is forced to interact with the time and space concept. Perception is subverted and you are left reeling.

Although this is impressive to some extent, you emerge dazed and without a real appreciation for the aesthetics presented. A more visible explanation of these concepts are needed. A trip to IMMA to see only this would not be recommended.

Book review: Lunar Park Author: Bret Easton Ellis

Eimear Ryan JUST LIKE the Coen Brothers’ movie Fargo, Lunar Park claims to be based on a

true story, before brazenly wandering off into fictional territory. In this, Bret Easton Ellis’s fifth novel, Ellis himself is the novel’s central character; however, those expecting an autobiography of the cult novelist will be disappointed. Though Lunar Park does include many truths about Ellis’s life, chronicling his bisexuality, his drugs habits, and his meteoric rise to fame after writing Less Than Zero at the prodigious age of 19, it also veers wildly into fiction at times. Must notably, Ellis has created a wife for himself – a supposedly famous actress named Jayne Dennis – as well as a son, Robby, and a stepdaughter, Sarah; the real Ellis has never been married, nor does he have kids.

One suspects that Ellis’s characterisation of himself is a bit of a parody – basically, the fictional Bret wants to shag everything that moves, take all the drugs he can get his hands on, and is only a modestly talented writer currently working on the first draft of a dubious project named Teenage Pussy. At the novel’s outset, he is newly married to Jayne, already in couple’s therapy, attempting to seduce one of his students and trying desperately to connect with his son.

On top of these emotional issues, Fictional Bret is beginning to suspect that

the suburban mansion in which he now lives with Jayne is haunted; he sees Patrick Bateman, the murderous anti-hero of his novel American Psycho, everywhere he goes; his stepdaughter’s toy is possessed; and someone is emailing him video footage of his late father. In this sense, Ellis shows himself to still be haunted – in a very real way – by both his father and his creation of Patrick Bateman, leaving one to wonder whether Lunar Park was conceived merely as a way for him to explore his father issues as well as to deal with his feelings of insecurity that he’ll never top American Psycho. It certainly seems confused, repetitive and tangential at times, as though Ellis isn’t quite sure himself what his book’s all about.

It’s not all bad, however. Ellis’s deranged sense of humour provides some laugh-out-loud moments, and the scenes between Bret and Robby, in particular, can be startlingly poignant. However, one suspects that he should have stuck to the family drama side of things; the supernatural side of the story becomes tiresome after a while, and isn’t exactly helped by the baffling conclusion. It’s not the best introduction to Ellis, but it’s worth a read if you’re a fan.

JUST TRY to explain to an outsider why a nation were completely entranced by a show based on a bunch of culchies somewhere deep in the Wicklow Mountains - you simply can't.

Glenroe was much more than a television show. It was a rite of passage for every child of age seven and onward as it meant an extended bedtime every Sunday night.

At precisely half past the hour of eight every Sunday night, directly after my bath, my family and I would sit in silence as we heard that magical theme song and watch the camera sweep over the fields that covered the lush hillsides. All we needed to hear was those three comforting words “Ah Holy God” and we knew that we were home.

Every week there would be a new scandal that would shock the Irish population, be it Miley romping with Fidelma in the hay barn, Dick having an affair with the vixen Veronica, Dinny getting shoe polish on his grand-daughter's Communion dress or even the mere existence of a woman called Gracie Tracey.

Nothing could compare to Glenroe, not even Ballykissangel or God forbid, Ear To The Ground. It brought families together around the television set, as the children watched intently, snuggled in their Bosco or Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles pajamas and the parents tut-tutted at the latest shenanigans of the Glenroe boggers.

Glenroe brought with it so much more than just entertainment. It was the first television programme to have a member of the travelling community acting on screen, Blackie Connors (I was lucky enough to meet the man himself when I was the mature age of four years old. I didn't realise the significance at the time.)

Thanks to Blackie, we understood the culture of the travelling community just a little bit more. It did much more than Fair City could ever do, even if they did have the first ever almost on-screen gay kiss on Irish television.

Of course, all good things must come to an end and with the tragic death of Biddy, crashing into a Massey Ferguson, the show's popularity fell into a decline and was finally pulled off the air in 2001. RTÉ could never recreate its likes again as Glenroe belonged to a different time, a time when we didn't notice that Biddy's registration plate suddenly became a Northern registration as it did its pirouette over the majestic green and yellow tractor. They were simpler times, better times, good times….

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James Bond: Casino Royale Susan Doyle FOLLOWING THE horrendous “Die Another Day”, I swore never to buy, rent, or watch another installation of the James Bond series ever again. Casino Royale however, flipped my opinion 360 degrees.

The new flick has brought the return of everything you used to love about 007, from electrifying combat to quick and witty one-liners. The film takes place in various locations all over the globe as a ring of terrorists up the stakes in a dangerously expensive Texas Hold ‘em poker game. Bond, who has just received his “00” status, is instructed to play the risky game in order to bankrupt the shrewd and menacing Le Chiffre, banker to the world’s most lethal criminals. Accompanying Bond and representing the British Treasury is the bewitching Vesper Lynd, a sharp and attractive woman, who is well able to keep up with Bond’s quick wit. The game reaches a shocking climax and progresses dangerously as 007 and Lynd face fatal deceptions, chilling torture and of course sensational action sequences.

Daniel Craig (sigh), the sixth actor to play the agent is definitely the best since the original! His built-like-a-tank physique, chilling blue eyes and unwavering charisma all add up to the ideal James Bond. Eva Green portrays Lynd flawlessly, while managing to keep her clothes on for the duration of the film (surprise, surprise!). She brings an air of feminine class to the character. Bond fans will also welcome the return of Judi Dench as M. Note-worthy are the amazing fight scenes that are more realistic than ever. You’ll also be taken aback by the most horrific torture scene in a Bond film to date, sure to make every male in the audience cringe with terror.

The only downsides to Casino Royale are the lack of gadgetry and the film’s length – a monstrous two hours and twenty minutes. The love scenes towards the end of the film appear to drag on, boring even the most avid chick flick fan.

Casino Royale will please both fans and those who have never gotten into the whole Bond craze. At worst it is an extremely well produced Hollywood action blockbuster; at best, it is a stellar addition to the legendary series of films.

Once upon a time...

Sleeping Beauty

Venue: The Helix

Aoife Connors A WICKED fairytale is the theme of The Helix’s annual pantomime. Produced by Landmark productions Sleeping Beauty tells the story of a beautiful princess who is put under a spell by a fairy, known as ‘Goody’.

Barbara Brennan plays the role of the fairy with fantastic acting ability; engaging the children during this lively show and putting great animation into her voice and movements.

Artist: Bette Midler Album: Cool Yule

Film: Stranger Than Fiction

A VERITABLE library is contained in "Stranger Than Fiction" the new film starring a rather sombre, yet enthralling Will Ferrell.

Maggie Gyllenhall gives us the main ingredient for a romantic novel. A guilt ridden Emma Thompson is the chief protagonist in a murder mystery and aging professor Dustin Hoffman lectures us in a self help life companion.

What ties all these threads together is the life of Harold Crick, played by Ferrell, an unfufilled and unsuspecting taxman. He is superb at taking us through this triumphant tale of life and love.

Paraic Mc Geough

IS IT as bad as you think it’ll be? Yes and no.

It’s another Christmas album, but not as predictably cheesy as you might expect. The title track has trumpets, jazz piano and all – the entire album features eighteen instruments, which adds substance. Some quirky songs are thrown in (Mele Kalikimaka anyone?), so kudos for trying for originality, and Midler’s voice is in fine form. Classics like “Winter Wonderland”/“Let It Snow”, “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”, and “White Christmas” are pleasant enough, but nothing special – it’s all been done before (but you still sing along…).

Dawn Wheatley

This fairytale tells the story about King Ogress and Queen Ensemble who desperately want a baby. Goody performs her fairy magic and ‘Beauty’ the princess is born.

Tragically, the princess is under a spell and must not leave the palace until her 16th birthday. After years of sleeping, along comes a handsome prince, played by Rory Nolan, to Beauty’s bedside but he has never kissed a girl!

I really enjoyed this family pantomime.

The traditional characteristics of a classic panto are evident with plenty of singing, dancing and audience interaction with the nasty and nice characters. The talented cast make the show lively, exciting and dramatic. Lighting and colour also added to the Christmas feeling and created an atmosphere of anticipation for everyone.

Artist: Foo Fighters Album: Skin and Bones

I HAD long believed that Dave Grohl should have stuck to the drums. That was before I heard Skin and Bones. This acoustic, multi-instrumental performance reveals an intimate and at times experimental, never before seen side to the Foo Fighters. Like all great live albums, it makes you lament the fact that you weren’t there and swear that ‘by Christ’ you’ll be at their next gig. It appears that after years of lurking in Nirvana’s shadow Dave Grohl is finally comfortable enough to do his own thing. It was worth the wait just to hear him roar.

James Ward Film: Pans Labyrinth

2006 has been a good one for film fans, with no one film managing to stand out as movie of the year. That may well be about to change with Guillermo del Toro's latest release.

Pan's Labyrinth tells the story of a young girl, Ofelia, who moves with her mother to a rural area in Spain at the height of WWII and Franco's fascist reign in 1944. Ofelia's imagination creates a world of monsters, quests and magic. What transpires over the 119 minutes is nothing short of spellbinding and showcases everything great about modern cinema.

Nigel Wheatley

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Deadlock Catherine Carr

FINALLY, I can be proud to say I’m a student. For years, I’ve been hearing that students are the rebels, students give a damn about our society, students fight for our rights, etc.

NOTHING like that happened during my first year here. Oh, we moaned, alright. We were well aware of everything that was wrong with the world. We were really good at pointing it out. But, did anybody do anything?

I had the privilege of being JR1’s class rep last year, and I was excited because I’d be involved with the Student’s Union: the centre of all this rebellion and reform. However, the SU was merely filled with ‘talkers’, and while every issue was discussed over and over again, nothing was ever done.

And I’ll admit to being sceptical when the SU began talking about ‘RIP OFF DCU’ at the start of this semester. I’d heard it all before, and I really didn’t have any faith in the SU anymore.

But, I really do have to commend them. They organised a huge boycott of the Spar and other over-priced food places on campus. I was delighted to walk past Spar on that first Monday and see it deserted. However, I am ashamed to say that within a few days, some lazy and selfish people weren’t bothered to walk an extra five minutes for a breakfast roll and so the shop gradually filled up again.

Thankfully, the SU didn’t let this dishearten them and that Friday saw a huge protest outside the Spar, followed by the ingenious opening of The Lunchbox.

Everything seemed to be going well. Spar was starting to do new offers, and I honestly thought we were going to make a difference …until the college stepped in.

I went to Panto rehearsals in the Venue on Monday evening before the show to find out that the locks had been changed and we couldn’t get in. Security had been warned not to hand out the key to students or the SU. In the end, the SU was forced to close The Lunchbox, for ‘misuse of the facility’ on the understanding that they would then get the key to The Venue.

It seems wrong that a college that prides itself on providing so much for its students, that they would bully these very same students, who are protesting to improve this college.

High prices are doing none of us any good, and for once we see the entire student population club together to make a difference, only to be oppressed by ‘the man’.

It’s a pity that the SU have been pushed back a step, but I hope they keep up the protest. And I also hope that the students of DCU pull together and fight these sky-high prices. There is power in numbers, and in all honesty, is EuroSpar really that far away?

But until we do achieve our goal, I’d like to quote the immortal words of Jack Black: ‘Stick it to the Man’.

Don’t call me baby Alan Flanagan WHILE NONE of us are relishing the thought of popping out a ragtag bunch of kids in the near future, it's something that, as we move inexorably further into adulthood, must cross our minds every once in a while.

And though there are many things to be considered when bringing an expensive screaming ball of defecation into this world, such as “where shall we put it?” and “why does it keep vomiting on me?”, there is only one issue which I ask – nay implore - you to consider long and hard: the name.

Now I like Shakira. I think she's great, multiaward winning, lovely girl, hips that don't lie and a fantastic advertisement for going on holiday in Columbia. However, this is not a reason to burden your first-born with her name.

Shakira – despite what you might think – did not become famous because she is called Shakira. She became famous in spite of it.

She can gyrate like nobody's business and

sing like a man or a woman or a dinosaur giving birth to a dolphin, but when her parents hit her with the name Shakira, that was a faux pas on their part. It's OK, don't worry, she's famous now and it all worked out very well, just don't it to your child, alright?

And if you still think that naming your child after the sultry songstress – or any famous person for that matter – is a good idea, remember how you feel every time you meet someone called Kylie. There.

Many parents try to get around having their kids' names sound stupid by having it roll off the tongue like a perfectly normal name, but spelling it like a small town in the harshest wilderness of Mongolia. Now I understand that people want their children to be unique, but let them be unique because they're actually unique, not because you can't spell.

A quick look at international social networking site Facebook throws up thousands of examples of this kind of reckless behaviour. There are Trystyn's, there are Androo's, there are

Shinayd's, and god bless her poor soul there is even one girl called Tyffyny. Can I buy a vowel?

One fairly decent test I've found online for how to discern whether you're going in the right direction – and you probably aren't – for naming your baby, is to put your child's prospective name in the following two sentences: “Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States [blank] [blank]” or “And now, on the main stage, the Lusty Beaver Adult Club presents the hot action of [blank] [blank]” Which suits your child best? Personally I don't see any President Shawonda Hairston ruling over the U S of A any time soon.

So leave your Chastity's, your Trey's, your Steeve's, and your Zamantha-Joeh York (yes, she exists) in the bag marked “never, ever, EVER”, and stick with something normal, respectable and easy to pronounce. Alan, anyone?

Putting love in its place David McGovern THE VAST majority of songs are about love.

Few films refrain from having a love plot or subplot, with the same being true of books. We seem to be constantly consuming love as though it should compliment our five portions of fruit a day. ‘Love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love.’ Please, don’t start that again.

The Christmas season may be upon us, but I don’t plan on getting misty-eyed. Love is not what drives the majority of relationships either on this campus or any other. People aren’t meeting in the Old Bar on a €3 Tuesday and getting with each other because of love. Even very successful relationships, in their infancy, don’t blossom because of love. It’s all about attraction.

Boy Y has just had a three hour lecture and plans to leave campus as soon as possible. He passes the couches in the Henry Grattan but as he does, he sees Girl X. Boy Y thinks Girl X is hot. She is deep in thought typing her essay and, trying to think of the right word, bites her lip just as Boy Y is passing her. This image stays with Boy Y as he travels home.

Only the crazy would claim Boy Y is in love.

He saw someone hot and depending on the time spent thinking about her and the lengths gone to to see her again, he could be considered to be lusting after her. But attracted to her? Before he has even spoken to her? I don’t think so.

Attraction, in my opinion, lies somewhere on that substantial scale between lust and love. It’s much stronger than lust, as it encompasses more feeling, but is quite a distance from love.

I believe we can’t actually be attracted to someone unless we’ve spoken to them. If that hottie we’ve lusted after for weeks turns out to have a completely unremarkable personality, our feelings for them seems to evaporate so quickly.

However if the conversation flows and you feel almost light-headed with the amount of things in common, that’s attraction. And at this stage, the transformation slowly takes place whereby the person goes from being a babe, to being cute or beautiful, to being attractive.

Attempts have been made to capture the science of attraction with an almost formulaic approach. Pheromones were suddenly of huge importance, and apparently instead of chatting to someone we should be examining their facial proportions in relation to ours. But as we all

know, no matter how much we could be compatible with someone or how much our friends tell us that Boy Y or Girl X could be perfect for us, attraction is something that we can’t scientifically discuss. So let scientists explain lust, and let Moulin Rouge have its love, but for the majority of us, attraction seems like the most attractive option.

CHRISTMAS VIEW 15

The College View December 2006

Mission impossible?

Dawn Wheatley

SOMEDAY, MAYBE I’ll be able to spend €30 on each person at Christmas, but it was stretching five ways this year..

First stop was reliable HMV. Dismissing anything overpriced (above €7) I perused the aisles and could’ve easily found something for everyone there. I picked up Leonard Cohen’s Greatest Hits for ‘the Dad’, for €5.99. There was a great choice of on-sale CDs and DVDs, and although it may not be a unique or original idea, it is guaranteed success at least.

At the top of Grafton St, beside the Gaiety Theatre sits the Oxfam Fair Trade outlet, one of my favourites shops in town.

Jewellery, musical instruments, bags, toys, food and ornaments, all with fair trade to the sources guaranteed, can all be found here.

I settled on a little wind chime with a tiger on it, costing €4.50, for ‘the little brother or sister’.

There are so many options in here though, for everyone, all at really good prices.

Urban Outfitters generally isn’t a good place for those lacking funds, but I couldn’t resist and the “Nun-Chuck” caught my eye. €9 is a bit steep considering my budget, but it just looks like so much damn fun. It’s a

catapult/gun that can throw mini nun figures up to 15ft. Just for the sheer randomness of having a nun chucker to his name I chose it for the ‘older brother’ of the family.

Kazana, a quaint little shop stocking jewellery, scarves, candles, incense, bags, and ornaments, can be found in Temple Bar, and I looked for something for ‘the mother’ here. There was a great range of little incense/candle sets, and I picked one for €5, which I liked. Obviously not to everyone’s tastes, but definitely worth a look in.

When all else fails, try Tesco.

With no real intentions I took a wander in and within a few minutes I had found the perfect present for (almost) anyone – “Decorate Your Own Mugs” sets – GENIUS. €3 each, and I bought two, with the ‘older sister’ in mind. You could decorate them yourself and give them to the person, or leave it for them, but either way, I think it’s something really fun to get.

So my total came to €30.50. I think the best think to do when shopping on a budget is to look for the smaller, unique shops that you’ll get something special; Evolution in the GPO Arcade is another little gem. A little money, but with a bit of effort, can actually go a long way.

Raising the stakes RockCheap

Alan Flanagan WHAT'S YOUR family's Christmas tradition? Everyone's got one. It may vary in magnitude, but every family's got one thing that makes Christmas unique. And even if you think that your Christmas is a by-the-numbers yawn-a-minute affair, chances are there's a little something that would make another person go 'Huh?'.

For instance, up until a few years ago I was sure that every family entertained itself at Christmas with a high-stakes game of poker around the sitting room table. Apparently I was wrong, and my tales of double-bluffs and royal flushes on Jesus's birthday are met with a mixture of confusion and disbelief. But that's family's for you.

A friend of mine swears by a Christmas morning breakfast of Buck's Fizz, the poor man's champagne. After that a walk in the snow with the family doesn't seem quite as painful, and the flush of alcohol to the brain certainly helps dull any long-held hostility.

Others rely on the prescence of strangers on Christmas day. Old friends of your parents are common enough, while ex-spouses are a little rarer but have been known to pop up. And let's not forget the crazy neighbour who would otherwise spend the afternoon in front of the television watching the Eastenders special, a bottle of gin in one hand and a bottle of tonic in the other. All these people who would on any other day of the year be greeted at the door with an angry scowl and a warning shot from a Smith & Wesson are welcomed into the home, on the one day that is meant to be ‘just family’.

Of course, there's a simple reason for all these odd traditions. They're a diversionary tactic, one designed to distract everyone from the true meaning of Christmas: getting far too drunk and trying to strangle your brother with a wreath. The truth is, family are not meant to spend too much time in one place. It's just not natural. So if your family's only Christmas tradition is gently cleaning the wounds from the latest barrage of attacks at the hands of Granny's walking stick, it's probably time to find something a little more creative - be it a brisk game of golf, a few rounds of Tequila Slammers, or even the old favourite of a drunken admission of homosexuality - to while away the hours Because remember, frattricide isn't just for Christmas, it's for twenty years to life.

David O’Quigley IT’S COMING up to Christmas and, if you’re anything like me, you’ll find you have absolutely no money and a list as long as my arm full of people you have to get gifts for.

And, if you’re anything like me, you’ll more often than not opt for the less expensive, homemade gift, backing it up with the neverfailing “It’s the thought that counts…” speech. This always fails. One sure way of avoiding that over-forced look of enthusiasm we’re all used this Christmas to is to not give crappy gifts. An obvious solution you would think. And the cheapest way of doing this, especially if you have any music lovers on your Christmas list, is to bring them out to Collins Barracks to check out the guitar exhibition, RockChic, that’s taking place over the next couple of months. It’s the most cost effective way of culturing yourself to the legendary world of the electric guitar and it’s evolution through the ages. And as far as gift ideas go, you don’t have to wrap it… need I say any more?

As a music lover myself I was keen to view the exhibition and decided to kill two birds with one guitar, so I brought my dad along with me, as part of his Christmas present. The other part of his present will probably consist of a tie or possibly a tie-rack. A pleasant man, in his early forties, my dad is also a fan of music and enjoys playing the guitar so I thought it would be a suitable gift idea.

The exhibition is wall to wall covered with guitars that once belonged to famous people, cool people, people we always wanted to be like when we grew up. People like Jimi Hendrix and Rory Gallagher. Now that we’re

older though and still nothing like any of those people we once idolised, I suppose seeing their guitars inches away is as close as we’ll ever get. Not only are there guitars belong to rock stars but there is also a section of guitars designed by famous people such as Bono and Dave Fanning, something sure to excite anyone interested in art. As well as that, there are several short films, documenting the progression of the guitar and how it was by different artists.

Even if this doesn’t knock a whole load of your Christmas spending this year, you will have at least spent some quality time with someone and when it comes down to it, can you really put a price on that? I don’t think so.

16 RANDOM

The College View December 2006

VIEW

Art corner Maria Mulhall

This could be my last day

The College View Crossword Number 11 Across 1 A secondary wife, usually of a lower social class (9) 8 Delicious creamy dip (6) 9 Reddish brown hard wood (8) 10 Table in French, a pause during or at the end of a scene on stage (7) 11 Mr miles hasn’t eaten very much (7) 12 Female deer (3) 14 A country in SE Asia (4) 16 To recognise or perceive clearly (7) 19 Answered (7) 22 City in NE Spain (4) 24 Winning serve, highly skilled person (3) 26 Alike but not identical (7) 27 Pointed pieces of metal used to sew with (7) 28 Mint seed at the bottom of a wine bottle (8) 29 RTE rugby commentator, Ryle _______ (6) 30 Great spiral firework, _________ wheel, also a female’s name(9)

Down 2 Prophecy (6) 3 A large town in Tipperary (7) 4 Internal organs of the body (7) 5 Small globules of air or gas (7) 6 Sunk, engrossed (8) 7 Fictitious name often adopted by an author (9) 10 A diet of knotted string (4) 13 DCU’s favourite president, ___________ von Prondzynski (9) 15 Not two (3) 17 Anger, wrath (3) 18 The period in which the exploration of the universe has become possible (5,3) 20 Upward slope, slant (7) 21 These make up the week (4) 22 Admire that spectre (7) 23 Ian Thorpe used to be one (7) 25 A favoured weapon on pirate ships (6)

Photograph by Edd Kealy Cartoon by Conor Lynch Crossword by Conor Higgins

Crossword Competition 1st prize: ¤ 5 0 Hodges Figgis voucher Put entries in Publications cubby hole in Clubs and Socs office by Dec 12

Scribble Box

LETTERS AND COMMENTS

The College View December 2006

Editorial: Christmas DCU has been busy of late, boycotts assignments, pantos battles and much more. DCU has also been hitting the headlines between the launch of the Mezz upstairs in the canteen and the cancellation of the Eddie Hobbs talk on how to live on ?100 a week. Interestingly many students in fact live on a lot less each week even more interesting is the fact that the fe for gaining this information was €15.

Christmas holidays are approaching. Which can only mean one thing cramming in that assignment you have known about all semester but is now due in tomorrow. e presents for just over thirty euro.

Weeks 11 and 12 are renowned for stress, panic and a few extra trips to the bar to celebrate the festive season with friends. And this Tuesday will be no exception with the option to

win some fantastic prizes courtesy of The College View and enjoy some wine and mince pies on the wallets of Book soc and Flashback in The Slipper.

Personally I was delighted to see the students of DCU getting excited about something. And to see them actually getting involved in a protest.

Of course it can be argued that we should be protesting about the crisis in Sudan or children starving in Ethiopia. Which it goes without saying are worthy causes. But it was

LETTERS & COMMENTS 17

good to see students doing what students should be doing. Finding an issue they feel passionate about and shouting about it until someone in HQ sits up and takes notice.

There was an overwhelming reaction to our cover story of the last issue (read on for some opinions on this). One thing must be kept in mind however. It is a newspapers’ job to inform its readership of what is happening in the world and that has an effect on them. This is what we as an editorial team set out to do each issue

The point of view Laura Whitmore

Competition time!

I love Ireland. And so when I begin to complain about certain aspects of our little green isle – in particular our beautiful university, I want everyone to be aware that I wouldn’t change my nationality for anything.

However, there are a few points I need to make about the value of actually leaving our cosy island and exploring that big bad world out there – even for just a little while.

I am currently a final year journalism student studying on a semester abroad in Boston University (BU) in the U S of A. Now, Boston is hardly the most dramatically different city to Dublin – in fact it is one of the most similar – but from my experience here, I have gained a new perspective on college life, on education and well, on myself.

Four and a half months may seem like pittance in the scheme of around seventy years of living but having a

chance to see people in different situations, gives us a taste of possibilities. I do not wish to offend Mr. DCU but I personally feel I have learned more in my short time here at BU than I have in my previous three years at DCU. Perhaps it has something to do with the $40,000 a year students pay to attend BU, but I have never witnessed so much respect from professors to their students. Growing up we always hear words like ‘encouragement’, ‘nourishment’, ‘support’ when we discuss teachers but my god they mean it over here. When graduates leave BU with their degree, they WILL get a job and it WILL be a good one, and their professors are here to see that happens.

A few weeks ago I sat in one of my classes at BU as the professor discussed how many internships everyone had previously done. The majority had at least two with some having as many as four under their ridiculously qualified belt.

of the paper. To inform DCU students of issues of importance to them. Everyone has the right to have an opinion on everything we print.

But when one expresses an opinion on a topic one must also respect another parties’ right to disagree with same argument.

The College View would like to wish all our readers, writers and photographers a very merry Christmas.

We look forward to hearing from you in the new year.

And as for me? How many internships had DCU provided with me so far? None.

Final year journalism students get their ‘INTRA’ work experience in the summer after their final year. Too little too late. At this stage we better pray that it’s good.

Let me make one thing clear, I like DCU. In fact for anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m one of those people who like to envelop themselves in all things to do with college life. But, it was only when I stepped back and looked at another university that I realised what a sham the journalism course has become in DCU. I don’t want anyone to think that I am anti- Irish universities. If it wasn’t for free education in Ireland, maybe I wouldn’t even be writing this. I do, however, return to DCU for the second semester with eyes wide open. A university should make us focused in what we want to obtain from our career, our life and it should not just give us this focus, it should provide us with the means to get it. I’m glad that I have been given this focus, it’s just a shame it wasn’t from my own university.

Letters to the Editor

The person who emails the best caption for the above photo has a chance to win two Fabulous Friends packages from The Buff Day Spa and the runner up will win a laser-shooting session in Killarney for two, which Top Gun Events have given The College View. Send entries to:thecollegeview@gmail.com

The opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the editorial team or The College View

Response to Socs Ball article This issue of The College View we have received two letters concerning the article in the last issue entitled “No sponsor for clubs and socs ball”.

The College View is happy to publish both of these letters. We have edited them slightly for reasons of space and also to focus on the substance of the points that the letters raise. The text printed below are as they were sent to The College View.

Madam Editor,

I read with some disgust the article in November's College View in relation to the Socs Ball.

I would like to make the following points: 1) Deloitte pulled out of the Socs Ball because very few DCU students were joining the firm and not because of the AF Soc. Indeed it was a miracle that they sponsored the Ball in 2005.

Deloitte are one firm among thousands in Ireland. There are plenty of sponsorship opportunities out there.

2) In the article, Elaine Bannon is quoted as saying that only €3500 was initially lodged to the Socs Ball account. In fact, €4500 was lodged with another €500 at a later date. The €500 was late due to an administrative error. These things happen when

tens of thousands of euro flow through an account on an annual basis. I can provide an official AIB bank statement to verify these amounts.

3) Aoife Cunneen is then quoted as saying that she knew nothing about the offers from me and the current AF Soc committee concerning this year's sponsorhip.

I have provided the College View with e-mails that confirm that we did indeed offer to help out in obtaining sponsorhip for the 2006 Ball.

My own personal record in DCU speaks for itself. I played a pivotal role in transforming the AF Soc from a society of 100 members in 2004 to the biggest society in DCU in 2006.

In addition to this, by virtue of the fact that the AF Soc's accounts have been cleared as perfect for the past two years, I was the most honest Treasurer in DCU during my time in Clubs and Socs. My achievements in DCU were recognised when I received an Uaneen Award just last month.

Maybe if some people had spent less time attempting to taint my character and more time organising the Socs Ball, then the Socs Ball would be in a healthier financial position. It is time for the past and present Socs Ball Committee to come clean and apologise to Thomas Casserly and

the AF Soc. If any student would like to see concrete evidence to support any of the above points, please e-mail me.

My address is with the College View editor.

Yours, Thomas Casserly Madame Editor,

It was with great disappointment that we read the article in the most recent issue of the College View on the sponsorship situation with the Clubs & Socs Ball. The article not only went off point and into what essentially was a slanging match between the SPC and AF Soc, but it was also, in parts, factually incorrect.

Despite what the article stated, the committee was not in debt last year, in fact, it was left with €6000 from last year to put forward to this year's event. The article also claims that €10,000 was going to the event from the SPC - at the time of printing, no money has yet been allocated to the event.

With the above critical errors in mind, the article itself was painfully long.

Furthermore, short of one very small quote from the chair of the Ball committee, no other quotes were put into the article from the perspective of the committee, and it seems no

further comment was even sought from her or anyone else. Considering how much column was given to not only the opinion of the AF chair but a former AF committee member, it seems it would have only been fair.

As Kate is the SPC rep for not only the Clubs & Societies Ball but also the AF Society, and Ellen is a former SPC member - we, serving not only in these positions but as ordinary students of DCU are appalled at seeming lack of editorial scrutiny which has also been displayed in the past through articles being written about societies by members of the committee in question.

Yours, Kate Fitzgerald and Ellen Parikka

The College View would like to response by clarifying some points: The information regarding the socs ball committee accounts and SPC funding was provided by the Chairperson of the Socs Ball Committee. The Chairperson of said committee was interviewed for the article and expressed no wish to comment on the previous year’s issues. There was no need to speak to other committee members as the chairperson speaks for the entire committee.

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DCU

TECHNOLOGY

The College View December 2006

Bueno Vista Windows!

Nigel Wheatley

Microsoft began work on their next-generation Windows system in 2001 even before current system XP was released. Since then, XP has been installed on 400 million machines worldwide. Next month we will finally get to see the fruits of their labours as Windows “Vista” get its long-awaited release.

A lot has changed in the five years since Microsoft released XP. Apple have successfully cornered the “cool” market of students and designers, leaving Microsoft as the choice of the techie, businessman or basic home user. However, whether through obligation or ignorance, 90% of us are still using a Windows system.

On first booting up Vista, users are met with a desktop that looks very different to the one offered by previous versions of Windows. One of the most striking features is a sidebar that is populated with “gadgets” such as an old-school clock (with hands!), weather forecaster and calendar. Microsoft maintains that they were the first to come up with this concept of desktop gadgets, but the fact is Apple got the credit by releasing them with their integrated “dashboard” in OS X Tiger in 2005.

Anyone who has used the new versions of Internet Explorer, Windows Media Player or Live Messenger will have a fair idea of

the look and feel Vista offers. The graphical user interface varies quite a lot from the beta test versions that have been released in the last 12 months, and Microsoft’s investment in this aspect of their operating system is clear, as it really does look great.

In Vista, live search is everywhere. When you click the windows logo in the bottom right of the screen (the default view drops the word “start”, which has been ever-present since the taskbar’s introduction in

GooTube Gillian OHea YouTube this and YouTube that.

Google recently bought YouTube for $1.6 billion. Time Magazine named YouTube its gadget of the year. And it’s fair. YouTube has its uses, apart from showcasing rubbish home videos, photos montages of Chuck and Cindy’s holidays and poorly made student productions. YouTube has provided the wasters of our time with endless hours of South Park, Captain Planet, and clips of Britney’s Fed-X or K-Fed or whatever the hell he’s called post break-up and visibly upset. You tube has also provided us with unedited videos from war zones in Darfur and Afghanistan, something Time magazine clearly admired when they voted it their number one gadget of the year.

But, now that Google own YouTube, what happens now. We’ve always known Google as a happy go lucky company, with their gym and video games and what not in their offices to keep their staff happy. But are Google as great as they seem?

I’m not saying I don’t like Google, I do, but Google has a slight dark side.

Over the last few years it’s been public knowledge that Google China, as well as other regional variations like

Google France and Google Germany are prone to censoring. Fine, they don’t censor access to the sites, but they do censor their searches. Search Google for Tiananmen Square in China and your results will be quite different to those returned on a computer in Ireland. Google have said they don’t want to censor but they have succumbed to the pressure put on by the Chinese government. That aside, Google still seem generally ok. Until now. It’s only been two months since they bought YouTube, but already users are noticing changes. Gone are the episodes of South Park. Gone is my personal favourite, Girl from Tomorrow.

Videos have been removed, accounts have been suspended. So has Google sold out and effectively ruined one of its huge selling points? Yes, you can still upload your video of your drunken classmates falling over, but where else are you going to watch long gone episodes of Captain Planet and The Carebears. Only time will tell how exactly Google will change YouTube but not to worry, there’s sure to be a new YouTube any day now. Who knows, maybe porn-a-rific ZooTube will take over. As one user said ‘I'll take boobs over some loser's video blog any day.” Who could blame them?

Windows 95), the first thing you encounter is a search field. This is a global search and its functionality is almost identical to that offered by Google Desktop and OS X’s Spotlight, whereby you will get relevant results from filenames, tags and contents as you type.

As XP became more and more popular, hackers and malware programmers began to target its weak infrastructure and many people’s system’s got riddled with unwanted software and spyware. While

Microsoft went some way to fixing this with the release of XP service pack 2 and a more stable browser in IE7, there are still major problems with it. Microsoft have spent massive amounts of revenue and time on Vista’s security and are claiming (predictably enough) that it is their most secure operating system to date.

We can’t fit all of Vista’s new features in here, and www.microsoft.com/windowsvista will have much more info, but for

those of you taking notes, here’s our choices for top 3 new features: 1. Mobility Centre. A tiny built in feature for mobile laptop-users.

Allows you to connect to any projector or display with the press of one button, check battery power, adjust brightness, flip your screen and synchronise to other machines.

2. Sidebar. 3rd party developers are invited to make their own gadgets for your desktop, so over time we’re sure to see some very useful innovative ideas.

3. Windows/Documents Explorer.

Microsoft has expanded on their classic My Documents folder layout with a whole new interface, better search and improved file info display options.

From February all new PCs will come with Vista pre-installed. While upgrades are available, unless your computer is less than a year old, chances are Vista won’t perform to its full potential.

Microsoft learnt a lot from the things that went wrong with XP. With Vista, they’ve concentrated on stability and user experience. No one is pretending Vista is going to change your life but it does provide a more attractive, usable and secure computing experience than XP ever could.

Windows Vista Home Edition is available from Jan 30th. See www. thecollegeview.com/tech for screenshots and links.

Wii welcome the revolution

Daniel Flynn On December 8th Nintendo releases Wii, its 7th generation console.

Nintendo have succeeded where the market dominator Sony have failed, and got their console ready for it’s European launch in time for the highly profitable Christmas period. In fact, this could be Nintendo’s saving grace, as a simultaneous launch of the PS3 would undoubtedly have hurt their sales considerably.

Possibly even more so than their illadvised decision to name their console Wii, when originally it had the infinitely cooler code-name

“Revolution”. I worked in the offices of a major games retailer during the summer and the sense of disbelief when the name was announced was palpable, 90% of the employees burst out laughing simultaneously on hearing the news.

Once the laughter had died though we got to thinking about what the logic was behind this bizarre change of title, did they actually have a justifiable reason for this piece of planning?

Well it seems they did, in fact they have a whole philosophy behind it.

A quote from the Wii homepage offers this insight “Wii sounds like we, which emphasises this console

is for everyone”.

Wii is an exciting prospect for gamers and continues in the same vein as many recent Nintendo releases, in that it also aims to attract people of all ages to the games market. Utilising motion sensors and a user-friendly wireless remote-control style device, Wii aims to be Nintendo’s “most inviting, inclusive video game system to date”. No longer do you have to push a button to swing a golf club or a sword, you actually swing it yourself. This kind of interaction is what Nintendo believes will separate Wii from other consoles and carve it a niche in the market. That, along with its attractive €250 (approx.) price tag.

An ex-colleague of mine who played the Wii at last summers E3 conference said it was undoubtedly the star of the show and expected it to be hugely successful when it arrived here. I personally hope it will, because the industry needs people like the folks at Nintendo to keep things interesting and different. It is impossible to imagine Microsoft or Sony giving their console such an outrageous name and this is what makes Nintendo special; they are committed to fun and innovation.

This could be just what Wii needed.

SPORTS

The College View December 2006

Sport in short Two DCU athletes reject Irish Senior Squad DCU’S FIONNUALA Britton and Mark Christie both qualified for Ireland’s senior atheltics squads, to travel to the European Cross Country Championships, after their Irish Senior Cross Country victories in Dungarvan, Co. Waterford on November 25th.

However Irish champions Britton (22) and Christie (21) have both instead chosen to compete in the new under-23 division.

Their surprising decisions are thought to be largely down to the weakness of both Irish senior teams in the event. Housemates, Christie and Britton will have a much stronger chance of team and individual honours in the under-23 division.

DCU will be well represented at the championships in Leganano, Italy on December 10 with seven athletes set to compete. Cathal Dennehy, Ellen Diskin, Linda Byrne, Niamh Devlin and Ciara Durkan will make up the rest of the DCU contingent to compete at the European event.

Heaslip makes Senior Debut FORMER DCU student Jamie Heaslip won his first international rugby cap against the Pacific Islands on November 26. Heaslip, a number eight by trade, has been impressive for his club Leinster over the last two years.

Heaslip graduated from DCU in 2005 with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. He has represented Ireland at schools, U19 and U21 level and has been on the fringes of the senior squad for quite some time.

He has become a regular in the Leinster side in the Celtic League and in the Heineken Cup and is now considered by many to be the second best Irish number eight behind Dennis Leamy.

He will now be looking towards the Six Nations and the Irish tour to Argentina next May to earn his place in the Irish World Cup Squad for 2007.

It was a special moment for Heaslip, making his first cap in Ireland’s last game at Lansdowne Road before the re-development begins.

Heaslip has also recently teamed up with Ulster’s Paddy Wallace and Armagh captain Kieran McGeeney to make a charity Christmas CD, A Special Christmas Time for Special Olympics Ireland, with Clannad’s Moya Brennan.

VIEW

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DCU Soccer is in healthy state CONTINUED FROM P 24

RCS OFFERED little on the break and it wasn’t until the 25th minute that they had their first attempt on goal but right winger Brandon Cahalane shot high and wide from outside the penalty area.

DCU upped the pressure as the half wore on and would have taken the lead only for Hopland making excellent saves from both Khalid Hussain and Mark McAdam in quick succession. Hussain caused the away team lots of problems and looked most likely to break the deadlock but the striker blasted over the crossbar when well placed on 36 minutes.

Then Besharantin excellently cleared the ball off his own goal line from Neil Bresnahan’s header and it looked like only a matter of time before DCU would take the lead.

Just before the half-time whistle they deservedly went ahead when Kilkenny rounded the goalkeeper for an easy finish after being played in

by David Cullen. They would have

added a quick second if it wasn’t for some brave goalkeeping by Hopland to deny Hussain.

The second half was a much more competitive affair with the RCS seeing more of the ball and thus creating more scoring opportunities. A lack of communication between DCU goalkeeper Ronan McGann and his defenders nearly led to an own goal and full back David Cullen was forced to make a goal line clearance from the resultant corner.

This short period of dominance from the Surgeons eventually brought them an equaliser as centre forward Cian Devine O’Sullivan slotted home from close range on 52 minutes.

This sprang DCU to life again as it took a brilliant piece of defending from the visitor’s John Maguire and a smart save by Hopland from Hussain’s shot to keep the scores level.

Niggly challenges came in from both sides in the second half and this reflected the now more competitive

nature of the game. There were chances at both ends as Cahalane headed over for RCS when in a good position while Hussain, after another strong run, and substitute Michael Dunphy came close for the home side.

And so at the end of normal time it remained one apiece. Extra time was scheduled but with light quickly fading both teams agreed to go straight to a penalty shoot out.

Each side was successful with their first four kicks.

Kieran Kilkenny, David Cullen, Stephen Menton and Mark Patterson all confidently steering the ball into the net for DCU. Then up stepped John Maguire for the Surgeons and he saw his penalty bounce off the crossbar which left Khalid Hussain with the job of converting his penalty to give the home side a deserved victory.

Which he duly did, tucking the ball into the corner past Hopland.

Photo by Denise Sammon

Handball club’s semester one success with five more trophies in DCU’s cabinet DCU’S HANDBALL Club has thrived on success over the past few months. The initial victory that started the tide came with the Dublin Junior B 40x20 Singles Championship attained by one of the clubs established members, Peter Flanagan.

Peter displayed an excellent level of handball in the final to the detriment of his opposition, Anthony O’Sullivan of Brian Boru’s.

Flanagan eased his way through both

games, securing the title for his club and setting the example for the rest of his teammates to follow.

Following Flanagan’s lead, Steve Marken showed his determination to attain the Dublin 40x20 Junior B2 Championship by playing his heart out against fellow clubman David Smith in the semi-final and subsequently taking the title in some style.

With two titles in the bag, the club now placed its focus on handball’s other discipline, 60x30

Photo courtesy of David Smith

Handball.

With the change in discipline, the club packed their bags for a trip to Wexford to challenge for an AllIreland 60x30 Intervarsity’s title.

The event was certainly a learning experience as many of the club’s members made their debut in the ‘big alley’.

The team’s unfamiliarity with the game was not evident as both the B and C team eased their way to the finals of their respective divisions.

Both teams made gallant efforts in the final, but could not outplay the teams of DIT and UL. Taking the experience from Wexford and a heightened confidence, Smith and Marken opted to challenge for the Dublin 60x30 Junior B2 Singles Championship while pairing together for the Doubles title.

This time around, Smith took victory in the Singles Championship and determined to add a fourth title to the DCU cabinet, Smith and Marken defeated DIT doubles pairing of Bonner and Gallagher by scores of 11-21, 21-5 and 21-13.

With the closing of the 60x30 season, the club once again returned their focus to the 40x20 season. The start of the new season began with DCU entering three teams in the Dublin 40x20 Leagues. The leagues

would see the Junior B2 Team ‘cut their teeth’ in 40x20 competition and that is certainly what they did.

The four ‘rookies’, Joe Gannon, James Keogh, Brendan Devine and Stephen Travers have placed a stamp of dominance in the competition with scores of 6-1, 4-3, 5-2 and 6-1 in their first four games to move themselves to the top of the table before the final stages commence.

Commenting on the team’s success, the team’s coach, David Smith stated “This is an exceptional start to the competition and I feel that victory is certainly within their grasp”.

Their success in the league has been mirrored by the Junior and Junior B teams who have also reached the semi-final stages.

This valued experience in the Dublin Leagues was taken with the team to Limerick where they competed in the All-Ireland Team Intervarsities. The highlight of the event for the DCU team was in the Ladies A competition where Sinead Gallogly added the title to her already esteemed record in handball competition.

In conclusion, the club looks like it has capitalised on the groundwork of year’s past and is finally beginning to reap the fruits of such preparation and training.

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Irishman Joyce in England Ashes squad

Jack Kissane ED JOYCE, an Irish cricketer, capped over 50 times for his country, is now representing England in the Ashes series against Australia as a

late replacement for the injured Marcus Trescothick. It is an improbable position to see a boy from Bray in and it seems to have galled many sports fans in this country.

Even the most hardened Irish sports

Men's rugby side struggle against Dundalk Seán Callery DCU CONTINUED their poor start to their league campaign, with a nine point defeat to Dundalk IT. DCU never fully emerged from the blocks and were left chasing the game in the second half.

Having narrowly lost their opening game to DIT, this was the perfect chance for DCU to get points on the board. However, they struggled to build any momentum and DKIT eventually ran out comfortable winners.

The absence of a recognised kicker on the DCU team was all too evident as numerous chances to close the gap on their visitors were squandered. DCU also failed to gain any territorial advantage from penalties.

Twice in the first half, penalties failed to find touch and possession was lost.

Having enjoyed a period of dominance early on, DCU found themselves five points adrift after 18 minutes. A loose pass in the DCU front row was intercepted and DKIT’s Eddie O’Mahony was allowed cross for the opening try.

DCU had a chance to close the

gap five minutes later, however prop forward Cillian Byrne failed to convert a 20 metre penalty.

The home side began to apply pressure towards the end of the opening period and this pressure was rewarded just before the break.

Simon Sheridan, who was outstanding all afternoon, made a break deep into DKIT territory and offloaded to Paul Conroy. The winger then found out-half James Marrain who touched down for DCU’s opening score.

This left the teams level at the break. However, this was as good as it got for DCU as DKIT’s Stephen Lamb kicked three second half penalties to open up a nine point lead which the Dundalk side never relinquished.

Although DCU dominated possession in the closing stages, they lacked the incision to trouble the visitors’ defence and the Dundalk side were able to close out the game quite comfortably.

A series of individual handling errors cost DCU on the day and vast improvement is needed if they are to challenge for honours this year.

Photo courtesy of Sportsfile

fans focus very little on cricket.

Although qualifing for next year’s world cup, Irishmen do not play at the upper echelons of the sport. That is until Ed Joyce arrived on the scene.

Joyce signed for Middlesex in 1999

to play in the game he loves and he quickly became a sensation.

He became the fastest batsman to reach 1,000 runs in the English County Championship. After qualifying due to the residency rule, he was then called onto the English academy team, before playing in one day internationals and now has been called into the Ashes squad.

Most people in this country don’t understand cricket, let alone play it.

However this has not stopped a public backlash to his decision. The public reaction to Joyce’s choice, says a lot about us as a nation and it makes for uncomfortable viewing.

Ed Joyce wants to compete at the highest level, something he cannot do with Ireland.

Isaac Boss and Keith Gleeson play rugby for Ireland, after representing New Zealand and Australia at underage level; they changed allegiance to further their careers.

Aidan McGeady, born and raised in Glasgow has chosen Ireland over his native Scotland, and more recently, new soccer sensation 16 year-old Scottish born Jamie McCarthy has followed in similar fashion.

This is deemed as perfectly acceptable behaviour by them. In fact it was the norm to have an Irish soccer player with an English accent in the Jack Charlton era. But when the opposite scenario is true it is deemed as treachery.

In the 1998/99 season when St. Patrick’s Athletic met Celtic in the Champions League, the majority of the support was for Celtic. They are barstool supporters of the Premiership and SPL, who may cheer for Crouch, Lampard or Rooney on a Saturday, unless of course the aforementioned players have the three lions on their jerseys.

Boxing, athletics, tennis, rowing, swimming and a whole host of other sports are run by those motivated by the sheer love of their chosen sport.

In the last 3 Olympics, Ireland has won one silver medal (Sonia O’ Sullivan- Sydney 2000), three gold and a bronze (Smith- Atlanta 1996).

In the same period Australia has won a total of 148 medals. Even after taking into account population differences this is still a far greater proportion of medals than Ireland have ever won.

Aussie rules, rugby league,rugby union,cricket and soccer still all flourish in the country, even with other sports like swimming and tennis being heavily promoted.

If an Australian plays tennis rather than Aussie Rules it does not make him any less Australian. Ireland should take note.

Ireland would not have a cricket team only for people like the Joyce family. Ed Joyce's brothers Gus and Dominick have also represented Ireland at cricket, as have his twin sisters, Isobel and Cecelia. They have proudly served their country. But why should such simple facts halt the begrudgers?

If Ed Joyce was playing in the Ashes test for Australia would we be as bothered? Anti-English sentiment has again taken over. We see a sportsman being berated rather than seeing a sporting success story.

Joyce has the opportunity to test himself against the best in the world, and if he does so representing England, is the greatness of the event reduced?

Ed Joyce is a great cricketer, he has the chance to play at the highest level, he should be allowed to be the best he can be and we shouldn’t fault him for his ambition.

Female fencers show strength at Irish Open Caroline Walsh WITH THREE impressive performances at the Irish Open last weekend, DCU's female fencers confirmed their status as favourites to take the épée title at the 2007 Intervarsities.

Captain Johanna Weis was drawn in the “pool of death” and escaped with a relatively low seeding. But facing NUIM's Irish international Lorraine McGill in the last-16, Weis was never in danger; the DCU fencer held onto her early lead to win comfortably.

Though she was stopped in the quarter-final, her close 15-13 loss to UCC's international hopeful, Orla Cullen, was encouraging, and established Weis as the third-ranked student épéeist in Ireland.

Siobhán Silke opened well, but her number two seeding gave her a tough route to the final. In her semi against defending champion Fiona Haldene, Silke just held onto her one-hit lead to progress. The final saw the first meeting between Silke and junior international Raisa Greer. The younger fencer gave little trouble to Silke, who brought the Irish Open trophy back to DCU with a handy 15-10 win.

After a good form in her pool, Andrea Finken was disappointed with her close 15-14 loss in the last 16.

However, Finken's heroics the pre-

vious weekend at the Trinity Team Foil should have softened the blow.

In that tournament, DCU had trailed 37-26 against a strong TCD team, but an amazing run by Finken brought DCU to within one hit. With five seconds to go, Finken had no choice but to launch a running attack in the hopes of bringing the match to extra time. Unfortunately, the risky strategy didn't pay off, and the match ended 40-38 to TCD. Instead of entering a full senior squad, DCU had used the Trinity Team Foil as a proving-ground for its new fencers.

Juniors Ryoko Enomoto, Vittoria Flamini, Sheena

Lynch and Caoimhe Merrick all impressed in their first senior competition.

The new batch of male fencers also contains some promising talent.

Kenneth Barrett took the bronze medal at the Schull Novice Cup in November, while third-year épéeist Eoghan Cregan started his season positively at the Open. Seeded 11th after the pool, he progressed easily to the last 16, where he was knocked out 15-13 against junior international Paul Fitzpatrick. Barrett and Cregan's progress means that the men's épée team could cause some upsets at the Intervarsities.

Photo courtesy of Siobhán Silke

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Hooked on rugby

Alan Waldron RTE VIEWERS could be forgiven for feeling that George Hook is merely a negative, grumpy man.

But underlying this media persona is a man with an unquestionable love for rugby union.

George Hook is more than an outspoken rugby pundit. Only minutes after ending our discussion on Irish rugby he finds himself live on radio debating the incoming Irish budget with some of the country’s economic and political experts.

He has become an Irish media icon from his mostly his own hard grafting. His CV would hardly impress even the most ambitious media tycoon with his accountancy degree, 20 years in the catering industry and a passion for rugby (as his work experience).

However Hook is now one of the most well known journalists in Ireland and this is largely down to his personality, intelligence and of course his distinguished croaky voice.

Like many others Hook’s “love of the game began when I went to school”. He attended Presentation Brothers College in Cork, a well known and respected rugby school in Munster.

At 18 he moved to England because he couldn’t afford to go to college.

With regards his experience in the catering industry he claims “I just went into the wrong job”. However Hook is a man of many tales.

During his time as a caterer Hook was offered the first McDonalds franchise in Ireland which unfortunately for him, he rejected.

He didn’t settle into club rugby until he moved to Dublin where he found solace at St. Marys College

Rugby Club in Rathmines.

As his playing career ended Hook went towards rugby coaching as he saw it to be “ a natural progression from playing to stay in touch with

the world rankings.

Asking George why he feels this narrowing of the gap between Irish rugby and the rugby superpowers has occurred, he feels it’s because

It could easily happen that we don’t qualify from the group the game” As a player, Hook was captain of many teams and had the invaluable coaching attribute of spotting the mental and physical weaknesses in his own game as well as those of others.

He went on to coach London Irish, the national USA team for the 1987 Rugby World Cup and Connacht where his assistant was current Ireland manager, Eddie O’Sullivan.

When asked whether he would take the Ireland job if it was offered he says he “wouldn’t consider it now, however there was a period when Eddie and I took over Connacht when we should have been in with a shout”.

At Connacht, the traditional whipping boys of provincial rugby, Hook feels he “ could have won the provincial championship” and could have been close to the Irish job as a result.

He was fortunate enough to have some of Ireland’s most talented players in his Connacht squad at the time including Eric Elwood, Jim Staples and Simon Geoghan.

However in hindsight he feels he wouldn’t have been best suited to the Ireland job. “Looking back it would have been the wrong decision” December 2006 has been an exciting time for Irish rugby which has seen successive Irish victories over southern hemisphere opposition and a rise up to number three in

“the Irish system is the best in the world as Irish players are contracted to a central authority, the IRFU (Irish Rugby Football Union).

In neighbouring countries such as England and France, Hook sees a destructive “tug of war” between clubs and national sides. “Players are forced to play more games and are more susceptible to injuries and fatigue”.

With regards to Ireland’s world cup aspirations Hook has a very different view to that of many Irish fans and journalists alike. Ireland have been drawn in a group along-

Argentina and France and that’s a huge ask”.

He also made an early prediction that “no team will win all of their games” so it may well be very tight and come down to points difference in the end.

The Heineken Cup is once again on the Irish rugby agenda and Hook doesn’t see the coveted trophy staying in Ireland in 2007.

“The odds are against Leinster and Ulster” claims Hook while “Munster are increasingly becoming a known quantity” Although Munster seem to be peaking at the right time Hook believes it to be “exceedingly hard for teams to win the European cup two years in succession.” He puts this down largely to the increased competitiveness in Europe within France, England and the Magners League.

Hook is seen as a man who at least thinks he knows how rugby

If Reggie Corrigan’s expiry date was on my carton of youghurt in the morning there would be trees growing from it side two other sides in the world’s top six; Argentina and hosts, France.

“If you look at history we should be looking to reach the quarterfinals”. Ireland has never passed that stage of the competition so Hook seems to be more realistic than most about the current state of Irish rugby.

He is also very wary of the task that lies ahead. “ It could easily happen that we don’t qualify from the group”. In order for Ireland to progress in the competition Hook feels that Ireland need to win the group to get a favourable second round draw. “We have to beat

union should be played so I was intrigued as to what his rugby philosophy is.

Strangely enough Hook doesn’t believe in any particular philospophy and suggests it is impossible to have a philosophy in the sport.

His philosophy as such is to play to your strengths. Use the players you have to their greatest effect.

This he explains is “why Jack (Charlton) was successful playing juvenile style football with Ireland”.

The Hookie Monster as he is now becoming known by some, is famous for his witty one liners in the

Photo courtesy of Sportfile

RTE studio and he has acquired a kind of cult following as a result.

However which quote is he constantly reminded of by the public?

He says everyone still talks about his Thomond Park quote after Munster’s 33-6 victory over Gloucester in the 2003 Heineken Cup when he said “You can add Thomond Park to Fatima, Knock and Lourdes. The lame will come here and walk, they’ll be selling water here because this defies logic.

However he chuckles as he tells me his own personal favourite was when rugby presenter Tom McGuirk asked him whether Reggie Corrigan was too old to be playing international rugby to which he responded “ If Reggie Corrigan’s expiry date was on my carton of yoghurt in the morning there would be trees growing from it”.

As a man who loves Irish rugby, logic would have it that I ask him how he feels about the upcoming redevelopment of Lansdowne Road.

Hook steers away from the positives that most would associate with playing rugby in Croke Park.

Instead he is sceptical about the proposed time period for the redevelopment and feels that Irish rugby could be homeless for a lot longer than we may think.

“It would be a very interesting bet with a bookmaker on when rugby will be played in Lansdowne Road again.” Hook predicts that there will be “ a lot of hiccups along the way” George Hook is certainly one of the characters in the modern Irish media and his ambition is easy to see from the career path he has taken.

It’s clear that George Hook is a very unpredictable man but with him come a few guarantees; his wacky sense of humour, outspoken opinions and his invincible love for rugby.

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All-Star Mortimer just wants All-Ireland medal Darren Gleeson met DCU and Mayo footballer Conor Mortimer after he received his first AllStar award

CONOR MORTIMER is a figure who polarises the opinion of Gaelic football fans like few others. Some see him as a cocky little upstart; others see him as one with faith in his own ability. However you view him, it’s unlikely that he’d be very ruffled.

For confidence is the strongest trait you would associate with the Mayo corner-forward. Sometimes it is his greatest strength; as he showed when he nailed a last-minute free to clinch a Connacht title for Mayo this year, against old rivals Galway.

At other times, when he spurns a pass to a team-mate in search of a more difficult score, his confidence can be his downfall. However, few would disagree that he has become a leader in both the Mayo and DCU sides in the last year.

Mortimer won his first All-Star award this year, in the process emulating his brother Kenneth, selected at corner-back on the 1996 and 1997 teams. He was also top-scorer in this year’s All-Ireland Football Championship, with the considerable haul of 1-35.

So, after being overlooked in pre-

vious years, was it sweet for him to finally get that elusive All-Star?

“Well, it was a nice thing to get, but to be honest; it didn’t mean an awful lot to me. It’s good to get recognition, but winning an AllIreland would have been much better,” he says pointedly.

DCU alumnus –and Dublin goalkeeper- Stephen Cluxton joined him on this year’s All-Star selection, but last year’s DCU Sigerson captain Bryan Cullen was surprisingly omitted in favour of Cork’s Ger Spillane.

Mortimer mildly expresses surprise at this: “I was a bit surprised by that alright, when you consider Cully’s performances during the Championship. But he’s still a young lad and I think there’ll be plenty of selections for him yet.”

Conor won a Sigerson Cup medal last year with DCU, but this year the team’s form has stuttered, after recently losing to rivals Queen’s University Belfast in the league.

Having lost players such as Cullen and Cluxton, are DCU in a rebuilding phase?

“I suppose, but I wouldn’t pay too much heed to the league. Playing at this time of the year is a bit of a slog; even in February and March the pitches are pretty heavy. I still think we have a decent chance of retaining the Sigerson, and I think that should always be our aim.”

Unfortunately for followers of the Green and Red,life and football is not always plain sailing.

Mortimer’s languid demeanour has meant that the denizens of the terraces haven’t always spared him from abuse. The Shrule-Glencorrib man shrugs it off, “It’s something that you might hear on the pitch alright, but I think it’s something you notice more when you’re a young fella. My family aren’t singled out anyway, that’s the main thing.”

He may be able to cast the catcalls aside, but Mayo’s dismal record in finals must be much more difficult to bear. Having lost five All-Ireland finals between minor, Under 21 and senior, does he ever feel like throwing in the towel?

“Yeah, of course there are days when you just feel like jacking it all in, but then again there are days when you play well and everything’s hunky dory. That’s football; you just have to keep going.”

He dismisses my allegations of sports courses being dossy, but still one question remains: is his wide-boy reputation merited?

Mortimer became well-known for cruising the campus perimeter last year in his wine Subaru.

He looks sheepish: “Ah no, I suppose I’m the same as anyone else in college that way, having a few pints and meeting some women…”

He agrees to my jibe that the legend out-strips the man. Almost by magic, two groupies accost him just as he tries to play that whole angle down. Who says that blonds don’t have the most fun?

Photo courtesy of Sportsfile

Sport of the Month: Canoe Polo Michelle Crawley CANOE POLO is a sport that I never before considered would appeal to my tastes. However as the saying goes: ‘Everything is worth trying once’.

I met the DCU Canoe club at six pm on Wednesday November 29th.

Joining the crazy gang which had gathered outside the hub, I travelled the short distance to St. Josephs Pool in Cabra.

Firstly above anything else, my fear of water was the only thing I could focus on. With much trepida-

tion, I got into the boat. A few minutes of anxiety passed before I finally got to grips with the canoe, never mind the added difficulty of a ball!

There was so much new equipment to absorb and so many skills to acquire in a very short space of time.

Paddling takes more upper body strength than I had ever imagined. It required the use of muscles I didn’t even know I had.

The pool sessions offer members a chance to acquire and develop basic kayaking skills. There are plenty of older members eager to assist with training the freshers and to show off their egos. Every week promises to

be fun and it goes without saying, drinks, craic and shenanigans afterwards play a pivotal role in the club’s agenda.

I hadn’t a notion what was involved in Canoe Polo, never mind the rules and objectives of the sport.

Canoe Polo is a competitive ball sport played in water, between two teams of five players, each in a kayak.

The waterpolo ball, is passed from hand to hand among the players, with some use of the paddle on the ball also allowed. A player in possession can be tackled by being pushed over on the shoulder. Players may only have the ball in their possession for a maximum of five seconds, which makes the game frantically paced.

Players can 'dribble' the ball by throwing it out of reach, ahead of themselves or sideways into the water. A standard game lasts 20 minutes and consists of two ten minute halves.

Each half begins with a "charge" where each team lines up against its goal-line and the ball is thrown into the middle of the pitch by the referee.

One player from each team sprints to win possession of the ball.

The club is notrorious for its games, and not just games founded on alcohol consumption.

This week, members played water polo, participated in races and some even attempted the “flip the boat around” game.

The flip the boat around game is an action packed game whereby two members capsize a boat, turn it over, capsize it again, turn it over and repeat until the vicitm in the boat is left dizzy, soaking and screaming.

This experience can be off-putting, at best but at least it helped me to confront my fear of being submerged under water.

This week, the more experienced members demonstrated the x-rescue and had a good laugh at the expense

of the unsuspecting freshers, for their attempts to prevent the underwater bullying.

I was very apprehensive at this point yet adamant that I was not getting out of my boat. I feared being trapped under water. The x-rescue was overwhelming and slightly too adventurous for me. In previous weeks members have been taught; Trescue, braces to stop the boat from capsizing, the Sweep Stroke and various techniques to aid their canoe polo skills.

All members have vouched that the greatest thing about the pool is its warmth and makes a change to the cold rivers, especially now as we embark on the month of December.

So whether you ‘re a water baby or a newbie to watersport, I have found the club is exciting, highly trustworthy and welcoming to all.

The canoe polo session was great fun and you will struggle to find a merrier club in the university.

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Debating the future of Irish sport Mickey shows harte in heated football debate Alan Waldron FAR AWAY from the singing and dancing of DCU’s Arts Week, six of Ireland’s most respected GAA men debated the future of the International Rules Series in DCU’s nursing building. With RTE’s Marty Morrissey acting as chairman, the all-star cast failed to disappoint.

The motion up for debate was ‘The International Rules Series is not beneficial to the GAA’. The panel proposing the motion featured three current Gaelic football managers, Seamus McEneaney (Monaghan), also a brother of International Rules Pat, John Maughan referee (Roscommon) and Mickey Harte (Tyrone).

In opposition were three previous Ireland International Rules managers that included the ever humorous Colm O’Rourke (Meath), Brian McEniff (Donegal) and DCU Professor of Sports Science and Health and this year’s manager of the Irish U17’s, Niall Moyna.

The debate was slow to take to life but once Tyrone’s fiery Mickey Harte stepped up, his obvious passion for the dissolving of the series was clear.

After seeing the tackle on his own wing-back Phillip Jordan last year, perhaps his feelings can be understood.

Harte suggested that the vast amount of money invested in the International Rules Series should be redirected towards club and provincial football.

Harte sees little skill in a game “where physicality counts for more

than anything else”. He approached the motion from a more technical side as he claimed that the game was merely marketed to popularity and didn’t benefit the GAA as an organisation.

Harte explained how he feels that the international dimension of the GAA could be discovered widely at club level. Suggesting that this can be achieved by investment and development, eventually creating a club world series in the long-term.

In response, an animated Professor Moyna, directly attacked Harte’s approach to the issue, to the joy of the newly awakened audience.

Unsurprisingly Sports Science Professor Moyna, examined the series from a scientific point of view, highlighting aspects of the Australian game we can use to better our own game. “ Their coaching is light years ahead of where we are in Ireland”, claimed Moyna.

Moyna was very critical of the Irish team’s performance rather than highlighting the positives that the game may or may not bring. “We failed miserably”. “We’re bad losers” said Moyna. While Moyna spoke, the tension quietened the audience and the only activity in HG20 was Mickey Harte’s frantic scribbling.

Both panels then concluded with O’Rourke entertaining the audience before Harte re-launched himself into his attack on the series and on Moyna‘s counter-argument. Harte’s speech proved the most effective in the end as the audience’s vote saw Harte’s side victorious by the narrow margin of 53 to 41.

Byrne wins snooker Intervarsity title

FAI’s McDermott roasted at DCU debate Seán Callery WHAT STARTED off as a balanced discussion on the future of Irish domestic soccer, quickly descended into an FAI bashing exercise as the association’s representative, Gerry McDermott, was bombarded with criticism from fellow speakers and from the floor.

Chaired by RTÉ’s Con Murphy, the discussion aimed to raise questions about domestic soccer in Ireland and provide solutions to problems such as falling attendances, club debt and hooliganism among fans.

The evening’s first speaker was Daire Whelan, a Journalism graduate

from DCU. Whelan read an extract from his book on the demise of soccer in Ireland entitled, ‘Who Stole our Game?’ . The extract contrasted Irish soccer’s healthy status during the1960’s with the poor state of affairs we have today.

Whelan criticised the FAI, calling it “a professional organisation run by amateurs”. He also said that the FAI could take a leaf from the IRFU’s book, citing the four province models as an example of a system which would benefit soccer in Ireland.

The players’ interests were represented by Stephen McGuinness, a former player and member of the professional Footballers Association

Photo taken by Yvette Poufong

Fiachra McCleary BRENDAN BYRNE won the individual snooker intervarsity title while the DCU first team finished second in the team event.

The intervarsity was held in the Spawell Complex in West Dublin where only weeks earlier former World Champion Ken Doherty won the Victor Chandler Irish Professional Snooker Championship Seven Teams from five third level institutions took part this year; DCU, UCG, QUB, IIT and last years champions NUI Maynooth.

Kristian Hayes, Brendan Byrne, Geard Pillay and Karl Bracken were DCU’s only players to progress through to the second round of individual competition.

Byrne was then left to carry the DCU flag as he was the sole DCU member to reach the last eight. Byrne wasn’t

phased as he comfortably progressed to the final where he met Queens’ Alan Hutchinson .

Byrne, who made the highest break of the weekend of 91 got off to a bad start losing the first frame to the Ulsterman. However with some brilliant safety play and excellent potting he went on to win 3-1 and take home the coveted HESPC Individual Championship trophy for DCU. The team event saw DCU A meet DCU B in a mouth-watering semifinal after both outfits came through the group stages. The A team got off to a blistering start, racing into a 5-0 lead in a first to 6 frame format.

The DCU B team captain Fiachra Mc Cleary started the revival by winning his second frame to make it 5-1.

Richard Naughton, undoubtedly the B team’s best player of the weekend then beat Alan Forde twice to make it 5-3.

The pressure was mounting on the A team and Barry Giblin (DCU B) turned it up again, making a fine clearance against Cormac Mc Hugh, leaving the match hanging in the balance at 5-4. Quite a crowd had gath-

of Ireland. The former St.Patricks Athletic player criticised Shelbourne for not paying players. McGuinness hailed the new standard players contract, drawn up by the PFAI, as a “safeguard” for players’ rights.

The clubs were represented by Gerry Conway, chairman of Bohemians FC and John Byrne, PRO of Shamrock Rovers. Both men spoke of their clubs recent financial woes. Conway spoke of how Bohemians offloaded most of its squad before the start of last season in order to stabilise the club and reduce the wage bill.

He also expressed the belief that investment at the highest level, i.e. the Eircom League, was the answer.

This, he said, was needed in order to “pull the domestic game up by the scruff of the neck”.

The FAI’s Gerry McDermott was quick to defend the organisation. He emphasised the need to make the Eircom League more attractive to fans by improving facilities at soccer grounds. He mentioned the redevelopment of the country’s greyhound tracks as an example which could be followed. The need to eradicate hooliganism from the game was also stressed by McDermott.

Comments from the floor were mostly aimed at the FAI representative and they were largely critical of the association.

After the discussion we are no closer to reaching a solution to the crisis in the domestic game.

However, more discussion will help bring the issue further into the public sphere and force the FAI to sit up, take notice and plan properly for the future of Irish soccer.

ered at this stage and the electric atmosphere was felt by all in the intimate Templeogue venue.

A closely fought frame ended in a black ball decider between the pair.

Some great safety exchanges were played by both players before Cormac potted the final ball to make it a 6-4 victory for the A team, giving them a place in the final against Queens University Belfast.

The final changed to a match format and DCU again started slowly, finding themselves 1-0 down when Cormac Mc Hugh lost 2-0 to Ciaran O’Hara.

DCU A team captain Kristian Hayes responded by defeating Cillian Mc Mulkin 2-1. Brendan Byrne then beat Alan Hutchinson 2-0 in a repeat of the final to make it 2-1 in favour of DCU. Unfortunately for DCU, Geard Pillay and Alan Forde lost their games and Queens scraped a 3-2 win to take home the HESPC Team Championship Trophy for the second time in three years.

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Athletes win four national titles Cathal Dennehy MANY OF the university’s star athletes travelled to the National Intercounty cross-country championships in Dungarvan on November 26, where they represented their respective clubs and counties.

Final year students Mark Christie and Fionnuala Britton came of age in the senior events. Britton destroyed a respectable field to win by 45 seconds, while Christie ran away from Ireland’s best senior athletes on the final lap to claim the senior title.

In the junior events, Cathal Dennehy took victory in the men’s race, while Eoin McCormack finished sixth. Ellen Diskin came third in the women’s 4km race with Joanne English sixth.

Also qualifying for the European Championships in Italy next weekend along with DCU’s strongest athletes in each category were Niamh Devlin, Ciara Durkan and Linda Byrne, who will compete at Under 23 level.

DCU’s athletics team made the short journey to NUI Maynooth one week earlier to compete in the Intervarsity road relays. Held on a bit-

terly cold day, the event attracted third level teams from across the country.

The women’s team continued their dominance of university athletics, winning by almost a minute ahead of UCC. They were led off by second year student Ciara Durkan, who ran the fastest mile leg of the day to give Linda Byrne an eleven second advantage.

However, Byrne was caught and passed by UCC’s Orla Drumm and at the halfway mark, DCU trailed by over 50 metres. Fionnuala Britton quickly closed the gap and, unsurprisingly, ran away from the UCC athlete to give Ellen Diskin an unassailable lead on the final leg.

Diskin ran strongly to bring the team to victory in 31mins 47s. DCU’s B team also ran well for fourth place.

In the men’s race, over 20 teams went to the line, but it was always going to be a clash between last year’s titans UCD and DCU. After the first of five legs, DCU’s A team trailed UCD by six seconds.

First year student Daniel Treacy ran a storming first mile on DCU’s B team to put them with the leaders going out on the second leg. However, both A and B teams to Alan Courtesy of lost ian ground Chaney

McCormack of UCD and going out on the crucial 3 mile leg, DCU trailed UCD by over 100 metres.

However, DCU stalwart Mark Christie blasted the first mile to rejoin UCD’s Mick Clohissey at the front.

The pair then ran together stride for stride for the remainder of the leg.

On the penultimate leg, DCU’s Danny Darcy tried hard to shake off the challenge of 29-year-old James Nolan but the experience of Nolan proved crucial. On the second mile, Nolan attacked and handed over to the final UCD athlete with a 16 second advantage.

DCU’s Eoin Everard ran well to close this gap to seven seconds by the finish but UCD were again champions, with DCU second and Queen’s University Belfast a distant third. Had the team not been plagued by injury and illness over the past few months, the result could have differed.

Meanwhile, DCU will send a strong team to the upcoming Intervarsity Indoor Championships in Nenagh. With a strong women’s contingent and an ever-improving men’s team DCU could be brought home two team titles.

Ladies’ basketball begins well as core sport Ailish O’ Donoghue DCU LADIES basketball has never looked so strong after it was made a core sport this year. It is clear that ladies basketball is high on the list of the college’s priorities in terms of sport.. Coach Mark Ingle says “the college has identified ladies basketball as a sport it will focus on hoping that DCU can become one of the elite college basketball teams in the country.” This has meant that the col-

lege is supporting eight scholarship athletes this year, the most in the club’s history.

The ladies team compete in three competitions every year, the league, the cup and the intervarsities.

Ingle says “the goal for this season is to win one of the competitions or all three”. The team reached both the intervarsity and league finals last year, losing to University of Limerick on both occasions. But Ingle says that DCU can reverse those results

this year and have a squad capable of beating UL. The season has started off well with three league wins out of three.

First up was an away trip to Sligo IT who had impressed at last year’s intervarsity by winning the plate.

A strong DCU team travelled to Sligo with players both old and new keen to prove themselves. Despite a shaky start the team performed quite well for their first game of the season and were comfortable winners on a

Photo taken by Denise Sammon

score line of 75pts to 41pts.

The second fixture was also a tricky away game. This time the team travelled to NUI Galway for a late evening tip off. Both teams were slow to start and it took several minutes for DCU to get some scores on the board. But a combination of aggressive defense and quick breaks meant that DCU ran out winners by a score-line of 57pts to 41pts.

DCU’s only home game so far was a visit from Trinity College.

Although DCU were short a few players the girls started strongly to pressure Trinity early on and race into a comfortable lead.

Trinity had some talented Americans who worked hard to keep their team in the game but DCU never looked like losing and the game finished DCU 82pts Trinity College Dublin 45pts.

DCU now have three games left with Sligo and Galway at home and Trinity away on the 7th of December.

Ingle is confident that the team can win their remaining games and secure a place in the league semifinal in late January.

However he is quick to point out that the girls have yet to be tested and it is important that they learn to play together as a team. He added that “there are lots of new players this year so it’s a matter of getting the team functioning as a unit”.

With a clean sweep of wins under their belt the DCU ladies basketball team are in a strong position looking to the New Year. If they continue to improve, things can only get better.

Penalty success for soccer club against surgeons Patrick Griffin THE DCU men’s soccer team secured fifth place in the Irish Universities Football Union Premier East division with a 5-4 victory on penalties over the Royal College of Surgeons. The game, held at the DCU Sports Grounds finished 1-1.

The contest got off to a terrible start for the home side, when centre-half Declan Dowling was forced off injured after the first tackle. However it didn’t seem to upset DCU too much as they were clearly the better team in the opening period. They created all the early chances with Kieran Kilkenny shooting narrowly wide after the Surgeons failed to properly clear the game’s first corner.

The ball was in the net only seconds later but Kilkenny’s effort was ruled offside.

Despite enjoying most of the possession, the hosts failed to create many clear scoring opportunities and were restricted to long range attempts from the likes of full back Mark Patterson. RCS goalkeeper Olan Hopland remained untroubled. The visitors defence were on form with David Geoughy and Behdad Besharantin standing out.

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