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Santa Claus: Behind the Suit

Count Down To Graduation:

157

Dec. 16, 2014

Christa Lemmons Kyle Dunning Staff Writers Kyle: So Mr. Claus, Purple Press and I were wondering if you could spare some of your time to talk about yourself and what it's like to be Santa Claus. Santa: Well, Kyle, I think I can do just that. Kyle: Great! Let's start with how your summer vacation was? Santa: It was great! The Mrs. and I went up to Canada this year. Did you know they have maple syrup snow cones? Those were jolly good. Kyle: I've always wanted to try one...so how busy has this year been so far for you and your assistants? Santa: Crazy as usual. Except there are about 46% more requests for smart phones this year...which is an all time high. Footballs and b-b-guns aren't as popular as they used to be. Other than that, it's just as insane a season as any other. Kyle: I guess too many kids are shooting their eyes out nowadays. This has been a very popular question since I was little...how do you get to so many houses in such a little time on Christmas Eve? Santa: Well, I cannot give you all of the details. Some of my competitors might try to steal my method... Mr. Frost just keeps trying. I can, however, explain some of the complicated process. My Naughty or Nice

(NON) algorithm is the key. NON is an invention that I created myself and it basically tells me what houses to deliver presents to and what houses to beam coal to. (that's right....I just beam the coal in. I do not even go down the chimney for these houses.) After NON does it's magic, I link it to my GPS system that is attached to my sleigh. Rudolph syncs that information to his nose and he leads the way to each and every house. On average, we hit approximately 823 houses a second. How I hit that many houses at once...is the secretive part. Trans-warp beaming, wormholes, and particle accelerators are part of it. But that's all I can really say. Kyle: That's... impressive. What's your average speed? Santa: 650 miles per second. Like I said... wormholes.

Rick Richardson: AKA, Santa Claus

Kyle: Oh. That means that you have 1/1000th of a second to hit one house including eating the snacks. Santa: My process was a little rough for some time. Albert Einstein, you might know him, helped me out a lot. Relativity. Speed of Light: All of that is part of my super-quick process.

Kyle: Let's move on to something more... easy to wrap our heads around. Milk and cookies, do you really eat all of those that you receive at Christmas? Santa: Oh...of course not. The reindeers help. Cookies and milk are their fuel. And yes...I do dip the cookies into the milk...everyone asks me that. Note: many other questions were asked but could not be displayed to the public. Santa and Purple Press apologizes.

Kyle: To wrap up...why should kids believe in you? Because I know a lot do not.

Santa: Kyle, that is completely up to them. Whether or not they are raised with me in their lives is really up to their parents. But let ME ask YOU something...would you have enjoyed Christmas as much without Santa? Kyle: I totally wouldn't have. Santa: Exactly. I make kids smile by bringing them gifts. I bring joy to the world and I could not do this without the parents. (Hint to parents...don't ruin the idea of Santa for your kids...that's just not cool.) To conclude, if kids choose to believe in me then I can assure loot for them all (if they are nice) and if the kids do not believe...well... let's not go there. Kyle: I will keep that in mind. Thank you

for your time, Mr. Claus. I'll see you on Christmas Eve! Santa: I'd hope not.... Merry Christmas everyone! A few days after the interview with Santa, I ran into someone who reminded me very much of Mr. Claus himself. (maybe that's because he is...) His name is Rick, and he is a custodian that works at Bella Vista Arts Academy. I asked him for some time to talk to him only to discover that he makes wooden toys for the kids at BVAA and the rest of his community...and that he has a naturally white beard. I was moved by his incentive for creating these toys. He didn't make toys for the money, or for the attention, or for any other purpose. The only reason he does what he does is to see the joy that his toys brings to the students at BVAA.

"It isn't about me, " Rick reminded me as he was showing a wooden toy semi-truck, "it's all about the kids. The smiles on their faces bring me a greater joy than money could ever bring. That is what makes what I do worth it." As I was walking away, I decided that I indeed believed in Santa Claus, and while I might not believe in the magical man that has flying reindeer as pets, I do believe in individual people around the country who are Claus at heart. Those people make the holiday season, and every other time of the year, magical and joyful. So I ask you, the reader, to take a page from Rick the Custodian's book and give to those who aren't as fortunate and to do so in a caring and selfless way. Because that is what Santa is, and where would the holidays be without Santa?


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