Quest June 2024

Leaning Into a Generosity of Spirit

AISHA HAUSER, MSW, CRE-ML Lead Ministry Team, Church of the Larger Fellowship

My childhood consisted of navigating what it meant to grow up Egyptian in America. My mother spoke only in Arabic, and she very much passed on the traditions of our culture to my sister and me. She cooked delicious Egyptian meals, told us stories from her childhood and she taught us the ways to be a good Muslim, in an effort to raise us as devout as she was.

One of the lessons that I embody from my childhood is that of generosity. Not only of money, but also of spirit. The Muslim faith mandates generosity and giving to those who have less.

While I have never been a devout Muslim the way my mother still is, I remember that she donated money every year to help feed poor Muslims during the Eid (the feast marking the end of the holy month of Ramadan). She did this even when we were on public assistance. One year, I let her know that I thought we didn’t have enough to give to others, but she responded that since the government was helping us, we were mandated to help others.

My mother and I have had our share of disagreements and challenges over the years, but her spirit of generosity

is one lesson that I have held dear and been grateful for, and that I try to replicate. In my personal life, this is something that I have easily embraced. This is not something that is as prevalent in modern U.S. society.

It has been more than a little disheartening to witness the dialogue about student debt forgiveness and universal basic income. I have heard people lament that they had to pay off their debt, so why should anyone else be “let off the hook.” When I bring up universal basic income people immediately dismiss it as unrealistic and one person asked me what the incentive would be to work. I responded by asking what the incentive is now. Is it death? Is that really the society we want to maintain? Don’t we want to support people not only living, but thriving and experiencing joy and creativity in ways that nourish our spirits?

These are just two examples of the ways I experience a lack of generosity of spirit in the United States. We find ways to make people “earn a living.” Instead of affirming the value and inherent worth of every person by offering a universal basic income, universal healthcare and free college education (thereby preventing student debt to begin with), this country asserts a scarcity mentality and creates barriers for thriving.

Leaning into Generosity cont. on page 5

“That’s what I consider true generosity: You give your all, and yet you always feel as if it costs you nothing.”

simone de beauvoir

LEANING INTO A GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT

Aisha Hauser

GENEROSITY

Multiple authors

BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU ARE GENEROUS

Frances Koziar

LETTING GO

Jacob

LORI’S FAREWELL MESSAGE

Lori Stone

GENEROSITY

How does it feel to be generous?

JASON

CLF Member, incarcerated in IL

Generosity is not a word you hear much in an institution like the one I’m stuck in. Too many people think only of themselves and what they can get out of or from others.

I used to be one of them. I was very greedy and self-centered. That was until someone went out of their way to help me when they didn’t need to. They showed me something I had never seen, heard of or experienced in my entire life. It shattered all of the walls I had built to protect myself.

This counselor and his wife showed me true generosity. They showed me what a normal family is supposed to be. I was in too much pain at that time to fully appreciate what they had shown me. It wasn’t until years later when I began to make a conscious effort to truly change myself that I remembered what they did for me.

So now if I see someone who needs help, I help them without trying to get something in return. When I have extra commissary food and I know my cellie is out of food, I’ll give him some of mine, letting him know that he doesn’t have to pay it back. Or if I

know someone is in need of something like coffee and they can’t afford to get it, I’ll buy it and give it to them with no expectation of being paid back.

I will admit that there are times that I still struggle with my desire to be a better person and helping others, especially when someone thinks to take advantage of me. However, I will not allow the actions of one or two self-destructive individuals to destroy my self-growth and learning to be generous, whether it is with my time, knowledge or something I may have. This approach is just one aspect of my becoming a healthier human being. ¢

PHOTO BY LINA TROCHEZ ON UNSPLASH

JACOB

CLF member, incarcerated in AR

Being generous can feel amazing and rewarding, but the feelings should not be why you are generous. To truly be generous, you just do it, and you don’t contemplate what you’ll get out of it. To truly be generous, you don’t consider if you should do something, or if it does any good to do it, or any other of the selfish ideations that are used to determine generosity by some. When you give just to give, it changes so much for you, and makes you feel amazing, like you are doing your part to help others. ¢

DANIEL

CLF member, incarcerated in IL

It feels amazing to be generous. Who would have ever thought that being generous and giving to others was so rewarding? It’s almost hard to explain. Everybody knows that when you subtract, you’re losing something — that’s just a fact. But it’s also equally a fact that when you are generous and give to others, you are putting something back into your heart.

I really enjoy giving, be it a noodle, soap, or toothpaste. I like helping people. I’ve gained many friends by being generous. There’s a feeling of joy and goodness that comes along with being generous.

While doing hospice care here in the prison, I gave my time and my tears.

Be Careful when you are Generous

FRANCES KOZIAR CLF member

Be careful when you are generous, that your generosity does not take away your rights.

Be careful with your forgiveness, lest it prevent you from setting the boundaries you need.

Be careful with your compassion lest it come from a place of denial, hoping that you can love someone until the problems go away.

Listen and be generous to yourself; do what you need to do to survive, because then you’ll have so much more to give.

It was painful at times, but to be there for a person who has nothing or nobody else made me feel valued.

Once we learn and practice being generous, the universe will give back to us double. ¢

GENEROSITY

JACK CLF Member, incarcerated in MA

What is the most valuable possession you ever gave away? Money from your wallet? A car? Jewelry?

When we think of things of value, most of us think of tangible things, things we value and might miss or later wish we had back. But there are gifts we all possess that are far more

valuable than paper with presidents’ pictures, Porsches, and diamonds — a gift that when freely given, often is returned threefold.

The gift of time, the gift of sharing, the gift of caring, and the gift of love — what is more valuable that we all possess? Time to share with another, to sit and listen to another in times of joy and times of sadness.

Letting Go

JACOB CLF member, incarcerated in AR

Hopeful, watching, wanting

Seeing hopes dashed before my eyes

Sorrow, pain, suffering

Feeling my will to try crumble

Anguish, agony, loss

Why let your emotions rule you?

Hope, list, sadness

Why am I in a sea of suffering?

Letting go, letting go

Take a deep breath

Calm the mind and center thy self

Letting go, letting go

Find thyself and open thine eyes

Pain, sorry, fear I am lost here

Tears I hide and try to be near

Lust, need, want Why drive me so?

Taste, touch, see Can I please?

Wrong, right

Do you know which is which? Moral, amoral

Which does describe you? Judge, judge not

And as we give our time, as we share, we show that we care. We care to find time to love one another — to love one another’s similarities and their differences.

And when we learn to love one another, that love is returned threefold. How much are you willing to give?

As the commercial asks, “What’s in your wallet?” ¢

Which do you choose?

Listen, see

Let not your prejudice hurt me

Winds of change, blow through the night

Winds of light, cleanse our sight

Winds of fate, batter us not

Winds of love, keep us taut

Winds of life, show us the way

Leaning into Generosity, cont. from page 1

There is no reason to live this way except the stories we tell ourselves. While I know that the idea of transforming our systems is daunting to think about, we do have it in us to practice a generosity of spirit in the ways available to us.

I have witnessed examples of mutual aid that not only centers generosity of money, but also food donations.

One wonderful example is Lasagna Love (lasagnalove.org), a continental organization that pairs people who want to cook a homemade lasagna with folks who would love to receive one. What a caring and generous way to affirm community care.

If you are interested in finding out what mutual aid programs exist in your community, and you have access to the internet, you can check out Mutual Aid Hub (www.mutualaidhub. org) for a map and list of organiza-

tions. The website hosts the networks across the United States, the organizers want to connect people but they do not vet or endorse any of the programs; please research once you find one you would be interested in.

These are ways that communities are embracing a generosity of spirit and community care. These initiatives feed my spirit and offer hope for the ways that society is already shifting to one that rejects scarcity and embraces abundance. ¢

PHOTO BY ANGÈLE KAMP ON UNSPLASH

This All Ends. Now What? A Farewell Message from Our Director of Technology

LORI STONE

Director of Technology, Church of the Larger Fellowship

Dear Friends,

Springtime in Unitarian Universalism is a time of transition. Congregations in search are saying good-bye to old leadership and welcoming in new leadership. Young people across our association are coming of age from childhood to enter high school youth programs, and youth are bridging into young adulthood.

A couple of weeks ago, my own seventeen-year-old son bridged at church. It was a moving ceremony, and I was so grateful he participated, albeit in the reluctant way that teens tend to, making sure we know “this is no big deal” to them even if it kinda is. As I stood there in front of our congregation, gently resting my hand on his shoulder for the Laying on of Hands ritual, I soaked in this moment of connection, appreciating how fleeting it is.

I recently read that, by the time our children are in their late teens, 90% of the time we will have together with them has already passed. They are preparing to start their adult lives, which often takes them to new places, where new people become

their primary connections. We may spend some holidays together, or if we are really lucky and they settle into adult life near us, we will see them more often. For the most part, however, the day-in/day-out routine intimacy comes to an end soon after they enter young adulthood and move away from our home.

Knowing that eventually this all ends makes each moment we spend with loved ones that more precious. After all, if it went on forever, would we appreciate the time we have with each other?

In this season of transition, I too, must take my leave.

After serving as Director of Technology of the Church of the Larger Fellowship for the past nine years, I am starting a new chapter as the Manager of Member Engagement

and Communications at All Souls Church Unitarian, Washington, DC.

I treasure the time I have spent serving this unique faith community with all its quirks and beauty. You have taught me so much about love and patience. You have taught me that we can have deep, evolving relationships that transcend geography. We have learned together and grown together. And as I take my leave as a member of the staff, please know that I still call the CLF my church home. I will remain a member. Though I will take some time away from our community forums, you will see me there as a fellow congregant.

Cherish the time you have with each other, friends. Life is precious. I am glad I got to spend some of mine with you.

Blessings to you all, Lori Stone

PHOTO BY JULIA KICOVA ON UNSPLASH

FOR YOUR REFLECTION

In this section, we offer questions for reflection based on ideas explored in this issue. You may wish to explore it individually or as part of a group discussion. To submit your reflection for possible inclusion in a future issue of Quest, tear off your answer and mail it back to us using the envelope included in the middle of this issue, or mail a longer reflection separately.

Who taught you to be generous? How has generosity shaped your life?

If you would like us to be able to publish or share your writing in the future, remember to include “You have permission to edit and publish my words” somewhere on your submission.

PHOTO BY ANNE NYGÅRD ON UNSPLASH

Angus MacLean

Church of the Larger Fellowship, UU

24 Farnsworth Street

Boston, Massachusetts 02210-1409 USA

Address Service Requested

You can read back issues of Quest Monthly or get electronic versions of the text to share with friends (and much more) at questformeaning.org

BOSTON, MA

PERMIT NO. 55362

Quest Monthly Editorial Team: Aisha Hauser, lead ministry team, Rose Gallogly, publications coordinator, Lori Stone, director of technology, JeKaren Olaoya, copyeditor

CLF Staff: Aisha Hauser, Christina Rivera, Michael Tino, lead ministry team; Jody Malloy, executive director; Lori Stone, director of technology; Beth Murray, prison ministry administrator, Judy DiCristofaro, fiscal administrator; Rose Gallogly, publications coordinator, Cir L’Bert, Jr, prison ministry manager, David Pynchon, data services coordinator, Ashley Parent, communications specialist

Learning Fellows: Jess Hunt, JeKaren Olaoya

Websites: clfuu.org, dailycompass.org, worthynow.org

Phone: 617-948-6150 or 617-948-4267

Email: clf@clfuu.org, worthynow@clfuu.org

CLF Unitarian Universalist, 24 Farnsworth Street, Boston, MA 02210-1409 USA

Copyright 2024 Church of the Larger Fellowship. Generally, permission to reproduce items from Quest Monthly is granted, provided credit is given to the author and the CLF. ISSN 1070-244X