City Weekly August 3, 2023

CITY WEEKLY

So Close

Cancer treatments are advancing—but not fast enough for yesterday’s patients.

FREE

By Brock Marchant

Cover Story

By Brock Marchant

Cover

by Michael Külbel

S AP

BOX

Tithe, or Else

In a recent piece in The Salt Lake Tribune, the fairness of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints requiring 10% tithing from even its poorest members was questioned. Of course, tithing is a scam that mafia members would envy.

Instead of “Get the money here by Tuesday, or we’ll break your legs and set your business on fire,” Latter-day Saints have a better and more sinister threat. “If you don’t get your tithing in regularly, not only will you be not allowed into your glitzy neighborhood temple, you

will also put your soul in grave danger and you won’t be allowed into our madeup heaven, which we call the Celestial Kingdom—you know, that place where all the unborn LDS babies are waiting to be born and where you will eventually be with all of your deceased LDS family.”

The only thing stranger than this is how the Saints—many with advanced degrees and professional careers—buy into this, including most of the state’s elected officials, the governor and the state’s U.S. representatives.

But like many of the mafia organizations, to question the system is fobidden, because it means you will not only be called in to face your bishop, you will also be forced to face your God—you know, the one made up by some people to frighten and control the others.

On a side note, the majority of Utahns— mostly Latter-day Saints—twice voted for one of the greatest cons of all time: Donald Trump. And back in 1972, the state refused to ratify the Equal Rights

Amendment, helping to insure that not only LDS women, but all women in the U.S. would not get equal protection under the law.

Is it any wonder that Utah has such low pay for women and leads the country in sexual assaults?

TED OTTINGER Taylorsville

The Break-Up State

Utah’s heavily Latter-day-Saint-influenced culture has long promised that “families are forever” for those who join the church. Unfortunately, new data provided by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that Utah has the fifth-shortest marriages in the nation, topped only by quick hook-up places like Nevada (Las Vegas) and Washington, D.C.

Utahns are not only failing in marriage at a rate like the nation as a whole, but are also getting out of them quicker than 90% of the other states. (See: “The 10 U.S.

places with the shortest average marriages,” CNBC Make It, July 25)

The problem cannot be laid at the feet of the liberal rabble in the state. Many within the church who assiduously check off the appropriate church credential boxes during courtship fail in marriage multiple times.

They get married and find out they are not compatible with partners who have character issues, addictions or problems with social skills that they failed to notice during the church’s notoriously speedy decision-making process. Families staying together “forever” is a laudable goal, but a great majority of places outside of the state get closer to forever than Utah does.

KIMBALL SHINKOSKEY Woods Cross

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THE WATER COOLER

You’re mayor for a day. How do you make SLC better?

Mikey Saltas

I’d make downtown/Main Street pedestrian-only and break ground on a new MLB ballpark.

Scott Renshaw

I’d issue an executive order making me mayor for a full term. Is that cheating, like a “wishing for more wishes” thing? Or can I just claim the election was rigged and stay mayor forever?

Sofia Cifuentes

Since one day is too little for all the challenges that managing a city implies, I would focus on environmental problems and their alternatives

Wes Long

I’d commit the city to a more holistic and thorough approach to feeding, caring for and housing our homeless neighbors/friends. The economic root causes are not to be ignored, so this would naturally presage a change in how the city as a whole structures itself.

Benjamin Wood

I’d launch the Rio Grande Plan and Green Loop, while pushing UTA to expand the Free Fare Zone and high-frequency transit routes. I’d also push the City Council to abolish parking minimums, end single-family zoning and adopt a small-retail zoning overlay to boost neighborhood shops and eateries.

The X Man

Over a year ago, I pretty much abandoned Twitter. It’s “pretty much” since, as I’ve written, my fat thumbs somehow managed to create a new account at the same time as I deleted the old one.

Since I didn’t even know the credentials for the new me, I couldn’t delete it. So, like the town drunk who can’t quite leave the bar at closing time, I’ve found myself perusing Twitter to see what mess I left behind. And doing so makes me like the town drunk who takes up drinking beer instead of whiskey as a method of sobering up.

To be sure, Twitter has rebranded as “X” but, like all other marketing rebrands, I am yet to adopt the new naming. I still say “Mormon” in most references to my neighbors who outnumber me. I can credit or blame my pioneer-stock Mormon grandmother for that with one notable variation: she pronounced her fellow ward members as Marmons. I’ve never asked for a bourbon and New Coke. My F-10 was a Datsun, not a Nissan. Twitter will not be “X” for me.

I think I’ve been pretty good at not falling prey to Twitter (X) thus far, having tweeted (X’d?) a paltry few times (I just had one beer, honest) but have more often “liked” a tweet here and there. Yes, Lord, I’ve sinned.

Besides using the analogy of a drunk taken to sobering up in the worst of ways, I could’ve also said I’ve forsaken Coke for Diet Coke, or two scoops of ice cream for one. But not often being on Twitter (X) has helped me become more sensitive to the local culture here that would take umbrage at such notions because they’d feel I was mocking them. Nope, I’m mocking me.

Truth is, I wasn’t a very good citizen on Twitter. Like too many others, I fell into the trap of actually thinking

BY JOHN SALTAS @johnsaltas

that a lonely troll out there with 38 followers held some kind of societal sway, so I’d get all pissed off and type out a cheap and insulting reply that included hurling insults into the great ether of Twitter (X) nothingness. To nobody’s surprise, the troll did not—nor did anyone I ever interacted with—change their opinions about whatever it was that pissed me off. Meanwhile, I was left counting followers, likes and shares as some kind of measuring stick of my own status and cleverness.

At the end of the day, Twitter (X) was and is a fool’s game. Oh, enough of the name shaming—it’s Twitter, not X, and it was useful for a time. But in this era of people never having to be accountable for the lies they tell, Twitter was the great place to become an even better liar.

I’ve known lots of great liars, but in the days before Twitter, someone in some dark bar would kick the snot out of them before they could tell more lies. Twitter is mostly anonymous and removed from such in-your-face retribution. Indeed, Twitter is a safe haven for all liars and miscreants. Trying to find truth on Twitter is like trying to find the light aroma of a Calla Lily inside a barn full of farting cows.

Before going on too long about farts and cows, I must point out that not everyone or every item on Twitter is one of those or the other. As example, one of my former Twitter favorites—and a man whom I still secretly enjoy following on Twitter because I admire his truth and tenacity—is Kenny Akers (@keneakers).

If you are prone to thinking openly and honestly on any racial topic, Akers is the perfect follow. He never fails to prod one to consider new ideas and truths and is never shy about standing proudly for the accomplishments of Black citizens from any era.

I consider his voice to be one of the strongest against hate speech, and it’s comforting to know people like him

still exist. Because, after all, Twitter is doing all it can to erase the honest discussions that Akers avows.

What Akers is able to do is even more amazing because he is rooted here in Utah, surrounded by persons who were never even slightly educated about the issues he raises daily. His posts now garner the attention of free thinkers across an entire spectrum of geography, political parties and ethnicities.

He’s worked incredibly hard to not only keep his message on point, but to always hone the pointed end of his commentary. He has somehow managed to become on Twitter what Twitter should have always been: a place to grow, share and learn.

It’s trite, but it’s mostly true, too: Donald Trump made Twitter worse. He was the fartingest of all farting cows, he was rewarded for that and he opened the barn door to include more farting cows along the way. You know who they are—Reps. Jason Chaffetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert come quickly to mind, each a secondrate congressperson with first-rate ambition and each lacking the common courtesy of placing country (God, even) before party and personal ambition.

The ability to lie without consequence is freeing for some. But what if you’re a person living the lie of decorum and respect but who—like a pitied town drunk—cannot leave his affection for the gifted life of entitled jerk behind? You do what Sen. Mike Lee did.

A couple years back he rebranded under the alter ego Twitter handle of @basedmikelee, where he amazingly trades on the good name of “U.S. Senator” for that of a farting cow. Read the tweets of both Mike Lee and Based Mike Lee. Which is the man representing Utah? And which is the X? Either way, we’re paying too much for his based X nonsense. CW

Send comments to john@cityweekly.net

HITS & MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE | @kathybiele

HIT: Beehive Booze

Utah has special stores for special people who want to support a growing industry or, alternatively, just drink the hard stuff. And by “hard stuff,” we mean liquor, because by design it’s very hard to get it in Utah. Let’s call it God’s design—the Utah God, not the God in Ecclesiastes who said “Go, eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do.” You can now be joyful in Sandy where the DABS just opened a 14,000-square-foot store with a firstof-its-kind “Utah Proud” section for local products. Do you like Utah craft beer? There are 40 craft breweries in the state. How about High West, the first whiskey distillery in the state? Now there are 23 distilleries and 15 wineries operating here. God never said don’t drink. But he does want you to buy from the state and, of course, to drink responsibly. If only we could buy this in grocery stores.

MISS: Turn Up the Heat

Let’s just wait—that could be the message coming from the Ogden City Council, which may opt out of an agreement with the Utah Community Renewable Energy Agency. The goal is to commit to 100% net-zero electricity by 2030. Yes, Rocky Mountain Power is already headed there, but concerns are that it’s not fast enough, The Salt Lake Tribune reports. Ogden’s mayor is worried about the costs to citizens—in dollars, not lives. And if you listen to Fox News, as so many do, you will hear this: “Although certain parts of the U.S. have undoubtedly experienced strong heat waves this summer, there’s no reason to believe these weather events are evidence that the world is hurtling toward a climate change catastrophe.” This despite climate experts noting the hottest earth ever.

MISS: Over Qualifieds

It may have been an idea born of desperation—still, it was a bad idea if our counties wanted to be both professional and accountable. Utah County Clerk Aaron Davidson thought it would be a great idea to put the elections director under his protective wings and dispense with all those unnecessary qualifications required of merit system employees. He was hoping to change the job from a director to a “chief deputy” so he could appoint someone nice even if they didn’t meet job criteria, the Daily Herald reports. To be fair, the idea didn’t just pop up—two merit-system employees (one of whom was elections director) left their jobs recently. Davidson was hoping to name someone “competent” who could also be a “close confidante.” The idea, while made in a motion to the commission, died for lack of a second. Now Davidson may not be able to confide in the next elections director, but he also won’t be able to exert undue political pressure on a subordinate.

Debris

Ilive pretty close to the Jordan River Parkway, so I use it to get around a lot. Depending on the trip, that can mean anything from a two-block shortcut to the grocery store or the scenic route home from Top Golf.

At least once every couple of months, I like to ride FrontRunner down to Draper—and occasionally Lehi—and use the Jordan River Parkway to bike back to Salt Lake City. You can do a similar ride home from Ogden via a combination of rails and trails. And because everything drains into the Great Salt Lake, it’s mostly downhill from either direction.

There was recently a tragic death on that northern stretch of trail—between SLC and Ogden—in which a cyclist was killed by storm debris, a quintessential act of God. It’s tough to hear of any cyclist’s death, but this particular tragedy was made worse by a local media outlet cluelessly shaming a second cyclist for circumventing “trail closed” signage the next day, after the storm had passed. People hear “biker on trail” and they might picture the loop at Liberty Park or even the S-Line through Sugar House. “Bike somewhere else,” they might say, confused why someone would “brazenly” enter a closed space that’s proven to pose a hazard to others.

This particular trail—the Denver and Rio Grande Western Trail—is a former freight rail line. It’s a straight-shot pedal masher that, for miles at a time, is cut off from other access points and parallel routes. To ask a cyclist to go around is likely to ask them to go miles in the wrong direction, on their own power, along unsafe roads and with unsafe infrastructure … or they can try to step over a downed tree.

If it were me, the day after a death and with a “trail closed” sign in my face, I wouldn’t have even hesitated. I would have gone over the top with my bike to see the blockage for myself and, if it were massive, I’d have turned around. But if it were a minor-to-moderate blockage, I would have kept going, in brazen defiance of “the rules.” What’s more, I would have told my son, my wife and anyone else to do the same.

I’ve done exactly that on the Jordan River Parkway—like after an inland hurricane buried large segments of the trail in the fall of 2020 or the various times when a sudden construction gap leaves me in the urban equivalent of the middle of nowhere. I do it because it’s a choice between cycling in a space that feels like the loop at Liberty Park or a space that feels like Redwood Road … because the alternative very well could be miles of Redwood Road, or State Street, or State Route 193 in Clearfield, a five-lane surface highway with no bike lanes—the next-best option if the Rio Grande Trail is closed. CW

Fallen trees block the Jordan River Parkway Trail in 2020 following a storm with hurricane-force wind.

Comic-Book Movie Fails

Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba and Bruce Willis is that they ... well ... showed up. On the other hand, titular Dame to Kill For femme fatale Eva Green goes over-thetop-of-the-top while exercising what appears to be the maximum nudity clause in her contract.

A&E

BY BILL FROST COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET

Comic-book movies are currently experiencing a superhero-fatigue cycle of suck. DC’s Black Adam, Shazam! Fury of the Gods and The Flash were all hot garbage, and Marvel’s Doctor Strange In the Multiverse of Madness, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, and (oof) Morbius didn’t smell any better. Hey, it happens to the best of bloated media conglomerates, and this isn’t the first time. Check out these epic fails from comic-book cinema past.

The Spirit (2008; Peacock): Director Frank Miller copy-and-pasted the highcontrast style of 2005’s Sin City for his adaptation of Will Eisner’s classic comic strip The Spirit well enough, but he forgot a script. Ghostly Central City crimefighter The Spirit (Gabriel Macht) and a stacked cast of actors are left adrift in blackand-white nonsense with little else to do except look cool, but not all is lost: The sight of future Marvel Cinematic Universe partners Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson in Nazi supervillain regalia is almost worth it.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014; Pluto TV, Tubi): Having learned no lessons from The Spirit, Miller went back to the inkwell in 2014 with Sin City sequel A Dame to Kill For. The best that can be said for the performances of returning Sin City actors

Dick Tracy (1990; VOD): Warren Beatty’s Dick Tracy was supposed to be the box-office successor to 1989’s megahit Batman, right down to the Danny Elfman soundtrack and the aggressively obnoxious (even by today’s standards) McDonald’s merch tie-ins. There isn’t much below the hyper-colorful surface of Dick Tracy besides an overstuffed rogues’ gallery of bad guys, and the slim thread of hope that Madonna might finally learn to act (nope), but what a surface it is for a mere $57 million loss.

Elektra (2005; VOD): Someone actually looked at the half-assed production and whole-assed critical/commercial rejection of 2003’s Daredevil and thought, “We need a spinoff with that minor character we just killed—what’s her name? Shasta?” Hence we got Elektra, the most inessential follow-up since whichever Kardashian sister came after Kim. Star Jennifer Garner has the physicality, but none of the lonerassassin grit required here—and what’s with the “stealthy” neon-red bustier?

Howard the Duck (1986; Prime Video): Was Howard the Duck the first Marvel movie? It was definitely the first Marvel movie to get everything wrong. As a 1970s comic book, Howard the Duck was a denselywritten and lushly-illustrated psychological mind-effer that somehow infiltrated supermarket rack spinners. All the movie delivered was a dwarf in a cheap costume and roughly 578 duck-dick jokes at the expense of Lea Thompson. Thank Guardians of the Galaxy for semi-rehabbing Howard’s film image.

Batman & Robin (1997; Max): Bat nipples! Infamous “franchise killer” Batman & Robin had more going against it than visible goth nips, like stars George Clooney and Chris O’Donnell not being informed

that B&R was a full-tilt camp comedy, as Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma Thurman clearly were. Thurman in particular lives her best villainous life as Poison Ivy, playing to the cheap seats with purring glee. Meanwhile, Alicia Silverstone’s Batgirl is only here to fill out a pleather suit and a Taco Bell collector cup.

Catwoman (2004; Max): Some of the movies here benefit from another viewing years later, as in, “Oh, this isn’t as godawful as I remember.” Catwoman is not one of those movies—it’s actually more painful anytime you dare revisit it. Halle Berry licking up cat food on all fours and strutting around in a cat-eared S&M costume from Spirit Halloween between ludi-

crous fight (and pick-up basketball) scenes sounds like an entertaining mock-watch movie night, but don’t fall for it. At least there were no cat nipples.

The Punisher (2004; Peacock): If Jon Bernthal hadn’t nailed the character of Frank Castle/The Punisher so perfectly in the 2015–2019 Daredevil and The Punisher TV series, maybe the 2004 movie starring Thomas Jane would hold up better. But probably not. This is just a glum youkilled-my-family revenge slog featuring another ridiculous John Travolta villain (sorry, you can’t top Swordfish). Also, this Punisher would never inspire tough-guy window stickers on jacked-up Fords accessorized with Truck Nutz. CW

The current slate of subpar superhero movies is nothing new—Hollywood has been cranking out comic-book catastrophes for decades.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill

Ronald’s Little Factory

San Diego-based filmmaker

Brent Bokovoy took to heart the maxim of “write what you know” for his debut feature, and simplified his production by shooting in his own bedroom in the middle of the pandemic.

The result is Ronald’s Little Factory, a darkly comedic “Mormonsploitation” film about a teenager (Conner Scott) whose attempt to keep himself morally pure—translation: not touching himself—in the runup to departing on his LDS mission results in trapping himself handcuffed to his bedframe.

Imbuing his movie with a late-1980s horror aesthetic, Bokovoy—who was raised in the LDS church, but is no longer a member—took as his inspiration a 1976 antimasturbation General Conference talk by Boyd Packer for the film’s tonal mixture of humor and creepiness. “Most of [the talk] is things we can laugh about, euphemisms for masturbation,” Bokovoy says. “But near the end, he starts talking about the gay community, and condoning violence against them. That’s kind of the gut punch.”

Bokovoy notes that his challenges included not just finding creative ways to build a feature-length story out of his premise by introducing new characters at regular intervals, but also making sure his cast and crew understood the idea, since he was the only one among them familiar with LDS culture; “I had to explain it to them, the doctrine and the songs,” he says.

Ronald’s Little Factory screens at Brewvies Cinema Pub (677 S. 200 West) on Thursday, Aug. 3 at 7:15 p.m. The screening will also feature a Q&A with ex-Mormon sex therapist Natasha Helfer. Tickets are $10; visit allevents.in. (Scott Renshaw)

Park City Kimball Arts Festival

As the summer heat hits its peak, any opportunity to head up into the mountains is a good one. That’s one of the many reasons why the 53rd annual Park City Kimball Arts Festival is such an appealing tradition, bringing art, food, music and general merriment to the heart of Park City for a glorious open-air summer weekend.

The highlight, of course, is the chance to visit booths where you can check out the work of more than 200 jury-selected local, regional and national artists working in paint, mixed media, sculpture, wood, metal, jewelry and more. Two music stages host live performances in conjunction with Mountain Town Music, including singer/ songwriters and headliner bands like Pixie & the Partygrass Boys and Triggers & Slips. Visitors of all ages can try their own hand at artistic work at the Creatino Station. And then there’s the food, which includes not just the Food Truck Alley and Artisan Alley hosting local culinary artisans, but the many amazing restaurants that occupy Main Street throughout the year.

The 2023 Park City Kimball Arts Festival occupies Park City’s Historic Main Street Aug. 4 – 6, open Friday 5 – 9 p.m., Saturday 10 a.m. – 8 p.m., Sunday 10 a.m. – 6 p.m. Individual day tickets are $6 - $12, with weekend VIP passes $85 - $225 and free Friday admission for Summit County residents with registration; proceeds from the event support Kimball Art Center’s year-round arts programming. Free parking is available at Park City High School, with regular free shuttle service to Main Street. Visit kimballartsfestival.org for tickets and additional event information. (SR)

REBEKAH STEVENS

Ogden Pride

Thanks to its historical legacy as a railroad “crossroads of the west,” Ogden has always had a bit of its own distinctive vibe in this state. So it’s not surprising that the city celebrates its local LGBTQ+ community not during the traditional June Pride Month, but a couple of months later. So as long as there’s still plenty of need to give love and support to our queer siblings and friends, here’s yet another chance to celebrate the diversity of Utah, under the theme “The Future is Inclusive.”

Ogden Pride festivities kick off on Friday night with the Youth Pride Night & Dance, featuring young performers showing off their skills at singing, drag, magic and more, followed by a dance event until 10 p.m.; gates are 5 p.m., with the show starting at 5:30 p.m. On Saturday, Aug. 5, “The Inclusive Revolution: A Rock & Drag Affair” presents a centerpiece concert with great local talent and entertainers, including SheCock With a Vengeance and Ginger and the Gents; gates are 4 p.m., showtime 5 p.m. Then on Sunday, Aug. 6, join the fun for the main festival day, with two stages of live entertainment, food offerings and more than 120 vendors, kicking off with the opening rally at 11 a.m. and entertainment running until 8 p.m.

The 9th annual Ogden Pride Festival’s events take place at Ogden Amphitheater (343 E. 25th St.) Aug. 4 – 6. The Aug. 5 concert is $15 general admission, but other events— including the Sunday main festival—are free and open to the public. Visit ogdenpride.org for tickets and additional event information. (SR)

The Sandlot at The Sandlot

Utah has provided the filming locations for plenty of iconic movies over the years, including the Monument Valley settings of John Ford’s classic Westerns. But among the most beloved is the 1993 comedy The Sandlot, writer/director David Mickey Evans’ nostalgic tale of adolescent friends coming of age and bonding over playing baseball at a neighborhood field. That field can be found in Salt Lake City’s Glendale neighborhood—and for one night only, you can help celebrate the 30th anniversary of The Sandlot with a special screening of the film and fan event that will take place on that very spot.

The day-long anniversary event begins with VIP activities, before opening up to the general public. Several members of the original cast of the film—including Chauncey Leopardi (“Squints”) and Patrick Renna (“Ham”)—are scheduled to be in attendance at press time, and available to sign autographs. The cast members will also participate in a special prescreening Q&A about the experience of making the movie, before a screening of the film at dusk. For those who find themselves with a scheduling conflict on Saturday, cast members are also scheduled to attend the Salt Lake Bees game on Friday, Aug. 4, with admission including cast meet-and-greet.

The Sandlot 30th anniversary special event takes place on Saturday, Aug. 5, with the VIP event beginning at 2 p.m., gates open to general admission tickets at 4 p.m., and the movie beginning at 9:20 p.m. Tickets are $40 general admission, $125 VIP (including photo op, limited edition Sandlot baseball and more); visit eventbrite.com/e/the-sandlot-30th-reunionsalt-lake-city-tickets-666513569027 for tickets and additional event information. (SR)

So Close

The stage at Skyview High School was scuffed, worn and feeling very small. It was December 2017, and the school’s student government had promised everyone that if they met a certain donation goal during a charity event, each boy in the leadership group would either have his head shaved or legs waxed during an assembly. I had chosen the latter option.

After spreading wax all over my left leg, a fellow student waited several minutes to finish the job, giving the wax too much time to cool and harden. She pulled and pulled to no avail until I held up my arm to stop her. I was choking back tears.

I quickly learned the bathroom’s soap was no match for the sticky substance, so I drove home and continued the effort with a razor and bottle of industrial strength adhesive remover. I was a bloody mess when my father called my siblings and me into the living room.

“Mom is having a hard time letting go,” he said. “But I think if you guys told her ‘Goodbye,’ it would help.”

All of us had known this day was coming. I’d tried to convince myself it would never arrive, but it did, on that day, forever enmeshing the most painful memory of my life with the fun-loving antics of my high school class.

My mom was asleep when I walked in. There had always been one non-negotiable rule for me whenever I returned home at night: No matter what time it was, I had to wake her up and tell her I was OK.

This time was different. I knew it didn’t matter how loud I said her name or shook her shoulder—she was not going to stir. Still, I knew I could tell her I was all right. I’d been told she was likely aware of what was happening around her.

I wish I would’ve leaned in close, but I didn’t. There was a dreadful sort of comfort in the few feet I kept between us. “I love you,” I told her. “I’ll be OK. You can go if you need to, and we’ll be fine.”

I was lying.

We buried my mom five days before my 18th birthday. Though she’d been suffering for weeks, the pain didn’t feel like a bandaid getting ripped off—it felt like someone yanking at cooled wax, unable to pry it loose. I have yet to find anything that can provide true relief, and since her passing, I’ve suffered with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I never gave myself time to slow down and heal, so I never did.

In my grief, I’ve wondered if some small decision might have changed the trajectory of the disease that took my mom’s life. What if she hadn’t loved tanning? What if she’d grown up somewhere different? What if her relapse had been caught a little bit earlier?

By Brock Marchant comments@cityweekly.net

And what if we could have shifted the world’s timeline, just a bit—speeding up the development of cancer diagnostics and treatments?

In the 20 years before my mother died, the rate of cancer deaths in the United States fell by roughly 1% each year. But in the years to come, many physicians and researchers believe the mortality rate will fall faster and faster, and that even late-stage cancer diagnoses won’t be the death sentences they are today, or were yesterday.

Perhaps I was born too early for medicine to save my mom—but just in time to see how it might have.

Turning Points

The term “cancer,” in a broad sense, is misleading. That’s what I learned from Nathan Price, who received his bachelor’s degree in chemical engineering from Brigham Young University before going on to earn a master’s degree and doctorate in bioengineering. He’s now the chief science officer at Thorne HealthTech, a company seeking new treatments to myriad diseases.

“‘Cancers’ should basically always be used in the plural,” he told me. “Cancer is not a single thing. It’s a million things.”

Price recently co-authored a book titled The Age of Scientific Wellness about how developing technology will transform healthcare, making many chronic diseases a thing of the past. And treatment for cancers, he wrote in the book’s ninth chapter, is at a “turning point,” thanks to early detection, therapies that bolster individuals’ immune systems and vaccinations.

“We’re starting to shift from this notion that we don’t know what to do about cancers to we know what to do for some cancers, and it works really well,” he told me. “We have to now solve the problem that [treatment] is too expensive, and we’ve got to get costs down so we can apply it broadly, and we’ve got to make it applicable to more cancers.”

Price recognizes that not everyone shares his optimism. But not everyone has shared his personal experiences, either.

About midway into our conversation, Price started to mention his younger sister who had been diagnosed with stage-4 breast cancer at just 23 years old. Horrified that someone so close to my own age had been diagnosed with a disease similar to what killed my mother, I braced to apologize for his loss.

But my words didn’t quite get out before I realized he wasn’t talking about his sister in the past tense.

“She seems to have survived it …” he started saying.

My mind stalled for a moment. I’ve conditioned myself to hear the words “diagnosed,” “stage 4” and “breast cancer” and assumed the next word would be “died.” Though I knew no individuals’ cancers were the same, I quietly wondered how his sister’s cancer and its treatment were different from my mom’s.

As we spoke more, it became clear that their treatment was similar in several ways. For instance, my mom’s life likely would have been cut even shorter without Herceptin, an immunotherapy drug she was given in conjunction with her chemothera-

py treatments. I recognized the name of the treatment as soon as Price said it, though it wasn’t until after our conversation that I confirmed it had been a relatively consistent part of my mom’s treatment plan.

Because her breast cancer was HER2positive—meaning it contained extra copies of the gene that makes the HER2 protein— Herceptin was able to track that specific code and target the mutated cells. Still, as Price was sure to include, early detection continues to be a critical factor in the treatability of breast cancers.

“Once [the cancer] has metastasized,” Price said, “it’s really hard to put the genie back in the bottle.”

I’d once taken refuge in similar statements made by doctors. When I was 9, and my mom was first diagnosed with stage-2 cancer, I was constantly reassured by doctors and my parents that it had been caught early and was treatable. She would live, and—while no former cancer patient is ever entirely out of the woods—she would likely die of something entirely unrelated, perhaps something like a heart attack after seeing her favorite child make financially inadvisable career choices.

But when I was 12, about a year after her supposedly final round of chemo, my family learned early detection isn’t always a panacea. Though there had been no detectable cancers at the end of her treatment, it returned, and the genie was not only out of the bottle, it was in her bones, brain and liver.

Toward the end of our conversation, I asked Price where he thought breast cancers would be in 10 years, and then in 20 years.

“I do think the fatality is going to go down quite a lot. I’d like to see it at least cut in half in the decade,” Price said. “In 20 years, I think maybe we’ve really reduced cancers significantly.”

I suspected he was reticent to sound too overconfident while speaking on the record with a journalist. The internet has an unforgiving memory, and Price is still relatively young in his career.

I didn’t push him to speak more definitively, but with the new horizons of treatment options for various cancers fresh on my mind, I asked how much faster he thought things could progress if research was hypothetically unregulated and resources were hypothetically unlimited.

“We would be able to progress much faster,” Price said. “We’d find much quicker remedies.” But, we would also kill a lot of cancer patients in clinical trials.

Price told me of an experience he had interviewing for grad school when he met a man who had learned how to cure diabetes in a mouse. “I was like, ‘Wow, that’s amazing,’” he recalled. “[The man’s] immediate response was, ‘Everyone can cure diabetes in a mouse.’”

Cancer treatments are advancing—but not fast enough for yesterday’s patients.

Mice can be studied—sacrificed, even— for the sake of research and knowledge. Understandably, we are much more careful experimenting with new drugs on people.

“As a society, we’ve basically made the bargain that we’re going to live with slower uptake in medicine to try to avoid those really explicit harms coming from the overspeed in the medical field,” Price said. “Those get to be thorny issues.”

He mentioned the creation of COVID-19 vaccinations—which, according to one recent study, prevented more than 18.5 million U.S. hospitalizations and 3.2 million deaths, and saved the country $1.15 trillion—as a recent example of how quickly medical solutions can be presented to the public when there is a dire and immediate need. “That was one where the negative of not advancing something quickly was very obviously seen and taken into account,” Price said.

Unlike COVID, cancers take their victims over time, spread out over periods of years, and thus the disease is perceived as less of an immediate threat to large numbers of human lives than a fast-moving pandemic, making cost-benefit analysis of quickly moving trials much more complicated.

And so, we continue on slow and steady, and consider 20 years “fast” and 10 years “immediate” in terms of developing effective treatments.

But Price still seemed to think that, through one field of study or another, monumental advancements in the treatment of late-stage cancers were coming soon.

Shoulda, Woulda Cured-ya

Irving Weissman, M.D., had resigned as director of Stanford University’s Institute of Stem Cell Biology and Regenerative Medicine about a year before I spoke to him. When I learned why, I nearly spit out my drink.

Weissman had left his appointment to further explore results from an experiment he conducted more than 20 years earlier that pointed to a possible—and, he believed, even likely—cure for cancer.

According to a Stanford article describing

his formative years, Weissman’s first dive into the world of scientific research was under the supervision of Ernst Eichwald, M.D., a University of Utah alumnus and professor who was a trailblazer in transplant research. According to a quote from Weissman in the Stanford article, Eichwald was also a hard-to-understand scientist who, after being recruited from the U to Montana Deaconess Hospital, was willing to let high schoolers help him in his research lab.

It was the lessons he learned from Eichwald that helped Weissman develop research skills of his own, he said. And though Weissman said he was never in the top of his class during his time as a student, he graduated from Stanford’s medical school in 1965. In the late ’90s, he took part in a pilot-experiment with results that he found to be extremely promising.

“We had isolated blood-forming stem cells, and we showed it depletes any cancer, including breast cancer, on the order of 250,000-fold,” he said. “So if there were breast cancer cells in the mobilized blood, we could purify them away from almost all or all cancer cells.”

When patients were receiving intense chemotherapy treatment, Price explained, they could also be given those blood-forming stem cells rather than unfiltered, cancerous blood.

Weissman and his colleagues had begun an experiment to test the efficacy of the method but, around the same time, a few key principles in the treatment of metastatic breast cancers changed, and oncologists working with metastatic breast cancer patients began looking to improve the quality of life for patients rather than curing them completely. Concurrently, the company providing funding for Weissman’s experiment was purchased by Novartis, a giant in the pharmaceutical sector, which then cut funding to the experiment about three years after it began.

Weissman said he again attempted and failed to secure funding to conduct the experiment. Then, in 2012, the results of the initial study were published.

Author Brock Marchant, right, in his teen years, with his mother and brother at a scouting event.

COURTESY PHOTO

Out of the women who were treated with the usual methods, half had died within two years. And after 10 years, all were either dead or in active, ongoing cancer treatment.

But the group of women who were treated with bloodforming stem cells saw dramatically different results. “Half of them were dead in 10 years instead of two,” Weissman said. “One-third are alive [today] without disease.”

Weissman said that he’s currently meeting with interested parties to replicate the experiment and make the treatment more affordable.

“By the end of the year, if we’re lucky, we’ll be at the FDA to go ahead and do it again,” he said.

I asked him where he thinks we would be had he continued to receive funding for the experiment in its initial attempt. Weissman didn’t even pause to consider the question, saying it could have radically shifted the trajectory of cancer treatments.

“We cured a third,” he said, “and the rest were slower to get their cancer back.”

I wanted to push the matter further. Could my mom still be alive if the funding, resources and timing had all fallen into place for Weissman’s vein of research?

Instead, I held my tongue. I’m not sure I was ready for the answer I expected he would have given.

Buying Time

I didn’t think Saundra Buys, M.D., would even answer my email. After all, it had been five years since she treated my mom for cancers, and I knew that Buys, the University of Utah’s oncology division chief, was extraordinarily busy. To my surprise, she found time to talk within the week.

Not only did Buys remember me and my mom, she also asked about my family, how things had gone since my dad remarried and how everyone was doing in general. It was this personability and care that had made my mom so comfortable turning to her for treatment.

After catching up, we got into the reason for the call—I asked her if there had been any developments in the treatment of breast cancers since my mom died.

No, Buys said, not really.

“For most cancers that we have successful treatments for, there’s been a moment where things just dramatically changed,” Buys said. “For example in the ’60s, the development of chemotherapy for Hodgkin’s disease. It turned this from always fatal into a generally curable disease.”

Buys identified similar advances in the treatment of breast cancers: the identification of hormonal therapy; dis-

covering that administering chemotherapy to patients with early-stage disease reduced the chance of later reappearance; the creation of HER2+ targeting drugs; and the utilization of genomic profiling in determining the necessary intensity of treatment.

But all of that had happened before my mom’s diagnosis and death. The advancements that have come along since then, Buys said, were “just a little fine-tuning.”

“None of them are earth-shaking, they’re all just kind of increasing, incrementally, the likelihood that somebody will either not have metastatic cancer or will live longer if they do,” she said.

After the cancer’s return, Buys said, there were a few minor changes that might have been made to my mother’s treatment, but nothing radical. Perhaps she would have prescribed an accompanying drug with Herceptin, and she likely would have used a different kind of chemotherapy to treat the brain.

“We would’ve had a few more treatment options. We still wouldn’t have anything that would cure this cancer,” she said. “But we have things that could have bought some more time.”

Those words stayed with me for a long time after our conversation. While “some more time” for just one patient might mean little at a societal level, I couldn’t help but think about how much that time would’ve meant to me and my family.

Another Christmas? Another birthday? Maybe my sister’s wedding? Maybe mine? “Some more time” means a lot when somebody you love is dead.

Looking toward the future, Buys seems to set her expectations for a lot more disappointments than miracles. And who can blame her? When my mom first walked into her office, Buys made her feel more important than just another patient and more significant than a medical chart or a diagnosis. She made my mom her friend.

But in a span of 10 years, that friend moved from a walker to a wheelchair to a deathbed. How many friends can a doctor lose before becoming skeptical?

“I think there are really great things coming but, Brock, I’ve been hearing the same thing for the 40 years I’ve been in oncology, so I guess I’m a little less rosy about it. I think my best guess is we’re going to be making incremental benefits and then, in some diseases, we’ll make gigantic benefits,” she said. “I don’t think there’s likely to be an overall, ‘Wow, this is the answer to all cancer.’”

Later on, I wondered how she might have responded if

“We still wouldn’t have anything that would cure [stage-4 breast] cancer. But we have things that could have bought some more time.”

we cut out the obvious fact that development happens incrementally and just spoke in terms of decades of research development. What will the prospects be for someone diagnosed with my mother’s kind of cancers 10 years from now? What about 20 years from now?

Alas, I didn’t ask. And I suppose I could have called her to follow up with those questions, but I didn’t. I tried to convince myself it wasn’t worth it to bother her again. Deep down, I wonder if I was again scared of what someone familiar with the field might say.

What If

My mom started a blog after her second diagnosis. It’s still online—just an internet search away—and on the days I miss her the most, I find myself reading her words.

Her final entry was titled “My Bucket List,” and detailed an experience she had attending a meeting with a typical get-to-know-each-other game. She recalls being asked about hobbies, favorite foods and items on her “bucket list,” the things she’d like to do before she died.

“I hadn’t thought about it too much. My first reaction was I want to go to Hawaii with my family,” she wrote, mentioning a recent trip she had taken with her mother and sister. “I knew that I wanted to see [my husband] Paul’s and my children’s faces as they watched the beautiful sunsets while playing in the ocean.”

My mother continued to share her hopes for the future beyond a tropical vacation with her family.

“I am thankful for that gift I’ve been given,” my mom wrote. “I want to watch them when their eyes sparkle when all their dreams come true. I am going to keep the hope of seeing their faces as the sun sets across the sparkling blue ocean and waves wash in with the tide.”

I can’t change the past, no more than I can speed up the future. But I suspect strongly, now, that there have been points in time in which we could have made greater headway against the cancer that killed my mom and that we are potentially on the cusp of more such moments in the fight to help more people survive cancers.

We were so close to making it to that beach. CW

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or mental health matters, call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Brock Marchant hails from Cache County and studied journalism at Utah State University. He works as a staff writer for The Park Record and formerly wrote for The Herald Journal.

Brock Marchant, second from right, with his father and siblings at his mother’s funeral.

—Saundra Buys, M.D.

COURTESY PHOTO COURTESY PHOTO

Hot Weather, Hot Wings

Looking for a way to make it even hotter outside? Then look no further than these local Buffalo wing joints.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

That clip of actress Jennifer Lawrence’s sheer panic as she dives into the spicier end of the Buffalo wings spectrum on Hot Ones has become one of my favorite Internet moments of 2023. It prompted me to go back and watch some classic back episodes of the talk show that combines hot questions with hot wings, and the show’s format never fails to amuse me.

It also has the unexpected side effect of making me crave chicken wings in a big way. This effect was not lost on my wife who was watching the show with me, so we decided to check up on Utah’s wing scene to see who’s bringing the heat on the local level.

Trolley Wing Company (Multiple locations, trolleywingco.com): Trolley Wing Company is probably the most consistent local spot for chicken wings. Wings are all they do, they’ve got a plethora of sauces that range from mild to atomic, and this is one of the only places nearby where one can attempt an insane hot wings challenge. I also like that Trolley Wing Company has vegan wings for our plantbased diners who crave the spectacle of hot wings. Fans of boneless wings—otherwise known as chicken strips—will be

out of luck here, as bone-in is the only way to go. Where the sauce menus at most places are bound by their heat levels, Trolley Wing Company lets you pick your sauce flavors and then decide on how hot you want them to be. On top of this, their wings always have plenty of meat that pulls delightfully from the bone, and they’re cooked up to order so you’re not getting any of that frozen garbage.

I believe Trolley Wing Company’s atomic heat level is quite adequate for hardcore fans of spicy food. I’ve never attempted their hot wings challenge, because it uses the words “flaming,” “hot” and “enema” in sequential order, and it requires a legal waiver. I can, however, vouch for their atomic heat levels, which will put a nice fire in your hole all the same. For fans of traditional wings and those looking to court danger with their heat levels, Trolley Wing Company provides all the quality and consistency you need.

Wing Nutz (Multiple locations, mywingnutz.com): If you’re after a sports-bar vibe and don’t really want to go as extreme as Buffalo Wild Wings—which will not be showing up elsewhere on this list, since it’s like the Cheesecake Factory of hot wings joints—Wing Nutz is a great spot to hang out. Their wings (and a lot of their sides) are baked instead of fried, which has always been an interesting take on wings. I’ve had baked wings that really dry out in the process, but Wing Nutz does a nice job of locking in those tasty meat juices to keep things flavorful, which I suppose is the magic of bone-in wings altogether.

The meat-to-bone ratio at Wing Nutz is what you’d want from your hot wings— their wings have a good bit to chew, which is always a plus. If you want to try something a bit different, you can get some “hog wings,” which are little pork spare rib nuggets that can be tossed in

any of the restaurant’s signature sauces.

Speaking of which, I really like the variety of sauces on parade here. It’s one of the few places that offers a Carolina mustard sauce, which nicely captures the vinegary acid of good Carolina barbecue. On my most recent visit, I did have to note that their spicier sauces didn’t quite debilitate me as much as I was hoping for. But maybe that’s a good thing for those who want a little bit more kick without having to suss it out with their gut later.

Zulu Piri Piri Chicken Grille (Multiple locations, zulugrille.com): I wouldn’t necessarily call Zulu Grille a “wings place,” but hear me out. I was once brave enough to order an entrée from Zulu “Africa hot,” which is their apex heat level. Despite their warnings, I was naïve enough to follow through with my order, and it remains one of the spiciest things I have ever eaten. So, it logically made sense for me to try their chicken wings at that level as I was conceptualizing this roundup.

As it turns out, getting something served “Africa hot” is still something that isn’t afraid to make you pay for your sins. I think I have a pretty high tolerance for spicy food; I don’t necessarily go in for spicy food challenges because I’m no good under pressure, but when I have time to smolder, I usually can hang with the heat. While I am proud to say that I finished the six wings that come in an order from Zulu, it was definitely a painful experience. I’m not going to say that they’re the spiciest wings in town, but I have yet to experience something that burns so good. This place is a must for wings fans who are trying to get off the beaten path and try something unexpected.

Feel free to hit me up on social media if you’ve got any spicy (or plain tasty) wing recommendations. And good luck to those brave enough to attempt the hot wing challenge at Trolley Wing Company. CW

COURTESY PHOTO

Trolley Wing Company

Co.

320 W. 800 South, SLC FisherBeer.com

On Tap: A rotation of up to 17 Fresh Beers!

Grid City Beer Works

333 W. 2100 South, SLC GridCityBeerWorks.com

On Tap: Cask Nitro CO2

Helper Beer

159 N Main Street, Helper, UT helperbeer.com

Hopkins Brewing Co.

1048 E. 2100 South, SLC HopkinsBrewingCompany.com

On Tap: Krispie the Kid - Rice Lager

Kiitos Brewing

608 W. 700 South, SLC KiitosBrewing.com

Level Crossing Brewing Co. 2496 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake LevelCrossingBrewing.com

On Tap: You-Tah Coffee Uncommon

Level Crossing Brewing Co., POST 550 So. 300 West #100, SLC LevelCrossingBrewing.com

On Tap: Kolsch

Moab Brewing 686 S. Main, Moab TheMoabBrewery.com

On Tap: Golden Sproket Wit

Mountain West Cider 425 N. 400 West, SLC MountainWestCider.com

On Tap: Tropical Crush–POG–Passionfruit, Orange & Guava!

Offset Bier Co 1755 Bonanza Dr Unit C, Park City offsetbier.com/

On Tap: DOPO IPA

Ogden Beer Company 358 Park Blvd, Ogden OgdenRiverBrewing.com

On Tap: Injector Hazy IPA

Policy Kings Brewery 223 N. 100 West, Cedar City PolicyKingsBrewery.com

Prodigy Brewing 25 W Center St. Logan Prodigy-brewing.com

On Tap: Tranquili-Tea HefeweizenEpic Collaboration

Proper Brewing 857 S. Main, SLC

ProperBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Whispers from Krakatoa - Helles Lager with Habanero and Mango

Proper Burger: Sour RangerBlackberry and Lemon Sour

Proper Brewing Moab 1393 US-191 Moab, Utah 84532

On Tap: Angus McCloud- Scottish Ale

Red Rock Brewing 254 So. 200 West RedRockBrewing.com

On Tap: Gypsy Scratch

Red Rock Fashion Place 6227 So. State Redrockbrewing.com

On Tap: Munich Dunkel

Red Rock Kimball Junction

Redrockbrewing.com

1640 Redstone Center

On Tap: Bamberg Rauch Bier

RoHa Brewing Project 30 Kensington Ave, SLC RoHaBrewing.com

On Tap: Lone Ranger Mexican Lager

Roosters Brewing Multiple Locations RoostersBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Identity Crisis Session West Coast Hazy Cold IPA – the name says it all!

SaltFire Brewing 2199 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake SaltFireBrewing.com

On Tap: Deep Dive Series: Juicy Pale Ale

Salt Flats Brewing 2020 Industrial Circle, SLC SaltFlatsBeer.com

On Tap: Kiss Whoever You WantPride Month IPL

Scion Cider Bar 916 Jefferson St W, SLC Scionciderbar.com

On Tap: Scion Strangler (Strawberry Mango) - 7.1% ABV

Second Summit Cider 4010 So. Main, Millcreek https://secondsummitcider.com

Shades Brewing 154 W. Utopia Ave, South Salt Lake ShadesBrewing.beer

On Tap: Hellion Huckelberry

Sour Ale

Live Music: Thursdays

Shades On State 366 S. State Street SLC Shadesonstate.com

On Tap: Hellion Blond Ale, an ode to Ellie, manager at Shades on State Karaoke: Wednesdays

Silver Reef 4391 S. Enterprise Drive, St. George StGeorgeBev.com

Squatters Pub Brewery / Salt Lake Brewing Co. 147 W. Broadway, SLC saltlakebrewingco.com/squatters

On Tap: Thorny Pucker Raspberry Sour

Squatters and Wasatch Brewery 1763 So 300 West SLC UT 84115 Utahbeers.com

On Tap: Squatters & Kiitos Collab: Ginger Rye Lime Sour, 5% Strap Tank Brewery, Lehi 3661 Outlet Pkwy, Lehi, UT StrapTankBrewery.com

On Tap: Spirit World Saison - Grid City Collaboration Sour Saison/ Wine Hybrid Strap Tank Brewery, Springville 596 S 1750 W, Springville, UT StrapTankBrewery.com

On Tap: Spirit World Saison - Grid City Collaboration Sour Saison/ Wine Hybrid Stratford Proper 1588 Stratford Ave., SLC stratfordproper.com

On Tap: Yacht Rock Juice BoxJuicy IPA

TF Brewing 936 S. 300 West, SLC TFBrewing.com

On Tap: Noční Czech Dark Lager (NABA ‘23 Silver Medal Winner)

Talisman Brewing Co. 1258 Gibson Ave, Ogden

A list of what local craft breweries and cider houses have on tap this week

BEER NERD

BEER + PIZZA = <3

SUN-THU: 11am - 10pm • FRI-SAT: 11am - 11pm

Berry Delicious

Two new beers rely on berries for their power.

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

Templin Family - Zinfandel Barrel

Aged Grisette (2023): This new beer/ wine hybrid from the Templin Family Brewery was fermented with pinot noir grapes, strawberries, Bulgarian rose petals, and aged in Zinfandel barrels

You may also notice that it presented in a clear 750 milliliter bottle.

It has a fairly translucent red/pink hue that is inviting like a rosé, and pours with absolutely no head to speak of. It tastes very much like wine. The aromas and flavors here are fantastic: Old World champagne, hay, clover honey, slate and minerals, and all in a really clean and close-to-dry brew, with a light but flavorful pale malt base and the grape influence running all the way through it.

Fermented with pinot noir juice, it brings the essence of the grape, a wonderful hybrid that delivers all the sweet and tangy fruit one could hope for, but also has a really complex yeast profile, a rich new oak mellowness and a light honey sweetness running through it. I really like the light acidity of the fruit, which gives this a wine-like feel to match the flavor, and I appreciate how mature and prominent the barrel is. It’s all wrapped up in oak and fruity in its own right; peach and apricot come to mind, insanely compatible with these grapes. The oak unites the beer well, and everything hangs in a cool balance.

]Verdict: This is expert stuff, one of the better wine-forward beers I have had. It comes across cleaner and spritzy-er than a brett beer, with plenty of citrus notes throughout the taste and mouthfeel. I’m not the foremost expert on pinot grapes, but this identifies as pinot grape to me. You get a healthy

dose of wine, with the light French oak touch amplifying the white wine aspect. I can’t get enough from these guys right now, because everything is so on point, and this is among their best offerings to date.

Grid City - (Sentence Series) Blueberry, Coffee, Bourbon Vanilla Infused Nitro Honey Cream Ale: The aptly named series of nitro beers has a new addition this week. The beer’s appearance is heavily influenced by the blueberry, adding a nice purple tone with its thick nitro foam riding atop. The coffee is quite prominent in the nose; the blend from Old Cuss is medium to light roast, with some blueberry notes coming in the background.

Upon first sip, this is a 180-degree flip from the aroma. Now the blueberry takes center stage, adding a big dose of tart berries. You can tell it’s real berries and not just flavoring—round and seemingly accentuated by the nitrogen conditioning (which is perfect). A light roasty vibe starts coming through next, with an earthy richness that adds a lot to the relatively straightforward blonde-based brew. The base beer’s honey doesn’t add much, nor does the added vanilla bean; if it was an attempt to balance any coffee bitterness, they overshot it some. Just when I thought the coffee was done for, it makes a triumphant return towards the end of the brew, offering some of the richness that was so prominent in the aroma. Fortunately, I like the berry flavor, and I like it with coffee, so it works here. It’s not just generic malt sweetness, and that’s what saves it.

Verdict: I was pretty stoked about this, definitely one of the better blueberry beers I have had in a long time. It’s definitely something a little different in the style, and very well-executed.

Zinfandel Barrel Aged Grisette comes in at a very approachable 5.7 percent ABV, and is only available at TF. Grid City’s Blueberry, Coffee, Bourbon Vanilla Infused Nitro Honey Cream Ale is exclusive to their place as well, and is only on the nitro tap. As always, cheers! CW

MIKE RIEDEL

MIKE RIEDEL

2496 S. WEST TEMPLE, SLC LEVELCROSSINGBREWING.COM @LEVELCROSSINGBREWING

BACK BURNER

BY ALEX SPRINGER | @captainspringer

Gozney’s Secret Supper Club Tickets On Sale

Pizza-oven manufacturer Gozney has included Utah as one of the stops on its Secret Supper Club tour, and tickets recently went on sale. The event consists of a pop-up restaurant hosted by chef, forager and YouTube personality Brad Leone that will take place at an undisclosed location here in Utah—don’t worry, they’ll let you know where it is a week before the event. Leone is perhaps best known for his video series It’s Alive with Brad produced by Bon Apetit, and is a well-known proponent of foraging and sustainability. Tickets to the event can be purchased via Gozney’s website (us.gozney.com), and it will take place on Aug. 25 at 6 p.m.

11th Annual Pacific Islander Month Kickoff

Governor Gary Herbert declared August Utah Pacific Island Heritage Month back in 2012, and this party in Kearns is where to get things started. For the past decade, the Pacific Island Knowledge 2 Action Resources (PIK2AR) organization has made sure to give this month a proper introduction. This event features plenty of music, art, performances, shopping, education and no shortage of tasty food. It’s an excellent way to learn more about the Pacific Islander communities here in Utah while enjoying a night out with friends and family. This kickoff event takes place at Lodestone Park (6252 W. 6200 South) on Aug. 5 from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m.

Fillings and Emulsions Cubano Unveiled

Chef Adalberto Diaz and his team at Fillings and Emulsions recently announced plans to add a Cubano sandwich to their menu, and I can’t wait to check this out. In my book, the Cubano is the undisputed king of all sandwiches, and if this sandwich is even half as tasty as the Cubano meat pie that has been a regular fixture on their menu, we’re all in for a treat. Those unfamiliar with the Cubano’s construction should be aware that this is a ham and roast pork sandwich with plenty of pickle, mustard and melty cheese. There are few things more beautiful than this sandwich, and just thinking about Chef Diaz’s interpretation has me drooling.

Quote of the Week: “I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.” –Homer Simpson

Misfit Misadventures

Three new releases deal with oddballs looking for normalcy.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: MUTANT MAYHEM BBB

The original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic book by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird was a mix of artistic creativity and elements cribbed from popular 1980s comics, so it’s fitting to see this latest extension of the franchise follow that paradigm. It’s another origin story of sorts, exploring how the four anthropomorphic, ninjutsu-trained turtles—Leonardo (Nicolas Cantu), Raphael (Brady Noon), Donatello (Micah Abbey) and Michelangelo (Shamon Brown Jr.)—came to be, and their quest to emerge from the sewers and find acceptance in the human world. That goal sets them against another mutated creature, Superfly (Ice Cube), and the conflicting attitudes about dealing with normal humans between Superfly and the turtles’ father/mentor Splinter (Jackie Chan) is more than slightly reminiscent of that between X-Men’s Professor Xavier and Magneto. Fortunately, there’s considerably more imagination in the animation style overseen by director Jeff Rowe (The Mitchells vs. the Machines), which mixes CGI with an almost stop-motion-like character design, plus a lo-fi aesthetic—complete with explosions rendered like hand-drawn curlicues—that feels just right for something inspired by a DIY comic. The script by Rowe, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg keeps the referential goofiness at an unobtrusive level, allowing for a kid-friendly adventure that keeps its nostalgia focused not on the dopey pop-culture incarnations of the 1990s, but on the OG material of the 1980s. Available Aug. 2 in theaters. (PG)

AFIRE

BBB

For most of the past decade, Christian Petzold has created movies designed to make us feel uneasy; so what does it look like when he decides to make a fairly straightforward character study build around that time-honored trope, The Portrait of the Artist as a Complete Asshole? The fellow in question is

Leon (Thomas Schubert), a writer who has come to the Baltic Sea beach house of his friend Felix (Langston Uibel) to finish his latest novel. But they discover that Felix’s mom has double-booked the house with another guest, Nadja (Paula Beer), sending Leon into a spiral of anxiety, amplified by nearby forest fires. For approximately the first 90 minutes, Petzold and his cast build a story that’s low-key terrifically entertaining, with Schubert’s performance wonderfully evoking Leon’s fragile ego and constant state of agitation, emphasized by a sound design that turns up the sound of insects buzzing around the house. It’s on the way to being an absolute knockout—until some of the third-act plot developments make it feel like kind of a desperate attempt to redeem Leon and give him a happy ending. Another viewing may suggest Petzold is playing ironically with those ideas, and that he’s offering the kind of ambiguous ending he generally favors. It just feels like Afire is much better when Leon is a mess than when Petzold is trying to tidy him up. Available Aug. 4 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (NR)

SHORTCOMINGS BBB

The “character study of a young screw-up” has been a Sundance staple for years, but fortunately this one provides enough of a unique cultural context—along with terrific first-time feature-directing work by veteran actor Randall Park—to make it feel fresh. Justin H. Min plays Ben Tagawa, a film school dropout managing a Northern California repertory theater and floundering as much in his relationship with his girlfriend Miko (Ally Maki) as in his professional life. When Miko abruptly decamps to New York for an internship and a “break” from their relationship, Ben has the opportunity to take a hard look at himself, if he chooses to do so. Adrian Tomine adapts his own graphic novel with a playful look at ideas like fetishized sexual attractions and what kind of “representation” in media is good enough, rarely feeling like he’s stopping to deliver a lecture. Park also finds just the right visual style for the story, employing simple compositions but using unexpected hard edits as a perfect way to heighten a punch line. There are moments when Shortcomings feels a bit too enamored with its own cleverness—like giving Jacob Batalón’s character a reference to the current Spider-Man franchise of which he’s a part—and an episodic nature that’s bound to feel somewhat slight. But the cast is appealing enough to carry over the rough patches and find humorous bits of wisdom, like the destinedto-be-classic nugget from Ben’s best pal Alice (Sherry Cola), “Just because I’m a hypocrite doesn’t mean I’m wrong.” Available Aug. 4 in theaters. (R) CW

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Canned Wine, Anyone?

Singer/songwriter Emily Hicks returns to music with a paean to her favorite beverage.

BY EMILEE ATKINSON eatkinson@cityweekly.net @emileelovesvinyl

Different music genres have their own tropes—none quite like country music, though. It’s easy to find songs about a man lamenting lost love and healing the pain with beer, and probably a few shots of whiskey as well. Tired of hearing the countless songs in country music about beer, SLC singer/songwriter Emily Hicks decided to write her own anthem about a different type of libation: canned wine.

“I’m constantly bombarded with songs about beer, but I’ve never liked the taste,” Hicks said. “I just drink a lot of canned wine instead, and it deserves a moment in the spotlight.”

As we steadily drift through summer and the weather gets hotter and hotter, we still need songs perfect for those fun evenings. “Canned Wine” is a perfect addition to any summer playlist. “I wanted the final song to feel like you are hanging out with your best friends by the pool, having a great time, and I think we accomplished that,” Hicks said.

The song did turn out to be a fun, summery track but it’s not as if Hicks went into the studio expecting to put something like this together. “It came out really fast, like an hour and a half, and it was epic,” she explained.

Once it was written, Hicks put it in her regular rotation at live shows, and it quickly became a favorite. “I started playing it just for fun, throwing it into my sets,

MUSIC

because it’s different. I’m a lot about love songs, and that’s the one people remember. They think it’s funny,” she said.

The song starts with a soft, twangy guitar before Hicks’ soft yet cheerful vocals come in. “It’s Wine Wednesday / Breaking out the sweet rosé / Let the bubbles just take me away,” she sings. “I’ll be floating like it’s Saturday / Don’t need a glass / All I do is pop a tab / It’s an unofficial holiday.”

Of course, if you do like beer, don’t take offense—that’s just fine, too. “Beer’s fine / But I’m feeling fancy tonight,” Hicks sings in the chorus.

The summer tune is an Americana/ folk/country jam that lets you fall into the comforting embrace of string instruments and a laid-back feel. If that’s not your vibe, a dance remix version of the song was also released for all of your high-energy dancing needs.

“Canned Wine” doesn’t just represent a fun and inviting way for Hicks to interact with fans; it also marks a return to music for the singer/songwriter. “I haven’t released new music in two years,” she explained. “It’s been two years of learning and growing. Getting my business set, songwriting,

playing a lot of gigs, but mostly just for money, not really for my art.”

Hicks thought that “Canned Wine” would be the perfect song to make a comeback, something that would grab people’s attention. The release of this song is an exciting precursor for what’s to come—an entire album of songs, new and old, that Hicks gets to share with listeners.

That includes a few that she thought she would never release. “Most of these songs are older songs I wrote before, that deserve to see the light of day, that I’m polishing up and have been ready for so long to release,” she said. “I’ve already started writing for the next album. That’s what I’m doing now.”

Before we start looking too far into the future with Hicks’ next album, another single— “Breathe”—releases everywhere Aug. 18. Less cheerful but equally as intriguing as “Canned Wine,” “Breathe” is a song that delves deep into the struggle of living with depression and anxiety on a daily basis. Featuring just Hicks and an acoustic guitar, this new track is a beautiful and relatable journey that will make you feel a little bit less alone if you grapple

with these feelings.

As Hicks continues to put out new music, she looks forward to fully introducing herself to those who have been hearing her live all this time, and those who haven’t discovered her music yet. “I’m just excited to be able to reintroduce myself a little bit. I’ve been playing these songs for years now, and I’m really excited to, first of all, hear them produced in their full glory, and just being able to say, ‘Hey, I’m back, and this is who I am,’ with this album.”

There’s no definite date set for the full album release just yet, but that just gives you more time to spend with the singles that are out right now. “Canned Wine” is perfect for any get-together out in the hot summer sun, while “Breathe” is a great track to put on when you need to do just that—breathe.

Hicks will continue to deliver her brand of narrative-driven, relatable acoustic tracks that listeners can fall into and enjoy. In the meantime, kick back, grab a can of wine, and enjoy those summer vibes while they last. CW EMILYHICKSMUSIC.COM

BEEHIVE PHOTOGRAPHY

THURSDAYS

FRIDAYS DJ FRESH(NESS)

SATURDAYS POKER @ 2PM DJ DELMAGGIO

SHARK SUNDAYS POOL TOURNEY HOSTED BY JARED AND TANNER

MONDAYS REGGAE MONDAY WITH DJ NAPO

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS KARAOKE

By Emilee Atkinson

String Cheese Incident

The String Cheese Incident @ Sandy Amphitheater 8/3

The String Cheese Incident belongs to that particular breed of multi-talented musicians that took initial inspiration from bluegrass, but used their stunning instrumental prowess to morph into more of a jam band sound. Based in Colorado, the band’s line-up consists of Michael King (acoustic and electric mandolin, electric guitar and violin), Michael Travis (drums and percussion), Bill Nershi (acoustic guitar, lap steel and slide guitar), Kyle Hollingsworth (keyboards and accordion), Keith Moseley (bass) and Jason Hann (percussion). Over the years, the group has expanded their musical template to also include country, funk, jazz, electronica, reggae and psychedelia, making for a varied melodic palette, a populist reputation and ongoing interest from their dedicated devotees. In addition to releasing a like number of live and studio albums, they’ve made regular appearances at several major festivals, including Bonnaroo, Delfest and the Rothbury Festival in Rothbury Michigan. Now, after a six-year recording hiatus, they’re prepping a new offering later this year, tellingly-titled Lend Me A Hand. As for the origins of their handle, it supposedly pertains to a certain restaurant that had jack cheese, beans and salsa scattered all about the premises. With that disruptive image firmly in mind, they believed the name String Cheese Incident might also be an appropriate reference to the fact that all the musicians are adept at playing stringed instruments. What the heck… we find it kooky but catchy. The String Cheese Incident performs at 6:15 p.m. on Thursday, Aug. 3 at Sandy Amphitheater. Tickets cost $54 - $69; visit ticketmaster.com (Lee Zimmerman)

MUSIC PICK S

By Emilee Atkinson

Boygenius @ Library Square 8/3

There’s a lot to be excited about when a new band comes onto the scene, but there’s something extra-special about a supergroup. Well-loved clever minds coming together to create a new musical love child is just exciting. Boygenius completely took the world by storm at the start of this year with their debut album the record, and have been on a thrilling tour all summer sharing the already-beloved work. Formed in 2018 by Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers and Lucy Dacus, they pumped out an EP that same year, before going on hiatus due to the pandemic. It was a bummer for listeners, but a plus for more time for the creative process. The album was recorded in California, the result of working on the album 10 hours a day for a month straight. The first four songs were written individually, but the rest are conversations. Sometimes, each person takes a verse, and writes their own version—like on “Satanist,” which Baker, who was raised religious, wrote, after watching the documentary Hail Satan? She could, she thought, be a Satanist—and would her friends join her for this phase in the journey? In other words: “Do you want to be in my life for a long time?” Or, as Bridgers put it: “Would you still love me if I was a bug?” Isn’t that what time is—the thing that makes everyone into a bug? Come experience the record for yourself on Thursday, Aug. 3 at 6 p.m at Library Square (210 E. 400 South). There are still GA tickets available at $60 and $65 the day of the show. Grab tickets for the all-ages show at 24tix.com. (Emilee

Atkinson)

boygenius

The Head and The Heart, Father John Misty @ Gallivan Center 8/4

Purveyors of lightly nostalgic (albeit not dated) 2010’s indie records with flirtations of folk: gather round: Aug. 4’s Salt Lake City Twilight show is guaranteed to tickle your fancy. Underneath the milky starlight, open your ears to the incredible double feature that is The Head and The Heart and Father John Misty, two acts that defined a music scene as it shifted away from the garage rock of the early aughts and back into slower tunes laden with lyricism. The Head and The Heart is a large group, rounded out nicely with a few guitars and a violin for good measure. Known primarily for the stunning use of duet between both a woman and a man lead singer, the band hit it big on their first album to a snowball effect of popularity leading all the way up to their 2022 release of Every Shade of Blue. With a sound that is both transcendent and indivisible if a specific period of time, their live performance should be a crowd pleaser. Father John Misty, while considered a singer-songwriter, frequently subverts such classification with skilled eccentricity. With satirical and serious lyrics in equal measure, Father John Misty performs all of his songs with his unmistakable booming voice, which supersedes many vocalists working today in both power and precision. Recognized not only for the loveliness and brava of his range, but also for conceptual albums often dealing with an overarching theme or storyline, Father John Misty boasts interactive and powerful stage presence not to be missed. Tickets for this unforgettable and all-ages duo can be found at 24tix.com. Doors open at 5 p.m.

(Sophie Caligiuri)

MUSIC PICK S

Trombone Shorty, Orleans Avenue, Ziggy Marley, Mavis Staples @ Red Butte 8/8

As a kid from the Treme, Troy Andrews picked up his first instrument at age four and earned his nickname “Trombone Shorty.” He then made history by performing at Jazz Fest, leading his own brass band at six years old and since then, he has become an international recording artist and touring road warrior. “I look at music and different experiences as a world. So when I’m able to share the stage with country musicians or the Foo Fighters, or work with Pharrell Williams, I’m soaking that in as a sponge,” Andrews told WLAE-TV via Nola.com in June. “I always want to learn. I love being placed in situations that people don’t think that we’re supposed to be in, like playing the trombone with Zac Brown. It’s intriguing to me.” Trombone Shorty and Orleans Avenue will be joined by co- headliner Ziggy Marley and special guest Mavis Staples for their stop in Salt Lake City. The eldest son of reggae icon Bob Marley, Ziggy never fails to provide vibrant, colorful and skunky tunes that bring people together. Gospel-soul legend Mavis Staples is a national treasure. She’s been soaring creatively for some time now; We’ll Never Turn Back and You Are Not Alone were both fabulous records. Once these acts hit the stage it will most definitely be move, move, move for the rest of the night. Catch these artists at the Red Butte Garden Outdoor Concert Series on Tuesday, Aug. 8. Gates open at 5:30 p.m.; show starts at 6:30 p.m. Tickets can be found at vividseats.com (Mark Dago)

Foo Fighters @ USANA Amphitheater 8/8

It’s hard to talk about rock ‘n roll without talking about Foo Fighters. The Foos were started in ’94 by ex-Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl, and the rest was history. Nearly 30 years and 11 studio albums later, it’s safe to say that Foo Fighters have solidly implanted themselves in rock history. Of course, they’ve been in the news a lot more in the last year with the loss of their longtime drummer Taylor Hawkins, who died of cardiac arrest in 2022. The loss was huge for the band, but the show goes on. In Jun,e the band released their first album without Hawkins, But Here We Are, a heavy and heartfelt tribute to their late drummer and good friend. The release came with a handwritten letter from Grohl dedicated to fans when the album dropped in June. “Hey. It’s been a while,” Grohl wrote. “Now that we’ve returned from our first run of shows, I felt compelled to reach out and thank you all for being there for us. Every night, when I see you singing, it makes me sing harder. When I see you screaming, it makes me scream louder. When I see your tears, it brings me to tears. And when I see your joy, it brings me joy. But, I see you … and it feels so good to see you, churning up these emotions together. Because we’ve always done this together. Time and time again. See you soon.” Come see the Foos play classics mixed with some new jams on Tuesday, Aug. 8 at 7:30 p.m. Tickets for the all-ages show range from $100175, and can be found at livenation.com. (EA)

TAYLOR HILL DANNY CLINCH

Father John Misty Foo Fighters

By Emilee Atkinson

free will ASTROLOGY

BY ROB BREZSNY

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Emotions are not inconvenient distractions from reason and logic. They are key to the rigorous functioning of our rational minds. Neurologist Antonio Damasio proved this conclusively in his book Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason and the Human Brain The French philosopher’s famous formula—”I think, therefore I am”—offers an inadequate suggestion about how our intelligence works best. This is always true, but it will be especially crucial for you to keep in mind during the coming weeks. Here’s your mantra, courtesy of another French philosopher, Blaise Pascal: “The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.”

TAURUS

(April

20-May 20)

The famous Taurus TV star Jay Leno once did a good deed for me. I was driving my Honda Accord on a freeway in Los Angeles when he drove up beside me in his classic Lamborghini. Using hand signals, he conveyed to me the fact that my trunk was open, and stuff was flying out. I waved in a gesture of thanks and pulled over onto the shoulder. I found that two books and a sweater were missing, but my laptop and briefcase remained. Hooray for Jay! In that spirit, Taurus, and in accordance with current astrological omens, I invite you to go out of your way to help and support strangers and friends alike. I believe it will lead to unexpected benefits.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

“Did you learn how to think or how to believe?” When my friend Amelie was 9 years old, her father teased her with this query upon her return home from a day at school. It was a pivotal moment in her life. She began to develop an eagerness to question all she was told and taught. She cultivated a rebellious curiosity that kept her in a chronic state of delighted fascination. Being bored became virtually impossible. The whole world was her classroom. Can you guess her sign? Gemini! I invite you to make her your role model in the coming weeks.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

In the coming weeks, I advise you not to wear garments like a transparent Gianfranco Ferre black mesh shirt with a faux-tiger fur vest and a coral-snake jacket that shimmers with bright harlequin hues. Why? Because you will have most success by being down-to-earth, straightforward, and in service to the fundamentals. I’m not implying you should be demure and reserved, however. On the contrary: I hope you will be bold and vivid as you present yourself with simple grace and lucid authenticity.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

In 1811, Leo scientist Amedeo Avogadro (1776–1856) formulated a previously unknown principle about the properties of molecules. Unfortunately, his revolutionary idea wasn’t acknowledged and implemented until 1911, 100 years later. Today his well-proven theory is called Avogadro’s law. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Leo, you will experience your equivalent of his 1911 event in the coming months. You will receive your proper due. Your potential contributions will no longer be mere potential. Congratulations in advance!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Israeli poet Yona Wallach mourned the fact that her soul felt far too big for her, as if she were always wearing the clothes of a giant on her small body. I suspect you may be experiencing a comparable feeling right now, Virgo. If so, what can you do about it? The solution is not to shrink your soul. Instead, I hope you will expand your sense of who you are so your soul fits better. How might you do that? Here’s a suggestion to get you started: Spend time summoning memories from throughout your past. Watch the story of your life unfurl like a movie.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Nineteenth-century Libran physician James Salisbury had strong ideas about the proper ingredients of a healthy diet. Vegetables were toxic, he believed. He created Salisbury steak, a dish made of ground beef and onions, and advised

everyone to eat it three times a day. Best to wash it down with copious amounts of hot water and coffee, he said. I bring his kooky ideas to your attention in hopes of inspiring you to purge all bunkum and nonsense from your life—not just in relation to health issues, but everything. It’s a favorable time to find out what’s genuinely good and true for you. Do the necessary research and investigation.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“I’m amazed that anyone gets along!” marvels self-help author Sark. She says it’s astonishing that love ever works at all, given our “idiosyncrasies, unconscious projections, re-stimulations from the past and the relationship history of our partners.” I share her wonderment. On the other hand, I am optimistic about your chances to cultivate interesting intimacy during the coming months. From an astrological perspective, you are primed to be extra wise and lucky about togetherness. If you send out a big welcome for the lessons of affection, collaboration and synergy, those lessons will come in abundance.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Please don’t make any of the following statements in the next three weeks: 1. “I took a shower with my clothes on”; 2. “I prefer to work on solving a trivial little problem rather than an interesting dilemma that means a lot to me”; and 3. “I regard melancholy as a noble emotion that inspires my best work.” On the other hand, Sagittarius, I invite you to make declarations like the following: 1. “I will not run away from the prospect of greater intimacy—even if it’s scary to get closer to a person I care for”; 2. “I will have fun exploring the possibilities of achieving more liberty and justice for myself”; and 3. “I will seek to learn interesting new truths about life from people who are unlike me.”

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Champions of the capitalist faith celebrate the fact that we consumers have over 100,000 brand names we can purchase. They say it’s proof of our marvelous freedom of choice. Here’s how I respond to their cheerleading: Yeah, I guess we should be glad we have the privilege of deciding which of 50 kinds of shampoo is best for us. But I also want to suggest that the profusion of these relatively inconsequential options may distract us from the fact that certain of our other choices are more limited. In the coming weeks, Capricorn, I invite you to ruminate about how you can expand your array of more important choices.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

My best friend in college was an Aquarius, as is my favorite cousin. Two ex-girlfriends are Aquarians, and so was my dad. The talented singer with whom I sang duets for years was an Aquarius. So I have intimate knowledge of the Aquarian nature. And in honor of your unbirthday—the time halfway between your last birthday and your next—I will tell you what I love most about you. No human is totally comfortable with change, but you are more so than others. To my delight, you are inclined to ignore the rule books and think differently. Is anyone better than you at coordinating your energies with a group’s? I don’t think so. And you’re eager to see the big picture, which means you’re less likely to get distracted by minor imperfections and transitory frustrations. Finally, you have a knack for seeing patterns that others find hard to discern. I adore you!

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Is the first sip always the best? Do you inevitably draw the most vivid enjoyment from the initial swig of coffee or beer? Similarly, are the first few bites of food the most delectable, and after that, your taste buds get diminishing returns? Maybe these descriptions are often accurate, but I believe they will be less so for you in the coming weeks. There’s a good chance that flavors will be best later in the drink or the meal. And that is a good metaphor for other activities, as well. The further you go into every experience, the greater the pleasure and satisfaction will be—and the more interesting the learning.

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ACROSS

1. One with big shoes to ____

6. Atomic theorist Niels

10. Sandler of “Uncut Gems”

14. Ancient land in Asia Minor

15. Greasy garage job

16. Function

17. Place to ____ up the tank 19. Portend

20. Number before zwei

21. Microscopic machine

23. “Oh no? I’ll show you!”

26. Room that’s ____ed with light 27. Situation after a leadoff hit 28. It’s got teeth

urban LIVING

Tough Business

The Salt Lake Board of Realtors just released June 2023’s sales data for Salt Lake County and, basically, all the stats trended downward from the same time last year. To wit: 1. The number of sales of all types of property were down 26.1%; 2. The median single-family home price dropped to $600,000, down 4.1%; 3. the number of sales of just single family homes is down 26.1% (748 sales in June); 4. The median price per square foot is $254.41, down 1.2%; and 5. the median home price of all types of residences is down 4% to $519,000.

Promotion Specialist(Draper, UT)

between sol and do

____s seats at the office

in old Rome

12. “Brave New World” author Huxley

13. Start of a rendezvous request

18. Year, in Rio

22. 1920s-’30s film star Conrad

23. Hairdo

24. Quote lead-in?

25. “Hud” Oscar winner Patricia

26. Greet vocally

28. Quickly write (down)

31. MSNBC competitor 32. Many an exec

48. Emblem on a dollar bill

50. In poor condition

51. Article in rap titles

53. Church recess

56. Gretchen of “Boardwalk Empire”

57. Org. opposed by Everytown for Gun Safety

58. Director’s cry

59. Lead-in to haw

Last week’s answers

Last week, the Fed met and raised the key interest rates it charges to banks by 0.25%, the 11th rate increase since last March, and the highest level in 22 years. But mind you, when I got my real estate license in 1984, interest rates were 18%!

Houses were not selling then, and builders were in a panic. The market responded by creating something called a “negative amortization loan,” which almost immediately boosted home sales here.

How did that work? Imagine walking into a builder’s sales office knowing that mortgage rates were 18% for a 30year loan, but the builder’s rep asked you if you’d buy one of their homes if the interest rate was 6.5%? Well, of course you’d be interested, right?

The deal was that, indeed, the rate would be that low, but the interest dif ference between 18% and 6.5% would be added back into what you owed on your mortgage—11.5% each month. That difference would increase what you owed the bank each and every month and, well, if you wanted to sell a few years after your purchase you’d find out you owed more than the property was worth!

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SUDOKU X

1 to

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers

9. No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Just like in 2008 and 2009, many people lost their homes and simply gave them back to the bank. The 1980’82 recession in the U.S. was the worst economic downturn in the country since the Great Depression, and property values dropped. It was exacerbated by the 1979 energy crisis, which was mostly caused by the Iranian Revolution that created a major disruption to the global oil supply. There were long and ugly lines at gas stations around the country as vendors ran out of fuel due to the poor supply chain.

Much like today, Americans in the Reagan era were concerned with high budget deficits in the U.S. Treasury and bemoaned a lack of trust in the government. Sound familiar?

The June 2023 sales stats also describe a local real estate industry that can’t possibly support a living wage for real estate agents—not when total sales in a month, of all types of residences in the county, were a mere 1,072, and when there are over 10,000 members of the Salt Lake Board of Realtors. That stat points to just over 10% of the membership selling homes past month. And like any sales profession, “10% sell 90% of the inventory.”

Thinking of being a real estate agent? It’s a tough business! n

WITH BABS DELAY Broker, Urban Utah Homes & Estates, urbanutah.com

NEWS of the WEIRD

BY THE EDITORS AT ANDREWS MCMEEL

The Aristocrats

Wow! Things went literally and physically south on July 11 at a press dinner on New York’s Upper East Side in support of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s presidential campaign. According to Page Six as Kennedy answered questions, someone posed one about climate change, but before Kennedy could answer, Doug Dechert, the event host, screamed, “The climate hoax!” which brought a scold from art critic Anthony Haden-Guest, who called him a “miserable blob.” The two continued their exchange, with Kennedy calmly looking on, until Dechert loudly released a “prolonged fart” while yelling, helpfully, “I’m farting!” After attempts to change the subject and more verbal antics, the evening wound down. The next day, Dechert told Page Six, “I apologize for using my flatulence as a medium of public commentary in your presence.” How do I get on this guest list?

Creme de la Weird

Notre Dame quarterback Sam Hartman, who sat out some of last season with Wake Forest University, underwent surgery in August 2022 to remove blood clots and the rib closest to his collarbone, 247Sports.com reported. Hmmm, what to do with that extra rib? Hartman’s mom, a nurse, is making a necklace for him with the bone. “It’s actually clean. It is well on its way to becoming a necklace,” he said. “I asked her to try and make it like a puka shell-type deal with the riblike shark’s tooth at the end.” Hartman said the jewelry might appear in a couple of pregame warmups. “It won’t be worn a lot.”

Awesome!

Australian sailor Tim Shaddock, 51, of Sydney and his dog, Bella, became stranded in the Pacific Ocean after they set out from Mexico for French Polynesia, a 3,700-mile trip, in April. The boat became damaged in storms, the BBC reported, and Shaddock drifted until mid-July, when a helicopter spotted him. A tuna trawler picked up the pair, who were in surprisingly good health. Shaddock said they ate raw fish and collected rainwater, and he sheltered from the sun beneath the boat’s canopy. “I have been through a very difficult ordeal at sea,” he said. “I’m just needing rest and good food.”

Buh-Bye

In Glastonbury, Connecticut, 11 boats took off from the Seaboard Marina on July 12—make that with the marina. WTNH-TV reported that a 200-foot section of dock with 11 boats attached broke off and started floating down the Connecticut River, later passing through Cromwell, Portland, Middletown and Haddam. One part of the errant dock was still floating downstream the next day; officials said it was likely that flooding in Vermont had caused the high waters that set the structure free. Teddy Charton of Middletown said he “got a call that my boat was floating down the river ... It ended up all the way down in Chester.” Eventually all but one of the boats was recovered.

Ewwwww

Multiple wrecks tied up northbound I-95 in Bridgeport, Connecticut, on July 17, all attributed to one cause: A tractor-trailer was leaking human waste onto the roadway, which caused a motorcyclist to lose control and c rash, the Associated Press reported. Several vehicles crashed into each other or concrete barriers on the slippery roads, and another truck skidded into a state police c ruiser, which then rammed into another cruiser. No one was seriously hurt in the pileup. The driver was charged with reckless endangerment and reckless driving, as officers believed he knew of the gross leak but kept driving.

How Hot Is It?

To demonstrate the deadly heat inside a closed car, the staff of the National Weather Service in Midland, Texas, baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies on a car’s dash -

board on July 18, United Press International reported. W hile it was 105 degrees outside, the dashboard registered 190 degrees—high enough to bake the cookies in about 4 1/2 hours. “Even though ours weren’t golden brown, we can confirm that they are done and delicious,” NWS employees wrote on Facebook.

It’s Come to This

When a backyard bunny breeder bundled their belongings and said bye-bye to Jenada Isles, a community in W ilton Manors, Florida, they left behind between 60 and 100 lionhead rabbits, which have now infiltrated the neighborhood and are driving residents bonkers. Click Orlando reported that the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has declined to intercede, so resident Alicia Griggs is heading up an effort to raise the money needed to capture, neuter, vaccinate and rehome the rabbits—to the tune of $20,000 to $40,000. “People don’t realize they’re exotic pets, and they’re complicated,” Griggs said. “They have to eat a special diet. You can’t just throw any table scraps at them.” Residents complain that the bunnies dig holes, chew wiring and leave droppings on sidewalks and driveways. Others think the rabbits are cute, but experts say their heavy coats and finicky digestive systems aren’t conducive to living wild in Florida. “ They are not equipped to thrive on their own,” said Eric Stewart, executive director of the American Rabbit Breeders Association.

Bright Idea

Michael Raduga, 40, founder of the Phase Research Center in Russia, but—critically— not a doctor or neurosurgeon, nearly lost his life in June when he tried to implant a chip in his brain on his own, in his living room in Kazakhstan. The Daily Mail reported that Raduga lost more than a liter of blood in his quest to control his dreams. He said he practiced on five sheep’s brains and watched hours of neurosurgery on YouTube before starting on his own head. “During the first 30 minutes I was ready to give up many times because ... I was afraid I could just lose consciousness,” Raduga said. “I finished the surgery, I took a shower, and I worked for 10 hours straight. People didn’t know.” But neurosurgeon Alex Green of the University of Oxford wasn’t having it. “This is an extremely dangerous thing to do,” he said. “We are probably decades away from being able to synthesize new experiences.”

News You Can Use

Oddity Central reported on July 21 that a young woman named Xiaohua in Huizhou City, China, suffered a ruptured eardrum following a moment of passion with h er boyfriend. When she went to the emergency room because of loss of hearing, a doctor saw blood on her eardrum and asked if she’d had any physical trauma to her ear. Nope, she said, but, “When he kissed my ear, he sucked it hard and it made a ‘pop’ sound. After that, I couldn’t hear in my left ear.” The hospital’s deputy director of otolaryngology head and neck surgery, Fu Jia, said eardrums usually heal on their own.

It’s Good To Have a Hobby

“Frog Lady” Helen Claypool of Kirksville, Missouri, passed away in December 2022, KTVO-TV reported, so the time has come to liquidate her collection of frogs. Claypool had more than 15,000 frogs—so many that she and her late husband, Don (nickname: Toad), had to build an addition on their house. She started collecting at age 6 and kept 47 logbooks, documenting each one, complete with photos. The Claypools even opened their home to the public as Helen’s House of Frogs Museum. Now the whole frog fantasy is on the auction block.

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