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Behind the scenes AT CLAYTON HIGH SCHOOL





GLOBE Volume 83 . Issue 7



P. 16 The teens at St. Louis Rowing Club put their backs – and their hearts – into the sport. The results fill trophy cases, medal racks and lives.

UPFRONT 9 | WORLD STAGE From Columbia to Myanmar to Israel, news from around the globe. 10 | GOING GREEN The second annual Clayton’s Go Green! 5K race will promote environmentalism. 11| REMEMBRANCE Vietnam Day activities highlighted the lessons learned from one of America’s most controversial wars. 12 | RISQUÉ Students were on display (literally) for Rocky Horror Picture Show, the Student Run Musical.

14 | GOING NATIONAL St. Louis VolunTEEN takes the next step toward world domination.

FEATURES 16 | ROW YOUR BOAT Clayton students join in the success of the St. Louis Rowing Club. 19 | NOT SO SENIORITIS Three seniors who are making the most of their final year.

COVER STORY 24 | BEHIND THE SCENES The men and women who work day and night to keep the school running.

PLAY BY PLAY 30 | BUILDING A PROGRAM The lacrosse team, with few returning starters and a tarnished reputation, pushes forward. 31 | ROAD TO STATE Which teams are – and probably aren’t – on their way to the state tournament. 32| DANCING TO THE STARS The Globe profiles Sara Garfinkel, who has her sights set on a career in dance.

REVIEW 33 | GOOD EATIN’ A BLT and plate of onion rings from the Clayton Diner is hard to beat.

34 | 21 JUMP STREET For once, the trailer isn’t funnier than the movie.

COMMENTARY 35 | SCISSORS The staff’s ideas for how to cut the budget without harming the Clayton education. 36| SHOOT FIRST Sarah Tait and Jonathan Shumway go head-tohead on Missouri’s castle doctrine for gun rights. 37 | LET’S GO EXPLORING The Globe’s Peter Baugh shares his treks into the nooks and crannies of CHS.

CURTAIN CALL 38 | PROMOTION Eighth grader Victoria Yi tests her limits in sophomore math class.




2011-2012 STAFF Editor in Chief Noah Eby Senior Managing Editors Laura Bleeke Jackie Leong Zach Praiss Section Editors Jake Bernstein Caitlin Kropp Jocelyn Lee Meredith McMahon Sarah Tait Editors David Androphy

Ben Colagiovanni Lauren Friedman Caroline Greenberg Jack Holds Jake Lee Shuyang Li Eudora Olsen Katherine Ren Parker Schultz Shiori Tomatsu Anna Williams Distribution Editor Jonathan Shumway Advertising Editor Dylan Schultz

Web Editors Appi Sharma Dan Zheng Sri Panth Head Copy Editor Maria Massad Graphics Editor Dee Luo Photo Editor Paul Lisker Reporters Peter Baugh Abraham Bluestone

Rachel Bluestone Chris Cho Neil Docherty Emma Ehll-Welply Noah Engel Adam Ferguson Isaac Fish Jeffrey Friedman Marilyn Gund Aidan Hayward Noah Jacus Jessica Jancose Maggie Katzman Paul Kieffer Jon Knohl Nina Murov Colton Pasnik

Steven Paster Becca Polinsky Payton Sciarrata Peter Shumway Christopher Sleckman Anna Thompson Steven Zou

Allison Peipert Regine Rosas Thalia Sass Dana Schwartz Andrea Stiffelman Rebecca Stiffelman Emma Vierod

Photographers Claire Bliss Madeleine Fleming Lewis Grant Kate Harrison Lauren Indovino Meredith Joseph Christa Kopp Laura Kratcha

Artists Taylor Gold Nicole Indovino Business Manager David Behrend Adviser Erin Castellano

The Globe Newsmagazine exists to inform, entertain, persuade, and represent the student voice at CHS. All content decisions are made by the student editorial staff, and the Globe is an entirely self-funded publication. Not every story that our reporters write is published in the print newsmagazine. Visit for additional stories and photos, and for more information about the Globe itself. For more information about advertising and subscriptions, please contact our office: Clayton High School Globe 1 Mark Twain Circle Clayton, MO 63105 (314) 854-6668 Fax: 854-6734






t’s that time of the year. It’s spring, and more importantly, it’s also the season that I’ll be spending with the coveted title of “second-semester senior.” What, really, does the title mean, and why do so many of my classmates wear it with pride? For one thing, for most of us, it actually has substance now: many colleges and universities have sent out their decisions. Over the last week, I’ve heard more college talk than during the rest of the year combined, and I can’t blame the people involved: excited seniors, anxious juniors. Now that the process is finished, I can finally look back and realize that however I tried to ignore it, the mere prospect of college was like a looming shadow throughout my four years at CHS – always there, always watching. As a freshman, I was warned by the counselors that my GPA “mattered” now. The next year, there was a recommended pre-PSAT for sophomores. Then standardized tests came in full force, and it seemed, often, like we were running a race to-

ward some nebulous impression that many of us had no idea about, at least in terms of its real nature. And all in the name of the future. Why do I say this? Because college, to most high school students I’ve ever met, no matter where they’re from, is something that comes with a rather sour connotation. The word inspires nervous fear and trepidation – and there are too many students that I see not really looking where they’re going. Their heads are in the future, and high school becomes some sort of temporary resting place in preparation for the next big step. They say that Clayton is an experience in itself, one not to be taken for granted and ignored. I wholeheartedly agree, but we’ve lost sight of that fact. It was in that mindset that this month’s cover story came about. Because Clayton is not just a place – it’s a community and there are certain people that make it tick. You may not see them from behind your chemistry textbook, or your phone, or your laptop,

but they’re there, and trust me, they are vital. For this issue, they’ve shared a slice of their lives for your enjoyment. They aren’t just janitors, secretaries, people behind the proverbial curtain. They make Clayton what it is. So, for this month, and for all the students reading this, I’d like to impose a little challenge – no matter where you are in school or in your college process. Try to see CHS for what it is and what it’s worth, not just as a transitory state, but as an experience every bit as valuable as they promise college will be.




ALL SMILES A child at the CHS Arts Fair grins as he watches himself projected over a video of President Barack Obama. Clayton held its 24th annual Arts Fair in conjunction with Neuwoehner and Litzsinger schools on April 5, 2012. Student buddies from CHS accompanied special school district children as they participated in activities such as a show choir performance, rapping and ballet.

Photograph by Paul Lisker


UPFRONT UNITED STATES Protesters surged through the streets of Sanford, Florida, chanting the name of Trayvon Martin, an African American boy who was murdered in a gated community.

COLOMBIA The Colombian rebel group FARC released hostages, raising hope for peace talks with the government.

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ISRAEL A rocket from the Sinai Peninsula in Egypt landed in Eilat, Israel. It caused no injuries, but it generated great alarm.



MYANMAR Aung San Suu Kyi, the leader of the democratic movement in Burma and Nobel Peace Prize laureate, will hold public office for the first time.

INDIA Attention has been brought to the use of child labor in India. Recent reports tell of a girl who was sold time and time again, ending up with a couple who beat and starved her.



decades, Aung San Suu Kyi has been in some sort of confinement because of her political activism in Myanmar. The daughter of a Burmese independence leader, Suu Kyi found it as her duty to protest against the military Junta government. She was inspired by the peaceful tactics of Gandhi and Martin Luther King, and eventually won the Nobel Peace

Prize in 1991. For years, her demonstrations were repressed, and not widely aknowledged by the world, but recently this has begun to change. Suu Kyi won a parliamentary seat in the byelectionsm, a huge milestone for her political party. It is now the main opposition against the military party and the first step towards a democratic Myanmar. ďƒź

Aung San Suu Kyi campaigns in the Irrawady Delta region around Pathein in Myanmar, on Feb. 7, 2012. (Christophe Loviny/Abaca Press/MCT) UPFRONT




n just a month, the citizens of Clayton will have a chance to participate in an event that will get their hearts racing and legs pumping. This is not the Hunger Games; this is the Go Green! 5k that will take place on Sunday, May 6, in the streets of Clayton. The race raises awareness about the importance of reducing the use of resources in order to minimize one’s carbon footprint. “The Go Green! 5k supports the green movement by promoting ‘green’ living and raising funds to support green organizations and causes,” co-president of Green Club senior Sarah Tait said. However, this is not the first time Clayton has taken the lead in recognizing the importance of green living. In fact, Clayton pioneered recycling, smoking bans and was the first Green Power Community (a community with two percent of energy consumption in renewable energy credits) in Missouri. Many Clayton residents accepted the challenge of turning Clayton into a Green Power Community by reducing their carbon footprints. The goal of turning two percent of the community energy consumption into renewable energy credits was set in April of 2010, and, thanks to Ameren Missouri Pure Power, Clayton-based Micro Grid Energy and Clayton businesses and residents, the city reached its goal just 11 months later in March 2011. However, the members of CHS Green Club, Clayton School District and the Clayton Century Foundation, all of whom are the sponsors, hope that the residents continue to respond. “This is the second annual Go Green! Clayton 5k,” member of Green Club sophomore Laura James said. “We hope to continue this race for years to serve as a reminder to the community to take green steps to improve their lives.” The CHS Green Club plans to give back to the community after the race. “The Green Club receives a cut of the money raised from the run and we are in the process now of designating an organization to donate the money to,” Tait said.



Runners in last year’s Go Green! 5K cross the finish line. The event raises funds to support green organizations and gets the community active. (Karen McBride) However, the race isn’t just to remind adults of the importance of green living; it is also a great way to get kids involved too. “It’s really fun because the whole family can participate,” James said. Focusing on family was one of the reasons the race was such a success last year.


Number of homes hit by tornadoes in Texas on April 5, 2012. An estimated 13 tornadoes touched down in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

“We had lots of runners and lots of families which made the event great,” co-president of Green Club Margaret Mulligan said. As a result, no changes have been made to the run, according to Mulligan. She said the only thing left is, “Get more people to sign up to run!” 


Number of people in the District of Columbia sickened by a rare strain of salmonella, Bareilly.

During a breakout session on Vietnam Day, chemistry teacher Mike Howe shows students how napalm is made. (Olivia MacDougal)


Vietnam Day teaches students the valuable lessons from the controversial war. SHIORI TOMATSU


s the lights came back up and the auditorium flooded with color, CHS sophomores turned their attention to a man in black walking across the stage. From the moment veteran Barry Romo spoke, the students hung on every word, every sentence, as he painted the horrors of the Vietnam War and his own painful memory of a Vietnamese girl slowly dying in his arms. The girl had an explosive in her arms. She accidently dropped it, and it exploded, killing everyone around her and leaving her burnt completely from head down. When Romo closed his speech, he asked the kids for one favor. “Today, I want you all to put yourselves in our [veterans’] positions,” Romo said. “Feel empathy for us.” Romo was not the only veteran that helped in this year’s Vietnam Day on March 16. Throughout the day, there were breakout ses-


Number of sophomores that attended Vietnam day at CHS.

sions where veterans would talk about their experiences from the war. “The funny thing is, they [the veterans] seem to come to us,” history teacher Josh Meyers said. “Two of our recurring veteran guests were brought in because faculty knew them. After that it became a word of mouth thing, and we have had veterans asking us to participate.” The students enjoyed the sessions with the veterans and the new way of seeing the war. “I really received a different point of view on the war, other than the facts in our history books,” sophomore Sarah Aiello said. “I really enjoyed hearing from the veterans.” Sophomore Adam Zoll agreed with Aiello. “The interactivity of the whole day really made it worthwhile,” Zoll said. “In a couple of years, there may not be many more Vietnam veterans still alive, so we were very fortunate to be able to hear the stories from so many veterans.” Sophomore Abbie Kohmetscher also thought that this day was worth the time.


2,709,918 Americans served in Vietnam, equal to 9.7 percent of the generation.

“The Vietnam War is so often forgotten, and to be able to talk to veterans that had gone through the war is a rare experience,” Kohmetscher said. Overall, teachers thought that the event ran smoothly. “It was great,” history teacher Paul Hoelscher said. “Attendance looked good. The speakers enjoyed their time with students and many students commented throughout the day that they appreciated this opportunity to learn.” Students also think this is a day worth having every year. “I think we should continue with this event because it gives students a whole new experience by actually talking to different vets and seeing it through their eyes,” Aiello said. Zoll also sees this event as something special because it is an experience no student could ever gain sitting in a history class or reading sections in a textbook on Vietnam. “Words in a textbook give facts,” Zoll said. “Words from veterans give emotions.” 


The year that American troops were taken out of Vietnam.




ocky Horror icture Show

Story by Arya Yadama | Photos by Andrea Hermann & Madeleine Fleming


tudents dressed in drag. A teacher gets Horror’ is the kind of musical that draws a new “virgin” written across his forehead. A crowd of people to auditions,” Yap said. “It was celebration of diverse sexuality. This is great to see some people who had never parwhat you would find at the most recent theat- ticipated in theater before end up rocking it on rical production at Clayton High School. The stage.” student run musical, or the SRM, was the edgy However, “Rocky Horror” is known for being “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” a controversial musical. Most schools would not Rocky Horror, a show known for its vulgar allow students to participate in a show like this audience participation and one - let alone run one. wild costumes, isn’t a typi- Clayton is known for pushing In fact, Inder was given cal high school producalmost complete creative boundaries. tion. control. Principal Louise For student director Losos loosely monitored Corrine Yap the show, however, she Fergus Inder the choice Senior seemed to have no probwas a no-brainer. “When Ms. Ryan brought up lem leaving a production ‘Rocky,’ it kind of hit a note with me,” said Inder, of such controversy in the hands of a high “It’s a really fun show, and it’s really notorious, school student. so I knew that people would be excited to be a This production reflects the acceptance and part of it.” Inder and musical director, senior uniqueness of the CHS community. Corrine Yap, were excited about the new vari“Clayton is known for pushing boundaries,” ety of people that wanted to audition. “‘Rocky Yap said, “I think ‘Rocky Horror’ is more than

just an entertaining performance, it has a deeper message.” Inder too was able to identify this deeper meaning, “One of the things we tried to bring out was that society shouldn’t have limitations on passion and love,” Inder said. “Having this creature, ‘Rocky,’ who has no sexual limitations brought that out really well.” This show reflects the values that CHS stands for. “It explores themes of sexuality and social acceptance: two ideas that Clayton firmly stands behind,” Yap said. “This was a chance for us to show the world that we aren’t afraid of approaching these topics.” Not only did the show bring out themes of acceptance and diversity, but it has also affected the cast members. “I had a lot of cast members tell me that they became more comfortable in their own skin,” Inder said. “It made me feel accomplished on a whole different level.” 

LEFT: Cast member Lewis Grant is carried away during a wedding ceremony. CENTER: James Kerr and Montel Harris pose during a scene. RIGHT: Montel Harris and Lewis Grant share a special moment. For more images of the show go to



Three cast members (from top): Emily Erblich, Claire Lisker and Lewis Grant pose for a photo.



GOING NATIONAL Jake Bernstein, co-founder of VolunTEEN, takes the website to the next level. ABRAHAM BLUESTONE


rom being quoted in President Obama’s Back to School speech to organizing citywide volunteer events, to starting a national website for teens, senior Jake Bernstein has taken his volunteer organization to new heights. Recently, Bernstein took the organization from the regional to the national scale. The organization, previously know as St. Louis Volunteen, was appropriately given a new title: VolunTEEN Nation. “VolunTEEN is an organization where teenagers can find out what volunteer opportunities there are in St. Louis,” Varun Chakravarthy, a member of VolunTEEN, said. However, VolunTEEN has spread outside of St. Louis. “Originally this was just in the St. Louis

area,” Bernstein said. “But now we’re nationwide, and currently we’re working on developing the database so that it can have a practical use in every region of the country.” Some members of VolunTEEN have begun looking forward to the next step. “If we can get it to the international level, which is very hard, it would be great,” Chakravarthy said. “I don’t know if it’s going to happen, but I think that [we can do it] if we just are able to focus on our country, and able to get even more volunteer opportunities online.” Bernstein will be graduating this year, and he has created a system for the future of VolunTEEN. “Jake has picked out a few students to help out when he’s gone,” sophomore Sophia Rotman said. “It’s our job to carry out what he’s heading for. It’s going to be hard, but he’s helping us with this project, and hopefully other projects we can do on our own.”

Bernstein emphasized the importance of loving what you do. “Working with kids on the autism spectrum was very important to me, and so that became a passion,” Bernstein said. “I hope that future VolunTEENers can find a similar passion and use the credibility we have developed behind the VolunTEEN Nation name to develop something incredible.” Bernstein is excited for where VolunTEEN is headed and how far it has come since it was started. “I think that every high school student has the potential to start their own initiative in volunteering,” Bernstein said. “And around the country there are so many kids who have started with something small, and if I looked two years ago, I never would have thought VolunTEEN would be what it is today. Going national was always a far off goal, but it’s incredible to have seen it really come to fruition.” 

ABOVE LEFT: Senior Jake Bernstein helps out at the VolunTEEN event Aces for All, teaching kids on the autism spectrum how to play tennis. ABOVE RIGHT: Senior Charlie Harned lends a hand at an event where students taught kids with down syndrome and on the autism spectrum how to play basketball. ABOVE: Girls put down flags on the anniversary of 9/11 in honor of those who died at the Serve to Remember VolunTEEN event. (Photos courtesy of Jake Bernstein).



CREW LIFE by jocelyn lee




uring the fall of her freshman year, Chandler Kropp remembers a presentation by the St. Louis Rowing Club (SLRC) in her P.E. class. She thought rowing looked like a cool sport, so she searched it online when she got home. “All of the rowers I saw online were really tall, like me,” Kropp said. “I thought that I should try it, because I’m really tall. I tried basketball and other sports for tall people, and they didn’t really work out.” A year and a half later, Kropp is now on the girls’ varsity crew team at SLRC. She has been rowing since freshman year and doesn’t plan to stop. “I’ve stayed because I’m really comfortable here,” Kropp said. “I feel like I was meant to do this. I’m not the best on the team, but I’m one of the youngest on the team, and I still have a lot to learn. I’m really looking forward to learning all of the things you need to learn. Honestly, it’s just fun for me, so that’s why I’m here.” A number of other CHS students have similar stories. Senior Laura Bleeke first learned about SLRC when a coach visited her P.E. class at the start of her sophomore year. She joined the team and has rowed year-round since. She said that the aspect she enjoys most is being outdoors when the weather allows for it. “I really love being outside on the water,” Bleeke said. “It’s so pretty and there usually aren’t a lot of other people out there. So unlike basketball or volleyball or other indoor sports, you’re outside in nature. It’s really, really nice.” Junior Aidan Hayward joined SLRC this past fall because a friend of his had started rowing. He plans to continue doing the sport next school year. “I continue to do crew because I’ve developed a passion for it,” Hayward said. “I have a lot of fun when I come out here, I have a lot of friends here, and it’s a really good workout.” He added that rowing brings a greater level of physical challenge compared to some other

What I really like about rowing is how natural talent can get you somewhere, but you can’t rely on your talent forever. At some point you’re going to have to start working hard. It’s really a sport where your success is measured by how hard you work, instead of just how naturally good you are. Chandler Kropp, sophomore

sports he’s tried. “I’ve done soccer and track, and I’d say rowing is a lot more physically demanding,” Hayward said. “At the end of every practice, or at a given point at any practice, you kind of feel like throwing up. You feel sick because it’s so hard. It’s really like pushing everything to the limit.” Senior Michael Noble, who started rowing in January of this year, agreed that it is very demanding. “You have to be in shape mentally and physically, because you have to keep your technique the whole time,” Noble said. “You have to be pretty strong to do it. I think it’s harder than running, because you combine so many different things. It’s a full body workout.” Besides the physical aspect of crew, nearly all rowers talk of the mental challenge of the sport. Bleeke said that this aspect is what drew her to rowing over other sports. “The thing with rowing is it’s almost as mental as it is physical at some points, and I just really liked that,” Bleeke said. The most challenging part of rowing, she said, is having the courage to push yourself beyond your own expectations for yourself, both mentally and physically. “That’s always been kind of scary for me,” Bleeke said. “Whenever I have to do hard pieces on the water or on the erg, I always have that fear. It’s really hard to push that aside and just go for it. But, at the same time, that’s why I love rowing – that you can prove yourself wrong, and you can do things that you never thought you could do.” Junior Reed Rosenblum said rowing is highly demanding. As a result, he said he often wants to quit on a daily basis. However, he said that maintaining one’s mindset is important. “If you don’t mentally think you can do it, you probably can’t,” Rosenblum said. “You have to get into that mindset to really do well.” Kropp agreed that perseverance is the key to success when rowing.

Jocelyn Lee

Jocelyn Lee

LEFT: Varsity rowers, including senior Laura Bleeke and junior Alex Watkins, row steady state. CENTER: Medals from past regattas are displayed at the SLRC boathouse. RIGHT: Junior Will Brown races in the St. Louis Sprints regatta on April 7. Brown joined SLRC this year.


FEATURES Courtesy of Michael Noble

“What I really like about rowing is how natural talent can get you somewhere, but you can’t rely on your talent forever,” Kropp said. “At some point you’re going to have to start working hard. It’s really a sport where your success is measured by how hard you work, instead of just how naturally good you are.” One element of crew that sets it apart from many popular other team sports is the racing. Although she rowed a little bit when she was younger, junior Alex Watkins waited to join SLRC until her freshman year – the year that most start rowing at SLRC. “It’s very unique because you’re quite literally in a boat with other people,” Watkins said. “I think everyone is just as important as anyone else in the boat. If one person isn’t giving it their all, it’s impossible to still win.” Watkins said that her favorite part about participating in the sport is winning medals. “To win, you have to go through a lot of long endurance and hard pieces, and that’s not so much fun,” Watkins said. “But it definitely pays off when you get medals.” Similarly, Kropp said that a desire to win races helps to keep her motivated during tough practices. She also said that there are usually good practices to balance out more difficult ones. The SLRC crew team participates in several regattas, or racing events, throughout the year, with most of them taking place in the fall and spring. Nearly all regattas take place away from the “home” of SLRC, Creve Coeur Lake, and involve traveling to different regions of the Midwest. For Bleeke, regattas are enjoyable not just for the races, but also for the social aspect. She said she enjoys traveling and spending time with high school students from all over the St. Louis area. “[SLRC] is really like a big family,” Bleeke said. “I love it. We have a really big team, and it’s people of all different ages, from all different schools – public, private, all girls, all boys – from all over St. Louis, which is really cool. So, it’s really diverse in that way.”


Junior Will Brown recently joined the team, and he said that the SLRC community is very supportive. “If someone’s doing a really long race or something really hard, they come over and support you and tell you to keep going and how much you have left and that kind of stuff to encourage you to do better,” Brown said. Another plus that can come with rowing is the appeal to colleges. Bleeke currently has the fastest time on her team, and, as a result, was recruited by a number of colleges this past school year. However, getting to this point required a significant amount of time and effort. Bleeke’s coach, Tim Franck, said that it is a long process to become “recruitable” by the highest ranked collegiate programs in the country. “[Laura] is a top Division One recruit, because she’s really put in a lot of hard work in the last few years and really worked to improve herself, not only physically, but also in terms of being able to focus and making a commitment and being here every single day,” Franck said. “She’s a completely different athlete than she was two years ago. It was fun to watch.” Bleeke said that for female rowers especially, there are many recruiting and scholarship opportunities. She said her rowing was a nice leg up in admissions. College admissions aside, Bleeke encourages other high school students to try rowing. “The thing with rowing is that you can go for just the first two weeks, and you don’t have any real, further commitment to the team,” Bleeke said. “So you can just try it out and see if it’s right for you.” In addition, she said that crew is a sport for every type of athlete and individual. “Even if you’re not six foot three and insanely muscular, you can still be successful as a rower – even if it’s just being a coxswain,” Bleeke said. “No one ever sits on the bench – everyone is always in a boat, rowing, and you can always be competitive in that boat, because there are so many different levels of intensity.” 

Jocelyn Lee

Junior Reed Rosenblum (front) and senior Michael Noble train on indoor rowing machines.

Rowing Jargon Sculling

Rowing with two oars - one in each hand


Sits at the stern of the boat without an oar; responsible for steering

Ergometer (Erg)

An indoor rowing machine

Weigh Enough

A command to stop rowing; often pronounced “wane-off”

FEATURES Courtesy of Michael Noble



It’s little wonder that “second-semester senior” has become a dirty word in some circles. But hope shouldn’t be given up just yet. 





hen most seniors would appreciate a free Tuesday morning by sleeping in, senior Grace Cohen treats it like any other school day. In fact, she will often get up far before many of her peers.  After all, she has to get to work around 7:30.  It gives her that extra time to set up for the children. Each week, Cohen works as a kindergarten aide and as an art assistant at Captain Elementary School, using up what would have been free time from first to fourth period.  Her job descriptions include pencil sharpening, playing games, and setting up art projects.  The students call her Miss Grace, and she is perfectly happy. “It’s a good place for her to be,” Captain Kindergarten teacher Jan Wilson, whom Cohen

helps, said. “We’re a small community, like all Those inspiring teachers are certainly thankthe other elementary schools, and it’s a com- ful for Cohen’s help now. For Wilson, the extra fortable place to hang out and feel like you’re person in the room is invaluable, especially with six-year-olds. really contributing.” “In kindergarten, you can’t have enough That sense of contribution was one of the main reasons that Cohen decided to spend her hands and ear and bodies at each table, so it’s a spare time volunteering. Coupled with her fond tremendous help.” memories of times past at A little extra sleep I’m really glad that I’m doing now and then may have the school, Cohen jumped this. It gives me something to been warranted but, for at the chance to return. “I was thinking about wake up to in the morning. Cohen, the reward far exceeds what she might it, and, having all this have given up. free time as a senior, I Grace Cohen knew that I wanted to do “There have been something interesting and really use the time times where I’ve been really tempted to sleep in wisely,” Cohen said. “Going to Captain was re- and to just go in later, but when I think about ally a wonderful experience for me. The teachers it, and the reward I’m getting from it, I’m really helped build me into who I am today, and they glad that I’m doing this,” Cohen said. “It gives me something to wake up to in the morning.” were always an inspiration to me.”

GRACE COHEN Works as an art assistant and a kindergarten aide at Captain Elementary School ABOVE: Senior Grace Cohen helps out in the Captain Elementary art room. (Emma Vierod) OPPOSITE PAGE: Left: Senior Margaret Mulligan tutors a student as part of the Urban Future project. Right: Senior Zoe Keller and her student work on an assignment. (Both Courtesy of Margaret Mulligan) LAST PAGE: Nia Charrington, after graduating early, has moved on into the world of business, running her own media consulting company. (Photo Courtesy of Nia Charrington)



MARGARET MULLIGAN Helps coordinate the Urban Future tutoring program at CHS



xtra time spent on schoolwork is to CHS English teacher Adam Hayward, whose rarely a welcomed task, especially stories of teaching similar students got her for any senior already in the throes thinking about helping out. of long-term procrastination. For “Margaret and I were talking a little bit Margaret Mulligan, however, that about my background, and, knowing how pasextra time spent helps her make sure that Kyle sionate she had been about community service, and LaPortia succeed.  She’s just doing what any I suggested trying to make some sort of connection with the inner-city schools,” Hayward good tutor would do. Since its inception in the fall semester, said.  “With all the resources and the great kids Mulligan has acted that this school has, I as the point person This isn’t something that you do for think that there could for the CHS branch résumé building... We’re really try- really be a positive impact.” of the Urban Future ing to build a connection here. The differences beinitiative, a system that selects students tween school districts to tutor inner-city Margaret Mulligan can make quite an impact in comparison, youth. Already highly involved in community service, Mulligan used which is why the positive reinforcement of the her passion for helping others as a springboard tutoring is so vital. for getting out the word. “That’s the help - believing and enforcing She credits the inspiration for the project that they’re going to go to college and having

them know that these are the tools for getting them there,” Mulligan said. The stress is, of course, on passion and connection, not necessarily on making it all look good. That isn’t the goal for Mulligan. “This isn’t something that you do for resume -building,” Mulligan said. “It’s easy to go in and say, ‘I tutored this kid for four years,’ and have it look good on your résumé, but you may not know them at all. We’re really trying to build a connection here.” That connection ties in with the passion of the work, a deciding factor in choosing to tutor in the first place.  As fellow tutor senior Carmen Ribaudo said, having free time doesn’t necessarily mean that senioritis will set in.  Instead, a shift in priorities comes about. “All this free time doesn’t mean that I’m goofing off,” Ribaudo said. “It’s just given me more time to spend on the things that I’m passionate about.” FEATURES




nd what of life beyond the closeknit walls of Clayton? What happens to those who leave the buildings, never to return?  For the handful that decides to graduate early, the sudden freedom can be daunting but also an opportunity to do more.  Just ask Nia Charrington: she runs her own consulting business. However, before getting into the business world, Charrington first had to leave the high school world, a decision she describes as “spur of the moment,” seeing as it came a mere two weeks before winter break. “I was sitting in personal finance thinking that I really disliked this class,” Charrington said.  “And I had my transcript in my bag, along with the graduation requirements, and I thought, ‘Oh yeah, I’m done.’” After weathering some attempts to dissuade her from her chosen course, Charrington found herself on the other side of the void, ready to dive into whatever she pleased, which was initially far from consulting work.

NIA CHARRINGTON Runs her own media consulting business after graduating early



“Originally, the plan was that I would do be made or broken with just a few clicks of the something related to what my major would mouse. “What I really like is seeing the kind of imbe, biomedical engineering,” Charrington said. “But on the side, I was also interested in the pact that social media can have on a business,” types of things that my dad does with computer Charrington said. “The use is so dynamic, coming from every different direction, and I feel science.” that you can get more imThat interest I would hesitate to say that it’s a pact by using that.” snowballed into a better use of my time... I guess I With the rest of her business plan once time, Charrington takes the biomedical work would say that the big change is a class at Forest Park was put on hold, and that I’m more excited about it. Community College and Charrington now keeps up her friends who fills her days with Nia Charrington still reside within the dotweets and website mains of high school. She plans. She runs a consulting business that works with local busi- describes the change from high school as internesses from a marketing standpoint, focusing esting and new, though not necessarily better. “I would hesitate to say that it’s a better use on “social media marketing, website maintenance, and kind of whatever will get their name of my time,” Charrington said. “It’s different.  I guess I would say that the big change is that I’m out in the public.” The real thrill of her work comes from the more excited about it.” As for all you local businesses out there: hold that social media holds over the corporate Consider Charrington open for business, at sector in relation to the rest of the world.  With that kind of power, businesses can least until she heads off to college in the fall. 



You don’t see them, but they’re there. On the other side of the mop, the stage light, the keyboard. They’re always there, the men and women behind the curtain, making sure things run smoothly from afar. You don’t see them, or hear from them. Usually. But they make Clayton tick. And it’s time you met them.

by Jackie Leong and Meredith McMahon PHOTOS by PAUL LISKER AND DANA SCHWARTZ

Administrative assistant Debbie Garozzo-Hughes is not just a secretary. She is the secretary; that is, she manages to juggle and organize the daily schedule of Principal Louise Losos. And although Garozzo-Hughes has only been at Clayton a couple years, she is not at all new to the job-or to Losos, whom she knew at Parkway for five years. Though she was, as she is now, the principal’s secretary, Garozzo-Hughes was impressed by Losos’ work ethic and drive – as she told me, Losos left for Clayton, and after some years, Garozzo-Hughes ended up there too—“It’s the premier public district,” she said. Needless to say, she was pretty content with the arrangement. But for those out there wondering what brings a person to the secretary’s desk, it’s not a clear-cut answer, at least in the case of Garozzo-Hughes. It is a series of coincidences. “I started out in banking,” Garozzo-Hughes said, “Numbers have always been my safety blanket.” Garozzo-Hughes also spent some time on the St. Louis trading floor, and settled into trust management. Numbers to Garozzo-Hughes are, as she said, a natural thing, and they’re something that “she sort of misses.” That includes her former life immersed in them, to a small extent. When GarozzoHughes looks at the ticker in the New York Stock Exchange, she doesn’t see scrolling characters, she sees something more—because she understands it. It’s nostalgic. The change to a job in education was because of a friend, with similar interests, who had one. The impetus, though, was the sudden passing of her father. “ N o b o d y could

have seen it coming,” GarozzoHughes said. “It makes you think when you lose people so special to you.” And when Garozzo-Hughes reevaluated her life, after 15 years in finance, she found that she was ready for a change—a more or less drastic one. “So I applied at Parkway,” she said. The ‘climate shock’ was at first high. After all, schools are loud, high schools especially. “My first day, I remember thinking they were so crazy loud,” Garozzo-Hughes said. “And you wonder, ‘Why are they so loud?’ But you get used to it. My husband called me at work once, and he could hear the voices in the background. He asked me, ‘How do you stand it?’” Her answer? Just blocking it out, she told me laughingly. She stayed for five years before moving to Clayton for a similar position, and immediately noticed the difference— not in the noise, but in the general demeanor. “Students here know what they want,” she said. “They’re driven. Clayton’s doing it right.” Focused students aside, though, the job description was largely the same: manage the life of the head of the school, from appointments, a bit of bills and budgeting--which, of course, comes naturally, more or less--to meeting setup. “I assist with graduation and awards, too,” she said, “and of course there’s the principal’s e-newsletter.” Indeed, in Garozzo-Hughes’s world, there is very well never a dull moment. There is always something to be done. So much, in fact, that she “doesn’t know her way around the building,” as she rarely has to leave the office. When she does, it’ll be for good, and that will be at the end of this year, whereupon she’ll be relocating to Flagstaff, Arizona--where her husband landed a new job. “Quite frankly, I have no idea what I’m going to do in Arizona,” Garozzo-Hughes said. “Flagstaff is a very sweet sleepy little town.” She’s weighed the options of seeking jobs at upand-coming charter schools and nearby Northern Arizona University, but for now, she has a more immediate job at hand: choosing her successor. She respects Losos greatly, she said, “so much that >>>


theater assistant Lights, camera, action. These are familiar words to CHS senior David Mayer. Is David a well-known actor, singer, dramatist or classical musician at our school? No. Does he get to stand in the spotlight at the end of a show? Of course not--in fact, David takes pride in the fact that the audience doesn’t knows he’s there. However, it is because of his invisible presence that the show goes on. David’s job as a theater events assistant for a little more than a year has been vital to making the sound board aspect of the CHS and rental shows work. Controlling microphones, playing music and sound cues, and recording shows are all part of his job. “The most interesting part has been working with large production companies,” Mayer said. “For school plays, I know everyone who is working on the show, but for rentals I have only a few hours to put together a show with a large group of people that I’ve never met before. It’s been a little nerve wracking at times, but it’s

>>> I ’ m being picky when it comes to choosing my replacement.” But despite this second change, Garozzo-Hughes is looking to the future eagerly. She hails from the Midwest; her husband, from the East, and so the West is filled with nature to explore, powdery Flagstaff snow to sweep (“Not shovel,” Garozzo-Hughes clarified, “it’s all dried out!”) and mythical scorpions to feel vaguely nervous about. She’s moving forward just as she did before, which brought her to Clayton. Wherever she lands next, only she knows. “Life is a trip,” Garozzo-Hughes said. “Who saw this coming? I’m just on a ride.”

been a great learning experience.” Mayer’s job usually begins every month with an email from CHS theater manager John Armstrong, who tells him about the upcoming month’s theater events. The events vary in the amount and type of work they involve. “It depends on what the show requires,” Mayer said. “Student band, choir, and orchestra concerts only last two to three hours, but some shows require several four or five hour nights in a row.” Mayer also is involved in setting up for the show. With setting up comes the continual fear of many people who work behind the scenes—that someone will notice you. “I like setting up for shows, particularly if it involves hanging lights or setting up scenery,” Mayer said. “During set up, you have a sense of urgency and purpose, but without the stress that comes with knowing a theater full of people will notice if you mess up.” A perk? Getting paid. “I get paid $9.50 an hour by the Clayton School District . . . Getting paid to do things that I do for fun during school plays is pretty nice,” Mayer said. Overall, Mayer’s experience has been different and rewarding. “It has been rewarding in that it is my first actual job, and has taught me a lot about working with others in a professional environment.” David emphasizes the importance of his undercover role. “If I’m doing my job well,” he said, “the audience shouldn’t really realize I’m there.”



Administrative assistant Jackie Moyne lives and breathes blue and orange. The Student Activities office is busy—according to Moyne, it’s the most-frequented office in the school. When I visited her, though, there seemed to be a lull in the traffic, and Moyne was wearing her customer service face—something she self-reportedly sports 98 percent of the time, and which she’s aptly named “Miss Sunshine.” “Basically, I do everything,” she said. “From beginning to middle to end, I make sure my boss’s day is conducted in the smoothest way possible.” Her boss is Marci Pieper, one of CHS’s two assistant principals—but that’s just the beginning of Moyne’s impressive to-do list. She’s the registrar for both the middle and high school summer school programs, and she ends up doing a bit of miscellaneous things on the fly. Administrators call her for answers, she says, because she probably has them, and if she doesn’t, she finds out. “That’s just the kind of person I am,” she said. “And I like to think that I have a big-picture perspective about what’s going on in the school.” Moyne arrives around 6 a.m, opens the office, starts the coffee, opens her email and finalizes Pieper’s schedule. “Then it starts,” she said. “There are already kids in the commons sometimes. The support and maintenance staff—we’re the first thing the kids see in the morning and the last people they see at night.” Such a lifestyle isn’t new to Moyne, who applied for a job at Clayton in 1990 after the St. Louis Conservatory school where she previously worked failed. When she approached Wydown Middle School based on an ad in the paper, she was granted an interview with then-principal Jere

Hockman. “He asked if there was anything I wouldn’t do,” Moyne recalled, “and I said I wouldn’t clean toilets because that stuff makes me queasy.” Roughly 24 hours later, Moyne received the job and began work as Hockman’s secretary. She later transferred to the high school, and has even gone to the “big house”—what she calls the administration building. But she loves her current position. “This office is like a kingdom in itself,” she said. Asked what she loves about Clayton itself, she simply pushed a post-it pad across the table. “I am Clayton,” it said. “That’s me,” she said. “Through and through.” The future, too, for Moyne, is at Clayton as well; she has no plan of leaving anytime soon. “I’ll die at my desk,” she added. “I’m very fortunate to have worked here, and to have met and known and befriended the staff here,” Moyne said. “I’m filled with admiration and pride watching the work Dr. Pieper does; her kindness and fairness imparted to the students is amazing.” Moyne has known a few from her early days at Wydown, and has seen the changes come and go, and hopes to continue to do so, for those she works with, from adults to teenagers. “The main reason of getting out of bed every morning?” she said. “The students. I love all these faces­—from the ‘deer caught in the headlights’ baby face of a incoming ninth grader to the ‘I know what’s goin’ on’ face of a senior.” Year 22 of Moyne’s time with Clayton is almost up—and with that, she’s staunchly grateful for the moments she’s spent here. “I’m just so fortunate,” she repeated, smiling. “I couldn’t have chosen a better career path. I’m very lucky.”

Maintenance supervisor Neil Cerrato’s day started at 7:30 in the morning. As CHS maintenance supervisor for the past 18 years, Cerrato has seen years of the physical aspect of CHS’s changes. On the particular day I visited him, he was receiving a message about broken glass—and he seemed relatively unperturbed. With the number of problems he has seen and dealt with, however, that is not too unusual. “Every day it’s different, something new,” Cerrato said. “That’s what’s nice about the job — it’s not monotonous.” Although all of Neil’s jobs have been different, a particularly unusual instance was “chasing squirrels”. “That was a while back where [the construction in 2000] was done,” Cerrato said. “They didn’t finish the job quite correctly so squirrels came in and ran around on the ceilings and the school got all sorts of calls.” They had to put traps up on the ceiling, which did catch a few, but the same ones would come back after being freed. “So one day we decided, ‘Why don’t we do this: let’s spray the tail of one of the squirrels.’ So we did. And I be darned, we caught the same one! So we said, we have to do something different here.” The squirrels were given to a teacher who lived near Forest Park, and who’d drop them off there—sufficiently far enough, Cerrato recalled, “so they wouldn’t know their way back.” Cerrato started as an independent contractor in New York, where he moved to when he was 16 years old from Italy. “I did a lot of work,” Cerrato said. “I did, I don’t know, everything. When I started a job, it wasn’t like where I only came in and did your

floor, then next guy came in and did your paint.” Instead, Cerrato was a sort of every-job man. When I came to your house,” he said, “I did everything from top to bottom. When I walked out of that room, everything was completed. So I didn’t do just one thing—I tried to do it all, so that it was all done with. I didn’t have any contractors work for me, I just had some helpers, that’s it.” Although Cerrato works behind the scenes, especially in working with plumbing, he says that his work is acknowledged by many staff members. “It is working behind the scenes because a lot of the stuff we do you don’t actually see it,” Cerrato said. “[However], there’s a lot of things teachers do see and do recognize.” Namely, of course, all the resources usually taken for granted. “A lot of times if you don’t have any water and all of the sudden, you have water . . . you only miss it [when you don’t],” Cerrato said. “When you have the water, you never think about it. You’re never going to miss it, because you know, it’s there all the time. Once it’s gone it’s like ‘Oh my God, no water!’” Cerrato’s presence, as well as the presence of the maintenance staff in general cannot be underestimated. His last day was in late March, but it will be hard to forget the mark he made in all his years at Clayton. Although it’s easy to notice all the superficial aspects of the school, the undercover people and their interesting stories are what truly makes CHS what it is.  COVER STORY



Building a Program

Courtesy of Ronald Relm

After graduating nearly the entire starting lineup and watching their reputation disappear alongside them, the Hounds have built from the ground up. JAKE BERNSTEIN


eturning only one starter – and competing in the top division in the state – is not usually a recipe for athletic success. Not only did the graduating class leave an immense hole in talent, but they also left the reputation for unseemly off the field activity. This year’s team was left with the task of rebuilding in both areas. While wins have remained elusive for the 2012 Hounds, the team has succeeded in recreating a family atmosphere. Captain Jonathan Matheny, the lone returning starter on the team, said a theme of this year’s club was to play with “respect and dignity.” With a crew consisting of half freshman, Matheny has the responsibility to set the example. “We aren’t expecting to win a ton of games, but we are going to work really hard and set the tone for the next few years,” Matheny said. “Especially off the field, with all of the issues we had last year, cleaning up off-field behavior is really important to us.” Head lacrosse coach Ben Hjelle (CHS ’02) said last year’s incidents shook the team “to the core.” Hjelle spent this school year reaching out



to administrators and developing a base for better communication. “We can’t run away from the fact that people think that way about us,” Hjelle said. “The players all understand that there’s a reputation that needs to be improved, and the captains have done a great job communicating that to the younger guys.” Junior captain Adam Luxon also pointed to a clear change in the atmosphere of Clayton lacrosse. “We’re working to build a strong foundation for the years to come,” junior captain Adam Luxon said. “We’ve started a new chapter in Clayton Lacrosse with this season.” This new chapter extends beyond the high school. A lacrosse program is now offered for students as young as fifth grade. CHS parent Trish Lopata started a Jr. Greyhounds lacrosse team for seventh and eighth grade students, which was incredibly successful in its first year. “We are in the process of building the program,” Lopata said. “In three or four years, our mission is for it to be a huge presence at Clayton.” With an involved group of parents and middle school students – alongside the leadership of Matheny and Luxon – a state caliber lacrosse

team is within sight. “I couldn’t ask for a better captain than Jonathan Matheny,” Hjelle said. “He’s been incredibly patient with his younger teammates and is a phenomenal guy. Adam Luxon has also come in and done a tremendous job keeping us focused through tough times.” Hjelle is only the second coach for the club, now in its 16th year. Hjelle was a captain and three year starter for the Hounds, earning all conference honors for his efforts. In his first two seasons as coach, he has had the opportunity to coach teams on the opposite ends of the spectrum. “People say last year was our most successful year ever, which is probably true,” Hjelle said. “Personally, it’s hard to start coaching in that atmosphere and then to struggle the next year, but ultimately I think it’s going to contribute to my growth as a person, coach and teacher.” Matheny and Luxon agreed on the ultimate goal for the season: establish the standard for work ethic, and mend the team’s reputation. This new atmosphere, Hjelle believes, will lead the Hounds to success. “I think we’re headed in a positive direction and people feel like they can cheer for us because we’ve got great guys playing for us,” Hjelle said. 


Introducing Your State Contenders Only three weeks into the spring season, teams have had great success, from the perennially contending boys’ tennis team to the rising track and field teams.



Watch for these guys on the state podium

Keep an eye out for these talented teams

Boys’ Tennis

Girls’ Track and Field

Boys’ tennis continues road back to state tournament, starting the season with an undefeated record. The team avenged their state semifinal loss to Westminster with a 6-1 victory.

In addition to the sprint relays, the team produced two field winners in the Skippy Keefer relays, Amanda Stubblefield in the discus throw and Briah Arms in the shot put.

Girls’ Soccer Girls’ soccer opened the season with high expectations – and a tough opening schedule, playing top teams Parkway Central, Kirkwood and Westminster in the first two weeks of the season. The team is 3-3, and 3-0 in conference play.

Boys’ Golf The continued improvement of the talented junior class of golfers has meant success for the Hounds. Senior Will Rosenfeld, who did not play junior year, has returned to lead the team as the number one golfer.

Boys’ Track and Field


While the boys’ 4x100 has represented Clayton well for years, the distance team has lagged behind. No longer. The boys’ 4x800 easily won the meet, and the distance medley took third.

Led by a strong group of seniors accompanied by three super freshmen, boys’ baseball continues to see improvement. Jake Brown, John Howard and Justin Gellman, all freshmen, are major contributors to the squad.

Athlete Quick Questions Rick Santorum should...

Last time I watched NASCAR

Laura Bleeke SLRC varsity rower

Redefine his last name

I have never watched it

I don’t even know what that means

The voice I always hear but face I never see

Charlie Harned Soccer, Basketball

Continue fighting because us people need a good voice

Every Sunday with the bros

Serves them right for their hitting

Is such a freaking bro

Ali Rangwala Tennis, Cricket

Change his name

I fell asleep

Wait, what?

Can’t read tennis announcements

Andrea Stiffelman Soccer, Swimming

Stop talking on TV

Never, I don’t watch it

What the heck are bountygate suspesnions?

Loves to talk

The athletes

On the bountygate Freddy Barnes suspensions...



ATHLETE PROFILE: SARA GARFINKEL Sara Garfinkel has dedicated her entire life to dance.


enior Sara Garfinkel has spent years of hard work pursuing her greatest passion: dancing. She discussed with Globe editor David Androphy how dancing has affected her life. How did you get into dance? My parents put me into dance classes when I was 3 at “The Studio.” It’s a funny story actually; my mom thought that The Studio’s ballet classes weren’t structured or disciplined enough for my training (even though I was only 3). She was determined to get me into classes at Ballet Conservatory, the top ballet school in St. Louis. The director of Ballet Conservatory told my mom that they don’t accept dancers until they’re at least 5, but my mom brought me in for a test class, and they accepted me at age 3. Why did you want to pursue dancing? Dance is something that I literally could not live without. Everyone has their own way to let go and be genuinely happy, and that is what dance is to me. It sounds strange, but my happiest moments are spent dancing in sweaty studios in pointe shoes with blisters on my feet. There really aren’t any words to describe the passion I have for dance, but for me, to dance is to live. Photos courtesy of Sarah Garfinkel

How much time do you put in per week dancing at COCA and other dancing companies and what kind of dancing do you do? I am a First Company member in COCA’s ballet company, Ballet Eclectica, as well as the contemporary company, COCAdance. Class and rehearsal time add up to be about 26 hours a week. I’m there every day but Tuesday because we’re required to have one day off. I wish there were more hours in a day for more dancing






Born Dec. 3 in St. Louis






After college, will you pursue a dancing career? In the fall, I will be attending Florida State University with a B.F.A. in dance. FSU’s dance program is one of the top dance schools in the nation, so I am honored and excited for the next chapter in my life. After college, I plan to pursue a dancing career for as long as my body is able. I hope to be in either a classical ballet company or a contemporary ballet company.



Started classes at Ballet Conservatory






How physically demanding is dancing? Dance is incredibly demanding. No matter how many years or classes you take you will never, ever be perfect at it. That idea is always hard to grasp. It’s passion. I have had my feet bleed through my pointe shoes and I’ve had many injuries to my achilles tendon, but I can never ever think of stopping because to stop dancing is to stop living. 


Performed in COCA’s Spring Repertory Concert annually from 2005-2012








First Company in Ballet Electrica Will attend dance program at FSU





Parker Schultz



went into “The Lorax” afraid that one of my favorite childhood books would be ruined by a bad movie. Luckily, I was wrong. The film has a star-studded cast. Danny DeVito voices the character of the Lorax and Taylor Swift voices Audrey, a young girl who longs to see a tree in a world depleted of green. Zac Efron voices Ted, who wants to find a tree for Audrey. I am not a huge fan of love stories and, fortunately, that didn’t take up too much of the movie. However, Ted is madly in love with Audrey and wants a tree to impress her, leading him to find the Once-ler, the owner of the last seed that can plant a tree. Throughout the movie, Ted realizes how the seed is not only important to Audrey but also to the world’s future. “The Lorax” did do a good job telling the story of a Dr. Suess classic. The plot was plainly stated, and there was plenty of humor to make the movie entertaining. More than entertainment, however, the movie offers up some serious food for thought. A future world made entirely of plastic isn’t quite what we’d like to imagine, after all. Overall, “The Lorax” is a high-quality film that is great for families with children. 



hen you first step into the Clayton Diner, it feels like you’ve entered somebody’s kitchen. Everything has a worn look, from the black and white tiled floor to the red barstools. The space is small, more like a shotgun-diner, and there’s a floor fan that keeps the air circulating. Behind the counter is an assortment of ingredients left out where they’re easiest to find. First impressions aren’t much, but this tucked away diner in downtown Clayton is a gem. If you’re looking for a simple meal, there’s no better place to go. For the same price as fast food, you have a real meal that’s made right in front of you. Clayton Diner excels at creating an original diner atmosphere. The people who work there are friendly, and most customers are on first

PARKER SCHULTZ name basis with the owner. One customer, Big Mike, has been going to the diner for over 60 years. He always pays with whatever bill he has on him, giving generous donations. He says that he wants to see the diner continue to thrive, as he’s been eating there his entire adult life. The food is simple but good. The burgers taste great, and it’s easy to customize your order since you can talk to the person making your meal. From the times I’ve been to the diner, my favorite has been the BLT. That, with a plate of onion rings, is hard to beat. Next time you’re out to lunch, or looking for a quick breakfast, give the Clayton Diner a try. You’ll get a much better meal and experience than at a chain restaurant. Skip the Bread Company or Chipotle and get a real lunch. 

Fom The Lorax Movie






he buzzer sounds and kids run like crazy. Children are getting killed all around, but they keep running, trying to get away from all the madness. They run far enough that they are safe from the bloodbath, but nowhere is safe when you’re in the Hunger Games. In the futuristic world of Panem, every year two children from each of the 12 districts must fight to the death in a televised game called the Hunger Games. The capital city of Panem forces the kids to fight, as a reminder of the consequences of a previous rebellion and to entertain the capital’s populace. When Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) volunteers to fight in place of her sister, her world is turned upside down. With the help of Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson), the other tribute from her district, and her mentor Haymitch (Woody Harrelson), she must battle many obstacles, and other children, to stay alive. In the games, a sword can prove useful, but, in the end, love will prove stronger. In this action-packed movie, the audience will find themselves gripped to their seat at every twist and turn. Readers of the book will not be disappointed as the movie hits all the main plot lines. This movie will be an enjoyable experience for almost any audience, but, whether you choose to see it or not, may the odds be ever in your favor. 

Murray Close/ MCT



Scott Garfield/ Columbia Pictures/ MCT



t may not be what a traditional prom looks like, but the prom scene in “21 Jump Street” sure is funny, as is the rest of the movie. Based on the T.V. series starring Johnny Depp from the ‘80s, the film revolves around two screw-up cops sent to join the Jump Street unit. Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Jenko (Channing Tatum) were opposites in high school. Jenko was the popular jock and Schmidt was the loser that tries too hard. The two meet again when training to become police officers and ironically become best friends. Their first case takes them back to their roots, when they go in as undercover high school students to find the source of a new deadly drug. But high school seems to have changed, and the two are thrust into a wildly funny and exciting adventure. This comedy was unique in how everything came together in the end. Certain parts that the audience dismissed in the beginning resulted in wildly outrageous and humorous twists. The film is hysterical. Jonah Hill, who

NINA MUROV helped write it, was extremely funny and endearing. I was shocked to see how witty Channing Tatum was. He usually plays a dumb jock who is just fun to look at, but in “Jump Street,” he plays a dumb jock who is funny and fun to look at. Not only did the movie have familiar faces, like Ice Cube (“Are We There Yet?”) and Jake Johnson (“New Girl”), it also had new faces like Dave Franco (and yes, this is James Franco’s little brother). The cast gives each other room to shine and pitch jokes throughout. Directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller, the scenes in “21 Jump Street” will definitely keep you entertained, and the jokes are sure to make your abs stronger from laughter. This isn’t a situation where the trailer is funnier than the film, and although it is R-rated, the movie isn’t all vulgar jokes. It has fun action scenes and great twists that will both surprise you and make you chuckle. It’s worth the trip, so make sure to come and see what all the ruckus is about in “21 Jump Street.” 


Staff Photo

ADDRESSING THE SCHOOL DISTRICT BUDGET As the District faces increasing expenditures with constant revenue, we must prioritize how and where we spend our money. STAFF EDITORIAL


layton is a community that values its public school system. As a staff, we’re thankful to be a part of this community and be provided such an incredible education. We hope that the School District of Clayton will continue to be a unique and exemplary place for a holistic and fulfilling education for many years to come. So far, the School District of Clayton has successfully weathered the economic downturn without having to make any significant budgetary cuts. However, the District has now embarked on the difficult process of cutting approximately one million dollars from the current annual budget of 47 million dollars. These cuts come at a time when the District is earning a constant revenue of taxes with increasing expenditures for costs like the health benefits of teachers. Like many of our surrounding school districts, we must now carefully evaluate our goals as a district in order to prioritize how we

spend our taxpayer money. Ultimately, we face the important discussion of how and where to make significant cuts to the budget. Indeed, we could cut little things here and there, but that wouldn’t do it. We could reduce our technology budget by simply extending the lifetime of our computers or we could cut Friday doughnuts for teachers, but these cuts would ultimately be insignificant in addressing the growing gap between expenses and revenues. As a district, we must maintain our focus on the students. If there are budget cuts, they must not hinder the fundamental educational opportunities for our students. Accordingly, teachers or teachers’ salaries are the last thing that should be cut. Simply put, teachers are at the heart of education. As a district, we must continue to attract and sustain the strongest possible staff of dedicated teachers. Instead, we must take a serious look at possibly eliminating, reducing, or consolidating various programs or faculty members that do not directly impact a student’s education in the District. Therefore, we must consider condensing the administrative staff.

In addition, we feel it would be beneficial for students as well as financially beneficial to explore trimming and streamlining the vast number of elective courses and extracurricular programs offered throughout the District. Reducing the budget doesn’t have to come solely through a series of drastic cuts. By simply working with the City of Clayton to combine and consolidate our landscape maintenance staff, we could save valuable money. Also, since Clayton currently has far more school days than most public schools in Missouri, we suggest that the District reduce the number of school days. Like businesses and other school districts across the country, it is time Clayton examine how we spend our taxpayer money in an effort to reduce excessive spending and ensure that our taxes and resources are directed towards providing the best possible education for all our students. Most importantly, we feel strongly that Clayton can continue to offer a world class education with amazing opportunities for students despite any possible future cuts.  COMMENTARY


PRO/CON: TO STAND YOUR GROUND? After the Florida slaying of Trayvon Martin, Missouri’s own gun rights law, the castle doctrine, has been put in the spotlight.



he castle doctrine is a self-defense law that takes many different forms from state to state. In Florida, the castle doctrine states that if one is in a place he has a right to be in, one has the right to use lethal force against someone if he feels threatened without first trying to flee. This is the law currently being employed to defend the innocence of George Zimmerman, a captain of the neighborhood watch in his Florida neighborhood and the man who is responsible for The castle doctrine upgrades shooting Trayvon Martin. the right to defend oneself to Missouri law has a a dangerous level. castle doctrine that is similar to that of Florida. According to Missouri legislature, one has the right to use lethal force if threatened before trying any other action if he is on his property. Though both laws have good intent, in practice they both become loopholes for unjustifiable murder. The castle doctrine upgrades the right to defend oneself to a dangerous level. As seen in the case of Trayvon Martin, a perceived threat can too often be the case of misunderstanding and could result in the loss of an innocent life. Under the extremely broad terms of Florida’s law, one does not have to be on his property to use lethal force in response to a threat. In this sense, a man walking down a street could, justifiably, shoot another man if he reasonably perceived him as threatening. Such freedom in terms of justifiable homicide has no doubt contributed to the marked increase in justifiable homicides in Florida. Missouri has also experienced such an increase. The law poses a valid question: if someone, feeling threatened, has the right to use lethal force on their property, why wouldn’t that right follow them once they leave their property? In response to this question, the Missouri law has continually been redefined since its inception to more and more closely resemble the Florida law. The law, once in play, opens the floodgates to forms of self-defense that simply cannot be practiced safely in the United States. Self-defense is by no means black and white. All people, no matter what race, background, or religion, should have a right to survival in the face of a threat. But when a law meant to preserve the lives of the innocent becomes part of the threat, it’s time for change. The castle doctrine, especially in its broadest terms, is simply not a viable law in the modern day world, and Missouri should not and cannot continue its use. 




he right of self-defense has hundreds of years of precedence and in many states, and the law recognizes the right of individuals to protect their home in what is called the ‘castle doctrine.’ Although there has been a seemingly endless throng of school shootings in recent years, it is surprising that people should question the right of one to protect himself or herself in such extreme tragedies. The recent school shooting in Oakland included the deaths of seven students, caused by a troubled man seeking revenge. What would have happened if a teacher had taken out a defensive weapon from a safe located in the classroom for such circumstances of absolute emergency, and removed the threat with an effective deterrent force? I see no reason why people defending themselves or fellow class members would not be justified in this scenario. It is perhaps easy for some people to have a complete sense of security and peace of mind, but this is not the case for all society. For instance, recently, my physician father was threatened with his life by an incensed army ranger. My father sent the ranger’s wife to a domestic violence shelter who had been battered and could not fend her husband’s violent attacks. The need for self-defense is real and apparent. Some have suggested that gun ownership makes communities safer, as criminals cannot predict when they would meet effective defenses. Why should people not be able to defend themselves on par with the violence and mayhem directed against them? Why should individuals who are in mortal danger not protect their life, which I think most of us cherish and appreciate? I know I do. Did not Thomas Hobbes declare in Leviathan that the greatest human fear is of a violent death? Furthermore, he said that when government does not perform its social contract with its people by providing protection for them, the people have the right to defend themselves. We obviously don’t live in a place of perfect peace, yet, I do not want to live in Orwell’s Oceania where prefrontal lobotomies I will not run; I will protect are performed to change my family and those I love cognitive behaviors to crein the ‘castle’ I call home. ate people who are docile and non-judgmental. I will not apologize for causing physical damage to an intruder that endangers my life or the lives of my family members while I am sitting in the walls of my home. When an intruder is comfortable enough to step not only on my property, but into my house, I would declare that this same individual would have little, or no hesitation to commit more criminal actions. I hope that the sight of a firearm or the faint odor of pepper spray lingering in the air will deter them from their nefarious intentions. I will not run; I will protect my family and those I love in the ‘castle’ I call home. 

HEY, YOU, GET OFF THE PHONE Real human interaction should replace today’s technological nonsense. MARIA MASSAD Peter Baugh


Peter Baugh spent the beginning of his freshman year venturing into the nooks and crannies of CHS. PETER BAUGH


he teachers made a grave mistake when they told me to explore the school. Coming into freshman year, the staff probably doubted I would dig myself into much of a mess, but then again, they didn’t know me very well - yet. The first day of school I noticed a small door at the base of each of the staircases. It looked like a gnome hideout, and naturally I felt it necessary to discover what was inside. I walked to the door and crouched. I yanked on the handle and, much to my delight, the door opened. But the inside was uneventful. It was a storage facility for chairs. Before I could crawl farther into the room’s depths, a passing teacher informed me it was off-limits. Darn. My quest continued, though. I also noticed a secret space in the men’s restroom. It had a door as well, and, without hesitation, I pulled it open. This room was much more interesting then the cellar for chairs. There were pipes all over and it was pretty wide. I looked at the floor. Suddenly my heart skipped a beat. A red substance lay across the ground: blood. It was a murder. The blood was from a dead body. I sprinted down to the commons to inform my friends.

Again my excitement didn’t last long. One of my classmates had a flashlight and I discovered the red substance was only paint. Perhaps my favorite adventure was the hidden basement under Stuber Gym. One day, I walked out of P.E. Coach Ford had worked us hard and I was sweaty. Near the locker room was a wooden door marked ‘STORAGE’. Instantly, I wondered what it could hold. I ran up to it and flung the door open. There was about four feet of concrete, then a drop of about five feet. A dull ladder led to the ground. I was in awe. This room needed exploring. However, the bell was about to ring. My adventure was going to have to wait. After school, I brought a friend with me to explore. We climbed down, and reached the ground. The floor was not the normal tile or concrete in CHS, it was dirt. And, as the ceiling hung low, we dodged pipes as we walked. The temperature was brisk, and it smelled odd, like dust and stale milk. There were plastic bags and dusty cups from old restaurants. It took me only two seconds to form my decision: this was my favorite place in the whole school. Unfortunately, since then, I have been told this secret basement place is off limits. I had it all to myself for around two weeks. I guess all good things must come to an end. 


just want to thank you for putting down your phone long enough to read this. Oh, woe to the phone, it has finally been forsaken to mere paper. Lately, I have noticed that more and more people are glued to the glowing screen of phones. In the hallways, people walk slower and slower, with their heads bent, their thumbs twiddling and their eyes glued to the screen. In the Commons, students play games on their phones. And in class, people text their friends. Now, clearly, it has become a sign of high social status to always be on your phone. Obviously, you have so many friends that need the instant gratification of a text, since they won’t understand if you don’t text back immediately. I confess, I am one of the few teenagers out there who does not understand this kind of behavior at all. Of course, this might be because I don’t have a smart phone, and I have observed that having a smart phone does increase the amount of time spent looking at a phone’s screen. Screens are starting to become a replacement for true human interaction, a terrible thing. Conversation and the exchange of ideas would be more meaningful if humans left behind their phones and instead communicate in more expressive ways. Machines, like phones, can never replace faceto-face interaction with others. Look around you – people are everywhere. If only you would look up from the screen, you would see faces of others, willing to talk. Next time, instead of whipping out the phone to check that latest text or Facebook notification, strike up a conversation with someone close by.  COMMENTARY





t was late August. Students lugged themselves into the school’s air conditioning, but there was one who seemed out of place. Her name is Victoria Yi, and she is an eighth grader in 10th grade Honors Algerbra Trig. The Globe’s Charlotte Reed sat down with her to talk about taking classes at the high school. How does taking a high school class work in terms of scheduling? It’s kind of hard, because I have to miss a few classes as I go to the high school every day. They work it out so that I don’t miss too much curriculum – it’s just half of my first morning class everyday. They have a bus driver who brings me back from the high school every morning after math and takes me to Wydown so that I can go to my next class. But in the morning before school, I just get to the high school with a carpool. How was it skipping grades in math? In 6th grade, I skipped to 7th grade math, and when I was in 7th I skipped to geometry, which is freshman honors math. To do that, there were a series of tests I had to take – mostly the end of year tests for each grade that covered the entire curriculum. For me, a math specialist administered the test, but for some people it is done by the Board of Education. They had me go up first by a grade at a time – which is what most people do. Since there have already been people who have skipped a grade in math, they knew what to do the first time. But the second time I was like a guinea pig because no one had ever skipped two grades before. So they had to run it by the Board and the principal. It was a long process.

Yi and a classmate study in class. Besides being two grades ahead in math, she’s also a regular in local, state and national math competitions. (Andrea Stiffelman) tion at state – it’s pretty much just people from St. Louis going against each other there and the top four in state can go to nationals. I got fourth, so I was really excited.

Are you doing any math competitions?

What is going to nationals like?

There are actually a lot of math competitions you can do in St. Louis. I recently attended about three competitions. I’ll tell you about one of them, Math Counts. There was a regional competition in February, and, from that competition, the top 13 can go to the state competition. When I went to the state competition – there was actually some pretty tough competi-

Nationals is in Orlando this year, so it’s a really good deal. It’s actually an all-expense paid trip, and you get to go to Disney and everything. There are about 224 people going to nationals this year, so there is some pretty tough competition. It’s in an age bracket of 6th to 8th grade, but it doesn’t matter what level or type of math you are in, and the questions are a mix of



types. It’s pretty exciting, yet nerve-wracking. How do you feel about coming to the high school as a true freshman next year? Well, coming just for math was pretty nervewracking at first, because I didn’t know anyone. But I feel really excited about going to the high school because I finally get to get out of middle school. I’m sure you learn more in high school and have more fun. However, I feel like high school is going to have so much work and that the transition from almost no homework in middle school to a lot of homework in high school will be overwhelming. 

Students gather in preparation for a gory fight for survival at a practice run of the Clayton Hunger Games. (Laura Kratcha)

DISTRICT INITIATES CLAYTON HUNGER GAMES Students will fight to the death in order to reduce the CHS population.



he odds haven’t been in Clayton’s favor. Recent developments with the Turner v. Clayton Board of Education court case have led the BOE to approve a resolution for the convening of the first ever Clayton Hunger Games. With an unfavorable decision in the Turner case, it is estimated Clayton High School could experience an influx of hundreds of students next year. With facilities not built to support the new students, the BOE deemed decisive action necessary. “Drastic times call for desperate measures,” one BOE member said. “And – by golly! – these are the worst we’ve ever seen.” Such is the severity of the space issue that, were the court to rule against the District, it might be necessary to move classes deemed less vital to staff restrooms or even outside, regardless of the weather. In order to free up space, the District has decided to remove students in any legally-sanctioned manner available, as quickly as possible. The Hunger Games were the obvious choice. The Games are touted as a “simple and el-

egant solution” by teachers, parents and even cial Games are scheduled to commence the first students. Twenty-four students are locked in week of May. the arena – strewn with various weaponry and The venue for the Games, chosen for its unammunition – and left until one student re- impeded view, will be the quad. Prime seats on mains. the third-floor science hallways are reserved for The Games will be held on a quarterly basis. students with the highest ACT score. The less Selection for participation is based on grades. studious must settle for the wide-screen televiFor each A letter grade, a student’s name will sions in the hallways. be entered once. For “I was a bit surI thought about doing homework prised that it had a B a student’s name will be added twice, after that rule was proclaimed. But come to this,” a parent for a C four times, for it still just wasn’t worth it. I brushed said. “But frankly, this a D eight times and was a godsend. Initialup on my crossbow skills instead. ly I had trouble confor an F 16 times. Automatic exemptions vincing my daughter are given to homePaul Lisker to do her homework, coming princesses. Senior but now she is incredOf course, this ibly motivated. This means that quarter grades, previously largely is a wonderful opportunity for her to hone her meaningless, now hold incredible weight. academic, athletic and survival skills.” “I thought about doing homework after that Teachers have chimed in with unanimous rule was proclaimed,” senior Paul Lisker said. support, reporting a marked increase in the “But it still just wasn’t worth it. I brushed up on timeliness of homework completion, and colmy crossbow skills instead.” lege counselors have shown staunch support. Lisker was chosen to participate in the “Not only are students performing better in “Hunger Beta,” a prototype match that occurred school and participating in more varied clubs,” over spring break in the Bermuda Triangle. It one commented. “The victor of the Games will was considered a complete success, and the offi- also have a strong addition to their résumé.”  SATIRE



Global news, as Americans see it. North Dakotans were crestfallen last week when they learned that they had been denied the top spot in the national obesity rankings. At 30.2 percent, they sit at a meager #6.

The three Maryland teachers who won over $200 million in the lottery have invested their fortune in Beanie Babies. “Those things will be worth billions one day,” said one of the teachers.

COVERT OPERATIONS The Shumway brothers are actually secret agents. PETER BAUGH

J The Romney campaign mistakenly placed a robot replica of the Republican candidate on stage to deliver a speech. Thankfully, audience-members failed to notice a difference in demeanor.

Texas legislators voted to declare the state an independent republic for the first time since 1836. Representatives of the other 49 states expressed their rejoice with a kegger on Capitol Hill.

onathan and Peter Shumway write a list every morning. On the list is items that may interest the CHS administration. Who misbehaves, students who are cheating or are skipping class. The two brothers are called to the office everyday before fourth period, where they report their findings to the administration. “We adopted this policy when Peter came to CHS this year,” an office official said. “The office felt this was the best way to keep tabs on behavioral issues.” It has worked. The office official reports the brother’s help has resulted in at least five detentions and one suspension. The Shumway brothers have really kept the school informed on issues,” one teacher said. Both brothers declined repeated interview requests for this story. “We would like to thank the Shumway brothers for their help,” the office said in a statement. “It’s a shame their reign of spydom had to end, but they were helpful when we needed it.” 



ebecca Taylor, one of Clayton’s finest English teachers, has invented a new iPhone app called “Words with Shakespeare.” The game is based on the hugely popular “Words with Friends,” but instead of playing with everyday words, one plays with Elizabethan terms and phrases. “Kids play with their phones in my class all the time,” Taylor said. “I thought, if they are going to play on their phones, why not have them learn classic literature while playing?” Although Taylor thinks it’s a great idea, some students disagree. “That dude just made up words,” said junior Romeo Montague. Sophomore Robin Hippolyta felt the same way.


“Like, how am I supposed to know weird words that were spoken like a billion years ago?” Hippolyta said. One problem is that some students simply aren’t very familiar with Shakespeare. “I read that one book by him, I think it starts with an O,” senior Michael Cassio. “And then we watched the movie of it where the guy from ‘The Matrix’ wears hoop earrings and looks really mad the entire time.” One student does like the app, but he is choosing to remain anonymous. Taylor thinks students will warm up to the idea of the game, just as she has. “I play with a couple of friends from my book club,” Taylor said. “They think that it is a Dish Fit for the Gods.” So if anyone was wondering if there were any scrabble games related to Elizabethan language, we can now say, there’s an app for that. 

Staff Photo


MAD SCIENTIST Mr. Peck becomes a Cubs fan after a horrible explosion. PETER BAUGH


ocketry club member Noah Engel will never forget walking into Nathan Peck’s chemistry classroom on a fateful Friday morning. Engel found Peck, who is the AP chemistry teacher and leader of the CHS Rocketry club, lying on the ground, covered in a mysterious blue substance. “I walked in the room with a few questions about registration for Rocketry next year and found beakers all over the ground,” Engel said. “There was a terrible smell. I walked in further, and found Mr. Peck lying flat on his back.” Engel hurriedly shouted for other teachers. Physics teacher Rex Rice was the first adult on the scene and quickly splashed water on Peck’s face. “When he woke up, he had no recollection of the incident,” Rice said. “He just gave us his normal smile and asked us why he was on the ground.” Relieved, the teacher and student started

to depart from the room, until shocking words came from Peck’s mouth. In a statement released by the science department, the chemistry teacher was said to have called to his student and colleague, “Can’t wait for opening day. Cubs and Nationals, baby! Soriano has been slugging the ball all spring, he will have a big year!” Engel recalls wheeling around. “I was shocked,” he said. “Mr. Rice thought he was kidding, but I could hear it in his voice. Mr. Peck had become a Cubs fan.” After asserting that Peck was not joking, he was quickly rushed to a nearby hospital for psychiatric evaluation.

Mr. Peck has been in a strangely pensive state since an errant science experiment left him a Cubs fan. (Staff Photo) “We did not hear of any brain damage other than the Cubs situation,” said Rice. “He was chatty and funny, and rattled off chemistry equations. Yet he still insisted he was a lifelong Cubs fan and that Ryne Sandberg was his all time favorite player.” Peck has been cleared to teach, but students are finding it hard to concentrate in class. The door is covered with posters of Cubs legends such as Ernie Banks and of course, Peck’s favorite, Ryne Sandberg. “A big part of our lives has changed,” Rice said with a sniffle. “Cardinals opening day will roll around, and he will be in his classroom teaching, nowhere near Busch Stadium.” 


Renowned historian leaps into the 21st century. LAURA BLEEKE


Mr. Harned grins gleefully as he practices turning on his new iPhone. (Paul Lisker)

oom 102 will be undergoing serious renovations in the coming weeks. History teacher Sam Harned says this sudden desire for change was inspired by a recent Technology in the Classroom conference he attended in Tokyo. “Ever since he got back I haven’t seen him separated from his new iPhone for more than 10 minutes,” a colleague said. “And I get tweets from him at four in the morning.” This new excitement about technology will start to make a difference in Harned’s classroom. The notorious chalkboard will be replaced with two Smartboards. One of these boards will have a continuous display of a Harned’s Twitter account, and students can tweet in questions and requests any time during class. “I never realized that a texter and tweeter could be so much fun,” Harned said. “And now it’s so easy to communicate and connect with

the students on a more material level.” In addition, Harned plans on removing all of his bookshelves to make room for a newly acquired collection of various Apple products. “We were surprised that Sam was interested in outfitting his classroom with the newest Apple products, seeing as he often has to come and ask us how to turn on the television,” a CHS technology expert said. “We had to teach him a couple of things first, like how to turn on and off different products, how to open applications, how to create documents, how to print, how to use the delete button and spell check, and other basic technology skills most people think of as common knowledge, but he’s starting to catch on.” The New York Metropolitan Museum of Art has acquired the overhead projector that Harned bought during the latter half of the 20th century. It is such a rarity in the classroom today that many museums fought over the relic, which eventually sold at auction for over $2.1 million. His chalkboards will go on sale next week.  SATIRE


The Center of Clayton will soon adopt security tactics from the CIA. (Willie Wysession)

NO MORE MR. NICE GUY The Center of Clayton will add a fingerprint and iris scanner to its link security system. ministrator said. NOAH EBY A recent CHS Globe poll showed that sneaking into the Center through the link without re you who you say you are? Well, the ID is rampant: 85 percent of students said they Center of Clayton will soon know. have done so. However, 98 percent of those Beginning next week, the Center will students reported that “they just wanted some implement added security measures to the link, Subway.” including a fingerprint and iris scan. By using a fingerprint and iris scan, the Cen“The old system of using identification cards ter will be sure to admit only CHS students. just wasn’t working,” one administrator said. This will keep out the overwhelming hordes of “With this new methstudents from other od, which was provided With this new method, which was schools who buy Clayto us by the CIA, it will provided to us by the CIA, it will ton gear or even join be virtually impossible be virtually impossible to sneak Clayton sports teams to sneak into the Cenfor the sole purpose into the Center. of sneaking into the ter.” Center officials exCenter. plained that students But the Center is Center of Clayton official entering the fitness not stopping there. facility without authorization pose a security “I’ve seen ‘Minority Report,’ I know that threat to the peaceful elderly folk who work out even this system can be foiled,” one adminisduring the day. trator said. “A forensic DNA testing system is “We need to know which students are in the coming soon.” Center at all times, so that if there is a crime When asked if she has been watching too or vandalism or a complaint by a customer, we many spy movies lately, Siering declined to know immediately who to accuse,” another ad- comment. 



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WHY DO CHS STUDENTS GO TO THE CENTER? 98% Just wanted some Subway 1% Skipping class to play basketball 1% Don’t have any friends in the Commons *Based on a survey of 6 Clayton students.


Toddlers across the District will soon begin intensive test-prep courses to prepare them as early as possible for the college process. (Shmuel Thaler/Santa Cruz Sentinel/MCT)

HEAD START ON THE COLLEGE PROCESS SAT-prep and college counseling will now begin in kindergarten.



t’s the pride, the joy, the absolute mark of distinction of the District. It’s what draws in hopeful parents and ambitious children for miles around. It’s the Clayton education. And it just might transcend the normal 10-grade scale and amp straight to 11 – if things go smoothly. Starting next fall, all of Clayton’s kindergartners, no exceptions, may just be granted a mandatory college meeting. “Granted” is verbatim, by the way, from when we spoke to an administrator who preferred to remain anonymous due to the sensitive nature of the issue. “I wouldn’t call it anything but a privilege,” he said. “I mean, there are bound to be some kinks in the system, like the part about the kids largely not knowing how to read yet, but I’m sure it’ll work out fine in the end.” And so a privilege it remains, although the District will probably have to hire another college counselor for the job, maybe two, probably someone who doesn’t mind getting finger paint and questionable substances all over the furniture. Some have expressed concerns about the

financial impact, especially during uncertain on the cover of The Princeton Review? That’s times, but they have been quickly dealt with. clearly what it’s supposed to look like: joy so full “I don’t know if we’ll have to lay off a few that it begins to resemble pain.” librarians or inflate the prices of school pizza or The dilemma didn’t last long, though: once what,” a Board of Education member shrugged. adults realized that all it takes is a large candy “But I want this to work.” bowl present at all times, the problem largely It’s not hard to figure out the impetus for fell off the table. the sudden move, as “I’ve heard sixth an even more ambiThe college process is supposed to graders talk about coltious program is in the lege,” another adminbe fun. Have you seen the kids on istrator said. “Well, in works over in Ladue. “They have an SAT the cover of the Princeton Review? a couple years, kids word of the day right like that are going to in the elementary Clayton Administrator be late bloomers. Reschools now,” the BOE ally late.” member said. “YesterA second BOE day, it was ‘supercilious.’ I mean, realistically, member agreed. I’m pretty sure I’d just point and laugh at a “It’s not like all the stuff in the classroom’s six-year-old if he used that kind of vocabulary. going to go to waste,” he added, munching a But we’ve got to keep up, no matter how weird Twinkie contentedly. “They’ve been nice enough things get.” to hand over – er, donate – the snacks and most The issue, of course, is getting the kids to of the craft supplies.” buy into it. Many a parent said they were initialWhat will completely become of a Claytoly concerned about taking away naptime, lunch, nian childhood has yet to be finalized. Until storytime and both recesses in favor of a daily then, children are advised to minimize their practice SAT. They have been reassured soundly. bathroom breaks, and maybe brush up on a bit “The college process is supposed to be fun,” of pre-calculus and grammar before they enter the administrator said. “Have you seen the kids primary school next fall.  SATIRE


NO MORE MONEY TO BURN Obsolete Smart Boards will be torched instead. NOAH EBY


or the first time, Clayton will not hold its end of the year money-burning festival because of budget constraints. This marks a sharp break from renowned Clayton tradition. “We were really hoping to do the moneyburning festival again this spring,” one administrator said. “But we’ve spent so many millions from Prop S and Prop W on money-burning in the past few years. It just wasn’t feasible.” In the past, the money-burning festival, of-

ficially named “Suck it, Poor People,” has been a hallmark of the end of the Clayton school year. Parents and students expressed their remorse when they first heard the news. “It’s just so disappointing,” one mother said, as she began to weep. “Without seeing firsthand all of that cash being thrown casually into the flames, I don’t know how my son will develop the values he needs to succeed in life. Where will he get his elitism, his arrogance, and his sense of superiority?” However, the District will still host “Suck it, Third World” later this month. Last year’s iMacs and Smart Boards will be set ablaze in order to make room in classrooms for newly purchased technology. “We considered recycling the equipment or donating it to charity,” another administration official said. “But then we thought it would be really cool to just torch it all.” As for the future of money-burning in Clayton, the District is awaiting results of Proposition F, which was placed on last week’s election ballot. If passed, the $13 million bond issue will ensure that the District has plenty of money to burn for the next five years. 

The fire blazes at the 2011 money-burning festival at Gay Field. Due to the budget deficit, no cash will be set alight this year. (Madeleine Fleming)


The iTeach app will allow the District to cut costs without diminishing the quality of the Clayton education. CAITLIN KROPP


ince its inception, the iPhone and iPad have been touted as having “an app for that.” Need a restaurant recommendation? There’s an app for that. Need some motivation for study hours? There’s an app for that too. How about a teacher? Yes, there’s even an app for that. In light of recent budget expenditures brought forth by the previous issue of the Globe, the CHS administration has decided to use the new host of iPads to their fullest capacity: as teachers. As of last week, such beloved teachers as Debra Wiens and Alice Fasman have been replaced with their technological counterparts. An unnamed official explained the reasons why. “We realized that the teachers weren’t really using the iPads that we had purchased for their classrooms,” he said. “So, we replaced them – the teachers, that is." The application that has replaced the wellknown professors, called iTeach (or, as it is colloquially know, iReplace), has garnered mixed responses from the students. Most students have noticed a distinct change in tonality, although few realized the fact that the person had


iPads seem poised to solve virtually all of the problems plaguing public education, including cost, student achievement and personell issues. (Staff Photo) changed entirely. “Mrs. Wiens has been sounding very strange lately,” one student said. “I think she has a cold or something. Or maybe she’s been playing with Auto Tune a lot.” The sentiment was echoed in the choir classes, although the students have never sounded better, pitch wise. “Faz has really been focusing on the notes during the past week, more so than usual,” a choral student said. “It’s been great for learning our songs perfectly, but she’s a bit harsher with yelling at us when we hit a flat note.”

Despite the complaints, or lack thereof, the administration stands by its decision. Not only do the iPads not require paid vacations, they can also be simply turned off or reprogrammed in the event of a curriculum disagreement. Talks are already underway to see about replacing the janitorial staff as well, although concerns have been raised about the iPads functionality around water. Neither Wiens nor Fasman could be reached for comment. The Gloob staff was likewise threatened with replacement if investigations continued. 








Centene Corporation has purchased naming rights to the entire school district. Beginning July 1, the district will be retitled Centene School District (in Clayton).

The librarians have banned breathing in the library, as they deemed it too disruptive to the study environment. Students are advised to take one very large breath before entering. Due to budget cuts, there will no longer be donuts on Friday mornings for faculty and staff. However, staff will still be encouraged to bring their own.

In an effort to improve the nutritional content of student lunches, the cafeteria will ban all foods over 10 calories. Water and celery are the only remaining items for sale, although the price of each has risen drastically. Asian Association will host a town hall meeting next week to discuss the admission to the club of a student who has a B+ in math class. Curling will be added to the list of CHS winter sports next year after decades of persistent student demand. It will receive the largest portion of athletic department funding. Location of giant ice rink TBD.

Teacher Kurtis Werner is on two-year probation from club meetings after exhibiting extreme enthusiasm and delight for Clayton activities, convincing students they can never live up to his happiness. Senior Appi Sharma discovered a flawless physics formula to bowl a 400-point game. He has been scouted by the International Bowling Academy at recent Bowling Club meetings. History teacher Sam Harned threw away his book collection of over 500 volumes last week. He has replaced it with a single Amazon Kindle.





WELCOME TO A DISTORTION OF REALITY ’ve often thought about the repercussions of my decisions, and, if you’re familiar with the theory concerning Schrödinger’s cat, you’ll know that it is a weighty notion indeed. Theoretically, one world exists for every possible answer to a situation, but they cannot interact. We’ve just conquered that with this issue. You heard correctly; we’ve broken theory and quite possibly the laws of physics, or at least those of conventional journalism. For the first time in years, The Globe is cutting loose for just a bit. Forget objectivity – I present to you Clayton’s satirical magazine: The Gloob. No longer must we choose between reporting the truth and reporting a ridiculous carica-

ture of what the truth probably means. In the past the two would not be able to coexist for fear of being misconstrued, but no longer. We have, for your enjoyment, entertainment and excitement, merged two parallel universes to create something infinitely better. The world of The Gloob is simultaneously like and unlike everything you know. As with every parallel universe, it’s only a few degrees off, just enough to be noticeable. So wander through, marvel at the similarities, laugh at the differences and perhaps scratch your head and wonder. Because, above all, we created The Gloob to make you think. There is, strictly speaking, no “cover story” for this short issue. But we do have a top-quality

listing that should be read with certain caution. As you peruse the issue, just remember that as satire, we’re just joking. Seriously. We mean it. Mostly. Enjoy – it’s not the Twilight Zone, or the Outer Limits. But it’s pretty close.


NOTE: As stated above, The Gloob is entirely satirical. All of the stories included in this special section are fabricated, as are the quotes included in them. The Gloob is intended as satire and social criticism, not as factual journalism.






April 2012 Globe  

Volume 83, Issue 7