Alone in the Family: Four Things Single People Need from Church by Christy Bower

Alone in the Family: Four Things Single People Need from Church

s a single person, I’m never quite sure if I’m invited to family camp since I don’t have a family. In addition to the ministry aspects, individual interactions with people in the church often leave singles feeling isolated from the only group we consider family. Here are some practical suggestions for how to help the single people you know:

1. Treat us with respect and dignity. It always amazes me that when people ask if I have a boyfriend and I say “no,” their next question is “Why not?” The implication is that there must be something wrong with me, I guess. How do they expect me to respond to that anyway? Because I’m ugly and have zero personality so guys are not interested in me. Show a little compassion.

2. Stop applying pressure. Matchmakers may be trying to help us be happy, but it only serves to isolate us further. Pressure to get coupled up adds to the message that there is something wrong with us for being single. I’ve also seen influential people try to match up singles in the church: “Oh, you’d be perfect for each other.” With a little bit of peer pressure these couples have married only to have it fall apart. I wonder sometimes if that’s because the relationship did not begin and evolve naturally. Despite their good intentions, matchmakers need to realize that the best match is a match made in heaven.

and so do I.” Only God could have orchestrated that blessing. Birthdays and holidays are especially lonely times for us. A card, hug, or phone call goes a long way toward easing our loneliness. We need to feel we are loved, and often we don’t have anyone who consistently demonstrates love toward us.

4. Don’t overlook any of us. Those of us who have never been married feel overshadowed by all the attention focused on those who have been divorced. When I lived in another city, my church had a ministry to single mothers. One Saturday a month, the men in the church would do car maintenance, household repairs, and send the moms home with a bag of groceries. As a single woman who has never been married, I didn’t have a man to take care of my car either but I was excluded by the simple fact that I had remained chaste in my singleness. Offer practical help, such as a home-cooked meal for single men or car maintenance for single women but if this is done in any sort of organized fashion, be sure it is done evenhandedly.

3. Make us feel special. Loneliness doesn’t come from being alone, but from feeling that no one thinks we are special. I remember a particular period of loneliness when I called a friend and said, “I just want to feel like I’m special to someone.” Then I burst into tears. The next day I received a card from a different friend in another state that said, “God thinks you are special