April 2005

THE PUBLICATION OF THE U.S. CONFERENCE OF MENNONITE BRETHREN CHURCHES

Life after

• Marriage after Christ's heart • Building blocks • Marriage: Impossible • The marriage mission field

MBMSI Witness Inside

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April 2005

IN EACH ISSUE

4 FIRST WORDS 5 READERS SAY

6 IN BRIEF 31 CHURCH NEWS & NOTES

34 EDITORIAL

BODYLIFE

19 > Strengthening the backbone 21 > Peace churches face draft concerns

23 > Gift sharing gains global momentum 24 > Rebuilding more than a church building 26 > HIVIAIDS fallout

28 > Florida governor visits MDS rebuilding project COLUMN S 7 CONFERENCE CALL

by Chuck Buller

Two sides of the same coin

29

ON THE JOURNEY

by Rose Buschman

'Whatever their politics, they shall be fed!"

30

INQUIRING MINDS

by Marvin Hein

Participation in Catholic communion services

33

PH'LlP SIDE

by Philip Wiebe

Beyond instant wisdom

FEATURES [Marriage ] 10

MARRIAGE AFTER CHRIST'S OWN HEART by Marvin Hein

Many marriages-even Christian marriages- seem to be an endless duel rather than a magnificent duet. Why?

12 BUILDING BLOCKS An interview with Paul and Gladys Klassen

The Klassens, married for 37 years and a pastoral couple for three decades, talk about the rough start to their own marriage and their observations about marriage from working with other couples.

14 THE MARRIAGE MISSION FIELD by Ray O'Neil As Christians prepare for ministry to couples who need to hear the good news of God's plan for marriage, we need to remember these four things.

16 MARRIAGE: IMPOSSIBLE as told to Myra Holmes Diane did not know what was at the root of her new husband's behavior, but she could see its destructive results. Yet even while David and Diane talk about the difficulties, they can point again and again to God's faithfulness.

APRll

2005. el3

> FiRST WORDS [from the editor!

THE LAST TIME OUR FAMILY MOVED WAS SIX YEARS AGO, AND I STILL

remember the excitement of calling a "new" place home. Our familiar furnishings and household items seemed to take on a new shine- and some of that newness rubbed off on us too.

Redesign can do the same thing for a magazine and its readers. Hence the "new" Christian Leader now in your hands. We felt it was time for a 2Ist century makeover that mirrors the many recent changes in our denomination. We hope the new look enhances your enjoyment of the magazine.

Our thanks to The Journey Group of Charlottesville, Va., for their willingness to oversee the redesign, their attention to our concerns and patience with our questions. Journey works with many Christian publications including those of World Vision and Campus Crusade for Christ and we are pleased to have partnered with these committed professionals.

New can be unsettling. For what it's worth, it didn't take long for our family to adjust to our new home. The important things were still there- the good people and our most treasured possessions. The same is true of the new Leader.

The magazine contains the same columns, deparrments and monthly feature focus you've come to appreciate. And as we settle in to the new Leader design, wel1 be tweaking things here and there to better fit the new format to our needs.

New can also be invigorating. Just like new surroundings can prompt a new appreciation for familiar furnishings, we hope seeing well-known deparrments in fresh settings will invigorate you the readers and inspire your contributions. The new format gives readers' letters and essays a prime spot near the front of the magazine and lengthens BodyLife. Your fellow readers and Leader editors will appreciate your continued contributions and news tips.

Our family's move six years ago did involve buying several new appliances as well as a sofa and chair. Just like a move can prompt major purchases, many magazines also incorporate content changes in a redesign. While we did not opt to make significant content changes at this time, we will be very interested in readers' responses to the next readership survey and we will evaluate at that time how best to enhance the Leader's content.

Welcome to our new home- enjoy the read!-CF

QUOTABLE "Here is the stuff of which fairytales are made, the prince and princess on their wedding day. But fairytales usually end at this point with the simple phrase 'They lived happily ever after.' This may be because fairytales regard marriage as an anticlimax after the romance of courtship. This is not the Christian view. Our faith sees the wedding day not as a place of arrival but the place where the adventure begins." -Archbishop of Canterbury Robert Runcie in his homily at the 19&

marriage ceremony of England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer.

UP & COMING • May 1 U.S. Conference Sunday • May 13 Leadership Board meeting, Denver, Colo.

• May 14 Leadership Summit, Denver, Colo.

• May 15 Global Day of Prayer • July 29-3 1 Southern District Conference convention, Denver, Colo.

• Nov. 3-6 Central District Conference convention, Salem MB Church, Bridgewater, S.D. 4CL . CHR I S T I A N

L EA D ER

April 2005 Volume 68 Number4

Connie Faber EDITOR

Nadine Friesen EDITORIAL ASSISTANT

Myra Holmes NEWS WRITER

Elaine Ewert GRAPHIC DESIGNER

MANDATE The Christian Leader (iSSN 0009-5149) is published monthly by the U.S. Conference of Mennonite Brethren Churches. The Christian Leader seeks to inform Mennonite Brethren members and churches of the events, activities, decisions and issues of their denomination, and to instruct, inspire and initiate dialogue so members will aspire to be faithful disciples of Christ as understood in the evangelicaVAnabaptist theological tradition.

EDITORIAL POLICY The views expressed in this publication do not necessarily represent the position of the Christian Leader, the U.S. Conference Leadership Board or the Mennonite Brethren Church. Scripture references are from New International ' Version unless otherwise noted. The editors invite freelance article submissions. A SASE must accompany articles.

READER PARTICIPATION The editors invite readers to share their thoughts and opinions on topics relevant to the Mennonite Brethren Church using letters to the editor and Forum essays. Letters to the editor should be brief - 300 words or less - and on one subject. Letters must be signed and include the writers city and state. Letters will be edited for clarity, appropriateness and length. Letters will be published, as space allows, unless marked -Not for publication. - Forum is open to members or attendees of Mennonite Brethren churches. Essays should not exceed 800 words, and should include the writer's name, address, home church and occupation.

COMMUNICATION All correspondence, including change of address, should be addressed to the Christian Leader, Box 220, Hillsboro, KS 67063.

Phone: (620)947-5543. Fax: (620)947-3266. E-mail: christianleaderlClusmb.org.

SUBSCRIPTIONS $18 for one year, $34 for two years and $50 for three years ($20, $38, $54 in Canada); $1.50 per copy.

MEMBERSHIP The Christian Leader is a member of the Evangelical Press Association and Meetinghouse, an association of Mennonite and Brethren in Christ editors.

POSTMASTER Send address changes to the Christian Leader, Box 220, Hillsboro, KS 67063. Periodicals postage paid at Hillsboro, Kansas.

> READERSSAY PEACE WITH LOSS What a dynamite issue (January 2005). I work for Hospice Care of Kansas as a crisis intervention team nurse. These articles fit so many needs-as well as mine! I have also worked with Alzheimer's issues, patients and families and can just feel the heanbreak. Grief is such a different issue for each of us. The whole issue was cenainly helpful for me-and others. Thanks.

- Eleanor Franz, Wichita, Kan.

SUPPORTING TROOPS Marvin Hein gives the impression he agrees with the impeninent, slanderous premise of the question his column poses: "How do you lend suppon (for American troops) if you are persuaded the troops are fighting an unjustified war of imperial aggression" (Inquiring Minds, February 2005).

Pose a fallacious question and any answer is moot. Who's building an empire?

You will not find one soldier, officer, administration official, Republican in Congress or businessman in Iraq who believes that our objective there is to build empire. Our purpose is to give the Iraqi people a stable, prosperous, peaceful democracy and then to leave. Those who use car bombs to murder Iraqi police, administrators, poll workers and citizens in numbers far greater than they murder Americans are the ones guilty of using violence to establish tyranny over Iraq, not Americans.

I may not be a good pacifist in the lib- kept in regular contact. What impressed me eral, postmodem sense. But I do uphold the about Randy was that he reflected the love of pacifism of Menno Simons. Under the rule Christ for others, and that he was a very of the state church, Menno wrote against calm, cool man. He was a very relation perviolence for religious ends, specifically con- son, wanting to know more about a person demning the conquest of Muenster by and about his work.

Anabaptist leader John of Leiden. Menno I am Ponuguese and unfonunately our knew that spiritual warfare was of the hean country lately has been known as the most and not by the sword. For practical reasons, skeptical in the European Union. I don't too, he urged his followers to be nonviolent; know why. Maybe it's because we had a dictheir pacifism assured Catholic rulers that tator for 40 years and a political police force Mennonites were of no physical threat. really changed us. I feel though that every But Menno was very much in favor of time I see Randy it's impossible to have that capital punishment. He often amends his feeling! message that violence solves nothing with an In these times of change for MBMSI I exception for the criminal. In his Foundation think God called the best man to keep this of Christian Doctrine, Menno approvingly task going. When the news ,----____-----, lists two pages of biblical figures that God spread that a new person Out on a 11mb justly punished with death for shedding would be in charge of • ...... . innocent blood.

MBMSI, the first person Nearly every Iraqi citizen knows a fam- that came to my mind was ily member, neighbor, or friend murdered Randy. I guess God

by Saddam, his sons and henchmen. answered that prayer!

Saddam was known to be a major supplier Randy can be a great and financier of terrorism against the people bridge with the Mennonite I of Israel and a friend of al Queda. Ghandi Brethren churches in this ' - -_ _ _ _ _ _----l knew that nonviolent persuasion works only new era. We have a big upon those with moral conscience. Playing group of brothers and sisters that come from the meek pacifist, for our own conscience' a different generation and see this global sake, while Saddam Hussein attacked five world with (new) eyes. We also have a new neighboring countries and murdered over a generation-mainly teenagers, young coumillion of his own people failed for 19 years ples and young families-that is emerging in to offer any hope of peace. this same world. When I look to Randy -Peter Stearns, Lodi, Calif Friesen and his past with MBMSI I see him making that bridge between these generaAFFIRMING RANDY FRIESEN tions. It will not be an easy task but I know It was with great joy that I read the that with my prayers, your prayers, our effon repon regarding Randy Friesen ("Out on a and a willingness to help, the future will be limb," November 2004.) My wife and I had great for these challenges. It's in our hands to the privilege to meet Randy in April 2003 help. How? Keep praying for Randy, his when we were studying at MB Biblical family and the rest of the MBMSI staff.

Seminary in Fresno, Calif., and we have -Jose Manuel Arrais, Massama, Portugal

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The Christian Leader welcomes brief

letters on topics relevant to the Mennonite Brethren Church. Letters to the editor should be 300 words or

less and on one subject. Letters must be signed and include the writer's city and state. Letters will be edited for clarity. appropriateness and length. Letters will be published, as space allows, unless marked -Not for Publication.- Send letters to Christian Leader, P.O. Box 220, Hillsboro, KS 67063, or via email. editorlilusmb.org.

>CONFERENCE CALL by Chuck BuLLer

Two sides of the same coin

A

II of us have participated in a traditional coin toss- heads you win, tails you lose. Some of us have chosen to receive or kickoff based on the fate of that coin. Arguments have been settled. Truces called. It's really a very just concept. When the interests of two parties collide, the toss of a neutral and chance coin settles the issue. In many ways I felt like I wimessed a theological version of that coin toss March 4-5 in Chicago.

I was part of a Is-member Mennonite Brethren delegation that attended a consultation on alternative service options for U.S. Mennonite and Anabaptist denominations. It was a two-day conference that served as a good reminder that while there is no current U.S. military draft, we should not take for granted our historical arrangement with the U.S. government that allows for alternative service arrangements in the event of a draft. It was a very important event for our denominational leaders to be at. If you are interested in a full description of the event you can read the news report on page 21.

In many ways it was also as Mennonite an event as I have attended.

Those of you convinced that we spend too much time talking about the peace issue would have been ready to take up arms by Saturday afternoon! Those of you who think we don't talk nearly enough about the peace issue would have cried for joy at two days of nonstop discussions.

This is where I want to refer you back to the analogy of the coin toss.

When discussions had concluded on Saturday, Gary Wall, the Pacific District Conference minister, and I attended a Willow Creek Community Church seeker service. We were overwhelmed by the new $70 million worship and Christian education center that seated 7,500 people on three levels. The video screens with high definition clarity were like those in a sports area. The worship team was professional. The service was rich in evangelical passion and flavor. Gary and I both felt the complete dissonance of the weekend. For two days we had hung out with the "quiet in the land," Mennonites who promote peace, justice and means of settling disputes other than warfare.

Then we sat with the epitome of mainstream American evangelicalism and thoroughly enjoyed the show.

Over dinner that night we discussed what it means for MBs to be Anabaptist evangelicals. Can two such disparate groups really be opposite sides of the same coin? I believe we are. The reason is sim-

6 CL • C H R 1 S T I A N

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pIe. Jesus is the common ground. Jesus preaches justice, peace, mercy, salvation, deliverance, simplicity, healing, judgment, etc. No theological group ever gets it all right.

We tend to pick and choose where to put the emphasis.

Yet the apostle Paul tells us plainly that "if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" (Rom. 10:9). This is one of literally hundreds of New Testament passages that affirm the unity of Jesus as Lord of the entire church. As the apostle asks in I Cor. 1:3, "Is Christ divided...?" Apparently not from God's point of view. And yet we feel the tension of our differences.

Once again the apostle Paul tells us why. In that famous communion passage of I Corinthians II, just prior to serving the elements, Paul goads the Corinthians with a sarcastic question, "No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you has God's approval" (v. 19). I love that honesty. Our differences are rooted in our need for God's approval. The notion that God's grace rescued us apart from our contribution and entirely as a result of his mercy and favor sounds nice but doesn't square with life. We want to know who really is on God's side, who really understands and applies God's truth correctly?

I believe the cross of Jesus proves that God is on the side of every believer and has leveled the playing field so that there are no first or second string Christians! And that's why the apostle Paul doesn't place in tension such inherently Christian ideas such as peace, evangelism, discipleship or prayer. He preaches the cross, the great equalizer in the family of faith.

And so I have decided I will spend the rest my days enjoying the diversity of the family rather than critiquing it. I want Anabaptist friends who believe that peace is more than something you feel when you get saved. I want evangelical friends who can't imagine why you wouldn't have an altar call every time you meet for worship. I want Episcopalian friends who still believe that confession is always good for the soul and shouldn't be reserved for the private prayer closet. I want charismatic friends who believe that God has the power and the will to change anything if we pray with enough faith. I mostly just want Christian friends who genuinely believe that if you confess ., with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that the resurrection changed everything then we collectively as Christians - . .. will be saved. I suppose you could say I want to celebrate the two sides of the coin rather than toss it to see who wins and who loses .• CHUCK BULLER

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Third Mennonite Released from Prison Family remains concerned for imprisoned daughter Vietnamese Mennonite church leader has been released from prison. leven months afrer his arrest, Nguyen Van Phuong was released March 3 and was met by church friends and family members, including his wife Phuong Trang and their one-year-old son. Phuong appeared to be in fair health, reports Mennonite Vietnamese Ministries. His release came one day afrer the anniversary of the March 2, 2004, incident that sparked the eventual arrest of six leaders. . Meanwhile family and church friends continue to be concerned for Le Thi Hong Lien, the young woman who like Phuong was also sentenced to one-year imprisonment. She was arrested at the end of June; her release is srill months away. Family members who have visited Lien have requested that Vietnamese authorities treat Lien because she is physically and mentally ill.

Family members question recent reports given them by purported medical personnel

who say they have seen Lien and that she is now in good health.

A new date for the appeal hearings for Nguyen Hong Quang, general secretary of the Vietnam Mennonite Church, and for Pham Ngoc Thach, originally announced for February 2, have not been announced.

Church leaders are grateful for the advocacy on behalf of the imprisoned leaders, and ask for continued prayer and support for them and their families.

Phuong, 38, has served in various pastoral roles since his mid-twenties. When several Mennonite communities formed the Vietnam Mennonite Church in 2003, he was chosen to serve on the administrative committee as a member for social ministries.

Phuong had appealed his sentence after the November 12 tria\, but the appeal was rejected. He was then moved from the Chi Hoa Prison in Ho Chi Minh City to Bo La Prison, 50 miles north of the capital city. His wife, who was not permitted to visit him the

first five months of his imprisonment, traveled to Bola to visit him each week. Some weeks she was not permitted to see him and could only leave a gift of food or personal items.

Nguyen Huu Nghia and Nguyen Thanh Nhan, brothers, were released in early December from Ho Chi Minh's prison after completing their nine-month sentences. They are still recovering from mistrearment in prison.-MWC

Bartlett appointed MBBS dean of students

R

ick Bartlett has been appointed dean of students for the MB Biblical Seminary's Fresno campus, announced MBBS president Jim Holm. Bartlett's appointment was effective March 8.

Bartlett will work with the student leadership team, serve on the admissions committee and coordinate the seminary's mentoring program, student retreats and chapel committee.

Bartlett is currently director of Ministry Quest, a MBBS pro-

gram that helps churches call young adults into ministry. He is also an adjunct faculty member teaching in the area of youth ministry. He is completing a Doctor of Ministry degree at George Fox Seminary in Oregon in the area of leadership in emerging culture.

Bartlett is a 1992 graduate of MBBS. Before coming to work at the seminary in July 2003, Bartlett spent 10 years with Youth for Christ in Tacoma, Wash., and in England where he worked in the areas of mission, apprenticeships and leadership development. Prior to that, he was youth pastor in three churches in California. He and his wife Karen have two children.-MBBS

MBMSI Teams continue ministry in Thailand

T

he goal of "Operation Rebuilding Lives," MBMS International's relief response in southern Thailand to the December tsunami, is to build 10 houses for Thai families and to in the future build on these relationships to start a new church.

That future, says MBMSI, grows closer as the fourth ministry team completed their almost three-week term March 14.

The North Americans have worked alongside Thai people to construct houses for widows with children, for couples whose children were killed in the tsunami, and for those whose homes were carried away by the waves. As the teams have gone about rebuilding homes, Preecha, a Thai pastor who will serve as the church planter, has moved among the workers and residents helping to communicate while also sharing the gospel.

In a culture where tears of grief are not acceptable, North American tears and friendship have opened the way for Thai

people to cry in sorrow, in thankfulness and because of friendships formed, report MBMSI workers.

Don Klassen, MBMS International area director and a member of the third team, writes about his experience when their team took a couple who had lost their children in the tsunami to the site of their home. "It was a very emotional experience. There was nothing left but debris lying around: the boys' backpacks, school books, two green easy chairs, some pictures, fishing gear, some lumber and a bird cage. We met in a small circle and told them that building their new house would not bring their boys back but that we wanted to show them love because that is what Jesus taught us to do.

We surrounded them, prayed for them and sang a hymn. They both cried many times and some of us hugged them." -MBMSI

MCC aid arrives in Darfur

M

ennonite Central Committee partners continue to provide supplies and shelter to people in Sudan's Darfur region in spite of an increase in violence against civilians. The conflict in Darfur has resulted in tens of thousands of deaths and the displacement of about 2 million people since it began in 2003.

Government forces and government-backed militias are fighting rebel groups for control of the region and are accused by the United Nations of widespread war crimes against civilians, particularly against certain ethnic groups.

The Sudan Council of Churches, MCC's primary partner in Darfur, is constructing shelters and distributing survival 8CL . CHRIS T IAN

LEADER

supplies to people living in camps because of ethnic violence. Since November and with MCC funding, SCC has constructed 500 basic family dwellings, erected four school classrooms and distributed blankets, cooking pots, water basins, water cans, mosquito nets and soap to 3,349 families. The SCC also is providing school supplies and will soon provide furnishings, textbooks, school offices and latrines with MCC funding and school kits donated by MCC constituents.

Blankets donated by MCC constituents and 3,000 metric tons of food purchased through the Canadian Foodgrains Bank will be distributed in the next several months.

Observers in Darfur report continuing attacks on villages, towns, aid workers and camps of people displaced by previous attacks. The SCC reports that violence often closes roads, delaying deliveries of aid. -

MCC

Hamm joins MBMSI Viktor Hamm, former associate evangelist with the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, joined the MBMS International leadership team April 1 as program director. As MBMSI program director, Hamm sees his role as that of releasing more fully the God-given potential of MB churches for international evangelism and missions. Hamm says this includes an emphasis on indigenous and self-sustained church planting.

Hamm served with Billy Graham ministries in Russia for 15 years and produced and directed the Russian language radio ministry with Family Life Network and MBMS International for 13 years. Hamm and his wife Margarete will be moving to MBMSI headquarters in Abbotsford, B.C. They have three grown children.MBMSI

TC estate gitt Tabor College, the Mennonite Brethren college located in Hillsboro, Kan., has received the largest estate gift in its history, estimated between $400,000 and $450,000, thanks to a combined gift from the Daniel H. Hiebert and Ruth E. Hiebert estates.

The gift totals 620 acres: 20 acres south of Hillsboro and 600 acres in La bette County. Daniel Hiebert attended Tabor Academy, which was founded by his father and older brother, and graduated from Tabor in 1914.

For 53 years he was a physician in Provincetown, Mass. Ruth E. Hiebert was a businesswoman, philanthropist and environmentalist also from Provincetown.- TC

Location change MB Foundation has announced the relocation of its Fresno office to the campus of MB Biblical Seminary at 4824 E. Butler Ave. The phone number (559-458-7208) remains the same. MB Foundation provides the capital needs and charitable estate planning advice for the U.S. Conference.-MBF

•

arrza MANY A BRIDE AND GROOM hope for a perfect wedding day.

Yet marriage itself is most fuLfilLing when it embraces our human frailties, our imperfections. ReaL married Life is not a perfect Life.

Each marriage is a unique journey that includes stretches of bLessing and chaLLenge. In this issue, we expLore what it means to bring gLory to God in our marriage reLationships. WhiLe the men and women who contributed the following articles wouLd be the first to teLL you they are not experts, their willingness to share their experiences and reflections modeLs one of their messages to us: When we are honest about the ups and downs of our marriage reLationships we encourage one another and give witness to God's intention for marriage . •

•

aIIla e er Christ's own heart We are to

B Y

MARVIN

H E I N

love our spouses like Christ loves the church.

What does

that mean?

MANY MARRIAGES-EVEN CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES-SEEM TO BE an endless duel rather than a magnificent duet. Eternal warfare rather than endless bliss. Why? While love and marriage are wonderful things, praised by Solomon in the Song of Songs, we often have a faulty view of marriage. We have created a deified myth out of this delightful yet flawed institution.

Eph. S:ZZ-Z3 makes it plain that in marriage we are to love each .other like Christ loves the church. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." When we love one another as Christ loves the church we experience marriage as God intends.

Loving like Christ loves means accepting each other's differences. In my years as a local church pastor I counseled many couples prior to marriage. They would sit on the couch, holding hands, living in a fantasyland of infatuation. The man would gaze at his

I

10 CL • C H R 1ST I A N

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(Marriage fiancee as though she was a goddess and she would exaggerate his every virtue. I would tell them that in marriage they would need the spirit of forgiveness in abundance. And they would agree. I'm sure they heard me academically. But after marriage, their idealized picture of one another would fade and life would become real and difficult.

The story is told of a young couple that saved in order to afford carpeting. Their finances, however, required that they lay it themselves. So one evening the husband went about the task with amazing skill. When he was finished he stepped back to survey his work and smoke a cigarette. But the pack was not in the customary pocket.

Just about that time he noticed a lump under the carpet in the comer where he had started. So he went over and put his total weight on it, grinding down until there was hardly a bulge. He then found

her relationship with her husband, but her diagnosis of their marriage is valuable. Instead of focusing on her husband's shortcomings, Morgan looked at herself. She determined that she was demanding, complaining, selfish, uncaring and insensitive. She tried to deny it, but that didn't help. She kept reminding God of all the things her husband didn't do and the Lord reminded her that she had joined the game spouses play of starving one another of attention. A chronic case of emotional malnutrition had taken over their marriage.

I wish every Christian marriage could be vaccinated against this insidious disease. The best way to inoculate ourselves is to remember that our task as a spouse is to help make the other person the best God has made possible. We spend so much time bringing out the worst in our mates. Christlike love means we don't starve our mates emotionally.

Loving like Christ means providing emotional nutrition to one another. We are created for fellowship with God and with each other. That is why the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18). Marriage partners can become isolated from one another and that leads to emotional hunger. his wife in the kitchen and proudly announced, "It's all done and it looks good, even if I have to say so myself. There is an uneven place in one comer but you really can't notice it much. By the way, have you seen my cigarettes anywhere?" he asked.

"Sure," she answered. 'They are right here on the windowsill" and she walked to get them. He pondered this in surprise until she said, "By the way, have you seen the parakeet?"

Even in the best of marriages, there is parakeet under the rug somewhere. We are all human and sinful. We fail in so many ways.

The bloom wears off the marriage and we find one another's faults.

What do we do then? We learn to accept each other's difference and we do what Christ does. Christ acknowledges our un-Christlikeness and he forgives us. The only way to live with a spouse who is human and sinful is to have in one's heart the love of Christ and a spirit of forgiveness.

Loving like Christ means providing emotional nutrition to one another. We are created for fellowship with God and with each other. That is why the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18). Marriage partners can become isolated from one another and that leads to emotional hunger.

Eph. 5 talks particularly about the husband helping the wife become what she is meant to be. It is likened to what Christ is doing with and for the church. This kind of care takes time and effort.

Emotionally starved people never grow into pure, spotless and blameless human beings. It is easy to take a spouse for granted. We must pay attention to each other.

In the late 70S, Marabel Morgan received a lot of attention for her book The Total Woman that advised Christian women on 'bow to make your marriage come alive." She was even on the cover of Time magazine. I don't buy all the techniques she devised to restore

Loving like Christ means living with and loving your real marriage partner. Some spouses always live with their mate the way they would like them to be. They never face reality. Beginning on our wedding day, too many of us go at each other like a "marital" Michelangelo. We sculpture, hammer and chisel away, trying to mold our partner after our own image. It doesn't work.

Learning to accept the person we marry is sometimes the bigger lesson we have to learn. We aren't the architects in the Christian marriage. Christ is. He is the potter and we are the clay. In marriage we need to make sure we don't try to do God's job on our spouse.

Our preferred method of changing our spouse is to whittle away at them. Christ's method for changing his bride, the church, is to die for her. Ephesians 5 says nothing about changing one's mate. It us to be helpers in God's process of changing people to be more and more like Christ. We need to accept our real partner, not the spouse we would like, and let God do the changing. Even when it appears God is having trouble transforming our spouses, we need to let him do the work. And we need to remember how God works with us. God doesn't disown us when we're not changing as much as he wants. He keeps working. We must trust God to do the same with our spouses.

If there are parakeets under the marital rug, take courage. And take grace. Learn to accept one another's faults and forgive like Jesus does. Make certain your spouse is not emotionally starved from lack of attention, no matter how unintentional. Let God carry out the changes in your mate. He knows better than you what needs to be changed. • Marvin Hein is a retired Mennonite Brethren minister currently living in Fresno, Calif. This article is adapted from a sermon he preached while serving North Fresno MB Church.

APRIL

2005. CLll

( Marriage 'l

Leader writer Myra Holmes talks with Paul

and

Gladys

Klassen about their own marriage and their observations from working with other couples.

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Paul and Gladys Klassen of Edmond, Okla. have been married for 37 years, have three grown children and a "quiver" full of grandchildren, as Gladys puts it. Paul has been a pastor for about 30 years, serving Memorial Road MB Church in Edmond for the past 22. During that time, he has counseled hundreds of couples.

CL: How has marriage changed in our culture in the time you've been married?

Gladys: When we got married, the assumption was that we would know what it meant to be married and have a home. We don't assume that anymore.

CL: Explain what you mean.

Gladys: We can no longer assume that when a couple gets married, they know how to be good partners. Couples have come from broken homes, they've come from abuse and they've come from neglect. Role models so often have not been there.

Paul: They deal with addiction, multiple marriages and multiple live-in people.

CL: That's a frightening thought.

Paul: People have always been busy. But I think today the fatigue and time pressure comes from both spouses working. Many times there is an expectation about the kind of house and the kind of things that are necessary for us to be happy. To try to get to that place requires a huge, huge sacrifice of both spouses. I think the cost of that kind of life is extremely high in terms of relationship building.

CL: How have you managed to keep your marriage strong over the years?

Gladys: For one thing, our commitment to God and to each other is very strong and that's our foundation.

Paul: When two people set their face-the direction of their lives-toward the Lord, yes we fall. Yes, we have dry times along the way. But when that remains the direction of our lives, I think that there is a grace that is given and an enablement that covers us.

Gladys: In our years here at Edmond we have been involved with a lot of couples. That not only helps them, it builds us.

CL: What were some pressures you faced in the early years of your marriage?

Paul: In our relationship, we compromised boundaries and it started in small ways. This might sound strange, but we have come to the place where we think that one of the greatest things in the world was that Gladys got pregnant. Our sin was forced into the open and I'm afraid of what would've happened if it hadn't been.

Gladys: We were married shortly after we found out I was pregnant. Those first years were tough. We have never tried to hide that experience, but we didn't share it with a lot of people. It's just been in the last 15 years that we are beginning to become much more aware of how God uses this in our lives. We don't share it because it's good news; we share it because we have experienced what it means to be restored.

CL: How, under those unfavorable circumstances, did you build a firm foundation for your marriage?

Gladys: We came into marriage commitred to each other. We

had just gone through a restoration process, and we knew the direction we were pointed. We were not turning away from God; we were turning toward him. There were several people in our lives in those first weeks that ministered to our lives. There were some couples further down the road that became our mentors. So I think that's what helped us to gain that foundation at the beginning.

Paul: We weren't in a formal mentoring relationship; it was informal. There were these people ahead of us in years and in marital status that opened their arms.

These wonderful couples invited this young couple in with this little baby and befriended us. We loved to go to their homes. It was unbelievable how God put people out in front of us.

CL: Is mentoring something that needs to be given more attention in the church?

Gladys: Yes, I think it does. We could name off a bunch of couples right now that come from homes where they don't know what marriage is. How do they learn unless through formal or informal friends or couples?

CL: How does a church foster these kinds of relationships?

Paul: That's a good question. It comes back in many ways to that time pressure. Our homes have tended to become more fomess-like-a place where we retreat and get away from people. I think in most informal mentoring cases, the people who live by that standard are people who practice what the Bible calls hospitality. They open their arms and their homes and say come on in, hang out.

CL: Could mentoring be applicable to all stages of marriage?

Paul: Yes. Even today, Gladys and I are on the lookout for people who are running the race well out in front of us.

CL: Must a role model or mentor have a perfect life to be effective?

Gladys: That's where honesty comes in.

Paul: Yes, and transparency. You see the hurt. You see the pain. But you see there's something bigger than that.

Gladys: I think that if couples are willing to open themselves up- I'm thinking of an older couple to a younger couple- if they're willing to be transparent, they're going to grow and they're going to have an impact on another life . •

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The marriage missi The church can bring reconciliation. healing and hope within the covenant relationship of marriage.

FIVE YEARS AGO, ARKANSAS GoVERNOR MIKE HUCKABEE

declared a "marriage emergency" in his state, a state with the second highest divorce rate in the nation. He was the first governor in the nation to call for "slashing the divorce rate in half." Governor Huckabee made the news again recently when after 31 years of marriage he and his wife Janet were married Feb. 14 in a "covenant marriage," a more binding legal option available in only Arkansas, Oklahoma and Louisiana.

In choosing a covenant marriage, husband and wife waive their right to unilateral divorce, agreeing they will seek counseling if their marriage becomes troubled and that serious fault such as adultery, physical abuse of spouse or children,

felony must be proven prior to a divorce. Should couples wed in a covenant marriage consider divorce, they often agree to live separately for up to two years in hope of a reconciliation.

To be sure, these marriage initiatives have their critics.

Some feel they are politically motivated in reaction to samesex marriage initiatives. Given that broken marriages and families cost our government exorbitant monies each year, others see economics driving these initiatives. Fiscally and politically conservative people view these marriage initiatives as an invasion of influence where government should not tread.

Governor Huckabee acknowledges there is a limit to what government can do to address divorce in our country.

It cannot change the hearts and minds of people. But Huckabee hopes it will encourage people of faith to unite to help people prepare for marriage. Since three out of four U.S. marriages take place in a religious context or institution, I believe that the community of faith is in a significant position to influence one couple at a time.

As a community of believers, we say marriage is a covenant relationship intended to unite a man and a women for life. In Genesis 1:26-27 God says, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness ... so God created man in his own image...male and female he created them."

The ultimate purpose of marriage is to reflect the image of God. When a man and a woman come together in their souls and when their bodies are fused to one another in the context of commitment, we illustrate for the world what God is like.

I believe the church across America lives in the midst of a marriage mission field, and that this mission field is in our churches as well as in our culture. This mission field is white unto harvest, and the Lord of the Harvest is ready to send out workers into the mission field. God wants to raise up his church as a primary mission agency for reconciliation, healing and hope within the covenant relationship of marriage.

As we prepare to minister in this marriage mission field, we will need to remember four important things.

We will experience tension between faithful proclamation and incarnational ministry. Jesus experienced this tension. In Matthew 19 Pharisees question Jesus about divorce. The Pharisees don't really care about divorced people as much as they want to trap Jesus. Different schools of rabbinical teaching about what constituted grounds for divorce made this a no-win situation for Jesus. With which school of thought would Jesus side? Or, would he, who had reputation for being a "friend of sinners," circumvent the

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n field law all together in favor of compassion and mercy? If so, his credibility as a prophet would be seriously in quesrion.

Do you feel the tension between proclamation and ministry? If we are to be faithful to the calling God puts upon his body, then we must be willing to minister within the framework of that tension, faithful to proclamation, and faithful to ministry.

Be clear about a marriage mission statement. Jesus was. Do not negotiate it. Jesus didn't. Let's go back to Matthew 19. Jesus' response to this "no-win" situation is recorded in verses 4-6. He challenged the Pharisees by quoting from Gen. 2:24, God's original blueprint mission statement for marriage. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24), quotes Jesus. "So they are no longer two, but one," continues Jesus. "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Matt. 19:6). Every mission field needs to have a clear, nonnegotiable mission statement.

We must learn to talk to each other about uncomfortable issues. As a biblical people, we emphasize the centtality and authority of the Word of God in our lives. As such, we teach that sexual intimacy rightly takes place only within the context of monogamous marriage between a man and woman. However, on the mission field there is an ever-increasing gap between our proclamation ethics and personal or private ethics. So it would be presumptuous for me to assume that people sitting in the pews of our churches are not struggling with purity of life issues such as cohabitation. We must learn how to talk out loud to each other about these issues with conviction and compassion.

Be informed by statistics, but do not be intimidated by statisrics.

Statistics can inform us about our culture and motivate us to action. But statisrics are also highly debatable. Questions about interpretation and methodology and when and how one gets facts, makes statisrics a speculative science.

There are enough doomsday statisrics on marriage to anesthetize our attempts at marriage ministry. For example, researcher George Barna reports that the divorce rate among bom-again Chrisrians is as high or even higher than among nonbelievers. Such statistics disturb and intimidate me.

However, there are also promising statisrics. Dave and Jan Stoop, Chrisrian therapists from Southern California, say that for Christian couples that are regularly in the Word and pray together, the divorce rate is one in 1,1$4. Seems to me that this one statisric alone could generate fertile and practical conversation about marriage ministry within our churches.

When I review statisrics, I am mindful that when Jesus stood before the multitudes that it was not to a sea of nameless faces he preached, but to people (Matt. 9:35-38). God loves broken, wounded and sinful individuals and he sent his son incarnate to redeem us to himself. And I believe God wants his church to love broken, wounded, sinful people just like he does .•

{Marriage 'l

Initiating a

church •

marriage ministry MENNONITE BRETHREN congregations interested in developing a marriage ministry can look to other congregations and national ministries for assistance. For example, Reedley (Calif.) MB Church has adopted this marriage ministry mission statement:

Reedley MB Church Marriage Ministry Mission Statement

To raise up and train the body of Christ to build, to enrich, and to reconcile marriages, Reedley MB Church places a high value on marriage with a commitment to strengthen the family to grow in love.

We are committed to growing strong Christian families by including solid marriage preparation, enrichment and growth activities to build strong marriages and families, support for these marriages and families that are struggling, and promote reconciliation opportunities for those families suffering the pain of splitting apart. We value our youth and children by providing a safe environment, quality educational opportunities, and spiritual development that promotes sexual purity and respect before marriage, the importance of believers marrying believers, and that marriage is a covenant relationship intended to unite a man and a woman for life.

Marriage Savers is a national ministry that may be a helpful resource. Founded in 1996, Marriage Savers equips local communities, principally through local congregations, to help men and women to prepare for lifelong marriages, strengthen existing marriages and restore troubled marriages. - RO

Ray ONeil is minister of pastoral rure at Reedley (Calif. MB Church.

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Can a couple whose marriage is shattered by a secret addiction find love again? Thanks to a faithful God, the answer is yes!

Diane did not know what was behind David's behavior,

but

she did see the destructive results.

"WE NOW KN"OW THAT WE SERVE A GoD WHO CAN CHANGE LIVES AND HEAL relationships," say David and Diane * of their 30-year marriage. "He can do the impossible." The impossible in their case was transforming a marriage that appeared normal on the surface but in reality was shattered by addiction.

Diane was raised in a close family, attended church with her mother and accepted Christ at age 14. As a young adult, she studied nursing, but her heart's desire was a godly husband and family. "I prayed daily for my future husband-that he would love the Lord and be handsome."

David also accepted Christ at an early age. But David's family life was full of turmoil that stemmed from alcoholism, divorce, violence and verbal abuse. He drifted away from church and God until a work-related accident during David and Diane's courtship got his attention.

"I renewed my committnent to follow God and began attending church again," he says.

David and Diane met on a blind date when they were both 23. They dated for two years before they married in what Diane calls "a perfectly beautiful ceremony." She says, 'We were active in a small, struggling church, worked and went to college. It all seemed perfect."

What she didn't know was that David was addicted to pornography.

David had been exposed to pornographic photos and magazines as a young child. As a teen and young adult, he used pornography as an escape. Long before he and Diane married, he says, "It was an addiction."

That addiction soon began to manifest itself in troubling ways. 'Within months, I realized something was wrong," Diane says. "David began to withdraw, isolate and become very private. I am a planner (a nice word for conttoller) and this was not in the plan. How could I admit that my perfect life was not so perfect?"

David spiraled downward in an addictive cycle of guilt and shame, which drove him to seek more pornography to "insulate" himself. Diane did not know what was at the root of his behavior, but she did see the destructive results. She says, "He wouldn't talk to me and couldn't say my name. We didn't have knock-down, drag-out arguments. Mostly we existed in silence, each in our own worlds. At times, he seemed so far away, so dark. I feared he might harm himself, so I hid our handgun."

Two years into their marriage, David told Diane that he was involved in pornography.

Diane says, '''That was really foreign to me, and I thought that once he told me, he wasn't going to do it any more." She thought he quit; he didn't.

David was skilled at keeping the evidence of his addiction out of sight. Business ttavel, time home alone and later the Internet helped hide his addiction. But, he points out, he couldn't hide the anger and moodiness that resulted. For her part, Diane says that because

(*Names have been changed.)

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e she didn't see the materials, "it was easy to believe that he had stopped." She knew something was very wrong, but blamed his behavior on the alcoholism and pain of his family history.

About 12 years into this troubled marriage, David again confessed his addiction to Diane.

This time, Diane understood that they were up against a devastating addiction. At the time, she was working on a drug rehabilitation unit where she saw the same addictive behaviors.

She began to connect the addiction with the hurt in their marriage and was able to recognize when he was involved with pornography.

David sought help from a counselor who specialized in sexual addictions. He says this counseling, like others he tried, did help to a limited extent. "It helped me realize 1 wasn't alone," he says.

But recognizing and naming the problem didn't bring about an instant cure. David and Diane had many dark years ahead.

Diane struggled to deal with a marriage that fell far short of her dreams. She says, "I was angry at God. My desire was a husband who could be a soul mate as we learned to serve God more deeply. 1felt resentment welling up inside me as 1 faced being married to someone who was angry and withdrawn, who could not speak my name, and who had great difficulty in demonstrating love to the kids and me. Why wouldn't God answer my prayer? It was an honorable request."

David says, "What Diane really needed I could not provide. 1 couldn't hold her hand, hug her, or even call her by name. 1 was an absentee father. My body was there but in reality I was always somewhere else." Guilt drove him away from the church and others who might have helped. He describes how he sometimes waited in the church parking lot until services ended, too uncomfortable to enter. "I

felt that my sin would contaminate those inside," he says.

Unemployment, financial difficulties, loss of their home, loss of two church families and even a tornado compounded the turmoil. Yet as David and Diane talk about the difficulties, they point again and again to God's faithfulness in preserving and restoring their marriage.

"God was faithful in our lives even though things were not good from our perspective," they say.

.

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David says. That breakfast became a turning point. ''Through his guidance, I began to draw close to God and God drew close to me," David says. As a first step, he began to attend meetings of the church's recovery program.

But, David says, "I had to fall some more to finally reach a point of surrender to God." In 2001, about 27 years into their marriage, Diane found evidence of pornography in their home. She says the discovery was "a

As David and Diane talk about the difficulties, they point again and again to God's

-. faithfulness in preserving and restoring their marriage."God was faithful in our lives even though things were not good from our perspective," they say. ,; .

Diane admits that she often wanted to end the marriage. "I wanted to leave. Many times I was close. But I could see occasional glimpses of the godly man I had only dared to dream of, and I was cautiously encouraged.

The Lord's faithfulness continued," she says.

"God always provided a small group or individuals that I could share my life with," she says. "It wasn't always possible to share everything, but they sensed my pain and encouraged me." The Bible became Diane's refuge and source of strength. "Even if my husband didn't affirm me with words or actions, Christ was always there," she says. ''That became my strength."

God was faithful in providing a church home where the couple found support and positive role models.

Diane and their children began to attend an MB church about the time the church began a major work project.

Although he attended church only sporadically, David helped with the project. As he worked alongside men from the church, Diane says, "He began to see Jesus lived out in real live people. The Lord was faithful."

David says, ''The more I was around the men from church, the more they rubbed off on me. For instance, I really wanted to be able to pray for a meal like those men.

They pray such sweet, simple prayers. Their prayers would reach into my innermost being. It was like God saying, 'See, I can do this for you too if youll only let me.

Just let me love you.'" He adds, "It's really odd to think of a work project saving a marriage and maybe a life, but I really think it may have happened."

Diane had some work of her own to do. She says, "I began to be convicted about the anger and resenttnent that I carried toward David and toward God." She wrote about her anger and resenttnent, shared it with a friend, and asked David and God for forgiveness.

The pastor of their MB church called to invite David to breakfast. "It was one of those calls," David says. Years before, David had-"on impulse"- confessed his addiction to the pastor. Now, the pastor lovingly confronted David. "He said he'd been thinking back to our previous conversation and wanted to know if that was what was causing all my current problems,"

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God-directed thing," because she had never before found physical evidence. "It was so revolting and so vile to have it in my hands," Diane says. "It was such a shock to me that I told David this was it.

We cannot go on like this."

David talks about "brokenness" and "surrender" when he recalls that day. He says, "I was going through every horrible description of self-loathing you can think of. I prayed that God would take this and use it and help me."

David took steps to break the stronghold pornography had on him. He became accountable to other Christian men through the church's recovery program. He began regular devotions and prayer on his own and with Diane. In another sign of God's faithfulness, David's business travel slowed to a trickle, reducing opportunities for temptation.

Years of hurt had left their mark on Diane. She says, "I wasn't sure that even if he changed 100 percent I had any love left to give him. I began to pray and ask God to help me remember why I had originally loved him and to give me his love for David." At first she says, she had to act like she loved him.

"God was again faithful." Diane says. "He restored that love in me for David."

David recalls Christian apologist Ravi Zacharias saying that each Christian generally has one desire or habit that keeps them from enjoying and tasting the fullness of God. Zacharias urges Christians to develop safeguards to keep from falling in that area in which they are most vulnerable. "Guard your life. Guard your heart," David remembers Zacharias saying.

David adds, "I do that by praying and reading the Bible each day. It is my 'heatt medicine.'"

Diane admits that their marriage is still far from perfect. "But we are walking together seeking more of the Lord in our lives daily.

David is different now-at church and at home. The angry rage is gone- as long as he takes his 'heart' medicine. He is loving, gentle and kind. He can say my name. He speaks with godly wisdom and has a spirit of reasonableness."

What once seemed impossible has happened. Diane says, "I know today that because of our heavenly Father, I love David dearly."

"God is always faithful," David emphasizes.•

Readers interested in contacting this couple may do so via the Leader.

Your Mennonite Brethren

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Strengthening the backbone Solid marriages make for strong churches say two Ethiopian congregations

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wo Ethiopian Mennonite Brethren congregations are implementing programs to strengthen what they call the 'backbone" of the church-marriage.

"Couples are the backbone of any church," says Dawit Medhin, head of family ministries at Ethiopian Evangelical Church in Denver, Colo. In Olathe, Kan., at Ethiopian Christian Fellowship, Lemma Misgana echoes that sentiment: "If the church is strong in ... marriage, then that church is going to be strong." The Olathe church offers counseling and regular training classes aimed at strengthening marriages. At the Denver church, couples ministry centers around small groups.

Dawit and Elizabeth Medhin, pictured with their children, work with family ministries at the Denver Ethiopian MB church.

Dawit is translating marriage resources for use in their church.

Misgana, vice chair of the board of elders at Ethiopian Christian, says that in Ethiopia the divorce rate is minimal-he estimates two to three percent. In the United States, however, divorce is much more prevalent and almost as common in the church as in the secular world. "Here-we wonder," Misgana says. That, in part, motivates the church to make sure couples have the training and support they need to keep growing and to avoid problems.

In order to strengthen existing marriages, Olathe's Ethiopian Christian offers quarterly training classes for couples. Every three months, the church sets aside a Sunday afternoon and provides childcare so that all couples can attend a marriage training session.

Attendance is high. with almost every couple in the church attending. When a couple misses a session, Misgana says, others in the church tell them what they've missed and encourage them to come next time.

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... bodyLIFE ··· The church is also organizing a counseling program to train young people before they marry. "Back home," Misgana says, "we have very strong marriage counselors." He says these counselors are well-trained and have organized manuals and materials for teaching about marriage. The church already has a few couples who were trained as counselors in Ethiopia and hopes to train as many as 10 more, according to Misgana. New counselor couples will be trained by those already in the church or by visitors from Ethiopia. The counselors must be couples. "Couples have to counsel couples," Misgana says.

Misgana says the church has some 50 to 60 young people in their late teens or early 20S, and the church will focus on this group for premarital training. The

dream, says Medhin, since nearly every U.S. city has a significant Ethiopian population and an Ethiopian church. In Denver alone, Medhin says the Ethiopian population is estimated to be 220,000, with three Ethiopian churches totaling about 600 members.

Leaders of the small groups chose the HomeBuilders material because it requires spouses to interact at home between meetings and because it is Bible-based. Medhin says, 'The bottom line for us- the point of refD "By h3ving godly and strong couples. we Jre building the of erence-is the Bible, the Scriptures. This Christ and we are m3king the church stronger:- says Dawit book series heavily depends on the Word of God as a manual for couples." hope is that by educating young people early, they can avoid problems later.

Misgana says that if the church doesn't teach what marriage should be, young Like the Olathe church, Ethiopian people will learn from secular media. 'The church has to go ahead of time before Evangelical provides premarital counseling. If they fall into problems and show the way they should go," he says. only a few couples plan to be married in the Cultural differences "affect a lot" when it comes to marriage, Misgana says. coming year, counseling is provided on a couMany of the younger generation have been raised in the U.S. and are less familple-to-couple basis. This year, Medhin says, iar with Ethiopian traditions. He says the church desires to take the good from seven couples are planning to be married, so both Ethiopian and U.S. cultures to teach this new generation. counseling is offered in a small-group format, He says the church hopes their vision for strengthening marriages will similar to a Sunday school class. Materials extend beyond their church walls and beyond their Ethiopian community. 'We cover eight topics and, like those used by the want to reach others, learn from others and give what we have also," Misgana small groups, are in Amharic and were prepared by Medhin. In addition, the church says.

In Denver, Ethiopian Evangelical Church puts priority on couples minoffers marriage seminars, retreats and counselistry because, as Medhin says, "If you have strong couples, you have a strong ing for couples who are struggling.

Medhin says all churches can and should church." He points out that families are essentially miniatures of the larger church body and that training of the next generation happens primarily in famhave a couples ministry. "Marriage is not culilies. "So by having godly and strong couples, we are basically building the body tural," he says. "It's a God-given gifr to all of Christ and we are making the church stronger," Medhin says. "Besides, marhuman beings. If that's our basis, then what we riage is a challenge." do as a church can benefit other churches, At the heart of the church's couples ministry are small groups, each conbecause we have the same source." He points sisting of seven to eight couples including a trained lead couple. The groups out that many churches provide support meet monthly for marriage training. Sessions include Bible-based teaching on groups for addictions, and marriages should be marriage, discussion and exercises to practice the concepts. The small groups supported in a similar way. 'That means peoalso become a place where couples can sort out cultural issues that affect marple meet together to stand," says Medhin.

'This is the same concept. In fact, even in this riage. For example, Medhin says, working mothers are rare in Ethiopia but quite common in the U.S. Small groups support couples as they work through time and age, marriage is the most attacked issues like the roles of husbands and wives. institution in the U.S." Ethiopian Evangelical does provide services in English, but most in the Medhin says a church that wishes to congregation speak Amharic. The small groups use materials in Amharic develbegin a couples ministry should first conduct a oped by Medhin and his wife, who early in their own marriage received marmeeting to introduce the idea, perhaps includriage training from the Denver-based organization, University of the Family. ing testimonies from those who have benefited The church is preparing to pilot new materials, developed in cooperation from such a program. Then, he says, churches with Family Life Today and HomeBuilders. Ethiopian Evangelical worked with must remember that the important thing is not HomeBuilders to translate one book of the Homebuilders' Couples Series into the formal structure, but the support and relaAmharic. The book will be published by HomeBuilders, and the church will tionships between couples. then use the materials in their small groups. If the material meets expectations, "Just start," Medhin says. the church will help translate the rest of the Homebuilders' Couples Series and After all, what body is stalwart without a use the resources to help other Ethiopian churches throughout the U.S. It's a big strong backbone? - By Myra Holmes

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Peace churches face draft concerns Consultation promotes stronger peace witness. commitment to service

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military draft is either not going to happen, possible in some scenarios, or likely, depending on whom you ask. But aU who attended an Anabaptist Consultation on Alternative Service March 4-5 agreed the historic peace churches need to be ready.

The meeting brought together more than 90 people from several Mennonite denominations, the Church of the Brethren, the Brethren in Christ and Friends (Quakers) to address concerns that their churches have not faced in such an urgent way since the Vietnam War. Each patticipating denomination was invited to bring 10 participants. Mennonite Brethren representatives included Chuck Buller, U.S. Conference executive director, Tim Sullivan, Southern District Conference minister. Gary Wall. Pacific District Conference minister. and interested clergy, lay leaders and coUege Mennonite Brethren representatives take part in a discussion at the Consultation on Alternative Service. From left are Chuck Buller, executive director of the U.S. Conference; Sheri Wiedenhoefer, peace and justice educator for West Coast MCC, and Larry Dunn, director of academic programs at the Center for Peacemaking and Conflict Studies at Fresno (Calif.) Pacific University.

educators.

Participants talked about how to improve their churches' peace witness. promised to work together on behalf of conscientious objectors if a draft comes and agreed on the importance of countering high-pressure military recruiting.

They said their churches need a stronger commitment to Christian service and to teaching Jesus' way of peace. whether there is a draft or not.

"Should it take a draft to precipitate a visible witness for peace in our congregations?" asked Tim Showalter. a first-year student at Goshen (Ind.) CoUege.

A Selective Service System official told the group no draft is planned.

'The administration's position on the draft is quite simple: There isn't going to be any," said Richard S. Flahavan, associate director of public and intergovernmental affairs for Selective Service.

Others were not so sure. J.E. McNetl, executive director of the Center on Conscience and War, a conscientious objector advocacy group, urged participants to consider the draft a real possibility. Recruitment shortfalls by the National Guard, Anny and Marines indicate a draft can't be ruled out, she said.

"I predict we're going to have a draft," McNeil said. "I hope I'm wrong."

Others described the draft as possible if cit· cumstances change.

'There's a possibility that there could be a draft, especiaUy ifthere were (a U.S.) invasion of Iran or ifthere were another attack on U.S. soil/, said J. Daryl Byler, director of the Mennonite Central Committee U.S. Washington Office.

Of more immediate concern, many said, Is what some caUed a "back-door draft": increasingly intensive military recruitment that disproportionately targets youth from racial minority groups and poor communities.

"People of color rarely join the military for patriotic reasons," said Conrad Moore of Lancaster, Pa., a former MCC peace educatot and former Marine. "It has always been seen as a way to improve their condition."

Sheri Wiedenhoefer, peace and justice educator for West Coast MCC, said: "If I go to Mennonite churches of color, these kids are being heavily recruited. But when I go to Anglo churches, that issue is so far from them because their sons wiD never have to go."

The churches should playa role in coun-

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... bodyLIFE ··· tering the military's enticements, denominational leaders said.

'We were challenged to offer clear and meaningful alternatives to young people who would otherwise go to the military for jobs, education or leadership training,"

of members do not agree with it. This percentage varies among the denominations, but it is a concern for all.

"A theology of war is emanating from the highest circles of American government and is seeping into our churches every day," said Dick Davis, pastor of Peace Mennonite Church in Dallas and a "People ot color rarcly join the military tor patriotic rcasons. former Southern Baptist Army chaplain.

American evangelicalism It has J]WJ\,s been seen as a W;.l \' to improve their condition." influences Anabaptist churches -ConrJu l\loore of LJncaster, Penn., former peJce and draws them away from conscientious objection to war, pareducJtor and former (Jrine. ticipants said.

Many Brethren in Christ said members of the Council of Moderators and pastors do not come from a pacifist perspective, said Secretaries, the group of denominational leaders that Alan Claassen Thrush, director of young adult minsponsored the consultation, in a statement. istries at Gateway Community Church, a Brethren in Kevin King, executive coordinator of Mennonite Christ congregation in Pasadena, Calif.

Disaster Service, said: 'We need to match the zeal of the All agreed that dialogue is important, and several military recruiters." said it should start with the Bible. "We have common If churches do a good job of teaching peace, youth ground with evangelicals because we take the Scriptures will know where they stand and be able to resist the very seriously," Thrush said. "So we can start with the recruiters, said Ryan Wilson, youth pastor at College Scriptures in dialogue with people."

Community Church, a Mennonite Brethren congregaDavid L. Miller, Beachy Amish representative tion in Fresno, Calif. from Partridge, Kan., called for combining humility with Concerns of people of color were prominent in disstability of conviction in talking with people who discussions of how to nurture church members' commitagree. "Our understanding of the Bible should not transment to service at all times, regardless of a draft. late into a judgmental attitude toward others," he said.

'We learned that many past and present models of "But humility should not mean we have an unstable service are designed around the needs of those serving commitment to the truth." without adequate thought to the long-term impact on the Larry Dunn, director of academic programs at the Center for Peacemaking and Conflict Studies at Fresno communities being served," the Council of Moderators and Secretaries stated.

Pacific University, suggested starting by talking about Iris de Leon-Hartshorn, director of peace and juspeace between individuals. "Many are open to the ideals of conflict resolution at a personal level," he said. 'This tice ministries for MCC U.S., spoke of the need to listen to those being served. 'We can no longer enter into comcan open the door." munities without including the voices from the grassThe Council of Moderators and Secretaries will roots as equals in the work of service," she said. carry forward the issues and concerns raised in the conMoore called for the church to "redefine how we sultation. serve people of color, not seeing them as the mission field "Now is not the time for complacency." said Darrell but embracing them as the constituency."

Winger, Brethren in Christ general secretary. 'We recIf a draft returns, the churches' voluntary service ognize the need to be better prepared for resourcing a programs would need to expand greatly to accommodate new generation to follow the way of peace, the way of conscientious objectors doing alternative service.

Christ."

Cassandra Costley, manager of Selective Service's The meeting was held at the Church of the Alternative Service Division, expressed willingness to Brethren General Offices in Elgin, IL. Participants attended from Mennonite Church USA, the U.S. work with church VS programs.

Scott Siemens, director of Mennonite Voluntary Conference of Mennonite Brethren Churches, Conservative Mennonite Conference, MCC U.S., Service, was pleased with this, and with the consultation in general. 'We (VS leaders) are absolutely encouraged Beachy Amish, Amish Mennonite Church. Brethren in by the level of commitment displayed by this group and Christ, Church of the Brethren, Northwest Yearly to see that there is enough passion in the community of Meeting of Friends (Evangelical Friends International), faith to rise to the occasion that would be presented" by Philadelphia Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of a draft, he said.

Friends, Friends United Meeting and the Bruderhof Patticipants spoke of the challenge of maintaining Communities .• the churches' peace stance when a significant percentage Report and photo by Paul Schrag/or Meetinghouse

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Gift sharing gains global momentum Project has broadened understanding of gifts

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nabaptists around the world are thinking and talking about gifts and sharing them among each other in ways they never have before. A major catalyst in this phenomenon is the Mennonite World Conference Global Gifts Sharing project.

'The big surprise is how the theme of gift sharing has been embraced before we fully understood what 'gift sharing' meant," says Tim Lind, one of two GGS project leaders. Pakisa Tshimika, MWC associate executive secretary for networks and projects and a member of College Community MB Church of Fresno, Calif., is the other project director.

Tshimika and Lind began the GGS project in 1998 by meeting with African churches and doing Bible studies on gift sharing and making an "inventory" of gifts in the church. While they could not avoid discussion of financial sharing, the men broadened the understanding of gifts to include simple acts such as making quilts or jam, as well as gifts of leadership in the church. The focus was on sharing gifts locally and globally in the Anabaptist "family" of churches.

Lind and Tshimika say the project has stimulated a lot of thinking about

gifts and broadened the understanding of gifts within the global church family. The men recently spoke to a gathering of Canadian pastors at which global gift sharing was the focus. Lind and Tshimika talked about the importance of the family theme in defining the global Anabaptist identity, the metaphor of the church as a body and the characteristics of true gift sharing.

Global gift sharing is not about starting new programs, Tshimika and Lind emphasize, but rather identifying and lifting up what already is happening. The process tends to draw things out of people rather than bringing something to them. Lind and Tshimika are convinced of two other principles: that needs are often really gifts that are blocked from release and that God allocates gifts equitably, not necessarily equally.

The two men say they have learned several things from their work with GGS. They have gained new insights and clarified their own thinking about gifts and gift sharing. They have also discovered a predisposition among churches to relate and share gifts with each other, including between neighboring countries. Exchanges have taken place between Tanzania and Kenya and between Panama and Costa Rica, with no outside funds involved.

Tshimika and Lind have found similarities across the global South and North.

Lind says, "It's easy to be overwhelmed by differences, (but) there are things that make a connection. If you keep talking about peopIe's gifts rather than looking at the deficits, there is a greater tendency to be positive."

Tshimika says he has gained a better understanding of the global church and a committnent to walk with people who are doing the hard work of ttying new relationships.

The GGS. now nearing the end of its original mandate, began in 1997 when the MWC General Council discussed the Old Testament concept of Jubilee. It decided that $95.000 of about $1 million MWC had received from agencies and individuals as a kind of "Jubilee fund" would be set aside for "global gift sharing." Lind and Tshimika were hired to design and direct this project.

The rest of the fund was to be given to member churches over a period of years according to prescribed guidelines.

At their initial meeting a year later. the two men soon realized that there was no

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common understanding of "gifts." They first needed to work on a theology of gifts and a culture of understanding gift sharing. Then, before actual sharing could happen, the wealth of gifts already present-all kinds of gifts, not only spiritual gifts as defined in New Testament letters-must be identified. That required an inventory of gifts and resources.

Lind and Tshimika quickly agreed that sending a paper form for congregations to fill out and return wouldn't work. Leading face-to-face workshops would be a better strategy. They hoped to meet with each MWC member conference. They began the daunting task in Africa where conferences are large and relatively

D Global gift shafing is not about starting new programs but fathef identifying and lifting up what already is happening. few and moved on to the much more scattered and diverse Latin American and Asian conferences. There they decided to train facilitators rather than leading the workshops themselves. Each workshop or seminar was fashioned by its context.

In Africa, where the initial workshops included few women, Lind and Tshimika insisted that future workshops include at least 50 percent women. In addition to generating an inventory of gifts and some gift sharing in Africa, a significant outcome was the development of a network of African women theologians who continue to support each other and to hold annual regional and continental conferences. ''A big surprise was how African women grabbed the importance of their gifts. They owned their gifts and are sharing in leadership in the church," says Tshimika.

They have also inspired Latin American women to share their gifts, including conducting workshops.

In Europe, particularly Germany and the Netherlands, the interest in gift sharing was strong.

Creative work was already being done, notably exchange visits between Dutch and African Mennonite women.

Sharing Gifts in the Global Family of Faith, based on the project, was written by Tshimika and Lind by 2003 and has become the resource for conferences and congregations in North America to do their own studies on the theme.

At the outset, Lind and Tshimika thought their task would produce "a tidy inventory" of global gifts. It has gone far beyond. Now they are completing a final report on their work over the past six years to present to the MWC General Council. It will be up to the council to decide how to continue the momentum the project has created.- from MWC reports

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Rebuilding more than a church building Anabaptist insurance company aids MB church rebuilding project

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en Lakota Gospel Church, a Native American Mennonite Brethren congregation located on South Dakota's Pine Ridge Reservation, burned to the ground last summer, one of the first questions up for discussion was the continued existence of this Porcupine, S.D., congregation.

The congregation struggled numerically with less than 50 members and to maintain a sense of purpose and mission. Ministry on the reservation is challenging. Pine Ridge, the second largest Indian reservation in the U.S., after Arizona's Navajo Nation, is located in the nation's poorest county. It posts the highest poverty- and alcoholrelated death statistics on the continent and the average lifespan is just 52 years.

Following the June 21, 2004 fire that completely destroyed the building and its contents, the congregation as well as Central District Conference leaders questioned whether or not the congregation would continue to exist. Then came an offer of help from MutualAideXchange, an Anabaptist reciprocal insurance company.

Lakota Gospel Church is part of the Central District Conference and is insured through MAX programs and ministries.

MAX, as the company is known, offered to come alongside the church for the rebuilding process. MAX, which has insurance programs that are used as a tool for mutual aid among Anabaptists. also has ministry programs that lend support for emotional and spiritual needs of individuals and churches.

Church and CDC leaders credit MAX's offer with jump-starting not only a building program for the Lakota church but also a new sense of spiritual vitality.

"It's one thing to rebuild a church building." says Glenn

... bodyLIFE ··· Welborn who develops and coordinates MAX's U.S. mutual aid programs. 'To see the movement of a congregation from real discouragement to renewal, a spirit of hope, excitement and enthusiasmthat's the most important part of our work."

The Lakota rebuilding project fell under Burden Bearing Ministries. one of four MAX programs. While an insurance adjuster dealt with the insurance aspects of the damage, Allen Schroeder, a MAX responder from Minnesota. helped to assess other ministry needs. Processing what had happened surfaced as an immediate need.

Schroeder met with Pastor Howard Whiteface and congregation members for a prayer meeting and discussions regarding their future.

Once the Lakota congregation, together with CDC leaders, decided to rebuild the church building MAX funds covered 60 to 70 percent of the rebuilding materials. But additional finances and labor to complete the project were still needed. Curtis Hoyt, a member of Bible Fellowship MB Church in neighboring Rapid City, S.D., agreed to serve as the on-site general contractor. Hoyt is executive director of Hands of Faith Ministry, Inc .• a rehabilitation program for Native Americans. Men from the reservation who were learning new skills and trades through Hands of Faith helped to build the new church. Hands of Faith volunteers from around the country also helped with the rebuilding project.

"For me to see the spiritual renewal and to provide an opportunity for Native American men to not only learn a vocation and to help rebuild the church, but also to participate in some of the meetings held by those working together was an awesome experience," says MAX's Welborn.

Additional labor assistance came from Bible Fellowship MB Church and two teams of MAX employees who traveled to

South Dakota to help with drywall, electrical work and other interior construction tasks.

The Lakota congregation requested $7,000 from MAX for the rebuilding project and looked to other sources for additional financial assistance. CDC congregations contributed funds and MAX was able to help generate additional funds through its Network Ministry, a process by which Anabaptists throughout North America are notified of special needs within the Anabaptist community. Needs may include prayer, monetary aid or volunteer help.

When MAX enacted its Network Ministry. "funds were given far beyond the $7,000 initially requested," says Denise Dietz. MAX marketing coordinator.

Through the network, MAX gathered donations to pay for the removal of debris and to add Sunday school rooms to the Lakota church. The Lakota congregation had not had educational classrooms prior to the fire. ''This disaster demonstrates what can happen when people with loving hearts, committed to mutual aid. rally around brothers and sisters under burden." says a MAX news release.

While the building is not 100 percent complete, it is close. Christmas services were held in the new church just six months after the fire. Curtis Hoyt and Hands of Faith volunteers will finish the remaining work on the church and Pastor Whiteface says the congregation will host a dedication service.

Pastor Whiteface, who began attending the church's Sunday school ministry as a

small child, says the congregation has been encouraged in several ways since the fire.

The bigger building enables them to host larger groups of people. particularly for special occasions such as Christmas when their attendance increases significantly.

Whiteface says donations to the church have increased as have the number of visitors attending services. The assistance of MAX, volunteers from a variety of places and words of encouragement from present and former people involved in the Lakota Gospel Church have also been significant in the rebuilding process and the continuation of ministry, says Whiteface. who also has a radio program that is broadcast in several states. Whiteface says the broadcast has also generated interest in the Lakota church.

"God does much more than bless the rebuilding of the building." says MAX's Welborn. ''There is an emotional and spiritual renewal. It is an awesome experience to see God at work in people's lives."

In addition to providing insurance coverage. the MAX mission is to follow the biblical teachings of Christ and the apostles in the treatment of brothers and sisters. In addition to Burden Bearing and Networking Ministries, which have been in existence for two years. MAX is developing a financial assistance ministry and an educational ministry to help build awareness among individuals and congregations regarding mutual aid among Anabaptists and others.-MAX news release and Leader staff

Right: Volunteers help construct Lakota Gospel Church's new building, pictured above in December.

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HIV/AI DS fallout MEDA addressing economic dimension of African health crisis

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veryone knows HIVIAIDS is a killer, a global monster that is ravaging millions.

In Africa it is a heterosexual menace, the single largest slayer of people ages 18 to 49. And it is spreading with exponential speed.

Mennonite Economic Development Associates, an association of Christians who want to connect their faith and work in a needy world, is wrestling to find a "business response" to the personal and economic crisis caused by HIVIAIDS. In Mozambique, one place where MEDA works, the disease has hit 17 percent of the population of 19 million- a total of 3.2 million people. The country lies precariously on the border of heavily-infected South Africa and Zimbabwe. The disease is spread by migrant workers crossing borders to seek jobs, as well as by the underground sex trade that has proliferated because of the limited opportunities available for young girls.

In Mozambique alone, roughly 500 new infections occur every day among young adults, and 90 new infections occur among children through mother-to-child transmission.

Fifteen million African children are AIDS orphans, according to UNICEF. Many children feel the impact much earlier as they are forced to drop out of school to work-often at exploitive, hazardous labor-or fill in as the family caregiver.

"People get only one shot at childhood," says David Agnew, president of UNICEF Canada. "If you spend it in poverty or spend it in a refugee camp or spend it in a brothel, that's a childhood you11 never get back and an opportunity that's lost."

A friend comforts a HIV/AIDS patient in a Tanzania hospital.

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HIVIAIDS isn't just a health crisis, it's also an economic crisis. It is fed by poverty, and it spins off new poverty. Most African businesses are suffering its effects, from high

gramming, and devising tools to address the economic dimension.

MEDA technical advisor Pauline Achola is one of a core of 10 people from Small Enterprise and Education Promotion member organizations who are putting together an HIV/AIDS guide based on information from MFIs dealing with

D \Vhat appropriate lending policies could be put in place to avoid discriminating against IiIV AI DS sufferers and still not put the microfinancc institution at health costs for employees to absenteeism.

Hit hardest are those aged 18 to 49, the breadwinners and youth who are vital to the local economy. An entire generation of productive workers is being lost.

It is also a crisis for microfinance institutions (MFIs) that lend to poor people.

Clients with HIV/AIDS can't work, can't earn an income and can't payoff their loans.

If too many clients default, the bank goes under.

The stigma attached to the disease is making it difficult for MFIs to address the issue. Most infected clients do not talk about it or are in denial or are not even aware that they are carrying the virus. How can they discuss it in a culture that does not openly discuss personal matters, or if they fear that being forthright will make them ineligible for loans in the future?

One MFI struggled with whether to lend money to people who are clearly infected and will die soon thus leaving the loan unpaid. What appropriate lending policies could be put in place to avoid discriminating against them and still not put the MFI at risk? For example, last year a regular client who was very ill and who openly admitted to having the disease requested a loan. The MFI was reluctant to give it to him, fearing he would be too incapacitated to run his business. The man insisted, saying he had family members who would take care of his business. Eventually the MFI relented and two weeks later the man died and the MFI lost three million shillings.

MEDA staff have wrestled with a "business response" to HIVIAIDS. As an agency that specializes in "business-oriented solutions to poverty," how can its expertise be most effectively deployed? One way is by gathering examples of successful integration of HIV/AIDS and microfinance pro-

the disease. It will highlight "promising practices," propose MFI program designs that take HIV/AIDs into consideration and work at ways to measure results.

Another MEDA effort is a seminar slated for Tanzania early in 2005 where some 20 MFI practitioners will share ideas on how they are coping. The seminar will ask how other agencies have dealt with the stigma of HIV/AIDS, what lending policies avoid discriminating against infected or affected clients without putting the institution at risk, and what solutions have worked in other countries.

All MFI institutions acknowledge that the crisis is "a time bomb" waiting to explode, says Sandra Getuba, an intern working on this issue for MEDA in Mozambique. But, she says, they lack enough information, tools and capacity to implement effective solutions. "It's our hope that we can share the lessons learned by other organizations and help jump-start a first step towards dealing with the issue," she says.-MEDA News

l Tabor CoUeg_e_ Take a close look at a Christ-centered Tabor College education. Tabor empowers you for all the possibilities that your future holds.

www.tabor.edu • admissions@tabor.edu 1-800-TABOR-99 • Hillsboro, Kansas

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••• bodyLIFE ··· s everything we thought it would be••• and more!"

Florida governor visits MDS rebuilding project Bush commends Mennonites for giving

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lorida Governor Jeb Bush visited a Mennonite Disaster Service project site Feb. 25 in Century, Fla. The governor, on a tour of disaster sites across the state, stopped in to present MDS executive coordinator Kevin King with a check for $100,000 from the state's Hurricane Relief Fund. The money will be used to offset the cost of tools, fuel, vehicle maintenance and supplies.

Bush stopped at the home of Louelda and Donnie Bass, whose roof is being replaced by MDS volunteers. The Bass' roof was damaged when a heavy tree fell on it during high winds from Hurricane Ivan. King led Bush on a tour of the work site and introduced him to several of the volunteers.

During a short speech, Governor Bush acknowledged the helpful role the Mennonites have played in repairing and rebuilding homes in Florida. 'We are here to celebrate the success ofthe Mennonites," said Bush. 'They are a hallmark of giving, not just here in Century but across the state."

Since last August, over 1,000 MDS volunteers have responded with the equivalent of 6,800 days working on over 500 houses with debris cleanup, minor and major repair and some complete rebuilds. A recent grant of $30,000 from the Volunteer Florida Foundation, Inc. will be used to defray staff, food and gas expenses for the three Florida projects.

'These funds," says King, "will leverage additional volunteer days to respond to the vast needs in Florida."

The grants cover only a portion of the costs of providing volunteer services in Florida. The rest is covered by donations from individuals and groups.

Donations can be made through the MDS Website at Florida Governor Jeb Bush and MDS executive coordinator Kevin King talk www.mds.mennonite.net. with volunteers as the governor visits one of the MDS recovery sites in Century, Florida.

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>On the Journey by Rose Buschman ing, and reconstruction efforts had been expended in their politics, those two years. From the letter, "The highest number of daily rations given at any time was Our present program calls for daily rations which must be they shall be fed!" maintained until the next harvest.... We are also sup35,000.

20,000

D

id you know that U.S. President Herbert Hoover had a Mennonite Central Commitree connection? I recently discovered this while doing some background research for this column. In From the Files of MCC, a small book edited by Cornelius J. Dyck and published in 1980 by Herald Press, I came across a letter writren by Levi Mumaw, then secretary of MCC, to a "Mr. Herbert Hoover, Chainnan, American Relief Administration, New York City." The letter was dated April 2, 1923. It outlined the work MCC had done in providing famine relief in Russia and thanked Hoover for his assistance in this effort. I wondered if this could be the man who later became president.

According to a White House Website, Herbert Clark Hoover, son of a Quaker blacksmith, was head of The American Relief Administration in the years after World War I. His mission at the time was to organize shipments of food for starving millions in Central Europe and later to famine-stricken Soviet Russia. It is this MCC connection with Russia that is of particular interest to me.

MCC was fonned in 1920 as an umbrella organization for various Mennonite church relief agencies in existence then. According to a committee repOl1 published in From the Files, it was prompted by a serious crisis in Russia involving many Mennonites who had "suffered untold -. hardships as a result of the war and as a result are now almost in destitution; and on account of the unsettled condition of the country (following the communist revolution) it is now impossible to live there with any assurance of security to life and property."

• The first MCC workers were sent to Europe in September 1920. They planned to work there until a way was found to get to their Mennonite brothers and sisters in Russia. With the help of Hoover's ARA, the Mennonites signed an agreement with the Russian Socialist Federative Soviet Republic dated October I, 1921, which ® allowed them to send aid into the country.

Early shipments included food and clothing collected from North American Mennonites or purchased in the U.S. or Europe. In June 1922, a shipment of 25 tractors and plows were sent to South Russia with an ad<ilitional shipment a few months later. This was to help fanners grow food for themselves and their neighbors. However, they needed more food and other supplies to survive until the crops could be harvested.

From the MCC letter to Hoover reporting on their activities, I learned that almost $1 million worth of aid in the fonn of food, cloth-

porting a reconstruction program .... Fifty tractors with a two-bottom plow for each outfit are being operated under the direction of our personnel. It is hoped that enough land will be brought under cultivation ...to make the (recipients) ... self-supporting after the next harvest."

This story is not just interesting history for me but has a personal connection. Hoover was criticized for "helping the communists" when he assisted in getting aid to people in Russia. His response was, "Twenty million people are starving. Whatever their politics, they shall be fed!" The Mennonites receiving this aid were not communists. In fact, among them was David Friesen, a young boy of 10 years. Because the Mennonites in Canada and the U.S. sent money and aid and because Hoover supported their efforts in this process, this young boy received enough food to survive.

Several years later, he and his family were among the last of the Mennonites legally able to leave Russia and migrate to Canada. David Friesen was my father.

My search for early MCC history was triggered by recent efforts in my church and community to raise awareness of the current MCC activity in the tsunamiravaged areas of Asia. Our local paper featured a story about the family relief kits MCC is collecting. We had drop-off points at our church and at a local Christian bookstore. In less than a month we collected 45 kits and some cash donations from both the community and our church family. The children of our Sunday school committed to a smaller project geared specifically to them.

They brought money and items for health kits (hand towel, toothpaste, toothbrush, nail clipper and bar of soap). The Stitch-in-Love ladies at our church sewed the drawstring bags. With help from some of the adults in the church the children filled 51 bags.

MCC's mission statement reflects the biblical call to care for the hungry and the thirsty, the stranger and the naked, the sick and those in prison (Matt. 25:3536.) This organization has had many years of experience helping people in need-survivors of famine, flood, war, disease, hurricanes and tsunamis. In the current disaster efforts they have committed themselves to at least five years of work in the tsunami areas helping with reconstruction of homes and people's lives. They do all this in the name of Christ. •

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> INQUIRING MINDS by Marvin

Participation in Catholic communion •

services

Q

Should a Mennonite Brethren receive communion at a Catholic funeral mass? (Calif.)

A

This question arose recently from my personal experience. I was invited to preside at the graveside service of my niece's husband. I was also asked to read Scripture at the Catholic funeral mass that followed. My nephew and his wife were the only other Mennonites present and we asked each other whether or not we should participate when the bread was served?

Mennonite Brethren have practiced "open" communion in that the Lord's Supper is open to others who are believers. However I'm not certain that any official statements have ever been formulated regarding MB's participating while attending other churches. One of the sub-questions we asked was if we should receive the bread from the hands of a Catholic priest? Is the administrator of the Lord's Supper a crucial matter?

I recalled that a college president was once mildly censured when he assumed the role of the communion administrator at a Tabor College chapel service. His action led to a request from MB officials that an ordained minister administer all future communion services at the college. I recalled, too, that one of our respected and esteemed" patron saints" once walked out of a communion service at a Mennonite World Conference service because he felt he could not

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take communion in a setting where there might be unbelievers. I'm not sure why he thought this would never happen in a strictly MB setting. Very likely he remembered that the founding of the MB Church received its impetus when a group was unwilling to take the Lord's Supper with other Mennonites, some of whom supposedly were drunkards.

So what did I do at the Catholic mass? In spite of the fact that the priest clearly explained his church's view that the bread and wine become the body and blood of Jesus, I ate the wafer. The priest, of course, did all the drinking of the cup. My very recently widowed niece had visited with the young priest and he said participation in the "host" by non-Catholics was permitted. He also gave directions just how the hands should be held when approaching the priest.

I noticed several things as I participated in the service. I could tell no difference in the words the priest mumbled when he gave me the wafer and when he did the same to Catholic worshipers. I had understood we non-Catholics would receive a "blessing" rather than what regular Catholics received. My eyes and ears were apparently too old to sense the difference. I was even more surprised that most of the immediate family members, mostly Catholic-trained and with whom I had been seated up front, also took the non-Catholic posture. It was then that I understood why my deceased nephewin-law, a nonpracticing Catholic, just before his death had said "no" to having a priest come in for last rites, but later allowed it for the sake of his devout Catholic mother.

How could I participate in this communion service? I assumed that so long as I could receive the bread in the spirit in which I believe it was meant to be taken-symbol of Christ's broken body-neither the hands of the priest or his theology would deter me from eating. We had all been frank and honest. The priest was fully aware of our position and we would respect his church's view of the mass, even though we felt it is not biblical.

I asked a fellow MB retired pastor what he would have done. He replied that he would have done as I did, and he told several stories of where he, after full discussion with a priest, had participated in Catholic services that involved an MB and a Catholic.

For many, this may be an empry question. I will fault no one who sits back and remains uninvolved in such services. However, my hunch is that in our increasingly tolerant religious communities, many of us may face this question, particularly at weddings and funerals .•

[ MB NEWS FROM ACROSS THE UNITED STATES ]

• BAPTISM/MEMBERSHIP Ferndale, Wash. (Good News Fellowshipl-Ryan and Andrea Douglas, Barbara Barr and Kevin and Becka Mondau were welcomed as members Feb. 6.

Cordell, Okla. (Bible MB Churchl-Haley Estep and Strider Estep were baptized and welcomed to membership Feb. 6. Brendan Estep, Megan Foust, Austin Goldsberry, Cody Goldsberry and Colton Henson were baptized. Tamie Lynn Estep, Lauri Haskett, Charles Merkey and Mary Lou Merkey were received as members Feb. 6. Tammy Mayfield and Mackenzie Mayfield were baptized and received as members Feb. 13. Ashley Davis, Layne Fite and Shelby Fite were baptized Feb. 13. Colton Henson and Raquel Javorsky were welcomed as members Feb. 13.

Bakersfield, Calif. (Laurelglen Biblel-Julie Allen, Lynn Ellis, Cynthia Hagar, Cynthia Mesko, Harley Pinson and Cindy Pinson were baptized the weekend of Feb. 19-20. Julie Allen, James Brandon, Lynn Ellis, Cynthia Hagar, Cynthia Mesko, Melonie Parks, Harley Pinson, Cindy Pinson, Julie Russell, Tim Russell and Jon Scott were welcomed as members March 6.

Tulsa, Okla. (The Heartl-Brina Schoonover and Josh Thompson were baptized Feb. 27.

Fresno, Calif. (North Fresnol-Judy Strope was baptized March 6.

• FELLOWSHIP Denver, Colo. (Garden Parkl-Members of Ethiopian Evangelical Church of Denver and missionaries John and Caye Courtney and Cliff McCalister spoke at the morning service and mission awareness luncheon Feb. 27.

Inman, Kan. (Zoarl-Justina Neufeld spoke Feb. 27 about her journey to America from Russia through the efforts of Mennonite Central Committee and MCC worker Peter Dyck.

Enid, Okla.-A leadership lunch with speaker Chuck Buller, U.s. Conference executive director, was held Feb. 28 for all leaders and ministry teams of the church. In addition to hearing from Buller, the group prayed for the church's ministry and for fellow leaders, Weatherford, Okla. (Pine Acresl-To ward off winter blues a "Girlfriends Pajama Party" was held March 4. Women were invited to dress comfortably in favorite pajamas, house shoes, robe, etc., and to bring a high school photo of themselves.

Henderson, Neb.-Pastor J Epp shared about his experiences as a member of a MBMS International

"Operation Rebuilding Lives" team in Thailand during the March 20 evening service.

Reedley, Calif- Arley Feil and his seeing eye dog and Ron Kliewer, a pianist who plays with one hand, were part of a March 22 Prime Timers program called "Rising Above Physical Challenges." Prime Timers is a program for active adults ages 55-plus.

• NURTURE San Jose, Calif. (Lincoln Glenl-"Stewardship from Now to Eternity" was a financial planning seminar held the weekend of Feb. 25-26 and led by Ross Merritt of MB Foundation.

Fairview, Okla.-An informative children's ministry meeting was held Feb.27 for past and present children's Sunday school teachers and parents. A task force appointed by the Christian Education Committee presented new children's curriculum being considered.

Yale, S.D. (Bethell-Men and women ages 14-30, their parents, pastor, youth sponsors, Sunday school teachers, mentors and anyone working with youth and young adults were invited to a Feb. 27 seminar sponsored by the Freeman (5.0.1 Mennonite Ministerium, Issues related to the conscientious objector status and personal beliefs related to military and alternative service were discussed, Dinuba, Calif.- A congregational forum planned by the church council was held March 6 to discuss the roles of women in ministry, Fresno, Calif. (North Fresnol- A Sunday school class for engaged couples, newlyweds and young marrieds began meeting March 6, Shafter, Calif.-The women 's ministries book club met during a Wednesday evening meal at the church March 9 to discuss the book Ten Minutes from Normal by Karen Hughes, Wichita, Kan. (Firstl-"The Hunt for Truth" was a March 12 afternoon event for toddler through grade four children, Crafts, story, snacks and an egg hunt were included.

Bakersfield, Calif. (Laurelglen Biblel-A Sunday school class for blended families began meeting March 13 to provide a biblical perspective on re-married family life and its challenges, • WORKERS Hays, Kan. (North Oak Communityl- John Wiker was installed March 13 as Associate Pastor of Discipleship and Involvement. His responsibilities include Christian mentoring and education of adults, overseeing small group ministries, the assimilation

of new people; and recruiting, training and leading volunteers in Christian ministry in the church and in the community. Wiker and his wife Evie have two adult daughters.

Bakersfield, Calif. (Heritage Biblel- Vernon Reimer has been called to serve as pastor of visitation in a part-time position, Weatherford, Okla. (Pine Acresl- Hal Penner, youth pastor, was given the "Roots and Wings" award by the city of Weatherford Chamber of Commerce for superb leadership among community youth.

• WORSHIP Enid, Okla.-"i268," Tabor College's music and drama ministry team, participated in the worship service Feb. 6. Laura Ediger, part of i268, is a member of the congregation, Corn, Okla.-"Love on the Cross" was the special emphasis of worship services Feb, 13 through Easter. A nine-foot cross with a heart on it was placed in front of the church. Each family was given a small cross with a heart to place in their yard and a devotional guide for each week, Lapel pins were also distributed to be worn each Sunday leading to Easter.

Fresno, Calif. (North Fresnol-Nzash Lumeya, international mission leader and professor of world mission at MB Biblical Seminary spoke Feb. 27 as part of the church's mission conference, Clovis, Calif. (College Communityl-Dan Unrau, pastor of Fraserview MB Church in Richmond, B.C. was the guest speaker Feb. 27, Bakersfield, Calif. (Heritage Biblel- Tuvya Zaretsky, director of Jews for Jesus in Los Angeles, was the guest speaker March 6.

Ferndale, Wash. (Good News Fellowshipl-The 25th anniversary of the congregation was celebrated March 6. A special worship celebration, noon luncheon and an afternoon program were part of the event. Steve Schroeder, Erik Johnson and Lloyd Pankratz were special speakers.

Weatherford, Okla. (Pine Acresl - Five presentations the Easter pageant "Nothing Is Impossible" were given March 24-27. A pageant, including music and drama and targeted for outreach and worship, has become a tradition for the congregation .

Wichita, Kan. (Firstl- "We Were There, " a selfpaced worship experience designed for children and adults, was held March 25-26. The journey consisted of a series of rooms, each based on themes related prior to his crucifixion. Prompts as well as a variety

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• • • CHURCH news· · · of opportunities to respond were given in each room to guide the journey. The experience ended with the Lord's Supper and reflection at the cross. During the come-and-go experience, families began the journey together and then adults and children kindergarten through grade four took separate pathways, joining back together at the end.

• DEATHS ENNS, DOROTHY ROSE, Reedley, Calif., member of Reedley MB Church, was born May 30, 1919, to John and Sarah Buller and died Feb. 13, 2005, at the age of 85. On Jan. 19, 1940, she married Edwin Enns, who predeceased her. She is survived by three sons, Raymond and wife Karen, Paul and wife Ruth, Rodney and wife Tippe; one daughter, Norma Jean and husband Ron; son-in-law Don and wife Marilyn Pitman; one sister, Emma; one brother-in-law, Henry, 16 grandchildren and three great grandchildren.

FRANTZ, DANIEL W" Bakersfield, Calif., member of Shafter M.B. Church, was born April 7, 1922, to Ferdinand and Anna Frantz in Durham, Kan., and died March 2, 2005, at the age of 82. On March 3, 1946, he married Joanne Becker, who survives. He is survived by one son, Terry and wife Annette of Grapevine, Tex.; four daughters, Karen and husband Ray Enns of Reedley, Calif., Brenda and husband Danny Putnam of Redding, Calif., Nori and husband Richard Rossi of San Luis Obispo, Calif., and Julie and husband Scott Weis of Kerman, Calif.; one brother, Roger and wife Kathy Frantz of Shafter; three sisters, Edna Wiens, Betty Berg and Helen and husband Adolph Buhler, all of Shafter; sisters-inlaw Neva Knox of Bakersfield, Calif., and Belva and husband Allen Warkentin of Shafter, 10 grandchildren and one great grandson.

FRANZ, ROBERT, Fresno, Calif., member of Bethany MB Church, was born March I, 1928, to David J. and Tina Reimer Franz near Moundridge, Kan., and died Feb. 13,2005, at the age of 76. On April 15, 1950, he married Lorraine Bese, who survives. He is also survived by two daughters, Margie and husband Deon Vogt of Reedley, and Cindy and husband Ron Harton of Fresno; one son, Tim and wife Patty of Fresno; two sisters, Margaret Ratzlaff of Milwaukie, Ore., and Rubena and husband Les Suderman of Hillsboro, Kan., four grandchildren and two stepgrandchildren.

GIESBRECHT, ERICH, Filadelfia, Chaco Paraguay, pastor and leader in the Paraguayan MB Conference, died Dec. 13, 2004, at the age of 69.

Giesbrecht studied at Tabor College in Hillsboro, Kan., MB Bible College, now Canadian Mennonite University, in Winnipeg, Man., and MB Biblical Seminary in Fresno, Calif. He is survived by his wife, Erna and his three daughters and their families.

GLANZER, HELEN MAE, Freeman, S.D., member of Salem MB Church, was born March 23, 1910, to John A. and Ida Griffith Johnson in Chenoa, Ill., and died Feb. 5, 2005, at the age of 94. On Dec. 26, 1938, she married John D. Glanzer, who predeceased her.

She is survived by one son, JoJae and wife Judy of Bridgewater, S.D.; a nephew for whom she was guardian, Lonnie and wife Linda Glanzer of

32 CL . C H R 1 ST I A N

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Bridgewater; one sister-in-law, Viola Johnson of Parkston, S.D., five grandchildren and two great grandchildren.

HOFER, ARNOLD M., Freeman, S.D., member of Salem MB Church, was born Oct. 20,1916, to Sam K. and Mary Gross Hofer near Bridgewater, S.D., and died Feb. 28, 2005, at the age of 88. On July 13,1940, he married Evelyn J. Hofer, who predeceased him .

He is survived by one daughter, Debbie and husband Lyndon Graf of Marlow, Okla.; one sister, Marie; two sisters-in-law, Marjorie Hofer and Glennis Hofer, both of Freeman; brothers-in-law, Melvin Hofer of Freeman, Vernon Hofer of Marion, S.D., and Merlin Hofer of Parkston, S.D., and three grandchildren.

HOFER, DARIUS, Freeman, S.D., member of Salem MB Church, was born March 21,1918, to Darius and Sarah Gross Hofer, Sr., near Menno, S.D., and died Feb. 28, 2005, at the age of 86. On May 18, 1941, he married Marie s. Hofer, who survives. He is also survived by one son, Lynell and wife Pauline of Freeman; one sister, Sarah Hofer of Bridgewater, S.D., and two grandchildren.

MUNUNGA, ISAIKO, of the Democratic Republic of Congo, died Feb. 15, 2005. She is survived by her husband, Masolo who serves with MBMS International and the Congolese MB conference as a missionary to the Angolan MB Conference.

NEUFELD, KATHERINE TINA, Shafter, Calif., member of Shafter MB Church, was born April 4, 1913, to

«

Henry and Justina Dueck in Aberdeen, Sask., and died March 8, 2005, at the age of 91 . On April 30, 1933, she married John H. Neufeld, who predeceased her. She is survived by one son, John and wife Susan of Shafter; three daughters, Esther and husband Eddie Eidsen of Sebastopol, Calif., Mary and husband Lloyd Gardner of Tollhouse, Calif., and Helen Neufeld of Shafter; two sisters, Ella Bergman of Shafter and Susie Wohlgemuth of Wasco, Calif., eight grandchildren and 15 great grandchildren.

WILLEMS, JOYCE EVALYN STANLEY, Reedley, Calif., member of Reedley MB Church, was born July 6, 1923, to Elliott Morrell Stanley and Ruth Reager and died Nov. 30, 2004, at the age of 81. On March 10, 1945, she married Dan Willems, who survives. She is also survived by one daughter, Kathryn and husband Glenn Johnson of Pullman, Calif.; two sons, Stanley and wife Connie of Arroyo Grande, Calif., and Tyrone and wife Kelly of Minnesota; one sister, Reba and husband Jean Jaquith of Sacramento, Calif., and her grandchildren.

WOLLMANN, MARY ELIZABETH HOFER, Huron, S.D., member of Bethel MB Church, Yale, S.D., was born July 9, 1922, to Joshua J. and Anna Hofer Hofer southwest of Carpenter, S.D., and died Jan. 28, 2005, at the age of 82. On May 27,1945, she married Sam Wollmann, who survives. She is also survived by one son, Dan and wife Meredyth of Nappanee, Ind., and one daughter, Barbara and husband Arlan Jantz of Carpenter.

CLEARINGHOUSE : Churdt

Senior Pastor. Lincoln Glen Church in San Jose, Calif., is seeking a Senior Pastor. For more information visit: http://www.lincolnglen.org/pastor.html. ollenlClyahoo.com

Contact:

randy-

Student Ministry Pastor, Enid MB Church in Enid, Okla ., is seeking a student ministry pastor effective June 2005. Please call 580-2341698 or e-mail embchurchlClcoxinet.net.

Insurance/Financial Services Sales. Are you looking for a career that combines your professional skills and your Christian faith values? If so, Mennonite Mutual Aid wants to talk with you. We are a church-related organiza tion whose primary mission is to help people manage their God-given gifts. MMA is seeking sales professionals to help provide insurance and financial solutions to individuals and businesses, primarily associated with Mennonite and other Anabaptist -related denominations.

Openings in Pennsylvania, Virginia, Ohio, Indiana , Kansas, Oregon and other states.

»

Excellent compensation and benefits packages. To learn more, visit www.mmaonLine.org/careers. Fax or e-maiL resume to [547J 537-6635 or hrlClmma-onLine.org.

Human Resources Director. Mennonite Central Committee is Looking for a Human Resources Director based in Akron, Penn. The director Leads a 14-member department that carries out much of the human resource function of MCC, including recruitment, screening, pLacement, training and care of workers; compensation and benefits administration; personneL policy development; and maintenance of personnel data. Qualifications include experience in personneL management and administration; knowLedge of human resources poLicies, practices and tools; and soLid skiLls in writing, probLem-solving and negotiation. Cross-cuLturaL experience and prior Christian service preferred. Candidates from diverse raciaL and ethnic backgrounds and/or bilinguaL [Spanish/EnglishJ candidates, and women are encouraged to apply. Contact Prem Dick [psdlClm cc .orgJ for a copy of the job description.

> PH'LiP SIDE by Ph lip Wiebe

Beyond instant wisdom

I

was recently amused to discover a bit of political discourse on my Starbucks coffee cup. The cup said that a trillion seconds ago would have been 30,000 B.C., and by comparison the national debt of our country is over seven trillion dollars. I gather that the analogy was supposed to give me a sense of how huge and harrowing that debt really is.

Well, it's true. The national debt alarms me very much, as do a number of other mismanagement issues our national leadership is struggling with. Then again, it's hard to give weight to a philosophical diatribe presented to me on the side of my hazelnut latte.

But that's our culture. Instant wisdom rules the day. On coffee cups, in e-mail attachments, on TV news, in Internet blogging and by many other venues there is a great movement to analyze everything immediately and conclusively.

The problem is, it's rarely possible to understand issues, gain knowledge or know all about someone in an instant. Yet people in our culture cling to their instant wisdom with hardly a second thought.

I think there are several reasons for this. First, the overwhelming amount of information available today makes it difficult to examine all the facets of an issue and engage in some form of reasonable analysis. It's much easier to jump to a conclusion or thoughtlessly agree with a position taken by someone else.

Second, we live in a culture that emphasizes style over substance. Today there are many masters of the ironic comment and the instant criticism, but not so many who seek substantia\' well-founded knowledge and understanding. The latter takes time and effort. But in this age of self-promotion, discourse of substance isn't nearly so attention-getting as snappy witticisms.

Third, our nation tends to be susceptible to fads and alarmism. This is nothing new. When telegraph wires were being strung across the country in the 1800s, the writer and naturalist Henry Thoreau wondered if all the fanfare was overblown. Yes, he mused, people would be able to communicate instantly over long distances. But would they have anyrhing important to say? The question is still valid. In this age of instant, voluminous communication, one wonders how much of the chatter is truly of value.

Fourth, our culture has become so relativistic that people no longer feel the need to base their ideas or impressions in any prior knowledge or absolute truth. Whatever you think or feel at the moment is okay. This precludes the need to check facts or try to understand something ,in some sort of broader perspective.

When thinking about the phenomenon of instant wisdom, the name Solomon comes to mind. Solomon is famous for his short and pithy sayings, but there is much more. His wisdom resulted not only from God's explicit gifting, but also from his own dedicated pursuit of knowledge and art. "Solomon's wisdom was greater than the wisdom of all the men of the East, and greater than all the wisdom of Egypt.... He spoke three thousand proverbs and his songs numbered a thousand and five.

He described plant life, from the cedar of Lebanon to the hyssop that grows out of walls. He also taught about animals and birds, reptiles and fish" (I Kings 4:31-33). One senses that Solomon developed his intellect through reading and writing, by sensitivity to his surroundings, and through observation of people and nature.

Jesus was like that too. He demonstrated a deep understanding of the natural world around him, from which came many of his life teachings and illusttations. He was also bri1liant in his knowledge about the hearts and motivations of people. This was partly due to his divine nature, of course. But clearly Jesus was studious and observant, even from a young age. Luke records that at 12 years old, Jesus' insights were already astonishing to the religious teachers and puzzling to his parents (2:42-50).

Rather than following the examples of Jesus and Solomon, many Christians today have bought into the culture of instant wisdom. They seem quite taken with the latest fads and trends of society and spirituality, and not so interested in the deep and sustained study of God's Word. They seem more than ready to jump to conclusions about people and issues based on popular opinion, and less than excited about putting some thought and effort into their beliefs. Like everyone else, they seem eager to make snap judgments. This is exactly what Jesus said not to do: "Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment" (John 7:24).

Though he started well on the road of wisdom, seeking knowledge from God as well as through study and observation, Solomon ultimately failed to follow his own advice. Later in life he rejected true wisdom and followed the ways of his many wives and their pagan cultures. Worldly desires and passions overtook his commitment to God's lasting wisdom.

That too is a lesson for us. The modern church easily abandons God's timeless truths in favor of instant wisdom, immediate gratification, and a misplaced passion for many things temporal and fleeting.

The church shouldn't be like the world; it needs to get beyond instant wisdom and get on solid ground .•

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> EDITORIAL

Fighting mad I'M MAD. FIGHTING MAD.

Marriage is under attack. The images of marriage in the media are, shall we say, less than positive.

Recently, for example, my morning newspaper featured a brief article about an animated kids' show on the public television station. The show stirred controversy because Buster, a popular character that many parents will recognize as Arthur's best friend, visits a lesbian couple to show children the diversity in our countty. I am appalled that children would be told such "diversity" is as legitimate as heterosexual marriage.

On a Today Show installment in a series called "Sex, Lies and Your Spouse," an attractive woman spends a night on the town, looking for married men in an "informal survey" of marital fidelity. She finds that six out of 10 were more than willing to make a pass at her. The Today Show expert matter-of-factly says that statistics show that a third to a half of married men cheat on their wives. Fidelity, it seems, is out of vogue.

Supermarket tabloids buzz over who will get what when Hollywood's "perfect" couple, Brad and Ien, split for good. In a television interview, Charlie Sheen, another celebrity headed for divorce, compares a failed marriage to a broken car. A broken car, he says, is no reason for tears; just get another.

Among the celebrity elite, marriage seems more like a hobby or marketing ploy than a lifelong covenant.

At the end of the day, prime-time television offers no relief from the barrage.

I quickly skip the channel that features Desperate Housewives- I don't even want to know what they do in the name of entertainment. On another, more "innocent" show, a sitcom husband lies to his wife again and again in order to get tickets to a ball game while a laugh track commands laughter. These are our role models of marriage?

I am mad. Fighting mad.

I am fighting mad that this beautiful covenant relationship should be maligned, treated lightly and spoken of like a cheap, disposable thing. I'm mad that imitations, such as homosexual partnership, cohabitation and premarital promiscuity, should be seen as legitimate as the real deal. I'm mad that folks around me- even Christians-accept these role models as the norm.

I'm certainly no expert, and my marriage is far from perfect. But I happen to believe that marriage was God's idea in the first place and that, no matter how difficult it can be, it's a good thing. A thing worth fighting for. So I refuse to sit passively by while something so foundational is chipped away.

I will fight. I do the most radical, marriage-supporting thing I know.

I will make a sandwich.

Not because my husband, Ed, is incapable of making his own sandwich for tomorrow's lunch. Nor because I love making sandwiches. But because Ed has told me this is one small but tangible way I can lighten his load and show him I love him.

And because grassroots revolution is the most effective kind of revolution.

While there's nothing wrong with signing petitions or writing letters to Congress, 34 Cl • C H R 1S T I A N

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all my shouting and protests on behalf of the institution of marriage would be empty if I neglected my own marriage. I wonder: In a culture that has too few models of real, healthy marriage, if Christian marriages were strong, would the world around us even question the sanctity of the institution? Not that Christian marriages should be hypocritically perfect. But if those around us saw covenant love that lasted through thick and thin, would they be so willing to settle for

cheap imitations?

So call me radical. Call me revolutionary. I will fight to make my marriage strong and healthy. I will fight to make it real in contrast to the cheap imitations all around.

The fight will mean hard work and sacrifice, to be sure. It will require honesty, vulnerability and commitment. For some, like Paul and Gladys Klassen, fighting for a healthy marriage means looking to those who are ahead on the journey and helping those who follow. For some, like David and Diane, fighting for marriage means just staying committed through years of heartache and prayer.

But sometimes fighting for a healthy marriage starts with the simplest things. Like making a sandwich. Like letting the dinner dishes wait while I listen to my husband's work frustrations. Like holding hands in the movie theater and telling him I love him every day.

So I will start there.

I will fight for my marriage.

In doing so, I fight for the institution of marriage.- Myra Holmes

First Mennonite Brethren Church

ltMI 7ravefwith Purpose a

8000 W. 21st Wichita, KS 67205 The church has an opening for

DIscIple Making Intemational

Senior Pastor

loin DMI on a 2-3 week person-to-person international mission experience.

2005 OM! CAMPAIGNS UGANDA KENYA f'HluPPINES INDIA* HONDURAS * UKRAINE

JAN 13-31 FEB 3- 21 FEB 17- MAR 8 MAR 15- 30 APR 1-3 MAY 5- 23 PERU JUNE 2-20 CoNGO JUNE 9-27 CoSTA RICA JUNE 16-JULY 4 BRAzIL JULY 1- 18 PANAMA* JULY 7- 10 THAILAND JULY 21 -AuG 8 NAMIBIA AUG 4-22 UKRAINE SEP 8-26 PERU * SEP 16- 18 PARAGUAY SEP 22-0cr 10 NICARAGUA* SEP 23-25 MEXICO Ocr 6-24 I NDIA Nov 10- 28 El SAlVADOR* Nov 25- 27

Responsibilities indude:

• Serve os primary preomer/teomer • Cuhivote, communi(Ote and darify the vision for ministry, consistent with our confession of faith and our purposes of outreom, worship, fellowship, discipleship, and ministry • Provide spiritualleodership for the postoral teom • Oversee the postoral stoff and assist stoff members os needed • Participate on the Administrotive Team and (hurm Council • Participate, os needed, in the areas of caregiving and counsehng • Contribute time and expertise to the larger Mennonite Brethren os interest, energy and appropriate balance in ministry allows

$3500 $3500 $2400 N/ A N/ A $ 2800 $2600 $3500 $2600 $2600 N/ A $2900 $3500 $2800 N/ A $2600 N/A $2200 $2900 N/A

* T,....,. ANI- NA II()NAJ ( A MI'A JhN'..

We are looking for ordinary people who want to help churches overseas bring others into James Nikkel, OM! Director God's family.

ALL PRICES ARE IN CANADIAN DOLlARS. PlEASE CALL FOR THE US EQUIVALENT. DATES AND LOCATIONS ARE SU BJECT TO CHANGE BASED ON

PARTICIPANT RESPONSE. OiURCHES ARE ENCOURAGED TO SPONSOR MEMBERS ON THESE SHORT-TERM DM! MISSIONS.

Please confad Jason Klassen, Search Commiffee OraiT, of jklassen3@cox.nef for more information

1-fow ahout 1/ou? a ministry of . '

MBMS International

To LEARN MORE CALL OMI AT (604)859-6267 EMAIL dmi@dminternational.org OR VISIT www.dminternational.org

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