2013 Turning Points - September/October

Children At Heart Ministries Newsletter

Vol. 7, No. 5 - Sept/Oct 2013

In a Perfect Place Gracewood 他 Page 3

Inside: TBCH 他 Beauty for Ashes Miracle Farm 他 Tall in the Saddle STARRY 他 Family Matters

Page 4 Page 5 Page 6

Stories of Lives You Have Helped Change

New Beginnings

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here is something about a new week, a new month, and absolutely a new year – each comes with new opportunities and fresh starts. We all need a new beginning now and then, and there are times that it feels like we need a fresh start more frequently than usual.

There are moments we need to begin again in our relationships with each other or at work. Often we need to hit the reset button with our attitudes and even our actions.

Thankfully each day starts with a new dawn and a clean slate for a new day.

As you receive this, our children will have recently passed through one of those many new opportunity points – the start of the new school year. Even as adults need new opportunities and fresh starts, so do our children. A new school year brings the promise of a new report card year that begins fresh and clean. No trying to bring a grade up, no retaking a test, but a fresh clean start. The same is true for the student athletes beginning their sports anew this fall; their record starts out with no wins and no losses. Hope abounds. The result of both class work and athletic field work are yet to be written.

As I think about the opportunities and fresh starts that Texas Baptist Children’s Home, STARRY, Miracle Farm,

Vol. 7, No. 5 Sept/Oct 2013 Published for friends of

Children At Heart Ministries 1301 N Mays Round Rock TX 78664 (512) 255-3668 ChildrenAtHeartMinistries.org Todd L. Roberson President/CEO On the cover: Valerie Rodriguez and her son, Paxton. Photo by Jessica Schmale.

A Letter from Our President and Gracewood provide for children and families, I am thankful for the blessing of places where people can begin again. Safe places, loving places, caring places, affirming places, restoring places, hopeful places, and healing places where children and families have the opportunity to get a new foothold and traction in life and where further development and accomplishment can be made in relationships, self-confidence, and even in spiritual growth and renewal.

Children At Heart Ministries is blessed to have friends like you who ensure that fresh starts and new opportunities are ample and available much like the dawn of each new day!

Gratefully,

Todd L. Roberson President/CEO www.ChildrenAtHeartMinistries.org

“ We are a family of Christian ministries that exists to honor God and build a better world by serving children and strengthening families.”

Home, Hope and Healing

Communications Office Bill Martin Director of Communications Danna Reeves Graphic Designer Ginger Swann Communications Coordinator Jordan Maney Communications Assistant Haley Smith Contributing Writer ©2013 Children At Heart Ministries Printing by Sunset Press, Inc.

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“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.”

Psalm 40:2-4 (NIV)

Gracewood Don Forrester, President Debbie Rippstein, Executive Director 1617 Elmview, Houston TX 77080 (713) 988-9757 www.Gracewood.org Miracle Farm Don Forrester, President Alex Hamilton, Executive Director 10802 FM 2621, Brenham TX 77833 (979) 836-0901 www.MiracleFarm.org STARRY Don Forrester, President Richard Singleton, Executive Director 1300 N Mays, Round Rock TX 78664 (512) 246-4288 www.STARRYonline.org Texas Baptist Children’s Home Don Forrester, President Keith Dyer, Executive Director 1101 N Mays, Round Rock TX 78664 (512) 255-3682 www.TBCH.org

www.ChildrenAtHeartMinistries.org

In a Perfect Place

GRACEWOOD

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hen Valerie Rodriguez chose to walk away from a four-year relationship after a domestic dispute and an emotional breakdown that landed her in the hospital, it seemed as if it was the end of all she ever hoped and dreamed.

“It’s heartbreaking when you can’t keep a family together, but I knew it was time to find a better life for my son and me,” said Valerie.

After carrying the responsibility of her boyfriend’s addiction, unfaithfulness and abuse, Valerie lived with the guilt of failure. She not only had nowhere to turn emotionally, but having recently purchased a house with him, she now had nowhere to go.

“By the grace of God, Gracewood was the first place that popped up online when I began searching for places for single moms,” said Valerie. “I called immediately as it seemed like the perfect place for my threeyear-old son, Paxton, and me.”

That same day, Valerie showed up for a tour of Gracewood and soon submitted an application.

“Paxton cried after the tour was over because he didn’t want to leave; we immediately felt at home,” said Valerie. “The Gracewood staff even gave Paxton a truck from the playroom.”

Valerie and Paxton moved to Gracewood in October of 2011 and it quickly became a safe place for them to recover financially and experience healing.

“Gracewood helped me grow both mentally and spiritually, allowing me to see that my boyfriend’s addiction and choices were not my fault,” said Valerie. “There’s nothing I could have done to help either him or his daughter.”

Soon after arriving at Gracewood, little Paxton began calling it his “church house,” as it was not only a safe place for him and his mom, but it was the place where they began walking with God and going to church.

“Gracewood changed our lives in so many ways. It gave us hope. It showed us that there is light at the end of the tunnel,” said Valerie. “Gracewood taught us to have faith in the Lord and that through him we have the strength to overcome anything at anytime.”

Valerie continued to work as a human resources specialist for an oil and gas company, a position she has held for seven years, and began saving to start over.

Through Gracewood, Valerie was able to pay off her car, attorney fees and medical bills as well as save a significant amount of money to put down for a house. www.ChildrenAtHeartMinistries.org

“I never thought I could accomplish everything I’ve accomplished in such a short period of time,” said Valerie. “The things I’ve learned at Gracewood are things I will take with me forever, things I will instill in my son.”

In November of 2012, Valerie was connected with the Neighborhood Assistance Corporation of America (NACA), a non-profit that helps first-time home buyers find houses with the lowest possible interest rates and down payments.

Valerie was approved by NACA and closed on the purchase of her first home this summer. She intends to stay as close to Gracewood as possible in order to remain close to both her church, Bayou City Fellowship, and her Gracewood support system.

“Gracewood has helped me realize that walking away was not the end, but simply the beginning of a new and better chapter of our lives,” said Valerie. “Sharing our story of survival has become instrumental in our healing process.”

— Haley Smith

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Sept/Oct 2013 | Turning Points

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Beauty for Ashes

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s a single mother of three children, full-time college student, abuse survivor and mentor, Daniell Brown stays grounded in the inspiration of three words inked in a gentle script on her left forearm — “beauty for ashes.”

The phrase comes from Isaiah 61:1-3 “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me … He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners … to comfort all who mourn … to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness …”

Daniell has known a broken heart and despair and has been held captive by the darkness of depression. But beauty has risen out of the ashes of her life, personified in her 12-year-old twin daughters, Destiny and Jordan, and her 3-year-old son, Cruz, and in a spirit that embodies what a single mother can accomplish when she is guided by God. “I know that it’s not about me,” she says. “It’s about what Jesus has done for me. I have received grace that I did not deserve.”

A victim of sexual abuse as a child, Danielle went from being a straight-A student and high school softball star to a bad marriage and two daughters by the time she was 17.

After years of abuse, she escaped her Houston home with her 4-year-old daughters and three trash bags filled with clothes.

While living with an aunt in Cedar Park, Daniell learned about the Family Care Program at Texas Baptist Children’s Home (TBCH). She lived in a cottage on campus for a year and a half before she transitioned to independence in her own apartment. Still plagued by her past, life was hard for Daniell. She was still making mistakes and, after her son was born, she came back to TBCH and returned to school full time.

It was during this second stay in Family Care that counseling helped her finally deal with the childhood abuse that had triggered so many of her bad decisions.

“I thought because I didn’t cry about it anymore, that I was okay,” she says. “But I still had to deal with the shame and the fact that I was always trying to sacrifice my own wellbeing as long as everyone else was happy. Counseling taught me that thinking about my kids, school and God in that order was wrong. I need to think about God first because He was the one who has always provided for me.”

For the past two years she has been going to school full time, working part time, and mentoring young girls at a

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TBCH

pregnancy help center. Last summer she was accepted into the University of Texas Dental School in Houston, where she is studying to become a hygienist. In August, she and her children moved into the Independent Living Program at Children At Heart’s Gracewood ministry in Houston.

Through it all, she gives the glory to God. “I’m a single mom, with three kids, going to college full time,” she says. “If that’s not God alive and working, I don’t know what is.”

And God isn’t finished with her.

“I want to keep my eyes fixed on God and I want my kids to always know Jesus,” she says. “When they grow up, I don’t want them to remember a day that I didn’t talk about Jesus.”

“Daniell is an inspiration,” says Melanie Martinez, TBCH Family Care Program Director. “After working through all of her trauma, she learned to lean on God and trust Him to guide her to a brighter, more hopeful future. She is the encouragement every woman in our program needs.”

Lori Wiste, who was the live-in Family Life Coordinator at Daniell’s cottage when she first arrived in Family Care, praises her ability to endure and persevere through tough experiences and become a role model for her children.

“I can also testify to how her life in Christ has grown in her a sacrificial love that is uncommon in many from her generation,” Lori adds. “She wants her children to have a better life, with more opportunities, more choices and a hope for the future.”

“My experiences have shown me God’s grace that I did not deserve,” Daniell said. “There are millions of women going through the same things I did. I did not deserve His grace any more than they do.”

— Bill Martin

www.ChildrenAtHeartMinistries.org

Tall in the Saddle

MIRACLE FARM

In the Farm’s horse program, the Playbook gave Micah a chance to put the importance of a good foundation into practice.

“Doing the ground work with my horse helped me build confidence,” he said. “It taught me that the more effort I put into things, the better the outcome.”

James Paben, a horsemanship instructor at the Farm, has worked closely with Micah and his horse, Shadow.

“When boys like Micah come in who don’t know anything about horsemanship, the horse takes advantage of them,” said James. “The work on the ground, before the boy ever gets in the saddle, lets the horse know who’s in charge, because if the boy doesn’t take charge, the horse will.

“The Playbook uses ground work to set the foundation. With Micah, it was fun to watch because when he saw positive Instructor James Paben, Shadow and Micah. results, you could see a light kick on. He or 18-year-old Micah — undersized, bespectacled has come a long way, he really has.” and naturally introverted — the past two years at For Micah, getting with the Playbook program had made a Miracle Farm have been something of a coming out difference in how he sees himself and how he sees life. party. Especially if your idea of a party includes a horse that “The Playbook helped me see what is needed in the area weighs ten times what you do and has a mind of its own. of self-control,” he explained. “As I moved from Level 1, Ranch Micah spent his earliest years living on the streets with his Hand, to Level 2, Roper, I realized it took more control not to be mother. Even after he was adopted by an aunt, he missed a lot involved in petty arguments.” of school and was way behind grade level when he arrived at The work Micah has done in the horse arena has translated the Farm in 2011. into success in the classroom as well. He now not only wants to “Micah came in with no self-discipline,” said Miracle Farm finish high school but to pursue a degree in accounting.

Executive Director Alex Hamilton. “He did what he wanted, “The Playbook is all about getting back to basics,” said Alex. when he wanted and at the pace he wanted.”

“Micah has learned to complete tasks in a timely manner, take As a result, his early months at the Farm were challenging pride in his work and improve his leadership skills. At times for Micah, his house mom and dad, and the staff. Attention to he has had to take a step back to refocus on basics in order to “The Playbook,” a program unique to Miracle Farm that focuses move forward, but he has always moved forward.” on step-by-step, measurable improvements, helped him turn His house mom and dad, Renda and Chris Welch, see the things around. positive changes on a daily basis.

The Playbook assigns boys to three categories – Ranch “Micah has been working on having his own voice and Hand, Roper and Top Hand – based on horsemanship and being assertive so he can stand up for himself and make classroom successes and their ability to grow within the decisions for his life,” they said. “Before he came to the Farm, he Miracle Farm program. didn’t have much opportunity to think and speak for himself, “The Playbook gives young men, their families and our so it’s been great to see him be more in control of his life.” staff measurable and concrete methods to gauge success,” said With the positive foundation provided by the Playbook, Robbie Fuller, the Farm’s Clinical Director. “We are all speaking Micah is sitting tall in the saddle as he looks to a future that the same language and understand what behavioral and heart has never been brighter. changes need to take place to know the boys are moving in — Bill Martin the right direction.

“When someone is told ‘that’s not Top Hand behavior’ all the boys know what that means. It has helped solidify a positive peer culture because the boys can hold each other accountable and lift each other up with encouragement.”

F

www.ChildrenAtHeartMinistries.org

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Family Matters

STARRY

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o matter how well-adjusted and compatible things may appear to be, nearly every family finds itself sidetracked by arguments, misunderstandings and miscommunications; some just maneuver through them better than others. STARRY Counseling offices in Round Rock, Temple, Waco and Stephenville help those who get lost along the way.

Counselors have found that many of the issues stem from a youngster’s low self-esteem, which can manifest itself in acting out or signs of depression.

Sometimes self-esteem issues are caused by social pressures, physical changes and growing responsibilities, but the challenges of growing up can be complicated when poor communications at home are added to the mix.

Bianca* brought her 16-year-old son, Edgar*, to counseling because she was convinced he had anger issues. But Jessica Kilpatrick, the STARRY Round Rock counselor who worked with them, found a young man who obeyed his mother’s rules and made good grades in school.

His mom had fallen into a pattern of yelling because she thought it would motivate him to accomplish more. As it turned out, Edgar wasn’t angry, but his mother was. As a result, he developed a lack of confidence in himself.

“We chip away at a child’s self-esteem every time we treat them with anger,” Jessica said. “Parents often use lecturing and yelling as a way to reach their children. I often ask these parents, ‘Does it work?’ knowing it doesn’t. It just makes their children feel ashamed and worthless.”

With Jessica’s guidance, Edgar and his mother learned to communicate their feelings more effectively – and in a softer tone of voice. Bianca began learning forms of positive reinforcement to encourage Edgar instead of belittling him.

“Parents sometimes resort to screaming as a way to reach their children,” Jessica noted. “They feel desperate to gain some control and often resort to the way they themselves were parented or the way that makes them feel the most powerful.”

Sometimes parents come to counseling as a last resort when they are having troubles with their children. Ruth* was a single mother who couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her 14-year-old son, Bobby*. His grades were dropping, he was falling asleep in class, and his interest in sports disappeared.

Where once they had been close, barriers were being placed between mother and son.

When a school counselor recommended counseling, Ruth was resistant and said that she was perfectly able to handle any issue within her family. But as she grew more concerned that her son was suffering from depression, she finally called STARRY.

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Bobby immediately clicked with his counselor and started looking forward to his sessions. Ruth was thrilled by something as simple as seeing her son smile.

“For the first time in months, I have hope in my heart,” she told the counselor.

For both Ruth and Bianca, hearing their sons openly express their helplessness and self-doubt in their counseling sessions helped them realize that their biggest job as parents was to love and value their children.

The result will be healthier children and happier families.

Counselors say a child’s self-esteem is one of the best foundations for a bigger and brighter future, boosting their chances for healthy relationships, good habits and making appropriate choices.

“Teens that have a healthy self-image are more likely to be leaders and have more defined goals,” said Mindy Spruill, a counselor at STARRY’s Stephenville office. “It is instrumental to knowing your identity and feeling confident in who you are as an adult.”

An overall goal of STARRY’s solution-focused Counseling Program is to help parents and teens learn to simply talk to each other.

“We can send the message that we trust our children to do better by believing in them,” said Jessica. “That’s how we can help them build a lasting sense of self-esteem.” * Client names changed to protect confidentiality

— Jordan Maney

www.ChildrenAtHeartMinistries.org

Family Care Reunion

TBCH

More than 100 moms and children were on hand for the 2013 Family Care Reunion held on the TBCH campus in Round Rock. Those in attendance included moms who have been in residence at any time since the Family Care Program started in 1979. It was a day to renew old friendships and enjoy good food and good company. See you again in 2015!

www.ChildrenAtHeartMinistries.org

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The Comfort of Home

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Dawson Clark, CFRE, is Vice President and Chief Operating Officer of the Children At Heart Foundation. You can reach him at (512) 246-4221 or email him at dawson.clark@cahgift.org.

t’s back to school time! As this is written, excitement fills the air throughout our campuses as the children prepare to return to school, and the moms in our single mother programs, like moms everywhere, are ready for the routine of the school year to begin again!

In my own family, we’ve spent the last week or so helping our daughter get settled into a new house at college. We cleaned the house, painted the walls, hung curtains, and made more trips to buy supplies than I want to recall!

She is very excited to receive our cast-off and second hand furniture, along with a few thrifty purchases she made on Craigslist. As we left her new place very late one Saturday night to make our way back to Round Rock, she “beamed” with excitement about her new home. What started as just a house had become her home.

The look on her face reminded me a lot of what we see in the children, youth, and families led by single moms when they first encounter the warm, comfortable, clean and safe environment that has been provided for them in our cottages across Children At Heart Ministries.

I once heard it said that the most comforting word in the English language is “home.” Take a moment to say the word out loud, slowly savoring the way it rolls off the tongue.

“Home” is a word that just feels good…

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Children At Heart Foundation especially when the experience of home is a favorable one.

The vision of Children At Heart Ministries is “to break the generational cycle of child abuse and family crisis.” Often, those who come to us don’t have a favorable home experience.

But when they arrive at a lovely, comfortable place to recover and begin the long process of rebuilding their lives, they begin also to reframe what “home” is about.

We are grateful to those who, for decades, have provided the resources to make our ministries a place of healing and comfort. Like me, anyone who has ever experienced the joy of a college-aged child or another loved one when they first experienced their home, we pray that you will appreciate the reality of that joy repeated daily across our 27 cottages and 40+ foster homes.

Thanks for all you do to make this possible.

Your contributions make a difference.

Blessings abundant,

Dawson Clark Vice President and COO www.CAHFoundation.org

www.ChildrenAtHeartMinistries.org