Child magazine | JHB May 2015 by Hunter House Publishing

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May 2015

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why children donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need perfect parents relief from morning sickness & feeding on demand help! my husband is jealous of our child

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I’m inspired by motherhood... But all the dreams and plans in the world will never fully prepare you for it. While the birth of a baby brings immense relief and elation, it also ushers a complete upheaval into your life. How many moms have said, “Once the baby’s born, I’ll lose weight, take up yoga, running or a new craft” or “We’ll take that trip we always wanted to”? How many moms fully intend to return to work at the end of their maternity leave, only to find the direction of their lives changed by this brand-new life? For many women, motherhood is the catalyst that steers them toward new and better things, an inspiration to forge a different lifestyle or career choice. Twelve years ago, the birth of Robyn motivated me to start Child magazine. Paging through this month’s issue I am in awe of all the moms, similarly spurred on by motherhood, who display their beautiful products and services, offering support, fun food or party ideas, and décor, educational and entertainment solutions. With plenty of hard work and a good dose of admin, these women are living their dreams. Motherhood may have inspired them, but each month they leave me animated and encourage thousands of other moms reading Child magazine to follow their passion and hopefully find a little balance. Doing what you love is what’s really important; sometimes it takes a baby to get you there. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there who mean so very much to us. We love you.

Lisa Mc Namara Publisher

Hunter House P U B L I S H IN G

Publisher

Child magazine Online

Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

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Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za

Marc de Chazal • online@childmag.co.za

Features Editor Marc de Chazal • features@childmag.co.za

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Resource Editor Simone Jeffery • joburg@childmag.co.za Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za

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Joburg’s Child magazineTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: Unit 5, First Floor, Bentley Office Park, cnr Rivonia and Wessel Rd, Rivonia. Tel: 011 807 6449, fax: 011 234 4971, email: info@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Joburg’s Child magazineTM. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles are accurate and balanced but cannot accept responsibility for loss or damage that may arise from reading them.

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May 2015

contents may 2015

14 3 a note from lisa

health

6 over to you readers respond

8 giving life Tamlyn Vincent explains

19 reader’s blog Yasmin Dangor grapples with working mother’s

guilt syndrome

blood types and how to donate blood

regulars 10 pregnancy news – constantly queasy morning sickness can be

features

debilitating. Lucille Kemp looks at ways to find relief

14 good enough mothers Meg Faure tackles the hot topic of maternal guilt

16 securing the right school it’s a battlefield out there trying to get your child into your school of choice. Anél Lewis looks for some direction

20 leaving facebook Megan Hjelm enjoys “real life” again after quitting this social media platform for good

22 my husband is jealous of our child! what happens if a child drives a wedge between parents? Elaine Powell looks for answers

11 best for baby – feeding on demand when is the right time to feed your baby? Ruwaydah Harris asks experts

12 dealing with difference – when fear takes over you can help your child with his phobias if you confront your own fears, says Samantha Page

32 resource – convenience shopping here is a list of baby- and child-friendly malls, compiled by Simone Jeffery

36 a good read for the whole family 38 what’s on in may 46 finishing touch Anél Lewis and her

26 only the best mouthwatering recipe ideas for Mother’s Day

family went camping for the first time. She shares the highs... and a few lows

from Best Recipes, a new cookbook compiled by Christelle Erasmus

30 i hate you, mom! Gary Koen looks at the often volatile relationship between parents and teenagers

classified ads 40 family marketplace 44 let’s party

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

May 2015

Joburg

Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

Twinkle Star Photography twinklestar.co.za

Claudia De Nobrega Photography claudiadenobrega.com

Jana Lubbe Photography janalubbe.com

Claudia De Nobrega Photography claudiadenobrega.com

magazine joburg

May 2015

letters

putting pen to paper I found your publisher’s note on “how putting pen to paper makes you more creative” and the article on cursive writing by Marina Zietsman most interesting (Child magazine April 2015). As an educator for many years, I saw the benefit of handwriting skills and encouraged the learners to persevere with cursive writing as long as possible. The photograph you used in the article was taken at Holy Family College (The old Parktown Convent in Oxford Road) on one of our Heritage Foundation Tours. The Johannesburg Heritage Foundation does tours there for children from Grades 3–5 and we recognised the white pinafores they wear, the worksheet used and the dipping pen. It is a great experience where the children sit in an Edwardian classroom to learn what school was like long ago and it is here that they learn how to write in cursive with a dipping pen and ink. A short lesson on the history of Joburg is also given and they do a tour around the beautiful old building, which was built in 1905. They also decorate folders in which to keep the worksheets they have completed, which reinforces learning. Brenda Adam It’s funny how just yesterday I was trying to write in cursive and thought to myself: “I wonder why we were

taught to write in cursive at school and the reasoning behind it.” Thank you for a very insightful article. Kim Francke Braaf

thanks child mag I loved the “lekker lunchboxes” article. It’s simple, and I’m definitely going to try these out. Lee-Ann D Strachan I want to thank you for the delivery of Child magazine to our school. The parents, teachers and pupils love reading your magazine. Awesome work and well done to you and your team. Ms Samantha Nel – Willow View Academy, part of PLG Schools South Africa I love your magazine. I even like the way it is printed, and the pictures, everything... it’s just a great magazine. Magauta Twala

that’s the spirit My seven-year-old son joined a soccer club recently, and while knowing that it will cost me a pretty penny and that two week nights and most Saturdays will now be “lost” to me, I quite proudly joined the soccer-mom group. When he wore his full kit for the first time, and looked so proud

over to you online comments in response to the books blog “rhyme away” Rhymes are so important for developing language and reading. They also teach pitch, volume and voice inflection, not to mention patterns, memorisation and sequencing. These are literally the cornerstones of reading and cognitive skills. The Book Tree My son and I love Dr Seuss movies. He watches The Lorax over and over again. Bejanka in response to “overcoming dyslexia” I have a 12 year old and her independent school recommended we take her to a remedial school. I am also dyslexic, and at the time of decision making, I was young and had no experience with South African schools. We took her out and placed her in the remedial school, and it was the worst thing I could have done for my child’s social development. It might have helped her with learning, but it turned a perfectly normal, popular girl into a 12 year old who hardly has any friends, and cannot play sports because of the demands of school and travel time. I so want

May 2015

(I thought “cute”, but wouldn’t say it out loud), I knew it was the right decision. Come the first practice session, my son was clearly exhausted, running around for an hour and a half. But he was also disappointed, because as the new boy in the team, the others looked a lot more skilled than he did in passing the ball and kicking for goal. I could sense tears coming, and that’s exactly what happened as we drove home. He was sobbing, convinced that the goal “was skew”, and that we should have signed him up ages ago, “then he would also be good with the ball”. I lightly pointed out to him that he doesn’t have to go back if it’s such “torture”, which brought on more sobs, because he wanted to go back. My husband and I have taught him since a young age to never give up, and this time I could really see that this life lesson had taken root. Not long after this incident, he decided to practise with the ball every day. And when the first match day loomed, he confidently confided in me that if they lose, it’s not the end of the world and “better luck next time”, and if they win, “they must keep up the good work”. When I told his uncle that he complained about the goal “being skew”, he quickly reprimanded me that he didn’t say that, but only meant “that maybe they could make the goal a bit bigger”. As cute (proud) as he looks in his club gear, I am all the more proud of him for not giving up. Nicky

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

her to go back to a mainstream school so that she can have a normal childhood, but none of the schools want to give her a chance. This is really disgusting and I am wondering where love and compassion for our children have gone. It’s important that everyone receives quality education. Moreover, not everyone is the same and we need to be accepting of those who are different. Anonymous

in response to “family adventure in North America” It was so great to read this article and just such a coincidence that it appeared in the April issue of Child magazine. My husband and I decided a few weeks before reading this piece that we want to take a trip with our girls (aged four and five) from end June returning end September, travelling through the US. Debbie Gold

Brain scan research has showed in proficient readers that the areas of the brain that process visual and auditory information, as well as the pathways that link them, are activated simultaneously during efficient reading. For a dyslexic reader, these same areas are not activated, resulting in laboured reading. There are revolutionary reading programmes that activate all of these areas, resulting in as much as a 24-month improvement in decoding ability over 10 hours. Children with difficulties often have a high IQ and put in so much hard work that it is imperative that concessions of a reader/extra time/ spelling are put in place in tests and exams so that a child with difficulties sees his results reflecting his cognitive ability and the effort he is putting in. Angela Prinsloo

in response to “separation anxiety” I am so relieved to read this article. I have been experiencing the same thing with my four year old. He was woken one night to fetch me and his baby brother from the hospital. Ever since then he won’t sleep without me or his dad sleeping next to him or with the door ajar. I sincerely hope in time he will get over his fear of separation. Anonymous subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions. To subscribe, visit childmag.co.za

We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

magazine joburg

May 2015

health

giving

life

June is National Blood Donor Month. Here’s what you need to know about your blood and how to donate it. By TAMLYN VINCENT

blood types Your blood type is determined by which antigens and antibodies are, or are not, present. These are allergens on the red blood cells and in the plasma. For example, if your blood type is A, you have the A antigen on your red blood cells and the B antibody in your plasma. If you belong to the O group, you have neither A nor B antigens on your red blood cells, but you have both A and B antibodies in your plasma. The Rh factor is also an antigen. Those who have it are Rh+ and those who don’t are Rh-. If you receive blood that is different to yours, you can have an allergic response to the antigens. This is one reason it’s important to know your blood type. This also means that people with O blood are universal red cell donors, as their red blood cells have no antigens so cannot trigger an allergic response. Those with AB+ blood are universal plasma donors.

emergency information, doctors can treat you faster. • Studies show that people with certain blood types are more predisposed to certain illnesses. Types AB, A and B, for example, are at an increased risk of heart disease. Knowing your blood type won’t decrease the risk, but it can help you look out for symptoms and encourage you to lead a healthier lifestyle by exercising and following a healthy diet. • Many people, including children with cancer and blood disorders, depend on blood donations to survive. Some blood types are also in high demand, so knowing your type could mean you are able to save more lives. Vanessa Raju of the South African National Blood Service (SANBS) says people belonging to A and AB blood groups are encouraged to become platelet donors, due to the high number of people in these groups.

know your type

less than 1% of the South African population donates blood regularly. 8

May 2015

did you know? Blood typing used to be a condition for getting a marriage license in some places. This was to ensure that the couple’s blood would be compatible when having children. Incompatible blood could result in a child getting Rh disease or other blood complications.

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ILLUSTRATIONS: shutterstock.com

• It’s important to know your blood type because it saves time in an emergency. Hospitals will usually test your blood to determine your type, but if you have it written down with other

donating 101 Who can donate? Blood donors must be between the ages of 16 and 65, weigh more than 50kg and practise safe sex. How does it work? When donating blood, one pint of blood (about 480ml) is taken, which is the legal limit. The needles and other equipment are sterile and used only once. Each pint of blood is tested for HIV, hepatitis B and C, and syphilis. The first time you donate, your red blood cells won’t be used but the plasma will be stored until your second donation. After three donations, if your blood still tests negative, all parts of your blood will be used. If you haven’t donated blood for a while, the whole process starts again. How often can you donate? A regular donor is someone who donates at least three times a year. Once you have donated, you need to wait at least 56 days before donating again.

Can I donate blood for my own use? Once you have donated blood, it is collected and used for patients. However, autologous and designated donation can be arranged through your doctor. Autologous donation lets you donate your own blood prior to surgery, while designated donation is when you donate blood for a friend or family member’s use, given you have the same blood type. Because special collection, storage and testing are required, this can be costly and time-consuming.

who needs your blood? The SANBS says that donated blood typically goes to the following patients: • People who have had an accident and have lost blood

How long does blood last? Red blood cells can last for up to 42 days, says Raju, and plasma, if frozen, can last for up to three years. But platelets only last for five days. “If new babies need blood, they need fresh blood, so a daily collection is needed,” adds Raju.

• Pregnant women who have haemorrhaged

because

of complications • People in surgeries • Children and adults with cancer

and

leukaemia,

and those who need bone marrow transplants.

the receiving end Most people donate whole blood, which can be split into three parts: Red blood cells These transport oxygen to the lungs. If someone can’t produce enough red blood cells, they will be anaemic and will need red blood cell transfusions. Platelets These are cell fragments that circulate in the blood. When you injure yourself, platelets collect at the site and create a plug to stop bleeding. “Cancer patients may need platelet transfusions if their bone marrow is not making enough, which can happen when bone marrow cells are damaged by chemo or radiation therapy, or when they are crowded out of the bone marrow by cancer cells,” says Raju. Plasma This is often given to patients who are bleeding because their blood is not clotting properly. Plasma is a fluid that carries other cells around the body.

national blood services The Western Province Blood Transfusion Service provides blood services to the Western Cape. Contact: 021 507 6300 or visit wpblood.org.za

The SANBS caters to South Africa, excluding the Western Cape. Contact: 011 761 9000 or visit sanbs.org.za Both are non-profit, independent organisations.

Information courtesy of the South African National Blood Service. magazine joburg

May 2015

pregnancy news

relief

constantly

queasy

LUCILLE KEMP looks at ways to help you find relief from

morning sickness.

ape Town-based obstetrician Dr Grace Bovier* says that morning sickness, or nausea and vomiting in pregnancy (NVP), is thought to be associated with rising levels of the pregnancy hormone, human chorionic gonadotrophin and/or rising oestrogen levels. “Women who experience reflux and indigestion when they are not pregnant tend to be more prone to morning sickness during pregnancy, as are women who suffer from motion sickness. Those women who are

May 2015

Diet Meals and snacks should be small and eaten slowly, bland food is often recommended and protein snacks have proven to be helpful. “Women need to figure out what they tolerate best and eat those things without worrying too much about whether they are healthy or not,” advises Bovier. Fluids should be taken between meals and are better tolerated if they are cold, clear and carbonated; these may include drinks such as ginger beer or ginger ale, sports drinks, lemonade and mint tea. Avoid triggers Smells, smoke, heat, motion from being in a car or lift, stuffy rooms and not enough rest are common triggers. Non-drug treatments Hypnosis, acupuncture and acupressure can create relief, and counselling may be helpful, especially if anxiety and stress are contributing factors. Complementary, homeopathic and natural medications Food or supplements containing ginger, antianxiety supplements, vitamin B6 and the homeopathic remedy sepia in a 30CH potency are a few options that women have found to be helpful. Drug treatment If none of the above treatments are successful, a woman must consult her doctor for antinausea medication.

a rare case of severity Morning sickness does not normally cause problems for the baby. If, however, a woman suffers from hyperemesis gravidarum, which is a very extreme form of morning sickness that comes with weight loss, dehydration and electrolyte and mineral disturbances, and requires hospital admission, the baby may be affected. Bovier once had a patient who, in her third pregnancy, had such persistent nausea and vomiting she spent more time in hospital than at home, for intravenous therapy. The mom became so desperate that she begged for her baby to be delivered. “After much discussion between me, the patient, her husband and the paediatrician, an amniocentesis was performed to make sure the baby was mature enough to be born and delivery took place at 36 weeks.” This is the only time Bovier has had to deliver a baby to cure a mom’s morning sickness, so rest assured that this variety of morning sickness is rare. *Name has been changed.

did you know? Couvade syndrome is a psychosomatic condition where the partner of a pregnant woman experiences actual symptoms of childbirth or pregnancy. Along with morning sickness, the partner’s symptoms include abdominal pain and bloating, back pain, phantom pregnancy, lethargy, toothache, food cravings, aversions and antenatal depression. Studies have found the incidence of sympathy pregnancy among men with a pregnant partner to be 25% to 52% in the US, 20% in Sweden and an estimated 61% in Thailand.

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

naturally more sensitive to smells also tend to have a more difficult time with morning sickness during pregnancy,” says Bovier. Social, cultural and psychological (depression, anxiety and stress) factors will make morning sickness worse, according to Bovier, and pregnant women with conditions such as certain placental diseases, which produce higher-than-normal hormone levels, will probably suffer from morning sickness.

best for baby

feeding on demand Should you feed your baby whenever she cries? RUWAYDAH HARRIS asks two baby experts for their advice.

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

he question of how to approach baby feeding has been a controversial conundrum and an emotive issue: is it okay to treat it like a 24-hour all-you-can-eat-buffet (feed on demand), or is it better to only feed at set times? “Feeding on demand is entirely appropriate for the first three to four months of life when a baby’s brain and tummy are still very immature,” explains paediatrician Dr Claudia Gray. “This period has been dubbed the ‘fourth trimester’ and your baby is not yet able to manipulate you, so it’s not really possible to ‘spoil’ a baby during this time.” She adds that the first few months are vital for establishing a bond with your baby and a relationship of trust as the baby needs to know that warmth, food and cuddles will come his way when he needs them. Sister Ann Richardson, a paediatric nurse and co-author of the Baby Sense and Toddler Sense books, says during the newborn phase “demand and frequent feeding stimulates milk supply and helps the uterus to contract to prevent postpartum bleeding”. She suggests, however, that once your baby has a clean bill of health and the milk supply is established, the idea of “separating calories from comfort” should apply, because babies who are always fed to comfort them do not learn the art of self-soothing, which is essential to grow contentment and healthy sleep. “Demand-feeding can lead to overfeeding, which can exacerbate colic or reflux,” Richardson says. It is important to get the cues for hunger right, says Gray. “If milk is offered for every niggle, the baby may end up with a huge digestive load and a sore tummy (some niggles

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feeding basics Babies will always suck on their hands to soothe themselves – whether they are hungry or not, says Sister Ann Richardson. Although she cautions against overfeeding, she does not agree with a rigid feeding schedule either. Richardson suggests you keep feeding times flexible between two and four hours and separate calories from comfort from the get-go. • Work with a flexible timeframe. If it’s less than two hours since the last feed, it’s unlikely your baby is really hungry. She may just be looking for some comfort such as rocking, cuddling and some sucking to calm her. • If it’s more than two hours since the last feed, then feed. Never leave your baby longer than four hours without a feed. • Provided your baby is healthy and growing, the use of dummies (or even Mom or Dad’s finger), as a non-nutritive sucking measure to help calm, works well. • Never restrict feeds, nor force-feed.

may in fact be a wind or tiredness rather than hunger). The hungry baby typically begins to fuss, puts the fists in the mouth, starts with a little moan, then crescendoes progressively into a full-blown cry. A baby in discomfort often grunts ‘eh-eh’ but does not crescendo steadily as in hunger,” explains Gray. She suggests you take note of the time between feeds to estimate when your baby may be ready for a feed. Regular weight checks are also important as a guide to whether or not the baby may be under- or overfeeding.

May 2015

dealing with difference

when takes over

fear

Whether your child is afraid of spiders, snakes or the sensation of grass underfoot, there are effective ways of dealing with these phobias. SAMANTHA PAGE believes you can allay their fears by confronting your own.

t a recent wedding, as guests of the bride and groom filed into the church and took their seats amid flowers and familiar love songs, the scene was set for a day of romance. A sudden flurry of activity alerted the congregation to the arrival of the bride and – my favourite part – that first glance of the soon-to-be wife. My reverie was short-lived, however, because that’s when I heard the bloodcurdling screams from the two year old at the back of the church. It seems, from what I was later told, that the sight of the veiled woman in white was like seeing Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street. The child’s mother has subsequently declared weddings – at least the church part – off the agenda for now because her toddler was genuinely scared out of her wits by brides, veils and volumes of tulle. It’s not easy moving through the world when you’re terrified, whether you’re afraid of monsters under your bed, creepy goggas or wedding veils, and while the behaviour may seem extreme and baffling to others, it’s deadly serious to whoever is experiencing the perceived threat. According to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag), as many as 8% to 11% of children and adolescents suffer from an anxiety that affects their ability to get on with their lives. “We all have fears,” points out Doug Symons, a clinical child psychologist at Acadia University in Canada. “When they’re excessive and begin to interfere with your life, we define them as phobias.” It’s not surprising that, on average, about one in 30 children will develop a genuine phobia that meets the diagnostic criteria. These fears are persistent, last several months and could affect everyday activities, such as playing, going to school and interacting with others. They can also develop at any time and persist for a lifetime. Thirty-year-old Tania, for example, loved dogs when she was a toddler until she was attacked by one when she was five years old. Today, she still breaks out in a cold sweat when she sees dogs and gives them a wide berth if she encounters them. “After all these years, I still experience an overwhelming need to flee when I come into contact with dogs,” she says.

According to psychologist David H Barlow, director of the Centre for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University, writing for Time magazine, modern people learnt what to be afraid of and how to handle it from their ancient ancestors, but while our distant ancestors may predispose us to phobias, it’s our immediate ancestors – specifically our parents – who seal the deal. He noted that as many as 40% of all people suffering from a specific phobia have at least one phobic parent, which is seemingly a clue that phobias could be genetically influenced. There is as much data that suggests that watching Mom or Dad react with exaggerated terror at a cockroach is the kind of conditioning that can also create a bona fide fear. In a 2011 study conducted at Rutgers University in the US, experts determined that we learn an aversion to creepy crawlies in the first years of our life. During the experiment, seven-month-old babies were shown two videos, side by side, one of a snake and another of a non-threatening animal. At the same time, the babies were played a recording of either a fearful human voice or a happy one. The infants spent more time focused on the snake videos when listening to the fearful voices but showed no signs of being afraid, the researchers reported in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science.

May 2015

magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

from parent to child

8–11% 40%

of children and adolescents suffer from an anxiety that affects their ability to get on with their lives.

of all people suffering from a specific phobia have at least one phobic parent.

In phase two of the study, three year olds were shown a screen of nine photographs and told to pick out a named object. They identified snakes more readily than flowers, and more quickly than other animals that looked similar to snakes, such as caterpillars and frogs. The children who were afraid of snakes were just as fast at picking them out as children who had not developed a snake phobia. “What we’re suggesting,” says Dr Vanessa LoBue, an author of the paper, “is that we have these biases to detect things like snakes and spiders really quickly, and to associate them with things that are yucky or bad, like a fearful voice.” Cape Town mother of two Lori Cohen makes a strong case for teaching her children to have rational fears. “They need to know it’s okay to be frightened of things, but I also encourage them to try anything once. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to do it again, but I’d never force them to pick up a snake if they didn’t want to. I’m not thrilled about holding reptiles, but I do it to show my children that I also try things I’m scared of, and it has helped me overcome my fears.”

face your fears Clinical psychologist Beverly H Smolyansky gives five steps to help you manage your child’s anxieties: Validate Your child’s perception is his reality. Dismissing or downplaying his fear might make him feel worse. Try to justify his feelings without saying it’s right or wrong. Model calm behaviour Children pick up when their parents are anxious or afraid, so if you jump on a chair when you see a spider, it’s going to be difficult for your child to overcome his fear. Try to remain calm and mimic positive behaviour. Educate yourself and your child Children and adults feel better equipped to handle the unknown or unexpected when they’re educated on the topic. Do the research and discuss your findings. It may allay both your anxieties. Teach positive self-talk When you and your child encounter a bug and she shows fear, try to rationalise with her. Ask her who’s bigger, her or the bug? Who’s stronger? And give her the words to say to herself: “I can do this. It’s just a little bug.” Start off by observing Watching an insect and seeing what it does is a great way to expose your child to it without it being an overwhelming experience. Don’t try to force him to let a spider walk on his hand or make him climb to the top of the monkey bars. Exposure should always be done methodically.

1 2 3 4 5

Remember that while childhood fears are fairly common, if it’s debilitating in any way, it’s probably best to get help. The best place to start is with your paediatrician, who may refer you to a clinical psychologist. magazine joburg

May 2015

parenting

good enough mothers It’s really okay to drop the ball once in a while. MEG FAURE explains how moms can shake off their own expectations for perfection and ditch the maternal guilt.

t has been said that “Maternal guilt comes with the placenta”, and as any mom will tell you, nothing could be closer to the truth. It begins the day you fall pregnant. You feel guilty about what you eat, that your stress may be affecting your unborn baby, and it magnifies when you decide to wean your baby off the breast – be that at two weeks or 12 months, and overshadows every decision around being a working or stay-at-home mom.

why the guilt? All parents experience a massive sense of responsibility for their children’s lives. It relates to the priority we place on protecting our little ones and the pressure to provide the best opportunities – to be the best parent we can be. This means that inevitably we set a very high benchmark and whenever we feel we are failing, we feel guilty for not providing this perfect base – be it through our diet in pregnancy, a simple parenting choice or the decision to work. Sam, mom to two little girls, really battles with guilt. “I create expectations for myself as a mom while watching other mothers around me who always seem so together – hair done; make-up done; clever, beautiful, healthy children. And when I fall short of this picture of the ‘ideal mom’, I feel like I am letting my girls and me down… and in comes the guilt,” says Sam.

society’s expectations Over and above our personal sense of responsibility are the expectations that modern society places on us. Many women enter motherhood after being in a successful career where they easily meet the demands of a significant workload. Adding a baby to the load and balancing yet another task seems to be an expectation that not only society has of women, but one that women impose on themselves.

Many moms take on the role of parenting while continuing to work outside the home, out of choice or necessity. The stress of a career coupled with the massive demands of parenting are often too much for working mothers. When demands get too high and a mom drops a ball or is not the “perfect” mother, she becomes burdened with guilt.

Maternal guilt is a waste of energy because it rarely results in better parenting. permission to fail Maternal guilt is so closely linked to expectations for perfection (from self or society) that we probably need to address these expectations first in order to decrease the guilt. According to the late paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, we are better as moms when we don’t meet our baby’s every need instantly and when we show our children that we can have a bad day or make a mistake. By failing occasionally, we give our children realistic expectations of the world and we teach them that their efforts in life are beautiful, even when they are not perfect. When we do this we are Good Enough Mothers. We are good enough to cope with the huge demands a new life has on us, and good enough to nurture this tiny human being into a caring, happy child.

managing maternal guilt Understanding where maternal guilt comes from and freeing ourselves to drop the occasional ball are the important first steps in managing our guilt, but how do we practically make decisions with more freedom and ditch the guilt?

Choose your parenting ethos When you are secure in the decisions you make, you are less likely to second-guess yourself and suffer maternal guilt. It is important to establish your own style of parenting and seek advice that reinforces this style as opposed to taking advice from people with polarised opinions. Once you have determined a secure rationale for your parenting style, surround yourself with information and advice that supports your choice, leaving little room for conflict, which will only increase guilt. On deciding to work Discuss this with your partner so you can determine your priorities and needs, including the financial needs of your family. Choosing to work is an important decision and when the rationale is right, it’s certainly no reason to feel guilt. Claire, a mom of two children, puts it so well: “In my case, I have to work to survive and support my family – plain and simple. Yes, I would love to spend more time with my children, but in reality, it’s not possible. If I stop working, I lose my income and my children will suffer. This is my reality and it’s what pulls me up when guilt steps in.” Create balance in your day Make space for one-on-one time with your child. A great idea is to prioritise Watch, Wait and Wonder time (see box “watch, wait and wonder”) for 15 minutes. Turn off cellphones and other electronic devices and sit on the floor to play with your little one – watching him play, waiting for his engagement and wondering at his delight as he plays. These small periods of undivided attention are a wonderful antidote for the frenetic lifestyle we juggle. Jenny, a mom who works full-time, prioritises this time with her little one. “I also schedule floor time. As soon as I walk into the house, I immediately sit down with her and ask about her day and play whatever she wants to play,” says Jenny. Take time out for yourself The idea of choosing to be away from your child in the limited time you are home from work is almost incomprehensible. “Because I am working so much right now, I feel guilty for even thinking of going to the gym in my spare time and being away from them any longer,” laments Jess. Yet, short periods of time doing something that carries no expectations or responsibility – going for a walk, having a manicure or simply reading a magazine – is really important. Maternal guilt is a waste of energy because it rarely results in better parenting. On the contrary, it can paralyse mothers with feelings of regret and sadness. Whatever choices you are making, recognise that in considering your baby and getting it right most of the time, you are being a Good Enough Mother, which is way better for your child’s emotional development than a “perfect mom”.

Developed by Elizabeth Muir, the approach of WWW play is traditionally used in attachment therapy for babies with relational or behaviour difficulties. It has been found that a modified approach of having focused playtime that is babyled really helps – not only with a baby’s separation anxiety, but also with helping moms to feel more connected with their children and to have less guilt about time spent away from them.

May 2015

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

watch, wait and wonder

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May 2015

education

securing the right

school

The big question on the minds of parents with pre- and primary school children is whether or not they will be able to get into the school of their choice. ANÉL LEWIS finds out why application has become such a challenge.

inding a school for your child – especially at preschool and primary school age – has become a veritable minefield as children jostle for limited spaces. Parents can no longer just fill in a few forms to enrol their children at a good school in the area. Now it seems you’ve got a better chance of getting Golden Circle tickets to a Justin Bieber concert than you have of getting your child into your first choice of school – and sometimes even your second choice is a stretch if you’re looking for a good public school in a popular area. Joburg mom Candice Whitehead says it took one question from a parent at a child’s party to spark the frenzied “have you guys got your child into a school yet?” debate. “The following Monday I went to put Cruz’s name down at an independent school. He was just two at the time, but I was horrified to learn that he was number 100-andsomething on the waiting list for Grade 0 or Grade 1. I then had the bright idea to put baby Whitehead down at the same time.” Candice was pregnant with her third son. “Once Kai was born we paid the large nonrefundable deposit, which meant he was given a place straight away for Grade 000.” This meant that Cruz had a sibling enrolled at the school, and he was bumped up the waiting list. “I told the admissions office that I would take any place that became available, even if in Grade 00. Less than a year later I got the call that they had a spot for Cruz and I snatched it up.”

The demand for space is probably greater at popular public schools. And while it helps if you have some connection with the school as a former pupil, it’s no longer enough to guarantee your child’s place. I have already submitted Erin’s application for Grade R at my alma mater, but we are at a loose end when it comes to Conor. My husband is not from Cape Town, so he does not have an Old Boys’ network here that we can tap into. I’ve been told that unless his name was on a list seconds after his birth, the chance of him being considered at any of the independent schools is minimal. Fortunately, most public schools only take applications 18 months in advance. But we have also been tipped off that some schools won’t even look at our application if we are not within walking distance. Needless to say, we’ve moved house closer to the school to up our odds of being considered.

not child’s play Don’t be fooled into thinking preschool will be a doddle. It can be just as treacherous trying to find a spot for your toddler as it is to get your child into Grade R. I made the rookie mistake of thinking it would be a cinch to get Erin into the playschool I had attended for four happy years. But when I called, the receptionist was not the slightest bit interested in my memories of macaroni necklaces and nativity plays at the school in the seventies. In fact, she was brusque and dismissive.

May 2015

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

It can be just as treacherous trying to find a spot for your toddler as it is to get your child into Grade R.

I sent through my application form, as directed, but to date there’s been no response. I guess that was a “no” then? I understand that receptionists must get hundreds of queries; some I encountered were rude and even condescending. One laughed outright when I asked if there was place for Erin when term started in six months’ time. Making calls to preschools was, at times, more daunting than any job interview I’ve ever had. I was acutely aware that everything I said during the conversation could influence our chances of being considered.

primary concerns Now with Grade R for Erin fast approaching, I’ve done my research well in advance. I’ve mapped the admission timelines in my diary and set a reminder on my phone for the earliest date when I can drop off the bundle of forms – which is more thorough than the paperwork we filled in for our bond application. Everything is up-to-date – clinic card, proof of address, recent reports. There’s no room for error in this game. While the battle stories abound – one mother admitted that putting “atheist” as the family’s religion on the application form probably didn’t endear her to the Catholic school she had her heart set on for her daughter – it seems that eventually everyone does find a place. Most of the parents I’ve spoken to say it depends on the area and the school’s feeder-zone policy, as well as whether you are hoping to get into an independent school, or a public school.

Don’t get hung up on where you have gone. A school can change so much in two years, let alone 20. Danielle du Plessis of Cape Town says she enrolled her son into an independent school close to home when he was six weeks old. “We were the last [of our friends] to have a child, so luckily we knew how difficult it was to get into a school.” She says one of the other schools they had considered made the application process feel like a business transaction, and the school has yet to respond to her query almost 18 months later. Parents often move to a specific area just to fall within the catchment area for a school. But be warned that schools have wised up to this scheme, and many will ask for a proof of address – either a title deed or lease if you are renting (and make sure you have a longterm lease). I’ve even heard of parents who’ve paid friends in a catchment area to use their address so that they can get into their school of choice.

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May 2015

education

stress-free school applications

Zita Wicht, of Cape Town, moved to Bergvliet to get her daughter into a popular public school in the area. She applied for Grade R when her daughter was three, but the application was turned down. Fortunately, she was accepted a year later for Grade 1. “We were told by the headmaster that there were more applications from people living in Bergvliet than spots in the school. So even moving to the area does not guarantee you a spot.” Sometimes you can get a spot by luck of the draw. Kasia Cloete of Paarl said her daughter got into a school there when another pupil failed to turn up for class. Other parents have been turned away during the initial application process, only to find out near the end of the fourth term that a spot has freed up and their child has been accepted. Caminey Kuropatwa, originally from the United Kingdom, says, “We didn’t put the children’s names down at birth, but we were

May 2015

constantly being told by everyone that we were mad not to. But then when we did find the right school, it was all quite straightforward.” She eventually put her daughter’s name down for an independent school when she turned two, and Ellie is happily going into Grade R there now. “My advice would be to go and visit every school in your area and totally ignore what your friends and parents recommend. It’s so personal. Don’t get hung up on where you have gone. A school can change so much in two years, let alone 20,” says Charlene Irwin, who works for a public school in the southern suburbs of Cape Town. Charlene says Grade R is the biggest challenge for space. “Most schools only have two Grade R classes, but four Grade 1 classes. As a result, Grade R fills up with siblings, leaving little space for new families. Pick a preschool that includes Grade R and apply as early as you can.”

• Do your research. Find out about the admissions policy of your preferred school(s). While some independent schools welcome admissions “far in advance”, many public schools have an 18-month policy. • Make sure all your documentation is updated and complete. Many parents have been told that the school won’t even consider an incomplete application. • Follow up on your application. I was told by one of the preschools I contacted that they make a note each time a parent calls to follow up. It shows “interest” in the school, and these parents on the waiting list would be considered first if there was an opening. • Don’t see the waiting list as “second best”. Grab the opportunity with both hands. So much can happen during the year. Accepted applicants may move, or have a change of heart, and a place for your child could suddenly open up. • Don’t hedge all your bets on one school. Make sure you have options and apply to more than one school. That way you can be assured a place in at least one of your top three choices. • Speak to other parents about their experiences so that you know how the process works. But try to avoid the negative chatter about all the difficulties – it will just make you more anxious. • If possible, apply to schools with Grade R as soon as you can. These classes fill up quickly.

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reader’s blog

working mother’s guilt syndrome Being a working mom is not the easiest path to walk. YASMIN DANGOR wonders if she is alone in feeling overwhelmed by guilt.

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

here are days when the guilt is so overwhelming that I find myself incapable of functioning. I’m a working mother, you see, and I’m beginning to think that working mother’s guilt syndrome is a thing. I often wonder if I’m alone in this or if there are other working moms who feel the same way. I work partly because I have to and partly because I want to. I also feel that I need to show my daughters that not everything will be handed to them, that they will have to work to achieve what they want, yet there are days when all I want is to leave work early and wait at the school gate for my daughters. When I see the tears in my eldest daughter’s eyes after I explain that I will be about 20 minutes late collecting her and that she should go to the library to start her homework, I start to unravel. I don’t often hear mothers who do not work away from home or who are fortunate enough to have flexible arrangements apologising for being 10 minutes late. But I find myself doing it. Do dads suffer working father’s guilt syndrome? I find myself volunteering for everything school-related to make up for my guilt. I sacrifice precious leave days and time off to be at school selling cakes, painting sets and doing make-up for one school

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production after another. I tell myself that I need to show my daughters that I care and that despite having to work, I’m still there for them and that I will never not be there to see them shine or struggle. But I’m beginning to realise that perhaps I’m not being the best role model for them… that by trying to do everything I often achieve nothing at all, besides a sense of intense frustration. Perhaps, instead of feeling guilty because my daughter has to wait 20 minutes, I need to realise that it is what it is and that by committing to picking her up and doing it with a smile and a hug, I am being a great mother. By listening to her on the way home and taking a real interest in what she is doing and what she is telling me, I am being a great mother. By taking the time to assist with homework, I am being a great mother. And by simply being present in the moment and being an active participant in my daughters’ lives, I am being the best mother I can be. The stirrings of guilt begin anew as I look at the school calendar and wonder how I’m going to fit it all in. But I’m just going to try and be the best mother I can be by moving heaven and earth to be there, selling cakes, painting sets and doing make-up…

Readers, this is your column – it’s a space to air your views, share a valuable parenting lesson, vent your frustrations or celebrate your joys. Send your writing to features@childmag.co.za

Also read “good enough mothers” on page 14.

May 2015

spotlight

leaving facebook MEGAN HJELM has had enough of flippant “likes” and noisy timelines, opting instead for real-world interaction.

his article isn’t going to make me popular. And perhaps that’s what lies at the core of our fascination with Facebook: our need to be popular. I had that need. I spent my adolescence in search of popularity. I still feel a pang when I’m left out. Yet I’ve just walked away from the biggest group I know. Since leaving school, I’ve tried to surround myself with kind friends – you know the type – the ones that build you up, not break you down. I’ve rejected groups in favour of individual friendships with people I truly value. And my motley friends are the best. They do not form a group though, and barely know each other. But they are my people.

weeks, the writer’s group becomes a forum for the facilitator to market her products, and for spatters of inane chatter that are far removed from the quiet of the retreat we all shared in the shadow of the Drakensberg. I feel myself being sucked into the social-networking quagmire. I work from home and I can be frantic; and I can be totally bored. In the quiet times, I find myself logging on more and more. I even sneak a look on my phone while waiting for my children in the car. I am a slow, rolling stone, gathering “friends”. I think I see the drawcard: the more “friends” you have, the more “likes” you get, the more popular you feel. Despite my inner writer’s yearnings,

As a mother of a nine year old and an 11 year old, I find it mildly distressing to watch cliques of mothers form and dissolve in the school car park before my weary 42-year-old eyes. I watch and wait until I find someone I can really talk to. But, just when I think I’ve figured out my way, another group materialises, a huge one that I find difficult to avoid: Facebook “friends”. Reluctantly, I initially join Facebook so I can be a part of my old school’s twentieth reunion communiqués. Afterwards I remove myself from Facebook at the first opportunity. A few years later, I rejoin because of a writing retreat’s group page. I tell myself I have a good reason. Within

May 2015

I pat myself on the back for resisting the impulse to post, and I am not very active on Facebook. I pride myself on subtlety and understatement. But that doesn’t stop me peeking. I’m not even doing anything wrong, I tell myself. It’s all legitimate spying, merely reading what people are putting on my wall. Anyway, this is what they want. I look every time I’m bored. It’s like a drug. And my head fills with noise. An ex-boyfriend from the other side of the country turns up in the party photos of a fellow school mother. What’s he doing here? A woman who once threw herself at my husband befriends me. Really? I see Joan had a birthday celebration and didn’t magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

I think I see the drawcard: the more “friends” you have, the more “likes” you get, the more popular you feel.

invite us. Candy was obviously left out too, because she promptly comments, “I see we didn’t crack the nod this year!” A school mom writes that she gave her son an iPad last week on condition that he gets an A in the exams next year. Huh? I see that Sam really loves his wife: he posted a dripping love letter. Does this make his love more real? Have I missed something? Shouldn’t he share this with her, not his 167 Facebook “friends”? Is everyone really having this much fun? Endless parties, flowing wine, posed smiles all round. The dinner Laura and Ben went to last weekend looked amazing. And there they are, arms around each other, looking so happy. Only I know that the summons was served on Monday.

Social media experts remind us, however, that every keystroke we’ve ever made, every photo we’ve ever posted, can be retrieved later – word vomit will never go away. In the days that follow my departure, I feel the odd pang of loss. I miss that useful community group that lists items for sale at great prices, and the group that reviews the latest books. Regardless, a lightness creeps in and my shoulders drop. I find that I’ve cleared some debris; I can now hear the sounds of my life: my children shouting ‘Mooom’ for the fourteenth time this hour; my dog barking at a bloated frog; the tone of my friend’s voice when she says she’s fine about the photo that was posted last week, even though she’s not.

I find that I’ve cleared some debris; I can now hear the sounds of my life… The noise in my head gets louder and louder. I feel awful, and can barely find my way through the clouds of criticism and judgement my thoughts have become. My heart is heavy and bitter. I take a long sobering look at this unhealthy relationship: Facebook and me. Does it make me feel good? Ever? Am I a better mother to my children because of it? A better wife to my husband? A better friend? Does it build me up? Have we all lost the plot? So I leave. I leave without any fanfare. When I posted a new profile picture on Facebook months ago, somehow all my “friends” got a notification. When I deleted my account, not a soul was notified, I simply disappeared as if I had never existed. magazine joburg

I still know about the parties that count: the ones I go to, spending time with good friends and laughing. I still know about my friends’ children and their achievements. But I hear about these things over a cup of coffee or sitting in the sunlight on a bench or on Skype. And I hear the whole story now: the achievements, the struggles, the funny little anecdotes. I am present to the moments in my life. I do keep checking the postbox for that dripping love letter from my husband; I’m sure it will arrive any day now. I’m slowly building up my reserves, my energy, to put into what matters to me: my family, my work, my precious friends. And quiet. May 2015

relationships

my husband is jealous of our child! The arrival of a baby is supposed to bring families closer together, but what happens when your child appears to be driving a wedge between you and your partner? ELAINE POWELL finds out what makes some fathers – and mothers – jealous of their children.

May 2015

that he admitted that he resented the attention I was giving Jack, and that he felt jealous of his son. I was floored. Was it something I was doing? Was I doting excessively on our son? Had I failed Mike as a wife?

unresolved issues Well, it seems my husband’s reaction is not uncommon and it’s certainly not unique to fathers. Gauteng-based counselling psychologist Brian Blem says these feelings of resentment are quite normal and based on two key factors: the health of the relationship prior to pregnancy and children; and the extent of any “unfinished business” from childhood that each partner may be carrying. “The feelings of insecurity that are triggered in the father are often regardless of the sex of the child, although it may be the case that a male child is more threatening for certain fathers,” says Blem. But these feelings can be experienced by mothers struggling to bond with their children too, he adds.

finding the source Once the elephant in the room had been exposed, I wanted to know what had caused my husband to feel this way. Mike explained that he felt left out when Jack and I were together, and that I tended to put the children’s needs ahead of our priorities as a couple. Something as simple as kissing Jack before I had greeted him when I came home really bothered my husband. He also got irritated if Jack wanted to sit on my lap, or be picked up. I really struggled with this. My maternal wiring was telling me that the children, especially when they are so young, should come first. But Mike vehemently disagreed, and said that this put us at an impasse in our relationship. Blem says the birth of a child will change the husband-and-wife dynamic to include a father-and-mother dimension. “If the spousal system is already under strain, usually due to a breakdown in communication, then adding the extra pressure of operating a parental system, where couples are challenged to support each other as parents, the

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

arenting involves a rollercoaster of emotions: love, devotion, fatigue and sometimes even fear. But I never expected jealousy and resentment to rear their ugly heads, and certainly not in my husband’s relationship with our son. Jack*, now almost three years old, has always been demanding. But his devotion to me seems to have intensified in the past six months to the point where he won’t even let his father dress him. I put his preference for me down to normal toddler clinginess, and thought nothing of it. But then my husband, Mike*, started to treat Jack differently. I noticed that he was becoming less tolerant of Jack’s antics. While his sister, Jade*, could get away with normal childish naughtiness, Jack was immediately and often harshly reprimanded. At times Mike was cold and even dismissive of Jack. Other people started noticing Mike’s attitude towards Jack. Concerned, I warned Mike that he would come to regret the way he was treating his son, and it was only then

especially during the early months. “Open and honest communication at this time is critical, and couples would do well to have built a solid platform of dealing with issues and resolving conflict before starting a family.”

what can you do?

chances of misunderstanding and resentment are even greater.” Unfortunately, these feelings are then projected onto the source of the frustration – the child.

under pressure Mike was keen to be a father, and he was delighted when we had our pigeon pair, so I never expected he would feel resentment towards either of them; especially not his son. But Blem says it’s often only when the pressures of being married and having children are applied that a parent with unfinished business from childhood will start to reveal these hurtful patterns. “When our primary needs for safety and significance are not being met in our relationships, anyone else who appears to be getting or preventing what we believe we need, will be at the receiving end of our pain and frustration.” Blem says men who were reluctant to have children could also be dealing with unresolved childhood issues, and this could make them behave negatively towards their children.

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I’ve also been concerned that Jack may have picked up on Mike’s attitude towards him, and that this could make him reluctant to bond with his father. Blem says children, being sensitive and perceptive to their parents’ moods, will identify who they perceive as the safer parent to be with and this may exacerbate underlying tensions between the parents.

the blame game So, was I at fault for being too absorbed in my children? Blem says a healthy attachment between a mother and her child is important, especially in the first year. “However, this should be a shared responsibility, and hands-on fathers make a huge difference to the process of helping new mothers to get the balance right. In the process, fathers should also build a strong attachment to their child by getting as involved as possible with the help of their partners.” He says it is to be expected that fathers will go through a period of getting less attention from their wives,

Hands-on fathers who share the joys and pressures of parenting will find themselves less needy of their partner’s attention, says Blem. So get your husband involved as soon as possible with all aspects of childcare. Communication is key. Talk about your expectations of parenting, and of marriage, so that you both understand your respective needs in the respective relationships. When the children are older, set aside a day where just one parent spends time with a child. I’ve started taking Jade out to do something “girly” so that Mike gets to do guy stuff with Jack. It’s valuable bonding time for all of us. Also make time for “date nights” or opportunities where you can spend quality time with just your spouse. Some families will benefit from therapy or counselling. “This could be just the call to growth that individuals and couples need to respond to in order to ensure that their relationships and family context becomes a healthy and ultimately happy one,” says Blem. “Our unfinished childhood issues remain just that – unfinished, until we have the courage to face our problems directly and take responsibility for the things that have happened in our lives. The beauty of couple counselling is not just two for the price of one, but that you don’t have to go it alone – you get to go on the journey of healing with the person you love.” *Names have been changed and Elaine Powell is a pseudonym.

May 2015

Sharing a satisfying meal around a table with family and friends is a tradition worth keeping. Best Recipes, compiled by CHRISTELLE ERASMUS, will give you some great ideas to spoil mom on Mother’s Day.

May 2015

caramelised butternut and pear salad Elma Heyns, Bloemfontein Serves 6 The flavours in this salad complement one another beautifully, particularly the saltiness of the prosciutto with the sweet caramel flavours. This salad is also very versatile – it can be served as a starter, a light lunch or as a side dish with beef fillet grilled over the coals. ingredients • 500g peeled butternut, cut into chunks • 3 pears, peeled, cored and quartered (and then each quarter cut in half) • olive oil for grilling • 30ml honey • 15ml balsamic vinegar • rocket leaves or curly lettuce leaves • 5 slices prosciutto • 50g pine nuts, toasted in a dry pan until lightly browned and flavoursome • Parmesan cheese • balsamic reduction

• balsamic and olive oil dressing method Preheat the oven to 200˚C. Place the butternut and pears on a baking tray and rub all over with olive oil. Drizzle the honey and balsamic vinegar over the butternut and pears and mix through until well coated. Roast in the oven until caramelised and soft. Give the mixture a stir halfway through the cooking time and spread out again in an even layer. Set aside to cool. Place the rocket leaves on a serving platter and arrange the cooled butternut and pears on top. Tear the prosciutto into strips and scatter over the salad with the pine nuts. Top with some shavings of Parmesan cheese and drizzle sparingly with the balsamic reduction. Serve with balsamic and olive oil dressing.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: Danie Janse van Vuuren

e h t b e y l

book extract

melt-in-the-mouth oxtail Merle van den Berg, Beacon Bay Serves 10 to 12 It’s worth the extra effort to reduce the oxtail’s fattiness by starting the procedure the day before the dish is required. ingredients • 2 large onions, coarsely chopped • 4 carrots, coarsely sliced • 4 stalks celery, coarsely sliced • garlic to taste • 2,5–3kg oxtail • 1 bottle (750ml) dry red wine • 1 sachet/bottle (130g) sun-dried tomato pesto (or 20 rehydrated sun-dried tomatoes) • 10ml white sugar • 30ml soy sauce • 15ml Worcestershire sauce • 15ml dried mixed herbs • 45ml crème fraîche or sour cream • 30ml chopped parsley method Preheat the oven to 150˚C. Prepare the vegetables and place them, together with the garlic, on the base of a casserole dish. Cover with the oxtail and pour over the red wine. Add the remaining ingredients, except the crème fraîche or sour

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cream, and the parsley. Cook, covered, in the oven for 6 to 8 hours until the biggest pieces of meat are tender. Remove the pieces of oxtail with a spoon and place in the refrigerator overnight. Strain the liquid from the vegetables and store the liquid and vegetables in the refrigerator overnight in two separate containers. On the following day, remove the thick layer of fat from the liquid. The larger pieces of oxtail will still have pieces of visible fat. Remove with a knife. Discard the fat or keep for roasting potatoes on another day. To make the gravy, place the strained liquid from the vegetables into a saucepan and heat. Blend the vegetables until smooth using a stick blender or food

processor and add to the liquid. Stir until mixed. The mixture should be thick enough so that you shouldn’t need to add a thickening agent. Simmer gently and add the sour cream or crème fraîche. Place a layer of the gravy into a serving dish, and then add a layer of oxtail pieces. Repeat the layers, ending with a layer of gravy. Reheat in the oven for 1 hour at 150˚C before serving with mashed potatoes flavoured with chopped leeks, and your choice of vegetables or salads. Homemade bread is also a good accompaniment – especially with the wonderful gravy. Sprinkle parsley over the oxtail just before serving.

May 2015

book extract

jaco’s mexican chip thingy Barbara Roux, Linden Serves 4 My friend Jaco makes this dish often and it is great for fun social gatherings. It’s very filling and in winter it helps to provide heat from the inside. ingredients • 15ml olive oil • 2 onions • 500g mince • 250g mushrooms, sliced • 1 tin (410g) chakalaka (as hot as you like it) • lettuce • 1 each red, green and yellow peppers • cucumber • cherry tomatoes • 1 large packet (250g) sweet chilli pepper Doritos corn chips • grated cheese method Heat the olive oil in a saucepan. Slice one onion and fry until translucent. Add the mince and stir-fry until cooked. Add the mushrooms and fry until cooked. Add the chakalaka and simmer until the sauce thickens.

Slice the lettuce, the remaining onion, peppers, cucumber and tomatoes and keep them all separate. Arrange the ingredients on a large platter as follows: start with a layer of corn chips, followed by lettuce, onion, peppers, cucumber and tomatoes. Spoon the mince mixture over the top and sprinkle over the grated cheese. Serve immediately and dig in.

mediterranean vegetable stack with roasted pepper pesto Carolyn Trollope, Rynfield Serves 6 ingredients | roasted pepper pesto • 1 large red pepper • 60ml fresh, torn basil leaves • 20ml Parmesan cheese • 30ml olive oil • 60ml pine nuts • 1 clove garlic, minced • dash of balsamic vinegar • salt and pepper ingredients | vegetable stack • 1 brinjal • salt • sheet puff pastry • 6 baby marrows • 2 rounds feta cheese • olive oil to brush • rocket to garnish method | pesto Grill the red pepper under a preheated oven grill, turning every 10 minutes or so until the skin is blistered and blackened on all sides.

May 2015

Remove from the oven and immediately put into a bowl and cover with plastic wrap, allowing it to sweat. Once cool, remove the skin, slice the pepper and de-seed it. Put the pepper, basil, Parmesan cheese, 15ml of the olive oil and the pine nuts in a processor. Blitz together, then add the garlic plus the remaining olive oil and balsamic vinegar, and whiz until smooth. Add salt and pepper to taste, and add more olive oil if a thinner consistency is preferred. Put into a sterilised jar and seal for at least 1 hour before using. Preheat the oven to 200˚C. Grease a baking tray. method | vegetable stack Slice the brinjal into rounds, sprinkle salt over both sides and leave on a rack for 10 minutes. Rinse and pat dry. Using a cookie cutter, cut 6 rounds of puff pastry, place on the baking tray and bake for about 30 minutes or until golden. Cut the baby marrows into rounds and brush these and the brinjal rounds lightly with olive oil, then grill on a greased baking tray until cooked through. Place a puff pastry round on each plate, then layer it with brinjal, baby marrow and feta until there are two layers of each. Top with some pepper pesto and garnish with rocket. Serve immediately.

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pancake parcels with milk tart filling and orange sauce Annerien Vermeulen, Centurion Serves 12 ingredients | pancakes • 500ml flour • 625ml water • 125ml cooking oil • 10ml baking powder • 2 eggs • 3ml salt • 12,5ml vinegar • oil to grease the pan ingredients | filling • 75ml flour • 500ml milk • 75ml sugar • 1 cinnamon stick • 2 egg yolks, beaten • 1ml salt • 25ml butter • 5ml vanilla essence ingredients | orange sauce • 125ml sugar • 50ml water • 500ml fresh orange juice • 5ml grated orange zest • 30ml orange liqueur (Van der Hum) • 30ml brandy • a pinch of salt • 50g butter, cubed method | pancakes Mix all the pancake ingredients together until smooth. If necessary, add more water to thin the batter. Set aside for about 30 minutes. Preheat a lightweight pan until very hot. Add just enough oil to the pan to grease it. Using a soup ladle, spoon some batter into the pan. Add just enough batter to cover the

base of the pan; the pancakes shouldn’t be too thick. As soon as the edges of the pancake start to lift, turn over the pancake and cook the other side for about 30 seconds. Tip out the pancake onto a plate. Continue making pancakes until the batter is used up. Keep a container of oil nearby and add about 5ml oil to the pan after every second or third pancake. method | filling Mix the flour with 50ml milk and 10ml sugar until it forms a paste. Heat the rest of the milk, sugar and the cinnamon stick until it comes to the boil. Stir in the flour paste. Remove from the heat and stir in the egg yolks and salt. Return to the heat and stir for one minute until the filling is smooth and thick. Remove from the heat again and stir in the butter and vanilla essence. Discard the cinnamon stick. method | orange sauce Place the sugar, water and orange juice in a saucepan over low heat. Stir until the sugar has dissolved, then add the orange zest. Cook over low heat for 30 minutes. Stir in the liqueur, brandy and salt, and add the butter, a cube at a time. to assemble Place a good spoonful of filling in the centre of a pancake. Fold over the pancakes so that it resembles an envelope or parcel. Place the pancake parcel on a plate and spoon over some of the sauce.

about the book Boasting South Africa’s best home cooking, selected from Leisure Books’ intrepid home cooks, Best Recipes (Human & Rousseau) compiled by Christelle Erasmus, will take pride of place in your kitchen. With more than 100 recipes – from bread and soup to enticing starters, delicious mains and desserts for the sweet tooth – it offers something for every taste. Some of the recipes are old favourites that have been given a new lease on life, while others are fresh ideas using exciting yet easy-to-come-by ingredients. Best Recipes is available at all good bookstores for R295.

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May 2015

ne of the more common issues I’m confronted with in my practice is a seemingly entrenched breakdown in the relationship between a parent and their teenager. The most common reason for this breakdown is the firmly-held belief by each of them that the other person is not listening. There are two main sources of conflict between parents and teenagers. The first is the presence of limits (in the teenager’s mind, the imposition of limits). The second source of conflict is often due to difficulties caused by the natural separation that takes place between parents and children during the teenage years. Conflict caused by limitsetting is normally easy to identify. It’s not necessarily easy to resolve, but at least it’s a lot clearer what all the fighting is about. Conflict due to issues of separation, on the other hand, is a lot less clear and more difficult to acknowledge, and can take longer to sort out. Differentiating between these two causes is central to understanding and resolving parent-teenager breakdowns.

testing the limits As I wrote in “parenting within bounds” (Child magazine, November 2013), teenagers need limits. It makes them feel safe knowing that someone (preferably the parent) is capable of drawing a line, which they will invariably need to challenge while the other person stands their ground. Teenagers need limits, because without them they are

May 2015

i hate you, mom! GARY KOEN helps parents get to the root of parent-teenager breakdowns by asking: “What is the fight really about?”

unable to grow, but this doesn’t mean they want them. Most of the time these limits appear to prevent them from doing the things they enjoy. They’re unreasonable, unnecessary, illogical and merely designed to spoil their fun. Teenagers may accept these limits at times, but they often lead to arguments, which can quickly spiral into fullblown shouting matches where irrational and hurtful things get said. It’s not uncommon for an aggrieved teenager who is being thwarted in their desire to do something to storm off screaming “I hate you!” at either of their parents, slam their bedroom door and collapse onto their beds shaking with anger. While this sudden, furious level of conflict can leave the whole family feeling shaken and traumatised, I find that at times like these it is quite helpful to employ this simple principle: “You are allowed to say whatever you like, but you may not do whatever you like.” Now, before you recoil in horror, please understand that you don’t have to disclose this principle to your teenager; just be conscious of it when conflict arises. In the heat of the moment, this principle is a tool that will enable you to carry on dealing with the issue. You can deal with the manner in which your teenager has spoken to you after the dust has settled.

working it out The important thing to realise is that the conflict is taking place within the context of your relationship. As the parent,

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

parenting

you need to be determined and committed to working it out no matter what it takes. Furthermore, the principle of allowing your teenager to say what they want but not necessarily do what they want, is an acknowledgement of their separate mind and separate experience. The conflict you may be facing is being driven by difference. In many ways, this approach also shows your teenager that you can survive whatever they throw at you and proves that you are even willing to tolerate their hatred of you, if you believe you are acting in their best interests (even though they may not agree). Once the screaming has stopped and calm has returned, there will be an opportunity to work out exactly what happened. You will also have an opportunity to deal with the way in which they spoke to you. I suggest you say something like this: “What you said was abusive. However, I can, and would rather, put up with your abuse of me, than knowingly allow you to go out and do things that I know are going to be harmful and destructive. So understand this: you are not going to be allowed to do whatever you want, and if you carry on speaking to me like that, instead of getting more privileges, you are going to end up with a lot less.” This approach will not necessarily prevent conflict, but it will prevent a breakdown of your relationship.

acknowledging difference Conflicts caused by issues to do with separation are very different. One of the fundamental, defining aspects of

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adolescence is the natural separation which takes place between parents and their children – in short, the realisation that you and your child are two separate people. This may sound simple, but many parents find it quite difficult to realise that their child actually does exist as an entirely separate, entirely unique human being in their own right. Teenagers need to believe that they are their own person with their own thoughts, ideas and opinions. This is an essential part of their growth, and has very little to do with the parents. We are not supposed to be threatened by this need, nor are we supposed to envy it.

Teenagers need to believe that they are their own person with their own thoughts, ideas and opinions. Parents often make a common but quite serious mistake when they assume that “Because you are my child, I understand you completely”. When the teenager attempts to communicate something different, or expresses an alternative point of view, the parent cannot listen because they are unable to comprehend that their child may have

a different experience to them. The underlying fear is that this difference will drive them apart. Very often the intense frustration that a teenager feels is in direct response to the parent who claims to infinitely understand them. Then “I hate you!” takes on significantly different proportions. What the teenager is really saying is: “I hate the way you see me (or don’t see me). You only see what you want to see!” If you dismiss this as just another example of teenage angst, do not be surprised if they then explode into a furious rage and stop talking to you altogether. This kind of breakdown normally requires professional help because it is almost impossible for the parties involved to resolve it themselves. The simple goal of therapy in such cases is to create a space where they are able to start listening to one another again. The truth is that most teenagers are not comfortable living with this kind of emotional violence in their lives and, provided there is a mutual acknowledgement of wanting to work things out, are generally receptive to a solution.

about the author Gary Koen is a clinical psychologist working mainly with adults and adolescents. As a father of three, he is heavily invested in everything he says. For more information, visit garykoen.co.za

May 2015

resource

convenience shopping SIMONE JEFFERY rounds up the malls in Joburg that will welcome

May 2015

bedford centre

clearwater mall

This is a large centre with over 180 stores and restaurants. Bedford is home to a Planet Fitness MegaClub, which has childcare facilities. Changing and feeding The babychanging facilities are located opposite Le Creuset, near the Dion Wired toilets and within Pick n Pay. Parking and security For your convenience, you can skip the queues at the pay stations by purchasing a prepaid parking card that is available from the information kiosk. Entertainment Children are catered for with a play area on the piazza that is suitable for younger children. Galaxy World offers tenpin bowling, bumper cars and an arcade. There is also a Ster-Kinekor and Nu Metro cinema complex. Area cnr Smith Rd and Van der Linde Rd, Bedfordview Contact 011 622 1840 or visit bedfordcentre.com

This well-lit, triangular-shaped mall has high ceilings and wide walkways. At the centre of the mall is the piazza with a retractable roof, which closes in inclement weather. Changing and feeding The family and baby-changing and feeding rooms are situated on both levels of the mall; one on the upper level behind Tekkie Town and two on the ground level, as well as within Pick n Pay. Entertainment In the piazza, there is a playground with a jungle gym, supervised holiday activities and numerous restaurants and fast food outlets nearby. On the upper level you will find the Nu Metro cinema complex. Area cnr Hendrik Potgieter Dr and Christiaan de Wet Rd, Strubensvalley, Roodepoort Contact 011 288 5260, reception@ clearwatermall.co.za or visit clearwatermall.co.za

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PHOTOGRAPHS / ILLUSTRATIONS: shutterstock.com

you and your children and make the store-run easier.

eastgate shopping centre The shopping centre has over 280 stores catering to all tastes and lifestyles. Free Wi-Fi can be accessed at selected stores such as Cape Town Fish Market, Harpers (in Stuttafords), Mugg and Bean, Primi Piatti, Sausage Saloon, Wichita Spur and Wimpy. Changing and feeding The babychanging and feeding facilities are located next to entrance six and seven as well as at the Food Court near Nando’s. There is also a baby-feeding room near Ster-Kinekor. Entertainment The centre offers a Ster-Kinekor cinema complex, XD Theatre (a 4-D motion simulator) and you are able to drop your children off at the Safari Sam Play Park on the piazza for supervised play while you finish off your shopping in peace. Area 43 Bradford Rd, Bedfordview Contact 011 479 6000 or visit eastgateshops.com

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greenstone shopping centre The centre is designed to be wheelchairand pram-friendly with wide walkways, as well as elevators and lifts to take you to the upper level. Changing and feeding They have clean and comfortable babychanging facilities, which are available on both levels as well as within Pick n Pay. Parking and security Moms and tots parking is available at entrance eight and on the upper level at entrance three. The mall offers one-hour free parking from Monday to Thursday for moms who would like to pop in for convenience shopping, and a R5 flat rate after 6pm for parents’ night out. The centre also offers free parking to pensioners on Wednesdays and pensioner specials from various tenants when the grandparents take the grandchildren to Greenstone. Entertainment The mall offers children’s entertainment in the

May 2015

resource

form of a Ster-Kinekor cinema complex, Super Bowling, an arcade, and Jimmy Jungles â&#x20AC;&#x201C; an indoor play centre for children from 3 months to 12 years old. Area cnr Van Riebeeck and Modderfontein Rd, Greenstone Hill, Edenvale Contact 011 524 0445 or visit greenstonemall.co.za

melrose arch This retail, commercial and residential precinct has stores lining pedestrianfriendly walkways. Local and international brands are represented along the High Street, which leads to the dome-covered Galleria for further undercover retail therapy. The Gourmet Market offers tantalising titbits every Saturday from 10amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;4pm. Changing and feeding There are baby-changing and feeding facilities with junior toilets. Entertainment You are able to drop your children off at Artjamming for creative expression while you shop in peace. If you take along the scooters, you can let your children zip around the piazza while you catch up on the latest gossip with friends or browse the internet using the free Wi-Fi available at some of the restaurants. Area cnr Corlett Dr and M1 Highway, Melrose Contact 011 684 0000 or visit melrosearch.co.za

morningside shopping centre This is a small but convenient shopping centre with several boutique clothing

May 2015

stores, a grocery store, banks, a bookstore and restaurants. The Artisan Market with stalls selling handcrafted products takes place every Saturday from 9:30amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;4pm. Changing and feeding There are family bathrooms and babychanging and feeding facilities on the upper and lower levels of the centre. Parking and security This centre offers designated family parking bays, which are larger than traditional bays, allowing for the removal of prams and carry cots from the car, and located in close proximity to the entrances. The centre also gives you an hour of free parking in both the open and undercover parkade. Area Rivonia Rd, Morningside Contact 087 940 3833, info@ morningsideshops.co.za or visit morningsideshops.co.za

nicolway bryanston The centre offers 86 stores focusing on health, beauty and decor, and there are three supermarkets at the centre. Changing and feeding The babychanging and feeding rooms are situated on both levels and are equipped with baby-changing stations as well as junior toilets. Parking and security There are dedicated family parking bays situated at the Checkers entrance in the undercover parking area, and near Woolworths in the open parking area. Area cnr William Nicol Dr and Wedgewood link, Bryanston Contact 011 700 4540 or visit nicolwaybryanston.co.za magazine joburg

sandton city

the glen shopping centre

This large multistoreyed shopping complex has stores catering to the budgetconscious and those wanting to splash out on luxury items. Don’t let the size of the centre intimidate you as the children’s boutique stores are all conveniently located on the upper level. The Sandton City Kids Club, Kids United, keeps children four to 12 years old updated with the latest event information and even spoils them on their birthday with a free gift. The Sandton City Mall app, available on most smartphones, gives you access to the store directory, floor maps, store promotions and events. Changing and feeding Babychanging and feeding facilities as well as junior-sized toilets are at most of the newly refurbished toilets. Private feeding rooms and a family toilet are located at the food court. Entertainment The centre regularly holds child-friendly activities during the school holidays and there is a SterKinekor cinema complex with a Cine Prestige on the lower level as well as X-rider (4-D theatre) just outside the entrance to the cinemas. Area cnr Sandton Dr and Rivonia Rd, Sandton (the mall is within walking distance of the Gautrain Sandton Station) Contact 011 217 6000 or visit sandtoncity.com

It is a bustling mall with a dedicated home decor section, which is accessible from the rooftop parking near Hi-Fi Corporation. The mall offers indoor and outdoor dining overlooking the garden terrace with water features. Membership forms for the Kids Club, which keeps children in the loop regarding fun events, parties and activities, are obtainable from the customer care kiosk. Free Wi-Fi is accessible throughout the centre. Changing and feeding There is a family toilet with a baby-changing table and junior toilet in the home decor section next to Coricraft, as well as in the middle level of the mall next to Birthdays. A brightly lit baby-changing pod is situated within the home decor section as well, near Mr Funtables. The booth contains an area to change your baby as well as a fold-out seat for moms to sit and breast-feed. Entertainment The centre runs child-friendly activities during the school holidays and offers other entertainment in the form of a Nu Metro cinema complex and The Magic Company, with arcade games. Area cnr Orpen St and Letaba St, Oakdene Contact 011 435 9252 or visit theglenshopping.co.za

tips for shopping with babies and toddlers • S hopping with a sick, tired or hungry toddler is just asking for trouble. • Prepare a shopping list before heading out. This will ensure you’re in and out of the centre with little fuss. • Take sanitising wipes for the trolley. Most centres do have these available, but if you have your own stash you at least have peace of mind. • Get your children involved in the shopping process, such as asking them to help you weigh the fruit and vegetables and putting the food items in the trolley. • Take along toys that will keep them happy, such as a tablet, storybook, or a colouring-in book and crayons. • Break the shopping trip into parts and include snack time, play time (most centres have a play area or toy store) and shopping. • Shop for the essentials first so that you are free to leave if your toddler starts getting restless or throws a tantrum. • Choose the right time to shop. Avoid shopping at peak hours to minimise the time spent queuing, for example rather shop before 10am on the weekends. • These tips also work well for dads.

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May 2015

books

a good

read preschoolers

toddlers Busy Machines: Let’s Dig! By Julie Fletcher

Look Who’s Hiding!: Counting By Sharon Rentta

(Published by Scholastic, R103) Children from the age of three years old will enjoy this colourful book packed with vehicles from a building site. They will love turning the chunky shaped pages and discovering a big bulldozer, a busy digger, a tall crane, a spinning cement mixer and a noisy dumper. With bright illustrations, simple rhyming text that is perfect for reading aloud, and easy-to-turn pages, this is an ideal first book for toddlers.

(Published by Scholastic, R123) Squirrel is planning a picnic and she wants some friends to join in the fun. Toddlers will love pulling the super-sturdy, slide-out pages of this chunky board book to reveal one badger, two foxes, three owls, four rabbits and five ducklings. With lots of humour along the way and a fabulous cast of animal characters, this is a delightful way to introduce children to counting. Other titles in this series cover animal sounds, colours and opposites.

The Great Dog Bottom Swap By Peter Bently and Mei Matsuoka (Published by Andersen Press, R144) The day has arrived for the Dogs’ Summer Ball. It’s so high class that each dog must remove their bottom before they are allowed inside the hall. But in the middle of all the frivolity something unexpected happens and the dogs have to make a hasty exit... with or without the correct bottom. This is a clever and funny read for children from as young as four years old up to the age of eight.

early graders

Oliver Fibbs and the Clash of the Mega Robots and Oliver Fibbs and the Abominable Snow Penguin By Steve Hartley (Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, from R140 each) Boys aged eight to 10 years old especially love Oliver Fibbs. Oliver believes that his life can get exceptionally dull and boring, so he gets creative. In Clash of the Mega Robots his nemesis turns into a megabot that plans to take over the world. In the second book, his uncle, a famous explorer, is lost in the Arctic, and an evil penguin is about to freeze the world forever.

May 2015

Thank You, Jackson By Niki and Jude Daly (Published by Jacana Media, R108) Jackson, an old donkey, goes up the hill to market with his heavy load, until he suddenly sits down and will go no further. The farmer pushes and pulls, but Jackson will not go! Now the farmer picks up a big stick… “Stop!” calls his little son, Goodwill, and he whispers something in the donkey’s ear. Could Goodwill’s whispered words save the day? This warm-hearted story, with stunning illustrations by a worldrenowned artist, shows the importance of courtesy and kindness.

preteens and teens

Love from Pooh By AA Milne and EH Shepard (Published by Egmont Children’s Books, R110) One should not really attach this little gem to a particular age group; it’s for anyone who loves Winnie-the-Pooh. It’s a great read for when you feel like wearing your heart on your sleeve, as the book features words of love from Winnie-the-Pooh through original quotations from AA Milne’s stories and poems: “Wherever I am there’s always Pooh, there’s always Pooh and me. Whatever I do, he wants to do; ‘Where are you going today?’ says Pooh. ‘Well that’s very odd ’cos I was too.’”

George and the Unbreakable Code By Lucy and Stephen Hawking Hank Zipzer: A Tale of Two Tails By Henry Winkler and Lin Oliver (Published by Walker Books, R92) Twelve-year-old Henry “Hank” Zipzer is a smart and resourceful boy with a unique perspective on the world. Hank has dyslexia, and when problems arise, he deals with them in a way no one else would, which puts him on a direct collision course with his teachers and parents, who don’t seem to appreciate his latest scheme as much as he thought they would. But Hank always remains positive and convinced that the next big plan will deliver. In A Tale of Two Tails, Hank and his sister Emily have both entered their pets into the school-mascot competition.

(Published by Random House Group, R180) George and his best friend Annie haven’t had any space adventures for a while and they’re missing the excitement. But not for long… Soon, seriously strange things start happening. Banks are handing out free money; supermarkets can’t charge for their produce so people are getting free food; and aircraft will not fly. It looks like the world’s biggest and best computers have all been hacked. George and Annie will travel further into space than ever before in order to find out who is behind it. Co-written by the brilliant theoretical physicist, Stephen Hawking, this edition for children from the age of 11 years old also includes amazing facts about space. magazine joburg

for us

preteens and teens

The Forbidden Library By Django Wexler (Published by Random House Group, R144) When Alice’s father goes down in a shipwreck, she is sent to live with her uncle Geryon, an uncle she’s never heard of and knows nothing about. He lives in an enormous manor with a massive library that is off-limits to Alice. But then she meets a talking cat. And even for a rulefollower, when a talking cat sneaks you into a forbidden library and introduces you to an arrogant boy who dares you to open a book, it’s hard to resist, especially if you’re a reader to begin with. Soon Alice finds herself inside the book, and the only way out is to defeat the creature imprisoned within. This is fantasy at it’s best for children from the age of 11 years old, with a brave and brilliant heroine.

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Cake Decorating with Grace Stevens By Grace Stevens Leaving Before the Rains Come By Alexandra Fuller (Published by Random House Group, R350) In 1992 Alexandra Fuller embarked on a new journey, into a long, tempestuous marriage to Charlie Ross, the love of her life. In this frank, personal memoir, a sequel to Don’t Let’s Go to the Dogs Tonight, she charts their 20 years together, from the brutal beauty of the Zambezi to the mountains of Wyoming – the new adventures, the unexplored paths, the insurmountable obstacles… and the many signals that they missed along the way.

(Published by Struik Lifestyle, R207) The much-awaited Cake Decorating with Grace Stevens follows on the success of Grace’s previous book, Celebration Cakes. This book boasts more sugar flowers than the original, and also includes new fondant figures, wedding cakes and theme-specific celebration cakes for Easter and Christmas. Grace’s enchanting fondant figurines and cakes are unique, and the step-by-step full-colour photography and detailed instructions make their creation highly achievable. The in-depth techniques section will also teach readers how to sculpt, fill, stack, ganache and dowel cakes.

Tech-savvy parenting Parenting By Nikki Bush and Arthur Goldstuck (Published by Bookstorm, R229) Nikki Bush and Arthur Goldstuck, a technical commentator, will help parents get a handle on what’s happening in consumer technology. In this sensitive and insightful guide, they carve a path through the maze of terminology, dangers and opportunities to help parents navigate new spaces together with their children, with greater confidence. In explaining the technology, they never ignore the human context: to place children’s use of technology in the context of the relationship between parent and child.

May 2015

calendar

You can also access the calendar online at

what’s on in may

childmag.co.za

Your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see. Compiled by SIMONE JEFFERY

23 sat

special events

FUN for children

only for parents

bump, baby & tot in tow

how to help

SPECIAL EVENTS

FUN FOR CHILDREN

ONLY FOR PARENTS

Kinder Theatre: Fred and Fiona A puppet show about two goldfish who are looking for a new home.

Smooth operator Find out what makes an ordinary smoothie extraordinary, which ingredients turn them from good to great, and which nutrient-rich foods you can sneak into the blender.

May 2015

bump, baby & tot in tow

how to help

Who’s your daddy? A clueless dad’s guide to fatherhood.

Kitty and Puppy Haven Your donations of nutritious puppy and kitten food and other supplies are needed.

magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPHS: CND PHOTOGRAPHY / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Kingsmead Book Fair A fair for eager readers with a tween programme and activities for children.

SPECIAL EVENTS 1 friday Melville cross-koppie hike A three-hour hike across two of the hills in the nature reserve. The hike is suitable for children 6 years and older with a reasonable level of fitness. Also 24 May. Time: 8:30am. Venue: parking lot at Marks Park Sports Club, Judith Rd, Emmarentia. Cost: adults R50, children R20. Contact: 011 482 4797 or visit mk.org.za Baba Indaba An expo for new parents and pregnant moms-to-be with a host of useful products and services as well as advice from the experts. Ends 3 May. Time: 9:30am– 5pm. Venue: Gallagher Convention Centre, 19 Richard Dr, Midrand. Cost: R60, children R20, children under 6 years old free. For more info: visit babaindaba.co.za

5 tuesday Health, Beauty and Wellness Expo View the latest health, beauty and wellness trends. Ends 10 May. Time: 9am–7pm Tuesday–Thursday, 9am–9pm Friday, 9am–7pm Saturday, 9am–5pm Sunday. Venue: The Glen Shopping Centre, cnr Orpen Rd and Letaba St, Oakdene. Cost: free. Contact: 011 435 9252 or visit theglenshopping.co.za

7 thursday Dainfern College open day See the school in action and meet the principals, staff and pupils. For parents of children from Grade 0–12. Time: 9am–10am. Venue: Dainfern College, Broadacres Dr, Dainfern. Cost: free. Contact: 011 469 0635 or visit dainferncollege.co.za

8 friday Delta Park Remedial School open day A remedial school for learners with specific learning disabilities from Grade R–12. Time: 8am–10am. Venue: Delta Park School, Standard Dr, Blairgowrie, Randburg. Cost: free. Contact: 011 888 7228 or visit deltapark.gp.school.za

9 saturday Elma Park Pre-primary’s big walk Join them for a fun day and big walk. Take a few laps around the school and browse for goodies at the craft market. For 3–6 year olds. Time: 9am–1:30pm. Venue: 17 Adjutant Rd, Edenvale. Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 453 9388 or elmaparkpps@ mweb.co.za LinguaMites open day Find out more about this trilingual preschool that offers tuition in Chinese, English and isiZulu. For parents of 1–6 year olds. Time: 9am–11am. Venue: LinguaMites Multilingual Preschool, 333 York Ave, Ferndale. Cost: free. Contact: 072 561 3113 or visit linguamites.co.za Mother and child bonding workshop Enjoy a yoga class, art session and an NPL and NET life coaching session. For children 8 years and older. Time: 2pm–5:30pm. Venue: Expressions Centre, Norfolk Rd, Carlswald, Midrand. Cost: R370 per pair. Contact: 082 402 8169 or visit expressionsinfocus.co.za magazine joburg

Mama Magic – The Baby Expo

thu

For everything you need for your 0–5 year old. Gain knowledge about pregnancy, being a parent, and the latest products. There are a variety of talks and Barney is performing daily. Ends 17 May. Time:

9am–6pm.

Venue:

The

Dome, North Riding. Cost: tbc. For more info: visit mamamagic.co.za

The Winter Sculpture Fair A contemporary wonderland with largerthan-life sculptures and Franschhoek’s top chefs and vignerons ready to treat you. Tickets only available online. Ends 10 May. Time: 10am–5pm. Venue: Nirox Sculpture Park, 24 Kromdraai Rd, Muldersdrift. Cost: R150, children under 12 years old free. For more info: visit wintersculpturefair.co.za

Mother’s Day treasure hunt and picnic Booking essential. Time: 10am–12pm. Venue: Kloofendal Nature Reserve, cnr Galena Ave and Veronica St, Kloofendal, Roodepoort. Cost: mothers free, other adults R100, children 12 years old and younger R60, map R20. Contact: 011 674 2980, 079 693 5608 or visit kloofendalfriends.org.za

10 sunday

15 friday

Adrienne Hersch Challenge – Mother’s Day race Take part in the 21km, 10km or 5km fun run, or the Nappy Dash for children under 4 years old. Food and beverages are on sale. Time: 7am. Venue: Randburg Central Sports Complex, Silver Pine Ave, Randburg. Cost: R30–R80. Contact: 011 792 7003 or visit entrytime.com Mother’s Day at the Lipizzaners The Lipizzaner stallions dance to the music from Mamma Mia. Time: 10:30am and 3pm. Venue: Kyalami Equestrian Park, 1 Dahlia Rd, Kyalami. Cost: R150, children under 3 free. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Mother’s Day buffet Children can enjoy the outdoor play area and entertainment provided by Clamber Club. Booking essential. Time: 8:30am–2pm. Venue: Norscot Recreation Centre, 16B Penguin Ave, Fourways. Cost: free entertainment, breakfast R195, lunch R220. Contact: 011 467 1191 or visit secretteagarden.co.za

Endangered species moonlight tour Find out more about the species on the endangered list during a moonlight tour of the zoo. The tour concludes with a picnic around a bonfire. Take your own food. Time: 5:15pm–8pm. Venue: Joburg Zoo, Jan Smuts Ave, Parkview. Cost: R95. Contact: 011 646 2000 ext 216 or visit jhbzoo.org.za

10 sun

Celebrate Mother’s Day with Manie Jackson Treat mom to a show and delicious lunch in the function hall. Space is limited. Time: 12:30pm for 1pm. Venue: Garden World, Beyers Naudé Dr, Muldersdrift. Cost: R250, children 4–10 years old R180. Contact: 011 957 2545, 011 956 3003, 083 997 6142 or visit gardenworld.co.za

16 May – Bryandale Preprimary fun day

16 saturday Bryandale Preprimary fun day The annual fun day offers a range of food stalls, a tea garden, and entertainment and fun activities for children and parents, including carnival rides, large inflatables and performances. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: 121 Cumberland Ave, cnr Grosvenor Rd and Cumberland Ave, Bryanston. Cost: free entry. Contact: 082 849 8559 or gen@ somethingtocelebrate.co.za Sacred Heart College open day The doors of the pre-primary, primary and high school are open to interested parents who want to find out more. Time: tbc. Venue: 15 Eckstein St, Observatory. Cost: free. Contact: 011 648 5203/9154 or visit sacredheart.co.za Sandspruit River Trail Walk or relax along this 8km stretch of riverbank, feed the ducks and geese along the way and appreciate the tranquillity of the area. Boerewors rolls and refreshments are on sale and you are welcome to take a picnic.

Dogs on leads are welcome. Also 17 May. Time: 10am–5pm. Venue: from Kelvin Dr, turn left into Stiglingh Rd, right into 1st Ave, Morningside. Cost: R20, children under 12 years old free. Contact: 082 689 0930 or visit gardensofthegoldencity.co.za

17 sunday Centrum Kids Like2Bike cycling series Event number three in the series consists of a 2km, 5km, 10km, and XL 20km cycle. For 2–14 year olds. Time: 9:20am. Venue: Rosemary Hill, 257 Mooiplaats, N4 East, exit 18, Pretoria. Cost: online pre-entry R120, late entry on the day R130. Contact: 083 326 6721 or visit like2bike.co.za

22 friday The Sweet and Snack Expo Taste your way around this year’s expo, which has an overall theme of “The Road to Ginger”. There is a gingerbread house where stories are told, exhibitors, a snackpairing section with 10 wine estates to test, sample and buy, and informative talks and demonstrations. Ends 24 May. Time: 9am–1pm (trade only) and 2pm–6pm Friday, 9am–6pm Saturday, 10am–5pm Sunday. Venue: Silverstar Casino, R28, Mogale City. Cost: adults R90, pensioners and scholars R60, children under 12 years old free. For more info: visit sasweetandsnackexpo.co.za

23 saturday Kingsmead Book Fair Listen to authors, journalists, entertainers and newsmakers discuss a wide range of topics. There is a tween programme, and entertainment for children. Time: 10am–7pm. Venue: Kingsmead College, 132 Oxford Rd, Melrose. Cost: R30 entry, R50 per event. Contact: 011 731 7314 or visit kingsmead.co.za WAM family talkabout Join in fun art activities at the current art exhibition, Time and Again, by Penny Siopis, with education curator Leigh Blanckenberg. Booking essential. For children 6 years and older. Time: 12pm. Venue: Wits Art Museum (WAM), University Corner, cnr Bertha Rd and Jorissen St, Braamfontein. Cost: free. Contact: 011 717 1378, info.wam@wits. ac.za or visit Facebook: WitsArtMuseum

29 friday Grand Designs Live A home-andgarden expo encompassing inspirational interiors, gardens, kitchens and bathrooms as well as DIY ideas, gourmet food and technology. Ends 31 May. Time: 10am–6pm. Venue: Coca-Cola Dome, cnr Northumberland Rd and Olievenhout Ave, North Riding. Cost: adults R90, pensioners and students R60, children under 12 years old free. For more info: visit granddesignslive.co.za High School Options Exhibition Chat to representatives from local independent and state high schools and find out more about what is available for your child’s future education. Ends 31 May. Time: 9am–9pm Friday, 9am–7pm Saturday, 9am–5pm Sunday. Venue: Clearwater Mall, cnr Hendrik Potgieter Dr and Christiaan de Wet Rd, Roodepoort. Cost: free. Contact: 061 296 4141 or visit thelearningpoint.co.za May 2015

calendar Lumo night run Dress in lumo on the last Friday of every month and take part in a fun run, jog or walk around Rietvlei Zoo Farm. Pizza, drinks and glow sticks are on sale. Time: gates open at 5pm, run starts at 6pm. Venue: Calco Café and Pizzeria at Rietvlei Zoo Farm, Swartkoppies Rd, Alberton. Cost: R10 per person, includes a free glowstick. Contact: 076 425 1346 or calvin.dias@hotmail.com MTN Bushfire Festival A three-day African music festival with theatre, poetry, dance, art exhibits and installations, storytelling,

puppetry, film, and themed workshops. There is a Kidzone with a medieval castle theme and a variety of games, dress-up stations and PlayStation consoles. Ends 31 May. Time: all day. Venue: Malkerns Valley, Swaziland. Cost: from R100, children under 5 free. For more info: visit bush-fire.com Outdoor Eco Adventure and Travel Expo With fun activities for children, including pedal go-karts, camel rides, paintball, helicopter flips and more. Ends 31 May. Time: 10:30am–5:30pm Friday, 9am–5:30pm Saturday, 9am–4:30pm Sunday. Venue: Waterfall Polo Estate, Maxwell Dr, Midrand. Cost: adults R70, pensioners and students R30, children under 16 years old free, parking R10 per vehicle. For more info: visit gauteng. outdoorexpo.co.za Tekkie Tax Wear your tekkies and sticker of choice and support a good cause. The funds go towards a selection of 15 national welfare organisations. Cost: R10 for a sticker, R30 for tekkie tags. Contact: 012 663 8181 or visit tekkietax.co.za

30 saturday

29 May – Grand Designs Live

May 2015

De La Salle Pipe Band Gathering A competition for senior and junior Highland pipe bands and Highland dancing. There are food stalls, a craft market and activities for the children. Time: 9:30am–4:30pm. Venue: De La Salle Holy Cross College, cnr Road No 3 and 3rd Ave, Linden. Cost: adults R30, children R15. Contact: 083 448 4046

28 thu

World Play Day Cotlands is hosting a series of activities across the country to advocate for the right to play. You can be a part of this event by donating towards their activities or by promoting this fundamental right with your child and at your workplace. Venue: contact Cotlands for a venue closest to you. Cost: free. Contact Lois: 011 683 7201 or visit cotlands.org

Groves and Vineyards Festival A selection of fine wines, olives, craft beer on tap, artisanal foods and crafts, as well as live music. There is a supervised play area for the children. Also 31 May. Time: 11am–5pm. Venue: Casalinga Ristorante Italiano, Rocky Ridge Rd, Muldersdrift. Cost: adults R130, children under 12 years R60. Contact: 087 941 1223 or visit Facebook: casalingaristorante Panda Pen’s Minion Rush Fête Activities for the children, market stalls, an auction, and food stalls. Time: 10am–1pm. Venue: Panda Pen Nursery School, cnr Kelly Rd and Sylvan Ave, Boskruin (parking available at the community centre). Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 792 4557. For more info: visit pandapen.co.za

31 sunday Benoni Art Route Pop in at the participating artists’ studios to view their pieces and watch the creative process. A route map is available on the website. Time: 10am–3pm. Venue: venues across Benoni. Cost: free. Contact: 011 969 6105 or visit benoniartroute.co.za Cellar Rats Taste some of South Africa’s best wines, port, sherry and brandy while your children run and play on the jumping castles and enjoy crab catching and other supervised entertainment arranged by Happy Acres. Time: 11am–3pm. Venue: The Old Mill, Magaliesburg. Cost: adults R105, at the gate R120, children R10, designated drivers free. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit winefestival.co.za

magazine joburg

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science DinosAlive – The Exhibition This exhibition features 25 life-size animatronic dinosaurs and hands-on activities such as dino rides, excavation sandpits and a dino movie. Book through Computicket. 11 April–17 May. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: Tshwane Events Centre, Soutter St, Pretoria West. Cost: R85–R120, family ticket (two adults and two children) R350. For more info: visit dinosalive.co.za Fun with ceramics and mosaic Paint or mosaic using their wide range of ceramics. Booking essential. Children 6 years old and younger need to be accompanied by an adult. Time: 9am–4pm Monday–Friday, 9am–2pm Saturday. Venue: Pottery Junxion,

31 sun

5 Glendower Place, 99 Linksfield Rd, Dowerglen, Edenvale. Cost: R20 per person per hour, excluding material. Contact: 011 453 2721 or visit potteryjunxion.co.za The Art of The Brick View the 75 art sculptures created from more than a million Lego bricks. 3 April–2 August. Time: 9am–6pm. Venue: between The Zone @ Rosebank, Oxford Rd, Rosebank. Cost: adults R140, children under 18 years old R95, children under 2 years old free. For more info: visit theartofthebricksa.co.za Time and Again. A Penny Siopis Exhibition 20 April–19 July, drop-in drawing 9 May. Time: 10am–4pm Wednesday–Sunday, drop-in drawing 12pm. Venue: Wits Art Museum, University Corner, cnr Bertha St and Jorissen St, Braamfontein. Cost: free. Contact: 011 717 1365 or visit Facebook: WitsArtMuseum

Mutters Dog Day A charity walk, dog games and competitions, and a market. All dogs must be on leads. Time: 10am–3pm. Venue: Ball and All Driving Range, plot 126, cnr Malibongwe Dr and the R114, Nietgedacht. Cost: R20, children under 12 years old and dogs free, charity dog walk R10 per dog, R30 per game entry. Contact: info@ mutters.co.za or visit mutters.co.za

classes, talks and workshops Children’s beading workshop For children 8 years and older. 11, 18 and 25 May. Time: 4:30pm–5:30pm. Venue: Expressions Centre, Norfolk Rd, Carlswald, Midrand. Cost: R240. Contact: 082 402 8169 or visit expressionsinfocus.co.za Glitter canvas workshop Children paint a wooden canvas for display. Booking essential. 23 May. Time: 10am–2pm or 1pm–3pm. Venue: Artsy Fartsy Crafts, shop 12A Soho Square, 50 Grant Ave, Norwood. Cost: R80. Contact: 011 483 0728 or artsyfartsycrafts1@gmail.com Krafty Kidz second term Arts and crafts classes designed to introduce children to a variety of hobbies and various mediums in an age-appropriate manner. For 1–9 year olds. Starts 4 May. Time: 9:30am and 11am Monday–Friday, 2pm and 3pm Monday– Thursday. Venue: 380 Emerald Estate, Greenstone Dr, Greenstone Hill ext. 7. Cost: R240 per month. Contact: 083 301 9825 or visit kraftykidz.co.za Teddy bear decorating workshop Booking essential. For 6–9 year olds. 30 May. Time: 10am–12pm or 1pm–3pm. Venue: Artsy Fartsy Crafts, shop 12A Soho Square, 50 Grant Ave, Norwood. Cost: R80. Contact: 011 483 0728 or artsyfartsycrafts1@gmail.com

family outings Safari maize maze Make your way around a growing maize maze designed in the

Fun with ceramics and mosaic at Pottery Junxion

shape of an elephant and calf and answer the quizzes and riddles. Children under 15 years old need to be accompanied by an adult. Ends mid-May. Time: 10am–5pm, last ticket sales 2:30pm, Saturday and Sunday. Venue: Honeydew Mazes, 82 Boland St, Honeydew. Cost: adults R120, children under 16 years old R100. Contact: 073 795 2174 or visit honeydewmazes.co.za Towering conifers Take a picnic basket and wander around the hedgerow maze made from 900 conifers. Booking essential. Time: 8:30am–4pm daily. Venue: plot 1, cnr Hood and Watercombe Rd, Chartwell. Cost: adults R50, children R25. Contact: 010 227 0002 or visit chartwellcastle.co.za

family marketplace

magazine joburg

May 2015

calendar

markets Autumn bonanza Find unusual items, handcrafted gifts, jewellery, plants, cosmetics, toys, clothing and books as well as eats and drinks. The market raises funds for GEM Homes for Senior Citizens. 2 May. Time: 8:30am–2:30pm. Venue: GEM Homes, 99 Mendelssohn Rd, Roosevelt Park. Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 782 3626 or katharine@mweb.co.za Vintage Sundays Hunt for antiques and hard-to-find treasures. 31 May. Time: 9am–4pm. Venue: Rosebank Sunday Market, Sturdee Ave, Rosebank. Cost: free entry. Contact: 011 028 7818/9/20 or visit rosebanksundaymarket.co.za

on stage and screen A festival of ballet The St Petersburg Ballet presents Giselle from 6–8 May, Don Quixote from 9–10 May and Swan Lake from 12–15 May. No children under 3. Time: 8pm Wednesday–Saturday, 2pm Saturday, 1pm Sunday. Venue: The Teatro at Montecasino, cnr Witkoppen Rd and William Nicol Dr, Fourways. Cost: R290– R690. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit montecasino.co.za Absolute Dance 2015 An evening of spectacular dance from Pro Arte Alphen Parks’ dance department. The performance features La Sylphide. 16 May. Time: 3pm and 7:30pm. Venue: South African State Theatre, 320 Pretorius St, Pretoria. Cost: R100–R160. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

9, 16 and 23 May – All Directions

All Directions A tribute to the music of the British pop boy band, One Direction. Also on the bill are artists such as Robin Thicke, Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, Avicci, Taylor Swift and more. 9, 16 and 23 May. Time: 2pm. Venues: 9 May Barnyard Theatre Emperors Palace, 16 May Barnyard Theatre Rivonia, 23 May Barnyard Theatre Cresta. Cost: R100. Contact Emperors Palace: 011 823 6933, Rivonia: 087 236 3088, Cresta: 011 478 5300 or visit barnyardtheatre.co.za Aspoestertjie A brand-new Afrikaans pantomime based on the well-known fairytale, Cinderella. 1–31 May. Time: 8pm Wednesday–Saturday, 11am and 3pm Saturday and Sunday. Venue: Theatre of Marcellus at Emperors Palace, 64 Jones Rd, Kempton Park. Cost: R180–R250. Contact: 011 928 1297/1213 or visit emperorspalace.com Snow Goose An adaptation of Paul Gallico’s classic novella in which a wounded snow goose brings a young girl and a recluse together. 28 April–16 May. Time: 8:15pm Tuesday–Friday, 6pm and 8:30pm Saturday.

May 2015

30 sat

Fresh2U Farmer’s Market Stroll through the stalls and shop for homemade wares, fresh produce, herbs, plants, gifts and more. Time: 8am–2pm. Venue: High St, Modderfontein. Cost: free entry. Contact: 082 338 7818 or visit Facebook: in2freshfarmersmarket

Venue: Auto and General Theatre on the Square, Nelson Mandela Square, off Rivonia Rd, Sandown. Cost: R140, pensioners and students R100. Contact: 082 553 5901 or visit strictlytickets.com Think Theatre’s Othello A vital learning aid for secondary school learners studying Shakespeare’s stage tragedy as a set work. 4–15 May. Time: 9am and 12pm Monday– Friday, 6 May 7pm. Venue: University of Johannesburg, Kingsway Rd and University Rd, Auckland Park. Cost: R100, pensioners and scholars R65. Contact: 033 343 4884, 084 556 0668 or visit thinktheatre.co.za

playtime and story time

Eagle Express train Hop aboard the Eagle Express, a small train that departs from the entrance at 12pm on weekends and makes its way past the restaurant and waterfall. The gardens also contain a jungle gym and exercise equipment. Time: 8am–5pm. Venue: Walter Sisulu National Botanical Garden, Roodepoort. Cost: entrance fee: adults R35, pensioners and the disabled R25, university students R25, learners R12, children under 6 years old free, Eagle Express: one way R5, return trip R10. Contact: 086 100 1278 or visit sanbi.org Kinder Theatre: Fred and Fiona Drama students from the National School of Arts perform a lively, shadow theatre puppet show about two goldfish and their quest to find a new home. Booking essential. For children 4 years and older. 16 and 19 May. Time: 3:30pm Tuesday, 10am Saturday. Venue: Kinderspiel, 39A Greenhill Rd, Emmarentia. Cost: R55. Contact: 011 646 0870 or kinderspiel@telkomsa.net

sport and physical activities Children’s capoeira classes For children 6 years and older, no previous experience necessary. Time: 6:30pm–7:10pm Monday and Wednesday, 9:30am–10:30am Saturday. Venue: Norscot Manor, 16B Penguin Dr, Fourways. Cost: free. Contact: 076 604 6811 Cricket coaching Private one-on-one coaching for 6–18 year olds. Venue: University of Joburg Cricket Oval, Melville. Cost: R250 per person, per hour. Contact: 086 112 3273 or visit cricketschool.co.za Dani’s Dressage Club @ Farnham Intermediate riders spend the morning learning basic dressage skills. 31 May. Time: 9am. Venue: Farnham Riding School, 228 Galanthus Rd, Kyalami. Cost: R400. Contact: 082 803 9903 or visit farnham.co.za Like2Bike MTB skills course This clinic is aimed at entrenching safety and bicycle control. Booking essential. Fundamental

skills course for 2–12 year olds: 10 May; intermediate skills course for 6–14 year olds: 31 May. Time: 9am–11am. Venue: Northern Farm, R114 to Diepsloot, Nietgedacht. Cost: R250, pre-entry. Contact: 083 326 6721 or visit like2bike.co.za

only for parents classes, talks and workshops ADHD parenting course A four-week parenting course for parents of ADHD/ADD children to equip parents with skills and techniques for dealing with their children and developing an understanding of ADHD. Booking essential. Starts 5 or 8 May. Time: 7pm–9pm Tuesday, 10am–12pm Friday. Venue: Morningside, Sandton. Cost: R1 400, R350 per session. Contact: 083 267 3265 or lorian@drphillips.co.za Building bonds with your blended family The centre’s parenting groups help parents raise happy, well-adjusted children. 5–26 May. Time: 6pm–8pm every Tuesday. Venue: The Family Life Centre, 1 Cardigan Rd, cnr Crescent Rd, Parkwood. Cost: R300 per session. Contact: 011 788 4784 or visit familylife.co.za Bully-proof vest Find out why children get bullied, why they become bullies, and why your own family dynamics may be contributing to the problem. Booking essential. 16 May. Time: 10:30am–12pm. Venue: Norscot Manor Recreation Centre, 16B Penguin Dr, Norscot, Fourways. Cost: R450. Contact: 082 547 9224 or visit transformationalparenting.guru Cityscapes and street scenes An adult art workshop focusing on observational skills, measuring, format, perspective and exploring different materials. Beginners are welcome. 23 and 24 May. Time: 1:30pm–4:30pm. Venue: Expressions Centre, Norfolk Rd, Carlswald, Midrand. Cost: R180. Contact: 083 791 6674 or visit expressionsinfocus.co.za Courses with Domestic Bliss Have your domestic worker trained on an accredited cooking and first-aid course. Elementary cooking course starts 20 May; first aid and CPR course starts 23 May. Time: cooking course 8:30am–2pm, first aid and CPR course 8:30am–3:30pm. Cost: first aid and CPR course R2 400 (five weekly sessions), R1 500 (two weekly sessions). Venue: 235 Jan Smuts Ave, Parktown North. Contact: 011 447 5517, 083 525 4992 or visit domesticbliss.co.za Family canvas Create a beautiful canvas to display and learn how to use moulding paste and new techniques on a picket fence frame. Booking essential. 13 May.

Time: 9:30am–11:30am. Venue: Artsy Fartsy Crafts, shop 12A Soho Square, 50 Grant Ave, Norwood. Cost: R250, includes all materials. Contact: 011 483 0728 or artsyfartsycrafts1@gmail.com Left-hand learning workshop Experience a lefty’s daily challenges and find solutions for them. Booking essential. 16 May. Time: 9am–12pm. Venue: Constantia Kloof. Cost: R250. Contact: 083 417 3316 or visit lefthandlearning.co.za Managing bullying: parent perspective The talk addresses the issue of bullying and what parents can do when their child is involved. 20 May. Time: 7pm–8pm. Venue: Bellavista School Hall, 35 Wingfield Ave, Birdhaven. Cost: R80. Contact: 011 788 5454 or visit bellavista.org.za Mother’s Day art workshop Parents and their children can make a creative mixed media canvas. 8 May. Time: 2pm–4:30pm. Venue: Seedpod Studio, Broadacres Lifestyle Centre, cnr Valley and Cedar Rd, Broadacres. Cost: R100 deposit, R200, including materials. Contact: 011 465 0375 or visit seedpodstudio.com Natural contraceptive The talk explains the pros and cons of all the different kinds of contraceptives. 11 May. Time: 10am–11am. Venue: Me, Mom and Dad, Greenstone Shopping Centre, cnr van Riebeeck Rd and Modderfontein Rd, Greenstone Hill. Cost: free. Contact: zita@memomanddad.co.za or visit memomanddad.co.za Power struggles Learn how to get cooperation from your children without punishment, bribery or treats. 26 May. Time: 7:15am–8:15am. Venue: St Peter’s College, Maxwell Dr, Sunninghill. Cost: free. Contact: 082 525 7941 or visit nataleeholmes.com Smooth operator Learn about smoothies, enzymes, pH balance and our metabolic cycles. Booking essential. 30 May. Time: 10am–12:30pm. Venue: The Equilibrium Centre, 4 Ashwold Rd, Saxonwold. Cost: R400 excluding VAT. Contact: 011 568 0329 or visit eqcentre.co.za The Stork Talk A guide to speaking wisely with your children about their sexuality. Booking essential. 20 May. Time:

Family wellness class A crash course on nutrition basics and what children need. You learn a few recipes and menus for a healthy change in your family. Booking essential. For carers of 2–7 year olds. 15 May. Time: tbc. Venue: Bryanston. Cost: R500. Contact: headoffice@littlecooksclub.co.za or visit littlecooksclub.co.za

15 fri

magazine joburg

out and about

1 May – Holi One We Are One Colour Festival

9am–11am. Venue: Psychmatters Family Centre, 9 Park St, Bedfordview. Cost: R450. Contact: 011 450 3576, info@psychmatters. co.za or visit psychmatters.co.za Trauma journalling If you are dealing with trauma issues, this workshop aims to teach you the art of journalling, using art techniques. Facilitated by Kirsten Miller and psychologist Dr Sandrina Haeck. 7, 14 and 21 May. Time: 6:30pm–8:30pm Thursday. Venue: The Fourways Marriage and Family Therapy Centre, 37 Penguin Dr, Fourways. Cost: R2 000 for all three workshops, includes materials. Contact: 072 690 3836 or visit kirstenmiller.net Why is my child struggling at school? Dr Shirley Kokot explains how integrated learning therapy has been helping children overcome learning difficulties without resorting to drugs. Booking essential. For parents of children 4 years and older. 20 and 21 May. Time: 6:30pm–8pm. Venue: Radford House School, 225 Cornelis St, Fairland. Cost: R30. Contact: 011 478 1864, 082 331 5256 or visit ilt.co.za Why so many children need occupational therapy A workshop discussing children’s learning and development. 15 May. Time: registration 1:30pm–2pm, workshop 2pm–5pm. Venue: Heron Bridge College, R144, Nietgedacht. Cost: R565. Contact: events@sensoryintelligence.co.za or visit sensoryintelligence.co.za

on stage and screen Let’s Get It On – The Life and Music of Marvin Gaye Starring Lloyd Cele in the lead role. 7–16 May. Time: 8pm Wednesday–Saturday, 3pm Saturday, 2pm Sunday. Venue: Joburg Theatre, 163 Civic Boulevard, Braamfontein. Cost: R180– R350. Book through the Joburg Theatre: 011 877 6800 or visit joburgtheatre.com Morecambe Craig Urbani stars as Eric Morecambe in a moving, often hilarious tale about one of Britain’s best-loved entertainers. 29 April–7 June. Time: 8:15pm Wednesday–Saturday, 5:15pm Saturday, 3:15pm Sunday. Venue: Pieter Toerien’s Studio Theatre, Montecasino, Fourways. Cost: R130–R165. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Who’s your daddy? Comedian Chris Forrest shares his experience of becoming a father. 18–31 May. Time: 8:15pm Tuesday–Friday, 6pm and 8:30pm Saturday. Venue: Auto and General Theatre on the Square, Nelson Mandela Square, off Rivonia Rd, Sandown. Cost: R150. Book through Strictly Tickets: 082 553 5901 or visit strictlytickets.com magazine joburg

Food and wine evening with Miele Join the Cape Wine Academy for a workshop that focuses on food-and-wine pairings, including a five-course starter portion menu. Booking essential. 5 May. Time: 6pm. Venue: Miele, 63 Peter Place, Bryanston. Cost: R410. Contact: 011 875 9000 or gerhard.koekemoer@miele.co.za Holi One We Are One Colour Festival Dress in white, and get caught in a rainbow of colours as every hour on the hour a countdown begins signalling the throwing of brightly coloured, ecofriendly powder. Over 18s only. 1 May. Time: 12pm–10pm. Venue: Huddle Park Golf and Recreation Club St, Linksfield North. Cost: R250–R350. For more info: visit holione.nutickets.co.za/JHB2015 Lunching mothers charity high tea A celebration of mothers with inspirational guest speakers. The event raises funds for the Girls of Hope programme. Booking essential. 30 May. Time: 2pm. Venue: African Pride Melrose Arch Hotel, 1 Melrose Square. Cost: R400. Contact: 082 970 6035 or visit bontlebame.com

support groups Mother’s Group Explore the joys and challenges of motherhood in a small group. Share ideas on how to implement techniques for aiding your child’s development of emotional intelligence. For mothers of children of all ages. Time: 9:30am–11am every Wednesday and Friday. Venue: Office Tower 202, Killarney Mall, Riviera Rd, Killarney. Cost: R200. Contact: 081 439 5247 or visit movingminds.co.za Support for parents of children who stutter Share experiences about raising a child who stutters. Aspects discussed include schooling, teasing, socialising, therapy and other challenges. 11 May. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Donald Gordon Medical Centre, Parktown. Cost: tbc. Contact: 082 820 6225 or visit dinalilian.co.za

Pythonesque Roy Smile’s Monty Python biography, Pythonesque, tells the story of the formation of one of the best-loved comedy troupes ever, Monty Python’s Flying Circus. 15 April–17 May. Time: 8pm Tuesday– Saturday, 5pm Saturday, 2pm Sunday. Venue: Pieter Toerien’s Montecasino Theatre, cnr William Nicol Dr and Witkoppen Rd, Fourways. Cost: R100–R170. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

May 2015

calendar

bump, baby & Tot in tow

it’s party

classes, talks and workshops BabyGym 2 course A five-week course to help the learning process of children from birth to 14 months by means of stimulation. Booking essential. For babies 0–14 months old. Starts 9 May. Time: 9am–10am. Venue: Friendsan Health and Fitness Centre, Midrand. Cost: R790. Contact: 083 525 7558, tamsyndj@gmail. com or visit babygym.co.za Learning through Play stimulation course Childminders are taught to teach little ones their colours, counting and more by playing games with them. Booking essential. Caregivers of children aged 6 months–3 years old. 19 and 26 May. Time: 9:30am–3pm. Venue: Prism Business Park, 1 Ruby Close, Fourways. Cost: R1 400. Contact: 011 467 0831, 083 625 8033 or visit nanniesintraining.co.za Nappies to Novels An informative talk about the role you play in your child’s reading journey. For mothers of 0–4 year olds. 22 May. Time: 10:30am–12pm. Venue: Toptots Mondeor/Glenvista. Cost: R70, includes coffee or tea. Contact: 083 459 5673 or yvette@toptots.co.za SIDS talk A talk about sudden infant death syndrome. 25 May. Time: 10am–11am. Venue: Me, Mom and Dad, Greenstone Shopping Centre, cnr van Riebeeck Rd and Modderfontein Rd, Greenstone Hill. Cost: free. Contact: zita@memomanddad.co.za or visit memomanddad.co.za

playtime and story time Mother’s Day craft workshop Babies and toddlers welcome. 8 May. Time: 11:30am–12:30pm. Venue: Me, Mom and Dad, Greenstone Shopping Centre, cnr van Riebeeck Rd and Modderfontein Rd, Greenstone Hill. Cost: free. Contact: zita@memomanddad.co.za or visit memomanddad.co.za Play days at Elf’s Hill The play area includes jungle gyms, a trampoline, treehouse, Wendy house, bike track, sandpit, toadstool house and more. Time: 1pm–5pm every Wednesday. Venue: Elf’s Hill Party Yard, plot 29, Sandspruit Rd, Farmall. Cost: adults R30 (cake and tea), children R20 (chips and juice). Contact: 082 337 5646 or visit elfshill.co.za

Barnswallows Baby Shelter

19 and 26 May – Learning through Play Stimulation Course

support groups

time

For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

Mom Squad A support group for moms of babies from newborn to 18 months, run by the Trinity Methodist Church. Chat about the challenges and rewards of motherhood over a cup of tea. Time: 9:15am–11am every Thursday. Venue: Linden. Cost: R10 for refreshments. Contact: 082 334 4029 or vandermerwekj@gmail.com Postnatal depression support group Preregistration required. Time: 10am–11:30am every Tuesday. Venue: The Fourways Marriage and Family Therapy Centre, 37 Penguin Dr, Fourways. Cost: R100 per week, includes tea and coffee. Contact: 072 690 3836 or kirsten@ kirstenmiller.net

how to help Barnswallows Baby Shelter A registered NPO whose home-schooling group for children with special needs is in need of printing paper (A4), therapeutic outside equipment, a wooden sandpit, vegetable seedlings or seeds, a slope for wheelchairs, stacking beds, gym mats and more. Venue: 839 Acanthus St, Weltevreden Park. Contact: 011 475 2318, 082 851 9386 or visit barnswallowbabies.org Butterflies for Kids with Cancer Join the Mosaic Association of South Africa (MASA) in creating cheerful mosaic butterflies to be displayed at entrance halls to oncology wards and other wards that look after children with cancer. Workshops: 9 May. Closing date 28 August. Time: 9am–12:30pm. Venue: Boksburg, Fourways, Midrand, Nigel, Meyers Park, Witbank and Hartbeespoort. Cost: R50 donation for the Little Fighters Cancer Trust. Contact: 082 923 2299 or visit mosaicassociation.co.za Kitty and Puppy Haven A pro-life animal shelter that cares for abused and homeless puppies and kittens. The shelter is in need of donations: puppy and kitten food, premium dry food (high nutrition content), Husky or Pamper tinned food and various electronics. Venue: 37 Modderfontein Rd, President Park, Midrand. Contact: 010 224 0760/3 or visit kittypuppyhaven.org.za

don’t miss out! For a free listing, email your event to joburg@childmag.co.za or fax it to 011 234 4971. Information must be received by 30 April for the June issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

May 2015

magazine joburg

May 2015

finishing touch

roughing it ANÉL LEWIS discovers that camping is hardly glamorous,

May 2015

Erin, Anél and Conor

gumboots – just in case. Conor refused to get into the car unless he had a couple of train carriages and a few random pieces of railway track in his hands. With all these “essential” items loaded, we managed to set off for our first family weekend away from the comforts of home. Conor still sleeps in our bed, so we weren’t sure if he would share a mattress with Erin during the trip. But after several hours spent exploring the campsite and riding their bikes with new friends, both children were exhausted.

In fact, they were so knackered that they put themselves to sleep on their mattress without so much as a peep. We were not so lucky with our sleep setup. Our blow-up mattress, bought circa the bike trip of several years ago, had developed a few punctures. Of course, we only discovered this at about 2am when I woke up to find my face mashed against a tent pole as I lay flat on the cold ground. The following night, we put two mattresses on top of each other in the hope that the second one would provide some

buoyancy when the damaged mattress deflated. But it ended up operating like a waterbed, and at some stage in the early hours of the morning, I found myself rolling around like a rubber dinghy in Hout Bay harbour during a southeaster every time Craig turned over. Finally, on the third night, tortured by the cacophony of Craig and Conor’s combined snoring, I relocated to the car where I slept like a baby. Mattress problems aside, the experience was magical for the children. They swam in the river, played with new friends and spent the evenings riding their bicycles under the stars. And as we packed up the car to head back home, where Thomas was waiting and firm mattresses beckoned, we heard Conor say loudly to Erin: “Camping. I like it.” Anél Lewis is recovering from her camping experience with some long baths and extra pillows on the bed. She’s also trawling the Classifieds for an extra-strong blow-up mattress – and repair kit – before she will consider setting up tent again.

magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography

onor, almost three, has started expressing his dislike for things. He’ll point to something, such as a piece of cauliflower, and say: “What’s this?” And then when told, he’ll promptly respond with, “I don’t like it.” Much to our annoyance, it seems to be his default setting at the moment. So we weren’t sure if he would be too enamoured with a weekend away, spent sleeping in a tent with not an iPad or Thomas the Train DVD in sight. Erin was easier to win over. She loves trying new things – as long as it involves chocolate somewhere along the way. I’ve only camped once with my husband – back in the day when we were still in the early blush of our relationship. Carefree and spontaneous, we somehow managed to pack all the food and clothing we needed for our camping trip into two panniers attached to our motorbike. Today we could do with a moving van to get all the gear to the campsite. And that’s just for the children’s stuff! Erin packed four blankets, three dolls and insisted on bringing her

but it can be a truly magical experience for children.