A Cricket Umpire Should Never Count His Victims! Cricket lends itself brilliantly to statistics, but Eddie Cousins has probably gone too far. He was a cricket judge and counted his "victims." "How's it going this season Eddie?" I asked. “Not as good as last year, too much rain,� Eddie replied. He knew exactly what I meant!
He was a small man with very characteristic protruding teeth, very much like Ken Dodd. A flat cap and long white coat complete the 'Grim Reaper' look. For many batsmen, he was the 'Grim Reaper' when he ended his time in the fold. During tea, the art of eating butterfly cake has never been better. But cricketers were afraid of Eddie everywhere. Sooner or later they will become one of his "victims" and will be extradited in controversial circumstances.
"It never happened," they yelled at Eddie, but he was always ready with an answer. "You may not think that you are not, but look at the Gazette and Herald (local newspaper) next Thursday." Of course it was there next Thursday in black and white!
"Peter" was an excellent cricketer and a very accomplished batsman, but he was Eddie's "victim" three times in a row in one season. L.B.W. everytime. "Peter" got tired of this and worked out a plan. He heard that Eddie was partial to eating hare pie, so he
made sure the local huntsman caught the hare. One of the local ladies baked Hare Pie for Peter, and the pie was duly presented to Eddie.
It was the last game of the season that "Peter" and Eddie saw each other again. "Did you like this Bunny Pie, Eddie?" Peter asked. “It was a champion guy,� Eddie replied. "One of the best I've ever had." "Peter" was very happy that Eddie was enjoying "Bunny Pie."
The game was very close and Peter was the last major batsman. The bowler hat ran to the fold and hit Peter on the pillows. "How is this" shouted the bowler and the rest of the Poles! "Peter" smiled to himself, thinking he was safe with the hare pie, but Eddie held up a finger to give it away. "Sorry boy, but I needed one sacrifice to make a hundred in a season." This was Eddie's last chance to end his life! "Peter" was not very happy when he returned to the pavilion!
Unfortunately, Eddie died a few years later, and his ashes were strewn across the field between the pavilion and the gate. Cricket has lost its great character! I wouldn't argue with that, but I'm sure I saw a few batsmen make a little stomp as they hit the bat, exactly where Eddie's ashes were laid!