EMPOWERING YOU TO EMPOWER YOURSELF
COCOA THE CHOCOLATIER CHEF
TONY'S
SPECIALTY Â IS
NEW
RESTAURAN
NOW
OPEN
08
Our Father Alvin C. Romer
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Ministering to Men in Small Churches Don Allen, Jr.
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Why Do Men Stay in Bad Marriages Ken Solin
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The Power of a Man: Real Father's Real Men Leroy McKenzie, Jr.
JUNE/JULY ISSUE 2019
REAL LIFE REAL FAITH MEN OF FAITH
Editor in Chief Cheryl Lacey Donovan Publisher Elissa Gabrielle Senior Editors Hurley Morgan Cee Cee H. Caldwell Columnists Leroy McKenzie Alvin C. Romer Hurley Morgan Bryant Lewis Ken Solin Don Allen, Jr.
Designer Cheryl Lacey Donovan
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Editor's Note
Greetings Despite the fact that we have left the seasons of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, we still want to take the time to celebrate mothers and fathers! Men, we have a role to play with both of these important days of celebration. We need to celebrate our women not only on Mother’s Day but every day of the year. Just as we are to celebrate our women, we too have the responsibility to celebrate one another as well every day. We are very thankful for those holidays, but as men we must be year-long champions in our roles. We must on a daily basis embrace our mothers and not only protect them but support them with the love and strength that we all have instilled in us. Our jobs go beyond the women as well for we must uplift each other and hold each other accountable on a daily basis to be better fathers to our children, husbands to our wives….stronger foundations to our communities. One of our goals at MOF continues to be to constantly remind you of our duty as men. Each month we strive to feature an influential individual from the community that reflects our values and goals in the community. This month we bring to you Brother Brian Ganges, business owner of The Construction Initiative (TCI), business consultant and mentor, writer and published author. Brother Brian Ganges is a very positive influence in his community that is worth looking up and learning more about. At MOF, we continue to strive to bring to you content that is very relevant to what is going on in the country today, especially those things that are important to our communities. From inspiration, to entertainment, to sports, to politics, to business, to mental health, and everything in between…we strive to educate, uplift, motivate, inspire, and create a magazine that is by men for men. We seek to cultivate minds with insightful and entertaining knowledge that is meant to help someone in need of food for thought. Remember…knowledge is KEY! Our mission…is to address an array of topics that men not only want to hear about but also need to hear about. We will always cater to you! Much Love! Hurley Morgan Senior Managing Editor
OUR FATHER Alvin C. Romer God, the Father? I vividly remember as a child my daddy explaining to me the significance of the Lord’s Prayer, especially the first two words of it – ‘Our Father’, which brings me to attest why I feel that there’s an essential patriarchal view that should not be ignored in ascertaining who your father is in the spiritual realm. With this firmly in mind, and as a Dad myself, I don’t ever want my presentation of fatherhood to hurt my kids’ ability to see God as their real heavenly Father. I say this because there may be the tendency to have a difficult time relating to God ultimately as a father, and paying homage to the significance of knowing who the authentic father is. We all know that June is the month mankind set aside to honor fathers in a familial way. However, it is no surprise that the father we all most often recognize in the Bible as the father of the prodigal son, may not be favorable to those who don’t pray often, or at all. It is the most inspiring and revealing story of fatherhood in a spiritual sense; it is unconditional love in its highest form when we keep our heads to the sky. While we use that type of cognizance to reflect God’s grace and love, it is also meant to show how Hallowed is His name, and how He should be honored. I’ve come to believe that fatherhood is much more than an idea that should only be celebrated one day in a designated month. Don’t misunderstand me…we’re all familiar with it, and we may project our expectations or experiences of what a father should be, but it means a lot to whom you give praise to. Many feel that the word ‘father’ would mean a different mindset depending on their level of on a perceived sense understanding. It’s about looking at the bigger picture to think outside of the box. This is attributed to how much spirituality that would be part of the thought process of what a father truly should be.
I’ve never been a deadbeat dad, but a boy who longs for a dad has a hard time seeing God as capable of filling that role if his father is absent from the family. Paradoxically, a girl who feels she has to succeed in sports and school to earn her father’s approval may see her relationship with God in a similar way. An enhanced or awakening though process would be par for the course if and when our lives depend on pictures hanging on the wall with stability. Stability in this sense means that Our Father is with us always with a deeper meaning. For others, the word ‘father’ may bring up memories of abuse or neglect. How tragic that such a beautiful facet of God’s character – that He is not just a distant, impersonal ruler, but a warm caring and welcoming entity, would be ignored without knowing the REAL father! Such is the case often tainted by the weaknesses of human fathers that may affect spiritual growth. All of the above are synonymous with the wherewithal of helping and encouraging our children to recognize the foundational truth here: That ‘Our Father’ in all His power and glory is best understood as a loving, intimate Father. One of the most trying and unfortunate situations in life is the absence of biological fathers in homes run by mothers. The ‘Our Father’ concept relative to this article should be prefaced by mothers the world over to endeavor to look for redeeming value in prayer. To do so would be instrumental in allowing the Lord to give favor and flavor for change. As we celebrate both the earthly Father’s Day acknowledgment and the need inviting God’s presence in all that is solvent. The key is to remember that God may seem remote at times to the unbeliever, but likely is closer than what is realized. I’ve been asked many times having to compare God the Father and being dad in an earthly sense, and I always give an analogy in reflecting on Joseph’s role
as an adoptive father. This is relevant because I’m a mentor and father figure many times over. I’ve always admired and aspired to be like Joseph. He was the man our Heavenly Father entrusted to care for, love, protect, and teach Jesus. In a way Joseph was a step-dad. As the Savior grew, Joseph continually taught and shared with Him all that he knew. Joseph was an example, a good prototype if you will, who was a loyal and loving husband to Jesus earthly mother. Amidst the judgment of his peers, he was faithful, and he trusted and obeyed God. On a personal note, I imagine Joseph felt a bit overwhelmed, but that he also felt the love, trust and confidence of Heavenly Parents accepting the solemn responsibility of being the earthly father of the Savior of the world! He was a real father in every way that I am a “real dad” to my kids. Or was he? And am I really? This comes into play as I assess the Our God’ syndrome and how it relates to distinguishing the difference in what God truly epitomizes; and how one would be in tune to still being cognizant to the father of familial order. If there’s any controversy or misunderstanding thereof, they should want to know more about Him…about how much He loves them and His plan to come back for them. Therefore, the greatest Dad of all is the Father of all life and worthy of being called ‘Our Father.’ So let’s take some time remembering our Heavenly Father while acknowledging that every day is Father’s Day as we share our innermost hopes, dreams, challenges and victories. As we pray the prayer starting with ‘Our Father’, we would know that He continues to sustain us with His infinite loving presence in our lives as we acknowledge who He is!
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MINISTERING TO MEN IN SMALL CHURCHES Don Allen, Jr. The skills of ministering to men is often misunderstood because we are working with a group of individuals that by virtue of their life are wrapped up in dozens of things at one time, generally running from one place to another, dealing with the stress of family responsibility, work, and taking care of a home.The average church today is running between 100 and 200 people, and these are considered small to medium churches. As a Minister to Men it is important to understand that we cannot keep up with the Mega churches, nor should we want to. The men of your church have chosen your church for a reason, many like the small intimacy of the church, the friendships they develop, others attend small to medium churches due to living in small towns, or small local communities. Whatever reason they chose to attend your church you have a unique opportunity to minster to them that big churches miss out on.
As a Minister to Men in three small to medium size churches, I have found it critical to choose two or three things at the most that we can do well, and focus the men on these. I believe that there are 3 things that we need to do, to be effect in ministering to men in small to medium size churches. In my churches we focus on fellowship, friendships, and fatherhood. If I can strengthen the men I minister to in these three areas I will have accomplished a great deal.
Let me explain my reasoning for these three points (challenges) in ministering to men:Â First: Fellowship... Helping the men to develop a personal time of fellowship with Christ, through their devotions, and Bible Study. We do this through various challenges (such as Champion Program, Men's Fraternity, and etc.) as well as hosting Bible Studies at the church for the men to attend. Second: Friendship... Helping me to strengthen their relationship's with their Christian brothers within the church is essentials to their Christian walk. Spending time with Godly men, learning, and maturing with them helps them grow. Third: Fatherhood... Helping them to learn to be the Godly father's (dad) they should be in their family is a key point of the Christian walk. Any man can be a Biological father, but it takes a REAL MAN to be Father/Daddy. This is a foundational point of not only the family, but the church.
As a Minister to Men for over the past 8 years, I also believe that it is important for you personally as Minister to Men to have five foundation principles. Know where your Men's Ministry in the local church is heading, and how you plan to get there. Someone once asked me when I sleep, because it seems like my mind is always going. It's going at this pace because I believe that we have something to accomplish over the next year with our men. And it is my obligation as men's leader to set the vision, pace, and agenda for the men.
Ministering to Men in your church will only go as far as you plan to go! It is always important to First: Have a clear vision/direction of what you believe God wants you to accomplish. It is essential that you know what the vision or direction you are going, without it you will get side track and off on to many projects and miss the opportunity too something very well. The one thing that I need to caution Men's Leaders about in the small and medium church is don't try do everything do what you can and do it very good. If you have an older group of men, the Saturday breakfast is great idea, if you have a younger group of men they need to have an activity that requires action. If you have both, looks for a balance that will impact your men.
Second; Have a clear understanding of what you're teaching the men, and what they need to learn: I think that it is essential to find good solid material to teach your men, and to challenge them to learn from. There are several great teaching tools available for Ministering to Men,
Third: Have a personal Mentor... Have a personal Mentor and accountability partner to keep you grounded and focused. I encourage our men to develop mentorship roles with other men, and continue to develop the relationship as the mentored individual moves on to mentor. In my mind it works sort of like the father/son relationship. Father is the father to his son, but he is also the son to his father. The same applies a Mentor is the mentor to mentored, but he is also the mentored to the mentor. This is referred to as discipleship, and believe me it is the foundation of your church.
Fourth: Have a good relationship with your pastor: I'm convinced that it is essential that as a Minister to Men you have a good relationship with your pastor that he is included in all the decisions that are being made by the Men's Ministry. It is essential that you show respect to the pastor, because you set the tone for what your men will do.
Fifth: Have a clear and personal testimony: Have a heart to share your faith with the men whom you come into contact with. Develop the skills to bring a man to Christ, if you don't know these skills ask you pastor to help you, or your need to check out the resources online.
Friends, as you develop your skills to as a Minister to Men, remember you have two people to impress and represent. (1) The Lord Himself, and (2) the men of your church.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6904420
Real Life Real Faith | 15
why do men stay in bad marriages? Ken Solin What I know about why men remain in bad marriages has been gleaned from working with men in small groups for over twenty years. My personal experiences carry some weight as well.Besides the legal, material aspects of divorce mentioned below, the emotional aspect is so overwhelming for men that it rivals all others. Many men prefer to remain in bad marriages because dealing with the emotional painful is terrifying, and therefore extremely unappealing. Few men have the kind of requisite emotional support a woman enjoys from other women in similar situations. That nearly universal lack of back-up makes divorce for men a solitary act, even though it isn't an activity a man should embark on, solo.The material, legal aspects of divorce, i.e. property settlements, child custody, alimony, child support, assumption of debts, lawyer fees, court fees, court bias against men, and more, are painful enough. In fact, the list of pain-filled material considerations is so daunting that many men simply remain married to avoid the myriad of problems they know will arise. When my men's group began meeting twenty years ago, there were eight members. In the first year and a half, four men divorced their wives. It wasn't coincidental that so many decided to divorce after joining the group, but no one encouraged these men to end their marriages. What made divorce acceptable to them was the support they received from the other men, most of whom had also experienced the pain of divorce. Even with unlimited support, the four men suffered terribly, in part because the rest of us refused to allow them to remain silent or stoic about their feelings. Those who had gone through the aftermath of divorce knew that letting these suffering men off the hook, in terms of encouraging them to deal with their pain, wasn't in their best interests. We all had dealt with the anger, pain of suddenly being alone, and separation from our children, and understood that experiencing that pain was a major part of letting it go.Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6455496
Real Life Real Faith | 15
I think it's fair to say that many men remain in bad marriages because the specter of divorce is simply too painful to contemplate, let alone make that first call to a divorce lawyer. Knowing ahead of time that the pain is going to be extreme does not make it appealing, no matter how bad the marriage.
There is an emotional downside for men who remain in a bad marriage that far outweighs the pain of divorce. A man who wakes up each morning and looks over at a woman he despises isn't ever going to have a good day. He is going to spend his day wondering why he continues on such a painful path. His kids suffer because his emotional state is so tense and raw, that he can't relate to them very well.
Why do men remain in bad marriages? The most likely reason is that getting out of one is just too painful and debilitating, so inertia feels better than the alternative. It's not before the marriage becomes so painful, or, a man's friends encourage him by offering their support, that men are willing to make the leap that will make their lives, in the short-term, unbearable.
I wouldn't begin to suggest men and women think twice before marrying or that they do some couples counseling before legally settling on each other. That's too obvious, and if it was acceptable, more folks would do it. What would help men avoid the pitfalls of divorce is to work on their emotional well-being prior to taking on the responsibilities of marriage. The more a man talks about his issues with other men, the more he understands his shortcomings and is able to work on them before he marries. The better a man's mental health is, the better his chances are for a successful marriage.
Divorce is ugly, public, and devastating to men, women, and children. That should be sufficient to wake men up to the realities of marriage and the pitfalls of divorce. Men can't think their way through the emotional issues that will cause them pain in a divorce. They will have to feel their way through them. Talking his issue out with other men is a good start.
For twenty years, author and lecturer Ken Solin has helped men move beyond the issues that limit their lives. Both men and women follow Ken since his work is primarily about relationships.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6455496
Hurley's Mental Note Be An Anchor
“Relationships: If you put up with it, you’re going to end up with it. Set the standard you want and don’t settle for less” ~ Steve Maraboli Men…having the ability to hold someone down doesn’t necessarily mean doing so financially or physically. The best ways to hold that special person down are mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That’s the type of anchor you want to be first and foremost, especially if you are looking to build a strong, loving relationship. Then…..the other stuff will follow as applicable. What typically happens when the foundation of any relationship is a financial one? Unless it is strictly a business arrangement of sorts, relationships can’t survive on financial grounds alone. Well, maybe if that is the agreement coming in and that is all that the relationship is intended to be on…a financial basis, then possibly it might just work. As we know, as it pertains to relationships, people tend to get emotional ties when involved in relationships and this will even happen when the relationship starts off intending to be on a financial and/or physical basis. Do “friends with benefits” relationships really work? That’s another story for another day, but I will say this. Friends with benefits is a sort of relationship that is based upon the physical and in some cases the financial, so in order for this type of relationship to work out all parties involved must be upfront and honest about what it is that all parties seek from the relationship. If this doesn’t happen, someone will more than likely get hurt if the feelings and/or intentions change. Now back to the matter at hand…being an anchor. To anchor can be defined as to provide with a firm basis or foundation. In order for relationships to last and grow stronger the basis or foundation must be strong and able to withstand adversity and issues that come within relationships. People often get caught up in trying to please a person physically while in a relationship and will often neglect the glue that hold relationships together, such as mental and emotional connections along with spiritual connections as well. What happens when you grow older? What happens when a person gains weight from stress, pregnancy, or health changes? What happens during disagreements? What happens where things may become a little dull? How do you spice up a relationship? How do you recover from bad arguments? Physical connections alone may not be enough to answer such questions. In my opinion a strong base or foundation in a relationship comes from connections that involve mind, body, and soul with mind and soul helping solidify that relationship. So…how can you be an anchor in a relationship? Mentally…
Hurley's Mental Note Be An Anchor
if you look at many surveys it will tell you that people believe mental is more important than physical. Why? Because once you connect with someone mentally you can cause sparks to fly simply Through conversation which will lead to the physical heating up. A mental connection helps you better understand a person’s real needs, which ties into the emotional connection. How do you make your significant other happy? How do you make her smile? How do you resolve differences without the whole relationship breaking down? That emotional connection helps you understand the Love Languages. Read that book by the way….The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It’s a great book that talks about what love languages are and how to understand other people’s love language in relationship to your own. And lastly…you have a spiritual connection. This helps you understand a person’s spiritual beliefs and it will bring you closer together. A true spiritual connection tends to go beyond sharing of superficial values such as interests, hobbies, religion, political views, education, etc. It tends to be deeper matters such as core values, principles, and ways that you view life. Spiritual connections bring you closer and lead you to be more comfortable with each other. A mental, emotional, and spiritual connection helps make the physical connection more powerful. With those connections it is easier to be one another’s anchors. ·
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THE POWER OF A MAN: REAL FATHER'S REAL MEN LEROY MCKENZIE, JR. jnfenterprises@yahoo.com This year we are going to do father’s day a little
enough for being great fathers to those we
different. For several years now I have noticed a
nurture, protect, provide and protect. I think
few things happened when Father’s day came
that there is this misnomer that both men and
around. First and foremost I noticed that Father’s
women don’t provide, protect and nurture
day does not get nearly as much attention as
those who they biologically gave birth to or
Mother’s day does. There seems to be this huge
take care of in a mother and father
celebration of women, who are mother’s on their
capacity. For too long now we have allowed
special day. Now don’t get me wrong, I totally believe in celebrating those women who are mothers and treating them like the special women that they are. They are the backbone of our families and are due much respect. They are our first teachers, doctors, lawyers, providers, protectors and much much more, so we salute them to the hilt as they should be. When it comes to fathers though, there seems to be this sense of arrrt, let me run
men to go unrecognized for the way in which they handle their business just as our women/mothers handle their business. I am in no way taking light away from women and what they do but what I am going to do in this article is shine the light on fathers who are great at being fathers and take their roll seriously. We say that mothers are the backbone of the family, well the fathers
and grab this for him the day of or ohhhh daddy’s
are the head that directs which way the family
good or there is nothing said at all. What I want to
goes. Without the head the neck is useless and
do is shout out all of the great Grandfathers,
without the neck the head is useless. We need
Fathers, Uncles, Mentors, Father figures, any man
both in order for the family to be what God has
that has stepped into the position of having
intended it to be. Our community is filled with
others look to him for guidance from a male
many fathers, father figures who on a daily
perspective. I think that we men are taken for
basis do what fathers are supposed to do, no
granted far too much and are not acknowledged
questions asked, no complaints, no hesitation
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MEN OF FAITH CONTRIBUTOR
and play a very important part in the development of the next generation. To all of the fathers that go unnoticed, that don’t get recognized on a consistent basis, this may not be much but it is my way of saying thank you!!!! It is a small token of our appreciation for upholding the family as you do. No amount of words, gifts or accolades could be enough for what it is that you do for our families. We salute you on this Father’s day and want to treat you like the Kings that you are and continue to let you know that your value is worth more than gold to us. We say THANK YOU and we love you for all you have done, are doing and continue to do for us……HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!!!
2019
Real men pray