Unearthing Your Truth: Astrology Edition By Maddy Black Lockdown is the perfect time to bravely look inwards and confront your demons, whether you’re terrorised daily by existential dread or genuinely enjoyed Emily In Paris. It’s ok babe! Societal regression is sooo in right now. We’re in a collective flop era and there’s a gorgeous sense of community in that. Lockdown has given us the opportunity to consolidate what we care about and want to do when hugging your mum isn’t punishable by guillotine, and that’s a silver lining! Wow, I just sprained my Achilles tendon making that reach. Anyway, sometimes, to unearth your true self, you need to look to other planets. If finding solace in vague spiritual truths helps you to cope then that’s a certified slay. Because here’s the thing—the future is ALWAYS unprecedented (put it on a H&M t-shirt am I right gurliez). So although we can’t lay claim to any kind of spiritual authority, we thought we’d take a guess at how each star sign is dealing with the whole apocalypse sitch. Aries: The idea of the pandemic wasting your prime years is really starting to get to you. But the truth is that your prime years will actually last well into your thirty, flirty and thriving era. Usually the life of the party, you’re probably bouncing off the walls right now, and the desire to be impulsive could not be more strong. Maybe ask some boys on Tinder why we can’t print more money to blow off some steam? Taurus: Everything’s going pretty good apart from that festering Amazon addiction… Do you really want to put money into the pockets of people like Jeff Bezos? He looks like he hasn’t registered an emotion since childhood. That man has the face of a smooth, smooth egg. Grow up and support an independent bookstore. Gemini: You’re very horny right now. That’s all I’ll say. Cancer: The loneliness is hitting some harder than others, but for you, it’s being starved of romance that’s the clincher. Unfortunately, that dream has to be put to bed. Unless you’re playing tonsil tennis through two pieces of synthetic fabric, newsflash sweetheart—you’re morally bankrupt. Take a long hard look in the mirror and unless you see Shailene Woodley in front of you, drop the main character dystopia fantasy. Leo: Oh my god, sending you all the love in the world. Attention seekers have become one of the most marginalised communities during Covid and I want you to know that your struggle is absolutely valid. Being cooped up is your idea of hell—but don’t worry! I promise people haven’t forgotten you exist just because you haven’t posted on your Instagram story in five days.
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