4 Winter 2012 The Cheese Grater
Delusions of an egotist Breaking up is never easy J D Becchio She was sat alone in the corner of the café as I entered. Something wasn’t right. I could sense it in the way she was texting – far more suspiciously than usual. She was probably BBMing her secret lover or something, mocking me behind my back. But I had to stay cool and suppress my fears – like Batman in the film Batman Begins, when all those bats fly out of that cave and he just stands there like, ‘Yeah, bring it bats’ and they fly right past him. I walked over to her. “Oh. Hello Karen. Fancy seeing you here.” “I invited you here,” she replied. “We need to talk Brian.” “What about?” “About us. You’re too paranoid Brian. And you keep referencing your own life against fictional film characters for some reason…” This wasn’t good. The direction of the
conversation was rapidly slipping out of my control – I desperately needed to interject a witty put down to re-assert my authority over the situation. “…perhaps I could’ve told you earlier in our relationship. No, I should’ve told you but-” “Could’a should’a would’a are the last words of a fool, Karen” I said, slamming my fist down on the table. I could tell from her shocked expression that my retort had had the desired effect. She was on the back foot. Now was the time to ram home my advantage – like Liam Neeson in the film Taken, when he slammed that Algerian guy’s head in a car door despite the fact he was already unconscious. “I grow weary of this conversation,” I said, getting to my feet. “We’ll continue it another time.” Noticing that I’d not drunk any of the coffee she’d bought for me, I tossed a 20p piece onto the table. “Keep the change.” And with this great
act of generosity, I took my leave. I was going to need to take a firmer hand with Karen. She’d become alarmingly candid with me of late – this being the third time she’d tried to break up with me in five days. I decided the only way to secure our relationship was to remain constantly aloof and disdainful. Then she’ll love me. Then they’ll all love me. In my haste however, I’d completely forgotten that I had no idea where to go. I was lost and alone in a city I didn’t understand – just like Babe in the film Babe: Pig in the City. Unable to continue, I curled up beneath the nearest hedge and went to sleep.
Live and let Pi
make changes. It wasn’t that The Tab took Pi Newspaper’s readers, as it didn’t really have any to begin with. It was more that The Tab, with its 16,000 hits a week, had challenged Pi by demonstrating that students are actually interested in reading the news. By moving Pi’s news content online the hope is to gain a share in this market. The Pi website, which has historically been neglected, has received some attention this year – several hundred pounds were paid out for a large scale redesign. Unfortunately, this updated design makes a feature of highlighting the three separate wings of Pi: magazine, paper and media. As one of these wings is now defunct the designer will need to be paid again. Renewed attention to the website has been more of the financial kind rather than the actually-giving-a-shit kind. Issue no. 44, which came out almost two months ago, has still not been put online.
If the website wants to approach The Tab’s levels on readers, the site’s editors-in-chief have to start putting up daily content in order to encourage repeat visits. The problem is that they have restricted their online content to news and sport only. There simply isn’t enough news at UCL to have content every day – The Tab keeps its website full through comment pieces. UCL deserves a good student newspaper, something of broadsheet scope to provide a foil to The Tab. Good student papers like Oxford University’s The Cherwell are run on the enthusiasm, seriousness and dedication of their non-sabbatical editors. In passing the merger under the banner of inevitable change, Pi have failed to admit how much these qualities were lacking both in the print issue of the newspaper and in their attitude to their website. Our hope is that the merger will break Pi’s stale habits and allow the editors to demonstrate these qualities.
(Cont’d from page one) “Bloomsbury Masterplan leading to ‘death of community’ in East London and potential ransack of student space”. The latter is long and false whereas the former is true but boring. Kit Weaver quietly resigned a month before the EGM. However, the merger was not sold to Pi members on the grounds of specific incompetence. Instead, it was passed on the ticket that there are fundamental problems with the very idea of having a printedition student paper at UCL. Hayley Cameron in an email to members said “it is impossible to print a weekly newspaper” and because of this “Pi Newspaper has lost its relevance”. The reasons cited for this at the EGM were the lack of a sabbatical editor and the rise of online media. The emergence of The Tab, an online tabloid concerning UCL, put pressure on Pi to
Contributors: Hugh Bassett, John Bell, Alex Daish, James Donaldson-Briggs, Bo Franklin, Charlie Hayton, Michael Hindley, Yohann Koshy, Will Rowland and Oscar Webb.