Freshers’ Issue 2015
cheesegratermagazine.org
A message from the Provost: “Welcome to the Nine Circles of Student Experience” A Special Report by Billy Fresher
Uni’s great isn’t it?!? I’m loving halls. Finally got shot of my stinkin’ mum. Haha! Fuck off mum! Only joking. I love her to bits. Can’t wait to take my laundry home! What she’s there for eh though? S’alright this freshers fair eh? The best thing so far is all these bloody free pens. They’re sick! Loving the atheist society guys handing
out those free condoms with holes pricked through them – take that Catholics! Benedictus qui venit amirite?! Just queued up twice for pizza but the second time I put a different jumper on with a different pattern on it and they didn’t even notice that I got two slices! Love uni life! Tonight my flatmates are going to this proper London nightclub called The Roxy and they managed
to get hold of some flyers so they can get in cheap how cool is that!? We’re having “prinks” at my halls with the crew – we’re like a family, I’m the drunk one lol! They call me Malibu for a laugh because I’ve bought some of that stuff from Tesco’s that tastes like Malibu but isn’t. Before that I’m going to the Pi magazine, est. 1947, “welcome meeting” cos I really like their – [fuck off Billy – Ed.]