Grand MasterSofty
I WOULD LIKE to start my Grand Master’s report by acknowledging the original Hashers who started up the club way back in 1999. In no particular order: Pee Wee, Bloody Mary, Music Man, Dr Benny, Pork Sword, Music Boy, Scrambles, Bundy, Crusha,andSatin.Withouttheirvision(andpossiblyquestionablesenseofdirection)wewouldn’tbewherewearetoday.
Reaching the lofty position of Grand Master feels like a sign that, much like the rest of our Hashing group, I’m getting old and have been around the block a few too many times. My highlight this year has undoubtedly been creaming many a Hasher—thebiggermyload,thebiggerthemilestonecelebration.Ihavehadnogreaterjoythandeliveringthatloadsquarely ontheforeheadandface(andsometimesintheeyes)ofafellowHasher.
It would be remiss of me not to mention my able assistants amongst the committee with a wealth of knowledge and experience—which is a polite way of saying they’re as old as dirt. I haven’t had to step in and assert my authority all year. I believetheHighlandFlingwentoffwithoutahitch,andourannualthemedrunsarenowwell-entrenchedtraditionswiththe club.
SpecialthanksgotoourJM’s- Arsecutter and Luv Shack -whomadethebigdecisions(andspentthemoney).Yourwork throughtheyearhasbeengreatlyappreciated.Everyweek,thetrashisproduced,andWeeBevhasexcelledintakingdown theskolsandensuringnoChatGPT-generatedreportsmadeitin(wethink).AsforHashCash,it’sbeenmuchlikewhenIwas in charge: one person doing the job and the other being a figurehead. You can decide which is which. Snack Bar, a special thanksforthefreerunwhen Maximus wasoffspendingtheextracashhe’dmysteriouslyaccumulatedthisyear.
Hash Hops is, as always, a thankless job. Brazilian and Hands On have enduredendlesscommentslike“Toomanybubbles”,“NotenoughGuinness”, “Where’s the red wine”, “Who drank all the Tun Light”, and “Are there any craftbeersleft?”Welldoneladiesforatleastkeepingthedrinkscold.OrganisingtheOn-Oneveryweekisnosmalltask,andCumonionhasbeensidling uptomanyaHasherwithhercalendar.No,shewasn’taskingforagoodnight out; it’s a thankless job, and when holes appear on a date, someone has to fillit.
Which is a polite way of saying ‘they’re as old as dirt’
Lip sessions are the soul of the club. A great Lip can make a night; a poor Lipcanbreakit. Slippery and Smallgoods havenaileditthisyear,controlling the group and even encouraging participation with their skols. They even managed to cut down on the number of jokes, which sent everyone home happier. Prickit, a long-term Hasher, finally took on the role of Hash Flash and has taken many a photo that can be used againstfellowHashersandusedlaterontocomparehowmuchwehavechangedovertheyears.Aspertradition,theHash Hornwasbrokenagain,possiblyfrombeingblowntoohard. Jack Shit,however,continuestoexcelinthatdepartment,byall accounts.
Here’s to another year of trails, tales, and triumphs. I look forward to slinking off into the history books and wonder how I willbegreetedby In The Raw aftermyreignfinishes.
On On Softy
Far left:
This is me not at all over-compensating with some big cream energy
Not quite as far left:
This was me making sure that Prickit doesn’t cut my head off, early in her photo-journalist career
Left:
This was me pretending to do Wee Bev’s Hash job, which was surprisingly accurate
Joint MasterArsecutter
ANOTHER YEAR OF hashingwithChardonnaydrawstoacloseand,afterthefiftiethreminderfrom Griz, Ifinallydecidedtoputfingerstothekeyboardtofinishofftheonlyreportoutstandingforourannualcommittee ofmismanagementyarns.
My fellow Joint Master, Luv Shack, has been a pleasure to work with and we have managed to not bankrupt theclubwhilsthavingfunalongtheway.WemanagedtoorganiseaHighlandFlingatGowrieParkthatnotonly cameinonabalancedbudget,butfuturecommitteeswillstruggletomatch.
Our plans for the upcoming AGPU may very well surpass all past, and - dare I say it - future events. The new Joint Masters will wring their hands in anguish and look for solace in the bottom of a pint of Hobart's finest ale tryingtofigureouthowtosurpassourexploits.
The new JMs will wring their hands in anguish and look for solace in the bottom of a pint of Hobart's finest ale
Kudos must go to my fellow JM Luv Shack's talent for decoration and organising in general. The Christmas Hash dinner was a great success and the venue perfect for keeping rowdy Hashers away from the general population. The homemade Christmascrackersweregreatlyappreciated.
Our last duty as JM's is to organise the AGPU and the incumming committee. We hope that the venue will blow everyone away. ‘On! On!’ to the next cummittee, and may Gispert have mercy on your ‘arrrr’soles.
On On Arsecutter
Joint MasterLuvShack
TO ALL THE wonderful,beautiful,gorgeousHashersthat llove(well,maybethat’sgoingabittoofar)fromarelatively new Hasher compared to some of you old… err, longer term Hashers,thankyouformakingthisyearamemorableonefor me.
What a surprise to open up my messages on a Friday morning to be congratulated and advised that I was now a JointMaster,alongside Arsecutter.Sheerhorroratfirst,but then‘ohwell,yep,itsmyturnnow’.
anditwasdecided.(Truthbetold, Smallgoods just wanted to dress up as Popeye again.) Hope everyone enjoyed it and no one endedupoverboard.
I’mreliablyinformedthatwehadthemostCommittee meetingsever-althoughitwasoftenjusttheJM’sandtheir hangerson-butallCommitteeMemberscontributedthisyear andhelpedmakeour25thyearasuccessfulone.
The first big job was to organize the Highland Fling. We faced some challenges with a dwindling bank balance, but managed a relatively cost-neutral outcome. The venue was sortedoutthanksto Arsecutter andtheprospectoftraveling furtherafieldheldsomeappeal.Theplanningweekendaway withpartnersforthefinalbiginvestigationoftheplacewas done and was great fun. Of the actual event; great games, lotsoffunandfantasticfood(evenifalotofusspenttheday afterontheloo).Didanyonearrivehomewithoutafewstops ontheway?Maybenot.
We were treated to fantastic trail, set by the former ‘Most Hated Man in Hash’ In The Raw. (Now not quite so hated, as thistitlehasbeenawardedto Dyke.)
Whodidopen Grizzly’s ‘thankyou’Drambuie?Hmmm.Half a bottle as a gift was an interesting occurrence. Of course, nowordscanthankthis(grumpy)cuddlybearenoughforall thehardworkhedoesbehindthescenes.
BigthanksalsototheCommitteewhodidanamazingjob. Snacky has now worked out the payment method and the Hash Horn has been sterilized for the next recipient, thanks to Jack Shit
Asmentioned,wefacedsomechallengeswithadwindling bank balance, but with pay-for-your-meal pub runs and increasing the piss stop run fee, things improved steadily overtheyear.AnumberofHashershavecateredforrunswith cost-effectivemealsprovided.Weneedtokeepitinteresting ofcourse,butthatcertainlyhelpedalongtheway.Monitoring an improved fiscal position late in the year, we were able to subsidisetheChristmasRuntoanacceptablelevelandleave plentyforasplashoutwithAGPU.
As I am writing this, the AGPU is organised. We had the funds,sodecidedtofinishourtimewithasplurge.Thanksto Grassroots atoneofourPrinceofWalesmeetingswhocame upwiththewonderfulsuggestion, Arsecutter madethecalls,
Arsecutter - my wonderful ‘other half’ - thank you. We always communicated throughout the year and respected each other’s opinions. I could not have asked for a better partnerJointMaster.
Ihavehadawonderfulyearandhavelovedeverybit. Weshouldhaveareasonablefloatforthenew Committee to get up and running. Andtotheincoming Committee, breathe and accept your role, there is no use in complaining as no oneisgoingtolisten!
Truth be told, Smallgoods just wanted to dress up as Popeye again
Pee Wee
TopDek
Spoof
Herr Flick
Snack Bar
Can’t Stop
1000RUNS
POLE DANCER 20 June 2023
•Started 2003
•Hash Horn 2004
•Hash Lip 2007 (with Psycho Sally)
•Joint Master 2009 (with Sweet FA)
•Grand Master 2012
•Hash Cash 2014 (with Growler)
•500th Run - April 2014 (above)
•On Sec 2016
•Hash Hops 2021 (with Soft Cock)
OnSec
WeeBev
WHEN FINGERED FOR this role I was a bit shocked to start with. It seems as soon as one starts back at Hash in any capacity yougetlumberedwithajob!
So, this time it was Hon Sex, but not as I had known it in any of thepreviousoccasionsIhaveofficially(orunofficially)beeninthis role. Griz helpfullysentmeanappwhichheusesasatemplatefor theTrash,eliminatingtheneedtousepublishertomakeapublication.Justneededtopastestuffstraightintotheapp(app-arently) andsendoutalinktothedocumentbyemail!
Iattemptedtomastertheaforementionedappformyfirstepistle, butitproveddifficultonmyweeiPhoneSE.SofromthenonItyped uptheskols,theHarelineandchaseduptherunreporterstoprovide their contribution to the Trash and forwarded the blurb onto Griz Hedideverythingelse!
Thanks also to Grizzly, although delegating most of my jobto Griz meantthatiftherewasan errorintheTrash,Iwastheonethatgot the blame, not him. [Well,youweretheOn Sec.Thef*ckupsstopwithyou…Ed.]Neverletthe truthgetinthewayofagoodstory.Regardless,hisobsessive need to be in control actually made my job a bit of a breeze. I can’t imagine the effort required to put together this Anal report! …JustroundingupreportsfromCummitteeMembersisamajortask!
On occasion, when a run report was not forthcoming, I had to write it myself … and if I couldn’t then Griz would. Thank goodness asIfoundmyownreportsmuchlessentertainingthanhis!
I would like to thank all the folks who provided run reports (fictitious or otherwise). Particularly those who volunteered at the last minute when the publicised reporter was absent (most often that was Gingernuts!). All of those who had to be reminded about their contribution swung into action and produced something in good time.
The fastest report came from Smallgoods, whose report on the ChristmasHash(1448)fromtheBlackBuffalowasprovidedwithin 13hoursoftheendoftheHash. Smallgoods alsoprovidedthebest Hashstoryforhisreportontrail1434fromtheAlbertBrewery.
Hooray penned the shortest run report, scrapingtogetherjust150 words on Run 1398 from Suncoast Drive. Too bad he’s not that succinct when it comes time to tellingajoke!
Can’tStopprovidedthe worst report; copied a previousreport,butnone of the Hashers mentioned were present at Run 1445 from John TurnbullPark.
Can’t Stop provided the worst report; none of the Hashers mentioned were even present
ALSO kudos to the rest of the Mismanagement team for all their effortsthroughouttheyear.Sorry Flick &ImissedtheFling.Looking forwardtoafabAGPU.
Here’stothenextCummittee!
HashCash
APPARENTLY, HASH CASH is the job that everyone dreads of getting.
When I discovered that I had been given the job for 2024 I have to admit it wasn’t exactlythehighlightofthatweek.However, with the assurance of Snack Bar by my side, I thought I would be able give it a crack. After getting some initial guidance from Dyke and Griz (thanksguys!)Ihitthegroundrunning.
Amazingly, I was able to get the Square to work perfectly every week. The only exception was JackShit’s run from the AlbertBrewery,wherenoWiFisignalcouldbefoundinside.This was quickly resolved by moving outside and one of the most orderlylinesIhaveeverseenofHasherseagerlywaitingtopay theirrunfees.
Threehighlightsoftheyearareworthnoting.Thefirstisthat theclubdidn’tgobrokeundermywatch.I’veclearlylearneda lot since failing maths with calculus in Form 7. The second is that Snack Bar has learned to use the Square. It did take until November,butgoodonhimforeventuallyworkingouttheright
password. The third is that my trust fund based on Grand Caymanislookinghealthierthanthistimelastyear.
Sorry, my mistake. I sometimes accidentally write what I’m thinking at the time. That was actually meant to read that the Chardonnay Hash bank account is looking healthier than this timelastyear.
Havetherebeenanylowlights?Notreally. Can’t Stop singing incomprehensibly into the microphone he received at the Christmas run is definitely up there, but that’s not really Hash Cashrelated.
In ending this report, I want to reflect briefly on what I have learnedfrombeingHashCash.
No,nothing’scomingtomind.TheEnd.
HashCash Maximus SnackBar
I AM PLEASED to advise all of my fellow Hashers of an incredibly successful Hashingfiscalyear.
Chardonnayis-forallintentsandpurposes-acash-freeclub. Thepreferredand onlymethodofpaymentisviathe‘touchandgo’device,amysticalandunknowable pieceoftechnologythatprovedtobetheMoriartytomyHolmesformuchoftheyear. KudostoallHasherswhohaveembracedthecashlesssystemandmadetheHashCash positionsrelativelystress-free.
No overseas trips to Brazil or other tax-free dominions for virtuous & reliable these Hash Cashes
Maximus
ManyrumourspersistregardingtheperksoftheHashCashpositions.Imustcategorically statethatneitheryourhumbleservants Maxi nor Snack Bar havepurchasedanynewvehicles thispastyear.Notsomuchasane-scooter or Mini Moke for these responsible committee members. No overseas trips to Brazil (no extradition treaty)orothertax-freedominionsforthesevirtuousandreliableHash Cashes.
I must take the time to thank Hash IT Guru Grizzly Bear for fixing my dysfunctional3GnetworkiPhone,andMaxiforhiseverreliablepresence throughout the year….(especially while I was enjoying my time on the EmeraldIsle).
Yours in peace, love and harmony Snack Bar
I’ve
clearly learned a lot since failing maths with calculus in Form 7
NOTES:
• Theabovereportcoverstheperiod01/01/2024to31/12/2024.
• Theclubsubsidisedthe2024AGPUby$637andtheChristmasR*n by$949.TheHighlandFlingcamewithinasixpackofbreakingeven.
• Sundrypaymentsincludes$663forpublicliabilityinsuranceand $280forsubscriptiontoWordpress(HashTrash)for24months.
• Attherequestofrecipients Wee Bev and Dyke,$50donationswere madetothe SPEAKUP!StayChatTYcharityinlieuofa500Rungrail.
†Thereareno paymentsshowingfortheonepubrunin2024-Run 1422fromtheQueensHeadHotel,setbyJaffa.Atthismoment, someoneisoutofpockettothetuneofabout$336.
• Theaveragecostofap!ssstopwas$3.04perHasher,althoughthis figuresdoesnotreflecttheuseofsurplusgrogfromtheHighland Flingforsubsequentp!ssstops.Quiteafewsubsequentp!ssstops.
• Theclubholds380sharesinMyStateLtd,withacurrentvalueof approximately$1,700.Theclubreceivesdividendsasandwhenthe companydeclaresthem.
‡ Similarly,thereareanumberofrunswheretherewerenocosts recordedforskollingbeerorwine. Again,someoneisoutofpocket.
HashLipSlippery
WELL IT’S BEEN ayearsofhighsandlows.Notreally,asallofyouHashershavebeenkindtomeand helpfulinyourownways.
DidanyonerealiseI’mnotapublicspeakerandcannotprojectmysweetol’Americanaccentedvoice?!?!
AnyonenoticeIalwaystookmyglassesoffwhendoingtheLipbabble.Guesswhy-youwereallablurtome! I’m a bit shy so thank you Smallgoods!!! He made up for it when he appeared as I made sure he did most of it, but damn he is creative in story telling. Or is that truly embellishing BS? (Same, same, but different. Lolololol) ThankyouSmallgoods,butoverallyou’rearealniceguy.
TothenextLips,havefun.Don’toverthinkitandforgoodnesssakebeabletolaughatyourself.Ididallyear!! Ohhhhyeahmakesuretheskoltasteslikereallyoldvinegarornasty,cheap,pissybeer.(Althoughsomewouldn’t evennoticeifitwasbad!)
Thankseveryone-Itrulyhadagoodtime!
make sure the skols taste like old vinegar or nasty, cheap, pissy beer
Slippery
Cheers!
HashLipSmallgoods
IT’S BEEN WELL established over the last few years that I am a part-time Hasher, only averaging ten-or-so runs ayearforthelastfewyears.Sofewrunsinfact,thatIhaven’t felt entitled to attend an AGPU or even a Christmas Runwhichusuallyseeadegreeofsubsidisation-forsomeyears.
So it was with some surprise that I awoke to a message congratulatingmeonmynewcommitteerole.HashLip…WTF?
What were they thinking. As f*cked up as that was, at least the previous JMs thought to give Luv Shack a role as well. I am of the view that if a couple Hashes together and are goingtobeconsideredforaCommitteerole,itsgoodpractice togivethembothrolesinthesameyearandgetitoverwith.
do his job at Belles’ Burgers. It was wonderful to see Snacky pull up his sleeves and get down to do what Maxi had done tirelessly all year and I was incrediblyproudtoseehimfinallyfindhiswayintherole. That was a very short-lived moment of pride though ‘cos SnackyfailedtomakethepaymentsystemworkandtheClub suffered what any club cannot afford, a free run. Plenty of laughsfromthatonethough.
Anyway,enoughofthat.Mynextthoughtwasfor Slippery Nipple,whowouldhavetocarrytheload.IwaspreviouslyLip with H4 and my co-Lip decided he didn’t want to play and nevercamebackafterweekone!Fortunately, Slippery Nipple isverypragmaticandprettymuchsaid,‘itsokay,whatwillbe willbe’.Notherwords,buthersentiment.Itwasjustaswell because my first appearance was four or five weeks in. Luv Shack and I were greeted with cheers and good-hearted abuse.Verywelcoming.(Itwasactually).
I enjoyed the role for the most part, but that’s easy to say as,whileIattendedmanymorerunsthanusual,Istillmissed an awful lot. For that, I extend profound thanks to Slippery Nipple whomissedveryfewrunsandcarriedtheloadallyear.
In her previous role as Hash Cash only two years prior (take note Committees for the next couple of years to give her a break) she failed to remember my name for the entire year, butnowsheknowswhoIam.Yay.
How can someone say they enjoyed being Lip you say? Well, we must all be getting older because, apart from the usualannoyingbastardswhogrumbleabout‘When’stheLip session?’- usuallyledbyeffingHerrFlick-andtheoccasional period of disrespect to the process of the Circle, I found you allprettywellbehavedand,well…tolerable.Iprefacethatby sayingthereareasmallnumberwhoinsistontalkingthrough theLipsessionandit’susuallythesamefew,yearinyearout.
Ipayparticularthanksto Chris Miss who,whilesometimes coming up with tales for skols which required some considerabledegreeofimaginationandcreativitytowork,cameup withmanythatwereveryfitforpresentation.Itmakesahuge difference to the Lips if stories are forthcoming, and while I attemptedtomaintainonlythehigheststandardsoftruthfulness and factual representation in our Circles, I could only workwithwhatIwaspresented.
Proudestmomentoftheyearwas Snack Bar turningupto
Greatest achievement was banning Hooray from telling jokes. Slippery was all for this ban from the very start, but I failedherafewtimesearlyonbylettinghimhaveacrack.He had been on joke hiatus for some time when I thought I’d let himtellajokeattheFling.Hepromisedmethatitwasafantasticjokebut,alas,Iendedupsittingmyselfontheiceforletting himdoit.Thatsealedhisfateandbeitatyourperil,futureLips, ifyougivehimanyground.Beawareofhisdeceptionoftrying to get someone (Pee Wee) to be granted joke telling status in theCircle,onlytosaythey’dforgottenthejokeandbereplaced by Hooray.Hedidn’tgetawaywith,itbutcertainlytried.
In her previous role as Hash Cash, Slippery failed to remember my name for the entire year, but now she knows who I am. Yay.
WorstLipsessionformewasattheShorelineHotelwhere we had limited opportunity for a Circle, lots of background noiseandaprettycrapsessionallround.
Averysatisfyingmomentwaswhenthetitleof‘MostHated ManinHash’wastransferredfrom In The Raw to Dyke.Justifiablyso,givenwhat Dyke putusthroughandonewhichwas endorsed by all assembled. It will be interesting to see if the title sticks. Given Dyke’s mimicking of ITR with his devotion toabagofTwistiesthenvirtuallybecoming ITR’s ‘mini-me’at theChristmasrun,Isuspectitmight!
Thank you to all who pretended to enjoy the Lip sessions and all who contributed. I had fun. Special thanks to Top Lip Slippery Nipple whohasnowearnedabreakfromCommittee forafewyearsIhope.
Smallgoods
2024 Highland Fling
HashHopsBrazilian
IT DOESN’T SEEM like12monthssinceitwasannounced(atthelastAGPU)that Hands On andIwere to be Hash Hops for 2024. There are worse things that we could be doing other than shopping in a bottle shoponaregularbasisandspendingtheclub’smoney.
Butwith Hands On beingselectedastheotherhalfofthisveryimportantpositionofsupplyingliquidrefreshments to one and all each week, I knew that I could offload some of these duties to her and have a break from eskiresponsibilitynowandthen.
Hands On wasalsoverykeen,rightfromthestart.Threeeskieswerebroughttohashthefollowingweekalongwith thepreviousyear’shops,butweleftwithonlytwo,leavingoneattherubbishbininMontaguBaycositwasf*ckd.
So,Ididthisthanklesstaskforaboutmonthorsoandthenweswappedover,thenalternatedmostmonths. Hands On was morethanhappytostrikeadealwithherlocalBottle-O(whoseownerwasfamiliarwithHash)andboughtashedloadofgrog fortheHighlandFlingatagooddiscountedprice.Luckily,shehadabig4WDandcouldfititallinthebacktogetittoGowrie Park. This would have been the pinnacle of Hash Hops as we managed to supply you lot with enough grog for the weekend, andevenhadlotsleftover.Whatagreatjobwedid.
We made sure the ladies had plenty of half-decent bubbles and the beer drinkers didn’t see any Tun Light in the eskies
We managed to satisfy most whingers with our selection of hops throughout the year, making sure the ladies had plenty of half-decent bubblesandthebeerdrinkersdidn’tseeanyTunLightintheeskies.They kept very quiet when the Coopers Pale Ale and Mid made a regular appearance.
Good luck to the incoming Hash Hops and let’s hope they can keep up thestandardsetbyus.
HashHops HandsOn
AS THE HASHING year comes to a close, I got the tap on the shoulder form the Chief editor “where’s your AGPU report”? Me ‘Well it doesn’t have to be in until tomorrow at midnightstillhaveplentyoftime”.
AsIreflecttolastyear’sAGPUIknewthatifIwastogeta job it would be one of two jobs - I hadn’t done either Hash HopsorHashFlash.
Surprise ,surprise; it was Hash Hops with Brazilian. What couldpossiblygowrong?
I would say that Hash Hops is the most prestigious and important job at Hash, and Brazilian and I did our utmost to maintainthehighstandardsetby In the Raw in2023.
In the Raw was reluctant to hand over the reins, and had tears in his eyes when he handed over the three crappy old eskies and 16 cans of out-of-date Carlton Zero ‘beer’ (which hadbeenhandedoverthepreviousyear).
there’s the ‘I only like Cascade Draught’. Well, youareallwhingersandyoucan’tpleaseallthe peopleallthetime.Ifyoucan’tfindabeeryoulike, badlucksuckitupsunshine.ImustsaythatCoopers is by far the most popular beer. IT’S A PISS STOP - NOT A PISS UP. Get over it - at least you didn’t get Tun (now we canallagree,thatisashitbeer).
There is a bit of a $$ inequality, and the bubbles brigade shouldrequestaslightlymoreupmarketbubbles.
Theyearsawthecostofarunwithpissstopincreasedas the new committee looked at the previous few years’ losses and that the Piss Stops were costing the club the most. You didn’thavetobeanaccountanttoworkoutthattheaverage PissStopwascostingalmost$4perheadandwewereonly charging$2.50perhead.
Brazilian andIimmediatelyoffloadedtheZerobeertothe LipsandmadetheexecutivedecisiontoabandonthecrappiesteskyandleaveitfortheClarenceCouncilgarbotocollect fromKangarooBayPark.
I must say, reading back over ITR’s 2023 report, that the bubblebrigadedofarlesscomplainingthanthebeerdrinking brigade.TheBubbleBrigadegetasmalleskiwith4-5bottles of $10 a bottle bubbles (that’s $50 max). That’s one choice, nocomplaints.
The beer-drinking brigade get the largest eski full with a varietyofaminimumsixdifferentbeers,30-40cansintotal (around $120) and they are still not happy., with comments like ‘Why did you get this beer? Goat’s Shit’, ‘Who drinks Great Northern?’, ‘I like Goat’, ‘I like Great Northern’. Then
The Highland Fling is by far the most important event for theHashHopsaskeepingtheHashershydratedcanmakeor break a Fling. We succeeded in keeping everyone hydrated and either we over catered or hashers are getting older and notdrinkingmuch(Ithinkitisthelatter).
Brazilian andImusthavedonesomethingrightasweeven got several compliments from the Piss Stop maestro In The Raw.
I must say Brazilian and I have and will continue to enjoy the benefits of being Hash Hops and have finished the year with a stock of bubbles that should (maybe) see us through thenextyear.
On on to another year of Hashing Hands On
Either we had over-catered, or hashers are getting older and not drinking much
Date R*n Venue
Hare(s)
4-Jan-24 1395 Long Beach, Sandy Bay Prickit
11-Jan-24 1396 Mount Stuart Park In The Raw
Notes
18-Jan-24 1400 The Paddy Wagon, Glenorchy TopDek & Uber AGPU
25-Jan-24 1397 Montagu Bay Reserve Soft Cock Traditional soft opening
1-Feb-24 1398 Suncoast Drive, Blackmans Bay Lone Arranger
8-Feb-24 1399 John Turnbull Park, Lenah Valley Dyke
15-Feb-24 1401 Kingston Beach RSL Brazilian & Growler
22-Feb-24 1402 Legacy Park, Queen's Domain Arsecutter
29-Feb-24 1403 Kingston Community Hub Spoof & Brazilian With Leap Year Hash
7-Mar-24 1404 Montagu Bay Reserve Bart
14-Mar-24 1405 John Turnbull Park, Lenah Valley Snack Bar St Patricks Day Run
21-Mar-24 1406 Taroona Bowls and Community Club Can't Stop
28-Mar-24 1407 Alroy Court, Rosetta Pole Dancer Easter Run
4-Apr-24 1408 Queens Head Hotel, North Hobart Wrectum 11-Apr-24 1409 Buckingham Bowls Club, New Town Cumonion & Cereal Box
18-Apr-24 1410 Polish Club, New Town Herr Flick
25-Apr-24 1411 Waterfront Hotel, Bellerive Hooray
2-May-24 1412 Fox Friday, Hobart CBD Xena
9-May-24 1413 Kingston Beach RSL Clearfell
16-May-24 1414 Talbot Hotel, New Town Gingernuts
23-May-24 1415 The Civic Club Can't Stop
30-May-24 1416 Kingston Beach RSL Red Dress
6-Jun-24 1417 Brewlab, Derwent Park Maximus
8-Jun-24 1418 Gowrie Park In The Raw Highland Fling
8-Jun-24 1419
9-Jun-24 1420
13-Jun-24 1421 Claremont RSL Growler
20-Jun-24 1422 Queens Head Hotel, North Hobart Jaffa
27-Jun-24 1423 Smokey7 Cafe, Kingston Grizzly
Highland Fling clothes optional
Highland Fling recovery run
4-Jul-24 1424 Spotty Dog Brewery, Derwent Park Pole Dancer Red White & Blue Run
11-Jul-24 1425 Mornington Inn, Mornington Wee Bev Birthday Bash - Heroes & Villains theme
18-Jul-24 1426 The Civic Club Jack Shit Tour de Pisse 25-Jul-24 1427 Taroona Bowls and Community Club Can't Stop
1-Aug-24 1428 Black Buffalo Hotel, North Hobart Arsecutter
8-Aug-24 1429 Fox Friday, Hobart CBD Chris Miss POO Run (pyjamas, oodies or overalls) 15-Aug-24 1430 Shoreline Hotel Sports Bar, Howrah TopDek & Fringe Benefits 22-Aug-24 1431 Hobart Workers Club, Hobart CBD Grassroots 29-Aug-24 1432 Foreshore Tavern, Lauderdale Hands On 5-Sep-24 1433 Suncoast Drive, Blackmans Bay Grizzly & Lone Arranger 12-Sep-24 1434 The Albert Brewery, Moonah Jack Shit 19-Sep-24 1435 The Civic Club Can't Stop
26-Sep-24 1436 Buckingham Bowls Club, New Town Cumonion, Uber & Snack Bar Footy Colours Run
28-Sep-24 1437 Ewing Avenue, Kingston Beach Jack Shit & Red Dress AFL Grand Final
3-Oct-24 1438 Kingston Beach RSL Nancy Boy & Platypussy
10-Oct-24 1439 Midway Point Tavern Hooray
17-Oct-24 1440 Belles Burgers, Bellerive Mrs Shithead and Slippery Nipple 24-Oct-24 1441 Cornelian Bay Playground Twinkletoes
31-Oct-24 1442 Cooley's Hotel, Moonah Prickit Halloween Run
7-Nov-24 1443 St Johns Bowls Club, New Town Growler Chardonnay Cup
14-Nov-24 1444 Belle's Burgers, Bellerive Pussy Galore
21-Nov-24 1445 John Turnbull Park, Lenah Valley Cumonion & Snack Bar
28-Nov-24 1446 North Warrane Oval, Warrane Wee Bev St Andrews Day Run
5-Dec-24 1447 John Turnbull Park, Lenah Valley Dyke
12-Dec-24 1448 Black Buffalo Hotel JMs - Arsecutter and Luv Shack Christmas Run
19-Dec-24 1449 Lewis Park, Seven Mile Beach Hands On 26-Dec-24 1450 Montagu Bay Reserve Jack Shit
TrailmasterCumonion
DOESN’T TIME FLY when you are having fun. I have enjoyed my time as Trailmaster and I wish the new Trailmasterallthebest.
AfterbeingappointedtothispositionImadeupmymindthatshouldno-oneputtheirhanduptosetatrailthen itwasonlygoingtobea30minutesrun/walkoutand30minutesback.
Thankgoodnessthisdidnothappen,somanythankstothoseHasherswhocontributedtheirtimeorganisingtrails.
It was gratifying that over the past twelve months we had a great variety of trails - from most parts of inner Hobart to the outer extremities. From flat runs, bush trails and to the ‘one hill’ runs in Lenah Valley. It just goes to show that variety is thespiceoflife.
TherehavebeensomeHasherswhoIwouldpersonallyliketothankforsettingmorethanonerun.Somedidthreeormore -soabigheartfeltthanksto.
WhatwasdisappointingwasthatnotallHashersputtheirnamedown forruns,soothershadtomakeupforit.Maybeweneedtolookatasking Hashersdoonesummerrunandonewinterrun.
Onceagain,manymanythankstoallthosewhohelpedmethisyear.
On On, Cumonion.
From flat runs, bush trails & to the ‘one hill’ runs in Lenah Valley. It just goes to show that variety is the spice of life
Hash Flash Prickit
AS ANOTHER YEAR of Chardonnay Hashing comes to a close, it’s time to reflect back on my role asHashFlash.
Aswithanycommitteeposition,it’softenathanklesstaskasothersdon’tappreciateallthetimeandeffortthat goes along with such responsibilities. Week after week taking photos, trying for that perfect shot, going the extra miletocaptureHashatitsfinest,tryingtobeintherightplaceattherighttime. Whilemyaimwastotryandphotograph as many people as possible every week, it soon became evident that some liked the camera more than others. Looking back at Red Dress’s report from last year, it is clear nothing has changed. In The Raw is still intent on photo-bombing every shotand Hands On stillcan’tstandstillinfrontofthelens.
Taking photos out on the run can be challenging. It’s hard to capture moving objects, especially when at the back of the runners’ Pack. However, I did manage a few action shots and it was a good excuse to rest so I could take the photo. It was nearly impossible for me to get any nighttime photos as my phone just wasn’t up to it, so those will have to be left to the imagination. Grizzly managed to capture some of those, and photos of the walkers on trail. One of the advantages of being HashFlashisthattherearen’tmanyphotosofyourself.
WhileanumberofmyphotoswouldbeworthyofaPulitzerPrize,Ithinkmyfavouritewascapturing Spoof attheHalloween RunwithhisdogBonesafterhelosthisleg. Itcapturedhisrawemotionaftersuchtragedy,especiallyasthefollowingphoto wasof Dyke withthedogboneinhismouth.
AttheendofeveryHasheveningIwouldtransfermyphotosto Grizzly via Air Drop. A very easy and efficient method, and I’m sure by the AGPU I’ll be able to do it without any prompts!
Wellthat’sitfromme,I’lllet myphotossaytherest. On on Prickit
I did manage a few action shots & it was a good excuse to rest so I could take the photo
BlahBlahBlah
Unnamed virgins: Tina (3 runs), Audrey (2), Corina,Julia,PamandVictoria(1)
Visitors:Y2KYJelly[GoldCoast](5runs), Back Page[Darwin],Bedpan[Brisbane], DameEdna[GoldCoast],NoBalls[Adelaide] andRadar[Brisbane](1)
IN MEMORIAM
Christine Mistress Rathbone (2December1953 - 15 April 2024) was probably better known to the broader Hash community than to the current Chardonnay Pack, as Mistress had Hashed around the world before settling in Tasmaniaandmarrying Murray the Rat. Mistress recorded54runswithChardonnay, and her proud Scots heritage would see her front-and-centeratanumberofHighlandFlingweekends. Mistress’passingwasmarked withatoastofAthollBrosetostartthe2024Fling.
Similarly, John Krankcase Casey (26 August 1948 - 10 August 2024) had Hashed extensively around the world, but was also a Chardonnay regular, recording 284 runs with the club and holding the mismanagement position of Hash Cash in 2015. A quiet man, those Hashers attending his funeral and the following celebration of life were left in awe of thepreviouslyuntoldstoryofhisquite extraordinarylife.
On-ontoCloudNineH3, Krankcase and Mistress
HashHornJackShit
THEHORN,THEHORN,THELUSTYHORN, ISNOTATHINGTOLAUGHTOSCORN!
WilliamShakespeare:AsYouLikeit(Act4:Scene2) Are you? ARE YOU?
YOU HAVE JUST gone the wrong way on a check. Other Hashers have disappeared and you feel hopelessly lost. Suddenly, you hear the unmistakable sound of the Hash Horn. A sound almost as welcoming as the first drink at Chardonnay’subiquitouspissstop.
The Hash Horn is a member of the mismanagement who carries a horn (or bugle) on trail, and blows it to encourage and guidethepack-essentiallyanattempttokeepallontrail!
TheHashHornisafixtureatmany,butnotall,Hashes.Thequestionthenbecomes-wastheHashHornpartoftheoriginal Hashing tradition? Extensive research [Whichusuallymeans‘fiveminutesonGoogle’ - Ed.] has shown that the Hash Horn wascertainlyrunningwithKualaLumpurH3in1954.Theassumption,therefore,isthatin1938theoriginalhashersalsohad one.Afterall,theydidadoptanumberofotherhunttraditions,including nomenclature-hounds;jointmastersetc.
A sound almost as welcoming as the first drink at Chardonnay’s ubiquitous piss stop
Ofcourse,Hashingisactuallymuchclosertothelesserknownactivity of beagling than fox hunting. The major difference being that beaglers run after hares, behind their short legged dogs, while fox hunters ride afterfoxesbehindtheirfasterrunningfoxhounds.Toputitanotherway one could say that fox hunting is akin to the fit, strong and athletic runners,whilstbeaglingisforotherHasheswhocannotrun.
Much pride can be taken from the fact that Chardonnay has had a HashHornfrominceptionandwill,nodoubt,continuewiththistradition whichdatesbacktothe1400s,wellbeforetheoriginsofHash.(Although Spoof and Buddha werethere.)
Asformorerecenthistory,manythanksgoto Cumonion and Uber forprovidingaworkablehornthisyear.Whilstnothanks to C#nt ‘Iknowhowtofixthem’ Stop whoisyettoreturntherepairedoriginal.Furtherthanksmustgoto Luv Shack fortaking greatcareofthehornattheHighlandFling.(Althoughitwasallegedshegotsomeoneelsetoblowit!)
For the lucky Hasher to be appointed to this time-honoured, original and most traditional position, if you look after your Horn it will look after you. Spend time with it, lovingly rubbing tea tree oil onto it, then buffing to a glistening shine and don’t forgettoblowhardandoften!
Religious Advisor Gingernuts
WHEN I HEARD my name called for the position of Religious Advisor, my first thought was ‘Is there time for another drinkbeforethebarcloses?’
ItwasseveralweeksbeforeIhadmysecondthought:‘WhatdoesaReligiousAdvisordoatChardonnay?’Irecalledseeing ‘positiondescriptions’inapreviousAnnualReport,sothatseemedlikeagoodplacetostart.
ItwasseveralweeksbeforeIgaveuplooking-havingneverreallystarted-andsoIaskedaround.“There’sonlyonejobmakesurethatitdoesn’train”mymanyadvisorssaid,whichseemed unfairtofarmers.Therewassomeaddedsomecontext -‘Makesurethatitdoesn’trainonthePack’.
Now,Ihaven’tbeenaroundHashforverylong,butIdoknowtwothings.First,itneverrainsonHashTrail.Iknowthistobe truebecauseit’ssaidoftenenoughtomakeitso.[Itseemstoworkfor DonaldTrump-Ed.]
Second,ifit doesrain,nooneblamestheReligiousAdvisor.Theyall blame Grizzly.Themomentthere’sadarkcloudonthehorizon,thelikes of In The Raw and Dyke start to dance around Grizzly [Ihopethatthey started Strava before setting off - Ed.] brandishing their coats and brollys.
I didn’t really mind because it never rained on any of the weeks I made an appearance, which means that I was either very good at my job,orthatIcouldn’tbearsedheadingoutiftheweatherlookedshitty.
Gingernuts
If it does rain, no one blames the Religious Advisor - they all blame Grizzly.
GROSS MISMANAGEMENT
2024 AGPU CHARDONNAY’S SILVER ANNIVERSARY
The final word... 2024
THE CLUB’S 25TH yearhasdrawntoaclose.Nolonger the enfant terrible of the Tasmanian Hashing community, Chardonnayisnowlookingtosettledown,buyaCamryand investinBitcoin.
The year started with the announcement of TwinkleToes’ and Dyke’s surprisemarriage,althoughitprobablywasn’ta surprise to them. By the end of the year, TwinkleToes would find out that she had married the most hated man at Hash. (Which would have been a surprise to In The Raw, but more onthatlater.)
The 25th Anniversary and AGPU was celebrated with a silver-themed evening from the Paddy Wagon in Glenorchy. Many dressed up, others just forgot to put a colour rinse throughtheirhair.
The first trail of the new Chardonnay Hashing year was traditional;samevenue,sameHare,samequestionof‘Where willtheHighlandFlingbe?’Newmismanagementscrambled toadapttotheirroles.Oneunnamedmismanager- Snack Bar -wouldremainthatwayforthemajorityoftheirterm.
Forthefirsttimeever,Chardonnay’sregularThursdaytrail fellon29th FebruaryandthePackwasbolsteredbymembers ofLeapYearHash,withtrailsetby ThePhantomHasher(who looked and sounded a lot like Spoof). Most of our current membershiparenotlikelytobearoundthenexttimethiswill occur,in2052.
TheHighlandFlingreturnedtoGowriePark,andagainthe weatherallowedustoenjoythestunningscenery.TheFriday nightBYOaffairwasagoodidea,butresultedinenoughfood to see us through the entire weekend. The trail was testing and scenic, and the JMs had some new events for the HighlandGames.Thingsthenwentslightlyofftherails.Burnie Hasher Ringo had some fine-tuning issues with his turbo pace maker, and an ambulance had to be called. While this was happening, A Bit Of This spotted a two-for-one opportunity andthrewherselfoutofthebus.Thiswas followed by a night of porcelain pounding as many succumbed to a case of ‘it must havebeensomethingIate’.(Ironically, Pole Dancer and Hooray foreshadowedthiswith a photo op at the venue’s dump point.)
Regardless,welldonetotheJointMastersandtheircummitteeforanenjoyableandwell-organisedweekend.
The dress-up boxes got a solid working out in the third quarter of 2024, with Thursday falling on 4 July and a ‘Red, White & Blue’ theme, followed by the birthday bash ‘Heroes andVillains’andtheannualTourdePisse.Justwhenyoufelt if safe to break out the ordinary Hash gear, the re-vamped Funsie-in-a-Onesie came along, now the POO run (Pyjamas, OodiesandOnesies).ItwasgoodthatsomanyHashersjoined inonthespecialthemenights.
Late in the year the Packs were set uponbyelevation-blindHares,seemingly intent on outdoing each other with ringstretching climbs. This culminated on 5December with Dyke’s ‘one small hill’ trail from John Turnbull Park in Lenah Valley.SoincensedwasSmallgoodsthat he led a coup to wrest the title of ‘Most HatedManinHash’from In The Raw and lay that particular stinking turd at the feet of Dyke ITR would have to club a baby seal in front of a primary school togetthetitleback.Eventhen,itwouldbeanearthing.
If 2024 needed a punctuation mark, Can’t Stop’s present fromSantaofabattery-operatedmicrophonewasit.
So,anotheryearhasdrawntoaclose.Ingoingthroughthe photostoputthiseditiontogetherIamstruckbyonethingthe obvious enjoyment Hashers have in coming along to Chardonnayeachweek. Wemaygrumbleaboutthingsfrom time-to-time, but the many smiles and laughter captured by theHashFlash dujourshowwhatreallycounts. Alcohol,andplentyofit. WelldonetotheMismanagement Cummittee, enjoy your Chardonnay-mandated year off from responsibility. Here’s lookingforwardtothenext25 years!
The Editor
