AUDACITY Fueled By Invincible Ignorance To Win

FUELED BY INVINCIBLE

TRANSFORMYOURLIFEWITH COURAGE,PERSISTENCEAND FORGIVENESS

EDWARD J. GOODE II

AUDACITY

FUELED BY INVINCIBLE IGNORANCE TO WIN

WrittenBy EdwardJ.GoodeII

RICHMOND, VA

AUDACITY

Fueled by Invincible Ignorance to Win

Copyright©2024byEdwardJosephGoodeII

PublishedintheUnitedStatesbyCEOPublishing

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproducedinanyform,byanymeans,in whole or in part, without the prior written consent of CEO Publishing LLC. This includes reprints, excerpts, photocopying, recording, or any other means of reproducing text. If you would like to do any of the above, please seek permission by contacting the publisher at: sayhello@ceopublishing.com.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: This publication contains statements and statistics believedtobereliable,butneithertheauthor(s)northepublishercanguaranteetheaccuracyor completeness of the information contained herein. The strategies outlined in this publication may not be suitable for every individual and are not guaranteed or warranted to produce any particular results. The author(s) and publisher specifically disclaim any responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, person or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly of the use and application of any of the contents of this publication. This book is a work of nonfiction. The names, characters, places, organizations, and events may be altered to protecttheidentitiesofthoseinvolved.

This book is designed to create an immersive reader experience. Throughout this book, you will find the usage of QR Codes which will allow you to scan with the option of listeningandviewing.

Lookforthisicon: Visitusontheweb! www.iamedgoode.com

ISBN:978-1-964455-00-6

10

ANEWTRIBE| 97

Brick-by-Brick|ResetYourMind

Brick-by-Brick|Employment

Brick-by-Brick|BeingAccepted

Brick-by-Brick|StableHousing

MyFoundationRebuilt

FinalGamePlays

The6R’s

DearSis

Fathers,aWordwithYou,Please DearParents

WhatIAmNot

RevealYourInner-G

Suited4Lyfe

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS|140

FOREWORD

ByPauletteWalkerJohnson,Ed.D.

As the stern, unrelenting VSU Cheerleading Coach and self appointed "mamma away from home" who did not play, I was serious about my cheerleaders.However,IwasdelightedtodiscoverthatEddieandoneofmy favorite cheer daughters had caught each other's eye. I adored her, and I admired him, so I could not wait for that relationship to begin. I admired whatIhaddetectedaboutEddieGoodelongbeforeweformallymetwhenhe wasastudentatVirginiaStateUniversity.Eddiehadallthequalificationsand characteristics I needed to put him on my "approval list." He was a strong leaderonthefootballteamandatalentedathlete.Eddiewasrespectful,kind, and worthy of my support. Additionally, he had family members from my hometown who I knew and respected. In my eyes, Eddie was "the man" on and off the field. Though the romance between my cheerful "daughter" and Eddieeventuallyfizzled,myadmirationforhimgrew.

Astimepassed,IcaughtonlyglimpsesofEddie'slife.Idiscoveredhe marrieda lovely lady, had an amazing son, and joined the police force. I remember thinking that I hoped my son would grow up to be just like Eddie. Then,yearslater,Iheardthenewsofhisimpendingincarceration!

What? I thought to myself. There was no place in my mind to process Eddie Goode and "prison" in the same context (I refused). I didn't askanyoneaboutthesituationandcouldnotbringmyselftoreadaboutit. Untilnow,IcouldnottellyouwhenEddiewentinorcameout.

FORWARD

Fastforward.Yearslater,IbegantoseeregularpostsofEddieandhis son on Facebook in my newsfeed. I was curious, intrigued, happy, and impressed to see the daily chronicles of his life as a loving, doting, and dedicated father. I wondered what prison was like for Eddie, but I committed to keeping any questions about that to myself or leaving a comment on his page. Once, on a very positive profile, Eddie posted a picture of him and his son taken while he was serving time. It was beautiful! Eddie stood tall in his standard prison uniform with a big smile;Eddiewassoproud.

Therehewas—theEddieGoodeIonceknew.Atleast,that'swhatI saw.

As I inspected the picture and watched Eddie proudly embrace his son, all at once, my adoration and admiration for him rushed in and overwhelmed me. This Eddie was a "new" Eddie. He was a fearless, unwavering, God-fearing man who unapologetically stood in his truth. Like so many others who saw Eddie's Facebook post and commented, I knew instantly that Eddie had a story that needed to be told. I knew God was using him and that he was chosen for a purpose. His courage to write this book is a validation of that. Throughout this work, Eddie embraced the notion that life was challenging. His love for God is evident. Eddie lets us know that he refused to be defined by the "nightmare" of his experience.

Thisbookwillmakeyoucheerandsometimescryasyoutravelwith Eddie on his journey. This book is a winner for obvious reasons and ushers in the understanding that Eddie had to suffer a significant loss to earn a great win. This book is a real-life story filled with heartache, pain, setups, setbacks, victims, and victors. In this book, Eddie escapes the prison of his mind by pouring out his heartfelt, raw truths and painful realities on these pages. Eddie has become even more fearless and wise by telling his story. IndeedEddie J. Goode and his beautiful story, Audacity: Fueled by Invincible Ignorance to Win, remains at the topofmy"ApprovalList."

PauletteWalkerJohnson,Ed.D.

Host of Real Woman Real Talk Radio 91.3 WVST Sirius XM 142

HBCU

ProfessorEmeritusVSUAuthor

It’simportanttohaveaCoachthatishonestandtellsyouwhatyou needtohearandinspiresyoutodobetter.

MeetMyCoach,ArringtonJonesIII,akaCoachJ

My name is Arrington Jones III, or "Coach J," as Eddie calls me. I met this tall, skinny guy as a young coach, just coming from the NFL, looking to make a name for myself in college football. I started as one of the boys living in the dorm with the players, eating in the school cafe, and hangingoutoncampusjustlikeIwasastudent.

I noticed Eddie because he appeared different from the guys in his social group. He was an alpha male, leader of the pack, but only by influence. Eddie did not use anger to lead; instead, he led by example. I often wondered how great he could be as a person and man, much more than an athlete. I dared Eddie Goode to be great on and off the field. I pushed and pushed him on the field while maintaining a great relationship with him outside of sports. I have always taught my athletes, including Eddie, to be strong and not to dream or drift. I taught them that there is work to be done and loads to lift. So shun not the struggle, for it is God's gift. I taught them to be strong: "That which does not kill me makes me stronger."

Yes, I was the ruff-tuff football coach on the field, but I broke all kinds ofrulesregardingEddiebecauseofmyheartforhim.Ihadrespectfor Eddieandconfidenceinhim.Once,Ievengavehimmycarfortheweekend (which was a big no-no). When I met Eddie's family, it was easy to understand why I was drawn to this kid. His mother and father were an amazingcouple!Theywereactive,strong,andlovingparticipantsinhislife.

Eddie has his father's toughness and his mom's kindness–a great recipe for success. His father taught him how to be proud, loving, and protective. So when I found out Eddie was in trouble and locked up, I immediately knewseveral things. First, his family was devastated. Second, it must have been amistake, or there must have been an explanation to clarify this situation. Although that explanation never came, the foundation Eddie had, the reputation he had built, and the journey he had traveled caused me to givehim the benefit of the doubt. He earned that not only from me but frommanyothers.

FORWARD

When I finally got to speak with Eddie, I experienced what I expected–a simple, "J, I fucked up." That was Eddie Goode in the purest form;weneverspokeaboutitagain.Ihavewatchedhimgrowintoabetter man, own up to his mistakes, love, protect and provide for his family and live a life filled with passion and spirit. I say, "Well done, young man, well done. Continue to teach through your actions. Continue to show the world that it is not how many times you fall, but what counts most is howmanytimesyougetup!"

INTRODUCTION

SometimestheassignmentGodgivesyouisthegatewayfor someoneelse’shealingandredemption.

MydecisiontowritethisbookcameafteranexperienceIhadonemorning.I feltthepresenceofGodfloodmyroomsostrongly;itwaslikethesunshineof gratitude. Unapologetically, I posted a picture on Facebook of my son Donavan and myself, inside the visitation room of Federal Correctional Institution, Estill, South Carolina (FCI Estill). At that moment, I realized from hearing the many words of encouragement and witnessing acts of kindnessthatpeoplehadsharedaboutmyjourney,thatmystorymattered.It wouldn'tbeforanotherthreeyearsthatmymindandheartwouldallowme tohealsothatIcouldbeginthewritingprocess.Ipreviouslymadesomenotes andjotteddownsomethoughts,butthroughtearsandabowedhead,Ifinally facedmyfearsandbaredmysoulonpaper.

God’s assignment for me to write this book is more than me just telling youhow I thought I was the pilot steering the plane in my own life and me thinking that all the success I had was all about me. Looking back at my invincible ignorance, I now know the assignment for metowritethisbookisto share my testimony to help the next person to heal, empower those who have lost hope, and uplift the broken and defeated mindsets of people who have gone through setbacks. I hope that I am also able to help provide guidance to your Tribe as they are walkingthislifejourneywithyou.

Throughout this journey, I will challenge you to change and make choices that align with your highest self. It’s my mission to empower you with the information you need to transition your setbacks intosuccess!

INTRODUCTION

This journey will not be easy, and you will need to be honest with yourselfandlovedonestomoveforward,butGodhasagameplanforyour life.

NothingCanStopGod’sPlanforYourLife

Isaiah14:27 (quotespedia.com)

Disclaimer:Nowrealquick…myhigherbeingisGod/Christ.Foryou,itmay not be, and that’s completely alright. You will hear me mention God throughout, but please know you can replace that name with whomever or whatever is the light of your life. Cool? All right. Let’s continue.

TheBookofLifeHasManyChapters

Mybookoflifewillshowyouthereisredemption.Youcantakeownership of where you are in life and shift your experiences into your purpose even when it’s painful. This book is about losing the part of self that God wants toremove and allowing natural order to manifest. This book is about empowering those who have lost hope and belief in themselves. This book is about arrogance, humility, and how to transform your pain intopower.Youcan expect to gain confidence and the tools to actualize and manifest the understanding that in spite of your shortcomings and poor choices, there is still a life to live. You can win again, and there is no suchthingaslosing.Thelessonistowinintheloss.

Areyoureadytodothework…?

CHAPTER 1

INVINCIBLE IGNORANCE

FAILURE SHARPENS OUR STRATEGIC FOCUS, ILLUMINATING THE PATH TO FUTURE SUCCESS.

“ ” CHAPTER 1

INVINCIBLE IGNORANCE

The hardest thing in life is to look in the mirror and see a fragmented man reflectingatyou,ortositunderthebrightlightsofshameandridicule,wishing youcanhavea"do-over."Yet,I,EdwardJosephGoodeII,akaEddie,amhere. Ithastakenmethirteenyearstomusterupthecouragetosharethechaptersof mylifestory.

AsIsharemylife,pleaseknowtherearenoblamegamestobeplayed orfaultsto place: my ordeal cannot be attributed to childhood trauma. I take full accountability and responsibility for the truths I am about to share. I must say upfront that this book is not for the "judgmental-perfect" individual. However, this is for the individuals that can barely crawl out of bed and face themselves. This story is for the individuals who have served theirtimeandwanttohaveasenseofdignityandself-respect,betterknown as"perfectlyflawed."

TheStartofaNewChapterinMyLifeBook

On April 28, 2009, at 0700 hours, the correction officer (CO) entered thetier,approachedmycell,andsaid,"Goode,youreadytoroll?"

Twenty-one hours earlier the clock began the highly anticipated countdownof me going home. As time passed so quickly, it seemed that hours turnedinto minutes, and at times it appeared as if time stood still. You may haveexperienced this type of anticipation yourself. Even though I was excited to go home, this was not how my story started nor will it be howitends.Letmeexplainhowthisallcameabout.

AUDACITY

It was 7:00 am, and I reached over to hit the snooze for a second round.Iwasforcedtorationalizethatmoretimewasnotinthecardsforme that day. The clock was ticking fast, and I was about to have a full-on dance party in the shower. The perfect song to describe my attitude and zest for life that morning would have been DJ Khalid's, "All I Do is Win," or anything byErykahBadu;that'smymorningvibeforreal.

See, I had always won at everything. I thought my wins were because of my abilities and personality; I rarely attributed my success to God.Infact,IbegantobelieveinmyselfmorethanIbelievedinGod.Iwas a three-sport athlete. I played basketball, football, and ran track. Football came easily and earned me an athletic scholarship to Virginia State University. I had to pay my dues infootball, which wasn’t foreign to me; my pop made me earn everything he gave me as a kid—including his respect.

AsfarbackasIcanremember,Iwastheleaderinalmosteverycircle. I was the team captain on every sports team I played (little league, high school, and college). I was always one that was looking to make the play. Often, I foundmyselfinawinningsituation,evenwhenIwaswrong.Iwas well-recognizedin the classroom, on the yard, and on the football field. I was well-liked bypeers, teachers, and administrators. I had this uncanny ability to present myself as one who was "solid," even at my worst. Winning was easy. At a young age, I realized I had a knack for building relationships and trust. I could get girls; back then, we would call that "bookingachick"(nooffense,ladies).My friends would always expect me to get one of the baddest chicks in the groups of girls that we were around—and that usually turned out to be thecase.Thatswagcausedme to experience many things at an early age with girls. Sex came early and easy for me as a kid. I lost my virginity at the age ofthirteen. I learned later that these experiences contributed to me maturing faster than most kidsmyage.

AlthoughIwasneveraguywhofoughtalot,duckinganyfightswas not an option. Being respected was necessary—and I was respected amongst mypeers and liked by the older dudes, who often took me under their wing. As time passed, this affirmation went to my head, and arrogance set in. I didn’trealizethisuntilmuchlateroninlife.

Since I am a born and raised native Washingtonian, I must hear my manChuck or RE (Rare Essence–DC Go-Go Band) most mornings. I'm sure afew of you can relate. I had to be at work by nine, so I rushed downstairs to make an egg and spinach omelet. I grabbed my juice and my favorite lunch bag that will eventually have my FBOP inmate ID number in it. Yes, my inmate number. I will explain later. I still carry my inmateIDinmylunchbagtodaytowork,bychoicetoremindmethatIam onanewpath,surroundedbyGod'sunwaveringgrace.

Ifinallyarrivedatwork,parkedinmyusualspace,anticipatingaday that was no different, but (don't you hate the word "but"? This part of the sentence always leads to something unknown) what I didn’t know was thatmylifewasgoingtobeforeveraltered.

I was conducting my usual business as a case manager on this particular day. I met with inmates, listening to them complain and dump their needs on me. As I entered my office, my phone began to ring immediately. Our department investigation officer was on the line; he asked that I come down for questioning. Suddenly I became anxious and worried, especially knowing what had happened at the prison during the previous year: several otherofficershadbeenescortedout.

As I walked up front, a feeling of embarrassment came over me. It felt likeeverystaffmemberIwalkedpastknewwhattranspired,justasI did, not long ago, when other staff were called up front for questioning. Three men were waiting for me. They all worked for the Office of Inspector General (OIG). There was one tall black male and two mediumbuilt white men. I remember the black investigator vividly. He looked at me with venom in his eyes and didn't speak or introduce himself initially. Hewastallandskinnywithadarkcomplexion. His eyes spoke to me first, and his energy made me anxious. I had to maintain my composure so that I did not appear nervous. Later, I discovered that my confident, solid demeanor was perceived as arrogance.Theinvestigatorsaskedmefor information based on witness statements from inmates without revealing their identities. I answered what I knew andnothingmore.

AUDACITY

The black Inspector would finally speak. He said, "Mr. Goode, I know your background and extensive law enforcement experience. I know you will not cooperate with these questions, but I hope you understand theseallegationsareserious."

The same investigator then asked if I had ever brought unauthorized items inside this prison. I told him no. I told him that if he knew so much about my background, he would know that was a dumb question. That Great Inquisition would go on for about six months,offandon.

One evening at work, I received mail in my office mailbox. The letter read, "You are being questioned for introducing contraband." The letter also stated that I would be subject to further investigative interviews regarding the allegations. My stomach dropped. I had been questioned on many occasions during my seventeen-year career in corrections—however, all were based on allegations of excessive use of force—nothing ever of this magnitude. I was sick, literally. I didn't know what to do or say or who to call. So I did nothing. I sat in my office for a few hours until I could muster the energy to walk tomycar.Iimmediately begantothinkofthenegativescenariosinmyhead.

A year ago, before this incident, I was called in for questioning regarding allegations. However, the Warden, with whom I became familiar, called offany further investigations to continue against me. That was probably due to the rapport I had with her. One day, during the first few months of my employment at that correctional facility, I visited the Warden’s office with my resume so she could get to know me; our professional relationship grew from there. However, the Warden was moving to DC and could no longer protect me. Although I was promoted to Case Manager, the investigation was reopened a month aftertheWarden’sdeparture.

After six months or so of going back and forth, the white Inspector, with a stern voice, stated that I had to "either get on this train nowandcooperate,orthe train would move on, and you will never get a chance to tell the truth again." I told him in my confident and slightly arrogant voice, "Well, I guessthe train better get going; now, am I being released or can I return to myofficebecauseIhaveworktodo?"

INVINCIBLE IGNORANCE

Oneofficerreplied,"No,youcangobacktoyourofficetowork;we willseeyousoon."

The three officers left. The Inspector kept his promise; I saw them againthreemonths later. Those same inspectors returned--that would be my last dayworkingfortheBureauofPrisons(BOP).

Sometimesfailureproducesmorefruitsthanthewinningdoesintheend.

EdwardJ.GoodeII

THE WILL TO WIN FREE GAME

Oftenthepowerfulthoughtsofwinningcloudsourjudgment,andweforget the costly price of winning. The thought of winning took over my clarity whenIwasfacedwithadversity.Imadeapoorchoiceinordertocontinueto remainontopevenattheexpenseofeveryoneinvolved.Itisimportantbefore making a decision to reflect on your decision and how it will impact those around you. Think about the possible outcomes, the good and the bad, before moving forward. Remember, you are human so you will make mistakes,butwhatstepsdoyouneedtotaketoensuretheyarenotrepeated?

SELFREFLECTION

Wehaveallmadedecisionsthatwethoughtcouldhelpuswininlife,butthe decisioncostus.However,youcan’tdwellontheloss,youmustchangeyour mindsetandmoveforward.

Inordertomoveforward,youneedtoidentifytheareasoflifethatyouwant towinin.Whatwouldwinninglookliketoyou?Moneyinthebank,havinga securejob,beingagoodfriend,husbandand/orfather?Onlyyoucanidentify what winning looks like to you. Once you know, set your will in motion to achieveit.

Winningformeis:

GAME PLAN

Nowthatyouhaveidentifiedyourwinningareas,thenyouneedtoworkon mindset. As you know, the mind is powerful and will keep reiterating negativethoughts.Yourwilltowinhastobemorepowerfulthanthenegative thoughts and possibly your surroundings. Combat the negativity with positive affirmations and say them continuously until the positivity outweighsthenegativethoughts.Thecorrectmindsetisessentialtofostering thewilltowin.

Negative Thought Positive Affirmation

CHAPTER 2

THE REAL COST OF STUPIDITY

MOTIVATION FUELS SUCCESS; FAILURE FUELS RESILIENCE.

“” CHAPTER 2

THE REAL COST OF STUPIDITY

I had a successful career working in law enforcement since graduating from VAStateUniversity(VSU).WhileatVSU,IwasvisitedbythreeNFLscouts (Chicago Bears, NY Giants, & Tampa Bay) and had hopes of playing professionally until I was injured. I tore both of my rotator cuffs, so my dreamoftheNFLwasgone.

Since the NFL was now out of reach, I had to consider other career choices. While taking a beginner’s course on law enforcement, I met a college professor who changed the trajectory of my life. The professor not only taught at VSU but was also a Lieutenant for the Petersburg Police Dept. He introduced me to the possibility of a career with the police department. Ieventually applied and was hired as a proud member of the department thatwassworntoserveandprotect.Iremained there for about three years before eventually leaving to pursue other opportunitiesthatwouldallowmetoearnrankfaster.Onceagain,itwasall aboutwinningandme.

After working for the police department, I was employed by the Virginia Department of Corrections (VADOC) for nine years. I was successful and established myself as a well-respected professional in the corrections community. I was promoted every two years. I became a Sergeant three weeks out of the academy and was promoted every two years. I moved to Lieutenant, Captain, then on to Unit Manager. I worked through two major prison riots, a hostage standoff, and an inmate escape. I was stabbed once and experienced another attempt on my life while working at a level 5 prison, which housed some of the most dangerous inmates in the state. In many cases, corrections replaced my desire to play football. But I guess my entirecareer in law enforcement

satisfiedmyappetitetocompeteandbattleconstantly.

In 2001, the Governor of Virginia decided to downsize and eliminate positions throughout the state. One of those jobs was my Unit Managerposition. I was angry and distraught all at once. I worked hard to educate myself and made many sacrifices, including protecting others to get where I was in my career. Although my position was gone, I was told our pay would remain. Since I was one of the younger Unit Managers (and since we were reassigned by seniority), I was given a Sergeant position at a prison where I was once the Captain and a part of theteamthatopenedupthatprison–thefirst prison in Virginia that had guns on the inside manned by officers. Historically, guns were only allowed in towers that protected the perimeters of the prisons. I was furiousandfeltbetrayed.Icouldn'tfathomreturningtoworkasaSergeant, a position I held in 1994. We were allowed to opt out and take our retirement to pursue alternative careers. Unfortunately, I didn't take any time to analyze my options. I moved on emotion without any thought of the facts of the situation. I made it clear that I didn't need VADOC. After nine years, I resigned, took my retirement fund, and left. That is where that invincible ignorance comes into play. I am sure that if I had stayed, I wouldhaveretired.

It is funny how you always think the grass is always greener on the other side when you think you are making strategic moves. When I left VADOC,IwenttoworkfortheBureauofPrisons(BOP),butitwasnotan easy transition. I found that I had no respect for how the BOP prison systemsweremanagedatthe time. At BOP, staff who were in positions of authority were appointed. At VADOC, you had to earn every promotion based on your ability tomanageinmatesandleadyourpeers.

I am sure you are asking yourself, How did you go from having a successful career in law enforcement to being on the other side of the bars? Simple answer—invincible ignorance, as you will understand as you continuetoread.

I was assigned to be the Visitation Officer. This is where we process families to visit their family members. While working the post, I came in contact with just about every inmate's family member that was approved based on the BOP guidelines. I remember one particular family that traveled fromConnecticut.Anoldergentleman,identifiedas 14

THEREALCOSTOFSTUPIDITY

the inmate's father, arrived in a wheelchair. He could barely stand to make it through the metal detector to get searched. For some reason, the fatherwasnotallowedtovisit.Hewaseithernotontheinmates'visitinglist or had a paperwork issue (I would later learn he had a criminal background). The inmate's father had to remain outside while the other family members visited that particular day. The inmate later informed me thathisfatherwasdyingofcancerandwastroubledaboutwhyhisdadwasn't allowedtoseehim.

I knew many of the DC inmates since I was born and raised in the area, and worked in various prisons in Virginia during my seventeen-year career. The Bureau housed all DC inmates. One inmate I've known for years approached me regarding the other inmate's dad. I knew then that the word about what happened with his dad got around the compound. I am sure that the inmate approaching me was all about getting my attention. Later on, I learned thatthe inmate had sent word to his family to talk to me specifically due to mybeinganinfluentialconnectedperson intheprison.

About a month later, the same inmate's family returned to visit-this time without the dad. His sister spoke to me, but her energy was different this time. Her eyes were intent on making a connection with me as she greetedme.Asshepassedthroughthemetaldetectortovisither brother, she asked if she could speak with me following her visit. I didn't think much of it at the time. She introduced herself and asked about her father’s dying wish to see his son. Her father was dying of cancer. His criminal history didn’t meet the criteria to be approved for a visit. I explained that his request was beyondwhatIcoulddo.

The following week as I got off from work, I saw the inmate’s sister waiting for me in the parking lot. She pleasantly approached me and said,"Hey,nicetalkingtoyou."

We spoke for a minute, and she said, "I left you some information on your car." To my puzzled look, she replied, "Last week we watched you walk toyourcar."

When I approached the car, I could see an object under the windshieldwiperof my car. The item turned out to be an envelope with a money order for $5,000 with a note that read, "Please don’t turn this

in."Wedon'twantanytrouble,evenifyoucan’tmakethishappen,keepit."

Duringtheridehome,Iquestionedmyself:Wasthisasetup?Iknew taking the money would be wrong, but I thought it was an easy $5K. I justified my thoughts of keeping the money by thinking about how other things were happening in the prison, so me taking $5K was no big deal. WhileIwasthinkingthingsthrough,Iletthemoneyordersitforawhile,a couple of weeks. I kept thinking I was being watched, because I had been questionedbefore.

Icamebacktoworkthenextdayanddidn’tknowwhatImightbe walking into (remember, I was thinking the money might be a setup). However, nothing was said so I started to feel comfortable that everything was good—another display of invincible ignorance. After believing I was untouchable and no one was really setting me up, I personally made the changesonthecomputertoputthefatherontheapprovedvisitorslist,even though this was not a task that could be done without approval from leadership.

Thefollowingweekendthefatheranddaughterreturnedalongwith other members of the family. The family looked at me with faces of gratitude. I would later see them all crying and embracing, and the human side of me felt a sense of contentment. Not long after that visit, the dad would die. Having a father and a close-knit family, I understood the significance.Yes,Ihelpedthatfamily,butIalsodiditfromaselfishpointof view. It wouldn’t be long before I would see the real cost of this action. It wouldn’t be long before I would see the real cost of believing I was untouchable(invincibleignorance).

I’ve always believed that perspective drives performance, and my perspectivewasnotinorder.Thereweresomanythingsgoingoninsidethe prison,manyofwhichwereillegal.However,Ididnothavetheappropriate approach to ensure that everything around me was solid. Not only did I know about the illegal activities, but I also participated in contributing to some of them. In addition, often times, I participated in illegal activities in my personal life for monetary gain. I used to think that no evidence meant no case. However, that is very far from the truth. When you have the knowledge and allow certain things to go on, you are a part of the problem justasmuchasthosedirectlyinvolved.Again,anotherexampleofinvincible ignoranceatitsbest.

FREE GAME

ACCOUNTABILITY/ASSESSING THE COST

In my years of being an officer, I have heard many people say, "But I am innocent." This may be true for some, but the majority of us need to take accountabilityforouractionsbeforewecanmoveforward.Didyoumakea decision to actively participate in the wrong, or did you just allow things to happenthinkingthisisyourwayofstayingneutralorkeepingyourhandsor conscienceclean?Ilearnedthehardwaynomatterwhatpartofthedecision you chose or for what reason, the cost of that decision will come back full circle.

SELFREFLECTION

Thisisthetimetobecompletelyhonest.Trustme;thisisn’teasy.Sometimes, wehavetoldliesforsolongaboutthedecisionswehavemadethatweactually believethelies.

HonestMoments:

1.Whatdecisiondidyoumakeandwhatwasthecost(accountability)?

DECISION

2.Whatwasinitforyou?

3.Now that you are honest with yourself, who was impacted by your decision,andhow?

Example:Mypersonaldecisionimpactedmyson,Donavan,themost.Hewas withoutmeforayearandtheshameofgoingfrombeinganemployeeatthe BureautobeinganinmateaffectedmyentireTribe(family,friends,etc.).My Tribewaslefttoraisemyson.

DECISIONWHO WAS IMPACTED?

GAME PLAN

Now that you were honest, you know why you made the decision, and you have identified how your decision affected your Tribe, you need to ensure thatyouhavethetoolstomakebetterchoices:

1.Possible outcomes. Ask yourself, Will this decision add value to me andthepeopleIvaluethemost?

2.Whatistherecoverytimeforpoordecisions?Meaningwillthisdecision causemetogotoprisonorjailandpossiblyforhowlongandwhatdoesbeing releasedlooklike?Willthisdecisioncausemetobeunemployedandforhow long?Willthisdecisioncostmemyfamily(spouseandpossiblymychildren)? Ifso,whatdoestherecoverytimelooklike?

3.Punishment – Take ownership of why punishment is necessary. For me, punishment for my actions cost me everything, but I also understand it was necessary to change who I was. I needed to be humbled. There is a beginningandendingtoeverysituation.Lookatthelessonlearnedandhow youcanbeabetterpersonsoyoucanmoveforward.

Onceyouassessthesefactorsforeachdecision,youwillknowwhattodo,and don’tletsomeoneelse'svoiceswayyoutodosomethingyouwillregret.The costisallyourswhenitgoeswrong.

CHAPTER 3

EASING INTO THE STORM

Before the storm's fury, know this: you possess the strength to overcome.

“ ”

CHAPTER 3 EASING INTO THE STORM

OIG would often return to the prison to question inmates and staff. One day,Igotanemailaskingmeforpersonalinformationregardingmyhistory and basic questions, as well as information regarding my involvement with otherstaffandinmatesasitrelatedtotheintroductionofcontrabandinthe prison. Still I had no plans to cooperate (this was not happening). It was an attempttoshakemeup.Theyreturnedonemonthlater;thiswasthedaythey calledandaskedtoseemeupfrontintheinvestigationoffice.

The process had begun. I was now up against the fight of my life, andcontemplatingvictorywasmyONLYfocus.Ihadnointentionsof snitching, although I could have shared many facts about inmates and staff. That was not me; the thought of saving myself and ruining someone else's life was against all principles and anything I believed in. It wasmyfight,andIalwaysintendedtowinonmyownstrength.

I vividly remember that the call was different that day. I could feel the energy and the stillness around me. I knew that this wasn’t going to go well. I really thought that this would blow over because there wasn't any physicalevidenceagainst me, only allegations and innuendos. But at the same time, I knew what I had allowed and my culpability. When I arrived attheoffice,thesameOIG officials were waiting for me. They asked me if I wanted to cooperate.Thatwasnotanoptionforme.

I was then escorted to the Human Resources office, where I was placed onadministrativeleave,pendingtheoutcomeoftheinvestigation.It was almost as if my very existence had been erased. I wasn’t allowed to return to my office to retrieve my belongings. My pictures of me and my son and other personal items were destroyed. My body was numb. I was angry and embarrassed. My mindset was still fixed on beating the allegations of the introduction ofcontrabandandreturningtowork.

Little did I know, the investigators had been planning and building a case against me for the past year. The OIG reviewed my work

AUDACITY

history thoroughly and found that I had twenty-six complaints of excessive use of force from when I worked for the VA Department of Corrections. Althoughallofthosecomplaintswereunfounded,theaccusationstainedmy reputation even further. They also interviewed several inmates, some of whom I had no dealings with, or even knew at all. They were all willing to testifytogettransfersandasentencereduction.OIGwasdeterminedtomake surethechargesagainstmewouldstick.

Four months after being placed on administrative leave, I was indicted and charged with the introduction of contraband into a federal prison. I had to turn myself in to the US Marshals where I was placed in a holdingcelluntilitwasmytimetostandbeforethefederaljudgetohearmy charges.

I was released and placed on pre-trial probation where I was assigned to a federal probation officer. Since I was now on probation, I was subjected to random urine screenings, and I had to ask for permission totraveloutsideofthestate.LifeasIknewitnolongerexisted.

I went through a lot of emotions and trials, but one of the most difficultthings I had to do was to sit and share all this with my mom and pop. They had many questions and obviously were devastated. However, I assured them I would be ok, knowing deep down inside that was a lie. A part of me still felt like I would win. Fueled again by invincible ignorance, however, my face, being plastered on all of the news outlets, toldadifferentnarrative.

The next day after I was the topic of the news outlets, I returned to the job where I was working, and I was met by my supervisor in the parkinglot.Shelooked me in the face and said, "Eddie, everyone is talking about the news, Isuggestthatyougoonhome."

Being sent home was another setback because I still had responsibilities and a son at home that was depending on my income. As anyone knows that has had setbacks, you have no choice but to keep going. I became certified as a dialysis technician and worked at a youth centerfortroubledkids.Believemewhen I tell you, the stress and sleepless nights while working two jobs and apending federal court case weighed heavily on me while being there forDonavan. My having been on the

news and in the newspaper only for football accolades and being a police officer that protected the community, my heartwasshattered.Forthefirst time,IfeltthatIcouldn'twin.

Astheweekspassed,IretainedanattorneyfromDCformydefense withthehelp of my family. As the motion of discovery started to unfold, the entire time I am still defending and refusing to accept what is taking place because, as usual I was focusing on winning. Not taking accountability. I spent $40K in attorney fees and another $15K on other issues.

Myattorneysaid,"Eddie,youhavea60/40chance,butinfrontofa jury,thatisgoingtobetrickyforyou."

AshetoldmewhatIwasupagainst,IstruggledwiththatbecauseI wanted to win. However, I knew there were incidents in which I received paymentsfrom inmates through money orders from their family members, contributing to the introduction of contraband. I knew of inmates that were involved but said nothing. I did nothing but turn my cheek. I was just as much a part of the problem as the inmates. During the review of the prosecution's discovery, a money order was discovered for $1500. I knewexactlywhoitcamefromandwhen.

We decided that he would talk to the prosecution to work out something. However, the prosecutors didn’t want to play ball because they wanted to go to trial. My attorney advised me that the State’s case wasn’t thatstrong,yetitwasstrongenough.Myattorneygaveittomestraightand explainedthatifIlostthecase,thentheywouldgivemethefullsentencing of 7 to 8 years. For me, that was not an option. My attorney further explained that if I took a plea deal, I would be telling on myself and admitting that I was wrong; however, this option would give me a 50% sentence reduction. A few days later, I agreed to take the option of a plea deal with my attorney. My attorney contacted the federal prosecutor and worked out the plea agreement. Thepleadealallowedme totakeownershipofwhatpartIplayedinthecaseandalso allowed me to not agree to the many other allegations that the prosecution attemptedtoattachmeto.

AUDACITY

Afewweeksaftersettlingonapleadealforacceptingabribe,Ihad to report for sentencing. The judge was dismayed that after a year of investigation,theprosecutionacceptedapleadealthatdidn’talignwiththe allegations.Itwouldhavebeenafightforthem,andIwasn’twillingtotake achancetoloseand be away from my son any longer than I would have to. Moreimportantly,itwastimeformetotakeownershipandstop fighting to win. If the most important thing was me, I would have just continued to fight—itwasbiggerthanme.Ihadtoconsidermysonandthe rest of my Tribe. At the end of it all, I was wrong. I violated public trust. I violatedyearsofexemplaryserviceinlawenforcement.ItrulybelievedthatI wasabovereproach.

AsInowreflectontherealcostofstupidity,whattookamatterofa weektoamonthtospendcostmeandmyTribeEVERYTHING.

At the end of this chapter of life, I was sentenced to serve 28 months in federal prison. I was assigned to self-surrender to FCI Estill Federal Prisonwithin30days.

As the time for my departure drew near, I packed up my home and storedallof my belongings in a local storage unit with much sadness. Then, the realization hit me: Twenty years of a thriving career, along with myretirement,anditwasover,justlikethat!Mymindquickly wentintodaddymodeofhowIcouldsupportmyson(youwillgettomeet him later). Right now, I need you to grasp the magnitude of twenty years GONE:threeyearsasapoliceofficerandseventeenyearsincorrections.

FREE GAME

EASING INTO THE STORM

As humans, we fear the dangers of the pending storm and the debris and carnagethatitbringswithit.Mypendingindictmentwasthebiggeststormof mylife.IfeltthatIwaslivingunderneathwaterandattimesdrowningwhen thinking about what would happen to my family and my next journey as a prisoner.Icouldn’tchangemydecision,butIhadresetmymindtofocuson thosethatmystormwouldaffect.

SELFREFLECTION

Whatstormsarependinginyourlifethatyoumaybedreading?

Focus:Whatstepsdoyouneedtotaketoweatherthestorm?

Weallhaveastory,butit’sthenarrativethatwetellourselvesthatmattersthe most. The solution is to find inner peace that anchors your thoughts and to allowyoutomentallypreparetoweatherthestormsoflife.

Remember,youarebuilttosurvivethisstorm!Thestormhasmightywinds and it may toss you around and leave you feeling misplaced but EVERY STORMENDS.Keeppoweringthroughwiththeendinmind.

What do you have the audacity to leave behind with the belief that nothing willbelostbutthelessonsyoulearn,thatwillprovetobethebuildingblocks thatwillrebuildyourlifecompletely?

CHAPTER 4

REAL MEN CRY, TOO

FAILURE IS THE PATH TO GROWTH; MOTIVATION IS THE FUEL FOR THE JOURNEY.

“” CHAPTER 4

REAL MEN CRY, TOO

Many people cannot say they have seen me cry. That is how I have always been—my dad didn't raise a boy! However, now, just writing this starts the waterworks.

So, leading up to my self-surrender, I experienced a full range of emotions. At one moment, I went from pissed off, Why did this happen to me? to avindictiveIwillshowthem.Mythemesongwentfrom "All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khalid to Marvin Sapp's Gospel hit single, "My Testimony."

Hereisanexcerptofthelyrics:

SogladImadeit; Imadeitthroughinspiteofthestormandrain

Heartacheandpain,stillalive,declaringImadeitthrough

See,Ididn'tlose;

Iexperiencedlossatamajorcost

ButIneverlostfaithinYou

Soifyouseemecry,it'sjustasign

ThatI'm,I'mstillalive,ohyeah,Igotsomescars,butI'mstillalive

Inspiteofcalamity,Hestillhasaplanforme

Andit'sworkingformygood,andit'sbuildingmytestimony (I'msogladImadeit)

(Imadeitthrough)

AUDACITY

Atfirst,thatparticularsongwassohurtfultohear.Evenmore,everytrackon the album addressed me. I first heard "Never Would Have Made It" while drivinghomefromwork.Afterawhile,Iwouldsitintheparkinglotoutside thejobandcry.IwouldcrybecausewhatIwasgoingthroughwassopainful. Atthetime,leavingmyson,Donavan,wasfastapproaching.Ontopofbeing adad,Iwasworkingthreejobsandcoaching.Lifewasbusy,andmystresswas atanalltimehigh.Itfeltlikeeverythingwascavingin.Iremembersittingin thecarforhourswiththesongplayingoverandoveragaininthebackground asIwasaskingGod,"Whydidthingshavetobethisway?"Afterthat,crying became more regular than just an occurrence. I discovered that during these difficulttimes,allIwantedtodowassitstillandbealone.

The same was true when I got to prison—I wanted to be left alone. Sadly, I found it hard to identify with my new cellmates. Professionally, being inside prison cells was a daily activity during my time as a case manager in thecorrectional facility. Yet, this was different. Nights were the hardest because things were quiet, and there wasn’t any noise to distract me from the thoughts in my head. I had time to reflect. I would try hard to make my mind travel to other places beyond my current destination. I had to be solid. Prison was not the place to be seen crying daily.

At times I would think of what was going on back home, and I would burymyheadinthepillowandcry.Duringthosetimes,theideathat I was no good to anyone, including myself, loomed over my head. Not waking up the nextmorning was a serious possibility. Yes, I contemplated suicide, but lookingbacknow,IamthankfulGodkeptmymind.

In prison, I tried to hide, stay out of the way and play small. However, God had a different plan. He showed me that I was on the potter'swheel,readytobe molded by him. God got my attention. Even at my lowest, he was there,readytoliftmeoutoftheabyssofhopelessness.

CRYING IS STRENGTH FREE GAME

Adversitywilloftencauseyoutomentallystruggleandtofeelthatyouareless thanwhoGodsaysyouare.YouwillseethroughoutmystorythatIalsocried. One example that I can remember is when the wardens of the prison would do their weekly walkthrough. I would be pointed out as the ex-officer who wasnowaprisoner.Iwasondisplayforalltoseeandtoformtheiropinions ofme.Astheywouldwalkby,Iwouldstandstrong.Whentheyhadmoved pastmycell,Iwouldlookoutthewindoworsitonmybedandcry.

Crying is not a sign of weakness, but crying is a way to release your pent up emotions. I have found that crying can be a tool to emotionally cleanse. I would have my cleansing cry and then simply take time to regroup and to strengthenwhatIknewtobetrueaboutmyself.

What are some areas that you have struggled with and felt the need tocleansethroughtears?

Like me, no matter what you have faced, realize there are no missed opportunities.Everythingweencounterinthisgameoflifeisalldesignedfor ustolearnandtogrow.

Roy H. Williams (1958-), US author and marketing expert, said, "A smartmanmakesamistake,learnsfromit,andnevermakesthatmistake again."Ifyoumakeamistake,askyourself,WhatwasIsupposedtolearn?

Thinkofamistakethatyouhavemade.Whatdidyoulearnfromit?

MISTAKES FREE GAME

Asapersonthathasalsomademistakes,Idon’twantyoutobeafraidtolive.I alsodon’twantyoutouseourguidedselfreflectionsasarearviewmirrorto look back and self-sabotage and find fault in yourself. Mistakes are a part of life,butbecautious.Takeaccountability,countthecost,andusethetoolswe discussed in previous chapters to move forward. Use the self-reflection exercisestoapplaudyourselfonhowfaryouhavecome.

CHAPTER 5

MEET MY TRIBE

A tribe is the circle of strength where we find support and belonging. “ ”

CHAPTER 5 MEET MY TRIBE

Mydecisionsledmetobeinmate#34379-183;eyecolor,brown;height,6’2" thatwouldhavetoself-surrenderonApril28,2008.Mydecisiondidn’tjust impact me but all those around me (my Tribe, my team in life). My Tribe consisted of my parents, my son Donavan, my brother Eric, my best friend Holland, my son’s mother, and other good friends and colleagues. Each decision opens another chapter in your book called life and that chapter couldbealongonewiththepossibilityofanot-so-goodending.

Your decisions may impact generations, but it’s never too late to change the direction of where you are going. God gave each of us free will. Will you seek him before making an impactful decision that may change the trajectory ofyouandyourTribe’sfuture?

Rememberwhatisatstake.

AUDACITY

Mom

AsIsaidearlier,tellingmyparentsaboutmydecisionandthecostofitallwas one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, but the head of my Tribe is my mom, and without her love and support, I am not sure how I would have survived this ordeal. Meet my mom—the prayer warrior, my biggestlifecheerleader,andsupportperson.

My mother, or "Ma," is the most beautiful lady I know. She is light brownskinned, very well-kept dainty woman. She is 5’ 6" and walks with grace in every capacity. She poured everything into me. My mom showed me what love and respect look like. She showed me what it looked liketopersistdespitelife'sobstacles.Madidthiseverysingledaywithmein prison.Shewrotemealetter once a week. She would write and give me a detailed description of everything outside my prison walls to feed my imagination. Her weekly letters would place me with her on her deck, eating breakfast or gazing in the sun while she took her morning walks. When my son spent time with her, I could be in my bunk and touch my son's face as she described how he looked andfelt.

Wealwayshadagreatrelationshipandvaluedbeinghonestwithone another. Once, after I was indicted, Ma asked me after the federal government indicted me for accepting a bribe, "Eddie, why did you doit?"

Before asking me this question a few years before, she would often ask me, Eddie, "Who do you pull from?" or "Eddie, who do you look up to?" She would say, "I see you pouring into everyone, but who's pouringintoyou?"

MymotherknewthatIwasn'tbeingthebestpersonIcouldbe.She also knew that I was not operating in God's will. The pain I experienced from answering my mother's questions was tormenting. I was her firstborn; I was the first todoeverything.Iwastheonewhowassupposed to bring joy to her soul—for the most part. My mother encouraged me before I turned myself into FCI,Estill,SouthCarolina.

Shesaid,"Iknowyoucanhandlethisandbeallright."

MEETMYTRIBE

Ma didn't shed a tear; she didn't want me to deal with her emotions of hurt andpain.Again,thatwasmymother,constantlygivingmewhatIneeded.

ThereisaletterthatIcherish,oneofwhichmyMomnevermailed.Sheheld ontoitandreadittomeuponmyrelease.

Iamtheway,thetruth,andthelife. NoonecomestotheFatherexceptthroughMe.

John14:6(NKJV)

Mom

Eddie,

It is about 8:49 pm, about 72 hours before you depart to another road on "Eddie's journey" on earth. As usual, my "world of thoughts" is directed toward you often. It is the human side that mixes with the side of faith. My faith and renewed relationship with God continue to cushion and protect me as I experience life's offerings.

It is quiet now—I am alone, sitting in the Great Room with a very faint sound of medicinal music. Perhaps [you are picking up my vibes] from your mother at this very moment. I can see your eyes now, [your] strong build, and the lost look on your face. My prayer of anointment never ceases. Actually, my prayers for my family never cease. Now, I can relate to my mother's prayers for me and the pain mothers endure.

Life will continue; just keep the faith. Continue to love and be obedient. Continue to let God, through Jesus Christ, fight our battles. There is no other way to be respectful of our spiritual connection. My sweet son, I pray again and again that the path you take will be chosen by God. Until I turn letters into words again….

In the spirit and Love of God our Father through Jesus Christ, Mom

LeavingDonavan

It’s a toss-up as to which life event was harder, telling my parents about my invincible ignorant decision or the day on which I had to leave my son, Donavan.AsIamreflectingback,leavingDonavanwasthehardest.

I was due to self-surrender before 5:00 pm on April 28, 2008. The thought of leaving Donavan behind without me was unbearable. I felt a piece of my heart break the closer my self-surrender day approached. Seven days before my departure, I slept on his bedroom floor at his mother’s house to cope with my heartbreak and to be closer to Donavan. As usual, his PlayStation and other toys were scattered all over the floor, but I found a space beside his bed tomakeapallet.Ijusthadtobeclose. AlthoughIknewthetimetosaygoodbyeto him was drawing near, there was nothing more I could have done to prepare for such a heartbreaking time. Every night, I cried until I finally drifted off to sleep.Theemotionalstresswastakingatollonme.

Donavandidn’thearorseemecrymyselftosleeportheburdenthat was on my shoulders, but he knew there was a big change coming in life that wouldimpactusboth.

On our last morning together, in the car on the way to school, Donavan and I talked more about my time away. The usual routine would include me driving a happy child to make a quick breakfast run to Chick-fil-A. However, that morning, my son was quiet and clingy. Donavan’s eyes began to water, and my heart began to shatter. As we approached the school drop-off lane, Igrabbed his hand, doing my best to comfort him. Yet, to no avail, Donavan began to cry profusely. I made a quick u-turn, pulled over, picked him up, and held him tight. We never madeittoschoolthatday.Instead,wespentthedaytogetherdoingwhatwe alwaysdid:nothingbutloveeachother.

Since Donavan’s birth until he turned seven, we never spent time apart. Hewaswithmeorhismothereveryday.Thatmorning,Ipressedmy faceagainsthisandkissedmyson.Ihuggedhimandgrabbedhisface,too.I told him not to be afraid and that I loved him. Donavan did his best to keep from crying. He held me close and, with a cracked voice, answered, "Yes,Daddy."

AUDACITY

The tears that fell from his eyes to my cheek is a painful memory that willshapemefortherestofmylife.Today,Donavanisnowa22-yearoldseniorincollege.WhenIhughimnow,mymindoftengoesbacktothat dayIheldhimbeforeturningmyselfin.

Just imagine for a moment, leaving a loved one behind. How would youspendyourlastdaywiththem?

Donavan

FREE GAME

WHO’S WAITING FOR YOU?

Justbecauseyouarenotabletobeinyourchildren’slifewhileincarcerated,it does not mean you stop being a father. You made a mistake that has consequences, but prison walls shouldn’t stop you from providing wisdom, love, and being a support person to the mother of your children. They still need you—being selfish and only thinking about you is not fulfilling your purposeofbeingafather.Youarestillakeypersoninyourchildren’sTribe.

Ialsochallengeyoutosupportthemotherofyourchildren.Sheisoutthere makingithappeneveryday(homework,dealingwithsickchildren,tryingto keep a roof over their heads, cooking when she is tired and only wants to sleep,tryingtopayforcollectcallsfromyou,andtryingtobetherolemodel that they need while you are away). Support and encourage her—she also needsyouNOW!

MyBrother&BestFriends

MybrotherEricandbestfriendHollandwerealsoimpactedbymyinvincible ignorance.TheybothweretaskedwithdrivingmetoSouthCarolinatoselfsurrender.Lookingback,IamsuretheydreadedthisdayalmostasmuchasI did. God knew that these two men would be instrumental in me being a differentman.It’stimetofaceanotherchapterinmybookcalledLife.

The eight-hour drive to prison was a dreaded one. South Carolina's temperature was a hot 98 degrees. Unfortunately, I couldn't see anysunfromwhereIsatinthebackofthecar.Mybrotherandbestfriend escorted me on the trip to self-surrender. I knew we were close; the sign on 95 South read"FederalCorrectionalComplex,Estell5miles."Icouldn’t believethisdayhadcome.

I thought of my son every hour of the ride: What was he thinking? Or howdidhefeel?Icouldstillsmellhisfragranceinmynostrils.Itwasthe smellofachildwhomadadlovedmorethananythinginthisworld.Icould feel the soft skin of his face touching mine, wet from his tears when he had hugged andkissedmejusthoursbefore.

We finally arrived. I exited my brother's car and walked to the front of theprisoncomplex,whereIspoketotheofficersittingatthefront desk. I worked in this environment for years and knew what to expect. Once, the officer in uniform greeted me upon entry. I hugged my best friend and my brother but never looked back until they both were in my distant view. I didn't want them to see my hurt, shame, and embarrassment. Finally, I looked back once, and they were hugging one another. My invincible ignorance had also impactedthem.

IwasnowaninmateinFCIEstell.

IhaverealizedthereisnogreatervalueorprivilegethanhavingaTribeof individualsthatGodhasordainedtowalklifechapterswithyou.

Edward J.GoodeII

Eric & Holland

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER INCLUSIONS

FREE GAME | The Art of Surrendering

THE ART OF SELF

SURRENDER

Letting go is power, surrender is peace.

CHAPTER 6

THE ART OF SELF-SURRENDER

Whenaninmateisbeingprocessed,thenameoftheself-surrenderedprocess iscalled"DieselFuel."Thetermreferstothedieselfuelthatisusedinprisoner transportvehicles.Man,whatatitletodescribetheBureauofPrisonsinmate delivery system! During Diesel Fuel, an inmate’s journey begins by being shackled and then transported from one prison hole to the next until they reachthedestinationwheretheywillservetheirtime.Basically,itfeelslikeyou areonaworldwidetourwithoutthebookingagentandticketsales.Iworked inthesystemandwasfamiliarwithallthesteps involved.

Asanofficer,Istillrememberprocessinganinmatethatwewillcall "Lem." As a first-time offender, he had six years to serve. I immediately glanced at thisfrailandmildsoldier;lifehadwhippedhimbriskly,andnow he was forced to reckon with himself and his actions. It was never my intent to do Lem any harm. However, I knew the general population wouldswallowhimuplikeashark.Thatwasthebigboys'stompingground, andafirstgraderfromalittleschool of fish had no place on a high school campus. So after I had a brief conversation with the unit manager, Lem was placed where he would have amomenttoregroupandmovetoamore idealsituation.

AUDACITY

RecallingLem'saccountofbeingontheDieselFuelprogramandallthathe experienced made my self-surrendering seem utterly ridiculous to complain about. Lem’s prison journey started with him being transported to various prisons before his final destination, having no knowledge of the prison system, and no loved ones to drop him off and say goodbye. Whereas I was able to self-surrender, said goodbye to my loved ones, and I understood the prisonsystemfullyandwhatwasgoingtooccur.Therewasnocomparison.I wasfortunatethatGodwasstillcontrollingmysituation.

The day I arrived at my new residence in Federal Correctional Institution Estill (FCI Estill) in Hampton County, South Carolina, was impactful. Due to my past employment with the Department of Corrections, they considered me a high-profile inmate, so I was placed in a Special HousingUnit(SHU)fortwodays.

Itwasdejavu.Iwasaleadofficerinthathousingunitjustoneyear ago. So as I was coming in as an inmate, I understood everything that the officerswerecommunicating across the radios. At that very moment, what I had anticipated for the last eight months as I awaited my sentence became areality!

I was released to the compound after two days in the Special HousingUnit.Imetmyassignedcasemanager,whichisprotocolonceyou are in prison. To my surprise—and embarrassment—my case manager was a white woman with whom I was in training when I started my employment with the Bureau of Prisons in Glynco, Georgia. Glynco was the training academy for all new hires. Seeing my case manager’s face was morethanawkward.Infact,itmademe sick to my stomach; I felt like pure trash! We discussed the plans for my release, job assignments, and the building where I would live for the nexttwelvemonths.

My case manager allowed me to make calls from her office, which was not ausualroutine.Icalledmysonimmediately.Ithadbeentwodays since I had spoken to him. Tears flushed out of my eyes when I heard his voice,asIcouldnot control my emotions. The case manager began to cry as well. She and Italkedbrieflyaftermyphonecall.Theencounterbecame very uncomfortable for the both of us. After leaving her office, I was escorted to my living placeforforthenextyear.Through

THEARTOFSELF-SURRENDER

thisencounter,Ilearnedthatyoumayneverknowwhoyouwillmeetonyour journey. It is wise to show people love and respect because you never know wherelife’sjourneymaytakeyouandyouneedthatperson.

Everyoneplaysapurposeinyourjourney.Stayhumble. EdwardJ.GoodeII

FREE GAME

THE ART OF SURRENDERING

Duringtheself-surrenderprocess,whetheritiswillingorforced,wehaveto adjust our mindset of how we internalize the process. We can fight against surrendering, but it will ultimately happen based on the circumstances. SomeonetakingcustodyofyoudoesnotmeantheyOWNyou.Changeyour mindset by gaining the perspective that your current situation does not dictate who you are or that you give full control over to another person or thing.

Initially, my mindset was all about beating them and winning, but doing so wouldnothavepromotedself-growth.Itwouldhavefurtherperpetuatedthe mindsetofwinningatALLCOSTSmentality.

Surrendering is not an easy process for anyone, especially if you are surrenderingtolawenforcement,aboss,oraparticularcircumstanceinlife. Basedonmyinvincibleignorance,Ididn’tevenknowhowtofullysurrender totheplanGodhadformylife.AsIstatedpreviously,IbecametheGodthat Iknew.Winninginlifegavemeafalsesenseofsecurityandreality.However, Godknewhowtogetmyattention,andItooktheopportunitytochangemy perspective.

Whatareyoufailingtosurrenderto? I encourage you to use the selfsurrendering process to move forward. Reflect on what aspects of your life you need to make a change in and how you need to surrender. Remember, whatever in life has you feeling like you are in a jail cell whether mentally or physically, it is only part of the story. I encourage you to surrender to the senseofpeace,bepresentinthemoment,andabsorbeveryteachablemoment evenifyouaresurroundedbyfourwallsandalockoryouarefeelingcagedin anotherway.Surrenderingtothingsoutofourcontrolalsohasthebenefitsof reducinganxietyandallowingyoutogovernyourmisguidedemotions.

Whatare3thingsthatyoufeelyouneedtosurrender?

Remember,surrenderingisnotGIVINGUP!

A NEW TRIBE

Embrace change; new tribes bring new perspectives. “ ”

CHAPTER 7

A NEW TRIBE

Mycellwasasmallcubewithtwobunkbedsononesideandasinglecoton the floor on the other; this was my new home. I shared my cube with four other older men. All of them had served a considerable amount of time already. They were good men, though, making this transition easier. I will neverforgetexperiencingthissharedhumanity:despiteourbackgrounds,we wereallmeninthesameplace,lefttomakesenseofhowwewouldmakethe daysgoby.Thatmindsethasalwaysremainedwithme.

AUDACITY

Indeed, I thought I was "one of dem boys,"–-until I realized I was not! You probably think I am always talking about a song. That is because my time spentinprisoncanbestbeexpressedasasoundtrack.Rememberthatsongby rapperWizKhalifa,"We'DemBoys"?Iwasoneof"demboys"untilIwasnot. IsaythisbecauseIhadafewsoberingrealizationswhiledoingtime.

First,Iwasthekeeperwhowasnowbeingkept.Forseventeenyears, ten hours a day, helping inmates was my job. Now, someone had to help me! That brings me to my next realization, which will be imperative for you toremember:"NOBODYWILLCOMEFORYOU!" Iwillrepeat,"NOBODYWILLCOMEFORYOU!"

Yes, I know your loved ones, family, and friends promised to be thereduringthat tough situation. Yet, your perspective changes when you sit behind the bars of your life, peering through the cold iron reality that you are not going anywhere until it is your time to go. Like it or not, you will be forced to embrace what many others despise: "the process." That is why it is essential to find your tribe while you are on the inside or wherever you are currentlyplaced.

FriendshipIsEssential

Walking around the grounds of the FCI compound could feel like walking aroundinawaronthestreets,butIwasclearthatIhadprotection.Ibelieve God always places his soldiers nearby when his children are coming. Despite mysentenceandmycurrentpositioninlife,Iwasstillaleader,andIwaswell respected on the compound. My prison barber was named Meek. Meek was from South Carolina, and he was a real stand-up dude who welcomed me from day one (we are still good friends today). Meek and I spent many days walking the track, manifesting the return to our families. Often, we would havelongtalksaboutlife,fatherhood,business,andadventures.Manyofthe guysIservedtimewithweresharp.Theyweregroomedandsportedfreshcuts (my hair was trimmed and neatly manicured weekly). I wore a pressed uniformeveryday.Iwasalwaystoldtokeepafresh-presseduniformincaseof unexpected guests. That piece of advice came in handy the day my son Donavancameforasurprisevisit.

The relationships I developed at FCI were critical. I can't forget about my dude Greg; we bonded in so many ways. He was my church, basketball, and my dining hall buddy. One day, I was in the gym playing full court one-on-one with myself and minding my business when a Cuban guy approachedme.

I thought to myself, Oh, Lord, please leave me alone. Well, the word got out that I could ball, so I was approached to play in the 40-over basketballleague.I respectfully declined, and as luck would have it, a fresh new pair of tennis shoes was placed on my bunk. You can only imagine what happened next.Yep, I became the newest member of the basketball team. Well, we lost the championship between the E and the F units, but amassed a great deal ofsuccessduringtheregularseason.

I also remember a young, solid dude I called Youngin; he called me OG. Youngin grew up in an area near my neighborhood called Kentland. When I left the SHU, I left all of my belongings to him; he was housed in a cell directly across from mine. It was these moments with the guys that kept megoing.

AUDACITY

Although I admitted earlier that being in prison meant no one wouldcometoget me before it was my time to go, I did have people like Mom, Eric, andHollandwhosupportedmetheentiretime.Everyonewho knows me knows about my friend Holland. Holland provided me with a voice of reason when I was indicted until my release from prison. There are many loved ones andfriendswithwhomIshareanunshakeablebond. We have endured life's trials together, but we all remain one another's greatestsupportsystem.

Before we move on to another chapter in my life, I just want to remind youthat your current circumstances do not dictate who you are. The fabric of who you are will shine through whether it is on the "yard", a football or basketball court, corporate conference room, or in an uncomfortable place. Stay mentally and physically fit at all times. Your strengthisinGod.

Be the friend that you seek. You must have people around you that you can pullfrom.Peoplethatsupportyouandnotappeaseyou.

In every chapter of your life, you will need a Tribe. Ask God to send you a Tribethathehasordained(hand-picked)foryou.TheTribewillhelpyouto orchestrate any new plays in this journey called life. I needed my at-home Tribe, but my fellow inmates were an important part of my survival. Never discount where you are in life and those who support you. Even though we wereallconfinedandhadtosurrendertothesystem,wemaintainedwhatwe could spiritually, physically, and mentally. Remember, surrender doesn’t meansomeoneOWNSyou.

SomeTribemembersarewithyouforalifetime,andsomearejusttherefora season.Life’sseasonswilltakeyouupanddown,soaskforsupportfromthe Tribe when you need it. It’s also important for me to remind you to continuallyevaluateyourTribe.EvaluatethemembersofyourTribesoyou know when it is time to release them. Releasing a person from your Tribe is notabadthing—noteveryoneismeanttogotheentirejourneywithyou.

My Tribe Value of My Tribe Member

Howwouldlifebeimpactedwithoutthepresenceofyourtribe?

Foreverythingthereisaseason,andatimeforeverymatterunderheaven. Ecclesiastes3:1(ESV)

ASpecialKindofVisit

I was four months into my bid, and not seeing my son had begun to put a majorstrainonme.Thatwasmydecision,however.Ididnotwanthimtosee me like this—in prison. For seventeen years, I watched families suffer from visiting their loved ones and then having to leave them behind and start all overagain.

Onemorning,afterthe5:00amheadcountcleared,duringmyusual timetojog,Inoticedanold-timernamedT-Lovewaswatchingmerun(we calledthesenior inmates "old-timers"). He probably noticed that this was a differentkindofmorningforme.Forsomereason,Icouldnotcontrolmy emotions.Icried often as I ran on the track in the morning. I would look up at the sky and face north, towards where my son was, and talk to him as if he werestanding before me. In my mind, I asked Donavan how he was feeling, andthetearscontinuedtopour.

T-Love interrupted me to ask, "When are you gonna let your son comevisit?"

Ilookedathimandresponded,"Whyareyouasking?"

He said, "Man, I heard you on the phone with your son the other day, and I can tell that you both have a real tight bond, similar to what I have with mytwosons."

He went on to explain that he'd been locked up for seventeen years andnevermissedhisson'smilestones.

"I've watched both my boys graduate high school and college from behind bars. They visit me once a month, and that time they spend with me pushesme through the next three months." T-Love walked away from me, saying,"Man,letyoursoncomeseeyou.Itwillbenefityouboth!"

Itookhisadvice.Amonthlater,Iwassogratefulfortheeight-hour tripfromVirginiatoSouthCarolinathatbroughtmysontome.Itwasthe bestthingIcould have ever done. I was so excited the night before I barely slept, full of anxiety. As I write this, I can recall the exact feelings I experienced when my son entered the visiting room and ran over to me.

to me. I grabbed him and picked him up. We hugged in the middle of the visiting room in front of every other inmate visiting. We kept hugging. Suddenly,theroomgotquiet.Donavansqueezedhisarmsaroundmyneckso tightthatIburstintotears.TheguiltofthepainIcausedhimfromleavingto go to prison was overwhelming. The feel of his skin and the smell of his fragrancewasthesamethingIrememberedwhenhewasfirstborn.Westood in that same spot for five minutes, although it felt like an hour. We talked about everything for those three hours. He had grown so much. I felt like suchacowardofamantohavelefthimfornothingshortofpureselfishness andalackofspirituality.Godalwayshasaplanthroughitall,however.

When I returned from the visiting room from seeing my son, I received so much respect, surprisingly. A few dudes started calling me "Top Soldier."Theytoldmetheyhadneverseenamanopenlyexpressthat kindofloveforhisson.Thatvisitwasbothbitterandsweetbutnecessary.

A few months later, during the Thanksgiving holiday, my family surprisedmewith a visit. I had no clue they were coming; I was thrilled with joy andappreciation.IwasabitdowninthedumpsbecauseIthought Iwouldmissspendingthistimeoftheyearwithmyfamily.But,thistime,I understood the visits were not only for my peace and joy but also for the Tribethatlovesme.Weneededeachother.

I want to take a few minutes to give you some game or a reminder for some: God does not always deliver messages to us through familiar sources, such as pastors, celebrities, highly educated individuals, or the wealthy. He often uses unlikely sources to provide us with wisdom. If I hadn’t allowed T-Love tospeak to my spirit and I actually listened, I am not sure how I would havesurvived not seeing Donavan until my release. Be open to the message, anddon’t look at the messenger. Thank you, TLove, for allowing God to useyou.

FREE GAME

HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR

Sometimes we go into hiding and are not up to being visited by our past or welcoming to our future due to the trauma of what happened or the shame thatyoufeelfromsociety.Sometimes,youfeelthathidingisbestbecauseyou feel that you hurt someone and they won’t forgive you. Unfortunately, you knowIcan’tleaveyouinhiding.

Let’sdiscussit….

Whoareyouhidingfromandwhy?

Basedonmylifelessonsandyourown,howcanweovercomethisfear?The solutionmaybetoshowup,comeoutofhidingandfacethosethatwantto seeaglimpseofhoworwhyyou'restillstanding.Earlierinthebook,Italked about how I was on display like an animal at the zoo for the wardens and other correction officers to point and talk about me. Yes, I cried. Yes, I was ashamed.Yes,Iwantedtohideout.BUT,Icouldn’t.Ihadtofacethemen that may have heard me cry or those that thought it was funny to be on exhibit.Hidingisnotanoption.Keepmovingforward.

10-STEPGUIDETOFACINGYOURFEARS

Step 1: Identify who or what you are in fear of or hiding from?Recognizingyourexcuses.

Step 2: What is the root cause of your fear? This will help you gain insight.

Step 3: Focus your attention on your intention (purpose). What is yourpurpose?It’sthe"why"ofwhatyouwanttoovercome.

Step 4: Set realistic goals. Break down the process of overcoming fear intomanageablepieces.

Step 5: Educate yourself on the object or situation causing the fear.Knowledgeispower.

Step 6: Visualize your success in overcoming the fear. Visualization willalsoreduceyouranxietyconcerningthefear.

Step 7: Gradually expose yourself to the source of fear. This should be done in small steps. Depending on what the fear is, you may need to seek aprofessionaltohelpyouwiththisstep.

Step 8: Changing your mindset. Challenge Negative Thinking. Replace irrational fears with more realistic and positive thoughts—New Mindset.

Step 9: Celebrate your movement/success. You should always reward andrecognizeyourselfforallofyourachievements,whetherbigorsmall.

Step 10: Reflect and adjust. Reflect on your progress and adjust as you needto.Bepatientwithyourself.Thisisaprocess.

Let fear be purposefully used as the fuel you need to keep movingforward.

CHAPTER 8

THE LIGHT THAT SEEPS IN

INSIGHT LEADS US FROM DARKNESS TO LIGHT.

“ ”

CHAPTER 8

THE LIGHT THAT SEEPS IN

For the last four months of my sentence, I was placed in the "hole" in the SpecialHousingUnit(SHU).ThatwaswhereIdidintakewhenIfirstarrived at FCI Estill. The hole was one of the most deadly places to be when incarcerated. There wasn't much physical danger. Instead, it was mental and emotional.Theholewasnotfitforahumanbeingtobelockedinacelldaily, twenty-three hours a day, with one hour of "out-of-cell time." That hour could easily be revoked at any time, depending on what the staff wanted to do.

I was placed in the hole for what they called "investigative purposes." Knowing the system, I knew this was some bull! The truth was that I hadestablished myself as a respected man on the compound by now (which wasunheard of for an ex-BOP employee), so they locked me down to show metheywereincharge.

The SHU is shaped like an octagon with two floors and two tiers on eachfloor. Each tier has approximately thirty cells, with fifteen cells on each side.Every cell is directly across from another, with a small window on each cell door and a tray slot halfway down the door where you can receive food andmail.Thetrayslotisalsousedtoplaceyourhandsthrough to be handcuffed. No cell in the SHU is opened unless the inmate is handcuffedfromtherear.

While in the SHU, I had limited access to purchase restricted items such as food, clothing, and magazines to name a few in the commissary.Whenotherinmates are charged with a rule violation, their commissary privileges are revoked. There wasn’t much to my liking in the commissary to purchase, anyway. I would buy the other dudes on my

AUDACITY

tier coffee for them to make and drink in their cell. Coffee was gold to someinmatesinthehole.Watchingtheotherguysuseafishinglinetomove items from cell to cell was amazing. I would catch glimpses of this when I worked as an officer, but it was nothing like seeing it inside as a fellow inmate. Guys would wrap something weighted on the end of a string, tie the item to the string, and sling the item under the cell door of the inmate who it wasintendedfor.Yes,itwasanamazingskilltowatch.

Personalities varied amongst the inmates in the SHU. You had guys from all over the prison with different security levels and all races. Some were waiting to be transferred while others were in protective custody or waiting to finishtheirdisciplinarytimeandreturntothecompound.Allof us, except those in protective custody, were holding on and getting through each stressful dayduringthetwenty-three-hourlockdown.

I lost myself at one point during my four-month stay in the SHU. I thoughtIlostmymind.Thementalfocusandstrengthittakestostayalive inside a cell the size of a two-person home bathroom can be life-altering. Finding a sense of peace within oneself where there is none is a must. Buildingadailyroutineso the sun can rise and set without mental delay is necessary. There weremomentswhenIhadto(inmymind)turnmycell intothechurch,thegym,mypatioathome,orbackonthefootballfieldin college. Often, I thought of death. This mental focus and strength would coverandsustainmeasIfacedmyreturntosociety—mostofthetime.

As my release date approached, my anxiety became a daily struggle. I wouldrun in place for hours after waking up and before bed to manage my stress. During these moments, I would think about my strategy after my release. Ifound a crack in the film that covered the cell window that was placed to prevent inmates from seeing outside. As the sun pierced through, I held my face there so that the sun could shine on me. Tears and sweat flowed downmycheeks;Ioftenthoughtofdeathandthefearof notrecoveringfromallthedamageofgoingtoprison.Ialsoimaginedwhat itwouldfeelliketoholdmysonagain.

MygreatestchatwithGodwashearinghimaskme,Doyouhearme now?

THE

LIGHTTHATSEEPSIN

I realized that God felt I had become too comfortable doing my time and decided to lock me up deeper inside the prison to get my attention and testmy texture and faith even more than what he already had. I will alwaysrememberthespiritofhearing,Doyouhearmenow?My dailyprayerandtalkwas asking him to keep his unchanging hand on my son and to allow mymother and father to see me stand as a man again. Indeed, God providedboth.

A few weeks before coming home, I wrote to my son Donavan giving him my exact release date. It had been a month since I spoke to him. Whenhousedinthe hole, inmates only get one phone call a month. So, I would write him a letter once a week. Some letters would be a drawing where I traced my hand on a piece of paper, asking him to give me five. However, nothing compared to the anticipation of knowing we would be reunitedverysoon.

Let me drop a little bit of wisdom on you: arrogance, embarrassment and alack of humility led me to a twenty-three-hours-a-day holding cell for almost four months. We all have an inner voice that quietly whispers, Ok, that’s enough, and then later it whispers a little bit louder, I see you, and we all hear you; tone it down. But we continue our way, and then finally our inner voice screams, Sit your ass down! and you continue but even at a faster rate. That was me! However, when God allowed me to be separated from everything except myself, this was his opportunity to work on me without all the background noises and distractions.

WhileintheSHU,IreflectedonwhoIwasandhowIgottowhereI was.MypridehadcostmedearlyandimpactedmyTribe,mostlyDonavan. I also had the realization that through this journey, God never left or forsook me. He always made a way for me and protected me. I could have been killed on the yard knowing that inmates knew I had been an officer and was now an inmate. God also showed me favor by providing a means for me to makemoney in prison as a recreation clerk making $.75 per hour (that was topdollar pay in the prison system). My darkest moments were where I gainedperspectiveofwhoGodisandhow todisciplinemybodysomymindcanbesetfree.Youarestrongerthanyou think.

AUDACITY

What situation or dark moment did you experience when God whispered to you, Can you hear me now? or when he touched your hearttomakeachange?

Takeamomenttolist:

Whatperspectivedidyougainfromtheexperience?Itwouldbeagood ideatojotdownafew.

HOPE FREE GAME

Oftenyourlightmayseemdimmerduetoyourcurrentsituationanditmay appearhopeless.Whileitmayappearhopeless,lifeisnevervoidofhope.

At times we all feel that we are simply running in place and going nowhere, butthisisnothowyourstorywillend.Inyourdarkestmoments,quietyour thoughtsandlistentowhatGodistellingyou.Observeyourinnerself,pause, andevaluatewhereyouare,howyougotthere,andwhereyouwanttogo.I can’ttellyouenoughtobehumbleandsurrendertoGod.Hewillneverleave you.

1.Atthispresentmoment,whereareyourstepstakingyou?

2.Whathasdominionoveryou,ordoyouhavedominionoverit?

3.What steps are you taking to ensure that you are en route to your destination?

Don’tquit!Continuethejourney!Lifeisnotasprint;it'samarathon.During yourdarkdays,Iencourageyoutoseekprofessionalhelportalktothemost positiveandtrustedpersoninyourTribe.Itisokaytoseekhelp.Weallhave dark days, but we must remember that there is a light that will come forth. Justrememberthatyouarethelight.

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER INCLUSIONS

FREE GAME |

Timing Is of the Essence

True freedom is found within;

FREEDOM

” it's the liberation of the mind, the emancipation of the soul.

CHAPTER 9 FREEDOM

Looking back on my journey, I was highly anticipating reuniting with DonavanandmyTribe,butIamnotsureifIwaspreparedforthejourneyof reintegrating back into society. Going from the "Man," inmate #34379-183, andnowamemberofsocietywitharecord,IwillneedGod’sdivinestrength tohelpmeendurethisnextchapterofmylife.

BeforeImoveon,letmegiveyouaquicksynopsisofmylifesofar:

MyJourneyContinues…MoreLessonstobeLearned

Thenightbeforemyrelease,Iprayedmostofthenightandsleptaboutthree hours off and on. I was mentally and emotionally drained, anticipating my returnhome.Iwasawakenedat6:00amtopreparefordischarge.Ileftallthe property I acquired in prison to a few good men in the neighboring cell. Many of us became friends as we leaned on each other to get through the twenty-threehours,whichledtodaysspentinacell.

The moment my wrists and ankles were shackled, I experienced a numbing feeling. This was a familiar place. Every time I left my cell during the hour of recreation, I was shackled; each time would crush my soul and spirit. Although I hid it on my face, my insides were crumbling. Thefeelingofthesteelaroundmyanklesandwristmademefeellikeacaged animal or a menace to society. It was designed to take a man's will. For many,thattrulyhasbeenthecase.Ifeltdirtyandashamed.AlthoughIdid the handcuffing during my career, I never made guys feel like they were less than a man, as many of theguardsattemptedtodotome.

The Making of Audacity

AUDACITY

Leaving prison caused a mixed sensation of anxiety and joy, but one thing I knewforsurewasthatIwouldneverwillinglyreturntothisplaceagain.Even thoughIhadmadethisjourneywithotherprisonersasanofficer,Icouldnot believeIwasgoinghome(Inowunderstoodhowtheyfelt).AsIgatheredmy property and the clothes (I could no longer fit from losing twenty-two poundsatFCIEstill),IwasescortedoutoftheSHU,neartheadministration building.

Ihadnotseentheoutsidesuninovertwoweeks.Icouldfeelthesun beating on my face and forehead, hear the birds chirping, and feel the gush of thewind—parts of the universe I once took for granted. During this moment,tears could not be pushed back from falling. I was a free man again. MybrotherandmybestfriendHollandwereoutfrontwaiting for me, the same way they waited and watched me turn myself in twelve months earlier. Thefeelingoffreedomstillhadyettoregister.

At that point, I felt it impossible to take the eight-hour drive to see my son. I sat in the back of the van and realized that my perspective had changed while away. Now, I noticed every living breathing thing. I saw the trees and thecoloroftheleavessprouting.Everythinglookedbeautiful to me. The warmth from the sun beaming on my arm felt warm and comforting as it lay outside the car window. I never was aware of these feelings, sights, or sounds in the past. It is incredible what God can do to change your perspective. We stopped to grab a bite to eat at a Subway located off 95 North. The eight-hour drive to Richmond was far from the longdrivetoprisonayearago.Iwassoengulfedwith the beauty of nature that I lost track of time. My anxiety began toincrease!Iwasstartingto feel strange from an overwhelming sense of anxiety; I was about to be around many people. While in prison, you learn to studythe movements of others nonstop. I had to remind myself that I was no longer in prison. I had to learn how to breathe and relax again. I realized I was uncomfortable around people. I never struggled with this before. I was experiencing trauma that would need to be addressed through therapy.Runningthetrackfivemilesdailywasnotenough.

FREEDOM

As we approached the Richmond, Virginia, sign, my stomach began tobubble from the anticipation of seeing my son. As we pulled up to mymother's house, Donavan was outside waiting for me. I updated him on my estimated travel time from the car as we traveled from South Carolina. I couldn't hold back the tears as we turned on the street. There he was, standing and smiling. My heart was full of many emotions, joy, guilt, and shame. Guilt and shame were emotions that led. I felt so bad asamanandafather.Ileftmysonforayeartofindhiswaywithoutme.I exitedthecar,andmysonranandjumped into my arms. It was the most warmth I have felt since I left him. Donavan felt so good to me. His fragrance was the same. His face was soft,andhisskinwaswarm.Weboth cried tears of joy and relief. We stood in my mother's front yard, Donavan still in my arms as I knelt on one knee to be able to hug him tightly. He squeezed my face to validate that I was standing with him because he couldn'tbelieveIwashome.

Asthetearscontinuedtofall,Iremembered(probablymorethanhe did) the one statement I always shared in my letters to him. I said to him, "Donavan,Itoldyouthatthiswouldendsoon."

Even saying that made me sad, although it felt good to say it and finally behome. It hurt me knowing I had done so much damage. That is a pain I would carry daily for years to come. After I came home, we would spend the next few days sleeping together in the same room. Every nighthewouldtouchme to feel me. The joy on his face in the morning should have made mehappy,butitbrokemyheart.

The following weekend, Donavan had a track meet in the Tidewater area. Iwassoexcitedtoseehimrun.Ispentthelastyearkeeping upwithhiseventsthroughlettersandpictures.MybrotherErichaddonean awesomejobinmyabsence to ensure he didn't miss a beat. As we arrived at the track meet, the looks and stares from people who hadn't seen me made me uncomfortable. I didn't want any attention on me. Some wanted to ask questions about where I had been (maybe it was my imagination); others just stared. I didn't get inthe way of Donavan's preparation for the meet; my brother had him on anexcellentroutine.

AUDACITY

Before he took a position, I kissed my son and gave him my usual pep talk (which was really a pep talk for me). Donavan was an eightyear-old and already had made a name for himself in the AAU youth track circuit.Iwalkedovertothetopofthestandsonthevisitor'sside.Isatalone during the entire track meet. I wanted to take everything in without interruption. I watched my son compete and win in every event he ran. Donavanwonthe100-,200-,and400-meterraces.Hebeateveryone!Icried theentiretrackmeet.Iwasfullofeveryemotionknowntoman.Justafew daysago,IwasinprisoninsidetheSHU on a twenty-three-hour lockdown, and today I was free, watching my son run as I'd never seen him run before. The look of determination and focus on his face made me the proudestdadintheworld.

One of the greatest gifts I gained through the experience of being confinedwasthis:IlearnedIdidn’tneedmuchofanythingandtovalueand appreciateeverythingthatcomeswithbeingafreeman.

FREE GAME

TIMING IS OF THE ESSENCE

The one priceless asset that you have and that you are not able to recover is time. Time is the one thing that we are not able to regain when we have allowedittoslipaway.

Takeinventoryofhowyouspendyourtimeandwhoandwhatyouelectto spend it on. During my time of incarceration, I missed out seeing Donavan and his teammates play in the little league’s superbowl. Unfortunately, I missedit.

I now understand that you must value your time, maximize every opportunity given, and make decisions wisely because every decision could costyoutimethatyoucan’trecover.

Trustme,lifecanbefullofregrets,butyoucan’tstayintheregret.Youmust acknowledge your truth, forgive yourself and others, and move forward. Remember,everythinghasaprice.

CHAPTER INCLUSIONS

FREE GAME | Gratitude

GAME PLAY | Mending the Fences

GAME PLAY | Walk in Your Purpose

6 Steps To Help You Find Your Purpose

The 6 R’s

GAME PLAN | What Do You Believe?

GAME PLAY | Fathers, You Are Important

GAME PLAY | Gratitude & Attitude

GAME PLAN | Execution

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CHAPTER 10 AUDACITY

BRICK BY BRICK

With every brick laid, we rebuild not just structures, but our spirit.

CHAPTER 10 BRICK-BY-BRICK

Powerthroughwiththeendinmind.Whatdoyouhavetheaudacitytoleave behindwiththebeliefthatnothingwillbelostbutlessonsthatwillproveto bebuildingblocks?

Foreveryhouseisbuiltbysomeone,butthebuilderofallthingsisGod. Hebrews3:4(ESV)

Weneverwanttostartbackatthefoundation.Webecomefrustrated,angry, blamingeveryonebutourselves.Oftentimes,dependingonwhereyouarein yourjourney,rebuildingseemslikeawaste,butinfactitisanopportunityto buildbetter.Renewyourmind.Modifyyourview.

Priortogoingtoprisonafterbeingreleasedfrommyjob,Iworkeda varietyofjobs.Atonepoint,Iwasworkingatotalofthreejobsatatime.I was tired and angry. I had to reckon with what placed me in my situation, and I had to acknowledge what necessary steps I needed to take togetout.

Duringyourstormoflife,theonepersonthatyoucandependonis the one that you see in the mirror every day. No one—and I repeat, no one—is coming for you until you first show up for yourself with determination. Brick-by-Brick presents an opportunity for you to build better and stronger. You can do it because you now have more knowledge than you had previously. This time when you build all or parts of your life, there will be a greater appreciation for what you accomplish.

ResetYourMind,AllIDoisWin

After my ordeal of being publicly shamed, going from the keeper to being kept,missingmysonandhisimportantlifeevents,theshameIbroughttomy TribeandthetimeIlostwiththem,thelossofmyjobincludingmypension, not being able to coach my child at his games due to my background, not beingfullyacceptedbackintosociety,andmostofall,wastedtimeknowing God intimately—I could have easily retreated and said I can’t move forward becausethisburdenistooheavy.

When life gives us a lesson that doesn’t appear as a win, we become discouraged and at times feel as if we want to retreat or just give up. Re-engineer your thought process from giving up to reviewing what happened, what do you need to move past it, and what you learned from the situation. I encourage you like an engineer to analyze your weak points and make a plantorebuild.Whenanengineeranalyzesabridgethat hascollapsed,anengineerwill review the entire structure, especially the foundation, to see whathappened (vulnerabilities) and once a complete analysis has taken place, thebridge will be rebuilt based on the knowledge gained from the collapse andanynewknowledgethatwillmakethebridge indestructible.

Losing can be transformative—if you do it right. But first learn the lessonandpreparefortherebuild.

Employment

Sitting in this seat is uncomfortable, especially when you are met with the constant,"I’msosorry,Mr.Goode,"fromemployerafteremployer.

The ray of optimism that came with looking for a new job was overcast with doubt. Have you ever felt like a fish out of water with your abilitytobreathe,live, and thrive lying in someone else’s hands? Since you and I have become well acquainted, telling you that I cried profusely is becomingeasier.

I know you are the reader, and I am the author (yeah, I get that), but right now, champ, we are rolling together, so let’s go back to the day I walkedintoone of my job interviews after my release. Yeah, you know I was sharp! Although I had gone on a few interviews since my release, this was slightlydifferent. Picture walking into a paneled interview: a man and two women. Let’s call the guy Daniel and the two ladies, Lavern and Katherine. Daniel was a slim black gentleman, reserved and interjected only when necessary. Lavern was a middle-aged, educated woman who engaged in moderate conversation. Kathy was more talkative than the others. Kathy was a chatterbox; I remember thinking her husband must get the full spill of every moment ofherday—poorguy—butlet’sgetbackto thestory.

It wasn’t difficult to tell that the interview was a SLAMMING success. Once again, I took my mustard-seed-sized faith and thought, "Hmm, just maybe." I was even told by Lavern, "You’re my candidate." Do you know howreassuring that was to me? I had the faith to believe that I could be SOMEONE’S CHOICE, once again. Let’s stop for a moment and relish in the thought of being chosen AGAIN.

It feels good to believe that someone was willing and able to overlook thecheckbox and loan you a start-over card. I had just started to dream again. I could dream about becoming a provider for Donavan once again.Icouldstopsleepinginmycarandbathinginthegym.IthankedGod for this relief. They told me I needed to get the formalities out of the way, such as the offer date, etc., but I am a patient guy, so I waited. So, after about a week, my energy diminished with the overshadowing thoughts

ofwhyIhadnotheardanythingfromthepotentialemployer.I decided to pick up the phone to make the dreaded call, hoping not to be disappointed as I had so many other times, but I got no response. Come on, y’all; you know what it feels like to wait by the phone. It is that feeling you get when you have given someone from the club your number; they seemed like they were feeling you based on their body language and/or conversation, but you got nothing. Crickets. Therefore, I just kept trying to rebuild myfoundationcalledemployment.

I made my way down Hull Street in Richmond, Virginia, for my weekly barbershop appointment. And just so we're clear, I always maintained my appearance growing up; looking like the HELL you are going through was never acceptable. Although I sat in the chair, listening to the usual jokes and stories barbers tell (mostly lies with 10% of the truth), their laughter and theclick-clack sound of the clippers seemed so far away in the distance. The foremost thing on my mind was how the employers avoided and disregarded my efforts to re-enter the workforce. So as I paid for the shape-up (which was tight), I said my goodbyes, dapped a coupleofbrothersuponthewayoutandproceededoutofthedoor.

As I approached my car, I received a call. I exhaled with a huge sigh becausethe feeling of anxiety overwhelmed me. I pressed my ear close to the phoneandlistenedtoLavernasshesaid,"Mr.Goode,Iamsosorry."

Just as those words were leaving her mouth, the joy, faith, and the ability to celebrate the good news with my son was leaving, too. I was reduced onceagain to a check in the box. I mustered up enough courage to ask Lavernewhy,butlikeallemployers,shesaiditwasoutofherhands. It was simply out of her hands. She hung up, which was a thunderous sound, just like the closing of the cell door for the very first time at the beginningofmysentence.I,amanofgreatstature,havebeendiminishedto another number during this job search process, and I knew this would continuetohappen.

As I stood on Hull Street, looking towards the sun, I knew I only hadonejobtodo:makeittomycar,soIcouldbeoutofthewayofothers andletitout.That day I cried profusely for what seemed like hours; it was the longest 10minutesofmylife.

OnebiblicalprinciplethatIhadtoleanonwasJeremiah29:11:"For IknowtheplansIhaveforyou,declarestheLord,plansforwelfareandnot for evil, to give you a future and a hope" (ESV). As always, God was in control and opened the doors of employment for the positions that he wantedmetohave.Overthecourseoftwoyears,Ididn’thaveonejob,butI had three jobs that I worked to rebuild. This rebuilding journey was not easy, but it was necessary for me to grow. Some nights I would be so broken and empty that I didn’twanttobearoundanyone.Ididn’twantto go to my parent’s house or lay up with some random lady (just keeping it realwithyou);thatwasn’tanoption.Irealized using someone else to make me feel better would have created more stress and responsibility. A few nights, I would feel so broken that I slept in my car just to be alone and havepeaceandquiet.Iwouldpackmyclothesandsleepinthegymparking lot.Iwouldwakeupandenterthegymtoworkoutearly, shower, and head to work. I now understand why some people would remain homeless insteadoflivinginashelteraroundotherpeople.

Notbeingabletofindajobremindedmetobehumbleandtolean on God. As I reflected back on the lesson I learned in prison, that I am not the pilot of my plane, God started to put me into positions that would elevateme.Heputme in front of people who would begin to see my value and have an impact on others. God’s plan is not our plan. Please learn this lesson more quicklythanIdid.

As I relied on God, he blessed me with a full-time state government agency job where I initially worked part-time. As I was obedient and followed his plan, I began to see the blessings: I got a salary increase and was offeredbenefits. A year later, I was promoted and given my own office, working in management. God had his hands on me theentiretime.

GRATITUDE FREE GAME

ForIknowtheplansIhaveforyou,declarestheLord,planstoprosperyouand nottoharmyou,planstogiveyouhopeandafuture.

Jeremiah29:11(NIV)

Letmetakeamomenttobetransparent.Whenyouareinthedarkyoumight not see God’s movement, but continue to decree and declare the above Scripture. The journey of rebuilding your foundation is not an easy one. It tookmesevenyearstorecover.Societytendstocontinuetomakeyourelive what God has already redeemed you from. In times of rebuilding, it is important that you know who you are, whose you are (God’s child), have a strongTribe,andbelieveinyourself.Youwillbetested,butdon’tgiveup— havetheAudacitytoWin!

Gratitude is a large part of your rebuilding process. Take a moment and reflect,lookatthegoodinyourlife,andrebuildbasedonthelessonsyouhave learned.Ifyouarelivinginyourcar,thankGodforthecar.Ifyoudon’thave the dream job, thank God for having a job, and declare better is coming. Don’tlookatyourcurrentsituation,butfocusonwhatyouareaskingGod forandhavefaiththesizeofamustardseed,thathewillbringitforth.Pray andaskGodwhathiswillisforyourlifeoryourlovedones.

Remember,winningisamindset!Eachdaythatyouareallowedanotherday, you have the opportunity to set your sights on a win. Life constantly offers valuablelessonsthatshapeourjourneyandguideourgrowth.

BeingAccepted

My son, Donavan, is the greatest gift that God gave to me. It seems like yesterday,Ihandedhimovertohismomuponhisarrivalintotheworld.

During my time in prison, Donavan excelled in sports and life, for which I am so thankful to his mom and my Tribe for stepping in when I couldn’tinthephysical.ThisiswhataGod-ordainedTribewilldo.

I am so proud of Donavan and the work that God is doing in his life.Donavanwasanhonorstudentandexcelledatsports(likehisDad). Histeameven made the Super Bowl. Following my release, my brother Eric had ahomecoming cookout for me at his house, and Donavan never left my side the entire night, not even once (I think he wasn’t sure if I was hometostay).WeevensharedtheguestroomthatnightandItoldmyson how proud I was of him and how sorry I was for leaving him. I knew I screwed up, and I now understand the cost of my actions. That night, I vowed never to leaveDonavanagainthroughanyactionofmyown.

A part of your rebuilding process is offering your children an apology. Don’t be proud; tell them you screwed up. You made bad choices, but you havelearnedfromthemandwantyourchildrentohavea betterfuture.

Constantly tell your children you love and appreciate them. Don’t let pride or their pushing you away stop you from expressing how proud youareofthem.WepushGodawayallthetime,butheneverleavesus.He isalwaysthere.

Ok, on with the story. The next day after the cookout, the Tribe and I traveled to attend the American Athletic Union track meet in Suffolk. I sat away from everyone and watched Donavan compete from the visitor's side. It was one of the most emotional moments I have ever experienced. I watched Donavan win every race and come in first place for everyeventhecompetedin—exceptthe400m,whichheabsolutelyhatedto run. I cried and prayed to God, thanking Him for allowing me to be there to witness my son’s accomplishments a week after being released from prison. Donavan finished that AAU track season as a national champion. Ranked 7th in the nation inthe200mdash.

AUDACITY

As football season rolled around, I was eager and excited to be able to coach again. In addition to coaching, I wanted to teach and train Donavan.Sincewehad a good team returning for another year, we were favored to win the conference. As all coaches now are required to do, I went to the local police department to submit my fingerprints for a background check. Anyone with a barrier crime wasn't allowed to coach, Thankfully I didn’t have one. The first week of practice had begun. I was the defensive coordinator and the defensive backs and linebacker coach. We had a great start to the first week of practice. I was working two jobsatthetimeandcoachingintheevening.

As always, life shows up when we are at peace. The president reluctantlyaskedtospeakwithmeduringpractice.IcanstillseehisfaceasI writetoday.Asalways,I’mobservantofenergy,andhisenergydidn’tseem right.

Thepresidentsaid,"CoachGoode,wecan’tallowyoutocoachthis year."

The police department advised that I was just released from prison, and needed to wait a year. I was devastated, angry, and embarrassed. I told him thank you, and he gave me numbers to call to appeal. I walked to my car and sat in silence for about 30 minutes or so. Angry tears started to flow, and my heart was in my stomach. I’ve paid my debt, served my time, and paid all fines to the government. Yet here I am again being judged and crippled by people’s opinions. I didn’t have the energy to appeal. In addition, I made a pact tonever beg to be accepted once released from prison. Sure, I could have just quit, dropped my son off, and never gone to his practices, but what wouldthathavesaidabout measafatherandacoach?

Aftergettingovermyemotions,Imetwiththeteamandtoldthem the news. I also told them that I would be at every practice and every game, coaching from the sideline. I did just that, and we made it to the SuperBowlatseason'send. We lost to a better team that day, but I won in so many ways. More importantly, I took that unfortunate disposition anduseditasatooltoshowmy son that no matter what, NEVER FOLD! I have been coaching youth football for 15 years. Out of the many championship teams I’ve been a part of, that season coaching from the sidelinewasmymostfulfilling.

I want to share more details concerning how I felt when I was rejectedbecausemany of you may have been rejected as well. The lesson is in how I reacted when I got myself together. I was angry and embarrassed, and didn’t know what my son would think of me or if I caused him any type of embarrassment with his teammates. I could have made a scene or appealed it, but what would that have taught Donavan? Children learn by our actions not our words. The other thing I did was keep my word to him. I told his team that I would be there for every practice and game and coach from the sidelines. This is EXACTLY whatIdid.

Systems and rules will try to keep you confined in society, but only you cangivethemthekeytokeepyouthere.

MENDING THE FENCES GAME PLAY

Leaving Donavan and learning to forgive myself for the pain that was inflicteduponmysonwassomethingthatIhadtodo.Forgivenessisanother brickinmyfoundation.Takeactionablestepsinrepairingbrokenbondswith yourfamily,children,andyourTribe.

Becauseprisonphonetimewaslimited,IwasnotabletohearfromDonavan. So I spent a lot of time daydreaming about what he may be doing, while awaitingaletterinthemailfromhim.IremembermissinghimsomuchthatI wantedtoholdhishand.Iremembertracingmyhandandaskinghimto"give me five." Unfortunately, being a kid, he never returned the high five to me. However,Iwasn’texpectingit(Donavan,didn’tliketowrite),butitwould havebeennice.

Yes,youractionsmayhavecausedpainandbeenviewedasneglecttosome, butmendthebridge.MysonandIweresoclosethatweneverlosttouch,but wecertainlybuiltastrongerbondoutofthemessthatisnowmymessage.

It is possible. NO excuses, and NO time out ! Get back in there and do whateverisnecessary.Removeyourprideandfocusontheendthatyouseek.

StableHousing

I lived between my friends and my parents for four years after my release. On the weekends, Donavan and I stayed at Naunie (my mom) and Papa’s house.

Once again, I had to focus on my faith and ask God to provide an apartment for me and Donavan. It was a challenge, but getting my first apartment has been one of the greatest moments during my recovery phase. I can still remember our father and son middle-of-the-night pillow fights and sleepovers; I was like a kid in a toy store when I finally gotaplacewecouldcallhome.

I decided to take Donavan out to his favorite restaurant, PF Chang’s, to tellhimthegoodnews—thatwegotanapartment.Oncewesat down for dinner, I told him the good news, and we both were super excited. The buildingblockswerecomingtogether.

The apartment was a two-bedroom level apartment that felt like a mansion, even though I had lived previously in three different homes, and one was a custom home built just for us. However, the apartment was the best out of them all. My appreciation for everything grew from spending time in prison. I had furnished every room in the apartment before I moved in to ensure wehad all we needed. It was one of the most fulfilling moments of my life. At this very point, I started to feel better aboutmyselfasaman.

WALK IN YOUR PURPOSE GAME PLAY

Theconceptofwhatmakesamanamaniscomplexandmultifaceted,shaped by cultural, social, and individual perspectives. It's important to recognize thatthereisnosingulardefinition.Youneedtodefinewhatyouneedtofeel fulfilledinyourlife.Noonecandefinethatforyou.

Many of us have not discovered our purpose. Your purpose was already decided before you were formed in your mother’s womb. You might think thatyouareunworthy,thatyoufailed:HowcouldIbeanythinginsociety? Thereissomethingthatyouweredesignedfortobeablessingtosomeoneor something. Before it is too late, do a self-assessment of your skills, your knowledge,andyourgiftsandtalents,soyoucantapintoyourpurposeand movetowardsit.

6STEPSTOHELPYOUFINDYOURPURPOSE

1|Self-Reflection

Aswehavebeendoingthroughoutthisbook,youhavetoknowyourselfand be honest with yourself. What are your strengths, weaknesses, values, and passions? Think about what experiences in the past have made you feel satisfiedandbroughtyoujoyandasenseofmeaning.

2|SetGoals/MakeImpact

In order to find your purpose, you must establish short-term and long-term goals. How do you want to make an impact on the world or your community?Howdothesegoalsalignwithyourvaluesthatyoustatedin#1? Ask God to help you with goal setting that will move you towards his purpose.

3|ExploreDifferentOpportunities

You must be willing to step out in faith and try new things to find your purpose.Sometimes,tryvolunteeringtostepoutofyourcomfortzone,takea classinsomethingofinterest,orexplorediverseexperiences.Don’tbeafraid totrysomethingnew.

4|ListentoFeedback

Asyouread,IhadmanypeopletellingmethatIshouldwriteabook,butit wasn’t until God actually put it on my heart that I started the process. Stop and listen to what your Tribe or others are saying about the areas that you excel in or have potential. Gather input from your colleagues or mentors. Don’tforgetthatsometimeswisdomcomesinunlikelyforms.

5|Gratitude

Bethankfulfortheopportunities,experiences,andrelationshipsinyourlife. Gratitudecanhelpyougainanewperspectiveandhelpyoutoappreciatethe lessons that you have learned along your journey, guiding you towards your purpose.

6|GetMoving

Once you have clarity on your interests and values, take deliberate action towardspursuingyourpurpose.Embracechallenges,learnfromsetbacks,and remain adaptable as you navigate your journey towards living a purposeful life.

Bonus

Trusttheprocess.Purposeisnotsomethingyoulearnovernight.Ittakestime, andbeingopentonewideas,beingflexible,andlisteningtowhatyourheartis impartingwillhelpyoufindyourpurpose.

IttookmeworkinginlawenforcementandgoingtoprisontodiscoverwhoI wasandmypurpose.WhenIwasinlawenforcement,itwasaboutrankand achievements.Ididnotunderstandtheeffectsofwhyindividualsbehavedthe manner in which they did. My compassion was limited. Now that I have traveled the road of redemption, the same community that I did not understand,Inowservethemwithdignityandhumanity.Inowunderstand thataddictionandmentalillnessplaguesourcommunity.

WemakemistakeswhetheritisduetoignoranceorjustplayingGod,butit's nevertoolatetowalkwithinyourpurpose.Onceagain,Iencourageyoutodo thework.Thebookisdesignedtohelpyoutobetransparentsothatyoucan move forward. I look forward to hearing your story and how God turned yourlifearound.

MyFoundationIsRebuilt

ButI’mStillaWorkinProgress

Iwouldliketogiveyouhopethatbuildingmyfoundationbrickbybrickwas easy, but it wasn’t. I had to work hard and trust God in the process. I am a workinprogressandwillcontinuetobe.

I know you must be wondering, What happened after you got the apartment? LetmeupdateyouonthechaptersofEdwardJ.GoodeII’slife book.

Looking back over the years, it seems like yesterday that I held my son in front of my parent's house the day I came home from prison thirteen years ago. Donavan is a grown, intelligent, twenty-two-year-old manwhojustgraduatedwithaBachelorofArtsinMassCommunications.I could not be more proud of him. Although the painful memory of being separatedfromhimstillcreepsin at times, I have decided to forgive myself and cherish the days ahead. My son is my best friend, especially during football season, when we chop it up about plays or hit the gym to work out together and swap notes about our routines. I spent a lot of time attendinghistrackmeetsandwatchinghimrushthefieldasthehighschool and collegiate running back. I am beyond proud of him. I said it before: next to being a servant of God, nothing in this worldcomparestobeinga father.

I didn't return to the Bureau of Prisons to work in corrections; I couldn't go back. As I said previously, I lost everything. I get mad about it, too, sometimes. I have had to work a lot to rebuild to just get back to the basics of where I was. Starting over has been tremendous. Having to heal in a very public way can take a toll on anyone. Remember, never judge a person until you walk in their shoes. Going to prisontaughtmethat.

I am currently a program supervisor for a substance abuse and mentalhealthagency.Ihelpadultsnavigateverydifficultsituations.Ichose (see, it’s easy to slip into the I again)—I should say that God led me to this newcareerbecauseI wanted to do for others what I wished someone had done for me duringsomeofmydarkestyearsofuncertainty.

AUDACITY

I can now mentor and coach others in the game called Life. Being abletosharemy story and coach others puts me in places where I have the honor ofspeaking at churches, schools, and various venues on topics of redemption, overcoming struggle, and resilience. My family and friends tell me I am always coaching someone. It's true, but I know that this is my life’s purpose! Helping others to know that a setback can turn into success. God gave me an assignment to write this book so that you can find your own redemption, take ownership of what happened or forgive someoneelsesothatyoucanheal,andshiftintoyourpurposeevenwhenit ispainful.

As a part of your healing and success, I am about to drop some serious free games, or nuggets of wisdom, that have been guiding lessons for me over the years and, prayerfully, that will help you. These nuggets of wisdomcomefromlearningthatIamnotinvincible,thataudacityisrooted intheconfidenceofChrist, and that anything fueled by ignorance will fail. It is only by the graceofGodthatIamhere.

FinalGamePlays

In the final chapters of this life book, I want to give you more words of wisdom that you can use as information, motivation, and/or inspiration. PleaseknowthatIdon’thavealltheanswersofhowtotakeastepbackand turnitintosuccess,butIdoknowthatyoucandoitifyoustarttheprocess.

Ihopethefollowinggameplayshelpyoualongyourjourney:

1.The6R’s-Redemption:WinningAfterFailure

2.DearSis

3.Fathers,aWordwithYou,Please

4.DearParents

5.WhatIAmNot:EmbraceYourself

6.RevealYourInnerG,GratitudeandAttitude

7.Suited4Lyfe

THE6R’S Redemption:WinningAfterFailure

What is redemption? Redemption is earning success and doing gooddeedsafteronehasfailed.

REDEMPTION|

Toberedeemed,first,wemustacceptresponsibilityforouractionsandpoor choices.Theuniversewillnotblessusuntilwegivebackwhatweowe.What doesthatlooklike?AllowingGodtohavehiswaywithus.RespondtoGod’s spiritual disciplines and downsizing. We often pray but aren’t willing to do what is asked of us. Redemption is about rebuilding and new thinking. Redemptionislivingwithregretsandacceptingwhat’sahead.Redemptionis everyone’ssecondchance.

RE-IDENTIFY|

Thatseemssosimple,yetitissodifficult.Onceyouhavebeensuccessfuland failed,itisveryhardtofeelyoucandoanythingelseandexperiencethesame level of joy when you were on top. You have to change your thinking. You havetowalkthroughthedoorsthatareopentoyou.Thatisthehigherpower youhavetore-identify.

REFOCUS|

Refocusing involves accepting who we are instead of focusing on who we usedtobe.Whenwerefocus,ourregretsandtransgressionswillnolongerbe thefocalpointofourlives.Whatliesahead—thenewopportunitiesbecome ourfocus.

RENEW|

Now that you are practicing acceptance and have chosen to refocus, realize this can lead to a new you and that new opportunities are essential. Understand that now, you also are moving in a new direction with a new purpose. Humility. New thinking. What we endure stays with us after we heal;thatpainwillserveonlyasaplaceofreference.Thatpainwillempower ustomoveforwardandlive.

REDISCOVER|

Painopensthedoorstomanyopportunitieswhenwegothroughitinsteadof avoidingit.

Rediscovering your true purpose may sometimes seem scary in the coming days, especially if you believe future security is not within your reach. "Stepping into a new you" requires a mindset shift that will take you on a journeyofself-discoverytoglanceintowhatishiddenwithin.Thejourneywill teachushowtolearntolivewithregretsuccessfully.

Herearefivestepstogetyoustartedonyourself-discovery:

1.Changeyourmindset.

2.Reconnectyourpassions.

3.Thinkaboutwhat'simportant.

4.Realignyourgoals.

5.Takeaction.

RE-PURPOSE|

Whenweoperateinourtruepurpose,wefindpeace.Webegintoenjoywho weare,whatwedo,andwhatourjourneyhasallowedustobecome.Oftenwe areremovedfromwhatwethoughtwasourpurposebecauseitdoesnotalign withwhatGodintendedforusinthefirstplace.

Muchsuccessonyourjourney!

GAME PLAN

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?

What do you believe? Can you win? An important step is to embrace the mindset that winning is possible. Talk yourself into a win. Show up for the mostvaluablepersonthatyouknow.Yep,you!

Theproblemisthatwemisjudgewhatawinlookslikeandwhatisnecessaryto achieve it. Preparation is key, accessing your strengths and the opportunities thatpresentitself.Youshouldstayinthespiritofexpectationsatalltimes.

Winningisknowinghowtobuildyourselftoalevelwhereyouarecapableof givingtootherswhatyouhavegained.ColinPowellsaid,"Therearenosecrets tosuccess.Itistheresultofpreparation,hardwork,andlearningfromfailure."

DearSis

I decided to include this part for you because I believe the black queen is essentialtothesuccessoftheblackman.Yes,youareaqueen.Yourancestors died so that you could display your crown proudly. So, allow me to impart wisdom.

Like me, men can drop the ball from time to time. We can be clueless. I can relate to choosing myself over common sense. I want to talk to you aboutnavigating a co-parenting situation with an incarcerated dad or simply dating one that had just returned. So let's deal with the issue ofco-parentingfirst.

I was lucky; no, I WAS BLESSED. Despite not being in a relationship, Donavan's mother stepped up for me when I had to go away and never missed a beat. As parents, the key success factor for us was communication. Allow your partner to share his feelings, and encourage himtolistentoyourthoughtsand feelings. Your thoughts and feelings are valid. When someone is incarcerated, it is the worst time to play games or use the child as a pawn. If he was an active father figure before beingincarcerated,hisdesiretoremaininthechild’slifewillintensify.

When a man comes out of prison, dating may look different. It also may come with a whole new set of expectations. Prison changes people, and that man may need time and sometimes space to strategize his next move. I know youwant to start shopping and attempting to make a home, but a solid,responsiblemanwillnotallowyoutotakecareofhim. I know this all too well. Engaging a man who is not ready for you is the easiest way for someone to take advantage of you, especially if you have children.Pleasedoyourduediligencetoensureheisreadyforyouandyour familybeforeyouentertaintheideaofintroducinghimtoyourchildren.

Nowwithallofthatsaid,themostimportantthingistotakecareof yourself.YouareaRESOURCE,nottheSOURCE.Ifheisblamingyoufor whereheis in life, remind him that you are not responsible for his choices. Rememberyourworth,andprotectyourboundaries.

AUDACITY

Themanthatreturnshomefromprisonstrugglestorecoverwithoutastrong support system. If the man was a good father before prison, provided and protected,thenallowhimtoworkhiswaybacktothatspacewithoutpressure. Agoodmanalwaystakescareofhisfamily.Thereisnofertilegroundwhenit comes to a man's family, especially his children. If at all possible (and if this applies to you, try to avoid a child support arrangement controlled by the courts.AsIstated,agoodmanshouldalwaystakecareforhisfamilyfirst!

Finally, listen to your spirit of discernment. Don't allow your heart to cause your brain to stop working. Women, you know your intuition is better than the FBI’s top investigator. You know I am telling the truth. Trust yourinstincts. Don't allow a good-smelling man with a tight-haircut and some serious swag distract you from a real man who might be right in front of you. As a mental health counselor, I have heard too many times in my sessions from women that "he has the potential" (And yes, he may have potential). But he also has the potential tobreakyourheart,touseyou,andtorobyoublindsostaywoke!

When I came home, beautiful women who had their stuff together offered me houses and cars. It would have been easy to lay up and take shelter in their home (real talk). While I did accept some kind gestures, I didn't desire to be recharged by a woman who would be regulating my life, almost like a new warden. I needed to get my self-worth back. I needed to establish myself;sometimesthatmeantsleepinginmycar.Areal manwillwanttofindhisway,soallowhimtodoso.

Sometimes when a man feels like he has lost everything, his attitude can reflect it, regardless of the value you bring to the relationship. In these cases, although it may be tempting, you can't be a savior—this is not Build-a-Boo. Consider this: take care of yourself, follow your heart, and evaluate whether or not therelationship serves you. With much love and respect and wishing you well,Eddie.

PS:Ineedtoshareafewmorenuggetswithyoubecauseyousometimesfallin love with potential versus reality or facts. I want to encourage you not to ignoreredflagsbecauseofyourdesiretonurturesomeoneelsewhileforsaking yourneedsanddesires.

Because women tend to be such nurturers, it is at times easier for a man in transition to appear like someone that would be docile, but if he has beenstripped of his dignity he may not be able to accept what you are desiring toprovide.

Working in correctional and mental health facilities, I have seen firsthand how many women are manipulated into believing that their relationships hold more weight or value than they actually do. This is a constant aspect of my day-to-day work. I still remember all the caretaker offers I received uponrelease.

Love on you; put you first. YES, be selfish in this season. Evaluate the corevaluesandtheiralignmentwithyourvaluesystem.

It is ok to walk away from what no longer serves you. If you are still dealingwithbrokennessinsomeareas,seekhelpandcontinuetoheal.

Fathers,aWordwithYou,Please

Ireturnedhomewithbrokenpieces,butIcamehomeanyway.

We must remember that every decision we make affects and impacts our children.LeavingmysonforayearwhileIservedtimeinfederalprisonwas oneofthetoughestmomentsIovercame.Ihadagreatrelationshipwithmy sonandsawhimdaily.Ididnotallowthebreakupofmymarriagetolimitme asafather.Inaddition,Iworkedhardtofindthebestwaystoco-parentwith his mother. We both made sure that our son would not suffer due to our issues. Upon release from prison, I did not entertain relationships with women. Instead, I spent time addressing my son's insecurities that stemmed from my leaving him. An incident made me realize how insecure he had becomefrommyabsence.

A few months after I returned from prison, my son and I were out having dinner. A former associate saw us and came over to greet me. Whilespeakingwithher,myson'seyesstartedtowater,andhebegantocry. I walked my son outside the restaurant to find out what was wrong. He turned to hug me and said, "I don't want you to leave me again." I can imaginewhathewasfeelingatthat time; the idea that I had attachment or shared connection with anyone besides him was unfathomable for a nineyearold.

Immediately I felt like the worst man alive. At that moment, I cemented my decision to spend every day of my life, ensuring that I was present in his lifeandwouldneverdoanythingagaintojeopardizemytime withhim.

It is paramount to reestablish your relationship with the child's mother. Co-parenting is so essential for the healthy growth of children from broken homes. It takes both parents being on the same page to be effective. It's also important to reconnect and support our children's activities—sports, schoolactivities,etc.Therealityisthatreturningcitizens have an uphill battle. We are met with constant "NO’s," more than with "yes"opportunities.Wearejudgedmore often than not and written off by many. Adding the responsibility of providing for and protecting our children only amplifies the struggle to reclaim your place in their lives. To overcome these circumstances, you have to make better choices. You maylookinthemirror,seethatfragmentedman,andresolvethatalthough youmadeamistake,youAREN’Tamistake.

Create small wins. It can be as simple as pitching a ball or saving moneyforonescoopoficecream.Youmaybethinking,Idon'thaveajob.I rememberthatfeelingverywell(ifonlythedashboardofmycarcouldtalk). Have you heard the phrase, "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps"? I remember thinking, Idon'tevenhaveabootstrap!Iwentfrombeingaman ofinfluencetobeingaconvicted FELON. That stain pierced my soul each time I had to check the box on a job application or recount it in conversation with someone—butthingsgotbetter.

Listen. Write a letter, find someone to talk to, but STOP making excusesandOWNIT.Yes!!!OWNIT;that'sthefirstsignthatyouwantto makeachangeforthosewhohavesufferedduetoyourchoices.

GAME PLAY

FATHERS, YOU ARE IMPORTANT

There is a shortage of fathers in the home. It is imperative that fathers recognizetheirvalueandprovideguidanceandleadership.

Fathers are in desperate need of parenting skills and exposure to various opportunitiesforgrowth.AsIwasgrowingup,nothingwasgiven,everything wasearned,evenrespect.Myfatherwassternyetfair.

WhenIhadtoleaveDonavan,Irealizedthatitwasimportanttore-establish thebeliefthatIwouldalwaysbethere.Thisaidedinrelievingtheseparation anxiety.Youcanestablishtherelationship;youareconsistent,andyourchild cancountonyou.Youarenotadeadbeat;youareaproviderevenifyouare downonyourluckatthemoment.

Yourroleisimportant.Fathersassumethreeprimaryroles:theprotector,the provider, andthedisciplinarian.Don’tallowyourownnegativethoughtsto minimizeyourvaluetothefamilyunit.

BRICK-BY-BRICK

DearParents

HaveUnbreakableFaith

Parents,weneedyouatthistime.Iknowwescrewedup,andwedon’tlook like the child you raised, or maybe our actions reflect who you used to be. However, there is no time for the blame game or the guilt. We need you to rebuild.Weneedyoutohavefaithinuseveninourdarkesttimes.Weneed youtochampionusaswinnersandnotlosers.InRomans4:17(ESV),"asitis written,‘Ihavemadeyouthefatherofmanynations’—inthepresenceofthe Godinwhomhebelieved,whogiveslifetothedeadandcallsintoexistence thethingsthatdonotexist."Isummarizethisas,tocallthosethingsthatare notasthoughtheywere.Ineededmyparentstorebuild,andtheywerethere, especiallymymom.

Mom was heartbroken, but she remained in the faith principles in whichwewere raised. She never bowed to fear but held up her face to the God of her salvation. Resilience was her mantra. She never wavered but held meaccountablewhileshelovedmeandprayedforme.Iwanted to deny what the media was saying, because this is not the man that she had raised. However,themediatoldadifferentstory.

Truth will always stand in a room even if there are many liars present. Stand in the truth that you know. Mom never folded. Even when otherswhispered,shekepthereartoGod’sear.Parents,don’tforsakeus.

If your parents are deceased or not in your life, you will need to find the strength in God to believe in yourself. Ask God to send you someone that can stand in the gap for you and believe with you for better. God has notforgottenyou.

I also want to mention that if you were not the best person while yourparentswere alive or you did some things to them that you were not proud of and your heart has many regrets, just say, "Mom (or Dad), please forgive me," and release it from you. Shed the burden; you can’t fix some situations, but youcanmoveforwardandmakethemproud.

AUDACITY

WhatIAmNot EmbraceYourself

Oftentimes, society places labels and titles based on the world’s system and ideaofwhoyouarebasedonamistakeoraseriesofmistakes.Itisuptoyou todecidewhatdefinesyou.Challengeyourselfandyourmindsettonotallow anyonetodefinewhoyouare.Behonestwithyourself.Youcanfoolalotof people, but you can not fool the person you see in the mirror. Take accountability.Asthestormwasbeginningtobrew,Iknewthatsoonthings wouldbealloverthenewsandinthepaper,andindeeditwas.Theysaidthat Ididthingsthatsimplywerenottrue.Iwasdeterminednottotellonothers tosavemyself.IstoodfirmonwhatIknewtobetrueinthefaceofadversity.

Society judges and watches us closely, trying to determine who we are. Remember,yourtransgressionsnolongerdefineyou;donotallowthemtobe the focal point. We have to look forward to the new opportunities ahead of us.

Let’s do a few exercises to drive the point home that you are Not Who TheySayYouAre:

EXERCISE1

Drawabeautifulpictureofyourselfonasheetofpaper.Spillsodaandoil onit.

Crumbleupthepieceofpaper. Now,openupthepieceofpaper.

When you open it up, the image and the beauty are still there; it has just weatheredsomeelements.Thesameistrueofyou.Yes,wedidwhattheysaid, but that doesn't define us. We are made in the image of our Creator. I am reminded of that in the Bible story when Jesus asked the disciples, "But who do you say that I am?" Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the LivingGod”(Matthew16:15-16,ESV).Enoughsaidbecausewearemadein Hisimage.Yes,youmaybefragmentedandtired,buttakethetimetohealto beproperlyrestored.Youmayfeelthatitisselfish,butitactuallyisself-love. Those you associate with should be pouring into you, not depleting you. Honoryourfeelings;theyarethereforareason.

EXERCISE2

Find a mirror that will allow you to see your entire body. Every day, start speakingpositivelytothenewyouinthemirror.Ifyouneedtogobacktothe GamePlan,page9,wherewedidpositiveaffirmations,doso.

TheWordofGoddeclaresthatlifeanddeathareinthepowerofthetongue. Sotoday,whatevernegativemessagesyourbrainsendsyouorself-doubtand self-worth,castitdown!

WhoyouareNOT:

Youarenotadeadbeatabsenteefatherormother;youseeyourchildren regularly.Evenifforsomereasonyoucan’t,youcanimaginethatyoudo andprayforthemdaily.

You are not a sorry excuse for a man or woman; you take pride in how andwhoGodcreatedyoutobe.

Youarenotamanorwomanthatisunworthytolive.YourTribeneeds youandtheworldneedsyourimpactfulpurpose. You are not poor. You are rich in God’s glory. Riches are not all about money.Youcanberichinhealth,knowledgeandlove.

Don't accept negative labels; the Bible declares that we are joint-heirs with Christ. From this day, start your confession; you have been given a reset. Whetheryourbattleissickness,relationship,orincarceration,thisisyourtime toembracetheprocesstoreapaharvestworthharvesting.

WriteYourWhoIAMStatement

Iwillgofirst:

WhoIAM

My name is Edward J. Goode II, and I AM a God-fearing father, coach, mentorandcounselor.

NowWhoAreYOU?

Mynameis__________________________________________

IAM

RevealYourInnerG Gratitude&Attitude

Okay,wearegoingtodiscussseveral"innerG’s."

First, revealing your inner “greatness” means allowing every part of youtoshowupstrongasyoustrivetobecomebetter.

What is "greatness"? According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, greatness is the quality or state of being important, notable, or distinguished: state ofbeingpowerfulorintense.

The next “inner G” is "grief." Experiencing & honoring your grief canhelpyoufindyourjoy.

Grief has its place. So, stop acting like it didn’t happen. We tuck it away so that we can stay in beast mode. However, healing requires you to open upabout your feelings. It took me years to write this book because I had to face the fear of embarrassment and the thoughts of what people would say. Well, I cried while I wrote (by now you are thinking I just sit around and cry). I hung my head and had sleepless nights, yet, look! What you are holding todayprovesthatIpushedthroughanddidit!!!

You have to allow yourself to heal, but first, you have to acknowledge that this happened and explore forgiving yourself before you can dive deeper into the forgiveness of others. Our biggest opponent will always be themanweseeinthemirror.

Thethird"innerG"Iwantyoutothinkaboutis"gratitude."

Every blade of grass is significant to me. Every opportunity to give love is a must for me. I see life differently because humility has become my companion. Giving grace to people has become a way of life. Not seeing the sun for four months while inside the SHU makes me feel different when it hits my face today. I value and appreciate those around me differently. Freedom means much more to me now than before since it was taken away.Now,Ihavegivenmyselfbackthefreedom andgracetogrow.

Withmuchlove,INNER-G,akaEd

GAME PLAY

GRATITUDE

& ATTITUDE

Becauseweliveinasocietyofinstantgratification,weforgettoappreciatethe small things. It's simple: ask yourself when was the last time you really stoppedappreciatingthepeopleandthingsaroundyou.Keyhereistopause and bring things into focus so that the value is seen. When you are piloting your plane, believing you're invincible, you feel that people are always going tobeinyourcorner,andattimestheiradviceisnotgivenmuchconsideration until it is too late. My mom was full of prayers and advice, but my attitude wassimplythatIwasuntouchable.

Idobelievethatyourattitudecanhinderyouraltitude.Whenyouneglectthe responsibility of showing the proper gratitude, you will notice how your respectforthosearoundyouwilldiminish.

Gratitude only provides lifelong peace and happiness. When you realize the importance of gratitude in daily life, you will have more control over your negativeemotions.

Manytimesasetbackcausesustofeellessthanhuman,anditaffectsourself esteem, because we are unsure of who or what we identify with. Position yourself to win again. I vividly remember being escorted from the job at the FBOPandhowIfeltmentallyaftersomanyemploymentdenialscausedme towonderwhetherIwouldeverreturntoadeskpositionagain.

Being turned down after being assured that I was the ideal candidate caused me to lose my faith at times, but deep down I knew I was a fighter and couldn’t give up. Stay the course. Know that the right position is being createdforyou.Trusttheprocess.

Take account of all of the qualities that are in alignment and use those to successfullypivot.

Hey guys, let's take a moment to appreciate the little things that make lifegreat.

What are your top five small joys? Maybe it's the sound of your favorite song coming on the radio, the smell of freshly cut grass, or the feeling of sinking into your favorite chair at the end of a long day. These simple pleasures might not seem like much, but they add so much richnesstoourlives.

Share your gratitude for these small but significant moments that bringjoytoyourday.

BE “

” AUDACIOUS RELENTLESS UNWAVERING IN YOUR DETERMINATION. IN YOUR DREAMS, IN YOUR PURSUIT, AND

Suited4Lyfe

PositionedtoWin

It'seasiertobuildstrongchildrenthantofixbrokenmen.

Fredrick

Douglas

AheartfeltthankyoutoMr.KevinFoxofTheSuitedFox (thesuitedfox.com)forhisprofessionalismandastutecraftsmanshipin creatingtheattirefeaturedonthebookcover.Iamtrulygratefulforhis expertiseandforsuitingmeforlife.

Thetruefabricofamaniswovenfromtheculminationofallhisexperiences, withresilienceinterwoventhroughout,tailoredbytheuniquepatternofhis life, ultimately determines the final presentation. While we strive for perfection, flaws and unraveled threads become more evident and must be mended,aswiththetornpiecesofourfrayedlives.

How do you mend? You have to button up and go back out. How you show up is how you will appear. Yes, let that sizzle for a moment. That is worth repeating: how you SHOW UP is how you will appear. Don't allow your past to distract you from being present for the next step in your life. Yes, you may have been seen on the news and in the media, painted in a biased way,butgainthestrengthtopushthroughandagain— SHOWUP.

You are only a prisoner to what you allow to hold you captive. I have gone from being an acclaimed athlete to a respected police officer and career lawenforcementprofessionaltoaconvictedfelon.Today,Iama coach, a father, and a mental health advocate helping others with addiction. I went from dealing with some of the most notorious criminals to now working with individuals who are struggling and have left everything to follow the streets. We all have grappled with a form of addiction: sex, pride, greed, etc.—the list is endless. However, no matter where you are in life, there is a seat at the table for you; you just have to makeitthebestseatinthehouse.

BRICK-BY-BRICK

Where you are today is not a key indicator of your next level. Just like me—I was on top of the world, "winning" one day and the next moment spendingmydaysina4x6box,shackledeveryday.However,this calamity helped me evolve into my God-made, authentic self. The lesson here is that your test is your testimony. Thank you for that, Marvin Sapp, butIleaveyouwiththis:

It is necessary to assess, speak, and affirm who you are and who you were created to be. Take time after each of these sessions of reflection to startmoving the needle every day so you can re-build, brick-by-brick, the masterpiece that is waiting for you. You are the Engineer of the levels in your story, and God is the Architect of your life. He is the Master Designer withthe original blueprint. You can’t destroy God’s plans, but you can hinder progress. Don't stop; keep moving, and bewell.

EXECUTION GAME PLAN

Lifeshowsupdifferentlyforeveryone.Weallhaveavoiceinsidethatattimes mustbesilenced.Itissometimesreferredtoasthevoiceofreasoning,butisit really? Find the inner warrior so that excuses won’t paralyze your execution. During my time on the football fields of VSU, I realized that playing with grown men was much different from my previous experience playing in elementary through high school. While sitting on the bench, I reminded myself of the preparation that had been made. I spoke words of affirmation suchas,"Iwasbuiltforthis!"

EXECUTIONISKEY!!!!ELIMINATEEXCUSES.EXECUTEYOUR DREAMS.EXECUTEYOURGOALS.EXECUTEYOURPURPOSE. GODOIT!

Place value in how you present yourself. While they say you can never ever makeafirstimpressionagain,Ichoosetobelievethatwhentheinnerperson is reset, your next reappearance can leave an impact that can eradicate what andwhotheythoughttheyknew.

Therearenoperfecthands.Playthehandchosenordealttoyou.

EdwardJ.GoodeII

BRICK-BY-BRICK

By embracing this warrior spirit, men can confront obstacles headon, transforming setbacks into stepping stones toward success. It's not about avoiding failure, but rather about facing it with unwavering courage anddetermination.

Let's tap into that inner strength, banish excuses to the shadows, and embark on a journey of excellence where our true potential knows no bounds.

What excuses are you holding onto that are stopping you fromsucceeding?

Suited for Lyfe

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I have never known an acknowledgment page to be so lengthy, but I can’t miss this opportunity to express my deepest gratitude to everyone who has walkedalongsidemeonthisjourney:

Mom,you'retheprettiestgirlIknow.Ioftensaythatyoudideveryminuteof my time with me. I still hear your words as if they were yesterday: "Eddie, I loveyou.Youwillbefine.Justcomehomebetter;youcanhandleit.You've alwayshandledeverything,andIdon’texpectanythingdifferent."Youwere right,Mom;Ihandledit.

Pop,thankyouforyoursupportandthedeterminedmindsetnottofoldin thefaceofadversity.

Donavan, I love you, Son. I’m sorry for hurting you when I left. I did all I could to be the best dad I could be to you. I pray that God allows you to outliveme.

My only brother Eric, I spent my life dedicated to taking care of you. However,duringthatdifficultperiod,therolesreversed,andyousteppedup for me and Donavan in a huge way. You kept him on track, focused, and cheeredhimoninlifeandfromthesidelinesoftheplayingfield.Iwillnever forgethowyounurturedyournephewwhileIwasaway.Itookgreatcomfort inknowingthatDwasokay,soIhumblythankyou.

CousinKemandPatricia,thankyouforbeingapartofthevillageandalways havingmyback.

Tom,thankyouforbeingyou.YoualwaysmadesureIwassolidonallfronts. Loveyou,Cuz!

My best friend Lawrence Holland, thank you for being a man. Thanks for answering and never missing my phone calls. Thank you for walking alongsidemethrougheverystepofthisjourney.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

DamonandTammyRamsey,thankyouforprovidingunwaveringsupport. Damon, thank you for being one of my four best friends. Thank you for beingasoundingboardonourmanytearfulphonecalls.Mybrotherforlife since1984.

Frank Carpenter, my friend, homie, and colleague since 1993. Your prayers andsupportformyfamilywereneededandgreatlyappreciated.Yourlovefor my son, taking time to build with him and provide insight, is what true friendship is about. You never questioned; you just moved into action. I alwayssay,youwillalwaysseewhoyourtruefriendsare,whenyoubecomea burdentothem.Loveyou,Brother.

Pastor Louis Jones, thank you for your prayers and for keeping me and my familygroundedwithconsistentandeffectivecounseling.Iamproudtoserve underyourleadership.

TwoofmyVirginiaStateUniversityteammates,andtwoofthebesttoever laceuponthehill,GaryMartinandKevinHall,akaLip.Thankyouforyour friendship and for loving my son while I was away. Thank you for showing upathisgamesandtrackmeets.Thankyouespeciallyforthecaryouloaned me,Lip;thebusbecametoomuchafterawhile.

EricBrown,thankyouforbeingwhoyou'vealwaysbeentome,afriendsince wewerenineyearsold.

TaraGeorge,thankyouforbeing"myfirstBoss,"asI’vecalledyouforyears.

W. Renee, thank you for paying my storage bills on time, while I was away. Thank you for being an unwavering friend. Lastly, thank you for never judging me. You gave me a shoulder to lean on at times when there wasn't anyoneelse.

Sharon Oliver and Diane Williams, my publicist and publishers, and the owners of CEO Publishing, thank you for being fierce and keeping me on trackwiththisbook.Thankyouforprovidinganavenueformetowriteand makethiscometolife.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A special thanks to the partners of CEO Studios: Alonda West-Johnson of LaLovely Photography, Tommy Ingram of J`efe ProductionZ, VA Sam ofE.M.P.I.R.E.MusicGroup,andRoneyBoydofBoydMediaGroup for your professionalism and commitment to your craft as well as to this project. Last, a special thanks to Orrie Gaines of Orrie Gaines Photography for yourattentiontodetail.Muchrespecttoallofyou.

A special thank you to Chaya Braxton for providing the needed insight and visionforthisproject.

I am grateful for Coach AJ, Doc Johnson, and others who helped to silence thechatterinmyheadaboutwhatwouldhappenifIsharedmystory.Thank youforyourencouragement.

Foreveryonewhobelievedinme,I’mforevergratefulforyou.Lovetoall.

Lastly,thisbookisdedicatedtothemenandwomenwhomadeonemistake thatcostthemeverything.Don’tallowsocietytodefineyou.Riseabovethe stigmas and labels that society puts on you. With DETERMINATION & AUDACITY, you can RETURN from your circumstances as a better versionofyourtrueself!

MEET THE AUTHOR

EDWARD J. GOODE II

BorninWashington,DC,andraisedin Prince George’s County, Maryland, Eddie Goode is more than just an author, speaker, and devoted father— he'saforceforpositivechange.

Graduating from Virginia State University (VSU) with a Bachelor of Arts in sociology and social sciences, he focused on corrections and mental health, laying the foundation for a remarkable career. An accomplished studentathlete, Eddie demonstrated leadership both on and off the field, earning the role of captain for numerous teams. Eddie was recognized as one of the best defensive backs in the CIAA during his college career. Transitioning into the professional realm, he served with distinction as a Corrections Treatment Specialist and Corrections Officer within Virginia’s Bureau of Prisons system. Today, he works as a qualified mental health counselor, overseeing staff and intensive case management for individuals of all ages. Beyond his professional duties, Eddie is a highly sought-after motivational speaker and facilitator, addressing audiences on diverse topics such as self-development, societal reintegration,mentalhealth,andfatherhood.

His commitment to mentorship extends to coaching Amateur Athletic Union youth football, enriching the lives of young athletes. Residing in Richmond, Virginia, Eddie finds joy in the simple pleasures of life, cherishing moments spent with loved ones, particularlyhisson,Donavan.

CONNECT WITH EDDIE

@Suited4Lyfe

RICHMOND, VA

PUBLISHING

CEOPublishing

715E4thStreet,Studio2|Richmond,VA23224 sayhello@ceopublishing.com www.ceopublishingllc.com

PHOTOGRAPHY,FORMAT,DESIGN&ILLUSTRATION

AlondaWest-Johnson LaLovelyPhotography infinitelalovely@gmail.com www.lalovelyphotography.com

COPYEDITORS

RonaldHarrison

HarrisonMedia

ChayaBraxton chayLevelContent+Communications

SETDESIGN

AndreYoung

AndreYoungInteriors

BIBLICALREFERENCES

NewKingJamesVersion.NKJV®.Copyright©1982byThomasNelson.Usedbypermission. Allrightsreserved.

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by CrosswayBibles,apublishingministryofGoodNewsPublishers.

InXthisXgrippingXmemoir;XAudacity: Fueled by Invincible Ignorance to Win;XEddieEs journeyXfromXunusualXsuccessXtoXrockXbottomXisXaXrawXandXhonestXconfessionXthat resonatesXwithXanyoneXfeelingXfragmentedXandXlost@

RedemptionXisXPossible:

Despite mistakes and setbacks, Eddie's story shows that redemption is always within reach.

DiscoverXYourXPurpose:X

Learn how to navigate life's challenges and find your true purpose, even in the face of adversity.

TransformXYourXLifeXwithXCourage;XPersistence;XandXForgiveness:X

Gain the confidence and tools to turn your struggles into strengths and to manifest a life of success.

EmbarkXonXaXmissionXofXselfQdiscoveryXandXempowermentXwithXEddieEsXinspiring taleXofXresilienceXandXtransformation@XyreXyouXreadyXtoXembraceXyourXhigherXself andXwinXinXtheXfaceXofXadversityB

This book will make you cheer and sometimes cry as you travel with Eddie on his journey. This book is a winner, ushering in the understanding that Eddie had to suffer a significant loss to earn a great win. This book remains at the top of my Approved List.

Audacity isXaXrealQlifeXstoryXfilled withXheartache;Xpain;Xsetups; setbacks;Xvictims;XandXvictors@X

Paulette Walker Johnson, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus VSU Author

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