Together Magazine | Autumn 2023

Forgiveness: what does it mean for survivors of domestic abuse?

Bekah Legg, Restored

Page 12

How can we make church more accessible for people with disabilities?

Janneke Klos, Count Everyone In Page 16

Supporting people safely in a cost of living crisis

Mark Ward, Trussell Trust

Page 20

Safeguarding Adults Week

With Safeguarding Adults

Week coming soon, this issue of Together dives deep into adult safeguarding issues, from domestic abuse (page 8) to accessibility and inclusivity for people with learning disabilities (page 16).

Katy Jackson, Safeguarding Advisor at Thirtyone:eight, walks us through the key principles of adult safeguarding on page 4, and we look at what the Christian teaching on forgiveness means for domestic abuse survivors (page 12). We hope you find this issue helpful and want to thank you again for helping us create safer places. Your membership with us means that we can continue to push for a world where every child and adult can feel and be safe.

Emma Editor

Government responds to IICSA recommendations

On Monday 23 May, the Government issued its response to the final recommendations of the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA). However, despite accepting 'the critical issue the recommendations seek to remedy' the Government does not appear to have accepted the recommendations themselves, including the creation of a Child Protection Authority for England and for Wales, and the creation of a cabinet-level ministerial position for children.

As part of its response the Government announced the launch of a call for evidence on the mandatory reporting of child sexual abuse and how a legal duty to report would affect children, organisations, workplaces and volunteers. The Government also announced the creation of a redress scheme for survivors of child sexual abuse which will be launched in England, recognising the trauma victims have suffered.

Alexis Jay, Chair of the Inquiry, said in a statement that each of the recommendations made were 'carefully considered' and that she was 'deeply disappointed' that the government had not accepted the 'full package of recommendations'.

Ms Jay also expressed disappointment that 'a number of [the recommendations] will be subject to consultations, despite the extensive research and evidence-taking which the Inquiry carried out over seven years.' She added 'The package announced by the Government will not provide the protection from sexual abuse that our children deserve.'

Leigh McFarlane, Public Policy and Research Manager for Thirtyone:eight said, 'With the weight of evidence that has been collected and presented by the Inquiry, the need for action is clear. Despite faith organisations and charities featuring significantly in the report they seem to have disappeared from consideration in the Government’s response. We would encourage Christians to use their voice, to share their experiences and engage with the Government and to continue to call for tangible action on this important issue. It’s only by working together that we can truly create safer places for children and all vulnerable people.'

Top TrustPilot review

Thirtyone:eight give great support and advice. They have great resources and training option for continued development and maintaining best practices. Keeping our organisation up to date with information and new relevant legal requirements. Easy to use website and DBS check procedure. Really like the introduction of the new online ID checks for DBS, saving processing time and keeping individuals personal details secure. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend Thirtyone:eight services to other organisations.

– Graham Bayley Newsong Community Church

Thirtyone:eight is a great resource for our Church

National Prayer Breakfast for Scotland

On Wednesday 14 June, Thirtyone:eight CEO Justin Humphreys, (Safeguarding) and Public Policy and Research Manager Leigh McFarlane attended the National Prayer Breakfast for Scotland at Prestonfield House, Edinburgh. Over 400 leaders from the Christian faith, politics, public sector, business, academia and sport, gathered to pray for the Nation of Scotland. This was truly a unique occasion when politicians of opposing views, people who usually compete against each other in business

and sport and church leaders with theologically diverse backgrounds come together, united with a common purpose. This year’s theme was Resilience. Nicky Gumbel (founder of the Alpha Course and former Vicar of Holy Trinity Brompton), spoke on resilience in leadership. Nicky’s experience in leadership was clear as he brought many powerful insights into how we apply a resilient approach to leading into today’s complex world.

Terry McCutcheon, founder of Hope for Glasgow, spoke from his own lived experience as to how his faith rescued him from a life of addiction. Prayers were led by many different people including Kate Forbes MSP and Sir Brian Souter. After the main event, a seminar was held to further explore the Resilience Theme. Along with Nicky and Terry, the panel included Lorna McDonald (Tearfund Scotland) and Professor Cathy Richards (Consultant Clinical Psychologist).

Credit: Justin Humphreys

–

in practice?

Written by Katy Jackson, Safeguarding Advisor at Thirtyone:eight.

The six principles of adult safeguarding

what do these mean

Adult safeguarding is defined as ‘protecting an adult’s right to live in safety, free from abuse and neglect’. As organisations we have a role in safeguarding adults that we may come in contact with. As we advise in our training,

‘It’s about people and organisations working together to prevent and stop both the risks and experience of abuse or neglect, while at the same time making sure that the adult’s wellbeing is promoted including, where appropriate, having regard to their views, wishes, feelings and beliefs in deciding on any action.

This must recognise that adults sometimes have complex interpersonal relationships and may be ambivalent, unclear, or unrealistic about their personal circumstances.’

The six principles

1. Empowerment people, encouraging them to make their own decisions and give informed consent. It means asking adults what they want as the outcome and this directly informing what action is taken.

Ask:

What are the individual’s views, wishes and feelings in respect of any concerns?

Does the individual r support to engage with you? For example, a support person present or additional support in relation to communication needs.

What do they want to happen?

How can the

Have they consented to information sharing?

Do they want support and have they consented to this?

The Care Act 2014 (Care and Support Statutory Guidance) provides a framework of types of abuse that can affect adults and the principles that we should adhere to in practice. Although this is a guidance specific to the English context, the principles are common across Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales.

Types of abuse that can affect adults include physical abuse, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, financial or material abuse, modern slavery, discriminatory abuse, organisational abuse, neglect and self-neglect. Being safe may not be all that adults want for themselves, and at times they may prioritise other things more highly, such as maintaining

2. Prevention – it’s better to take action before harm occurs. Your organisation can help by ensuring that your building and services are safe for adults accessing them.

Ask:

• What can you put in place to minimise harm to adults that your organisation comes into contact with?

• Are adults mentioned in your safeguarding policy?

• Are your staff and volunteers training in safeguarding adults?

• Do your staff and volunteers receive codes of conduct that detail expectations when working and interacting with adults?

3. Proportionality – the least intrusive response appropriate to the risk presented. This means only being involved as much as the person wishes and weighing up their wishes and feelings against potential risks. Consider information sharing and only involving those who need to be involved.

Ask:

• Has the individual consented to information being shared with other organisations?

• Have you considered confidentiality and explained to the adult if you’re unable to uphold confidentiality? For example, if a child is at risk or a crime has been committed.

• Is the adult in agreement with the support being offered and provided?

• Is the plan in place proportionate to the risks present?

4. Protection – the main principle associated with safeguarding. Adults need to be able to access support to deal with harm and abuse (including statutory services for those unable to protect themselves).

Ask:

• Do you have a safer recruitment process for staff and volunteers? For example, consider job specifications, role profiles, application forms, self-declaration forms, PVG/Access NI/DBS checks and interviews as part of this process.

• Do your staff and volunteers receive safeguarding training relating to adults?

• Do your staff and volunteers receive a code of conduct and induction?

• Does your safeguarding policy detail clearly the categories and indicators of abuse that may affect adults and a procedure of action to be taken when there are concerns?

5. Partnership – local solutions through services working with their communities. Your organisation has a part to play in recognising and reporting abuse and harm to ensure adults are safeguarded.

Ask:

• Does your Safeguarding Lead or safeguarding policy have the details of the local Adult Social Care Team (including duty out of hours), Police, Mental Health Teams, and Domestic Abuse helpline to support individuals in partnership where required?

• Do you have resources that you can signpost individuals too who require additional support?

6. Accountability – safeguarding should be transparent. There should be clear accountability for safeguarding in your organisation and you should have policies/ actions in place to support safeguarding concerns. Individuals being supported should know what’s happening to their information and who is involved.

Ask:

• Does your safeguarding policy have a section on safeguarding adults?

• Does your organisation have a safeguarding statement in your policy or on your website?

• Do your staff and volunteers know where to find your safeguarding policy and who your Safeguarding Lead is?

• Does your safeguarding policy have your Safeguarding Lead’s details clearly documented?

• Do you have a whistleblowing policy so that adults can raise concerns if they wish?

If you have any queries about safeguarding adults, then please contact our safeguarding helpline on 0303 003 1111 option 2.

"BEING SAFE MAY NOT BE ALL THAT ADULTS WANT FOR THEMSELVES, AND AT TIMES THEY MAY PRIORITISE OTHER THINGS MORE HIGHLY, SUCH AS MAINTAINING A PARTICULAR RELATIONSHIP."

‘Seven years of abuse and I had no idea I was in an abusive relationship’

Andrew Pain, survivor and speaker – Credit: Andrew Pain

Iknew I had a difficult marriage, but it wasn’t until a neighbour witnessed me being physically attacked and privately told me later that evening that I was the victim of domestic abuse, that the penny started to drop. That neighbour was the catalyst for some long, overdue, self-reflection:

• Is this normal?

• Am I OK with being treated like this?

• Now what?

There are over 2 million reported cases of domestic abuse every year in the UK, with one third involving men as victims, and while awareness around the complexities of domestic abuse has improved (partly due to the recent, highprofile cases involving Jonny Depp and Amber Heard, the late Caroline Flack, and the recent Domestic Abuse Bill, given Royal Assent last year) there is still a long way to go if we’re serious about reaching out to all victims of domestic abuse and creating truly safe spaces for people to speak out.

If we want to make progress on tackling domestic abuse, we need to:

1. Be more vocal about the various aspects of Domestic Abuse.

2. Understand why people stay and why leaving is so difficult.

3. Develop our awareness of possible signs of domestic abuse.

4. Know where to signpost people.

If you had to think of an image to illustrate domestic abuse, what would you think of? For many people, the image would naturally be a woman being physically abused by a man, but domestic abuse has many forms and faces.

Aside from physical and sexual violence, it includes emotional abuse, coercion and control and intimidation. Of course, while women make up the greater proportion of victims of domestic abuse (two-thirds), domestic abuse affects people as perpetrators and victims, male on male, female on female, male on female, female on male, those transitioning gender and who have transitioned, and children abusing their parents (a rapidly growing phenomenon).

Domestic abuse is experienced across all segments of society and there is no particular group which remains untouched by domestic abuse. In my marriage, I experienced physical violence involving biting, kicking, scratching and punching. I was also attacked

with household objects, from the metal watering can to the sharpened pencil that stabbed my wrist.

I lived in fear of my wife’s outbursts and became an obsessive planner, trying to predict the situations which might pull her triggers to offset the likelihood of those situations occurring. Even in the good times, I was always on edge, always watching and planning, just in case things kicked off. Life was exhausting.

I became distanced from close family and friends, a common symptom of an abusive relationship, as the abuser knows that the close family and friends you had prior to the relationship, are your most likely source of a wake-up call, and your most likely source of support should you leave.

At work, I became unfocussed, disengaged, and struggled to function as the abuse took its toll. Having previously enjoyed the buzzing social life of a fast-paced, people business, I completely withdrew as my wife’s demands always came first. I rarely saw

my friends and became increasingly isolated.

You might be wondering why I stayed. For men and women caught in abuse, after years of drowning within the relationship dynamics, you believe that the issues are your fault, that your partner might be short tempered or violent, but only because you provoke them with your behaviour. You become your abuser’s greatest defender and excuse maker, so leaving simply doesn’t appear as an option.

Even if you do wake up to what is happening:

• How do you leave safely?

• Where will you go?

• Do you have access to money/resource?

• Is it fair to uproot the kids who might be happy at their school?

• What if, by leaving, you later have access to your children blocked?

(Abusive people will simply transfer their hatred and venom into a new game of psychological warfare, something you’ll be very aware of once you’ve reached the stage of considering an exit.)

If you leave without your children, can you knowingly leave your children in the hands of an abusive person?

If you leave with your children, you may regret any hasty action you took later in the family courts (unless you

can categorically prove your children were in danger).

These are just some of the common questions faced by survivors of domestic abuse as they weigh up their options. Leaving is not easy!

If you know someone who might be struggling in an abusive relationship, resist the temptation to think ‘it’s none of my business’, ‘it’s probably me just overthinking’, ‘I shouldn’t get involved’. Ask if they’re okay and signpost them to the following organisations who might be able to help:

• The Mankind Initiative

• Men’s Aid Ireland

• Women’s Aid

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline

• Respect UK

2. When my wife is running behind time, trying to get the kids out the door and I’m helping her, I never fear it’s going to kick off, or that in her stress, she’ll turn on me.

3. If I forgot to communicate something important to my wife and it caused her a problem, my heart wouldn’t start racing, nor would my mouth go dry. I’d want to listen to her expressing her feelings. She might be visibly annoyed and I may feel bad, but I’d know we’d sort it out without descending into a major drama.

I’m blissfully married today and have experienced the worst and best that married life can offer. So, for anyone who is confused about how abusive relationships differ from healthy ones, I’ve shared five real-life comparisons to help you in your self-reflection:

1. If I broke my wife’s favourite wine glass today, I’d feel bad and she’d be disappointed when I told her, but I’d never fear telling her: she’d know it was an accident.

4. If my wife didn’t get on with my sister with whom I was still close, she’d make an effort with my sister because she’d know my sister is important to me. She would rightly set her own boundaries, but she would not look to eradicate my sister from my life or wear down my relationship with her. She’d be charitable in her opinion, and we’d be able to talk openly and respectfully about the challenge that my wife and sister don’t get on. Sometimes it would feel annoying for both of us and probably, sometimes we could privately laugh about.

5. If I felt my wife hadn’t been affectionate with me for a while, I could tell her so, without fearing the repercussions of being honest with her. I wouldn’t need to stress about trying to find the right moment to have this conversation, I’d just talk to her.

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO MIGHT BE STRUGGLING IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO THINK ‘IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS’

In healthy relationships disagreements will occur. Anger is ‘acceptable’ so long as it’s ‘respectable’: occasionally you feel hurt, but underlying everything is trust, respect and a willingness to compromise on both sides. Couples can talk openly with each other about sensitive issues such as finances, love and disagreements on parenting, without fear of repercussions because you both feel safe with each other.

If, however, you’re treading on eggshells, you fear raising key issues due to how they will react, you avoid saying how you really feel and what your needs really are, and you know you’ll be blamed or attacked when things go wrong, then you might be in an abusive relationship.

For anyone who recognises these signs, these are some suggestions to help you navigate some of the most hostile terrain you’ll ever experience:

Talk to someone

If you’re trapped in abuse, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or stupid – anyone can get trapped in abuse, and you’ll have already shown tremendous strength in surviving day to day. Pride, fear and shame all empower your abuser to retain control but when you talk to someone (your friend, a family member, your colleague) the tight grip that the abuse has on you, is already being loosened.

Form a plan in your mind

What often keeps us stuck is that we don’t have a plan of action so when it all kicks off, we freeze. What boundary lines will your abuser have to cross for you to take decisive action? What action will you then take? Be clear in your mind and follow your plan should your boundary lines be breached.

Wake up to your abuser’s lies

‘Look: that wasn’t the real me … okay?’

‘You’re so sensitive. You always overthink things.’

Let’s take the first, classic lie. If ‘it wasn’t the real me’, then who was it? The postal worker? The fridge? The vicar?

You might be sensitive, you’re probably not overthinking things and your abuser is trying to gaslight you, which means they’re on a campaign to undermine your confidence in your own judgement and intuition, so that you see everything as your fault and your abuser as faultless.

Counselling is unlikely to solve the problem

More often than not, reverting to counselling is a tick-box exercise to give you false hope and buy your abuser some time. Even if your abuser is serious, counselling is a long-term process and it will be years until any sustainable change takes place.

Counselling is not a magic pill or a magic word. If you do decide to give your abuser another chance based on participation in counselling, develop firm boundaries and take action if they’re breached.

Final thoughts

Whoever you are, know this – you are precious, you are strong, you deserve better and better is possible. But the road to ‘better’ requires sacrifice, pain, energy and patience.

About Andrew

Andrew Pain is a survivor of domestic abuse and mental health speaker and trainer. He talks about burnout, mental health, work/life balance, resilience, fatherhood and psychological safety. Find out more about his work at www.andrewpain.co.uk

Forgiveness what

does it mean for survivors of domestic abuse?

Written by Bekah Legg, CEO of Restored

‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ Luke 23:34.

Some of the most extraordinarily beautiful and yet challenging words in the Bible. In his hours of despair, in the agony of the cross, Jesus has the grace and the capacity to forgive those who have put him there, those who continued to abuse their power to torture him, mock him and, as he dies, sell off his belongings. He knew what was in their hear t, He knew what it would do to Him, He fully understood the magnitude of what they were doing and still, he forgave them.

Hard questions

But, as beautiful as this is, it can trigger those of us who have suffered abuse ourselves, raise huge questions about how we are meant to respond to suffering and induce overwhelming guilt about what we feel about those who have abused their power and continue to do us harm.

Some of us have stayed with abusers because we know the Bible tells us to forgive our enemies, again and again. Some of us have endured our suffering like Jesus and can’t see a way out, because Jesus went all the way to the cross. Some of us have been told to lay our pain at the foot of the Cross and forgive our perpetrators and that feels like the glibbest thing we’ve ever been told, and yet we feel like inadequate Christians because it seems impossible.

‘How do we, as those who have been subject to abuse, wrestle with these issues and challenges? If we are teaching, how do we approach these subjects in a sensitive manner, careful not to give a message that the Bible does not say?’

There are many things that forgiveness is not; excusing anyone’s behaviour; wiping the slate clean; brushing abuse under the carpet or swallowing your anger. Nor is it relationship reconciliation or the need to become friends with your ex. It is not avoiding court because legal justice and the protection of children are vital.

Justice and forgiveness are not mutually exclusive

In simple terms, forgiveness is letting go of any negative emotional attachment to your abuser or the desire to wish bad things on them. Forgiveness is finally being able to let go of the past, the pain and the hurt and move on.

It also can take time. It’s important to remember that forgiving someone for standing on your toe is different to forgiveness after abuse. A quick ‘sorry’ and ‘it’s OK’ might work after someone wasn’t looking where they put their feet. It can be utterly meaningless after abuse.

It’s not easy to do the processing required for meaningful forgiveness. The long-term consequences of abuse; PTSD, trauma, depression, and chronic ill health consume your mind. Leaving requires huge amounts of energy – finding a new home, maybe a new job, new schools and GPs – these practical and emotional challenges stop a person from moving on, at least initially. You simply don’t have the space in your brain to process your emotions enough to get to a place where you can meaningfully forgive.

And the meaning matters. Forgiveness is letting go of the pain that someone has caused you, the harm they have done to you. But if you don’t own that, if you don’t name it and look it squarely in the face, how can you let it go?

Processing the impact

Having worked with many survivors, I have realised that for many, it is not possible to forgive without genuinely naming and processing the impact of what has happened. It’s only when the loss, the stress, the anxiety, the disappointment, the grief, the anger and the trauma have been faced full on, that it’s possible to know all there is to forgive.

You simply cannot rush it.

One of our survivors put it like this:

‘It’s nearly two years now since I left my husband and the vast majority of that time has been spent on trying to feel better. I think of it as my time in emotional physiotherapy. After a massive physical injury we don’t expect people to be able to run, but rather we help them to use their muscles slowly and gradually; building up their strength until one day they do run. In my opinion, asking me to forgive my husband two years ago would have been like asking me to run on a newly broken leg.’

But eventually, you do need to do it – for your own mental wellbeing as much as anything.

What steps can you take towards forgiveness?

We talk about baby steps, but here are three things you might find helpful.

Reframing

Being subjected to domestic abuse can leave us feeling completely destroyed. It’s tough to see beyond this, but it is possible to redeem our story – it is very possible that Plan B can become better than plan A.

It takes time, it’s different for each person and sometimes the backwards steps can feel like they outnumber the forward ones. But it is possible.

Acceptance

It isn’t possible to step into Plan B without accepting that Plan A is over. It’s easier said than done and you’ll need time to grieve all that was lost, including the future you’d dreamed of.

You are on a new path now which may not be what you planned but it really can still be wonderful – if we start to look forward and stop looking back, we can make a choice to write a better, new chapter in the story of our lives. However, to do this we sometimes first need to identify those things that are holding us back from moving forward. Is it trauma, regret, or grief? What is holding you hostage?

Action

What do you need to do to deal with what’s holding you hostage? You have to choose to act and do something about it. It’s not your fault you are where you are, but only you can change it. It doesn’t need to be huge steps – there are many things, big and small, that you can do to help you move forward. Here are some ideas:

• find a therapist

• learn about what happens to our brains when we’ve experienced trauma

• make a playlist of your favourite songs

• take up a new hobby

• make sure you laugh once a day

• find community – volunteer, join an exercise group, or get active in your church

• practise gratitude.

All these things take time and a lot of energy, so take it easy, don’t ask more of yourself than you can do in the moment. But know that you are not stuck in this chapter of your life, that you can turn the page and start a fresh chapter and that as you leave this chapter, in time, you will be able to forgive and leave your abuser in your past. They will always be part of your story, but they no longer control your emotions and your future.

About Restored:

Restored has a mission to equip churches to stand against domestic abuse and support survivors. Find out more at restored-uk.org

On Sunday 19 November 2023 thousands of churches from across the UK will be marking Safeguarding Sunday together. This is your chance to show your community:

• Who the key players are in your safeguarding team

• What safeguarding means

• Why safeguarding matters

Our digital church resource pack will give you everything you need to help plan and run your service, if you can give just a few minutes or can dedicate a whole Sunday morning.

Scan the QR code to register and download the pack:

Or go to thirtyoneeight.org/ SafeguardingSunday

How can we make

church

more accessible for people with disabilities?

Janneke Klos, Safeguarding Lead and Makaton Tutor at Count Everyone In, shares how we make church more accessible for people with disabilities.

Aqualified social worker, Janneke has been involved in adult social care and learning disability services for the local authority for 15 years. She came out of frontline social work at the beginning of the pandemic to focus more on Christian ministry and her work with Count Everyone In, a charity that inspires and equips the church to be welcoming and accessible to all, especially those who are so often marginalised by society and even the church because of learning disability.

She’s the Safeguarding Lead for this charity and Deputy Safeguarding Lead for her church. She also trains people in Makaton – keyword signing – both in the Christian context and more generally supporting people with learning disabilities in their communication.

Are there common hurdles around safeguarding people with learning disabilities? What challenges do churches and other organisations face? There is some fear around learning disabilities. I think that may have come from a place where people with learning disabilities were hidden for such a long time in society. They weren’t really seen outside of the home, or they would go into a residential institution where again people are segregated from society and it's only in the last 30 years or so that there’s been more understanding and active visibility in society.

People with learning disabilities are also much more active and visible in our churches, but I think there’s still a misunderstanding of what learning disabilities are, what it looks like, and the way in which

people with learning disabilities might communicate or engage with the world around them looks different. That can be quite scary and frightening for people.

A lot of the work that we’re doing is around raising awareness – helping people to see that we’re all created in God's image and that engaging with people in ways we’re not used to doesn’t have to be scary and difficult. People with disabilities have an important place within our churches. For a lot of people when they see a learning disability, they assume the person lacks understanding and capacity and that really isn’t the case.

Sometimes there’s the perception that a person can’t make a decision about one thing, therefore, they can't make any decisions about anything in their lives, which isn’t true. We’re

– Credit: Janneke Klos

‘PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES HAVE AN IMPORTANT PLACE WITHIN OUR CHURCHES.’

all allowed to make choices that someone else might look at and not agree with that feels a little bit risky or unwise. That’s the same for someone with a learning disability. And people with learning disabilities can make their own choices and mistakes – we may have an opinion about that, but we have no right to judge. I think that's very true when it comes to safeguarding and it's something that as a social worker, I saw a lot and something that I've had to check and learn myself. I just need to support that person in the choices that they're making. Not trying to force my opinion or my choice onto that. That's a challenge for adult safeguarding in general. I think that's also a challenge within the church.

Sometimes someone with a learning disability might not recognise that they're in an abusive situation because they don't know what abuse is. There's never really been a conversation with them around what a healthy relationship looks like. Questions like how should friends engage with one another? How should the staff member support you? Helping them realise that it’s not okay if people shout at you. It's not okay if people take your money.

What does being inclusive and accessible mean?

When I think about the word 'inclusive' I picture a circle of people who make space for a person outside the circle to join the circle. Does that mean that the circle has become accessible? Possibly not. Accessibility for me means that those who are already in the circle adapt and change the way the circle works so that the person that's joining the circle can fully participate in what's going on. Accessibility implies adapting and making changes to facilitate full participation. Inclusivity means we’re just inviting and welcoming people in.

People have different needs and sometimes when we try to be accessible to one group of people, that might mean that we're no longer accessible to another group of people. It’s a tension and a challenge from my experience, though I do think that if you make something accessible for adults with learning disabilities, you’re automatically making something more accessible for children and other people with disabilities (including children). For example, people who are neurodivergent or people with dementia or other neurological

illnesses. You’re capturing a lot of different groups at the same time.

Sometimes we can get stuck in our way of doing something. ‘This is how we do it.’ ‘This is how we've always done it, and we're not going to change from that.’ Change is hard but it’s worth having the conversation. Just because the sermon in church has always been 40 minutes, does that mean it can’t be shortened to half that time to help those who struggle to focus and pay attention? Just because we haven’t used pictures and simple illustrations in sermon notes does that mean we can’t do that going forward?

If I think about my own church, I started Makaton signing our worship songs because I recognised that it would be helpful for people who can’t read the words up on the screen. I would sign the songs and it helped people who struggled with reading to take part in worship. But the first couple of months of convincing people to do that were hard because it was something the church had never done before. There’s a high proportion of people in our city who struggle with reading and writing so this helps make our church more welcoming

‘ACCESSIBILITY FOR ME MEANS THAT THOSE WHO ARE ALREADY IN THAT CIRCLE MIGHT NEED TO ADAPT AND CHANGE THE WAY WE DO THINGS TO MAKE SURE THAT THE PERSON WE’RE INCLUDING IS ABLE TO FULLY PARTICIPATE IN WHAT'S GOING ON.’

and accessible. So, we're not just catering for people with learning disabilities – we’re blessing the whole church.

In some ways, COVID has really helped us learn that we can support people who struggle with too much noise and sensory overload, and so online streaming helps with this. For some people with learning disabilities live streaming has helped as well because they either can't get to the service or they rely on people to get them to the service. But now they can still engage.

Do you think there are systemic prejudices that prevent reporting abuse for people with learning disabilities?

There is sometimes the perception that people with learning disabilities are always happy if they're usually smiling and seem really content. Does that mean that they're always in agreement with everything that happens to them? Does that mean that they always like everything that they're doing or that happens to them? No, I think for a lot of people with learning disabilities, they've grown up in places or in situations where other people have always made decisions for them. Their voices were not always heard. And often people are told to just be happy.

We must recognise that people with learning disabilities can also go on to abuse others. Certain behaviours are not okay from are not okay no matter who you are, or what kind of disability you might have. A learning disability

can never be an excuse for abusive behaviour.

Can you share any practical tips on how churches can be welcoming and accessible?

There are some easy wins that anyone can do.

• Star t talking to the person with the learning disability. Get to know them – that's half the battle, isn't it? They’re a person who's living life just like you and I are, experiencing very similar things that we are all experiencing albeit with different challenges. By creating a relationship with that person, it might then mean that we enable them to share when things are off or when things are not okay. We create a safe space for them to share if anything is troubling them.

• Think about how much of our material is written –notice sheets, PowerPoint slides etc. Be aware that reading for many people with learning disabilities is such a huge challenge. People with learning disabilities might sit with their Bibles pretending to read it but unable to read a single word.

• If you can use a photograph or a picture to illustrate your point so that it's not just the written word, that can be helpful.

• Use signing if there is someone in your church who can do this.

• Use plain English in your spoken and written words

– theological language can be quite heavy and metaphorical language can obscure meaning. Explain the terminology, but also the metaphors that we use – what does being ‘covered in the blood of the Lamb’ mean? Many of our worship songs are beautiful, but all metaphorical. Do people know what they’re singing? Let's explain it.

• Recap the main points of your speaking segments.

I remember a group of people that came to our church and some of them were new to Christianity. We had a baptism in our church, and it wasn't necessarily very well explained what baptism is about. They got baptised in the big pool, fully immersed. Then later in the week, I got a phone call from a staff member who was really upset because one of the guys who'd been in the church had come home and told him that at church, we drowned people. We just assumed that they would understand what on earth had happened in that morning service.

What would you say is the single most important message for churches to be aware of?

If we don't make space for people with learning disabilities in our churches, we’re missing out on the work of God and of the Spirit in the lives of people with learning disabilities. We’re missing out on the gifts they bring to the church community.

Supporting people safely in a cost of living crisis

Mark Ward is the Head of Safeguarding and Quality at the Trussell Trust, a charity that supports a nationwide network of food banks to help people living in poverty. In this article, Mark shares the complex issues faced by food bank staff and volunteers, the safeguarding challenges they encounter, and Thirtyone:eight’s role in helping them navigate these challenges.

We needed an umbrella organisation to help us with criminal record checks (DBS), so that was a very practical reason why we became a member organisation of Thirtyone:eight. We have several employees who carry out roles that need to have a check undertaken.

We also wanted to call the safeguarding helpline because our job is based on people, and a lot

of the people that our organisation supports via the food banks that we support are in a difficult situation because they can't access food and income. As a result, it's entirely possible that a lot of those people might disclose to us. Our own staff are involved with people with lived experience of poverty as well so they may come into situations where they're having to deal with people who might make disclosures.

‘THIRTYONE:EIGHT’S SAFEGUARDING HELPLINE GIVES US GOOD ADVICE AS TO WHAT TO DO AND WHETHER A SITUATION MEETS THRESHOLDS TO REPORT CONCERNS.’

Complicated lives

We recognise that our own staff have lives that are as complicated as everybody else's – they could have an issue too and we need to be able to help them. We don't have the internal expertise to do that, so advisors on Thirtyone:eight’s safeguarding helpline gives us good advice as to what to do and whether a situation meets thresholds to report concerns. If not, they tell us who we might be able to help that person. That can be just as helpful. This gives us the support we need to make sure that we make as many correct decisions as we can.

Since we started, we've also developed a training aspect, where we incorporate Thirtyone:eight’s safeguarding training into a format that we and the food banks can use as context-specific, tailored training. This means that we can offer our network training that we wouldn't be able to offer them internally, we’re kept up to date with all the changes in legislation, and takes into account that we work across all four nations of the UK as legislation varies.

Changes in safeguarding awareness

When we look back, safeguarding wasn't seen in the same way that it is now. We arranged this training with Thirytone:eight knowing that we didn't have a full knowledge base and wanted to have some expertise behind us to help us realise if an issue was important and how we could respond. We can talk to our account manager at Thirtyone:eight and say look we'd like to develop something along these lines now.

We had a discussion like that recently where a food bank with a lot of volunteers came to us struggling how to know how to do safeguarding training well, acknowledging that they needed it but that they couldn’t find the best solution. So that has enabled us to have a conversation and it means that we’ll be offering something to the whole network of food banks, with Thirtyone:eight’s help.

The cost of living crisis

The more the cost of living bites, the more people are ringing our own general helpline asking for help and saying things to the people that answer that they would have never said before because they’re so desperate. Thirtyone:eight and another consultant helped us come up with a position where our helpline staff can recognise the concerns people are bringing to them and can then make referrals as they need. That's come about over the last six months because more and more people are finding themselves in desperate situations.

Because of the way the prices have gone up and there are people who can't keep up with them, it's taking people to a point where they’re saying things which are much more worrying, and we need to know how to deal with that. Once they've calmed down, the position isn't as serious as we thought it might be. But we don't know that until we've been through it and have had support and guidance to help us with those types of scenarios.

Safeguarding Challenges

One of the biggest challenges is that we’re dealing with the public, but we're talking to people on the lowest incomes, who are often dealing with health conditions or difficult life events, so it's not always straightforward to know what to do next. The food banks often find themselves in all sorts of difficult scenarios, which don't have a simple response. Getting advice from the Thirtyone:eight safeguarding helpline to think about how we might do additional training that could help us to address some of those issues is helpful.

Having a group of people at Thirtyone:eight with expertise in all sorts of areas usually means that there's somebody there that can advise or signpost to where we might find an answer. The information that we then get back is much more helpful because it gives us something to do going forward.

Anything could be thrown at a food bank and at our own telephone helpline because we’re dealing with people who are affected by poverty. We also have people that are in difficult situations who help us with research, because the only way you're going to really find out about the issues they’re facing is to talk to the people who struggle with it. We then have to be careful that we don't re-ignite their suffering when we're asking about what they've experienced.

It's useful to have Thirtyone:eight’s support when we're trying to design things like that too so that if we've got a query that's specific to a project that we might be doing, we can go back to our account manager at Thirtyone:eight and say, have you come across this? How do you think we ought to go about it? And what safeguards should we be putting in place to enable us to do this?

Spirituality, faith and foodbanks

One of the reasons that Thirtyone:eight came out as top of our list of organisations to work with is that understanding of the faith perspective. Many of our food banks either are part of faith organisations or were before they set themselves up as an independent charity. And even if they've set themselves up as an independent charity, quite a lot of the people who would have been involved previously within the face setting will still be involved within the independent charity setting too.

A faith organisation might be likely to want to give someone who has had a difficult past an opportunity to volunteer with them, because their faith talks about forgiveness and the ability to move forward. Charities considering this have to think carefully about how they might be able

to place that person and make sure everyone is kept safe, including the person themselves. Ensuring there's guidance and a clear risk assessment and process in place is key. Being able to access tailored advice and support to figure out the best way forward is such a helpful part of our relationship with Thirtyone:eight.

Don’t be complacent

Everything is changing. The world is becoming a more difficult place for everybody. If you think something is an issue, it’s better to check it out and find out that it's not than dismiss it and then find out later that actually there was much more behind it than you initially thought. Take concerns seriously, however they're made and in whatever way they're shared.

Our message to food banks is that you must listen to people. Even if you're not sure the helpline will not mind you calling them and running the scenario past them. Even if it's not a threshold issue, you might still come out with two or three organisations that you've never heard of before that can go on to give that person further help and support.

It's becoming more of a pressure cooker environment because of the extreme difficulty so many people are facing now. Being able to pick the phone up to somebody on Thirtyone:eight’s safeguarding helpline who I know will give good advice can lift that anxiety away and can help our food bank staff and volunteers to go forward knowing they’ve done the best that they can for someone.

‘ONE OF THE REASONS THAT THIRTYONE:EIGHT CAME OUT AS TOP OF OUR LIST OF ORGANISATIONS TO WORK WITH IS THEIR UNDERSTANDING OF THE FAITH PERSPECTIVE.’

Member spotlight:

General Assembly of Unitarian and Free Christian Churches

Gavin Howell is the Safeguarding Lead for the General Assembly of Unitarian and Free Christian Churches. His role is to advise and support member congregations in safeguarding policy and practice. In this article Gavin shares how membership with Thirtyone:eight is helping them rise to the challenges of safeguarding across their church networks.

What made you approach Thirtyone:eight for membership?

We were looking for an honest and trusted partner to support the General Assembly and our member congregations in embedding best practice in everything we do. We wanted an organisation who was knowledgeable, credible and who understood faith communities and the challenges we face.

We also felt that safeguarding is something which is best developed when working in close collaboration with others. In a nutshell, we felt that alone we did not have the level of expertise needed to perform this important task well. We acknowledged our limitations and asked for help. I’m glad we did.

We’ve been members for several years now. During that time, I feel like we’ve learnt a lot and made good progress. We’re certainly in a much better place in terms of having a more supportive culture as well as having appropriate arrangements in place. We’ve still areas we’d like to improve upon, however I’m confident we’re moving in the right direction.

Were there any gaps in existing knowledge, awareness and training that you were looking to close?

For me, as a Safeguarding Lead, the one area I really wanted to understand better was the DBS checking procedure. I was at a training webinar, run by Thirtyone:eight, and the session leader explained how background checks are not an isolated standalone activity but an integral part of a wider safer recruitment process. What can I say… It was one of those moments when the penny dropped as I understood the procedure, for the first time, in its proper context.

Since then, using the tools and resources found in the members area of the Thirtyone:eight website, I’ve invested more time understanding the different stages of the recruitment process and, importantly, how they relate to one another. I’ve found it fascinating. I now appreciate, for instance, the relationship between the role description and the DBS checking procedure and how it’s hard to apply for the correct type of check if recruiters are unclear on the role to be carried out by the candidate in the first place.

What are the biggest safeguarding challenges you face?

Recruiting people to become church safeguarding leads. There’s still quite a bit of fear out there regarding the potential consequences of getting things wrong and being held responsible. I think we need to reassure more and let potential office holders know that there’s good support available.

Also, raising awareness of our need to recognise and support the needs of adults at risk. With some, there’s still a perception that safeguarding is something that only requires attention if looking to run a children’s group. In our context, given the make-up of our membership and the groups we’re seeking to support inside and outside of our church communities, safeguarding adults at risk is something we need to understand better and ensure appropriate arrangements are put in place. Increasing need and declining capacity. The impact of Covid-19 and the cost of living crisis have intensified a number of challenges. Committee meeting agendas feel very full right now. Put simply, it feels like there’s more need than ever, both inside our congregations and our wider communities, with less capacity to address those needs well. So, given that context, how do we communicate our safeguarding message well so that congregations hear it, understand its significance and know how to respond well?

Can you tell us about Thirtyone:eight’s role in navigating these challenges?

Our member congregations really value the helpline. It’s a brilliant tool – a great starting point when seeking clarification, guidance or a second opinion. The staff are encouraging, empathetic and knowledgeable. Some safeguarding leads have found it particularly helpful to talk to someone in confidence from outside of their church setting. Indeed, some impartial external perspective and support has been a big help to some groups in navigating some tricky issues, involving powerful personalities, reasonably well. They’ve also been excellent at signposting trustees and safeguarding leads to relevant training webinars, practice guides, model

policies as well as supporting congregations with DBS applications. In particular, the training for trustees has really helped to make clear their responsibilities and those who have undertaken safeguarding leadership training report feeling ‘equipped enough’ to start having conversations around introducing/updating policies and procedures in their respective settings. So, lots of practical assistance, which is a big part of what’s needed.

What do you think is a key safeguarding message for churches today?

From my perspective, I think there’s a few messages we need to get out there. The first is that having good safeguarding arrangements in place helps nurture healthy church cultures, which further enables us to achieve our mission/purpose. Basically, when people feel safe and trust those around them, they then have confidence to engage with and explore their faith more fully. So, for me, good safeguarding helps facilitate spiritual growth.

I’d add that introducing and developing appropriate safeguarding arrangements is putting our beliefs into action. For instance, within the Christian tradition, Proverbs 31:8 is clear on our responsibility to advocate on behalf those in need.

Finally, in developing safeguarding best practice, churches don’t have to go it alone. There’s now good support out there to help congregations develop safer cultures and put appropriate arrangements in place. That includes groups wishing to putting arrangements in place for the first time as well as those wishing to review and update their current arrangements. Help is at hand. If in doubt reach out and ask for help. It’s ok to do so.

Demonstrate and certify your organisation's commitment to creating safer places with our new national safeguarding quality award.

Launching in 2023, this new award gives a clear and holistic way to benchmark your safeguarding arrangements and assure yourselves and those you work for and with that all necessary requirements are being met.

Benefits:

• Demonstrate that you meet expected standards.

• Evidence and celebrate your safeguarding achievements.

• Encourage ongoing regular review.

• Highlight areas where additional work may be needed.

• Motivate your staff and volunteers.

• Increase trust in your organisation.

• Reassure partners, funders, and statutory agencies.

Scan the QR code to learn more and to register your interest or visit thirtyoneeight.org/award

Putting People at the Centre: Responding Well to Allegations of Abuse and Harm in the Church

Written by Simon Plant

This article contains content that may trigger flashbacks or difficult feelings.

• Abuse and trauma within faith settings.

• Spiritual abuse.

• Impact of abuse and harm on survivors.

• Survivor experience of safeguarding processes.

It’s important that emotional health is considered before reading this article.

High profile reports of abuse and trauma within faith continue to receive much media attention. This media attention has impacted all of us across the Christian community.

This article explores some tips for keeping people central and ensuring a survivor focus in our response where there are

allegations of abuse or harm within church.

Spiritual abuse can underly all other experiences of abuse or harm where this occurs within church.

What is spiritual abuse? What are we talking about?

‘Spiritual abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. It is characterised by a systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour in a religious context. Spiritual abuse can have a deeply damaging impact on those who experience it and can be experienced in a variety of different relationships.

However, holding a theological position is not in itself inherently spiritually abusive,

but misuse of scripture, applied theology and doctrine is often a component of spiritually abusive behaviour. (Developed from research by Oakley and Kinmond since 2001)

This definition has developed and will continue to develop through discussion, debate, and challenge as well as to the changing context of faith communities and organisations.

This is not a legal definition but does sit within the emotional and psychological and overlaps with other aspects of abuse. Just like emotional abuse, spiritual abuse can be part of an experience of abuse and trauma within faith settings or can stand alone.

Practical suggestions for responding well to situations involving allegations of abuse or harm within the church

Working with people who have been harmed

In addition to the trauma from abuse or harm caused, disclosing and using the safeguarding system can be re-traumatising. We must ensure we add personcentred approaches to good safeguarding practice and principles of empowerment, encouragement, and support.

Each person will have different needs and any response should be tailored to their needs.

Helpful questions to start a conversation on a survivor’s needs:

• What matters to you?

• What is impor tant to you?

• Is there anything that may trigger flashbacks or difficult feelings?

• What would you like the outcome to be?

Rebuild and maintain trust

Distrust is one of the main consequences of abuse and harm within church.

• Adapt responses to take account of distrust in handling disclosure, managing safeguarding processes and pastoral care.

• Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. Trust must be earned.

• Rebuilt trust can be easily undermined.

Ensure trust is not undermined Minimisation, disbelief, making excuses or defending the church and individuals or perceptions of this can all undermine trust. Delays, changed appointments, promises not kept and not doing what you said can also undermine trust. They can leave people feeling isolated, abandoned, unheard, unsupported and that their experience hasn’t been validated.

• Manage expectations – be clear that while you’ll do everything to avoid delays and changes, delays and changes may be possible.

• Minimise any delays or changes to safeguarding or support processes.

• Don’t over-promise – if you can’t deliver, choose language wisely and give caveats.

• If delays or changed appointment or changes to processes are necessary, then communicate as soon as you know. Avoid times when survivors can’t access support, for example, just before the weekend, at the weekend or in the evening.

• Communicate regularly even if it’s to check on welfare and to report no progress yet. The vacuum caused by lack of communication can easily be filled with anxiety, worry, despair and fear of not being heard, taken seriously or the church closing ranks.

Be mindful of emotional cost

Whenever someone speaks about their experience there’s always an emotional cost. We should think carefully about how we can limit the number of times this experience needs to be shared.

Whenever a survivor takes an action or agrees to an action being taken this brings the risk of disappointment, feeling unheard, unsupported, or abandoned. So, what can you do?

• Have regular emotional check-ins (and be prepared for honest answers).

• Break processes down into small steps that are easier to manage and allow time for recovery of emotional energy.

• Check regularly on the pace of processes – are they feeling overwhelmed?

• Encourage self-care and self-compassion (for you as well).

Allow space and time to process

It may be that people have had positive experiences (including spiritual) as well as negative experiences. This can be incredibly confusing and can take time to process. Allow regular time for talking this through in a space that’s comfortable for the survivor.

Allow time for each step of the safeguarding and support process.

Decision making and the ability to say no

Those who have experienced abuse or harm within church can find it difficult to say no especially where coercion and control have been part of their experience.

• Think carefully how questions are asked. Always explain clearly that there is no wrong or right answer and that this is about what is right for them.

• Give options and choices rather than yes or no answers.

• Give as much information as possible.

• Build confidence in decision making.

• Allow time and revisit agreement or decisions. Allow time and room for people to change their mind.

• Watch for body language and unspoken messages.

Simon and Caroline Plant are founders of Replenished Life. Replenished Life is an independent charity that supports those who have experienced abuse and trauma within faith settings.

For more information visit www.replenished.life

Working with people with past experiences

Those who have experienced something similar in the past can also be affected when harm occurs to others. Where people who have experienced abuse and harm within the church read or hear about an experience of abuse and trauma in a faith setting in the media or on social media this can bring back earlier experiences and can re-traumatise. When these experiences are unresolved or justice and peace have not been achieved this can have a profound impact. People can feel isolated, unheard, and abandoned along with a sense of injustice.

People could question why these allegations are receiving more attention and action than their experience did. This is especially the case in high profile cases covered by

the media and discussed on social media.

Whenever we’re communicating about allegations of abuse or harm, we must consider clearly saying that the communication will have content that may trigger difficult feelings or flashbacks. It’s also useful to be specific about potential triggers. This should be considered for all means of communication – verbal, newsletters, emails, media, and social media.

Working with others who are affected

For those who have had only positive experiences, it can be difficult to come to terms with the reality they may have not known another side to the individual or organisation. There may be guilt from those who have witnessed and felt they should have said more.

Simon and Caroline Plant – Credit: Simon Plant

What does a good organisational response look like?

Make safe spaces for everyone to speak about their experiences but accept others have different experiences. Think about potential triggers of difficult feelings.

Debunk the myth of a single story – be clear that no one is all good or all bad and this is the same for organisations and we all have different experiences of people and organisations.

Ensure there is pastoral care for all. This should understand

and accept the limits between pastoral care and counselling. They should also be aware of their own limits including emotional resilience and know when to seek advice or support. All who deliver pastoral care should know how to refer to their Designated Safeguarding Lead. Keep a balance between awaiting investigation outcomes and avoiding minimisation, defence of individuals, silencing and censoring. Think carefully about the language that is used in communications and how this could be perceived and interpreted by survivors and all other parties.

What resources are there to help those struggling to make sense and find a way forward during painful and difficult times?

Replenished Life is an independent charity that provides practical advice and support for those who have experienced abuse and trauma within faith and faith organisations, providing a range of options.

www.replenished.life

07746 153 703

MACSAS supports women and men who have been sexually abused, as children or adults, by ministers, clergy, or others under the guise of the Church. They support both Survivors who have remained within their Christian communities and those who have left.

08088 01 03 40 www.macsas.org.uk

NAPAC (the National Association for People Abused in Childhood) offers support to adult survivors of all types of childhood abuse, including physical, sexual, emotional abuse or neglect. napac.org.uk

0808 801 0331 support@napac.org.uk

Survivors Voices is a survivorled organisation that runs peer support groups for victimsurvivors of all kinds of abuse, including faith-based abuse. It has a newsletter and other special events for survivors of abuse experienced in churches and other faith-based communities. survivorsvoices.org

Disagreeing and challenging well. Ensure there is room for people to disagree and challenge but that this maintains dignity, value, and respect.

Avoid the development of entrenched positions. Without undermining anyone’s experience we need to allow space for people to change their perceptions when new information comes to light.

Recognise everyone’s experience but leave the door open for new information and a change of perspective.

Safe Spaces is a free and independent support service for anyone who has experienced abuse in relation to the Church of England, the Church in Wales, or the Catholic Church of England and Wales. You can contact the Safe Spaces team through their helpline (0300 303 1056), their live chat facility or by emailing safespaces@firstlight.org.ukk

Thekeyversethatwewantthe childrentorememberisProverbs31:8 speak“Speakupforpeoplewhocannot forthemselves.Protecttherightsofallwhoarehelpless.”