September 2016

SEPTEMBER 2016

a spiritual parenting resource

COURSE correction homefrontmag.com

GETTING STARTED

6 CAN YOU SMELL

10

24 3 STAGES OF COURSE CORRECTION.

DO YOU WORSHIP NONETHELESS?

FALL IN THE AIR?

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We believe that the Holy Spirit is God’s chosen teacher. It is He who causes spiritual growth and formation when and as He chooses. As such, we have articulated 10 distinct environments to create in your home. We desire to create spiritual space, which we refer to as an environment, in which God’s Spirit can move freely.

This month we’re looking at the environment of COURSE CORRECTION. This environment flows out of Hebrews 12:11–13, and is the direct opposite of punishment. Unlike punishment, biblical discipline encompasses a season of pain, a building up in love, and a vision for a corrected path for the individual with the purpose of healing at its core.

Most people probably think this sounds like a painful process. And it can be!

When we find ourselves “off-course” in life, sometimes just the realization that we’re wrong can be painful. Sometimes the consequences of our decisions can be painful. However, God has a way of using our mistakes and missteps to make us beautiful and powerful examples of His love. We pray your family will experience the healing and restoration God brings to His children.

Michelle Anthony

Pastor of Children and Parents | New Life Church Family Ministry Ambassador | David C Cook T witter @TruInspiration

CONTENTS FAMILY TIME Family Verse

5

Capturing the Season

6

Storytelling

8

Worship

10

Conversation Starters

11

Create

12

Game Time

14

Traditions

16

Family Time Recipe

18

Kids in the Kitchen

20

Prayer

22

God's Word

24

Tot Time Rhyme

26

Blessing

27

Taking Action

28

Global

30

Fall Is in the Air

Raegan's Important Lesson Worship ... Nonetheless Get Your Children Talking

Bicycle Streamers Stay the Course Bike-Ride Mystery Dinner Baked Spaghetti Caprese Mini-Kabobs

2-Ingredient Ice Cream Prayer Ride Jonah

Along the Road

One Child Matters

India

INSPIRE, EQUIP, SUPPORT

OUR MISSION INSPIRE parents with ideas to create fun, spiritually forming times in the normal rhythm of everyday life.

EQUIP parents to become the spiritual leaders of God’s truth in their own households.

SUPPORT families to engage their communities and change the culture around them.

Student ID

32

Everyday Mom Blog

34

Everyday Dad Blog

36

Tough Topics

38

Marriage

40

Spiritual Grandparenting

42

5 Truths to Teach Your Children about Discipline

A Beautiful Harvest

Why I Stopped "HELPING" My Kids Triumph Out of Tragedy

Vision of a Corrected Path Design and layout by Stephanie Reindel (stephanie@homefrontmag.com) Cover photo by Ashley Wonderly awonderlyphotography.com © 2016 New Life Church

Reasons for Rules

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EDITOR'S NOTE Sometimes having our course corrected can be a painful process—natural consequences for our poor choices can be rough. Other times, course correction can feel more like gentle balancing—like when we learned to ride a bike for the very first time. Unknowing, we demand that our parents remove our training wheels, but we quickly recognize we are not quite ready to take off on our own. So, our Heavenly Father holds us and keeps us in line, guiding us until we are stable. We may fall, but He is right there to pick us up, help us shake it off, and get us right back on track.

Whether it’s our STORYTELLING article (page 8) or CREATE (page 12), you will find the theme of learning to ride a bike throughout this issue of HomeFront. Each article highlights getting back on track and learning to understand that even though painful, COURSE CORRECTION is always for our good. Our EVERYDAY DAD BLOG (page 36) is another great blog from Scott Dannemiller, The Accidental Missionary. Scott shares why he has decided to stop “helping” his kids. Hint: It’s because he wants them to learn on their own. Our TRADITIONS article (page 16) gave a new idea to me—I can’t wait to use this mystery dinner with my own family as a fun way to show the impact of choosing the wrong course.

Our HomeFront team feels so grateful that we get to be a part of your family each month. We pray that this issue will give you creative ways to implement the environment of COURSE CORRECTION in your home and help your family understand that when we get off track, God is there to offer us a path to healing.

Debbie Guinn

Editor in Chief | New Life Church dguinn@newlifechurch.org

WWW.HOMEFRONTMAG.COM Things you won't want to miss: • Parent blogs to inspire you • Mobile-friendly format • Lots of downloadable giveaways • Marketplace to purchase article bundles and more!

The website is filled with fresh ideas and creative resources to help you spiritually parent your children.

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FAMILY VERSE Memorizing Scripture can be an incredible practice to engage in as a family. But words in and of themselves will not necessarily transform us; it is God’s Spirit in these words who transforms. We come to know God more when we’re willing to open our hearts and listen to His Holy Spirit through the words we memorize. Have fun with this verse, and think of creative ways to invite your family to open up to God as they commit the verse to memory.

Consider purchasing an 8" x 10" frame to hold your family memory verse each month!

COURSE CORRECTION | homefrontmag.com

family time

c a p t u r i n g t h e s e as o n

FALL IS IN the air

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BRING THE SMELLS OF THE SEASON INTO YOUR HOME WITH THIS EASY FOUR-INGREDIENT POTPOURRI

September is an in-between month. Summer is winding down, yet not completely gone. Crisp night breezes hint at fall and stir in us a longing for all the comforts autumn brings.

This month, welcome fall into your home with this easy four-ingredient potpourri.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

WHAT YOU’LL DO

• 2 oranges, quartered

1.

In a small crockpot, combine all ingredients.

• 6 cinnamon sticks

2.

Turn heat to HIGH and leave the lid off.

• 2 tablespoons whole cloves

3.

Check your potpourri every couple of hours and add water as needed.

• 2 teaspoons vanilla • 2 cups water (more as needed)

by Debbie Guinn

Debbie is the Editor in Chief of HomeFront. She has more than 25 years of experience working in children’s and family ministries. She is passionate about equipping parents to become leaders of God’s truth in their own households. Her most cherished time is spent hanging out with her grandkids—they are her favorite people on this planet!

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sto ry t e l l i n g

RAEGAN’S important lesson Raegan stared in amazement at her new bike. Her parents had surprised her with it for her birthday, and she could not believe this shining purple beauty was all hers.

Raegan began to cry. She had no idea how far she had gone, and because she had gone off the trail, she wondered if anyone would be able to find her. She held her head in her hands, regretting her decision to go off the path. As darkness fell over the woods, she heard a noise in the distance. She looked up and saw headlights coming toward her. As the vehicle approached, she gave a sigh of relief to see that it was a park ranger's jeep.

“There is more to the surprise, Raegan,” her mom said, smiling. “This weekend we are going camping and you can bring your bike to ride on the trails.”

Raegan began jumping up and down. She ran up to her mom and gave her a giant bear hug, then flew over to her dad, giving him a big kiss on the cheek.

When the jeep stopped, Raegan's dad jumped out from the passenger side! “Raegan, we were so worried about you! Are you okay?” The park ranger got out from behind the wheel and approached Raegan with a first aid kit and began taking care of her scrapes. As the three of them sat and talked, the park ranger explained that this path wasn’t for bikes because of the loose gravel. Raegan’s dad reminded her she had been told to stay on the path. Both the ranger and her dad reminded her that these rules were put in place to keep her safe, and that when we choose to go off-course we can get hurt.

The next few days were a blur. All Raegan could think about was the camping trip that weekend where she would get to ride her bike. Finally, Friday night arrived and the family packed up the van.

Raegan watched attentively as her dad strapped the bike onto the bike rack. “Careful,” Raegan said as her dad worked.

But her dad just chuckled and told Raegan for the hundredth time, “Raegan, your bike is going to be just fine.” Raegan sighed with contentment as she climbed into the van.

Raegan’s dad wrapped his daughter in his arms as the park ranger loaded her bike into the back of the jeep. He gently tousled her hair and whispered, “I love you, Raegan, and I want good things for you always. Now let’s get back to the campsite and get you to bed so we can have a fresh start in the morning.”

After what seemed like an eternity, the family arrived at the campsite. Raegan pleaded with her parents to let her go for a quick bike ride before they settled in for the night. “Stay close to our site and don’t go off the trails,” her mom instructed.

Raegan jumped out of the car and got her bike off the rack. After digging around in the trunk, she found her helmet and strapped it onto her head. “Be back soon,” she called over her shoulder as she biked toward one of her favorite trails.

PARENTS We’ve all experienced moments with our children when they end up going off the paths we have set for them. In those moments we must carefully consider how we will respond. When we engage in course correction, there will always be a season of pain, the building up in love, and a vision of a corrected path. The story of Raegan is meant to help children understand that there are consequences for going offcourse, but that we as parents will choose to respond lovingly and help them see a better way forward.

Not long into her ride she noticed a big sign off to her right. She slowed to a stop and read the warning: “RESTRICTED AREA: PATH FOR MAINTENANCE VEHICLES ONLY.” She craned her neck to see past the sign. A hill rose in the distance and she could see the sun setting. She thought to herself, “No one will even notice,” and she quickly maneuvered her way around the sign. She pedaled faster and faster. Suddenly, she noticed her front tire shifting left and right. Her eyes widened. She seemed to be losing control. The loose gravel under her tires was making it hard to steer. Before she could help it, the whole bike slid out from under her and she fell to the ground with a crash, scraping up her hands and knees.

by Krista Heinen Krista is the NextGen Associate Pastor at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, WI. Krista helps equip and support the families at Elmbrook through resources, events, and conversations.

Twitter @KristaHeinen

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wo r s h i p

WORSHIP... nonetheless Most days it’s easy for me to worship the Lord. You know how it is: life rolls along for a while without any major bumps in the road and we soon find ourselves in a pretty comfortable place—the place where we worship God naturally, not just singing, but thanking, trusting, and resting in Him. Things are good in our marriages, our jobs, our finances, and our friendships … hallelujah! God is good! Honor His name! Hail to the king! Praise can be an effortless response when our circumstances are calm.

She was “in great anguish and grief … a woman deeply troubled” (1 Samuel 1:15–16). She longed to become pregnant, but even before she knew for certain if her deepest desire would be fulfilled, she worshipped God (v. 19). Bringing our empty and broken hearts before Him is one of the sweetest kinds of worship.

Job was hit with massive loss, but he worshipped nonetheless. The most famous of the afflicted in the Bible is Job, who was tested beyond what most of us can imagine. He was overwhelmed by so much despair that those around him encouraged him to just give up. But Job looked at his misery and did something remarkable: he “fell to the ground in worship” (Job 1:20). Choosing not to give up on God is profound worship.

The problem is, the road never stays smooth for long. Inevitably, things get bumpy. Trials come.

Challenges hit. We’re busy or stressed. We have to deal with unanswered prayer. Someone treats us unkindly. We enter a season of pain, or we have to watch someone we love go through a difficult time.

Our faith fades quickly, and as a result, we're tempted to walk away from worship.

Wherever we find ourselves today, no matter what we’re facing, let’s be determined to be like these Bible greats. By following their lead, we in turn can become an example for our kids, our families, and our friends, to worship Him ... nonetheless.

True worship, however, has very little to do with us and our specific situations, and everything to do with God and His absolute sovereignty. Some in the Bible understood this concept; no matter what their circumstances, they never stopped worshipping the Lord.

PARENTS Set aside a time this month to talk with your children about something they may be experiencing that feels difficult. Then share with them how important it is to worship God even in a season of pain. Read Psalm 34:1–3 together and then pray, thanking God for His unending love in your life.

Mary was busy, but she worshipped nonetheless.

In Luke 10, we read about Mary and Martha—two sisters who had a lot of work to do. Martha fussed and fretted while planning, preparing, and organizing for the day. Mary, however, “… sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said” (Luke 10:39), which Jesus commended her for. Listening to His voice is a powerful form of worship.

I will praise the Lord no matter what happens.

I will constantly speak of his glories and grace.

I will boast of all his kindness to me. Let all who are discouraged take heart. Let us praise the Lord together and exalt his name.

(Psalm 34:1–3 TLB)

Paul was mistreated, but he worshipped nonetheless. Paul endured many hardships, one of which was unjust imprisonment. After he and Silas were arrested (Acts 16), they were beaten and shackled. But soon thereafter, Paul started to sing hymns. (Acts 16:25). He saw a clear choice: to focus on unfair abuse, or to pour out his love to God. Pouring out our love to Jesus is an impactful type of worship.

by Kathryn O'Brien Wife, mom, and award-winning children’s book author, Kathryn serves as an administrator for Stoneybrooke Christian School in Southern California. She is most grateful for family, fun, and the daily grace of a loving God.

Hannah faced unanswered prayer, but she worshipped nonetheless. We learn in 1 Samuel about Hannah, who prayed desperately for a baby.

Website kathobrien.com

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co n v e r sat i o n sta r t e r s

GET YOUR children talking

If you think back to when you learned to ride a bike, you probably remember the feeling of finally getting it right and the freedom you felt whizzing down the road. If you think back to a time when you taught someone else to ride a bike, you probably remember the repeated tries and tumbles, the frustration, and then the exhilaration of letting go of the back of that little bike seat.

So it is with course correction. There is a season of pain, often coupled with frustration, followed by a building up in love, which leads to a corrected course—living with a freedom from the imbalance that once derailed us. Even though we go through the pain, what we remember is the triumph.

This month, as you and your family get outside and ride your bikes, think about course correction.

ASK YOUR KIDS THESE QUESTIONS: • How did it feel when you first figured out how to ride a bike?

• Why could going through something painful actually be helpful?

• How do you think God feels when we sin? How do you think He feels when He sees us get back on course?

• What is one thing you have learned because you went through something hard or painful?

by Courtney Wilson Courtney is the Elementary Director at Christ Community Church in the suburbs of Chicago. You can usually find her chasing her four amazing kids around with coffee in one hand and a camera in the other.

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c r e at e

BICYCLE streamers

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LEARNING TO RIDE A BIKE IS A PERFECT ANALOGY TO HELP OUR CHILDREN UNDERSTAND HOW GOD LOVINGLY GUIDES US.

Most of us remember the day clearly: we wiggled and we wobbled as an adult gently held and guided us on our way.

As the hand slowly released, we felt the breeze in our faces as we pedaled on our own for the very first time. When we turned to look back, there stood Mom or Dad, proud as could be—thrilled at the new possibilities that lay ahead for us.

Learning to ride a bike is a great analogy to help our children understand how God lovingly guides us. He doesn’t give us a single line to follow, like a tightrope walker—no, He gives us a wide path and then ever so gently helps us balance and stay within the boundaries of the course He has chosen for us.

Together as a family, create these Bicycle Streamers as a reminder that we are never alone on our path. Share with your children that the three strands on these streamers represent God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit who are always with us.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

WHAT YOU’LL DO

• wooden golf tees (2 per bike)

1.

Use the thumbtack to puncture a hole in the top of each golf tee.

• eye screws (2 per bike)

2.

Screw an eye screw into each hole.

• thumbtack

3.

Choose six ribbons and cut each about nine inches long.

• ribbons (3 colors per bike)

4.

Navigate three ribbons through each eyehole and tie in a double knot.

5.

Push the golf tees into the holes on the bike handles and enjoy!

6.

Be sure to attach these bicycle streamers before you go on the Prayer Ride highlighted in our Prayer article (page 22).

by Debbie Guinn 13

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game time

HOW TO MAKE A STANDARD PAPER AIRPLANE

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family time

game time

STAY the course WHAT YOU’LL NEED

eight of the best paper airplanes they can. If you have younger ones in your family, allow some extra time to help them make their planes.

• 8 sheets of paper per player, plus 1 additional sheet for score keeping

Once all of the planes have been made, explain that everyone will take turns trying to fly one of their planes through a hole on the poster board. When an airplane goes through a hole, that player will win the assigned number of points. If the plane does not go through a hole, no points are given. Continue rotating turns until everyone has flown all of his or her airplanes. Add up all of the points. The person with the most points wins! You can play as many rounds as your little airplanes can handle!

• large poster or foam core board • pencil • permanent marker • scissors or X-ACTO knife • tape BEFORE YOU START Using a pencil, draw circles all over the poster board as guidelines for cutting out holes. Each circle should be a different size, with the smallest being wide enough to allow a paper airplane to fly through.

Assign a point amount to each circle and write that value near it. The smaller the circle (or hole), the more points it should be worth. For example, you could make the smallest hole worth 600 points and the largest hole worth 50 points. Finish the board by cutting out the circles and tracing over the point values with permanent marker so they are easy to see. Once the board is complete, find an open space to hang it. You may try taping it to your ceiling or a ledge inside or outside your home. The key is that there should be space behind the poster board for paper airplanes to fly through. To keep score, create a list of each player’s name on your extra sheet of paper.

REMEMBER God has an amazing plan for each of us. Sometimes the path He has us on is one we may not expect. It may be hard to stay the course sometimes. The good news is that we have a God who never leaves our side. He stays with us for every single step, and when we wander off-course, He helps us find our way back.

Remind your children that just like these airplanes, it can be hard to go exactly where God plans to send us. But God never gives up on us. No matter how many times we miss, He will pick us up and set us back on the right track. He is a good and loving Father and we can always count on Him.

by Heather DePartee Heather has been in children’s ministry for seven years and is currently working at The Well Community Church in Fresno, CA, as the Kids Ministry Director for one of their three campuses. She has gone back to school for a degree in early childhood development and is loving every second! She is married to Adam and has a thing for pretty house plants.

TIME TO PLAY! Gather everyone around the airplane course. Give each player eight sheets of paper. Explain to your family that everyone will have a few minutes to make

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traditions

BIKE RIDE mystery dinner As a kid returning home from endless sports practices and days filled with homework or play dates, one of my first questions as I came through the front door was, “Mom, what’s for dinner?”

Anticipation for the answer to that question felt like the most exciting and important part of my day.

What if the answer to that question was, “You get to choose!”

Be ready for the meal to get messy if your guests do not pick the code word for a fork before ordering spaghetti! It's important to the process to go ahead and serve the wrong food item or utensil even if it falls in a place that doesn’t seem right. This is a fun picture of what choosing the wrong course can look like and walking alongside your kids amidst their wrong choices.

Welcome to ”Mystery Dinner,” a fun way to allow your kids to creatively choose which courses they would like for dinner. The best part of this fun way to serve dinner is that your child could choose something silly without realizing it; however, they still have to eat it!

For increased anticipation and more space for conversation, have your children pick code words one course at a time. Do not serve the next course until the prior one is complete.

Make Mystery Dinner an annual meal for your family as a way of reminding them to stay on the right course. Whether the annual dinner falls on a birthday or is a surprise when your children come home from a long day, this is a fun way to remind your children of truth. The “course” they choose may not make sense or fall in line with what is intended; however, we as parents can creatively show what it looks like to “choose” truth, even at the table.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED • Downloadable resources available at bit.ly/bikeridemysterydinner —— course selection sheets —— list of 12 code words —— code words cheat sheet with suggested food items

The truth is that discipline or course correcting is always done in an environment of love—it is our choice to accept this truth or fight against it. When we choose to believe that God loves us enough to correct us, it is truly the beginning of wisdom. This Mystery Dinner can serve as a reminder that our Heavenly Father dearly loves us and He cares enough about us to correct our courses.

WHAT YOU’LL DO To prepare for dinner, gather utensils and ingredients and prep the food items that correspond with the list of code words on the cheat sheet. Note: Only parents have access to the code words cheat sheet!

Make an individual copy of the code word list and a course selection sheet for each guest. Place these at the table. On the course selection sheet, each guest will write words from the list of code words under each specific course. The guests will have no clue what they have ordered until they receive the food or utensil that aligns with their code word. Once they have used a code word, they may not use it again.

Do not serve the next course until the prior course is complete.

by Haley Downey Haley is the Associate Director of junior high ministry at Grace Fellowship in Costa Mesa, CA. She is passionate about building community and adventuring alongside junior high students as they discover who God is and the gifts they've been given to make His name great.

Instagram @haleydowney

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fa m i ly t i m e r e c i p e

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family time

fa m i ly t i m e r e c i p e

BAKED spaghetti This twist on classic spaghetti will be perfect for the main course of the Mystery Dinner highlighted in our Traditions article (page 16). It also can be made ahead and kept in the freezer until your family is ready for this delicious meal.

Some fun additions to the Mystery Dinner would be Caprese Mini-Kabobs (recipe below) and 2-Ingredient Ice Cream from Kids in the Kitchen (page 20).

WHAT YOU’LL DO

Prep Time: 20 min. Cook time: 40 min.

Yields: 10 servings

1.

Cook spaghetti according to package directions.

2.

In a large skillet, cook beef, onion, and garlic over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain.

3.

Stir in spaghetti sauce, seasoned salt, and Italian seasoning.

4.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs, Parmesan cheese, and butter.

5.

Drain spaghetti; add spaghetti to the egg mixture and toss to coat.

6.

Place half of the spaghetti mixture in a greased 9" x 9" baking dish.

7.

Top with half of the ricotta cheese, meat sauce, and mozzarella cheese.

• 1 container (16 ounces) ricotta cheese

8.

Repeat layers.

• 3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

9.

Cover and bake at 350° F for 30 minutes.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED • 1 package (16 ounces) spaghetti • 1 pound ground beef • 1 medium onion, chopped • 2 cloves garlic, minced • 1 jar (32 ounces) meatless spaghetti sauce • 1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt • 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning • 2 eggs • 1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese • 5 tablespoons butter, melted and slightly cooled

10. Uncover and bake for 10 minutes longer or until cheese is melted.

*F or an easy metric conversion chart, search the Internet for “metric kitchen.”

CAPRESE mini-kabobs

Prep Time: 15 min. Yields: 16 mini-kabobs WHAT YOU’LL NEED • 16 cherry tomatoes • 16 mozzarella balls • 16 fresh basil leaves • 3 tablespoons olive oil • 1 cup balsamic vinegar • salt and pepper to taste

WHAT YOU’LL DO 1.

Assemble tomatoes, basil (roll leaves), and mozzarella balls on medium-sized toothpicks.

2.

Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Balsamic Glaze: 1.

Add one cup balsamic vinegar to a saucepan.

2.

Bring to a boil over medium heat.

3.

Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes until glaze reduces to a syrup consistency. (When the balsamic covers the back of a dipped spoon, it's done.)

4.

Allow glaze to cool and thicken slightly, then drizzle it over the mini-kabobs.

• toothpicks * For an easy metric conversion chart, search the Internet for “metric kitchen.”

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k i d s i n t h e k i tc h e n

2-INGREDIENT ice cream

Your kids will have fun helping you make this simple ice cream to add something sweet to the Mystery Dinner (page 16). Be sure to allow them to crush or cut their favorite ingredients to mix in.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED • 2 cups heavy cream, very cold • 1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk Optional Ingredients • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract • 1/4 cup chocolate chips, chopped • 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup • 1/4 cup nuts • 1/4 cup maraschino cherries • 1/4 cup fruit, chopped • 1/4 cup cookies, crushed *F or an easy metric conversion chart, search the Internet for “metric kitchen.”

WHAT YOU’LL DO 1.

Whip heavy cream on high speed until it becomes stiff (2 to 4 minutes).

2.

Add sweetened condensed milk and fold in by mixing on low speed about 1 minute.

3.

Stir in optional ingredients.

4.

Transfer to a container with a lid and freeze for 6 hours.

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k i d s i n t h e k i tc h e n

ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO CRUSH OR CUT THEIR FAVORITE INGREDIENTS TO MIX IN!

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family time

p r ay e r

PRAYER ride As you begin to ride your bikes, encourage your kids to look for things to pray for along the route.

You might even stop and pray for someone you meet. You can let older children lead the way. If they have questions about the route, don’t give them the answers. Instead, have everyone stop and look at the map. Let the kids figure out where you are and where they need to go next. If you’ve taken a wrong turn, they can correct your course by looking at the map.

The transition between summer and fall is a tough one for my family. We're all reluctant to trade in our lazy days and sandy feet for weekly schedules and sneakers. You can’t fight the inevitable. But you can make goals, chart a course, and expect change!

As we move forward into the school year, I have to help my kids adapt to new routines. And by adapt, I mean drag them kicking and screaming. Changes, especially ones we are hesitant to make, can lead to great opportunities for course correction.

When you get to the park or restaurant, talk about what you saw on your ride. Were there people you could pray for in your neighborhood? Discuss the upcoming school year. Are your children excited, worried, or scared about anything? Pray about those situations. Chart a course together for the school year!

Course correction can be a controversial topic, even within families. Whatever your viewpoint, if you don’t have a plan or end goal, things can get messy. This prayer bike ride will help you show your children what it means to have a plan, chart a course, and get to your destination while trying to stay on the path! And you’ll get to take advantage of the evening sunshine before the time changes and homework obligations set in.

God has gifted us with the best plans in His Word.

The book of Proverbs has 31 chapters—perfect to use as a daily devotional for an entire month. Consider reading one chapter a day together as you navigate the course for your own family!

Pack a dinner (or snack) to go, and plan on eating at a park, or make your destination a local restaurant and eat there. Gather your family together to look at a map and plan the route to your destination. (If you are using your phone, don’t let the app do the route for you!) Show your kids your location and destination and let them give input about which directions to take.

by Kara Noel Lawson Kara Noel is a chicken-loving, tea-drinking, fiction-reading, seeker of grace who is savoring small moments everyday. Kara homeschools her four children and writes from the heart on her blog, Small Things Are Big Things. You can find her speaking at moms groups about how the small things in our lives can make a big impact.

Before you leave, read Proverbs 3:5–6 aloud together and pray the verses over your family:

Blog smallthingsarebigthings.com

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Instagram @KaraNoelLawson

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Twitter @KaraNoelLawson

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family time

g o d ' s wo r d

JONAH • How did Jonah respond to God’s command at first? (Jonah 1:3)

One of the first Bible stories I learned as a kid was the story of Jonah. There’s a lot we can glean from this short book of the Bible, and a variety of lenses through which we can view it. This story is one of the first that comes to mind when I think of the environment of Course Correction. In the opening verse, God gives Jonah a command to go to Ninevah and preach to the people there (Jonah 1:1–2).

Immediately, we find that Jonah disobeys God and literally runs away, boarding a ship set to sail in the opposite direction from where God called him to go (v. 3). This sets the stage for us to see God’s course correcting in action.

• What was the season of pain Jonah experienced after disobeying God? (Jonah 1:4—2:9) • How did God build Jonah up in love?

(Jonah 2:10) • What was the vision of a corrected path God gave to Jonah? (Jonah 3:1–2) • How did Jonah respond to God’s command the second time? (Jonah 3:3)

First, God allows Jonah to experience a season of pain (Jonah 1:4—2:9). God sends a great storm, the sailors find out the storm is because of Jonah, Jonah is thrown overboard and swallowed by a great fish, and there he experiences three days and three nights in the ultimate time-out. But that’s not where the story ends! Next, God builds Jonah up in love by commanding the fish to spit Jonah out onto dry land (Jonah 2:10). In doing this, God ends the season of pain and saves Jonah’s life. Finally, God gives Jonah a vision of a corrected path (Jonah 3:1–2). God again commands Jonah to go to Ninevah and preach to the people there, and this time, Jonah obeys (v. 3).

DO IT Supplies • 5 blank sheets of paper • markers, crayons, or colored pencils Label the five sheets of paper as follows: God’s Command, Jonah’s Disobedience, Season of Pain, Building Up in Love, and Vision of Corrected Path.

Then, draw a picture on each sheet that depicts that portion of the story. (Parents can participate in this too!) After everyone is done drawing, put the pictures in order and ask your child to retell the story in his own words. Consider ending your time by confessing to your child when you have disciplined out of anger and not with the purpose of healing. Then pray together, thanking God for providing an example for us to follow in how to lovingly discipline, and asking Him for wisdom and grace as you continue to grow in the practice of course correction.

As the story continues to unfold in chapter 4, we see how God corrects Jonah's course again when he gets off track. Course correction is an ongoing process! Even the best parent—God Himself—must practice patience and perseverance in disciplining His children.

HEAR IT

by Emily Schulz

As a family, read Jonah 1:1—3:3a. Then, discuss the following questions:

Emily is the Director of Family Ministries at New Denver Church in Denver, CO. She is enjoying the newlywed life with her husband, Phil, and recently graduated with her MDiv from Denver Seminary.

• What did God command Jonah to do?

(Jonah 1:1–2)

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family time

tot t i m e r h y m e ( ag e s 3 & u n d e r )

ALONG

THE ROAD

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you SIT AT HOME and when you walk ALONG THE ROAD, when you LIE DOWN and when you GET UP. Deuteronomy 6:6–7

SIT AT HOME

ALONG THE ROAD

LIE DOWN

GET UP

This month, take your child out for a walk.

As you stroll along, sing this rhyme to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb. Share with your child that God loves us and guides our steps.

God gives me a path to choose Path to choose, path to choose God gives me a path to choose And guides me on my way.

When I get out of step Out of step, out of step When I get out of step God helps me not to stray.

Repetition is fundamental to almost any learning style, so when you’re teaching your children, use repetition!

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family time

blessing

A BLESSING CAN BE A PRAYER OF COMMISSION, A BIBLE PASSAGE, OR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. BLESSINGS CAN BE SPOKEN OVER A CHILD FOR THE PURPOSE OF DECLARING GOD’S PROTECTION, JOY, AND WISDOM OVER HIM.

We planted a few vegetables in our garden this year and suddenly, seemingly overnight, some of them have turned into a dense thicket! As beautiful as all these huge green leaves are, we know that if we let them continue to grow, we won’t reap many vegetables. The leaves must be pruned back.

This passage in John goes on to say that pruning happens so that our joy may be made complete. I pray that fruit and joy will be markers of your life because of God’s guidance.

By snipping off a runner here and there, we allow the nutrients to flow more directly to the sprouts that we want to flower and produce food, keeping their growth on course. In this same way, the Bible tells us that God prunes things in our lives so our focus, energy, and gifts will be directed in ways that will yield fruit. This discipline can be painful at times, but it is always beneficial.

Father, give (child’s name) a spirit of acceptance and understanding when You prune areas in his life. Help him turn the discomfort of discipline into motivation for seeking where You want him to bear more fruit. Deepen his knowledge of Your great love for him so that he would know your course correction flows from Your love and desire for his best. Protect (child’s name) from turning away from You in times of correction.

Rather, use these times to draw him nearer to You as he seeks Your will for his life.

BLESS

READ Parents, share John 15:1–2, 8 with your child.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful … This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

by Alissa Goble Alissa is a homeschooling mom of two boys, a proud law-enforcement wife, lover of all things Colorado (except for snakes!), and an incurable shutterbug finishing up her photography degree.

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family time

ta k i n g ac t i o n

ONE It's always about one child—whether it's our sponsorship program offering practical help and hope for the future, or providing surgery to remove a life-threatening tumor. It's always about helping one child.

CHILD This is our passion—children. We provide the opportunity for children to become productive leaders and effect change in their families and communities. To change a culture, we start with one child.

HISTORY The vision of One Child Matters goes back to 1954, when missionaries Mark and Huldah Buntain arrived in Kolkata (Calcutta), India to begin more than three decades of ministry among Kolkata’s poor and needy.

God was moving, and the ministry was incorporated as Mission of Mercy in 1974.

MATTERS To matter is "to have importance or consequence."

Think of how your own child has significance in your life—you would stop at nothing to protect your child from danger or harm. Whether a child attends a school in India or lives in the bush of Africa, that child matters to us—and we are called to provide him opportunity and hope in Christ.

In the year following Mark Buntain’s death in 1989, Mission of Mercy came under the leadership of Bethesda Ministries who committed to provide administrative and financial support to the organization.

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ta k i n g ac t i o n Although the ministry’s focus began to expand beyond India to other countries, the intent remained the same: to continue to proclaim the message of the grace and redemption available through Jesus Christ while meeting the practical needs of the poor, one child at a time.

UNNOTICED: Nearly 9 million children die before their fifth birthday from preventable diseases each year.

Their purpose and calling was confirmed in that vision—focusing on the one, just as Jesus did when the crowds pressed in around Him. Their goal to find others who believe that one child matters and empower them to change that child’s life moved from a statement of belief to the core philosophy of their ministry, to the actual name of the ministry itself.

EXPLOITED: Each year, 150 million children 5 to 14 years old are forced into child labor.

HINDERED: In the developing world, 101 million children are not attending primary school.

ORPHANED: 17.5 million children have lost one or both parents due to AIDS. But Jesus didn’t look at people and see statistics— He saw their needs, yes, but also their hope and promise. Jesus recognized that a simple touch could make the biggest difference. And when pressed by the crowds, He still focused on individuals.

Today, One Child Matters is working in 15 of the poorest countries in the world, bringing hope, truth, life, love, and mercy to more than 40,000 children through child sponsorship. To God be the glory!

So instead of getting paralyzed by the overwhelming need, One Child Matters wants to minister the way Jesus did: by focusing on the individual—on one individual child—because that one child matters.

APPROACH One Child Matters believes that a holistic approach—ministering to all of a child’s needs, not just a select few—is the most effective method of promoting child development. This is why they carefully and thoughtfully minister to each child’s spiritual, physical, socio-emotional, and mental needs.

One person can make an eternal difference in the life of a child.

One person can open the door to a stable, supportive environment that encourages education and development. One person can bring health and hope.

Much like a flower, a child will grow and mature to a limited extent regardless of whether or not each specific need is met. But the degree of nurturing a child receives will determine whether or not that child truly blossoms. By facilitating the holistic development of children under their care, One Child Matters helps a child reach his or her God-given potential.

You may look at the statistics and ask, “Can I really make a difference?” Yes! One Child Matters truly believes that sponsorship is the ideal way to change a child’s life. Through sponsorship, you can invest in a child’s growth while developing a profound and meaningful relationship.

Will you be the one who lightens the load poverty bears on one child?

One Child Matters is not seeking to westernize children or merely provide a handout; they do not promote a particular cultural mindset or create a state of dependence. Instead, One Child Matters hopes that by nurturing the needs of the whole child, the ministry is equipping children with the ability to fulfill God’s specific calling on their life.

Will you help that child grow in confidence and hope? Will you remind her that she matters? That she, too, can make a difference in someone’s life?

That she can transform her family, her community, her world?

You can. Will you?

HOW IT WORKS One Child Matters serves over 40,000 children in 15 countries throughout the world.

Website onechildmatters.org Blog onechildmattersblog.org

One Child Matters provides children with activities and services that help them develop holistically at child development centers (CDCs).

There are two categories of CDCs: church-based and partner-based.

Facebook One Child Mattters Twitter @OneChildMatters Vimeo vimeo.com/onechildmatters

It is easy to get overwhelmed by the statistics: 29

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g lo b a l

Awakening a compassionate heart and a global mind-set in children for people beyond the boundaries of their own neighborhoods.

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS ... INDIA?

India shares its northern border with Jammu and Kashmir, China, Nepal, and Bhutan. It’s bordered on the east by Myanmar, Bangladesh, and the Bay of Bengal. The Indian Ocean is south of India, and the Arabian Sea is west of India. Its northwest border is Pakistan.

Jammu and Kashmir Nepal Bhutan Bangladesh

Afghanistan

Iraq

Iran

Saudi Arabia

Pakistan

India

Oman

Yemen

China

Myanmar (Burma)

Bay of Bengal

Arabian Sea

Laos Thailand

Ethiopia Indian Ocean

QUICK STATS

POPULATION

1.2 BILLION

LANGUAGE

HINDI-URDU

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RELIGION

HINDU 80% ISLAM 13.4% CHRISTIAN 2.3%

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family time

g lo b a l NOW THAT WE KNOW THE LOCATION OF INDIA, LET’S MEET ITS PEOPLE.

Approximately 1.2 billion people call India their home. It’s the second most populated country in the world. Half of the people in India are younger than 25.

If you went to church in India, you would most likely go to a Hindu temple.

To talk to your friends in India, you would speak a language called Hindi-Urdu.

To say, “Hello!” in India, you would say Namaste (pronounced nuhm-uh-STAY).

If you lived in India, you would eat a lot of rice. Rice is a staple for almost every meal and is served in a variety of ways: boiled, fried, sweet, and salty. You might also eat something called a samosa, which is a potato-stuffed pastry. A popular fruit in India is mango.

DID YOU

KNOW

?

• India has more post offices than any other country in the world, but it’s still not unusual for a letter to take two weeks to travel 30 miles.

• Cows are considered sacred and can be found wandering the streets of India’s cities.

In India, traditionally, people are divided into five groups, or castes. One of the groups, the Dalits, are considered by the rest of the groups to be the untouchables. The untouchables are outcasts—people considered too impure and too polluted to rank as worthy beings. They are shunned, insulted, banned from temples and higher-caste homes, and made to live and eat and drink in separate places.

New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado has been involved in India for many years. They send missions teams there every year as well as maintain continuous partnerships with different Indian organizations, including Empart (empartusa.org), One Child Matters (www.onechildmatters.org), and Koshi and Joicy Baby.

Through these partnerships, the New Life community hears amazing transformational stories of Jesus breaking through the caste system and the so-called “untouchables” regaining dignity as they discover their identity in Christ.

The Indian organizations help orphaned and abandoned children find safe homes and warm meals each day.

They rescue children from dangerous situations and help give them families and education. The partnerships have also helped establish over 20,000 churches and raise up and educate over 7,200 local leaders who reach their communities with the gospel and bring kingdom transformation to India. God is on the move!

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equip

st u d e n t i d (6 t h

to

8th grade)

5 TRUTHS to teach your kids about discipline

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equip

st u d e n t i d (6 t h

to

8th grade)

My daughter Daisy just turned one year old. I’m flabbergasted. My little one is less little with every passing day. To edit Bob Dylan’s words, “My little girl, she is a changin’.”

they’re off track. They know they don’t have a judge, but a father.

3. Discipline Isn’t Hatred—It’s Love.

Loving discipline isn’t grounded in anger or hatred, but in love. Since our kids can be quick to interpret our discipline as acts of anger or malice, we must be intentional to explain that our discipline comes from our love. In love, we’ll have our children experience temporary, present discomfort to help them avoid permanent, future destruction. In fact, Proverbs says that the neglect of discipline is hatred toward one’s child because it means parents are allowing their kids to walk headlong into harm! (Proverbs 13:24).

PRONE TO DANGER As Daisy changes, I’m quickly realizing she needs not only my protection and provision, but my correction as well. Daisy has a penchant for dangerous paths. She’s decided light sockets are best enjoyed with fingers in them, and that the only proper place for small objects is her mouth. As she sees it, big dogs are just asking to be poked in the eye. Daisy’s desire for danger means Daddy must be diligent to discipline.

4. Discipline Isn’t for Sorrow, But for Joy. Upon receiving discipline, it isn’t unusual for kids to say things like, “Why are you making my life so miserable?!” It’s easy for kids to assume discipline is ultimately designed to bum them out. It will, therefore, help our kids to understand that discipline isn’t meant to steal their joy, but to protect and increase it. Just as God disciplines His children away from immaturity and sin to ensure them a joy-filled future (Hebrews 12:10-11), so our kids must know that our design in discipline is not to bring them present bummers, but future blessings.

But, as Daisy grows, she’ll need not only my discipline, but also an understanding of what my discipline actually is. She’ll not only need me to practice discipline, but to explain it as well. In my years of youth ministry I have seen this to be true: it’s easy for parental discipline to go awry when it goes unexplained.

FIVE KEY TRUTHS ABOUT DISCIPLINE With that in mind, here are five truths to help your children understand what your discipline is and what it isn’t.

5. Discipline Isn’t Easy—It's Difficult!

No parent enjoys disciplining her child, but not all our children know that. Help your child understand that it’d be far easier to allow them to do what they want and not discipline them, but that you love them too much to take that easy road. Assist them to see that your love for them is what drives you to choose the hard, difficult, and wearisome work of discipline.

1. Discipline Isn’t Our Idea­­—It’s God’s.

Since discipline is practiced less and less by parents today, it is especially important our kids understand that discipline is not our idea, but God’s. In Proverbs, God frequently calls parents to discipline their children for their good (Proverbs 22:15; 23:13–14; 29:15). Make sure your kids know discipline isn’t something you decided, but something God designed.

In communicating these truths, you won’t only help your child understand your own discipline, but God’s as well. Ultimately, it is our Heavenly Father who does the hard work of lovingly disciplining us (not punishing us) in order to correct us from destructive paths and ensure our eternal joy.

By explaining our discipline now, they’ll better understand His later.

2. Discipline Isn’t Punishment—It’s Correction.

Sometimes people will refer to their parental discipline as “punishment.” This is unfortunate because punishment and discipline are two different things. Punishment is what a judge gives to a criminal for his crimes. Discipline is what a parent gives to a child for his errors. Punishment seeks justice for past acts. Discipline seeks development for future good. Informed of this distinction, my friend always explains his own discipline to his kids as “corrections.” His children know that Daddy doesn’t punish them, but he does lovingly correct when

by Dana Dill Dana is the Youth Pastor at South Shores Church in Dana Point, CA, and a writer for the TruIdentity student curriculum.

He is husband to his beautiful wife, Chawna, and daddy to his precious daughter, Daisy.

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A Beautiful Harvest Sarah Hume

Over the years we have been blessed to observe some great parenting in families around us. A lesson I learned early on is that we can't parent each of our five children the same. What works for my introverted firstborn tends to be the opposite for the firecracker that came to us in round two.

The tough, practical approach that is effective for my black-and-white thinker would level my deeply sensitive or people-pleaser kiddos. And yet, they will all sin. And they will all need to experience God's grace when they fail. In Michelle Anthony's book Spiritual Parenting, she teaches the concept of course correction. The premise stems from Hebrews 12:11–13: No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

I tend to believe that God teaches us lessons as He gives us opportunities to mold our children. He seems to be aware of my need to learn many lessons. (Ahem!)

The offended sister was uncharacteristically quiet and gingerly taking steps backward. The youngest one lay prostrate on the ground sobbing inconsolably, the shriek of "I hate you!" still hanging

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in the air with my audible gasp of heartbreak. So many red flags in one tiny situation. It didn't take a genius to figure out it was about to get real. We have a hard and fast rule in my house that no one yells, "I hate you" to anyone.

When all of this happened, we (of course) had company over. I had just finished hosting the meal, cleaning up a bit, and was settling in on the couch for some much-anticipated adult conversation while children played and ran off the dessert energy outside. Pivotal parenting moments rarely seem to happen when we are fresh, available, and eager to apply what we've recently read. Biblical discipline is no joke. But Hebrews promises that "Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it" (Hebrews 12:11). Basically, it's going to be immeasurably worth it for me to get my lazy tail off that comfy couch and get to the business of heart molding.

After the wailing subsided, my little gal was able to find the source of her outburst. She'd been coerced into manual servitude for her older sister for weeks, unbeknownst to the rest of the family.

She was literally emotionally exasperated and had gone loco from the stress of trying to keep her sister happy while feeling trapped. Her sneaky older sister, trapped in her own cycle of bad choices, stood there, shrugged her shoulders, and grimaced while silent tears flowed down her cheeks. Sin is ugly, friends. And my kids, ever the go-getters, decided, "Why dally here when we can go all in and really stink up the joint?!"

My heart was broken and my initial reaction was to succumb to the voice of defeat loudly telling me, "They're this way because you are a lame mom. You have failed them and led them down this path of ruin." Yes, drama queen runs in my veins, along with a healthy dose of self-doubt. Thankfully, that still small voice broke through—the One who promises a harvest of righteousness if I will submit to His grace-filled process of discipline. And let's face it, I need it as much as they do.

The beauty of course correction is they didn't just get punished. Don't get me wrong: one lost dessert for a week for screaming hateful words (no sweet words = no sweet treats) and one lost the privilege of sharing a room with her sister until we saw a heart change (poor roommate respect = immediate eviction). Turns out sleeping alone in the loft is pretty boring and lonely when you crave interaction (insert more wailing). But what really made the difference was the conversations that followed that week. We found out that the major offender was still reeling from a season of medical drama and life changes that left her feeling out of control. In an attempt to control a portion of her world, she'd lost sight of respect and kindness and trusting that the Lord could work all things for good. Those are hard lessons for a grade-schooler to grasp, and yet Jesus was faithful to provide the opportunity for us to learn them together.

I was tired and had to rely on the Lord's strength and wisdom daily. I was waking up early to pray for direction before they got going on their day because I need all the help I can get! We all had hard work and sacrifice to put in. But after about a week, we noticed a shift. There was healing in their close friendship. There was respect and searching for ways to come alongside one another. There was more than behavior modification—there was a soul change. And that's when we were able to come in and celebrate progress and the gift of sisterhood.

Course correction ends with grace, spiritual growth, and redemption. This is the Lord's beautiful gift to each of us, and He offers it in ridiculous supply. Is there anything more I could want for my children than for them to walk tall in their freedom and identity as children of the King? Michelle Anthony says it best: "The end goal for us as parents is to conduct God's discipline in our children's lives in such a way that they experience healing from their sin."1 That's a tall order, but I'm thankful God is willing to work with this hot mess so that with His strength and grace I can point my children to that sweet peace and righteousness. What a beautiful harvest indeed.

Sarah has been married for 19 years to her high school sweetheart and they live in Colorado with their 5 children. You can usually find her reading, writing, crafting, or loving on people through baked goods ... but her heart gets most excited to talk about special-needs adoption and advocating for children without a voice, both here and abroad.

1. Anthony, Michelle, Spiritual Parenting: An Awakening for Today’s Families. Colorado Springs: David C Cook, 2010.

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Why I Stopped "HELPING" My Kids Scott Dannemiller

“Who’s that?” my sister-in-law, Kerri, asked, her index finger planted firmly in my chest. She was speaking to her son, Jackson, who, at the time, was the cutest toddler on the planet. Objectively adorable by all scientific measures.

“Uncle No,” he answered, staring right at me. The nickname “Uncle No” was well-deserved. In Jackson’s eyes, my main function in life was to utter the word nonstop while following him around and forcibly removing anything remotely entertaining from the clutches of his chubby fist. His estimate wasn’t far off. My diligence was fueled by a selfish desire to avoid getting any of the GerberSaurus’ slobber on my stuff and a genuine concern for the child’s welfare.

I wish I could say that my irrationality has subsided now that we’ve been raising our own little funk factories for the past decade, but I still find myself saying “no” a lot. A typical conversation goes something like this: “Dad, can we go to the park by ourselves?” “No.” “Why not?” “Because you’ll probably take off your shoes, and then you’ll get a splinter of mulch stuck in your foot.” “That won’t happen.” “Yes, it will. And you’ll scream like an angry monkey and won’t let me dig it out, so it’ll get infected. Two days from now we’ll go to the clinic where the nurse will give you a shot to numb your foot. But you’ll fidget, so the needle will break off under the skin, causing major nerve damage. It’ll get so bad that we will probably have to amputate. And then we won’t be able to find a prosthetic that feels comfortable to you since you can’t even find shoes that 'feel right,' so I’ll have to spend the rest of my life being your nurse while I watch my retirement dreams of traveling the world with your mother die a slow, painful death.”

“So we can’t go to the park because you want to go on a world tour with mom instead of taking care of a one-legged kid?” “That’s right. Now go cure a disease.”

Ok. Maybe I exaggerate, but I have noticed this tendency in myself. Anytime our kids venture out on their own, my mind conjures up all the awful things that could happen and my knee-jerk response becomes, “No.” This is likely a result of a steady diet of fear. My own programming dates back to an 80s after-school special on the dangers of being a latch-key kid, and is reinforced by today’s non-stop news cycle filled with countless stories of child abductions, human trafficking, and school violence.

I suspect I’m not alone in this. Many of us are cautious with our kids. We don’t want to subject them to undue harm, so we make rules, set limits, and erect borders. And many would argue that our vigilance has been productive.

Statistics show there has never been a safer time to be a kid in the United States. The rates of violent crime, physical abuse, sexual abuse, abductions, and motor vehicle injuries are far lower than they were for the previous generation of children. And it’s not just that. Playgrounds are like paradise. The pinching metal hooks and rusty nails of my childhood have been replaced with kooshy foam flooring and corner-free molded plastic. School lunches are healthier, too.

Ketchup, once considered a vegetable, is now a lowly condiment again. Even rates of bullying have decreased.

So what’s the problem?

Sometimes we take this desire to protect our kids a bit too far, and it morphs into a misguided attempt to manufacture their happiness. Call it “helicopter parenting.” Call it “over-parenting.” But whatever name you give to it, it’s not helping our kids.

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Don’t get me wrong, the intent is noble. As hands-on parents, we know the negative consequences of poor life choices, so we coach our kids to avoid them. And we’re with them every step of the way.

We monitor every play date and group interaction to make sure they don’t do something to hurt someone else or get hurt themselves.

When they forget their lunchbox, we drive it up to school for them because we don’t want them to go hungry.

We check every sheet of homework, find their mistakes for them, and work together to correct them. Why? Because we don’t want them to screw it up so bad that they get a bunch of horrible grades that ultimately impact their report card or their ability to play in the big game.

As they get older, we call prospective employers to see if they have summer job openings and then review our kid’s job application to make sure it’s worded just right, so they won’t be rejected.

And we insist that all of our prodding is for their own good. We’re helping them avoid the same mistakes we made, right? Wrong.

The truth is, when we shield our kids from struggle and consequence we rob them of their strength and resilience. And when we have such a direct hand in their victories, they cannot claim any for themselves.

Studies show that “over-parented” kids report lower rates of physical activity and higher rates of obesity. They are more likely to be bullied, and more likely to take anxiety medication. “Over-parented” kids also report higher rates of depression and lower rates of life satisfaction when they eventually leave the nest and go to college.

That’s right, our quest to manufacture happy kids is inadvertently creating unhappy, unhealthy adults.

The statistics are bad enough. But when I look at myself as a faithful person, I can see that my tendency to overparent exposes an internal contradiction as well. And maybe the same is true for you.

It’s as if I’m completely confident that God will take care of me, but I’m not so sure he’ll do the same for my kids.

Simmer on that one for a moment.

Faced with this realization, I’ve started to parent differently. Adopting some simple rules, I try to bring us back into balance and get clear on what are real dangers to our children, and what are only perceived threats. I wish I could say we do this 100% of the time, but we’re still human, and still making mistakes ourselves. But here’s the gist.

Remember how much you have gained from your struggles. Think back to the most pivotal moment in your life—the experience that taught you your greatest lesson. Odds are good that the situation involved struggle, pain, or tremendous effort. We rarely learn from the experiences of others or successes that were handed to us. Your kids will be no different.

Change your questions. When our kids push for autonomy, too often we ask, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

This question only encourages us to think of horrible outcomes that have very little likelihood of happening. Instead, ask, “What might they learn from this?” and “What strategies can I teach them so they can avoid real danger here?”

Be there when they fall. Notice it doesn’t say “catch them.” You don’t have to rescue them. Nor do you have to pontificate or extract life’s lessons from every misstep. Consequences are life’s greatest teacher. So, when failures happen (and they will), your job as the parent is to help them process their pain, acknowledge the heartache, and remind them how much you still love them. Then they’ll be ready to move forward on their own.

In the end, we need to realize that we can’t do our jobs as parents if we’re also doing the jobs of our children.

We must step back and allow them to make mistakes, remembering that true joy doesn’t come from a stress-free life, but rather, from knowing we have been made in the image of God—with strength enough to brace ourselves against life’s boulders, grace enough to forgive ourselves when we’ve fallen short, and love enough to share with all those we meet along the way.

What more could any child need?

Scott Dannemiller is a writer, blogger, worship leader, and former missionary with the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). He and his wife, Gabby, reside in Nashville, TN, with two very loud children. Scott is the founder and president of LifeWork Associates, a leadership development consulting firm focused on bringing more trust and authenticity to corporate America. His recent book, The Year without a Purchase: One Family’s Quest to Stop Shopping and Start Connecting has been featured on Good Morning America, Today.com, MSNBC, and FABLife.

Blog accidentalmissionary.net Facebook Scott Dannemiller Twitter sdannemiller

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TRIUMPH out of tragedy When I became a parent, I started thinking about conversations I dreaded having over the course of my child’s life. I felt I would be ready to talk to my child about the weather, why her little brother annoys her, or the scientific reasons as to why her popsicles melt in the summertime, but when it came to those tough conversations about bullying, death, sex, etc., I could already feel my words freezing up in my throat like that giant popsicle, without the melting.

alive. In each conversation we were purposeful to tell her about the gift of salvation and that it would be her choice to ask Jesus into her heart if she chose to do that one day. We made sure that she knew it was her decision, not Daddy's and Mommy’s decision.

Each time we had that conversation, we could always tell her little wheels were spinning. She would typically end the conversation with, “I might like to do that one day.”

For the first four years of my daughter’s life, my husband and I managed to skate past any hard conversations with her. Life handed us some hard times, but she was always too young to notice what was happening. I knew our time would come, though, and I would have to think of something spiritual and motherly to tell her.

That day finally came. It came out of a tragedy that Satan meant for evil. Satan would have loved to have seen our little girl’s heart tragically impacted by that death. Yet God in all His glory presented more for His child. A few weeks after that conversation in the driveway, our little girl announced from the backseat of the car that she wanted to ask Jesus into her heart. She wanted to be in heaven with her great-grandmother some day. She wanted to ask Jesus into her heart just like her great-grandmother had done so many years ago.

Our first tough conversation came on a cool spring evening as we ate ice cream sandwiches on our driveway. Her great-grandmother had recently passed away and for several days I could sense that a conversation was going to happen and needed to happen. As my husband and I enjoyed our ice cream treats, my daughter began asking us questions about where her great-grandmother was. I could already feel myself trying to navigate ahead of her to be able to give adequate answers. Despite all the child psychology books I had read and other parents I had talked to about this subject, it was still slightly intimidating to have a four-year-old ask me these questions.

We had the amazing privilege as parents to lead our daughter to the Lord. As my husband and I prayed with her, I couldn’t help but thank the Lord for bringing such great triumph out of tragedy. We got to play a part in our little girl inviting Jesus into her heart. We danced with joy for this monumental moment in her life. I was reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:4 (NASB): “[There is] a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Our temporary mourning brought about a lifetime of eternal dancing.

There was something unique about that evening, though. We were working through this tough time in her life, but I felt like there was more to this event.

God had a purpose in it. The purpose of this specific event wasn’t necessarily to teach my daughter about death. We were finding that our tough conversation was opening a door of salvation for our daughter.

by Lindsey Snider Lindsey currently serves as a Creative Specialist for the IPHC Discipleship Ministries Headquarters in Oklahoma City, OK. She has served as a Community Outreach Pastor, Kids Pastor, and Media Pastor across Oklahoma and Texas. Lindsey and her husband, Jared, have a daughter, Brooklyn, and a son, Jack.

They love to travel, try new foods, cheer on the Texas Rangers, and cuddle with their dog, Frisco.

For several months prior to her greatgrandmother’s death, our daughter would talk to us about Jesus dying on the cross and how He was now

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m a r r i ag e

VISION OF A

corrected path

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m a r r i ag e These discussions are hard because, in order to see change, they require us to walk through a season of painful course correction. We must take WE MUST TAKE a look at the patterns A LOOK AT THE we've fallen into and PATTERNS THAT decide if these patterns WE'VE FALLEN are still a good reflection INTO AND DECIDE of our family unit, and IF THESE PATTERNS honor each of our ARE STILL A GOOD capabilities. If not, then REFLECTION OF we need to rearrange.

OUR FAMILY UNIT, This will require each of AND HONOR us to do something we EACH OF OUR don’t want to do, but do CAPABILITIES. anyway. We also must edit our schedules and priorities: if we are stressed out to the point that milk causes a blowup before nine in the morning, then something is out of whack. We obviously are living an unbalanced life. To change this, we take a look at what we do each week, and then we start trimming it down. We set parameters and give each other permission to say, “No.” We prioritize couple time. We must decide together to be uninvolved; to not sign up if it means that we will not be sane and healthy.

At nine in the morning yesterday, I needed a nap and a redo. I woke up kind of grumpy, and my husband did too. Frankly, neither of us had space for the other, let alone our sweet son who was fired up and excited about the day in the face of two grumpy, groggy parents.

This was our own fault. It was our third night in a row of only four hours of sleep, because we were in the middle of binge-watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix for the second time. We can’t watch just one episode, especially with that roll-over feature Netflix offers—I don’t even have to move a finger to the remote, another show just starts automatically. Who am I to deny a service such as this?

Well, six a.m. comes quickly when bedtime is at one, and there is not enough coffee or prayers to get me through. My husband and I started bickering and snapping at one another. You know, the little things, like, “Well, how great that we are out of milk when I need a coffee.” Followed up by, “You need to calm down. Just relax.” To which I said in a tone that was absolutely uncalled for, “YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.” What a joy it was to be married to me yesterday.

This process is painful. It's a season that takes time to get used to, and takes accountability and hard work. But in the end, it's always worth it.

After a hard season of correcting the trajectory of our boundaries, our lives, and attitudes, we begin to heal. No longer are we overcommitted and stressed out, hurting one another with our words and unrealistic expectations; but instead we are in a season of empathy, support, and encouragement.

If I'm honest, there are days like this more often than I want to admit. What sets me off varies: lack of sleep, stress at work, a hard day with our son, or that my legs need to be shaved. But what happens is: I take out whatever is wrong on my husband.

In those moments, I’m seeing red and everything feels like his fault.

And the same is true for the husband: eagerness to get a new job, tired of the day-to-day, stress, and pressures of money and time. And we just blow up at each other. The best we have to offer in those moments has been reduced to the emotional awareness of a toddler who has thrown himself on the floor because the straw in his drink was the wrong color.

The hardest seasons always yield the best fruits.

by Bonnie Lewis Bonnie is a wife, mother, and follower of Jesus. She has a seminary degree from Fuller Theological Seminary. She is well versed in not having it all together, and is a big proponent of being vulnerable and authentic. You can find her podcast and more of her writings on her website.

The remedy when stuff starts to boil over is a long, hard discussion. We have to look inward, and try to name the emotions and feelings we haven't been addressing. Am I actually mad about the milk, or am I upset because I feel like I am the only one who is going to the store, in charge of the food, and doing the heavy lifting of cooking meals?

Website findtheblue.com

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s p i r i t ua l g r a n d pa r e n t i n g

REASONS for rules provides a pathway of redemption and restoration.

It reinforces the child with love and produces a harvest of healing.

Twenty-three small artificial jetties constructed of granite boulders jutted into the Atlantic Ocean.

Built to prevent beach erosion, the jetties obstructed four miles of the barrier island’s beachfront property.

Our family rule about the jetties was as resolute as the jetties themselves: No climbing on the rocks.

While God provided Jonah’s redemption through the belly of a fish, my husband provided our son’s redemption through a bait bucket filled with fish.

Every morning he filled Brandon’s bucket with fresh minnows, repositioned the lounge chair according to the incoming or outgoing tide and propped a rod-n-reel against the arm of the chair. He tended not “NO DISCIPLINE only Brandon’s wounds— SEEMS PLEASANT changing the dressings AT THE TIME, BUT daily and watching for signs PAINFUL. LATER of infection—he also tended ON, HOWEVER, Brandon’s heart.

IT PRODUCES The writer of Hebrews A HARVEST OF reminds us, “No discipline RIGHTEOUSNESS seems pleasant at the AND PEACE FOR time, but painful. Later THOSE WHO HAVE on, however, it produces BEEN TRAINED a harvest of righteousness

BY IT ... " and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed” (Hebrews 12:11-13).

One summer, our son failed to “give careful thought to the paths for [his] feet and be steadfast in all [his] ways” (Proverbs 4:26). His seven-year-old curiosity and inclination to climb enticed him to scramble to the top of a jetty.

“Brandon, get off those rocks before you … ” My husband’s lips were in the process of forming the word "fall" when a large wave broke over the jetty, wedging our son’s foot between the boulders and hurtling him against the rock.

From inside the house, I heard Brandon scream.

I reached the screen door in time to watch my husband, his face white, racing across the sand dune with our son cradled in his arms. Blood gushing from a nasty gash in Brandon’s shin soaked my husband’s shirt. I started the shower, grabbed a stack of beach towels, and hurried down the porch steps.

My husband, a family physician, spoke few words as he cleaned sand and gravel from the gash.

Furrowed into his brow were anger, disappointment, panic, and an incredible sense of relief our son was alive. Stitch by stitch, he formulated the “reasons for rules” lecture he planned to deliver after tending Brandon’s wound.

Brandon never again climbed the rocky jetty. His curiosity and sense of adventure, however, followed him into adulthood. These days my husband and I smile as Brandon patiently diverts the attention of our one-year-old grandson who, like his daddy, has the propensity to climb.

Discipline for a child encompasses a period of pain. Brandon, suffering the consequences of his free-spirited jaunt on the jetty, sustained twenty-two stitches. He bore his father’s lecture and endured the remainder of the vacation, fishing from a lounge chair on the beach while his brothers frolicked in the waves.

by Sherry Schumann Sherry retired, closing the door to her math class, and stepped into the world of writing. She is a freelance writer and photographer. Her first novel, The Christmas Bracelet, is an “ashes to beauty” holiday tale. Sherry is a charter member of Legacy Coalition: Grandparenting That Matters. She and her husband of 33 years treasure spending time with their children and grandchildren.

Discipline, comprised of pain alone, falls short of grace. It leaves the child downtrodden and produces a harvest of brokenness. Biblical discipline modeled by our heavenly Father in the book of Jonah 43

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ENVIRONMENTS The order of the 10 Environments listed coincides with the monthly distribution of this resource.

1

“God has entrusted me with the things and people He created around me.”

3

“Asks the question, ‘What needs to be done?’”

Serving This posture of the heart asks the question, “What needs to be done?” It allows the Holy Spirit to cultivate a sensitivity to others and focuses on a cause bigger than one individual life. It helps fulfill the mandate that as Christ-followers we are to view our lives as living sacrifices that we generously give away!

Responsibility This environment captures the ability to take ownership for one’s life, gifts, and resources before God. A child must be challenged to take responsibility for his or her brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as for those who are spiritually lost.

Our hope is that the Holy Spirit will use this environment to allow each child to understand that God has entrusted His world to us.

4

“God fills me with His love so I can give it away.”

5

“God has a big story, and I can be a part of it!”

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2

“God transforms me when I step out in faith.”

Out of the Comfort Zone As children and students are challenged to step out of their comfort zone from an early age, they learn to experience a dependence on the Holy Spirit to equip and strengthen them beyond their natural abilities and desires. We believe this environment will cultivate a generation that, instead of seeking comfort, seeks a radical life of faith in Christ.

Love&Respect Without love, our faith becomes futile. This environment recognizes that children need an environment of love and respect in order to be free to both receive and give God’s grace. Innate to this environment is the value that children are respected because they embody the image of God. We must speak to them, not at them, and we must commit to an environment where love and acceptance are never withheld due to one’s behavior.

Storytelling The power of The Big God Story impacts our lives by giving us an accurate and awe-inspiring perspective into how God has been moving throughout history. It is the story of redemption, salvation, and hope and tells how I have been grafted into it by grace. It further compels us to see how God is using every person’s life and is creating a unique story that deserves to be told for God’s glory.

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6

“I belong to God,

“God knows me, and I can know Him.”

and He loves me!”

Knowing Nothing could be more important than knowing and being known

by God. We live in a world that denies absolute truth, and yet God’s Word offers just that. As we create an environment that upholds and displays God’s truth, we give children a foundation based on knowing God, knowing His Word, and a relationship with Him through Christ. God is holy, mighty, and awesome, and yet He has chosen to make Himself known to us!

9

“When I get off track, God offers me a path of healing.”

10

“I see Christ in others, and they can see Him in me.”

8

“God’s family cares for each other and worships God together.”

Course Correction This environment flows out of Hebrews 12:11–13 and is the direct opposite of punishment.

Instead, biblical discipline for a child encompasses a season of pain, the building up in love, and a vision of a corrected path for the individual with the purpose of healing at its core.

Identity This environment highlights who we are in Christ. According to Ephesians 1, we have been chosen, adopted, redeemed, sealed, and given an inheritance in Christ … all of which we did nothing to earn. This conviction allows children to stand firm against the destructive counter-identities the world will offer.

Faith Community God designed us to live in community and to experience Him in ways that can only happen in proximity to one another. The faith community serves to create an environment to equip and disciple parents, to celebrate God’s faithfulness, and to bring a richness of worship through tradition and rituals, which offer children an identity. Our love for each other reflects the love we have received from God.

IT IS OUR PRAYER THAT HOMES AND CHURCHES WOULD CREATE THESE ENVIRONMENTS FOR CHILDREN TO LIVE IN SO THEIR FAITH WILL GROW IN A COMMUNITY OF CONSISTENCY, COMMON LANGUAGE, AND PRACTICE. TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW THESE ENVIRONMENTS CAN IGNITE A TRANSFORMING FAITH IN YOUR FAMILY, WE SUGGEST YOU READ:

Modeling Biblical content needs a practical living expression in order for it to be spiritually impacting. This environment serves as a hands-on example of what it means for children to put their faith into action. Modeling puts flesh on faith and reminds us that others are watching to see if we live what we believe.

SPIRITUAL PARENTING: An Awakening for Today’s Families

BY MICHELLE ANTHONY © 2010 DAVID C COOK

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan.

All rights reserved.

Scripture marked NASB taken from the New American Standard Bible, © Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The LockmanFoundation. Used by permission.

COURSE CORRECTION | homefrontmag.com 45 Scripture marked TLB is taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

FROM FAMILY MINISTRY EXPERT

MICHELLE ANTHONY Dr. Michelle Anthony unpacks six common dysfunctional parenting styles we can fall into out of habit, lack of attention, or just plain busyness. If you long to show your children Jesus but don’t know how to do it, you’ll find hope in this practical guide to creating a relentlessly grace-filled home that is focused on God as first in charge.

Includes Scripture guides, reflection questions, ideas for family rites of passage, and other real-life family examples.

Dr. Michelle Anthony is the Pastor to Children and Parents at New Life Church in Colorado Springs and also serves as the Family Ministry Ambassador for David C Cook. She is an author and speaker and has over 25 years of church ministry and leadership experience in children’s and family ministries.

Contact your local Christian bookstore to order today.