Homefront april 2016

APRIL 2016

a spiritual parenting resource

homefrontmag.com

GETTING STARTED

6 DOES YOUR FAMILY

16 5 WAYS TO TEACH

34 DO YOU NEED TO TURN THE MUSIC DOWN?

ABOUT DIFFERENCES.

HAVE RULES?

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EDITOR'S NOTE Treat others in the same way you would want them to treat you. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? When Jesus gave us this message in the gospel of Luke, He was actually referring to our enemies—He asks us to respond to our enemies with love and respect. In the next couple of verses He goes on to say: "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you?” (Luke 6:32–33). Ouch! This is hard enough when it applies to my family and those I love, but really? To those who mistreat me? To those who do me wrong? I am supposed to treat them with love and respect too? Without the help of the Holy Spirit, this command would be impossible!

Our homes are a great testing ground for our children to prepare for the real world. At times, our own family members can feel like enemies in our territory. That selfish brother or that little sister who tells a white lie can become an adversary in our own home. This issue of HomeFront is full of practical ways to put others first and care for others’ needs above our own.

In the CONVERSATION STARTER (page 11), we ask that your family be on the lookout for God’s love throughout the day. Encouraging children to look for God’s love is the first step in the process of showing His love to others. In GOD’S WORD (page 24), we recount the beautiful story of Jesus welcoming children. Despite what the culture around Him deemed the appropriate response to a child, Jesus treated them with love and respect.

Our EVERYDAY DAD BLOG (page 38) is another wonderful article by Scott Dannemiller, "The Accidental Missionary." He challenges dads to “man up” and become equal partners in parenting, recognizing the importance of a dad’s role in a child’s spiritual life. TOUGH TOPICS (page 40) is written by a mom with a specialneeds son who shares how the addition of their youngest son has impacted their family and caused them to implement love and respect in their home.

Each month we recognize that God continues to bring rich and supportive authors and ideas our way to inspire and equip you in your role as a parent. We are forever grateful that you allow us in your home!

CONTENTS FAMILY TIME Family Verse

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Capturing the Season

6

Storytelling

8

Conversation Starters

11

Create

12

Game Time

14

Traditions

16

Family Time Recipe

18

Kids in the Kitchen

20

Prayer

22

God's Word

24

Worship

26

Tot Time Rhyme

28

Blessing

29

Taking Action

30

Global

32

In This Home ...

Randy's Thank You Catch Up

Watercolor Silhouettes Musical Hearts 5 Ways to Teach about Differences

Beef Sliders Jello Treats

Surprise Ride Prayers Jesus Loves the Little Children Love Each Other Sit at Home

Sak Saum

Ireland

INSPIRE, EQUIP, SUPPORT Student ID

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Everyday Mom Blog

36

Everyday Dad Blog

38

Tough Topics

40

Marriage

42

Spiritual Grandparenting

44

Turn the Music Down

Debbie Guinn

Speak Softly

Editor in Chief David C Cook debbie@homefrontmag.com

Man Up

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Design, Layout, and Photography by Stephanie Reindel (stephanie@homefrontmag.com) © 2016 David C Cook

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One Word

Being a Grandparent: More Than Reese's Peanut Butter Cups & Kit Kat Bars

LOVE & RESPECT | homefrontmag.com

www.homefrontmag.com

Check it out today!

Things you won't want to miss: • Parent blogs to inspire you • Mobile-friendly format • Lots of downloadable giveaways • Marketplace to purchase article bundles and more!

Michelle Anthony

Vice President and Publisher of Learning Resources | David C Cook

The website is filled with fresh ideas and creative ways to provide you with even more resources as we partner together to spiritually parent your children.

Twitter @TruInspiration

We believe that the Holy Spirit is God’s chosen teacher. It is He who causes spiritual growth and formation when and as He chooses. As such, we have articulated 10 distinct environments to create in your home. We desire to create spiritual space, which we refer to as an environment, in which God’s Spirit can move freely.

OUR MISSION

Without love, our faith becomes futile. The environment of LOVE AND RESPECT recognizes that children need both love and respect in order to be free to receive and give God’s grace.

Key to this environment is the value that children are respected because they embody the image of God. We must speak to them, not at them, and we must commit to an environment where love and acceptance are never withheld because of one’s behavior.

First Corinthians 13 says if we don’t have love, everything else we do is futile. It’s worthless. So, without love, it doesn’t matter if we have all the knowledge in the world. It doesn’t matter if we’re helping kids understand who God is and we’re modeling what that looks like. If we don’t do all of it in a loving way, then it’s simply worthless! Wow! That’s a sobering thought. When we create an environment of LOVE AND RESPECT, we’re helping identify the image of God in every person.

This month, be looking for ways to take the environment of LOVE AND RESPECT beyond your family time with HomeFront. Challenge your family to find opportunities to show love and respect to others in your everyday interactions!

INSPIRE parents with ideas to create fun, spiritually forming times in the normal rhythm of everyday life.

EQUIP parents to become the spiritual leaders of God’s truth in their own households.

SUPPORT families to engage their communities and change the culture around them.

FAMILY VERSE Memorizing Scripture can be an incredible practice to engage in as a family. But words in and of themselves will not necessarily transform us; it is God’s Spirit in these words who transforms. We come to know God more when we’re willing to open our hearts and listen to His Holy Spirit through the words we memorize. Have fun with this verse, and think of creative ways to invite your family to open up to God as they commit the verse to memory.

Consider purchasing an 8" x 10" frame to hold your family memory verse each month!

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c a p t u r i n g t h e s e as o n

Every family has an unspoken set of “rules” or customs that they choose to live by. Some are set intentionally (“We wash our hands before we eat!”) and others are set in the heat of the moment when things get out of hand (“We don’t fingerpaint on the ceiling!” or “We don’t cut off all the dog’s hair!”). In order to create an environment of love and respect in your home, certain guidelines must be in place. As a kid, I remember my family had certain unspoken rules when it came to how we were to treat each other: We hug, we forgive, and we always say we’re sorry.

Coming up with a list of “family rules” for your own home, with your children's input, can be a powerful way to speak what’s been previously unspoken, and to commit to a framework for how to treat each other. We encourage you this month to gather your children and brainstorm a list of ways you each would like to be treated. Then, make a visual representation of this list to hang in your home as a reminder of your commitment to one another. Finally, end this time in prayer, asking God to help you become a family marked by love and respect.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED

WHAT YOU’LL DO

• something to paint your rules on—canvas, poster board, reclaimed wood, blank wall, picture frame, etc.

1.

Measure your surface and map out a design for your family's rules.

• stencils—you may wish to choose a variety of sizes and fonts. These can be purchased at any craft store.

2.

Stencil the words on the surface.

3.

Hang in a prominent place in your home to be reminded daily of the ways you choose to love and respect each other.

• acrylic paint • stencil brush

by Emily Schulz

Emily is a graduate student at Denver Seminary along with her new husband, Phil. She has her BA in Christian Ministries from Biola University and is the Children’s Ministry Director of New Denver Church in Denver, CO, where Phil serves as Youth Director.

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sto ry t e l l i n g

with the secret of what happened with the man in my neighborhood.

As parents, teachers, or ministers we rarely get to hear about the impact our love makes on others. I believe heaven will be filled with stories that confirm that the work we do here on earth was important and that people were changed because of the ways we loved them.

I don’t remember much, but I do remember I was ALWAYS in trouble and I cried A LOT. I vaguely recall that, oftentimes, I had no idea what I had even done wrong. I was just constantly being disciplined.

I remember toward the end, I would be sent to the principal’s office and she would open her door, and I would just burst into tears—because I was such a failure and tried so hard not to be, and didn’t understand why everyone was always so upset with me.

I had the rare privilege to hear one of these stories on this side of heaven.

Someone sent me an article about a dad who was making a difference in a local church. I recognized the name and began corresponding with him. I asked him if he had attended a small Christian school where I had jumped in mid-year as a sixth-grade teacher. When he wrote back and said, “Yes, I did,” I asked him if he remembered me. Here was his reply:

I remember the first time I did something wrong when you had taken over. I knew I was about to get in trouble, and just burst into tears because I really wanted you to like me. But something strange happened. I think I shocked you a little bit with my instant breakdown, and you just held me and hugged me and rubbed my head. Nobody had given me any kind of attention or affection like that, ever. My mom had turned into a hysterical basket case and had long stopped caring for me like that. I didn’t understand why you hugged me instead of being mad at me. It didn’t make sense.

I have tried to find you randomly over the years.

Sometimes in life we come across people who may not have had any idea what kind of impact they had on our lives, and God has a weird way of bringing life back full circle. I wanted to tell you a little about the year I met you.

Most of my childhood is really hazy—but do I remember you? Like it was yesterday. The rest of the year was like God’s gift to a troubled little boy who had no idea where his life was about to go. I don’t remember being in much trouble with you. I remember you would affirm me a lot. I distinctly remember exactly where I was sitting—STILL TO THIS DAY—when I was reading to the class. You made a remark to someone in the front row on how well I could read. You were the only human being on the planet who didn’t seem to hate me, and actually liked me; you were kind

That year was rough for my family and me. My dad was really, really abusive. My mom got in between us, and he left and never came back. My mom was left alone to raise my brother, sister, and me. Because she had to work full time, we were left unattended that summer. I ended up wandering into a bad situation and was taken advantage of by a man who lived on our street. That’s how I came into the school year that year: feeling like it was my fault that my dad left and dealing

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sto ry t e l l i n g to me, and never upset with me like everyone else.

For no reason at all, you were different. You showed real love and real interest in me as a boy, not as that troublemaker. You were the last memory of my childhood. It ended abruptly a few months later when I found drugs. I was arrested the following school year for selling them. I remember after getting kicked out of school and arrested, I came back to the school one weekend, broke into your classroom, and left you a note. Looking back now as an adult, it was probably the desperate attempt of a kid reaching out to the only person he knew cared about him.

the love, compassion, and passion I have for lost souls, I learned from someone somewhere along the way.

I learned it from people like you.

I didn’t learn it at home. I sure didn’t learn it in prison. No one taught me how to be a daddy, or to help others. My dad bailed on us, and my mom had her own demons. It had to have come from the people in my life, like you, and others who loved me when I was unloveable. They held me when I was in tears. They cared for me when everyone else had forgotten me.

Because of all the drugs, the abuse, the horrible things that happened to me, my childhood and adolescence is just a dark hazy blur of bad memories. But to answer your question: Yes, Debbie, I remember you.

You, my friend, were the last one to ever care about a little troubled boy who was carrying around more demons than anyone could've imagined. My childhood ended in the sixth grade with a woman who reflected perfect love, grace, and patience for a boy she barely even knew. I know now about God's sovereignty, and don’t doubt for a minute that He sent you to care for me at such a dark time when no one else could.

God knew what Satan had in store, right around the corner, and gave me you so I could have something to hold onto for just a little while longer.

Maybe that was more than you were bargaining for when you asked if I remembered. But it’s been a few decades, and I never got the chance to tell you what you meant to me that year. It probably wasn’t much to you, but it meant everything to me. Sometimes, with the lives we touch, we have no idea how powerful love can be. I'm glad that by the time our paths crossed again, I had something to be proud of to report back about.

I don’t know what else to say ... I can’t say it enough. ... Thanks.

Life hasn’t been easy, as you can imagine. I spent three years in juvenile hall, and graduated to the penitentiary. I’ve made more mistakes than a stadium of people combined ever will. But through it all, God never left me. He never forsook me, and never forgot me. I’ve grown up to be a man I am proud of.

— Randy Mckeown PARENTS Use this story as a springboard to talk about the importance of treating others as we would like to be treated. Remind your children that if there is a child in their school who is acting out, there may be reasons for his or her actions that we know nothing about. Jesus calls us to treat everyone with love and respect, not just those who show us love or who are like us. A great way to do this is to pray for that child as a family and then brainstorm specific ways to share God’s love.

I have a prison ministry where I am referred to men who have made resolutions in prison or jail not to live the life they live anymore, but have no idea how to change. I get them started on the inside, by talking and sending letters, then help them formulate a plan of action so when they get out, they are prepared. In the same fashion I work directly with men trying to get sober and off drugs. Same idea: get them grounded into a new way of life, a new place to live; get them off the street, detoxed, and away from the old life.

Depending on who you talk to, and what paperwork they have, you will get two completely different descriptions of who I am. According to how I was raised, the events of my life, and my actions, I should be just another statistic, and a violent criminal. Yet I am constantly referred to as the most gentle and caring man most people ever meet. I have compassion and love for troubled souls. I give credit to the transformation through Christ and salvation through His blood on the cross that has washed me and made me new. But the man I am today, the father I am today,

by Debbie Guinn Debbie is the Editor in Chief of HomeFront. She has more than 25 years of experience working in children’s and family ministries.

She is passionate about equipping parents to become leaders of God’s truth in their own households. Her most cherished time is spent hanging out with her grandkids—they are her favorite people on this planet!

Instagram @homefrontsp Twitter @homefrontsp

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co n v e r sat i o n sta r t e r s

Dinnertime is a great time to play “catch up” with your family. It's a perfect setting to slow down and reflect on all that transpired during the day. This month, let your children know that each evening at dinner you will be asking them two questions. Share the questions below and then tell them to be on the lookout for ways to report back that evening.

Parents, be sure you are joining in and sharing the ways you see God at work as well.

GET YOUR CHILDREN TALKING • How did you receive God’s love today?

• How did you give God’s love today?

by Debbie Guinn

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c r e at e

Creating together as a family is one way we can bring beauty and vibrancy into our lives—especially when it comes to painting with watercolors. This form of art will bring joy to even the youngest member of your family because there is no right or wrong way to create a masterpiece!

While you are painting, share with your children that God’s love is like the watercolor. He fills us with His love and that love spreads out to others and makes something beautiful for the entire world to see.

WHAT YOU WILL NEED • printouts of heart silhouettes—younger and older version available from dcc.is/watercolor

WHAT YOU’LL DO 1.

Print as many heart silhouettes as you would like to use.

2.

Cut out the hearts.

3.

Position your cutouts on the watercolor paper (tape them down for little ones) and trace with your pencil. Try to keep your pencil line light.

4.

Cover the painting surface with a towel or several layers of scrap paper—this project can get messy.

5.

Use your brush to wet the background around your hearts. Don’t go all the way to the edges of the silhouette and leave a few small spots dry.

6.

Load your brush up with wet paint and touch it to the paper. The paint will spread, but only on the wet areas.

• towel or scrap paper

7.

• black marker or black paint with a small paintbrush

Add more paint. Move your brush around to help the paint spread. Use your brush to fill in the spaces around your hearts.

8.

Let your painting dry completely before moving.

9.

Using a marker or black paint, write or paint this month's Family Verse inside the hearts.

• watercolor paper • watercolor paints (2–3 colors will do) • paintbrush • scissors • masking tape

by Debbie Guinn

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game time

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

Continue to play until all of the hearts have been placed in buckets. Spend some time going through each person’s bucket, reading the hearts out loud, and remembering who put what where. As a family, make a plan for how to follow through on these loving acts and thoughts for each person.

• 8.5" x 11" colorful paper (1 for each heart) • scissors • pen or permanent marker • 4 buckets or bowls • tape

REMEMBER

• music

As Christians, God's unending love constantly fills us. This love overflows our hearts, and washes over the people around us. As you walk your children through this game, share with them that through the overflow of God's love we are able to treat others in a way that we, too, would prefer to be treated: with love and respect. With spring upon us, take your family outside to love those around you!

BEFORE YOU START You will need to cut out four large hearts per player.

For example, if you have five people playing the game, you will need 20 hearts.

Label the buckets with the names of people close to your family, for example, Mimi, Aunt Patti, The Johnson Family, Neighbor, and Grandpa.

by Heather DePartee

On the hearts, write some ways we can love and respect other people. This could be anything from baking cookies to making someone a card. If you are having trouble coming up with ideas for these heart shapes, see the Idea List for some help (it’s okay to duplicate ideas on multiple hearts).

Heather is a newlywed and works as an Instructional Aide for kindergarten students in Fresno, CA. She spent three-and-ahalf years working on the Families team at ROCKHARBOR Church in Costa Mesa, CA, as an assistant to the Early Childhood Director, participating in the development of Tru Curriculum, and as an administrative assistant to the team.

Place the labeled buckets in the center of a large or spacious room. Create a circle around the buckets using all of the heart shapes, written side facing down.

IDEA LIST • Bake cookies

TIME TO PLAY!

• Write a card

This game is for the whole family! Gather your kids around and instruct them to stand on any heart they’d like. Have an adult be in charge of playing the music. This game is similar to musical chairs, except with hearts!

• Open the door • Take a meal • Say, “I love you!” or “I care for you!”

Once the music begins, everyone will walk around in a circle over all of the hearts. When the music stops, everyone must freeze on the heart she was last touching. During this pause, have everyone flip the heart over and read it out loud. If you have younger ones in your family, have an adult or older child help them read. Each player will then pick one bucket/ person from the center to "give their heart to." You can prompt your children by asking them, “Who would you like to do that for?” Once everyone has given their hearts away, resume the music and begin circling again.

• Call to ask about her day • Draw a picture • Give a hug • Help clean something • Invite for dinner or dessert • Give a gift • Spend the day together

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traditions

One question catches my attention quite often—from the little girl in the cart behind us in the grocery checkout line to the boy observing our family from the end of the aisle where his mother selects baby food.

While it may feel uncomfortable, frantically removing yourself from situations where a child asks a question about how someone looks or speaks could give your children the impression that people who look different are frightening and should be avoided, instead of simply people.

“Why does that baby look like that?”

Our daughter Brenna was born in December 2011 with a severe genetic skin disorder called Harlequin ichthyosis. Brenna’s skin condition gives her the appearance of a red, peeling sunburn covering her entire body. What it means is that her skin doesn’t do the jobs for her body that most people's skin does … jobs like keeping her hydrated, protecting her from bacteria, and regulating her body temperature. She doesn’t even have the ability to sweat.

If you're worried about them blurting out something offensive that may hurt someone’s feelings, teach them how to whisper a discreet and polite question in your ear. If it's an extremely sensitive subject, then you can tell them you'll discuss it later.

READ TO THEM ABOUT DIFFERENCE Many wonderful children’s books celebrate looking different or being yourself, and reading with your child can open up opportunities to discuss different feelings and interests, and uniqueness in general.

What it also means is that she gets a lot of stares from kids, teens, and even adults who wonder why she looks the way she does.

Some of our family’s favorite children’s books about being different include:

Visual differences can be found everywhere, and teaching our children about differences is essential to helping them become accepting, kind, and respectful individuals who live out God’s command to love others. Understanding difference begins at home; parents can choose many ways to foster a better understanding of physical differences so children can learn and fully appreciate that everyone was uniquely made by a wonderful Creator.

The Colors of Us by Karen Katz Whoever You Are by Mem Fox Not Your Typical Dragon by Dan Bar-el Different Is Awesome by Ryan Haack Extraordinary Friends by Fred Rogers LIVE IT

BE UP FRONT ABOUT DIFFERENCES

Take your children to parks, activities, and events where people aren’t necessarily mirrors of them. If they are frequently around other people of various ages, colors, and abilities, they will be much less intimidated by visual differences. In fact, seeing others who look different on a regular basis means they probably won’t even notice the differences!

Kids learn by asking and seeing and experiencing.

Children will inevitably ask questions about something they see that is different than what they are used to, and it’s important that difference not be a taboo subject. Be open to discussions with your children and teach them how to ask questions about other people in a respectful manner with kind words.

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traditions

MODEL IT

maybe they both like pizza or Disney movies! Being able to relate to someone helps a child feel more comfortable with that person, regardless of what they look like.

If your children see you socializing with people only like yourself and hear you making comments about someone else’s physical appearance, they will imitate that. However, the reverse is also usually true: if you are genuinely friendly and respectful to everyone you come across, your children will naturally tend to model that behavior.

Seeing the humanity in difference is one of the most important things you can do for your child and will give them the empathy they need to grow into respectful and understanding adults who treat others the way they want to be treated as our great God commanded.

HELP THEM RELATE TO IT It can be easy for children to forget that behind the “different” is someone just like them—someone who has loving parents and siblings, someone who may enjoy the same movies, or like the same kinds of food, or laugh at the same jokes.

by Courtney Westlake Courtney Westlake is wife to Evan and mother to Connor (6) and Brenna (4). She is a writer and photographer, and chronicles family life on her blog. Courtney is the author of the upcoming book, A Different Beautiful, which will be released August 2016.

Try to help your child relate to those who look different in any way you can—“She was born with that birthmark just like you were born with blue eyes!”—so that they better understand that physical differences are a part of everyone’s lives. And don’t stop there—

Website CourtneyWestlake.com Facebook Blessed By Brenna - Courtney Westlake Instagram @cwestlake

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family time

fa m i ly t i m e r e c i p e

In Luke 6:31 Jesus tells us to do to others as we would like them to do to us. As a mom of five girls, I can't tell you how many times I have talked with my children about showing this type of love and respect to others.

Prep Time: 15 min.

Our family enjoys having the young adult pastors and youth leaders over. We make Beef Sliders and fries! It is one of our favorites.

Another option could be taking your favorite meal to a friend who has had a rough week or has been sick. This is a great way to treat others the way you would like to be treated. Get the kids involved and deliver that love—because love is an action, and actions always speak louder than words!

Yields: 24 sliders

WHAT YOU'LL NEED • 2 pounds ground beef • 8 ounces bacon, cooked and crumbled • 1 large onion chopped

One way we like to model love toward others in our home is by inviting people over for a meal. No need to get fancy—this does not require a cleaning lady or new throw pillows. We just open our home as it is and enjoy a meal and fellowship.

Get your family together and brainstorm. What is your favorite meal and who would you like to invite? It may be a neighbor, a coworker, or a new family who just started coming to your church or the kids’ school.

Cook Time: 30 min.

• 1 package dry beefy onion soup mix • 24 (2") slices cheddar cheese • 24 slider buns or dinner rolls • barbeque sauce * For an easy metric conversion chart, search the Internet for “metric kitchen.”

WHAT YOU'LL DO 1.

Cook bacon and set aside to cool.

2.

Chop onion and cook in bacon grease.

3.

In a large bowl, mix ground beef with dry soup mix and cooled, crumbled bacon (using your hands is highly reccomended).

4.

Form into 2" patties and cook over medium heat in skillet on stove, flipping burgers half way through.

5.

Top with cheese slices.

6.

Place on buns with grilled onions and barbeque sauce.

Our family likes to serve Beef Sliders with sweet potato fries and a green vegetable or salad.

by Richelle Paris Richelle has been married to her husband, Mark, for 23 years. They have 5 daughters from ages 7 to 22. Richelle is blessed to come alongside working families as the Extended Care Director for a Christian school in Rancho Santa Margarita, CA. She loves to cook and entertain. Thrift stores and yard sales are her favorite shopping adventures. Her home is an open door—you can stop by at anytime and she will make you something yummy!

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k i d s i n t h e k i tc h e n

These yummy Jello treats will be a super fun way for you and your children to “treat” others the way you would like to be “treated.” You may want to make a double batch though—that way you have plenty to “treat” yourselves too!

Prep Time: 20 min. Yields: 30 treats WHAT YOU’LL NEED • 16 ounces powdered sugar • 8 ounces cream cheese, softened to room temperature • 1 cup granulated sugar • 4 small boxes Jello * For an easy metric conversion chart, search the Internet for “metric kitchen.”

WHAT YOU’LL DO 1.

In a mixer, combine softened cream cheese with powdered sugar. Scrape the sides of the mixing bowl and mix until fully combined and not sticky.

2.

Separate the mixture into 4 small bowls.

3.

Add 1 tablespoon of powdered Jello to each bowl (1 flavor per bowl) and mix with a spoon.

4.

Scoop teaspoon size pieces into the sugar mixture and roll into balls.

5.

Press the sugar coated balls into a slightly flat shape.

6.

Store in an airtight container and refrigerate until ready to eat or package to “treat” others!

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family time

p r ay e r

When I was growing up, prayer was a big deal in my family. It was part of our everyday lives. I was a preacher’s kid at a small Spanish church, and my parents often invited my siblings and me to join them as they prayed for others in our congregation. I can remember feeling anxious at times when my parents told us we were headed to a family’s home to pray for them in person. Although it was initially uncomfortable, this act of service taught me a valuable life lesson. I began to realize that the physical act of “showing up” for someone and praying in person was incredibly significant. Even though I was young, I understood the power of prayer, and saw first-hand how those we went to visit expressed joy, hope, and fellowship as we prayed with them. Many people said this physical act of visiting them for prayer made them feel loved, respected, and cared for as part of a larger spiritual family.

Now that I have become a parent with my own small children, I find myself searching for creative ways to make prayer significant for them. I long to see our family pray together and help our children understand the importance of praying for others. My parents instilled the tradition in me, and I want to intentionally create space for prayer in our family so our children can one day pass it on to the next generation. How incredible it would be to know that we are leaving a legacy of prayer!

The idea of “Surprise Ride Prayers” comes from the same concept as prayer walks. To go on a “Surprise Ride,” just hop in the car and drive somewhere. Then, as a family, take turns praying for people at that location.

Some ideas could include driving to your kids’ school, parking in the parking lot, and simply praying for your children’s principal, teachers, and friends. Or perhaps you can drive to a local hospital and pray for the patients, doctors, nurses, and families inside. You can even include not-so-obvious locations like an animal shelter, or even a grocery store. As parents, we can guide our children in their prayers, or have them offer up prayers in their own words for the specific people at these locations. Mix it up, make it fun, and perhaps even let your kids “surprise” you with a location of their choice!

What an amazing opportunity we have as parents to see our children’s hearts begin to soften toward the needs of others. Others-focused prayers can cultivate an understanding of intercession in our children. I wonder where your family’s “Surprise Ride Prayers” will lead you?

by David Robles David Robles is the Pastor of Leadership and Young Family Development at EvFree Fullerton in Southern California. David and Angela have been married for 10 years and have two young daughters, Rylee and Reese.

Facebook Angela David Robles Instagram @davidrobles05 Deanna Ramsay Twitter @davidrobles05

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family time

g o d ' s wo r d

You're too young … you're too old. You're too tall or too short, too athletic or not athletic enough, too shy or too outgoing. You're not enough. Lies! These are the lies we tell ourselves and the lies we tell one another. The message God wants us to hear is simply: “You are enough!” That’s right—you, just the way you are—you are enough.

they were rebuked by the disciples. Do you think they were disappointed? Do you think they felt hurt?

How did Jesus respond? Why do you think Jesus welcomed the children?

In these few verses we see that Jesus welcomes everyone who is willing to come into His family. We all get to participate. We are all enough. Imagine for a moment if the story went differently. What would have happened if the parents and children had surrounded Jesus and told the disciples, “Go away, you are not wanted here!” How would the disciples have felt? Jesus reminds us that we should treat others the way we want to be treated and we shouldn’t hinder anyone from coming to know Him.

When we listen to the lies, we start projecting the same thoughts onto those around us, and this is not God’s plan. God tells us in His Word that He created all people, male and female, on purpose and for a purpose (Genesis 1:27 and Ephesians 2:10). As we begin to step into our true identity as children of the King, we can walk a little taller, but the call doesn’t end there. When we stop listening to the lies and recognize how we would like to be treated, we live out the call by treating others in the same way. What lens are you using to view those around you? Do you see your family, friends, and neighbors as enough? Do you treat them in the way you want to be treated?

DO IT Jesus welcomed the children. Isn’t it nice to be welcomed? I love entering church on a Sunday morning to be greeted by smiling faces. I love hearing everyone say, “Hi!” As a family, choose a time this month to welcome others. Connect with your church and ask if you could help as greeters one Sunday.

We’ve all fallen into the trap of thinking that someone else isn’t enough. Even Jesus’ disciples got caught undervaluing people who wanted to follow Jesus. At a pivotal moment of Jesus’ ministry, the disciples viewed children as too young and too insignificant. Jesus wouldn’t allow that kind of thinking and this passage is a great reminder for us to treat others in the way we want to be treated.

This passage in Mark reminds us that everyone is enough and we can show our love and respect for others by treating them in the way we want to be treated.

by Krista Heinen

HEAR IT

Krista is the NextGen Associate Pastor at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, WI. Krista helps equip and support the families at Elmbrook through resources, events, and conversations.

Read Mark 10:13–16 with your family. The disciples thought the children were not important enough to have time with Jesus. Close your eyes. Think about how the parents and children must have felt when

Twitter @KristaHeinen

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wo r s h i p

the go-to response within the privacy of our homes is typically a one-way street. In other words, when MIS-treated or wronged, we expect an apology, some retribution, maybe some payback, or compensation—“Someone should pay for what he did or said!” Yet how many times do we make excuses and justify our own behavior when it comes to treating others poorly (taking advantage, calling names, being selfish)? The Golden Rule, treating others the way we would like to be treated, can also be called reciprocity, which is to say, a mutual exchange. For example: I give two, you give two. I get the front seat this time, you get the front seat next time. (When my kids were younger that was a pretty big deal!)

We often associate the idea of "worship" with the time in church set aside for singing. And that time is indeed valid and important! We absolutely CAN worship through music and song—but we can also worship through silence, giving, kindness and forgiveness, and even following the Golden Rule—treating others with the same respect, kindness, and love with which we would like to be treated.

GOD LOVES EACH OF US THE SAME AND WANTS US TO SEE AND TREAT EACH OTHER THE WAY HE SEES AND TREATS US. WE HONOR AND WORSHIP HIM WHEN WE LOVE EACH OTHER.

Following the Golden Rule is an act of worship because God loves each of us the same and wants us to see and treat each other the way He sees and treats us. We honor and worship HIM when we love each other.

The home is such a beautiful and valuable training ground—and I don’t mean just for children! Parents are human too. And parenthood provides a crucial and significant growth opportunity! We learn to be unselfish right alongside our kids. I humbly confess that there have been many moments that one or the other of my kids inadvertently taught me a thing or two about treating my husband with kindness.

There have, of course, also been circumstances

We can see this life lesson played out everywhere we spend time. However, I think it is most clearly evident at home, where we are most comfortable and most vulnerable. It seems that

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family time

wo r s h i p where I have had to intervene and remind them to treat each other the way they want to be treated.

HIM when we follow His example and love each other the way we want to be loved—the way HE loves us.

In both Luke and Matthew, Jesus spoke of “doing unto others.” The thing is, He’s referring to our enemies. It’s almost as if He's assuming we already understand how to treat our brothers and sisters—but do we? I think we can all benefit by relearning the simple childhood lesson of the Golden Rule, and applying it to our family, friends, AND enemies.

by Crystal Lewis Crystal Lewis has been a Grammy-nominated, multipleDove-Award-winning singer and songwriter for more than 25 years. In addition to being a pioneer in the Christian music scene, she, along with her husband, Brian Ray, have raised two children who are now 19 and 21. Crystal continues to write, record, and tour today.

If you require patience … be patient.

Blog crystallewis.com

If you demand forgiveness … forgive.

Facebook OfficialCrystalLewis

If you desire kindness … be kind.

Instagram @thecrystallewis

God created each of us in His image, and He loves us each the same. We honor and worship

Twitter @thecrystallewis

Check out Crystal's song, "Love Each Other," on YouTube and Apple Music! itun.es/us/5YRG8?i=1015201139

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youtu.be/kMVXV7UsDI4

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tot t i m e r h y m e ( ag e s 3 & u n d e r )

SIT AT HOME

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you SIT AT HOME and when you walk ALONG THE ROAD, when you LIE DOWN and when you GET UP. Deuteronomy 6:6–7

SIT AT HOME

ALONG THE ROAD

LIE DOWN

GET UP

This month, as you do things around your home, look for opportunities to share this sweet rhyme to the tune of "The Farmer and the Dell" with your little ones.

Treat others very well, treat others very well Just as you would want someone else to treat you well Be kind to those you know, be kind to those you know And soon the world will understand the love we all should know

by Keri Larson Keri Larson is a studio-session singer in Los Angeles, CA. She is the co-creator and co-producer of The Black & White Sessions, a YouTube channel project that launched in April 2015. She lives in Costa Mesa, CA with her husband, Tommy, and her two children, James and Mazie.

Website theblackandwhitesessions.com

Twitter @blknwhtsessions

Instagram @theblacknwhitesessions

YouTube the black and white sessions

Get the audio recording of this song at dcc.is/apriltottime Repetition is fundamental to almost any learning style, so when you’re teaching your children, use repetition!

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blessing

A BLESSING CAN BE A PRAYER OF COMMISSION, A BIBLE PASSAGE, OR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. BLESSINGS CAN BE SPOKEN OVER A CHILD FOR THE PURPOSE OF DECLARING GOD’S PROTECTION, JOY, AND WISDOM OVER HIM.

READ

Cultivating an environment of love and respect in your home can at first glance seem like a flowery or even mushy concept, bringing to mind images of hearts and hugs, rainbows and butterflies. However, Jesus shows us what true, tough, rubber-meets-theroad love looks like. When Jesus says, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31), He says it in the context of loving your enemies. Even when people mistreat you, even when you know you will get nothing in return, treat others the way you want to be treated. Show them the love and respect you wish they would show you. The truth is that loving others is not always easy.

It does not always come naturally to us, and it is not usually our first response when we are hurting from something someone else has done. Though loving our enemies is not easy, Jesus promises that it's worth it. Showing love and respect comes with a reward­—we get to show others who we really are, children of the Most High God.

This month, read Luke 6:27–36 out loud to your child, stopping and summarizing along the way if necessary to make sure your child is grasping the message.

BLESS Then, pray this blessing over your child: [Insert child’s name], may you never fail to love others first. May you take the initiative to be kind, generous, and merciful with others, not because they will always treat you the same way in return, but because you have a good God who is forever kind, generous, and merciful to you.

by Emily Schulz Emily is a grad student at Denver Seminary, along with her new husband, Phil. She has her BA in Christian Ministries from Biola University and is the Children’s Ministry Director of New Denver Church in Denver, CO, where Phil serves as the Youth Director.

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ta k i n g ac t i o n

TRANSFORMATION

ABOUT Located in Phnom Penh and the Saang district of Cambodia, Sak Saum is a ministry dedicated to the rescue, restoration, transformation, and rehabilitation of vulnerable and exploited women and men.

Sak Saum has a pioneering model of self-sustaining ministry. From the beginning, our goal has been to create a nurturing, empowering, restorative program which facilitates vocational training in sewing, creating excellent products, and community development. We believe in the union of powerful, life-changing outreach with effective, excellent business practice.

Our work is supported through the sale of our products around the world. Sak Saum’s business reaches over 30 states in America as well as Australia, Japan, Germany, England, and more.

We facilitate 12 women in the full-time program each year. We also employ more than 50 men and women through our Vocational Training Center (VTC). The VTC creates economic development, skill development, educational development, and other opportunities for families in the Saang district.

This is how the battle against human trafficking will be won—one person, one family, one community at a time.

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Transformation flows from an intensely personal relationship with God. It is a complete regeneration of our being, thinking, and doing that works itself out in our families and communities. It is not something that is achieved by external force or theories of social change, but by a work of God in the heart. It is reflected in communities that are compassionate, just, and free. God transforms from the inside out. As followers of Jesus, we have all experienced the transforming power of God at work in us—that quiet work of the Holy Spirit convicting us of wrongdoing, cleansing our hearts, shaping our character, changing our attitudes, and influencing our actions.

We believe this transformation to be key in ending the destructive cycles of human trafficking and poverty. We believe that changed people change nations. We believe that love is the key to that change, and we believe that empowerment is what will create a ripple effect of lasting change in families and communities.

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ta k i n g ac t i o n MEET THE SAK SAUM LEADERS GINNY HANSON Founder and International Director Ginny Hanson is Sak Saum’s International Director.

She and her husband, Eric, moved to Cambodia fulltime in 2004, and founded In His Steps International (IHSI). IHSI works specifically to empower the Cambodian people to reach their own nation for Christ.

In 2005, Ginny met a young Cambodian woman, Theavy. Barren for nine years, Theavy had tried everything to have a child—everything but God. Ginny prayed, asking God to open Theavy’s womb, and God answered. Theavy gave birth to a little baby boy in 2006. Shortly after his birth, Theavy’s husband abandoned her, leaving her with few options to care for her child. Ginny knew she needed help. This is how Sak Saum began—one woman reaching out to help one woman.

Ginny’s heart is to see vulnerable men and women like Theavy find freedom, purpose, healing, and love in their own lives and the lives of their families. She is passionate about setting captives free. Ginny and her husband, Eric, have two daughters, two sons-in-law, and two grandchildren.

THEAVY KANG National Director Through her own life story, Theavy knows firsthand the tragedy of rejection, abandonment and exploitation, and the power of love to heal. Her own testimony led her to reach out with compassion to vulnerable and exploited women.

Her desire is to see her nation transformed and to help others experience the power, life, and love of God. The love she has for her own people is clearly visible in every area of her life.

Theavy was married this past January and has one son named Sokun, meaning "a gift from God."

LEARN MORE Website saksaum.com

Blog saksaum.com/blog

Insatgram @saksaum

Twitter @saksaum

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g lo b a l

Awakening a compassionate heart and a global mind-set in children for people beyond the boundaries of their own neighborhoods.

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS ...

Ireland?

An island in the eastern part of the North Atlantic directly west of the United Kingdom, on the continental shelf of Europe, Ireland covers an area of 27,135 square miles. The Irish Republic is bounded on the north by the North Channel, which separates it from Scotland; on the northeast by Northern Ireland; and on the east and southeast by the Irish Sea and St. George's Channel, which separate it from England and Wales. To the west from north to south, the coast is washed by the Atlantic Ocean.

rth No l ne

an Ch

Northern Ireland

Atlantic Ocean

The Irish Republic

Irish Sea

e’s rg l o e ne . G an t S Ch

United Kingdon

Netherlands Germany Belgium

QUICK STATS

POPULATION

4,850,241

LANGUAGE

IRISH GAELIC

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RELIGION

ROMAN CATHOLIC 84% CHURCH OF IRELAND 2.8% PROTESTANT 2%

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g lo b a l NOW THAT WE KNOW THE LOCATION OF IRELAND, LET’S MEET ITS PEOPLE.

There are almost 5 million people who call Ireland their home.

If you lived in Ireland you would most likely go to a Roman Catholic Church.

To talk to your friends in Ireland you would speak Irish Gaelic.

To say hello you would say: Dia dhuit (pronounced, JEE-uh ggwitch)

If you lived in Ireland you would most likely eat potatoes, grains (especially oats), and dairy products. Soups of all types, seafood, and meats also play important roles in the Irish diet.

Irish soups are thick, hearty, and filling, with potatoes, seafood, and various meats as common ingredients. A typical Irish dinner consists of potatoes (cooked whole), cabbage, and meat.

Irish stew has been recognized as the national dish for at least two centuries.

DID YOU

KNOW

?

• Cats outnumber dogs by two to one as Ireland's most popular pet.

• Saint Patrick's Day is Ireland's official national holiday. The 17th of March holiday is celebrated in Ireland and also embraced by many other countries around the world.

• Ireland’s most famous musical export is U2.

The Irish are famous for their hospitality, which dates back to old traditions. It was believed that turning away a stranger would bring bad luck and a bad name to the household. (According to one Christian belief, a stranger might be Christ in disguise coming to test the members of the household.) The front doors of houses were commonly left open at meal times. Anyone who passed by would feel free to enter and join in the meal. While many of the old superstitions are a thing of the past, Irish warmth and hospitality toward strangers remains.

The Irish also have an extremely strong loyalty to the family. The nuclear family is the primary family unit. However, an ailing elderly relative and an unmarried aunt or uncle may also be included. Young people have traditionally lived at home with their parents until they marry, often after the age of 25 or even 30. Bonds between siblings are unusually strong, especially in the western part of the country.

Read more: www.everyculture.com/wc/Germany-to-Jamaica/Irish.html

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equip

st u d e n t i d (6 t h

to

8th grade)

I jokingly said, “Oh, no thanks. It smells like you cooked it in a dead body.”

The day before Thanksgiving in 2003 my wife and I were driving to the bank to get some cash from the ATM. I had just bought a new CD from a band I really liked, but my wife really hated. As we drove, she finally lost her patience and said, “This music is absolutely terrible! This guy’s not even singing, he’s screaming. Can you at least turn it down a little?”

Immediately after which, my three-year-old quickly scolded, “Dad ... remember what we talked about in the car?”

Reaching out to turn the music up even louder, I looked at her with a wink and said, “It’s not that this music is too loud. Maybe it’s just that you’re TOO OLD?” And that was the end of that until we got to the bank.

When Shannon got out of the car to go up to the cash machine, my three-year-old son who was strapped into the car seat in the back said in a tiny little voice, “Dad, that wasn’t very nice.” Surprised by this pronouncement, I told him that I was just teasing Mommy in good fun and that I wasn’t really being mean. He thought about this for a moment and said, “But Dad, you always say it isn’t nice to tease the people we love.”

Now, part of me wanted to argue. Part of me wanted to push aside what he was saying, because, as a threeyear-old, he wasn’t capable of understanding the subtleties of my incredible wit. Part of me just wanted to turn the music up and drown out the sound of this tiny accountability partner in the back seat.

But part of me also recognized that he was correct.

I had been rude to my wife. So I changed the music, turned down the volume, and when she got back in the car, I apologized. She seemed genuinely pleased, and as I looked into the rearview mirror, I could tell my son was happy as well.

Not my proudest moment, to say the least. It’s funny now, but at the time I was rattled to hear this little person see and address my unkindness. As I look back, I’m so thankful that from the time he was small we encouraged him to think, and speak, and act in response to God’s truth, even when it meant embarrassment for us. I agree with what John says in 3 John 1:4, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” We wanted our son, a child of God, to not only understand his inherent value personally, but to know that we recognized his value and voice as well.

Now that little boy is a fifteen-year-old and he continues to be a valuable source of insight and encouragement when I have the sense to listen to him. Sure. Sometimes I’d rather turn the music up, or find a way to dismiss his opinions because of his age or experience, but those responses only come from my own fear and insecurity. When I'm driven by my love for my son and for our mutual Creator, our home becomes a safe place where real dialogue can occur; a place where my respect for his views creates a channel through which my views and voice are respected as well. And a place where we all can agree: No broccoli casserole is necessary.

by Darin McWatters

The next day as we sat down for Thanksgiving dinner everything seemed perfect. But as we passed the plates around the table to receive portions of the various dishes, there was another incident. As my plate reached my mother-in-law, she prepared to ladle me a scoop of her broccoli casserole (which I detest) and said, “Darin, would you like some of my famous broccoli casserole?”

Darin McWatters is the Pastor of Teaching and Mission at Arbor Road Church in Long Beach, CA. Prior to his current role, Darin served as a teaching pastor at ROCKHARBOR Church in Costa Mesa, program director and founder of the Joshua Wilderness Institute at Hume Lake Christian Camps, and lead singer of the Christian band, Everybodyduck. Originally from Phoenix, AZ, Darin and his wife, Shannon, have been married for 19 years and have four children: Jack, Hank, Lily, and William.

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Speak Softly Courtney Wilson

I am a yeller—at least I used to be. See, my house is loud. It's to be expected when you put six people in a house and the kids are getting taller and their voices are getting louder. Just to be noticed, your volume has to rise sometimes. But then, there's the yelling. The angry yelling.

The playful yelling. The accusatory yelling. And the yelling for convenience. That's the one that finally and rightfully bothers me. I noticed it the other day—starting with myself. "Jared?

Could you bring me a drink, please?" I yelled to my husband from the couch. He hollered back, "What?" So I repeated myself—louder. The crazy thing is, I could have turned around and looked him in the eyes, or walked maybe 20 feet and gotten a little exercise with my drink, but out of convenience, I chose to yell. He obliged, and the yelling worked. Behavior rewarded. Soon after, my daughter started to holler for something. "Come down here!" I yelled back. She yelled again, until finally, with an exasperated sigh, I walked up the stairs.

On the way up the stairs, I finally tuned into my attitude. Our family really loves each other. A lot. When anyone comes home, he or she is generally greeted at the door with hugs and questions. My kids' eyes light up when they see us in the car line after school. We like to see each other. So why did we think it was showing any kind of love and respect to be yelling to each other out of our own convenience? In fact, every kind of yelling within the walls of our home felt disrespectful. Our family mission statement is, "We will walk faithfully in love as Christ is formed in us." No walking was happening—when it would take more than a few steps to get something, we would yell for someone closer to fetch it. The only faithfulness was on the part of the person fetching or responding. I couldn't see any love through the frustration.

Finally, as I looked through Scripture, I didn't see how this yelling out of convenience was remotely Christ-like.

When we have an epiphany, we are generally faced with a choice: to continue in the same way, knowing that rewarded behavior is repeated, and fetching things for everyone else might be acceptable for a dog, but not for a family who loves and respects each other; or to change our ways, beginning with my own preference to yell.

Cue the family meeting and the "policy change manifesto": 36

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1.

We will love and respect each other with our voices and actions.

2.

Outside voices are for outside when both the "yeller" and the "yellee" are outside.

Exceptions made for indoor sporting events.

3.

We do not live in a mansion. Thank God for your abilities and our home as you walk from one room to the next to ask for help or serve yourself or someone else.

The results are starting to come in, and they are good. Voices being saved for those times when yelling for exhortation or calling to each other outside to play brings confirmation of the love we have for each other. Steps are being increased each day because we are getting up to walk from one room to another. More hugs and kisses from more face-to-face encounters rather than calling for a servant. Less frustration and sighing from not being able to hear or feeling interrupted and disrespected.

There are times when I will still yell. I will yell their names when the sun is setting and my kids are squeezing the last bits of sunlight out of the day exploring the fields behind our house—because it shows love for them and respect for their safety. I will yell as they run their cross-country races—because they love knowing that their mom will always cheer for them, showing love and respect for the sport they pour their time and energy into. I will yell if we should get excited about something happening in the life of our family, a call to celebration and common love and respect. I no longer identify myself as a yeller—I am a cheerleader, a protector, and a mother who is spending a lot more time looking into the eyes of her family and showing love and respect.

Courtney is the Elementary Director at Christ Community Church in the suburbs of Chicago. You can usually find her chasing her four amazing kids around with coffee in one hand and a camera in the other.

Blog spiritualparentingtogether.wordpress.com 37

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Man Up Scott Dannemiller

Not long ago, my wife escaped the confines of our house to enjoy what is known as a “girls' weekend.” If you have not heard of such a thing, I am not surprised. Finding a “girls' weekend” in its natural habitat is as rare as bumping into a cucumber sandwich at a monster truck rally.

I was left at home to care for the kids. The prospect was both exciting and scary. I love having one-on-one time to shape their character in ways only a dad can, but knowing I would have to keep track of homework and execute a legitimate ponytail gave me indigestion.

As soon as we woke up the next morning, Jake and Audrey excitedly asked, “What are we doing today, Daddy?”

“Well, I need to run some errands. Maybe start at Home Depot …” The whining and screaming erupted before the words left my mouth. You would think I had just told them I was kidnapping them, throwing them into the trunk, and driving them to the park where they would be forced to kick baby seals.

I offered an olive branch. “How about this. If you behave while we're inside the store, we can go sit on the lawn tractors and pretend to race.” This seemed to satisfy them.

Later that morning, as we wandered the aisles, the kids were needling each other. No violent assault was imminent, but it was irritating nonetheless. A middle-aged woman spotted us and commented, “Out with daddy, huh?” Audrey stomped on Jake’s foot. He returned the favor. The lady just laughed and said, “So fun at this age. And good for you for bringing them along.”

We continued through the store, collecting the remaining items. A box of small screws and a drill bit. “Can we go to the tractors now?” Audrey asked.

“Sure thing, honey.” We found the lawn and garden section and each climbed aboard our chosen racer. We all made rumbling motor noises and screeching brake sounds with our mouths. Audrey changed tractors in hopes that she would get a faster one that might eke out a victory. But I knew she never stood a chance. In imaginary tractor races, Jake declares himself the winner. Every. Time.

Our fun had lasted all of 90 seconds when another woman approached. I thought she was going to usher us out of the store. Instead, she looked our direction and a grin crept across her face. I heard her comment under her breath, “Such a good dad.”

At first, I soaked up the compliment. I am a good dad! The best dad ever! I should get a medal for this. A gold one, even. But then it hit me. I am a man. Men have done some pretty amazing things throughout history. We’ve harnessed the power of lightning and put it in an incandescent bulb. We’ve captured sound itself and transmitted it over a wire. We’ve poured fire into a rocket, strapped human beings aboard, sent them to the moon, and returned them safely home again.

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So why are people so amazed when I successfully navigate the plumbing aisle with my son and daughter? I’ll tell you why. Most people think men are complete morons when it comes to taking care of kids. The bar for being a “good dad” has been set so low, that anything short of selling my children to a drug cartel is seen as success. It’s an odd doublestandard. I earn a wink and a smile for misbehaving kids, while Gabby gets the “stink eye.”

Does this bother anyone else?

Let me start by saying this—there are awesome dads out there: The neighbor down the street who is outside playing with his kids no matter the weather; my brother-in-law who finds every opportunity to teach his children about the fascinating stuff in the world; a friend of mine working two jobs to feed his kids while his wife goes to grad school; and let’s not forget about the single dads out there. I believe there is a special place in heaven reserved for any single parent.

These folks are my heroes. They’re the ones I thought of the day my firstborn came into the world. I turned to Gabby and said, “I want to be an equal partner with you as a parent. Sharing everything 50/50.”

To which Gabby replied, “Okay. I’m on input. You’re on output.” I hastily agreed, forgetting I am somewhat OCD when it comes to bodily fluids. But believe me, it all came rushing back when the first “output” was a diaper filled with meconium, which is Latin for “poo sauce of the Devil.” I was terrified. But here’s the thing with being a dad. Fear is healthy. Failure to try is not.

IT’S TIME TO MAN UP I know far too many guys who simply will not allow themselves to be left alone with their kids. I’m not sure why, but I suspect it could be any one of a host of reasons. Maybe they’ve been bludgeoned to death by a mom who takes over the instant she sees Dad “doing it wrong.” (Aside: ladies, you know who you are, and you’re teaching “learned helplessness.”)

Maybe their own dads weren’t the best role models. Or maybe it’s simply these low expectations I’ve experienced.

We see countless bumbling dads on TV. They are usually funny, chubby guys married to very thin, much-too-attractive wives. They shouldn’t be allowed to carry a sharp pencil, much less pack a sack lunch. And so this carries over into our social conversations, where we see moms posting on Facebook gushing gratitude for a “hottie” (HOTY Husband Of The Year) who bathes a child once every Leap Year. The positive reinforcement is helpful, to be sure. Even if we dads don’t do it right, it’s still nice to be recognized.

But come on, fellas?

If you’re a dad who is fed up with the fact that every kid in little league gets a trophy, logic holds that you should also be embarrassed by such hollow praise. The only way to reverse this trend is to dive into the deep end. Spend some time with your kids. Alone. Why? Because dads matter.

And it’s not just because we teach them how to change a tire or pick a buffalo wing clean to the bone. Back in the 90s, researchers in the U.S. and Europe studied kids and their relationships with their parents to see who has a bigger influence on their faith. What they found was shocking.

In families where the mom regularly took kids to church, but the dad was only an occasional participant, only 3.4% followed a regular spiritual practice when they grew to adulthood.

However, in families where dad was the regular attendee and mom never went to church, nearly 45% of those kids were regular churchgoers in adulthood. An even greater percentage than those whose parents were both spiritually involved.

That’s right. Go back and reread that last sentence.

I’m not saying that your job as a dad is to get kids to go to church. What I am saying is there is something about alone time with dad that can hook a child’s soul. It makes them want to latch on to something greater than themselves. You’re the key to making that happen.

So, fellas, the time is now. I implore you. Start somewhere. Go to the zoo. Camp in the back yard. Make a list and take ‘em grocery shopping. Heck, grab a free cookie for yourself at the bakery if you must.

But please. Literally. For the love of God. Man up.

Scott Dannemiller is a speaker, author, worship leader, former Presbyterian missionary, and now president of LifeWork Associates. His book, The Year Without a Purchase: One Family’s Quest to Stop Shopping and Start Connecting is due out this fall through WJK Press.

Blog accidentalmissionary.net 39

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equip

to u g h to p i c s

The Erre Family

Nate came along twelve years ago and less than two years later he became a big brother to Hannah.

I had heard that the jump from one to two kids was harrowing, but I found it quite easy really. Nate was content doing the same thing over and over and over again. He was happy listening to music all day long while drumming on his head or playing games on the computer. This made attending to a newborn much easier.

A friend asked me to write a short piece about our family. In the days of reflection and prayer leading to writing this, I am convinced that this could be written by anyone; simply insert different circumstances. I would say that our family is rather typical, but I’m afraid I don’t know what that even means anymore.

I am the wife of a pastor who is rather wellknown where we live. This seems quite humorous to me at times because I didn’t even become a Christian until I was 27 and now I'm a “pastor’s wife.” We have three awesome kids who have both enriched and stretched us as individuals and as a couple.

At age two-and-a-half, however, we found out that Nate had autism. Although I had suspected this, the reality of it was something else entirely. Because I

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to u g h to p i c s one cheerleader. He is also impulsive, a destroyer of everything, loud, and has kept me on high alert for the better part of seven years. He has shaped and molded Fourteen months later, after putting him on a very my older kids' hearts in ways that have helped make strict diet and sending him them remarkably compassionate to a special preschool, his and gentle. He has taught us about self-stimulating behavior SETH – A POEM the simplicity of loving each other finally ceased. Soon he was well. While we all realize that, 'Twas the night after Christmas no longer able to do the in many ways, we haven’t been In the year 2008 incredible things with his able to do "typical family" things A favorite boy was replaced brain that he had been doing because he cannot join in, we And his name was Nate and his desire to drum all fully understand that our lives the time ended. In essence, Seth was born are exponentially richer because we were gradually getting As cute as could be of him. a different kid than the one Born with Down syndrome Nate recently had to write we had known for his first He was much more “special” than me a poem for school. He chose to four years. write about Seth. I think it pretty All of the attention was on him Now he was an outgoing, much sums up how our family has And very little on me bright, bubbly young man. changed because of Seth. (Please I felt so alone “I” had recovered him. “I” note that some of it is tongue in Just another mouth to feed had worked so hard for over cheek.) I agree with the last stanza: two years to make sure his As the years passed by fast forward seven years, and I can diet was strict yet flexible Seth changed our home honestly say I wouldn’t change enough to have treats at Yes, he was a snuggler a thing. every birthday party he But he couldn’t be left alone As I said at the beginning, I am attended. After two years convinced that anyone could have of individualized education He’d destroy our things written this. I have a dear friend plans (IEP), Nate was about Or he’d run away who has lost a child to a congenital to begin kindergarten as an He’d hit, pinch, or bite heart defect and two other friends "undesignated" or non-special And not know what to say who have had multiple open-heart needs kid! “I” had done it!!! surgeries. I have a colleague who, I couldn’t help but smile Ten days after Nate began as a single woman, stepped in and When he would look up at me kindergarten, we found out adopted a young boy through the Because I am his big brother that our special journey was foster care system. And there's my And that is plain to see not over. I was pregnant with classmate from high school whose my youngest, Seth. Seth had Now seven years later only child has hydrocephalus and Down syndrome. I couldn’t I can honestly say just had another surgery to fix believe that I had worked so I would not have it her shunt. And from afar, I have hard to recover Nate from Any other way watched as a friend helps her autism only to be delivered teenage son battle brain cancer. a life sentence; there was In these years of being a “specialno “recovering” this. I had needs mom” I have come to understand that we all already spent two years with Nate going to a school have something.

And apart from God’s grace and separated from all our friends. The light at the end of mercy, there isn’t enough strength in any one of us to my tunnel suddenly disappeared as the realization of journey through it alone. what this meant sunk in. “I” would no longer be able to had no clue what to do, I simply rolled up my sleeves and got started "recovering" him.

manipulate the situation. I needed Jesus in a way that I never had before. I finally understood that only by God’s grace had I been able to get as far as I had.

by Justina Erre

It hasn’t been easy and there have been days that I didn’t think I could keep going. Seth is the sweetest soul.

He is funny, engaging, loving, and everyone’s number 41

Justina grew up in Michigan and moved to California in 1998.

She met her husband, Mike, one year later, and they married in 2000. She is the mother to three awesome kids. She is in her 18th year of teaching middle school math, and she is an avid Michigan State Spartan fan and lover of salty-sweet snacks.

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m a r r i ag e

I remember it like it was yesterday. We were a group of moms—some younger and some older, learning about each other, our husbands, our kids, and beginning to serve together at church.

As conversations go, the laughter and sharing deepened and we began to talk about our frustrations at home, which led me to starting in on my husband’s faults. Before I could get too far, one of the older ladies, Donna, looked at me with love in her eyes and correction in her voice saying, “Cheryl.” She didn’t need to say any more than that one word because I knew she was stopping me from crossing a line. I felt a bit embarrassed, not because of her, but because of my own actions.

Over the years I have often thought of that day and the learning opportunities that came out of it. I began to watch Donna and her husband, Jerry, who now have celebrated 50 years of marriage. Watching, I saw great love and respect

from both of them toward each other and those around them. They are gentle and kind with their words, genuinely interested in what others are saying and doing, and very willing to jump in and serve as they can. Not only have I seen Donna and Jerry model great love and respect for each other, I have been able to see how their children model that behavior in their lives and marriages as well.

I also realized the damage I could have done to my relationship with my husband from the derogatory remarks I was about to make in front of a group of women. Being caught up in a moment is a poor excuse, and I am forever thankful for a woman who was willing to speak to me with correction and kindness. I would be devastated if my husband 42

BEING CAUGHT UP IN A MOMENT IS A POOR EXCUSE, AND I AM FOREVER THANKFUL FOR A WOMAN WHO WAS WILLING TO SPEAK TO ME WITH CORRECTION AND KINDNESS.

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m a r r i ag e

wisely. We desire that the grace God has lavished on us will be felt and shown through the generations to come.

would have done that to me within a group of men— why would I do this to him? From that moment on, I knew that I could no longer air my petty issues with my husband in front of others.

I also pray that there will always be women like Donna who speak in grace and truth to those who need reminders to honor the ones we are sharing life with. And may I be one of those women.

Marriage is hard work, but without love and respect it is even more difficult. As with most things, the work is worth it. Neither one of us are perfect in our relationship, but we both desire to have an atmosphere in our home where God’s love fills us up so we can give it away to others, and that means to each other not just the people we are "ministering to." Through mutual love and respect in our marriage, my husband and I have grown in ways that glorify our relationship with God, both individually and as a couple.

By the way, Donna doesn't even remember that day and the conversation she so gently guided.

That’s okay, I remember.

by Cheryl Wong Cheryl Wong is the Children's and Family Pastor at Good Shepherd Church in Loveland, CO. Cheryl and Brian have been married for 24 years and have two daughters, Shannyn and Ashlyn.

As we look at our own journey and how far we have come, we are praying for our daughters and their future marriages. We pray that they will know what it means to treat their spouses the way they want to be treated and, through that, they will choose

Instagram @cherylwong22 Twitter @WongCherylL

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s p i r i t ua l g r a n d pa r e n t i n g

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s p i r i t ua l g r a n d pa r e n t i n g

after them" (Deuteronomy 4:9). The Psalmist proclaimed, “We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done" (Psalm 78:4).

Our oldest son observed that, while his maternal grandmother stockpiled Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the freezer and his paternal grandmother stowed Kit Kat bars in her special drawer, I didn’t keep any candy at home for him to enjoy. Laughingly, I replied, “When I become a grandmother, I’m going to indulge your children with both Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups AND Kit Kat bars.” My heart danced at the thought of being a grandmother, and our son was only five.

Love is the vehicle by which legacy is passed.

It begins when we acknowledge that our children and grandchildren, as image bearers of the Creator, are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Hearts tilled by acceptance and respect become receptive to the message of God’s grace, whereas hearts tilled by harsh criticism and rebuke become hardened by lies of inadequacy and self-reproach.

Twenty-five years have passed, and I am now a doting grandparent. While I’ve come to realize that being a grandparent is more than Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and KitKat bars, I’ve struggled to find a clear definition of my role.

Scripture calls us to journey alongside our children and our children’s children with servants’ hands and hearts. When the journey gets messy, it’s our responsibility to shower them with grace. When the climb grows steep, it’s our responsibility to encourage them on to the next level. And should the trail become unclear, it’s our responsibility to lovingly point them in the right direction.

Our American culture is ambiguous about our role as grandparents. Many of us embrace the “candy grandparent” model, lavishing excessive materialism on future generations, while others of us abdicate our roles as grandparents in exchange for a leisurely retirement.

Sadly, the church—in all denominations, in all fifty states—remains silent about our role. Specializing in the field of Biblical grandparenting, Pastor Josh Mulvihill (Grace Church, Eden Prairie, MN) offers a plausible explanation for the church’s oversight in this important area of ministry. He suggests that generational discipleship is overlooked because the church defines the family unit as parent and child. Until the body of Christ redefines “family” to include the extended family, grandparents will waffle SCRIPTURE IS and future generations VERY CLEAR. will spiritually suffer.

GRANDPARENTS ARE CALLED Scripture is very clear.

TO PASS ON Grandparents are called A LEGACY—A to pass on a legacy—a SPIRITUAL spiritual inheritance—to INHERITANCE—TO our children and our OUR CHILDREN children’s children. Moses AND OUR instructed the Israelites, CHILDREN’S “Teach [God’s decrees CHILDREN. and laws] to your children and to their children

In a world muddied by lies, or half-truths at best, it is imperative that Christian grandparents rally. It is time to embrace multigenerational discipleship and invest in the spiritual lives of our children and grandchildren.

In the words of Cavin Harper, we need to “train grandparents for battle so this generation will not be lost on our watch” (Courageous Grandparenting).

With our eyes fixed on the Word of God, let us move forward. And let us start by acknowledging that there is more to grandparenting than Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Kit Kat bars.

by Sherry Schumann Sherry Schumann retired, closing the door to her math class, and stepped into the world of writing. She is a freelance writer and photographer. Her first novel, The Christmas Bracelet, is an “ashes to beauty” holiday tale.

Sherry is a charter member of Legacy Coalition: Grandparenting that Matters. She and her husband of 33 years treasure spending time with their children and grandchildren.

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ENVIRONMENTS The order of the 10 Environments listed coincides with the monthly distribution of this resource.

1

“God has entrusted me with the things and people He created around me.”

Responsibility This environment captures the ability to take ownership for one’s life, gifts, and resources before God. A child must be challenged to take responsibility for his or her brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as for those who are spiritually lost.

Our hope is that the Holy Spirit will use this environment to allow each child to understand that God has entrusted His world to us.

3

“Asks the question, ‘What needs to be done?’”

Serving This posture of the heart asks the question, “What needs to be done?” It allows the Holy Spirit to cultivate a sensitivity to others and focuses on a cause bigger than one individual life. It helps fulfill the mandate that as Christfollowers we are to view our lives as living sacrifices that we generously give away!

4

“God fills me with His love so I can give it away.”

5

“God has a big story and I can be a part of it!”

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2

“God transforms me when I step out in faith.”

Out of the Comfort Zone As children and students are challenged to step out of their comfort zone from an early age, they learn to experience a dependence on the Holy Spirit to equip and strengthen them beyond their natural abilities and desires. We believe this environment will cultivate a generation that, instead of seeking comfort, seeks a radical life of faith in Christ.

Love&Respect Without love, our faith becomes futile. This environment recognizes that children need an environment of love and respect in order to be free to both receive and give God’s grace. Innate in this environment is the value that children are respected because they embody the image of God. We must speak to them not at them, and we must commit to an environment where love and acceptance are never withheld due to one’s behavior.

Storytelling The power of The Big God Story impacts our lives by giving us an accurate and awe-inspiring perspective into how God has been moving throughout history. It is the story of redemption, salvation, and hope and tells how I have been grafted into it by grace. It further compels us to see how God is using every person’s life and is creating a unique story that deserves to be told for God’s glory.

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6

“I belong to God

“God knows me, and

and He loves me!”

I can know Him.”

Knowing Nothing could be more important than knowing and being known

by God. We live in a world that denies absolute Truth and yet God’s Word offers just that. As we create an environment that upholds and displays God’s Truth, we give children a foundation based on knowing God, His Word, and a relationship with Him through Christ. God is holy, mighty, and awesome, yet He has chosen to make Himself known to us!

9

“When I get off track, God offers me a path of healing.”

10

“I see Christ in others, and they can see Him in me.”

8

“God’s family cares for each other and worships God together.”

Course Correction This environment flows out of Hebrews 12:11–13 and is the direct opposite of punishment.

Instead, biblical discipline for a child encompasses: a season of pain, the building up in love, and a vision of a corrected path for the individual with the purpose of healing at its core.

Identity This environment highlights who we are in Christ. According to Ephesians 1, we have been chosen, adopted, redeemed, sealed, and given an inheritance in Christ … all of which we did nothing to earn. This conviction allows children to stand firm against the destructive counter identities the world will offer.

Faith Community God designed us to live in community and to experience Him in ways that can only happen in proximity to one another. The faith community serves to create an environment to equip and disciple parents, to celebrate God’s faithfulness, and to bring a richness of worship through tradition and rituals, which offer children an identity. Our love for each other reflects the love we have received from God.

IT IS OUR PRAYER THAT HOMES AND CHURCHES WOULD CREATE THESE ENVIRONMENTS FOR CHILDREN TO LIVE IN SO THEIR FAITH WILL GROW IN A COMMUNITY OF CONSISTENCY, COMMON LANGUAGE, AND PRACTICE. TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW THESE ENVIRONMENTS CAN IGNITE A TRANSFORMING FAITH IN YOUR FAMILY, WE SUGGEST YOU READ:

Modeling Biblical content needs a practical living expression in order for it to be spiritually impacting. This environment serves as a handson example of what it means for children to put their faith into action. Modeling puts flesh on faith and reminds us that others are watching to see if we live what we believe.

SPIRITUAL PARENTING: An Awakening for Today’s Families

BY MICHELLE ANTHONY © 2010 DAVID C COOK

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan.

All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. The Living Bible, TLB, and the The Living Bible logo are registered trademarks of Tyndale House Publishers.

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Scripture quotations marked (NLT ) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

What Faith Legacy Do You Want for Your Family?

Most parents spend more time helping their kids succeed at academics or athletics than infusing shared spiritual experiences into the rhythm of everyday family life.

Pass It On helps parents incorporate symbols, ceremonies, and rites of passage into the faith of their child, using the natural transitions of a child’s life all the way from kindergarten to high school graduation.

JIM BURNS is President of HomeWord and Executive Director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Asuza Pacific University. He has more than 1.5 million resources in print and a radio broadcast heard on 800 stations a day.

JEREMY LEE is the founder of ParentMinistry.net, a subscription-based service for children and youth ministry workers.

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