Good News! Personal Development Newsletter: Volume 9, August 2024

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT Hello Readers! We’re wondering…

WHAT BUGS YA?

Here’s some crappy stuff that stresses us out and pisses us off.  Cold coffee … cold food  Dude bumped me and didn’t say “my bad”  Jerk took my seat  She won’t stop interrupting me  Inconsiderate losers  Bills… Bills… B

ill$$$

It’s the little stuff. Isn’t it? Easy triggers lead to acting out in anger.

No one can fault us for being angry. We all get angry. However, how we ACT after we get angry, now that’s a whole different thing. Yes?

ANGER MANAGEMENT

?

?

Ohhh! So you think I’m cute when I’m angry??? Well, get ready, cause I’m about to be GORGEOUS!

Contra Costa Adult School, Good News! Personal Development Newsletter: Volume 9: August, 2024

Page 1

A quick-tempered man does foolish things ~ Don't let your emotions get the best of you. ~ In prisons and jails, angry reactions can get you into trouble with the officers—robbing you of privileges, getting you stuck in segregation. It can put you on the outs with other inmates and your family. And chronic anger can tear you up inside—mentally and physically— causing headaches, digestion troubles, insomnia, high blood pressure, skin rashes, depression, heart attack and stroke! WHO WANTS THAT? www.prisonfellowship.org/resources/support-friends-family-ofprisoners/prisoner-resources/anger-its-all-in-how-you-think/

PREVALENCE: A high percentage of incarcerated individuals have anger management issues, with estimates ranging from 50% to 70% CONTRIBUTING FACTOR: Unmanaged anger can contribute to criminal behaviors, such as assault, domestic violence, and other violent crimes, leading to incarceration.

UNDERLYING CAUSES: Trauma, mental health conditions (such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and cognitive distortions).

Higher anger scores demonstrate a greater likelihood of aggressive behavior.

IRRATIONAL THINKING THAT MESSES US UP! RUNNING WITH ASSUMPTIONS: … something that may or may not be true, but we act as if it is true before we check it out. For example, "sure" a person bumped us to annoy you when maybe

he simply wasn't paying attention and bumped you by mistake.

CLAIMING PERSONAL RIGHTS: We turn wants such as I want to be respected into entitlements such as I have a right to be respected! Then we fight to protect our "rights." Example:

a man waiting in line barked at the woman in front of him because he believed he “was special and had the right to get through the line without waiting”. She violated his right, so she "deserved" to be punished.

IMPOSING RULES: We jokingly call this “shoulding” on others where we place rigid rules on other people—often without their knowledge.

“He should have listened to me.”

“She should be home when I call her."“

“He should treat me with more respect.”

“If he breaks the rule, he must pay.”

BLACK AND WHITE THINKING: This is extremist thinking. Something—or someone—is either all good or all bad; all right or all wrong. There are absolutely no in-betweens, no shades of gray.

For example: I'm right - you're wrong. I'm the victim - you're the offender.

Page 2

OVERGENERALIZING: Words like never or always are exaggerations. They are rarely actually true, however. Are these familiar?

“You NEVER listen to me!”

"He ALWAYS picks on me.”

“I have to do ALL the work around here!”

DEMONIZING PEOPLE: We see people as the enemy who threatens our safety - whole classes of people of different color, race, sex, authorities, etc. Maybe you’ve felt demonized by people.

Here’s how it happens:

We strip them of their identities as unique individuals.

Then we see them as something subhuman so that we don’t have to care about them.

Because they are the embodiment of evil, they must be punished or destroyed.

We need to become aware when it’s happening, and assess:

“How AM I FEELING right now?

What COLOR ZONE am I in?”

How can I identify my emotions before I get to the red zone?

How can I get to the green zone?

Page 3

MAYBE WE NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY WE THINK! WAIT BEFORE YOU ACT: First things first! Walk away (if you have to). Count to ten…

SLOWLY. Take a few deep breaths. You’ve heard this a thousand times… because IT WORKS! LOOK AT THE FACTS: Look at the evidence for and against. What might challenge your thinking (always, never, etc.) about someone? This will give you a more realistic picture of the person or situation you're dealing with. Be willing to let go of your old thinking – your prejudice.

CONSIDER ALTERNATIVES: There may be many reasons for a person's behavior. Take a woman whose husband was late for dinner, and assumed his lateness meant he didn't care about her.

But suppose she thought of other explanations. Maybe he was in an accident. Perhaps he had a flat tire. Perhaps another person had a flat tire, and he stopped to help. So, get curious and gather information before reacting. And let’s stop making assumptions (Assume = ASS of U and Me).

FOCUS ON PROBLEM SOLVING, NOT PUNISHING: Consider the other person's perspective not who wins or losses. For example: a couple might decide that if one person is going to be late, he or she must call the other person so that assumptions don't run wild. It’s simply common courtesy.

DON'T MAKE OTHER PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS OF WORTH AND SECURITY: YOU ALREADY HAVE INFINITE VALUE and as you grow more secure, you won't need to make others responsible for you. Your worth isn't based on whether someone else treats you with respect or not. Your worth isn't lessened if someone treats you disrespectfully, so there’s no need to punish or retaliate. Okay?

BE WILLING TO FORGIVE: The topic of forgiveness requires a whole separate article, so for now, remember that we ALL need to be forgiven. No one is perfect. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another. Remember that others forgive you too.

BOOK SUGGESTION: The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life, by Les Carter - Anger isn’t just lost tempers and loud voices; it can be an annoyance, overly critical, or frustration. Learning how to recognize healthy and unhealthy ways of expressing anger can help you live a healthier emotional life. Dr. Carter draws on clinical and spiritual experience to help you live to your fullest without being trapped by your anger.

Our Personal Development classes and programs will help you with this.

CLASSES: DEUCE, Parenting; Teachers: Ms. Aster, Ms. Barbara, Martin, Ms. Monika, Dr. Roxanne; Instructional Assistant: Doña; PROGRAMS: AOD: Lacreena, GPS: Nicole RESOURCES • CCAS Website: https://bit.ly/CCAdultSchool • Suicide Crisis Hotline: 1(800) 833-2900 • Mental Health Access: 1(888) 678-7277 • Homeless Hotline: 211

Send an inmate request form for: 1. Game Plan for Success (GPS) 2. Medical Assistance Treatment (MAT) - Phillip 3. Alcohol and Other Drugs (AOD) - Lacreena 4. The Chaplain for Spiritual Help

Other Images: vectorstock.com/royalty-free-vectors/symbol-connection-vectors; Bugs: /stock.adobe.com/search/images?k=funny+mosquito; clipartlibrary.com/clipart/cartoon-bugs-cliparts-22.htm; www.ravishly.com/2015/07/13/inside-out-response-how-pixar-misses-mark

CCAS, Good News! Personal Development Newsletter: Volume 9: August 2024

Page 4