Discerning a vocation The idea of ‘discerning a vocation’ to married life may seem rather odd. After all, people just fall in love and get married, don’t they? Surely for the Christian ‘having a vocation’ must mean something rather more special - religious life, the work of a missionary, ordained ministry... ? It can all too easily seem that getting married is what you do if you don’t have a sense of call from God - a kind of default vocation.
‘the two will become one flesh’ Eph 5:31 Marriage Vocation-Leaflet.indd 1
‘May they share with one another the gifts of your love’ (Nuptial Blessing) This leaflet reflects the Church’s belief that married life is a particular vocation and a specific way of holiness. In describing something of the Christian vision of marriage, it aims to help you – as an individual and couple - discern whether this way of discipleship is something you may be called to. The desire for a partner with whom to share companionship and sexual intimacy, a home and a family, is a profound part of being human, inscribed on men and women by their very creation in God’s image. Through all the changes that marriage has undergone over the centuries,
it continues to be a sign of God’s love shining in the world. Christian marriage is both deeply human and witnesses to ‘the things that are above’ (Col. 3:1), a vision that challenges many current ideas.
Christian marriage A Christian marriage is one where this gift of creation is taken up into the redeeming work of Jesus. It is a special kind of love based on a lifelong, exclusive relationship between a man and a woman. A couple shares the joys and hardships of life together, offering them all to God the Father through their faith in Christ. Christian marriage shares the universal experience of human relationships but makes that experience into a sacrament, a sign of Christ’s grace.
The mission of marriage The Sacrament of Marriage is an essential part of Christ’s mission because it is lived not only in the world but for the world. We know that men and women fall in love, may live together, and have children together; they may or may not go through a form of public ceremony. For the couple embarking on Christian marriage, however, there is a specific call: that they become people who live their marital, bodily and spiritual love at the service of others. Like ordained ministry, the Catechism tells us, the sacrament of marriage is only a way of holiness for those who receive it, in so far as they put that love and grace at the service of others. Christian marriage is not just for the couple themselves. [CCC 1534]
The domestic church Most obviously the call to married life is a call to a sacramental service of family life in ‘the domestic church’. [CCC 1656]. Married relationship is uniquely expressed through sexual relationship, which is, itself, orientated to new life. But the married person’s call to service is not only to be found in the ‘nuclear family’. The Catechism describes marriage as ‘an office of the Church’. [1631] Christian marriage sets the husband and the wife free to serve Christ in the world, supporting them through their mutual love and practical sharing of day to day living. For those called to marriage, the confidence of faithful, life-long love, through all the ups and downs of years, is a source of strength and grace. This enables them to become more deeply who they are called to be, and so take up their own, specific role in God’s loving mission for the world.
20/09/2012 10:53
In reality, all this is often difficult to see. The challenges of life-long commitment and the demands of family can be anything but ‘holyfeeling’. Even the holy family of Nazareth seems to have suffered this kind of anxiety and bewilderment! [Luke 2:48-50]
Here are some questions you might want to ponder in your discernment: • How do I/we respond to the Church’s understanding of the sacramental life of marriage described here? What inspires? What troubles?
The great beauty of the domestic church is precisely here - that it witnesses to the ordinary, deep humanity of the Christian call to be holy, and the possibilities of grace in all that is authentically human. The Christian married couple are called to live Baptism and Eucharist in this particular, ‘worldly’ and often difficult place: they enable God’s transforming of all the ordinary bread and wine of human living through their thanksgiving, self-gift, and mission. So marriage becomes a place where Christ’s glory is revealed - a place of the signs of the kingdom and of people’s growing in faith and discipleship. [John 2:11]
• What - in terms of prayer, work, and mission - is important to me personally? How might married life enable and limit / change these things? • Temperamentally, how open am I to giving way, in love, to the needs and wishes of others? What challenges might the sharing of daily life bring me/us? • Are my/our experiences of the household such that it seems a place where I/we have felt drawn to the Lord?
A shared vision Understanding Christian marriage is a first step to discerning your own vocation to this sacramental life. It is possible you may feel called to this life whilst still single, and without a particular partner as yet. Reflecting on your call as a single person may lead you to a mature seeking for someone who can share this vision in all its lived reality with you. Or you may be discerning a vocation to marriage with an existing partner. Discussing this teaching of the Church and praying over it together, will help you see how far you might be able, as a couple, to take this on as a shared way of life.
Ordinary holiness Such discernment is in part about being drawn by the Spirit into this vision of a life of ‘ordinary holiness’; and in part it is about practicalities. After all, a calling to live in life-long faithful love with another human being is demanding, even seemingly ‘impossible’. [CCC 1648]. You are both, after all, sinners as well as children of God! Your own situations, temperaments and gifts are part of the discernment. Self-honesty, and honesty with one’s partner, are essential here.
Marriage Vocation-Leaflet.indd 2
A Vocation to Married Life
‘ Love is always patient and kind’ 1 Co 13:4
More information about vocations to the married life can be found at: • www.ukvocation.org • www.celebratingfamily.org.uk • How to Discover your Vocation by Fr Stephen Wang (CTS PA13) A wide range of inexpensive publications is available from CTS to help nurture your faith and keep you informed about a wide range of issues. If you would like to receive further information please contact us: CTS, 40-46 Harleyford Road, London SE11 5AY Or visit www.cts-online.org.uk Tel: 020 7640 0042 Fax: 020 7640 0046 ISBN 978 1 86082 823 2
LF 68
All rights reserved. © 2012 The Incorporated Catholic Truth Society. Front cover: The Marriage of the Virgin, by Pietro Perugino, Musee des Beaux-Arts, Caen, France/Giraudon/Bridgeman Art Library. All other images courtesy of © Mazur/catholicnews.org.uk.
CTS 20/09/2012 10:53