The Onion magazine - July 2015 issue

July 2015



A WHEY WITH

CHEESE

INSIDE: THE WILD WOODERS ‘LOCAL’ OLIVE OIL TENTERTAINMENT

Whatever you’re looking for, Skinners can supply it.

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Shop, fuel and forecourt Open every day 6am to 10pm National Lottery and fRee ATM

for current stock visit www.skinnersnet.com Warranty

Advertising and Editorial:

01797 253668 07808 586640

Publication date: 1st of the month Entries for Noticeboard email: noticeboard@onionpublishing.co.uk To send editorial/advertising material email: carol@onionpublishing.co.uk For advertising sales enquiries email: advertising@onionpublishing.co.uk www.onionmagazine.co.uk Twitter: @OnionMag1

The Onion magazine is published by Onion Publishing Limited, The Studio at Friars Cote Farm, Crockers Lane, Northiam, East Sussex TN31 6PY. Editor & Publisher: Carol Farley Director & Publisher: Nicholas Farley

I had promised you wine and cheese this month but there’s only cheese. The wine will follow soon. What delicious cheese though, World Champion cheese, in fact. Imagine that – there’s a World Championship for cheese. If you didn’t already know as, I must admit, I didn’t, there is a fantastic amount of cheese made locally and you can read about two champion cheeses on page 16 this month.

It’s July now and the Festival season begins to kick in this week with the fabulous Tentertainment in Tenterden on July 3rd, 4th and 5th, then it’s Rye Arts next month, and there’s a newish one in August which has caused much excitement in one corner of The Onion office – it’s the second Biddenden Tractorfest which, as it clearly states on the tin is about tractors, particularly old tractors.

More anon.

I’m looking forward to July because it hasn’t been all beer and skittles this last month: first, George, the ancient company cockerel, was eaten by a fox, and then we have once again crossed swords with British Telecom. Dealing with these big corporations is like trying to wrestle jelly in an oil bath while walking up the ‘down’ escalator. The BT thing has so annoyed our tractor correspondent that he has commandeered the Sounding Off column this month to vent his spleen on the subject (page 14). Anyway, if you were trying to phone us during the first and second weeks of June I do apologise for any difficulty which you had. We have added a mobile number to the contact details on this page in case there are further problems with the landlines in the future.

Carol Farley, Editor COMPETITIONS

Contributors: B. Dalziell, Jack Hebden, Jessica Harding

Competition Winners for the May 2015 competition

Print: Buxton Press

Kent and East Sussex Railway family Ticket S. Longhurst, Robertsbridge

Cover picture: The Wild Wooders launch their raft. See page 10.

Designed and produced for Onion Publishing Limited by Vantage Publishing Limited, Godalming, GU7 2AE.

July 2015

Liberty Water Fountain S. Leng, Stone in Oxney

Wild Garden Weekends book N. Woodgate, Cranbrook J. Burvill, Rolvenden Layne A. Piers, Cranbrook G. Marriott, Brede M. McAdam, Rye

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www.onionmagazine.co.uk

COUNTRY Markets EVERY TUESDAY 09:00 to 11:00 Wittersham Wittersham Village Hall, The Street EVERY WEDNESDAY 10:00 to 13:00 Rye Farmers’ Market Strand Quay, Rye, East Sussex, TN31 7AY EVERY THURSDAY 09:00 to 12noon Rolvenden Farmers’ Market, St Mary’s Church, Rolvenden, TN18 5PN Rolvenden Village Hall, Maytham Road, Rolvenden, TN17 4ND EVERY FRIDAY 10:00 to 12noon Brede Brede Village Hall, Cackle Street, Brede, East Sussex, TN31 6DX EVERY FRIDAY 10:00 to 11:30 Rye Community Centre, Conduit Hill, Rye

Contents 5

Noticeboard What’s on in your local community

6

Have an Extra Virgin Round for Lunch

10 The Wild Wood 14 Sounding Off 16 Say Fromage?

20 That’s Tentertainment 24 A Good Book 26 Recipe: olive oil brownies

EVERY FRIDAY 09.30 to 11.30 Tenterden (Formerly the WI Market) St Mildred’s Church Hall, Church Road, Tenterden TN30 7NE

28 Letters to the Editor

EVERY FRIDAY 07.00 to 15.30 Tenterden Market Square, behind Savannah Coffee Shop, Tenterden & Tenterden High Street from 08:30 to 14.30

34 Eat: The Bull at Ticehurst

30 July gardening with Jack Hebden

36 Walk Farthing Common, Postling and Tolsford Hill

2ND & 4TH FRIDAY 10:00 to 15:30 Sissinghurst Plain outside the entrance to Castle Gardens

38 Business Cards

SATURDAY 4 JULY 10.00 to 12noon Robertsbridge Village Market, Station Road, Robertsbridge, TN32 5DA

39 Win

SATURDAY 11 JULY 10.00 to 12noon Beckley Beckley Village Centre, Main Street, TN31 6RN

Small ads for trades and services

Enter our giveaway competitions

SATURDAY 18 JULY 09:00 to 12:30 Heathfield Co-Op car park, 110 High Street, Heathfield TN21 8JD SATURDAY 25 JULY 09:30 to 13:00 Cranbrook The Vestry Hall, Cranbrook SATURDAY 25 JULY 10:00 to 12noon Brightling Village Hall, Brightling

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The contents of this magazine are protected by copyright and nothing can be reprinted without prior permission of the publisher. The publisher has tried to ensure that all information is accurate but does not take any responsibility for any mistakes or omissions. We take no responsibility for advertisements printed in the magazine or loose inserts that might be delivered alongside it. © Onion Publishing Limited.

onionmagazine.co.uk

Noticeboard...

EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO

Don’t forget, the Noticeboard is your opportunity to promote your events, memberships and messages for FREE if you are a charity, club, society or nonprofitmaking venture, or are promoting a charity event. We can’t always promise to print everything, but we do try.

The deadline for you to send information to noticeboard@onionpublishing.co.uk for August’s Noticeboard is 3rd July.

Love Painting?

Then the Weald of Kent Art Group could be for you.

Their Annual Summer Exhibition is held at Tenterden Town Hall with preview by invitation on Sunday 30th August and open daily from Monday 31st until Saturday 5th September. They are based at Tenterden with members from all around Kent and Sussex. During the summer the programme welcomes everyone from beginners to experienced artists to join a small group painting in selected venues around the area. The varied fortnightly winter meetings are held in Tenterden with professional demonstrators/life models or tutor-led drawing evenings. There is also the benefit of discounts for members at some local shops. This year only the discounted Membership fee of £20 includes entry for the exhibition for up to 4 framed and 4 unframed pictures. Phone Judy on 01580 240884 or visit the website www.wealdofkentartgroup.co.uk.

Meditation and what it means to be human The Woodgate Farm Retreat and Meditation Centre in Beckley offers meditation and opportunities to explore human consciousness and meaning. They hold weekly meetings on Thursday for meditation and discussion, and more in-depth meeting one Sunday morning a

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month. For more information contact Carolyn or John on 01797 260763, email info@woodgate-farm.co.uk, www.woodgate-farm.co.uk.

Need a venue?

Brightling Village Hall is available for hire. It has been newly refurbished, in a wonderful rural setting, with its own child-friendly garden. It can cater for celebrations, children’s parties, meetings, classes and workshops.

It’s perfectly situated for walking and cycling groups to explore the famous Follies and surrounding area of outstanding natural beauty. For more information 01424 838232 or email lynwagstaff@btinternet.com.

‘Remembering the Battle of Britain’ The newly Accredited museum at Cranbrook’s exhibition for July is ‘Remembering the Battle of Britain’. Entrance is free and donations welcomed. The Cranbrook Museum is open Tuesday to Saturday 2pm to 4.30pm. Location: Carriers Road, Cranbrook.

Lowry by the Sea Every day to Sunday 1 November LS Lowry is one of the most celebrated and beloved British artists of all time. The two-room display at the Jerwood Gallery celebrates Lowry’s unique contribution to 20th Century British art, bringing together a selection of his lesser-known paintings and drawings of the sea.

Venue: Jerwood Gallery, Rock-a-Nore Road, Hastings Old Town, TN34 3DW. 01424 728373.

Da, da, da, da-dle, da, da, dadaaaa (to the tune of the Robin Hood theme) The Bowmen of Robin Hood now has 21 Outlaw Members. They meet on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and Saturday mornings and anyone wanting

YOUR COMMUNITY NOTICE BOARD IS FOR LOCAL EVENTS AND INFORMATION. TO FEATURE HERE FOR FREE, PLEASE EMAIL US AT NOTICEBOARD@ONIONPUBLISHING.CO.UK

Delivered by the Royal Mail to 23,000 local homes every month in Appledore, Benenden, Brede, Brightling, Broad Oak, Burwash, Camber, Cranbrook, Cripps Corner, Etchingham, Hawkhurst, Hurst Green, Icklesham, John’s Cross, Northiam, Peasmarsh, Robertsbridge, Rye, Salehurst, Sandhurst, Staplecross, Tenterden, Udimore, Winchelsea, Wittersham and surrounding villages.

July 2015

The Onion magazine

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Have aVirgin Local Extra Round Lunch for

By Nick Farley

Have an Extra Virgin Round for Lunch

By B. Dalziell

You won’t find too many olive groves locally and you may wonder therefore why olive oil is featuring in a local magazine as part of a series on local foods and drinks, but there is a relevance, as you will see. Olive oil is now regarded as a cooking essential but it wasn’t that long ago when if you had asked your grocer (and there’s a quaint term for a start) for olive oil he would have sent you with all speed to the nearest chemist; Boots is where our mothers and grandmothers found olive oil and they used it for medicinal reasons which we needn’t explore here. For cooking, by which I really mean frying, they used lard. In other words our olive oil heritage is a bit thin. We Brits are to olive oil what Americans are to history – we are newcomers, and that’s a problem because olive oil, unlike lard, is quite a complicated thing and the Southern Europeans are steeped in its lore from the moment they leave the womb; thus they have several centuries start on us in understanding its complexities. To begin with there are all these peculiar phrases which we bandy about without truly knowing what they mean or why they are important or, indeed, if they are important.

What’s all this about being ‘extra virgin’, for example? Virginity is an absolute isn’t it? How do you make it ‘extra’? And in any case how can a thing, least of all an olive oil, be a virgin in the first place, extra or otherwise?

Above: Gold award winner

Well, the ‘extra’ is very important apparently, and merely being an ordinary virgin is positively sluttish by comparison and not to be countenanced at all if you are going to use the oil in any way in which its taste will be important.

Believe it or not there are six grades of olive oil below ‘extra virgin’ and if you are simply going to infuse a large bottle of olive oil with chillies to make chilli oil, for example, it would clearly be foolish to use the best and most expensive oil when an ordinary virgin will do or even a simple refined olive oil, which is what I use. The lowest of the oily low is not, as you might imagine, extremely promiscuous olive oil, but is olive pomace oil which is not for direct human consumption and is extracted from the pulp of the olives by using solvents after the best stuff has been extracted by cold pressing.

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Extra virgin is the highest quality olive oil you can buy. You know that already, but do you know why? The reason is because it has been produced simply by mechanically cold pressing the olives as soon as possible after they have been carefully picked. It has also satisfied certain taste criteria when evaluated by a trained tasting panel recognised by the International Olive Council, and it has undergone an official chemical analysis and test. All of which sounds terribly tedious and technical and probably is, but it means that extra virgin is the stuff to buy if you want the best tasting olive oil and, incidentally, the most healthy olive oil. The taste is a subject every bit as complex as wine, being dependent on the olives, the way they are picked, the weather, the ‘terroir’ and how they are grown. So, faced with this complexity, what are we mere mortals to do when it comes to choosing oil?

Fortunately – and here’s the local bit, at last – fortunately, one of the best olive oils in the world is now being imported into this country by a new, small, specialist company in Tunbridge Wells called ‘Perfect Tree’ started

by Joanna and Charles Pope. The olive oil is called Dehesa De La Sabina, which translates, I think, as ‘meadow of the savin’, and a savin is a particular kind of juniper. This has nothing to do with olive oil, but I thought you’d like to know anyway. Dehesa De La Sabina is produced by Ecologica La Olivilla which is a co-operative of eight farmers with scrupulous organic credentials, working in the Jaén region of Andalusia, in Southern Spain. Their oil has won Gold and Silver awards in the last two years at The New York International Olive Oil Competition where the judges said it had, “Aromas of green fruit, green grass, almonds onionmagazine.co.uk

has been grown using modern chemical farming methods, it was impossible not to be impressed by their passion for their ‘organic’ methods and for their achievements, but just as important from my point of view was the olive oil itself – it was delicious. I’m not sure if ‘delicious’ is quite the right word to apply to olive oil, certainly not by New York olive oil judges, that’s for sure, but it was delicious, and still is.

Above: The perfect picnic - Dehesa De La Sabina with cheese from Canterbury. Left: Olive trees in Andalusia. Mark Hodson

and notes of green olive. The taste,” they said, “exhibits abundant fruitiness, some sweetness, bitterness, medium pungency and notes of fresh cut grass, with exceptional harmony, a high complexity and a high persistence.” Which is the sort of high-flown thing that judges are expected to say, but the reason I’m writing about this at all is because earlier this year I attended an olive oil tasting and that is when I first tried Dehesa De La Sabina and spoke to the Spanish producer, Juan Ignacio Valdes, and to Joanna from Perfect Tree. Although I am not an ‘organic’ obsessive and will happily eat anything which

There is a maxim in the advertising world that consumers when they are confused or unsure like to lean on a brand. That is, they like the reassurance of a respected brand when they are buying in a field where they have no expertise, and I suspect that ‘confused and unsure’ describes most of us when it comes to buying olive oil, particularly when buying relatively expensive oil. We cannot try umpteen before deciding and yet we know it makes a difference, moreover we do not want to make an expensive mistake. Well, trust me, and lean on this brand. I think it’s excellent and, as a bonus, it’s as local as an olive oil is ever going to get.

FIND OUT MORE

Perfect Tree: www. Perfecttree.co.uk. Tel: 0871 711 8850 Stockists: The Organic Health Shop, 10 High Street, Tunbridge Wells, TN1 1UX Your Good Health, 51 High Street, Edenbridge, Kent,TN8 5AL Oliver Greens, 14 High St, Rusthall, Tunbridge Wells, Kent, TN4 8RW Eggs to Apples, Hurst Green, E.Sussex, TN19 7QQ

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO

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to become an Outlaw should contact Tom Firth. Tom is still giving 2-hour archery lessons in his garden for only £10 and on 1st August will be offering 6 arrows for £2 at the Icklesham Fete from 1pm. He is delighted with the support from everyone and has raised £700 for the church and £200 for the Bowmen of Robin Hood Club.

See him on Facebook: Bowmenofrobinhood or email tomxx10@gmail.com.

Great bowls of fire If you fancy starting to play bowls or to re-kindle your interest, why not go along to Rye Bowls Club – they have competitive as well as fun bowling there. The green is open daily to members from 10am to 8pm to the end of September. If you’d like to know more contact Margaret Everest on 01243 604084/01797 223301, email mrgteverest@gmail.com. Venue: Rye Bowls Club, ‘Fair Salts’, Fishmarket Road, Rye. History walks in and around Rolvenden Every Tuesday 18:00 Meet at St Mary’s Church, Rolvenden. Various local projects related to research carried out by landscape archaeologist Dr Brendan Chester-Kadwell. Enquiries to Sue Saggers on 01580 241056.

Lashenden Air Warfare Museum Exhibition at Cranbrook Tuesday to Saturday 14:00 to 16:30 Free entry to the Cranbrook Museum where they are showing the exhibition from the Lashenden Air Warfare Museum at Headcorn. Venue: Cranbrook Museum, Carriers Road, Cranbrook, Kent, TN17 3JX. Know your camera and take better photographs The Camera 1066 Club meets on the first and last Tuesday each month. The first Tuesday’s meeting is outdoors at an agreed location, the last Tuesday’s meeting of the month is at Tilling Green Community Centre, Mason Road, Rye, East Sussex at 1pm until 3pm.

The club is run by John Wylie, a retired professional photographer and University lecturer. For more information contact John Wylie 01797 223034 or visit the club’s website http://camera1066clubryeuk.btck.co.uk.

Art & Craft Club Every Wednesday 13:30 to 15:30 For just £2 anyone can go along and sew, paint, knit, draw, make anything crafty. Cup of tea/coffee and a friendly welcome guaranteed apparently – sounds lovely. For more information contact Maureen or Stuart on 01424 813918 or just pitch up. Venue: Winchelsea Beach Village Hall.

Look lovely in Lycra?

Every Wednesday and every Sunday 8

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The TN30CC Tenterden Cycle Club is a social cycling club – they always stop for tea and cake. They ride out from The Crown in St Michaels at 10am on Sundays and 9.30am on Wednesdays. I’m told that Lycra is not compulsory. For more information contact Ian at tn30cc@sky.com or visit http://tn30cc.blogspot.co.uk.

Get fit for Summer and have a little fun Wednesday evenings 19:30 to 21:00 Adult Netball training at Tenterden Netball Club.

There’s no pressure to join the club. They say that a lot of people who go haven’t played since school, some are managing families and go along for a little bit of personal fun and exercise, and others prefer it to going to the gym. Contact Teresa on 07557 883833 or Giselle on 07970 709945.

Brede Design with Flowers Second Thursday of the month 13:30 to 15:30 This is a friendly group which meets in Brede. For more information contact Rhiannon Oliver 01424 882037 or Sue Sturmey 01424 882544. Venue: Brede Parish Room, Waterworks Lane, Brede TN31 6HG. Tenterden Rotary Club Every Thursday 19:00 Tenterden Rotary Club meets every Thursday evening at The Tenterden Club, Church Road, Tenterden. New members are always welcome. Contact Club Secretary, Chris Northen via email on chris@northen.net, or look on the website www.tenterdenrotary.org.uk.

Come Dancing Every Friday 19:30 to 22:00 Sequence Dancing is the attraction in Northiam Village Hall each Friday evening. New Members are always welcomed. For more information ring Tony on 01797 253287 or Brian on 01580 881877. Venue: Northiam Village Hall, Main Street, Northiam.

Join the Rye Walkers First Sunday in the month They are a small group who meet at Jempson’s car park in Rye on the first Sunday in the month to do a short walk of about 5 miles, sometimes in the Rye area but often further afield to Lamberhurst, Bewl Water or Romney Marsh. If you fancy joining them one Sunday please contact Jan Weston on 01797 230877.

Studio Collection of contemporary art works Tuesday 30 June to Friday 31 July 11:00 to 17:00 Smallhythe Studio is inviting everyone to see their exciting and updated Studio Collection of outstanding work by contemporary artists. Also showing for the first time at Smallhythe Studio is Kathy Thomson with her dramatic landscapes. Both exhibitions run onionmagazine.co.uk

JULY AT THE WALLED NURSERY MAKERS FAIR AND OUTDOOR THEATRE Not only do we grow and sell a vast range of plants, we host many different events...

Summer Makers Fair with The Walled Nursery and Cranbrook Iron Saturday 18th July – 9am to 5pm and Sunday 19th July – 10am to 4pm FREE ENTRY. Come and support our local talent! Local handmade crafts for sale including silver jewellery, ceramic art, natural beauty products, weatherproof cushions, delicious liqueurs and hand forged iron work.

Enticing plants, interesting bespoke iron work for home and garden, demonstrations, tea & cake.

Outdoor Theatre from Changeling Sat 25th July 7pm Two Gentlemen of Verona Sun 26th July 5pm ‘Hay Fever’ by Noel Coward We have a magical setting for outdoor theatre and Changeling is an outstanding, innovative theatre company. Tickets sell fast! Picnic available to pre order for the day.

Book via website www.thewallednursery.com

THE WALLED NURSERY

The beautiful plant nursery set within one of the largest collections of Victorian glasshouses in the country.

The Walled Nursery, Water Lane, Hawkhurst, Kent. TN18 5DH. (set within the grounds of St Ronans School).

01580 752752 www.thewallednursery.com

The Wild Wood

by Nick Farley

Playing in the woods was something that every child did at one time and, still today, when I drive past woods, I long to return to my childhood and to meet up with my old friends and play in the woods again. All our time was spent in the woods, building camps, lighting fires, making bows and arrows, riding our bikes and generally having a good time all year round in all weathers. I realise that these days this is not so easy for children to do. However, it’s not impossible and one day last month I spent a great morning reliving my past with a bunch of children at The Wild Woodland Club. The Wild Woodland Club is run under the aegis of The Sussex Wildlife Trust at Swallowtail Hill Farm in a magical spot in Beckley and is conducted by Lucy Bowyer of The Trust and Sarah of Swallowtail Hill.

There were fourteen children, boys and girls, aged from 6 to 10, some of whom were first-timers and others who were old hands, but within minutes you would not have known the difference as the newcomers were absorbed so well. In addition there was me and the three ladies in charge – Lucy, Sarah and Carole – all of whom are qualified to do this sort of thing and who were very impressive, being at once patient, informative and yet always in control of we children. There are no parents allowed; they get no further than the farm gate.

Having left parents behind we set off in an orderly sort of rabble and were soon at base camp in a chestnut wood where the first task was to light a fire so that water could be heated for the hot chocolate to be drunk later. The children lit the fire under 10 The Onion magazine

supervision – and to save my saying it every two sentences you can take it as read that the children were always well supervised whatever they were doing and they were not running round lighting fires willy nilly. While the kettle was heating up, a game of hunt the cuckoo was started. This entailed a toy cuckoo being hidden somewhere in the woods by one of the children and then all the others hurtling hither and yon in search of it and being accompanied by shouts of “warm, warmer, no cold, colder” from the hider of the cuckoo.

Central to the success of this game is the need for the hider to remember where he/she hid the cuckoo, but unfortunately this was not fully appreciated by some hiders. It didn’t seem to matter though, everyone ran everywhere yelling and proclaiming that they were on the right trail and eventually the cuckoo always turned up.

Hot chocolate was drunk sitting round the fire and then we all set about making model rafts which we were later going to sail in the pond. In the woods there was obviously no shortage of wood for these raft projects and Lucy and Sarah had plenty of the ancillary materials and tools which the keen student will know are absolutely essential for any onionmagazine.co.uk

I know it’s under here somewhere

Gotcha!

What have you caught?

newt tadpoles. Each ‘find’ was identified using guides which the children had been given, although some of them didn’t need these and were able to identify what they had caught without help.

Raft under full chestnut sail

Eventually it came time to float the rafts and sadly the elaborate Sellotape models came to an early and predictably soggy end but the coarser and more robust string jobs were quite successful and some even managed movement when the wind caught their chestnut leaf sails. Much will have been learned for future boatbuilding, I think. Sadly we had at last to take the boats out of the water. We had been hunting, fishing, sailing and mucking about for three hours and reluctantly it was time to call it a day - a great day.

successful boatbuilding enterprise – stuff like knives, string, scissors, a drill bit and Sellotape.

Incidentally, the faith which the young have in the ability of Sellotape to stick anything to anything is mind-boggling. Frankly, I foresaw trouble when Sellotape met water later on, but at the building stage it was undoubtedly the material of choice for the creative builders who attached random leaves and other adornments to their craft with this wonder material. The more careful string builders would have their moment later.

This is a terrific way to spend a day or a morning and the children I saw obviously had a really good time: they are outside, they are safe, they are enjoying themselves, there’s no parents, and they are learning too, although they will be unaware of that and that is the best way to learn. If your children would like to spend a day or days like this The Wild Woodland Club has Friday and Saturday dates every month up to and including November. It’s a pity they don’t do anything for we older children. I’d go every time, especially as I have now remembered how to make a Red Indian headdress from chestnut leaves. This was special skill I had as a child but I couldn’t remember how to do it when I was there.

Once these elaborate craft had been built we trekked off with them to a pond lying at the bottom of a hill in a beautiful buttercup meadow. Here we were first given nets to trawl through the pond water to see what wildlife we could find. Each net was emptied into a separate white plastic tray so that its contents could be carefully examined before being put back in the water. We found all manner of bugs, beetles, larvae and, best of all, some tiny July 2015

FIND OUT MORE

The Wild Woodland Club dates: Friday 24 July 10-3; Saturday 25 July 10-1 ; Friday 28 August 10-3 ; Saturday 29 August 10-1 ; Saturday 19 September 10-1 ; Friday 30 October 10-3 ; Saturday 31 October 10-1 ; Sunday 28 November 10-1.

Saturday mornings are £10 per child (or £8.50 for members of Sussex Wildlife Trust); Full days are £20 per child (£17 SWT members).

Online bookings at www.sussexwt.org.uk/events The Onion magazine 11

EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO

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together. The studio is open Tuesday to Saturday.

Venue: Smallhythe Studio, Small Hythe Road, Tenterden TN30 7NB. ‘How Tropical Rainforests Work’ Thursday 2 July 10:00 All are welcome to attend the July monthly meeting of the Hawkhurst U3A, when Dr David Jones takes a close look at the function of, and threats to, these biologically diverse habitats. Coffee will be available after the meeting. Venue: The British Legion Hall, High Street, Hawkhurst.

Cinema under the stars at Scotney Castle Thursday 2 July 21:15 to 23:00 Take a picnic or enjoy the food and drink from the café at Scotney, sit back and watch Gravity starring George Clooney in the open air on a giant screen in the grounds. Tickets Adult £13.50, child £9. Booking essential on 01892 893860. Venue: Scotney Castle, Lamberhurst, TN3 8JN. Quentin Blake: Life Under Water – A Hastings Celebration Thursday 2 July to Sunday 6 September Sir Quentin Blake is returning to the gallery this summer, this time casting his eye over Hastings. The

celebrated Children’s Laureate, most famous for his collaborations with Roald Dahl, has created 24 new works that show the vibrancy of this historic town and the sea that defines it. Venue: Jerwood Gallery, Rocka-Nore Road, Hastings Old Town, TN34 3DW. 01424 728373.

First Friday Networking Friday 3 July 13:00 to 14:30 Businesses of all sizes are welcomed to this free, informal and friendly event. There are no ‘pitches’ just face to face chat. For more information contact Marian Child on 07912 344954. Venue: White Lion, 57 High Street, Tenterden, TN30 6BD. That’s Tentertainment Friday 3 July, Saturday 4 July and Sunday 5 July A long weekend of free top class musical and other entertainment for all the family at the Tenterden Recreation Ground site. Top acts such as Jamie Johnson, Tom Figgins, Coco & The Butterfields as well as great local names such as Rebekah Gilbert and Beth Wilson and, of course, The Tuesdays. Who can resist a Singing Tea Tent? There are simply too many acts to mention here. For more information www.tentertainment. co.uk. Venue: Tenterden Recreation Ground.

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• Flexible membership options available Flexible membership options available • •Complimentary fitness assessment and programme • Complimentary fitness assessment and programme Complimentary fitness assessment and programme • •Great benefits including 10% off beauty • Great benefits including 10% off beauty treatments and 15% off food at the hotel • Great benefits including 10% off beauty treatments and 15% off food at the hotel treatments and 15% off food at the hotel In peaceful surroundings you can enjoy a swim in the In peaceful surroundings you immerse can enjoyyourself a swim in in the indoor heatedsurroundings swimming pool, In peaceful you can enjoy a swim in the indoorin heated swimmingorpool, immerse yourself in bubbles the hydro-pool workout in the gym. indoor heated swimming pool, immerse yourself in bubbles in the hydro-pool or workout in the gym.

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facilities facilities facilities - Indoor swimming pool - Indoor swimming pool - Hydro-pool - Indoor swimming pool - Hydro-pool - His and her saunas - Hydro-pool - His andsteam her saunas - Scented room - His and her saunas Scented steam room - Fully equipped - Scented steamgym room Fully equipped gym - Beauty rooms - Fully equipped gym Beauty rooms - Free wi-firooms - Beauty - Free wi-fi - Free wi-fi

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Buy something lovely and delicious Saturday 4 July 10:00 to 12:00 The July Market offers a large selection of local fresh foods - Sedlescombe Lamb, bread, jams & preserves, handmade chocolate, a wide variety of bread, cakes and savouries as well as many crafts, beautiful hand woven baskets by Marianne van Niekerken, Natural Wools and weaving, crochet, plants, pet food and refurbished furniture, to name but a few. Light refreshments provided by Robertsbridge WI. For more information contact Sally Pitman - 01580 881944. www.facebook. com/robertsbridgemarket Venue: Robertsbridge Village Market, Station Road, Robertsbridge, TN32 5DA

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01622832974 The Onion magazine 13

Soundingoff Silence is Golden ‘Silence is golden’ is part of an ancient Egyptian proverb which roughly translates as, “if speech is silvern then silence is golden.”

Well let me tell any Egyptian, ancient or modern, and anyone else within earshot, that when silence is forced upon you by the inefficiencies, apathy, and the couldn’t-care-less attitude of British bloody Telecom, it is far from golden. It is, in fact, the very reverse of golden when telephonic silence cuts you off from your most direct route to economic well-being. It all started last Tuesday when the wind blew. It blew a bit harder than normal, it is true, perhaps gusting 45mph, but nothing that would cause yeoman Brits to take shelter below ground. Wind and rain are our stock in trade aren’t they? Anyway, in this stiffish breeze The Onion’s phones went on the blink.

The phones are quite important to us and so we picked up a mobile and phoned BT to advise them of our trouble and we hoped they’d understand our need to have it sorted quite quickly. We thought that our call would excite mild interest in the BT bosom and they, understanding our predicament, would zoom round to fix things forthwith. We spoke about our plight to a man in Asia who claimed to be Percy or Sid or something, although I remember thinking at the time that he lacked any obvious Percy-ness; anyway he acknowledged that there was a teeny weeny little fault somewhere and he would log it, and so we thought it would be fixed. It wasn’t. So we phoned Asia again and spoke to Len or it may have been Harry, but it might have been the time we spoke to Ethel or Janet, I’d lost track. He/she confirmed there was a fault on two lines (which we knew – we had told them that the day before) and that they would be fixed tomorrow, Thursday. Thursday came and BT didn’t. The mobile

lines to Asia glowed white hot as The Ed read the riot act to Arthur, I think it was on Thursday, and he promised that it would be fixed on Friday. It wasn’t. Asia once again recoiled from the Editorial onslaught. Then on Saturday a jolly nice chap rang up saying he was working on the exchange but couldn’t find the fault and he would come to the office and see if the fault was here. He did. It wasn’t. He decided that the fault therefore lay between the office and the exchange and fixing it would involve climbing up poles. He was very sorry but the Health and Safety rules meant that as he was on his own the pole climbing thing would have to wait until Monday when the whole of the South East would be covered in high viz jackets and the air ambulance would be on standby while someone climbed the pole.

This issue of The Onion will have gone to press before that happens, but even if they do manage to fix it on Monday it will mean that we will have been without phones for seven days.

Seven days when we have been cut off from our source of income and information. Seven days when we have become intimate with half the population of Calcutta. Seven days when we would have given anything for the silver sound of telephonic speech. We have had a bit of previous with BT and one day when you are sitting round the fire with your cocoa I will tell you the terrible tale of BT’s attempt to ensnare us into their broadband web. Fortunately we managed by the skin of our teeth to escape their evil clutches on that occasion. In the meantime if you need to speak to us try semaphore.

The Onion office

If you would like to Sound Off about anything please feel free to do that here. Email Carol@onionpublishing.co.uk or post to the address on page 3.

14 The Onion magazine

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO

Fun family event in Hastings Saturday 4 July 11:00 There will be all kinds of attractions here including a bouncy castle, children’s merry-go-round, all day barbeque, tombola, raffles, club bar open all day, static displays by the emergency services and an evening disco for the less static. Admission is free. This is a fund-raiser for the Royal Sussex Regimental Association which is a benevolent organisation offering help to old comrades. Membership is open to all ex-members of the Royal Sussex regiment and the successor regiments.

They meet at the Elphinstone Club at 7.30pm on the second Thursday of the month. Membership is £5 per year. To join contact Bob Bumstead on 07730 250044 or email bigbobsbus@aol.com. Fun event venue: Elphinstone Sports and Social Club, Elphinstone Road, Hastings, TN34 2AX. Flower Festival and Art Exhibition in Icklesham Saturday 4 July and Sunday 5 July (10:00 to 17:00 and 11:00 to 17:00) The theme for the festival is ‘My Favourite …’ and there will be over 30 flower arrangements plus an Art Exhibition in the church. There will also be stalls and refreshments. Parking at the Village Hall. Venue: Icklesham Parish Church.

Under Winchelsea Cellar Tours Saturday 4 July and Sunday 26 July 14:00 These cellar tours are conducted by the Winchelsea Archaeological Society. The cost is £5 which includes a guidebook to the cellars. The tours start from Castle Street (TN36 4EL) and all proceeds go to the Society to pay for new archaeology. For more information ring 01797 224446 or tours@winchelsea.net.

Picnic on the Green with Music at Stone Saturday 4 July 16:00 Take your own picnic and listen to music from the Invicta Ukelele Band. Entrance £5 includes a raffle ticket per person. Children free. Tea and coffee available as

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well as a Pimms stand. All in aid of Stone Church funds.

More information from Mrs Banks 01233 758323.

‘Grease’ on the big screen at Sissinghurst Castle Friday 4 July 19:45 to 23:00 Cinema under the stars. Take a picnic, sit back and watch the classic film ‘Grease’ in the open air on a giant screen in the grounds. Tickets Adult £13.50, child £9. Booking essential on 0844 858 6767. Venue: Sissinghurst Castle, Biddenden Rd, Cranbrook, Kent TN17 2AB. Rye Harbour’s Special Flowers Sunday 5 July 10:00 to 13:00 Take a closer look at the nature reserve’s plants, finding rarities like Marsh Helleborine, Least Lettuce, Stinking Hawksbeard and Sea Heath, but also looking at the special flowers of the shingle such as Sea Pea, Sea Kale and Red Hempnettle. Meet at Rye Harbour car park.

No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www. sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk.

Goudhurst Open Gardens Sunday 5 July 10:30 to 16:30 Five gardens are all within easy walking distance of the parking. Beautiful gardens, arts & craft demonstrations, stunning views, produce for the table and flowers for the house, tea and cakes– there is something for everyone at these five gardens open for Hospice in the Weald. Admission £5. Venue: Lime Tree Farm House, Cranbrook Road, Goudhurst, TN17 1DY. Comedy of Errors at Smallhythe Place Saturday 5 July and Sunday 6 July 19:00 to 21:00 East 15 Acting School present Shakespeare’s classic ‘Comedy of Errors’, performed by second year BA acting students in celebration of 450 years since the birth of William Shakespeare. Tickets adult £8, child £4. Booking essential on 0844 249 1895. Venue: Smallhythe Place, Small Hythe Road, Tenterden, Kent TN30 7NG.

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The Onion magazine 15

Say Fromage?

By Nick Farley

Open almost any door around here and I bet a cheesemaker will fall out. If you think, as I did, that it’s only in France that there are cheesemakers in every village and that the French are the cheesemakers par excellence, think again. Here in the South East we are rich in cheesemakers, and not just any old run-of-themill cheesemakers either: these are people who are making cheeses which are acknowledged far and wide to be a match for, indeed better than, cheeses from anywhere else in the world, including France.

I have been lucky enough to find out what it takes to be a cheesemaker and I can tell you it takes a lot – a lot of never ending hard work. I hadn’t really thought about it before but cheese, being made from milk, is dependent on the milk producers and the milk producers are cows, goats and sheep, none of whom has any understanding of the concept of ‘weekends’ when decent folk put their feet up. Every day is the same to them – it’s a milk making day. Every day there is a new supply of milk; you can’t turn it off. And right there is the main reason why making cheese is quite hard work.

Kevin and Alison Blunt have been making goat and sheep cheese on their farm at Golden Cross, near Hailsham, for over 25 years, and I was a bit apprehensive about visiting them because goat’s cheese had not previously been among my favourites: a couple of rather ‘goaty’ French jobs in the distant past had tainted, literally, my view of this cheese, but Golden Cross cheese has opened my eyes and changed my perception completely. It is a beautiful soft, creamy and rather delicate cheese. I tried some on cheesey chums who were also averred anti-goatists, and they too loved it. The Blunt’s cheese is a great evangelist for goat’s cheese and I for one have seen the light. The cheese is made with the milk from the their own herd 16 The Onion magazine

of over 200 milking goats, all of which have been raised on their farm. The goats live outside in the summer months but they are not terribly keen on the wet and cold and they always have free access to large airy barns with straw bedding. Despite a very large number of goats being in the barn on the day I visited it had a surprisingly quiet and peaceful atmosphere. Goats en masse are very soothing.

The goat cheese is made by adding vegetarian rennet and Penicillium to the milk which is then left for a day to form a curd, and it is this curd which is wanted.

It is ladled into log shaped moulds and drained for 24 hours before being turned over. The cheeses are then taken out of the moulds and placed in the drying room where they are hand salted and left to dry for a couple of days. After this a sprinkling of charcoal is surprisingly added. This apparently aids maturing and the growth of the mould on the outside of the cheese.

As the cheese matures it grows denser and acquires a fuller flavour. All of which sounds terribly simple when reduced here to a couple of flat sentences, but the

Top: Ashmore cheese maturing Above: Alison, Kevin and Matthew Blunt onionmagazine.co.uk

attention to detail and to achieving exactly the right temperatures, acidity, humidity or lack of it, at the various stages, has to be seen to be understood and I am so pleased to have had the opportunity to see it. It is also easy to see why this is not a scale-able business.

This is cheese made by Kevin and Alison and their son, Matthew; it is a personal process; it simply couldn’t be multiplied and retain its integrity. The same is true of their sheep cheese, Flower Marie, which follows a similar process but which is made from ewe milk brought in from two farms – one in Essex and one in West Sussex.

Golden Cross cheese is sold in specialist cheese shops and delicatessens all over the country, most notably in Paxton & Whitfield of Jermyn Street in London, and another one of those specialist shops is Cheesemakers of Canterbury which, as the name implies, not only sells cheeses from people such as the Blunts, but also makes its own cheese as well. Cheesemakers of Canterbury is owned and run by Jane Bowyer who, like so many cheesemakers, finds herself in the ‘industry’ almost by accident. Her cheese is made at Lamberhurst Farm in Dargate near Canterbury and she has her own retail outlet in the Goods Shed beside Canterbury West Station. The Goods Shed, by the way, if you are not already familiar with it, is well worth a trip in its own right. Apart from Cheesemakers of Canterbury it is home to a number of excellent food stalls including

Top: Ashmore being pressed by Victorian cheese presses Above: The Golden Cross goats July 2015

butchers, fishmongers, greengrocers, a charcuterie and a restaurant – it is, in effect, a permanent farmers’ market and prices are more than competitive with the supermarkets. On Jane Bowyer’s stall you will find not only her own hard and soft cheeses but an excellent array of other artisan cheeses from around the UK, including Golden Cross. That cheese stall is a feast for the eyes of any fromage-iste.

Ashmore cheese is probably the best known of the Canterbury stable. It was the first one Jane made and it is what got her into the cheesemaking business. She had been in the dairy business for twenty years when she sold out to Dairy Crest nine years ago. However, she wanted to remain in the trade and noticed that a couple in Wiltshire wanted to retire and sell their cheese business. The cheese they made was called Ashmore and it had built a very good reputation in its locality. They agreed to sell the business to Jane and to teach her and her team how to make Ashmore.

Eventually all their equipment was transported back to Dargate and Cheesemakers of Canterbury was born. Ashmore began to be made in Kent rather than Wiltshire, but such is the demand for it that some is always sent back to Wiltshire where it still has a faithful following. Ashmore is made from unpasteurised British Friesian milk which is collected every morning from a farm at Petham near Canterbury. It is a hard-rind, Awards: Golden Cross: www.goldencrosscheese.co.uk. Tel: 01825 872380 1. Two Golds at British Cheese Awards 2015 2. Super Gold, Gold and Silver at the 2014 World Cheese Awards 3. Two Golds and a Silver at 2014 Royal Bath and West Show 4. Super Gold and Silver 2013 World Cheese Awards Cheesemakers of Canterbury: www.cheesemakersofcanterbury.co.uk Tel: 01227 751741 1. Silver at British Cheese Awards 2015 2. One of the 50 best cheeses in the world at the 2011 World Cheese awards out of 10,000 entries 3. Silver and Bronze in the 2013 British Cheese Awards

The Onion magazine 17

cheddar-type cheese, which is aged for at least six months, and even up to eighteen months. That ageing or maturing process means that the cheese has got to be stored for all that time, but not just stacked up in any old warehouse, it has to be looked after for all that time. It has got to be kept at the right temperature and at the right humidity, and it has got to be turned periodically too. It’s an expensive and skilful business.

However, having just finished a large hunk of the eighteen month version I can tell you it’s well worth the effort.

of English cheese now that apparently the French and other Europeans who are touring Canterbury are taking it back home in bucket loads. Selling cheese to the French is on a par with taking coals to Newcastle and flogging ice to Eskimos, an impossible task which the likes of the Blunts and Jane Bowyer are pulling off with apparently consummate ease. But in case you are tempted to try your hand at commercial cheesemaking just remember that cows and goats produce milk 365 days a year. I’m just going to carry on eating it.

Since starting with the straightforward Ashmore, Jane has extended her range to include several variations on the original theme including Ashmore Blue and Ashmore Smoked. There are also goat cheeses plus a ‘camembert’ and a ‘brie’ and a semi-hard cheese called Canterbury Cobble. I haven’t tried them all but I can vouch for the Bowyer ‘brie’ and the Cobble which are both delicious, and in any case you don’t need to take my word for it because the Golden Cross cheeses and the Canterbury cheeses have won a string of prestigious awards, local and international, from people far better qualified than I am to pronounce judgement on them. Indeed, such is the reputation

Local Golden Cross Stockists: Turners Fine Foods, Spelmonden Farm, Spelmonden Road Cranbrook TN17 1HE. Tel: 01580 212818

FIND OUT MORE

18 The Onion magazine

Cheesemakers of Canterbury, The Goods Shed, Station Road West, Canterbury CT2 8AN. Tel: 01227 751741 Cheese Please, 46 High Street , Lewes BN7 2DD. Tel: 01273 481048 Local Cheesemakers of Canterbury Stockists: Cheesemakers of Canterbury, The Goods Shed, Station Road West, Canterbury CT2 8AN. Tel: 01227 751741 Biddenden Vineyards, Gribble Bridge Lane , Biddenden Kent TN27 8DF. Tel: 01580 291726

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO

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Organ Recital in St George’s Church, Benenden Sunday 5 July 18:00 This follows Choral Evensong at 5pm. The visiting organist, Richard Pilliner, is based at Shirley Parish Church near Croydon. As a solo organist Richard travels widely including to the United States, Russia and Japan. In England he has played at Bristol, St Albans and Liverpool Cathedrals.

‘Sir Christopher Wren’ Thurday 9 July 19:30 A talk by Ian Bevan for the Tenterden and District National Trust Association. Members £4 and nonmembers welcome for £5. For more information telephone 01580 764791. Venue: Tenterden Junior School, Recreation Ground Road.

From Wireless to Radio Wednesday 8 July 14:30 A talk by Tim Blackmore for the Winchelsea Second Wednesday Society followed by a tasty home-made tea. Talks take place on the afternoon of the second Wednesday each month (except August) at the New Hall, Winchelsea. Annual membership costs £10 plus £1 for tea at each meeting. Non-members are welcome at £4 for each talk and tea. Venue: New Hall, Winchelsea.

For details contact Richard Feast on 01797 222629.

The Great Gatsby on the big screen at Scotney Castle Wednesday 9 July 21:15 to 23:00 Cinema under the stars. Take a picnic or enjoy the food and drink from the café at Scotney, sit back and watch The Great Gatsby starring Leonardo diCaprio in the open air on a giant screen in the grounds. Tickets Adult £13.50, child £9. Booking essential on 01892 893860.

Venue: Scotney Castle, Lamberhurst, TN3 8JN.

The Fever Tree at Bateman’s Wednesday 8 July 18:30 to 21:30 Two-course dinner followed by theatre in the garden, where Rudyard and his sister, Trix, must lay some ghosts to rest. Live entertainment in beautiful setting – perfect for summer. Tickets £40 per person. Booking essential on 01435 882302. Venue: Bateman’s, Etchingham.

July 2015

Fund-raising for British Heart Foundation Friday 10 July 10:00 to 16:00 Having had major heart surgery last year Janet Wisby is organising a fund-raiser for the British Heart Foundation at the Icklesham Village Stores. She will be there with other volunteers during the day with various fundraising ideas – get your fingernails painted for 50p or maybe your toenails men! If you have any suggestions for Janet or can help with something then please do get

The Onion magazine 19

© Lewis Brockway

That’s Tentertainment

by Carol Farley

Boy how we love a Festival in Kent and East Sussex, but how many Festivals are absolutely FREE? Not many. Yet thanks to a few enterprising Tenterden folk we are able to enjoy three whole days (and evenings) of top-drawer music, food and family fun in July at Tentertainment for FREE. Actually, the food isn’t free unless you bring your own.

I spoke to the organisers of this year’s event and was absolutely amazed by the enormity of the undertaking – it is breath-taking. Every single penny spent on paying artists and erecting equipment has to come from donations as Tentertainment is a not-for-profit group.

Every 10p that a toddler puts into a bucket on the day or every green token that’s put in the Tentertainment slot at Waitrose, right up to the very generous donations from Chapel Down Vineyard and Old Dairy Brewery, are absolutely vital to make the event happen. This and, of course, the countless days and nights of work put in by the myriad volunteers who give up so much of their time. The core team comprises just seven people who organise the entire thing. Jo Sollis, one of the team says “it’s been a constant ‘part-time’ job for us throughout most of the year – it’s quite different from the oneday festival that was born in 2007 as an event to add something of interest to the town when the Tour de France came through”. Over the past eight years it has grown to be an event attracting up to 12,000 people over the three days. I was witness to just a minuscule part of it last year when doing various stints on the buckets at the event, getting in the way of organising the Choir competition entrants to ensure they got to 20 The Onion magazine

the stage on time, supplying cakes and making teas in the Singing Tea Tent. The amount of effort and stress it takes to sort out the parking, the tents, the stages, the lighting, the power supply, the water supply, the bands, the licenses, the funfair, the food stalls, the set-up, the breakdown, the photography, the website, the sponsors, the millions of other things that I’m totally unaware of because they just seamlessly happen, makes me wonder how the organisers aren’t all sitting in a quiet room somewhere having nervous breakdowns.

The ethos of the event still firmly remains true to its roots too – something fun for the community and locality – something that is accessible to everyone.

They offer free pitches on the site to various local groups like the Scouts, the Army Cadets and the Rotary Club, and to various charities so that these bodies can raise funds and promote themselves to the community.

Jamie and Beth TT2014 ©R Gadsby Photography onionmagazine.co.uk

Homewood School, for instance, has always had its own performance slot every Sunday morning. Again, Jo emphasises that “it is so much more than just a music festival. It’s a real community event”.

And, I know it’s a cliché but this year’s event really does seem to be better than ever. There’s a brand new and substantial second stage called The Umbrella Stage as well as the exciting Main Stage; the Toddlertainment Tent has been extended for children’s arts and crafts, and the vintage carousel and the Ferris wheel will be there again.

And, of course, there are great bands which everyone loved so much last year like Coco & the Butterfields and the wonderful headline act of Jamie Johnson who will also be singing with Tenterden’s own Beth Wilson. But there are some major new stars too, like Tom Figgins who has attracted so much attention on the radio recently and who we’re really delighted to have as we snapped him up just moments before he was asked to sing at the British Grand Prix on the same weekend.

He’s going to be great and definitely one to watch.

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So don’t plan anything else on the 3rd, 4th and 5th of July. Dig out the ground sheet, picnic chairs, sunglasses, dancing shoes, plastic mac (it is England) and go along for some real entertainment.

To celebrate the event the Old Dairy Brewery has brewed a very special ale called ‘Tentertainment Top’ which is on sale now and for every bottle sold 10p goes towards Tentertainment. Now that’s Tentertainment.

FIND OUT MORE Tentertainment runs from 6pm to 10pm on 3rd July, 11am to 9pm on Saturday 4th and 11am to 6pm on Sunday 5th July at the Recreation Ground in Tenterden. www.tentertainment.co.uk

TOM FIGGINS

July 2015

PHILBERTS 6 Ashford Road, Tenterden, Kent, TN30 6QU 01580 761650 www.philberts.co.uk Philberts is a sponsor of

The Onion magazine 21

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO

in touch with her, and, of course, go along to support her cause. Telephone 01424 813523.

Summer Fair Saturday 11 July Delicious food and drink, bouncy castle, face painting, tombola, games, raffle, arts and crafts stalls, karate and dance presentations as well as many other entertainments. Adults £1, children free. Children must be accompanied by an adult. Venue: Peasmarsh C of E School, School Lane, Peasmarsh, East Sussex TN31 6UW. An Introduction to Rye Harbour Nature Reserve Saturday 11 July 10:00 to 13:00 In this third and final walk in the series, Barry Yates, the nature reserve’s manager, will investigate the most westerly part of the nature reserve with a 3-mile walk starting and ending at Winchelsea Beach. Meet at public car park at Dogs Hill Road, Winchelsea Beach.

No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www. sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk.

The Rye Singers Summer Concert – ‘On Wings of Song’ Saturday 11 July 19:30 The programme will comprise a great mix of music ranging from Madrigals, through Mendelssohn, to modern pieces. The accompaniment will be provided by the versatile Richard Eldridge, on this occasion playing organ and keyboard. Tickets £8.50 to include a glass of wine and refreshments. Venue: St George’s Church, Brede. Contact Bobbie Boud 01424 882549 or Mike Iliffe 01424 882991.

It’s the Gruffalo!

Saturday 12 July 11:00 to 15:00 Join the Gruffalo at the Arthur Easton Centre, St Michael’s Hospice for fun stalls, Fox’s Sausage Sizzle, Owl’s Ice Creams, face painting and the Gruffalo Show.

Children £1.50, Adults £1. For more information visit www.stmichaelshospice.com/get-involved/events.

‘On the Wing’ at Rye Harbour Sunday 12 July 14:00 to 16:00 A chance to take a closer look at the wonderful world of dragonflies, damselflies and butterflies. Meet at Brede Lock. No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www.sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk.

St Michael’s Hospice Open Gardens – Ashburnham, Redpale Tuesday 14 July 10:30 to 16:00 Enjoy the beautiful grounds at Redpale, Ashburnham, in a superb countryside setting. For more information visit www.stmichaelshospice.com/get-involved/ events.

22 The Onion magazine

‘The Huguenots in Rye & Winchelsea’ by Jo Kirkham Tuesday 14 July 14:30 This talk is part of the Huguenot Summer celebration which is being held worldwide. £2 members and £3 guests. Refreshments and raffle available. Venue: Rye Castle Museum, 3 East Street, Rye. ‘Heading out of Hawkhurst’ with the Northiam Footpath Group Wednesday 15 July 09:30 This is a 9-mile, grade 3 walk. They leave Northiam Surgery car park at 9.30am for a 10am start from Hawkhurst Church, The Moor. There is a planned pub/picnic/tearoom lunch at Bodiam. For further information contact Sue Clark on 01797 253428 or www.northiamfootpathgroup.co.uk.

Open Gardens in Northiam Wednesday 15 July 14:00 to 17:00 Hardy Plant Society members Linda and Michael Belton invite you to see their wildlife-friendly garden for yearround interest. They are opening under the National Gardens Scheme on the 15th July, and also on the following Thursday, 23rd July, for Demelza Hospice Care for Children from 11am to 5pm. On both dates there will be refreshments and plants for sale. The garden is wheelchair accessible. There will also be another chance to see the gardens on 22nd and 23rd August from 11am to 5pm both days. This opening is for the NGS. Venue: South Grange, Quickbourne Lane, Northiam, TN31 6QY. Butterflies at Blackcap Wednesday 15 July 14:00 to 16:00 A walk over Blackcap in Lewes to search for butterflies on the downland and woodland rides with an expert guide. Blackcap and Ashcoomb Bottom are home to 28 species of butterfly and there may be more. See how the conservation management of the area benefits these beautiful little pollinators. £3 per person. Normal admission charges apply. Booking essential. For more information contact Lee Walther on 01323 423197, lee.walther@nationaltrust.org.uk on 01323 423197.

Venue: Birling Gap. Neville Road entrance to the Landport Bottom Nature reserve, Lewes - just off the A275 (TQ402110).

‘An introduction to Video Production’ Wednesday 15 July 19:30 This talk for the Weald of Kent Computer Club gives examples and advice on how to produce a professional video from conception to completion by Andy McKenzie, Acting Head of Commercial Production for the Telegraph Media Group. Annual membership to the WKCC costs £10 and covers free admission to all 10 meetings. Visitors welcome at £2 per visit. Enquiries to secretarywkcc@yahoo.co.uk. onionmagazine.co.uk

THINGS TO DO

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Guided Tours of Winchelsea’s Medieval Cellars Saturday 18 July and Sunday 19 July 11:00 Take a torch, wear sensible shoes and meet at the Town Well in Castle Street Winchelsea 10 minutes before start time. Tour takes about one and a half hours. £5 per person with all proceeds going to the Ancient Monuments & Museum of Winchelsea. For more information and to book cellars@winchelsea.com or contact Richard Feast on 01797 222629.

Garden Party in aid of Rye Castle Museum Saturday 18 July 10:00 to 13:00 Various stalls and refreshments. Visit the hidden garden in Rye. If the weather is unkind the event will take place in the Museum itself. www.ryemuseum.co.uk. Venue: Rye Castle Museum, 3 East Street, Rye. Fete and Flower Show at Stone-cum-Ebony Saturday 18 July 13:30 A quintessentially English village fete with produce marquee, traditional games, family races, crafts, animals, model trains and delicious home-made food.

All proceeds go to local groups and projects. Call 01233 758560. Venue: The cricket field at Stone-cum-Ebony.

Learn how to make Animal Sculptures with Willow Stefan Jennings will be running workshops at Dunks Hall, Hawkhurst for two days only.

Quiz in aid of Tenterden Folk Festival Saturday 18 July 19:30 for 20:00 Due to the shockingly awful weather at the Folk Festival parade last year very little money was collected and now the coffers need filling to ensure all that wonderful free folky-ness can happen again this year in Tenterden in October. The quiz is £6 a ticket which includes a ploughman’s lunch. Why not enter your own team?

You will need to take your own beer, wine and glasses.

To book your places email info@tenterdenfolkfestival. org.uk or tel 01233 626805. Venue: Beachy Path Hall (former St John’s Hall), Tenterden.

Fun Quiz in St Leonards Saturday 18 July 19:00 Test your knowledge with the Fun Quiz in aid of St Michael’s Hospice. Teams of 6. £7 per person which includes sandwiches and sausage rolls. Cash bar available. Book in advance on 01424 431107.

Venue: Arthur Easton Centre, St Michael’s Hospice, St Leonards on Sea. For more information visit www. stmichaelshospice.com/get-involved/events.

Band, Barbeque and Birling Gap Saturday 18 July 19:30 to 23:00 A great night of food and live music. Licensed bar and dancing all night! £10 includes burger and first drink.

Booking essential on 01323 422512. Venue: Birling Gap.

July 2015

Come and make a dog, a deer, a fox, sheep or perhaps a goose at these Willow Sculpture Days 10th and 11th of July.

The day starts at 9.15am and finishes at 5pm.

For more information or to book contact Stefan on 01823 665342 or email stefan.a.jennings@gmail.com

The Onion magazine 23

A GOOD Book

In this column we feature books that we, and our reviewers, like. They may not necessarily be new books, but they’ll be fiction and non-fiction books that we have enjoyed. We’ll always include at least one children’s book in the selection each time. We’d love to hear your thoughts on anything you feel we should be reading and sharing with others.

Grape Expectations

By Caro Feely Published by Summersdale Paperback. Non-fiction. £8.99

As a lover of France and of the occasional glass of wine, I was quite excited to read about Caro Feely’s experiences.

She and her husband quit their jobs, sold their home and followed their joint dream of buying a vineyard in France, and they added spice to the whole crazy enterprise by doing it with a new-born baby and a toddler. Sure, there are a million books about people buying property abroad, and I admit to having been a little sceptical to start with - yet another Brit battling against adversity abroad - but that scepticism was soon dispelled and I quickly became involved in Caro’s struggles and triumphs.

It’s a very personal story of how she coped as a mother of two tiny children thrust into a foreign environment, as a woman dealing with her relationship with her husband as times got physically and mentally tough for them both, and as a woman who was used to being 24 The Onion magazine

in a business environment. This is a thoroughly enjoyable and amusing read. I cantered through it.

Reviewed by Jessica Harding

Sous Chef

By Michael Gibney Published by Canongate Paperback. Non-fiction. £8.99

Imagine, if you can, writing a book about what you did today. I mean a proper full length book which thousands of people would want to read. And I do mean literally about today, just any old ordinary day when you went to work, came home, watched telly, went to bed. One day only. I know that there are some very sad people who tweet each other about the minutiae of their dull daily lives and others write blogs for Lord knows who, but I’m talking about a proper book, an interesting book for people with brain cells. It would be very clever if you could do it.

Well, Sous Chef is just such a book.

Michael Gibney working as a sous chef in a good restaurant in New York has written it and it’s an eyeopener. If you have ever wondered, as you watched those endless TV programmes about professional kitchens and chefs, why anybody would want to work such anti-social

hours in a ferociously hot kitchen, doing repetitive jobs against the clock while being sworn at by Gordon Ramsay lookalikes, this book provides a vivid answer.

All Gibney does is describe one 24 hour period in his life and it is riveting. To someone like me who cannot cook breakfast for one and co-ordinate the timing of the toast and coffee with the egg and bacon, professional chefs are super beings.

They prepare different dishes for different tables at different times and yet manage to co-ordinate the timing of their dishes with those of other chefs preparing different food for the same table. And they do it for hours on end. Yet they are also ordinary frail human beings with all the hang-ups, problems, egos and vices which we all have to deal with. That Gibney can quickly make us care about the people in his kitchen whom we shall only know for one day, is clever writing.

Gibney is a good writer – he does have a Master of Fine Arts degree in non-fiction writing – and his racy American style gives this whole book great pace, excitement and tension. Tension? Yes tension: you could be reading a thriller rather than a day in the life of a cook.

Simply to be able to write a book about one day doing your job would be achievement enough, but to make it truly worth reading is a remarkable achievement.

Reviewed by Nick Farley

onionmagazine.co.uk

London Hidden Interiors

by Philip Davies Photography by Derek Kendall Published by Atlantic Publishing with English Heritage Jacketed hardback. £40.00

This book is a visual tour de force. We all know about the many beautiful buildings in London which we are supposed to visit, and even if we haven’t visited them in person television has usually taken us in vicariously, but this book, as its name suggests, is about those buildings which we don’t know about and yet which are stunning.

There are over 1700 sumptuous and extraordinary photographs covering 180 London locations that we wouldn’t necessarily get to see even if we could get beyond the front door of the buildings they are in. Some of the locations featured are accessible – like the marvellous Sir John Soane’s Museum, and some others can be seen during the Open House event held each September in London, but even then most of the rooms that are shown in this magnificent book are not ever seen other than by those who work in the buildings.

Philip Davies, an architectural historian and conservationist, has written some excellent text to accompany the pictures. How about this extract which concerns the Lloyds Bank building in The Strand: “There is a suggestion that the original dining room was July 2015

ventilated by a pair of women riding a tandem bicycle in the basement to power a giant pair of bellows, which forced air into the ground floor. Whilst (probably) apocryphal, it may just be true.

During refurbishment, a piece of equipment resembling a bicycle was found in the basement alongside a mass of ducting, which appears to be the remains of the original system.“ This is one of the most beautifully produced books I’ve seen for a long time. Bill Bryson says: “I’m dazzled”. You will be too.

Reviewed by Carol Farley

I Wish I’d Been Born a Unicorn

By Rachel Lyon Illustrated by Andrea Ringli Published by Maverick Books Semi stiff cover. £6.99

All little children, I think, like to hear simple rhymes being read to them.

Because the rhymes in this book are good, and it scans properly, it’s a delight to read even to very young children.

It’s all about a very friendly but rather lonely horse called Mucky who is ignored by the other horses because he is a bit dirty and smelly. He decides that if he could become a unicorn everybody would want to be his friend.

Various other animals help him to achieve his dream but it all ends sadly when the rain washes his dream away. That’s when he discovers who his real friends are and what really makes him happy.

Beautifully written and illustrated.

Reviewed by Jessica Harding

Barnett’s of Wadhurst is a bookshop with a difference.

“We really listen to what our customers say” We offer a very friendly and personal service.

Watch out for upcoming author talks as part of our very popular Literary Lounge Events.

Bring your children to our wonderful, re-designed Children’s Room. Full of lovely books and things for the children to do.

Join the Children’s Loyalty Card scheme and benefit from our stunning in-house bag designs with discounts for further purchases Enjoy choosing from our spectacular selection of greeting cards.

Open: Mon-Sat 9-5 (Closed 1-2) Wednesday 9-1 only Gordon House, High Street Wadhurst, E. Sussex TN5 6AA Tel/Fax: 01892 783566 Enquiries@barnettsbooks.co.uk www.barnettsbooks.com Proprietor: Richard Hardy Smith

The Onion magazine 25

Olive oil Brownies Whilst at an olive oil tasting evening last month, Perfect Tree (www.perfecttree.co.uk) served up wonderful Chocolate Brownies made with their olive oil rather than with butter. They were so delicious that we’ve reproduced the recipe here to share with you all...

Chocolate Brownie with Almonds or Walnuts Ingredients 200ml Organic extra virgin olive oil (we used Dehesa de la Sabina because it’s particularly good) 180g 70% dark chocolate 4 medium eggs 120g plain flour 300g caster sugar 100g almond or walnut pieces 1 tsp vanilla essence Large pinch of ground cinnamon Method • Break up the chocolate into pieces and put them in a bowl that can stand the heat and will sit neatly on top of a saucepan of water.

Gently heat the water until the chocolate has melted.

• Warm the olive oil. This can be done in the microwave in a measuring jug until it feels warm to the touch, or in a small pan on a hob. Add it to the melted chocolate and stir well.

• In a separate bowl beat the eggs with the sugar. Add the vanilla essence, cinnamon and the sieved flour. Mix well.

• Then add the olive oil and melted chocolate mixture and mix together well.

• Lastly stir in the nuts – either almonds OR walnuts. Stir together and pour into a widebased, deep-ish baking tray. Place in the oven at 180 degrees C. • Cook for about 20 minutes until it is firm to the touch but still springy.

How to present Cut into rectangular pieces. You can also warm the brownies in a pan for a short while until they start to melt. Sprinkle over sea salt and a little bit of olive oil and add a strawberry if you fancy it.

26 The Onion magazine

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FOOD

Stuart Kirk - Photographer Let me capture your big day from start to finish

ITâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S TIME TO PICK-YOUR-OWN at

Tibbs Farm Udimore, Rye, TN31 6AX Come and experience the fun of picking your own fruit in the wonderful surroundings of the Tillingham Valley.

Our full range of soft fruits will be available as usual from mid-June to the end of July.

A fun time out for all the family here at Tibbs Farm.

www.TenterdenPhotography.co.uk Telephone 01580 764899 July 2015

07710 246302 www.tibbsfarm.com Tibbs Farm

The Onion magazine 27

Letters to the editor Dear Onion, How I agree with Mr. S. Williams when he “sounded off “ about the use of his name. I am a fairly respectable widow and my title is Mrs. How I really dislike being referred to as “ Ms”.

My late husband will be squirming in his grave every time.

But I have another little problem. My parents gave me two Christian names, and decided to use the SECOND one as the name to call me. So all my life I have had to explain that although Isobel is my name, I am usually known as Marion. This is very apparent at hospitals, when someone calls out for Isobel Lovell. Who is she? No-one is getting up. Oops, it’s me. And we go through the explanation again.

Two other words which I would like to add to Mr. Williams’s list of disappearing phrases are “thank you”. “Cheers “ is just not the same.

My generation was taught to say “please” and “thank you” to be polite.

Mrs. I. M. Lovell Dear Onion, As a fellow cyclist I was delighted to read Alex Thomson’s article on litter. (Sounding Off in June issue. Ed.) It’s so sad to see our countryside defiled by rubbish. I hope Alex’s idea of getting the council to help will be successful, but I’ve often thought that charity fund-raisers, instead of asking people to sponsor them for jumping out of planes or climbing Kilimanjaro – which are no doubt exciting for those involved, but not terribly 28 The Onion magazine

useful – could organise sponsored litter collections. I think most people would be more willing to give money for a useful activity.

I also enjoyed Nick Farley’s article praising farm shops, which deserve to be better known.

But why did Nick feel the need to explain it was not “some ‘green’, food-miles rant”? Why do we “have to” import oranges and bananas when we have so many lovely fruits that we can grow locally? And more importantly, why is caring about the environment so uncool?

We are still a part of it, however much we try to delude ourselves. And surely those of us who are lucky enough to live in the country should do what we can to take care of it.

Thanks for continuing to entertain and enlighten us.

Penelope Goodare Penelope, I so agree with you about people doing something useful for charity rather than climbing Kilimanjaro and the like. As for the article not being “a green food miles rant” – that was simply my attempt at trying to ensure that the article was seen as a simple and straightforward recommendation of some good local shops and didn’t carry any other baggage with it. Whether caring about the environment is “uncool” or not, I don’t know. It would be interesting to hear other people’s views about that. Nick.

GET IN TOUCH

Do write to us, we’d love to hear from you either by letter or email. Letters Page, The Onion magazine, The Studio at Friars Cote Farm, Crockers Lane, Northiam, TN31 6PY or email carol@onionpublishing.co.uk. onionmagazine.co.uk

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO

Moonlight Walk Saturday 18 July 20:00 Take on the challenge of a 6-mile (10km) Moonlight Walk for St Michael’s Hospice. Registration is £10 which includes t-shirt, post-walk supper and refreshments.

To register, please contact Jodie on 01424 456380 or email fundraising@stmichaelshospice.com. For more information visit www.stmichaelshospice.com/getinvolved/events.

The Big Camp at Frog Firle Farm Saturday 18 July 19:00 Enjoy wild camping for a night at Frog Firle Farm with campfire, bat walk and moth trapping. After supper on Saturday take a tent and stay to explore the farmland at night to see bats and moths. Learn to make a moth trap to do your own survey for National Moth night this August. Adult £10, child £5. Booking essential. For more Information contact the Countryside Team on 01323 423197, birlinggap@nationaltrust.org.uk. Venue: Birling Gap. Big Camping Weekend at Bateman’s Saturday 18 July and Sunday 19 July 16:30 to 22:00 Nature tours, games and storytelling around the campfire. Adult £20, child £10. Optional breakfast £10 per person. Booking essential on 01435 882302. Venue: Bateman’s, Etchingham.

32>

Peasmarsh Arts & Craft Fair Sunday 19 July 10:30 to 16:30 This is an increasingly popular event where you will find stalls selling paintings and cards by local artists, jewellery, cushions, children’s hand-made clothes, handbags and other things too. This is a monthly event to help raise funds for the Hall. Refreshments including cooked food and cakes also available all day. Venue: Peasmarsh Memorial Hall, Main Street, Peasmarsh, TN31 6YA. The World of Spiders Sunday 19 July Join the warden, Chris, to find out more about the fascinating world of spiders and take a look at some of those that are found at the nature reserve.

Meet at Lime Kiln Cottage Information Centre. No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www. sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk. Venue: Rye Harbour Nature Reserve.

Fairy Tale Day in aid of Make-A-Wish® UK Sunday 19 July 11:00 to 17:00 Set in the wonderful grounds of Mad Hatters Fancy Dress, guests are encouraged to explore the gardens and enchanted woods. There will be free activities

AFFORDABLE QUALITY LEADING CLOTHING BRANDS

Songs from the Shows in Rye Saturday 18 July 19:30 (doors from 19:00) An evening of musical theatre. As part of their professional concert series in Rye, the Rye Bay Ensemble present arias and ensembles from works including Guys & Dolls, West Side Story, Annie Get Your Gun and Oklahoma. Pre and interval drinks available.

Tickets £10. For tickets and more information contact Rebekah Gilbert on 07974 001818, info@vivawellbeing. com. Venue: St Mary’s Church, Rye.

HUGE RANGE OF COLOURS AND DESIGNS

‘An Audience with Kipling’ at Bateman’s Saturday 18 July 18:00 to 22:30 An audience with Kipling and a guided tour of the house, followed by dinner. Tickets £35 per person.

Booking essential on 01435 882302. Venue: Bateman’s, Etchingham.

Customised Embroidery School logos & patches Corporate Embroidery

Walled Garden Music Fest at Brightling Park Saturday 18 and Sunday 19 July A weekend of hugely talented musicians, performing in the unique setting of the Georgian Walled Garden at Brightling Park. Campsite with full facilities within the grounds, ‘pop-up’ restaurants, festival foods and bar. Day and weekend tickets available. A shuttle will run from the railway station to the festival site. For more information and tickets: www.walledgardenmusicfest.co.uk.

July 2015

School Uniforms and general Club sportswear, School Sportswear plus Workwear & Safety and Leisurewear

BACK TO SCHOOL 55 High Street, New Romney Kent TN28 8AH 01797 361675 Chris on 07753 462147 www.back-to-school.net The Onion magazine 29

JULY GARDENING By Jack Hebden

Weedkillers

bit of the weed root from the roots of the host.

In the May edition of The Onion last year I wrote about the labelling of garden fertilisers and the importance of reading and understanding the labels on the fertiliser packets and what they say about the ratio of the three main constituents of any fertiliser – nitrogen, phosphates and potash. (That article is still available on The Onion website www.onionmagazine.co.uk under the previous editions tab May 2014. Ed.)

Glyphosate is perhaps the most common weedkiller available to the domestic gardener today and it comes under many different trade names, so it’s important to look for glyphosate on the label; it will certainly be there somewhere albeit written very small because for some reason the manufacturers want us not to notice it. They prefer that you are blinded by their trade name. Another reason for reading the label is that there will sometimes be a difference in price between different manufacturers offering exactly the same chemical just with a different trade name. I noticed the following price differences in one local shop recently: 500ml of Tumbleweed £13.95; 280ml of Roundup £18.10; 75ml of Weedol £9.40. All of those weedkillers have glyphosate as their only active chemical and it was impossible to work out from the labels whether or not the parts of chemical per litre were the same or not, so it was impossible to make a proper comparison between the brands. On the face of it the best buy was Tumbleweed and that is what I would have bought in that shop on that day, but it will vary from place to place.

However, you can buy in bigger and more economical quantities on-line, and that is probably the best way to buy it.

Reading and understanding the labels on weedkillers is even more important than for fertilisers because mis-reading or misunderstanding what is said on weedkiller packets can result in your killing wanted plants as well as unwanted weeds. Weedkillers is really a misnomer; they are actually not weedkillers at all, they are herbicides and that means they are “equal opportunity” killers, they don’t discriminate. They kill anything and everything. Unlike us they don’t know the difference between a weed and a rose. We have to do the discriminating for them by careful targeting.

A spray hood prevents spraying the wrong things

Blue-ish dark green stripe showing where you have sprayed

I know that many people are reluctant to use weedkillers but I have no compunction about using them. Used This is the stuff to mark where you have been sparingly and judiciously weedkillers are an enormous help to maintaining a garden.

Unfortunately, in flower beds and vegetable gardens Glyphosate is very effective and it is also easy and there is no substitute for careful hand weeding, relatively safe to use either in a spray or from a but even in such situations there are jobs which a watering can. It quickly becomes inactive when it is in weedkiller will do which we can’t do. For example, contact with the soil, it doesn’t persist in the soil, and it they will deal with those deep-rooted perennial weeds doesn’t present a threat to animals or children. It is not which somehow manage to grow out of the middle of like some of those really deadly things we used in the a well-established herbaceous plant. In fact, I would past like paraquat, but you must still be careful when say that such weeds can only be dealt with by using a using it. Be particularly careful when using a pressure spot weedkiller. By carefully hand painting the leaves sprayer and make sure that you have a spray hood of the weed with the correct weedkiller – in this case like the one illustrated. Any spray which escapes will that would be glyphosate – you will kill only the weed certainly damage and may even kill any ‘proper’ plants and you will leave the host plant untouched. Weeds in which it drifts on to. And this brings to me the problem this position cannot be killed in any other way without of accurately targeting the weedkiller particularly digging up the whole host plant and extracting every when applying selective weedkillers to the lawn: how 30 The Onion magazine

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do you know exactly where you have been so that you don’t cover the same ground twice and equally how do you avoid missing a place that you meant to cover?

It can be very difficult. In the past I have tried putting food dyes into the mix hoping that it would colour the areas which I had covered. It didn’t work. But now I have found the answer: you can buy a blue dye made for exactly that purpose. It is called Maxwell Precision Spray Pattern Indicator and it is only available on-line as far as I am aware, certainly I have never seen it in a garden centre. It is made for professional groundsmen who, as you can imagine, certainly do not want to overlap their fertiliser or weedkiller spraying at Lord’s, Wembley or Wimbledon. It works very well and I wish that I had known about it long ago.

Earlier I mentioned spot weeding and it is possible to buy glyphosate gel for this purpose but that’s not really necessary. I use the ordinary glyphosate in a special spot weeder, or for particularly delicate work I use a small brush to paint the offending leaves with the ordinary dilute mixture. Another good tip is to keep a small hand sprayer with a mix of weedkiller in it so that it is ready at any time and in your garden patrols you can zap any nasty weedy intruder without having to mix a special brew. The manufacturer’s instructions will tell you not to leave any unused mixture in the sprayer but that’s because they have to assume you are the sort of idiot who would forget what was in the sprayer and drink it. It’s perfectly OK to leave unused mixture in the sprayer provided you don’t leave it where children could use it as a water pistol. I have done it for years and the chemical companies actually sell sprayers with pre-mixed weedkiller in them so it can’t be a problem, but certainly don’t buy those dispensers of premixed weedkiller. That is the most expensive way of buying this already expensive commodity. All

you are doing is buying a lot of water. Better to buy the concentrated stuff and water it down yourself and keep it in a small hand sprayer which you keep specially for this purpose and which is always ready for when you need it. And one other tip is to squirt a goodish dash of Fairy Liquid or similar into your sprayer or watering can before applying weedkiller – it acts as a wetting agent and helps the weedkiller stick to the leaves rather than running off.

FIND OUT MORE

Maxwell blue indicator is obtainable from www.pitchcare.com

Archive, Warehousing, Logistics, Household & Business Removals and Storage Solutions For a general enquiry please call us on:

01303 239990 info@filehurst.co.uk www.filehurst.co.uk

Selby Farm Warehouse, Lower Wall Road, West Hythe, Kent, CT21 4NW

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BLINDS

July 2015

The Onion magazine 31

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS .. THINGS TO DO

throughout the day including interactive play areas, professional storytelling, music, activities, acrobats and circus performers, full use of fancy dress costumes, magic, professional fantasy photographer, hog roast and many stalls. Tickets £3 for children, £5 for adults, £15 for a family with a donation towards Make-A-Wish®, available from www.madhattersfancydress.com or www.legend-photography.com. Venue: Mad Hatters Fancy Dress, Ockham Oast House, Staplecross Road, Bodiam, TN23 5RA. St Michael’s Hospice Open Gardens – Glebe House and Frewen Cottage, Northiam Tuesday 21 July 10:30 to 16:00 Glebe House and Frewen Cottage in Northiam will be opening their gardens in aid of the Hospice. A chance to explore otherwise private, beautiful gardens. For more information visit www.stmichaelshospice.com/getinvolved/events.

Public Masterclass with the Chilingirian Quartet Wednesday 22 July 20:00 The Chilingirian Quartet will be in concert at West Dean College & Gardens on Tuesday 21 and Thursday 23 July and, in between, are offering Masterclasses to the public. For more information contact www.westdean. org.uk. Venue: West Dean College, Chichester, West Sussex PO18 0QZ.

orchestra (Glen’s nephew). To book or more information 01304 813337 or visit www.thewarandpeacerevival. co.uk. Venue: RAF Westenhanger, Folkestone Racecourse, nr Hythe, CCT21 4HX. Open Garden in Northiam for Demelza Hospice Care for Children Thursday 23 July 11:00 to 17:00 Browse the beautiful gardens which are now in bloom.

Entry cost £4. All proceeds going to Demelza. For more information about the event call Julie on 07917 603075 or email julie.brett@demelza.org.uk. For a full list of all open garden events for Demelza see www.demelza. org.uk. Venue: South Grange, Quickbourne Lane, Northiam.

Wild Woodland Holiday Club Friday 24 July 10:00 to 15:00 A whole day of holiday fun at Swallowtail Hill, with a campfire, games and woodland crafts. Take a packed lunch. Suitable for ages 6 to 11. Parents/carers do not accompany children. Meet at Swallowtail Farm, Hobbs Lane, Beckley, Rye, TN31 6TT. Booking essential. £20 per child for non-SWT members and £17 for SWT members. www.sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk.

Tenterden Book Fair Saturday 25 July 09:00 to 15:00 Free admission. A wide selection of books for sale from a number of book dealers. Refreshments available.

Enquiries to Barry Williams on 01634 235484 or barryjean.williams@btinternet.com. Venue: Highbury Hall, Highbury Lane, Tenterden, TN30 6LE.

The Comedy of Babi Babbett in Sandhurst Wednesday 22 July 19:30 (open for picnics from 18:00) The Rude Mechanical Theatre Company bring their 17th summer of outdoor theatre, comedy, mayhem and live music to Sandhurst. The Comedy of Babi Babbett is set in Islington in 1793 and is an out-andout farce in the classic commedia dell’arte style.

They say it’s the funniest of all their plays. You need to take your own seating and why not take a picnic?

Suitable for 7+ years with physical, slapstick humour, dance and music. Tickets available online from www.therudemechanicaltheatre.co.uk and from the Sandhurst Box Office (Shirley Wiggs) on 01580 850108, shirleywiggs60@waitrose.com. www. therudemechanicaltheatre.co.uk. Venue: Sandhurst Recreation Ground, Marsh Quarter Lane, TN18 5NY.

Rockpool Explorer at Birling Gap and Seven Sisters Saturday 25 July 10:30 Join the Rangers in discovering the fascinating life in the rockpools at Birling Gap. Explore the beach at low tide and see if you can find all the weird and wonderful creatures that live here. Whether it’s colourful starfish, tiny crabs, stuck-fast limpets or even some jellyfish you could discover a whole new world. £3. Booking essential. For more Information contact the Countryside Team on 01323 423197, birlinggap@nationaltrust.org. uk. Venue: Birling Gap and Seven Sisters.

War & Peace Revival event in Folkestone Wednesday 22 July to Sunday 26 July It is billed as ‘The greatest gathering of military vehicles on the planet – thousands of military vehicles from across the world and across the century’. There are too many events going on for us to mention everything here but here’s a taster: dancing, cookery demonstrations, live battle action, living history camps, vintage aircraft lessons, tank and helicopter rides, vintage markets, shows, The Jive Aces in concert, John Miller and his

Wild Woodland Weekend Club Saturday 25 July 10:00 to 13:00 Monthly adventures in the woods for ‘wild things’ aged 6 to 11. Parents not allowed! Build dens, cook on a campfire, play in the mud, learn some woodcrafts and play games. Each month is a little different and a lot of fun. (See Nick’s piece on this on page 10) Held in a private woodland in Beckley. Meet on the last Saturday of every month at Swallowtail Hill Farm, Hobbs Lane, Beckley, TN31 6TT. Booking essential. £10 per child

32 The Onion magazine

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS .. THINGS TO DO

or £8.50 for members of Sussex Wildlife Trust. www. sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk.

Duo recital and garden party tea in Sandhurst Saturday 25 July 15:00 Duo recital in aid of Hospice in the Weald with garden party tea (weather permitting). Oliver Davies on piano and Adrian Bradbury, cello, will be performing Russian and ballet music in a private home in Sandhurst. Tickets in advance only from Gillian Davis on 01580 850384.

Minimum donation £15.

‘Murder, Mystery and Mayhem’ in Winchelsea Saturday 25 July 19:30 A programme of words and music for a summer evening presented by Brockham Choral (a choir based near Dorking in Surrey). Spirituals, folk songs and composers from Irving Berlin and Cole Porter, to Noel Coward, will all feature in this rollercoaster event in aid of ARRCC. Tickets £10 in advance and £12 on the door (includes drink on arrival). Tickets available online via Eventbrite. co.uk, or call Sam Williams on 07799 771961.

An Opera Evening Saturday 25 July 19:00 to 19:30 Battle and Villages Lions Club presents an opera evening with the beautiful voices of Thomasin Trezise and Paul Hopwood from Glyndebourne. Tickets are £45 which includes a 3-course dinner. Drinks are available at the bar. Menu choices need to be made in advance as well as payment. Contact Roy Chapman on 01424 870520 or Julia@chirpychappy.plus.com. Venue: Bannatyne Spa Hotel, Battle Road, Hastings.

‘From the Top to the Bottoms!’ with the Northiam Footpath Group Sunday 26 July July 13:30 This is a 5-mile, grade 2/3 walk. They leave Northiam Surgery car park at 1.30pm for a 2pm start from Tenterden Recreation Ground. Free parking on High Street or in Bridewell Lane car park). For further information contact Sue Clark on 01797 253428 or www.northiamfootpathgroup.co.uk.

‘Casablanca’ on the big screen at Sissinghurst Castle Friday 27 July 19:45 to 23:00 Cinema under the stars. Take a picnic, sit back and watch the classic film ‘Casablanca’ in the open air on a giant screen in the grounds. Tickets Adult £13.50, child £9.

Booking essential on 0844 858 6767. Venue: Sissinghurst Castle, Biddenden Rd, Cranbrook, Kent TN17 2AB. Moths for all ages at Rye Harbour Reserve Wednesday 29 July 10:00 to 11:00 Suitable for the whole family to learn about the moths that fly around the reserve at night and look at the moths they have caught in their moth trap the night before. Meet at Lime Kiln Cottage Information Centre.

Wheelchair accessible. No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www.sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk.

“Can we come to stay?”

Beginners’ Bird Watching Sunday 26 July 10:00 to 12:00 Learn how to identify a variety of resident and migrant birds. Binoculars and field guides available to use on the day. Meet at Rye Harbour car park. No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www. sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk.

E

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The Onion magazine 33

EAT

BY NICK FARLEY

The Bull at Ticehurst We’ve been to The Bull for lunch a couple of times recently and we like it. It’s one of those places that’s comfortable. It looks like and feels like it has been created with us in mind, the diners and drinkers, rather than them, the owners. It’s warm and welcoming and they seem pleased to see you when you walk in. This is not a gastro-pub where everything is designed to within an inch of its life, including the food, and where the chef thinks he’s doing you a favour by deigning to cook for you. This is a pub cum restaurant where you are going to eat good food comfortably. You can relax, and we do. For a start all the tables are of a decent size; you are not going to sit at some pokey little table no bigger than a drinks coaster. All the tables and chairs are of the 1930s ‘suburban substantial’ school of furniture.

Hurrah. It’s warm too: they have log fires and they’re not afraid to light them. Another bonus is that they are open seven days a week which is rare these days. So, they’ve got the basics right and I know that the basics are obvious to you and to me, but they are a deep mystery to nine out of ten pub owners; The Bull is the one in ten exception.

Last time we went we started with a shared plate of the most delicious olives, a dish of olive oil and balsamic vinegar and some beautiful assorted breads to dunk therein. That really is an excellent starter but only because the bread was varied, fresh and good, and the olives were plentiful and sumptuous.

I could happily have stopped there frankly, but the life of a restaurant critic is hard and the way is unforgiving, a main course must be taken. I had the Hastings cod and chips and The Ed, who was on a strict diet, selflessly sacrificed herself on the altar of pan fried duck breast and summer berry jus with mash and mange tout. The portions were large and we were both defeated: mash and mangetout were not finished, and let this be just between us, but I admit to returning a couple of uneaten chips. Oh the shame. The fish was really good and none was left; the duck, although not quite as pink as madam had hoped, was beautifully cooked and was finished without demur. What diet? The sturdy furniture was now earning its keep.

background music again. I admit it was very faint and in the bar which we were in it had been turned off at our request, but as it was music for twelve year olds its incessant very faint but nonetheless distinctly audible thud, thud could be heard coming from somewhere and I know from past comments and letters after other reviews that this is a major source of irritation to a lot of people. It’s not just me, is it?

More information: Our meal excluding drinks came to £42.50.

Note that The Bull also offers incredible value ‘Codgers’ lunches Monday to Friday One course £7, Two courses £8.50 and Three courses £10.50.

The Bull Inn, Three Leg Cross, Ticehurst, East Sussex TN5 7HH. Tel: 01580 200586 www.thebullinn.co.uk

A posset is a rare menu item these days, but it is a light and refreshing way to end a meal and so it was lemon posset with ginger biscuit and ice cream for Ed and a simple vanilla ice for me that brought a very relaxed lunch peacefully to a close.

Well, I say peacefully but I do have one slight moan-ette: it’s the 34 The Onion magazine

onionmagazine.co.uk

Stamp Duty?

Duty is a tax on land and property ons. Its full name is 'Stamp Duty Land Tax' TO DO <33 In residential propertyTHINGS transactions, Stamp payable when you buy a property over World War I Weekend at Bateman’s 0. TheSaturday amount of Sunday Stamp2 August Duty 11:00 you to will be 1 and 17:00 encampment withproperty. ammunition store, will Re-enactments, depend on the value of the

Kerry Carter – Chartered Legal Executive

WILDWINDS

aeroplane, mess tent and more. This is a free event. Purchase at £185,000 admission charges apply.

Venue: Bateman’s, Stamp duty payable under the old rules r, the Normal Chancellor announced changes to the Etchingham.

Stamp duty payable under the new rules uty system and these came into effect on

£1,850

ANTIQUES & COLLECTABLES£1,200

Summer Fayrethat and Boot Fayre Wildwinds Barn mber Northiam 2014. Annual He has claimed 98% of Purchase at £325,000 Saturday 1 August London Road, Norton Ash, ners in England and Wales will pay less under the old rules £9,750 Booting from 8am. Main Fayre 10am. Classic cars and Stamp duty payable Teynham, Kent ME9 9JY e newbikes system and participants some property experts (prospective phone Colin on 01797 Stamp duty payable under the new rules £6,250 (on the A2 between Faversham & Sittingbourne) sideshows, food, and cake, bar, music. A dicted253258), a boom in sales ofteas houses between 615 726 / 07917 106 026 stall phone Marie Purchase at07932 £510,000 0 and Traditional £280,000Village as a Fayre. resultToofbook theachanges. on 01797 253264. Funds raised will go to help maintain Open 7 Days Including Stamp duty payable under theBank oldHolidays rules £20,400 Mon-Sat 10-5 Sun 10-4 Northiam Village Hall. Venue: Recreation Ground, Main Stamp duty payable under the new rules £15,500 system: Street, Northiam.

12 Traders in 4,000 sq ft of space selling a vious system had been criticised by many diverse mix of the antique and contemporary If you have any questions regarding Stamp Duty, or St Michael’s Hospice Coffee Morning and Bazaar - from furniture to mirrors and books, music ing odd price distortions. A seller with a Saturday 1 August 10:15 to 12:00 andor pictures, cameras, clocks, chandeliers about buying selling a property, please telephone which have been worth and between and lamps, soft furnishings and more.

Theshould popular monthly Coffee Morning Bazaar will Kerry Carter or Elizabeth Connell on 01580 762248 Valuations given, sourcing and house to the Arthur Easton at St Michael’s 0 andbe returning £275,000 usually had Centre to resign clearances arranged.

Find us on Facebook who will be happy to help you.

Hospice for more stalls, cakes and bargains.

For more and at www.wildwindsantiques.co.uk es to only achieving £250,000 for the information visit www.stmichaelshospice.com/getas buyers would be unwilling to pay an involved/events. al 2% in Stamp Duty for a property just Summer Vintage Fair at Chiddingstone £250,000 threshold.

For example, Castle buyers Sunday 2 August 11:00 to 16:30 250,000 would payat£2,500, 1% in Browse and shop the hugeor number of Stamp vintage stalls.

10/11/2014 16:00 Listen to enjoy lunch£260,000, and traditional teas in WildwindsWT154.indd 1 However, if music the and price was the the grounds and tearoom.

Visit the photobooth and ould pay 3%, or £7,800.

hair and beauty parlour and watch the ever-popular Punch and Judy shows. Dancing by the Lindy Hoppers. s changed?

Turn up in your best vintage outfit and win a prize.

Normal admission and entry to the Fair is £3 system is more likefees theapply system of income per adult £1 forDuty a child,only with under-5s new rates of and Stamp apply tofree. thewww. chiddingstonecastle.org.uk. 01892 870347. Venue: of purchase falling within the Chiddingstoneprice Castle, Hill Hoath Road, Chiddingstone, r dutyEdenbridge, band, smoothing out the jumps in the Kent TN8 7AD.

Stamp Duty thresholds. For example, Opportunity to hear ‘The King’s Men’ (The Choral buying a house for £275,000 pay in and Organ Scholars of King’s College,will Cambridge) on the first £125,000, 2% on the next Bethersden Friday 14 August 19:30 and then 5% on the 0 (amounting to £2,500) This concert is being staged by the Friends of St of £25,000 £1,250). Wine So the total Margaret’s(being Church, Bethersden. will be on sale payable be and £3,750, a saving of beforewould the concert in the interval.

Tickets are person and areThe available contacting gainst£12 theper old system. newby rates are:- 01233

820989 or 01233 820527, email brushwood1@hotmail.

co.uk. Admission is by0% ticket only. You can also send o £125,000: a cheque payable to ‘The Friends of St Margaret’s ,001 to £250,000 Church with a SAE to:2% Hon Secretary, c/o 47 Orchard Field, Bethersden, Kent, TN26 3AW. Event venue: St ,001 to £925,000 5%Street, Bethersden, Kent, TN26 Margaret’s Church, The 3AD. ,001 to £1.5m 10% ve £1.5m 12% July 2015

The Onion magazine 35

Farthing Common, Postling and Tolsford Hill This route is a delight, especially the opening section which is reversed for the return. Here steep-sided valleys are concealed below the crest of the downs, with grassy paths threaded through. The walking is often energetic but on a clear day the views are outstanding. GPS waypoints are included in this walk.

The walk Start point: Farthing Common TR 136 403. At the road junction on the south side of the car park, turn left along the lane away from the B-road. Just before the next junction, follow the North Downs Way sign right along the lefthand edge of a field, soon to keep left with the field boundary, heading towards radio masts.

The path leads to a kissing-gate overlooking a dry valley. Take the path down into the steepsided valley, following the waymarks until you reach a gate where another path joins from the right. The path now swings left, climbing a grassy defile. Turn right at the fence at the top, the path soon swinging sharply left to reveal Postling Church before dropping from the crest of the downs on to a ledge, which curves around another U-shaped combe. At the southern end of the combe climb steeply to a gate (TR 145 393).

Follow the path along the field edge ahead to a gate, then drop down the field to a stile and gate, passing under power lines as you go. Cross the stile and walk down the field to a waymark in the bottom boundary. Bear left along the hedge, parallel with the road, and make for a gate in the field corner by Staple Farm (TR 154 393).

Cross the road, bearing slightly to the right, following the North Downs Way to a gate. Climb the steep slope of the downs close to a fence. The top of the radio mast ahead can be seen and the whole structure is revealed as you near the summit.

At the fence, bear left and follow it, with the two transmitters on the right, to pass through a gate. Still keeping the transmitters on your right, make for the stile ahead, cross the small field beyond to another stile and join a concrete track.

At the second left bend, veer off right on to a grassy track (TR 160 387) to follow it south towards a triangulation pillar at the summit of Tolsford Hill. After the pillar it descends steeply through a narrow defile, passing through several gates before reaching a crossing of paths (TR 157 380).

Postling Church taken by Peter Russell 36 The Onion magazine

Turn right on to a bridleway, part of the Pilgrimâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Way. Keep fairly close to the fence at the bottom of the downs to reach the south corner of Tolsford Plantation. Go round the edge of onionmagazine.co.uk

North Downs Way SE of Farthing Common Š Copyright Peter Skynner

the spinney, then keep the fence to the right and continue to the road.

Cross the road to Cuckoo Lane opposite and follow it until you reach a stile to the left of the drive to Vicarage Farm on your right (TR 147 385). Cross the stile, walk beside the drive for 50 yrds before bearing half-left to cross the meadow and reach another stile by an electricity post. Climb this stile and the following one close by in the next paddock, and turn right to follow the hedgerow to cross a stile in the field corner. Head towards the church, go through a gate and bear left to cross a plank bridge between stiles, and take the path into Postling.

Turn right along the road, walk past the church, and then turn left at the telephone box. Opposite the drive to Churchfield turn right on to a footpath, passing through a gate (TR 145 391) and climbing up a steep grassy path to reach the top of the escarpment, and the North Downs way, just below (TR 145 393).

Repeat the lovely section walked at the start, back to Farthing Common.

START/FINISH: Farthing Common DISTANCE: 5.5 miles (8km) MAP: Landranger 179 (Canterbury & East Kent) and Explorer 138 (Dover, Folkestone and Hythe) ROUTE TERRAIN: Downland paths and tracks PARKING: Farthing Common car park

This is Walk 9 reproduced from Pathfinder Guides Kent with kind permission of Pathfinder Guides (www. pathfinderwalks.co.uk). Map Š Crown copyright 2015 Ordnance Survey. Media 060/15.

Neither the publisher nor the author can accept any responsibility for any changes, errors or omissions in this route. Diversion orders can be made and permissions withdrawn at any time.

July 2015

The Onion magazine 37

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onionmagazine.co.uk

WIN

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All their flowers are bought to your own personal order and can be delivered the day you order. They offer FREE DELIVERY to Tenterden, St Michaels, Biddenden, Rolvenden, High Halden, Bethersden, Appledore and more.

you order rather than what is left in stock. Whether a small thank you gift or a large wedding The Garden Room at Golden Square is able to cater for all occasions. They are passionate about what they do and create stunning hand crafted arrangements. www.gardenroomatgoldensquare.com. Tel 01580 766327. *Please check with The Garden Room at Golden Square about delivery options.

For your chance to win the hand-tied bouquet please send your name and address to competition@ onionpublishing.co.uk with GARDENROOM in the subject line. Winners will be drawn and notified after the closing date.

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The Beach Book: loads of things to do at lakes, rivers and the seaside by Fiona Danks and Jo Schofield contains oodles of tried and tested activities for all year round... make some crazy sand shoes or a ball gown for a sea nymph; have fun beachcombing, crabbing and making your own rock pool equipment; play great games; make stone towers, ball runs or beach skittles or follow pirate treasure maps.

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Don’t think that if you haven’t got a business this isn’t for you. As well as promoting a business, of course, you could promote your club or society, for perhaps a specific charity event – it’s entirely up to you. The only stipulation is that you must redeem it before the end of this year. We can make the advertisement for you for free and will be happy to advise on content if that is appropriate for you. We guarantee delivery by the Royal Mail and offer the very best way of advertising to the widest possible local audience.

Only one entry per business please.

For your chance to win an advertisement in The Onion magazine please send your name and address to competition@onionpublishing.co.uk with ONIONAD in the subject line. Winners will be drawn and notified after the closing date.

The closing date is 27 July 2015.

Please enter as directed above.

Postal entries can also be sent to us at the address given on page three.

TERMS & CONDITIONS OF ENTRY: By entering these competitions you agree to receive periodic emails from The Onion magazine, Onion Publishing Ltd and the originator of the competition you are entering. You can opt out of receiving these at any time and your data will never be passed on for use by third parties. The prizes are non-transferable and have no cash alternative. Only one entry per person per competition and prizes will only be sent to homes with a TN postcode.

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