September 15, 1987, carnegie newsletter

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Circulation since incent ion:

By PAUL TAYLOR

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fWmey talks" i s an old, old saying.

Last year, f i e l d representatives of the Canada Assistance Plan (CAP) came t o Carnegie and, seeing the unique service t h a t it i s , agreed t o cost share. In dollars t h i s meant over $1,000,000 f o r 1980-86 and about $210,000 a year from now on.

A l l negotiations and agreements were based on the Carnegie continaing t o d i r e c t l y seive welfare and low income people. What must happen now i s for Social Planning t o strengthen i t s administrative supervision with a s t a f f person hired t o do it; and.not f o r Carnegie t o be part of an already overloaded schedule. Transferring the auspices t o the Parks Board, where t h i s administrative structure is a1ready i n place, w i l l r e s u l t i n the loss of CAP funding.

"The agreement t o cost share part of the Carnegie Centre was on the

understanding it was not a regular community centre but a unique centre offering welfare or social service t o persons on income assistance or low incomes. Any program d r i f t or change i n the appearance t o a recreational or l e i s u r e format would r e s u l t i n the loss of CAP cost .;haring." (Jim Karpoff, President of Karpoff Consultants i n a memo t o the Director of Social PI.) Cost sharjng from Victoria for Social Planning is already i n place and they have sent $1,245,000; more than $300,000 is s t i l l t o come.

This assistance i s also based on Social Planning being responsible for two d i r e c t welfare o r social service programs - the Carnegie Centre and the Multi-Use Centre(320 Alexander). I f Carnegie i s transferred t o Parks, it w i l l mean the loss of $50,000 t o $300,000 inme' diately and $210,000 i n future aid.

Money screams!

FROM THE EDllOR'S DESK The recommendations t h a t Council w i l l consider on September 1 5 have one that i s potentially dangerous; ' K t "That Council confirm that partisan p o l i t i c a l a c t i v i t y should not be permitted a t Carnegie Centre a t any level; i n any form."

Partisan is a p r e t t y vague term, as is p o l i t i c a l . The g i s t of t h i s recornrriendation i s that no freedom of speech on City o r Provincial or Federal p o l i t i c a l decisions w i l l be tolerated. The right t o express your views, t o use a community meeting ground f o r other than purely social a c t i v i t y w i l l be stamped out a t the f i r s t murmur.

The power t h a t has found expression i n the Downtown Eastside i n recent years has come as the r e s u l t of organizing. This recommendation may be an attempt t o stop Carnegiels name from being the focus of negat i v e media coverage.

When the l a s t Board ran into a brick wall of member upset over t h e i r actions, the united voice of hundreds of area residents and users of the Centre was interpreted as "under the direction of UltraBullshit ! Common Left Radicals sense was the guiding l i g h t ; when radical changes i n hiring procedures and mutual courtesy around meetings was ignored, many people wouldn't (didn't) s i t l i k e burntout husks and l e t it go on. Sure, some people were more aware of what was going on and talked t o others who were asking questions. Sure, some of the people talked t o agreed that these eight directors were off-the-wall. the underlying plan became more apparent a s action f o l lowed action and then they t r i e d t o

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silence righteous protest.

The mandate of the Association is t o be the voice of Carnegie users, and current stafflpatron interaction i s harmonious. I f implemented then..

What t h i s recommendation w i l l mean is t h a t anyone can label your a c t i v i t y as political..ANYTHING!!

I f you speak about legislated poverty, welfare cuts, baby snatching, women's r i g h t s , urban renewal., land developers and t h e i r greed f o r 'our' r e a l e s t a t e , Crab Park access, DERA meetings Carnegie w i l l be off limits. ' K t is the f i r s t l e t t e r i n the word KILL. PAUL TAYLOR

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Artists' Perceptions

( a t t h e Normandy

Salvador Dali I could l i c k Everything should be e d i b l e ! "

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would s e e t h e r o s e in the and s a y , " B i t t e r s w e e t . ' : // I( ( / I / /

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That flows from the depths of her f i e r y h e a r t , 'A beauty t h a t i s r a r e i n deed, /\ That one soul so s e l f l e s s l y can impart.

You a r e my impetus, my reason f o r being, Mv l i f e . mv iov. mv eves f o r seeing I

Long l i f e ! I f Solomon had l i v e d t o The Wisdom God- has given thee.

T o n.,'

STEVENS I

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hen 1'11 t a k e a bbw, my d a r l i n ' '

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T h e M a i n and Hastings show first appeared on Co-op Radio three and a half years ago, as a half hour Downtown Eastside c ~ m n i u n i t vnews. announcements and interview show, initiated by local activist-artist types from Carnegie Centre.

Since then, we've been through a lot o f changes, such as different control rooni people: Fred, Esi, K e i t h and Harley and numerous occasional stand-ins. . . Most of all, o u r o n - i ~ i rformat and people have changed radically i n the past few years , but not the message.

Don's been w i t h the show f r o m the beginning, Jimmy was with us for a while, arid Veronica, I've been o n the show for two years, 13ev joined us a year and a half ;)go and Hob's been with us a few months now.

I f you hear us, you'll know we d o a lot o f political satire, live and virtually unrehearsed. We're politically and ecologically oricnled, o f course, but underlying that is a strongly shared scnse o f spiritual viilues -ethics, i f you want t o call i t that.

T o IW, this is the most important part I)ecause its what unites us as creative personalities and motivates our effort.

Not thiit we don't have our off-days, behind-the-scenes disagreements, and obvious differences, . . it's just bringing together four intense individuals, w i t h individually created scripts and "surprise" guests (sometimes they're even a surprise to US) every two weeks - putting i t all together half an hour before air time arid letting i t r o l l . . . What can Isay? <;oing o n the air live, unrehearsed, and wit11 m i n i m u n ~organization has been good

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RM R A D I O for 11s. Somehow we always manage to weave the whole thing together by rapping back and forth and whatever i t turns out t o be is called "Main and Hastings."

Iwrote a lot o f brainstorm theatre scripts originally, introducing political satire t o the show. Now Bev and D o n write their own amazing brainstorms and I write the news. Rob writes his o w n pieces too, so it's a mutually co-operative effort all the way.

Ecological awareness, direct activism. political satire, poetry, local and non-local music, street personalities (real and imaginary), serious messages and strange off-thewall philosophy is all part o f the gig.

We make n o apologies for hard and fast humour with a cutting edge and direct condemnation o f what wc see as (lie evils o f our present devolved state o f society.

Of necessity, o u r message is at times so heavy that we have t o lighten up a little and humanize i t . i n the process, all the M a i n and Hastings personalities (the schizoid reality of four co-operative minds) have Bernie Brainstorm, Rocky been created Radar, Matasha tlaraski, Betty the Bag Lady, Swami-Ji-Ji, Doctor V o n Brainbum, Only Eddie, Doctor Cue, and assorted S m i ~ h r i t e"winged warriors" d o battle with Vimderscam, Lilly-Lou, B r i a n B a l o n e j , Mister end Mrs. Whiteman, and a wild variety of right-wing reactionaries. for one hour &very i w o w&ks, ~ h u r s d a ~ ats 4:30 p.m.

We call i t M a i n and Hastings because the Downtown Ektside is our spiritual home and the radical heart o f Vancouver and wherever Co-op's wandering wavelength takes us - we're riding that wave.

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Wo~nen, because they a r e not equippcd with male g e n i t a l s , contain an i n t e r n a l space, an absence from t h e top of the l e g s t o t h e w a i s t , which nust be f i l l e d . If it i s n ' t , t h i s h a l f of our population w i l l be preoccupied with t h e knowledge of i t s inadequacy, and prove t o be s o c i a l 1y unproduct ive. Psycho - a n a l y s t s have t o l d us t h a t women can only f e e l human when they a r e " f i l l e d ' with e i t h e r a phallus o r a c h i l d .

Since e i t h e r one of these options renders them unproduct ive economica l l y a s we1 1 , t h e ttunpon has become t h e rnodcrn a l t e r n a t i v e .

A r i s t o t l e t o l d us t h a t , "a female i s a female by v i r t u e of a c e r t a i n l a c k of q u a l i t i e s . " E r i k Erikson consequently t o l d u s t h a t "in female experience, an inner space i s a t t h e c e n t r e of d e s p a i r even a s it i s a t t h e c e n t r e of pot e n t i a l f u l f illment. Emptiness i s t h c I'e~ealefonn of perdition. .. To be l e f t , for. h e r , means t o be l e f t crrrpty.. such h u r t can be re-experienccd in each menstruation; it i s t h e crying t o heavcn i n t h e mourni of a c h i l d ; and it becomes a pennanent s c a r i n t h e menopause. " 1;reud continued : "After a has hecome aware o f t h e wound t o Iier. narcissism, she develops, l i kc a s c a r , a sense of i n f e r i o r i t y ... she begins t o share t h e contempt f e l t by men f o r a sex which i s t h e l e s s e r i n so important a respect. " lIow can one match these insights t o t h e 8 tun subway crowd of c 1 can, sel F-assilrctl and and)i t i o u s wo;ncn on

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t h e i r way t o work? Why a r e they so s e l f -assured--are they pregnant, o r engaged i n intercourse? No, they a r e s i t t i n g s t i l l and s o l i t a r y on t h e i r s e a t s , o r standing i n t h e a i s l e , beside o t h e r women; and i f we keep i n mind t h a t most employers have not provided adequate workingconditions o r paid leave arrangements f o r p e g a n t women, it w&ld be s a f e t o assume t h a t t h e majority of these wornen j:: not presently pregnant. Why then, a r e they not a t home, hiding under t h e bed, hating themselves f o r t h e i r emptiness? Or, i f they a r e ambitious types,why a r e they not i n sleazy downtown bars, demanding i n t e r course? Could A r i s t o t l e ' s , Erikson's and Freud's i n s i g h t s be wrong?

They a r e not. On t h e contrary: women have recognized t h e problem and found a s o l u t i o n a t l a s t t amporis These heavily condensed cottonb a l l s a r e t h e l i b e r a t i o n device, t h e cheap and non-consequential a l t e r n a t i v e t o continuous pregnancy and perpetual intercourse. Presentday psychologists have been rumoured t o p r e s c r i b e tampons f o r women who s u f f e r from f e e l i n g s o f i n adequacy- -not t o remedy t h e i r niens t r u a l wastes, but t o provide a 24-hour seven days a week s o l u t i o n t o t h e j r i n t r i n s i c emptiness.

'Ihis f i l l i n g of t h e void i s t o be interupted only f o r t h e purposes of intercourse. I t i s important t o note t h a t t h e tampons should be reinserted a s soon a s possible a f t e r i rltcrcoursc, t o counteract t h e A.

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feelings of depression before they recur i n f u l l force.

Of course, every woman d i f f e r s in the degree t o which she experiences and is aware of t h i s problem. Physi c a l i t y plays a r o l e as well; some women a r e endowed with more negat i v e space, and a r e biologically emptier than others. No worry: the psychiatric establishment has urged s c i e n t i s t s t o provide tampons i n a l l shapes and s i z e s - extra small (often referred t o as 'mini'),small, regular, super and super plus. The applicator can be e i t h e r cardboard or p l a s t i c , and deodorized tampons a r e available.

Not a l l tampons are equally e f f icient. There a r e the l i t t l e ones, bare without t h e i r applicators, which have been designed by a female gynaecologist. I t has been argued that her own suffering of femininity has caused her t o o b l i t e r a t e the applicator, forcing her (since she presumable uses them herself) and many other women t o be, by touching, continuously reminded of t h e i r own defects. This masochism has made her product an untrue and ineffective solution: the tampons remind one of space s h u t t l e s t h a t a r e released into the vacuum of inner space without a proper and e f f i c i e n t launching base. Perdition angst indeed. Also, her product f a i l e d t o provide f o r those modern women who l i k e t o f e e l fresh and clean--she f a i l e d t o provide scented tampons.

A n entrepreneur with enough foresight t o anticipate the f i c k l e t a s t e s of a l l those who make up t h a t fascinating species - women - might consider going i n t o deodorants.

Strawberry, prune, banana, even beansprouts and tofu f o r those soci a l l y conscious; the sky i s the limit.

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I f a l l t h i s t a l k seems ludicrous, consider the simple f a c t that these working women, without pregnancy and perpetual intercourse, found the inner resources t o get them out from under the bed, and out of t h i r d - r a t e hotels,and now function in full-time jobs. And not only do they function, they also experience the exhilarat i o n of taking pleasantly exciting r i s k s with t h e i r freedom.

Take, f o r instance, the fashion colour of t h i s season: white. Many might consider wearing t h i s colour t o be a masochistic practice, since t h i s white is so spotless t h a t it appears t o have-a bluish haze; any coffee s t a i n s o r specks of d i r t , no matter how small, draw as much, i f not more attention than a billboard would i f it spelled "sex" i n orange neon l e t t e r i n g and was placed in the middle of Yonge Street.

Many of us would be p e t r i f i e d t o wear such an a r t i c l e of clothing t o a respectable job; not these women.

And then consider t h e i r accessories, the revolutionary earrings even men would be a f r a i d t o be seen wearing i n public. This revolution is confined t o the fashion accesories, the outlandish p r i n t of the materials, the "daring" (to look unusual, while s t i l l looking respectable f o r the job) a t t i t u d e , because, t o look a t Arist o t l e ' s quote i n f u l l : "A female is a female by v i r t u e of a certain lack of q u a l i t i e s ; we should regard t F female nature as a f f l i c t e d with a natural defectiveness."

Women's voids are f i l l e d , but they s t i l l do not possess phalluses. What t h i s essentially means f o r our socie t y today is t h a t they can join an already established workforce and be productive members of our society, as opposed t o humiliating themselves in bars - where they d i s t r a c t m e n a

who could possibly be turning t h e i r own e f f o r t s i n t o products- o r l e t t i n g t h e i r s e c r e t a r i a l value go t o waste in the i s o l a t i o n of t h e i r houses, where they hide in shame.

"Be not simply good.

..

W e l l , e v e r y t h i n g went j u s t g r e a t a t t h e TOGA p a r t y , and my s u p p o r t e r s showed up i n mass.

The t h e o l o g i c a l t h e o r y o f today i s o b s e l e t e , I have l e a r n e d . So I h a v e d e c i d e d t o s t a r t . my. own r e l i g i o n , c a l l e d CHAOISMIC REUNITED C, ASSOCIATED SAGES 6 SAVANTS (C.R.A.S.S.).

C a p t a i n Ch

PUBLIC NOTICE: the NEWSLETTER is conducting its own poll for DES Pope.

Please cut out the POPE of your CHOICE

your

Dear Readers, For the f i r s t time i n history, I'm the Pope.

But t h e r e ' s one thing I have t o c l e a r up before I s t a r t looting the Vatican. Some other bozo has been t e l l i n g people t h a t he i s Pope The best I can say about t h i s pretender t o the Papal throne i s t h a t he's an insipid, nauseating, i l l i t e r a t e charlatan who has reached the pinnacle of audacity i n scribbling together and dishing up the c r a s s e s t , mystifying nonsense. This nonsense has been n o i s i l y proclaimed a s immortal wisdom and readily accepted as such by a l l fools.

Yrs. Truly, P&j, Sam Slanders

A beg inning

Sometimes a s i l v e r laced s a t i n hog,.+ I s shielded by a coat of i Cast by pain..

Hardened by time ...

So much i s involved i n shaking The coat loose, But only wings r i s e out of Silver lace and s a t i n Not iron c a s t .

Lee Brenner

Ivan

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SC ai pel fa.]

SENTINELS of New Westminster ~y C . Planidin Tall silent wise the cedars of Queens Park stand sent inel long over river bridge c it y

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WOMEN CLICHED

Literature, u n t i l recently, has been written solely by men, f o r men and about men. Women had no part i n the creation of f i c t i c i o u s characters, situations and events.

They had no access t o public s e l f expression through the use of imaginary characters; they had no l i t erary voice and could not leave written accounts of t h e i r experience and perceptions. Up u n t i l the time that women s t a r t e d publishing books, under male pseudonyms, our family t r e e of writers is a l l male.

This family did leave us t h e i r impressions of women. Because f e male characters in t h e i r books have always been male-defined, l i t e r a t u r e has always been one-sided; l i t e r a t u r e was men's l i t e r a t u r e , expressing men's views and emotions.

InXhemselves, these impressions wouldn't necessarily have t o be onesided, but women's l i t e r a r y silence permeated the books, and female characters' personalities became s i l e n t as well.

From looking a t men's writing, it seems t h a t women have been one of two things t o men: the mother o r the sexual object. A mixture of these two i n one woman has also been much of a preoccupation.

The mother figure inspires great g u i l t . She is overbearing, s e l f sacrificing, noble and seemingly omnipotent. The whore i s brutal, ugly (or much too p r e t t y ) , calculating and devastatingly viscious; she inspires not g u i l t but contempt, or even hatred. The weight is t o make the men symbols - a l l of them are shards of a personality t h a t presumably symbolizes Hollywood.

Female characters a r e largely s t e r eotypes; would-be actresses, teases,

airheads manipulating men f o r money, o r attention o r , what e l s e , fame.

The union of these two archetypes forms, ideally, the second woman i n any man's l i f e - the f i r s t being h i s mother. This i s the mother a man can also sleep with, but i n an acceptable, non-sleazy, married way: the wife. Ironically, an almost universally known story is when Jesus was being crucified, the two women who appeared a t h i s f e e t were h i s mother and a prostitute..both of whom, c m c l d e n t a l l y , were named Mary.

Reading books, we have t o ignore t h i s so obvious imbalance by looking a t the context of the society it was written i n - l i k e looking a t a photograph t h a t has been cut i n places t o o b l i t e r a t e one o r two people. But t h i s absence would become a looming shadow t h a t would overpowe r the i n t e r e s t i n t h person t h a t i s actually l e f t f o r us t o look a t .

Women a r e part of every author's l i f e and a f f e c t them; consequently male characters a r e crezted bv them t h a t cannot be separated from t h e i r interactions with female characters.

For the sake of quick and casual communication; we speak i n cliches.

We use a language t h a t has a history of i t s own and use phrases t l d - have earned t h e i r weight i n being 2 ?eared by millions of mouths befox$ ' + us.

Cliches a r e the t i p s of icebr 13s consisting of intense liveliness of observation. But these t i p s are absolutes t h a t block our eyes from seeing our actual experience and r e action t o what has gone on around us.

Writers should attempt t o dissolve these blocks by taking the cliche and explore indepth the million different r e a l i t i e s it can so casua l l y portray.

Authors f a i l t o do t h i s with the female characters that they create.

If men and women have these recurring

M y pseudonym is Phoenix. This i s my own story on my own homelessness t o the best of my recollection.

F i r s t of a l l , I was born the daughter of a B r i t i s h army o f f i c e r with an English, Protestant/Anglican background. My mother was Jewish. Both were born in India. My parents were exceptionally a t t r a c t i v e people, I think, especially t o one another.

My f a t h e r , against the advice of family and friends, pursued my mother and converted t o Judaism in order t o marry her and be accepted i n t o her family. He was 22, she 18.

He was then disowned by h i s own family. I heard mom married dad t o get away from her family. I wonder i f e i t h e r of them had a sense of feeling wanted o r special, especially having come from large families. Perhaps they were both d i s s a t i s f i e d with t h e i r own. I understand t h a t my mother had been traumatized a t an early age. Several s t o r i e s were r e l a t e d t o me i n order t o understand my mother's lifelong despondency and idiosyncratic behaviour. I was t o l d t h a t my mother was one of seventeen children, eleven of whom survived ; t h a t a t a very early age she had been given the enormous r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s of looking a f t e r her siblings and doing household chores.

I ' v e also been t o l d t h a t her father, o r perhaps grandfather, had been traumatized i n e a r l y childhood by witnessing the death of h i s father - being speared by an Arab in Iraq.

Other s t o r i e s r e l a t e d t o me were t h a t my mother had been t i e d down t o the floor and beaten by her father. Nevertheless, my own f a t h e r and maternal aunt, Sophia, agree t h a t my mother's upbringing was a horror story.

I understand t h a t my parents were both beaten as children. My father s a i d t h a t he was caned a t boarding school by the headmaster and also by h i s own father; t h a t h i s mother would warn him and t e l l him t o hide when h i s father was coming t o punish him.

I remember my f a t h e r slapping, h i t t i n g and belting me. I remember my mother encouraging him t o beat me u n t i l she would t e l l him t o stop because the neighbours might hear.

However, t h i s is jumping the gun in the story. When my parents did marry i n India, they emigrated t o Canada and arrived in Windsor, Ontario i n 1948 where I was born, and dad then e n l i s t e d with the Canadian Army. My e a r l i e s t memory, perhaps a t the age of four, was being alone outside i n the darkness and cold. By t h i s time we were i n Kingston, Ontario. I went i n t o mv narents' house and saw my mother looking downcast and alone, perhaps a despair t o be away. I then got myself run over. My f a t h e r came t o the hospital, stood i n the doorway and years l a t e r t o l d me t h a t a s soon a s I saw him I s t a r t e d crying. "My heart c r i e s f o r you, sighs f o r you, d i e s f o r you. My heart c r i e s f o r you; please come back t o me.''

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After 2 years i n Kingston and a t the age of four, we were transferred by the Army t o Europe f o r two years. I turned five. My brother was then born. i n Belgium. I remember much sadness then. I remember feeling nervous when @ f a t h e r brought a man home and Dad t o l d me not t o be nervous when he stood me on a t a b l e and t o l d me t o p u l l my pants down and my top up t o show the man my rash. Chicken pox? Measles? I also remember living i n another country when I was s i x . I can't remember which one, but I do remember my mother dressing me i n p r e t t y dresses and being alone on a bus going t o school.

I remember older people t r i c k i n g me i n t o laying down and then someone l i f t i n g up my dress.

Then some news of another posting - Victoria, B.C. I was now seven.

My Dad now decided t h a t army l i f e was not f o r children and he was t i r e d of s i t t i n g around a l l day on h i s b u t t going nowhere He then found employment with the B. C. Telephone Co . i n Vancouver and over the years worked h i s way up t o management.

I was now eight and we were moving t o Vancouver. We f i r s t stayed i n a large house i n Kerrisdale with my mom's parents and some of her sisters, brothers and my cousins. I believe t h a t was when some of my older uncles and a cousin began t o explore one another sexually. I never seemed t o have my 1 own bed in t h a t house. I was always i n someone e l s e ' s bed. This sexual ' play, I now believe, was the s t a r t of a subtle path t o my being molested eventually a survivor of incest. .i andWhen we l e f t my grandmother's house, I was nine. My family continued t o v i s i t t h a t house i n Kerrisdale..the sexual games continued..I began t o s t e a l . e As my parents continued t o work, t h e i r economic position strengthened. W continued t o move i n t o more expensive neighbourhoods. My mom's goal was t o be in a Jewish community.

When I was 15, I remember there was a l o t of fighting a t home. As a matter of f a c t , there always seemed t o be despondency and fighting as f a r back as I can remember.

Mom l e f t home f o r a few days and dad asked me t o sleep with him. I s a i d no.

One p a r t i c u l a r uncle and I continued t o be affectionate t o one another. I was 20 when we had intercourse and 2 1 when I f i r s t got pregnant by an employer o r boyfriend and was sent t o England t o have an abortion. I was becoming promiscuous. I was moving from job t o job as a secretary, sleeping around and being met with a l o t of sexual propositioning. I s t a r t e d t o see a psychiatrist on a regular basis. I was constantly guilt-ridden and crying every day. A t the age of 2 1 I decided I was going t o s t a r t a new l i f e and put the past behind me.

I l i e d t o some people t o get enough money t o go t o Europe and s t a r t a new l i f e . I t r a v e l l e d f o r eight months, was s t i l l sleeping with d i f f e r e n t men and, a t the age of 22, I had my f i r s t sexual experience with a woman and enjoyed it. As my money ran out and a s my confidence seemed t o grow, I learned t o survive by my w i t s and met some very good, inspiring people.

I needed a way t o support myself and wanted professional credentials. I thought I could be a school teacher. I came back t o Canada with the intention of getting teaching credentials as quickly as possible and then going back t o Europe..

I paid my way through s i x years of university with the help of Canada Student Loans ($8,500) which I paid back through honest , hard work, a scholarship, grants, bursaries and temporary off i c e jobs . However, the sleeping around continued..the g u i l t continued..the moving from place t o place continued. I s t a r t e d t o have very serious bouts of depression and I was constantly feeling suicidal.

I went i n t o a psychiatric ward twice; both times were when I t r i e d teaching i n a classroom. I t was too exhausting f o r me. I could see the needs of the children and I couldn't meet them.

I was I changed over t o archaeology, did quite well, and earned a B.A. now 28. I got work on archaeology projects, which involved uprooting and travelling. People on the crews would get sexually involved.

By the time I reached t h i r t y , I s t a r t e d t o experience feelings t h a t I ' d never known before. I was experiencing t e r r o r - severe, extreme t e r r o r , anxiety and depression, My thoughts were 1. t h a t I should be closer t o my family, 2. I should be on good terms with the r e s t of the family t r e e , G 3. I should be married - s e t t l e d - have children - a place i n the c o m i t y ; I had none of these.

I'm now 38. The past eight years have been a blur of many p s y c h i a t r i s t s , hospitalizations , psychiatric medications, two more abortions, j a i l and more promiscuity, suicide gestures and not being able t o stay i n one place very long. What do I a t t r i b u t e t h i s l i f e s t y l e to?

1. Being uprooted since b i r t h .

2. Not having a sense of belonging.

3. Parents from d i f f e r e n t c u l t u r a l backgrounds.

4. Anti- semitism.

5. Molestation and incest.

6. Physical beatings .

7. Psychological abuse.

8. Being reared by a mother who had been mistreated so badly t h a t she could not help but r a i s e me i n a way t h a t was h u r t f u l and harmful.

I remember imitating her, especially her great sadness. I behaved l i k e a victim.

I've been spending a l o t of time during the past year i n the downtown eastside, especially a t the Women's Centre and the Carnegie Community Centre where victimization, neglect, abuse, poverty, violence..and y e t a sense of community/camaraderie a r e evident. illhen it comes t o t h e bottom l i n e people w i l l help one another; however it i s expected t h a t one t r y very hard t o help oneself while helping others. There is a strong survival i n s t i n c t , a fighting mad b a t t l e with apathy, where people do t r y t o make it even i n s p i t e of themselves.

Would You Open Your Heart?

A few nights ago, I watched a show on television called "Street Kids", and I have t o say t h a t there were s t r e e t kids i n it but I think it meant people who had been "raised on the street." People who had l e f t somewhere t o go somewhere e l s e ; and the somewhere e l s e - namely the s t r e e t s - i s n ' t a good choice but there's really very l i t t l e a l t e r n a t i v e either.

The show i s credible; people saying that there was no one t o t a l k t o a t home or having no homes; t a l k ing about why i t ' s so d i f f i c u l t "damn near impossible1' - t o get out of the s t r e e t cycle, t o get away from the day-to-day events of the s t r e e t l i f e ; talking about the t o t a l f u t i l i t y of going nowhere and having nowhere t o go. I had t o admire the people in the show because i n t h e i r own way they were t e l l i n g the t r u t h and going a s f a r as they could under a s t r e s s f u l situation.

Let's face it - people choke up when you put a camera on them, but the people i n the show went the distance. I can't help mndering how many ' s t r e e t people' w i l l actua l l y see the show, but i f some do I think they w i l l say it i s n ' t phony. The show says a l o t but there is a l o t unsaid. One young person i n the show says some of his s t r e e t friends had disappeared and he didn't know where. I t talked about runaways and how, f o r years, it didn't seem serious or people pretended it wasn't serious pretended nothing was wrong - i n other words upholding the perfect society image, as i f t h i s was more important than facing the problems and doing something about them.

The show faced up t o some of the t r u t h and some of the danger. I'm only sad because everyone didn't see it and everyone should! If you get a chance t o watch it, do so.. and think about it.

By DAVE MCCONNELL

C.R.A.B.

Children's Festival

A wonderful f e s t i v a l f o r the children took place a t CRAB Park on August 29th. My favourite item a t the park was a giant, nylon crab with tunnels leading t o a gigantic mushroom.

Other things of i n t e r e s t were mountains of clothing t o dress up i n and a waterslide made out of a long sheet of p l a s t i c . Dish soap suds and water from a hose made the p l a s t i c very slippery.

A variety of k i t e s were flown and made the day complete. There was plenty of food f o r everyone, including hot dogs, watermelon, i c e cream and apple juice.

The new playground f o r the older children was i n place. I can hardl y wait f o r the bandstand t o be b u i l t

By WAYNE SCHMIDT

DREAMS

by Sheila Bell

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Sweet or

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The Association Board met on Thursday, September 10, and a number of decisions were made.

F i r s t of a l l , B i l l Deacon was elected formally as Treasurer a f t e r being acting Treasurer since August. He resigned a s VicePresident do do t h i s , and L i l l i a n Nossey is now VP. The l e t t e r from the BC Federation of Labour asking f o r a representative t o attend t h e i r conference saw George Berrios and Fmerito Carda, volunteers and refugees from Chile, accepted the endorsement t o attend. George was National Head of a Union i n Chile and it was t h i s t h a t sugjected him t o imprisonment when Salvadore Allende was overthrown and murdered.

On the back page of t h i s paper is some information on what the Board is hoping w i l l be a big event. On Tuesday the lSth, a s h u t t l e bus w i l l begin taking us t o City Hall. Council w i l l be discussing the Carnegie Review Panel report and decisions w i l l be made t h a t w i l l determine much of Carnegie's future. Like it says, 'Let's empty Carnegie and f i l l City Hall!

Dreams can be bad or good.

Sometimes you can remember them and sometimes you can't.

There are two kinds of dreams, night dreams and what is called daydreaming.

Night dreams I believe are caused by your subcnnscious.

It is believed that you dream about whatever the last thing i s you were thinking about.

With daydreams you can dream about anything you wish. All you have to do is think of what you wish.

Therefore you can have nightmares but never daymares.

Learn t o make your own photos!

An 8 week course is beginning on September 17th t o give training i n photography and Darkroom c r a f t It w i l l be held i n the pottery room in the basement and the cost is Free! Learn i n good company.

.

As man? of you may have heard by now, the Life Gkills course t h a t was t o run t h i s Fall a t Carnegie has been postponed.

I would l i k e t o c l a r i f y the s i t u a t i o n regarding t h i s course. The course was t o have been taught by Linda Forsythe, the past co-ordinator of the Learning Centre.

Linda has moved on t o a new job with Douglas College and is no longer available t o teach the course here.

I f e l t t h a t with the departure of Linda from the Learning Centre, what was needed was t o spend time i n the Fall developing a Carnegie Life

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S k i l l s corriculum. Rather than teaching a Life S k i l l s course, we w i l l be developing a course t h a t w i l l f i t the needs of Carnegie users.

The person developing the course w i l l be able t o t a l k t o learners, tutors, volunteers, s t a f f , and people from other organisations and agencies i n the Downtown Eastside.

Then we w i l l be able t o run a Life S k i l l s program t h a t t r u l y meets the Specific needs of the people who use Carnegie. 1 am sorry f o r any inconvenience caused by the postponement.

Sincerely, Donald MacPherson Programmer.

L'

B.C. FEDERATION OF LABOUR

Dear F r i e n d s : On September 20, 2 1 and 2 2 , t h e B . C . F e d e r a t i o n o f Labour w i l l be h o l d i n g a c o n f e r e n c e e n t i t l e d " B u i l d i n g On Our R o o t s : A Working C o n f e r e n c e On B i l l 1 9 . " A s p a r t o f t h e c o n f e r e n c e program, we w i l l be h o s t i n g a p u b l i c d i s c u s s i o n o f t h e i m p a c t of B i l l 1 9 i n t h e community.

T h i s s e s s i o n w i l l b e h e l d a t t h e Robson S q u a r e Media C e n t r e (The Media on Monday, September 2 1 , b e g i n n i n g a t 7:30 p.m.

Centre i s wheelchair a c c e s s i b l e . ) The f o c u s o f t h e d i s c u s s i o n w i l l be on t h e e f f e c t B i l l 1 9 w i l l have on t h e l a b o u r movement's a b i l i t y t o work f o r s o c i a l j u s t i c e i n our s o c i e t y .

S i n c e your g r o u p i s a c t i v e l y i n v o l v e d i n t h e s t r u g g l e f o r j u s t i c e and d i g n i t y i n o u r c o m m u n i t i e s , we would l i k e t o e x t e n d a p a r t i c u l a r i n v i t a t i o n t o you t o s e n d r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s t o t h i s meeting.

We would a l s o a p p r e c i a t e y o u r h e l p i n publicising t h i s meeti n g w i t h i n y o u r o r g a n i s a t i o n , i n any p u b l i c a t i o n you may be d i s t r i b u t i n g b e f o r e September 2 1 .

We l o o k f o r w a r d t o s e e i n g you t h e r e , and working w i t h you i n t h e f u t u r e t o improve t h e q u a l i t y o f l i f e i n B r i t i s h Columbia.

Kenneth V . G e o r g e t t i

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ManyoftheCarnegiepatronsd~ not r e a l i z e t h a t t h e r e is a wonderful r e t r e a t f o r women, childrer. and youth a t Crabtree Corner, 101 E. Cordova. The c e n t r e i s sponsored by t h e Y.W.C.A. and has a v a r i e t y of programs.

Daycare i s provided but you must pre-book t h e day before and say what you a r e attending. Payment coupons a r e a v a i l a b l e from t h e Ministry of Social Services and Housing (MHR) .

There were two Family Camps a t Twin Islands which is up Indian Arm. This i s a p r i m i t i v e camp with no running water. The f i r s t camp cons i s t e d o f 17 rnomsplus children. l11e second camp had only 3 moms,

Free soup and bannock f o r mothers and children i s a v a i l a b l e on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. September a c t i v i t i e s a r e a s follows: Sept. 2, 10:30 am; Single Moms Croup, ;doon - f r e e soup and bannock: 1:OOpm - Winnie ~ E o s sw i l l speak on Assertiveness Training. sipt. 9, 10:30 am; Single Msms Croup. Noon - f r e e sour, and bannock: 1:00pm - m o t ions' Anonymous.

Sept . l 6 , 10: 30 am; Single Group. Noon - f r e e soup and bannock. 1:OOpm - Cuest speaker from Narcotics Anonymous.

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Sept.23, 1U:30 am; Single hlonrs Group. Noon - f r e e soup and lxmnock. 1:OOpm - Guest speaker from Alcoholics Anonymous.

Sept.30, 10:30 am; Single blow Group. Noon - f r e e soup and bannock. 1:00pm - Guest speaker from lu anon.

This i s a weekly support group f o r s i n g l e mothers i n t h e Downtown Eastside. We hope t o share f e e l i n g s , ideas and s o l u t i o n s t o problems a s w e l l a s a f r e e soup and bannock lunch. Childcare w i l l be provided f o r c h i l d r e n f i v e and under. I f you a r e i n t e r e s t e d , contact Mary Ellen o r T r i c i a a t 689-2808.

Another extremely valuable s e r v i c e a t Crabtree Corner i s couns e l l i n g by t h e Youth S t r e e t Workz r s John Turvey and Allan Roscoe.

After watching t h e CBC documentary film "The Runaways" we should be denlanding more q u a l i f i e d workers t o p r o t e c t t h e young children on the s t r e e t s .

The kitchen has a beautiful niura l of a S t r a t h c o m s t r e e t with o l d houses. I watched Colette French p a i n t t h i s masterpiece i n 1985.

In h i s f'mous novel "lJlyssees", James Joyce created a female chara c t e r called Molly Bloom. When the book was f i n a l l y published, a woman wrote t o him saying t h a t h i s understanding of the female psyche was so unusally s e n s i t i v e f o r a man t h a t she wondered how he did i t .

Joyce r e p l i e d t h a t when he was writing women's w arts he always start;; off c a l l i n g the character "George" o r "Harry", and then simply changed t h e name before publication.

r

I

P O E T R Y ~y favourite whore

gave me a glass of Canada Cooler on the s t r e e t l a s t night.

She s a i d , "Don't worry, I'm t h e only one who's been on i t . .

I thought about AIDS but I drank it anyway.

T thought too about the use of condoms. .

And perhaps the next time I k i s s a woman anywhere. . .

I ' l l use Saran Wrap and pretend she's a sandwich.

Rut when 1 went back i n the bar t o sing another s e t of songs And forgot about AIDS, Whores and I don't care i f I do d i e , do d i e , do d i e ...

...

...

Tom Lewis

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i

the fire

next time I t i s i n the nature of man t o do things. I t is one of the prime motivators of humans t o accomplish, t o build, t o endeavor t o find s a t isfaction i n the achievement of goals. I t i s not the W.A.S.P. ethi c or any other ethic, t h a t has driven humans t o form societies t o make war, love o r hate; it is genetically ingrained i n humans.

To remove the dignity of people by placing them on welfare - t o be ruined by other working humans as bums, ne'er-do-wells and s h i f t less drunkards i s the a c t of thoughtless p o l i t i c a l leaders.

The value of a l l societies must be found i n the s t r a t a a t the bottom, not a t the top as people have been led t o believe.

The new age is upon us - the age of the socialization of a l l mankind and i f we a r e tardy i n inviting the third world people j-nto our affluent society, then eventually they w i l l r i s e up and take what has not been freely given them.

In our society the leaders cry Work!, but i n a thoroughly modern industrial nation jobs f a l l before computers and robots i n a neverend-

ing search for more p r o f i t s .

There a r e people here a t Carnegie who worked 20 years i n mining and logging, were l a i d off some f i v e or s i x years ago and w i l l never work again. Men and women who helped open up t h i s province, b u i l t the huge projects, governments and corporations..who have been hurled aside t o l i v e l i k e dogs..while the nation brings cheap labour from d i s tant lands t o stimulate a f a l s e economic surge i n consumer items.

I t i s time now t o demand a f a i r living a1lotment f o r those doing menial, underpaid work and those on social assistance. There i s enough money and space i n t h i s country f o r a l l to l i v e i n reasonable comfort.

We have arrived i n the atomic age with horse 4 buggy leaders who understand only power and greed.

Their only 'assurance' for the middle class - who a r e so i n fear of poverty t h a t they do not understand t h a t they l i v e in the s q u a l ~ r of underprivileged social conscious ness - is t h a t it w i l l leave t h e i r children's children i n a ruined world, those few who survive.

A l l those who look t o the future should look f i r s t t o the mighty words of Azymondia and tremble; tremble f o r the dust and bones i n a s t e r i l e desert. Either a l l humans w i l l be e n t i t l e d t o l i v e in a dignified equality or the death camps of Nazis and the purges of Stalin w i l l pale beside the push of a singular nuclear button.

By T r n LEWIS

"A bank i s a business tha t lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and takes it back when it i s raining. " Robert Frost

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