Resiliency Builder Series, Creating Calm Workbook for Women

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The Resiliency Builder Series: Part One Creating Calm

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Creating Calm

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A Workbook for Women

The Resiliency Builder Series: Part One

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Marilyn Van Dieten, PhD Erica King, MSW Design by Rebecca Robinson, BDes

Orbis Partners Inc. 5550 Manotick Main Street, Box 520 Ottawa, ON K4M 1A5 613-236-0773

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The Resiliency Builder Series - Part One: Creating Calm is a workbook developed for women. All rights to this series are reserved and no part may be copied, modiďŹ ed, republished or distributed by electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other means without written permission from Orbis Partners Inc.

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A Workbook for Women

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solutions for the helping professions

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Š 2018 Orbis Partners Inc. www.orbispartners.com 2

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Introduction

Introduction

About This Workbook

will help you to build resilience, which means that you will be better prepared to manage stress and to bounce back no matter what life throws at you.

Stress is something that we are all familiar with. During the course of any given day we may be faced with challenges that can contribute to anxiety, anger, sadness, or other difficult feelings. The good news is that each of us has a built-in stress response that is designed to help us manage stress as it arises.

Building resilience takes practice and dedication. To ensure your success, we identified six core skills presented in the resiliency roadmap below.

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Roadmap to Resilience

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The bad news is that stress can build and leave us in a constant state of discomfort and this can prevent us from taking effective action. In the long-term, if we are unable to lower our stress, then we are more likely to experience problems with our health, our relationships and our emotional well-being.

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This Workbook is Here to Support You

As you make your way through this journal, you will begin to discover more about yourself and what works for you. In fact you will learn about the strengths you already have and how to activate them. You will also be introduced to new information and strategies that other women have found useful. This

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regulate

Noticing Stress

Finding Calm

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This workbook was developed specifically for women who want to learn how to strengthen their ability to manage stress, to feel calm, and to respond more effectively to life’s challenges.

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Because each of us faces different challenges, we have included a number of different strategies. We encourage you to try all of them and then choose the ones that you find the most helpful.

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Introduction

Introduction

Navigating this Workbook to Build Your Strengths

Taking a Closer Look at Each Chapter Each chapter focuses on expanding one set of skills. You can practice them on your own or with others to help build resilience.

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Practice makes perfect, so if you notice a particular strategy working well for you, continue to use it so that it becomes a strength. As you continue to build your strengths you will feel less stress and find yourself better prepared to manage even the most challenging problem.

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Roadmap to Resilience

We hope that you can continue to discover and recognize your strengths and add to them by trying out the strategies in this workbook.

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Introduction

Introduction

Strategies in Action

Each section contains: Did You Know?

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Key information, research or science to build your knowledge and self awareness.

A Closer Look

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Most days I am angry when I get up… It feels like I am carry-

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ing this really heavy weight and the second people get in my way or tell me what to do- I just want to throw it at them. Let them carry my !@#* for a while and see what it is like.

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An opportunity to practice using strategies in your own life.

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Hi, I’m Jaycee!

Strategies in action that other women have used.

Your Turn

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Three women have offered pieces of their story to support you as you work through this workbook. This is what they told us when we first met.

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Introduction

Introduction

Hi, I’m Valerie!

Jaycee, Valerie and Sara struggled to cope in the face of ongoing stress. They each respond differently to stress based on their own strengths and challenges.

It’s like a fog that rolls over me and takes over my body… I get so tense, sometimes I think my teeth are going to break

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because I am clenching down so tight. I can’t think straight, I can’t sleep, I am physically exhausted, but my mind never turns off and when things get really stressful I have a fullblown panic attack.

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We will share their stories and look at how they used the various strategies as we progress through this workbook. By building on their strengths, Jaycee, Valerie, and Sara were able to feel more control of their lives. We hope that you will find some of these tools useful to support your goals and build your ability to become strong, healthy, connected and successful.

I really don’t expect anything good to happen, nothing ever

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does… I just keep to myself and mind my own business. It’s

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like I am invisible– some days it’s so lonely I can’t stand it.

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One day a staff said to me: “who took your tongue- why

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don’t you talk?” She was nice and I tried to speak but nothing came out. I always end up disappointing everyone.

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Chapter One

Recognize

Roadmap to Resilience

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Finding Calm

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Chapter One

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To build resilience and cope with stress, we need to recognize what activates our stress response. In this segment we will zero in on three important strategies.

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1. Listening to your body

2. Knowing your stressors

3. Rating your stress levels

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Chapter One

Recognize

My External Stressors

Your Turn

Even though we can’t always control what happens to us, we can identify people and situations that trigger strong feelings and reactions.

What situations or events can activate your stress response?

List them below:

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A Closer Look

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We asked Jaycee, Valerie and Sara to create a list of their external stressors and then to pick the TOP 3. Each list was different.

Jaycee’s List

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Being told what to do

When people change the rules

When family or friends let me down

Valerie’s List

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When I can’t talk with my kids When people interrupt me

When my mom tries to control me Sara’s List

When someone yells at me

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When the holidays roll around When I have to make changes, like meeting someone for the first time 40

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Chapter Two

Regulate

Roadmap to Resilience

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Chapter Two

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In this chapter, we present strategies that you can use to regulate yourself. We have organized them into two categories:

PART ONE: Coping with Stress

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Breathing Skills

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Calming Statements

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Grounding Skills

PART TWO: Preventing Stress •

Mindfulness Practice

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Connecting with Sleep

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Physical Exercise

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Chapter Two

Regulate

STEP 1: Start by holding your hand in front of you with your palm facing you.

Did You Know?

Hand Model of the Brain

Reptillian Brain Limbic System (feeling brain) Neocortex (thinking brain)

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These three brains interact with each other during every moment of our lives and help to keep us calm.

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Dr. Dan Siegel from UCLA uses an easy hand model to explain what happens to the brain when we experience stress.

He believes if you can see what is happening then you can change it.

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Let’s walk through this together.

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Your arm represents the spinal cord that comes in to the base of the brain. It includes the brain stem and other functions that comprise the Reptilian Brain.

The Reptilian Brain operates all those automatic functions we don’t think about like breathing and sweating.

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STEP 2: Now fold your thumb to the middle of your palm, creating the number four.

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In this model, the thumb represents the Limbic System (feeling brain)– many refer to this as the Emotional Brain. The Limbic System and Reptilian Brain are on 24/7, scanning the environment constantly to make sure we sense a threat or notice when something feels good. If something is dangerous, it puts that on top for us to deal with right away and we are mobilized for fight, flight, or freeze.

STEP 3: The third brain is the Neocortex (thinking brain). To complete the hand model, curl your fingers over your thumb.

The Neocortex is called the Thinking Brain. It is the executive center of the brain. It thinks, it reasons, it analyzes, innovates, and manages the emotions that arise from the Limbic System and the Reptilian Brain.

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Chapter Three

Reappraise

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Chapter Three

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Changing Perspectives

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In this chapter, we will look closely at the power of thoughts. We will also practice using reappraisal skills that help us to identify and replace harmful thoughts.

PART ONE: Our thoughts are powerful

PART TWO: Breaking the cycle of negative thinking •

Completing the Reflection Diary

PART THREE: The benefits of positive thinking •

Positive Affirmations

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Feeling Gratitude

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Chapter Three

Reappraise

Part One: Our Thoughts Are Powerful

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Did You Know?

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Our thoughts, feelings and actions are connected. If you

change what you think, you will change how you feel and act.

Your Turn

Scenario: Searching for a new job

“I am never going to get this job. I don’t have the experience.

They probably won’t like me.”

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Actions are the things we do in response to a situation.

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Feel in

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It’s normal to feel some anxiety about a job interview but what would happen if these feelings became really strong and the rating on the intensity scale was 8 or 9?

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How would you act during the interview?

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How would you feel? (Use the scale to rate the intensity of your feelings)

Thoughts are the words that run through our mind. They are the things we tell ourselves about what is going on around us.

There are many different thoughts that we could have about any situation.

Feelings are the physical sensations that we feel in our body and emotions are the labels that we assign to them. Feelings come and go as different things happen to us. We can feel happy one moment and sad or angry the next.

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Imagine you are applying for a job and you tell yourself:

have a hard time thinking and focusing have a hard time talking about my strengths have hard time responding to questions I might not go to the interview all of the above

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Chapter Four

Resolve

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Reappraisal skills help us to see things differently and to create a sense of calm.

In this chapter we will practice using a strategy called problem solving. This skill is designed to help you resolve problems quickly and effectively.

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Chapter Four

Resolve

3. What’s my plan?

Once you have picked the best solution it’s time to create a plan. Remember Jaycee’s story? She wanted to be treated more fairly by her boss.

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Jaycee created the following plan.

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Jaycee asked her boss for a private meeting.

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Before the meeting she wrote down what she was going to say.

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Jaycee rehearsed her speech in front of a mirror.

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Jaycee practiced staying calm and read her speech in front of a co-worker.

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“Mr. Damon, I really like this job and I want to continue to work here. I wanted to talk with you because I have noticed that when I am late or when an order is not completed properly I get reprimanded differently than the other people. I have been working to get here on time every day and I have not been late once this month. I have also been working hard on making sure the orders are completed on time but sometimes it’s out of my control.

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It would be really helpful to me if you would let me know what I can do differently to be a better employee. That way, I can continue to improve my skills and you won’t have to reprimand me.”

What do you think about Jaycee’s plan?

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Focus on the solution(s) that you picked earlier and create a plan. Make a note of any steps, no matter how small, that you will complete to solve the problem.

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My Plan Step 1:

Step 2:

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Step 5:

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Chapter Five

Reach Out

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“Choose to focus your time, energy and conversation around people who inspire you, support you and help you to grow you into your happiest, strongest, wisest self.”

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- Karen Salmansohn

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Problem solving can help us to resolve life’s challenges quickly and effectively. In this chapter we will focus on reaching out to people and supports that make us feel good and can help make even the most difficult situations less overwhelming.

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Chapter Five

Reach Out

What Does a Support Network Look Like?

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A social network includes people or resources that support and encourage you. Your network might be made up of:

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Having a network of friends and resources to support us is one of the best ways to deal with problems and to be happy.

Did You Know?

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one or more close friends or family members that you can trust and rely on

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co-workers, neighbors, or people you meet through church or activity groups

There are many benefits to building a healthy social network.

Research says that:

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formal supports like your doctor, a counselor or a lawyer

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People who have support report lower levels of stress than those that do not.

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Having strong support can make you more able to cope with problems on your own, by improving your self-esteem and increasing your resolve to change.

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Emotional support reduces risk for a variety of health problems. You are less likely to suffer from cardiovascular disease, infectious diseases and cancer if you have people who care for you.

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The Benefits of Reaching Out

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Chapter Six

Review

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Chapter Six

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In this chapter we encourage you to review the strategies that work for you. By practicing the strategies you find most beneficial, you are more likely to experience less stress and enjoy more calm in your life. You will also be better prepared to solve problems as they arise and connect to a healthy support network.

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Chapter Six

Review

Resiliency Plan

Resolve: I can solve this problem by:

Revisit the list of strategies that you just rated on the previous pages. Identify one or more strategies for each skill set that you feel will get the best results.

Recognize: I can become more aware of what is contributing to my stress by:

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Regulate: I can feel calmer by:

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Reappraise: I can change my negative self-talk by:

Reach Out: I can be supported by:

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Review

After trying this plan, I can rate it:

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I can make this plan better by:

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