‘And Another Thing...’ The 31 Steps
byVince Nolan
No, not the Alfred Hitchcock film, The 39 Steps brave thing and legged it. That poor man had ‘And Another (after cutbacks), but a reference to our recent endured the closure of theThing…’ local shipyard, EU fishing quotas, Brexit, Covid hard-earned week on hols in Devon. Let me The 31 Steps and the daily perils ofthefishing in the to bebutshowered explain. Leaving Nolan Towers at a very early No, not Alfred Hitchcock film,Atlantic The 39 Steps only (after cutbacks), a reference to our recent hard-earned on hols in Devon. Let me explain. Leaving Nolan hour, The Current Mrs Nolan and I headed with foodweek debris by a passing tourist. MyTowers howat a very early hour, The Current Mrs Nolan and I headed South West using minor roads to avoid South West using minor roads to avoid Bank we laughed but it was not funny really. Bank Holiday traffic which we successfully managed to do. We pitched up at our splendid Holiday traffic which we successfully managed quayside accommodation at 10.30am ready to book in after 4pm. No matter, we busied ourselves with shopping for essentials, water and wine primarily, and with a long walk to a At 6am on the Sunday, the local skipper of a 40 to do. We pitched up at our splendid quayside restaurant and pub. Come 4pm we gained access to the “Sail Top” to be confronted by two trawler ran it aground was reportedly flightston of near vertical stairs totalling 31 steps in all.and Not very helpful when the aforesaid accommodation at 10.30am ready to book in shopping then partnered enhancing and a few consumed. sixwas times over with thea hernia legal limit suitcase for being inpints charge after 4pm. No matter, we busied ourselves We made it with much spluttering and cussing and were rewarded with a splendid of a ship. Authorities said they had no idea what waterfront view and a marvellous apartment. with shopping for essentials, water and wine to do31with a drunken sailor earlytoin is a Mersenne prime number and is related the the perfectmorning. number 496, primarily, and with a long walk to a restaurant Interestingly, since 496 = 2(25 − 1) but you knew this already. I have no idea what any of this means and and pub. Come 4pm we gained access to the furthermore I do not care. Talking of maths, a farmer counted 196 cows in his field but the two killer whales shadowing the ship he rounded them up, he had 200. “Sail Top” to be confronted by two flights of near whenNote waiting scraps. I would have fed them. this with you before, but we are great feeders of garden birds with any vertical stairs totalling 31 steps in all. Not very I may have shared for helpful when the aforesaid shopping was then partnered with a hernia enhancing suitcase and a few pints consumed. We made it with much spluttering and cussing and were rewarded with a splendid waterfront view and a marvellous apartment. Interestingly, 31 is a Mersenne prime number and is related to the perfect number 496, since 496 = 2(25 − 1) but you knew this already. I have no idea what any of this means and furthermore I do not care. Talking of maths, a farmer counted 196 cows in his field but when he rounded them up, he had 200. I may have shared this with you before, but we are great feeders of garden birds with any food waste we may have accumulated. So back in Devon and not having a garden, I decided to make the short walk to the Quay to throw our waste scraps to passing avian chums. This consisted of stale pork pie, inedible red hot chilli crisps and mouldy bread rolls. Not the most balanced diet I grant you. Picture the scene, me behind the high Quay Wall showering the local beach with snacks. Whilst the tide was out the trawler man below me was not and he got covered. I didn’t know there were specific Devonian expletives but apparently there are. I did not identify myself or apologise but did the 10 CARDIFF TIMES
food waste we may have accumulated. So back in Devon and not having a garden, I decided to make the short walk to the Quay to throw our waste scraps to passing avian chums. This consisted of stale pork pie, inedible red hot chilli crisps and mouldy bread rolls. Not the most balanced diet I grant you. Picture the scene, me behind the high Quay Wall showering
We always enjoyed crab fishing as kids. It was a cheap and harmless pastime. A ball of string from Woolworths, a bent nail for a hook and a limpet removed from the rocks as bait. Never failed and still doesn’t. Fast forward to our trip. The local shop was making a fortune from selling crab lines and nets, buckets, and packs of diced bacon for bait. Whilst crabs are sea creatures and are no doubt permanently hungry, I doubt whether bacon comes very high up on their list of haute cuisine. I suspect the shop owner was related to the local butcher. I was sorely tempted to forage for traditional bait and show them all how to fish properly. However, She Who Must Be Obeyed
