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Podcast Hugs

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Public Hair

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CAPILANO Courier The Staff



of this amazing university newspaper JJ Brewis Editor-in-Chief

We chat with the ecological foot prince



Pintrest for boys: Penistrest!



Ricky Bao Business Manager

Giles Roy Managing Editor

Katie So Art Director

International popcorn party



Avenues for venues that are hopefully not like Venue



Natalie Corbo Features Editor

Samantha Thompson Copy Editor

Sarshar Hosseinnia Sports Editor

Alanis Morissette is really cool OKAY



Pubic baby lies about marathon time

46 issue N o . 03 volume

Ă— the capilano courier

Celina Kurz Arts Editor

Stefan Tosheff Production Manager

Connor Thorpe Staff Writer

Shannon Elliott Web Editor

Leanne Kriz Ads & Events Manager

Lindsay Howe News Editor




Scott Moraes Caboose Editor

Chad Kroeger's new band, Quarterback!



Leah Scheitel Opinions Editor

Miss Frizzle steals a bike


Phone: 604.984.4949 Fax: 604.984.1787 If you are interested in contributing, story meetings are Tuesdays @ noon in Maple 122

Colin Spensley Distribution Manager

× Letter from the editor ×

ONE MAN'S DREAM “You can design and create, and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality” – Walt Disney

× ON the Cover ×

Camille segur

Camille is very nice lady that has a lot of talent and long darkish hair


WORLD This stuff happened Everyone at the Courier got new hair! Stefan shaved! Katie So chops it off! JJ got his done by Mickey Mouse! Celina goes swamp! × Courier office emerges from Termite-Gate × Beyoncé’s Tumblr sucks now

× Editor-in-Chief

Featuring: giles Roy

The Voicebox gives you the chance to have your opinion heard, no matter how irrelevant or uninformed. Just send a text message to (778) 235-7835 to anonymously “voice” your “thoughts” on any “subject.” Then, as long it’s not too offensive, we’ll publish it! It’s a win-win-win, unless you’re a loser. "You know what I hate? Hypocrites who are oblivious to their own actions and talk shit about other people. Don't say things about other people that aren't even true when you do it ten times worse. You need a personality check. And learn how to take a damn hint. Oh, and Courier? Thanks for The Voicebox, it's awesome (:"

It really is fucking stupid. Another thing that’s fucking stupid is that that same bank machine used to dispense ten dollar bills. Ten dollar bills! That was so handy! Now it only dispenses shitty twenty dollar bills.

“Thank you, JJ, for your pro choice support! I believe it affects more when the supporters cover a wide range of people and lifestyles. Camel on, my friend. - Words from Jafar, afar. Hi Jafar, thanks for getting in touch. I have a lot of questions for you. Like, how does your snake staff hypnotize people? Is it magic? Why didn’t you use your magic staff to get everything you wanted? Why did you want the magic lamp? Did you need more magic? Why didn’t you just murder Aladdin when you had the chance? You threw him into the ocean? Really? Why would that work? Why wouldn’t you just stab him? With your knife? Did you lose your knife? How did Jasmine not recognize Aladdin when he showed up as Prince Ali? Actually, I guess that one has nothing to do with you. “911 was an inside job” I’m gonna go ahead and stop you right there.

46 issue N o . 03

“Why is there only a single bank machine on this campus? It’s fucking stupid.”

There is. Thank you for noticing. If you feel like writing something longer than a text message for it, come to a story meeting: Tuesdays at noon in our office, Maple 122.


When I saw this message I freaked the fuck out because I thought someone was getting mad at me. I was frantically trying to figure out which of my friends I’d been shit-talking. But then I saw the last two sentences and I was like “(:”.

“I didn’t know there was a student paper at Cap, that’s cool.”


× Britney vs. Christina (Christina is the cake)


By JJ Brewis

the capilano courier

× That Facebook scandal about private messages being on your wall was all a bunch of BS × Harry Potter puts out first book since Voldemort died (spoiler alert: it’s called Muggles with Puggles) × Cake vs. pie (Pie is obviously better, stupid)

For those of us who celebrate Christmas, we likely remember the one gift from our childhood that changed our life forever. For me, that gift came at age nine, when my parents gave me a drawing desk. I would sit there for hours, ignoring my homework, hunched under my spot lamp using a full palette of pens and pencil crayons to re-create my favourite Disney characters and bring my own ideas to life on paper. As a child, I was fascinated with Walt Disney’s career, and how he created something out of nothing. For those of you unaware, Walt Disney moved from Illinois to Hollywood as a young man with no money in his pocket, and ended up as one of the most successful and well-known entrepreneurs and artists across the world. In the early ‘60s, he cleverly bought over 40 square miles of Orlando property, using multiple fake company names to override the land ownership amounts, with a vision of what is known today as Walt Disney World Resort. Walt’s dream was to create a place where people could go to explore, and be instilled with the idea of magic and imagination. Even today, only 35 per cent of the property has been developed, with no end in sight of the possibilities able to be created on this land. Walt’s work has always inspired me, not just in theme but also in execution. I was attracted to the idea of storytelling in my youth, and like Gaston in Beauty and the Beast, I had a hard time finding the merit in a book without pictures. For me, there was no better source than Disney movies in terms of bringing stories to life. These are the movies I would sing along to and impersonate characters from. I’ll never forget being the loser in grade four, ostracized by my classmates for quoting the Genie’s entire “freedom from the lamp” speech during recess. Some habits die hard. Recently, some friends and I decided to jet-set off to Orlando to give ourselves a much needed break from the grid, setting up residency in a Disney hotel and visiting theme parks for a week. Sure it seems an odd adult vacation choice to some, but for those of us who grew up with a love of the animated features represented in these parks, it was a great trip down memory lane and a chance to be re-awakened by the joy of youth. What stuck out to me most about the journey was not an endless loop riding on Space Mountain continuously or even the addictive pineapple soft serve, but one of the less popular attractions on site. The most inspiring moment of the trip for me came in the form of a short film about Walt Disney himself, One Man’s Dream. The lobby of the theatre showed maquettes and early sketches from the American pioneer. Even one look into the recreation of his studio office was enough to give me inspirational chills. Inside the theatre, the audience was bare but the material on screen brought me to tears quite quickly. The film

told Walt’s story in the first person, piecing together old black and white footage with audio quotes giving a first-hand reveal of his life. What he achieved is not merely inspiring, it’s breathtaking. To this day, people create art under his name. His personality and business model are often criticized, but the fact of the matter remains that Disney revolutionized the entertainment business and essentially created an industry that today shapes the infrastructure of the cities parks inhabit, as well as igniting a passionate fire within children and adults around the world. What’s most interesting is that out of all the people to visit Walt Disney World throughout the last 40 years, the park was never seen by its namesake. Disney passed away in 1966 and the park itself opened in 1971. The entire project was his dream: after the successes of his animated films and the original Disneyland park in California, Walt envisioned a bigger space where he could continue and expand upon his early ideas in a bigger and better fashion. His dream of Walt Disney World was that it would never be finished, always able to be improved and re-imagined. Even on this visit to the parks, my friends and I were treated to samples of the new Fantasyland expansion that includes new rides and shows. The magic and creativity instilled in Walt Disney is still fully in effect today. But where would his legacy be without his peers, creative allies, and creative descendants? The true fact is that none of us would be anywhere without those around us to help us get to the finish line. Yes, Walt Disney World was Walt’s dream. But it took thousands of his peers (affectionately known as “Imagineers”) to make the idea a reality. Even here at the Courier, the force of the publication is only strong given that we have a well-rounded staff to establish and navigate through each week, collectively making decisions and solving puzzles that make this publication one I am personally extremely proud to be a part of. But where would I be without previous Courier Editors-in-Chief Samantha Thompson and Giles Roy to help me iron out details like bylaws and standardization? What’s most important is that each and every person on staff has different interests, passions, and talents. For example, nobody can turn a mundane situation into a riveting and hilarious story, like Arts Editor Celina Kurz. We would just be a page of floating words without the graphic stimulations of our arts team Stefan Tosheff and Katie So, who bring the paper to visual heights. Staff Writer Connor Thorpe is able to tackle subjects as diverse as writing collectives and health scares while being as an expert on both. So even though I’m the one bossing everyone around week after week trying to get this paper to print on time, without the staff, I’m just a guy with a computer and a fancy title to my name. Our dreams are only brought to reality with the strength of our team.



News Editor ×

Lindsay Howe × n e w s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

CAPILANO'S FIRST ANNUAL POW WOW Bringing Native culture to campus Scott Moraes × Humour and Fiction Editor

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“If it's comfortable, you're probably not doing anything,” says 21-year-old Dolly Reno, rephrasing the activist's maxim that change never comes easy. On Sept. 13, Capilano University hosted its first ever pow wow, and the intention is now to make it an annual occasion. The event took place over four hours by the main entrance to the Birch building, and was organized by the First Nations’ Committee of the Capilano Students’ Union, headed by Reno who is the First Nations Liaison. Planning for a pow wow usually begins six to 12 months before the event, and it was no different this time around. The event was fully funded by the CSU, with support from the First Nations Services on campus. Honorariums were given to the Master of Ceremonies, the Arena Director, the Drum Groups, and prizes were awarded to dancers. Originally a Plains festivity, the pow wow has now spread all across North America, creating valuable opportunities for different nations and non-native peoples to bond and develop informal networks. Showcasing a wide array of colours and regalia, the event was marked by near-uninterrupted traditional music and different dances such as jingle dances, hula dances, and competitive “special” dances, as well as the crowd-pleasing “potato dance,” in which pairs were challenged to waltz around to the music while keeping a potato trapped between their foreheads. Apart from a somewhat faulty P.A. system, the event ran smoothly with a good response. Vendors sold traditional native clothing and artifacts such as dream catchers, as well as fried bannock “beaver tails,” which were, as accurately promoted by the lady who sold them, “much better than Tim Horton's or PNE doughnuts.” The event concluded with a “feast”, which consisted of


individual orders of salmon and burger bannock “sliders.” As for the reasons that inspired her to plan the event, Reno stressed the importance of bringing more native culture to all educational institutions, especially post-secondary institutions, and to create opportunities for a different class of “teachers” to have a voice. “Bachelors, Masters degrees, PhDs... those are all a Eurocentric mentality on how to certify somebody's knowledge and education, but as First Nations, what we think is important doesn't fall under the same academic criteria,” says Reno. “An elder who may have so much knowledge of their own culture and history may not have a degree, but that doesn't make them less wise or less able to teach others”. Such ideas are in keeping with B.C.'s recently announced Aboriginal Post-Secondary Action Plan, which will allocate most of its funding towards “creating partnerships between public post-secondary institutions and Aboriginal institutes and communities.” Furthermore, a significant two-day conference called Indiginizing the Academy was hosted by University of the Fraser Valley last month in Chilliwack, and focused in detail on the relationship between universities and native culture. The proliferation of such conferences and events are indicative of a rising trend towards learning native history and culture from the ones who know it best, and towards filling the gap and addressing the mistakes in the Eurocentric accounts of our shared history. Although not overtly religious, the pow wow was also interspersed with prayers, blessings of the weather, and frequent exchanges of gratitude and honouring. The keen observer will have come out of the experience with an enriched perception of the power of personal relationships in native culture. As a measure of its success, the event managed to attract widespread attention from

the local media and sparked the curiosity of many community members and students who attended and participated in the event. Going back to the topic of creating change, Reno offers a simple but important piece of advice: “Never underestimate the power of love and the power of unity. Love creates unity and unity creates so much positive change.” CapU's first ever pow wow may have just as well accomplished to set the wheel of change in motion, while jump-starting opportunities for more productive exchanges between different cultures with a shared history, that have long been at a loss on how to communicate with one another. × Scott Moraes

REDUCING YOUR ECOLOGICAL FOOTPRINT Awarding winning ecologist makes his mark at Capilano Lindsay Howe × News Editor Internationally renowned human ecologist and ecological economist Dr. Bill Rees joined students at the North Shore Credit Union Performing Arts Theatre on Sept. 18 for a speech called The Ecological Footprint. Rees, the creator and co-developer of the “ecological footprint” method brought with him to Capilano the facts that outline what is happening to our planet due to extreme overconsumption, but was just as quick to point out the fact that the future of the earth lies in the hands of our generation. Rees, who was raised on a farm in Southern Ontario in the 1940s and 50s, recalls feeling selfsufficient from a young age. He has memories of working on his family’s general purpose farm before the days of tractors and other machinery loading hay, feeding chickens and working long days on the farm alongside his eight cousins. At the end of the day, Rees would feel that when he sat down at the dinner table and stared at all of the delicious food before him, he had in some way contributed to the production of everything sitting on the table. This feeling of a genuine human connection to each of the items is what sparked his interest in sustainability from a young age, and lead him to the University of Toronto on a life science scholarship. The ecological footprint is a measurement used to calculate human demand on the Earth’s ecosystems. By using this calculation, one is able to get an accurate idea of how many Earths would be required to support the human race if everybody consumed in a particular pattern, for example, as they do in countries such as Canada and the United States. Rees identifies rapid population growth as a key factor in the issue of over consumption.

“Unless, or until constrained by negative feedback, humans, like all other species will expand to fill all the accessible habitat and use all available resources,” he explains, noting that although population growth seems normal in our cultural narrative, it is indeed abnormal when looking at population growth trends in all of humankind. With over 7 billion people living on this planet, and consuming at different rates, it can be hard to identify when enough is enough. Rees believes that from an ecological view, the Earth should be compared to a ship. Keeping an image in mind of a big tanker ship seen making its way across the Fraser River, each of those ships has a distinct line, and to load it over that line would cause the ship to sink. Rees feels the Earth is very similar to that ship, though as there is no distinct line indicating the risk of the Earth’s collapse via overconsumption, it is not as easily measurable. Rees also refers to this idea as the “Carrying Capacity,” which asks “how large a population could be supported indefinitely in a particular habitat without permanently damaging the ecosystem.” Rees also believes that trade and technology nullify this question, meaning that the ecological footprint of a specific population is “the area of land and water ecosystems required on a continuous basis, to produce the resources that the population consume.” As one might imagine, ecological footprints are much larger in rich, developed nations than they are in poor, developing ones. For example, the ecological footprint of the U.S., one of the countries most notorious for overconsumption, is 9.5, whereas the ecological footprint of Malawi sits at just .6. With such a drastic difference in the ecological footprint of those two nations, Rees touched on how people are not using basic moral standards when making their consumption decisions. “Every person has an equivalent right to live and

to a fair share of global bio-capacity and ecological life support services, no one has the right to overconsume nature’s goods and services at the expense of other people or other species.” Rees believes that humans need to take a closer look at the morality of it. “Why not stop growing at optimal economic scale and then focus on the development, getting better, not bigger,” he says. “In coming years, the human enterprise will likely contract. As an intelligent, plan-capable moral species we can either choose between business as usual – risking a chaotic implosion imposed by nature followed by a geopolitical turmoil and resource wars, or a well-planned orderly and cooperated descent toward a socially just contraction.” Rees believes that through all countries learning to share the planet and planning the contraction, all could have greater job security, enhanced food security, greater regional economic diversity and an increase in self-reliance by means of reduced dependence on trade. When asked the question of what individuals can do to work towards a better world, Dr. Rees reinforced the idea that although giving oneself kudos for searching around the cafeteria for a recycling bin is well deserved, it is not enough to reverse the serious damage that has already been done. He suggests individuals should indeed lead by example, but also become more politically engaged. One student cannot implement better transit systems or make any large-scale ecological decisions, he says, but through the power of protest and educational movements, a highly informed and educated population could still exist. This new engaged population would be better equipped to bring attention to the politicians, who, if they want their jobs back, will listen to the public’s concerns. It may have been easy to become accustomed to a lifestyle of overconsumption, but getting the

human race out of the situation has proved to be much more difficult. As Rees explained, the world is in “overshoot”, and there is an ecological deficit, but it does not mean that the battle is over. Through one’s everyday choices and the public’s engagement in the cause, the battle has only just begun.

More Flu For You 2009 flu shot may have made recipients more likely to get sick Victoria Fawkes × Writer

Antimicrobial Agents and Chemotherapy in San Francisco. The session is one of the world’s largest and most important conferences pertaining to infectious diseases on both national and international levels. Though there was a clear link between receiving the 2008/2009 flu shot and contracting the flu, Showronski maintained that her findings should not discourage people from getting their yearly flu shots. Kiraly agrees, stating that, “vaccination is indicated, and generally health promoting in the future.” So although the flu is undoubtedly horrible, evidence now exists that proves something even more horrible may be lurking within the vaccines that we are given to keep us healthy.

× volume

46 issue N o . 03

likely to get flu symptoms arising as a result of infection with most viral strains,” says Kiraly. To test the study further, Showronski and her researchers recreated the incident by using ferrets as test subjects. To test the flu shot, Showronski examined 32 ferrets, giving half of them the 2008 flu shot and the other half an innocuous placebo injection. Researchers were not told which ferrets received which injection, and soon after, all of the ferrets were purposely infected with the 2008/2009 pandemic, H1N1. In alignment with Showronski’s findings, the ferrets in the vaccine-injected group became far sicker than those that were not injected. Although all of the test subjects recovered, the hypothesis developed by Showronski and her researchers proved a clear connection between the 2008-09 pandemic immunization and an increased risk of flu in those who received it. After the study was finished, Showronski detailed the steps taken to prove her theory during a press conference delivered via webcast. "The findings are consistent with the increased risk that we saw in the human studies," she noted. Showronski continued on to present the findings at the Interscience Conference on

the capilano courier

From a young age, we are taught that medicines (immunizations in particular) are supposed to keep us happy and healthy. But what if the shots that were supposed to prevent sickness actually gave us a greater chance of developing a disease? That was exactly the case in 2009, a new study claims, in which the flu shot of that year may have made recipients more susceptible to the pandemic. A study done by Vancouver doctor Danuta Showronski and her team of researchers believe they have found a link to the 2009 flu shot and an increased risk of the flu itself. Showronski, an expert on the flu at the British Columbia Centre for Disease Control, claims to have found a link between the 2008-09 flu shot and an increase in flu cases. Showronski and her researchers theorize that the 2009 flu immunization that claimed to help prevent flu may have actually made those who received it more likely to contract the flu. After consulting with doctors in five different provinces, Showronski noted that each province she compared with had collected the same results on the 2009 flu shot. When the study

was expanded further than Canada, research showed that areas that received the same kind of shot did not share the same results as those observed within Canada. Because of this, those concerned with the flu virus outside of Canada saw the 2009 flu issue as nothing more than a problem isolated inside Canada and was not an issue relevant to them. Michael Kiraly, a professor in the biology department of Capilano University, explains that receiving a flu shot could actually make you susceptible to some strains of illness. “Some people report a reaction after receiving the flu vaccination but this is not the flu. Some evidence suggests that some particular strains of flu are more opportunistic in hosts that have received this vaccination, for example H1N1, but the consensus is that this is an isolated case,” says Kiraly. He goes on to note that yearly recipients of the flu vaccine are less likely to become infected than those who do not receive it. “The flu is a generic name given to symptoms arising as a result of infection from many different strains of influenza virus. It's always a gamble in terms of predicting which strains will be most prevalent in a particular year. People who have had the vaccination are less



News Editor ×

Lindsay Howe × n e w s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

VOTING IN THE DEEP CSU Nominees set fire to the rain Lindsay Howe × News Editor As some of you may know, or at least suspect by the many posters filling the walls at Capilano, the election to occupy vacant positions on the Board of Directors of the Capilano Students’ Union is running from Oct. 1-5, with voting taking place in the CSU lounge in the library. The nominees, who took part in the all-candidates’ forum on Sept. 27, all possess unique beliefs and concerns, and are confident in their abilities to fill their desired positions. At the Courier, we thought it would be a good idea to get to know our future leaders better, by asking them some important questions. We asked the nominees about their relevant experience, what drives them to run for their position of choice, which changes they plan to make if elected, and, of course, to tell us their best joke.

Educational Issues Coordinator Environmental Issues Coordinator

Brittany Barnes

Zach Ferance

Brittany is currently enrolled in her second and final year at Capilano, in the Global Stewardship program. She is interested in education through effective and useful curriculum, and also by educating the public through journalism. Brittany chose to run for this position because she feels education is the key to raising awareness about other important issues, and describes it as “the underlining common theme and solution to preventing these issues from still existing among future generations.” In the future, Brittany would like to see an increase in the funding options available to post secondary students, but would also like to focus on educating fellow students about the current funding options that are available. Brittany has previous experience working closely with organizations and coordinated projects that provide educational workshops to students of all ages on a wide array of different topics. As for a joke, Brittany displays a sarcastic sense of humor saying, “I challenge you to get involved with the CSU and Educational Issues Committee, get to know me, and then you can let me know if you think I’m funny or not.”

Although Zach did not respond to the Courier by print time, we were able to dig through the maniacal filing cabinets in our office to polish off last year’s write up of Zach in the good old Capilano Courier archives: Ferance sees the CSU as a the result of a “group of passionate, like-minded individuals who care about issues that everyone would like to say they care about but do not…enact change upon.” As Environmental Issues Coordinator, he seeks to establish a greenhouse, a community garden, and a bee colony on campus. With the community garden he believes a whole range of possibilities will occur, such as workshops and education opportunities on the “maintenance of gardens in bear country.” He is also interested in getting involved in the Educational Issues committee because he believes that education is important for self-improvement and bettering the world. “People sometimes fail to realize that even the smallest of decisions have the greatest of impacts,” he says. Since Zach couldn’t respond for a joke, we’ll tell you all to just message him individually to solicit some laugh magic!

Social Justice Coordinator Desiree Wallace

Teresa is in her third year here at Capilano. She is a student of the Global Stewardship program. Teresa is seeking re-election for this position because she enjoyed the position so much and loves that this position gives her the opportunity to work on an array of topics and with a variety of interest groups. If re-elected, Teresa says she plans “to continue to make the CSU more inclusive and accessible to students on campus. We need to take a multifaceted approach to make the CSU work better. This means both internally in the CSU - making it work more efficiently, and also engaging more students by providing them with more opportunities to get involved.” When asked about her qualifications for the position, Teresa responded, “The biggest qualification as a candidate I can offer is the fact that I am an incumbent. I would return to this position not as a newcomer but as someone who is ready to jump right back into work. There is no learning curve I need to overcome to do my job well.” Teresa’s best joke? “Mitt Romney.”

Students of Colour Liaison

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46 issue N o . 03

Teresa Grant

Desiree is currently in her second year of the Global Stewardship program. If elected, her idea is “to make Capilano a leading campus for sustainability and environmental justice,” and to “create a template that other universities can emulate.” She plans on doing this by creating a community garden, working with Earthworks to support and enhance the lectures and films that are part of the Earthworks series, advocacy and campaigning, perpetuating a cultural shift, and “most importantly, to provide a foundation for other environmental leaders to thrive, organize festivals of celebration, spread awareness, and implement their own ideas at Cap.” Desiree is not only active in the Capilano community but is also active in the communities of Vancouver and Langley. Last year, Desiree was involved with many events including the 5 Days for the Homeless event, North Shore Homeless Task Force, ChatLive, Earthworks and many more. Desiree explains, “To put it simply, I want this so bad! We need to come together in a unified action and instigate a paradigm shift at Capilano University.” Desiree’s favorite joke: Two atoms were drinking at a bar. Atom 1 said frantically “Oh my, I think I lost an electron!” Atom 2 replied, “Are you sure?” Atom 1: “I’m positive.”


Saam Nasirpour And this, the third in our trilogy of Courier archival magic: Nasirpour wants to contribute towards a better campus life for all students, as well as contributing to the CSU executive in other areas, in addition to his role as Students of Colour liaison. He believes the CSU should “act as the voice for all students on campus, including Sechelt and Squamish.” In addition, Nasirpour would like to see fun events take place on campus, such as a beer garden, as well as promoting more food options in the cafeteria with lower food prices, and increasing the number of classes currently offered. “I think the CSU could work on throwing some fun events on campus that would bring students closer together.”

First Nations Liaison

Students with Disabilities Liaison

Mason Ducharme

Patrick Heywood

Mason is a business student here at Capilano, and is currently in his third year. He is from Lil’wat Nation (Mount Currie, B.C.) Mason decided to run for this position because he feels as though he will be able to identify with the First Nations population here on campus, explaining, “I have personally experienced some of the issues that are facing aboriginal people of Canada. As someone who experienced it personally, I feel like I can make a more personable approach to the aboriginal people on campus.” If elected, Mason says he plans to host discussion forums, get people involved both on and off-campus, host a monthly potluck that would have a theme relevant to the aboriginal community, and “Have an elder from the Squamish or Tsleil-Waututh Nation give opening prayers during CSU events such as annual general meetings.” Mason also noted that he is open to listening to changes that the students wish to make. Mason is currently sitting on three boards, the Warriors Against Violence Society, the Knowledgeable Aboriginal Youth Association and the Urban Aboriginal Peoples’ Advisory Committee to the Vancouver City Council. Mason has previously served as the First Nations Student Liaison for the CSU during the 2010/11 year. Because of this past experience, Mason is familiar with Robert’s rules or order and how the CSU works. Mason’s favorite joke: What’s the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke warm! (Although he admits this joke may only make sense to Star Wars fans!)

Patrick is currently in his second year of the Global Stewardship program here at Capilano. Patrick is running for this position because he wants an active role in “championing the issues of the disabled community here, as well as that of the entire student body to an audience outside of the school boundaries.” Although this is the first time that Patrick has run in an election and admits his practical experience is limited, he believes he makes up for it in his “ knowledge and passion for politics and social justice that I have had since I was very young.” Patrick believes, “This year could be an amazing watershed moment for the issues of disabled accessibility and action both here at the school and across the province.”

Ciara John Another write-up brought to you by the Capilano Courier archives: John plans to “shine a new light on our people, students, and culture heritage as First Nations People of Canada.” Her goal is to accomplish effective First Nations student involvement, and believes the CSU has a role on campus to help students to feel accepted and provide “assurance for all parts of the student experience.” She says that it is important to realize that we are all here “accomplishing our … desires for careers and passion-filled fun.” John promises that she do her best to proceed with action and great intentions with whatever task comes her way. “[Students] may appear shy,“ she says, “but the actual reality is that we are just waiting for someone to initiate some type of communication.“

Sean Stewart Sean’s response when asked why he is running for this position “Because I care!.” Sean has schizoaffective disorder and ADD, and working as the CSU’s Students with Disabilities Liaison over the past several years “still puts a smile on my face, a spring in my step.” If re-elected, Sean plans to host documentary screenings on bipolar disorder, and have a psychiatrist come to speak to students. “I bring experience working on this committee and think that continuity is important. We will continue to make sure all the events are accessible to everyone and work with the CSU on all education issues. I plan to bring awareness and understanding for people with disabilities.” One of Sean’s most recent achievements is collecting 822 signatures on a petition to raise the amount of money people with disabilities get from the government. Sean’s best joke: “Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Colonel Sanders was chasing him!”

Women's Issues Liaison

Brittany Coulter Dolly Reno Dolly is currently attending her third year of studies here at Capilano. During her first year, she studied Documentary Filmmaking, and now she is in her second year of the Motion Picture Arts Degree program. Dolly enjoys debating and genuinely believes in the power of love and unity. Dolly, who is currently serving as our First Nations Liaison, says she is running for re-election “because I care about equality, because I care about the dignity of First Nations people and because I want to create an environment where everyone feels they have a right to be heard. I want Capilano University’s student body to come together, building a stronger campus community.” Among other plans, Dolly will hold meetings that will discuss important issues affecting the Aboriginal Community and ensure events such as this year’s first traditional “Pow wow” (which she organized herself!) become an annual event here at Cap. Despite knowing the ins and outs of the CSU due to holding this position currently, Dolly feels she makes a good candidate because of an extensive list of past experience including attending the National Aboriginal Caucus Meeting, participating in the 5 Days of Homeless event, and working as a youth worker at the Urban Native Youth Association this past summer. Dolly’s best joke? “If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside of a fire hydrant?…K9P!”

Brittany has attended Capilano for the past four years. In her time here, she has developed an interest in women’s issues on a global scale. “In order to gain support and raise the level of excitement around this committee, I would like to offer different activities to raise both awareness and funds,” she says. “Examples of these activities would be movie nights pertaining to female empowerment and gender equality issues, crafts days, and by donation yoga sessions.” Brittany also believes that the committees of the CSU will accomplish the most by working together. She notes that when thinking about which issues are most prevalent in women’s rights, they also tie into other committees here at Cap such as First Nations, Environmental and Education. This overlap is an example of why she believes working together within the CSU is so crucial. Brittany has previous experience working internationally on various humanitarian issues. Her experiences on these trips, such as witnessing a live birth in rural Kenya, is what has sparked her interest in combating women’s issues both locally and on an international level. Brittany explains, “I believe in this position I can use my unique perspectives on this issue and put my ideas to practice.”

Alyssa Lalani

Dini Stamatopulos

× volume

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Dini is currently in her second year of Capilano’s Global Stewardship program. Aside from her interest in the CSU, Dini has a “secret” dream of becoming a rapper. Dini is running for this position because she feels Capilano is lacking that feeling of community, and feels that through this position she would be able to bring all the students together. If elected, Dini says, “I plan on using the tools that Capilano has to offer. For example, I’d love to have a film festival using the work of film students, drop-in sports activities, and more support for our teams. Also the new student lounge offers a great opportunity for gathering students, slam poetry, and open mic nights - these are just a few of the possibilities.” Dini served as the district student president during grade 11 and 12, and has led many student groups throughout her career as a student. Dini’s best joke: “Are you afraid of heights? Cause your fly is!”

Alyssa is currently in her second year of the Global Stewardship program. Alyssa is most interested in women’s rights, education reform, political science, international development and social justice. If elected, Alyssa says, “I want to organize fundraising events throughout the year to support women’s shelters, women-run businesses, women’s advocacy groups, and women’s issues organizations including the YMCA and the North Shore Women’s Centre.” Alyssa recognizes that a lot of issues that affect women also affect other groups on campus, and has plans to collaborate with other committees to unite the student body. Alyssa promises to maintain the women’s lounge, located in LB137, which is a women-only space for women to relax, have discussions, or study. Alyssa encourages suggestions on how to improve the lounge. She also plans to introduce various events, including clothing swaps, guest speakers, movie nights and much more. Alyssa has been active in volunteerism, activism and community service for many years. One of her more recent endeavors was leading a team of Capilano students in a fundraising initiative for the World Partnership Walk, and actually ended up winning the post-secondary trophy for their efforts. Alyssa also feels she would make a good fit for this position because she understands the importance of time management, following through and dedication. As for Alyssa’s best joke? “How does a dog stop a video? He presses the paws button!”

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Social Activities Coordinator



Columns Editor ×

JJ Brewis × E d it o r @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

Locked Groove

Jason Motz × Columnist

Plan B and the state of the nation Life in London’s East End is no soap opera. Just ask London’s musical renaissance man. Born Ben Drew, a 29-year-old from Forest Gate known professionally as Plan B, emerged two years ago making his case as the most dynamic and versatile artist of his generation: actor, rapper and soul singer. His latest endeavor, Ill Manors, is both a soundtrack and a movie (that he directed) of palpable intensity. Ill Manors comes off like The Wire re-imagined as a U.K.-based hard-edged rap spin on West Side Story. The album of the same name, Ill Manors, is one of the best of 2012, and for sure the most disconcerting. Content-wise, this is Plan B’s state of the nation address. Plan B dropped a handful of singles and soso albums prior to his breakthrough in 2010. His brilliant The Defamation of Strickland Banks tells the fictitious first-hand story of a soul singer falsely imprisoned for rape, describing his ordeal as an inmate. Dealing with themes of guilt, murder and rage, Banks was by no means typical pop fare. Melding blue-eyed soul with his own blend of hometown grime and cabaret, Strickland Banks was an assured recording with few peers in London or elsewhere creating similar sonic themes. But Strickland was more than just a conceptualized character. For B, Strickland Banks was all too real. Banks was a character who, much like Drew, was trapped in a community numb with violence. Each song revealed another chapter in a story where even fame did not mean escape. Though the songs were good enough to work individually, as a collective concept the album offered a withering account of the English penal system, as well as a snapshot of the dark side of celebrity. Ill Manors is another ambitious and conceptual

album concerning the doomed realities of London's East End. Only this time out, B has raised the stakes, and not just on disc, but on the complementing film component. This could be the most powerful film/soundtrack combo since Jimmy Cliff’s wildly awesome The Harder They Come. Like David Bowie before him, Plan B builds a persona around his recordings. Banks was cinematic in its approach, a trend that continues and expands with Ill Manors (I can’t speak to the film, as it’s only been released abroad; but I can and will speak to the overly cinematic feel of Manors’ musical components.) Manors trumps Banks in that it focuses on eight desperate characters as they each deal with the hellish realities of their East End home. This is less the story of one man seeking acquittal, but more the story of a lost generation. From wannabe gangsters, dealers and junkies, to the destitute, the fatherless and the morally unsound, Manors covers some ugly psychological ground. Each song peels back more flesh, revealing more of the open wound that is the current social state of cities like Forest Gate. Through B’s rhymes, a cogent social criticism emerges to excoriate the government for its failed social services, racist caste system and endemic economic problems. The country milked itself to host the Olympic games at the expense of the country’s lowest classes.

self in the hood nobody goes there. ” The words are both fiction and reality at the same time, conveying an anger that is precise and targeted. “If you don’t believe in something then you’ll fall for anything,” B repeatedly warns in a frantic voice on “Lost My Way”. As a performer, he leaves the listener breathless. B’s blazing speed and diction is a choice weapon, but that he can sing soul music just as well is almost unfair to peers working in both his genres. On Strickland Banks, particularly on the standout single, “Hard Times”, he used his angelic croon to its fullest. On Manors, the angels make way for demons, with his velvety soul giving way to barbed urban realism. Unlike his predecessors on the West and East Coast scenes, Plan B does not romanticize thug life. Ill Manors brutally depicts the desperation that consumes a depressed, drug-addled and uned-

ucated class. But unlike his American peers, Plan B won’t be selling Ford trucks or Apple products anytime soon. Although the songs of Ill Manors are couched in the characters of a film script, the essence is anything but commercial. B has produced a brilliant record made largely of disquieting portrayals of hardship and extreme violence: The pure aural cocaine of the unambiguously titled “Drug Dealer”, is a five-minute reggae rush fraught with reverb and distortion. The female protagonist in “The Runaway” is a far cry from one of Snoop’s bitches, rather a victim of poverty and abuse, a pregnant prostitute who has no prospects. The characters of Ill Manors are some of the most riveting to appear on disc in recent years. Harrowing, unforgiving and unforgettable, Plan B has produced another stunner that will resonate for generations to come.

The title track lays it all out: “You could get lost in this concrete jungle / new builds keep springing up outta nowhere/ Take the wrong turn down a one way junction/ find your-

× Shannon Elliot

Anti-Social Media

Alan O’Doherty × Columnist

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46 issue N o . 03

The sharp side of Dudepins


The Internet: a land of fascinating contrasts. Well, it’s mostly a land of terrifying pornography and lots of pictures of cats, but there are still a few contradictions and dichotomies that reflect the human scope. Take the reversal of gender roles online. In years gone by, the role of the computer was often seen as a male pastime, associated with a very specific kind of male at that: the kind who lived in his parent’s basement and had a tendency to talk about Star Trek whether anyone was interested or not. Yet how the world has changed: social media sites and much of the interactive side of the Internet are now female dominated. Ladies are the most active engagers on Facebook and Twitter, and Pinterest reports that 80 per cent of its users are women. It seems like the boys aren’t making their presence felt on the more socially acceptable parts of the ‘net, but two enterprising Vancouverites have decided that it’s time for a social-media man cave. Enter Dudepins, the brain-child of Kamil Szybalski and Colin Brown. Inspired by the female-dominated website Pinterest, in which users post images of arts and crafts projects or visual inspirations, Dudepins alters the model into a more male-friendly interface. Dudepins is, essentially, for men enthused about being able

to post photos of whatever they like, but find themselves a bit too uncomfortable with the dainty DIY jewelry and nail art that makes up Pinterest. It’s been a hit. Szybalski and Brown are reporting that so far they’re struggling to keep up with demand for accounts, and it’s not just men who are clamouring to sign up. Dudepins is open to lads and ladies, but keeps a focus on sharing rugged and manly stuff. So what are the guys posting? Few shockers here. Cars are proving popular, as is food (girls love pictures of cupcakes, where guys lean toward pictures of meat with melted cheese), menswear, gadgets and travel photography. The stereotype of the geeky net-dwelling male isn’t completely absent from the Dudepins community, though: the 100 per cent LEGO life size Transformer has been dubbed “Dude-tacular!” But most of the content being shared around seems to be more mainstream and less nerdy than one might expect to see on a site like this. Even more interesting is what’s absent from the boy-boards. For a website dominated by Internet savvy manfolk, there is a surprising lack (though not a total absence) of scantily clad women. “There’s no doubt if we accepted pictures of Sports Illustrated models, our traffic would jump through the roof,” said Szybalski in an

article in the Vancouver Sun. “But there is not a lot of value in that going forward … We’re building community.” Although the creators haven’t completely kept this promise, it’s still at least a little surprising that the site hasn’t descended into what a porno-magazine might look light if it was edited by someone with ADHD. Dudepins aims to change the way guys use social media — not just as a tool for tracking down entertainment, but also as a genuine online community. This might be a community based around pictures of awesome pizzas and robots, but the user rate shows that this is what males are looking for, and an easy comparison in popularity to the ladies of Pinterest searching for hairstyle inspiration. Dudepins seems to have picked its market well, tapping into a wider manly renaissance. Throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s the “New Man” phenomenon tended to put getting in touch with your feminine side on the to-do list of any forward-thinking gent. The Dudepins community seems to have hung onto some of these ideas — conspicuous consumption and a healthy interest in fashion being the obvious ones — but there’s also talk of bacon, video games and sports stars. The success of advertising campaigns like

Old Spice and the popularity of T.V. characters embodying an old-school manliness like Ron Swanson of Parks & Rec or Jack Donaghy of 30 Rock seem to suggest that we’re a society that’s ready for a space like Dudepins. The question is whether or not the format is one that will appeal to all types of guys. Brown and Szybalski haven’t gone public with the number of sign-ups they have had, but they claim to be seeing growth of 30 to 50 per cent day by day over the summer, following Dudepins launch. There does seem to a healthy sized community on the site but it clearly isn’t enjoying the runaway success that Pinterest did. It might be the case that Dudepins simply hasn’t found the niche that’s right for all things manly. A quick browse through the “everything” page gives a glimpse into a community that’s big on fashion and supercars but less enthusiastic about beerdrinking and other less high-end manly pursuits. If it’s the case that the pinning format appeals to most women but only to a smaller subset of fellas, it looks unlikely that Dudepins will ever become the global force that Pinterest is. Alan O’Doherty has so many social media accounts that his digital fingerprint is visible from MySpace. Alan is fascinated by the neuroses and intricacies of today’s online societies. His other love is beer. Go figure.

Tales of the Toxically Single

Anna. L Beedes × Columnist

Joshua Meyers and The Fading Allure of the One-Night Stand


I woke up with a stranger’s face snarling into mine. Inches from my eyes, a trail of drool connected his face to the pillow we were sharing. “Oh shit,” I said aloud, “Where am I?” He started to groan, woken up by my movement. “Ugg, why are my sheets all wet?” “Did you drool all over them too?” I asked looking at the puddle on the pillow. “Oh hey, babe,” he said groggily. “Good morning. What time is it? We got to get you out of here.” “Did you say that the sheets are all wet?” I moaned. “Yeah, I must have, uh, kicked over the water last night,” he replied. “Do you know the number for a cab?” The allure of a one-night stand sure wears off in the morning. Cute looks are replaced with the first lurches of an oncoming hangover. Flattering words morph into inaudible groans, and drunken promises crumble. The “classy” sensation of meeting a mysterious stranger in a jazz bar and falling in love over intelligent conversations and martinis wears off as the morning’s hangover looms. The intrigue and mystery of the night before washes away with sobriety. How is it that I couldn’t tell you this guy’s

last name, but I could tell you the shape and size of his penis? I can tell you his first name (Joshua), and, yes, what his penis looks like (that of a Greek god). We met at a flamenco bar on a friend’s birthday. “So what’s wrong with you?” he asked me while we both waited for another drink. “Excuse me?” I scoffed. “What’s wrong with your social skills?” “Well, you’re adorably cute and you seem very smart,” he shouted over the loud music and flashy lights. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” This guy did two magic things to capture my intrigue. He complimented my intelligence (which is questionable in times of intoxication), and he challenged me. If I said something that he didn’t like, he seemed like the type who would call me out. This challenge created witty banter between us, and secured my attention on him for the rest of the night. “Why don’t you think you’re hot?” he asked me as we stumbled from one bar to the next. “See, this is your problem: you think you’re a two when really, you’re, like, a ten. I’m the one who’s not hot enough for you.”

This guy was good. And he should be. A mental checklist summed him up: 31, single for the last three years, a little shorter with a friendly face. He was going a little gray on the edges but that made him look handsome, not old. He was smart, spoke French, and had a style that could be described as a sophisticated well-read coffee barista. He ordered Grey Goose, paid for the drinks, and doted upon me all night. I could tell he was the kind of guy who liked to take care of his women, and that is one of the more primeval needs deep within a lady’s subconscious. At least in mine. The way it works for most girls is we have this biological desire to be cared for. Well, it’s what our ovaries want. Guys have an ocean of sperm to give to the world. Their human duty is to try and spread it as wide as possible to ensure the longevity of the human species. We females don’t have that luxury. We want guys that cannot only give us orgasms, but who can also pay for the child that this could potentially make. Thousands of years ago, this meant choosing strong men to protect us from dangerous animals, and to be able to bring home food for the family. Nowadays, it’s all summed up in financial strength. People think it’s shallow of girls when really, it’s second nature. I knew all of this that night. I knew how biology plays a role in my choices of men, and how guys use different methods to make themselves appear more attractive just to get laid. But just because I knew all of this doesn’t mean I didn’t fall for it. I did, and I fell hard. I thought that this guy actually thought I was smarter than most, and that he wanted to care for me, not just a one-night encounter. That is what sucked the most about the next morning.

Cover to Cover

“So do you know a taxi number?” “No, sorry,” I replied, “I actually don’t.” “You don’t get out much, do you?” Yep, his charm had definitely vanished. I mustered myself together and grabbed my clothes. Much to my dismay, they were strewn all over his side of the bed – the side of the bed with the “water” all over it. All of them, from the purple bra to the leggings, had been swimming in a puddle all night. I put on the cold, wet leggings and my tank top and threw the rest of the clothes into my purse. At least he had the decency to walk me down the stairs. My yellow cab of a chariot was waiting outside to take me home. “Well it was fun,” he says, “Look me up on Facebook: Joshua Meyers.” “It was fun,” I replied, kissing him on the cheek, “You have my number. Maybe use it.” I took my wet ass into the cab and glanced back at the guy who won my heart for the night. He looked haggard and horrible in the morning light. The grey hair made him seem like an old man. The “au revoir” came off as pretentious. The driver takes off, and asks “Is that your boyfriend’s house?” “Yes, yes it was.” At least I could pretend it was. And it’s better than telling the cab driver what it really was: just another rancid one-night stand. Anna L. Beedes was born with a heart of gold, which is now nestled in a tree of terrible and awkward eggs, also known as the male population. She examines the intricacies within the world of sex and love, hoping to find answers to some of her heart and her loins’ greatest queries.

Brian Pascual × Columnist

The Art of Fielding swings pastime into social reflection Brian Pascual learned to read before he learned to tie his shoes. An avid cultural enthusiast, he finds the themes of books and films as correlation to the day-to-day fables that consume us all. A storyteller at heart, Brian is presently working on his first novel.


46 issue N o . 03

years. The weight of what everyone wants him to accomplish and whether or not he is physically, mentally and eventually, emotionally, capable will affect the lives of all the characters involved and fuel a finale that is equal parts nerve-racking and thrilling. Harbach’s prose is definitely laced with the qualities you’d expect from a cofounder and coeditor of literary journal, n+1. Sure, you can sniff his highbrow, pretentious leanings, but he also adds a dimension of likeability and comfort that makes it easy to settle in and read without wanting to stop for air. Harbach may have chosen a sport that is declining in interest and could possibly have very few connections to people in the literary world, but that is the ultimate challenge here. How does a writer share something that they so truly love with a populace who will be extremely hard-pressed to feel the same way? Harbach has succeeded because of strong characters that will all develop into different people before your eyes. His writing is quick-paced, filled with dialogue that ranges from witty to funny, to heartbreaking. By the end of The Art of Fielding, you’ll have completely forgotten any hang-ups you had about baseball in the first place. Then maybe you’ll flip on the T.V. and watch a Blue Jays game. Okay, fine, baby steps.


The expectations of other people or of ourselves? As with any compelling story, Harbach’s main characters are all broken in some way, and will hopefully somehow have a hand in fixing each other. With a deft Wes Andersonian stroke, he presents a roster of quirky and endearing people, each with their own multiple layers of emotions and interests that drive them. Protagonist and baseball prodigy, Henry Skrimshander, is struggling to discover what it is to be an adult while dealing with the weight of his impending fate as a major league star. His best friend, teammate and mentor, Mike Schwartz, needs to seek out a new life path for himself as he comes to accept that his talent will not be good enough to continue with baseball beyond college. Westish’s dean, Guert Affenlight, will weigh the consequences of throwing away his successful academic administrative career and reputation as a revered author for an unexpected but thrilling new sexual awakening. And finally, Affenlight’s rebellious daughter Pella arrives at Westish to escape her questionable life decisions and find some semblance of normalcy while completely overturning the lives of everyone she becomes associated with. Everyone is flawed but likeable. We want these people to succeed and be better, no matter what mistakes they’ve already made or are going to make. Henry’s own subplot acts as a touchstone for the entire story, as he flirts with a college baseball statistical record that hasn’t been broken for

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Raise your hand if you like baseball. You didn’t, did you? You’re not alone. For the record, this writer loves it. I grew up playing it. I also grew up in Toronto rooting for the Blue Jays back when they weren’t just good, but in fact won the World Series two years in a row. But you are forgiven if you hate baseball because it isn’t hockey, or you think it’s boring and pointless because, well, it certainly can seem that way. So why are we even discussing a book about it then? For starters, Chad Harbach’s The Art of Fielding will cut through any hatred, aversion or indifference you may harbour towards baseball, and you will find yourself getting into this story. It’s not only about baseball; Harbach is successful because he is able to marry his clear love of the sport with two other very relatable subjects: love and collegiate life. Between the three, there is something for everyone, as Harbach creates a seemingly idyllic world around a fictitious school named Westish College, located on the shore of Lake Michigan. The campus itself and the small town it drives, supports and influences, are both so real you can almost smell the autumn leaves on the ground at the start of a first semester. Baseball is the backdrop for the story, as half of the main characters are on the Westish baseball team, and it is this group that will put their school’s name in the nation’s public conscious for the first time in years. But the overarching theme here is expectations, and how people either crumble or succeed because of them. By its conclusion, this book will ask you what is worse:



arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

Vifferent Strokes Festival enters 31st year Connor Thorpe × Staff Writer

× × Mustaali Raj Since its inception, the Vancouver International Film Festival has become an annual staple in Vancouver culture. Entering its 31st year, VIFF gets underway on Sept. 27 and will run until Oct. 12 - bookended by opening and closing galas, which will feature screenings of notable films from this year’s festival. A screening of Midnight’s Children, the adaptation of the 1981 novel by controversial British author Salman Rushdie, will kick off the event, while Holy Motors – a French-German coproduction – will close the festival. “The most successful art house in the country, the Ridge Theatre staff decided to start a film

festival,” Alan Franey, director and CEO of VIFF for 26 years, explains regarding VIFF’s 1982 origin. “And in the second year, 1983, the decision was made for it to be a larger film festival that would become a non-profit organization on its own. So that’s why this edition of the festival, being number 31, is that lineage started in 1982.” Franey believes that in recent years, the f estival has found a winning formula and stuck to it. “We’ve actually only grown in small, incremental ways in the last decade or so. We reached 150,000 attendance 10 years ago and it’s been slightly increased over the last 10 years,” he explains. “It’s

quite consistent in its main focuses on East Asian, non-fiction, general international, arts and music films, shorts – the shape of it has remained pretty consistent for the last decade or more.” Tickets for the 16-day festival are available for individual screenings, packaged screenings and full festival passes, with prices ranging from $11 for one screening, to $400 for a festival pass, which enables the holder to attend any screening at the festival. Discounts are available for students and seniors. VIFF memberships are compulsory to attend a majority of VIFF screenings; they are annual and cost $2. This year’s VIFF will include over 380 films, which will be shown over the course of more than 600 screenings. VIFF is notable for its diversity, with the films being screened during the festival representing 75 different countries. A strong Canadian presence is the norm for VIFF. 107 Canadian films will be screened this year, 36 of which are features. A media release from VIFF organizers noted a large contingent of Canadian participation in the festival – the Canadian films were selected from 800 submissions from across the country. “It’s something that we wear upfront. We’re known internationally for Canadian films, so it’s been a long established tradition,” Franey says. In addition to the collaboration and participation of Canadian filmmakers, the Vancouver International Film Festival is intended to enrich the filmmaking community in the city itself. “That’s our intent. We do that in a couple of ways,” Franey elaborates. “It’s our job first and foremost to show the Canadian films and to try to promote them. Making the selections, it has to be quality-based of course, but the important thing is to get audiences in to see all these great films.” Apart from having their films viewed by a wider and more diverse audience, Franey believes that Canadian filmmakers can benefit greatly from comparing their work to that of their international peers. “When you have an international film festival, Canadian filmmakers have a chance to see what

their peers are doing outside of the Hollywood template,” he says, “because we can learn more as Canadian filmmakers from what’s happening in Japan, or the American indie, or the German sector than we can from Hollywood films. Hollywood films are usually made with much larger budgets and more marketing muscle and star power than all the other films on the planet. A film festival’s job is to be a complementary opposite to Hollywood, and part of that is so Canadian filmmakers can learn from their peers.” Four theatres in Vancouver will be participating in VIFF 2012: the Vogue Theatre, the Vancity Theatre, Pacific Cinématheque and Granville 7 Cinemas. A combined 10 screens will be showing VIFF films at the participating theatres. Franey maintains that while there are threats to the creative industries that have come with the digital revolution, that artists are responsible for the longevity of events like VIFF. “I’m sort of worried about the music industry, the publishing industry – the creative arts in general have a lot of challenges these days – but if we can keep having this civic event where people come together and enjoy a film that lasts 90 minutes in the dark and they’re willing to pay for the privilege, then I think the festival will probably carry on as it is,” he said. “Really, the future will be determined by creative artists. We’ll go where they take us.”

Emotional Ass Shaking

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46 issue N o . 03

Hot Chip reach full capacity at Commodore


JJ Brewis × Editor-in-Chief Now a decade strong and with five albums to their name, Hot Chip manages to remain just as bouncy and impactful as they did early in the game. A sold-out two-night mini-residency at Vancouver’s Commodore Ballroom proved their staying power to any naysayers who wrote them off with the horse they rode in on, being that old early 2000s elect-o pop bandwagon thingy. The song formulas have changed a bit, but their set list read like a “what’s what” of electro club bangers, all of which happen to be originals to the group’s name. From the loop-heavy “Over and Over” to the more downtrodden love puzzler “These Chains”, right into the band’s breakthrough “Ready For The Floor”, each marked off a collective remembrance within the crowd’s consciousness something along the lines of I love this fucking song.

What’s more, the London seven-piece is all the more exciting to watch onstage: this is a long way from a couple of dudes nodding their heads behind a glowing Macbook. Vocalist Alexis Taylor, outfitted in an oversized barber shop striped lab coat, made his rounds on the stage, despite the lack of space given the group’s impressive setup of gear ranging from traditional to techie. And as if their own material wasn’t spawning the biggest dance party Vancouver’s seen all year, a couple of covers (Prince’s “If I Was Your Girlfriend” and Fleetwood Mac’s “Everywhere”) had the excitement on overdrive, creating an overwhelming campfire-ready sing-a-long and making it the most heartwarming moment I’ve ever witnessed at an electro-pop show. The songs are most interesting given their heartfelt lyrics, exposing sincerity juxtaposed with the catchy up-tempo nature of their tunes. But the vocals peak and the show’s impact reaches capacity on the slower moments; “Look At Where We Are”

keeps the drum samples and synths in the loop, but holds the intensity down just for a moment while Taylor figures his heart’s motions out over the course of four short minutes. At the end of the evening, it’s these elements that stick out most,

despite the great time I had shaking my ass in an overpacked room of strangers, sweat sticking to each limb, just as much as the shared mutual experience of really enjoying one of the consistently best live bands their genre has to offer.




Post Secret founder opens up to student audience Jane Lytvynenko ×The Fulcrum (University of Ottawa) OTTAWA (CUP) — I pee in the shower, and apparently me and my dirty little secret are not alone. As it turns out, Frank Warren, founder of the PostSecret project, does too. PostSecret is an ongoing initiative that asks people around the world to write their deepest, darkest secrets on a postcard and mail it in to be displayed on the website “I pee in the shower” is the most common secret Warren gets, and one of many he chose to share with Ottawa students. On Sept. 7, Warren sat down to talk about PostSecret. Just 20 minutes before he presented University of Ottawa students with eight years’ worth of stories and secrets, Warren answered questions candidly between bites of oversized strawberries and dark chocolate. The Fulcrum: How have your presentations evolved throughout the years? Frank Warren: The most important change has been me finding the right way to facilitate, with the audience, the conversation they want to have. I’m always the most interested in the end, where the students take the microphones and share their

secrets, their stories, and I think you’ll find the audience members are less interested in what I have to say and more interested in the truths they hear from the audience. I feel like more and more my job is just to facilitate that conversation.

chocolate keeps it interesting, [travelling] keeps it interesting, but in some ways it feels like a calling. One of the most important things you can do on this planet is give a voice to those people who are unheard.

Do you share your own secrets? I definitely feel like if I’m going to ask people to share their secrets, I should share some of my own. I think that’s the proper thing to do.

Your project has made a difference in the lives of many people; reading PostSecret can be an eye-opening experience. How does it feel to be so important to so many people? I’m very gratified by it — it feels very meaningful to me. When I was younger, I needed the help, I needed to feel like I wasn’t alone, I needed to know that other people share my secrets too. As an adult, now it’s twice as powerful, knowing that I’m kind of being there for the person I used to be.

What’s your favourite secret? A favourite secret…It might be one that I never saw. I only found out about it through an email from a woman in Texas, who said, “I visited the PostSecret website and I was really inspired by what I saw, so I made a postcard. But it made me feel sick so I tore the postcard up in half and decided I will no longer be the person who carries that secret in her life.” I love the story because it shows the transformational power secrets have—how sometimes just the act of sharing a secret can change who we are. Is that what keeps this job interesting after all these years, the power of secrets? Well, a lot of things keep it interesting. Dark

What would you say to someone who wants to share a secret but can’t? I think that we all have secrets to share and I think beneath every secret is a deeper secret. I think PostSecret is one option that people use to share a secret, but there are a thousand others. You can tell a parent or a friend, a priest or a psychiatrist. You can write it on a postcard and mail it to me, or write it on a letter and then burn it. Sometimes the most important person to share a secret with is yourself.

HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF Writing collective debuts poetry installation Main Street Trail Connor Thorpe × Staff Writer

from our ‘poetry café’.” Aside from live performances and installations, Wolf Mountain remains interested in print projects to supplement the chapbooks that they are already responsible for. “We are exploring ideas for larger print projects in the coming year. We’ll be participating in the first annual Vancouver Art/Book Fair at Project Space in Chinatown next month, where all our printed chapbooks to date will be available.” The future seems bright for Wolf Mountain – and Kenny is ready to “push the boundaries of what Wolf Mountain is and what we can do.” “We see more. More publishing, more projects and bigger shows,” he says. “Wolf Mountain is ‘poetry for the people’ and we will continue to bring our brand of tough, exhilarating writing to as many people as possible.” To get involved or learn more about Wolf Mountain, reach them at: or

HAVING HIS CAKE Rich Aucoin eats it, too, at Biltmore birthday bash By JJ Brewis, Editor-in-Chief What’s the best way to spend your birthday? For Halifax, NS musician Rich Aucoin, a Vancouver tour stop on his cross-country tour just happened to be the biggest celebration he could have imagined. The multi-instrumentalist transformed basement venue The Biltmore Cabaret into a makeshift positive vibes headquarters, complete with sing-along bouncing lyrics projected onto a screen. The interactive set was a marker for what a live concert experience could be, transcending the typical live band setup, trading minimal banter into a quirky takeoff of VH1 Storytellers. Before each new song was introduced, Aucoin taught the crowd the chorus, dividing up harmonies and lyrics between sections of the room to create a playful and charming dynamic. Even before his set started, it was clear this was not your typical rock concert, given that the setup included two drum kits both facing toward Aucoin’s Frankenstein setup of keys and microphones, with no guitars in sight. All of the instruments were placed on the dance floor, with the stage itself blocked off by the projection screen, which played pre-show “coming attraction’” parodies, such as the oddball “Guy On A Buffalo”. It’s weird as hell, but Aucoin manages to make everyone feel at home, like they’re each celebrating a milestone, not his birthday. And although his tour mates brought him out a cake and the crowd sang as he blew out the candles, Aucoin gave the attention back in tenfold, with his songs focusing on themes of how lucky we are to be alive, and how everyone should be so happy to be experiencing life together. Aucoin’s set is more than just music: he interacts with a projected re-appropriation of Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch in a choreographed dance off, throws the audience a parachute with which to make an impromptu mushroom cloud, and spends most of the set parading through the crowd carrying not just a microphone but a hand-held lightbulb, while giving most of the house hugs throughout the set. The songs here, like single “It”, “Push” and “Brian Wilson is A.L.i.V.E.” all emulate massive pop hooks, invigorating lyrics, and powerful electronic-rock elements. What Rich Aucoin is doing with music seems to be altogether new: he’s carved out a new voice and a new pop model, one we’ve all unknowingly been waiting for.



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46 issue N o . 03

“Our readings have more in common with the spirit of a rock ‘n’ roll show than a stuffy café reading,” says David Edward Kenny of the Wolf Mountain Writing Collective. Since December 2010, Wolf Mountain has been organizing readings, publishing chapbooks and, in the case of their most recent project Main Street Trail, creating a live art installation in the form of a “poetry scavenger hunt.” Wolf Mountain’s Facebook page describes the group as “a collective of new and emerging Vancouver poets and writers; dedicated to creating a space for experimental, dynamic works, written for the page, ready to jump onto the stage and tear into the crowd.” “Wolf Mountain writes expressive, dynamic poetry that can be appreciated by all kinds of people, not just academics or established poetry audiences,” Kenny explains. “This is key to what we do.” After taking a creative writing class as part of the UBC Teacher Education program, Kenny and co-founder Cail Judy decided they wanted to make the writing they were doing matter. To this end, they organized a reading at the campus pub. “We were excited by how much having a reading in a public space upped the ante for our writing and decided that from then on we would continue having shows to get our work and the work of other writers we knew and respected out in front of a wider audience,” Kenny says of the formation and initial motivations of Wolf Mountain. Wolf Mountain took another step into Vancouver’s collective consciousness with the launch party for Main Street Trail on Sept. 19. The project features poems stencilled in various places along Main from 4th to 28th, forming “a poetry scavenger hunt that stretches the entire length of Mount Pleasant.”

“The idea is that as you walk Main, you will encounter these murals and come to realize that each poem exists within the context of a larger whole,” says Kenny. The project was created after Wolf Mountain received a grant from the Neighborhood Small Grants Project. “It all started with the grant from NSGP. A friend of mine knew about it and said they were looking for applications from local arts organizations. She suggested I go for it,” Kenny says. “With the deadline looming, I quickly came up with the idea of some kind of poetry mural.” Kenny based the idea for Main Street Trail off of an experience he had in Rome. “I was lost in the back alleys of the city and happily wandering about trying to get my bearings, when I started noticing a series of small handwritten stories written in black Sharpie on the cornerstones of several buildings over several blocks. I realized that the short stories were actually part of a larger series,” Kenny explains. “So, from the inciting factor of getting the grant to the right proposal and my experience in Rome, the current concept evolved: a series of interlinked smaller murals that build a larger whole; but only for those willing to seek them out.” The energetic launch party - held at the Cobalt - featured readings from Vancouver writers and Wolf Mountain members, in addition to DJ performances. The collective’s most recent chapbook, Shift, was sold at the event. While Wolf Mountain primarily organizes live readings, the group is always looking for ways to branch out. “Wolf Mountain’s main focus has always been our live shows. However, over the past year we have steadily been branching out into various other areas,” Kenny explains. “For example, we were invited to perform at the Poetry Gabriola Festival in which we not only performed our material live but also created an interactive poetry installation in which patrons arrived and ordered poems fresh




arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

CAN YOU DIG IT? Battle of the bands goes full tilt with Shindig Lauren Gargiulo × Writer

& Celina Kurz × Arts Editor

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“The point of Shindig in my mind originally [was] for a lot of unknown bands, really good bands that couldn’t get gigs to have a stage to play [on]. It’s a lot easier to get gigs if you’re in a band already or kind of in the scene, but if you don’t know anyone, how do you get into the Vancouver music scene?” Ben Lai has hosted Vancouver’s self-proclaimed “original battle of the bands” Shindig since 2001. Now in its 29th year, Shindig has a fairly simple formula. There are 27 bands competing, with three bands playing every Tuesday night for three months. At the end of each night, the five judges declare a winner, which will continue to the finals until there is one band standing. The judges are chosen from across Vancouver’s musical landscape. “[They’re] people who don’t know the people playing; generally speaking [they are] musicians who’ve played Shindig before,” says Lai. “It’s not a crazy picking process, just people who go out to shows; what we imagine our demographic to be.” There is no cash to be won in this contest; however, there are some fantastic prizes, including free recording time, features on CiTR’s Thunderbird Radio Hell and press in local music magazine Discorder. For the musically un-inclined, there are prizes given out as a reward for coming out to support the events. This year’s roster displays a very clear indication that Shindig does its best to keep the lineup quite genre-diverse. From rapper Chi Sun “The Asian Persuasion” to East Van scream queens Lunch Lady, to classic rock jokesters Classic Rick and His Classic Rock Band, there's a little something for everyone. “We try to have bands that [CiTR] would play,” explains Lai. Shindig also offers new bands a chance for exposure and gives them an in to Vancouver’s music scene. “Shindig is a way to get [littleknown bands] out and get them a gig to play with other bands. Maybe they’ll get watched by other musicians or journalists or whatever, and if they’re well-liked enough, they can get their music journey started,” explains Lai.


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Another great reason to play Shindig, according to a member of self-described “stoner Lord of the Rings doom metal” band J.R.R. Tokin’, is to just have a good time. “The main thing with [our band] is fun,” says front man and guitarist for the three-piece “power trio”, Lyle Hopkins. All three members of J.R.R. Tokin’ are either current or past members of Capilano University’s jazz program. “It’s a school in a forest, it’s neat,” Lyle says. “I love this campus,” agrees Harold Donnelly, Tokin’s bassist. Donnelly has had positive experiences with Shindig in the past. “My old band played Shindig a couple years ago and we came in second,” Harold explains. “It’s a really neat festival.” “I was talking to Harold about Shindig, and it seemed like a really good opportunity,” Hopkins elaborates. “If we get exposure out of this, that will be awesome, we’d ride that gravy train for as long as we can.” However, he explains that they’re “not in it to win it. We’re in it to have the time of our lives.” Bands such as J.R.R. Tokin’, a unique group best described as heavy sludge metal, can have a harder time finding venues to play at. “We actually tried to play at the Railway Club awhile ago, but they said we were too loud,” Lyle says. “We’ve been told that a lot. ...We tried to play a video game fest at the Rickshaw, but we were too heavy and not fantasy enough. This is actually our first show at home.” The band has dreams of playing “a LARP [Live Action Role Play] fest, or a cosplay show…that would be cool!” says Hopkins. If everything pans out, perhaps Shindig will give them the leg up they need to open those mystical doors. The organizers of Shindig feel that the competition is a great opportunity for music fans and artists alike to celebrate up and coming talent in a friendly competitive environment. As Ben Lai explains, “My favourite thing would be to see a band that no one’s heard of and have them kick ass.” Shindig runs from Sept. 13 to Dec. 6 every Tuesday night at its long-standing home, the Railway Club. Visit for more information and a full schedule.


EVERYBODY'S FREE (TO FREELANCE) Katie So ×Art Director Freelancing as a career option was not well endorsed when I was in school. Essentially, it was to be treated as an accessory to whatever 9-5 you slaved away at during the week. Freelance work was pushed to evenings and weekends, acting fundamentally as your creative outlet for projects you actually enjoyed. Freelancing was not considered a viable way to make a living. So when I graduated with an illustration and design diploma, I was presented with two choices: either seek out a design job in a studio environment and slowly work my way up starting from grunt intern, or enter the unpredictable world of full-time freelancing. A chance to be my own boss? Ballin’. And so I made the seamless transition from broke student to broke freelancer and I quickly realized that I wasn't the big shot illustrator that I thought I was. I had to establish myself in a city where hundreds of illustrators and designers were just like me. After some hard work and shameless promotion, things started looking up. I had clients and was working steadily through projects, while making enough money to chip away at my enormous student loan. On top of that, my Internet fame was mildly swelling to the point where I was receiving legit fan mail from people who were under the impression that I was a real pro! Finally I understood that freelancing isn't for losers, it’s for winners. How did I pull it off? I have summed it up for you in this, "Katie's Guide to Freelancing."

Rule # 1: Networking Yes, it's true, networking is one of those lame buzz words that is associated with any decent business model. Whenever I was told how completely necessary it was while I was in school, I would gag at the idea of going to seminars and conferences for the sole purpose of kissing ass and flashing my cheap business card to big shots who didn't give a shit. But once I graduated, I realized networking didn’t have to be this way. I found the best form of networking wasn't seeking out professionals in the field, it was letting regular people know that you are now the professional in the field. This meant telling family, friends, neighbours and those bitches from high school that I was the one who should design your aunt's u-brew logo, or draw album art for your brother's ska-bluegrass band. That being said, do not discount the veteran working professionals, either. My former classmates who are now working in design studios have gotten me work based on referrals. So as a side tip, don't make too many enemies during school. There is nothing more valuable than friends on the inside.

trick to Tumblr is to update, update, update. I use to try and post something everyday, but that proved to be a challenge, what with my “thriving social life.” To make the most of Tumblr, your posts should contain elements of humour, nudity, pretty girls or seething teenage angst. Combine all of these and you are guaranteed to get a million reblogs, sending your Tumblr status from "I can haz followerz?" to "Hella cool: Artist on the Internet." Then there is Twitter. I use twitter for dick jokes and keeping updated on Tilda Swinton, but it's also great for linking back to your work, and meeting people who are directly interested in what you do, whether that be art or dicks.

Rule # 2: Exposure Working in a field primarily based on visuals, my main priority was to get people to see it (Why do you think I did an illustration for my own article?). That means entering contests, submitting to blogs, exhibiting at gallery shows, and also doing the occasional pro bono charity assignment. My latest endeavour is selling prints and ‘zines at events and festivals, because there is no better place to expose your work than a place where people are prepared to buy.

Rule # Lion King 1 1/2: Social Networking

Rule # 3: Work fucking hard

Familiar websites that people flock to for selfassurance (or for me, self-loathing) can actually function as your own personal promoter. Facebook is awesome for soliciting people you already know. Let your old acquaintances from elementary school know what you are capable of, and chances are, someone will be in need of your services. Tumblr is great for gifs and GPOYs (gratuitous photos of yourself, for you non-narcissists), but it can also work wonders for self-promotion. The

There is no way to become a successful freelancer without putting in the necessary work. There will be times when the jobs aren't exactly being thrown at you and it's important to keep working on personal projects and promoting yourself during this downtime. In the world of freelance, you cannot wait for the work to come to you. This also means that just because you got a fat paycheque for one job, doesn't mean you can blow it all on full body waxes and pomegranate

mojitos. You never know when the next dry spell will be, so save your money! I know many readers of the Capilano Courier are studying in a field where freelancing is a potential option. For the people who are wary of that choice, understand that freelancing should not be considered as a last resort. It is a real job. I do it because I wanted the freedom to work on what I wanted, when I wanted, while still pursuing a creative path. That being said, freelance isn't all dance parties and Jell-O shots. It means constant networking, which also means paying for your own self-promotion. It means making scary, creative decisions without anyone else's guidance or approval and relying on only you to stick to deadlines. It means being in charge of invoicing your clients and tracking down money when they forget to pay you. When I'm faced with these things, there are often times when I wish I had a regular day job in an office somewhere, but then I remember, where else could I work naked while eating Doritos and blasting jazz rap? × × Katie SO

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× s p e c i a l f e at u r e s . c a p c o u r i e r @ g m a i l . c o m

MAKE YOUR OWN FUN DIY venues reinvigorate Vancouver live performance scene Connor Thorpe × Staff Writer

the very struggle is proof of why has earned the moniker in the first place.” On Granville Street, home to the highest concentration of liquor-licensed establishments in the city, there is a distinct emphasis on Top 40 and club nights. Venues that frequently host live music are firmly in the minority. It is the belief of some in the Vancouver music community that mainstream, conventional music at traditional venues is given priority and leniency when it comes to liquor licensing. “Any place that is artistic and has a liquor license is going to get grief from the city,” said Vancouver performer Robert Dayton in an interview featured in the recent documentary No Fun City.

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For over a decade, Vancouver has been referred to by the lamentable moniker “No Fun City” – a reference to the faltering live music scene that has been ravaged by a notable lack of diversity in music venues and other cultural outlets. The establishment of venues in the city has been made extremely difficult by draconian liquor licensing and live performance bylaws. However, a community – or several, loosely connected communities – of musicians, artists, organizers and attendees are taking things into their own hands.

“The city itself, by its very nature, makes DIY/ underground venues a must,” says Jarrett Evan Samson, of local surf-punk outfit Korean Gut. “As someone who’s invested a lot of time and energy investigating the bureaucratic quirks of a city dedicated to not giving a shit about anyone who makes less than $500,000 annually, people who want to make this city a diverse, emerging, artistic place have to take the law into their own hands and make it happen.” When asked whether the city deserves its no-fun reputation, Samson notes that there are two ways of looking at the issue. “You can say yes or no,” he says. “No, because we make it fun by fighting against it. Yes, because


×× Camille Segur

“The Granville entertainment district, every weekend the street is blocked off so people can go there and fight or fuck, or both,” Dayton continued. “Meanwhile, a place with experimental music is getting a lot of grief from the city.” Samson echoes the frustration of Dayton, citing the host of obstacles that the DIY and underground scene faces. “You can make it a fun city, but it shouldn’t be as much work as it is. It’s about as much work as earning a fucking degree is, to make good things happen here,” he explains. “Beyond this […] DIY captures so much of what attracts people to the local art scene in the first place; it’s controlled, dictated and regulated by the people who attend it.”

The underlying feeling of mistrust towards the city amongst musicians has been supplemented in recent years by the closures of venues that hosted local bands in an affordable, all-ages setting, including Hoko’s, Mesa Luna and others. Samson stresses the need for the Vancouver scene to replace venues that are shut down or have simply run out of steam. “There’s a pretty short shelf-life for most underground venues, so the constant renewal is a necessity as well,” he says. “They take you outside of the setting where music is seen as less important than alcohol sales and money.” The scarcity of all-ages venues is a notable feature of the current set of venue offerings. The majority of touring bands that come into town – aside from mega-popular arena filling acts – perform in bars or other 19+ venues like the Commodore, Waldorf or the Biltmore. While some touring bands may prefer to play in a 19+ setting, there wasn’t always such a lack of options for local acts that want to cater to an underage crowd. However, Samson marvels at the resourcefulness of those committed to creating a vibrant live performance scene in a city that is less than welcoming for the types of venues that are conducive to their cause. “There are the punk houses that have somehow stood outside the rule and throw amazing shows for years and years and years, there’s the new place doing grind shows in their living room, there’s the packed backroom of record stores and sushi restaurants and comic book stores and converted car rental agencies,” he elaborates. “Both in practice and the content offered, there’s a massive diversity in what these venues tend to represent and focus on. It’s pretty amazing stuff.”



WHAT’S NEXT? It seems that the future of the DIY and all-ages scene is firmly in the hands of those who organize and populate it – whether the city decides to acknowledge the necessity of these venues or not. Samson hopes to see a model like Seattle’s Vera Project or Berkeley’s Gilman Street – two financially viable, all-ages venues that succeed through community involvement. “More sustainable and long-lasting alternative spaces. People with a focus on diversity, acceptance, tolerance,” he says. “Accessible to everyone, run by everyone, community-minded. The joining of legal venues and DIY venues into lasting, workable models.” Samson recognizes that if nothing changes in the city, the DIY scene may have to undergo a diaspora to the suburbs. “What I do see is a city gentrified further and further until everyone with any interest in music and art is forced to live far outside Vancouver-proper and bus for two hours to roast some asshole’s coffee five days a week. The suburbs are the future, as they were in the past,” he continues. “Everyone at the churches will forgive and forget, and we can haul a PA into their basement and do the best we can.” Michaelis’ view of the future is somewhat brighter. She believes Safe Amp can evolve into a sustaonable, affordable musical community centre and all ages venue. “I hope the future includes more young people, but also more old people,” she says. “I think we are still a long way from cross-generational co-organization, which is something I’d like to see more of.” “If we have to do all the work ourselves, then so be it,” she adds. “And I guess it turns out it’s pretty fun to throw a party with all your favourite bands in your living room!”



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An organized group has come together to combat the lack of all-ages spaces in Vancouver in the form of S.A.S.S. (the Safe Amplification Site Society), who have launched a fundraising campaign to establish a legal, affordable all-ages art and performance space in the city. Safe Amp – which is incorporated as a non-profit – also helps local promoters organize all-ages shows in Vancouver’s existing venues. Safe Amp’s website explains why their organization is necessary: “there isn’t a single performance space in Vancouver that is legal, affordable, all-ages and accessible to any genre of music. There are many venues that have a few of those traits, but none that possess all four. We feel that that’s a deplorable gap in our cultural landscape and we have set out to do something about it.” Upon the achievement of their $20,000 fundraising goal, Safe Amp will look into leasing a space that they plan on transforming into a financially sustainable, all-ages art and music space that will host a variety of cultural events. For more information, visit


In order to strengthen the DIY movement, Michaelis feels that the already diverse community of performers needs to foster a sense of collaboration. “Vancouver does have a diverse community in terms of genre, but it’s not always noticeable. Bands tend to play with their friends. So although as a whole the city is diverse, there tend to be different pockets of genres and friends. The scene is made up of many cliques, many smaller communities within the whole,” she says. “There is always crossover, but I am certainly hoping to bridge those gaps even more.” Michaelis has done and continues to do just that with varied and diverse shows at the Mansion as well as the Shout Back Festival – featuring a lineup of “girl bands, queer bands and radical bands in our city and the Pacific Northwest” – which was organized in conjunction with the Safe Amplification Site Society. She feels that events like Shout Back are a step in the right direction, though Vancouver still lacks a unified music scene. “I think there is still a lot of work to be done toward unifying musicians, bridging communities and forming strong connections across genre, age, politics and friend groups,” she says. Due to the perception of the DIY and all-ages community as being tight-knit, some newcomers might feel uncomfortable or unwelcome attending house shows or getting involved in DIY groups. While Michaelis understands the intimidation factor, she believes the reputation is undeserved. “Most DIY venues want to be welcoming,” she continued. “Of course, it is really important for organizers to be aware of this stuff.” She encourages people who already attend shows at DIY venues to be friendly and welcoming. “If you are at a show where you feel comfortable and know people, maybe take note of those who look shy, new or alone and say ‘hi’ and be friendly!” While Samson understands the possible perception of exclusivity attached to the DIY scene, he encourages those who are interested to get involved. “There’s always someone who knows someone who knows where that venue you’ve only glimpsed the name of is, and with a show promotion’s focus on the Internet, it’s easier than ever to contact someone involved and find out,” he says.

“I get the hesitation and fear of being an outsider or getting involved, but in my experience, the people doing this are passionate and want you there, even if it’s only for the five dollars in the jar. Put yourself out there, you’ll be fine.”

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Marita Michaelis - who lives in and organizes shows at the Mansion, a Commercial Drive area collective house and venue – agrees with the idea that DIY venues in Vancouver are transient in nature. “Vancouver is notorious for being a harsh city for artists and especially art spaces,” she says. “Due to high-rent, strict licensing, bylaws and a confusing web of red tape and archaic rules, it is not a friendly city when it comes to affordable, artist-run DIY venues. There is always the risk of being shut down, or simply running out of steam.” “If they have raised in popularity, it’s out of necessity,” Michaelis continues. “If there seem to be more it’s probably just that they come and go so quickly.” There was a time when all-ages venues had a relatively secure place in the Vancouver music scene. Often situated in non-traditional locations like youth centres and local halls, venues like Seylynn Hall in North Vancouver, the W.I.S.E. Hall, and Ambleside Youth Centre served a purpose that has been almost entirely undertaken by the current crop of DIY venues in the city - accommodating primarily local bands in a setting that rejects the restrictive, 19+ policy of the majority of traditional venues. However, recent years have seen a massive decline in the frequency of live performances in these particular venues. According to Michaelis, community halls seem to have withdrawn from booking shows recently, in the case of Seylynn possibly due to administrative issues. “Places like the W.I.S.E. Hall now charge hundreds of dollars to book and then hire required security. DIY venues are still around because other venues aren’t.” She notes the similarities between the DIY and all-ages movements. “To me, the D.I.Y. and all-ages movements are intrinsically linked. As a minor, one is restricted entry to most legal venues in Vancouver, simply because of liquor licensing,” Michaelis explained.

“The few venues where kids are welcome are either bigger places like stadiums and theatres which mostly host bigger, touring acts – rather than local bands – that charge way more money and are not a feasible option when it comes to booking your own show.” Though DIY and underground venues are faced with a multitude of challenges, Michaelis feels that the struggle is worth it in the end. She lists a “sense of ownership” as one of the primary benefits of a successful DIY scene. “Having the freedom to do what you want and have anyone participate and feel welcome,” she says. “No shitty bar or club vibe! Honestly, many all-ages DIY shows have that magic feeling I have never experienced in the mainstream 19+ venues.” Samson feels that the unity, unpredictability and uniqueness of DIY settings are what set them apart from traditional venues. “In my experience, house shows benefit from the lack of separation of performer and attendee – nobody is better than anybody else when you’re all waiting for the one working washroom and hoping it doesn’t cut into the touring band’s set time if you’re late for your own,” he said. “A house show, or a show in a non-traditional space just by its definition has to be different, and to me superior to one entered into a ‘venue’.”



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There’s a podcast out there for you, if you’re willing to look for it Peter Warkentin

× Dave McAnsh


× Writer Bullseye with Jesse Thorn is the podcast release of the radio show of the same name, which is distributed by Public Radio International. Each episode contains music and comedy clips, book and film recommendations, as well as interviews with a wide variety of guests, including culture critics, musicians, actors and authors. Thorn's affable and enthusiastic personality unlocks something special in the guests he has on the show, allowing them to transcend rehearsedsounding answers and enter into a more personal dialogue. Some notable guests: George R.R. Martin, Benedict Cumberbatch, Werner Herzog and Neil deGrasse Tyson. Similar podcasts to check out: Slate's Culture Gabfest, Operation Kino, The Dinner Party

A BRAND NEW MEDIUM As of August 2012, a little self-produced podcast about design called 99% Invisible became the most funded journalism project in the history of Kickstarter. Podcasting has clearly captured public interest in a way it never had before - although the medium has its roots as far back as 2000 in RSS media sharing systems, it took years to garner much attention. Google Trends reveals that searches for the word “podcasts” were virtually non-existent before September 2004. According to Jesse Thorn, public radio host and prolific podcaster, “The podcast landscape in 2004 was sort of like the ham radio landscape in 1985. It was, for the most part, people who were excited about the possibility of the medium rather than being excited about creating content.” So, what's changed since then? Thorn explains, “Consumers didn't have a compelling reason to learn to jump through the technological hoops that it took to listen to podcasts. If you listen to the radio, you press one button, or turn one knob, to get it pretty much wherever you want ... podcasting asks much more of the listener than that. It took and continues to take people time to decide that it's worth the effort to go through that process to get podcasts.”

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Although the phrase “Internet radio” is somewhat accurate when describing podcasts, the difference is between a passive experience and an active one. Podcast consumers must deliberately seek out the type of content they want to hear, rather than being at the mercy of whatever happens to be on the air. This distinction can be seen not only in the way the two mediums are consumed, but also in how they are produced: “No matter where you're broadcasting on the radio, you are broadcasting, which is to say that you are casting a broad net,” says Thorn. “You're trying to make something that will appeal to a broad portion of everyone. The biggest difference with podcasting is that you have the opportunity to do a show that has a deeper connection with a smaller number of people.” As consumers listen to podcast content, they form an incredibly close relationship with the people who create and produce the podcasts. This bond allows listeners become familiar with the podcasters’ personalities, understand their beliefs, and see them change over time. “The radio industry has never been an industry that's excited about the future, at least since FM got invented,” says Thorn. However, podcasting may be influencing the type of radio shows consumers are taking interest in. “Stations are now realizing that if they want to make money, at some point … their content has to have a more powerful connection to the audience than it used to have.”

PODCASTING COMMUNITIES In lieu of radio stations, podcasts are often part of networks like Nerdist Industries or Earwolf Productions, which help them not only garner a larger audience, but form a community of likeminded individuals who enjoy similar topics. When

Jesse Thorn created the Maximum Fun network, he wanted to host a family of podcasts that all fell under a similar brand. “Community is a really central part of making anything successful on the Internet. When you are shooting stuff at people, if they can't circle back towards you, you're really missing out on a lot of the potential of what the Internet offers you as a medium,” Thorn goes on to explain. “I had this central idea ... an ethos which was built around things that were fun, intelligent and funny.” Maximum Fun hosts seven podcasts that release on a regular schedule, including the Vancouverbased Stop Podcasting Yourself (which recently received the award for Best Podcast at the 2012 Canadian Comedy Awards). Thorn describes the newest addition to the family: “It's called The Memory Palace. It's a short narrative history show that's exceptionally beautiful and touching and perfectly produced, and I think that is going to be a key part of the future of both podcasting and public radio.”

ALMOST FAMOUS Jesse Thorn says that Maximum Fun has evolved considerably since its conception. “The thing that I didn't anticipate was how important the community that I created would become to my living.” Podcasting not only has the power to change the lives of listeners, but through sharing and support, it can even impact the lives of the creators. David Chen, co-host of The /Filmcast, is especially grateful for this type of relationship: “Nothing that I'm doing in my life right now would have happened without The /Filmcast … Nothing that I'm doing professionally, or on the side, or anything.” Explaining his emotions when over 800 people showed up to a live podcast event, Chen adds, “Knowing that there's hundreds of people there screaming and cheering and knowing that it was because of something I created ... it's an incredible experience.”

“I remember in college thinking that the most famous I would really want to be in my life would be about as famous as Bob Odenkirk was,” says Jesse Thorn, “because then I would only be famous to people that liked me ... but now, I think most famous people are famous on a scale like that.” Although broadly-appealing superstars still exist, more and more people are achieving what might be called “Internet fame,” where they are known and loved only by a small group of committed fans. The dedication of these supporters allows organizations like Maximum Fun, which subsists largely on listener donations, to continue producing great material. It was a similarly loyal fan base enamoured with excellent but very specific content that allowed 99% Invisible its Kickstarter success.

HONEST CONTENT Podcasting isn't about being flashy or making a profit. It's humble. It's about authenticity and candor, and above all, it's about creative freedom. “In traditional media, it's hard to make something that you really care about, because there are a lot of gatekeepers and a lot of roadblocks,” says Jesse Thorn, “and things that people really care about are the things that are really special.” The passion that podcasters have for the subject of their programs, whether it's real estate investment or Japanese pop stars, is astounding. Podcasting is not a place for people who attempt to grab listeners with empty programming, it's a place for enthusiastic, intelligent people who love sharing entertaining, informative content. “I have no objection to anyone starting a podcast, and frankly, it's not very complicated,” remarks Thorn, “The only thing that I would admonish people to do is remember that they're making it for an audience. They can make it for a small audience or a big audience, but if you're just making it for yourself you might as well not put it in iTunes.”

The Tobolowsky Files is an autobiographical storytelling podcast narrated by actor Stephen Tobolowsky, who has appeared in such films as Groundhog Day and Memento. The podcast chronicles both Tobolowsky's professional and personal life, from his childhood in the 1950s to his recent open heart surgery. Every story is exquisitely recounted by Tobolowsky, filled with incredible detail and wit. These amazing tales are a perfect blend of humour, drama, and heartbreak, creating a portrait of a man that never fails to be intimate and profound. Each episode is extremely well written and produced, but unfortunately they only come out about once a month. Similar podcasts to check out: The Moth Podcast, RISK!, Vinyl Cafe Stories from CBC Radio If you're okay with laughing out loud in public, then you should listen to My Brother, My Brother, and Me. This comedy podcast is hosted by three witty brothers, who advertise it as “an advice show for the modern era.” They discuss listener questions, but the real gold of the show is in the hilarity that ensues as the trio delves into the demented depths of the Yahoo Answers website, where the dregs of humanity present their absurd queries to the world. They attempt to answer such questions as: “Where can I hire an Alf impersonator?”, “Is it okay to draw on a dog with magic marker?”, and “I think I am in love with a goose. What should I do?” Never malicious, always funny. For a short sample, you can check out Similar podcasts to check out: Throwing Shade, The Complete Guide to Everything, You Look Nice Today Out of the seemingly endless sea of comediansinterviewing-people podcasts, You Made it Weird with Pete Holmes shines as a beacon of originality. Gregarious stand-up comic Pete Holmes brings other comedians into an environment that feels less like an interview and more like a conversation between close friends. Casual jokes mingle with incredibly personal stories that touch on the topics of comedy theory, relationships, and spirituality. What really sets this podcast apart from the fold is the unique joy and open-mindedness Holmes brings to each episode. This earnestness rubs off on the guests, who often share things that they wouldn't normally be comfortable divulging, to the delight of both host and listener. Similar podcasts to check out: The Nerdist, WTF with Marc Maron, The Champs with Neal Brennan, Moshe Kasher, and DJ Douggpound

cap calendar

Calendar@ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

Contact us to have your event featured in the calendar. monday OCT. 1 CSU voting starts today It’s my favourite time of the year, aka the CSU elections! This is when all these people randomly decide to get involved with the CSU for two weeks, and then some of them get elected and stick around for a year or five. Make sure you go vote! Check out for voting times and locations.

tuesday oct. 2 An Evening with Rufus Wainwright So I saw Rufus was coming to town and I was all like “who is this guy, his name sounds familiar!” and then a quick Google search reminded me that he sang Hallelujah, which I love. The best part about his visit this time is that the tour is straight off his latest album. The album is filled with passion and emotion and this show will make you cry. 8pm. The Orpheum. $40-$65.

Trisha Baptie talk on Human Trafficking Baptie is a citizen journalist, former sex worker and founder of advocacy group EVE (Exploited Voices now Educating) based out of Vancouver. She’s coming to Cap with the CSU Social Justice Committee to give a presentation on the topic of human trafficking, sex slavery and the power to buy sex. She’s a powerful speaker with a strong message, so check it out. 11:30am. LB322. Free.

Do You Want What I Have Got – a Craigslist Cantata This sounds pretty hilarious because basically CBC’s Bill Richardson is going to read out a bunch of different Craigslist ads (which we already know are comedy gold) to music from composer Veda Hille. What! I love it already. 8pm. NSCU Centre. $39/$35.

Beach House Every time a new Beach House record comes out, the Internet goes apeshit, and for good reason. I saw them at Richard’s on Richards (RIP) back in the day with my two friends that I lived with in a legit beach house, and it was fucking magical. If you like good music, get yourself a ticket, plain and simple. 8pm. The Commodore Ballroom. $28.50.

Sock Fight at Cap The CSU’s Social Justice Committee is hosting a sock fight. A SOCK FIGHT! This sounds so amazingly fun and much less painful than a snowball fight! Let’s all go! Grab some clean socks, have a sweet time and then donate them to the SJC’s sock drive for the homeless! It’s a win win win win win!!! I’M STOKED. 11:30am. CSU Maple Lounge. Free when you donate socks!

Dry the River I first heard this band through their cover of “Me and Mr Jones” on an Amy Winehouse tribute compilation, and then looked into their catalog a bit deeper, and they’re super good. The guys are from London, and most of them have really nice beards that go well with their folky sounds. That’s kind of a thing, right? 8pm. The Biltmore Cabaret. $15.

Glen Hansard I thought everyone had seen that film Once, but apparently I’m alone on this one. It’s about two musicians who meet and fall in love. And then the actors fell in love in real life. And then they won an Oscar! And then they broke up. And now the guy, Glen Hansard, is still making really good but sad music. 8pm. The Vogue. $33.

Ed Sheeran I am actually pretty proud of myself for getting tickets to this before they sold out. And then old Sheer performed at the Olympics and everyone was all like, “OMG who is this heartthrob?” and me and the rest of his fandom were like, “Sucks for you, we already have tickets because we knew him before he was famous.” 8pm. QE Theatre. $38.25, but sold out.

Alanis Morissette Haters gonna hate, but I love Alanis. Always have, always will. I saw her last time she was in town, which was magical because it was also the night Obama won. When I was 13, I had an Alanis necklace and my first email address was alanisboy@hotmail. com, no lies. 7pm. The Centre for Performing Arts. $52$119.25.

wednesday oct. 3 Kurt Elling | 1619 Broadway the Brill Building Project Elling is opening Capilano’s jazz series for their 15th anniversary season, and as a celebrated musician who has been a part of the Capilano community for a long time, it is a perfect fit. He has a phenomenal four-octave voice, and is launching this series fresh off a Grammy win. 8pm. NSCU Centre. $38/$35

Documenting Occupy Occupy is an event that everyone heard about in one way or another, but because of the nature of the movement, documenting it for the future is obviously very difficult – something which Documenting Occupy will address. The event will start off with an introduction by founding publisher of, Judy Rebick. 6:30pm. SFU Harbour Centre. Free

Thursday oct. 4 Blood Drive at CapU After their wildly successful blood drives of last year, the CSU’s Social Justice Committee is bringing the Canadian Blood Services back again for another donation celebration. The reward? Juice and cookies! And saving lives too, I suppose. All day. At the giant bloodmobile?! Free with cookies!

Earthworks: Whales at Risk Ever since I was little I’ve loved whales. I made my mom take me to the aquarium all the time just so we could sit in the Splash Zone of the whale show. John Ford, a wellknown marine mammal biologist is hosting this talk where he will discuss everything related to cetaceans and conservation. 7pm. CE148. Free.

Friday oct. 5

Saturday oct. 6

Rob Stewart: Save the Humans Stewart is a self-professed “animal nerd” and a leading environmentalist. His documentary Sharkwater won a bunch of awards and now he’s screening his latest, Revolution, about how to save humans and rescue the planet, at VIFF. He’ll speak about it and other important topics at this inspiring talk. 7:30pm. NSCU Centre. $18/$15.

Vancouver Giants Game Why don’t you take that special someone (or your BFF!) to a Giants game? There’s lots of beer, the tickets are cheap, the hockey is good. Even if you don’t like hockey, you’ll still have a good time – and that’s saying something. Check out for games and ticket prices.

Grizzly Bear Missed the show last night? Then go tonight. Went last night and loved it? Relive the magic! I seriously wish I was going to both shows but I’m not that indulgent. Plus, I don’t want Ed’s head to get too big. Sorry, Ed. 8pm. The Commodore Ballroom. $46.50.

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SUNday oct. 7

Grizzly Bear The first of two performances by this wonderful band. I follow vocalist Ed Droste on Twitter, and he is one sassy man. He’s still pulling that “Why isn’t everyone buying my band’s CD?” nonsense. Come on, Ed, nobody’s going to buy your CD. I did, however, spend over $40 on my ticket to this show, so now you can buy yourself a new collared shirt, Ed. 8pm. The Commodore Ballroom. $46.50.


Fun Halloween Ideas: Part One It's October, which means we all have to start coming up with some creative costume ideas to win those costume contests. Awesome idea #1: once I saw a picture of a baby dressed up as a ketchup packet and I think it would be awesome if we all dressed up as our favourite condiment in travel size. Packs of ketchup, mustard, jars of jam and honey…cute, right?! Get ready now. Everywhere. More or less free.


The Lure of Horror Film Take a weekend to go to Seattle, which, in addition to being a really nice city, is hosting this cool exhibit about the legacy of horror films. It includes artifacts from movies like Alien and Shining, and interactive features like shadow monsters and a scream booth. Stuff like this terrifies me, but I feel like you’ll probably love it. Every day until Dec. 31. EMP Museum. $14-$20 plus Seattle trip cost.

The XX This is probably going to be the show that fills up your Instagram feed and you ask yourself why the hell you didn’t bother getting a ticket. So just go and give these Londoners and their new album Coexist a good listen. This one’s guaranteed to be amazing. 9:30pm. The Vogue. $40.

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An English Stew Featuring Patricia Hodgins, soprano, and George Roberts, piano, An English Stew is part of the Cap Classics series and will give you a nice concert between classes to spice up your day. Plus it’s free! 11:45 am. NSCU Centre. Free.



Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel


A Statue Apology After half a century, birth defect survivors get weak apology from those who caused their suffering Victoria Fawkes × Writer It has been over 50 years since Grünenthal, a German pharmaceutical manufacturer, released a drug called thalidomide that was used to treat morning sickness and aid in sleep, but in exchange caused horrible and irreversible damage to unborn babies in the form of birth defects. Now, half a century and a superficial apology later, Grünenthal is hoping to compensate those whose lives they ruined in a different way: by erecting a statue of a giant armless baby. The statue, which depicts a large bronze child with disfigured arms sitting beside an empty chair, is no doubt a touching and deeply metaphorical sentiment to victims of the thalidomide crisis, at least in the eyes of Grünenthal. The actual victims of the crisis, however, are outraged. The majority of victims that have spoken out have called the weak apology insulting, and see the recent repenting of the company to be far too little and too late. Lawyers for Australian victims of the disaster have described the company’s apology as “pathetic,” while survivors in other countries such as Japan and Canada have also seen the apology as not nearly good enough, especially considering how long the drug could have been kept on the market. Between 1959 and 1961, Grünenthal marketed the drug thalidomide as a pill advertised to cure

morning sickness. Unbeknownst to the expectant mothers who took the drug, thalidomide would go on to cause physical deformities such as shortened or malformed limbs, blindness, heart problems, and brain damage - something their unborn children would be cursed with their entire lives. What’s even worse is that new reports have surfaced showing that Grünenthal received warnings about the negative side effects of the drug, yet continued to sell it. Despite having multiple German physicians come forward to dispute the safety of the drug as early as two years before it was discontinued, Grünenthal continued to market the drug as harmless. According to still-unreleased files obtained by Fairfax Media, Grünenthal even allowed its own employees to take the drug. Consequently, the families associated with the company gave birth to deformed babies during the time in which the drug was sold. Despite all these privately raised concerns, thalidomide was kept on the market and doctors were told not to worry. Unfortunately, the drug continued to run until 1961, leading to over 10,000 crippling birth defects worldwide. Following the recall and resulting fallout of thalidomide, Diageo (then Distillers Biochimicals Limited), a U.K. manufacturing company, reached a compensation settlement for the families affected by the crisis. In 2005, Diageo doubled the compensation payouts previously reached, and in 2009, the U.K. government accepted a £200 million grant to

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46 issue N o . 03

ft. celina from the cap courier


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ok vancouver ok and slight birching october 6th, 7pm lucky’s comics (3972 main st.) all ages $5.00

completely ignored the situation, and tried to get be paid over three years to the Thalidomide Trust. out as unscathed as possible, with their funds and Although the thalidomide tragedy is no doubt a reputation intact. Only now is it coming to light serious tragedy for all involved, some good has the true callousness and deceptive lengths to which come from the actual drug. In 2008, the Euro- Grünenthal went to after the situation arose. The statue erected by Grünenthal, called “The pean Medicines Agency approved thalidomide for Sick Child,” is hardly a means to an end for the a treatment for bone marrow cancer. As if it wasn’t outrageous enough that Grünen- company, and it shouldn’t be. So, with the floodthal allowed the drug to be sold after multiple gates opened as a result of a weak apology by the warnings followed by an enormous and ultimately corporation that has caused so much pain and suffailed cover-up attempt, Grünenthal has only just fering, those affected by the thalidomide crisis can recently issued a public apology. "We ask that you fight for their rights. Justice will undoubtedly be regard our long silence as a sign of the shock that served, hopefully in the form of a big fat cheque your fate caused in us,” said Harald F. Stock, Grü- in each deserving victim’s pocket. nenthal Chief Executive Officer. "We wish that the thalidomide tragedy had never happened. We see both the physical hardship and the emotional stress that the affected, their families and particularly their mothers, had to suffer because of thalidomide and still have to endure day by day," he explained, during a public speech in the West German city of Stolberg. No matter how heartfelt the apology may seem, it is completely impossible for a corporation to be so shocked by their own negligent actions that they are unable to issue any kind of statement for half a century, especially in a situation that will negatively affect people their entire lives. In addition, if Grünenthal truly was sorry they would have taken full responsibility, immediately apologized and compensated those affected. Instead, Grünenthal ×× scarlett aubrey

Paul Ryan is Lyin' Why is Paul Ryan claiming a wrong marathon time? Carlo Javier × Writer Athletic prowess is impressive if true but disgraceful if fabricated, something that Republican vice-president nominee Paul Ryan is currently learning through the most difficult way possible public scrutiny. In a recent interview with American radio talk show host Hugh Hewitt, Ryan, an avid marathon runner, proclaimed that his best run was a “two hour and fifty-something,” an impressive time for a recreational runner. As expected in today’s Internet driven age, speculation and investigation blitzed the World Wide Web so fast no one would’ve questioned its time. The track dedicated website of Runner’s World eventually got to the truth and revealed that Ryan’s mentioned time was off – drastically off. His “two hour and fifty-something” ballooned to a 4:01.25 performance. A spokesperson on Ryan’s behalf released a statement to Runner’s World admitting his lapse of memory. "The race was more than 20 years ago, but my brother Tobin—who ran Boston last year—reminds me that he is the owner of the fastest marathon in the family and has never himself ran a sub-three. If I were to do any rounding, it would certainly be to four hours, not three. He gave me a good ribbing over this at dinner tonight." Now only Ryan knows whether this was a simple, careless mistake or a good-natured boastful lie. But a lie is a lie. It’s easy for the public to assume that this is such, because mistakes like these don’t happen — they rarely ever do — and it would be difficult to be off by that drastic of a measure. Runners get so meticulous with their recorded time, that if the seconds are on par, then the milliseconds are used as deciding factors. During his speech at the Democratic National Convention, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid — an avid runner himself — said,

“We runners don’t lie about our time.” Ryan now has a number on his back, not unlike marathon runners. Everything he says on record is ready to be analyzed and scrutinized, and not surprisingly, he’s become somewhat of a joke amongst American politicians. "You know, I'm not here to boast about my marathon time, but I bet I could outrun him," said the 72-year-old Reid during his speech at the Democratic Convention. "I've run a few marathons, okay? I'm not a great marathon runner. I know how hard it is to run a three-hour marathon. As soon as I saw him say that, I knew he was being dishonest.” Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius quipped during the Democrats’ convention: "Anyone who starts with the notion that you have to make up your marathon time tells you all you need to know about Paul Ryan." Indeed, Ryan is working under a microscope. According to the Daily Mail, three years ago Ryan told his hometown newspaper that he had climbed almost 40 of Colorado’s 54 mountains, each being at least 14,000 feet tall. So is Ryan a dedicated mountain climber as well? Or are his calculations once again hyperbolic? Furthermore, the Globe and Mail, in cooperation with doctors at McGill University, recently analyzed a claim Ryan made two years ago to In this interview Ryan said that he keeps his body fat levels between six and eight per cent. Dr. Ross Andersen, Canada Research Chair in physical activity and health at McGill University labeled this as “highly unlikely.” For comparison’s sake, during the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Michael Phelps’ body fat level was at eight per cent. A healthy body fat percentage for men is between 10 and 24 per cent; Ryan’s claim of maintaining a six to eight per cent level would make him an Olympic level athlete, which is obviously impossible since he couldn’t even run a three hour marathon. Ryan’s overt exaggeration of his love for athletics

only builds his reputation as a dishonest politician. But he’s not doing himself any favors here; why put yourself in the vulnerable position of scrutiny during such a precarious time? It’s a given, and is common, that politicians tend to promise and lie their way into power, but why with a claim so insignificant, and trivial? The New York Times’ Paul Krugman writes, “I know, [the marathon time] sounds trivial. But I remember the 2000 campaign, when Al Gore was constantly hounded by claims of fibbing on trivial issues — claims that, by the way, were all, as far as I could tell, fabricated. These alleged fibs supposedly showed some deep defect in his character. So if Ryan is making false claims about his physical prowess, this is absolutely fair game.” As expected, his convention speech has been thoroughly analyzed and fact-checked by well-known publications such as the Huffington Post and the Washington Post. In an article by the Huffington Post, Ryan was quoted as having said that President Obama took away $716 billion out of Medicare, while ignoring – or possibly forgetting, since he always seem to – that he himself used the same budget cuts as the Chairman of the House Budget Committee in the U.S House of Representatives. Additionally, Ryan blasted Obama for closing a GM plant (which Obama promised to keep open back in 2008) in Ryan’s hometown of Janesville, Wisconsin, when the truth is that the plant was settled to close in June of 2008, with George W. Bush still in power. The heart of the matter here is that Ryan is either an incredibly nonchalant and careless politician who’s in desperate need for a strong fact-checking help system, or he’s an outstanding one, who knows that the key to politics is the impressive charisma and the bending of truths. Ryan’s antics only support the already well-known notion that politicians lie. But if he can lie this easily while attempting to get into power, what will he lie about if he should become vice-president?

The Political Lie Awards By Leah Scheitel Opinions Editor Bronze: BILL CLINTON. The same charismatic attributes that it takes to be president apparently are also the same ones that get you laid by 23-year-old interns. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Bill claimed. Yes you did. You just lied about it. Silver: BEV ODA Way to go to a impoverished children’s conference and demand that the Canadian taxpayers fork out extra money for you to stay at the Savoy rather than the complimentary hotel the organizers had arranged. Also, you totally deserved that limo that escorted you around that weekend, that was once again charged to the taxpayers until you were found out. You worked so hard lying for it. Gold: GEORGE W. BUSH “We have discovered weapons of mass destruction in Iraq,” declared then-President Bush, causing mass hysteria and a huge war. The U.S. Army moves, attacks and…no weapons were ever found. Nearly a decade later, and the war wages on. The lie that plagued a decade.

Against Her! Tomas Gable becomes Laura Jane Lauren Gargiulo × Writer


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of the day all that matters is that you have good people in your life. I’m me. I’m not transgender, I’m a woman. I’m not going to wave a giant flag around; I’m just going to live. That’s probably what Grace wants too.” Against Me! is also standing behind their lead singer. “We didn't want to make it melodramatic," states Against Me! bassist, Andrew Seward. Seward and the rest of Against Me! were interviewed by MTV shortly after Grace came out as transgender. "It was kind of simple in a way. It sounds cheesy, but it's not: You just want your friend to be happy. When this came out, I think the bottom line for all of us was just 'be happy.'" On the MTV interview Grace also talked about some of the backlash she’s having to deal with. Despite having her immediate family and band behind her, her relationship with her father has “completely ended” due to her transformation. With her wife and daughter, her band, and a large fan base behind her, Laura Jane Grace’s transformation is proof that identifying with a different gender doesn’t have to shatter careers or lives. “It's not going to be this big reveal,” Grace told Rolling Stone about her transformation. "I'm still the same person I've always been."


“They’ve been around for so long I’m sure this isn’t the first time they’ve been given shit. His mind is still the same. Same brain, same level of skill, same awesome songwriter. His songs have always been brutal, blunt and real.” For those who think this will affect her career as a musician, Phoenix argues that this may only help it by pushing their band into the spotlight: “Judging by the response from Against Me!’s fans—which is a super tight fan base, they’ll be fine. If anything - this will be good for her career. Look at all the exposure and PR they’re getting.” All throughout Against Me!’s 15 year run, Grace has felt alienated from a “glorified boy’s club,” meaning punk music. Grace understands that she still has a long way to go before she becomes fully confident but is feeling happy with who she is. "However fierce our band was in the past, imagine me, six-foot-two, in heels, fucking screaming into someone's face." she said in an interview with Rolling Stone. "For me, the most terrifying thing about this was how [Grace’s wife Heather] would accept the news," she says. "But she's been super amazing and understanding." Heather is standing behind Grace’s decision and along with their two-year-old daughter, Evelyn, will continue to be a family. Wanting to be surrounded by family is something that Nikki Young identifies with: “At the end

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The punk rock ballads of Against Me! may become more female friendly, as lead singer and songwriter Tomas Gable now identifies as a woman, and will continue to lead his life as one. Now going by Laura Jane Grace, the punk rock singer came out as transgender in May 2012. Just two weeks after she announced that she would now be living and identifying as a woman, Against Me! played their first show with Laura Jane Grace fronting. A fan that was at the show told Forbes. com: “When they started playing “The Ocean” and she sang the lines, ‘If I could have chosen I would have been born a woman / My mother once told me she would have named me Laura / I would grow up to be strong and beautiful like her’, the entire crowd just started cheering. It was a beautiful thing.” With their 2012 release Transgender Dysphoria Blues on its way, a live version of the title track is all over the Internet. So far, Grace sounds just like Tomas Gable did, but there is a question of what the transformation will do to his voice and to the band. Nikki Young (whose name has been changed), an 18-year-old transgender from North Van-

couver, came out as transgender three years ago and states that voice surgery for a singer isn’t a good thing. “You sound really monotone. You just learn to talk higher. As a singer it shouldn’t be too difficult. Then she just needs to find her singing voice.” This is a major milestone in the trans culture, as never before has a singer of any popular band come out as transgender. While most transgendered people adopt the life into their new lives with little public scrutiny, Grace’s transformation will be monitored by the world. Sure, the public knows that Freddie Mercury was flaming, and that Billie Joe Armstrong, along with the rest of Green Day, dress in drag, but not a single person in the music business with such a high profile as Grace has changed their gender. Adding more restraint is that Grace is in punk rock, one of the most testosterone driven genres of music. “For me, it’s just, if you can play and you’re having a good time, that’s awesome,” explains Vancouver-based musician Tommy Phoenix, “But a lot of people don’t see it like that. She’s probably going to get shit, but that’s pretty much punk in a nutshell.” Phoenix plays bass for a female-fronted punk band called The Deadsets, and understands that the punk rock audience can be a harsh one to please.



Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel


Human Fur What's Wrong with a little hair down there? Katherine Gillard × Writer It is an absurd oxymoron: Kim Kardashian will wear animal fur to be fashionable but refuses to wear her own. She has openly stated: “Literally, at 12 years old I had a bikini wax. I had an appointment once a month on a specific day, like every Friday we’d go and get the inside of our brows waxed and a bikini wax.” So if Kim Kardashian has been waxing since she was 12, we should all be waxing, right? This phase has become even more popular in the past few years with celebrities and the media focusing on the “necessity” of being free of hair downstairs. Everyone who has experienced waxing knows how much it hurts, and those who haven’t experienced it understand that it’s not exactly pleasant. The most common wax is the bikini wax, which is where you are waxed just along your bikini line. A Brazilian wax removes all of the hair from your privates but leaves you with a small hairy patch that is optional (commonly named a landing strip). An L.A. wax removes all hair in your lower region including your hair in between your buttocks and the “landing strip.” A wax job can cost anywhere from $40 to $85 per wax, depending on whether you opt for a bikini, Brazilian or L.A. wax. So, let’s say you get waxed once a month for a year, you are spending $480-$1020 on your hair removal annually - and maybe spending even more if you are getting more of your body waxed. According to the Independent, waxing in 2011 cost Americans $2.1 billion. Canada can’t be far behind. Sheryl-lyne Scarrott, an esthetician at Elements Wellness Centre on West Broadway in Vancouver says, “The age group coming in to get waxed is women anywhere from 12 years old to about 75

years old, as well as men from 25 years old to 50 years old. The largest group is women from 17 years to 35 years old.” Women around 17 years old to early 20s are the most likely to be getting full Brazilian waxes, whereas other women are more likely to get underarm, bikini or half leg waxes. Scarrott commented that, “I’ve noticed that often women will get Brazilians to coincide with a special date such as an anniversary, birthday, etc. Brazilians are not as popular with men because they think it is too painful.” Pubic hair has become taboo, and women are more encouraged to rip it out than men. Websites such as features Q&A’s dedicated to how close to your wedding you should get waxed, and shows like Sex and the City place shame on women who prefer to bare a bush. Despite this, singer Amanda Palmer has taken the view of choice and even written a song about how offended she was to discover that mothers were having their eight and nine-year-old daughters waxed. “Map of Tasmania” is her ode that preaches about doing what you want with your own pubic hair. With lyrics such as, “Soft and sweet and shaped like a triangle / Some girls want no shape and they shave it all / That’s so whack it hurts with the stubble / Walking ‘round and look like an eight-year-old / I say grow that shit like a jungle / Give ‘em something strong to hold onto / Let it fly in the open wind / If it gets too bushy you can trim.” Last year, Palmer told SPIN magazine, "I think if I have any purpose at all, it's to stand up there and say, 'Oh, no, no, no, no, girls. You totally have a choice. You can wax it, you can shave it, you can grow it out, and this really is up to you.' That's the way that I feel about everything, that you just need to know there's a choice out there." There are many downsides to hair removal.

Upon the removal of pubic hair, the skin is left sensitive and tiny open wounds appear. This combined with the moisture surrounding your genitals increases risk of bacteria. Increased risk of bacteria means your risk of infections such as Group A streptococcal, staphylococcus aureus, folliculitis, irritated skin and yeast infections. Shaving can also cause infections if your razor becomes dull and you cut your skin. Other options such as sugaring or depilatories (products like Nair and Veet) can cause burning or rashes. The best way to avoid this risk is to avoid hair removal. There are ways to avoid the pain if you are firm in your need for a Brazilian. “Brazilians are not as painful when you keep the hair at a quarter of an

inch,” explains Scarrott. “If the hair is longer than this then the wax can snag on the hair that is not being wax and that’s what really hurts.” If you are a regular user of any of these products, it is important to keep in mind how you need to exfoliate to try to avoid painful ingrown hairs and infection. You may also want to consider giving the hair removal a break. Allowing the hair to grow where it wants to will give both the body and the wallet a much needed recovery from the pain of waxing.

×× Rebecca Joy

Question: What do you think of our infatuation with waxing pubic hair?

“I think that personally I like it. I think it looks nicer and more cleanliness and hygienic.“ -Rachelle Palkovsky

“Yes, I definitely believe that females should wax. I think it’s better for everybody. As for males, I don’t think waxing is necessary but maybe a little grooming.” -Stuart Heaven

“Wax to a point. Keep it clean, I don’t think I’d wax or anything but keep it clean.” -Raymond Desjardins

the capilano courier



46 issue N o . 03

CAp Creeper PUBES?


“If you’re a bikini model, you probably should get that all taken off, forever. Nobody wants to see that. At the same time, if you’re super busy, hiker, don’t care, whatever, then don’t spend the money. It’s your personal choice.” -Coco Blann


SPORTS Editor ×

Sarshar Hosseinnia

× s p o r t s e d it o r . c a p c o u r i e r @ g m a i l . c o m

Sunday's Best Top five NFL quarterbacks since 2000 Christina Lamanes ×Writer With Peyton Manning returning to the field after a year off due to injury, the fans of the Denver Broncos are buzzing about the role he will play this season. With this excitement, we’ve decided to take a look at the top five quarterbacks in the NFL since 2000. These athletes have impressive resumes, won numerous awards and, while I won’t attempt to list all of their achievements, I’ve included most of the important ones. 5. Aaron Rodgers: Yes he hasn’t been around as long as the other guys but A-Rod has some serious potential. Since 2005 he has managed to get a passing completion of 65.5 per cent and 251.9 yards passing per game. His 2011 Super Bowl win with the Green Bay Packers led to him claiming the Super Bowl MVP title. He’s the only player in all of NFL history to throw over 45 touchdowns in a single season—and did I mention he’s only 28? 4. Brett Favre: The odd man out on this list as he’s no longer active (Favre retired in 2011), but since this is the top five QBs of the last 12 years, there’s no way he could be left out. Favre had a ridiculously good career that even rehab and sexting couldn’t ruin: 508 career touchdowns, 71,838 passing yards, the most consecutive games played, the most consecutive games started - the list goes on and on. He was rated as the 20th NFL player of all time, and he was able to prolong speculation that he started about his supposed retirement…for 10 whole years! That takes talent.

3. Drew Brees: Why Drew? Well, his resume reads just like the others, 265.4 yards per game and a 65.7 per cent completion. What stands out about Brees is his enormous staying power. He was drafted in 2001 but 2010 was his year - winning the Excellence in Sports Performance Yearly Award (ESPY) for Best Male Athlete, Best Championship Performance, Best NFL Player, and Best Team. He was also named Super Bowl MVP after leading the New Orleans Saints to the title, which turned out to be one of the most inspiring wins in football history and revived a city ravaged by Hurricane Katrina.

only two people ahead of him are the almighty Brett Favre and Miami legend Dan Marino. Not to mention he’s the Colts all-time leader in almost every category and up until last season, the guy had never missed a game - even David Beckham couldn’t do that.

×× katie so 2. Tom Brady: Brady has featured in five Super Bowls since his debut in 2000 and out of those he’s won three. He has 303 career touchdowns and passes an average of 248.7 yards per game, with a completion rate of 63.9 per cent. On top of that, Brady has been named all of the following at least once: Super Bowl MVP, AFC Offensive Player of the Year, NFL Offensive Player of the year, NFL MVP, Patriots all-time leader (for passing touchdowns and passing yards). There isn’t enough room in the entire Courier to list all of Tom Brady’s accomplishments, and on top of that he’s married to a supermodel. 1. Peyton Manning: Who else but “The Sheriff.” He’s got 402 career touchdowns, he averages 263.4 passing yards per game with a 65 per cent completion average and he’s about a season away from hitting 60,000 passing yards.While these stats may not mean much to the casual sports fan, in the football world it’s kind of a big deal. The

Higher Ground Locals stoked to shred the gnar - but which slopes will they be ridin’? Graham Matheson

for adults, which is cheaper than their competitors. For Capilano students, Seymour is also the closest option to school, and Seymour can be accessed by Mount Seymour Parkway, in the Parkgate community of North Vancouver. So tighten your bindings and bust out the boards this winter because Vancouver's local mountains are stepping up their game, and so should you. Ask around for used and unwanted equipment if you're strapped for cash, as most people's parents' basements are teeming with retro gear. Skiing and snowboarding are one and the same, and the best that a West Coast winter has to offer is up in the mountains. So go big, “shred the gnar,” and soon you’ll realize “if you're lucky enough to be in the mountains, you're lucky enough."

× volume

46 issue N o . 03

limited space, it’s best to avoid it on weekends and holidays, especially during nice weather. If you do find that you're waiting an hour in the Screaming Eagle Chairlift lineup, move on to the Olympic Chairlift, where a shorter line is all but guaranteed. Grouse stays open until 10 p.m. every night, offering plenty of time to enjoy the pleasures of the mountain. Terrain on Grouse varies from beginner to advance, and after school/work skiing is a popular choice during slow days on the mountain. An adult ticket starts at $58 and drops to $10 after 4 p.m. Keep an eye out for special events such as their Free Day and the 24 Hours of Winter event, where the mountain stays open overnight. Last but certainly not least is Seymour Mountain. Seymour is relatively unknown and un-ridden except to those who call it “home,” though it offers some of the best terrain parks in the area. Where Seymour lacks in terms of trails they make up for with a superior parks system. Lights adorn the parks, allowing for late night “jib sessions” and “box jams.” The companies that sponsor the mountain have created unique features for the park, which is a blessing for freestylers. There are four terrain parks that are accommodating to both beginners and those at an advanced level. Tickets are $51

the capilano courier

× Writer Autumn has arrived, and for a lot of people in the Lower Mainland that means one thing: ski and snowboard season is here. Tall-tees are being broken out (if they were ever put away), spring edits and summer jam sessions are being revisited, and things like "hesh lines," "gnar pow," and "turkey sale" are being heard at a growing rate. And it’s not just the die-hard ski bums who are getting amped on carving some lines, almost everyone appears to be anticipating the blustery conditions B.C. is notorious for. However, one thing isn't so clear - which mountains are the best to “shred.” Whistler Blackcomb is by far and away the hotspot for both locals and tourists, as the resort is renowned for producing superior skiable terrain in North America. One can expect to find trails for all levels of ability, complete with parks and half-pipes, acres of backcountry and big mountain terrain. However, Whistler is also a one and a half hour drive from the North Shore, and roughly three hours from the Tri-Cities area. This means one would have to make a day of it, and frankly, Vancouverites just don’t have that much time on their hands.

Fear not - Vancouver boasts three alternative ski mountains that are just as “gnarly” as Whistler and much more accessible: Cypress Mountain is located in West Vancouver along the Sea to Sky Highway and generally comes through as the local choice, boasting the most skiable terrain of the three. Their existing terrain park is currently being revamped to entice the die-hard freestylers, while creating a whole new entry-level park for people new to skiing or snowboarding. One note-worthy addition to their park is an airbag that will be set up so one can really “give'r” without the fear of crashing and burning. Cypress also added to their snowmaking and grooming roster, and is expecting to be ahead of the pack on snow quantity and quality. A full day ticket is $60 and for those celebrating their birthday, entrance is free. Next in line sits Grouse Mountain. Found at the top of Capilano Road, Grouse prides itself as Vancouver’s first and foremost ski resort. The problem with that status is that, on some days, it can be more popular than accommodating, and as local skier Jens Pedersen concedes, "forget waiting in an hour-long line just to ski a two minute run." Grouse offers two reliable chairlifts, with a third and fourth operating on what can be best referred to as an “unpredictable timetable.” Because of its



the capilano courier



46 issue N o . 03

the caboose

caboose Editor ×

Scott Moraes


The Gulag Elyse Maloway ×Writer

As far as the eye can see: Skeletons. Skeletons which ought to be unmoving in the frozen earth, but which lilt eerily about. Each visible, identifiable bone shifts as the corpses walk, swinging their picks in vain assaults against nature. They are repulsive to watch, hips clicking abruptly in stride: a rhythmic motion to count out the time. But who am I to be frightened of such tortured creatures when they are mirrors of my own decay? Generals and soldiers, politicians and peasants are indistinguishable from one another for we all wear our skins loosely now: a classless society. Equal, but only to each other. The growling of our empty stomachs is matched only by that of the guard dogs; furious beasts we are assured are our superiors. Beady eyes flitting furtively around, the dogs feast on great bowls of meat, ropes of saliva oozing between mouthfuls. We salivate too, longing for just one bite of such extravagant fare. Strange that such jealousy is felt toward dogs. Despite their ample diet, the canine appetite is indiscriminate to humans; a new man tried to run the other day, he was strong from working on a collective farm, but no match for the dogs. They caught up to him near where I was chipping away at the ground, my limbs crystallized in frost. Trained as killers, the beasts attacked, turning the snow red. Steam was rising from the man’s torn fresh, the warmth of life seeping into frigid Siberian air to be lost. He would have bled to death even if the guard hadn’t shot him. We all bent quickly back to our work, the smell of blood warning us of what happens to fools. For the first time that night, when the dogs’

bowls were piled high, I did not envy their meal. So long I have supped on only thin soup and petrified bread, wasted away and worked like a slave, and for what am I prisoner? For murder? For espionage? No. They told me I was guilty of sabotage after a machine in the factory where I worked broke down. It makes no difference that I am innocent, the gulags are like living entities: always hungry, always sweeping more men and women into their deadly soup pot. Perhaps that is why they do not feed us: healthy prisoners would slow the cogs of the machine. We are building a canal from the White Sea to the Baltic Sea. I do not know what that means, I’ve never seen a map, and couldn’t read it if I ever came across one, so I suppose it doesn’t matter. Our picks and wheelbarrows are crude and the rough, unfinished handles bite at exposed flesh so that numbness is welcome. Our detail is supervised by an armed guard. There aren’t enough weapons for every soldier, but the prisoners are so weak, they hardly need armaments.

I heave the pick over my shoulder and swing it down into the icy soil, feeling my body protest. Nearby, a young woman called Adla works, shovelling what little earth I can loosen into a creaking wheelbarrow. She is hunched and seems much older than when she arrived. I look out for her, give her what protection I can, from the guards and from the other prisoners. With a grunt, I swing the pick again, but I may as well have been hitting steel for all the progress it made. I glance around; Adla is standing very still, eyeing me

furtively. I ready myself to make another stroke, frowning, wondering. She hasn’t spoken much lately, not even to me, which makes me nervous… for the both of us. What is she thinking? On the pretext of wiping my brow, I look again to where Adla has stopped shovelling and try to discern her expression. There is fear in her face, but that is not uncommon in the gulag. Behind that, there is also something steely and unsettling: resolve. A second before I realize what she is about to do, Adla is running. The clang of her shovel on rock alerts the guard, who spins to face me. I try to move to block his view, but he is too fast. A gunshot cracks in the bleak stillness. Adla crumples to the snow. The guard nods solemnly and is about to turn away. Then, for good measure, he shoots me too.

× Susan Li

GET A JOB think you can bring it? and bring it on, again? bring it on: in it to win it?


46 issue N o . 03



phone: 604.984.4949

the capilano courier

the capilano courier is hiring writers, illustrators and photographers.


the caboose

caboose Editor ×

Scott Moraes


THE Shot gun reviews




Leah Scheitel

Ashley Barraclough

Carlo Javier


Dear Mr. Bike Thief; Wow, you are determined. You slashed two strong locks to be that asshole who stole my bike. You made it my worst day. First, my date bails on me, and I have to suffer through the Lions game alone. Second, a 250-pound guy accidentally slips in the aisle and spills his overpriced beer all over my seat. And finally, I come out to find that you had taken my beautiful bike. The most pathetic part is that you had nothing better to do on a beautifully sunny Saturday afternoon. Nothing better, really. Here is a list of things that would have been so much cooler to do than stealing bikes: played chess in the park, read Pride and Prejudice, knitted a scarf, eaten two KFC Double Downs in a row just to see if you could, or popped zits in your bathroom mirror. Anything would be infinitely cooler than stealing my bike. Hell, if you had tried to steal my bike when I was locking it up, I would have even invited you to the football game. So really, Mr. Bike Thief, keep this list in mind when contemplating your next heist. These things make you a better human. Stealing bikes doesn’t. I hope my bike bucks you off into oncoming traffic. Love always, Leah.

Women's bathrooms in any bar or club are a Mecca of female empowerment and support; one of the rare places where encouraging compliments are given honestly between total strangers over a sink, because there is no better bonding experience than the shared joy of being bulldozed by alcohol. But for the love of God! Toilet stalls are for people who gotta go. They are reserved for people in need, like the handicap seats on a bus. They are not prime opportunities to drunk-dial, gossip, or finish bacteria-laden Jagerbombs. Think of the poor souls shuffling desperately in line who broke the seal too early; while you're barricaded in the handicap stall taking “selfies”, innocent civilians are at risk of losing their bladder control and a shitton of dignity. It is indeed a sight to behold when you finally exit and girls in six-inch heels lunge for the free toilet like goddamned wildebeests. Look, I'm all for some shitfaced washroom bonding, but please keep the party at the sinks and out of the stalls. This ain't Westeros, I shouldn't have to fight you to sit on a throne.

To the people who refuse to sit down on an about-to-be-packed-bus, sit your ass down! Or at least move out of the way so that other people can move back and not only take a seat, but also clear space. Also if you choose to stand, or are relegated to stand because the bus is full (or because there’s that idiot who refuses to take the empty seat and is blocking the way) please kindly take your backpacks off so that you’re not contributing to the problem. Finally, ladies, if a guy stands up and offers you their seat, please just take it, because if you don’t, his pride is going to keep him standing, and both of you will just end up standing, and it’ll be awkward. Things like these should be written in the buses, instead of those “need a room?” ads. Kids just laugh at those.

Peter Warkentin Please, people. I'm imploring you. Begging, even. Can't we all just get along and not be complete assholes the second we go into a movie theatre? Do we need to be so stimulated that we can't just sit for two hours and watch something we paid good money for without proving to society that Sesame Street gave us ADHD? Come then, join me. Let's all stop texting, tweeting, and checking our Facebook, turn off our phones, stop talking to our friends, and not be that one guy who got so goddamned hammered before the show that he stood up in the middle of The Dark Knight, pulled out his limp member, started pissing alcohol-infused urine into the aisle, and then slouched back down in his own filth, only to ruin a dialogue scene for everyone and be escorted off the premises by security. Not like I've witnessed that exact event before or anything. Seriously, come on.

Emotional High five a very serious comic about very serious things that are serious. by stefan tosheff

Corpse paint How to get the ladies Mcgangbang Do not eat when sober, guys…

the capilano courier



46 issue N o . 03

Murdershack would you like fries with that?


Double vision You actually see less Bronies I just threw up in my mouth Beyonce’s tumblr She literally just posts pictures of herself Emoticons My mom used one by accident once Canada: spelled with a nad. Movember Is not how you spell November Graveyards They don’t have wi-fi

Capilano Courier Volume 46 Issue 3  

The Capilano Courier's third issue for the 2012/2013 year. In this issue: DIY Venues, Podcasts, Paul Ryan, Against Me!, Pubic Hair, Quarterb...

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