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BIKES & BEERS

SUMMER 2014

SUMMER CALENDAR

F REE

FESTIVAL TIPS


CAPILANO Courier Summertime Madness

@capilanocourier

@capcourier

Capilanocourier.com

Leah Scheitel, Editor-in-Chief

“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.” – Taylor Swift Oh boy! It’s almost summer. The season of sunburns, late-night sunshine and bike rides. My favourite thing to do is to grab a six-pack and my friend (and trusted production manager) Andrew, and ride into the sunset. It’s Andy’s favourite time of day, as he calls it “pants-o’clock”. It’s the time where most of the Lululemons are nearly see-through. We usually stop on the Burrard Bridge, where we have an in-depth discussion about babes. On my favorite ride together, we decided that nothing was our fault — the Not Our Fault pact of 2013. That philosophy got me through many a tough time with dudes. Whatever the reason why anything is blowing up in my face, Andy would remind me that it’s not my fault, and then we’d go for another bike ride. The anticipation of summer is swarming. The days are getting longer and the smell of freshly cut grass is more prominent every day. Because we love summer so much, we wanted to share our love with a special edition of the Courier. Eight pages, all colour, all summer. Andy turned his genius knowledge of bikes and beers into a two-page map. Looking for a place to impress a date this summer? This map will have a treasure spot just waiting to be discovered. Kristi Alexandra slapped us with her wit one last time, and created a list of events to attend in the summer. There is no excuse to be bored in the summer with this gem of a calendar

to let you know what’s up. Or, if staying at home and BBQing is your favourite summer sport, be sure to read David Young’s piece on BBQ tips. They may just make you the ultimate entertainer. This issue may be a mere eight-pages yet it is over-flowing with the best of summer. Faye Alexander narrates everything you must and must not do. Kids be warned — protect your sandcastles. Then there is always the potential for a summer romance. Justin Timberlake even serenades us about this topic. There is no better cure for the stress of school than a fleeting romance to ease the mind. If you don’t know where to find a cutie, take my advice and use Tinder. I downloaded Tinder last week as a joke, and it has now blown up my phone and my self-esteem. And remember that if it doesn’t work out, it’s not your fault, and bikes are the best thing to put between your legs anyways. This is our last time mustering at the Maple Dumpster for the year, and we are putting together this issue while wearing Hawaiian shirts and sucking on drinks with umbrella straws in them. We are creating this issue as an ode to summer, and a goodbye to exams, essays and campus for a bit. While I’m sad to leave the Courier for the summer, as it has been the light of my life for the past year, I am excited for the start of summer. Andy’s got a six-pack and our bikes await us.

What do people do in North Van? Commonly asked question by Katherine Gillard For many students attending Capilano University, the only reason to ever come to the North Shore is for class — even some students from the North Shore never venture further past CapU, or spend anytime nearby. However, there are many things to do around CapU and this will serve as a guide to everything within a 20-minute drive so that even summer students can have fun between classes. The easiest activity is a nice stroll through Rice Lake. A quick Google map search will show that it’s only a short drive North of CapU and serves as an easy hike, dog-walk or picnic area. The total of this easy hike is three kilometres so it’s perfect for anyone looking to do a little run after class. Along the road to Rice Lake there is also an entrance to the Baden-Powell trail, which can be hiked towards Horseshoe Bay or Deep Cove. For students looking to explore the area-surrounding CapU, it’s

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worth a shot to hike it towards Deep Cove — but make sure to wear some good shoes; this hike isn’t as easy as the one around Rice Lake. The Baden-Powell Trail will take hikers on to Quarry Rock, which is known for its stunning view of the ocean and Deep Cove, in the very corner of North Vancouver. Quarry can also be accessed from Deep Cove and hiked up instead of hiked onto. This requires hikers to start at the bottom entrance on Panorama Drive, which again can be found on a map or by asking anyone in Deep Cove, they’re all eternally happy around there. Once in Deep Cove, you can find the best doughnuts at Honey’s Goods. They will make any diner see doughnuts in a whole new way because they are basically large, sweet, deep-fried balls of dough that are made fresh every few hours. Nothing goes better with a hike or after a day of classes

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than a sticky sweet Honey’s doughnut. Another great thing about Deep Cove is that there are little beaches everywhere and the government dock serves as a great tanning spot. For those looking to get active, you can rent paddleboards, kayaks or canoes. If you really want to act like you’re from North Vancouver, you can do yoga on your paddleboard. For those looking to venture to the other side of North Vancouver while staying within 20 minutes of CapU, there’s Lynn Valley. One of the best parts of Lynn Valley is its free suspension bridge. That’s right, while everyone is paying a fortune to go to Capilano Suspension Bridge, there’s a free one a stone’s throw away. Although it isn’t as high, it still towers 50 metres high, and leads into a breathtaking view. Across the bridge there are also areas to swim and cliffs to jump off — although most

don’t suggest it because people have been seriously injured over there. Again, this trail also connects to the Baden-Powell trail that can take any hiker along between Deep Cove and Horseshoe Bay. So, for those taking classes this summer, there’s no excuse to not get outside and explore — the Baden-Powell trail will take you to everything within CapU’s borders from cliff jumping to suspension bridges to view points with doughnuts. Students with a U-Pass can easily take the 212 Deep Cove to Quarry Rock, or the 210 Lynn Valley to the suspension bridge. All in all, there’s no excuse to just stay indoors if you’re taking a summer class, North Vancouver caters to those looking for a little adventure with a doughnut on the side.

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Capilano Courier

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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Editor-in-Chief ....................... Leah Schietel Copy Editor ........................ Kristi Alexandra Art Director .............................. Cheryl Swan Layout/Design ................Andrew Palmquist Managing Editor .................... Scott Moraes Business Manager ..................... Ricky Bao News Editor ...................... Katherine Gillard Features Editor ................... Therese Guieb Opinions Editor ................. Faye Alexander Marketing/Web .................. Lindsay Howe Staff Writer ...............................Carlo Javier Arts + Culture ............................ Andy Rice Caboose Editor ................ Jeremey Hanlon

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The swimmer's itch.

Bikes, Beers and Babes

Event-full Summer

Do's and Dont's

Grab your bike and a helmet

Mark your calendar, there is fun to be had

Get naked, kick a sand castle

Jana Vanduin

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.


Laying siege to the fest How to successfully sack a music festival with minimal casualties by Jeremy Hanlon As the end of the term draws nearer and nearer, a lot of y’all with time on your hands and music on your iPods will be thinking of going to see real live music for once. Maybe you want to try making the trek to a far-off music festival, like Sasquatch or Coachella, or perhaps you’re thinking of going local with Squamish Valley Music Festival and the newly rebooted Pemberton Fest. Whatever your inclinations are, you’re going to want to make sure you stay conscious long enough to actually enjoy the music — and maybe get some cool stuff on the cheap. Here are my tips for doing that and more.

Dress appropriately Sure, it’s cool that you have a bunch of Van City t-shirts and you want to show off your hometown pride, but do you know what’s cooler? Ironically, it’s the desert you’re camping in. Deserts, where tons of newfangled festivals occur, are hot as balls in the day and colder at night than the looks I get from the cafeteria ladies in the Birch building at night. It’s pretty important to make sure you’ve got light clothes, a hat and sunscreen for the day’s rays, but also a pretty formidable jacket for the nightly chill. Oh, and always bring a poncho. Festival rules state it will always rain at least once.

Leave early The reason for this should be obvious. Those who leave at noon for a festival starting the next day invariably end up waiting in a five-hour line to enter the campsite, pitching their tents in the dark, and losing valuable party time. It’s best to arrive at the campsite at least an hour before it opens, if not

Meet Jeremy. Jeremy has seen his way around a festival in his day. He’s been to Sasquatch! five years in a row, and was basically the guy his camp friends sought to stay alive and find their beds at four in the morning. In fact, he did the same for the Courier staff at a week-long journalism conference we all attended back in January. That’s why we’ve asked him to compile a list of pointers to get you through your next festival experience in one piece.

more. For concerts in the States, you’ll also need to factor in the time spent waiting at the border. The earlier you leave, the less likely you are to be stuck behind the guy who decided to smuggle his kids across the border for a discount gas-gathering expedition. I recommend leaving around 4 a.m. for border-hopping.

Flag yourself Want to know what makes it easy to find your friends and your site? A giant flag demarcating your camp among the thousands of others, with every one of you dressed up as Waldo. Life is a lot easier when you have creative ways of finding each other and keeping together. Do not neglect this. I still remember my first festival experience, when some guys I knew decided to try mushrooms for the first time at 3 a.m. at a 40,000-person campsite. Suffice to say, they hadn’t prepared rudimentary geographical landmarks and got very, very lost. Had it not been for a charitable marching band of Oregonians tripping on acid and periodically shouting “Screw you, Strombo!” I probably wouldn’t have ever seen them again.

Get creative Are the bouncers getting you down, confiscating your imported booze when you just can’t stand to pay 10 bucks for another Dixie cup of Coors Lite? Don’t be defeated. There are tons of great ways of smuggling that shit in. Most festivals allow people to bring in sealed bottles of water — but no other drinks — so just steam the cap off of that bottle without breaking the seal, replace the water with

vodka, and reapply. Easy as money laundering in Hong Kong. Also, if that doesn’t catch your fancy, fresh loaves of bread and sandwiches make great hidey-holes for samplers of rum.

Plan your meals ahead

live and/or know how eBay works? Material gloating is the best kind of gloating, and for that, you’ll need extra cash.

Keep hydrated

Don’t pay for food on-site. Ever. $12 for a medium Chow Mein? $9 for a burger sans fries? No thanks. You can always bring food into the fest, so go shopping at the grocery store a town over and grab easy meals like peanut butter and bananas, or canned beans. You already blew $300 on your three day pass — you don’t owe them another dime. Besides, you want merch, right? How can you really feel accomplished at seeing Bon Iver if you don’t get a shirt that proves that you saw him

I’m not your grandma, and I’m not going to tell you the whole “eight cups a day” spiel, but it is important to stay hydrated, unless you’re a literal tank. Of water, that is. Then you should be hydrating everyone else. If drinking it isn’t your thing, you could always bring a spray bottle and provide a pleasant mist for attendees inside the rave tent. All festivals have water refill stations on the grounds, because surprisingly enough, civilians dying of dehydration and sunstroke turns out to be bad press, not badass. Who knew?

depth it will offer. For many applications, however, salt and pepper may be all that is needed, especially for high quality meats and vegetables.

ting into the food to check is a cardinal sin. The juices will come flooding out and the meat will soon become dry.

Knowing when to stop

Letting it rest

Determining proper doneness is arguably the most challenging part of cooking for any backyard chef, but there are a few surefire ways to make sure that the food is pulled off the fire at the right time. “There is little to nothing that needs to be cooked on high at the grill,” says Brian Misko from House of Q in Surrey. “Most items are low to medium heat.” With that in mind, patience is required. Although it’s tempting, it’s best not to move the food around to check if it’s done on the bottom. Letting it properly sear will keep it from sticking to the grill. After flipping it and giving it another few minutes, a spectrum of tests can then be conducted to determine whether or not the food is ready. More experienced cooks can tell by eye alone, but an easier and more accurate way is to use a digital thermometer to measure internal temperature. For the not-so-well-equipped grillers out there, poking the meat with a finger can also help to tell how well-done it is. As meat cooks, it becomes firmer. For example, a rare steak will be squishy; a medium springy; and a well-done firm. This test can be applied fish or poultry as well. No matter which test is performed, however, resorting to cut-

Once removed from the grill, meat and poultry should sit under foil for several minutes before cutting or serving. Depending on the cut of meat, there can be “carryover cooking” for as long as 20 minutes after the meat is pulled out of the fire. “The outside of the food cooks the inside of the food by conduction,” explains Meathead Goldwyn from Amazing Ribs. “When we remove the meat from the heat, it continues to cook because the heat built up in the outer layers of the meat continues to be passed towards the centre.”

Getting all up in your grill Tips for rocking the BBQ by David Young

The right equipment

The right ingredients

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Sometimes, the simplest and the most primitive activity can create something that even modern technology cannot surpass. Any time a grill comes out of the storage, fires are lit, and a few friends are called, magic happens and the food just seems to taste better. So throw your freshest fare on an open flame and get creative on a sunny day this summer. Chances are, it’ll more than meat your expectations

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Barbecue beginners should avoid complicated foods that call for longer, more tedious cooking procedures. “Start out with foolproof foods that grill up nice and fast, like pork chops, steaks and chicken breasts,” suggests Shewchuck. Recipes do not need to be strictly followed but can be used as a guideline for the proper amount and combination of spices to use. Rubs and seasonings should be applied at least 40 minutes before cooking to allow them to be properly absorbed. No matter what, freshness is king. Exotic ingredients aren’t essential for a great meal, but taking the time to choose a fresh ingredient will certainly pay off on all levels. Checking the spice cabinet frequently to replace and dispose of old herbs and seasonings will also go a long way in achieving maximum flavour. The fresher the spice, the more

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Gas and charcoal grills both have their advantages. Nowadays, a barbecue can cost as little as $20 for a charcoal grill to $10,000 for a tricked-out gas grill with a built-in sound system. Gas grills are easier to light, control, and clean whereas charcoal offers a smoky taste that petrol-powered units cannot imitate. There are a few ways to light a charcoal grill — using charcoal with self-lighting additive, using lighter fluid, or using a charcoal chimney. The first two options have the negative side effect of possibly adding a chemical flavour to the food, so the third method is most recommended. Charcoal chimneys are inexpensive and easy to use, and

once lit, more charcoal can be added on top of the burning charcoal. Two layers should be enough for most grilling situations. Regardless of whether it’s fueled by gas or charcoal, North Vancouver BBQ expert “Rockin’” Ronnie Shewchuck, author of Barbeque Secrets Deluxe!, stresses the importance of keeping the grill clean. “Preheat your grill for about 15 minutes on high before you start cooking,” he says, “and use a grill brush to clean the cooking grates.”

THE CAPILANO COURIER

Open-fire cooking is the oldest cooking technique known to humankind. Satisfying on a primitive and instinctive level, there is something undeniably special about a BBQ in the backyard or in a campground on a sunny day. As Food Network’s Iron Chef Bobby Flay says on his website, “Grilling is the simplest, most basic cooking method there is. All you really need is food and fire.” And he’s right — grilling is a versatile culinary technique that offers all kinds of opportunities to be creative with the ingredients while keeping things simple. From steaks to veggies to fruits to flatbreads, the options are endless. With that in mind, here are some tips for a sizzling BBQ this summer.

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Granville Island Brewing

Dockside Brewing Co.

1441 Cartwright 10 am - 8 pm

1253 Johnston St. 10 am - midnight

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If you've gone under the flourecent Granville Island sign, you are close to cold beer. Make a right turn with the road and keep an eye out on your left. The Kids Market will be on your right. There are some fun games in there.

Legacy Liquore store

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Not just a lovely place for a the view, the Dockside brews their own beer. With a restaurant in tow, outside fireplaces, located just along the water's edge. This is a perfect spot to start or end your day. Anytime in between isn't bad either.

1633 Manitoba St. 10 am - 11 pm

33 Acres

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It is a library of booze. If you're along the False Creek seawall and see some giant bird sculptures, you are close to the Legacy Liquor store. Go inside. You'll be amazed. Perch up along the water with your bevie, but beware, the 5-0 is out in full force this season. Bring a beer coozie with you.

15 W 8th Ave. 11 am - 11 pm

Brewery Creek Store

Brassneck Brewery

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When you go into 33 Acres, don't be overwhelmed by the white walls. They made their beer so good they didnt have time to be bothered by which colour to paint. Grab a glass, heck, grab a growler and induldge.

2148 Main St. 2pm - 11 pm

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It smells wonderfully of timber and beer in here. Located just off the 6th Ave bike path this is a sure stop to fill your growler and be on your way. If you stick around make sure to try their sampler paddle. A couple great brews and you're on your way!

3045 Main St. 11 am - 11 pm

Steamworks

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Delcious beverages from all over the world. Located just about at the top of Main Street hill. Remeber what goes up, must come down. Check your brakes, It's all downhill from here. Thats the best part!

375 Water St. 11:30 am - 1 am

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East from here is Gastown and beyond, West from here is Stanley Park. Steamworks is a great middle point. Good for filling up your growler of grabbing some beer for the trail. If you feel like sitting there is a full on restuarant here!


BIKES, BEERS & BABES Keep the fun between your legs Staying hydrated during the summer is crucial. Whether drinking beer and riding a bike will keep you hydrated is debatable. But it will be some of the most fun you'll have all summer. I can hear my mother's voice saying, "Wear your helmet." I don't always listen to her, but in this scenario I think she's right. Booze + me + sun + babes + I'm not looking where I'm going = accident. So yes, wear a helmet, bring a bike lock, and some lights so you're seen when it gets dark. Chances are the 5-0 will pull you over at some point. You may scrape your knee, there will be a cute someone riding in the opposite direction, cars hate you, pedestrains are idiots, mothers love to walk in groups with their baby strollers. Just remember those manners you were taught and say, "excuse me". Or don't, and tell them to get the heck out of the way. Because after all, there are a lot of places to be. Late nights, later days. Have fun!

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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If I was superstitious, I'd think four ones would be pretty lucky. But then again getting to the Yaletown Brewing Company would be tricky. There are a lot of cracks in the road. It would be hard not to step on them.

961 Denman St. 10 am - 11 pm

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This is your last chance to stay hyrdated before getting into Stanley Park. And if you're feeling hungry there is a pub to grab food. Fuel up and hit the trail!

403 E Hastings St. 11 am - 1 am

Bomber Brewing

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If music, food and beer is up your alley make sure to stop at Pats Pub. But dont venture into the alley behind Pats Pub unless crack is up your alley. Either way, this is a good spot to stop for "the goods" and by "the goods," I mean beer.

1488 Adanac St. 11 am - 11 pm

Powell Street Brewing

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These guys fit in perfectly. Being along the Adanac Street bike path Bomber Brewing has installed a bike pump outside. Thank you Bomber Brewing! Don't get flat tires, don't get empty growlers.

1830 Powell St. 1 pm - 7 pm

Parallel 49

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Since opening their doors in 2012 Powell Street brewing has been pouring delicious beer into our glasses and into our growlers. Feel free to stop by for a beer tasting.

1946 Triumph St. 12 pm - 9 pm

Storm Brewing

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Here's a nice story. Parallel 49 was founded by 3 fellows who grew up a couple blocks from the now standing Parallel 49. Mike, Nick and Anthony would love to share their passion. Make sure to visit.

310 Commercial Dr. 10 am - 6 pm

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Storm Brewing thundered into the craft beer market in 1995. These folks are happy to fill your growlers, rent a keg, and give you a tour of their brewery.

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1111 Mainland St. 11:30 am - 3 am

Pats Pub

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Dover Arms

Yaletown Brewing Co.

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Calendar

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Kristi

@capilanocourier

@capcourier

CapilanoCourier.com

July 18

Vancouver International Jazz Festival

Ksenia Kozhevnikova Lana Del Rey

Vancouver Folk Music Festival

PNE Amphitheatre May 25 $66.50

Jericho Beach July 18 to 20 $65 to $140

Be young, be dope, be proud… be Lana Del Rey. Formerly known as Lizzie Grant, this songstress’ unparalleled vocals are coming to Vancouver. She may have completely flopped on her own song two years ago on SNL, but personally, I love her no less. So what if she lies about having had plastic surgery? This is a woman who knows how to love and to sing. Will anyone buy me a ticket please?

Held each year at Jericho Beach Park, the Vancouver Folk Music Festival brings back old favourites and introduces you to new music and artists. The folk festival is celebrating its 37th year at Jericho Beach, each year featuring more girls in flower head wreaths than the last. I’ll be one of those girls. Annual staples include tarot card readers, drum circles and varying cuts and styles of crocheted fashion fare. This year’s roster includes the Lemon Bucket Orkestra and Mokoomba.

Lady Gaga's artRAVE: ARTPOP Ball

David Lam Park June 21 and 22 $ - free

Rogers Arena May 30 $200

Vancouver International Jazz Festival is the largest music festival in British Columbia, offering over 300 concerts. It features more than 1800 musicians and 300 concerts at many major and minor venues, including two days at David Lam Park for free. Make like the ‘60s beats and learn that jazz was the quintessence of cool from these passionate “cool cats”.

Superstar dance-pop singer-songwriter and activist from New York City comes to unleash her freak show to Vancouver just five days after her fellow NYC nemesis Lana Del Rey unleashes her fervour on rain city. Who will sell more tickets? Well, Lana’s is already sold out — but with Lady Gaga’s at $200 a head, it might be a difficult task. Doesn’t Gaga know we’re all financially crippled by our high rents and underemployment? COME ON STEFANI.

June 14

Backstreet Boys

Die Antwoord

CBCMusic.ca Festival

The Gorge (Quincy, Washington) May 23 to 25 $325

Rogers Arena May 20 $29 to $85

Commodore Ballroom May 22 $35

Deer Lake Park June 14 $59.50

If taking all your shits in a steaming hot portapotty that’s shared with 25,000 other people and being unable to shower for three days while you bake in the desert-hot sun, strung out on psychedelics and warm whiskey sounds like your cup of tea, you should definitely spend $325 on this weekend music festival. Acts include Queens of the Stone Age, Die Antwoord, M.I.A., Foster the People, Kid Cudi, Haim, Neko Case and more… and they’ll all be sitting in wonderfully air-conditioned trailers with access to running water.

Another Carter makes his way back to Vancouver, and this time it’s not meth-faced party animal Aaron Carter. Nope. Instead it’s his washed-up brother, Nick, who once-upon-a-time was the main heartthrob of ‘90s boy band, Backstreet Boys. Knocking off hits like “Quit Playin Games With My Heart”, “Backstreet’s Back”, and “I Want It That Way”, BSB will struggle to keep up to the success of fellow boy-band member Justin Timberlake. But let’s face it, it just ain’t gonna be BSB.

The world’s weirdest rap group hails from South Africa, spitting out lyrics that are part-English and part-Afrikaans, Die Antwoord will command audiences at their sold-out show. The rap-rave band composed of Ninja, Yo-Landi Vi$$er, and DJ Hi-Tek is going to make Granville Street just a little funky, talking about “Rich Bitch”es and a particular “Butterfly”.

Do you know why weeknights at 10 pm are the best time to learn about new music? It’s because that’s when CBC Radio 2 plays The Signal, where tons of Canadian music talent is broadcasted for the first time. This all-ages event rounds up music you might otherwise have been none-the-wiser to. Featuring performances by Tegan and Sara, Spoon, Arkells, Hannah Georgas, Wake Owl, Chad VanGaalen, Belle Game, and Crystal Shawanda.

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Shambala Music Fest

Squamish Valley Music Fest

Burnaby Blues + Roots Festival

Pemberton Music Festival

Orpheum Theatre June 30, July 1 $30 to $80

Salmo River Ranch (Nelson, B.C.) August 6 to 11 $330

Squamish Logger Sports Grounds August 8 to 10 $150 per day

Deer Lake Park August 9 $40 to $65

Pemberton July 18 - 20 $279

Perhaps the only good thing to come from Australia to Canada in a very long time, unlike that Aussie surfer dude you contracted the clap from on that wild romp at the Same Sun Hostel on Granville Street. Australian alt-rock legends performing tunes from latest album Push the Sky Away, with guest Mark Lanegan. Nick Cave is so much better than that hook-up from Down Under.

Personally, this hippie-infused EDM fest sounds like a nightmare to me, but if you’re the kind of person who can survive on Kootenay water and ecstasy pills for three days straight, then you might be kind of into this. Featuring six stages, acts include Astronomar, Bizarnival, Christian Martin, Desert Dwellers, Eligh, Flinch, Gorgon City, Hedflux and more. Unlike other music fests this summer, your ticket price includes all three days of music and a camping pass. We really can’t complain about that!

This all-ages music fest is finally putting [places near] Vancouver on the map as far as strungout-on-drugs camping/music festivals go. With a little something for everyone, the Squamish Valley Music Fest boasts beautiful Pacific Northwest views and acts such as Black Joe Lewis, We Are the City, Rykka, Slam Dunk, Aidan Knight, and the Oceanographers. The bonus? You’re close enough to home that if you get a hangover and heatstroke at the same time, it’ll only take an hour down the mountain to recoup.

This all-day festival is for whiskey-drinkers and people who constantly have that blues ache, who started their love affair with blues musicians like Muddy Waters and BB King, but know that blues evolved just as well with artists like Shakey Graves, Blind Boy Paxton, Steve Kozak, Chic Gamine and Rich Hope and His Evil Doers — all of whom happen to be performing!

Pemberton Music Fest is back and it is going to blow your mind. Why waste an easy grand on Coachella when you could spend $279 for practically the same lineup? Sure, you may not spot Zac Efron walking by, but Kendrick Lamar is going to be there. Get some instant street cred without having to cross the border. And let’s face it - everyone you know will be going to this. To not miss out on all of the inside jokes, fork out the money and enjoy!

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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Sasquatch! Music Festival

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may june july May 02

Vancouver Tattoo & Culture Show

DOXA Documentary Film Festival

Vancouver Convention Centre April 25 to 27 $20

Various Theatres (Vancity Theatre, The Rio Theatre, The Cinematheque, Vancouver Playhouse) May 2 to 11 $12 per show, $150 festival pass

Remember that Chinese character tattoo you got on your lower back when you were 17? If your answer is, “How could I forget? It haunts me every day,” then here’s another reason to celebrate bad decisions. The Vancouver Tattoo and Culture show is a weekend-long affair celebrating the art of permanently inking yourself. Now in its fifth year, the tattoo and culture show includes tattoo contests, live entertainment, alternative model pageants, and much more.

DOXA, Documentary Media Society, is a Vancouver based non-profit, devoted to presenting independent and innovative documentaries to Vancouver audiences so they may come to see documentaries as an art form. This year’s roster includes titles like A Brony Tale, Fareighnheit 7-Eleven and The Galapogos Affair: Satan came to Eden. Rumour has it that you will see our Managing Editor, Scott Moraes, sitting in the back row at more than a handful of these shows and not-so-silently critiquing the cinematography and story arcs.

Bard on the Beach

Cirque Du Soliel's Totem

Wicked

Vanier Park June 11 to September 20 $35 per show

Concord Pacific Place May 15 to June 29 $45

Queen Elizabeth Theatre May 28 to June 29 $35

The quintessential literary Vancouverite’s festival, Bard on the Beach, returns yet again. This year sees the return of two audience favourites: A Midsummer Night’s Dream, directed by Dean Paul Gibson and The Tempest, staged by Meg Roe. There will be re-imaginings of Gibson and Roe’s hugely successful 2006 and 2008 productions and Bard presents a bold adaptation of Shakespeare’s Cymbeline, directed by Anita Rochon and Equivocation, written by contemporary playwright Bill Cain and directed by Michael Shamata.

No longer just reserved for doing a handful of psycho-tropes at that bachelor party in Vegas, Cirque Du Soliel brings its cast of uber-flexible performers to Vancouver for the summer. Totem boasts itself as a journey into the evolution of humankind from its original amphibian state to our ultimate desire to fly. Written and directed by multidisciplinary artist Robert Lepage.

A twist on the classic Judy Garland flick and novel by Frank L. Baum, The Wizard of Oz, Wicked is the hit Broadway musical about two very different sisters who will one day become Glinda the Good and the Wicked Witch of the West. Go for the literary surprise, stay for the Halloween costume inspiration. Winged monkeys may or may not make an appearance.

European Festival

Vancouver Mini Maker Faire

Swangard Stadium May 31 to June 1 $5

PNE Forum June 7 and 8 $12

The 17th annual European Festival is being held at Swangard Stadium in Burnaby. Experience the cultural booth displays, taste delicious European cuisine, watch traditional dancing and did I mention eating? It’ll be like the German Christmas market, except in the summertime. Down some Eurobeer and put a little extra sauerkraut on everything. Instagram the shit out of everything to brag to your less-broke peers who are actually spending the summer in Europe. I mean, they’re really missing out.

I have two words for you: STEAM PUNK. Part science fair, part county fair, and part something entirely new, Maker Faire is an all-ages gathering of tech enthusiasts, crafters, educators, tinkerers, hobbyists, engineers, science clubs, authors, artists, students, and commercial exhibitors. All of these “makers” come to Maker Faire to show what they have made and to share what they have learned.

Joe Rogan

Go To The Gun Range

Orpheum Theatre June 13 $46.50

Vancouver Gun Range Open Everyday $40 to $100

The man who filled up your TV screens in the ‘90s by yelling in young contestants’ faces to eat bugs or chill out in a fish tank full of scorpions on Fear Factor comes to the Orpheum Theatre this June. Now a wildly popular stoner, most noted for his mind-bending podcast, the less-in-shape Rogan will perform stand-up and perhaps ponder some things about the universe with a Vancouver audience. Fun fact: Rogan is also an ardent fan of R. Kelly, and promoted Kelly’s song “Real Talk” on his podcast. This is going to be great. Real talk.

Even though all their advertising blatantly states “The only indoor gun range in Vancouver!” this indoor shooting centre is located in PoCo, accessible by car or transit. It’s time to head to the suburbs for a good ol’ gun shooting time! Recently, going to the gun range has been popularized by our Conservative government and hot girls being hot on Instagram. Go for the shooting, stay for the Instagram likes.

Er' Day

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A remake of the classic 1954 film by Ishirō Honda, see scenes from in and around Vancouver as this CG-laden flick was filmed right here in B.C. Starring Breaking Bad and Malcolm in the Middle’s Bryan Cranston, the film retells the origin of Godzilla in contemporary times as a "terrifying force of nature." Even more terrifying than all of the Jurassic Park movies.

A Theatre Near You July 11 $12ish

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Charleton Heston’s legacy is the Planet of the Apes films, but this epic prequel will have you reconsidering the whole series. A growing nation of genetically evolved apes led by Caesar is threatened by a band of human survivors of the devastating virus unleashed a decade earlier. They reach a fragile peace, but it proves short-lived, as both sides are brought to the brink of a war that will determine who will emerge as Earth's dominant species.

UBC Endowment Lands All Summer Long $ - free Here’s a trek that is both a workout and yet requires a workout before you go, peel off your layers at Wreck Beach, Vancouver’s premiere nude beach. Just below a wild set of stairs lies a bustling culture of hippies, nudists and East Van hipsters looking for drugs, drinks and whimsical threads. Chow down on “Spirit Burgers” and contraband cocktails and check out the scenery. It’s… varied.

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If you are looking for cheap electronics, tools, records, antiques, nag champa or souvenirs, you can have fun searching for it. Sometimes trying to haggle for a better deal also works. In fact, it’s best to try this at every opportunity that you can. If a tiny statue of Buddha is priced at $5, you can get the price down to at least four fifty. My personal favourites are the faux fur jackets with coffee stains and the expired MAC products, all for $5 each.

A Theatre Near You May 16 $12ish

Wreck Beach

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

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703 Terminal Ave Every Saturday and Sunday $ 0.75

GODZILLA

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Vancouver Flea Market

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The do's & dont's of summer by Faye Alexander

DO: Slather on sunscreen

Summer is all about getting an enviable tan and wowing your pals with your new Pocahontasinspired skin tone. However, most dermatologists will tell you that “healthy glow” is actually just a nice way to say “sun damage.” I know, I know – do we really need to hear the C-word again? You’re a university student, you’re no dummy. You were accepted at Capilano University! You’re a fucking scholar. So look smart and slather on some white creamy lotion before you bask in the sun. And don’t be afraid to be hardcore about it. You know SPF15 doesn’t do jack, go for SPF50 like some kind of paranoid albino and keep your milky complexion extra milky. Keep in mind, fair skin is coming back into fashion — so by autumn, you are going to look pretty untrendy with that bronzed glow. Maybe someone could create the opposite of a spray tan? A white wash.

DON’T: Sport a two piece

I know you have been working on that bikini bod since New Year’s when you resolved to finally start taking that ass to the gym on the regular. All those squats, deadlifts and cardio have turned you into one svelte beach-ready babe — but you don’t need to go showing off in a too-small string two-piece. You know what’s really hot? A classic one piece. There is something sexy about rocking a look generally reserved for little kids in wading pools. Why not up the ante and add some inflatable arm supports? Cute is the new sexy, guys. Plus you don’t have to worry about diving in the ocean and losing your top to the tide. How many times have you dove in the pool only to realize your boobs have slipped out? Problem solved: ONE PIECE. Trust me, a two-piece is way too basic even on a body as dope as yours.

DO: Get your cooler on

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There is only one season a year where it is socially acceptable to drink sickly fruity coolers, and that season is summer. Between June and August, men and women alike can finally indulge in a pinkhued cooler without the social stigma that you’re into “bitch beer” — if it were February, you would just look pathetic. Keeping hydrated is key to having some fun in the sun, so stock up on the most obnoxious alcoholic options available like a bright blue VEX or a passion fruit Palm Bay. If you’re still worried about looking like a teenage girl try Rock Creek cider, the can is misleadingly manly for a dry apple cider, and I won’t tell anyone what you’re actually drinking. Something about long summer days spent outdoors gives everyone a hankering to get a little day drunk — the sugar content in these bottled bevvies will keep you alert, confident and more fun than a beach ball at a Nickelback concert.

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DON’T: Have a boo

Sorry all you happy couples out there, but summer is no time to be tied down to your “relationship”. In fact, your significant other should be swept away during your annual spring cleaning. A simple “Sorry baby, it’s just that it’s almost summer and this year I’d like to spend it with other people,” will suffice — statistically, your relationship isn’t likely to last anyway. Besides, if it’s true love, you can always get back together in September once you’re done your summer sampler. People always look their best in the summer months; chicks are wearing less clothing and dudes are topless even when it’s not appropriate to be topless. Everyone is getting hot and bothered in the balmy breeze and looking for love in all the wrong places. Make some mistakes this summer with some strange foreigners you’ll never have to see again. You may even pick up a new language or a fun new STD. You’re only young once — stability is overrated anyway.

DO: Get into EDM - and only use the abbreviation In Summertime, totally different music rules apply that would otherwise seem ill-advised and uncool. I’m not sure if it’s the sunstroke talking, but you’ll no longer be able to listen to your favourite Fleetwood Mac album (it’s Rumours, by the way) without getting all antsy in your pantsy. All you’ll want to hear is deafening electronic dance music with grimy beats that drop so sick your face will melt off. Synthesizers are going to be blowing your mind in a deep new way, and you won’t be able to contain your molly-riddled enthusiasm. You’ll be dropping DIPLO references to all your pals while justifying Skrillex’s stupid haircut — and not in an ironic funny way. Get your ass to the dollar store quick and start stocking up on glow sticks now before the teenagers get out for vacation. Pick up a frilled tutu and a hula-hoop while you’re at it, and don’t forget your tickets to Shambhala. Bitch, you are going to be so high — and I won’t kill your vibe. DON’T: YOLO

Forget about YOLO. Drake is dating Rihanna officially now, ok? And he is sick of hearing you hashtag incessantly about what you’re doing with that tired tagline following suit. Getting a Cool Lime Refresher at Starbucks isn’t actually #YOLO-worthy. Remember last summer? You hung out with your friends, drank in the day, went to the beach, stayed up late and maybe you even biked the seawall one time. I hate to break this to you, but this summer won’t be any different. Summers are timeless and

repetitive — the opposite of YOLO. You’ll just be recreating last summer’s highlight reel with the same cast in the same cut-off jean shorts. You want to really make this summer different? Take up the yoyo. Not only is it good clean fun, but you’ll be sure to turn some heads after you master “walking the dog” and the “around the world” trick. It’s an instant ice-breaker/friend maker. We can kill #YOLO if we work together.

DO: Get naked!

It’s weird how people forget that we’re all naked under our clothes. Someone told me that in seventh grade and when the reality hit me I never looked at people without picturing their junk. You already spend a lot of your time imagining what friends and strangers look like in the buff (don’t be ashamed, we all do it) so take the opportunity to quash the mystery and make your way to Wreck Beach. It’s time to bare it all out in public and see how many people you can catch giving you the sexy eyes. You’ve never been more alive than when you drop your suit to the sand and feel the ocean breeze whipping at your nakedness. Everyone is going to be jealous that you had the balls to go au naturel and not give a care what people think or say. Plus most naked people at Wreck Beach aren’t the kinds of people who you want to see naked — so you’ve got no competition. Give those old hippies a show, hot stuff!

DON’T: Drown

When was the last time you noticed a lifeguard paying attention? That’s what I thought. Never. Lifeguards only seem to pay attention to other lifeguards because humans are naturally drawn to other humans in matching outfits. They are way more content to catch up on the latest backstroke gossip with fellow lifesavers than notice you flailing about in the deep end dying. Lifeguards think they are better than us because they can give you mouthto-mouth in the sand. God, they are so smug. I wouldn’t want one to save me even if my lungs were filled to the brim with seawater and krill. Watch some YouTube videos on CPR and buy one of those orange plastic floaty things that Pamela Anderson used in Baywatch. You can be a lifeguard too. It doesn’t look that hard in the movies or on TV, and based on that alone, I think you’ll be fine. Just don’t swim out of your league, don’t swim too far out, and don’t sue me if this advice backfires.

DO: Kick a sandcastle

Chilling at a sandy beach is all the rage when the sky is bright and infinite. Vancouver only gets 41 days of sunshine a year and it would be a waste not to spend them on one of the many beautiful beaches readily available to you. If you’re one for peoplewatching, this is the ultimate eyeball playground. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for happy young families with kids equipped with bright multicoloured buckets for sandcastle building. Watch them playfully build turrets and towers, they may even dig a moat if they’re “creative” types. Look at the sandcastle longingly and pretend an evil wizard lives within it. Just keep telling yourself if you don’t destroy the castle, middle earth will catch on fire. Once the parents have packed up for the day and the kids have turned their backs — run at that sandcastle and destroy the evil wizard. Kick it into oblivion and yell something cool from Harry Potter, like “Hermione Granger!” It’s going to be so much fun.

DON’T: Show off

You may not like to think it but university students are just egomaniacs with debt. This summer, hang up your school spirit with the rest of your winterwear and try not to let anyone see it. No one wants to hear about what classes you want to take in fall semester or how you did on your finals this May. Everyone just wants to listen to LMFAO on heavy rotation and forget the past eight months even happened. Get a taste of how the rest of your friends who didn’t pursue post-secondary education live their lives on the daily. You may even realize you’ve made the wrong choice. Every day is summer when you’re not in school. To hell with graphing calculators and your GPA! It’s summer. The only people that are impressed by the fancy jargon you picked up in Anthropology 101 this year are you and your parents. The only people you should be trying to impress are babes. Babes are shallow and not wowed by your academic achievements. They want to know what you’re bench pressing.

V 47 summer web  

Our very last issue of the 2013/2014 publishing year! All about Summer! Check it out to get some great ideas!

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