× January 6th 2013
N o . 13
COURIER BREACHING SECURITY
A LL EY ES ON YO U
COURIER GYM GUIDE
THE MODERN GROUPIE
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Leaving the Sex Industry
Grandmaster Flash Me
Death Of A Postman
Out of the Closet
Kristi Alexandra Copy Editor
Cheryl Swan Art Director
Andrew Palmquist Production Manager
Scott Moraes Managing Editor
Ricky Bao Business Manager
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47 issue N o . 13
Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief
of this resolution-breaking university newspaper
Katherine Gillard News Editor
Andy Rice Arts + Culture Editor
Therese Guieb Features Editor
Faye Alexander Opinions Editor
Jeremy Hanlon Caboose Editor
The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.
Carlo Javier Staff Writer
Lindsay Howe Marketing + Web Editor
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
new year, Old mistakes " If your bike collides with where the wasps reside, you got to say, it’s a lovely day. It’s been alright, I’ve had a lovely night with you."
Leah Scheitel × Editor-in-Chief
- Ian Rubbish
I spent all of New Year’s Eve cleaning my apartment. I bleached my sheets, perfected the hospital corners on my bed, and threw out all of last year’s left overs from my fridge. I didn’t want to go into the New Year with last year’s crap in my house. I thought it was symbolic, to cleanse my space before starting a new and hopefully better year. 2013 was a difficult year for many of my close friends and family. We lost friends and family members to old age, cancer, and car accidents. I lost five teeth to a bike accident in April, and even though I’m trying hard to be okay with it, it’s proven difficult to get over. This accident will likely affect the rest of my life. As the year dragged on, it got harder to pretend like things were okay. Instead of pushing to perfect the errors and mistakes, I lost my faith in it, and gave up. It was shitty, and I was tired of trying to make it better, so I stopped caring, and started making more and more mistakes. I started sleeping with all of the wrong guys, going through repetitive emotional upheaval when I couldn’t understand why they didn’t call me back. A friend of mine made me realize that I use men to make myself feel better, in the same way that some people use drugs or ice cream. Instead of getting high, I prefer to get laid, and maybe get a compliment out of it. This habit grew because I was questioning my own esteem after losing my teeth. While I was making my mistakes, I noticed my friends doing similar things with their own vices, using them as crutches to get through everyday life. It’s like how the month of December can be filled with gluttony because it’s one month-long party, and the New Year is right around the corner, when life will magically get better again. One friend binge-watched nearly every show on Netflix, while another followed a married man on a trip because she was in love with him. The most heartbreaking was my friend who used cocaine as a crutch. He ended up getting his stomach pumped after taking himself to Vancouver General Hospital in flip-flops. He doesn’t remember it, and because of that, is having a hard time quitting the addiction.
THE VOICE BOX
Well, you live in Vancouver – you're surrounded by health clubs and yogis and whey-powder-shakists and joggers and cyclists. Getting “back” into shape will require you to stop doing whatever you started doing due to Christmas depression. If you fail, you can still join the Failed New Years Resolutions Club of Vancouver and share your stories with other failed friends. I hear that on Sundays after Bingo you can plead your case for Most Pathetic Resolution Failure, and if you win, you get a free shot of absinthe.
“My textbooks are so expensive this semester. $180 for a bio text??? And you have to get it new because of some stupid online access card. Modern technology is good sometimes, but I'd rather have the option to buy books second hand.”
“What the fuck is going with the school's WiFi? I heard it was hacked, but that was a long time ago and it still doesn't seem to be fixed. Is tuition too low to afford proper IT services?”
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It was probably hacked by IT people themselves, so they could use that as an excuse to get a raise, because they do get paid
I hear ya. I agree, the right to buy second hand textbooks should be enshrined in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Students are slaves, and you know why you do your homework online now? So teachers don't have to even look at it. The computer grades you, the teacher watches Netflix. I feel so sorry for you.
The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything Courier. To inquire, just send a text to 778 - 689 - 4642 to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue". And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox. It's a win - win, or whine - whine - whatever way you look at it.
fairly well, but not well enough to deal with inept students who have daily tech-rage about the WiFi. If you think yours is bad you should see the Courier staff try to login on Fridays. Ultimate frustration and it resembles to a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.
“It's been a long break since the fall semester, and after all the food and booze, my body has become a misshapen monster. How can I get back into shape without changing my diet or exercising?”
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WITH : SCOTT MORAES
After scrubbing my apartment, and getting gussied up, I was prepared for a fabulous start to the New Year. I desperately wanted to get my footing right from the start, giving the New Year a better chance of being healthy. I was going to leave my mistakes in 2013, including bad jokes about blowjobs, and my anger about the accident. And most importantly, I wanted to ditch my careless behaviour when it came to romance. But just because the clock strikes midnight doesn’t mean my habits wither and die. And by the end of the night, I was going home with a guy whom I’d just met. He promptly left after the sexy-times, leaving me to my hangover and shame. The more this happens, the easier it becomes to shrug them off. I was disappointed because I started the New Year with an old mistake. Although I desperately tried to change habits, clean out my life, and move on when the New Year came in, I wasn’t successful. It takes more than just the change of the month to change a life, and I have spent the first day of the year trying to wrap my head around that. Addictions come in many forms. Ten years ago, I used to be addicted to cereal, eating upwards of a dozen bowls a day. It was basically my only form of calories. If addictions weren’t such a big problem, TLC would never be a success. They depend on people’s addictions to make revenues. This is best presented by their show My Strange Addiction. I’m currently watching one (only for research purposes, I swear) where a grown woman is addicted to eating mattresses. She is attempting to eat her mother’s mattress without her finding out. The thing about addictions is that they are hard to understand, and thus hard to conquer. In the fall of 2011, Mark Lewis gave a speech on campus about his book, Memoirs of an Addicted Brain. After battling through his personal addiction to prescription drugs, he became a neuroscientist, and spent his time trying to pinpoint what happens to the brain when it is addicted to something. His research showed that addictions can cause the hormones in the brain to spike and drop rapidly, causing the craving for more. For anyone who is struggling with his or her own addictions, this book can be an informative read. While some addictions are hard to combat, others may actually be good for you. So I spent New Year’s Day watching re-runs of Saturday Night Live and daydreaming about being Lorne Michaels’ favorite writer. At least that’s a healthier addiction. Until I started searching for “Bobby Moynihan girlfriend?” on Google. Whoops.
NEWS EDITOR × KATHERINE GILLARD
the cfs in bc ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING MET WITH PROTEST Laura Rodgers × CUP BC Bureau Chief
VANCOUVER (CUP) — The Canadian Federation of Students (CFS), Canada’s largest student lobby organization, held its annual general meeting at the end of November — and was met with protesters who painted the organization as litigious and unsympathetic to its member schools. The B.C. arm, CFS-BC, remains embattled, with a string of recent lawsuits over schools wanting to leave. So where is CFS-BC currently, and what does their future hold? Two BC student unions hoping to leave both CFS-BC and the national CFS raise new questions about CFS’s future. These two unions — at Kwantlen Polytechnic University and Capilano University — cite expensive fees and a closed-rank structure as reasons for wanting out. In September, student associations from 15 schools across Canada indicated they were going to take steps to leave the CFS (including Capilano and Kwantlen). They called it a “mass defection” to underline their seriousness. Kwantlen and Cap-
ilano have since collected enough petition signatures in order to mount a referendum, and once the respective schools’ administrations confirm the validity of the petitions’ signatures, the question will go to voters. However, past referendums to leave the CFS have been fraught with controversy. When the University of Victoria Students’ Society embarked on a quest to leave (they characterized it as the hope to leave both the national CFS organization and CFS-BC), a referendum showed students supported the move. But the CFS launched a lawsuit, claiming that while the referendum supported leaving their national lobbying efforts, UVSS had to stay in CFS-BC. The referendum put the question of leaving the CFS in general terms, but CFSBC chairperson Kate Marocchi contends that the question needed to address the B.C. organization specifically — and petition organizers should have known that.
“Since then, representatives of [the UVSS] had been very difficult to work with,” she said. She said it was unsurprising that the union, which was asserting its desire to leave CFS-BC in court, didn’t want to operate as “part of a collective” within CFS-BC. The UVSS and CFS-BC quarrelled for some time, but in March of this year CFS-BC reversed their position and actually voted to kick out the UVSS — over non-payment of member fees. It also took a legal battle for the Simon Fraser Student Society to leave the CFS, a conflict which was finally resolved in 2012. Kwantlen mounted a similar challenge back in 2008, which was ultimately unsuccessful. Marocchi refused to comment on what happened with the SFSS, or the previous issue with Kwantlen, saying that these events happened “before her time.” Although a group of students protested outside November’s Annual General
Meeting, she said she didn’t go outside during the protest and could not comment on anything the protesters were furthering. At the UVSS, when the petition to leave the CFS was launched, another student created a “counter-petition” asking students to support staying in the organization — with the aim of invalidating some of the original petition’s signatures. Marocchi said she couldn’t comment on whether any counter-petition was in the works at Kwantlen or Capilano because it’s “any member’s right” to launch a counter-petition to stay in the CFS after a decertification petition is received. So, of CFS-BC’s six university student union members, two are jostling to leave (there are also eight college student union members). Marocchi said she characterizes the overall health of the BC organization as strong, with “good relationships with government [and] strong member locals.”
hollaback! girl INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION COMES TO VANCOUVER Carlo Javier
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× Staff Writer
Hollaback! is a grassroots initiative that has experienced considerable growth all over the world for its mission to help end street harassment. Through the power of the Internet, particularly through photo blogging and social media, Hollaback! aims to make a difference in cities everywhere, and Vancouver is the latest to be part of this movement. “Hollaback! mainly functions through its various chapters. Folks are given the opportunity to share their own stories of street harassment and receive support from site readers and local Hollaback! volunteers,” explains Shannon Fisher, volunteer for Hollaback! Started in Brooklyn, New York, Hollaback! has been a rapidly growing non-profit organization that has expanded to 71 cities in 24 countries. The mission is to put an end to street harassment through a nexus of locally based activists, “Each Hollaback! chapter is given the freedom to fight street harassment in ways that suit the needs of the group and culture. Volunteers of each chapter typically organize events or join other organizations with similar goals to reach out to the public and start conversations about street harassment and its harmful effects,” says Fisher. Many assume that the organization’s name is directly derived from Gwen Stefani’s major pop hit, but according to Emily May, founder of Hollaback! it’s about having a positive and empowering response. Street harassment is much more than the sexually inclined violations we have come to often witness. Hollaback!’s website defines street harassment as an umbrella term over many variations. It states that, “Street harassment can be sexist, racist, transphobic, homophobic, ableist, sizeist and/or classist. It is an expression of the interlocking and overlapping op-
× Cristian Fowlie pressions we face and it functions as a means to silence our voices and “keep us in our place.” But in the end, Hollaback! judges that the victims ultimately determine what constitutes as street harassment. “The Vancouver Hollaback! team of five volunteers began training in August of 2013 and officially launched the site this past November,” says Fisher. “We've just begun spreading the word of our existence and hope to have a launch party in the coming months. Once the launch party has taken place, we plan to host chalk walks and open forums to talk about street harassment in our community and ways we can fight it together,” she adds.
One of Hollaback!’s main points is that, people tend to turn a blind eye when harassment happens, not only is street harassment prevalent, it also is “rarely reported, and is culturally accepted.” Hollaback! states on their website, “everyone has a right to feel safe and confident without being objectified. Sexual harassment is a gateway crime that creates a cultural environment that makes gender-based violence OK. There exists a clear legal framework to reproach sexual harassment and abuse in the home and at work, but when it comes to the streets — all bets are off.”
Hollaback! works to increase women’s and LGBTQ’s rights around the world through a modern and progressive way. The Hollaback! iOS and Android app gives bystanders a chance to document any harassment that they see: users can post a photo, or simply write an account of the incident. Furthermore, users can also tag the location of the incident, adding it onto a publicly shared map. The crowd-sourced initiative, coupled with the ability to publish stories and photos immediately gives Hollaback! a new and innovative strategy in raising awareness around street harassment. Hollaback! credits the rise of the Internet and the everdeveloping rate of technology as an important tool in fulfilling their mission. “By giving us spaces to talk about street harassment and how it affects us, women and the LGBTQ community have been given permission and the support to stand up for themselves and stop feeling like street harassment is something we have to put up with,” Fisher explains. Through the voice the Internet can provide, Hollaback! is able to do four acts: break the silence by reporting each and every incident of street harassment; inspire international leadership, by training members of leaders globally to create a prominent anti-street harassment haven in their respective communities; shift public opinion, through the mass use of social media to reach the public; engage elected officials, by reserving collected data and accounts and using them to provide intrinsic proof to local officials and policymakers.
exit this side LOCAL COMMUNITY GROUPS OPEN DOORS TO LEAVE THE SEX INDUSTRY Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor
× Jocelyn Wong
In December, the Supreme Court of Canada abolished the country’s anti-prostitution laws in a unanimous decision declaring them unconstitutional after the court was challenged by TerriJean Bedford, Amy Lebovitch, and Valerie Scott, women experienced in the sex-trade. The decision to strike down the prostitution laws expects that this will create an overall safer environment for sex-workers, considering that these laws are some of the most under-enforced laws in the Canadian Criminal Code. The overturn will have a major impact on Vancouver. “It’s a huge victory for all the people in Vancouver, all my sisters out there who are going to be safe. It’s just a huge, huge victory. I’m so happy,” says Lorna Bird of the advocacy group Sex Workers United Against Violence. *Named changed for privacy.
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workers, survival/street sex workers, as well as victims of violence transition out of sex-work. “The reasons for sex work entry are vast and varied. Economic necessity is often a primary reason that a significant percentage of people begin sex work,” said Matthew Taylor, program manager at HUSTLE, Health Initiatives for Men, in the press release for the consortium. “A full range or issues contribute to keeping people in sex work when there are not accessible opportunities to them.” Many sex workers who have found themselves in the trade due to desperation found few places to turn to when hoping to escape. Putting themselves at risk is one of the requirements of prostitution, with many suffering beatings and rape. Many of Vancouver’s own prostitutes feeling trapped in sex work to support drug habits and feeling incapable of finding other avenues of employment. “It’s not that you’re addicted to the job, you’re addicted to the money you were making,” says 23-year-old Kim Hall*. “To go from making a minimum of $2,000 a week to making whatever welfare gives you is hard.” When asked about trying to exit sex work, Hall explains that there are obstacles former prostitutes must face. “You feel like you’re dead alone because of what you used to do, that everyone’s discriminating against you.”
“The biggest misconception is people think it could not happen to them. We have daughters of university professors, former professionals. It could happen to any of us,” explains Townsend Recently, six community organizations have combined their forces to develop and implement a transition and exiting program for sex-workers in Vancouver. The organizations, made up of Aboriginal Front Door, Battered Women’s Support Services, HUSTLE, PACE Society, SWAN Vancouver Society, and the WISH Drop-In Centre Society will combine their collective expertise to create options and opportunities for sex-workers to leave the trade safely and well-equipped. The consortium spoke on Dec. 18 at the City of Vancouver’s Standing Committee on City Finances and Services and has been approved for funding. Angela Marie MacDougall, executive director of Battered Women’s Support Services confirmed the group would receive $35,000 from the City of Vancouver with additional in-kind funding from the organizations that make up the consortium, which is set to fund the first year of the exit-sex-trade strategy. “When people want to exit, it’s not a oneoff process,” explains MacDougall. “It takes time. It takes several starts and stops.” The new strategy hopes to help male and female self-identified street
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It has long been said that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. Despite massive shifts to the environment around us, as well as political climates, the demand for sex-workers has remained a constant. Estimates place the revenue generated from global prostitution industry to be over $100 billion annually, according to Global Black Market resource Havocscope.com. Vancouver is no exception. Vancouver’s own red light district is home not only to prostitutes, many of whom are Native women from small western Canadian towns, but also drug addicts, countless homeless, and the mentally ill. Danger plagues the streets of the Downtown Eastside for those who walk those darkened alleys. Convicted serial killer Robert Pickton infamously preyed on more than two dozen women beginning in the 1990s, many of whom were sex-workers. In spite of the national attention the Pickton case created to highlight the perils that sex-workers in Vancouver are faced with on a daily basis, escaping the sex industry is a peril all its own. “It could happen again,” says Mark Townsend, who runs a non-profit group for the homeless Portland Hotel Society (PHS). “We are dealing with a group of people that have been marginalized.”
Making change CSU HOSTS ON-CAMPUS NETWORKING EVENT Katherine Gillard × News Editor
On Jan. 10, the CSU will be hosting the biggest event to ever be held at CapU, collaborating with the university and different artists. The event has been created in hopes of showcasing the progressive and forward-thinking side of CapU. “It will harness the power of local musicians and activists to mobilize the Capilano community, and the North Shore at large, to get more involved in making positive change,” says Environmental Issues Coordinator for the CSU, Desiree Wallace. “We are in need of a bi-annual event strategically set at the beginning of each semester so that new and returning students can foster great connection.” The event will include performances by a variety of Vancouver’s up-and-coming artists, a series of keynote speakers, a community fair, food services that are both sustainable and local, as well as activities. And last but not least, beer supplied by Deep Cove Brewery. The Boom Booms and Gregory Drummond are among the performers, and activities will be available for students to collaborate and network with each other throughout the evening.
Unlike other local universities like UBC and SFU that hold club days and other frosh events for students to network, CapU has never held an event this big, with opportunities for students from all programs to socialize. Ribeka Ichihashi, a psychology student at CapU is excited to go to an event with good performers that is budget friendly and also offers an opportunity for students at CapU to get together. “A lot of people even say that there's hardly any events we can go to at Capilano and if there is, it's crowded with so many people in just one spot. It should be a better event with more room,” adds Ichihashi. “The event supports change-making at large and so it is widely encompassing of 'change'.... Capilano is increasingly reflecting a ‘Change-maker Campus’ with the purpose of enlightening, enhancing, and developing students’ leadership and entrepreneurial skills beyond the classroom; however, as they are currently practiced, are quite fragmented,” adds Wallace.
She continues, “There are so many diverse initiatives at Capilano that endorse different leaders, but they are lacking cohesion. Within this well-established institution there are over 6,000 student prospects for the future change-makers of our world.” The CSU hopes to continue to hold the event and is encouraging students to come up with ideas for September 2014’s Concert4Change. “It will be regenerated in the beginning of September for a full-day outdoor festival. Any revenue earned from the event will be re-invested into a Concert4Change fund so that it can be sustained. It will be hosted from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. on Capilano grounds in our Sportsplex to accommodate the scale, logistics, and sound for the event,” adds Wallace. Tickets for the event are free for CapU students, and other community members or friends are welcome to come for $5 a ticket. Tickets are limited, so the CSU is encouraging community members to RSVP on Eventbrite, and the $5 will be collected at the door.
Cap-ture of the week
× Tiare Jung For more information visit the Capilano Student Union's Facebook page.
Looking for somewhere to post that photo of those two squirrels you saw flirting in the Library courtyard? We thought so. And we want to see them. We love flirting. Just about as much as we love squirells. Use those thumbs of yours, send the photos. If you see people flirting you can take their pictures too. But we prefer squirells.
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@CAPCOURIER #CAPCOURIER #CAPCAPTURE # N A S H 76 #KARAOKE # A L L S TA R S
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Thanks to @andarsaladfarts for this gem.
The Courier staffers are kind of karaoke all-stars, and we're ready to take you down. We eat bowls of musical talent for breakfast, lunch, but not dinner because we are too busy kicking your ass with our musical talents. Name the time or place and we'll even come to you. Someone has challenged us in Edmonton and we are on our way.
arts + Culture
A + C EDITOR ×
the courier's guide to gyms WORKING OUT THE BEST SPOTS TO WORK OUT Faye Alexander
Studeo 55 Unit 202 – 865 Hornby Street, Vancouver
New Year’s means one thing: a surge of enthusiastic individuals flooding into gyms looking to change their lives, starting with their misshapen physiques. The most popular resolution year after year has been to “get healthy.” A new year means hope you’ll finally get those abs you’ve always wanted, which will undoubtedly lead to bedding the babe you’ve always lusted after. By the end of this year, you could be looking like a topless Ryan Reynolds if you really put your mind to it. But with so many gyms to choose from, where do you start? Here are the Courier’s top five picks:
Students of Capilano University need not fret over spending their hard-earned holiday dollars on fancy gym memberships or aerobic classes, because CapU has its very own “boutique fitness studio” on campus. The weight room and fitness centre have all the basics to get students sweating, including a rowing machine, stair climber, strength equipment, and free weights accompanied by a wall of mirrors to ensure you’re in good form, as well as any other fitness-loving students. However, if lifting weights and taking turns at the rowing machine aren’t your cup of tea, CapU offers a bevy of other activities to keep you in shape including yoga, karate, soccer, basketball, and volleyball, and tango classes. It’s the ultimate way to meet some fit babes on campus with similar interests. Although it may seem unlikely, most great relationships start when hungry eyes meet at the gym. Sweat and rep-induced grunting are aphrodisiacs, so be careful out there.
Studeo 55 is Vancouver’s only boutique health club and offers over 30 aerobic, yoga, MMA, and CrossFit classes in a lavish setting. This is the type of specialized and intimate health club worthy of a guest role on The Real Housewives of Vancouver. Those looking to spot some A-class eye-candy can bet their bottom dollar they’ll find it here; Studeo 55 boasts an array of celebrities who make this health club their go-to whilst staying in Vancouver. Halle Berry, Nick Cannon, and Ben Affleck have made this their Vancouver workout spot. This training centre combines hardcore function with world class design and offers “the perfect space” to improve your fitness performance. Specializing in personal training and group fitness, Studeo 55 promises to keep members accountable for their progress with great personal trainers on staff encouraging you to squeeze out those last few reps you would have easily slacked off on. Part of their philosophy is that “sometimes what we like the least is what we need the most.”
CrossFit Optimum Performance 154 West Hastings Street, Vancouver
Steve Nash Fitness World & Sports Club 1989 Marine Drive, North Van
The Barre 1186 Marine Drive, North Van
You’ve probably heard the words “CrossFit” being thrown around a lot lately. It’s all the rage for sports enthusiasts and is gaining a global reputation. CrossFit Optimum Performance is the premier strength and conditioning facility in Vancouver and offers CrossFit, sport specific strength and conditioning, and BioSignature Modulation. The smaller facility boasts more personalized attention for their members, which impacts directly to maximum results and minimal injuries. CrossFit Optimum Performance caters to rugby players, soccer players, hockey players, cyclists, endurance athletes, and well-to-do stay-at-home moms. With many different options available to reach your fitness goals, you can enjoy private, semi-private, and CrossFit group classes. CrossFit has become the latest trend for fitness enthusiasts, and thus you can guarantee you’ll find yourself some excellent babes to keep you distracted from your strained calves and climbing heart-rate as you StairMaster your way into Adonislike status.
When considering a new gym membership, it’s always a safe bet to try the biggest chain around. Fitness World has been operating for over 50 years and continues to evolve, bringing new state-of-theart equipment and fitness regiments to cater to any of your workout desires. Once B.C.’s golden NBA boy, Nash infused his name over the brand, which the club now lays claim to exclusive group classes (aerobic step classes there are a “must-do”), offers tanning beds, and is bustling with personal trainers certified to help you get healthy. Once you’ve obtained your membership, a trainer will be assigned to you and you will be forced to step on a scale and perform as many push-ups and crunches as you can to analyze what state of un-fit you’ve arrived in. Then, and only then, will they allow you to make your way to the elliptical machine. Ladies need not fear the hungry eyes of gym-buffs – women can lift weights and workout in the “no men allowed” section. And if you are looking for love at the gym, make your way to the dead-lift zone – that’s where all the best displays of testosterone can be enjoyed.
Ladies looking for a new way to work out now that yoga isn’t cool need not look any further than Barre Fitness. Dedicated to creating a culture of quality, fitness, and fun, the Barre is a boutique-style studio that integrates ballet, Pilates, strength and flexibility training created by ballet dancer Lotte Berk. After international acclaim for the unique method, Canada finally has its own studios in both Vancouver and Toronto. The hour-long group classes are designed to condition the entire body in pursuit of achieving the ultimate dancer’s physique while improving posture, coordination, and most importantly, grace. The instructors are some of the most perky you’re likely to come across, and smile as they demand you hoist your legs above your head while the hottest dance music blares through the studio. The Barre may be a little more expensive, at close to $20 per drop-in, but the facility is beautiful and offers complimentary shampoo, conditioner, and large private showers to enjoy after class. It’s a hotspot for soccer moms and all the latest North Shore gossip. Make sure to register online to reserve your place in advance, and enjoy sculpting your body, from toned arms to a killer rear-end.
× Ekaterina Aristova
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CapU's Weight Room & Fitness Centre On Campus
× Opinions Editor
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× Faye Alexander
cannot compute SIDEBAR
REBOOT THE PROBLEM WITH PARENTS AND TECHNOLOGY Andy Rice × Arts + Culture Editor
More Tricks & Tips
SYSTEM POPUPS “If a window comes up and they don’t know how to answer it... too often they just want it to go away so they just answer whatever way they think will make it go off their screen,” says Stock. Instead, he suggests having your parents call you to walk them through it. Sometimes these are system-altering prompts that require proper action.
BLOCKING ADS Ads can be annoying and pop-ups can be dangerous and confusing. AdBlock Plus is a free plugin for Google Chrome and is quick and easy to install.
PASSWORDS “There are things out there called OnePassword and those kinds of things that you can set up, but if they screw that up then it’s really hard to undo,” says Stock. Instead, he suggests selecting something simple and easy to remember like a pet’s name but adding a capital letter and some numbers for extra protection. Using slight variations for different things is also recommended.
BACKING UP FILES
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47 issue N o . 13
× Scarlett Aubrey
Computers and electronic devices have become an inevitable resource for people of all ages, with seniors now taking cognitive tests on touch screens and babies skillfully navigating iPads before they’ve even used up their inaugural package of diapers. Between Black Friday, Christmas, and Boxing Day, odds are that a new piece of technology found its way into the hands of a close relative recently – maybe even a parent. And while tech support is readily available to them through a tollfree number on the back of the product box, these days it has seemingly become our duty as children to walk our parents through the setup and operation of their new gadgets. More often than not, we’ve been terrible teachers. According to Jeff Stock of Gadget Guru Mobile Tech Training Services, this has a lot to do with our patience, or lack thereof. “They’ve kind of missed that digital revolution kind of thing, so to them all of this is brand new,” he says. “Literally, they’re dipping their toe into this world, and so that’s where the patience comes in.” Often, the very basics of computing that many of us take for granted are completely foreign to our parents, and only after some foundational skills are developed – largely through repetition – can their exploration really begin. “What I find with older learners is that they need to have a look at it and they need to see it be the same process each time, because it’s kind of like looking for a landmark,” says Stock. “If you’re walking around in a city and you don’t have any maps, you don’t have anything, the thing you’re going to rely on is landmarks.” “In the beginning especially, you need to give them the same route,” he continues. “And then once they’re comfortable with all of those little landmarks, then you can show them that you have multiple options.”
Using analogies and relating digital tasks back to something tactile in the physical world can also be helpful. “For me, it’s metaphors and diagrams,” says Stock. “The other thing is working backwards. Show them how it’s going to benefit them, and then work backwards as in, ‘This is what you’re doing in steps,’ to get there.” Allowing the trainee to operate the gadget themselves is another crucial part of the process, although Stock admits that won’t always be easy. “As the teacher, our frustration is we want to just show it to them and hopefully they will just get it, and in reality, only them doing the actual functions and doing it at their own pace is going to get them where you want them to be.” As agonizing as that part of it can be, Stock says the alternative is even worse. Describing something to someone without the ability to see what they’re seeing is a recipe for even greater frustration, and that’s where screen casting and screen sharing programs come to the rescue. “They’re very useful,” he says. “There’s one called SnapGuide. SnapGuide allows you to record your screen and do a little video and you can do the steps and then it records those steps. Usually with your parents you can get them to understand email because it reminds them of the mailbox, so then you can send the video where they can just hit it and play it.” “And then there’s all sorts of programs out there like TeamViewer which allows you to share the screen,” he continues. “TeamViewer actually goes one step further and you can actually control their machine.” Similar apps exist for tablets as well. Even Google has come on board by developing a website called Teachparentstech.org where several of the most common parental computer dilemmas are addressed through short videos and tutorials that can be e-mailed directly to them.
But at the centre of our parents’ confusion remains a product itself, be it a PC, an mp3 player, or an iPhone. Quite often, it’s something we’ve picked out for them, not always thinking of whether or not it will be user friendly. Stock says that above all, this should be taken into consideration. “They grew up in a tactile world, so having a computer that’s tactile is basically a total win for them,” he begins. “I usually recommend to people, if you really know nothing about computers and you’re not into the gadgetry of a computer, then go Apple and iPhone. If you like to tinker and you like to explore the world of gadgetry, then I would say go Android.” Having experience on the same operating system or gadget as your parents can make a big difference as well. “You’re going to be giving all of this tech support so it’s better if you can follow along on your side as you’re speaking them through the process,” he says. And of course, patience will be required. But then again, who bought us our first cell phone, first iPod, and first laptop anyways? Let’s cut them some slack. In many instances, it’s because of our parents’ desire to connect with us that they’ve begun to embrace technology in the first place. “These little devices are giving them a place to play or it’s giving them a new way to connect with their grandkids or even their own kids where life has gotten too busy or nobody lives in the same city,” says Stock. “And when they finally get it, you will get such an appreciative look.”
“The more automated you can get those kinds of things the better,” says Stock, suggesting a program called CarbonCopy Cloner. “They don’t necessarily need to know what it does, they just need to know that it’s scheduled, it will come on... and it will do its thing.”
SOCIAL MEDIA Your parents taught you manners, and now it’s your turn. Have a talk with them about good Facebook etiquette with regards to sharing and liking. Your friends will thank you.
MAKE LEARNING FUN “Figure out what it is that they’re interested in, then try and teach them through something that they love,” says Stock. “They’ll learn faster because it’s something that they really want to do.”
A PuSH IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION PERFORMING ARTS FESTIVAL CELEBRATES 10TH ANNIVERSARY Romila Barryman × Writer During that time, she was also responsible for starting PushOff, an “off” series alongside the PuSh Festival that elevates and emphasizes the work of “tour-ready works” and projects by local performers. “What we found is that people wanted to meet and talk to the actors,” she reveals. “This gives them an opportunity to do that.” This year, PuSh Festival’s theme is centered around breaking new boundaries, challenging audience members to “cross the line.” Lyon-based choreographers Martin Chaput and Martial Chazallon, for example, are presenting a one-on-one theatre piece called Do You See What I Mean?, where audience members are completely blindfolded. Argentinian artist Mariano Pensotti's work “Sometimes, I Think I Can See You” aims to look at personal stories in public spaces and will take place in the Vancouver Art Gallery and the Vancouver Public Library simultaneously. Local acts pushing the threshold of artistic dis-
covery and innovation will include Victoria-based performance company Atomic Vaudeville. Their piece entitled Ride the Cyclone follows the story of a chamber choir from Saskatchewan who return as zombies after a fortune teller brings them back to life following their deaths in a freak roller-coaster accident. A more classic art is brought to light by Ballet BC’s performance of “Encore”, which revisits the respective works of William Forsythe, Jorma Elo, and Medhi Walersk by popular demand. Throughout the movement and growth within the community, the PuSh Festival is seeking to garner interest among youth. Organizers are offering the PuSh Youth Passport this year, which allows audience members within the age range of 16 to 24 to see up to six performances for $5 each. Rosario hopes this will help create a newfound support and interest for the arts within the youth community. “People who are a bit gun shy, people who walk in not knowing what the PuSh Festival is about, they will discover
mcsecrets HIDDEN GEMS AT YOUR FAVOURITE FAST FOOD CHAINS
BIG FISH MAC Order a regular Big Mac, but ask to replace the beef patties with Filet-O-Fish patties and have a pescatarian-friendly Big Mac.
Carlo Javier × Staff Writer will have their preferences. “There's one woman who comes in and gets a Grande Peppermint Mocha,” begins Green. “Four pumps peppermint, two pumps mocha, milk steamed – but not aerated – to 190 degrees with a thermometer at the same time as the shots are pulled, and the cup must be filled almost to the top with easy whip and her precise preference of mocha drizzle on top... or she'll ask you to start over,” explains Green. Ultimately, a barista’s reception to a customized order relies on the customer’s attitude. “It depends,” she says. “I really don't have a problem with customized drinks, especially when someone is lactose intolerant or has some sort of restriction that requires them to be specific. All of our drinks are super sweet as well, so if someone wants less syrup in their drinks, then I'm all for it! It all depends on how the customer asks for it.”
MCNUGGET FLURRY If the pie-flurry combo is just too basic, try the rarely ordered nugget-flurry. Kindly ask to have four nuggets mixed into your favourite McFlurry and enjoy.
CHICKEN N' WAFFLES A not-so-secret menu item that’s actually available in some McDonald’s locations in the United States. It’s simply a McGriddle with a Jr. Chicken inside – a very, very hard item to get around here.
MINI MAC Essentially a Big Mac without the middle bun and at a Dollar Menu price. Order a McDouble, ask to make it plain, but add Mac Sauce and Shredded Lettuce. Note: Hands down, this item offers the best bang for your buck at McDonald’s.
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Understandably, customers ordering off the secret menu or entirely through their imaginations can be both annoying and exciting to McDonald’s crew members – some see it as an opportunity to play around with ingredients, while others aren’t so keen to go the extra mile. Parker sees it as a chance to boost customer service. “I think that if we can deliver the product that they're looking for then it's a good chance to satisfy their request,” he says. However, secret menu items aren’t exclusive to McDonald’s. Many other fast-food chains boast their own inventory of off-the-record food creations. Coffee juggernaut Starbucks is another one that has a wide-ranging secret menu. Jaleese Green, a barista at Starbucks Como Lake Village, has had considerable experience with making orders from the secret menu. “The secret menu drinks have always come from the customers,” she says. “I'm sure that the recipes originated from baristas around the world who have had time to play around with the drinks and whatnot.” Sometimes, the custom orders are requested so frequently that they eventually become unofficially part of the menu, thus adding a recipe to the Starbucks Secret Menu. “This summer we had dozens of people ask for a Cotton Candy Frappuccino and at first we had no idea what they were talking about, but then they explained the recipe so many times that we just acknowledge a Cotton Candy Frappuccino as a ‘real’ drink,” adds Green. Some of Starbucks’ more popular Secret Menu items include the Hot Butterbeer Latte, the Captain Crunch Frappuccino, and the Mint Chocolate Chip Oreo Frappuccino, all sharing one familiar component: intricacy. Similar to the McDonald’s Secret Menu, the one found at Starbucks can also prove to be demanding to its baristas, as inevitably, some customers
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Put a “Mc” before any food item and you’ll probably come up with something that is part of the most recognizable menu in the world. Big Mac, McChicken, McWrap, McFries – these are among the most prominently marketed items in the McDonald’s fast food repertoire. But at the end of the golden arches lays a secret menu, known only to the workers, and to the truest of fast food connoisseurs. The McDonald’s secret menu is akin to a treasure chest, revealing loopholes and creating cheatcode like effects within a menu that, to some, can be mundane. “I have received all sorts of interesting custom orders and am happy to accommodate as best possible,” says Jason Parker, head manager at a McDonald’s location in Cloverdale. “Once, a customer ordered a double Big Mac with double the beef.” The sandwich, dubbed the Monster Mac, practically defines enormity with a grand total of eight patties. Another creation recognized for challenging a customer’s mouth capacity is the lesser known Land, Sea, and Air Burger, which adds both a Filet-O-Fish and a McChicken sandwich to a Big Mac. Parker has also had the experience of witnessing a fellow employee order a Triple Angus, a completely customized burger that multiplies McDonald’s biggest patty, the Angus, by three. Similar to the elusive McRib, many items on the secret menu have developed cult-like following. One with lasting popularity is the McGangBang. Once at the centre of a minor controversy because of its crass name, the McGangBang is arguably the premier item in the chain’s secret menu. Composed of two favourites from the Dollar Menu, the McGangBang is a combination of the McDouble and the Jr. Chicken, wedging the chicken sandwich between the burgers – sometimes even with the buns included.
something unexpected and be completely surpassed,” she emphasizes, adding that the gulf between media entertainment and performing arts is not that big. “I'm one of the converted,” she continues. “There are a lot of things out there – movies and mainstream entertainment – they’re not bad things at all, but what the performing art provides is stimulating, interactive, and is difficult to describe unless you see it.” PuSh International Performing Arts Festival runs from Jan. 14 to Feb. 2 in different venues all across the Lower Mainland. For ticket pricing and show details visit Pushfestival.ca.
M C SIDEBAR
Celebrating a decade of growth and artful community, the PuSh International Performing Arts Festival returns once again this January with new surprises behind the curtain. This mid-winter performing arts festival is a chance to be exposed to dance, theatre, artwork, and everything in between. PuSh is showcasing work from Lebanon, Germany, Ireland, Toronto, and Vancouver in various venues around the Lower Mainland, including the Vancouver Playhouse, reviving theatrical life into their now quiet location. Although the range of performances at PuSh encompasses an international variety, the benefit to the local arts community has been undeniable. “There's been a real influence on local performers and performance creators that occurs because of the exchange and dialogue that happens after each show,” says Joyce Rosario, the festival’s associate curator. Although having just jumped on board as a staff member this year at PuSh, Rosario has been working alongside the festival for years in numerous capacities.
9 × Megan Collinson
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47 issue N o . 13
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FEATURES EDITOR ×
S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M
a nation's struggle HOW THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENT HELPED THE VICTIMS OF TYPHOON HAIYAN
× Kelsey Holden
Therese Guieb × Features Editor
On Nov. 8, millions of people in Samar and
Leyte, Philippines suffered the wrath that typhoon Haiyan (known locally as Yolanda) brought them. The typhoon, which tore through six Philippine islands, was determined to be the most powerful storm ever recorded on land. This occurrence left the whole country more helpless than ever. When this natural disaster struck, it did not only affect the citizens of the Philippines but the whole world as well. Countries from around the world joined efforts to give aid to the Philippine government in attending to the typhoon victims and rebuilding the cities which were destroyed. Canada is indeed one of the countries who immediately responded to the situation. “Canada is standing by to offer any possible assistance to the Philippines in responding to this emergency. Our officials in Ottawa and at our mission in Manila continue to closely monitor the situation, and remain in contact with relevant local officials and humanitarian partners,” said Prime Minister Stephen Harper in a press release.
For information on how to donate to Typhoon Haiyan Relief Fund visit Redcross.ca
47 issue N o . 13
Natural disasters frequently occur but not all countries affected are in need of relief support. Before the world scrambled to deliver sufficient aid to the typhoon victims, the Philippine government conducted a needs assessment to identify what the survivors needed. The U.N., the International Federation of Red Cross (IFRC) and Humanitarian Non-Governmental Organizations (NGO) issued appeals for emergency funding from other countries as well. The Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade (DFAIT) deals with Canada’s response to major natural disasters in the world. Along with the Canadian International Development Agency (CIDA), they “monitor notifications” about natural disasters around the world. The DFAIT and CIDA
In a statement by the Philippine President Benigno Aquino on Nov. 18, he declared that, “The country’s disaster relief system had collapsed in the aftermath of Typhoon Haiyan….We had a breakdown in practically everything.” Aquino claimed that “the destructive force of the typhoon was of such
SHOULD WE HELP?
maintain financial contributions to flow to humanitarian partner organizations for disaster response needs, while the Central Emergency Fund (CERF) allows the U.N. to be able to draw contributions for “onset crisis.” According to Foreign Affairs, Trade, and Development Canada, within 12 to 24 hours after a disaster occurs, contributions made within that time frame grant the humanitarian partner agencies to deploy teams to the affected country to identify their needs. Canada then assesses available funds that will be contributed. Canada donated an estimated $40 million of aid to the typhoon Haiyan victims. Without the generosity of Canadian citizens, the government would not have succeeded in attaining the financial aid they contributed to the Philippines. Hundreds of local fundraisers were also organized for the proceeds to go to the typhoon victims as the nation continued to encourage its citizens to donate money to the humanitarian organizations. As the world witnessed this disaster tearing through the Philippines, we did not turn our backs in their time of need, but the question in some still remain if all of the contributions to the typhoon victims were sincere or just for publicity. “Sincere or not, each country that gave was considered a blessing to the Philippines. If the other countries which have helped have a hidden agenda, it will be seen, and it will be remembered as a country who has taken advantage of a poor country in devastation. The countries who gave support do not reflect their government alone, but also the hearts of their people, who have come up with ways and means to help the Philippines,” notes Galang.
HAND IN HAND
a magnitude that even personnel were themselves victims.” However, in less than two days after the calamity struck, many countries sent relief efforts to the city of Tacloban. Canada is known for its generosity to other countries that have undergone natural disasters. Japan is one of the countries that were helped by Canada during the devastating 9.0 magnitude earthquake that hit the country in 2011. The Canadian government was said to be one of the first countries to offer aid to the aftermath of Typhoon Haiyan. Humanitarian aid and the Disaster Assistance Response Team (DART) were dispatched by the government to Leyte. The Typhoon Haiyan Relief Fund was established to encourage support of Canadians for humanitarian organizations and the government has also decided to match the relief funds that were donated by Canadians to registered charities. Canada has also stepped up to welcome typhoon victims as immigrants. “CIC (Citizenship and Immigration Canada), will prioritize processing applications from people who self-identify as being significantly affected by the typhoon,” said CIC Minister Chris Alexander. According to Statistics Canada, as of the year 2006, the fourth highest source of immigrants populating the country is from the Philippines.
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The powerful typhoon left a devastating aftermath in Leyte, and hit the following cities of Cebu and Ormoc, while the hardest-area hit was Tacloban. Once a city with a population of approximately 200,000 people teeming with life, it is now covered in debris and referred by Filipinos as “a massive burial site.” Forty-six-year-old Vancouver resident Asuncion Quijano immigrated to Canada from Leyte in 1999. “My brother and some of my relatives live in [Bontoc, Leyte] about a two hour drive from Tacloban. When I heard about what happened, I cried because I feared that my family was in danger. I was so upset that I couldn’t be there to help them right away…I tried to reach my brother through phone calls every day,” shares Quijano. According to her, the relief efforts were focused mainly on Tacloban, and as a result other cities which were also affected did not receive any help until a few days after the typhoon hit. “Nov. 11 [three days after], my brother said there was no donation yet for Bontoc and
people there already needed food and water…The only way to get donations was if they go to Tacloban on their own so my brother volunteered to go,” she adds. “The roof of my brother’s house is broken… There are five families that are living in his house as of now because they are homeless and his house isn’t big enough to house all of those people.” In an article by the Globe and Mail, an estimated 5,000 people died due to the typhoon and the death toll is still on the rise. With dead bodies scattered in the streets of Tacloban and thousands still missing, many of the residents were drawn to flee from the city. “My aunt’s husband living in Tacloban left to Cebu because she said that if she stays in Tacloban maybe she’ll become crazy. They don’t have a house and there are dead bodies everywhere and it smells so unpleasant,” Quijano adds. “Many people from Tacloban left and walked to the nearby cities of Baybay and Ormoc.” Though the Philippines are undergoing this unfortunate event, they have stayed strong and helped one another even if the nation’s economy was already suffering. Manila resident Chelo Galang of the Art Mobile Kitchen and ambassador of Food Revolution Philippines (started by Jamie Oliver) volunteered to feed the typhoon evacuees along with other local chefs in the country. “At Villamor Airbase, Metro Manila, the Art Relief Mobile Kitchen started its project…As part of our advocacy to prepare healthy food, our head Ms. Mads Dupale [the first Filipino Food Revolution ambassador] organized all of us to help from Nov. 26 to 30 from morning to graveyard [shifts], with me going home only to take a bath and change clothing,” says Galang. The restless volunteers did their best to accommodate the typhoon evacuees alongside local humanitarian organizations.
arts Shorts ronnie burkett's +
ART SHORTS EDITOR ×
the daisy theatre
THE CULTCH, NOV. 26 Scott Moraes × Managing Editor Canada’s premier puppeteer Ronnie Burkett returns to the stage with a plot-less but outrageous play. Instead of a linear narrative, it’s more of a variety show, allowing for a number of loosely connected sketches, and flexibility between performances. Burkett is, without a doubt, a master of his craft. In his writing, in his deliverance, and in his elaborate control of his puppets, he shocks, offends, provokes, and tickles the audience all at the same time. To a very minimalistic set, he brought forth a stripper, a retired military officer in drag, a gay horse, an Alberta widow, a theatre
manager “cow”, a diva, and a little philosopher fairy boy who wants to have wings. Shifting seamlessly (and absurdly fast) though different voices and accents, Burkett at times sounds like our own Robin Williams – the stamina, and the pitch-perfect charisma and humour. Pretty much everyone in the audience had their laugh-out-loud moments throughout the show. Burkett’s puppet shows are uniquely crude, explicit, political, and satirical. Perhaps that’s what makes them so effective: an often childish medium revamped with intelligent adult content. While not quite as memorable as last year’s Penny Plain, The Daisy Theatres wasn’t one to be missed.
FORTUNE, NOV. 24
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47 issue N o . 13
× Opinions Editor
There was a massive line snaking its way from the doors of Fortune Sound Club on Sunday evening, spilling out over the sidewalks with excited chatter rising above Pender Street. The venue itself seemed completely caught off guard by the fandemonium, with two exhausted door girls trying to move the masses up the stairs to the bar beyond the doors. Early bird tickets had vanished within 24 hours of the announcement of the show and the event went wildly viral. Girls and boys were ripe with anticipation for an unlikely headliner. All this chaos, and the man behind it all? Aaron Carter. The crowd was in a fever as the headlining performance drew near. The dance floor was filled to the brim with antsy footwork while a DJ spun classic ‘90s dance hits from Aaron Carter’s career peak: Venga Boys, Aqua, and “Sandstorm” blared. It was like being caught in a time warp, placed in an era of bubblegum and white platform shoes. Most surprising was the demographic, with much of the crowd being about 20 — too young to have known Carter when he was making it big on pop countdowns with classic hits like “Crush On You” and “Crazy Little Party Girl”. “Have you ever really heard Aaron Carter’s music?” a young girl in
beyonce ROGERS ARENA, NOV.30
Aaron Carter Faye Alexander
the crowd asked her friend. “No,” her friend replied and they smiled accordingly. How had these young women come to be there that night? Well past Carter’s slated set time, the raucous crowd grew restless. Chanting erupted from the packed venue, deafening waves of “Aaron!” crashed against the empty stage. A fistfight broke out in the midst of the dance floor, Pabst Blue Ribbon washed the floors. Carter evoked all out mania. The pop star rushed the stage rocking a baseball cap and tiger t-shirt. He bolted onto the monitors and indulged the audience with his presence. “You may be wondering where I have been the last eight years,” he exclaimed – that’s when he asked the crowd to take a careful listen to the lyrics of some of his latest material. People had been trying to keep him down, place him in a box. He was stricken of his right to creativity – well it’s all over now. Carter is back. He danced, he rapped, he back flipped, and oh boy did he sweat (profusely). The notorious flirt made all the crazy little party girls in the front row feel special, brushing his fingertips against their out-reached grabbing hands. There clearly is still a market for little Carter. Maybe he didn’t have to file for bankruptcy after all. Vancouver was loving it, and loving it hard. “Aaron’s Party” live? That is a winning moment.
Kristi Alexandra × Copy Editor With a few murmurings about whether or not Beyonce’s plane had, in fact, landed in Vancouver yet, eager Queen Bey fans were checking their phones for the time and wondering if they’d be waiting all night for the diva to arrive at Rogers Arena on Nov. 30. But just as soon as a few impatient fans gave up being bolted to their seats at almost 10 p.m. to get up and grab another $8 Mike’s Hard Lemonade did Jay-Z’s wife and baby mama arrive centre-stage, with a throng of dancers in the background, ready to kick off her high-energy set with “Who Run The World (Girls)”. With clips of Beyonce’s as-of-then yet unreleased avant-garde visual album flickering on mega-screens behind Beyonce and her girls (who clearly run the world), the female powerhouse singer promptly dove into “End of Time”. Accompanying dance moves and backlit sillouette-boasting display behind the exDestiny’s Child member showed how truly “Bootylicious” the singer really is. Between that rockin’
body, super sweet disposition, and her dynamo vocals, she did Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter proud during her “Mrs. Carter” world tour, showing at once that you really can be an independent woman and one-half of the most powerful couple in American music – sorry Kim and Kanye, you ain’t shit. A few short-lived moments where she busted out mainstream fan favourites like “Baby Boy”, “Diva”, and “If I Were a Boy” tickled audience members’ fancy, but her howling, authoritative, and believable performance of “Why Don’t You Love Me?” is what had the crowd’s jaws dropping to the floor. Floating mid-air in a glittering night-blue bodysuit, the singer landed at the back of the arena to perform a relaxed – well, in relation to the rest of the show – version of “Love On Top”. After a few more mashups, including Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor”, “Single Ladies”, and “Crazy in Love” – and sadly, no cameo from Mr. Carter himself – the show ended with a touching version of the late Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” that merged into Beyonce’s own “Halo”. This diva wasn’t about to be upstaged at her own show, after all.
the santaland diaries ARTS CLUB REVUE STAGE, NOV. 27 Kristi Alexandra × Copy Editor The Revue Stage, tucked in the corner of Granville Island, played host to the Santaland Diaries’ intimate one-man play with almost everyone virtually at arms-length of actor Toby Berner, who independently recited the monologue of Crumpet the Elf – originally written in 1991 as a comedic essay by a then 33-year-old David Sedaris – to the Arts Club’s opening night crowd. An energetic Berner played a believably witty down-and-out New York transplant, struggling to make it as a writer in the Big Apple – a cultural storyline that North America is all-too-familiar with. But what sets this play apart from the formulaic struggling writer storyline is Sedaris’ prosaically frank nature, calling out crazed consumers, shameless racists, and cloyingly cute “multimedia” families in his account of his seasonal job as a mall elf at Macy’s department store’s infamous Santaland. Berner’s sarcastic charm carried the show, having audience members
believing that perhaps Sedaris’ sentiments were his own. Even when the play’s star hit a few snags – stumbling over words or temporarily losing his earpiece – Berner managed to stay in the character of the acerbic 33-year-old gay mall elf. Touching upon flirtations with other gay Santaland elves, lascivious Santas, and inter-Santaland gossip (Did you know that Snowball the Checkout Elf knows so-and-so from Days of Our Lives?), the Santaland Diaries is an endlessly hilarious look into the kitschy and dehumanizing jobs that aspiring creatives hold in their journey to success. In all, what really bears the weight of the Santaland Diaries is David Sedaris’ refreshingly blunt humour, and while Berner nails the play on all accounts – in his forest-green velvet elf uniform, complete with candy cane striped stockings and yuletide yellow sleeves – it’s Sedaris’ narrative voice that rings like a sleigh bell over this hapless holiday season.
cap calendar Tennis Fortune Sound Club 8 pm $15
Fat Tug Tuesday
Lo-fi indie duo Tennis, made up of husband and wife Aliana Moore and Patrick Riley grace Vancouver in the rare event that Fortune Sound Club isn’t hosting anything mildly hip-hop related. Alongside openers Poor Moon and The Shilohs, Tennis will take advantage of rain city’s best sound system.
Storm Crow Tavern All Day $4
An Evening With Fidel
Driving Miss Daisy
The Wallflower 10 pm $ - free
Madame Pants kicks things off with a free beer round at 10 pm. Lots of awesome prizes follow if your knowledge savvy comes in handy. Go alone or with friends – all you need is a noggin and a clever team name! May we suggest “Team Mom Jeans”?
Presentation by classical guitarist David Sossa Fernandez, who studied with Jairo Cardona, Jesus Marin, Roberto Fernandez, and Dario Echeverri at the Universidad de Antioquia. If none of those names mean anything to you, show up and educate yourself. It’s free – why wouldn’t you?
Obviously Fortune would be hosting MadChild – better known to his grandmother as Shane Bunting – local rapper and one-third of Battle Axe Record’s Swollen Members. This local legend doesn’t have to move far to spit into the mic to grace his hometown fans. If, in fact, there are many left.
Storm Crow Tavern 11 am to 2 pm $ - cost of reclaiming your youth
This is the adult version of Saturday morning cartoons. You don’t even need to shower or change out of your Spiderman jammies to drool out a mouthful of Kellog’s Froot Loops and watch, enraptured by She-Ra and He-Man. The best part? You can do it all nursing Friday night’s hangover with a bacon Caesar.
The Cultch 8 pm $18
If you’re like me – a female writer in your mid-20s struggling to meet deadlines and keep the dream alive – then you’ve been ever-so-patiently waiting for season three of HBO hit Girls to make its comeback so you can scream “AMEN!” every time creator and writer Lena Dunham speaks directly to your life as you wolf down a pint of Ben and Jerry’s while wearing a snuggie.
Vancouver's finest presenter of classical theatre is back with Anton Chekhov's heart-wrenching Uncle Vanya – a timeless 19th century masterwork rich in improbable love, yearning, and folly. Sip from a brandy snifter in the lounge pre-show and discuss themes of unrequited love in literature for posh points.
Since leaving that crumby boy-band, Justin Timberlake has done wonders for his career, including recruiting Jimmy Fallon as a best friend and becoming a well-respected comedian and ahem, serious musician. While B. Spears is crying a river, I’ll be swooning over JT and dreaming he’s looking into my eyes as he sings “TKO”.
The Canadian band made famous by their song “If I Had a Million Dollars” and their stint in reality television comes to the West Coast this evening. Well, a lot has changed in the past 20 years, and if I had a million dollars, I’d be able to buy half a rancher-style house in Kitsilano. End of song.
Rain City Riot
Sugar Hill and The Gang frontman Grandmaster Flash hits Fortune Sound Club this Wednesday evening to get you singing along to that song from the Wedding Singer soundtrack. And hey, if it’s your birthday, he might even give you a nod with “The Birthday Song” – the best way to memorize any zodiac sign.
Queen Elizabeth Theatre 7:30 pm $39 to $80
Experimental rock band from Chicago plays tunes from latest album Stitches at the Electric Owl, with guests the Luyas. Roll up a doob and get psychedelic, then maybe run across the street to Uncle Fatih’s for some post-show pizza. Beef and blue cheese, anyone?
Fantasy and time-piece afficianados rejoice as Storm Crow Tavern has done it again. The Commercial Drive geek bar is serving up its finest mead – an archaic honey-based beer-like beverage most likely served up at Guinevere and Lancelot’s wedding feast – for just $4 per goblet.
Fortune Sound Club 9 pm $10
The Rio Theatre 11 pm $8
The Railway Club 8:30 pm $ 10
This will be a classical battle of the bands hosted by the students of the Pacific Audio Visual Institute (PAVI). All proceeds from this event will benefit the Access to Music Foundation which provides music programs across British Columbia. So do a favour for your ears, and for a young rocker in small town B.C.
In a future world devastated by disease, a convict is sent back in time to gather information about the man-made virus that wiped out most of the human population on the planet. Starring Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe, and Brad Pitt.
The Wallflower 8 pm $ - free admission
Be welcomed into the wonderful world of improv comic drawing. What the heck is that, you may ask? One person draws a comic panel then hands it to the next person to add their own panel and then that person hands it to the next....so on and so on. The end result is hilarity, shock and amazement. Really, it's everything.
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Electric Owl 7 pm $12
Storm Crow Tavern All day $4 per glass
Students ride skis or snowboards down rails at the courtyard of the library building. There’s free swag (not the Justin Bieber kind), free soup, and fun times guaranteed by the Social Activities Committee. Dream you’re not back at Cap and instead still riding powder on Grouse or Cypress.
Rogers Arena 8 pm $66-200
HBO 10 pm $ - cost of specialty cable (or high-speed internet)
CapU Library Courtyard 12 to 3 pm $ - free
Fortune Sound Club 9 pm $20
The Gentlemen Hecklers return to the Rio Theatre to provide live, hilarious commentary for the best bad movies. Eric Fell, Patrick Maliha, and Shaun Stewart are Vancouver's masters of movie riffing, making so-bad-they're-good movies even better by talking you through them.
Tarantino Burlesque is a live-music burlesque show featuring music from Tarantino movie soundtracks and burlesque inspired by the movies – from Pulp Fiction to Death Proof. We have to wonder if there will be any Uma Thurman lookalikes among those performing.
GIRLS Season 3 Premiere
The Rio Theatre 9:30 pm $8
West Coast Geeks versus Nerds is a live, comedy debate-style show where FanClub pits pop culture icons against each other in the ultimate showdown of trivia, gadgets, and witty banter. Prizes will be awarded for those that come in costumes themed to the debates, from donors like Game Deals and more.
FanClub 9:30 pm $10
Arts Club on Tour presents Alfred Uhry's Pulitzer Prize-winning play about how the relationship between a Southern matriarch and her driver changes over the course of a 25-year friendship. This age-old story about geriatric hilarity most definitely suits the young people patronizing CapU’s BlueShore Financial Centre for the Performing Arts.
Alice MacKay Room 7 to 8:30 pm $ -free
FanClub 9 pm $10
An Evening of Classical Guitar
The Gentlemen Hecklers
Trivia With Madame Pants
Creator-performer Tim Perez presents a play in two acts that uses historic film footage and a mixed-media set to re-create scenes from the life of Fidel Castro, the ex-Prime Minister of Cuba and communist revolutionary. Let’s see if the contents of his life can battle Che Guevara’s in piquing local 20-somethings’ interest.
BlueShore Financial Centre for the Arts 8 pm $20-$39
Geeks vs Nerds
Craft breweries are so clever with their quirky names and artisan beers, aren’t they? This IPA from Victoria-based brewers, Driftwood Brewery, is on special for just $4 a pint all day at Commercial Drive’s most patronized geek haunt – the most affordable glass of ale for miles.
Havana Theatre 8 pm $20
Event celebrating Scotland's national bard features Celtic band Blackthorn's renditions of Scottish melodies (with a special focus on Burns' songs) and a Scottish dinner. We can only hope they serve up Haggis and mead.
Croatian Cultural Centre 10 am to 3 pm $5
Kitty Nights Burlesque
Boho chic to ‘50s kitsch, collectibles and memorabilia to vintage kitchenalia, 175 tables of bargains on deluxe 20th century junque! Come sift through this previously loved junk for cheaper than you might find in an antique store along Main Street.
The Biltmore Cabaret 8 pm $7
Vancouver's Reigning Burlesque Queen, Burgundy Brixx continues to bring Vancouver audiences a different lineup of the greatest local and international burlesque stars and starlets every week. Hosted by the fun-loving Purrrfessor, this evening features a highly-coveted weekly door prize.
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Place des Arts 6 pm $13-35
21st Century Flea Market
Robbie Burns Dinner & Concert
× LEAH SCHEITEL
functional adult A SHORT GUIDE TO HANGOVERS
× Haley Smith
Paisley Conrad × Columnist
Far from her small town roots, Paisley Conrad is trying to find her way in Vancouver. Her life is now a juggling act of school, work, and improv comedy, while appearing to be an adult. In her column, she will explore the tribulations of a young student trying to figure it out outside of the parents’ house.
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47 issue N o . 13
Last week I threw up on a bus. It was a combina-
tion of my symbolic middle finger in TransLink's direction and a symptom of the intense hangover I was nursing at the time. Needless to say, I'm not the best at being a person. I moved out of my parents’ house at the ripe age of 17, upon my high school graduation. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I took my bags and left my rural home of Salt Spring Island, living on my own. How hard could being an adult be? Two years later, I have woken up from the romantic fantasy of living independently in a large city. I am 50 shades of broke, am missing a chunk of my ceiling and haven't quite gotten a hang of this whole grown up thing yet. I go to bed every night with the secret wish in my heart that when I wake up, I will finally feel like a functional adult. It has yet to happen. There are thousands of websites dedicated to student life, presenting helpful tips and tricks in hopes of making the lives of North American students easier. There are guides to budgeting, sample grocery lists, and resume templates. This is all useful and highly informative, but it doesn't address the finer points of student life. The real question is not how to buy your groceries, or what savings account you should open up – it's more obvious than that. The real question is: what on Earth is the polite way to deal with throwing up on public transportation? Seriously, throughout all of my
education, and my years of being parented, the correct decorum for a situation such as that was never brought up. While trying to grow up, we make incredibly foolish mistakes. I can't count on both hands the number of times that I have gone out and gotten incredibly inebriated the night before an early lecture or an opening shift at work. Through trial and (painful) error, I have come to several conclusions about how to avoid the worst-case scenario, by outlining what to do before, during, and after a night out. BEFORE If you know in advance that you're going to be throwing responsibility out the window, and caution to the wind, be prepared. Make a sandwich before you leave home, throw a granola bar in your purse and fill a water bottle up and put it next to your bed. In the morning, your body will thank you for this foresight by not slipping into the dark realms of the full-day hangover, or the even darker reaches of the two-day hangover. DURING While out at the club, in your friends basement, or wherever you are swigging on the bottle, it's always wise to alternate alcohol with glasses of water. Coincidentally, water is the only free drink that you can get at the bar. There's also nothing
wrong with snacking on that granola bar you have stashed in your bag, or your pocket, or ordering greasy late-night poutine. The more solids you get in your stomach while you're out and about, the better you'll feel the next day. AFTER Make sure that if you're feeling nauseous and you know you'll be riding a bus, you have some form of bag or bucket to toss your cookies in. I personally prefer to use an extra large fountain cup from Subway. When you finally get to where you need to be, don't loudly announce your state of being. No one that you work/study/sit/talk with cares about how you got totally wasted last night. If asked, of course it's completely appropriate to meekly divulge the details of your crazy night out, as it probably made for an entertaining story. While it may take all the energy you have, do your best to be a pleasant human being. You may not have high motor functions, or be able to process most information, but if you're sweet about your shortcomings, chances are the people around you will give you the benefit of the doubt. If you weren't prepared, there's still hope for you. Hit up a grocery store and grab an orange, a bottle of Sprite, and a Clif bar. If possible, grab a 20-minute cat nap. Sleep heals all wounds, and even a short rest will do wonders for your alertness. In addition, while in the moment it will be the last
thing you ever want to do, take a shot of whatever you were drinking last night. A hangover is a symptom of alcohol withdrawal, and your body needs its fix. We all age, but some just do it more gracefully than others. Conquering a hangover is a valuable skill for the sake of your social and professional life, and another step into becoming more of a grown up. It's hard to find advice for the more unconventional, but entirely common issues with everyday life. Being a functional adult is quite a balancing act, and it's the little things that can tip the scales.
the art of a ski bum GETTING CREATIVE WITH IT
Reuben G. Krabbe × Columnist
By most measurements, I grew up as a less than notable human. Most of my life was spent in the middle of the bell curve. Other than my height, I have had few distinguishing features physically, mentally, societally, and economically. However, I’ve come into a career as a professional lensman, a.k.a. an “action sports photographer”. My office is among tall, old trees, cascading glaciers, playing with friends among mountains, far, far away from the standard career path. Beyond non-enlightening descriptions like blonde hair, being an English speaking, soccer playing boy, a young Reuben Krabbe was defined as the nice kid, who was also sort of nerdy. Armed with glasses since the age of four, I had an aptitude for scientific concepts and conceptualization. Due to a lack of fine motor skill, the artistic work of my young self formed as unintentional Picasso knockoffs, musical attempts referenced abstract noise music. As a kid without a natural aptitude for regurgitating carbon copies of another person's art, I came to understand myself as non-artistic – go play with a microscope or talk about the concept of photosynthesis. However, around age 13, I found cameras.
After graduating from the Western Academy of Photography in Victoria, Reuben Krabbe moved to Whistler to shoot, ski, and drink wine. His work can be seen gracing the pages of Skier, Powder, Bike, among others.When Reuben isn’t shooting photos, he likes to watch America’s Next Top Model, and embark on health debates about philosophy and religion. Sometimes he does this all at the same time. His work can be seen at ReubenKrabbe.com
Part science, part art, wholly something a white kid from middle-class Calgary could play with, and learn to express with. Quickly priorities reorganized and years later my peers refer to me as an artist. I dare not guess the definition of their label, but regardless of the semantics, it’s a far cry from my personal forecasts of a life as an accountant or engineer. The images I make carry the optimism of the life I was born into, void of tumultuous oppression, or overcoming the hurdles of a rare story. However, as I chase the white rabbit of creativity, I find myself further from the lazy path of least resistance. I largely owe my career to the advent of the digital camera. And, now everyone is a photographer, too – and no, I don’t say that in an ironic, cynical, begrudging tone. Dear Mr. Uncreative, Mrs. Linear Mind, we are the same person, as creative mediums have become democratized, there is hope. We all have camera phones, publishing platforms, and a personality with mental images and a lifestyle worth exploring. I've come to see my path into photography as a parallel to the wider world's adoption of imagery through Facebook and Instagram. And it's beautiful that we now all have the ability to live and share experience and
× Jana Vanduin
ideas through story and a creative medium. Photography is case in point for me; however it has become true for most artistic mediums. Though art isn't everyone's vocation, creativity and publishing is within everyone's grasp. The lens is what makes a camera interesting. The film or sensor of a camera splits hairs between aesthetic choices; however, a lens to me is the beauty of a camera. A lens, most simply, is a choice of perspective. It determines what is in the image and what isn’t, a vantage point for perceiving the world. The design of a photographic camera lens chooses a perspective; it takes the massive wild world, and makes a miniature replica projected onto the film. It's creating small replica of the real world, frozen in time. Such as a portrait removed from the studio, a mountain replicated from a scene. This is how I thought about a camera's function, but also about my creative process. I was taking things out of the world, things that I hope a viewer would want to see. A couple years down the road, I've come to understand that's incorrect. Well, not incorrect, but the emphasis is backwards. I now imagine scenes, or the concepts or types of people I want to photograph, an idea exists in my mind, and then it's a process of traveling and creating to go capture the photo. The lens now is a
tool to extract an image from my mind, it doesn't point from the real world towards a finite replica on film. The lens isn't taking the large world and making it small. It now takes the intangible concept from my mind, and makes it real. Whether I was unaware as I started, or conscious of it now, the camera is a tool that will remove concepts, truths, and my personal stories from the mind, and share it with the world. Dear Mrs. I'm-not-creative, I think someone has tricked you. Carve a creative space with your dog-stagram, with your people-who-matter-stagram, or your inner palm sketchpad. Whatever medium you choose is the creative lens that will broadcast your mind to the world. Along the way, it will carry your body through the daydreams and personal aspiration. Sir, I hereby categorically reject your claim that you aren't creative. There is a medium in which every human can create and be creative, and each of us has a personal unique taste for aesthetics. Your creativity may begin echoing another's work; however, with time it will become a quill with which you will write an autobiography. So, dance whimsically in pursuit of white rabbits, through the experiences of life, to capture, create, and relate.
The modern groupie MY FIRST MUSICIAN-INFLICTED HEARTBREAK
Layla Domino × Columnist
Like all preteen girls who grew up in the ‘90s,
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no make up on. He glided up to me in a way that only men with rhythm can do and said, “You’re gorgeous.” It killed me. I had completely and abashedly fallen in love with Dave. I was actively fighting back the words as we would tangle up in each other at European beaches by day and make out on the pub’s billiards tables by night. By the time I had arrived back in B.C.’s lower mainland, about a week after Dave had to go home, there was no question that we would keep seeing each other. I faithfully attended all of his band’s shows and met all of his friends, and when our parents weren’t looking we’d sneak into each other’s bedrooms late at night. As our romance dwindled into something considerably less romantic than it had been in Spain, it dawned on me that, much to my horror, Dave didn’t actually want to date me. He had his eye on a female singer from another band, and I was the groupie in the meantime. It took a while for me to fully give up the delusion that I’d be attending his shows for years to come. But instead of swearing off musicians forever, my failed relationship with Dave opened the door to dating a plethora of musicians who were no good for me. After Dave, I collected his bandmate Mike’s phone number and moved on to dating guitarists.
Dave would use the palms of his hands to drum on his thighs, use pens to drum on tourist guides and museum pamphlets, drum his fingers on the back of his iPod along with whatever song we was listening to. I was immediately infatuated. Along with our friend Alex, Dave and I spent a month taking trains along coastlines, flying from country to country, and bussing across the Autobahn. Sexual tension between Dave and I rose and fell while in Paris, festered in London, and finally saw its fruition in Barcelona after a titillating musical performance in the city square and many pitchers of sangria. Dave regaled me about his shows back home, what musicians he’d met and played alongside, and about his hilarious stint in his teen punk band, Solemn Fist, who, as it happened, played alongside some of my high school classmates who were also in teen punk bands. I was absolutely smitten with him, and he was entirely wrapped up in our circumstantial and musical romance – for the time being. One evening, in a particularly humid stretch of late July in Barcelona, Alex didn’t come back to our hostel. I had stayed in for the evening after getting heatstroke on Barcelona’s nude beach a few hours earlier. When Dave came back to the room alone, I was seated on the bed closest to the patio that overlooked a scuzzy back alley behind Las Ramblas with all my hair pulled back into a chignon and
songs in my journal with the five or six chords I knew on guitar. I was an artist who had a penchant for falling in love with other artists. So when I pushed past my awkward preteen stage into the world of dating, I would not consider a guy who hadn’t picked up a guitar or a pair of drumsticks. If you couldn’t name at least three Modest Mouse albums and make me a good mixtape, you weren’t on my radar. At the ripe age of 18, when I travelled to Europe about a month after graduating high school, I met Dave, a drummer in a Vancouver-based ska band called the Karmakanix. We were introduced in Paris through a mutual friend, and he came walking up through my hostel dorm room doorway, a shock of sandy-blond hair, green eyes, and an incessant need to put rhythm to anything. It was there, in Paris, that my career of dating only musicians commenced. Dave was wild and beautiful, in the way that only people are when they’re travelling – free of any real responsibilities, totally self-serving, and full of adventure. It’s much like how musicians conduct their lives 365 days of the year, while the rest of us working saps reserve those fancy-free freedoms for a time when we’re not in our own country.
× Tierney Milne
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my mint green bedroom walls were adorned with posters and magazine cut-outs of the less-fair sex – wallpapered with pages that might have been ripped out of TeenBeat Magazine. Except, instead of having plastered teen dreamboats like (the now allegedly gay) Jonathan Taylor Thomas or Brad Renfro (R.I.P.), my walls and dreams were filled with images of Zach Hanson, Ryan Dennis — frontman of teen one-hit wonder Serial Joe – and, of course, Dave Grohl. While pre-pubescent girls all over North America drooled over dreamboats like Andrew Keegan, I had fantasies of some dream boys of my own, and they all shared one thing in common: they were musicians. From Eddie Vedder to the youngest Hanson brother, I always did have a wild delusion that I’d someday be married to a successful, world-famous musician. I didn’t know which one, though briefly I truly and honestly believed that I would take the surname Grohl and sleep in a bunk of a tour bus alongside my faithful and artistic (and much, much older) husband. But I was no groupie. I idolized Lilith Fair-type female powerhouses like Jewel and Fiona Apple and I penned my own
Layla Domino is a veteran groupie with a love of all things music and all things men. After spending her early 20s backstage waiting for her lovers to serenade crowds and in the front seat of tour buses, she has gathered some raucous stories, which she will now share with you. And naturally, her favourite movie is a tie between Magic Mike and Almost Famous.
humans GENDER APARTHEID IN SAUDI ARABIA
× Zed Alexandra
Christine Janke × Columnist
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47 issue N o . 13
Christine Janke is the kind of soul that cares for all of the ones around her. Her education in Human Rights from Malmo University in Sweden has allowed her to look at the world in a different light. Her column Humans, will delve into human rights, and how Canada compares to the world.
Saudi Arabia is a country largely known for its vast oil reserves. For political reasons, this is the only aspect of Saudi Arabia that Western governments wish to make public. No Western government has ever spoken out negatively about Saudi society, since the preservation of economic relations seems to trump morality and the value of human life. In 2012, Canada imported $2.85 billion worth of goods from Saudi Arabia and exported $1.4 billion, making this Islamic state an important trade partner for our nation. Canada imports Saudi petroleum and oil while exporting cars, airplanes, and machinery. In supporting the Saudi Arabian economy, Canada (and other Western countries) is approving of the unbelievably horrific human rights offences against Saudi citizens, and particularly Saudi women. In their 2013 Global Gender Gap Report, the World Economic Forum ranks Saudi Arabia 127 of 136 countries for overall gender parity (134 for economic participation). Iceland ranks overall in first, Yemen ranks last, while Canada comes in at 20. Women’s rights in Saudi Arabia are nonexistent. Needing permission from a male guardian to do most anything, women have the legal position of a minor. If a woman wants to travel, go to school, or work, she must have her guardian’s permission, but the odds are generally not in her favour. While 60 per cent of university graduates
are women, they make up only five per cent of the workforce. A woman’s place is in the home, tending to the needs of her husband, enduring every form of abuse. When a woman is raped in Saudi society, it is considered her fault for enticing the male, and she will be charged with adultery and stoned to death. Women are treated like objects, and a young girl from a poorer family may be bought for a couple of livestock from a wealthy older male. He will then take her home, rape, and beat her, and then let his brothers and family members do the same. Accounts such as these go on endlessly. One cannot explain why such a male chauvinistic society exists other than centuries-old beliefs, masked as having religious importance, passed on from father to son. On a recent flight across Canada, I was seated next to an American woman of Pakistani descent. She visited Saudi Arabia in the 1970s while her mother was a physician at the King’s Hospital. During the few years she could tolerate working in this misogynistic society, her mother witnessed the genital mutilation of several female babies each day – a traditional procedure done so that the female will not feel pleasure during sex. She also tended to women, as well as men and children, who were brought in by police for medical attention after lashings left their backs in shreds. Hospitals are ordered to heal the patient after each session of
150 lashings so that they can continue with their punishment and receive their next 150 lashings. The number of lashes people are sentenced with can go into the thousands. In a soft yet serious tone, this American woman recounted her own experience of walking around the city as a 21 year old without a male chaperone, against recommendations. Even though she was covered from head to toe in the black dress women in Saudi Arabia must wear in public, she was groped and grabbed, and came home that day with large bruises all over her body. She never went out into public again, and says she will never return to Saudi Arabia. It is a country unsafe for women. The puritanical Wahhabi form of Islam is Saudi Arabia’s religion, and there is zero separation between religion and state. Their constitution is literally the Qur’an and the Prophet Muhammad’s Sunna tradition. The courts uphold a legal system based on Islamic law (Shari’a) and there are no laws criminalizing violence against women. The Saudi government insists that this social and political order is justified and cannot be understood by outsiders. Therefore, Western notions of human rights cannot be transferred into Saudi society. I do not see how such a system of religious belief can be honestly seen as justification for barbaric and violent punishments, since to stray from Wahhabi Islam and convert to another religion, apostasy, is
punishable by nothing less than public beheading by sword. Saudi citizens are unable to have any counter-opinions against these medieval ways and live to tell of it. Fear of death, encouraged by theatre-like executions, is a real and effective means of controlling the public. Since the Arab Spring uprisings of neighbouring countries, the government and religious police of Saudi Arabia stepped up its ante even stronger in 2013 to prevent political upheaval and retain authority over its citizens. There do exist signs of hope for women in Saudi Arabia nonetheless. Women will be able to participate in municipal elections in 2015, with the permission of their male guardian, of course. As well, there is a movement amongst Saudi women to have the right to drive called Women2Drive. While they still face great opposition, women are slowly banding together and gathering courage in truly heroic ways. Saudi Arabian women need international support towards freedom and equality, and Canada really shouldn’t wait until we no longer need to import Saudi oil to address the human rights violations going on within this secretive society.
OPINIONS EDITOR ×
post - canada post MAIL IS DEAD
× Kristen Wright
Carlo Javier × Staff Writer
head-scratching remark considering the installation of community mailboxes will obviously only boost social relations. It’s a curiosity as to how Beachell sees isolation of people stemming from community mailboxes. One of the five initiatives that have also been subject to much negative reception is the proposed cutting of about 8,000 jobs. This is understandably an unpopular move, but the nature of this is change is that the majority of the jobs to be cut are through attrition – meaning through the retiring employees. As for the unfortunate victims of actual job cutting, it is up to Canada Post to honour those who are in the midst of working on pension plans. Ultimately, changes to Canada Post remain as proposals. It’s great to see a major corporation revealing its short and long term financial plans in order to test the waters of the public; at the same time, it’s alarming that people are still prone to jumping to conclusions without giving the current issue enough time to simmer.
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to actually take daily trips to the community mailboxes, it’s not likely that it’ll hamper their schedule. They could even hit up the mailboxes immediately after their daily trip to McDonald’s for the economically-friendly senior’s coffee. Granted, Chopra did take a significant misstep in his rather nonchalant handling of the seniors’ situation. Brushing off the question by saying that seniors will benefit from the walks to the community mailboxes – though he isn’t wrong – Chopra probably could have answered the question with a less sarcastic sounding remark. Other points of initiative are the opening of about 1,000 Canada Post franchise outlets in existing businesses, the progression to using the newest available technology to provide more cost-effective procedures, and the price increase of individual stamps. The current price at 63 cents will take a hike to $1, and at 85 cents when purchased in bulk. Some of those who are against the proposed changes argue that it will lead to isolation of people, Laurie Beachell, the national coordinator for the Council of Canadians with Disabilities told the National Post that the changes will, “seriously disadvantage people with disabilities. Couple that with access and climate issues, and it will further isolate people, making them dependent upon family and friends to pick up their mail.” A rather
Canada Post’s proposal first went public on Dec. 11, and it includes five initiatives that are to be fulfilled within the next five years. CEO Deepak Chopra cites the potential benefits to the corporation’s troubling financial status as the primary motivation for the changes. One of the five initiatives that has received heavy (over)reaction is the elimination of door-to-door mail service. What gets lost in the discussion is that the services to be cut are ones in urban neighbourhoods, and according to the National Post, this will affect roughly 5.1 million Canadians, a far cry from “all” Canadians. The affected neighbourhoods will instead receive mail through community mailboxes, a move that can ultimately allow for a more efficient handling of bigger parcels, particularly those that don’t fit in a regular mailbox. The elimination of door-to-door delivery also stirred a great deal of controversy with senior citizens. The potential effect of the proposed changes to seniors has become one of the more heated subplots of Canada Post’s unexpected announcement. There are concerns about how the daily trips to community mailboxes will hamper the desire to live independently. But, with respect to the to-be-affected senior citizens of Canada, no one actually goes to check their mail on a daily basis. Even then, if they were
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Right before 2013 sent it in, Canada Post managed to deliver one eyebrow-raising announcement that irked many Canadians. In a surprising turn of events, Canada Post announced its proposal to methodically end door-todoor mail deliveries for all Canadians within the next five years – effectively eliminating individual mail, and the spirit of mail itself. But many of the reactions towards the announcement seem to be of the knee-jerk variety, the kind expected when such a drastic move by a crown corporation is made. It’s becoming apparent that people against the proposed changes have not truly looked into the specifics of the plan, which, when given some time and thought – actually does wind up looking like a smart idea. The immediate negative reaction when the proposal went public is understandable. Since, in a nutshell, the changes are: effectively cutting doorto-door deliveries, implementing community mailboxes, raising the price of individual stamps to $1, and cutting nearly 8,000 jobs. Anyone would be appalled when presented with that, especially the elimination of jobs nationwide. This is a case that requires further reading to understand that, not only is this an economic choice; it is a progressive move that is now inevitable, considering the unprecedentedly developing technology.
reflektor's dress code ARCADE FIRE WANTS YOU TO LOOK GOOD Paisley Conrad × Writer
three years without any major stadium shows, Arcade Fire has announced a tour supporting their double album Reflektor. A disclaimer on the ticket reads “NIGHT OF SHOW: Please wear formal attire or costume.” Instantly, fans took to the blogosphere and various other forms of social media to express their displeasure at the mandatory dress code. The general consensus was that it was ridiculous for this experienced band, with their dedicated fan base, to place any sort of requirement or condition on their show. The reaction of the fans to this simple request, however, was more ridiculous, as the request wasn't really asking that much of ticket-holders. An insurmountable amount of work goes into the production of a record. Hours are spent writing, recording, and producing an album, and when that process is over, a band intending on touring still has plenty more work cut out for itself. Putting on a show is no small task, especially when the music being performed is high intensity and difficult to play. It is exhausting to be onstage in front of thousands of fans, playing music that is familiar to them, and meeting their expectations – which are bound to be high. Playing a show that sounds good and looks good simultaneously is a difficult balance to strike, and, ultimately, it's all done for the fans. Arcade Fire is known for wearing formal attire onstage as they perform, and it isn't asking too much for fans to wear the same as they
stand on the floor. In response to the general outcry of negativity from the public regarding the dress code, the band released on statement on their Facebook page. “To everyone really upset about us asking people to dress up at our shows… please relax. It’s super not mandatory. It just makes for a more fun carnival when we are all in it together. So far these have been the best shows we have ever played.” When it comes down to it, Arcade Fire is putting on a show, and they have come to the conclusion that the best shows are the ones that unite both them and their audience. Though dress codes are slowly falling out of fashion, as recently as the early 20th century formal attire was required for attendance to certain events. If one wanted to attend the opera, or the symphony, or a Broadway show, it was expected that you had to look the part to enter the building and attend the performance. These dress codes were never contested, as it was logical that when a person goes to see a show, they should look their best, in honour of the performers and fellow attendees. It's also not very difficult to put on a nice pair of pants or a dress for one night of inspiring concert. In addition to dress codes, performers occasionally put other restrictions on attendees at their shows. Some artists have been known to strictly enforce the “no live recording” rule by searching bags, and holding any devices capable of recording. While it can be argued that a live show is public
× Kira Campbell domain, a performance is still the livelihood of all those involved with producing it, and recording it for private or public use is unfair to the artist, who developed and rehearsed a show that was meant to be seen live. These recordings are often low-quality, and the show doesn't translate very well via these mediums. It's not unreasonable for an artist to protect the integrity of their art and their craft. Not only that, but the light from a flash camera, or the glow of a phone screen can be distracting to those onstage. That can impede their ability to put on a high-quality performance, and degrade the entire experience for everyone involved. There is nothing more frustrating than watching a show from the floor, and not being able to see the performers because there is a sea of mobile phones blocking the view of the stage, which is all-too-
common at local venues such as the Commodore Ballroom and Fortune Sound Club. The point of a live show is enjoying a first-hand experience of a work of art, not for the benefit of your Snapchat friends list and social media outlets. A live show is the property of the performer, no matter what you paid for admission. Particularly in the case of a musician – they don't have to tour. While they are concerned about making a profit, a musician tours largely on behalf of the fans. Live performances are fleeting and irreplaceable, and altogether designed to be wonderful experiences for all those involved. If a performer wants to impose a dress code or recording restriction for the good of the show, they can. It's their show, after all.
new year, clean slate IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO MAKE A RESOLUTION Faye Alexander
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× Opinions Editor
Once Christmas day has come and gone, there is another timeless tradition that starts stirring silently over the next week – reflections on the past 12 months and the question of what the next will bring. The New Year is a celebration of new beginnings, the exciting turn to a new chapter. Once the clock strikes midnight on Dec. 31, the slate has been swept clean and people suddenly feel empowered to do things differently. This is the year where dreams could come true, habits could be broken and love could be right around the bend. 2014 is a new dawn which many accompany with New Year’s resolutions. Health and fitness is at the top of the list for Canadians, with finance issues following close behind. A study released Dec. 28 by Bank of Montreal (BMO) showed that 36 per cent of those surveyed resolved to become financially fit in the New Year. However, having the intention and sticking to the resolution is an entirely different thing. Less than half of the North American population makes resolutions for themselves, likely due to repeated failure. The initial momentum eventually dwindles, meaning failure at keeping up resolutions is the norm. Regardless of the calendar date, humans are creatures of habit, and changing aspects of our lives involve an incredible amount of self-control and diligence. And people are quick to disbelieve they can achieve achievable goals. New Year’s Eve has been a traditional cleansing dating back to extinct societies such as the Aztecs and Babylonians 4,000 years ago. Originally cel-
ebrated in March, the Romans changed the New Year to January. January itself get its name from Janus, a two-faced Roman god who looks backwards into the old year and forwards into the new. It was when the Romans moved New Year’s to January, that the custom of “New Year’s resolutions” was born, contemplating the year past, and making commitments to better themselves. Making resolutions for the New Year is a tradition that spans not only history but is shared by cultures across the globe. This demonstrates that there is something innately human in striving for self-betterment; a common thread of humanity. Although this began with promises made to the gods, people now make promises to themselves. It is easier to break promises to oneself as opposed to promises we make to others. A fresh start is the most optimistic way to look at the New Year’s celebration, and the motivation to make a change generally withstands the first week. A study by the University of Scranton Journal of Clinical Psychology states that only eight per cent of those who make resolutions achieve them. The problem could be that people are not realistic with their goals and set themselves up to crash and burn quickly. But it’s not all negative. “People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t explicitly make resolutions,” reports Statisticsbrain.com. Losing weight tops the list of most popular resolutions, as well as countless smokers who decide to give up their nicotine habit for January. Instead of
creating large resolutions that involve entire lifestyle changes and expecting that bad habits can be solved with the passing of a day – setting smaller goals that require less commitment would leave people feeling good about themselves. Why not decide to simply try new things, read a few new books, cut back on swearing, or get really into Bob Marley for at least a week? Setting resolutions you really want as opposed to ones you “should” want (like that hotter body) is the key to creating a resolution success story. Everyone has something they would like to change or improve, and we are all capable of something better, however big or small that is. By simply making a decision to try to be better for yourself makes for immeasurable change. Any opportunity to feel revitalized and start fresh shouldn’t be tainted with mass cynicism. If Jan. 1 is the best time to reflect and make a change, do so. Accepting that failures will happen, hard work will be required, and there may be support needed at some point, believing that one can make positive changes in their own life is an empowering experience and a tradition that at least eight percent will be thankful for. Toast your new beginnings, and find the beauty in the fact that creating a resolution is a ritual that millions take part in world-wide, hoping for a better tomorrow. Across the world, there is still a romantic idea that we can achieve something new and that is nothing short of amazing.
× Vivian Liu
TOP TEN RESOLUTIONS 1. LOSE WEIGHT 2. GET ORGANIZED 3. SPEND LESS, SAVE MORE 4. ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST 5. STAY FIT AND HEALTHY 6. LEARN SOMETHING EXCITING 7. QUIT SMOKING 8. HELP OTHERS ACHIEVE THEIR DREAMS 9. FALL IN LOVE 10. SPEND MORE TIME WITH FAMILY
don't sue me, bro OWNING UP ISN'T A GAME OF HOT POTATO James Martin Ă— Writer
Ă— Ksenia Kozhevnikova
Who's more foolish: the fool, or the fool who
possible. Shit happens. This simple and ugly truth is an inescapable axiom that dominates the reality we all inhabit. We don't like it when shit happens, but there's more than enough to go around and often nothing we can do to stop it. Maybe that's why we get so worked up when it appears that there might be someone else to blame for said shit. Sometimes it's warranted; go ahead and sue if some product or activity includes a truly hidden danger that isn't obvious to the layperson. But if you can't accept the personal risk in such things as falling during physical activity, cutting yourself while using tools, or getting into an accident while driving, maybe you shouldn't be taking part in such activities, regardless of who or what is incentivizing you to do so.
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not attend to him in a timely manner. Perhaps the organizers made the competition (and the circumstances surrounding it) riskier than it could have been through their actions and/or lack of preparation. On the other hand, maybe everything should have been fine the way it was, and this was just a freak accident that couldn't have reasonably been avoided had Aulakh entered the competition under improved circumstances. A large part of Aulakh's family's lawsuit against the event's organizers focuses on the fact that they did not warn Aulakh of the potential risks of competing in an eating competition. This is where the weight of their argument begins to thin. Anyone with any experience in consuming food (a substantial portion of the population, surely) should have some notion that speed-eating comes with some risk of discomfort, vomiting, or choking. For this type of competition, one should expect that people be able to make an informed decision without the need for a legal disclaimer. We can't expect to live in a world where we are constantly coddled instead of being made to use our own sound judgement. There's a great danger in setting a precedent that everything is 100 per cent safe unless otherwise noted, because such a fantasy world is simply not
able to point fingers (if they have any left) when their chosen activity leads to harm. But for examples without as much obvious inherent risk, reallife instances of this debate being fiercely played out are not difficult to find. For a local example, take the story of Surrey resident Samaljit Aulakh. In November 2012, Aulakh choked during an eating contest at a local Diwali event and ended up in a coma that left him with severe brain damage. A year later, his family filed a lawsuit against the event's organizers. The competition Aulakh participated in wasn't about eating a grossly massive quantity of food but rather just six Timbit-sized desserts, with the challenge being that the competitors had to lean down and race to finish eating first without the use of their hands. Aulakh completed the competition and was declared the winner immediately before showing signs of distress, at which time he was instructed that if he did not contain all the food then he would lose his prize. Aulakh attempted to comply with the organizers' instructions in order to not lose out on a new iPhone, but proceeded to throw up and choke. His family alleges that the first aid attendants at the festival were not adequately trained to assist him and that they did
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follows him? Or, more importantly, which fool is at fault if the second fool comes to harm while partaking in the first fool's hijinks? Was the first fool negligent when he didn't warn his follower that what they were doing was foolish, or should the second fool just have to live with the consequences of his choice to follow the original fool in his obviously foolish adventure in the first place? The issue is framed lightly in this silly example, but matters of liability are serious matters in the real world. People get hurt, then angry, and then they want to pursue legal action. The question of "with whom does the fault lie?" when things go wrong is often a divisive one that puts heavy consequences on the line over accountability that is rarely clear-cut. There is an entire subset of the legal profession that specializes in the process of sorting out who's culpable and who isn't in such situations. People should just suck it up and take some personal responsibility for their actions rather than suing to shift the blame onto others when things take a turn for the worse, but when it comes to specific cases, the waters can become murky. Clearly, somebody who engages in the likes of shark wrestling or chainsaw juggling shouldn't be
FEATURES EDITOR ×
S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M
PRIVACY RIGHTS IN THE MODERN AGE
“If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.” --George Orwell, 1984
Scott Moraes × Managing Editor
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rivacy is a cloudy concept hard-pressed for a standard definition. Intellectuals from many different ages and stripes have offered their interpretations of privacy for centuries, and the debate is still a burgeoning one. Recently, largely due to the leaks made public by Edward Snowden, privacy concerns have leaped to the foreground of public debate and spread like wildfire. Rather than simply spying on States (an old practice), Snowden's leaks shed extensive light on the rise of surveillance of populations, at home and abroad, and through collection of digital data. Indeed, it appears that every technological novelty hailed as a security tool by either government or private entities has an inherent potential for breaching privacy rights and data mining capabilities. Evidence of governments spying on each other and on their own populations has surfaced across the globe, and with it, a rethinking of privacy rights in a digital world where all the spatial notions of privacy are suddenly hollow. This presents a challenge mainly on whether the risks of technological advances outweigh their convenience, and where to draw the line.
IS BIG BROTHER WATCHING YOU? Lawyer Michael Vonn has been researching and talking about privacy issues for years. As policy director for the B.C. Civil Liberties Association, she was part of the team that, in October, filed a lawsuit against
the Communications Security Establishment Canada (CSEC) claiming that “its secret and unchecked surveillance of Canadians is unconstitutional,” in that it breaches citizens' protections against “unreasonable search and seizure” under section eight of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. The CSEC is legally permitted “to read Canadians’” e-mails and text messages, listen to Canadians' phone calls, and to collect and analyze the metadata information that is automatically produced each and every time a Canadian uses a mobile phone or accesses the Internet.” The BCCLA also claims that there is no judicial oversight of CSEC's actions. In light of a judicial decision in the United States regarding similar complaints, Vonn says, “In principle, [Americans] too are protected against unreasonable search and seizure. We have different laws, but this is encouraging to us that the U.S. district court has found this to be unconstitutional. This is dragnet surveillance of electronic data. They're sweeping up our data, warrantless, and that's impermissible.” Judge Richard Leon of the Washington District court wrote that, “the [U.S.] government does not cite a single case in which analysis of the NSA’s bulk metadata collection actually stopped an imminent terrorist attack,” he wrote, also citing that the surveillance was “almost Orwellian in its scope.” In Canada, privacy rights are set out federally in the Privacy Act and the Personal Information Pro-
tection and Electronic Documents Act (PIPEDA), while provincially British Columbia has its own Privacy Act, and privacy in the private sector is protected by the Personal Information Protection Act (PIPA) and in the public sector by the Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act (FOIPPA). In 2008, B.C. also enacted the EHealth Act. FOIPPA also gives a mandate to privacy commissioners, who are appointed as independent watchdogs on privacy issues, both federally and provincially, and who receive privacy complaints and issue recommendations following a review. Commissioners, however, have no power to enforce legal decisions. As the U.S. government classifies more documents than ever (by a very large margin) and cracks down on whistleblowers, other nations are likely doing the same. As a response to the trend, in July, a document collectively written and signed by over 300 civil society groups across the globe was published online. Entitled International Principles on the Application of Human Rights to Communications Surveillance, it encompasses a set of principles that democratic societies should attempt to fulfill so that basic human rights are not compromised by the “explosion of communications metadata.” The document suggests that privacy laws should be subject to periodic review, and that the justification for the necessity and legitimacy of proposed legislation should be the responsibility of the State.
It also recommends “public oversight mechanisms to ensure transparency and accountability of communications surveillance.”
GOING DIGITAL: DANGER OR CONVENIENCE
There appears to be a thorny dilemma between the desire for greater security and the sacrifice of privacy. Much like contentious economic measures are presented as beneficial, security measures are also often marketed as a necessity and the other side of the coin is usually masked from public scrutiny. Concerns in Canada aggravated in the wake of a proposed amendment to the Criminal Code of Canada, laughably titled “Protecting Children from Internet Predators Act” or Bill C-30, which barely mentioned predators or children and was mostly meant to allow for legal police access to digital data. Though the bill was eventually rejected following public outcry, lawmakers have not completely given up on some of its measures. “Bill C-30 was taken off the stove, but it has come back – zombielike – in a slightly different form.” warns Vonn. “The new Cyber Bullying bill [Bill C-13] has some of the C-30 ideas, but the most contentious aspects of C-30 are not part of this new bill, so that means they must have taken some of the public criticism into consideration. But again it is essentially a Trojan horse, there's only a few pages relating to cyber bullying,
the rest is related to police access to information.” Vonn also suggests that such “Trojan horses” and omnibus bills have contributed to the watering down of B.C.'s once-exemplary privacy safeguards and that the trends present a grim picture.
Government 2.0 is the name of a blanket program presented as a technical upgrade to identity management in British Columbia. More than just an upgrade, though, it would allow for free flow and sharing of citizens' personal information among different ministries – information that used to be held separately and minimally shared. The official proposal claims that the strategy is "about giving citizens some of their most valuable resource: their time." Indeed, like the titles of controversial legislation, the strategy is astutely packaged for sale. "Ultimately, citizens want easy, timely access to public services when and how they choose. Meeting those expectations is the motivation behind this strategy,” guarantees the document. The proposal also largely relies on the implication that government sees the sharing of data as a two-way street. The official rhetoric grants that new technologies could and should be used for more transparent and “proactive sharing” of government data to citizens. At the core of Government 2.0 is a new identity card called the B.C. Services Card, which was rolled out as an optional upgrade in February 2013, but is intended to become mandatory by 2018. That the card was implemented without much public consultation led B.C. Information and Privacy Commissioner Elizabeth Denham to conclude, "Given the program’s profound reach and the amount and type of personal information involved, it is critical that citizens are included in the dialogue. I am recommending that government conduct a fulsome public consultation with British Columbians before the B.C. Services Card program proceeds to phase two." If the public is duly consulted, it should think not only about what it allows for in terms of efficiency, but what kind of collateral damage might
come with it. “There's nothing inherently problematic with the system proposed, but we have to ask ourselves, from which system are we going to derive the most benefit and the least detriment?” asks Vonn. “What is our great privacy protection in this arena? It starts to get very difficult to avoid surveillance.” Vonn also warns that the card could grow to encompass a series of services and transactions, and that this could very well serve as a blueprint for a national identity card. “Very few people are going to understand the architecture that these online databases rely on. We have asked to proceed cautiously and depend on expert consultation. Insofar as a card, allowing for linkages, and for the possibility of greater access to tracking an individual, there's a big potential problem for privacy and security.” At the first stage, the B.C. Services Card allows for the optional marriage of the B.C. Care Card and the provincial driver's licence. In regards to electronic health care (E-health), Vonn is also particularly wary. “With our current model, when we put our records into the shared database, the health care provider doesn't control it, the government controls it. One of the things we fought for was a mechanism so patients could lock down their records, technically and theoretically available to thousands of people... so you could mask your records and you'd have some control. We have such a mechanism now, it's called a disclosure directive, but the government says it's almost useless. They won't tell anybody it exists.” With such a drastic change in the way personal information is handled by government, citizens should rethink how they truly feel about their privacy. “If we're going to truly engage people and make them understand the dangers, then we're going to have a discussion,” says Vonn. “What we know about people's actual stances is through the social sciences studies. They show that even when people are initially adamant that they support surveillance technology that those ideas break down very easily under cross-examination. Whatever their opening gambit may be about, people care about privacy.”
On a smaller scale, but following the same trend, the Translink Compass system has also elicited privacy concerns, with some cautious critics claiming that it could allow for tracking of citizens.
WHERE THE WILD SPIES ARE
Government is not the only spy we should beware of. Spying – or for a less intrusive connotation, investigating – is at the core of a well-defined industry of private investigators. Rather than Bondesque warriors with a license to kill and womanize at will, these private eyes are more like investigative bureaucrats. According to the legislation – fairly unspecific at that – P.I.s cannot impersonate law enforcement, carry guns, make arrests, trespass (on physical property), tamper with mail, wiretap a phone without consent, or gain access to protected information without consent. Save a few specifications to regulate their trade, P.I.s can still legally make use of contentious surveillance methods and equipment. Hackers are increasingly untraceable, and spyware is easily purchased online and in specialized stores, which usually contain a disclaimer notice on the legality of using the products. As social networking proliferates and e-commerce becomes increasingly convenient, privacy clauses are seldom read, and if they are, they're rarely understood. Adding to that, the legal mechanisms through which to make a privacy-related complaint are little known and redress much harder to get, leading inevitably to vastly unnoticed and unpunished privacy breaches.
THE WAY AHEAD
people can learn to interpret them. The tools themselves cannot be blamed for the crimes perpetrated with them. It is a paradox of modern life that the technology which brings us much convenience can also be exploited to the detriment of our privacy and security. It's vital to fully consider the risks that these trends pose to our long fought-for rights and freedoms. The argument by government and private entities that such services are meant for harmless convenience has been bankrupted by ever-mounting evidence of widespread, indiscriminate, wholesale surveillance. The official Government 2.0 document grants that the strategy "will require citizens and the public service to trust that steps can be taken to improve access to government without jeopardizing safety and security." With trust being such a key concept in democratic societies, it cannot be blind, and the burden of proof is on government to justify to citizens that certain changes offer more benefits than risks. Citizens, the media, and watchdogs have been keeping increasing attention on privacy concerns, and as Michael Vonn concludes, “It's not inevitable that we need to lose control, if we have the political will.”
For a comprehensive view of privacy issues in British Columbia, visit the B.C. Freedom of Information and Privacy Association at Fipa.bc.ca, and the B.C. Civil Liberties Association at Bccla.org For information on how to file a privacy complaint to the Office of the Privacy Commissioner, visit Priv.gc.ca All texts and legislation mentioned in this article are available online.
With the growth of cloud storage, data mining, CCTV surveillance in urban areas, personalized e-marketing, private investigators, and digitalized services, it would be neglectful to sit back idly. It's preferable to prevent damaging legislation from being enacted in the first place than to try to overturn it later on. Technology advances much faster than legislation can keep up with, and much faster than most
"With the growth of cloud storage, data mining, CCTV surveillance in urban areas, personalized e-marketing, private investigators, and digitalized services; it would be neglectful to sit back idly."
ON the Cover
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Danielle my belle, these are words that go togther well. Just like her artwork goes well on our pages. With not going to far into things and invading her privacy, you should check her out from a safe distance. Like from her bedroom window.
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staff editorial born to busk PRACTISING IN PUBLIC IS PRETTY PROFITABLE Jeremy Hanlon × Caboose Editor
× Cheryl Swan
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"It’s truly incredible to see the amount of support you can get from people you don’t know simply because you learned to play four chords and sing a melody..."
Ever since I was a little kid, music has played a huge part in my life. I grew up in a household where I would always hear music wherever I went. Whether it was being sung acoustic Kenny Loggins tunes at night before going to bed, or going to my dad’s shows to sing “Down by the Bay” and “La Bamba”, my life has been filled with music. Hell, I once shared a stage at a Vancouver telethon with The Moffats. I was playing tambourine for my dad’s act back in the ‘90s, before they were famous and I could walk. With this background, it seemed natural to me that I should pursue a life of music. After a while of teaching myself to play a disjointed cover of Sixpence None The Richer’s “Kiss Me”, doing Radiohead covers with my friends at kids’ music concerts, and a very brief stint on Canadian Idol, I finally convinced myself to go busking, as my dad had done years ago all around the world, and been jailed in Italy and nearly stabbed in Paris for. My experience performing music alone in front of total strangers was limited, and outside
of supportive forums made specifically to encourage young musicians, completely non-existent, so I was nervous to have my first time. Suffice to say, I didn’t get stabbed, although I was kindly asked to stop by a TransLink official at the Lonsdale Quay SeaBus station, on the basis of no one being allowed to perform there, and was encouraged to continue approximately 20 metres away. I’ve seen a lot from my experiences busking, and it’s seen me doing things and going places I would never have expected. I’ve sung Fleet Foxes tunes with a Belgian guy in Maastricht, and sung a birthday rendition for a German girl in Prague while getting pooped on by pigeons (on the plus side, $1.25 pints of beer helped lessen the sting of the birds’ more fecal critiques). One time, I got to jam out to folk tunes on a cross-continental train with a super cool fiddler from East Van on a return trip from Chicago, with whom I still visit, on occasion. I’ve been able to learn a lot about people through
this as well. It turns out that busking is a great social tool, and an effective way of separating yourself from the person you display to others when you’re with your peers. You quickly learn that people never like to be the first to do anything, ever, and you had better have some money in your case before you start, or you’ll never be buying cheap beers and stealing steins from the beer gardens in Munich. You also see very soon that people are almost always more receptive to positivity and enjoyment of the performer, which often outshines even the technical skill of any act. You also get handed a lot of flyers to the soup kitchen. A few weeks ago, my brother and I were among eight acts chosen out of 50 to receive busking permits with our local transit system, TransLink, and to become official performers for them, an experience echoed once again through my father 20 years ago. Let me say that it’s simultaneously inspiring and dreadful to see how many cues I seem to be taking from a man who looks like a gray, clean shaven bear
with an occasional resemblance to Walter White. It’s truly incredible to see the amount of support you can get from people you don’t know simply because you learned to play four chords and sing a melody, and there’s something incredibly humbling about being able to play a song to a three-year-old girl who’s been crying, and to see her stop and stare in wonder, and just sit there with her parents beaming in appreciation. To be able to contribute to a community in even this way is a huge honour, and one I would never want to relinquish for the world. It’s been an amazing experience overall and I wouldn’t have ever seen any of it if I hadn’t thrown caution to the wind that first time and decided, “Fuck it. I’m going to go to Lonsdale Quay and play Britney Spears and TLC songs, and if the people hate it, at least I’ll be eating for free.” Now all I need to do is record a jam album with Fred Penner and I can die happy.
CABOOSE EDITOR ×
linen closet Ariel Schmor × Writer
My linen closet leads me to another dimension. None of my friends or family believe me, despite how vehemently I tell them it's true. I open the doors and there behind my tea towels is a portal to an entirely different world. Step inside the swirling purple mass and you wind up in another linen closet, but definitely a nicer one than mine, with a feeling of being not quite at home. Wander outside and you'll notice it's a world very similar to our own, one of the most startling exceptions being all the members of government are welldressed sheep. I think they make all their decisions by putting a giant board of options on the floor, and seeing which one the sheep settles on. It might sound a bit bizarre but they haven't had a war since 1703. I've spent much of my time in this world visiting one of their libraries. The people are nice enough but it is viewed as a waste of time to engage in pleasantries or small talk with strangers, so my ignorance about their world has gone mostly unnoticed. I've read books on their history and the founding of their culture, but little about modern events. Apparently when our stock market had its first great crash, they had just invented the taco and experienced an economic boom, the likes of which haven't been seen since. It seems for every low point in our history, they
had highs; and for every high point in our history they had even better ones. Most of it appears to be a matter of perspective. They are a very excitable people and everything they do seems to be cause of great public adoration. They had a renaissance while we were still in the dark ages. While we were arguing treaties and borders, they were celebrating a man walking across country to give a lonely friend a hug after receiving a moving letter. Their plays are all written by children and acted out unedited. Most of them are only five or so minutes long but the end result is oddly uplifting. Everyone gets to view them for free, and every play a child sends to the acting guild will see their play become reality. My favourite so far was about the creation of the platypus, a man in a beaver costume went as a duck to a party and got his bill stuck in a window, and that's how he created an entire species. Everyone desiring of a home is required to build one themselves, but since the sheep in charge are fairly oblivious to the idea of building codes, the houses end up with strange deformations. They are all built by hand and often wind up lopsided and entirely too close to sidewalks by most of our city standards. No one has fences around their yards and everything not inside your home seems to be considered communal. The streets are safe places
× Ekaterina Aristova with the common understanding that experiencing pain is unpleasant so everyone keeps to themselves. Most days I find myself wandering this world, reading their books, observing their culture. But every day I return to the now familiar parallel linen closet, and step back into the swirling portal landing me right back in my home. I wonder if the family is aware of the portal in their closet, or if anyone but me can use it. Every so often I
will notice something in my home misplaced, a throw pillow on my couch moved or a chair left out from the table, and I'd always chalked it up to my forgetfulness. But now I'm aware of this other world and I'm always sure to check behind the tea towels, just in case.
fire fighting Rhiannon Collett × Writer
They always stink. Men, I mean. They always
× Katie So click click, and my heart’s in my throat and I want to say, no you don’t understand, my kind of dirty, that’s clean. You don’t understand I’ve been living wholesome and he just smiles and looks at me and says, “You want a smoke?” I said no.
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satisfying kind. The kind that stays under your fingernails when you’ve been digging in the garden. The kind of rivers and roads that turn into a map. They lead somewhere. They’re wholesome dirt. I leave class and I’m walking down the street, clutching my books in one arm, looking through my bag with the other, all normal. The boy comes up beside me and he’s flicking his lighter, click
remembered I wanted to fight fires a long time later in high school. There was this boy who used to sit next to me in class. It was ages ago. I still remember him though. I didn’t forget him. He didn’t smell of anything, no, not that one. And he wasn’t the same to me, not for a heartbeat. He had this smile, you see, it was all teeth. It looked wild. I thought he was beautiful; he was kind of savage. We used to sit in the back of class together. He had this lighter. One of the cheap ones you get at the gas station, nothing fancy. He used to flick this lighter, throwing it back and forth, thumb and forefinger. Click click click. And I’m looking at him, looking right at him and I say, “You gonna start a fire in here?” and he just laughs and looks away. But he keeps on clicking the lighter. It reminds me of this thing I heard someone say once, just in passing, you know? Some kind of inspired wisdom at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday on the metro. They said that fire cleans. I mean, it’s painful and destructive and deadly, sure. But at the end of the day, everything is clean. So I start thinking, this boy, sitting there in class with his lighter flicking about, he’s like some kind of janitor, right? Cleaning up everybody’s messes, burning stuff, purifying. And then I just get real scared, like he’s gonna look at me. He’s gonna see all the shitty stuff I’ve done and he’s gonna take one look and just flick his Bic, real proper now and I’m gonna go up in flame like some kind of witch, howling and screaming and clean. I mean, I got my flaws but I like my dirt. It’s the
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smell of something. Aftershave or cigarettes or booze or flowers. It’s all the same to me. I always say to myself, Kathy, you gotta play it cool. All normal-like. So I sit and I smoke and I’ll look him right in the eyes, whoever he is. I’ll look like shit but I’ll own it. It’s important to own something like that. I forget a lot of things. It’s not that I’m dumb… I’m not; it’s just that some things don’t need remembering. They happened once and that’s enough for me. Sometimes I get reminded though, my hands, they’re all covered in scars. Little rivers and roads on my skin. People ask sometimes where they’re from. I just shrug and say, same place as me. They don’t usually ask where I come from. They don’t care. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not being bitter or angry here—I don’t want you to think I’m bitter. No, it’s just the truth. They don’t care about me except when they see me on the stage with my elegant (that’s what Ricky calls it), my elegant microphone. They say that my hands are like birds, fluttering things, but you can’t see my rivers and roads from the spotlight. When I was a little girl, I really wanted to be a firefighter. Weird, I know. Sometimes when I stand in the spotlight, and all the eyes are on me, I feel like I’m on fire. Except when I walk offstage there’s nothing to fight. Anyways, I’m not sure when I decided I wanted to be a fire fighter, or why for that matter, but I
CABOOSE EDITOR ×
SHOTGUN REVIEWS : ANNOYING TV PERSONALITIES
Therese Guieb // Features Editor
Carlo Javier // Staff Writer
Paisley Conrad // Writer
Jeremy Hanlon // Caboose Editor
Perfectly coiffed faux hawk hair with highlights, hazel-coloured eyes, a five o’clock shadow, and an impeccable set of pearly whites that girls swoon over. This is Ryan Seacrest, America’s most wellknown metrosexual and host of American Idol. Seacrest once claimed to be the coolest host on American TV (which is not even close to being rad) but is now rapidly becoming the biggest slap in the face to the industry. His obscure relationship with ex-American Idol judge, Simon Cowell, might be the only thing saving him from being kicked off of the show. He’s like the drunken relative at a wedding that makes you cringe every time he opens his mouth. The way he delivers his lines and signs off is obnoxious and always makes him seem like he’s lying, and he brands himself so much that almost every word he says translates into, “I’m the best host ever.” The 39 year old doesn’t seem like he has aged because of the amount of Botox secretly injected in his face has somehow been able to even become a producer and a radio host, but one day, when Cowell gets tired of him, the industry will finally be the one to say, “Seacrest out.”
It’s a little known trivia that Coulter’s first name is short for Annoying. It’s true, look it up. She’s the heroine for every conservative in America, up there with Limbaugh, Beck, and O’Reilly in the supergroup of evil and infuriating political commentators. A self-described polemicist, someone who stirs the pot of controversial topics, Coulter lives off saying stupid shit – like her recommendation to invade other countries and convert their people to Christianity, or pissing off everyone in the left wing while glorifying the right. She lives for this. And even if it results in brutal eviscerations at the hands of Chris Rock or Bill Maher, she still comes right back up like a zombie, a mindless figure out to consume others. Watch her now infamous, complete lack of knowledge about Canada’s participation during the Vietnam War, or her futile defence of her use of the r-word.She’s not a voice of reason for anyone, she makes conservatives a lot stupider, and she can’t even speak for women. Bear in mind Ann Coulter once said that, "I think [women] should be armed but should not vote...women have no capacity to understand how money is earned.”
I have come to the conclusion that my childhood was a complete failure. While I thought that growing up on a farm, surrounded by imagination, animals and loving parents made me special, the Internet has let me know how wrong I was. When I was wearing overalls and Canadian Tire gumboots, I should have been wearing bejewelled crowns and flouncy tutus. Maybe then I would have been a fashion icon at age eight, like rap extraordinaire Sophia Grace, and her silent cousin and hype girl Rosie. Sophia Grace exemplifies everything a girl growing up in the new millennium should be: stylish, chubby, and determined. In addition, millions of internet users were not emotionally invested in my childhood. Ellen DeGeneres couldn't have cared less about my uncanny ability to sing “99 Red Balloons” by Nena while river dancing. If only I had known that I was listening to the wrong music. If only I had turned my sights to graphic and sexual rap music, maybe then I would have had an entire wiki site dedicated to my musical exploits. Maybe then I would have been able to have tea with Taylor Swift on national television.
I don’t know who this guy thinks he is. It seems the Republican party and Fox News needed some kind of response to the critiques of the ever classy Jon Stewart, so they hired some random French guy to follow his show with his own brand of apologetic vitriol. He’ll go up talking about the great values of the United States’ conservative party and spewing words with all the bravado of an inebriated mule. The only problem is that half of his arguments don’t even make sense! This is a man who truly thinks the biggest threat to humanity is bears. Seriously. Bears. While he’s off supporting Mitt Romney and suggesting that Bill O’Reilly knows what’s going on, he wants us to go buy guns and bear traps to “fight the menace.” He’s so far up his own ass that O’Reilly himself gets pissed at him on the few times he’s been on the Factor, and that’s saying something. I don’t know what’s sadder: that this guy actually exists, or that anyone would ever take him seriously.
PAST DEADLINE × Jeremy Hanlon
USHER DANCE ME TO MY SEAT SPIDERMAN DOES HE POOP SPIDER WEBS?
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47 issue N o . 13
MISSISSIPPI MR. SIPPI’S WIFE
HUGH HEFNER’S FLAG AT HIS FUNERAL, IT’LL FLY AT HALF-MAST STAGS THEY TEND TO HAVE BIG RACKS RESOLUTIONS MINE TO STAY SINGLE IS GOING STRONG SELFIES UNDERRATED. WE NEED MORE OF ‘EM NEW SEMESTER SAME OLD COMPLAINTS WINNIPEG IN JANUARY MY VERSION OF HELL RETURN OF THE COURIER DID YOU MISS US?