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× OCTOBER 15TH 2013


N O . 06




Trophy hunting ban causing rifts between hunters and First Nations RANKING QUARTERBACKS








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Firing Congress

Counting Sheep

Babely Beetlejuice

Molding Movies

Dating Sucks

Sticky Socks

Therese Guieb Features Editor

Andy Rice Arts + Culture Editor

The Staff

Scott Moraes Managing Editor




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Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief


of this tear-slurping, bear-hugging university paper

Jeremy Hanlon Caboose Editor

Kristi Alexandra Copy Editor

Andrew Palmquist Production Manager

Katherine Gillard News Editor

Cheryl Swan Art Director

Faye Alexander Opinions Editor

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Carlo Javier Sta Writer

Lindsay Howe Marketing/Ads/Web Editor

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.



bruno mars + guilt

“When I was in my twenties, it felt like I was riding a wild horse, and I was hoping I didn't go over a cliff.”

Leah Scheitel × Editor-in-Chief

– Chaka Khan

Bruno Mars made me cry today. I wish I were joking about this. I was standing in the Safeway lineup, preparing to buy a bag of kitty litter and a pound of coffee, when his song "When I was Your Man" came on the radio. And I started crying. The clerk was nice enough to pretend to be interested, and asked what was wrong. "Oh nothing," I said while eating a tear drop. "The rain is getting me down." The truth is that I don't know exactly why I started crying to a pop song in a grocery store line-up. Of all the stressful things in life, a song by a little cute Filipino pop star was my trigger. That is worrisome. Upon review, I think I feel guilty, like I'm wasting time. In his Proust Questionnaire in September's Vanity Fair, Stephen King said that his biggest regret was getting high, being drunk, and doing nothing. “Too much dope and booze. Wasted days and wasted nights, to quote Freddy Fender,” King answered. I feel like I'm doing something similar. As hard as I work, I also waste a lot of my resources and time on pointless things that aren’t helping me get anywhere. It stems from the desire to neglect my schoolwork. I'm battling in classes this semester, trying to find how the classes are relevant to my life or what I want to do. With all apologies to my Operations Management instructor, I just don't get how knowing those formulas will help me be a better writer, or even sell it more. But this adds a level of intense guilt to my life. Even though I know that I should be studying as much as I can, and challenging my writing more, I neglect it, and feel like a shitty person when I do. This is compressed even more if I go out for drinks. The hangovers the next day take my morals to a record low while I feel as guilty as Yoko Ono should for breaking up the Beatles. During a weekday night in the summer, I made an ass of myself at a party. I think I tried to kiss at least three different dudes and a dog, as well as talking a poor artist's ear off, drowning him in the endless trivia I had about SNL and the government. I even mixed the two topics and, with a recycled bank statement and a pencil crayon, started a petition for Lorne Michaels

to replace Christy Clark. I wasn't classy or sophisticated in the least. I didn't sleep that night, because I was so tormented by the embarrassment. I felt really guilty about it, knowing that I could have better conversations than that, and spend my time better, in a more pleasant way. While wallowing in the early morning hours, I texted my friend Mike, who embarrasses himself often enough that he is known as a “shit storm.” But regardless, he brushes it off, and continues, rarely ever getting embarrassed. I asked how he did that – how he was able to pick himself up from that depth and not let the guilt hinder his daily life. "Be honest about it," he responded. "Call shit on yourself. Humility deflects. Whoever said the 20s were smooth sailing is remembering them wrong." “Humility deflects” has become somewhat of a mantra for me. I fuck up – often. I make a lot of mistakes, from misspelling headlines in the Courier (every week there is at least one) to just not giving a care about the multiple-choice section in my midterm exams. I'm foolish with my money, and let's not even get into my romantic errors. And figuring it all out is sometimes overwhelming. But maybe honesty will help combat the guilt. Maybe calling myself out when I behave foolishly will at least calm me down with the fact that at least I am recognizing when I do something wrong and that is the first step to curing what ails. And Mike was right about the 20s not being great. This time that is supposed to be carefree and fun is filled with self-doubt and guilt about things that will mean nothing in six months. The problem with this is that we don’t learn that until 10 years later. We are all human, and we all err. There is endless literature, research, and love stories based directly upon this fact. But there is a difference between making a mistake and endlessly repeating that mistake because you can’t help yourself. That is what I’m trying to acknowledge and get over. Stephen King and I have something in common – a high number of wasted nights – but I don’t want to look back upon them as my biggest regret. I want to look back upon them with like they had a point and comforted me. Right now, they are just getting in my emotional way. In the spirit of calling shit upon oneself – Bruno Mars made me weep, and now I want to cuddle him. There, I admitted it. Can I move on now?


I agree, it does suck. I didn't write “smile”, I wrote something else. I'm contractually obliged to not tell you who that was, but thanks for agreeing. Enjoy the gourmet burgers while you can. “You guys used to offer free massage coupons last year. Why don't you do that anymore? My back is really messed up and I'm broke, can't afford a real masseur, I mean, masseuse. Can I get a massage from one of you even without a coupon? Please?”


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No. Go do yoga, make a friend, buy “edible” massage bars from Lush, and live a yuppie back-pain free life. That's all I can offer you.



The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything Courier. To inquire, just send a text to 778 - 689 - 4642 to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue". And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox. It's a win - win, or whine - whine - whatever way you look at it.

Well, I may be a bit biased because a few years ago I sang some songs at a Langara event and they paid me $80 an hour. That's right! For playing the guitar and singing some tunes for four hours! For being the best paid gig I've ever had, Langara holds a special place in my heart. But as an educational institution, I guess it's just as shitty as Cap. Just a “college”, like us, even though they like to call us a university (marketing move). You wonder what it's like elsewhere? Go to university in some third world country, if you can handle the hazing. My first time in university, I got my face painted, my hair cut up, alcohol shoved down my throat and I had to beg for money at a busy intersection to buy the sophomores free booze. So, my perspective: go to Oxford.

“You sound like quite the food snob, so I was confused when I saw on your last Hot Chart that you called White Spot 'a big smile on Canada's reputation'. That makes no sense. White Spot sucks, what's up with that?”



“Hey, why don't we go to Langara? Why do you go to Cap? The longer I've been here the more I wonder what it's like elsewhere. What's your perspective, Courier people?”





planting a human rights case POOR WORK CONDITIONS ARE TAKEN TO COURT Carlo Javier

A group of tree planters who originated from Africa have taken their case to the B.C. Human Rights Tribunal regarding slave-like conditions and “extreme racial harassment” at a work site near Golden, B.C. The case brought forth alleged that the workers were provided “undercooked or expired food to eat,” as well as insufficient sanitary water. The case further stated that the workers were “forced to drink untreated water from nearby streams and rivers.” Complaints also included unpunctuality of pay and deduction of costs of accommodation from earnings. Legal documents handed by the workers reveal that these deductions were not authorized. Jim Sinclair, president of B.C. Federation of Labour, presented to the tribunal and said “they travelled to places where there is no contact, where there isn’t any place they can go to without the employer taking them.” Many of the tree planters are immigrants or refugees who have been all-too-familiar with harsh working environments. The reports of racism and death threats are at the heart of the launched human-rights case. One worker attested that the campsite was dissected into biracial segregation, leaving the harsher terrain at the hands of the black workers. The stories of the workers remained in silence since it gained attention in 2010. At the time, Sinclair and the BCFED also came to their side and spoke that such “conditions should not be allowed to exist in British Columbia.” The initial developments in 2010 resulted in an

official order by the B.C. Employment Standards Branch for Khaira Enterprises to pay its employees a compensation of nearly $260,000 – a fee that has yet to be fulfilled by the company. The involvement of the employment branch is part of a system which both the company and employer belong in, Erik Brinkman says that there are several standards a company must meet in order to maintain operation. “There are government regulations, there are standardized WC regulations, there are health and safety regulations." “The worker has the legal power to refuse work if it’s not safe and they’re not provided the proper conditions,” Brinkman begins. “It’s also the worker’s responsibility to identify their needs and whether or not they’re being met. If they’re not being met, the worker should notify their company, through systems that the company should have – if that doesn’t work then a worker should notify employment standards.” Owners Khalid Bajwa and Hardilpreet Sidhu have consistently and firmly denied the allegations. Bajwa said at the hearing that he has promoted a number of black workers, including up to managerial positions, and questions the accusations of racism towards the company. Khaira Enterprises also faces a sexual harassment allegation. The slave-like work conditions that have been presented against Khaira Enterprises poses a bigger scope of questions – some might question the state of tree planting in B.C. itself. Ben Santo, a tree planter who has experienced similar harsh working environment, is not one

who speaks too fondly of the job. “It’s a shitty job, you don’t make much money and you work your ass off.” When describing his time “out there,” Santo doesn’t hold back words. “You do your 12 hours a day of hiking up and down with hundred pound bags on your back and you come home and you basically die, and then you get waken [sic] up at f5 a.m. by your foreman, telling you to get the fuck out of your bed.” Santo further details his exposure to mistreatment by foremen at tree planting sites. “It’s like boot camp, and it’s like working in the military,” he says. “We were mistreated by our foreman out there, and really there’s nothing you can do.” The pay scale in the tree planting business also presents an issue; planters are often paid by the amount of trees they plant – a number that’s dependent on endurance. “Some people plant 5,000 trees a day but anyone who does that is a superhero – I was averaging 2,000 a day – and if you get paid eight cents per tree for 12 hours a day, that’s not very much money,” Santo begins. “If you do 5,000 that’s a lot of money, but not everyone can do that, and the people who go up and do that are treated like shit.” The business of tree planting comes off as vulnerable in its own right; workers are taken to isolated campsites with limited ability of contact and potentially harsh working environments. But it’s also evident that there are tree-planting companies who are prone to mistreating their employees, and foremen who are deliberately vile towards the workers.

× Mustaali Raj

× Staff Writer

Brinkman argues that a healthy working environment is essential in order for tree planters to be able to work efficiently, “Providing safe work environment is a must… the things that are necessary for somebody to work at an optimum level, they need to have nutritious food, water and they need to have shelter,” he says. “I didn’t go to work one day because I was sick, and I was actually really sick, and I had my foreman come in and yell at me, called me a lazy fuck,” Santo says. The tribunal is scheduled to go on for five weeks with the owners of Khaira Enterprises representing themselves.





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× Writer


The Canadian government has announced its recent support to community initiatives, namely those promoting fish habitat in the North Vancouver Seymour River. A solid $112,300 in funding will go to the Seymour Salmonoid Hatchery and Education Centre, and another $464,000 to 57 projects in 45 more communities across B.C. It's for economic growth, say the Conservatives, which is working very well for everyone this time. This most recent funding to the Seymour Salmonoid Hatchery Society will support the infrastructure of the building, community education and will indirectly support North Vancouver's wildlife. The re-roofing is done specifically for the offices and the education centre where the society-member workers are located and where young people are invited to learn about the river and dam, as well as the wild life surrounding it. Ed Walls, volunteer coordinator of the organization explaines, “we bring up to 50 classes of elementary aged students here to the education centre each year, probably

half of them from the North Shore but the rest are from Vancouver and Richmond areas.” Walls notes that the funding is mainly about the infrastructure. “The money is basically going to re-roofing the hatchery building, putting in a new skylight, and also an equipment shed for the fish”. The Seymour Salmonoid Hatchery works to enhance fish stocks while many have disappeared from their regular spawning grounds since the construction of the new Seymour Falls Dam. The fish stopped migrating entirely to the upper Seymour River affecting nutrients and growth of the surrounding wildlife in that area, causing harsh changes to the water that we drink, as well as jobs all around in the fishing industry. “Fish are important for the ecosystem and for lots of people fishing for a living too,” says 28-yearold Drew Nanos, a recreational fisher from Vancouver Island. “I definitely see [the fund] as beneficial.” The Conservatives have agreed that it will support the economic livelihoods of individuals.

“Our Government is committed to creating jobs, growth and long-term prosperity in our communities across Canada,” says North Vancouver's Parliamentary Secretary Andrew Saxton, initiator of the fund. He expressed that the project is concerned with the big picture. “By making this investment in upgrading the Seymour River Hatchery and Education Centre, we are helping to boost economic activity and maintain a high quality of life for residents of North Vancouver.” Matt Casselman, vice president of the Seymour Salmonoid Society is also content. “Improvements will ensure that the Seymour River Hatchery can continue to offer vital community services well into the future,” he says. The funding is supported largely by the 2012 Economic Action Plan that aims to implement community support across Canada in areas of infrastructure development and modernization. The government committed $150 million over two years towards the fund. A wide range of

economic-supporting projects are considered surrounding the support of existing community and public buildings, such as rec-centres, local arenas and local facilities. Another group that plays a part in supporting this project is the Western Economic Diversification Canada (WD). The governmental department has been around for over 25 years and focuses on life of western Canadians in all areas of economics. This means business and industry development as well as innovation, small business support, and community development. The Seymour Salmonoid Hatchery Fund falls under community development without much question and perhaps only consequently under environmental and wildlife support. Either way, more benefits to North Vancouver's economy are surely on the way while financial support from our government is currently aimed at economic development.





In 2011, a spot check of Capilano’s campus waste yielded an array of random trash that could have been used as compost or recycled: masses of plastic bottles, aluminum cans, paper towels, and compostable food. Whole plates and dishes were found untouched. This led to the campus’ first annual waste audit from September to November 2011. The first audit was a resounding success and each following year, more and more waste has been recycled and processed on our campus. This includes refundable containers, separate paper towel disposal units, as well as composters. The use of composters has reduced the waste of organic material by 16 per cent over the past three years. CapU's waste of plastic materials has decreased through changing labels on bins to include recyclable plastics. Since audits only count one day’s worth of garbage, the percentages accumulated over the year result in a staggering amount of waste reclamation. Brigid MacAulay has been the sustainability assistant with the campus facility department since January of this year. MacAulay and Facilities Director Susan Doig have organized a garbage audit for Oct. 22. Over 200 students from two environmental geography classes, one outdoor recreation class, an archaeology course and three different

business classes will all participate for eight hours in sorting out the campus’ trash. They will be looking for anything that may have been thrown in the garbage that could have been recycled, composted, and anything that is considered a renewable resource. “We hope that students will form better habits, through hands on learning and observation of the audit,” says MacAulay. Waste reduction week occurs from Oct. 21 to 27 and encourages all Canadian schools and businesses to reduce, reuse, and recycle. Capilano has been taking part for years, although, one of the major differences in this year’s audit will be its funding. Previous years' audits were supported by Encorp. Pacific along with Smithright and ABD solutions Inc. This year only Smithright and ABD will be funding the operation. Greg Gjerdalan, Noel Genovary and Bob Muckle, heads of the outdoor recreation, business department, and archaeology department respectively, are also involved in this year's waste audit. Although the deadline to help out as a student untied with the related programs is up, students at Cap have a 15-day window in order to sign up for the program. As Doig says, “the more the merrier.” “It was an experience I will never forget. From sorting through my campus waste, to feeling like

I really made a difference,” says geography student Michael Christensen, a past participant. Although there are many other students outside of the aforementioned programs who join in the waste audit, everyone, including staff and people from outside Capilano are welcome to watch and learn. Observing the audit not only allows you to gain experience and knowledge with campus waste and waste reduction but is also helpful towards credits in environmental and outdoor classes. “It’s an event where students and instructors come together to experience and learn in a demonstrative way about campus waste,” adds Yvonne Choi, an environmental geography student and waste audit participant. The organizers hope to spread awareness of waste reduction as well as landfill organization. More than 50 schools and countless businesses participate in environmentally conscious behaviour and the numbers across Canada are steadily increasing. They have high hopes for the future, hoping to popularize more environmentally conscious behaviour. Turnouts are looking better than ever and they look forward to seeing more students for years to come.

× Ksenia Kozhevnikova

× Writer

it's in your umbilical cord to give CANADA OPENS NATIONAL PUBLIC CORD BLOOD BANK James Martin × Writer

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collect 18,000 units of cord blood over the next six years as they expand their participating hospitals beyond Ottawa and also begin collecting at hospitals in Brampton, Edmonton, and Vancouver. Every unit of cord blood collected will be tested for virus and other issues, then frozen at -196 degrees celsius and stored at one of two national manufacturing facilities. Any patient needing stem cells for treatment in Canada or around the world will be able to make use of the collected cord blood. It is hoped that the creation of this bank will help save lives and reduce the wait times for those in need of treatment. Right now, only mothers giving birth at the designated collection hospitals will be able to donate to the cord blood bank. "We also have fundraising campaign, which is a $12.5 million campaign called For All Canadians. Right now we've secured $6.3 million in charitable donations, but once we've completed this we're really going to be positioned to expand to those other three cities [outside Ottawa], and we're looking towards collection hospitals being operation in Brampton, Vancouver, and Edmonton by mid-2014. Anybody who's interested in getting information about the campaign [can] go to"


Cord blood stem cells have a higher success rate in treatment than bone marrow stem cells, and a lower risk of negative side effects to the recipient. Because the collection is so simple and entirely painless for both the mother and baby who are donating, it's far more possible to collect a large quantity of diverse cord blood samples than it is to collect bone marrow. Although there are already several private cord blood banks in our country and a few regional public ones notably HémaQuébec, the Alberta Cord Blood Bank, and the Victoria Angel Registry in Toronto, Canada has until now been the only G8 nation without a national public cord blood bank. Currently, most of the cord blood used in Canada comes from public banks outside of the country, primarily the United States, Australia, and Spain. "Right now we have access to almost 600,000 publicly banked cord blood units, but even with this access we can't find matches for about half of our Canadian patients. The reason for that is because we have some unique ethnic diversities here in Canada that you might not find in other parts of the world because we're such a multi-ethnic country and we have a lot of mixed marriages. We have a lot of challenges in finding matches," says Elmoazzen. Canadian Blood Services' goal is to


cedure to be successful, the recipient requires a donor to be found who possesses an exact match for a particular DNA component that relates to immune system function. Otherwise, the donated tissue and the new host body will recognise each other's cells as foreign agents and start attacking each other, rather than playing nice and working together, which leads to several new issues on top of not treating the original problem. Immediate family members sometimes make a good match, but about 70 per cent of people in need of a stem cell transplant must look elsewhere. Finding an unrelated donor is difficult not only because of the needle-in-a-haystack type search for a match, but also because the process of harvesting bone marrow is extremely painful and not necessarily an easy thing to convince somebody to do for a complete stranger. "We have almost 1,000 patients who are currently waiting for a stem cell transplant, and 50 per cent of patients who need an unrelated stem cell transplant cannot find a suitable match," Elmoazzen says. The main advantage of using stem cells from cord blood is that you only need to find a partial match between the donor and patient. This greatly improves the odds of a patient being able to find a suitable donor sooner and begin treatment.


When a baby is born in a Canadian hospital, the newborn's umbilical cord gets thrown away as medical waste. While the cord itself is useless after delivery, what's inside the cord can save lives. Cord blood, collected by a needle at the time of birth, is a rich source of stem cells that are the key to treating many different diseases and disorders. Since Sept. 30, two hospitals in Ottawa have started collecting samples to be donated to Canada's brand new National Public Cord Blood Bank, managed by Canadian Blood Services. "This is really important because right now the demand for stem cells in Canada is growing at a staggering rate," says Dr. Heidi Elmoazzen, director of the National Public Cord Blood Bank. "The need for stem cell transplants has tripled over the last five years." Stem cells have the ability to develop into many other types of cells, which makes them an incredibly versatile tool for medicine. "There are over 50 diseases and metabolic disorders that can be treated with stem cells," Elmoazzen explains, "things like leukemia, lymphoma, and aplastic anemia." Right now most of the stem cell transplants that take place in Canada use cells harvested from bone marrow, but this source has drawbacks. In order for a bone marrow transplant pro-






dirty pop

× Sydney Parent


JJ Brewis × Columnist




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JJ Brewis is a lover and analyst of all things pop culture. In this column, he will examine the inner workings of pop culture and its cause and effect on the rest of us who just live and love as celebrities at heart. Because that’s what JJ is all about. JJ also owns a vintage 1939 “Bashful” doll that was used to promote the original Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs film. Somehow, he still manages to get laid.


She came in like a wrecking ball. At least, that’s how much of North America feels about the arrival of the “new” Miley Cyrus — an updated image that is such a far cry from her old one that it prompted a recent Billboard cover story marking her as “Miley 2.0.” In June when the music video for her long-awaited comeback single “We Can’t Stop” hit the Internet, it was clear that every last shred of the Disney-flavoured Hannah Montanaera Miley was gone for good. But even before recent events, it had been a wild ride in the press for this rising star. In fact, long before the young pop singer took an interest in twerking and tongue-trickery, the public had a hard time coming to terms with any of her choices, no matter how benign. First up: a 2010 YouTube video in which the then 18-year-old Miley was seen smoking salvia. After parents around the world cried foul, Cyrus went public in Marie Claire with an apology: "I made a mistake ... I'm disappointed in myself for disappointing my fans.” Then last year when she opted to chop off her lengthy ‘do in favour of an asymmetrical pixie cut, the response to such a simple decision seemed to garner even more of an outcry. Even rapper Tyler the Creator tweeted at Cyrus, saying “Your barber is an asshole.” But in the face of adversity, Cyrus only seems confused at everyone’s guttural responses, responding with “It changed everyone else’s life more than mine.”

From the addition of tattoos to significantly skimpier wardrobe choices, Cyrus has been making active moves towards a more adult image, which she claims she is spearheading herself, rather than the sugar-molding honchos of Disney. It’s very possible (or likely) that this career turn is being micro-managed by simply just a different bunch of big-wigs, but the truth is, Cyrus seems more comfortable in her new image, and it really isn’t hurting anyone. So why the fuck do people care so much? The interesting part about Miley Cyrus is that she has remained mostly quite poised and classy in press interviews. “I grew up, lived, and, learned. I didn’t wake up and say ‘How am I going to change? How am I going to shock people?’ I figured out who I am on my own. Artists are supposed to be honest,” she told writer Elio Iannacci in a recent cover story in Fashion magazine. To be fair, Cyrus is absolutely right. The changes that occur in any 17-year-old to their 20-year-old self is generally quite a jump. Add in the notion that Cyrus has been living under the spotlight her entire life, and it is safe to say she is doing quite well with the adjustment. Cyrus hasn’t been photographed baring her crotch exiting cabs or taken to smoking crack in the face of these criticisms. On a recent hosting gig of Saturday Night Live, Cyrus was able to take the piss out of everything she’s done recently. In

the opening sketch, playing herself in a post-apocalyptic time travel, Cyrus demurely noted, “But I’m only 20 years old. I need some freedom to grow up and make mistakes.” It’s a poignant comeback to those of us who have responded so fiercely. Whether or not that writing is her own (it’s not), it’s important to note here that she’s silencing her critics with class rather than going in print saying something like “Fuck you, you don’t know me,” like we’ve seen from so many of her predecessors. But if the public can’t even deal with a casual bong hit, clearly they’re not going to go easy on a 20-year-old rich girl who just wants to have fun on her own terms. And since her “risqué” MTV Video Music Awards performance with Robin Thicke, Miley has had the biggest target on her that the entertainment industry has seen in a long time. Suddenly she’s been painted with such labels as “racist”, “moron”, “too sexy”, and “slut”. More articles have been written about Cyrus recently than any other star. She is literally the most famous celebrity at the moment, and there is nothing the press loves than to tear a young woman down. It’s been done countless times before, from Britney to Angelina. People are jealous and angry and have no outlet to express themselves other than to show negativity towards something they can’t be or have. It’s simple psychology. We bully those we envy. But in this case, it works against those wanting to “tear down” Miley Cyrus: every time someone

comments or throws shade her way, she becomes just a little bit more famous. It’s actually hilarious, and I hope Cyrus is having a laugh at the expense of those wasting their time. She is probably too busy or too nice to even give a shit. But the real problem is that the entire human body looks like morons by not being able to digest a young woman’s decisions that ultimately don’t affect anyone but herself. My only guess with the public’s outcry of Cyrus’ decisions — from the haircut to the “sexy” performances – is the conscious inability to disassociate antiquated notions of femininity. With such a simple scenario, an entire nation looks like a slew of misogynists. This image update for Cyrus does not have to be met with such negativity and outrage. When male stars like Zac Efron grow up and change their image, the public barely seems to notice let alone criticize his choices. People are saying Cyrus needs to “grow up,” but society needs to turn the mirror onto itself — we are the ones who need to change how we’re thinking. After all, to Miley Cyrus, she’s just doing her job. As she told Fashion, “[The image] is not who I am as a person, that’s who I am as an entertainer.”


While watching Sunday afternoon football, and the Dallas Cowboys play the Denver Broncos, my friends and I started to debate if Peyton Manning, the quarterback of the Broncos, was the greatest of all time. It started because Manning’s current seasons may be the most impressive start that I have witnessed and might also be the best first five games all time. Throwing 19 touchdowns before throwing an interception is a very impressive feat, especially in only five games. The debate always starts the same way - is Manning the best of all time? The answer, when I am in the room at least, is always no. For me Joe Montana, San Francisco 49ers and Kansas City Chiefs, who career spanned from 1979 to 1995, is the best of all time. From four Super Bowl wins, to the way he would never be stopped in the fourth quarter, this makes Joe Montana is the greatest quarterback of all time. The debate usually clarifies that he is one of the greatest of all time, just like Dan Marino was. The difference between Marino and Manning is that

Mike Schwieder once compared his infant cousin to the size of a football and mocked throwing it across the kitchen to his brother. His grandmother was not impressed. He has volunteered at three different Olympic games, and coaches football for the UofC Dinos. He knows sports better than Don Cherry knows women, and that’s saying something.

the latter has actually won a Super Bowl. Manning is incredibly impressive but I don’t consider him a winner. He has more fourth quarter comebacks of all time, even more than Joe Montana. However, in a big game like many AFC championship games or Super Bowl XLIV in 2010, he has not been able to get the win. His one Super Bowl was against a very bad Chicago Bears team in 2006, which doesn’t take away from the fact that he still won the game. But a winner has to come through when it matters most, which is something Manning struggles with, much like the Sedin Twins in the NHL playoffs. The final part of the debate, and one that gets the most heated, is if Manning is the best quarterback playing right now. Manning changes the game when he is in it. He runs an offence that changes minute to minute throughout the game because it doesn’t have to come from the coach, it comes from him. He sees the game in a way that not many quarterbacks see it. To determine this, we have to compare other quarterbacks to Peyton Manning:

the deadbeat grad THAT OLD FAMILIAR ITCH Carly Vandegriendt Columnist ×

considered – cough, love, cough. But spending forever in one place sounds like a life sentence and in the past two years, I haven't had anything to keep me anywhere before. It makes me want to plan my exit, kicking and screaming. There's no way in hell I am going to stay caged in the best city this country has to offer for the rest of my life! No – I have Flamenco dancers to see.

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in the big white bird. As the show's peppy narrator described, a couple of once-boring Americans were finally ready to see if they could adjust to the "flamenco flair" of Spain. Oh yes! Spain. Flamenco dancers. How original. "Ha," I grunted while shoving a ketchupsmothered morsel of a grilled cheese sandwich into my mouth. But the disturbing truth was that I envied them. There I was, loafing away the daylight hours on my parents' couch, while those two wideeyed chumps were off to Spain. I started to feel that old familiar itch, to move. Doing the math, I realized that it's been almost two full years since I've been out and about in the real world – aka, since I've finished my bachelor's degree. I lived and traveled around India for a year, came home for a few months, took off to the fabulous metropolis of Prince George for some seasonal work and then promptly fell in love and moved to Montreal to with my lover in August. But, unlike the other places I've roamed, Montréal felt like home right away. Maybe it was the fact that I had already been there a handful of times. Perhaps it was all of the completely useful, elementary school French vocabulary that came back to me right away: régle, chat, bonbon. Or maybe it was the fact that I already knew people there. In any case, it wasn't the same feeling as moving somewhere and having to start from scratch. Yes, you might call it an itch left unscratched. Admitting that I've "settled down," especially to the friends, acquaintances, and family members who know me as a nomad, has been a difficult process. More often than not, when I break the news that I've moved to Montréal, I get one question in response: "So how long are you there for?" "Um, forever?" It feels like it's in the cards that I will live there for a while, given that I would like stay put for at least the two years it will take me to finish my master’s degree. I might even stay longer, all things


him to. Brady is a quarterback who is capable of rewriting record books. Brady wins big games. Head to head, Brady has won eight of 13 games, and has only lost once to Manning in the playoffs. Manning is great but when you have a quarterback running your offense, that offense will pass more, hence more passing records. Manning does a great job of taking what defenses give him but I can’t think of a time when he has committed to the run for a touchdown for a full season. I’m glad that I get to watch him week to week, as he is a lot of fun to watch, especially this season. And in conclusion, Manning is the best quarterback playing right now, and he may be the best quarterback of all time when he retires. The debate will always rage about Manning or Brady, but for me I will always lean towards Brady. Records don’t mean as much as rings to me. And he still has a long way to go before he catches up to the legendary Joe Montana.


like the one-and-only thing to do. It’s enticing because they have a lot of sleek black boxes with flashing LED lights. They have several remotes. They have a PVR, whatever that is. So there I was, half-heartedly searching for something to watch. Because I had already consumed the lifetime allotment of soap operas during my preteen years, I turned to another poorly scripted guilty pleasure – HGTV. And it just so happened that at that on that fine fall day – which I might have spent doing my schoolwork or frolicking in the leaves outside or pretty much anything other than watching television – House Hunters International, my favourite show, was on. Giddy, I selected the show from the guide and quickly became acquainted with two cookie-cutter, doe-eyed young newlyweds, about to make the move to Spain. "We've never been out of Hoohaw, Tennessee!" they cooed together, in accents that didn't do much to help my opinion of them. The camera panned out to a shot of them sharing an emotional last meal with their families. After that, a cartoon plane moving westward across a cartoon map from the United States to Spain informed me that they had made the long and arduous journey

Aaron Rogers, who helms the Green Bay Packers, has won only one Super Bowl, has not set any real records but he continues to win season after season. While talented, he is not the best. For him to get better, for me, he would have to at least three more Super Bowls. At age 29, he is young enough to do this, especially if the Packers keep having impressive seasons. New Orleans Saints’s quarterback Drew Brees is younger and slightly less skilled than Manning but somehow manages to win games. He is setting records and looks great doing it. Brees may be there in a few years; however Manning has a better body of work so at the moment it isn’t even a comparison. Finally, Tom Brady, who plays for the New England Patriots. Brady makes others better around him, has won three Super Bowls, and goes home to Gisele Bündchen every night. He is also almost directly responsible for two Super Bowl losses. Brady continues to evolve and change into what his team needs him to be that season. He has thrown for 50 touchdowns in one season when his team needed


There I was, in an all-too-familiar position: a sort of half-foetal recline on my parents’ couch with my right arm outstretched, my fingers coiled around a remote as though it had all of the powers of a magic wand. I kept my pointer finger ready, poised to press one of the many buttons available to me. Overcome with an unusual sensation of power – the likes of which I hadn't felt in many months – I scrolled indifferently through the many perverse wonders displayed before me, and the glory of daytime television. Like most of today's internet-savvy youth, I do not watch television in the traditional sense. Although I do own one, I find it remarkably easy to forget about, especially considering that all of our living room furniture is oriented around it. I see our television more as a decorative piece more than anything else – one that unfailingly attracts dust and airborne cat hair. My boyfriend and I have talked at length about maybe – one day when we're ready – turning it on. The sad fact of the matter is that we're too cheap to buy cable when we can stream old episodes of South Park on our laptops for free. Naturally, whenever I find myself back at my parents' house, watching real, live television feels

School and ketchup are two of Carly Vandergriendt’s true loves. After taking a small break, she is continuing her education in a UBC Master’s program, while living and “working” in Montreal. Being a full-time student, she knows the intricacies of student life and the woes that accompany it. Check out some of her work at

× AdamBriggs

× Columnist

× Vivian Liu

Mike Schwieder




the big whoopsie THE U.S. SHUTDOWN + WHY WE CARE

Erica Charron × Columnist

× Shannon Elliott

Erica Charron likes to tell people when they are being stupid, so naturally, she wanted to tell the U.S. government to grow a pair and get back to it. She loves kittens, even though they sometimes make her cry, and she’s the ultimate connoisseur of the documentaries offered on Netflix. For good entertainment, buy her a glass of wine and debate about current affairs.

For all of you who are too busy hash-tagging the meaning behind Miley Cyrus’s sledge-hammer licking, our neighbours to the south have decided to just “shut ‘er-down” for a wee bit, for lack of indecision on the subjects of government spending and affordable healthcare. As mock-worthy as it is, be careful, it has happened to us too, and Australia, and a couple more countries. Take a break from your iPhones and listen up for a second because, as Canadians, we need to be more aware. Which do you agree with more: ObamaCare or the Affordable Act Care? Really, it doesn’t matter, as they’re basically the same fucking thing. The act would require all Americans to have health insur-

ance. Why don’t you know this? Because, firstly, we Canadians already have subsidized health care so we don’t pay attention, and secondly, Facebook and don’t advertise these facts in the margins so we don’t pay attention. America had a Sept. 30 deadline, one in which the Democrats and the Republicans had to come to an agreement on the fiscal budget for upcoming year. However, they could not do so because the Republicans were throwing a hissy fit that it would cost too much in taxpayer dollars to provide their citizens with the legal right to take care of them. Congress has one function — get together in their $2,000 dollar suits, smash a scotch or seven,



and pass spending bills that would fund the government and its services. These services include the military, the mail-man, and your local dinosaur museum, just to name a few. But, because life is damn tough up top, the U.S. government decides it needs a nap. A fully paid nap, while millions of jobs are suspended. The last time the U.S. government shut down in 1993, it cost the government around the equivalent of $2 billion. It’s slightly ironic that the Congress shutting down will cost the government a huge sum when money and costs are at the focus of what the Democrats and Republicans are arguing about. And this isn’t the first time the government has been thwarted – in fact, it has happened 17 times since 1977, according to USA Today. But before you smirk and turn your nose up eh, Canada has tripped in some serious fuck-ups, too. Like in 2011 when the conservative government was brought down after a no-confidence vote and found in contempt of parliament for lying about the cost of Canada’s fighter jet program. This incident led to the proroguing of parliament in a desperate attempt to dodge accountability. We polite, maple syrup loving folk of the north can be just as laughable. But at least we do it with an endless apology, right? Wrong. The Alpine reported that Prime Minister Harper would rather “twerk it with every Canadian,” at a luncheon interview in Toronto this past summer. What we really need to be doing is following the example of our tropical cousins to the super, super southwest: Australia. They had a government shutdown quite similar to the U.S in 1975 but a resolution was approached very differently. The queen fired everyone. No joke, she axed their asses, including the Prime Minister, and created a new parliament from scratch and they haven’t had a

shut down since. Both sides are at fault here. The Democrats have done a horrible job of selling ObamaCare to the American people. And when the bill went into effect, the website to sign up for the system,, saw so much traffic that it has been experiencing technical difficulties for days. And the Republicans are even out-doing themselves this time. By shutting down government because of a law they don’t want, that’s enforced by a President they don’t respect, has taken their popularity to an all time low. MSNBC reported that 74 per cent of Americans blame this on the GOP’s child-like antics. What this boils down to is hard-headed arrogance. Last month, the U.S. Government flirted with the line of another a world war in response to Syria’s use of chemical weapons on its own people. But in this debate, congress functioned normally. Yet, when the government tries to offer affordable health millions of people, that shit shuts down the government.  Whichever way you look at that, its messed up logic. Jokes aside, we need to pay attention, because while a border separates “us” from "them”, every stone thrown causes a ripple effect. Our society overlaps with theirs and if any wedge comes between the flows our two nations, Canada feels it too – politically and economically. The U.S Congress needs to get its shit together. This isn’t a time to bicker - this is a time to get it done. Maybe if they were as polite as we are, the Queen mama bear would take them back, and she could hire a new government, one that actually works for its citizens.

F R I DAY O C TO B E R 2 5 , 2 01 3 7:00am – 5:30pm Presented by Eaton Educational Group At the Westin Bayshore Hotel, Vancouver, BC Educators, parents, psychologists, counsellors, speech language pathologists, occupational therapists, Faculty of Education students and anyone interested in the connections between the fields of education and neuroscience are welcome to register to hear this amazing line-up of speakers.

Register at:

Morning Keynote: Maximizing the Potential of the Brain

Exercise is Medicine for the Brain

Teaching Changes Brain Function: How Neuroscience Will Revolutionize Education







Bonus Session: Brain Basics














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Improving Cognitive Functioning

BARBARA ARROWSMITH YOUNG (MA) The Intimate Connection Between Mental Health Issues and Learning Disabilities



Afternoon Keynote: From Emotion to Cognition: Love As The Ground For Learning

Hardwiring Happiness: Growing Inner Strengths in Children, Parents, and Teachers




S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M



By mid-October, the semester is in full swing. Between cramming for multiple midterms, writing papers, and meeting up with groups, there is little time left for a social life. This also cuts into one of the fundamental aspects of life: sleep. Getting adequate sleep is difficult for students. So here at the Courier, we spent a night amped on caffeine, listening to Die Antwoord, and digging up the best ways to get a good sleep, based upon the unpredictable and busy student lifestyle. We also talked to Alison Parry, a learning specialist and counselling services manager at Capilano University, who gave her insight into the tricks to better sleep.


EXERCISE: Exercise at any time of day is a great way to burn off excess energy that can keep you up all night. “The number one thing that improves people’s sleep is exercise. Not right before you go to bed, any other time of the day, it will always make

This one may sound like a page out of the Secret self-help book, but it’s a good one to remember. All of these tips are good on their own, but will only help you if you know your own habits, and effectively integrate them into your life. “If you are very much a night person, there is no point in trying to make yourself go to bed at nine o’clock because it’s probably never going to happen,” says Parry. “And plan your life accordingly. Don’t plan 8:30 in the morning classes.” The best way for any advice to work is to interpret it into your own lifestyle, and find what works best for you. If you can’t fall asleep because of excessive noise, get earplugs and tell your roommates to stop blasting Lady Gaga over their stereos after a certain time. However, if you are the opposite and can’t fall asleep in complete silence (those people do exist), find new podcasts to ease off to, or nice rainforest sounds (again, interpret this into your tastes). Sleep deprivation has horrible effects. It can make your brain and body work at half-speed, and while in school, you need all the energy and resources you can get. If you find that you are having trouble calming down and getting some decent shut eye, Parry suggests seeing a counselor. There may be some deep-rooted issues that are hindering sleep. Sometimes counting sheep just isn’t enough.

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Curling up on your bed to study PowerPoint slides may seem like a good idea at the time, but may be detrimental to both your studies and your sleeping habits. Parry says that the brain works by as-

Coffee can be the elixir of night classes, and enable students to get through them without wanting to cry into their textbooks. But because caffeine is a stimulant, it comes with certain dangers than can hinder sleep. “People have a different level of sensitivity to stimulants, and it’s a matter of if you know yourself,” says Parry. “Caffeine is a stimulant that lives in your system once it’s in there, the only way you can counter it is to take another chemical. You take an upper, which is your caffeine, and then you take some kind of a downer.” Downers include weed and sleeping pills, which may help you sleep, but will also have their own effects on the body. It’s better to fall asleep naturally, without the help of chemical aids. The best way to go to sleep after drinking coffee at night is to let the caffeine work its way out the system over time.




“If you sleep too late in the day or you sleep too long, you’re not going to be ready to go to sleep at night. It’s like your breaking up the natural time that you would normally sleep,” explains Parry about napping during the day. To help maintain your regular sleep cycle, Parry suggests keeping naps to less than an hour, and having them no later than 3 p.m. “It’s like you sleep enough to take the edge off, so that you can re-energize a little bit and get stuff done in the day, but you’re not sleeping so much


someone sleep better,” says Parry, “even if it was first thing in the morning. You release energy, you de-stress, and you totally oxygenate your body and your brain.” Try to get your daily aerobics at least two hours before trying to sleep. If they are too close together, the body may be too amped up on movement to want to sit still.




that you then interfere with your ability to sleep later on. It’s that 45 minute catnap versus ‘I’m going to sleep until I wake up and I’ve now slept for three hours, and I’m now wide awake.’” Catnaps can be good rest for your brain during a long day at school. Find a quiet place at school that you can put your headphones on and zone out for a good 20 minutes. Try the upper levels of the library, the CSU lounge, or the Maple Building. Usually no one beside the Courier staff and the CSU employees are active in the Maple Building.


This one can be difficult for students, as opportunities arise last minute and often late at night which can make finding a routine very difficult to do. But the best way to a better sleep is to wake up and go to bed roughly around the same time every day. If your daily lifestyle is too sporadic, try finding a weekly routine that works, as a secondary solution. “A good second route would be to have a routine for the week,” explains Parry, “I think if we do it at the same time everyday, that’s the optimum way to train a brain. Doing the same thing at the same time every week is better than not, but its not as easy for the brain to remember. It’s more effective if the days are consistent.”

sociation, and mixing up habits in different places can hinder the efficiency of those habits. “Typically, as humans, we associate certain places and certain environments with certain things. I always tell students not to study on their beds because we don’t really associate bed with academic work. We associate academic work with sitting upright at a desk with pens and paper. With the bed, what you’re trying to do is for your brain to associate your bed with going to sleep and not with other things. If you have a choice between sitting at a desk or sitting at the kitchen table versus sitting on your bed if you’re trying to help your sleep patterns, and make the association with the bed and sleeping, you try to do your academic work somewhere else.” Along with this, try to create a sleep-friendly environment. Keep it cool, as studies show that humans sleep best in a colder environment, and it’s also better to snuggle in with blankets. Use low lighting and try to keep the computer and phone out of the bed. If you use a laptop or iPad in bed, the UV lights will mess with your head, and the body will think that it’s daytime, thus screwing up the melatonin levels in your brain. If you enjoy falling asleep to movies, keep the laptop at least three feet away from your face, to diminish the chance of this happening.





S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S . C A P C O U R I E R @ G M A I L . C O M

× JakeGauthier





47 ISSUE N O . 06

× Writer


First Nations groups along B.C.'s coast are returning fire with a campaign launched to put an end to bear hunting, since the provincial government denied them the ability to ban grizzly bear trophy hunting on their own traditional territories. The campaign features a video called Bear Witness, which was released in early September, highlighting the killing of a five-year-old bear in the Kwatna Estuary of the Great Bear Rainforest in June 2013. The hunter, Minnesota NHL player Clayton Stoner, had provincial permits to kill the bear, despite the local ban on trophy hunting. The bear named “Cheeky” by local First Nations, was known as a friend to the area where bear guides frequently took visitors and researchers became familiar with the bears. He was named Cheeky because he frequently stuck his tongue out at the local residents. The film describes the kill in which the bear fur was taken, along with the head and paws, and the carcass was left behind to rot.

TROPHY HUNTING “Real hunters eat what they kill,” is displayed on numerous posters on Facebook as well as on pages of the new organizational website called Bears

Forever. The website was put together after Stoner killed the grizzly on the First Nations’ territory. The feature video showed the large signs standing on these territories that read, “Welcome to the Great Bear Rainforest – Trophy Hunting Closed.” In the campaign film, Roger Johnson explains that Stoner affirmed that he had a permit to hunt in the territory and posed for pictures that Johnson snapped of him with the bear paws and head. Johnson and other local residents featured in the film stated their devastation of the deceased bear they had become accustomed to viewing. Johnson said in the film that he went back to the residence and cried. “I grew up hunting and fishing in British Columbia and continue to enjoy spending time with my family outdoors .... I love to hunt and fish and will continue to do so with my family and friends in British Columbia,” explained Stoner. This statement received a lot of attention in the media over the past few weeks but many hunters are not interested in blaming the hockey player. “I can see why they're upset, but at the same time I understand the hunter’s perspective,” says Steven Williams, a hunter from Alberta. “I don't trophy hunt. I wouldn't leave the meat behind.

But as long as the hunter was within the law, and he didn't break any rules, I can't really blame him. He wanted a successful hunt.” Williams added that the provincial law was more important than the law of the local group. Although the Bears Forever website stated that across the province, 87 per cent of citizens say they would straight up put an end to trophy hunting bears in the Great Bear Rainforest and 92 per cent say hunters should respect First Nations laws and customs when entering First Nations territory. “You don't need to go hunting on questionable land,” says Kyle Desjardins, a hunter in Okanagan. “I do think the [provincial] laws are the most important, but that being said, if I was near a native reserve and I saw these signs up, I wouldn't go in those areas. I would just go find a different place to hunt. If the natives want to protect that area there's probably a reason for it. There's just so much land,” says Desjardins. A resource page is provided on the B.C. government hunting site demonstrating the parks, conservancies, and protected areas in the province where hunting is allowed. The resource displays nine regions in the province with over 40 of these parks and hunting areas in each region. While

some of them are on First Nations territory, the Great Bear Rainforest is not featured on the list. The government continues to defend that it cannot change the law and asks the First Nations groups to respect the provincial law allowing trophy hunting. Some believe that it's not a question of changing the law, but enforcing new training and education. “A little more training of resident hunters might be needed to ensure that when they win that lottery, they don't recklessly shoot a young bear that is avidly being watched by someone else,” noted Scott Ellis, executive director of Guide Outfitters Association of B.C. Ellis discussed that viewing and hunting areas should be able to coexist and that some areas should simply be respectfully distinguished as viewing-only areas. He said that redefining hunting areas should make a difference. However, no matter in which bears are killed and where, one crucial aspect still in question is that it is still not mandatory by law to eat the meat of a hunted animal. Hunters only have to collect the hide. Many groups say that hunters should eat what they kill and describe killing an animal only for its head and fur as barbaric and old-fashioned.

More than public opinion will be needed to make a change to this law. However, the provincial government has largely responded to trophy hunting as a management tool.

ON THE BRINK OF EXTINCTION B.C. statistics record that hunter expenditures on overall goods and services are contributing to local economies throughout the province. In a report by the Wilderness Tourism Association of B.C., the overall revenue of nature- based tourism in B.C. accounts to roughly $1.5 billion and provides about 26,000 jobs. According to the provincial government, the overall hunting industry, including angling (fishing on a hook), resident, and non-resident hunting contributes $350 million annually to the province. “It’s incredibly important to track them,” says Desjardins. “We have the ability to track specific animals and those that are more endangered than others. We need to be careful they're not over hunted because we want to make sure that these resources are available forever.” “I trust the government to know how many animals there are and when it's right to make a ban,” notes Williams. “The scary part for me about the hunting and killing of bears is that we really don't know how many are there... [the government] base[s] how many bears they're allowed to kill in a year on what they believe to be the current population dynamics,” said Megan Moody, Nuxlack Nation leader, featured in the Bear Witness film. But with fluctuating salmon stocks, general deforestation, and climate change, she argues that it is impossible to make an accurate prediction. “I would rather protect them and have them here for thousands of years to come rather than pretend we know what's going on and allow the needless killing of them.” The provincial records show 3,786 grizzly bear tags were issued province-wide in 2013 and roughly 300 grizzlies are shot each year. The Bears Forever group noted that almost a third of these killings are in the Great Bear Rainforest. The fees to hunt a grizzly bear will cost hunters $16,000 to $25,000. There's a big price to pay to kill what the B.C. government calls “one of the greatest symbols of the wilderness.” “It's expensive and takes quite a few years to get the license to hunt a grizzly,” notes Williams. “I can see why [First Nations] are upset,

but at the same time, I understand the hunters perspective, if it was me I would shoot it.” The estimated grizzly bear population now stands at 15,000 in Canada. These numbers of hunted bears demonstrate what seems to be a dent in the bear population. Although, once ranging in North America from the northern tip of Alaska on the Pacific Ocean, through the Mississippi River to California, down to Mexico's Baja peninsula and the Arctic Ocean, many say that 15,000 is on the verge of extinction and this is hardly a valid argument for trophy hunting. Now, the Great Bear Rain Forest is the only place where these bears roam freely. Grizzly bear hunting is currently illegal in the U.S.A.

NO ETHICS “A bear like Cheeky would have fathered 100 grizzly bears,” explained Dr. Chris Darimont from the University of Victoria in the campaign film. “In an overarching way, science provides information. It doesn't provide permission to behave unethically, and to me that's the primary issue at stake here. This is unethical behavior to kill something without eating it,” he continues. Alongside the First Nations groups, many other organizations have described these hunting tactics as disrespectful and unfair. Bears Forever says that guides will offer a ride to “barge in SUVs so hunters won't have to hike,” and help to spot bears from planes, boats or create camouflage blinds. Hunting of mothers is also banned for animals like deer or elk. However, there are no rules against shooting female or mother bears. This is crucial as the website explains that bears are having fewer cubs, possibly due to lower food stocks or migration due to deforestation and climate change. The website notes, “It makes no sense to allow bear hunting without an accurate picture of their populations. It's worst when the bears killed are part of an active research project.” The Coastal First Nations groups in B.C. focus on forestry and land development in relation to the communities on the land, economy and tourism in the region. The Turning Point Initiative is a group in relation to the Coastal First Nations groups focused on government to government negotiations on land use with focus on ecosystem- based management (EBM). This initiative focuses on a new approach to land management

ON the Cover Jake Gauthier

Bears Forever states that “compared to ecotourism activities like bear viewing, revenues from bear hunting are negligible.” More and more people are interested in viewing bears in their natural habitat rather than killing them, bringing more to the wildlife viewing industry than hunting. “I do know [bear hunting] is hardly generating any money to the local economy and there are outfits like myself and many other outfits here now that are depending on the wild life viewing to create an economy.” The Commercial Bear Viewing Association (CBVA) of B.C. is an association formed to promote sustainable bear viewing. Organizations and guides who are members of this group are trained and certifiably qualified in ecology, safety, landbased viewing, guest relations, and education. The organization focuses on improving human-bear interaction. One of the leading groups in bear viewing is the group Great Bear Nature Tours, also a member of CBVA. On the organizational website the group affirms a relationship formulated between the bear viewers and the bears. “There is an obvious and unacceptable ethical dilemma in hunting a bear that has been viewed by bear viewers and has developed the trust you will see in some of the bears we regularly view.”

MANAGING THE BEAR POPULATION The B.C. government began collecting data on the bear hunt in 1976. Over the past 34 years, the interest in bear hunting and number of bears that have been hunted has been relatively consistent, despite the drop in the early 2000s, but the num-


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Jake Gauthier is a recent graduate from the IDEA program. He sure knows how to work the pen and he always looks just as sharp as his art. Jake is a man of distinct talent with a vast sense of tasteful dry humor. We all love this guy. Check out his website


bers have risen again in recent years. According to the Fish, Wildlife, and Habitat Management Branch of the Ministry of Environment of B.C., four areas are taken into consideration when considering management: overall estimated population, estimate of the populates natural growth rate, location of distribution of the grizzly bear, and the difference between the estimated population size and current carrying capacity. The documents state that there is a “six per cent maximum human-caused mortality rate... and no more than 30 per cent of all human-cause mortalities can be female.... Legal harvests are closed when either (or both) are exceeded.” The government members have continued to confirm to media that the bear population is well managed this way, specifically in keeping the bear population separate from the human residents. “It is good to harvest and manage the bigger animals, deer or bear, because some of them come into town as predators, looking for alternate food sources, approaching people’s homes and causing problems for people. People can get hurt this way... I think hunting can serve as a managing tool,” argues Williams. North Vancouver is well aware of the encounters with bears and long introduced the North Shore Bears Society. The group states on their website, however, that individuals can learn to co-exist with bears through taking various precautions and accepting bears as neighbors. While many believe North Vancouver to be a case in which bears encroach on human territory, it is largely neglected that the region was originally a bear habitat before populations of homes were built there and continue to push onto the bear territory. While the First Nations groups seem fairly confident in their campaign, the current stance of the government is likely the biggest factor that hindering the groups’ intention. Maybe those who support the end of trophy hunting can rely only on a new face of political party that will agree to support the bears forever.



that recognizes people, communities and land as inseparable. The group works on government to government coherence in various aspects, but despite its depth, it completely avoids the topic of hunting. Other First Nations supporters that are present in the featured film include the Rainforest Conservation, Pacific Wild, the Applied Conservation Science Lab and members of the University of Victoria.


cap calendar

with kristi



Monday 14

It's a Holiday

Hug Your Friends+ Family

Smile At A Senior Citizen

Have A Second Serving

Tuesday 15

The Cultch Birthday Bash


Carrot/Daikon Pickling Workshop

The Spooky Ukulele Ball

The Cultch 6 pm $ - free

The Commodore Ballroom 8 pm $22.50

Renfrew Park Community Centre 1 pm - 3 pm $ - free

St. James Hall 6:30 pm $8

After 40 years of live theatre, music, and dance in the East Vancouver Cultural Centre, the Cultch is celebrating its birthday. There will be hors d’oeuvres, cake, and a series of vintage photos from the last 40 years of greatness shown in the lobby. Do you have better plans for this Tuesday evening? Reruns of Criminal Minds is not better than this.

My dirty little secret about a lot of the bands I listen to is that I usually find out about them by watching lame TV shows made for teenagers. Phantogram’s song “Don’t Move”, for instance, was played on the CW’s the Secret Circle, and I’ve been hooked ever since. The electro-rock duo comes to Vancouver. Unfortunately, their teenage fans can’t come.

Mason jars are so hip. There’s a plethora of Pinterest boards for the multitude of crafty ways you can use mason jars: as mini-vases, as chandeliers, as candle holders. The list goes on. Why not use them for their original intention - storing food. Learn to make Vietnamese carrot/daikon pickles in this free workshop. It’s hip, you guys.

Ralph Shaw leads this Halloween event, featuring a ton of ukuleles and an open mic session of spooky songs. If you come in costume, there could be a prize in it for you. May I suggest going in a spookulele outfit?

Amnesty International Film Fest

Taste Of Yaletown

Melt Banana

Rezerect : Native Erotica

Alice MacKay Room, VPL Central Library 5:30 pm $ - free

Yaletown area restaurants 4 pm and onwards $25, $35 and $45 fixed menus

The Biltmore Cabaret 8pm $15

Bill Reid Gallery of Northwest Coast Art 11 am – 5 pm $ - $7 for students, $10 regular

Amnesty International kicks off a two-day festival, beginning with an evening of compelling films from around the world. Feature film Forbidden Voices showcases challenges to freedom of expression in China, Iran, and Cuba, and the suppression faced by three fearless female bloggers who represent a new, networked generation of modern rebels.

In its ninth anniversary, Taste of Yaletown is a showcase of tastes, treats, sips and sights. Local kitchens will offer featured menus, special tastings and innovative pairings. With a fresh approach to fixed price menus, restaurants will offer any combination of food and drink or even special in-house events.

Originally, I liked this band because they did tons of Japanese covers of North American punk songs, like “Fun House” by the Stooges and “Government Flu” by the Dead Kennedys. Also, their band name sounds kind of delicious, but I’m not sure why. The Japanese noise-punk band plays the Biltmore Cabaret. Maybe they’ll even cover your band’s songs.

The Bill Reid Gallery presents a fresh, playful, provocative insight into sensuality and sexuality by First Nations artists. The exhibition features works by 27 internationally recognized First Nations artists in a unique outlook. Works offer vivid glimpses of the artists' identities, mixing contemporary and traditional Aboriginal styles.

Meaningful Movies : Salmon Confidential

Halloween At Fly oover Canada!

Democracy LOUD Fundraiser

Oh Land

St. David’s Anglican Church 6:30 p.m. $ - free

FlyOver Canada (Canada Place) 4:30 pm – 9 pm $20

The Railway Club 8 pm $10

Venue 9pm $16.50

If you’ve been wondering what the hell has been going on with B.C.’s salmon, and why Harper has been muzzling environmental scientists, you’re not alone. Biologist Alexandra Morton explores the government cover-up of what is killing B.C.'s wild salmon in Salmon Confidential. Popcorn and refreshments.Group discussion afterwards.

Take off into a huge dome screen with the latest in projection and ride technology creating a true flying experience – complete with wind, scents, and mist –for an aerial experience of all of Canada. This time, Halloween style. You might stray a bit from the norm of peaceful, beautiful Canada. Let’s hope there are more pumpkin patches and corn mazes than ghosts and spirits.

A fundraising concert for Media Democracy Days 2013 takes place for the fifth year in a row. Performers include Catlow, Art Kenyon, and Brice Tabish. Plus, according to MDD’s website: “fabulous life-changing prizes!” You’d be a fool (and a republican) not to come.

Brooklyn-via-Denmark singer-songwriter, Oh Land – better known to her grandmother as Nanna Oland Fabricius – comes to Vancouver. Her brand of “left-field pop” will glitter in all its glory, as she tours in support of her latest album, Wish Bone.


Science World After Dark Murder Mystery

River District's First Fall Friday Flicks!


The Rio Theatre 11 pm $ - $6 in costume, $8 without

Science World 7 pm – 10 pm $30

River District Centre 4 pm $ - free

The Commodore Ballroom 9pm $20

Tim Burton’s 1988 film is featured in this Friday’s Midnight Movie at the Rio. In case you’ve been living under a rock for all your life, the plot goes like this: a couple of recently deceased ghosts (Geena Davis, Alec Baldwin) contract the services of a “bio-exorcist” (Michael Keaton) in order to remove the obnoxious new owners of their house.

In an annual tradition, Science World puts on another murder mystery: amidst crazy science experiments, a murder has taken place! It's up to you and your friends to crack the case while gathering clues from a collection of mysterious characters. Drinks will be sold.

Another Tim Burton favourite. Set back in the late 1800s in a Victorian village, a man and woman are betrothed. When things go wrong at their wedding rehearsal, a frustrated groom goes into the woods to practice his vows. He ceremoniously puts the wedding ring on a finger-shaped stick in the ground and finds himself married to Emily, the corpse bride!

“Weed Demon” surf-rock singer Nathan Williams, boyfriend of musician Best Coast (who so desperately wants to be Courtney Love, by the way), plays the Commodore Ballroom. Known for his substance abuse and stage breakdowns, we hope this one goes off without a hitch. Or maybe we don’t.

That Barista Thing

Apple Festival

The Eastside Flea

The East Van Opry

Vancouver Library Square 11 am - 4 pm $ - free

UBC Botanical Garden 11 am – 4 pm $4 (cash only)

The Wise Hall 10 am – 4 pm $ - by donation

The Rio Theatre 8 pm $15

Latte art, craft tables, caricature drawings, free beverages, tea tasting, matcha demonstration, public canvas painting and more. The signature event is perfect for any university student whose current occupation is coffee shop bitch, because hey, at least you’re good at what you do.

More than 70 varieties of heritage, new, and favourite apple varieties available for purchase and up to 60 B.C.-grown apple varieties available for tasting. Also includes main-stage entertainment, children's activities, and a food fair. Now all I want is a caramel apple.

The Eastside Flea is a fresh new monthly flea market in East Vancouver featuring a diverse array of vendors from handmade goods, vintage clothing and antiques, art, craftsmen items, garage sale, and more. Get your thrifty hipster on!

Rich Hope and the Blue Rich Rangers, The Sumner Brothers, Viper Central, Jimmy Roy and Kelly Haigh, Just A Season, Khari Wendell McLelland, Jamie & Etienne, The Louis Riel Metis Dancers, DJ Elliott C Way, and more put on an old-fashion opry. Typically a Texas tradition, the North West is giving the South West a run for its money.

Birding With Margo

Kanye West

The Addams Family Movie

Retro Design + Antiques Fair

Everett Crowley Park (3350 Maquinna Dr.) 8:30 am -11 am $ - free

The Cable Box....Rogers Arena 7 pm $29.75 to $147.75

ABC Family 8 pm $ - cost of cable

Croatian Cultural Centre 10 am - 3 pm $5

Taking up a new hobby is something on my bucket list, and when Yarn Bombing just didn’t work out for me, I thought perhaps I’d try bird watching. Want to learn about the birds who call Everett Crowley Park home? Join me as a fail to pick up yet another hobby, won’t you?

Grammy-winning hip-hop artist, also known as Kim Kardashian’s baby daddy and “that a-hole that stole Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech,” performs material from latest album Yeezus, with guest Kendrick Lamar. I’m gunna let you finish… but you’re probably paying way too much to see this.

Ah, lazy Sunday! Don’t move from your couch all day, as you patiently wait for this 1991 cult classic to take the screen in your living room. Featuring Angelica Houston and a young Christina Ricci, watch as con artists plan to fleece the eccentric family using an accomplice who claims to be their long lost Uncle Fester.

This fun Sunday show features 175 tables and booths of fabulous finds for you and your eclectic abode – 175 different vendors equals a super selection to suit every taste and budget! Come see why so many designers, collectors and antiques dealers consider this the place to buy the crème de la crème of previously loved home décor.

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arts + Culture




sun shines on student movies LOCAL MEDIA COLLABORATES FOR A MEETING OF THE MINDS Andy Rice

Budding filmmakers and aspiring video producers from around the province are in for a treat. The Vancouver Sun is once again gearing up to host its annual Student Video Awards, preceded by two popular workshops for high school and early postsecondary students. Organizer Dean Broughton, the Sun’s chief digital news editor, launched the event three years ago in partnership with CBC and the Vancouver Film School. “We were sort of talking about the direction of visual storytelling and how we could engage with youth, so it was prompted from that conversation,” he explains. “[There were] a couple of student video awards out there but we didn’t see anything particularly that was province-wide, so we were looking to kind of facilitate that.” In 2012, the awards portion of the event was expanded to include one workshop, and this year a second has been added. Registration is currently open for the first one, an all-day intensive which will take place on Saturday, Nov. 2 at the VFS campus in Gastown. There, participants will have an opportunity to connect with industry professionals through seminars and presentations of their choosing. Broughton says there will be “two sessions in the morning and three sessions in the afternoon,” adding that topics will range from animation to the art of visual storytelling, documentary storytelling, marketability, and other creative areas.

“In each session will be three different speakers,” he continues. “Also, students will have a choice if they want to look at the art of visual telling or if they want more creative thinking…. The afternoon is a little bit more hands on – kind of like different aspects of animation, how to tell a story, finding your genre – so it’s a bit more workshopesque....The morning session is more talking with students and sparking ideas.” In the interest of keeping things fresh and responding to feedback from participants, Broughton says he’s made some changes to this year’s workshops. “This year in talking to the students I was looking to kind of spark some creativity and look at how to write stories creatively and how to come up with different creative ideas," he says. "I’ve been to these types of workshops before and sometimes these little creative sparks woven in among everything else are actually very beneficial for [the students] because they’re thinking a different way. That’s kind of key – connections and creativity are what I’m looking for here.” While Broughton admits there are no enforced age restrictions for participants, he says that priority will be given to those in high school from grade eight all the way up to second year university. “I haven’t actually put an age on it. It’s really difficult to do that, but my target is high school students. But reaching out to university students is important as well. We’re looking for people who

× Megan Collinson

× Arts + Culture Editor

are looking to make careers in this industry.” In the past, many students have opted to enroll in both the video awards and the workshop. Doing so will be especially beneficial this year given that the second one, newly added and scheduled for Feb. 1, will be more critique-based than the first. Broughton describes it as a helpful checkpoint for students halfway through the contest. “We’ll actually kind of do an open house. We’ll have industry professionals that the student can bring their work to and say ‘hey, this is what I’ve done so far,’ and then get some feedback on it. Their sound, lighting, storytelling, any gaps or holes... we’ll identify those at the workshop itself.” Since it began in 2011, the Vancouver Sun’s Student Video Awards program has mentored over

1,500 students and yielded nearly 300 videos. Each year, $20,000 in VFS bursaries is split among the winners and to date, submissions have reached a cumulative audience of over 80,000. “It’s an opportunity for kids to really explore, especially in the creative fields that parents may not necessarily be thinking about,” Broughton says. “Last year there were little pockets in between sessions [for] talking to instructors and connecting with them so it’s a really great engagement for students, and I think for the parents as well.” For more information on this year’s workshops and video awards, interested readers may visit Registration for the workshop costs $50, includes lunch and can be done online at

swap til you drop THERE'S A FLEA OUTBREAK AT THE WISE HALL Dini Stramatopulos

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With its low prices and a wide array of items – including yummy food – Eastside Flea is fast becoming one of East Vancouver’s favourite neighborhood hangouts. Vendors rotate often, alongside a few steady regulars, and given that there are two weeks in between each market day, no two are the same. Many of the merchants have already begun planning for Christmas and will soon begin to showcase a variety of affordable gifts and stocking stuffers. "We'll be launching our website very soon, where people can find out more info and contact us through the site if they're interested in vending," explains Ounapuu. "In the meantime, people can simply email us at Eastsideflea@gmail. com, or follow us on Facebook or Instagram to find out about upcoming markets and events."


Everything will take place at the UBC Student Union Building. Part of the Eastside Flea’s appeal likely comes down to its affordability and its aim to accommodate people from all walks of life. "Having a pricing structure for [vendors’] goods that everybody can relate to, from students to collectors, is important to us,” says Ounapuu, “so you could really find a lot of things including affordable vintage clothing, handmade goods, antiques and random garage sale finds. The concession also serves a good hot cup of JJ Bean coffee and East Village Bakery snacks at affordable prices.” There’s even candy. A new vendor called the Candy Meister, is selling a large selection of all natural, gluten-free and vegan treats at the Wise Hall markets. “Grabbing a small bag seems to be a hot item," she adds.


7, and Dec. 21. "Attendance has exceeded our expectations for such a new event,” says Ounapuu. The community is really embracing the culture of the Eastside Flea. With the turn of the season, we're seeing an increase in attendance naturally because fall and winter are market seasons, but also because of word of mouth and a healthy amount of promotions." The regular home of Eastside Flea is currently the Wise Hall (1882 Adanac St.), but with the increase in vendor and buyer attendance, the organizers are searching for a larger venue to accommodate more vendors. Ounapuu admits the move would be exciting, but also a little bittersweet. “The Wise Hall market has really become something fun and unique to the East Van community, a large part due to the character of the hall itself,” she says. “We would like to keep it running for as long as we can.” “We're also planning to host markets around town,” she continues. On Nov. 7 and 8, the Eastside Flea will head to UBC for a special two-day market. Along with vendors, food, and music, there will also be a $5 clothing swap where students will have the chance to bring in clothes they no longer want and fill a bag with ones they do.


Flea markets have long been a gold mine for good times and cheap finds – a place where more than the average hipster can find a treasure, and where there's always something for everyone. A variety of popular swap meets can be found around the Greater Vancouver area, but back in January, two friends decided that East Vancouver needed one to call its own. Just a few months later, the Eastside Flea was born, and it hasn't stopped growing since. "We were actually hanging out having tea in Jill [Whitford]'s living room in January and the topic of the Brooklyn Flea came up,” explains coorganizer Linda Ounapuu. “We decided then and there we wanted to create a similar experience here in Vancouver, and the Eastside Flea launched at the Wise Hall on March 21." Since then, she and Whitford have been working hard to connect with the community to create "a fun and interesting mix of local vintage vendors, small businesses, artisans, craftsmen, and people who just want to get rid of their stuff." Their hard work has paid off. The Eastside Flea proved to be so successful that they extended it past its original run during the summer, adding extra dates for the fall season. Upcoming meets will take place on Oct. 19, Nov. 2, Nov. 16, Dec.

× Becky Joy

× Writer


the death of recording studios HOME STUDIOS + MUSIC PIRACY HAVE CHANGED THE INDUSTRY Glen Jackson

Thirty years ago, Vancouver was a boomtown for large-scale recording projects – affectionately known as the L.A. north of the music industry. Producers, artists, and extravagant big box recording spaces were numerous in all areas of the city. But with rent increasing, technology advancing, and budgets rapidly shrinking, many of Vancouver’s biggest and busiest studios now sit empty, repurposed, or closed altogether. And with piracy becoming widely accepted, very little money remains in actual music sales, leaving less established bands with only the money made from concerts and merchandise to record their albums. This has caused many to record less frequently, or find cheaper ways to complete their projects. Within the past few years, some of Vancouver’s most prominent studios have shut their doors, including Little Mountain Sound (Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, AC/DC, Metallica, Bryan Adams, Motley Crue), Mushroom Studios (Heart, Loverboy, Bachman-Turner Overdrive, Spirit of the West, Sarah McLachlan, Tegan and Sara), and the Hive Creative Labs (Japandroids, Yukon Blonde, Ladyhawk, Black Mountain and Dan Mangan). Despite producing records from some of the best artists in Canada and even the world, these studios have fallen victim to financial constraints caused by a rapidly changing music industry. At the end of September, the Hive ceased operations due to an inability to keep up with rising rent prices and financial limitations. The Burnaby studio was the birthplace of many of the best Canadian albums to be released over the past 10 years. Its co-founders, Jesse Gander and Colin

Stewart, elected to seek new jobs within the industry – Stewart has moved the Hive to a space in Victoria to dodge rising costs while Gander found a position with Rain City Recorders. Stewart attributes the regression in professional studio recording to piracy and the ability to make a professional sounding recording at home. “A lot of albums these days are home recorded and then mixed by a pro with some experience to clean up the mess,” he explains, “The end happened a few years ago. I’m not convinced that things will get much worse than they currently are.” Stewart adds that the only reason big facilities are able to stay open is they tend to be owned by people who are independently wealthy, so they're more like expensive pet projects. The Warehouse Studio in Gastown is a prime example. Built, owned, and kept afloat by rocker Bryan Adams, the facility continues to operate despite high taxes and additional challenges associated with its location in a historic building. Most recently, Garth Richardson and a collective of other local producers resurrected the former location of Little Mountain Sound in early 2012. Although Studio A, the facility’s largest and most famous tracking room, was gutted and subdivided in the early ’90s to become Vancouver Rockspace, Studio B now operates as the Farm Studios as part of the larger Fader Mountain Sound complex. Pacific Audio Visual Institute (PAVI) saved another of Vancouver’s largest and most historic live rooms when it took over Blue Wave Productions’ Eighth Avenue building as its campus several years ago. Despite the decline of jobs and facilities within

the recording industry, recording schools like PAVI and Nimbus School of Recording Arts continue to accept and educate new students each year. Matthew Roach, head engineer for Greenhouse Studios and former Nimbus graduate, knows just how tough competition can be when it comes to securing a position and standing out among the rest. “You've really got to bring something to the table, whether that's musical knowledge or positivity or good direction and attention to detail,” he says. “Where, at one time it was easy to make profits, now the studios are just working to stay open. A reduction in arts funding from the federal government as well as a decline in the overall western economy has contributed to fiscal recession that has labels and self-funded artists considering what they spend their budgets on, and sometimes that doesn't allot for very much studio time.” Many artists big and small have elected to record in smaller facilities, or even home studios, churches, gymnasiums, and other pop-up locations. These days, a professional quality sound can be obtained in almost any space for under $1000 worth of equipment. Musicians can record and engineer the project on their own, then passing it off to a professional to mix and master the audio tracks. The sound quality is often comparable to something professionally recorded in a studio, and at a fraction of the price. Bon Iver’s For Emma, Forever Ago was recorded exactly in this way. Justin Vernon wrote and recorded the tracks in a cabin in the woods with little more than a few microphones and a recording device. The album won Pitchfork's Top 50 Albums of

× Aaron Campbell

× Writer

2007 and Q’s 50 Best Albums of the Year awards, despite being a do-it-yourself project – proof that today it doesn’t take thousands of dollars to produce an award-winning record. Still, many believe there’s no perfect substitute for a professionally recorded album in a large, acoustically-designed room. With certain studios, a different sound is obtained by the size and characteristics of the room used for recording which cannot be recreated in an ordinary basement or garage. Beyond this, recording is a skill that takes years of practice to perfect and Roach remains optimistic that in the end, quality will prevail. “[In] the professional studio market, I still feel there's a huge demand for [a high] level of audio fidelity,” he says. And although it costs far more, there’s still plenty of quality to be found in a large room designed specifically for that purpose. Whether or not there will be any left in ten years, however, is almost as hard to predict as the music industry itself.






“Pillow Fight!” might conjure up images of frilly, panty clad females done up in pigtails, but the girls of the East Van Pillow Fight Club strip the cute factor for all-out ass-kickery. With an arsenal of feather pillows and dubious alter-egos, the East Van Pillow Fight Club (EVPFC) will have you associating all-girl pillow fights with knock outs and glory. The EVPFC is “an all-girl troupe beating the crap out of each other for your enjoyment,” explains Melanie Watts, founder of the club. Unlike mud wrestling or the WWE’s female “wrestlers”, EVPFC drops the idea that women fighting require sexual objectification. “We’ve been turned away from venues because we’re not slutty enough. We take pride in our shows — that they’re not sex based but still entertaining.” Rather, the women get to brawl in a supportive and fun environment with scantily clad ring boys taking the bulk of the cat calls – and for a good cause to boot. The roster of fighters volunteer their time and bodies to help raise money for women’s charities around Vancouver including the Vancouver Rape Relief and Women’s Shelter . “This idea came from a few years ago. I heard about the pillow fight league in Toronto and I either wanted to fly there and be in their club, or start my own,” proudly explains Watts. The club is made up of female fighters who came together thanks to a common interest: empowerment. With a range of different characters,

developed in their former East Vancouver training facility, the tough personas are diverse. Anything from a deranged fairy to an escaped asylum patient can be witnessed taking swings at EVPFC events. The fighters include: Lil’ Dread Riding Hood, Hanky Planky, Medikated, Melitia, Angella Kill, Tinkerhell, The Iron Maiden, Tragedy Ann, Prim Reaper, Miss Treats, Blonde Bedlam, and the Serbian Scrambler. “Pure fun, athleticism, and entertainment are what makes [sic] the EVPFC a unique experience to Vancouver,” says Watts. “Pillow Fight Club means, to me, keeping people off Granville Street on the weekends and bringing them to East Van to see something unique.” Ana Krunic, aka Serbian Scrambler, is the reigning champion of the EVPFC. “I first discovered the fight club through a friend at work who said his girlfriend had been doing this pillow fight thing, I guess for exercise,” she says. “I just thought it was fantastic. I didn’t know it was going to be so tough.” Krunic shines a light on a fun paradox between the women involved and the weapons they wield. “You know it’s [the pillow] a very good comparison to a woman. It’s soft, it’s fluffy, it’s delightful, but at the same time, as we found out, it can do some serious damage. You know, we can be strong and feminine at the same time.” Since its humble beginnings in 2012, the EVPFC has raised over $3,000 for Vancouver Rape Relief and Women’s Shelter between both their

pillow fighting events and the club’s bike wash fundraisers. The women of EVPFC are bringing a whole new combat sport to the city and fights have steadily grown in attendance, gaining a cultlike following among locals. Every eight weeks, the club emerges to let the feathers fly at different venues around Vancouver. To date, much of the unbridled, teeth-clenching action has been held at the Astoria, which will once more play venue to their upcoming event Pajama-Rama on Oct. 19. Attendees are encouraged to don their best PJs and onesies for some hot and heavy “pillow on pillow” action. The fight, which celebrates aggression married to femininity, is hosted and narrated by the city’s own MC Crazy P. Regular matches consist of three two-minute rounds, whereas rookie matches shorten their rounds to 60 seconds. “Six minutes in the ring is very intense, and it’s very foreboding when you have a fight coming up,” says Krunic. “Challenging that and coming through that in a fight is a very good feeling.” Results are determined by a judge, unless there is a total knock out, disqualification, or forfeit. A complex point system keeps both the judge and audience on their toes, with bonus points for combos, dodging killer blows, special moves, as well as pure theatrics. All points of contact between fighters must be made with the pillows themselves. But just because pillows may be sweet to sleep on doesn’t mean they don’t pack a punch – taking a full-out swing to the noggin can

× Jackson Butchart

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× Opinions Editor

land you unconscious, bleeding, or simply hungry for more. “It’s challenging, it’s scary when you’re going up against someone who is bigger than you,” says Krunic. “It’s a challenge to get in front of a crowd if that is something you haven’t done before. I think that’s the biggest thing – we all have anxiety before our fights. You want to entertain everybody, you don’t want to mess up. You don’t want to embarrass yourself.” For more information on the East Van Pillow Fight Club, visit their page or

arts Shorts



venus in furs

Album Review



Leah Scheitel

× Arts + Culture Editor

× Editor - in - Chief

Afterlife Blues is the sophomore album from Calgary-based indie rockers Fast Romantics. Layers of guitars cut right to the chase on the opening track, “Friends”, and this is clearly a band fueled by six strings, and almost as many harmonies. Both are close at hand throughout the nine sturdy tracks that follow. Singer Matthew Angus bears an uncanny resemblance to Elvis Costello in timbre and phrasing, softened and complemented nicely by sheets of vocals in behind. The title track exposes these nuances even more with a pared down arrangement that seems as though it could have travelled in time from the 1960s. By the end, soaring falsetto vocals have conjured up references to the Beach Boys or even Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. It’s a unique texture that works nicely and appears later on as well.

The sixth track, entitled “White Lights”, reveals perhaps the album’s first flaw. On a record filled with thoughtful lyrics, repeating, “I love you” eight times over seems a bit like a cop-out for a chorus, but somehow the band makes it work. Almost. Only a five-piece, the group sounds far larger than it is on many of the tracks, either a product of layering or their own virtuosity. And yet it’s not overbearing. There’s variety, there’s intensity, there’s space, there’s restraint, and there’s reckless abandon. Some moments sound retro, others orchestral and even doo-wop, but they manage to blend them all seamlessly together. Fast Romantics are currently touring their Oct. 8 release across North America, performing at the Railway Club on Oct. 25.


Venus is Fur is the most recent play featured at the Arts Club Theatre, and it’s an interesting choice. Written by David Ives, the play is the story of a playwright trying to find the perfect heroine for his new play about dominance. The lead male character, Thomas, played by Vincent Gale, is working on the script, which is based upon a famed German book from 1870, and is the blueprint for modern sado-masochism. He auditions Vanda, a young, quirky girl for the role, and things get heated, both as they are reading the scripts and in their personal life. The play becomes more of a reality, as they are both fighting for dominance and power over each other. The highlight of the play was Lindsey Angell, who played Vanda. She did so with the confidence normally reserved for strippers and Vanna White.

She also performed the entire time with a skimpy black leather dress and fishnet stockings on. To do so in front of a sold-out audience for 90 minutes in basically your leather undies is a feat for anyone. Yet, even her performance didn’t make the play easy to watch. The play is meant to be a comedy, but there is too much sexual content for it to be a comfortable laugh. It’s like awkwardly laughing at the idea of your parents having sex, or watching your very first porno. At the play’s end, there wasn’t ease amongst the audience. It was like watching two people’s sexual escapades together. That, and you knew everyone in the audience was going to go home and either watch real porn, or have quiet sex with their significant others. It was an awkward walk out of the theatre.


j roddy walston BILTMORE CABARET ON OCT. 5 Megan Forsyth × Writer


impeccable. Peppered in between songs were bits of his classic dry stand-up comedy. Proving that he was up on the latest trends in society, he cracked a joke about his set being gluten-free for those with dietary concerns. The hilarity of it all, combined with the immense amount of talent exhibited made for an excellent evening in Oregon. If you didn't enjoy the show, you're wrong. At least those were Martin’s words. And he was definitely worth the 24-hour road trip.

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My mother and I drove down to Portland last Thursday morning, and returned to Canada almost exactly 24 hours later. Why on Earth would anyone do such a thing? Is that not the most unnecessary trip in history? The answer is simple. Steve Martin was playing the banjo. We had no choice but to go. The opening act of the evening was the critically acclaimed Oregon Symphony. They played a smattering of overtures from western themed movies, like The Cowboys. They were all standard pieces, albeit very well done. Nothing out of the ordinary, until they whipped out an unlikely but familiar tune. “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” has never sounded so upscale, and left the entire audience in a hilarious sort of awe. The band playing with Martin was the Steep Canyon Rangers, who gave fresh life to bluegrass. From barbershop-inspired harmonies to sevenminute improvised violin solos, they simultaneously proved and disproved all preconceived notions that one could possibly have about bluegrass music. Also on tour with them was Edie Brickell, famed folk singer married to Paul Simon. She and Martin recently released a collaborative album, Love Has Come for You, which contains a rich narrative in similitude with lively and intricate banjo lines that flow naturally together. Brickell's vocals added a certain icing to the evening, and having a woman on the stage balanced out the otherwise all-male band. The orchestra stayed onstage and backed up the bluegrass musicians, adding a beautiful depth to each of the pieces that could not have been achieved otherwise. And then there was Martin, white hair and all. At first glance, his stage presence seemed rigid and forced as he played his banjo. Upon a second look, however, you could see his fingers moving at a lightning speed. His playing was absolutely


beautiful scene. The Cleveland-born musician has been making music for more than a decade, and anyone who sees him onstage for as little as two minutes would be able to tell this by the way he completely owns the stage and by the surprising number of die-hard fans who sing (or shout, rather) along with every word of his classic rock influenced tunes. It was an early show with a strict curfew of 11 p.m., but J Roddy made it known that they planned to play until they got cut off, and they managed to squeeze a couple more songs in past the allotted time. To top off the evening, three different drunk guys were spotted congratulating a fellow attendee who happened to bear a slight resemblance to J Roddy on his “kickass set.”

× Writer


American rock n’ roller J Roddy Walston brought his “business” to the Biltmore. Even someone who has heard the long-haired gentleman’s energetic albums still would have been taken aback by what a fast-paced, rollicking good time the show turned out to be. Starting out on guitar, J Roddy quickly migrated to the small piano at the front of the stage and stayed seated there for much of the set. This isn’t to suggest that he was more subdued though — J Roddy looked most confident pounding on the keys and fervently flipping his long locks around and letting them cover his face as he enthusiastically sang into the mic. Vancouver crowds are notorious for standing with their arms firmly crossed - god forbid they should ever dance - but J Roddy and his band had everyone dancing and participating more than any other crowd in recent memory, so much so that I wondered if someone had slipped a little something into everyone’s drinks. It was just the music though, coupled with J Roddy’s obvious love of performing onstage, which caused this bizarre,

Paisley Conrad






centre of performing praise CHRISTIAN CHURCH BUYS OUT VANCOUVER'S THE CENTRE Kelly Mackay

× Cheryl Swan

× Writer

From the beginning of organized Christianity, churches have been a place of sanctuary and praise – built for the sole purpose of “housing God,” and symbolising the religion itself. What Norm Funk, an unconventionally “hip” pastor, has created is a new way of celebrating the religion. His chosen venue is the old Centre in Vancouver for Performing Arts on Homer Street – an old show venue that played host to the likes of comedy shows, ballet performances, and concerts. Once again, another Vancouver performance venue has been taken from us. Naturally, there was some opposition to the change: Mattk79 posted on the recent CBC article, “it's a shame that a great live theatre venue had to close its doors.” Considering the recent shut down of several venues in Vancouver, from the Waldorf to the ongoing controversy over Zoo Zhop, it is sad that an even larger venue had to bite the dust. Maintaining somewhat of a performance atmosphere, Funk’s ceremonies consist of live rock music and can seat over 1,200 people within what is now called the Centre. There are no prayer books or pews, and the theatre looks exactly the same as it did prior to its transformation from performance to praise. This new approach to religious celebration could be where religious praise is going, but it seems to be more like a cult following than an evolutionary change. “In 2001, it was bought for $7.8 million and renamed the Centre in Vancouver for Performing

Arts,” as stated in a CBC article. Clearly the venue is of immense value, and yet Funk wouldn’t reveal how much he paid. One can only assume the donations were plentiful. On his website, under the “Giving” header, and strategically next to the MasterCard and Visa symbols, it reads “we call our members to give, not by meeting some obligatory percentage, but gladly sacrificing for the sake of the gospel because Jesus sacrificed for us, and all we have is His.” If, and only by assumption, the venue cost Funk around $7.8 million, then that was a generous sacrifice these members gave on behalf of someone they’ve never met. Religion will always be ingrained within our society. However, the tragedy remains in the prospect of losing our famous performance centres, and the homes of many cultural memories. Take the Hollywood theatre in Kitsilano, for example. The 78-year-old movie theatre briefly escaped the fate of condos, after being sold to Bonnis Properties in 2011. In September of the same year, it became a Pentecostal Church, run by Sarah Kift. She gave a statement to the Metro, saying that “It’s a place to celebrate arts and culture and celebrate an experience together. It’s a place where doors are open to all. People constantly stopped by to share memories about the theatre.” Although, on Nov. 30, the church is expected to leave and make way for a fitness centre. What was once a cultural haven, converted briefly to religion, must now become nothing but a place of exercise. It’s not as though we need

another Fitness World to greet us bustling with LuLu Lemons. How is it that performance centres that clearly held cultural and historical value to the city, can just be morphed into places so drastically different despite the blatant controversy? With regard to the Centre in Vancouver for Performing Arts, Brent Belsher, arts consultant and local producer, said to CBC, "It's sad. It could have been used so much better. I would have loved to have seen it. I was hoping maybe I could be that person... to get that theatre working better, but that chance is gone now.” Funk acknowledged the opposition to his Church and claimed that “Our desire is not to be exclusive in terms of what we do to just be for us." Well, Funk, you made that loud and clear when you bought out one of the biggest performance venues that Vancouver had to offer. For the future of our live music, and performance venues, it remains clear that there are some much-needed voices to be heard. If we continue to lose these cultural hubs, then our experiences of them will reside only in our memories. Speak up for the tiny record stores, the ballet halls, and the opera house. If we don’t, they too might become an elliptical haven, or a bible bouquet.

western apathy sets danger LOSING OUR HUMANITY Dani Saad - The Cord




47 ISSUE N O . 06

× Writer


WATERLOO (CUP) — I was going to write a story about Syria this week and provide some basic information and commentary on a massively significant development in the conflict. I was going to write about how a dozen rebel groups have distanced themselves from the internationally recognized opposition and proclaimed their desire to enforce Sharia law because that did happen and it is important. But I took a second and thought about my motivations for writing stories on the Syrian conflict and the motivations of readers. Beyond that, I thought about the motivations of the parties I am writing about in Syria, including NGOs, and the proxies controlling them. I came to the disheartening conclusion that no matter how much gets written or documented or filmed about this conflict, we just do not care. I watched a special on Syria’s children in the conflict recently and the situation on the ground is horrific. Bombs are going off in playgrounds, families are torn apart, their homes and livelihoods irrevocably destroyed and field hospitals are filled far over capacity and ill equipped to help. Most victims requiring intensive care have to be transferred, sometimes very dangerously, to Turkey for treatment. The bureaucracy of NGOs prevent aid being provided to camps and communities

where disease is rampant and sanitation poor. None of the many sides fighting in Syria are representing the victims. And neither is the international community. We say international community as if it’s some distant and elite group of actors. But it’s us; we are the international community. And we do not care about Syrians. People follow global conflicts (Syria is no different) as they follow sports, awards shows and other cultural phenomena. We want to be kept up to date not because we want to make any kind of difference but because we desperately feel the need to be part of the conversation and kept in the loop. We want the highlights, the conversation points and the cliff notes. We love to read news pieces and articles with action-filled images like the one above. Western society, complacent in its security, is unmoved by conflicts that we do not experience first-hand. We are desensitized yes, but it’s reached a point where we are desensitized about being told we are desensitized. It means nothing. It’s not a motivator nor a wake-up call. It’s an effort, and even an act of nobility, to seek out information and educate ourselves about global conflict. By educating ourselves we strive to be different from the ignorant and trivial folks who care little about international happenings. But re-

ally, what’s the difference between ignorance and education if the end result is inaction in either instance? We ask, “but how can we do anything?” and we pass off responsibility by saying “it’s all in the government’s hands.” It’s true that the government does not care, as conveyed by over two years of apathetic policy. The government is only able to stand back and watch because the public isn’t pressuring it to do otherwise. We can heatedly debate the antics of pop stars, but shy away from topics that make us, for some twisted reason, uncomfortable. I know I am simplifying the complex dynamics of humanitarianism, but when children are dying, I get really pissed off. NGOs, which exist for situations like the one in Syria, are not motivated enough to get through red tape. We give to charity and support NGOs so we can feel better about our humanity and even those institutions fail in times of adversity. Governments pump billions into intelligence to try and find criminals and prevent catastrophe but when a humanitarian crisis is staring them in the face, it’s shuffled way down the priority list. There is an argument, however boorish and maddening to me personally, that it isn’t our responsibility to get involved in conflicts and protect people harmed in them.

It’s not our job to police the world when the West continually gets blamed for the world’s problems. I would argue that it isn’t our responsibility in the traditional sense but rather a responsibility driven by conscience. And this is not about policing, but it is about getting help to those in need and removing people from danger. If people want to fight, we don’t have to play mediator but we certainly don’t have to help build a barrier preventing people from escaping harm’s way. One day, maybe tomorrow or a century from now, the West will need help. Whether from war, natural disaster, man-made disaster or economic collapse, the people will need assistance. Assistance will be even more crucial to these people (us) due to their inexperience with suffering and helplessness. I can only hope that the people of the developing world share a sense of community and humanity that we have so clearly forgotten. Or, perhaps more deservingly, they will look at us with a sad look in their eye and go back to worrying about their own existence.

to all the single people


× Katie So

× Editor - in - Chief

Dating in your late 20s is like studying for a statistics midterm – you really don’t want to do it, but feel societal obligations to. Instead of dressing yourself up and going on what feels like a job interview, it would just be so much better to sink into bed with a cup of tea and Breaking Bad on Netflix. It’s because dating after 25 becomes an interview, and instead of just enjoying the company of the date, both parties are critiquing everything to see if this date is worth the time and effort put into it. And most of the time it’s not worth the effort. Sifting through an entire dating site of matches to maybe find one whose baggage compliments your own is not the best way to attract people and potential lovers. A little advice to those looking to date over 25: don’t do it. As a society, we are slowly redesigning social norms. Sixty years ago, it was rare to remain single into your late 20s, and if you were, you were almost deemed defective for marriage. In 2009, the Wall Street Journal reported that married adults – age 18 up – were 52 per cent of the population. In comparison, the same statistic in 1960 was 72.2 per cent. And in 1960, the average age to walk the aisle at was 20. Now it’s 26. It’s becoming more acceptable to be older and single, but that doesn’t alleviate the pressure put upon singles. If you are flying solo at 28, there are probably at least three friends that want to set you up with their siblings

and an ad in the corner of your Facebook feed for a Christian dating site. The reason why the dating game changes as we age is because people get more guarded. Over 25, everyone has their own set of baggage that they’ve gained through bad dating experiences that hinders their judgments and shapes the way they look at people. They don’t want to date blondes, because their last partner was a blonde bombshell, and left them for an Australian surf instructor named Leif. Or they don’t want anyone who rides the bus, because an established and successful adult would drive a car by now. These are exaggerations, but it’s not far off. Everyone has had experiences that hurt them, and so they know what they don’t want. This impairs the ability to just go with the flow, and enjoy a date even though it may not lead to love. Guys start first dates with disclaimers saying, “I feel compelled to tell you upfront that I'm not looking for anything more than friends at this time.” By doing this, they are putting up defenses, and instead of casual conversation, you have to find ways around them. And this is before they even know you – their grandmother could love you, but they don’t care. You don’t live up to their checklists. Instead of spending time on dates, use that time to do the activities that you enjoy, or to find new hobbies, and catch up with old friends.  Learn how

to play an instrument, or read the entire series of Sookie Stackhouse novels. Just enjoy your time, and try not to worry about finding a date or significant other. This ideal is not intended to preach that ageold thing that every single person hears from their friends that “it will happen when you least expect it,” because that is the absolute worst thing you can say to someone who is single. What single people need to question is why we put so much pressure on this one romantic aspect of our lives. We invest time, money and effort into finding love. If we put that much effort into our hobbies, activities, and friends, we could enhance our lives overall, not just the romantic part. That, in turn, will make us happier – even without someone to “complete” us. The traditional way of dating that we see in movies and are taught growing up isn’t the best way to attract quality people into your life. Slowly, we are changing the romantic social norms, and the dating norms need to change with it. The way to best change that is to make us happier overall, focusing on the things in our single lives that make us happiest, and improving those. And being happier and more content is what we are all stumbling along looking for, single or not.

pushing for compromise THE REAL OIL SANDS PROBLEM Rana Sowdaey

47 ISSUE N O . 06

be closed by us, alongside our government. These companies will only act on serious incentive or enforcement, of which the conservative government isn't demanding. Instead of hating on the oil sands, consider that our government could invest in establishing environmental protection laws and pushing to develop these resources that take better care of the lands, instead of making cuts. The bottom line is that after upturning the environment, oil companies need to put more resources into cleaning and protecting it. After all, they can afford it more than anyone. Whether it's a foolish thought or otherwise, this can actually mean good news for everyone including the industry, if they just invest.


which minimal efforts have been put into developing- considering the sheer size of the projects. Oil companies have been extracting the oil and putting in just enough- the bare minimum to maintain environmental safety standards. And of course, why would they do any more? They speak profits and their concern is on returns. On top of that, the Canadian federal government will collect over $300 billion in tax revenue. There's some money and opportunity – to say the least – to invest in environmental protection and to resolve some of the damage being done by the oil sand mining. Frankly, the private companies could very well clean up after themselves with a slice of the billions in profits they’re making. This disconnect between what can be done, and enforcements for the private companies to act, can


In June 2013, Alberta Canada's Energy Resource Conservation Board released a report on a 2009 set of rules that were meant to manage a percentage of the toxic waste from the oil sands. The report showed that as of 2013, not a single company is complying with these rules. The environmental damage may certainly be linked to the oil sand mines, but the bottom line is that these toxic waste management rules are not being enforced. Sustainalytics recently recognized Suncor as one of Canada's most socially responsible corporations, investing over $1 billion into developing environment- friendly technology and Oil Sands Today published that $1 billion is being put into tailings-reduction technology alone this year. Tailings are the chemical waste left in man-made waste ponds that sit in the open-air to separate from the water and sand before hardening. While the combined $2 billion seems like a lot, Pembina Institute published that, last year, the oil sands industry produced 1.9 million barrels of bitumen (the oil type found in the sands) each day. They also published that the oil produced is expected to surpass five million barrels each day by the end of 2030. And that's at $100 a barrel. Besides enforcing toxic management regulations, solutions also come in the form of better developing equipment to manage oil spills, use less water, and basically better process waste. These solutions are expensive and require resources in


We surely don't need another environmentalist, radical, or celebrity to tell us about the ruination surrounding the oil sands industry up at Fort McMurray. While the world's third greatest oil reserves are causing lastingly negative effects to the environment, the economic return on the oil sands is also clear – we're talking 75,000 plus jobs strong. But is there more to the oil sands issue than a pros and cons list? What's at the core of these issues and where are the real solutions? Alberta is rich with oil, but getting it out of the ground is costly, dirty, and hurtful to the land and people living in it. The economic return on the oil sand industry is also evident. Oil Sands Alberta says that jobs in the industry will grow to 905,000 by 2035, with almost a quarter of those being sourced outside of Alberta. That's a lot of jobs affecting the livelihoods of a lot of people during a global employment crisis. From North Vancouver, there's hardly any struggle to put a roof over our heads, but the struggle exists on an enormous scale at the global level. Job creation is top on the list of the U.N.'s Millennium Development Goals. The International Labour Organization reports that 200 million people are out of work this year. So it's no wonder our conservative government is concerned with plain old economics. We're conflicted, as far as environmental and economic issues go. But couldn't we support both the environment and economics? And if so, where does that leave us?

× Crystal Lee

× Writer


the caboose




breakup letter of a bunksock Kelly MacKay

× Tierney Milne

× Writer




47 ISSUE N O . 06

Dear cottonlover69,


Gone are the days of fulfillment. I think back to the times we shared, and the shows we watched. You left me high and dry, lying on the floor; you don’t touch me no more. I spend my nights under your bed, listening to my replacement experience memories I can now only dream of. I am an empty soul, awaiting the return of your warmth. Remember when we watched Avatar together? You were loving the Na’vi, especially when he tamed the dragon; you certainly tamed me. One day you even brought me to school with you. That day confirmed that you weren’t ashamed of us. The way you hid me from your Mum and snuck out the back door, made it feel official – I understand though, it was soon for me to meet the parents. You spent the day occasionally greeting me, adjusting, making me feel comfortable. Remember when you found your sister’s arts and crafts kit and got me all dolled up for the night. I can still hear your laughter as you placed two beautifully lashed googly eyes on me; eyes to

enable me to gaze up at your hauntingly perfect face. In that moment, we were one. Now, those eyes have gone, along with my brief coat of sparkles and lipstick. Now, I’m left with smudges of paint, and a scent of musk and shame. Did you even know my name? I’m not one of those girls dropping it for dollar bills – I chose you and you chose me...or so I thought. Who is this slut I hear above me, whispering sweet nothings and talking about materialistic things. We shared a tight connection, skin-tight, and yet somehow I’ve been replaced with this whore. I’m the closest you will ever get to materialistic value, you heartless troll. I came from a place where partners are for life. Even when I occasionally fell into the watery abyss amongst the others, you always selectively rescued me from the pile and kept me close. Sometimes I question whether it was something I did. It didn’t mean anything when I was lying next to Stripeswag Steve, that shit was meaning-

less. You’re my one true, ma boo, without you I’m a selfless rag – I’m empty inside. Remember when I agreed to dying my hair? You wanted green, so I did it. Made me look like a twat, but I did it. Now I see you’ve gone and found yourself a nice pink friend to share your life with. Was I too green for you? Did that colour no longer rise you to attention? I tolerated your strange infatuation with country music, and accepted that I would have to occasionally dance with you and your cowboy hat. You can’t seriously still think that you looked attractive performing to yourself in the mirror. Your hips most certainly do not lie, but neither do those rolls, my friend. You told me you blamed your weight on genetics, saying that it ran in the family. I can now safely, and without any shred of regret, tell you that no one runs in your family. Another thing that really bothered me was your obsession with the meatspin performance. I understand that, naturally, this seems like a good idea

for you. But I genuinely felt nauseated after every spin, and once again, those angles don’t do you any positive justice whatsoever. Rethink that pickup line, buddy. Perhaps what I’m lacking for you is substance. You seem to treat me like a disposable object that you can easily discard, but what you forget is that we complete each other. Try to find another girl so willing and physically malleable: you can’t. I’m one of a kind, and you lost your chance; I’m gone, I’m leaving you, I’m outta here. Next time you look under your bed and rummage around, it won’t be my curves you stumble across, it will be an empty space where I once lay. So long, asshole, I’ve got bigger cocks to swallow.

staff editorial



× Cheryl Swan

× Copy Editor

" But do I want a gaudy getting - hitched event of my own? No. I Don't know. Maybe. " a wedding day, it seems to be more of a wedding year — involving several parties, events at which gifts are bestowed upon the happy hitchers. I don’t know how many fondue sets and toaster ovens one couple really needs, but you can bet at least half of them will be collecting dust in closet six months from now. Wedding party members are obligated to foot a massive bill in the form of bachelor/bachelorette parties, engagement showers, dresses and suits, gifts and more. Maybe it’s because I’m a 26-yearold bridesmaid that’s had enough of weddings, or because I’m totally cheap and frugal (and flat broke), or because I’m still chasing career dreams, I won’t be sending out any of my own “save the dates” in the foreseeable future. So while my friends are tearing up at wedding gown fittings, preparing to put down payments on a mortgage, and talking about pregnancy, I’m staring at an unconscionable amount of debt, contemplating moving into my parents’ basement and popping birth control like a sexually active band geek. All steps on the way to a glamorous Sex and the City inspired lifestyle.


47 ISSUE N O . 06

After being a bridesmaid for the third time, my feelings towards weddings and marriage are less unpleasant and more of an aspiration. Instead of telling myself “I would never want this for myself,” I’m starting to ask, “Do I want this for myself?” and, more alarming, “Will it ever happen for me?” And maybe a little part of wanting, someday, to get married is to get fantasy revenge on my besties, who, as much as they’d contest it, became total bridezillas in the event of their engagement. Being a bridesmaid totally sucks. When someone asks you to be part of their wedding party, it’s a privilege of high regard. It’s also a serious and involuntary financial investment. Sometimes, a wedding invitation reads like an unexpected bill in Apple Chancery font. An invitation to be not only a guest, but a bridesmaid, begs for generous plunge into your line of credit. In all seriousness, I just don’t want to spend over $500 on a bachelorette party in Vegas. I’m paying off student debt. I’m saving for travel, and I plan to save for my own home one day. I don’t want to break the bank just because you are (kind of ) changing the terms of your domestic partnership. Much like the somewhat recent phenomena of “birthday weekends”, extended and often destination bachelorettes are slowly becoming the norm. And rather than a wedding actually being


kind of flowers would adorn the banquet tables at my white wedding. But as I approach real adulthood, the notion of being a successful spinster has lost the allure it once had. Spilling red wine on a $5000 white, lace dress that I’ll only wear once and destroying my body in the name of procreation are images that once made me shudder. Now, those images seem cast less in misery than they do in mirth. Admittedly, I do have a wedding Pinterest board of rustic, outdoorsy, D.I.Y. barn weddings that are oh-so-hot right now, but it’s more of an ironic, sarcastic whim. It’s kind of like pasting pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio all over your childhood bedroom or anything else that seems to say: I find this aesthetically pleasing, but its attainability is pretty far-fetched. Read: totally and completely unattainable. Okay, so maybe at 26 years old, Pinteresting rustic country weddings is not-so-much quirky, whimsical, and ironic, as it is scare-the-shit-outtamy-very-new-boyfriend (if he ever found it, let’s pray he hasn’t), pathetic, and hopeless. It’s the kind of shit that screams, "my life’s end will see me living alone in a bachelor apartment with 30 cats." Or moping around, embittered, in a Ms. Havisham dress, or, the worst fate of Plentyof-Fishing well into my 40s.


I’m about to walk down the aisle for the third time. And never has it been in a white dress. As I drunkenly stumble into my mid- to late20s, I’ve been through two serious break ups and a few minor ones, finished a degree, struck out and moved into my first apartment, and then second, and third. Okay, fourth. And I’ve been a bridesmaid two times, going on three. In my life, I’ve been to more weddings than I can count. In 2013 alone, I’ve attended five. I love going to weddings. I love the cake smearing; the glass smashing; the garter tossing; the laugh-till-you-cry and cry-till-you-laugh speeches; the dancing. I’m the one in the middle of the dance floor drunkenly slurring “COME ON EVERYBODY SHOUT!” I will take advantage of your open bar. But do I want a gaudy getting-hitched event of my own? No. I don’t know. Maybe. Perhaps it’s because I grew up watching Sex and the City, and envisioned myself being an independent, career-driven woman that would be single into my early 30s that I had never really lusted over the details of my own wedding day. I wanted to be a fierce, liberated woman who worked an amazing, fulfilling and time-consuming job, and the idea of being someone’s wife is the antithesis of that. I have never given a flying fuck about what


the caboose









Faye Alexander // Opinions Editor

James Martin // Writer

Rana Sowdaey // Writer

Paisley Conrad // Writer

All I wanted was a cigarette. I know, I know – smoking is terrible. I don’t even have the excuse that I started when I was too young to know better, rather I started in my 20s outside of Celebrities Nightclub. I went from an outspoken advocate for the non-smoking movement and gradually evolved into one of the painfully addicted. I don’t need your dirty looks. I know all about the consequences. I know there is a reason my throat hurts and I cough up blood on the regular. But to be fair, I look hella cool doing it. I imagine myself to be like a lady-James Dean. Well, I wanted to smoke, so I ventured out in my barefeet close to 10 p.m. I couldn’t wait for the thrill of sparking my Bic and sucking back softly on the smooth, white filter. As I went to draw the tobacco to my lips, my foot pressed down – bare – and I felt a cold slime spreading across the sole of my foot. I lifted it, and where once there was a slug, there was now a rude looking stain. I feel like that was the sign. To hell with all these NO SMOKING campaigns. Get a smoker to step on a large slug, barefoot. That’ll be enough to kill the cravings forever. No, not really. I hear smoking is more addictive than heroin.

Mars sucks. I know you don't want to hear this, but stepping on our celestial neighbour is an exceptionally poor idea. I understand the fourth planet's allure: the adventure, the romance, the colossal geographical features. But none of that is going to matter to you when you're freezing your spacepants off (think Antarctica at its worst). Even on the rare days when it's warm enough to go outside, the air is too thin to breathe, yet still sufficient to whip up giant dust storms. Trust me when I say you do NOT want to deal with the dust. It's like angry powdered glass on a vengeful mission to get inside absolutely everything you own. It will find its way into your clothing, your iPhone, and your lungs. Your eyes will be two kinds of red as you cry in despair, wishing you were back on Earth. To top it all off, the gravity is far too weak. Bouncing around at less than two-fifths your normal weight is only fun until your body's fluids are all out of whack and your muscles and bones are wasting away. If you step on Mars, you are going to have a bad time.

I stepped and felt his furry skin slide against its little rib cage underneath my bare foot. Its long fluffy hairs wrapped around and underneath my toes before I jumped off. The horror of the whole thing was amplified by the quack-like scream he made. I rarely heard him meow, let alone quack. He ran to the other side of the room and stared at me for ages and an awful feeling of remorse rose inside me, like I stepped on a human baby. How could you? I could hear him saying. His eyes dimmed and he turned his head slightly keeping one eye on me. The tension in the room was electrifying, pulsating with cat indignation in my direction. The fire place crackled and he paced around the room, probably plotting his own attack. I felt the meager bonds of our relationship diminish. The bonds which I had worked so hard to form, were shattered. I swore I would return with cat treats and he will forget I ever stepped on him.

I can't really feel my feet. That sounds kind of bad. I suppose I should clarify. My feet are so calloused and hard from years of running barefoot through forests and on rocky beaches that I literally can't feel a thing. Squish a slug with my bare feet? Don't feel it. Step on a prickle bush? Not even a tingle. I could probably walk across a minefield of jagged aluminium cans and not notice it. Once I stepped on a broken glass bottle and it didn't even break through my callouses. That is how crazy disgusting my feet are. In the case of a massive natural disaster that resulted in the destruction of the modern world (and all its amenities, including shoes), I'd be pretty set. But in the meantime, most people find it pretty bizarre that I frequently take off my socks and shoes and walk around campus (through the forest paths, no less). Hey, what can I say? I like my feet to be fancy-free.





47 ISSUE N O . 06




× Christina Kruger-Woodrow

V 47 i06 lores  

We are the Capilano Courier, the student newspaper of Capilano University. In this issue you will find articles on human rights, umbilical c...