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familiesnow FALL/WINTER 2010

• Alphabet books capture children’s attention • How to foster a love of sports • When Mom and Dad split fall/winter 2010 • familiesnow • 1 FN

Mellado Dance Elite has moved to their brand new facility located at: #101-1730 Coast Meridian Rd. Port Coquitlam, BC 604-942-1070 • High quality recreational and competitive classes • Classes for EVERYONE 3yrs-adult • Qualified and trained teachers who share their love of dance with their students of all ages • A place where everyone feels like a “star” • Instructional classes that focus on the “fun factor” • A brand new state-of-the-art facility over 5400+sqf • Spacious dance studios with professional floors (each room 1000+sqf) • Eight-foot mirrors and two large viewing windows. • Fully Air conditioned • Student Lounge with kitchen • Spacious & Comfortable Lobby • Large windows throughout the building for lots of natural light. • Quality sound equipment • Community performance opportunities • Wheelchair accessibility • Comfortable change rooms for males and females • Close to nearby highways (Lougheed, Mary Hill Bypass, Coast Meridian connector) • A well lit parking lot with plenty of free parking • Unique teaching style taught by all teachers • Classes that improves self-confidence, self-esteem, and body image • Professional and approachable staff and studio • Owner who listens to what you have to say • Family Discount

Classes in: Jazz, Tap, Acrobatics, Contortion, Hip Hop, Ballet, Lyrical, Stage, Musical Theatre, Stretch and Strengthen, Adult Classes and more...

YOU ARE INVITED! MDE would like to welcome you to their GRAND RE OPENING being held on Saturday September 11th. 2010 1:00pm-6:00pm Come tour the new facility and take part in the celebration! Food, Games, Face Painting and more... On site registration! Testimonial: MDE-Mellado Dance Elite has brought our daughter Emma-Jane, “out of her shell”. Her self-esteem has gone through the roof since she participated in Musical Theatre and Hip Hop at MDE this past year. Miss Carla has made up a wonderful group of young women, whom are very talented in each variation of dance. Emma had fun and worked hard to learn the techniques and skills to be a part of mellado’s year end recital that was “Out Of This World”. The costs are reasonable and what my child got out of being a part of the MDE family.....PRICELESS!! The Richards Family

#101-1730 Coast Meridian Rd. Port Coquitlam, BC 604-942-1070 2 FN • familiesnow • fall/winter 2010

Love of Sports Alphabet Books

Familiesnow is published and distributed by The NOW Newspaper, a member of Postmedia Network Inc. Reproduction prohibited. Copyright protected. PUBLISHER Brad Alden EDITOR Leneen Robb CONTRIBUTERS Clare Adams Jill Barker Katherine Dedyna Chantal Eustace Jim Gibson Misty Harris Dr. Davidicus Wong DIRECTOR OF SALES & MARKETING Catherine Ackerman ADVERTISING CONSULTANTS Kim Boekhorst Kimberly Choiniere Pat Jacques Kate Leonard Sanjay Sharma

PRODUCTION MANAGER Gary E. Slavin GRAPHIC DESIGNER Rona Eastman-Magee PRODUCTION Lynne Boucher Nola Bowling Doug McMaster Laura Powell Tony Sherman COQUITLAM NOW NEWSPAPER is located at: #201A 3430 Brighton Ave. Burnaby, B.C. V5A 3H4 Ph. 604-444-3451 Fax. 604-444-3460

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For advertising information on our Spring/Summer 2011 edition please call Catherine Ackerman at 604.444.3070

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When Mom and Dad Split

On the Inside... 4 5 6 8 10 12

14 16

Family Dinners

Bump-Friendly Beauty


Miserable Teens

Excessive Praise

18, 20 & 22

Alphabet Books Clare Adams Dr. Davidicus Wong

For the Love of Sports

When Mom and Dad Split

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FALL/WINTER 2010 fall/winter 2010 • familiesnow • 3 FN


Alphabet books capture child’s attention By: Shannon Proudfoot Parents shouldn’t retire baby’s first alphabet books to the bottom of the toy box when their children hit school age, new Canadian research reveals. Four- and five-year-old children pay much more attention to the words in very simple alphabet books than they do to those in storybooks read to them by their parents, says Mary Ann Evans, a psychology professor at the University of Guelph. “It’s something about the amount of print on the page. When there’s too much print, it’s as though the child feels: ‘I can’t do this, I can’t process this, I’m not even going to bother attending to it,’� she says. “More print is not necessarily better, in other words.� When their parents read to them, children pay attention to the words about four per cent of the


time even if it’s a simple story, Evans says, while they focus on the print 18 per cent of the time when looking at a simple alphabet book on their own. The study used the sort of very simple alphabet books that feature one letter on each page, accompanied by a single corresponding word and illustration. Evans and her co-author, Jean Saint-Aubin of the UniversitĂŠ de Moncton, used eye-trackers — headband devices with cameras on them — to measure exactly where children looked on the pages of the books. “In roughly 10 minutes of reading a storybook (with their parents), they would look at the print anywhere in the book an average of 30 seconds, so very little attention (is paid) to print,â€? Evans says. That doesn’t mean that reading with children isn’t

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valuable, she adds, just that simplicity is best when it comes to early reading books. “At our bookstore, I beg and plead with my customers to continue to read aloud, even when they’re showing interest in reading on their own. I ask parents to read to their children as long as they’ll let them,� says Eleanor LeFave, owner of Mabel’s Fables children’s bookstore. “Concept books� such as alphabet, colour, texture and number books that appear simple to adults are enthralling to children, she says. They return to the books over and over as they grow, picking up more information each time.






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Routine the golden rule — at times We spent some wonderful time away in our trailer again this summer and I recall commenting to a few friends that one of the best parts of “camping” (we have a microwave and TV, so it’s hardly roughing it), is leaving behind the day-today schedule for a week or two. Getting kids dropped off to get to work on time Growing Pains not only means you’re By Clare Adams watching the clock at the beginning of the day, but you tend to be reasonably conscious about getting kids to bed on time, too, so that they get their sleep. Add to that making sure we get to karate or horse riding lessons, and it’s a perpetual game of “Are we on time?” Camping is an opportunity to forget being on

time and just go with the flow — if we all sleep in until 8 a.m. then fantastic; and if we’re all up until 11 p.m., then it’s just more time for roasting marshmallows or reading stories. There are, however, certain small everyday routines that seem key to keeping our family on track. It’s as if there are golden rules, akin to the principles of nature, which work for our family and, when disrupted, the kids think that all the other rules of the world no longer apply. Camping or visitors often mean change to the family routine, be it the type of cover now on a kid’s bed or the cup used for milk in the morning, the order of getting dressed or the number of baths in a week. Suddenly these key pieces of familiarity and consistency in our day-to-day lives evaporate and with it, very often, the kids’ good behaviour. As much as I enjoy the freedom from schedules, the return to school and our predictable routines in the fall holds some appeal after a rather hot-headed summer.

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Lessons in Zen parenting The greatest of spiritual exercises will challenge and transform your sense of self, force you to confront your own demons, your fallibility and your mortality, and take you through the spectrum of human emotion from exultation to heartbreak. If you survive, you will have learned to love and be loved, and you will have passed that

Healthwise By Dr. Davidicus Wong

legacy to another. To be a parent requires humility. That doesn’t mean that your children will humiliate you — though they may. You cannot pretend to be faultless and right all of the time. Your status in your child’s eyes will change as they mature. Adolescence has been called the age of

mutual embarrassment. Being the parents of teens channels the Zen paradox of doing-not doing. You don’t have to try to embarrass them; you embarrass them by just being yourself. That humility allows you to be both teacher and student. You learn from your child, from your evolving relationship and the insights and emotions your child evokes in you. The birth of my first child was a transformative experience. My identity and purpose in life instantly changed. I had become a father and my purpose was to devote my life to the precious dependent life

in my arms. My own selfinterests had become secondary. The greatest training in mindfulness is to share the presence of a young child. The cynicism of young adulthood gives way to a renewed sense of wonder in the world. By showing and sharing with that child, we are drawn into their focus on the present. A day at the beach, a walk in the park and an hour in the playground are experiential gifts to both parent and child. Those eternal moments may become foundational memories to the child

as they are treasured by the parent. As my children have grown and grown out of complete dependence, playgrounds and toys, I appreciate all the more the temporality of each stage of growth. This has helped me endure the tantrums of the terrible twos, the energy and dependence of young children and the emotional amplitudes of adolescence. And it has taught me to enjoy the gifts that my children are at each stage of their lives. They are always changing, so we must endure patiently and enjoy presently. One of our roles as parents is to teach

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familyhealth emotional awareness and control. We can do this by coaching our young children to identify the feelings of the moment — anger, sadness, anxiety or frustration — and helping them understand their origin and how they may express them in appropriate ways. We also teach less consciously by our own emotional responses and actions. In fact, our behaviour sets the tone of our homes. Though we are the parents, we continue to learn and grow as we are challenged by our children and deal with our own stages of life. When our children

are young, we may be struggling to make ends meet. When we guide them through the challenges of schoolwork and relationships with their peers, we must manage the competing demands of our work and personal lives. And when our children are nearing maturity, discovering their unique selves and ready to step out into the adult world, we recognize our own age and prepare to let go. Our children can serve as our mirrors. They have always been a reflection of their genetic heritage; when they are teens and young adults they can be parodies of

us. Their obsessions and faults can be our own. When your child’s behaviour triggers an emotional reaction in you — anger, irritation or frustration — ask what you are really responding to. Are you reacting to your child in the present, or some issue in your past or in yourself that remains unresolved? When my child’s actions or words evoke strong emotions in me, I recognize it as a meditation gong. I reflect on my own thoughts and feelings before I speak or act. Acceptance of your child is a step towards self-acceptance and a

resolution of our deepest interpersonal conflicts. They can teach us to laugh at ourselves, to forgive ourselves as we forgive them and to accept ourselves as we accept them. They can teach us to love ourselves, our whole selves, including the self reflected in them.

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Bump-friendly beauty: Five questions with Babybellies By: Chantal Eustace Seven months into her first pregnancy, Coquitlam skin care entrepreneur Tara Taylor says so far her company’s belly cream has kept her comfortable and stretch-mark free.

“It is remarkable,” she says. “Not an itch.” Taylor and her Babybellies cofounder Elisa Hoole first hatched the idea to create a natural product line for moms when their friends began having babies, she says. While shopping for shower gifts, Taylor says, they noticed a need for safe and effective products, free from harmful chemicals. Just over a year ago Babybellies was born — offering everything from belly scrub and belly oil to “udder relief” nipple balm, soy scented candles and loose herbal tea. We asked Taylor five questions

about Babybellies. Here’s what she had to say:

Q. What inspired you to launch a line of products for new and expecting moms — even before you were a mom?

A. Elisa and I were both in that time of their lives where everyone seemed pregnant — there were baby bellies everywhere — and one by one our once health-conscious, single friends became amazing, health-conscious moms. We started to look for baby shower gifts for those fabulous pregnant friends, and even got to

thinking about the kinds of products we would want to use during our own pregnancies. These products would have to be natural (chemical-free, of course), pregnancy safe (lots of contradictory info out there), environmentally friendly, effective and, of course, would need to look pretty in home, vanity and purse. And? As we began the search for such products we were surprised at how tough it was to find a line and a company that fit the bill. And we were particularly alarmed

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pregnancycare by the increasing number of chemicals that are creeping into our cosmetics and body-care products — the same body-care products that are marketed and sold to expecting moms for themselves and their babies.

Q. Who is a typical customer? A. Babybellies products are formulated especially for the needs of the new and expecting mom and babies — to be safe during pregnancy and after birth — but can certainly be used, and are effective, for men, women and older children. Our typical customers are eco-conscious, health savvy consumers who are looking for safe, effective alternatives to traditionally chemical-laden cosmetics for either themselves or for friends and family.

A. If it is possible, I read the ingredient labels even more than before I was pregnant. I am very aware and very careful of what I put on my body. The average woman in North America uses 12 cosmetic related products a day and, believe it or not, the very products that are marketed as beneficial for our bodies may actually contain potentially toxic, even carcinogenic, ingredients.

We care what goes onto our bodies and we care what goes onto our customers as well. Babybellies products have been tried, tested and loved by moms, for moms. For information, visit

As we slather these cosmetics on to our skin we are absorbing and storing the good and the bad ingredients, metabolizing them through our body, organs and blood. This is particularly important to consider when you are pregnant and those chemicals can reach your growing little baby.

Q. What has the reaction been like? A. People love our concept, packaging and the fact Q. What makes your product line unique? that they can feel safe using the products on A. All products are made with high quality, natural, themselves during pregnancy, or use them on their babies. We have had quite a few customers continue to use our line after pregnancy as part of their daily beauty routine.

Q. How has your perspective changed now that you’re an expectant mother?

pregnancy-safe ingredients, free from phthalates, parabens, artificial fragrances and colours. Organic and vegan ingredients and local suppliers are chosen whenever possible. Babybellies products are cruelty-free, not tested on animals.

Lindbjerg Academy of Peforming Arts is proud to announce their new home!!! This year all classes will take place at #7-75 Blue Mountain Street Coquitlam, Right by Ikea!! Fantastic classes available for all ages including for beginner musical theatre students such as: Broadway Babies 1: An introduction to music for Babies ages 12-36 months.

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Giving undeserved compliments can undermine kids By: Katherine Dedyna You’re so smart! A lot of well-intentioned parents cover their kids with a blanket of constant praise in the hopes of promoting self-esteem and confidence, as well as showing their love and support. But child psychology experts say there’s a definite downside to round-the-clock compliments: Too much praise for too little effort can undermine children’s motivation, resilience and well-being. “Kids need honest feedback, not just our praise,” says Joan Martin, an educational psychologist at the University of Victoria and mother of three. Even the innocuous-sounding “good job” conferred on countless activities can be problematic, she says. She remembers one of her children churning out drawings, then racing in to show the result to her every few minutes. She soon realized the child was seeking an automatic “good job” from Mommy, rather than enjoying making art — which was not the message she wanted to instill about self-motivation and effort. In fact, it’s definitely OK not to praise every drawing your child brings to your attention, she says, and there’s nothing wrong with sending some back, saying, “I don’t think you tried very hard on that.” Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards, contends that ever-present “good-jobbing” risks turning kids into “praise junkies,” making them less likely to take steps to independence. Martin is similarly leery of praise that translates to the child’s ear as “you were the best.” That can push the child to constant comparisons with others, leading to “a balloon ego,” always liable to inflation and deflation by external forces. “That’s really hard, emotionally,” she says. The “praise craze,” in the words of Harvard University child psychologist Richard Weissbourd, might even induce kids to feel something is wrong with them that requires over-compensation via applause, in turn seeding doubts about their parents as mentors. While all kids should be told they’re terrific at times, “children who are praised too much become more conscious of their image, more competitive, and more prone to cut others down,” he writes in The Parents We Mean to Be: How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine Children’s Moral and Emotional Development. Constant praise conveys constant judgment. Rather than enhancing children’s inner resources, 10 FN • familiesnow • fall/winter 2010

overdoing praise can deplete them, he says. “The irony is that all this work to buttress self-esteem and happiness not only makes children less capable of moral action — more self-occupied, less able to invest in others, more fragile and less able to stand up for important values — but more likely to fret about their attractiveness, competence or importance to others, more prone to worry and unhappiness.” Praise should be contingent on effort, good behaviour or self-motivation, Martin says. Otherwise, kids might depend on hearing it without having to work toward actual competence. In the real world, people are not going to be constantly feeding your child’s ego, she says. “My kids get praise for putting effort into it, for pushing themselves, but they never get told that they’re gifted,” Martin says. Telling a child how smart she is can backfire, making her less, not more, likely to try challenging learning tasks, according to research by Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck. Psychologist Madeline Levine, author of The Price of Privilege, questions the motivation of over-praising. “On a deeper level, it is about control and compliance,” she writes, a way to keep kids invested in things that matter most to parents. That, she says, can lead kids to follow what they’re praised for, not what they’re passionate about.

Tips on positive reinforcement: • Refrain from finding something positive in your child’s every move. • Beware of praise focused only on achievement, at the expense of integrity and moral development. • Praise for standing up for a playmate is as important as for coming first in a race. • Try to connect praise to a specific accomplishment. • Ask yourself why you feel the need to constantly praise your child. • Some parents use praise to communicate “I love you.” But instead, the child hears that whatever she’s doing is just fine, even when it isn’t her best. Communicate your love by saying so, hugging and playing with your kids. • Praise should be specific: “You were so kind to invite a lonely child into a group of popular friends,” as opposed to, “You’re such a kind kid.” • Praise should acknowledge effort, as in, “That was hard sharing your toy, but you did it. And did you see your friend’s face?”


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How to foster a love of sports

12 FN • familiesnow • fall/winter 2010

By: Jill Barker

Be a fan, not a coach

You signed your kids up for organized sport in hopes of keeping them active. But there’s more to keeping kids in the game than buying gear and driving them to practices. According to McGill University’s Enrique Garcia, whose area of expertise includes motivation in youth sport and physical activity, a parent’s job goes far beyond chauffeur and banker. “The very best parents can do is to encourage and nurture the youngsters’ ability to generate motivation from within and for themselves,” Garcia said. “This ability fuels the natural motivation to play sports.” Here are tips for parents who want to instill a lifelong love of sport in their children:

• A little helpful advice here and there is OK, especially when the child seeks help, but kids should never have to choose between the coach’s game plan and the parent’s game plan. • Let your child initiate any pre- or post-game chatter and reduce the emphasis on the outcome of the game and who scored what goal. Comment instead on a great pass, a good play or an area of specific improvement, be it during individual or team play. • Put sports in perspective by having conversations that revolve around more than your child’s athletic pursuits and the progress of his or her team during your

drives to and from games and practices.

Let them sample • Researchers into youth sport have designated the ages of 6 to 12 as the sampling years when kids should be encouraged to try a variety of sports. This type of athletic diversification flies in the face of the current trend of early sport specialization, yet there is some data suggesting that children who specialize later in life tend to stick with sports longer. • Diversifying your child’s athletic experiences has other benefits, including: they acquire more skills, gain an appreciation of other sports and are more likely to develop skills in sports that they


have to be at the competitive level in. Kids can play sports in gym class or in purely unstructured formats like swimming at the cabin, playing soccer in the school yard or shinny at the local rink where fun, not competition is the primary focus.

Be a role model • Kids model their parents’ behaviour, so it’s up to you to pass along important lessons like good sportsmanship, responsibility to the team and respect for the coach. These lessons are learned not just from verbal cues but from visual ones as well. Kids are excellent at reading body language, so make sure your actions match your words. • Keep any comments about a coach or another player out of earshot of your child and don’t second-guess the coach’s authority or decisionmaking in front of your young athlete. And above all, be a model for good sportsmanship during your own games.

Keep it fun • A 1992 Michigan State University study of 26,000 children aged 10 to 18 years reported that fun is the reason most children participate

in sport and a lack of fun is the primary reason for dropping out. Winning had very little effect on whether or not kids stayed in the game. • If fun is what it takes to keep kids in sport, then coaches and parents need to ensure that practices and games are enjoyable. Coaches need to keep kids engaged and make them feel a part of the team, and parents need to show unconditional support of their child’s efforts and encourage them to play for the “fun of it” — not just to win.

Be prepared to wipe away a few tears • Disappointment, frustration and failure are part of sport. In fact, the ability to manage these emotions is something sports participation teaches kids. The best way to deal with tears is to acknowledge the feelings and let your child know that even the best athletes experience failure and disappointment in their careers. • Successful athletes put their mistakes behind them and refocus on the goals ahead, which is what you should tell your young athlete

when they put the puck in their own net or drop the ball that ends up scoring the winning run.

Know when to push and when to back off • There’s no doubt that parental support and encouragement keep kids in sport, but there’s a line between support and pressure that parents should avoid crossing. That line isn’t well defined, but a York University study of athletes who dropped out of a sport and those who stayed in offered a surprising picture of when parents should push and when they should back off. According to lead researcher Jessica Fraser-Thomas, all the athletes in the study considered dropping out of sport. Those who did noted that their parents forced them to continue even as their interest waned, whereas the children who chose to stay in sport did so after exploring their options with their parents. Allowing your child the freedom to take an occasional practice off or to adjust their training schedule while still encouraging them to remain active seems to be a winning formula. fall/winter 2010 • familiesnow • 13 FN


Family dinners encourage better eating By: Shannon Proudfoot Regular family meals look more and more like a silver bullet for raising happy and healthy kids, but researchers still aren’t sure why. The latest study to trace the benefits of gathering around the table shows Canadian children in grades 6 to 8 drink less pop, eat less fast food, skip fewer breakfasts and even think they make healthier food choices when out with their friends, if they dine more often with their families. What’s more, the results contradict the notion that family meals are disappearing in a flurry of hectic family life. Seventy per cent of the 3,200 Ontario and Nova Scotia children in the study eat with at least one parent six or seven days a week. “We keep hearing that family meals are extinct or they’re going by the wayside, they’re not as important; but many of us who have done research in the area have found just the opposite,” says Sarah Woodruff, author of the study and a professor of

kinesiology and physical education at Wilfrid Laurier University. There’s been very little Canadian research on the subject, she says, so it’s hard to say how the prevalence of family dinners has changed over time. However, other research has shown a connection between family meals and fewer eating disorders, less drug and alcohol use, better nutrition and higher grades, Woodruff says. A 2008 study from the University of Minnesota medical school showed that adolescent girls who ate frequent meals with their families were half as likely to smoke, drink and use marijuana as their peers, though researchers were puzzled that boys didn’t show the same effect. In fact, researchers are generally unsure exactly how family meals provide all these benefits, Woodruff says. It could be that eating with their families rather than in secret discourages eating disorder behaviours, or that there is a “carry-over effect” that helps

children make healthier food choices with their friends because of what they learn at home, she says, but no one really knows.

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NOW OPEN IN POCO! Shaughnessy & Marpole Ave. (Behind Chevron at the OLD Liquor Store)

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2203-2850 Shaughnessy St., Port Coquitlam, B.C. 604-552-9700



NEW PATIENTS ALWAYS WELCOME. We want to build a relationship with our patient’s one mouth at a time. General Family, Implant & Sedation Dentistry right in your own neighbourhood. Call and come in and meet our dedicated team of professionals.

2332 Marpole St., Port Coquitlam

604.552.1722 (Behind Chevron at the Old Liquor Store)

GREAT LOCAL SHOPPING! fall/winter 2010 • familiesnow • 15 FN


When mom and dad split: what is the best way to tell the kids? per cent of Canadian children born in 1984 saw the end of their parents’ marriage or cohabitation by their mid-teens. Some months, Lennie hears from as many as four or five parents letting her schools know they are breaking up. In part, these are a heads-up to the school to watch for any changes in classroom behaviour. It also lets Lennie connect parents with community resources. Some parents also want help with the whens and hows of telling their kids that mom and dad have decided to split.

By: Jim Gibson Counsellor Helen Lennie remembers the day more than 20 years ago when she and her husband told their five-year-old son their marriage was over. The couple had gone to the beach to tell him. Lennie and her soon-to-be ex were ready with the agreed-upon and unemotional responses to any questions the youngster had, from the whys of their breakup to where everyone was going to live. Their son absorbed the news and soon after asked if he could play on the nearby swings. “I think it’s important to give the child information in small amounts at different times so they can digest it,” says Lennie, now a counsellor at three Victoria-area elementary schools. Be prepared, however, to answer any questions when they arise. Holly Allen’s then-four-year-old son wasn’t the only one upset when told four years ago his parents were separating. “It was upsetting for everyone,” says Allen, an adoption worker. Mother, father and child all ended up in tears, with much of the rest of the evening spent comforting each other. Both parents told the boy how much they loved him, and that what was happening wasn’t his or anyone’s fault. Divorce or separation remains a reality for many Canadian kids. The divorce rate is 221 per 100,000 population, according to Statistics Canada’s 2008 findings. Reports have cited research concluding 30 16 FN • familiesnow • fall/winter 2010

Be prepared for the child to blame himself for mommy or daddy leaving. Both Lennie and Weatherbe stress the child needs assurance that the parents decided to break up for reasons of their own and not, for example, because the child spilled paint on the carpet yesterday. Further, children need constant reassurance that both mom and dad love them. Finding the right time to tell the kids is tricky. “There’s never really a best time,” Lennie says. Weatherbe thinks it’s best to tell children when they are relaxed and not overly tired. “It would be tough to go off to school after being told,” she said, adding all children should be told at the same time by both parents. Parents should know ahead of time what they are going to tell the children. They should share in the telling, present a united front and relay the news in a calm way, according to Weatherbe. Even subtle put-downs of the other parent in the process should be avoided. How much parents say depends on the child’s age. Teens should be told the details of why one parent is moving out, she says. For younger kids, the departing parent might explain, “Daddy/mommy has a special friend. I need to go to be with that person.” No matter how sensitively the children are told, it’s still life-altering news, according to Lennie. That’s one reason Weatherbe suggest parents stay together for a month “so the kids get used to the idea that change is happening.” Lennie recommends keeping to the child’s regular schedule of activities, parties and school. Some parents keep kids home from school for reasons Lennie suspects have more to do with the parent’s need for emotional support than what’s best for the child.

Tips on breaking the news to the kids • Break the news together. • Be prepared for all sorts of reactions. Keep calm regardless of how upset or angry they become. • If they leave the room after yelling or crying, give them a breather, then both go and talk to them. • Explain why you’re separating. Don’t go into too much detail or place blame on the other parent. • Tell them about any changes affecting them, such as where they will live or go to school, and even where the family dog will be. • Talk to them about plans to see the other parent. • Both parents should stress that they love the child. • Stress the reason for the breakup has nothing to do with the child. • Inform your children’s teachers, counsellors, babysitters, parents of their friends, and any adults they see regularly, such as sports coaches. Ask these adults to inform you of any behavioural changes.


Teens love to be miserable By: Misty Harris Parents who’ve ever wondered how a teen with an IPhone in one hand and the world in the other can be so miserable now have their answer: adolescents, sometimes, intentionally seek to feel unhappy. In trying to learn why youths typically experience more emotional tsunamis than their older counterparts, researchers discovered that teens try to maintain or induce a bad mood, on average, about 25 per cent of the time. By contrast, people over 18 are more often pleasure-seekers who want to quash doldrums and enhance happiness. Those 60 and older are especially prone to this “pro-hedonic” behaviour, showing greater desire at a higher frequency to boost positive emotions and

suppress negative ones than younger adults. “Our study suggests that some of the age-related differences in everyday emotional well-being may be brought about by differences in how individuals wish to influence their feelings,” says lead author Michaela Riediger, research scientist at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Germany. “Part of the negative emotionality that’s characteristic for adolescence, and part of the positive emotionality that’s characteristic for older adulthood, appears to be intentionally sought and maintained by the individual.” In other words, it’s true that with age comes a greater sense of everyday wellbeing. But much of that can be credited to people’s own resolve to feel happy.


• Improve School Grades • Concentration • Self Control • Fitness • Flexibility and Confidence • Reduce Stress • Become more energized and have Fun!

Traditional Karate Sport Karate Kobudo (Weapons) Self Defence Street Proofing

Classes for children 8 yrs and up, teens and adults Tuesday/Thursday evenings

Nestor Elementary School 1266 Nestor Street, Coquitlam Chief Instructor: Mike Scales 7th DAN Provincial Masters Champion

No legally binding contracts Affiliated: ShotoCanada & Karate B.C.

REGISTER NOW FOR FALL For more information call: 604-945-9877 or email: fall/winter 2010 • familiesnow • 17 FN

Tri-Cities Happenings AROUND TOWN Riverview Horticultural Centre Society invites the community to take part in Treefest, the annual arboretum celebration, at Riverview Hospital on Sunday, Sept. 12. From 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., families and friends can take part in hourly guided tours of heritage trees, children’s activities, a heritage building walk, a blackberry tea in Finnie’s Garden or take in musical and entertainer performances. Food will be available. Treefest will run rain or shine. For information, call 604-290-9910 or visit Terry Fox Foundation holds three Terry Fox Runs in the Tri-Cities this year, all set for the national day on Sunday, Sept. 19. The Hometown Run is set for Port Coquitlam’s Hyde Creek Recreation Centre, 1379 Laurier Ave. Port Moody’s Terry Fox Run will begin at Port Moody City Hall, 100 Newport Dr., while the new addition

in Coquitlam will be held in Mundy Park. All runs begin at 10 a.m., with registration opening earlier that morning. For information, visit www.

Terry Fox Library hosts free storytimes for children ages two to six and their families at different times throughout the week each month at 2470 Mary Hill Rd., Port Coquitlam. Information: 604-927-7999.


Port Moody Public Library and SHARE Family & Community Services Society host a free English practice group for informal language practice from 9:30 to 11 a.m. in the Library’s ParkLane Room. Information: Julie Sutherland at 604-936-3900, Local 185.

Circle of Friends, a YMCA Family Resource Program, offers a drop-in program in Port Coquitlam for parents and caregivers and children from newborn to six years of age. The program is open Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 9 a.m. to noon at Central Elementary, and Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9 a.m. to noon at James Park Elementary. Drop in anytime during operating hours and experience a morning of fun and enjoy a cup of coffee while children play nearby. Kids have the opportunity to socialize, learn new skills, play with toys, take part in art activities, sing songs, have a snack and more. Information: 604-931-3400.

Tri-City Family Place offers a drop-in program for parents and caregivers of children under six years, open Tuesdays to Fridays from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. at 2062 Manning Ave. Information: 604-945-0048.

Happenings/continued on page 20













Dr. Rachel Iwaasa

Dr. Aida Gabitova

Sunny Byun

D.M.A., M. Music

D. Mus. M. Mus.

L.C.C.M., A.R.C.T.

Vivian Ng

Amy Poh

Charmaine Liu

Monica Tepes

Myron Huen

L.C.C.M., A.R.C.T.

L.B.C.M., A.C.C.M.

B. Mus.

B. Mus.


Tammy Tai

Tivona Tai

Angel Cavadas

Alla Shmaenok

Tony Clarke




(Violin) M.Mus., B. Mus.

(Violin) A.L.C.M.

Jacek Dziobek

Aleksandra Dziobek

Jim DeFina

Miranda Clingwall

Eun Ji Rhin

B. Mus.(Violin/Viola)

(Cello) B. Mus.

(Clarinet/Saxophone) M.Mus.

(Flute) B. Mus.

(FluteJ B. Mus.

Group Beginners Course • Ages 3-6 Years INTERACTIVE INTERESTING

18 FN • familiesnow • fall/winter 2010

(604) 944-3081 258~3020 Lincoln Avenue, Coquitlam

20 Years of Children’s Theatre FROSTY THE SNOWMAN DECEMBER 2010




Every dancer performs in competitions • Large Lobby and reception area • Windows for Viewing • Discounts for Siblings • Experienced Instructors • Having fun is the most important part!


8-3160 Westwood Street, Port Coquitlam, BC

Plus new classes and locations


JUNE 2011


BC Girl Guides Join the Fun! 1-800-565-8111 or

100 years strong

Child Care Resource & Referral

For more information or to register go to Theatrix is a non-profit organization with federal charitable tax status.


Serving Parents & Child Care Providers

Your community’s best source of child care information & resources YMCA Tri-Cities CCRR

604-931-3400 YMCA Burnaby/New West CCRR


AVOID THE WAITLIST REGISTER TODAY Enriched French / English Montessori Curriculum • Full Day Care & Extended Day Programs • Part Time Precshool / KinderCare • Before & After School Care • Music & Movement • Field Trips & Cultural Studies • 2 Outdoor Playgrounds • Indoor Gymnasium • Math, Science & Language Arts

604.468.9934 Funded by the Province of British Columbia

Classroom Observations & School Tours available by appointment. ON THE WESTWOOD PLATEAU –- 1760 PADDOCK DRIVE, COQUITLAM fall/winter 2010 • familiesnow • 19 FN

Tri-Cities Happenings Happenings/continued from page 18

FOR SOME SUPPORT Parents Without Partners is a non-profit, nonsectarian organization devoted to the interests of single parents and their children. Single parents who are separated, divorced, widowed or never married are eligible to join. Orientation meetings are held on the second Thursday of each month at 7:30 p.m. at the Poirier Community Centre, 630 Poirier St. For information, call 604-945-2407. PoCoMo Mothers of Multiples is a non-profit group devoted to supporting families that have twins, triplets and more. Group meets regularly, and hosts community events as well. For information, e-mail Winnie at com.

Tri-City Autism Support Group meets monthly in Room 14 of Westwood Elementary, 3610 Hastings St., and offers support, education and a place to share stories for family members who have loved ones with autism spectrum disorder. Information: Caroline Parker at cparker@sd43. Coquitlam Chapter of B.C. Schizophrenia Society meets monthly from 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. in the McGee Room of Poirier Community Centre, 630 Poirier St. For information, call 604-939-5733 or 604-583-9775. Tri-City Women’s Resource Society offers an empowering mothers parenting group at various times throughout the year. Participation in the educational group is free, and childcare and transportation subsidies are available. Information: 604-941-7111, Ext. 106.

OF INTEGRITY Mary M. Manifold CHILDREN MONTESSORI ACADEMY Highland Dancers (At Tri-City Dance Studios)

Crossroads Hospice Society hosts a free weekly walking group for the bereaved on Fridays from 10:30 a.m. to noon. Participants are asked to meet at the Port Moody Social Recreation Centre next to City Hall. To register or for more information, call Craig at 604-949-2274.

GIVING BACK Scouts francophones is looking for leaders. This fulfilling volunteer position includes opportunities for personal growth, adventure, travel and practicum hours. For information, call Monique at 604-936-3624. Developmental Disabilities Association offers free pickup of gently used housewar including dishes, toys and books. Cloth items can be dropped off in bins. Furniture, dishes and

Happenings/continued on page 22

Share in the Art of Dance Learn... Create... Curriculum Includes French Language Studies Swimming, Skating and Annual Camp (Team Building & Leadership Skills)

• Qualified and Experience Instructors • Pre-School Class • Beginner - Championship Level • Annual Recital

FALL SCHEDULE Phone: (604) 469-1688 Email: 20 FN • familiesnow • fall/winter 2010

Fully accredited learning institution funded both privately and through the Ministry of Independent Schools. Our programs include Daycare, 5 day Preschool (AM/PM), Full Day Junior Kindergarten for 4 year olds, Extended Day Kindergarten and an Elementary program for Grades 1-7.

2541 Quay Place, Coquitlam 604-461-1223


Taking Registrations Now Through September 604-944-6826

Located just off Dewdney Trunk Road (between Mariner and St. Johns’ Street)

New Montessori Daycare/Preschool Opening Soon in Pitt Meadows

#10 - 1730 Broadway Street, Port Coquitlam, BC V3C 2M8



Jr. Pipe Band


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Here, you will find a selection of premium furnishings suitable for both outdoor and indoor living.



beachcomber coquitlam 970 Westwood St. 604.942.1544 (at Westwood & Dewdney Trunk Rd.)

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Further information available at or

Store Hours: Monday-Friday 10am-6pm Saturday 10am-5pm Sunday 12pm-5pm

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Reading • Writing • Math • Study Skills fall/winter 2010 • familiesnow • 21 FN

Tri-Cities Happenings

COQUITLAM OPTOMETRY CENTRE Eyecare. Eyewear. Beyond The Ordinary.

Kyle Centre offers drop-in bridge for all skill levels from 12:30 to 3:30 p.m. Games follow a reasonably priced soup and sandwich lunch prepared by Community Integration Services Society, which supports adults with disabilities. Information: 604-469-4561.

Happenings/continued from page 20 clothes are accepted at donation stations. For information, call 604-273-4332. North Fraser Therapeutic Riding Association needs volunteers. People who love being around horses and enjoy helping people with special needs can assist children and other challenged riders in equestrian therapy at the association’s Maple Ridge facility. Volunteers are needed to groom, tack and handle the horses and act as support people for riders with disabilities. Free training is available and courses and certification to be a therapeutic riding assistant are available. For information, visit or call 604-462-7786.

Special Olympics B.C., Coquitlam branch, needs volunteers to help run sporting programs and events. Information: 604-644-8439. PoCoMo Youth Services Society is looking for youths between 12 and 18 who want to make a difference in the community. Information: Jerome Bouvier at 604-251-6449 or

❙ Dr. Karim Mithani & Associates ❙

Have you checked your child’s eyes? $





PINETREE VILLAGE (Save-On-Foods/Chapters Complex) #5 - 2991 Lougheed Hwy., Coquitlam

604.942.5121 #1 for Fish & Chips in the Tri-Cities


KIDS LUNCH SPECIALS until 3pm Small Appetite Cod $ 99

Violins M C MAH O N M O D E L


$4 9 9


555 Clarke Rd.

Pinetree & Lougheed Coquitlam

ACROSS FROM DAIRY QUEEN (Where North Road Meets)


Coquitlam 604-936-2447



& H.S.T.






Cel: 604-754-4609 w w w. m ck ayd i s t r i b u t o r s . c o m


300 OFF

A Pirate Pak with the purchase of an Entrée



Call: (604) 937-0969 22 FN • familiesnow • fall/winter 2010



Pinetree Village NEXT TO SAVE ON FOODS




Popcorn Shrimp & Chips $ 99

NOT valid with any other offer or promotion WITH COUPON ONLY + TAXES TIL SEPT. 30/2010 All You Can Eat & Bottomless Pop... Check location for details




Small Appetite Haddock

BURNABY 4075 North Rd. (604) 421-4620

PORT COQUITLAM COQUITLAM 101-2310 Ottawa St. (Sunwood Square) 500-3025 Lougheed Hwy. 604-468-4844 604-942-9224


fall/winter 2010 • familiesnow • 23 FN

W H Y WA I T U N T I L T H E W E E K E N D T O G E T T O GE T H E R W I T H F R I E N D S ? During the week we’re always serving up lots of fun in our lounges and on our patios. Great appy’s and delicious entrées to choose from like our Butter Chicken and Fettuccini Alfredo. We also offer a full bar menu with all of your favourites. So what are you waiting for?





BURNABY 4075 North Road (604) 421-4620

24 FN • familiesnow • fall/winter 2010

PORT COQUITLAM 101-2310 Ottawa Street (Beside Costco) 604-468-4844

COQUITLAM 500-3025 Lougheed Highway 604-942-9224 SUNWOOD SQUARE MALL

Families NOW - Fall/Winter 2010  

Families NOW - Fall/Winter 2010

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