Avenues

BUZZSAW May 2017

Media’s Masculinity Complex pg. 11

No (Wo)man’s Land pg. 20

Hit the road, Jack!

Baby Crazy pg. 29

Buzzsaw presents...

EDITORS’ COMMENT

The Avenues Issue

BUZZSAW News & Views Upfront

Sit back, relax and grab a copy of Buzzsaw Magazine be- Ministry of Cool cause we’re going on a journey. From drug-store candy to campy mixtapes, prepare for a wild ride to your final Prose & Cons destination.

Sawdust What does negligence, exclusivity and reckless behavior Seesaw

have in common? They are all core values of Greek life.

Layout (Greek Life As We Know It p. 14) Art

When two couples’ lives intertwine, they all must find their own road to rock n’ roll success. (RAW FROM THE Website SAW: Song to Song p. 36) What’s a road trip without gorgeous scenery? View Amazon’s not so eco-friendly practices and policies. (Kings of the Amazon p. 22)

Social Media

Advisor

Alexa Salvato Mila Phelps-Friedl Michele Hau Alexis Morillo Sophie Israelsohn Alex Coburn Lexie Farabaugh Kimberly Caceci Jordan Aaron Julia Tricolla Tatiana Jorio Tara Eng Brianna Pulver Claire McClusky Megan Banning Katie Siple Christine McKinnie John Jacobson Kevin Swann

Jeff Cohen

Founders

Divider and Table of Contents Photography

By Scott Ceurvels Scott Ceurvels is a sophomore double majoring in Cinema Production and Business Management. In this issue, Ceurvels’s work focuses on capturing the jaw dropping and the mysterious. His work provokes questions and intends to mesmerize the viewer.

Abby Bertumen Kelly Burdick Bryan Chambala Sam Costello Thom Denick Cole Louison James Sigman

Buzzsaw is published with support from Buzzsaw is also funded by the Ithaca College Student Governance Council and the Park School of Communications.

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

Vanguard Printing is our press. (Ithaca, N.Y.) Buzzsaw uses student-generated art and photography and royalty-free images.

Views expressed in this magazine are not necessarily those of the editorial staff or of Ithaca College.

Feedback and contributions should be sent to buzzsawmag@gmail.com.

Front cover art by Megan Banning Center art by Francesca Hodge Back cover art by Alexa Salvato

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Write Us Our magazine exists to inspire thoughtful debate and open up the channels through which information is shared. Your comments and feedback are all a part of this process. Reach the editors by email at: buzzsawmag@gmail.com.

Table of Contents Seesaw ..........................................................4 Print media is dead, check out multimedia on the web.

News & Views .................................................5 Current events, local news & quasi-educated opinions.

Upfront ........................................................19 Selected dis-education of the month.

Ministry of Cool ........................................28 Arts, entertainment and other things cooler than us.

Prose & Cons .............................................38 Short fiction, personal essay and other assorted lies.

Satire threatening the magazine’s credibility since 1856.

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BUZZSAW News & Views

Sawdust .......................................................45

Avenues: Multimedia Pictured: “New York, New York” by Julia Tricolla, “Bumper Stickers” by Parita Desai and “A Tim Hortons Adventure” by Andrew Hallenberg.

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‘Woke’ Generation asleep IRL Students, Planned Parenthood and lasting change

By Tatiana Jorio, Seesaw Editor

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static that the very capable speakers had an audience to hear them.

But then I told myself: Not so fast, Tati.

As I reflected on the rally and on the article published, I realized that I was praising 50 people out of a campus with around 7,000 students.

Point-seven percent of the student body attended the rally. Why not so many more?

At first, I thought maybe the rally wasn’t advertised enough. Of course, there’s always more advertising that can be done. But then I remembered that the e-board had spent time distributing fliers all over campus.

Way more than 50 people knew about the rally. So why didn’t they show?

I tried to comfort myself by saying that people were in class, cold, or just busy, I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe my fellow students just didn’t care. But my Facebook newsfeed said otherwise.

Why is it that the over 200 “interested” people on Facebook, didn’t show up? Is it because of the snow? Were they never really planning on attending in the first place? Did they just want people to think that they cared? Why is it that millennials select “going” and “interested” on Facebook but don’t show up when it actually counts?

I think one reason is simple: people felt awkward attending a rally alone. Their friends were busy, they didn’t know the organizers and they didn’t want to go alone. Imagine how awkward survivors of sexual assault feel when they see their perpetrator on campus. Having friends who are survivors of sexual assault, it sends a disheartening message to them when people don’t show up to a rally like this because they didn’t want to go alone— it sends the message that maybe the campus just isn’t that dedicated in making this campus safer for them.

Secondly, students didn’t feel the rally “applied directly” to them.

The word “pink” led the men on campus to think the event was for women. Not recognizing that wearing pink doesn’t say anything about your masculinity, and that Planned Parenthood serves men too.

Others felt the bandwagon effect, if their friends were going, they didn’t have to. Not recognizing that at an event like a rally, the amount of people there makes a statement about the importance of the cause. The fewer the people, the fewer that take notice.

It’s also important to recognize that women and men of color, and LGBTQ+ students may not have showed up because they didn’t feel included, or because in the past, students have not shown up for them.

The only way to be a true student activist, although it may seem impossible, is to include everyone.

When you see injustice, show up.

And when you can’t show up, at least discuss it. Don’t just share a link because Kendall Jenner (although in reality Pepsi), fucked up.

I’m proud of how far my generation has come, and I reject the statement that all millennials are slacktivists. But I also think it’s okay to analyze activism. It’s okay to attend the Women’s March in D.C, but still feel uneasy, and question it.

It’s okay to plan a rally in support of Planned Parenthood, be happy with the turnout, feel proud and still want more. You should want more from your community too.

Show up next time. ___________________________________ Tatiana Jorio is a second year film, photography & visual art major who doesn’t need to be at Free Speech Rock to speak her mind. You can reach them at tjorio@ithaca.edu.

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News & Views

hile it brings me nothing but hope and excitement that my generation, especially in the wake of the 2016 presidential election, has become more invested in social, environmental and human rights issues it’s also important to analyze this new wave of student activists “woke” generation.

Are we acting in a way that is creating concrete lasting change?

Or are we merely contributing to a conversation and sharing articles on Facebook when Pepsi releases an outrageous commercial?

Recognizing exploitation of a culture using social media is good, but action is much more important. Are the people sharing the VICE article about the problematic Pepsi ad attending the Black Lives Matter protest? Not always.

I’m the Vice President of Ithaca College’s Planned Parenthood Generation Action chapter. Generation Action is affiliated with Planned Parenthood – it’s a group of student activists who work together to discuss and advocate for reproductive freedom, educate others on sexual health, sexual violence and more. Over the past month, we worked to plan a rally in support of reproductive freedom.

In planning this rally, I learned firsthand the struggles of dealing with self-proclaimed student activists.

Despite rescheduling the original date, an estimate of 50 students showed up at Free Speech Rock and rallied in support of reproductive freedom.

50 was a number that made me hopeful. Even in the snow, 50 people came out and recognized the importance of these issues and that they were worth attending a rally about.

And when The Ithacan posted an article about the rally, I was instantly satisfied. I was proud of the work that I had done, and ec-

Back to Its Roots X Ambassadors bring a music festival to Ithaca

By Annie Estes, Contributing Writer

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he City of Ithaca is gearing up for a musicfilled fall as it prepares for the first ever Cayuga Sound Festival, which will take place Sept. 22 and 23 in several spots throughout the city such as Stewart Park, The Haunt and The Dock..

The festival is curated by X Ambassadors with Dan Smalls Presents. X Ambassadors are a rock musical group who have roots in Ithaca, NY and are best known for their hit songs “Renegades” and “Unsteady.” The group often plays in Ithaca, as two of the band’s members grew up here.

The band will return to its roots in September to bring the brand-new music festival to their hometown and showcase the beauty of Ithaca, says official promoter Dan Smalls.

The festival will include performers such as The Roots, Jukebox the Ghost, Sammus and Margaret Glaspy, combining the local music scene with more well-known musical groups.

Smalls, who worked closely with the members of X Ambassadors to organize and plan the event, said that the band is involved with the marketing and planning of the festival. Dan Smalls Presents’ role is in the logistics such as reserving the space for the festival and making sure the city is on board with the planning process.

The response from the City of Ithaca has been extremely positive, including from Mayor Svante Myrick himself.

“When I called Svante, the mayor, to let him know we were planning to do this … he pretty much lost his mind, he was so excited about it,” Smalls said. “Having everybody on board has really helped.”

Ithaca local Ian Schachner, a 2002 graduate of Ithaca College’s business school and now an employee

at Cornell University, says he doesn’t see many downsides to hosting a festival in Ithaca, as long as the logistics of the festival are handled well.

“Overall, events like this can be a great addition to the community,” Schachner said. “They add to our already rich culture of music, food and other performances and can help boost important industries like tourism.”

Member of the Ithaca music scene also expressed excitement. Tylor Colby, drummer/vocals for Imperials and former Buzzsaw ed, spoke of his enthusiasm for the festival. “We’re all super excited to be playing in this fes-

As for negative backlash to the festival, Smalls says they’ve been very fortunate so far.

“Inevitably, when you make noise in a park, there will be somebody that hears it who doesn’t want to, but that’s par for the course” he said. “We’re really lucky that everyone is on board. This is a wonderful thing for our city and our region and we are really excited for it.”

Tickets for the festival are currently on sale on the festival’s website, starting at $59.50 for General Admission and $209.50 for VIP Admission.

Smalls said if the festival finds success, there are plans in the works for the event to return to Ithaca as a yearly festival.

“We have never been motivated by money, as a company. I just wanted to connect the artists and the fans and then that would take care of itself, but this is about long-term,” Smalls said.

“Year one is just about showcasing our city and building something that could grow over the next however-many years.” __________________________________ Annie Estes is a second year journalism major who already has her ticket to the Cayuga Sound festival. You can reach them at aestes@ithaca.edu.

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

“The band will return to its roots in September to bring the brand-new music festival to their hometown and showcase the beauty of Ithaca.”

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tival alongside so many great artists, local and national,” Colby said. “The fact that we’ll be sharing a stage with the roots, a group I grew up listening to, still kinda blows my mind; makes us really want to bring our best when we take the stage in September.”

The proceeds of the festival are going to local charities selected by the members of X Ambassadors themselves, including nonprofits such as Planned Parenthood Ithaca, Ithaca Underground and the Youth Farm Project, according to the festival’s website.

“They are all things that meant something to the band as kids,” Smalls said. “Sam was a camp counselor at the Ithaca Youth Bureau Summer Camp at Stewart park, which is one of the reasons why we’re doing this in Stewart Park … The Ithaca Youth Bureau; they used to hang out at [the Greater Ithaca Activities Center] after school; the South Side Community Center; they were big fans of Ithaca Underground.”

Cancer Isn’t Cute

Why we need to stop romanticizing cancer

By Tara Eng, Layout Editor

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“We have to keep in mind that what we write about and watch goes beyond the reach of what’s in front of us.” suggested we watch The Fault In Our Stars the other night, I was fiercely opposed.

We need to stop romanticizing cancer. And it’s not necessarily John Green’s fault – young adult novels about heavy topics like love and loss need to be written, and he did his best to tell an authentic story – but, mainstream filmmakers and fanbases, this message is for you.

As mediamakers, media consumers and Internet users, we have a responsibility to accurately represent the nonfictional parts of the fictional works we create, consume and pass along. We have to keep in mind that what we write about and watch goes beyond the reach of what’s in front of us. Cancer patients don’t glow like ABC’s Chasing Life protagonist April Carver does (which was probably canceled for good reason). Cancer isn’t fun, as it’s portrayed in FOX’s Red Band Society, where teenaged patients bond over their illnesses in a hospital pediatric unit. There’s nothing cute or beautifully tragic about it.

Cancer is ugly, inelegant and damages people in inexplicable ways; there’s no happy little pill to cure cancer or make going through it any easier. These kinds of big-picture, surface stories do nothing but antagonize people living the situations TV show networks and the movie industry so terribly illustrate.

The fanbases built around mainstream media only perpetuate sensationalized views of cancer – go ahead, fawn over the actors and actresses and their fictional brought-togetherby-cancer love stories, but are their stories really representative of what cancer is? Is it still a good story if it’s inaccurate? It’s time to think critically, fanbases and writers. There’s a reason why 13 Reasons Why is currently under fire.

Mediamakers, I’m not saying that if you haven’t had a personal experience with cancer you can’t write about it – we need to spread awareness and offer resources about cancer and tragedy and all that comes with it, so, please, do write about these things – but, please, please, please make it raw and real and authentic. That’s the responsibility you have – that I share with you – in telling someone else’s emotionally charged story.

There is no straight way to simplify the complexities of how my family changed, together and as individuals, when my dad was going through treatment. I still struggle to articulate this now. My report is no The Fault In Our Stars story; it’s no Chasing Life or Red Band Society. These writers took too many creative liberties. In my report, I am taking responsibility as a writer to authentically represent cancer for what it is. There is no sensationalism of what patients or caregivers are enduring; there is no romanticization of the sacrifices that they are making. It’s time for mainstream media culture to do the same. ___________________________________ Tara Eng is a first year Documentary Studies & Production major who wants people to learn more about the difficulties of cancer. You can reach them at teng@ithaca.edu.

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News & Views

’m nearing the end of writing a 20-page report about clinical trials for inoperable brain tumors. It’s fair to say that throughout this process, I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at cancer.

It’s a personal interest thing.

When I was younger, I had a few distant family members with varying types of leukemia, but was too young to process all that cancer was. My dad’s more recent diagnosis hit closer to home, and after he went through treatment, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life sharing patient stories and working within the medical community.

Over the past month, I’ve had the opportunity to speak with Glioblastoma patients and caregivers locally, nationally, and internationally. To say I’m moved by their stories is an incredible understatement. I’m moved by their strength and perseverance through the physical and emotional war that cancer wages against families, and also by the love they exude, which is evident in the lengths that they go to take care of one another.

In light of my report of speaking to these patients and of their authenticity, I’ve done a lot of reflecting on my own family’s journey. The most profound realization I made when my dad’s cancer went into remission is that, for me, cancer became about surviving emotional turmoil I wasn’t prepared to face. The past few years have been those of healing and everything that entails – shrinking myself back into the mind of a teenager, shaking off the possibility of life without my dad as being no longer probable, shutting the patient-caregiver relationship my family forged in the past and reverting back to the parentchild one.

Although working on this report has been incredibly rewarding for a cause that’s so close to my heart, much many of my own tough emotionally charged memories have resurfaced. So, when my roommate

13 Reasons Why Not

Media’s responsibility toward mental health

By Megan Banning, Art Editor

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

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etflix’s newest series, 13 Reasons Why, follows Clay Jensen as he listens to 13 sides of his friend Hannah Baker’s suicide tapes. The series attempts to bring light to suicide among teenagers by sending the message to ask for help when you need it and be kinder to others because you never know what someone is going through. Instead of teaching these positive skills, the series comes across as insensitive, ineffective and grossly misinformed.

This results in a poor representation of the mental health community on a major streaming service, which is bad news for at-risk individuals and the community as a whole.

The first and most important point for those contemplating suicide to remember is that committing suicide means your own story will end in death. Because of the tapes, Hannah’s story does not, and this dramatization is harmful and detracts from the series’ intention.

Not only is this desensitizing obvious, but it also does not allow the audience to see that people are deeply affected by her tragic death because of the constant use of the tapes and flashbacks. It is as if Hannah never died. The audience hardly sees grief apart from Hannah’s parents.

By leaving these tapes behind, Hannah is able to live on past her death and present a one-sided story of the events leading up to her suicide. This is unrealistic and unhelpful, and is a talking point created about the series by SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education).

They warn that leaving messages beyond the grave is impossible. The show romanticizes the concept of the tapes, sensationalizing their “got the last word” attitude. Those who die from suicide die; they don’t have the opportunity to live past their deaths.

Going back to Jay Asher’s 2007 novel from which the series originated, the entire concept of the

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tapes is fucked up. Hannah essentially forces these young people to listen to the tragedies they inflicted upon her. As SAVE explains, suicide is never the fault of survivors of suicide loss, but Hannah’s tapes seek to exploit her peers and intimidate them into guilt. Each side of the tapes has a story about a different peer. According to Dese’Rae L. Stage, founder of Live Through This, it’s

see some significant signs of suicidal ideation from Hannah. Suicidal ideation is when an individual has thoughts about how to kill themselves, varying from a fleeting thought to a more detailed plan, but does not end in committing suicide.

We briefly see a note in class and we see one failed attempt of talking with a guidance counselor.

According to Mayo Clinic, typical

“Suicide is never the fault of survivors of suicide loss, but Hannah’s tapes seek to exploit her peers and intimidate them into guilt.” important to remember that suicide happens for a variety of reasons, not just because of bullying. Other factors include lack of support, preexisting mental illness and isolation.

We wonder if her peers feel genuine guilt or if they care more about their reputation being damaged by the tapes than their previous actions. Who decides what is guilty enough? Apparently, Hannah Baker.

As someone who has previously been suicidal, I question the authenticity of the tapes: Not so much whether or not they tell the truth, but whether or not it would be possible for the Hannah Baker we see to create them. Suicidal ideation comes in waves, as far as severity goes. Some minutes are significantly harder than others, and sometimes suicidal thoughts appear to have completely evaporated. But according to the New England Journal of Medicine, 25 to 80 percent of suicides are impulsive. 30 percent make the attempt within five minutes of their ideation and 70 percent within the hour.

We don’t see that with Hannah.

She is extremely calm while talking on the tapes, and I wonder if she was feeling suicidal while she recorded them. Whether or not she was, the tapes had to have been premeditated, meaning we should

signs of suicidal ideation include isolation, loss of interest in things one used to enjoy, crying spells, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, talking or thinking about death, saying things like ‘It would be better if I weren’t here,’ or ‘I’m not worth it,’ and planning to tie up loose ends.’ We see the tying of loose ends via the tapes, but we see no other signs of suicidal thoughts from Hannah. So why and how did she make the tapes?

The tapes begin with a confident introduction and a close up of Hannah’s locker: “Hey, it’s Hannah. Hannah Baker.

That’s right. Don’t adjust your… whatever device you’re listening to this on. It’s me, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely no requests.

Get a snack, settle in. Because I’m about to tell you the story of my life.”

But that’s not what we ultimately hear. Despite the promise of her entire story, Hannah becomes a flat, two dimensional image, consisting only of her tragedies and her vengefulness. We never learn her favorite things or what she likes to do outside of school. While we do learn she’s a writer, the characteristic is quickly used to humiliate her.

The two dimensional characteristics of Hannah are incredibly harm-

fact, according to Jon Lewis’s American Film: A History until the 30’s, directors had to find ways to show some off screen deaths due to intense censorship. Filmmakers today can stretch their brain muscles a bit and find better ways to present suicide.

In fact, Hollywood can find a better way to present mental health overall.

Throughout the series there is little discussion of depression or how to deal with suicidal thoughts. At one point, a teacher is about to recommend hotlines students can access, but a voiceover drowns her out. There are posters on the walls at school but they are not clearly visible to viewers. The guidance counselor practically blows Hannah off when she comes to him, and the note Hannah leaves in the class discussions bin anonymously is not taken seriously.

Clay brushes off taking medication and returning to talk therapy, and his parents consider his strange behavior ‘acting out’ rather than a sign that something could seriously be wrong. One of Hannah’s peers shows up to school drunk regularly and the others spend their free time stressing out about these vengeful tapes — and nobody checks in on them.

In short, there are a lot of negative situations happening, and no positive coping skills to deal with them.

Netflix is one of the first major production companies to make a series surrounding mental health. There are not many series that currently exist. Most television characters that deal with mental health issues tend to be depressed for a few episodes, and suddenly they are healed after encouragement from friends. An example of a television show that tends to do this is Degrassi: The Next Generation. However, some shows do an excellent job of portraying complex characters with mental illnesses. Examples include Community, You’re the Worst and Wilfred. How many of these shows have you heard of? Creating media about mental health is difficult — it is a different experience for everyone and it becomes near impossible not to step on someone’s toes in some way. The show had a few important, positive scenes, but not nearly enough to make up for the problems hovering over the series.

Representation is important. The show trivializes suicidal individuals and paints suicide as a glorified act used to make others feel guilty for a choice made by an independent person. For a show about mental health, the correct terminology (depression, suicidal, assault, mental health and other “basic” buzzwords) are not used.

The show should have noted that there is also more than one way to seek help. Hannah’s peers are left dealing with the tapes she left behind and experience more “complex” signs of mental illness than Hannah ever did. It would have been helpful to explore the complicated scenarios her peers are dealing with and see how they go down a different path than Hannah did. This is an opportunity to deal with grief and mental illness that Netflix missed entirely.

Those who claim that it is not Netflix’s job to educate the public on mental health are speaking from a privileged point of view where they are in a sound enough mind to not see their identity trivialized, tokenized and dehumanized on a major streaming service for all to see.

Hold Netflix accountable. Hold major media makers accountable.

Demand proper representation.

People’s wellbeing, and their lives, could depend on it. _________________________________ For support when dealing with depression, suicide or the many things on that spectrum, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicide.org.

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News & Views

ful because it reflects how suicidal individuals see themselves — as people who are less than whole.

This is harmful to viewers who are experiencing suicidal thoughts because seeing themselves reflected on screen with such negative attributes is reaffirming in an incredibly unhealthy way. Hannah describes being angry with how the world works, a feeling that resonated with me and several other individuals I have met through group therapy sessions and hospital visits.

Reportingonsuicide.org offers several recommendations and do’s and don’t’s for creating media regarding suicide. 13 Reasons Why ignores several of these recommendations.

Displaying suicide in such a way that “explicitly describes the suicide method, uses dramatic/graphic headlines or images, and repeated/ extensive coverage sensationalizes or glamorizes a death” is not recommended because it can lead to “suicide contagion,” otherwise described as a “copy-cat suicide.” This essentially means one suicide contributes to another due to the way media constructs a previous suicide.

The website recommends avoiding any visual aids to describe methodology, or any mention of methodology at all. 13 Reasons Why chose to show a graphic suicide, which can be incredibly triggering for suicidal viewers. Popular arguments in favor of the show say the depiction creates awareness, and “hey, there was a trigger warning at the beginning of the episode.” The idea of a television show that has someone who may think like me as the protagonist is consoling — maybe I am not completely alone. However, seeing that person commit suicide in a way that is easy and accessible to me is dangerous.

How many other people have watched the inevitable ending to this series and felt hopeless? While it seems obvious that we cannot avoid Hannah’s death, we certainly can avoid such potently dangerous visualizations of it. Reportingsuicide.org recommends using a school photo and including hotline numbers.

There are more innovative ways to depict a death than showing it — in

The First Frontier

Iceland makes unequal pay illegal

By Mila Phelps-Friedl, News and Views Editor

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

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arch 8, 2017: the 200th anniversary of the New York stock exchange, the 42nd official United Nations International Women’s Day and the day when Iceland became the first country to require employers to prove to the government that they are paying people of all genders equally..

According to AP News, “The North Atlantic island nation, which has a population of about 330,000, wants to eradicate the gender pay gap by 2022.” This is quite a statement given that the wage gap is still a myth to many Americans. A survey conducted by the Harris Poll research center provided data that illustrated a major disconnect in the minds of many individuals who the pay gap doesn’t necessarily affect.

This survey found that 82 percent of the working men think that there is no wage gap in their field of work.

The study also found that “only 20 percent of females believe they will reach a six-figure salary during their careers, while nearly twice as many men (44 percent) expect to eventually earn annual salaries of more than six figures.”

So the fact that Iceland not only seems to accept the reality of this issue but has actually started the process of legislation to eradicate the gender wage gap proves that they are two major steps ahead of the United States. But this legislation didn’t just spring into existence — it was galvanized by protests that took place in major cities like Reykjavik, where throngs of women protested the gender wage gap.

In an interview with Liz Alderman of The New York Times, Thorsteinn Viglundsson, Iceland’s Social Affairs and Equality minister explained, “We want to break down the last of the gender barriers in the workplace.

History has shown that if you want progress, you need to enforce it.”

She also discusses the role of Nordic

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countries in leading the fight for equality, meeting gender quotas and allowing for generous parental leave.

This is a fight that is more important now than ever, especially with the recent leadership choices of the United States in regards to human rights.

Alderman writes, “The new rules would require the biggest companies and government agencies to undergo audits, starting in 2018, and to obtain a certification of compliance with equal pay rules. Businesses with over 25 employees must comply by 2022. Employers must assess every job, from cleaner to senior executive, to identify and fix wage gaps of more than 5 percent.”

Now that Iceland has directed its energy and resources into closing a gender wage gap that many people do not believe exists within the United States, let’s take a look at the ways in which this disbelief has been challenged in the past decade or so. The Equal Pay Act of 1963 was signed into effect with the intention to “prohibit discrimination on account of sex in the payment of wages by employers engaged in commerce or in the production of goods for commerce.” So that should have been the end of it, right?

Yet, while in Iceland, according to The New York Times article, women are paid 17 to 18 percent less than men, in America, women consistently look at a 20 percent wage gap, even with this legislation in place.

Based off information available on the American Association of University Women’s website, a leading voice for women’s equity, “The gap has narrowed since the 1970s, due

Image by Arianna Ashby

largely to women’s progress in education and workforce participation and to men’s wages rising at a slower rate. Still, the pay gap does not appear likely to go away on its own.

At the rate of change between 1960 and 2015, women are expected to reach pay equity with men in 2059.”

While March 8 was a huge step in the right direction for Iceland, it would be in the best interest for all countries to take a serious look at how closely their legislation is being followed when it comes to hardworking women and a very real gender pay gap. Perhaps the first step is educating people on what can be done to eradicate the gap — though quite honestly it is astonishing that in the past 54 years women have still not been able to get equal pay for the same work as men. So yes, there’s a lot to fix, but maybe America will lead by example and actually pay its citizens equally for a job well done. If not, Iceland may not be such a bad place to consider employment. __________________________________ Mila Phelps-Friedl is a secondyear journalism major who wants you to know that tickets to Iceland are only $100. You can reach them at mphelpsfriedl@ithaca.edu.

Media’s Masculinity Complex Why we praise our leaders for violence

By Celisa Calacal, Staff Writer

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from presidents, it strengthens the expectation that men must act in this way.

Prior to the missile strike, the media consistently held an unfavorable view of Trump, calling him “weak,” “unhinged,” “unqualified” and “brash.” It should be no surprise that these adjectives are antithetical to what is expected of a president. Now, Trump is being taken more seriously for his display of military force and strength primarily because he is fulfilling the role of a president in the way the media expects it to be done.

The mainstream media’s entrenchment in its own masculinity complex also extends to its obsession with war. In addition to praising Trump, the media has characterized the missile strike as a bold tactic. Emphasis on news of war it is a trend that has persisted throughout journalism history, representing one of journalism’s greatest downfalls.

The media’s constant romanticization of warfare are connected to the same reasons why the media fawns over presidential force and aggression: war encapsulates the characteristics of aggression in grandiose displays of brute violence. The media loves war because of the violence and the conflict, not to mention the endless ratings they know they will receive from the spectacle of war.

After all, if it bleeds it leads.

But the media’s obsession with war, in conjunction with a heightened respect for the president, is never sympathetic to those who suffer from it most. Hardly anything has been mentioned about the Syrians who died in the missile strike or the fact that the action was not approved by Congress. Oftentimes, war coverage turns the conflict into a dehumanizing sports game of winners and losers with no regards to the nuances or complexities of international relations.

Media outlets’ fixation on this missile strike, Trump and displays of masculinity comes with grave consequences and reflects a failing media system. It showcases a media

that cares more about warfare and death than human life, and it normalizes brute violence that should never be seen as normal.

It reveals a media system that simultaneously fawns over and cowers to the presidency. And what is alarming about this blanket praise of Trump is the lack of critical voices against the military action. This absence of criticism silences the voices of those who are critical of the president while simultaneously encouraging the president to continue with these military strikes. If there is one conclusion Trump can make from the media’s coverage of the missile strike, it is that military action equals more favorable coverage. And to Trump, favorable coverage is everything.

This type of softball reporting is antithetical to what journalism’s role should be: a watchdog on the powerful. Journalists should constantly be critical of those in power and should not allow themselves to be romanced by acts of violence or warfare just for the sake of boosting ratings.

Ideally, journalists are supposed to maintain a watchful eye on the powerful, especially the president, and especially when the president becomes involved in international conflict. When the media fails in this role, it subsequently loses the trust of the public who depends on journalists to keep those in power accountable for their actions. This continuing trend of the media’s falling prey to its own masculinity and military-industrial complex is a dangerous attitude that leaves the media weaker and even more estranged from the public it is supposed to serve. ________________________________ Celisa Calacal is a third-year journalism major who believes what bleeds shouldn’t always lead.

You can reach them at ccalacal@ ithaca.edu.

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n an unforeseen military move, President Donald Trump ordered an airstrike on a Syrian air base April 6, an act that has moved the U.S. dangerously closer to international warfare.

Naturally, Trump’s brash action sent the media into a whirlwind, with pundits and reporters shelling out their analyses and commentaries about the action. But what is becoming apparent in these reactions is the media’s first positive view on Trump.

It is because of his acts of violence, tinkering on the brink of warfare, that the media has chosen to shower him with praise and respect.

After the airstrike, CNN pundit Fareed Zakaria said, “Donald Trump became president of the United States last night.” A New York Times piece analyzing the decision was headlined, “Trump followed his heart.” Another NYT piece framed Trump’s action as “an emotional act,” and was originally headlined, “On Syria Attack, Trump’s Heart Came First” before being changed. Daily Beast columnist Matt Lewis Tweeted, “This seemed like a very different Donald Trump. More serious — clearly moved emotionally.”

This onslaught of praise for Trump is a 180 degree flip for a media that has largely ridiculed and criticized Trump ever since his campaign for presidency began. But this sudden change in tone toward Trump should not come as a shock, as it represents a long-held media bias toward male leadership — evidenced most clearly by how the media scrutinized Hillary Clinton while softballing other male candidates — and reveals the American media’s masculinity complex.

Societal expectations of masculinity demand that men be strong, serious and aggressive, and we reward the men who display these traits. These demands are strengthened when applied to a president, particularly because we largely associate aspects of masculinity with leadership.

There is no institution that perpetuates these stereotypes more than the mainstream media, and this bias was on full display in the hours following the announcement of the air strike. When the media praises and romanticizes displays of brute force

Take Back the Night One survivor’s story

By Anonymous

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

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participated in my first Take Back the Night event my freshman year of college. It was hard for me to admit, just by being there, to hundreds of perfect strangers that I was a sexual assault survivor, seeing that my own parents still don’t know. My first march, however, came with the bitter realization that so many other people will never have the resources to understand how to take back their bodies after being abused.

I was raped when I was sixteen. I have only said these words a handful of times, once to my therapist, another time to my ex-boyfriend, and it came up the first time I had sex with my current boyfriend. My roommate knows — living with a person for two years and sharing countless bottles of wine took care of that — and I guess, now you know too.

After it happened I hated my body.

I hated that I felt as if I had no control over my limbs. I hated nauseating feeling in my stomach and the neverending heart palpitations. My lungs never had air in them — that was taken away from me, too. Junior year of high school went handin-hand with failing classes, failing to be my own person and pretending not to care that I was sexualized by boys and men around me, while going back home and hating that I would never find someone who could be able to look past my lack of hymen and self confidence.

During this time, I started running into articles on my Twitter feed about slut walks, sexual abuse and rape culture. Aside from the fact that it was really creepy that my

social media accounts knew that I needed this information, these were my first encounters with sexual education that weren’t about reproductive health but about mental and emotional safety.

When I came to college, however, I got into the dangerous habit of sleeping with any man who gave me attention because for some reason, none of the articles outlined the importance of being comfortable saying the word “no.” I got into the dangerous habit of pushing myself to be comfortable in any sexual situation, even if I wasn’t, because in the back of my mind, if I wasn’t comfortable I had somehow lost. Take Back the Night showed me otherwise.

It was the first time that I did not feel ashamed about being raped. I think it was also the time when I truly realized it was not my fault. I was moved by the strength of everyone around me and the support so many of us had and proudly wore the crown of being a survivor. Through chants, spoken word poems and countless speakers, I slowly started realizing what taking back my body actually means: being comfortable within my limits and knowing that the only person who needs to want my body is myself. Granted, rape culture, the patriarchy, fetishization, and structural sexualization sometimes make it hard for me to remember these things, but I always go back to the space Take Back the Night created for me years back and am reminded that I am in charge of how being a survivor is perceived.

This is why Take Back the Night is so important. It is a space in which sexual education takes a new direc-

“Through chants, spoken word poems and countless speakers, I slowly started realizing what taking back my body actually means.”

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tion and truly teaches and empowers people to understand that there is so much more to “safe sex” than contraceptives. Access to spaces like these, however, is limited and should not only be found outside of schools and institutions but also be an integral part of sexual education.

I should have been taught that rape is not just force, but coercion, bribery and blackmail. People should have access to conversations about emotional abuse and its ties to sexual abuse not every once in awhile, but in school when we’re learning how to have safe sex.

But most people do not have access to these resources, to this type of education or to spaces like Take Back the Night, and therefore won’t be exposed to these conversations and ideas either. Marches such as these are a great stepping stone to addressing what safe sex actually entails, but we have to recognize that the fact that we can allocate time to learn — or even care enough to march — is privilege; it is a privilege that should be a right.

We cannot simply ignore that being able to have these conversations is luxury, and if we are to truly embrace this issue then we must facilitate these conversations outside of liberal cities. We have to take them to low-income urban areas, poverty-ridden rural areas, and to every woman and man who is at risk of abuse — to people who do not have an access to education at all, especially about sex.

Ithaca’s 38th Take Back the Night march, rally and vigil is Friday, April 28 at 7 p.m. in the Ithaca Commons.

Both survivors and allies are welcome to attend.. ___________________________________ If you are a struggling as a survivor of sexual assault or concerned about a friend, reach out to the Advocacy Center’s 24-hour hotline at 607-2775000.

#BOPO?!

The dilution of a movement

By Alexa Salvato, News & Views Editor

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support for eating disorder survivors and their allies, across the country. At the helm of many of these events is “plus-size” “bodypositive” English model Iskra Lawrence. Lawrence has spoken honestly about the body shaming she has experienced in the modeling industry and how for many years she used unhealthy food and exercise behaviors to maintain a weight unrealistic for her body.

However, earlier this year, she was on the cover of SELF Magazine promoting a plan she collaborated on with them, posting on her Insta: “And you can all start 2017 with me & #TeamSELF by getting my FREE four-week workout and healthy eating plan when you sign up!” According to Fashionista.com, this was met by significant criticism from other body-image activists because of the restrictive nature of the meal plan and therefore her own hypocrisy. SELF ended up pulling the diet plan, and Lawrence apologized, posting: “We had a meaningful conversation about the Challenge, after which she made the decision to remove the meal plan.

My involvement with the Challenge from the beginning was the fitness aspect—I wanted to share some of my favourite workout moves with you all that aren’t for weight loss, but to feel healthy, strong and to look after our bodies. I knew that there would be recipes involved but did not know that they would be put together in the form of a meal plan or be so restrictive / low cal.” This isn’t body positivity, and it’s miles away from the movement’s origins.

Fat liberation became fat acceptance became body positivity. Fat liberation was, like many radical movements, focused on changing social institutions. A piece by Evette Dionne for Revelist, “Fat acceptance activists explain why body positivity is becoming meaningless,” delves into this still-existing discrimination: “Size determines many life outcomes, including work promotions and wages,” Dionne writes.

“The Council on Size and Weight Discrimination found that plussize workers are paid $1.25 less

an hour than average-size workers, which could lead to a loss of around $100,000 over the course a career. Additionally, women of size make 6 [percent] less than thinner women, and also receive fewer raises.”

Solving these problems was the initial goal of the fat liberation movement. The informal fat liberation manifesto entitled “FAT PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, UNITE! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE ….” was written by Judy Freespirit and Aldebaran in 1973.

Principle 3 reads: “We see our struggle as allied with the struggles of other oppressed [sic] groups against classism, racism, sexism, ageism, financial exploitation, imperialism and the like.”

Principle 6 talks about the bullshit of “health concern” for people in larger bodies decades before the proliferation of the Health at Every Size movement, saying: “We repudiate the mystified ‘science’ which falsely claims that we are unfit. It has both caused and upheld discrimination against us, in collusion with the financial interests of insurance companies, the fashion and garment industries, reducing industries, the food and drug industries and the medical and psychiatric establishment.”

All people deserve to feel at home in their bodies. We can’t heal as a culture from the mental and physical toll of fucked-up attitudes surrounding food, exercise and bodies while maintaining this faux body positivity. As Virgie Tovar, a writer and fat activist, said on “anti-diet dietitian” Christy Harrison’s FoodPsych podcast: “At the end of the day, if we we’re all terrified of becoming fat, whether fat or not, fatness needs to be the central theme of the work.” ____________________________________ Alexa Salvato is a fourth-year journalism major who unfollowed every fake #bopo account on Instagram once she finished this article.You can email them at asalvat1@ithaca.edu.

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News & Views

t’s discouraging when social movements progress slowly, but it’s even harder when they go backward. Today’s “body positive” movement has been popularized on Instagram by those in recovery from both eating disorders and similar unhealthy behaviors perpetrated by diet culture. Very few people know that body positivity, aka #BOPO, originated from a decades-old radical movement called fat liberation — a movement for freedom for people of all body types to be free liberated from the constraints of patriarchy that function to eke the energy and potential out of specifically girls and women everywhere.

Why has it come down to something like this? Because we as a society are terrified of fat, straight down to the word itself.

Some of this Insta action is absolutely used for good. Sometimes these posts are very real, depicting individuals dealing with the weight gain, weight loss and/or other body changes that accompany eating disorder recovery process. There are people, primarily women, posting pictures of their stretch marks, their surgery scars, the rolls on their stomachs. There are women, many of whom are eating disorder survivors, who are working to acknowledge their thin privilege in the way that many in the activist community are recognizing their white privilege as well. People post videos of their participation in dance and yoga and marathons and other activities that have been culturally reserved for people of certain body types and, more importantly, with certain intents: to create or maintain thin bodies. Sometimes, however, these posts aren’t real at all.

They’re #aerieREAL. #AerieREAL is a hashtag that accompanies Aerie, an offshoot of clothing company American Eagle that focuses on bralettes, underwear and swimsuits, and its move toward using unretouched models. Aerie is formally an ally of NEDA, the National Eating Disorders Association, and helps sponsor their NEDA Walks, events to raise awareness and show

Greek Life As We Know It

Up close and personal with the faults in the system

By Alexis Morillo, Upfront Editor

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

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don’t know why, but sometimes when I remember really big moments in my life I see them from a bird’s eye view. I watch myself from the outside. Maybe I do this as a defense mechanism to remove myself from the emotion of it all, and maybe I’m not alone in this. It is what it is.

When I remember February 4th of this year, I see myself brushing my teeth and looking down at my phone to see a text message I never, ever thought I would receive, from my best friend Kaitlyn. Hey guys I never thought I would have to say this and I’m shaking as I type this but Tim passed away this morning.

In that moment I felt every single emotion I’ve ever known, while simultaneously feeling nothing at all.

I fell to my knees on the cold tile floor of a dorm bathroom.

Death is something that I always thought of as the culmination of a life. It happens when you’re old, ailing, when you have so many life stories to tell and when you’re surrounded by all of the people you love – a spouse, children, grandchildren.

Death isn’t supposed to happen when you’re 19 and just beginning your life. Death isn’t supposed to happen as a result of neglect. And yet it did. On February 4, I lost a friend, my best friend lost her boyfriend, a family lost a son, brother, nephew, grandson. All of these things were lost because of a hazing related incident.

Now, I will address my bias loud and clear and say that I never got the point of greek life. There is just something about the culture that seems very elitist to me. Ithaca College’s lack of affiliated greek life was one of the things I liked about it most when I first visited. Many of my closest friends are involved in greek organizations and I have seen firsthand how rewarding being a part of such a group can be, but it

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isn’t something that has ever really appealed to me. I’m not saying I hate all greek organizations; I just recognize that many systems at colleges and universities are flawed when it comes to the rules and regulations sororities and fraternities have to follow.

The flawed greek life systems I have mentioned are the same systems that allow for negative situations to be overshadowed in favor of the positive things that greek life brings— philanthropy and volunteer work, money, to the school through rushing deposits, and the works.

But do the contributions of fraternities outweigh the fact that fraternity members 300 percent more likely to commit rape than other college aged males — a demographic that is already likely to be perpetrators?

And yet for some reason hazing incidents are still so surprising to us when they make national news.

At the time of writing this piece, I typed into Google’s search bar the sole word “hazing” and a story came up from from just a few weeks ago.

Another incident had occurred, this time at Central Michigan University, where a student with a severe peanut allergy was covered in peanut butter as a hazing ritual. Stories like these are constantly changing shape and form, but all speak to the immense issue that exists within greek life culture at some schools.

I don’t think hazing always occurs with malicious intent. Not all fraternity brothers are rapists, not all fraternity members are bullies or assailants. But giving the majority of these people the benefit of the doubt still does not answer a question I have been reiterating in my head since February 4. Why was a 19-year-old pledge that just wanted to be a part of a brotherhood left on a couch for 12 whole hours after being forced to consume alcohol before someone called an ambulance, after it was already too late?

As I feel a mix of grief and anger and confusion, I struggle with the decision of where to place my blame.

Is it the individual’s fault or the leadership of the fraternity for encouraging reckless behavior? Is it the responsibility of the school to put preventative measures into place?

The investigation relating to the death of my friend is ongoing, therefore I am left with a multitude of questions unanswered at the moment and probably for the rest of my life. But I have seen first hand the hurt that results from tragedies like this, which makes it all the more upsetting when I see students pushing back against their school’s response.

Penn State, where Tim went to school, is notorious for being a party school and their greek life regulations were relatively lenient in comparison to schools of similar size. In a letter penned, after Tim’s death, to the campus community by Damon Sims, vice president of student affairs, he outlined a series of new rules that are taking effect immediately. Some of these rules include a delay of fall rush until the spring of the upcoming academic year, no alcohol may be served to underaged members at the organization houses, only wine and beer allowed to be served to members of age, no kegs allowed at events, no more than 10 socials with alcohol per semester will be permitted for each chapter (the previous limit was 45) and a no-tolerance policy for hazing. Beta Theta Pi, the fraternity that Tim was pledging, is indefinitely banned and all brothers had to move out of the house for the remainder of the academic year.

As a student at a school with no greek life, these rules seem quite easy to follow. And yet, when I log on to Facebook or Twitter, the backlash from Penn State students (some of whom went to my high school and knew Tim) makes it seem like their greek organizations will never be the

lum set forth by their colleges.” And that’s how greek life started.

This web page goes on to say that members inevitably formed stronger bonds that lead to the more social aspect of greek organizations that are almost synonymous with this culture today. But nowhere does it say that the culture of greek life was based on alcohol and partying.

These rules should not destroy the culture of greek life, rather, it should allow fraternity brothers and sorority sisters to reflect on their organizations and recognize their strengths and weaknesses. As a campus community, they need to do better and hold each other accountable rather than team up to fight against the minimal restrictions the administration has put together. Due to their noncompliance, President Barron has threatened to takegreek life away completely.

The most frustrating thing for me as someone that has an emotional stake in the situation is to see just how blind people can become because of their personal affiliation with a fraternity or a sorority. I’ve seen this with the individuals from my own high school that are current Penn State students (some of which even attended Tim’s wake), who share articles promoting a “Save Penn State Greek Life!” narrative rather than recognizing the faults that exist within the system.

My friend wanted to so desperately be a part of something bigger than himself, but the system itself failed him. The restrictions being put on greek organizations are not just in response to this, but are the long-awaited response to so many of the problems that have occurred at Penn State over the years including but not limited to various hazing and sexual assault allegations.

Someone lost their life and unfortunately that’s what it ultimately took for change to be enacted. It would be irresponsible for the administration to sit back and watch these things occur. But it is even more irresponsible of the student body to reject the restrictions rather than to learn to adapt to them. ___________________________________ Alexis Morillo is a second year journalism major who wants people, no matter their greek life affiliation, to do better. You can reach them at amorillo@ithaca.edu.

Image by Claire McClusky

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same. In the initial announcement of the new regulations, it was stated that if they are not followed, more rules will be put into place. And in fact, just a few weeks after the initial rules were announced, nine out of the 82 greek organizations broke them and hosted a social event involving alcohol — during parent’s weekend. Penn State President Barron responded to this incident on his blog and said that loopholes were found (alcohol was served on upper levels in greek houses as to not be seen by those on patrol). Barron even noted that parents were clearly intoxicated. This incident is one of many that shows the disconnect between the Penn State greek life and the administrators.

Not to mention the day that the initial rules were released a “protest” was organized to speak out against the new parameters set by the administration. The Facebook event’s description read: “Not only do these restrictions [sic] destroy the entire culture that is greek life, but they may possibly destroy our reputation as Happy Valley. These restrictions may deter enrollment to Penn State, and I would hate to see this amazing university, with some of the best academics and alumni network in the world, go to waste,” according to OnwardState.com.

I struggle to read this description and not nearly laugh at the ignorance that went into typing it. Is the “culture” of greek life centralized around hard liquor and up to three alcohol serving social events per week? If delaying fall rush and taking away hard liquor, kegs and day long parties will deter people from enrollment, maybe people aren’t enrolling at Penn State for the right reasons to begin with.

The culture of greek life has become so warped over the years that I think people seem to forget that the origin of greek organizations is not in dingy basement parties with plastic handles of hard liquor. According to Appalachian State University’s webpage dedicated to the history of greek life, “In the mid to late nineteenth century, students began forming their own groups to debate and discuss current events and literature. This was largely a reaction toward the strict curricu-

Notes from Our Graduating Editors

By Lexie Farabaugh, John Jacobson, Sophie Israelsohn & Alexa Salvato

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BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

College was my chance to be as weird as possible. Writing and creating media made up a substantial portion of my life growing up because I loved escapism and sharing ideas. With this in mind, and my quest for weirdness, Buzzsaw magazine seemed the only logical place for me to be.

I wrote for the magazine for a semester before becoming the new social media editor intraining. While my social media skills are not optimal, I have treasured being a part of the magazine’s staff. There is a type of alchemy in creating what Buzzsaw does, which is a respectful hodgepodge of works that seeks, as a collective, to open minds with new ways of looking at the same standard issue or theme.

Buzzsaw attracts the kind of person who has personality and spirit, and those are types of people worth creating something with.

It’s an incredible thing, to feel understood.

Buzzsaw made me feel understood. It allowed me to express that men are pigs (but like, with satirical science that sounds true) and that trans kids need protection. It gave me a family that I needed, one that could see me at my worst self: the sleep-deprived self.

I never expected Buzzsaw, but that in many ways made it better. There are very few publications in this world that have an identity that’s so vibrant. Leaving Ithaca College will be hard, but it cannot compare to leaving Buzzsaw behind.

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When I was a senior in high school and dreamt about what the near future might be like, I had promised myself that I would do everything in my power to become the writer and editor in college I always wanted to be. I promised myself that I would join a magazine and fall in love with prose all over again.

I had no idea how much I would fall in love with for the first time.

On the day of my first ever college organizational fair, while navigating what seemed like a large circus, many people reached out to me and relayed their team mission. Unsurprisingly, Buzzsaw magazine was the most memorable. The editors were so cool. They had a way about them that declared, “Hey, we’re here to give you a platform to share your voice — and we’re going to have a lot of fun (and look cool) while we do it.” Buzzsaw was clearly a passionate team that devoted their work to exposing the global and local voice, and the necessary arts including music and film reviews, prose, and satire. How was there any way that I could walk away without signing up?

Though my interests were exclusively in fiction and poetry, I spent the first couple weeks as a Buzzsawer writing a piece about the effects of slut-shaming and what we could do to combat that verbal violence. The editors were magically able to make me write journalism, something I thought I wasn’t cut out for, and when I held that tangible two-page spread in my hands, I felt like I was actually doing something — not only for myself but also for my peers.

Since becoming a part of the editorial board in 2015, my love for Buzzsaw has not stopped growing. I’ve been able to hear and read so many different voices in this critical time of politics, all while we’re trying to figure out ourselves, too, and I cannot be more proud to say that Buzzsaw helped me become ready for life after graduation. We are the voices we need.

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Image by Alexa Salvato and Tatiana Jorio

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I have loved reading and writing for my whole life. I came to college as a journalism major, hoping by doing this to professionalize reading and writing into a respectable career™. No more poems and stories for me — at least not that I shared. I had to get serious.

I let Buzzsaw be my one escape from these new expectations. It was serious, hilarious, well-written and it was the first time I did journalism that didn’t make me feel like I was losing my heart. Once I realized this, I wasn’t gonna let it go, and I’ve written and/or edited for every Buzzsaw issue that I’ve been on campus over these four years.

In the Buzzcave, poetry, art and opinions aren’t silly; they’re vital. In the Buzzcave, I’m not jealous of my co-edz’ writing and editing brilliance; I’m proud to be on a staff with them. In the Buzzcave, writing is almost what it used to be.

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I almost thought I’d make it to graduation without being part of a student organization. That’s not really something I would have been proud of, but I wouldn’t have been surprised. I was busy, I changed my major three times, I had a desk job. Besides, what did I even have to offer? My writing was never what teachers were looking for, or if it was, it was by-the-book — no personality involved.

Last time I checked (which, I admit was a long time ago), I had almost seven thousand songs in my iTunes library.

There was a time I thought top 40 radio was overrated (it still sort of is…) and I prided myself on genuinely liking weird music that no one “understood.” I liked the discovery. That hasn’t gone away.

When I finally decided to study journalism along with music, I knew I needed to find an outlet outside of the classroom for my passion. Whalen was a place for the analytical and technical, and for other reasons, so was Park. But what does it mean to be a journalist?

To be transparent? To be accessible? I wanted to talk about the music I loved to listen to in a way that would maybe enlighten or inspire someone else.

I started writing for my section, Ministry of Cool, in the spring of 2015.

The editor, Kellen Beck, had a Batman tattoo and always wore a hat. He played music by a band called Hot Dad and if that didn’t speak to my teenager self embracing weird things on purpose, I don’t know what would. I thought I’d just write and that was it.

When Kellen was looking for a replacement I didn’t jump at it. But the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that I didn’t want MOC to be in the hands of anyone else. The environment of Buzzsaw, the people, the content, the taste. Buzzsaw talks about the weird, the different, the uncomfortable, the quirky, the tiresome, really anything in order to get us all to listen to each other and explore new things. You can get the news anywhere these days.

But how many by-students, for-student organizations make you feel like you’re a part of someone’s discovery?

News & Views

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We asked the editors...

What’s the best way to get from here to there?

“A rich, older gentleman’s limousine” - Alex “Heelys” - Alexis “Your imagination” - Sophie

“Tandem bicycle”- Mila “Disney monorail” - Megan BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

“Seven league boots” - John

“TCAT” - Tara “Golf cart” - Tati

“Just add the T!” - Brianna 18

FRONT. UPFRONT. UPFRO

Upfront

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No (Wo)man’s Land

Travel experiences distorted by gender bias

By Mila Phelps-Friedl, News and Views Editor

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he first time I came across something that honestly dissected the dangers and limits of what it is like to be a woman traveling alone, I was in 10th grade. It was A Girl’s Guide to Saudi Arabia by author Maureen Dowd. It clearly examined the culture of women traveling alone with the restrictions of a country like Saudi Arabia.

Take a look at the byline: “Saudi Arabia! Just the vacation spot for a headstrong, adventure-loving, cocktail-imbibing, fashion-conscious chick. Long averse to non-Muslim curiosity seekers, the Kingdom is now flirting with tourism, though drinking is forbidden and women can’t drive — or do much of anything — without a man. Armed with moxie and a Burqini, the author confronts the limits of Saudi Arabian hospitality, as well as various male enforcers, learning that, as always, it matters who you know.”

Until that moment I hadn’t considered that my gender could affect the places I could safely visit or the connections I would need just to get around in the world. And I acknowledge that this is definitely a naïve point of view, but either way you’d think that given that pretty much everyone talks about how exciting it is to travel abroad in college and see the world before you’re actually in the world full-time, this topic would be disclosed more.

Only last year Guardian writer Laura Bates published “Why is travelling alone still considered a risky, frivolous pursuit for women?”, a piece that examined the case of two Argentine women who were killed while traveling in Ecuador. After the incident, many people were quick to blame the women for not traveling in a larger group or with a male com-

panion.

But why are people blaming the two women for following the ideal of being a world traveler, instead of examining the kind of conditions that allow two things: sexist remarks about how they should’ve had a male companion, and a chance that the fact they were women played a role in why they were killed in the first place?

According to Bates, these conditions do not outweigh the problem at hand. “The truth is, women do experience a large amount of harassment and abuse while traveling alone, but they also experience danger in their local communities. To suggest that

temic. Maybe you didn’t see this on your bus tour to the pyramids, but if you’re a traveller who likes to mingle with the locals, enjoy street culture, and you’re a woman, this is very concerning.”

One of the possible misconceptions about the dangers prevalent in the United States against women versus the dangers to those traveling alone is that they are vastly different. Yes, you’re not in the place you’ve grown up, and you may not speak the language or know how to convert dollars to euros off the top of your head — but many of the precautions that women take to stay safe in the United States are similar steps that should be taken whentraveling.

In a perfect world these precautions would not be necessary, but we are not in that kind of world.

Elisa Doucette, a Forbes contributing writer sums it up very well in her article, “The Realities Women Face Traveling Alone and How to Stay Safe”: “Women are attacked in their own backyards when they do things like this, let alone when they are traveling in unfamiliar locations...You must, as a human being aware of the fact that the perfect world does not exist yet, strive to exist in the world that does.”

This opinion was echoed by freelance journalist and Forbes contributor Alexandra Talty. “As a woman who lived in New York City, I don’t think that I’ve never been someplace where I’ve been alone at night where I’ve considered myself completely safe — you always have to be conscious of your surroundings,” Talty said.

So why does this narrative even exist to such an extent? Doucette believes that narrative might be pushed for the sake of the best

BUZZSAW: Avenues Issue

“‘Solo travel is a dangerous business for both genders, meaning all of my advice is applicable to both men and women. How is that for some equality?’”

- Alexandra Talty

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any woman shouldn’t travel alone is illogical when no country has successfully tackled, and stopped, gender inequality and sexual violence.”

So are there countries like this out there?

Lee Tulloch, the founder of Harper’s Bazaar Australia, published a piece called “Female Tourists Unsafe Destinations: Is Travelling as a Solo Woman Dangerous?” on Traveller, a travel advice website based out of Austrailia. In the piece she recounts her own experiences traveling throughout different countries and expresses her concerns that many countries still take the stance against victims of assault who are visiting their country rather than addressing the system that allows for this.

Tulloch wrote: “Egypt, for instance, where sexual harassment and assault on unaccompanied women and girls on the street is sys-

tion alone, especially at night. And it really depends upon the region in which you are traveling as well.

Corne said that while she was in Australia, she met a lot of young female travellers who were quite comfortable; however this is a heavily populated, English-speaking country, which may make it easier. When she started to plan for her trip to the Philippines to continue her diving experiences, she had to coordinate the places she could travel to steer clear of locations noted for kidnappings or rebel groups.

Planning the basics is a significant aspect of traveling in any context.

Freelance journalist Alexandra Talty considers these “entry moments,” which are essentially the simple things to plan for. Once you reach your destination, how you are going to make it to your flat or hostel? Was the hostel recommended by a source you trust and do you know where to go from there?

In Talty’s article for Forbes, “The Female Solo Traveler: When ‘Don’t Go’ Isn’t the Solution,” she examined safety tips for travelers based off her own experiences as well as those of a popular travel blogger and a solo female backpacker. Talty’s stance on the concept is summed up in the second paragraph: “Solo travel is a dangerous business for both genders, meaning all of my advice is applicable to both men and women. How is that for some equality?”

If the views of these three women, the numbers and media representations say anything, it is that women travelers should not be deterred or scared to want to see the world.

While women do face more biases and constrictions in certain areas of the world, if a woman is smart, cautious and understanding of the cul-

ture that she is getting into, perhaps more women will have these positive travel experiences and collectively help to change the existing narrative on female solo travellers. ___________________________________ Mila Phelps-Friedl is a second-year journalism major who is the only person in the world that uses a passport as her main form of identification.

You can reach them at mphelpsfriedl@ithaca.edu

Image by Claire McClusky

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story. “[It’s] pretty safe to assume the media is often looking for a good spin to get views, so they are going to feed into the fear and ‘story’ behind any time that females are targeted,” she said. “It makes a good lede to report on the anti-female rhetoric of a country. There is definitely a danger to being a solo female traveler, but as long as you are careful and diligent about your surroundings, people you are with, customs and culture where you are traveling, you generally won’t have a problem.”

The negative media coverage is important to note, because a lot of solo traveling experiences can be very positive ones. Perhaps the positive experiences are just not the ones that readers want to hear about. According to a survey administered by the travel website Booking.com, they found that “half of women are more likely to holiday alone now than they were five years ago,” of these women, “65 percent of women say they feel more confident when taking a trip by themselves.”

Don’t just take the word of statistics, though. Former Ithaca College student Ellie Corne decided to take a semester off to do some solo traveling and has since extended her travel plans because of the wonderful experiences she’s had. Since leaving Ithaca last May, she has traveled to Australia, Japan and Philippines.

From earning her professional diving license in Australia to taking her 100th dive in the depths of the North Pacific Ocean, Corne said, “The more time you spend alone, the more you grow as an individual. You make your own decisions… Traveling alone gives you time to do things for yourself, allowing you time to know yourself better, while simultaneously giving you the option to mingle with the countless other travelers doing exactly the same thing.”

She has loved the people she has met by adventuring outside of her comfort zone. “I’ve learned to always listen to the advice of the locals, no matter how ridiculous they may seem to you and your crazy, adventurous first time traveler mates,” she said. “They’re the ones who know the environment, culture, and lifestyle, and in the end definitely know more about anything and everything you’ve planned to do on your trip.”

On the safety side of things, she explained that it mostly comes down to common sense — small things like never riding public transporta-

Kings of the Amazon Massive online retailer poses unexpected environmental consequences

By Catherine Colgan, Staff Writer

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

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hen Jeff Bezos started the company Amazon in 1994, he originally wanted to call it “Cadabra,” in reference to the latter half of the well-known incantation “Abracadabra”. In those days, the online commerce company barely managed to qualify as a business, much less a legacy of the magic phrase.

Stationed in Bezos’s garage, it did not bear adequate resemblance to the magnificent river it was ultimately named after. Before too long, however, Amazon would gain worldwide acclaim as a revolutionary way to shop through the Internet. Decades later, the company has still retained the magical qualities suggested by its original name, thanks to its incredible innovation and vision. With a market value of $370 billion, the abundance of retail opportunities combined with Bezos’s business acumen, indeed, seemed to be nothing short of sorcery.

Though Amazon is explosively prosperous, the company’s success does not come without consequences. Several of Amazon’s policies raise concern about the company’s effect on the world, especially in an environmental sense. This is not to say that Amazon has completely neglected any sustainable practices. Greenpeace reported in 2015 that Amazon purchases its electricity from a large wind farm in North Carolina. This effort is reminiscent of those already made by other net-centric companies like Facebook and Apple. In addition, Amazon has enhanced its sustainability team with global supply chain experts and energy strategists, even though these executives do not make themselves available for interviews. Amazon has also announced that over the course of the next three years, the company will install solar energy on the roofs of 50 warehouses across the world, projected to provide 80 percent of power to sites in California and Maryland. The company plans to build two wind farms in Texas and

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Ohio, respectively, adding to the farms utilized in Indiana.

In addition, last year Amazon expressed its support for the Environmental Protection Agency’s Clean Power Plan, which advocates for businesses to invest in eco-friendly measures to help combat climate change. However, the implications of fast shipping and lack of information around energy usage especially pose concern. An examination of the company’s practices offers a clearer picture of how Amazon is constructed to uphold, or disregard, consideration for the planet while running a business.

Amazon’s primary environmental grievance is its lack of transparency about energy use. Many companies are diligent in releasing information on energy usage; when the Carbon Disclosure Project released their annual scoring of companies, media giants like Apple and Microsoft were credited as A-listers. Facebook and Google are also taking notable strides towards renewable energy and participate in releasing data about sustainability to the public.

However, Amazon continually receives an ‘F’ grade in their annual scoring due to lack of information around energy measurements. This includes refusing to evaluate quantities of carbon, electricity and other materials.

The Guardian contends that Amazon is not obligated to release this data; however, their resistance to do so deviates from the norm of many other companies. Despite continual hounding for answers by the Carbon Disclosure Project and other such organizations, Amazon will not budge to disclose, improve, or perhaps even monitor its energy usage.

Publications such as The Huffington Post and The Guardian have often reached out to Amazon for comment on the continued restriction of information, only to be denied communication.

This has been a continual point of contempt with environmentally conscious groups, and begs the

question as to why such a large company is so hesitant to release anything approaching a sustainability report. Although Amazon has made announcements to use renewable energy to power the company, their lack of transparency creates a great divide between them and other companies who have made similar commitments to transparent business practices.

Unfortunately this also ultimately allows consumers to ignore Amazon’s impact on the environment.

Nature Means Business founder Amy Larkin said the withholding of information is one of the most dangerous aspects of Amazon’s environmental policy. By keeping customers in the dark about the production of the company, Amazon perpetuates an ignorance surrounding the way we shop, and instead promotes harmful habits in the quest for instant gratification, Larkin said.

“Amazon has reinforced our worst inclinations around thinking what we buy has no consequences.

Our impact is invisible to us, and Amazon should not be proliferating an illusion. Until Amazon shows what it is really using in terms of energy and resources, we as consumers cannot take responsibility for our actions,” Larkin said.

By upholding the immediate fulfillment of online retail, the success of the company is built around offering services that allow customers to ignore the implications of their shopping.

An appealing feature of Amazon comes in the form of Amazon Prime, a membership program which allows customers to enjoy two day shipping as well as unlimited streaming for a number of select movies and TV shows. Online shopping in general presents several benefits that are conscious and benign. A study in 2009 by Carnegie Mellon concludeD that online shopping uses less energy and has a smaller footprint in comparison to driving to the store for purchases. In addition, Prime’s online streaming allows people to cut down on the packaging they

would use otherwise in certain cases, such as renting a movie from Redbox. Although there are some perks, shipping across a two day period proves to be problematic in several areas.

Amazon’s two-day window for delivery complicates the shipping process. This means that shippers may have to take a less conservative approach when consumer demands need to be met, according to the Mother Nature Network. This includes using the quickest and easiest route to beat out the time constraint. When customer expectations are hinged on the limits of a specific time frame, this gives Amazon less freedom to design an efficient route and more likely to send out trucks half empty, or take whatever measures are necessary to ensure orders are delivered on time. Additionally, despite the use of environmentally friendly packaging, Amazon has been known to ship small items in oversized boxes, which also adds up to waste, although this is not necessarily unique to Amazon in particular.

Amazon again separates itself from environmental responsibility with the lack of opportunities for electronic recycling. Instead of following in the footsteps of Best Buy, which takes back electronics at no charge according to The Guardian, Amazon does not employ such practices. New Bay Media reported in 2016 that Amazon is the second largest retailer of electronics in the world; with no plan to recycle

ally where you can make a difference.”

In order to fully utilize Amazon’s potential, Winston said that customers should take advantage of the online community, and use their voice to leave positive reviews on the site’s pages featuring greener products. The Daily Dot also recommends to avoid buying multiple items that cannot be bundled together: at that point, it may be more efficient to just go to the store rather than rely on Amazon Prime.

In 2017, Amazon anticipates expansion in India, investment in artificial intelligence and, ideally, further strides towards renewable energy. The environmental responsibility, however, does not only fall on what the business does to be eco-friendly. As Amazon grows, the consumer base must follow suit and shop mindfully, offering a sensible alternative to exploiting Amazon’s convenient and services. Using this tactic, customers can fully appreciate the full benefit of what Amazon has to offer to us, to retail and most importantly — to the planet. ___________________________________ Catherine Colgan is a first year exploratory major that has been using an Amazon Prime free student trial to watch all 6 seasons of Downton Abbey. You can reach them at ccolgan@ ithaca.edu

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Upfront

Image by Megan Banning

excuse customers from thinking about the environmental impact of improper electronic disposal, including lead contamination and soil pollution.

Miguel A. Jaller Martelo, professor of environmental engineering with research interest in supply chain management and sustainable transportation at University of California Davis, said that blame is difficult to assign in terms of Amazon’s environmental shortcomings. Online retail in general, Martelo said, facilitates shopping a way that simply satisfies demand: obstacles like store proximity and hours of operation are eradicated for an extremely accessible venue for retail.

Further, Amazon should not be penalized for responding to an economic opportunity. “No one forces us to buy — some online retailers offer a great service, one that is reliable and fast. I would blame us first. In the end, we are the ones who make the decision to buy.”

Martelo said that because shopping is such a social pastime, online shopping will never totally eclipse the lure of a mall or boutique.

“Online shopping is not likely to completely substitute shopping trips,” says Martelo, “because of their association with recreation, social, and other personal activities.” In the meantime, Martelo said that it is valuable and conscientious to be smart about shopping both online and off.

Rather than antagonize the company, globally renowned sustainable business advocate Andrew Winston also advises mindfulness as a consumer. In terms of measures that can be taken by consumers, Winston said “voting with our dollars” is one of the most useful efforts for change.

“We as customers are voting with our dollars. If we’re buying the more sustainable or greener product, that drives demand… it impacts how a company thinks and that’s re-

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Immigration Avenues The mechanics of the American immigration system

By Isabella Grullon, Staff Writer

Upfront

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M

auricio Rosa walked, hitchhiked and swam to the United States to escape the violence of the El Salvadoran civil war in the 1980s. He was just a teenager when he and his wife decided to make the month-long journey on foot to find asylum in the U.S. Rosa, like so many others, was escaping the results of the Cold War in Central and South America.

Ironically, they came to the country that aided in the perpetuation of violence and even more ironically, Ronald Reagan — the same man who implemented some of the stickiest laws against undocumented immigrants — was the man who granted them asylum.

“By the time we got to the U.S., there was a law that sheltered all those who had come from El Salvador because of the civil war. It was a program that the Reagan administration took out .... it was like a system of amnesty,” Rosa said.

“That’s when we started the papers for a temporary citizenship, and then a permanent one.” Rosa had to wait 10 years to get a permanent residency; becoming a citizen took even longer.

The current immigration process in the U.S. does not make it easy for people to become a citizen, and it is often convoluted, excluding much of the population that need visas.

Sandra Bruno, associate attorney at Miller & Mayer, said the way Congress distributes visas only allows the issuance of a certain amount per year. Those visas are then broken down into five main categories — such as family visas or employment visas — and each of these categories is assigned a certain number as well. These visas are then distributed equally within certain countries. No more than 7 percent of visas can be issued to a particular country every fiscal year.

“What ends up happening,” Bruno said, “with countries like China, India, Mexico and the Philippines where the demand is far greater

than the number of visas they have available, is a backlog of these people waiting 20 years, in some cases, for a visa. If you’re from a country that traditionally does not send immigrants to the U.S. then your path is going to be much shorter.”

There are 11 million undocumented immigrants in the U.S. and the current cap on visas that can be issued every year is 675,000. Around 71 percent of these visas are given to family members; the rest are divided into employment-based visas, asylum seekers and refugees. On top of that, the U.S. does not allow more than 85,000 refugee or asylum seekers into the country every year, and seeing that there are rising migration patterns from both Latin America and the Middle East to escape violence and persecution, the backlog of

tions. We had to travel a lot from state to state to meet with lawyers and make the process go smoothly,” Rosa said.

Reagan’s asylum program, designed specifically for those coming from Guatemala and El Salvador, helped push his process along and allowed him to bypass of the essential requirements for green card application coming into the country legally.

Bruno said most people who do not have a visa or green card in the country remain that way because they have no means of applying for them.

For example, a person who crossed the border illegally is automatically ineligible for a green card. “To apply for a green card within the U.S., you need to show that you were either admitted or paroled into the country, meaning that you came in legally; when you entered someone inspected you,” Bruno said. “Most of these people did not do that and that automatically makes them ineligible without inspection.”

Another hurdle is that if an entire family comes into the country and no one is documented, they cannot apply for a visa and therefore cannot apply for a green card.

“If there are no family members who have papers, there is no way to apply for a green card,” Bruno said.

Employment visas are also an option, but they are exceptionally difficult to obtain. “If you want to get an employer who wants to sponsor you, a lot of the time you have to go through a recruitment process.

It’s this long process where they have to advertise for that position and show that there is no qualified American worker willing and able to take that position,” Bruno said.

Other categories of employment visas include “aliens with extraordinary ability,” visas reserved for those with advanced degrees and people who can invest 500,000 dollars in the U.S. “The current undocumented population does not usually meet these requirements,” Bruno said.

Most people who migrate into the U.S. are people who are escap-

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

“‘In the 10 years it took to get a residency, my wife and I were always working. We paid taxes even though we worked illegally for five years...’” - Mauricio Rosa

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these papers is about to become very long as well.

“Congress really has to look at the situation and be more realistic about how many visas are necessary and the government is authorized to issue,” said Bruno.

Rosa was granted one of the asylum visas, but even starting up the process for that paperwork was difficult. “In the 10 years it took to get a residency, my wife and I were always working. We paid taxes even though we worked illegally for five years. After that, we got our Social Security number, and that was when we were allowed to make everything legal and apply for asylum as well as residency,” Rosa said.

For Rosa and his wife, the process was simpler than for most, even if it did take more than 20 years to become a citizen. Rosa lived in Massachusetts when his paperwork to become a resident started, but he could only find a job in Ithaca, NY with a friend.

“There were a lot of complica-

are now turning against them, sympathizing with President Donald Trump and his anti-immigrant agenda.

For example, “Construction unions are ambivalent to immigration rights and support Trump as well as the wall, as long as it’s union built,” Gleeson said.

However, Gleeson said whatever appointments made by the president in regards to unions and by extension, workers rights and immigration “will change how willing [unions and labor organizations] are to reach out to immigrant communities, something that had been more open with the Obama administration.”

Regardless of all of the barriers — both metaphorical and eventually physical — most people would rather come to the U.S. than stay in dangerous situations.

Rosa said that it is going to be hard for the government to stop immigrants from coming into the country, but he has noticed that is has become exceptionally harder to become a documented immigrant in the U.S. “Many people go through the process because it’s too dangerous to go back home. You have to find a solution, no matter how long it takes,” Rosa said. ___________________________________ Isabella Grullon is a third-year journalism major who isn’t planning on giving up her dual citizenship anytime soon. You can reach them at igrullon@ithaca.edu.

Image by Megan Banning

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ing poverty and persecution, and many of them could not even buy the plane ticket to cross the border, making it hard for a large percentage of people to become documented in the U.S. For those who have the privilege of getting a green card, their process does not stop there. Bruno explained that a green card is simply a type of “premium visa.” A person is allowed to work and live in the U.S., pay taxes and be a part of society. But they are still subject to deportation and have to wait a minimum of five years before applying for citizenship.

The most recent census of green card holders was done in 2012 by the Department of Homeland Security, and they found that at the time, there was an estimated 13.3 million legal permanent residents in the country. That’s 13.3 million people paying taxes but not allowed to vote for elected officials. Out of these 13.3 million only 8.8 were eligible to naturalize — become a citizen. Additionally, only 66 percent of an already very reduced population of immigrants.

“The legal avenues to come to this country are becoming more challenging,” said Shannon Gleeson, Associate Professor of Labor Relations, Law & History at the Cornell University School of Industrial and Labor Relations. Gleeson said she thinks this is because when people are undocumented or have to go through such an extended process of getting the necessary papers, it is easier to exploit them in the work force.

Undocumented immigrant workers usually do not have access to certain protections that are given to U.S. citizens or Legal Permanent Residents. Not having access to these protections can result in being exploited to the point of abuse.

“Many do not come forward with what is happening in fear of deportation or, if they are applying for a visa, that their paperwork will be further delayed and the process will take longer,” she said. “A lot of the time their ability to stay in the country is tied to their ability to have a job.” No immigrant would bite the hand that allows them to stay in the country.

The current political climate also does not help. Gleeson said that most of the unions that used to help undocumented immigrants

BUZZSAW: Dunk Issue

TRYofCOOL. MINISTRYof

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Baby Crazy

Major key or majorly crazy?

By Alexis Morillo, Upfront Editor

I

those are actually the real good ones.

He actually threw up on me while I was mixing and working on ‘Shining.’”

The first single of his album, ‘Shining,’ actually did hold the number one iTunes spot for quite sometime, although I’m not sure if Asahd’s bodily functions had anything to do with it.

I realize that Asahd Khaled is an extreme example. DJ Khaled himself is a social media persona that is unrivaled in his exaggerated, silly content, but I still can’t help but wonder why we are so invested in not only the lives of our favorite starlets, but also the lives of their children — even if they’re too young to talk. Along with Baby Khaled, I also follow the lives of Cassius Dwyer (the seven month old son of United States soccer stars Dom Dwyer and Sydney Leroux) and Kensli Bennett (Chance the Rapper’s 18 month old daughter) via my phone screen, and so do thousands of others.

In any other context, creating a separate profile just to share photos of your child is not just annoying to all of your friends and followers but also a potential safety threat. Yet when celebrities do it it’s normalized and sensationalized. I’m guilty of further perpetuating this by liking the photos and tagging my friends in the comments section.

It may just be that we are so invested in the lives of our favorite celebrities that being invested in their children as well is just part of the criteria for being a fan.

In fact, I wasn’t too surprised to find out during my research for this piece that People magazine has an entire separate tab for news regarding celebrities and their babies: www.people.com/babies.

But being constantly in the spotlight can have some negative effects, typically because when you’re the child of people constantly under public scrutiny you can often be caught in the media crossfire. This was seen when Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were going through their split and Suri Cruise was often a hot topic regarding her parents’ divorce. Who would she stay with? How would custody be split up? These are all questions that are hard enough to deal with under any circumstances,

but with celebrity status this becomes even more difficult. In a November 2013 Daily Mail article, Cruise claimed that the split happened because Holmes was protecting Suri from his scientology beliefs, but rumors sprung up regarding Holmes’ adherence to their custody agreement. Headlines surfaced saying that Cruise had been deprived of time with his daughter for up to a year. It’s not surprising that this news made headlines, but the fact that Suri was the center of the content crosses a sort of ethical line because she is underage.

A media frenzy also followed the parenting styles of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie prior to their 2017 split.

In 2014, tabloids published article after article referencing the way that they chose to accept their eight-yearold daughter Shiloh’s decision to go by the name “John” and to wear genderneutral clothing. This essential time of identity exploration was covered constantly by entertainment outlets because of the family name, which undoubtedly made it more difficult to navigate.

This narrative has become all too familiar. It’s as if once a celebrity couple makes a pregnancy announcement there is a nine month countdown until the first photo they share of their newborns. From there we are brought into the lives of our favorite celebrities and their children, whether it’s through instagram posts or the “babies” section of our favorite tabloids. We follow them as they grow up and eventually lead their own lives — usually remaining in the spotlight all the while. And although it would be creepy in any other context, because they are already in the public eye we see no problem with it. After all, if they wanted to keep the intricacies of their children’s lives a secret, maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t post all about it on social media. ___________________________________ Alexis Morillo is a second-year journalism major who definitely doesn’t have a Pinterest board dedicated to cute babies. You can reach them at amorillo@ithaca.edu.

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Ministry of Cool

’ll admit that I have that shallow part of myself that cares about my Instagram followers to following ratio. Despite this, I still don’t second guess for a moment before clicking that bright blue follow button on the profile of my favorite celebrities’ children. I don’t know if it’s the mini designer clothes or the inevitable success these children will have in their lives. Or maybe it’s the fact that celebrities are so obsessed with their kids that they feel the need to create a separate account just for photos of them. No matter the cause, my Instagram feed is full of fashion photos, pictures of my friends from this past weekend’s pregame and many, many celebrity babies.

And as weird as it all sounds, I know that I’m not alone. Asahd Khaled, famous record producer DJ Khaled’s six month old son, has over 540,00 instagram followers, some of which include big name stars like Nicki Minaj and Drake. Asahd, in his short five months here on Earth, has more fans than I will ever have in my life.

He’s also been the poster child for an array of memes, many of which his father instigates through his ridiculous instagram captions. For example, an April 4 post on DJ Khaled’s profile reads, “The executive producer for my 10th studio album ! @asahdkhaled !!

My son!! #DJKHALED #GRATEFUL THE ALBUM COMIN !! It’s all IN GOD And ASAHD HANDS !!

Did I forget to mention that he made his five month old the executive producer of his next album, and the album’s cover is emblemized with Asahd’s face? Because he did, and he even went on Jimmy Kimmel to explain the logistics of having a baby produce an album.

“If he’s not in the studio while I’m recording, most of the time he is, I’ll facetime him you know what I’m saying, put him on the phone with the artist,” he said, even though Asahd can’t talk yet. Khaled said that Asahd communicates his supposed “approval” for songs in other ways.

“Believe it or not the poops and the throw-ups are super blessings so

Roll On

The progression of road trip films

By Alex Coburn, Ministry of Cool Editor

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

“N

othing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road.” Ever since Jack Kerouac’s famous novel On The Road, American culture has become obsessed with the idea of the road story. Whether it’s a campy ’80s college road trip movie or an angsty Netflix original, stories of travelling and leaving home permeate culture. Often these stories involve outsider protagonists who boldly “risk it all” and leave their old lives in order to find themselves. For a society with permanent wanderlust, the road movie has become a staple.

But why? According to a Mic article, “The wanderlust narratives tend to have a few things in common: disillusionment with the status quo, a huge career risk and a grand adventure following the big leap.” Road narratives serve as the last-ditch exit strategy for everyone disillusioned with their jobs, their partners, their hometowns; there’s always the big ‘maybe’ of running away from it all.

One of the most famous and influential road stories is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Hunter S. Thompson’s autobiographical novel which was later adapted into a film by Terry Gilliam. Fear and Loathing, like On the Road before it, was raunchy and unpredictable, something strangely inspirational for middle-class Americans who just wanted out. The A.V. Club said of the film adaptation: “Here are two sets of Americans, each looking for artificially induced happiness in a world of glitter, with neither wanting to acknowledge the other.”

But according to The New York Times, the road movie originated far before Fear and Loathing or even On the Road; instead, it started in the early 20th century, at the very birth of film as technology, with documentaries

by Robert Flaherty and Basil Wright.

These “documentaries” were less actual documentations of reality than they were road movies. They’d fabricate narratives about places far from the Western hemisphere, like the tundra of the North Pole or the jungles of Sri Lanka with Nanook of the North (Flaherty, 1922) or Song of Ceylon (Wright, 1934). While

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they were marketed to the public as documentaries, they were far more like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas than today’s Planet Earth series.

Since then, we’ve been hooked on the idea of anywhere-but-here. In the ’60s Bonnie and Clyde became the road movie of the decade. Bonnie and Clyde (Penn, 1967), like Fear and Loathing (which would debut a few years later) followed the two infamous criminals as they went on a townto-town crime spree. Even though it sounds much more far-fetched and fantastical than the average road movie, at its heart it’s about a girl who’s bored with her normal life and will do anything to go somewhere new. Isn’t that basically the definition of wanderlust?

But in the ’90s, road movies really hit their stride, and even iconic directors like David Lynch hopped on the bandwagon. Lynch’s 1990 film Wild at Heart stars pre-meme Nicolas Cage and Lynch muse Laura Dern as reunited ex-lovers on the run from a hitman hired to kill Cage.

While on the road, the two live from motel to motel and discover their glorified new honeymoon stage may not be indicative of the future of their relationship.

Even the independent film industry got in on the trend. Famous indie darling Kelly Reichardt’s debut film River of Grass premiered in 1994, a film which she self described as a “road movie without the road.” In Reichardt’s film, a young mother goes on the run with her secret lover after the two believe they’ve killed a man. Like the road movies before it, River of Grass revels in the motel as a metaphor for the in-between stage of life, the stage when one doesn’t know exactly where they stand.

Then, in the 2000s, the nostalgic groupie road story makes a comeback with the star-studded cult classic Almost Famous (Crowe, 2000). Almost Famous is a completely different kind of road movie than any of the previously mentioned. It tells the story of a teenage music snob who goes on the road with an upand-coming band; basically, it’s the dream of any dad who grew up in the

’70s. That’s probably why it became so iconic: viewers can live vicariously through the protagonist. But even though it’s distinct from earlier road movies, the same principles stand: character becomes disillusioned with their life, character abandons former life, character finds themselves on the road.

And in 2010, with Walter Salles and Sam Riley’s adaptation of On the Road, everything came full circle. While the road movie has changed and evolved, it’s never really lost its roots or forgotten the authors and directors that made it its own genre. Ann Charters said that in writing On the Road, Kerouac “had created a book that heralded a change of consciousness in the country.” And ever since, artists have been fascinated with what life is like on the road. _____________________________________ Alex Coburn is a first-year cinema and photography major who had a crush on Jack Kerouac in the seventh grade. You can reach them at acoburn@ithaca.edu.

Arts, entertainment and other things cooler than us.

Dear Nintendo

The Nintendo Switch was a highly-anticipated release, but this writer wants more

D

ear Nintendo,

overdue. Yes, Fast RMX is a spiritual successor, but how about an actual first party successor, made with love and care. Why not a new Metroid game that makes up for the lack of a good one since Prime 3? The rumored “Pokemon: Eclipse” might just be a port of Sun and Moon, but hopefully they put enough care into it to give long time fans a reboot they deserve.

New IP (Intellectual Property) is necessary. Frankly, I’m not sure I have faith in Arms, so please put some thought into your next big investment.

You benefit from the fact that you’ve crafted a lot of people’s childhoods, but it’s time to make some new Nintendo memories. The Wii U tried a few things that came off as gimmicky (The Wonderful 101, Zombie U) but the Switch has more potential. Make use of it.

I still have a lot of hope for the Switch. It’s your best selling console of all time, and it’s only been out for a little over a month. The Switch can learn from its older siblings, golden and prodigal alike. Your legacy will hold no matter what; you are cemented in history. I’d just rather not witness the decline before I make enough money to buy every Amiibo that comes out.

Again, I’m sure this won’t make it up the chain of command to grant these wishes, but hopefully I’ll be satisfied with my eventual Switch purchase regardless.

Sincerely, A lifelong fan ________________________________________ Segaro “Bo” Bozart is a second-year IMC major who could be the next CEO of Nintendo. You can reach them at sbozart@ ithaca.edu.

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Ministry of Cool

I love video games, and I feel like I have to give you the credit for it. Super Smash Bros. was the first game I can remember playing, and who knows how much money I’ve spent on Pokemon games over the years. I was looking forward to the Switch, even back when it was still the enigmatic “NX”. Back in January, I watched the live streamed reveal — my hopes were high, and wow, were they shattered.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is the only big launch game? $300 at launch with no bundled game? No online infrastructure until summer?

No info on Skyrim? And the only 3rd party developer at the conference was EA awkwardly telling us FIFA exists?

Really? I dropped my preorder. Reviews for Zelda hadn’t come out yet, so I wasn’t sure if it would be worth it, and Ribbon Girl doesn’t seem like the next Nintendo icon.

I know you probably won’t read any of this, (and if you did, I doubt you’d take any of this into consideration) but here are a few things I hope you keep in mind moving forward with the Wii U — I mean! Switch.

A lot of these suggestions focus on your strengths—namely nostalgia and creativity—as well as bridge some of the gaps between the “Casual Nintendo Fan” and the “Hardcore Console Gamer.”

DISCLAIMER: I still plan on getting a Switch at some point (maybe), so this is mostly a wishlist to justify my eventual purchase.

First off, let’s talk about the virtual console. It’s no secret that Nintendo is the undisputed champion of nostalgia.

If you don’t have fond memories of playing classic Nintendo franchises, there’s a good chance your favorite game was made by someone who does. We’ve been teased with GameCube Virtual console releases through rumors, but why not go above and beyond? It would be amazing to get virtual console games from every major console and handheld in your history.

The Switch has elements of almost every one of its predecessors in its hardware design and that should be taken advantage of. Even handheld

games would be great with the Switch’s emphasis on mobility and versatility. Not only would Switch owners be more than willing to take a stroll down memory lane, but it could also sell units because of the promise of an all-in-one Nintendo nostalgia machine. Just please make sure people can transfer games they’ve already bought.

Playstation Now is learning the hard way. Give the people what they want.

Speaking of Playstation, please for the love of Rosalina establish an actual online ecosystem. The fact that the full online experience won’t be available until the fall is rough; at least make it worth the wait. Make it something easy to navigate and give it features we would actually use. The necessity of a smartphone definitely raises eyebrows, but if it somehow improves the experience, I’m all for it. Your website makes it sound like you’re trying to offer something akin to PS+ of Xbox Games with gold, so pack in the value of those services.

It’ll sway hardcore gamers and prevent Nintendo from being a dirty word in some mouths. If you update the virtual console and include several classic or pre-modern games with the monthly subscription fee, the online functions would seem like a bonus.

The next Call of Duty, Lego game and FIFA ports will come to the Switch, yeah, yeah, we know that.

We play them on our PS4s and Xbox’s. Why would we want to play the same game on a less powerful console? Even with the versatility of the Switch’s handheld capabilities, some games are just better on beefier home-only consoles. Convince third party developers to make games exclusively for the Switch, or at least put more care into the ports. Skyrim will be a good test of a great third party developer putting some work into the Switch hardware, and only time will tell how it will turn out.

Aside from third party support, the Switch presents an opportunity to breathe new life into old or forgotten franchises. A new F Zero is long

Image by Terri Landez

By Segaro “Bo” Bozart, Contributing Writer

Five Ways to Get More Out of Your PS4

Want to make the best of your new PS4? Here are five tips on maximizing the user experience.

By Segaro “Bo” Bozart, Contributing Writer

T

he PS4 has become one of the most popular consoles of all time. It has dominated console sales since its launch in November of 2013, with over 50 million units sold.

As momentum carries, new gamers will enter the ecosystem. For those new players, here are five ways you can get the most out of your PS4 right away.

1. Playstation Plus: Playstation Plus is Sony’s online service for the Playstation family. Not only does it allow access to online multiplayer, but it offers free games every month, discounts on current games, features like background updates and file sharing and more. PS Plus is a must for anyone trying to take advantage of the Playstation’s fantastic online infrastructure.

2. Sharing is Caring: The PS4

allows players to connect their console to their personal Twitter and Facebook pages to share video and screenshots directly from the console. Add friends to party up in online multiplayer games and form communities for gamers with similar interests. You can even stream to Youtube or Twitch through the UI. The PS4’s sharing capabilities are second to none, and it is accessible with the push of the Share button.

3. Personalize your console: The Playstation store offers themes and backgrounds to outfit your PS4’s UI. You can customize the icons, backgrounds, and the UI’s music to fit your favorite game’s theme. You can even use pictures or screenshots from your play sessions as your wallpaper for the XMB menu. It’s also worth tinkering with folders to organize your games.

Separate software into folders to cut down on the clutter, especially if you

Roadtrippin’ Playlist

have a lot of downloaded titles.

4. PS Store: The Playstation store not only has games and downloadable content to download directly onto the PS4, but it has movies, music, demos, and TV shows as well. Be sure to check in often for seasonal sales as well as the occasional flash sale where you can get games with a pretty generous discount.

5. Binge everything: PS4 has video, movie, and TV streaming apps like Youtube, Hulu, Netflix and more. But you have to download them from the PS Store or the Media dropdown menu from the XMB. Connect your accounts so you never have to leave the couch, turn your PS4 off or sleep ever again. _____________________________________ Segaro “Bo” Bozart is a second-year IMC major who minors in improving your PS4 experience. You can reach them at sbozart@ithaca.edu.

These are road trip songs that everyone can sing along to

By Tessa More, Contributing Writer

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

S

ummer is fast approaching, and with it comes the inevitable trips to visit college friends all across the country and globe.

Fueled with gasoline and a car full of your favorite friends’ company, you’re ready to embark out on the open road, or are you? Do you have a playlist that will make the hours pass like minutes? Can your choice of music melt away what often winds up being dull highway scenery? If you choose the right blend of classics and current hits, your car ride can transcend its simple purpose of getting from one place to another.

There are numerous factors that go into making for a belt-at-the-topof-your-lungs road trip song. Songs featuring the subject of a road trip or driving in general will keep any car crew engaged. Classics like “Highway to Hell,” “Born to Run,” “I Would Walk 500 Miles,” “The Distance” and “Dashboard” satisfy the need to relate to being in a car for hours on end.

And when your co-pilot inevitably falls asleep, how can you resist blasting “Tear In My Heart” while running over

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pothole after pothole to wake them?

Another important aspect is actability: how dramatic can you sing and dance within the confines of your Toyota Prius? Great songs to sing at the top of your lungs while gesturing lavishly include “All Star,” “Bohemian Rhapsody,” “The Climb,” “Before He Cheats,” “Benny and the Jets,” “Don’t Trust Me,” “Bad Religion” and the song of our generation: “Fergalicious.”

Most importantly, everyone on the road trip needs to have a general knowledge of lyrics so they’ll be able to accurately sing the stories and not feel ostracized. “Drops of Jupiter,” “Don’t Stop Believin’,” “I Write Sins Not Tragedies,” “Sweet Caroline,” “Always Alright” or “Welcome to the Black Parade” are car classics that don’t require using AZ Lyrics. If need be, print out the lyrics to the songs you’re most nervous about your Sedan squad knowing. Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” often keeps everyone on their toes with each verse’s alliteration of lyrics.

Now if you’re like me, your party-bus posse tunes in to modern rap, so throw in “Ultralight Beam,” “iSpy,” “Coast Is Clear,” “Gold Digger,” “It Wasn’t Me,”

Chance the Rapper’s “Angels” and “All Night.” If the whiteness of your gasoline gang is unanimous, you might want to refrain from passing out lyrics for these ones.

If you’re taking this trip with your significant other, or someone you have romantic hopes for, you can always subtly drop Nat King Cole’s “L-O-V-E,” Nelly Furtado’s “Promiscuous,” “Side To Side,” “Take Me Out,” “What Do You Mean?,” Kendrick’s “LOVE.” and Ke$ha’s “Your Love Is My Drug.” If you’re taking the trip with platonic pals whom you have no interest in getting with, you can still play these—just don’t stare directly into their soul while belting them at the top of your lungs.

Now if this seems like a lot of songs to keep track of, lucky for you there’s a Spotify playlist where all these songs (and many other hits old and new) reside happily together: “Buzzsaw Best Roadtrip Jams,” give it a listen, and safe travels! _____________________________________ Tessa More is a second-year Journalism major who thinks “Promiscuous” is the greatest song of all time. You can reach them at tmore@ithaca.edu.

RAW SAW

Father John Misty

FROM THE

Pure Comedy Album Review Jordan Aaron

Sawdust Editor

he sings about and, like a good midpoint, it mirrors the climax of the album. On “Magic Mountain,” he accepts the behavior inherent in humanity. This is a real flip flop from when he satirically sings “When the historians find us we’ll be in our homes, plugged into our hubs, skin and bones.”

There are times where this contradiction doesn’t work. The lyrics on “Two Wildly Different Perspective” comment on the disagreeable nature of humanity, but feels like a man complaining while watching CNN in a bar at two in the afternoon, and “Birdie” retreads ground already covered elsewhere on the album.

It’s a slow burn, but Pure Comedy is an insightful time capsule of the irreverent, entertainmentobsessed nature of society. But it’s moments of optimism are what makes it palatable. At the end of the album, the world hasn’t been saved, and in fact, is at the brink of apocalypse, but in that moment, one can’t help to feel like there really is nothing to fear.

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Ministry of Cool

“Another white guy in 2017 who takes himself so god damn seriously,” Josh Tillman (better known as Father John Misty) croons in his 13-minute epic of a song, “Leaving LA.” Pure Comedy is sarcastic and earnest, cynical and optimistic, damning and accepting. It’s also quite long — ­probably too long.

The album starts off with a sixminute title track that announces all of humankind’s ill wills and misdeeds, calling it pure comedy — “something that a madman would conceive.” This track serves as a sort of thesis for the album: humanity is doomed by how much it craves being entertained. It’s a condemnation. At this point, we realize that this record is going to feel a bit like Zarathustra coming down from the mountain, and at times that can be quite frustrating. Certainly “Birdie” and “Two Wildly Different Perspectives” had me checking my watch (as if I

wear a watch) saying, “Alright we get it, dude.”

But that isn’t to say the album gets boring. This is certainly the heavenly Father’s most ambitious musical effort, sporting instrumentals that remind me of mid-1970s Brian Eno, melodies reminiscent of Elton John songs, and song structures that mimic the long, chorus-less songs of Bob Dylan (or Bobby D for short). There are luscious strings, vocal ensembles, synthesizers, brass ensembles, and, my favorite, mellotrons.

The music does quite the job at building a sense of dystopia. The horns in “Pure Comedy” and “Things It Would Have Been Helpful To Know Before the Revolution” present a soundscape that tracks the collapse of modern society as we know it.

This is countered with some folksongwriting that shows Father John Misty accepting humanity for what it is. By the end of the record, we get synthesizers and orchestras on “So I’m Growing Old on Magic Mountain” and “In Twenty Years or So” that culminate to simple, stripped down string arrangements as he sings, “There’s nothing to fear.” The music accompanies the journey quite well and is quite fitting to the lyrics.

On “Leaving LA,” Father John Misty sings about finally abandoning Los Angeles. It’s the longest, and most stripped down song on the album and it’s also the most genuine. He sings about how he is inherently implicit in the comedy

Spoon Hot Thoughts Album Review

Brianna Pulver

Smino

Layout Editor

blkswn

Album Review

Edward Willshire

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

Contributing Writer

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Spoon definitely waited their turn to release a new album, but the real question remains: Did they drop it on March 17 so I could make a stupid pun about a pot of gold and the color green when I wrote its review? Probably not, but Spoon fans got lucky anyway. They Want My Soul, released in 2014, showed a much more expressive side to Spoon, and people completely fell in love with it. Having waited nearly three years to hear what was to come after that visceral, emotional album, we were finally handed Hot Thoughts.

Their ninth studio album swayed more toward magnetic musicality, shifting perspective in each song like a hall of mirrors.

With its tangy strings and choppy keyboard, the album is packed with soft but staggered sounds. Britt Daniel, Jim Eno, Rob Pope, Eric Harvey and Alex Fischel worked hard and well to stun us with their new take on sound. This ten-track album brought an ethereal tone to their familiar stretchy, carpeted music. Songs like “WhisperI’lllistentohearit,” “Do I Have to Talk You Into It” and “I Ain’t the One” offer us a distance from reality, almost limping on the speakers, while “Tear It Down” and “Pink Up” give us that emotional pull.

Britt Daniel, lead singer and guitarist, wrote most of the songs for Hot Thoughts, with help from Ted Taforo (saxophonist—co-wrote “Us”), Laura Pergolizzi (pop singer—co-wrote “Tear It Down”), Sean Dineen (co-wrote “Shotgun”) and Alex Fischel (keyboardist and guitarist for Spoon). Hot Thoughts is one of Spoon’s more charged albums, not really focusing on a specific speed or direction. It’s unsure of whether or not it wants to be rhythmic or poppy, electric or jazzy. So instead of deciding, the album talks it out, reaching highs and lows and those places in between, really stitching the songs together. It builds the parts like a rollercoaster, smoothing its edges until its finish, where the album ends on a creamy jazz coda.

Hot Thoughts is the album you listen to on a long drive during the summer, windows down and volume cranked. Spoon really resurrected the complexities in their individuality, playing upon each member’s strengths and interests.

St. Louis based rapper Smino has been making big moves over the past couple months.

He’s collaborated on several of Chicago’s best up-and-coming artists’ recent projects, and he’s released a number of singles over the past year.

From there, Smino released songs sporadically until the album was released on March 14. After Smino’s previous short projects S!ck S!ck S!ck and Blkjuptr, this debut album has been a long time coming. It doesn’t disappoint, presenting the wide range of Smino’s vocals, as well as his ability to collaborate with some of today’s most exciting producers.

The tone of the album shifts a number of different points but primarily focuses on the rapper’s lovelife, musical style and talent and celebrating the city of St. Louis. Smino keeps the vibe consistently upbeat, although certain tracks like “B Role” up the intensity or slow the pace, as exemplified in the title track. Smino doesn’t seek to imitate any styles on this album; his sound is very much his own.

The album is primarily produced by Smino’s most frequent collaborator, Chicago-based Monte Booker. His sound and Smino’s vocals fit together flawlessly. Booker plays with tempo and off-beat sounds that create a very unique but natural rhythm. This is displayed in the hectic song “Blkoscars,” which was one of the album’s singles. The song, which celebrates the underappreciated achievements of black people, is one of many on the album which hits a relevant topic but is so uniquely Smino in execution. His voice pops up entire octaves mid-bar, using his intonation to create the kind of recognizable sounds usually achieved with ad libs.

Possibly the best song on the album, “Netflix & Dusse,” brings back a verse that some may have heard on the leaked version of Big Sean’s song “Living Single.” With a catchy and memorable hook, this song quickly rose to be my favorite on the album. The verse, one of the best Smino has ever delivered, pairs well with the hook. This song is an excellent example of Smino’s deft rhyming capabilities, as each line impresses with slant and internal rhymes that take multiple listens to truly appreciate.

The 18-track album has a few songs that don’t leave too much of an impression, but there’s more than enough good peppered throughout to recommend. Initially the standout songs were those released as singles; however, when listening again,“Spitshine,” “B Role” and “Silk Pillows,” began to leave an impact. The less immediately memorable songs have plenty in them that are worth your time and attention.

Smino is still a very new and young artist who will hopefully have a long career ahead of him. He’s coming up at the right time, and if he continues to work with the Chicago talent surrounding him as well as boasting the status of St. Louis hip-hop, then Smino’s unique sound could really represent something new. Smino is definitely one of the artists to keep an eye on in 2017. He’s about to head off on tour and if his past habits are any indication, he and Booker will be keeping busy making music, looking to follow up an impressive debut effort.

Frantz Film Review Tyler Obropta Staff Writer

and the relationship of Anna and Adrien that Frantz actually begins to get interesting, but the movie’s first hour is a chore to get through.

There are a few truly excellent scenes — Hans’ speech to his German drinking buddies in a bar and much of Anna’s trip to France are particular standouts, but the rest of the film is so stuffy and torpid that it’s hard to appreciate those sequences Ozon gets right.

Xenophobic themes aside, Ozon manages to effectively explore Anna’s depression and the regret felt

by Adrien and Hans. Adrien’s secrets and the guilt he takes from them weigh heavily on the second half of the film, and Frantz is all the better for the time Ozon spends on these ideas. And yet, when the proverbial curtain falls, there still isn’t any sense of resolution. Anna and Adrien both learned something, yes — but I can’t imagine what Ozon wants his audiences to take away from Frantz.

Unless you’re a particular fan of French art history or cinema, for all of its shortcomings, Frantz is clearly well-versed in those areas and Ozon’s latest will leave you unenthused and unaffected.

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Ministry of Cool

It’s 1919, and the world has just changed irrevocably. The Great War has ended, and Europe has begun licking its wounds. In a small town named Quedlinburg in the heart of Germany, a woman widowed by the war visits the grave of her husband, Frantz. But someone’s already placed flowers on it. This mysterious stranger to Quedlinburg is no stranger to the man in the ground: He is Adrien Rivoire (Pierre Niney), a Frenchman who befriended Frantz in Paris before the war.

To Anna (Paula Beer), this charming and handsome gentleman is a welcome relief to her weary, grieving heart. Her family and the rest of the town, however, are less thrilled by his presence.

Franco-German tensions have never been higher, and Adrien is not welcome by anybody, least of all Anna’s grieving in-laws, Hans and Magda (Ernst Stötzner and Marie Gruber). “Every Frenchman is my son’s murderer,” Hans proclaims early in the film.

Adrien is there to learn about the friend the war claimed, and to the family, he becomes a reminder of whom they lost, a ghost of the man who never returned from the trenches. But even when Hans and Magda have warmed to him, Adrien still gets steely glares from the German men whenever he goes out on the town. Perhaps it’d help if it didn’t seem like he were trying to woo the bereaved Anna.

And when Adrien suddenly returns to Paris, a welcome narrative shake-up that comes halfway through the film, Anna

of course follows — intent to learn about Adrien as Adrien tried to learn about Frantz. But in this new city, the prejudice is still abundant. Anna gets the same looks Adrien did, especially from Adrien’s family.

François Ozon’s period piece, a French and German co-production, tackles this xenophobia and nationalistic pride in a way that we might find familiar — not just those of us at home in America, but also abroad, where the waves of President Trump and Brexit are reaching far and wide. They have even reached Ozon’s home country of France, where National Front leader Marine Le Pen is calling for France to regain its identity by shunning immigrants and stripping religious groups of their identities.

So one would expect Ozon’s film to reflect these global prejudices and have something to say about our times, but the film instead sits proudly 100 years in the past. It’s not a reflection. It’s a movie trapped in the 1910s.

This lack of awareness wouldn’t be a problem if Frantz didn’t feel like a film made for another generation entirely. Ozon’s work typically showcases Hitchcockian plotting and a very French fixation on sex and carnality, but he opts for the oldfashioned here. Seeing characters slinking down wet cobblestone alleyways recalls the steamy noir of Orson Welles’ The Third Man or of detective classics like The Maltese Falcon, but there’s no mystery or intrigue here. God, I would have loved to see Anna or Adrien pull a Colt Detective Special on an intrusive German, or even for a brawl to break out in a bar. But this isn’t that kind of movie.

For all of its Haneke-esque camerawork, excellent production design and magnetic performances, the film suffers from a visual style too stuffy and lifeless to be entertaining and a story that is, unfortunately, horribly boring.

The simple fact is that few people can relate to the Franco-German prejudices of postwar Europe, and this lack of resonance undermines the film at every turn. It’s when the film focuses more on its twisting plot

Song to Song

Film Review Tyler Obropta

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

Staff Writer

If you’ve never seen a Terrence Malick film before, then do yourself a favor and don’t make Song to Song your first exposure to him.

Song to Song is late-career Malick in peak form, a gorgeous montage of life and love that feels more often like hooking a movie screen up to someone’s REM sleep than a traditional film.

Somewhere between 2005’s The New World and 2011’s Tree of Life, Malick got more experimental, and like a hot air balloon pilot intent on clearing the ionosphere, he started cutting whatever tethers he could, starting with story, character and structure.

There’s a curious shape to Malick’s formlessness, something frustrating and infinitely fascinating about his attempts to transcend story. When in Song to Song, Rooney Mara’s character Faye feeds a pair of swans under a bridge, you don’t immediately think that what you’re seeing is important. Malick’s films don’t work that way. They don’t follow those rules. The swans never play into the plot at all, never amount to anything resembling narrative importance. But Malick wanted you to see something in her feeding the swans, just as he wants you to take something away from all the up-close sex, wide-lensed party sequences and achingly beautiful nature shots his work has become known for.

His films are the closest modern America has to poetic cinema, and like most poetry, they are probably best consumed

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with either unwavering academic, analytical devotion, or with a loose mind and a healthy amount of strong alcohol.

Song to Song is a bad introduction to Malick for the same reasons that ghost peppers are a bad introduction to spicy food. As the product of a decade of experimenting with form, Song to Song is potent and intense.

It’s intensely subversive too, so much so that it’ll alienate any newcomers to the director.

Malick’s films are never focused on plot, so I’ll be brief — Song to Song follows Faye, an aspiring musician, as she has sexual relationships with Ryan Gosling’s talented lyricist BV and Michael Fassbender’s cold, driven music producer Cook, all in her attempts to settle into normalcy, find love, and find a career, and it’s all set against the backdrop of the 2012 SXSW festival.

But Song to Song so neglects its characters and plot that I had to Google-search who these people were. I had no idea that Gosling’s character’s name is BV, or that Fassbender’s is Cook, or that Gosling and Faye work as lyricists. Instead, the actors in Malick’s films are props.

They’re just pretty faces helping to sell the movie to audiences. But there’s something fun in watching Fassbender, Gosling and Mara prance carelessly around SXSW — Malick shot on location, with these highprofile Hollywood actors mingling with the crowds and dancing around on stages. Often, they don’t even get dialogue, and their communication must be purely grounded in a single look.

Mara’s deep, expressive eyes adapt well to the wordless world of Malick, and Fassbender’s presence alone is often enough to lend gravitas to a scene. He doesn’t have to say a word. And as for Gosling, he isn’t singing and dancing his way through this one, but God, he is so damn charming.

Because everybody in the industry wants to be in a Terrence Malick film, Natalie Portman enters as a Texan waitress named Rhonda, Southern twang and all. Holly Hunter, here underused (but with Malick, every actor usually is), plays Rhonda’s

concerned mother. Cate Blanchett appears late in the game as another suitor to Gosling. And those more well-versed in music than I surely would recognize Florence Welch, The Black Lips, Iggy Pop, and many more artists cameoing as themselves. And Patti Smith, playing herself, actually gets a significant amount of screen time!

The wild, excessive, fuck-thesystem energy of SXSW, with the charm of the actors and the inventiveness of Emmanuel Lubezki’s cinematography ensures the film never gets boring. But nothing can stop the film from being frustrating. The constantly alternating voice-overs never have anything interesting to say because what actors say in Malick films almost never matters. He has no problem drowning their voices out with loud music or cutting lengthy segments out of conversations, but somehow we’re expected to pay attention to a weightless, airy voiceover from Rhonda, Cook or BV, all of whom we barely know.

The aimlessness of Malick’s style, most apparent in the voiceovers, editing and pacing — the film ends about seven times — sinks in when you learn that the characters you’re watching, the sounds you’re hearing and the images you’re being shown are all subservient to the tone. And that’s a dealbreaker for some.

But Malick’s style, if you’ve seen enough Malick to appreciate it, carries a sense of the transcendent.

Characters laugh without jokes being told and dance without music being played, as if some cosmic joy is tickling their souls.

If you can speak the language of Terrence Malick, his latest film is a meal of delicious surrealism that delights in slapping convention across the face. But dear God, don’t walk into this expecting anything normal. Terry doesn’t do normal.

Sex Education Anonymous

My senior year of high school, I was head-over-heels in love with Josh. Or maybe head over heels in lust. I thought everything he did was sexy, especially since we’d just started to have sex. That was thrilling in itself because this was territory neither of us had explored before, so to get to explore it with each other was amazing.

On a warm day in May, we were alone at his house and started kissing. Kissing led to neck kissing, ear biting… and since no one was home, we could be as loud as we wanted.

Suddenly his shirt was off and so was mine. He unclasped my bra and I unbuttoned his pants. We grinded our hips together and moaned into each other’s ears. He kissed my breasts, fingering me gently, and I kissed up and down his chest, licking up and down his shaft. Josh was so hard and I was so wet. I wanted him right then and there.

Josh tugged at my underwear to pull it down. We were both ready. I

wanted him inside me so badly. But unfortunately, I was on my period.

“Want to take it to the shower?” I suggested. I’d never had shower sex before; the idea kind of scared me (but thrilled me at the same time). I just figured having sex on my period would be easier to clean up afterwards if we just showered together. So we hopped into his shower and turned on the water.

I pulled Josh as close to me as I possibly could, wrapping my arms around his neck and pushing my hips against his so I could feel his hard dick between my legs. I moved against him and kissed his neck again. The water rained down over our heads, our bodies glistening and wet. Finally, finally.

Then, he whispered in my ear, “Is it gone yet?”

What?

I pulled away to look at him. “Is what gone?” I asked.

“You know,” he said, motioning towards my nether region. “Your period.”

I stared at him. Then I reached behind me to turn off the water.

“Josh,” I said slowly. “That’s not how periods work. The blood doesn’t stop coming out of you for, like, five days.”

Instead of having sex that afternoon, we both sat down naked in the bathtub and I explained to him how female reproductive organs worked. Purely educational. I got my fix another day.

Ministry of Cool

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BUZZSAW: Dunk Issues

OSE&CONS. PROSE&CONS.

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When I was a little girl I often found myself sprinting to the beach moments before the sun set behind the Verrazano bridge. My chest rose and fell with each breath of the salty air and my breathless pants grew louder in fear that I would miss the setting sun. If I had known better before, I would classify my consistent nightly returns to the beach as an addiction: pastel colors swirling together as the ocean crept up and fell back made my head erupt yellow, blues, oranges, reds, purples and pinks. When I arrived at the beach on those dying days I would revel in the feelings of prickly, damp sand that stuck between my toes. My petite hands covered my eyes, allowing the smell of saltwater and seaweed to fill my nostrils.

I took a deep breath and counted: 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 And after the last number left my lips and I pulled my hands back to my sides, I no longer saw a sky ablaze with swirling warm tones, rather I saw muted blues and the sun's fading glow buried beneath the steel bridge. Always satisfied, I walked back to my house, anticipating tomorrow’s performance.

Now I no longer spend my days counting down the sunset, instead I count the steps it takes me to stumble from my place to yours long after the sun has gone down. My veins pump alcohol rather than adrenaline, and each pant that escapes my mouth is not from exhaustion but desperation. If I had known better I would call — no I would yell — that it was an addiction: loud, vibrating chords escaping your pale lips and hands that always clasped things a little too tightly, like you were afraid that everything was going to slip through your fingers and be gone forever.

My hands, once suggesting days spent in the salty water, are now stained with your scent that no body of water can melt from my skin. My energy, once absorbed from the sun, has been replaced with melancholic moonlight.

Now, I can see the world shifting before me like I did as a little girl but the familiar tones of yellow, orange, and red have long been replaced by white dots that decorate the deep purple and dusty blacks of the sky.

I close my eyes and inhale the dewy leaves and listen to the crickets sing from the tiny marsh from my place to yours and the last thing I see is you walking away.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 And when I open my eyes and they adjust to the too familiar surroundings, you are no longer there; instead I see a muddied path illuminated by the moonlight with footprints that grow smaller the farther I look. I try hard to catch my breath but it is in my lungs like smoke from a burning stove. I can’t help but think of you as my sunset. I realize I have been staring at beautiful things for far too long. I understand now they weren’t beautiful at all.

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Prose & Cons

c o u n t d o w n Julia Tricolla

#donaldglov erforspiderman hakeem anthony

we need those fictional heroes of negroes we go to animation & tv shows to build our egos

lookin’ for black people whose blood aint gettin sucked by mosquitos

or cut by pigs in sheep clothes

we need those negroids or at least other people of color that live under the ultraviolet covers that burn skin like jalapenos we need those fictional heroes of negroes we ain’t even got a deceitful placebo like how native americans have casinos we need more than orange afrolatino teasin yo libido it's more than just ego please go find me something or at least a station we can make into a depot we need those fictional heroes of negroes why is marvel’s alter ego of malcolm x a white magneto when will the screen show more black people where i can tell my lil cousins

she’s dope stronger than the hulk what happened to static and his wb show we got a black

aqualad but y'all act like we can't keep both we need those fictional heroes of negroes it shouldn't be legal and is black life not relatable or believable 21st century tv is a cathedral so where we posed to go sleep oh sleep into death keeping our dreams closed omitted from society but privately still achieved those feelings felt by fictional free folk

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

negromancer^ a nihilist

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Sundress and Overalls make their way down the dirt path, hand in hand. The lush green trees surround them and the sun peeks through the leaves, whispering hello. Sundress carries a bottle of white wine and Overalls holds tight to a beach blanket.

The two emerge into an open field. The light beats down hot. In the middle of the field is a flowing stream, cool to the touch as it swirls around rocks and small fishes. Sundress and Overalls peel off their shoes and socks and lay down their blanket, settling at the edge of the water. Sundress opens the already uncorked wine, and takes a swig from it, kicking her toes in the cool water. Overalls reaches down to cuff the bottom of her jeans, then slips her feet in too.

They take turns drinking from the bottle until the sweet nectar has gone. Around them, purples and blues and yellows and whites become hazy, fuzzy. Their cheeks turn pink, from the sun or the wine, or both — we will never know. Hand in hand, Sundress and Overalls lie back on the blanket and spend the afternoon giggling away.

As the two bask in the warmth of the sun, they talk about life and the stars and the moon and the sea. They trace each other's faces with petals from the glory around them, smiling into each other's lips all afternoon.

The sweet honey taste remains even as the wine drunk fades.

As the sun begins to cool, Overalls plucks some yellow flowers from the field around them and tucks it behind Sundress's ear. The bright color contrasts her dark hair marvelously. Overalls tucks some pink flowers into her own Tweety bird pocket and slips a blue wildflower behind her ear, causing her bright blue eyes to gleam.

Sundress and Overalls are happy. Hand in hand, lips to lips, they are happy.

Sundress and Overalls

Megan Banning Prose & Cons

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How to Withstand College

I Learned This the Hard Way

Sama nt ha B r ods k y

R a e H a r r is

i. Do not fall in love thinking you’ll float. Ready

i. How to forget—how to bury nights so deep

your limbs to drown in its fickle waters. Perhaps stuff your pockets with rocks so you’ll hit bottom faster — the sooner you break, the sooner you’ll resurface to heal.

ii. But do fall in love. Do it once. Twice. Seven

times even. Do it until you’re not so much as falling, but rising into it — until it makes you someone you no longer have to mimic. Because it’s someone you are.

iii. Get yourself a sturdy pair of running shoes.

Nothing fancy. Lace them up when your thoughts are most enraged. Or when you need to go breathless to really breathe.

iv. Cut ties when you start saying yes for the wrong reasons.

v. Home can come in the form of a writing prompt, a mentor, a graffitied hiking trail, a friend. Or even a drunken piece of baked ziti pizza.

vi. Take measures to practice self-care like you’d practice perfecting cursive. Slow, smooth, steady.

Beautiful.

vii. Tell them you’ll go far — if only for the sake

of the child in you who dreamt big. Who wanted to be a poet. Or President. Or both. Take that child by the hand and feed them courage like red ripened grapes.

viii. Store your failures in your pockets like loose

change. Collect them to remind yourself that though heavy, their lasting impact can buy you success when it costs you most. (You might not need rocks after all.)

ix. Know your buzzwords and your buzz. x. Keep track of time. It’s stubborn and finds no

sense in staying put. Keep it close — in your belt buckle or sleeve cuff. Or bite down on it with an eager crescent smile. One that, though changed, is somehow still your own.

in your bones that even you yourself question if they really existed at all. Like those drunken dreams that almost feel real in the morning.

Sometimes you wish they were. There are things I want to forget and things I want to remember, but you are both.

ii. Not all pain is created equal. Pain has no

prescribed purpose, just hurts for the sake of hurting. Your veins will ache and your head will spin and you’ll stand in the shower counting the titles on the cold bathroom floor. Oh baby, just wipe the steam off the mirror and dry your hair, it’s only pain.

iii. Bad habits aren’t broken, only changed.

You can’t abandon the bad, only disguise it — clean it up real nice and put a shiny bow on it. You might not drink your nightmares away anymore, but now you don’t wake up till noon.

Open your eyes — you’re missing out on the sun.

iv. Control is an illusion, and you can’t lose

what you never had. I’m unraveling, but don’t let me come undone. Drop the cigarette, drop the act. Go home and lull yourself to sleep by counting your regrets. If you’re lucky, you’ll fall asleep before you get to my name.

v. You deserve to hear “sorry,” but I can’t pic-

ture you wanting to hear my voice again. We all have the worst versions of ourselves, but you’re lucky enough that yours isn’t set free with a sip of a bottle.

vi. There’s no easy way to grow. You sit with

your messy, complicated feelings and they become your friend. Ragged, bitten down fingernails and chewed lips and bruised knees.

This is the only way things change.

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The place where one lives, where the heart is.

Why would I call that place home when for eighteen years it was everything but?

Home is the bearer of bad news — where it tells you that we can no longer be a family.

The paint chips and the cracks spread no matter what color, how many coats of paint we put on the walls, I will always remember the scars.

Where the place called home fell apart.

Home Kimberly Caceci

Home is the origin for anxiety where I thought I was okay, but the universe had something else in mind.

Breathing changing in parallel with the waves.

One hour it’s flowing nicely along the coastline, but the next it decides to crash to the shore with all its power the moon has given with one goal in mind: to drown me.

Home is where truth turns into lies.

One disaster follows right after another.

My body deciding to slowly deteriorate, die right in front of me, making daily living a challenge where no one else will understand, no matter how hard I try to explain what it’s like living.

Home is the change I should have seen coming but decided to ignore anyway until it was too late.

There’s a new pathway to go home.

Others merrily trek along down that road while I’m still following the original footsteps that are slowly fading from existence.

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Prose & Cons

Home is not, was not will never be home.

Home suffocated me until it made me homeless.

lītnəs/

Mila Phelps-Friedl

The other day I saw someone flying down the hallway. He stretched his arms out in front of me, fingertip to fingertip with muscles furled and it was as if the air moved to meet him. Even as I walked behind, I imagined I could see his eyes lifting towards the ceiling and this wonderful atmosphere of lightness filled the air. I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of lightness — and by this I don’t mean in terms of pigment. Think of it this way: Light·ness1 ˈlītnəs/ noun

1. the quality of having little weight.

2. lack of pressure, force, or heaviness of movement.

I excluded the definition that links the word to the feeling of cheerfulness because, at least lately, I have decided that the two are not necessarily exclusive in nature. One can feel light after a great weight is lifted, and depending upon the nature of that weight, while one may feel the loss like a gaping wound, a space devoid of what once was — they can still feel a great sense of lightness.

For the past few weeks the word has slid against the roof of my mouth, pressed against my teeth — what allows for some people to feel light when they wake up in the morning just at the prospect of a new day, while others think over every small happening of the week before just to make their stomach reel? Lately I’ve woken up only to lie in bed and wonder endlessly about what gives me the right to have the things I am lucky to have, the right to choose when I am happy, or perhaps most significantly, to be able to get help when I am not able to.

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

The truth is, I think I have found the most joy in the past few weeks by looking for the moments where others around me are experiencing this feeling, even if I am not. My heart caught in my throat when I saw him flying down that hallway — and at the end of the polyester road, he held open the door until I was through. I thanked him and as I walked away I realized there was a smile brushing the edges of my lips.

As I took the elevator up to a floor I was too lazy to manually navigate, I leaned my head against the union of two walls and spaced my vision out upon the orangey blur of illuminated buttons. It took me a few seconds to realize that the woman next to me was quietly singing along to whatever was playing in her head — ­ I enjoyed listening to someone who was just having their own little moment regardless of whomever else may be around.

Maybe the reason that lightness and happiness doesn’t always go hand in hand is because all it takes to feel lighter is to experience someone else who has taken their surroundings, the weight of the world, the sound in their ears — and turned it into something beautiful. I was taught in Psychology that there is a physiological response to smiling, even if you don’t feel happy. Maybe flying is along those same lines.

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Sawdust

AWDUST. SAWDUST. SAWD

Satire threatening the magazine’s credibility since 1856.

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Jeff Sessions Hates Mad Dank Kush It’s because he’s never tried mad dank kush

By Cara Olson, Staff Writer

O

ut of all the presidential cabinet members, one may expect attorney general Jeff Sessions to be the most 4/20-friendly. And that’s putting aside Jared Kushner’s blessing of a last name, of course, because we all know that guy’s an uptight dweeb.

Sure, Steve Bannon may look like he just smoked fifteen blunts in a row and then fell down six flights of stairs after getting disoriented by a woman in a position of power. But then there’s Jeff Sessions. I mean, just look at his name — Jeff Seshions. For all you non-fiends-for-thegreen, “sesh” is a colloquial term, meaning “a period of time in which a bunch of mad tokers smoke the kind herb.”

A name like Sessions is like a gift from the gods of ganja. In other words, that name is pretty much a guarantee that you’ll be able to find ol’ Jeff on a Friday night lighting up

a jazz cigarette and vibing out to old episodes of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting. Maybe he’ll be eating some cold pizza, because all doob-hounds know it’s superior to hot pizza.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case, even though it sounds like the greatest way Jeff Sessions could be spending his weekend. In fact, it couldn’t be further from the case.

You’d be surprised to learn that Sessions is against the legalization of wacky tobacky. Or hey, maybe you wouldn’t be surprised at all — Sessions is an old Southern Republican, after all.

Well, how bad does Sesh hate the Mary Jane? So much that he’s stated that marijuana is “only slightly less awful” than heroin. Wow. That’s one hardcore anti-weed sentiment.

Sessions may as well have screened that old movie “Reefer Madness” at his press conference. My prediction was really off, wasn’t it? Jeff Sessions hates dank cabbage.

But don’t get too discouraged, stoney baloneys. Jeff Sessions’ curmudgeonly stance on the devil’s lettuce can be changed. How is that, you may ask? We cheeba-hawks just have to get Sesh a hit of this mad dank kush and he’s bound to change his mind. Nobody can deny the majesty of an excellent Plunkbottom Diesel, or maybe a Granberry Skunkhound.

A fat doob of sweet Bubonic Chronic might do the trick and turn Jeff Sessions around. All it takes is one major blitz off my vape and Jeff Sessions will have no choice but to rethink his stance on marijuana. It’s up to us now — we have the power to make a change, and it all starts with one rip from the bong. __________________________________ Cara Olson is a second year television-radio major who’s still unsure how they feel about the mad dank kush. You can reach them at colson@ithaca.edu.

Simon Eats Garfunkel

The famed duo faces its final breakup

By Will Cohan, Staff Writer

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

S

hocking news has unfolded for music fans around the nation. In a freak occurrence, Art Garfunkel was reportedly eaten alive by his former music partner, Paul Simon. In his defense, Simon claimed that he thought Garfunkel was a salad, stating, “I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I saw a salad and I ate it. It just so happened that this particular salad was actually a person.”

The incident occurred at a small party being held at Simon’s residence. Simon apparently ate Garfunkel in front of 20 witnesses all of whom were too shocked to say anything. One guest who gave his account of the scene, stated, “Paul just started eating him. He unhinged his jaw like a snake and swallowed him whole in like five seconds. It all happened so fast, no one knew what to say. ”

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When we spoke to him, Simon had trouble remembering who Garfunkel was, despite the fact that they had recorded over five albums together. “Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme?”

Simon puzzled.

“Those would taste great in a salad dressing.”

It remains a mystery to everyone involved how exactly Simon ate an entire person without realizing it.

Reportedly, Garfunkel attempted to push Simon away when he unhinged his jaw, but Simon said that this only intensified his hunger, saying, “Salads aren’t supposed to fight back, but if I have to fight for my meal, so be it.”

Garfunkel is still trapped inside the cavernous gut of Simon and is unavailable for comment.

Doctors are concerned about Garfunkel’s survival and how much longer he can withstand Simon’s digestion, especially without oxygen.

Police are making a plan to rescue Garfunkel from the damp, dark abyss that is Simon’s intestinal tract. Professional spelunkers who plan to enter through Simon’s mouth and slowly work their way down to Garfunkel. In the meantime, doctors are keeping track of Garfunkel’s status via sonogram. One doctor believes that it’s a miracle he has survived this long, saying, “Paul Simon’s gut is dark and full of terrors. God help Art Garfunkel. God help us all.” __________________________________ Will Cohan is a second year cinema and photography major who’s favorite member was Garfunkel.

Send condolences to wcohan@ ithaca.edu.

Take a Chance

Chance the Rapper looks for a new intern

By Tessa More, Contributing Writer

R

under-the-radar tweeting of dank memes.

The first thing I noticed about the intern — let’s call him Pudgy — is that he has a commanding presence, “The first time Chance saw me in person, his eyes lit up, like they literally glowed. I swear he almost started salivating, that’s how excited he was to meet me. I know I’m an alarmingly fat guy, but no one’s ever had that sort of reaction when first meeting me.”

It turns out being the Coloring Book rapper’s assistant isn’t as

hats on. It’s like he’s got scales to hide under there or something.”

But most importantly, Chance might have found an unlikely pal in Pudgy, one that he can trust to babysit and crack jokes with.

“The other day I was babysitting his daughter Kensli when he told me the funniest joke that had me laughing so hard I could feel all the food I was forced to eat bouncing around in my stomach. He said that he was secretly a dinosaur who goes by the name Chance the Raptor, who fattens up his interns, and devours them during the waning gibbous period after each full moon. I remember it really well, because I laughed so hard that I choked on the Kit Kat bar he was feeding me!”

After the waning period of the most recent full moon, I was curious to see if the joke had any merit. I checked Pudgy’s secret Twitter account to see if he’d posted any memes or updates on the internship, only to realize it had been inactive for the past few weeks. Either Pudgy has gotten really busy validating Chance’s choice to stay label-less, or he made a succulent snack for Chancelor Image by Claire McClusky who might just be ‘Chance the glamorous as one might hope. Raptor’.

“The first day, I was expecting to For those who fit the rapper’s be running errands and sampling strict criteria and are still brave mix tapes, but Chance just wanted enough to be interested in to watch me eat Kit Kat bars while interning for Chance, you can forcing me to watch his commercial send resumes and proposals to over and over again. I’ve never seen c t r i n t e r n s u b m i s s i o n s @ g m a i l . a man look so enticed by someone com. Though, it might be wise to eating chocolate.” mention ahead of time that you Chance was also to be vulnerable wouldn’t make a suitable meal for around Pudgy. “Chance asks me a velociraptor. constantly if I think his ‘3’ hat is __________________________________ still relevant and cool. It’s like he Tessa More is a second year jourwants me to validate his accessory nalism major who liked Coloring choices, even though that’s the only Book but thought Acid Rap was betaccessory he ever wears anymore. ter. You can reach them at tmore@ I stumbled into his walk-in closet ithaca.edu. the other day, and I swear the only article of clothing in the entire room were ‘3’ hats. I don’t even think I’ve even seen him without one of those

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Sawdust

ecent Grammy winner Chancelor Bennett, better known as Chance the Rapper, is looking for an intern: “someone with experience in putting together decks and writing proposals.” Unfortunately, after donating $1 million to Chicago Public School Foundation, he’s feeling a little bit stingy, and is only offering one college credit for the position in lieu of cold hard cash.

Certain universities including Cornell University and SUNY Cortland have already been excluded from this possibility, as they do not accept college credit from rappers, no matter their success. It should be noted that Ithaca College students are ineligible.

Chance the Rapper followed up the tweet with some strangely specific guidelines for those who want to apply for the position.

According to Chance, he wants someone who has a very open schedule. In order to meet the demands of the rapper, applicants cannot have any prior commitments for up to 5 years nor can they have any close relationships, especially significant others or parents.

Many fans have lamented that this narrows down the candidates significantly, but both Peter Parker and Bruce Wayne are very eager and have already submitted resumes.

Another odd requirement is that each candidate must submit a headshot and a full body image with an attached description of height, weight, and body mass index.

Although no official announcement has been made, it is rumored that Chance has already chosen his new prodigy. I sat down with the rumored intern, who requested anonymity so their Twitter handle can still remain indie and unknown, allowing for

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man’s got two dates to the prom - can he swing it?

By Edward Willshire, Contributing Writer

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

H

omecoming: a night of romance for some, but a night of sweaty and awkward dancing in a cramped gym for most.

The pressure of getting a date and dressing up for the very first time can really get to you. Doesn’t matter if you’re the star football player, a straight-A student, or are freakishly mutated by an irradiated spider, as is the case for Queens native, Peter Parker.

Parker is your average teenage boy who has a genius-level scientific intellect and spider-themed powers.

He’s got normal problems like most of us do. He has to juggle his school work with his social life, family responsibilities and the constant looming threat of attack by a superpowered character with a personal vendetta against him. Parker, as his alter-ego, Spider-Man, has saved New York from numerous threats that have tested his physical and emotional stamina, but a new challenge proved to be the toughest yet.

Parker, who never considered himself very lucky in love, has found himself in quite the predicament.

Despite expecting to spend homecoming distracting himself with a battle against a vulturethemed bank robber, Parker was actually able to land himself a date.

His lab partner and casual crush Liz Allen agreed to go to the dance in an awkward interaction that not even Parker could see coming with his precognitive spider-sense. While working on a chemistry assignment Allen accidently dropped a beaker full of a scalding hot chemical.

Parker, reacting at superhuman speed, used his spider-webbing to grab the beaker and safely recover it to the table. Allen was shocked and confused so Parker quickly tried to distract her by asking her to the dance. Flustered and in the moment, Allen said yes.

Things got significantly more

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complicated however, when Parker found himself with a second date.

While certainly interested in Allen, Parker has always had eyes for his next door neighbor, Mary Jane Watson. Initially too intimidated to ask her to the dance, Parker found himself confident one day while under his Spider-Man mask. The hero saved Watson from an attack on a Queens-bound subway by one of his less exciting foes, The Puma.

After the encounter, Parker, as Spider-Man, asked Watson to the dance to which she said yes.

Now with two dates, one as Peter Parker and one as Spider-Man, this superhero will have to juggle two great responsibilities at once. The night started out simply enough.

Parker picked up Allen from her house in his Aunt’s 1998 Saturn.

The two were only a few blocks away from the high school when the engine broke down. Parker had made several failed attempts to get the engine running by the time he looked at his watch and saw that he was almost late picking up his second date. Parker yelled to Allen that he was going to go get help as he ran into a dead-end alley towards a group of dumpsters. Allen, who by this point was only still on the date due to her suspicions as to Parker’s identity, followed Parker. But by the time she reached the alley, he was gone.

Flying a hundred feet in the air on superwebbing, Parker raced to Watson’s house. He was still in the process of changing into his SpiderMan costume when he arrived at her doorstep with only 5 seconds to spare. He knocked on the door while putting his mask on and Watson appeared. Spider-Man swung the two to the dance, arriving at the gymnasium moments after Allen, who walked the rest of the way from the car. Spider-Man walked in with Watson and his Spider-Sense went off. He turned and Allen was only a few feet away from him. He was

reminded that he had left her at the car so took the opportunity to make it right. Offering to get Watson some punch, Spider-Man left her side and quickly ran out into the hallway where he quickly changed back into his hand-me-down formalwear.

The wall-crawler ran back into the gym, grabbed two cups of punch and walked over to Allen. He tried to excuse his behaviour, but before he could finish, Allen started throwing questions at him pertaining to his absence. Unable to explain how he disappeared from the alley or why his clothes were all suddenly wrinkled, Parker grabbed Allen’s arm and brought her to the dance floor. Initially resistant to showing off his agility, Parker danced awkwardly next to Allen. As he saw her interest in him dying faster than Gwen Stacy, Parker decided to switch it up. He started performing backflips and used his superhuman strength to toss Allen in the air and catch her effortlessly. As he performed, the crowd of high school students began to circle up around them. Parker became distracted when he noticed Watson in the front of the crowd. In doing so he missed Allen, who he had tossed into the air, allowing her to fall to the floor. He quickly ran over to her, apologizing for dropping her.

He then promised to go get her ice, and ran back out into the hallway for another costume change.

Spider-Man returned back to Watson, who wondered where the punch he said he would get her was.

Panicking, Spider-Man waited a second for Watson to look away and grabbed another student’s cup with his webbing. Watson thanked him and the two began walking around the gym. Suddenly remembering Allen and her injury. SpiderMan told Watson that he heard a supervillain outside and promised to be right back. He ran to the side of the gym and crawled up to the ceiling to get a better view. He located Allen, sitting alone on the bleachers with

a bruised leg. He crawled across the ceiling of the gym and out into the to change once more.

Parker brought a cup of ice over to Allen and sat down with her. As he handed her the ice he realized he had forgotten to remove his SpiderMan glove. In panic he hid his hand behind his back.

Allen, at this point completely fed up with Parker’s behaviour, asked him outright, “Are you SpiderMan?” Parker stood with a blank expression for at least 5 seconds before responding. He began to deny everything when his Spider-sense erupted. At that moment an 80-yearold man in a green bird costume flew through the gym window.

Mass hysteria followed in the gym as Parker breathed a sigh of relief.

He ran out of the gym, leaving Allen with the small cup of melted ice. As she saw Parker run back into the gym she rolled her eyes and left. Now fully distracted by the task at hand, Parker quickly threw his mask on over his tux and began engaging the

foe. All the while Watson was in the middle of the dance floor watching her date dance more with the flying bird man than he did with her.

The altercation only lasted a few minutes. Spider-Man pinned the Vulture to the basketball hoop, which collapsed moments later under his weight. Turns out the academically focused high school had yet to update their gym to current safety standards — that, and they didn’t really account for super-powered brawls between their students and elderly bird people.

The falling villain nearly hit Watson.

Spider-Man quickly pulled her away with his webbing but in doing so dislocated her shoulder. The clumsy hero apologized profusely and attempted to bring her to the hospital. However, as he was leaving Allen came storming back in. She reached for the mask on SpiderMan’s head and pulled it off. Parker reacted quickly, as he tends to do, with super powers and all, and he grabbed a paper plate from a close-

by table and held it over his face, concealing his identity. He backed away slowly from his two dates who were starting to put together his rouse. In a fit of panic he shot a blind fold of webbing over the two girl’s eyes and ran away. Police arrived at the scene a few minutes later and escorted the Vulture to prison.

Parker escaped the dance unseen, however his two dates, after about 30 seconds of conversation, pieced together their stories, deducing Parker’s dual identity. They’re currently offering the information to the Daily Bugle newspaper for a $1000 reward. We’ve yet to hear if their offer will be received but the owner of the Bugle is known for being a stickler. __________________________________ Edward Willshire is a second year philosophy major who’s favorite parts of Spider-Man are the weird villains. Reach them at ewillshire@ ithaca.edu.

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Sawdust

Image by Megan Banning

Sportz

BUZZSAW

Yes, with a Z

ASKS WHY…

By Kirby Wihelm, Contributing Writer

BUZZSAW: The Avenues Issue

I

f you haven’t been watching, playing, eating or living sports, let me fill you in on some of the happenings in sport-ball land.

Recently some guy who used to play for a certain school (and learn from, I guess) is now back to coach sport-ball at that school. This same guy used to wear a tee shirt under his sleeveless jersey, (do you know what sport I’m talking about yet?) the first ever to do so according to Wikipedia.

Sticking with sport-ball, a team named for a natural resource that somehow stuck to the feet of its state’s soldiers during the American civil war, won the intergalactic higher education quasi-student Tournament of Championship. Playing a school whose teachings are based in the works of Christ and the Pope, it becomes obvious that those playing for God are sure to lose.

In other sport-ball news, someone who swings a club recently fell and hurt himself and might not be able to swing a club in the big tournament. This hurts his chance of making lots of money by way of pushing a little ball into a little hole a bunch of times, the fewest amount of times.

A recently retired sport-ball player is going to “suit up” for a different sportball team. It’s the last game of the season and this team, which won’t make the playoffs, wants him to play for this completely different sport-ball sport.

The teams are in the same city, but the league won’t let him, though maybe he’ll get off the bench and score some points after the final buzzer.

Switching gears to the business side of sport-ball, a team moved from one city near water to one in the middle of a desert that allows gambling and is usually lacking water. It’s funny that this team moved because the owners previously said they weren’t going to move the team, but they did, and now only one sport-ball team is left in the city, and they might be leaving too.

A championship winning sport-ball player is in the hot seat for being inauthentic. He passed off some of his non-game-worn jerseys as ‘game-worn’,

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done in cahoots with a sports memorabilia seller. This makes the jersey less memorable and valuable and that’s a problem.

None of the headlines on ESPN focused on a female athlete and mainly centered on a couple sport-ball sports. __________________________________ Kirby Wilhelm is a second year sociology major whose favorite sport is sport ball. Reach them at kwilhelm@ithaca.edu.

Image by Francesca Hodge

Do we get so distracted about things we care about?

For example, why aren’t sporks more of a thing? Look, I’m not saying I love sporks that much and clearly they have some flaws, but if we really spent time trying to improve sporks, we could really change the eating utensil landscape.

Now I know what you’re thinking: what do sporks have to do with avenues? Well I’m just here trying to think of an avenue for finding a way to properly implement sporks as a permanent silverware staple.

And I know what else you’re thinking: aren’t there more important things to find solutions to than the spork? My response is: that’s reductive.

Obviously there are more important things going on: the president is just at 100 days into his presidency and there’s plenty to talk about there, France has just selected a far right nationalist to their runoff presidential election, the White House is going back on their promise to protect DREAMers from deportation, war with North Korea feels fairly imminent, the United States has escalated their military actions in Syria, a young Democrat almost flipped the sixth district of Georgia, the media continues to pat itself on the back for keeping an eye on Trump even though it still refuses to take into account its implications in his election, hell, American’s had to plan a march just to rally behind the value of Science!

But sporks, people. We need to work on sporks. Let’s sharpen their teeth and deepen their spoon parts. I bet in a few years, if we all really tried, sporks would make forks and spoons irrelevant, just like truth, and your most conscious efforts to make the world a better place.

People, we need to focus on things we care about.

Your editor in staying focused, Jordan Aaron

WE EXIST

ONLINE

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