LEVEL Magazine - Level 3

INSIDE SNEAK PEEK “Manscaping” Do It! 5 Tips For Picking Up Chicks Local Politics Healthy Benefits Of Yoga Healthy Snacks For Moms Staying Fit Over 40 The Joys Of The Change Garden Flowers You Can Eat Religion Vs Spirituality Bruce Jenner Vs Your Morality Harrassed For Not Having Kids Bad Parenting If My Kids Turn Out Gay Sex In The Workplace Single And Cynical You’re Not The Only One Faking It

#unapologeticallyauthentic

GOLF GUIDE YOGA GUIDE LIFE GUIDE

MUSIC, ENTERTAINMENT & LOCAL EVENTS Level 3, AUGUST 2015 1 - Level 3, August 2015

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TABLE OF CONTENTS MUSIC AND EVENTS

6

COMMUNITY

18

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

26

MINDFUL LIVING

38

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

48

GOLF

56

SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

60

What is Level Magazine?

Our goal is to provide you with a monthly list of all music, entertainment and local events, along with your local interest stories and politics, as well as lifestyle pieces that matter to you.

Outside of “what’s happening around the city”, we’re talking about sex and relationships, marriage and family, health, wellness, fitness, mindful living, spirituality, dating, life…basically everything that’s relevant to the average reader over the age of 35 (give or take a few years).

Your headline news is everywhere. You couldn’t miss it if you tried, and there are enough publications in Central Oregon giving you the newsflash on popular media coverage.

We’re not here to compete with anyone else. We are here to entertain you, not just inform you. We’re here to get you talking, thinking, and motivated to change. Level Up Central Oregon – Level Magazine is the newest, hottest, coolest lifestyle magazine to hit the scene here.

A snippet of local interest, a full list of music, entertainment and events as well as stuff you actually want to read about…this is the stuff you’re already talking about.

We like to think of us like Good Housekeeping, Cosmo and Maxim had a threesome and created Level Magazine! We are the future of Central Oregon – the love child of your darkest thoughts, and most authentic desires!

PUBLISHER: Kristy Sinsara COPY EDITOR: Mandy Palen, Yvonne McGaha DESIGN LAYOUT: Jason Chinchen/Headspace Design Studio COLUMNISTS: Kristy Sinsara, Jen McCoy, Tina Sinsara, Kelly Madison, Mandy Palen, Caleb Fuller, Mindy Jones, Kristin Gricks, Mike Palen, Heather Nashelle, Chloe Carter Level Magazine is published every month. The contents of this issue are copyright 2015 by Living Echo Social, Inc. , and may not be reprinted in part or in whole without consent from the publisher. Level Magazine is available free of charge at several distribution sites across Central Oregon. You can pick up a copy at our main office at 2115 NE Division Street, Bend OR 97701. Anyone removing papers in bulk will be prosecuted on theft charges to the fullest extent of the law.

WARNING – If you are easily offended we would recommend you not read our publication.

NOTICE – If you are an open minded, progressive, authentic, fun-loving, easy-going, human being…we were made for you!

Follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bendlevel THANK YOU CENTRAL OREGON FOR YOU SUPPORT AND LOVE! It has been incredible!!

Level Magazine is a subsidiary of Living Echo Social, LLC. www.levelmagazine.net For questions regarding this publication please contact our editor, Kristy Sinsara, at kristy@levelmagazine.net or 541 678 0642 All views and opinions expressed in Level Magazine are the responsibility of the author and do not express the opinions or positions of the editor(s).

3 - Level 3, August 2015

From The Editor Kristy Sinsara

“I’m offended” are two words that are said TOO much in this country. I’m starting to feel offended by all of the people who are constantly offended by every little effing thing on this planet.

The level of inauthentic living “sensitive people” have caused is one of our reasons we created Level Magazine. Too many publications out there are afraid to be honest out of fear of offending the masses.

The truth is that if you’re living an “offense-free” life YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY LIVING AT ALL! I’m not saying you need to be ridiculously belligerent or needlessly aggressive just for the sake of it. However, to not be authentically true to who you are, simply because someone else may not like it, is ridiculous!

You need to understand that we live in a world now where everyone is offended by someone or something. Therefore, there is NOTHING you can ever do to free yourself of judgment or ridicule.

You know what I’m offended by? People who believe the world should give a shit about every little tiny petty little feeling they have. No one gives a shit that every single thing on this planet bothers you. Get over yourself already.

We all live different lives, and we all feel differently towards religion, sexuality, family, children…literally everything! It’s OKAY! It IS okay! I don’t actually think it’s fair that my son can’t eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at school just because some other kid has a peanut allergy….but hey, of all of the things I’m going to spend my energy doing, fighting for PB&J sandwiches isn’t one of them. Almond butter it is…moving on.

When did we stop being able to disagree and still get along with one another? Or just simply choose to not participate in things that we don’t like. We still have free choice. I’m so sick of all of these uber sensitive people acting as though free choice has been taken from them. If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t marry a gay person. If you don’t like Caitlyn Jenner, don’t watch her on TV. If you don’t like this magazine, don’t pick it up and read it. If you don’t like someone, don’t hang out with them. If you don’t like sushi, don’t eat it. If you think eating meat is wrong, don’t eat it. If you are a Christian, be one. If you’re Atheist, stop caring whether or not anyone understands you. JUST. BE. YOUR. AUTHENTIC. SELF! I’m not going to not order a steak because you don’t eat meat! I’m not going to not eat a Twinkie because you are on a diet. Come on now.

I’m telling you, this all happened because all of these uber sensitive people started talking about how offended they were, and we started acting like we cared. We can put an end to it by continuing to live authentically and disregard the chatter around us.

The undeniable truth is that there is only one you in this entire world and you weren’t created so you could pretend to be anyone else. You were created to bring what you have to personally, authentically, and individually bring to this table. And, historically speaking, if you don’t “bring” that which is within you, this world will not be as it should.

So stop giving a rat’s ass about the world around you and JUST BE YOU! Level UP…and join us for the revolution of actual people living actual lives!

XO-Kristy Sinsara

Kristy Sinsara, Editor in Chief kristy@levelmagazine.net

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5 - Level 3, August 2015

MUSIC/ENTERTAINMENT/EVENTS

live music review: LOCAL BAND SPOTLIGHT

DIRTY BOURBON RIVER SHOW Volcanic Theatre- July 8th

Jen McCoy

Jen McCoy

I

magine. You’re on a road trip, passing through enchanting mountains, wind-torn beaches and arid desert scapes, each one reminiscent of past lives and relationships. From these hazy memories arise profound feelings of lust, heartbreak and adventure, feelings so raw and natural they leave you tired, weary, yet totally invigorated.

Bend’s very own The Chinup’s feature a very similar emotion. Deepdriving vocals and tattered harmonica amidst a psychedelic rock sound makes The Chinup’s music the perfect soundtrack for any road trip or venture.

Three of the members met at different times over 2014 at Bend’s M&J’s, Young musicians drawn to open mic night, trying to find their way in the music scene in Bend. Over the last year they have changed their name a couple times and a had a few trials with past members trying to find the perfect balance to represent themselves and what they want to accomplish as a Band. The name is meant to remind you to keep your head up and be positive and it’s fitting with the current lineup and seems to be bringing them just that, positive attention.

The Chinup’s are starting a Kick Starter page within the next month to raise funds to purchase sound gear and begin recording.

Donors to the kick-start will get an album, a T-shirt and a sticker.

This local Bend band promises to bring cals, you something you haven’t heard before. sure- Vo a re T n Joh Guitar Give them a listen with the potential to ead L , ls Rhythm a c o sier- V make a splash on music, as we know it.

Chris Fra Guitar - Drums You can catch them at Crows Feet cMahon Dylan M pta- Bass Gu Commons for the First Friday Art Walk in tt re v e D August and again at Atlas Cider, August 28th. Both are free! <>

D THE BAN

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I’ve always loved Big Band music, had a deep affection for old movies and daydreamed of visiting the French quarter… This touring band was right up my alley for a night on the town! I am impressed with Volcanic Theatre having most shows be All-Ages, allowing me to bring my teenage daughter (who’s played stand-up bass five years now and recently is learning piano) the opportunity to witness in action how freaking cool it is to play instruments, from a band with this much amalgamated talent.

The experience was to say the least sex to the senses, jazzy, carnival mixed with multi talented stray cat style musicians. It was intimate; everyone there couldn’t help but move and dance. That is what I call good music, when the reserved can’t even help but dance (me…)

The Band is wrapping up their summer tour with the April release of there new album “Important things humans should know” They also have a collection of songs from previous albums available on vinyl “Accordion Anthology” I am the proud owner of #235 out of the Limited Press of only #250!

They are headed home to New Orleans for a Grand final show, and plan to take a month off and work on a new Album. Expect them back in the fall. When asked what they would like their fans to know they simply replied “The 20’s are coming again soon. Bring back some classy attire, swinging music and dancing crowds” They’re making this desire a reality. <>

ATLAS CIDER

AUGUST LIVE MUSIC

550 SW Industrial Way/Shows start at 6pm/FREE August 7th- Buck and the Diggs

August 12th-Isles August 21st -The Rum and The Sea August 28th- The Chinups-

***STAFF PICK***

Read our SPOTLIGHT article on page 7.

ATHLETIC CLUB OF BEND

61615 Athletic club Drive/ Courtyard

August 14th – Brett Dennen5:30 pm, $42

ASTRO LOUNGE

939 NW Bond St. /21 AND OVER

Monday Nights- Open mic, 6:30pm, FREE

Thursday Nights- DJ Harlow,9pmMidnight, FREE

BROKEN TOP BOTTLE SHOP

1740 NW Pence Lane, Suite 1 *Brews & Bands, Sundays 7-9pm/FREE * To Be Announced

CRUX FERMENTATION PROJECT

50 Division St. * All shows start at 6pm, free August 7 - The Mostest August 21st- Laura Brauns August 28th- Broken Down Guitars th

DOGWOOD COCKTAIL CABIN

147 NW Minnesota Ave/21 OVER/9PM-12AM

August 1st- DJ WICKED-Old School R&B,Hip-Hop

August 8th- DJ SORSKI- Funk,Soul,Hip-

Hop

August 14th- DJ RRLTIME-Deep House August 15th-DJ VINYL DICTATOR-

Funk, Soul, Disco

August SUNDAYS- DJ DMP-Cin City

7-10pm, All Ages, Free

August 5th- Voodoo Highway August 12th- The Talbott Brothers

August 19th- The Cutmen August 26th- The Ballroom Thieves

Service Industry Nights

DRAKE PARK/ MUNCH AND MUSIC

Downtown Bend at Drake Park/5:30PM/All-Ages

August 6th- JellyBread & Redwood Son

August 13th- Liv Warfield

FAT TUESDAYS CAJUN & BLUES

61276 S Hwy 97/Noon-2pm

Tuesday/Friday- Bobby Lindstrom

Band

GOODLIFE BREWING

70 SW Century Drive- Tuesdays in the Bier Garten/7-9pm All Ages August 18th- Von Stomper August 25th- One Dollar Check September 1st- Hobbs The Band

JOHN GRAY AMPHETHEATRE/SHARC

57250 Overlook Rd- Sunriver, Oregon August 9th-Tommy Hogan August 16th- Briana Renea

LES SCHWAB AMPHETHEATRE

NW CROSSING TWILIGHT TUNES

Compass Park NW Crossing Dr. 5-8PM, All-Ages, FREE

Ortiz,6:30pm, $42 August 23rd- Michael Franti & Spearhead, 6:30pm, $39 Setember 4th- Weird Al Yankovic, 6:30pm, $29-$260

MCMENAMINS OLD ST. FRANCIS SCHOOL700

495 N.E. Bellevue Dr. * All-Ages, FREE August 5th- The Sweatband August 12th- The Substitutes August 19th-Jive Coulis August 26th- Downhill Ryder

September 2nd-KC Flynn

August 4th- Moon Mountain Ramblers

SILVERMOON BREWING

24TH Northwest Greenwood Ave.

August 21st- Naïve Melodies Play The Talking Heads,8pm,$10,21+

THE LOT

745 NW Columbia St. 6-8pm, All-Ages, FREE

What’s happening around Bend?

August 5th- Open mic w/Mosley Wotta

August 6th- Leif James August 12th- Open Mic w/Mosley

Wotta

August 13th- Zander Reese August 20th- Dan Hiss

You tell us! We want to hear from you!

TOWER THEATRE

835 NW Wall St.

August 7th- Benefit for the Tower The-

atre w Gary Calicott Photography Strive Roots, The Rum and The Sea,Voodoo Hwy/6pm August 11th- Dawes,70m,$35, All-Ages August 24th- Fiona Apple & Watkins Family Hour,7pm,$42-$53

***STAFF PICK***

Old Mill District

August 8th- WILCO w. Speedy

WORTHY BREWING

Jen McCoy-Music/ Entertainment writer jenlevelmag@gmail.com

VOLCANIC THEATRE PUB

70 SW Century Drive

August 7th- Brian Pi’ikea Vasquez The

Hawaiian Santana w/ Bill Keale & Curt Silva/8pm $12 August 11th- MACSabbath 8pm/$10 August 15th- Indubious, Strive Roots, National Remedy

NW Bond St. * All shows

7 - Level 3, August 2015

MUSIC/ENTERTAINMENT/EVENTS

AUGUST COMMUNITY EVENTS Jen McCoy

First Firkin Friday- Broken Top Bottle Shop/ August 7th

Benefiting COVE. Keg tapping at 4:30pm, COVE Gathering at 6pm. Join BTBS to support this non-profit group! Live Music at 7pm by Tim Coffey of Coyote Willow.

First Friday Art walk- All Galleries, Old Mill District, Downtown Bend

Munch and Music at Drake Park/ Thursdays in August

system to find what beers you may like based on your preferences. Please be advised this year they are NOT allowing pets.

Bend Memorial Clinic Presents free music in the park! Food vendors and local artisans.

Every Thursday. Starts at 5:30pm

Noon- 11pm daily/$15 Mug with 5 tasting tokens/21 and over after 7pm

Ballroom Dance Class/Bend Community Center/August 7th All proceeds are donated to the Community center.

Enjoy complimentary Food/Wine/ Live music and experiencing Bend’s Arts Community. www.visitbend.com

www.dancewithtravis.com

Local Music Through the Lens of Gary Calicott/The Tower Theatre/ August 7th

Bend Elks Baseball/ August 7th-6:30pm/August 9th-1pm

Bend Photographer Gary Calicott has been snapping Central Oregon’s Bands through the lens of his Camera for the past 5 years. This event is a fundraiser for The Tower Theatre.

Silent Auction of photos and live music from Strive Roots, The Rum and The Sea, and Voodoo Highway. This is a great event to support local artists in our community. $5/starts at 6pm

Latin Dancing-Seven Nightclub/ Wednesdays This is a “drop-in” dance lesson night for the public. Hosted by Latin Dance Academy of Bend. Lessons are beginner/intermediate and the style of dance changes weekly. Fee is $5, starts at 7pm. For more information visit www.

LDAofBend.com

Geeks who Drink Trivia Night, Summit Saloon/Wednesdays in August Do you like to play trivia, geek out and have a few pints? Stop by Summit Saloon, starts at 7pm.

Bend Comedy Club, Summit Saloon/ Thursdays in August Traveling comedians, starts at 8pm, open mic 9:30pm, cover varies-www.centraloregoncomedy.com

$5, starts at 7pm

Come on down and bring the family and enjoy food, beer and baseball! The wooden bat league is a college summer league that allows star players a chance to be seen by big league talent scouts.

Get more info at www.bendelks.com

Ghost Tree Invitational/Dinner on the Range/Pronghorn/August 8th Join 1600 guests for a night of culinary delight that will feature 16 of central Oregon’s finest Chefs. $125 person/starts at 4pm www.ghosttreeinvitational.com

Bouncing off the Wall/August 8th Let your children play while you enjoy an evening on the town! Pizza dinner, kid friendly movie, healthy snacks, crafts and games.

Ages 3-10.

6pm/$20 child/$15 reserve ahead ww.bouncingoffthewallbend.com

Bend Brewfest/Les Schwab Amphitheatre/August 13th-16th Bend brew fest is a great way for you to taste beer from the best of the best around Oregon.

Food carts and vendors will also be present.

On event website you can even use a filtering

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www.bendbrewfest.com

InfARMation Event/Broken Top Bottle Shop/August 18th Hosted quarterly in Bend by BTBS and High Desert Food & Farm Alliance! This is an Opportunity to bring the issues Oregon Farmers face onto the radar of urban consumers and the community. 5:30pm More info at www.hdffa.org

Quilts in the Park/Pioneer Park/ August 15th Come see over 200 Quilts from the Mt. Bachelors Quilters Guild. Some are for sale, all are unique and beautiful. Located on the corner of Wall St. & Portland Ave. 10am/Free

Museum & Me/High Desert Museum/August 19th Children and Adults with physical, cognitive and or social disabilities can enjoy the Museum after hours, in a calmer environment. * STAFF PICK- Take the kids soon to see Honeysuckle the Porcupines new baby Porcupette!

5-8pm/Free

Recycle in Style/The Workhorse/ August 20th

Munch and Movies/Compass Park/Northwest Crossing

Farm to Table Dinner/Broken Top Bottle Shop/August 27th

Turn junk into gems with Artist Marianne Prodehl. Explore the endless possibilities

Friday Nights get out of the house and watch a kid friendly movie in the park! *Bring a blanket and weather appropriate gear.

Join BTBS for this fundraiser for The High Desert Food & Farm Alliance.

Of repurposing scrap metal. In this class you will gain knowledge of cutting and forming metals, ways of connecting pieces along with leaving class with one of a kind earrings you’ve created! All supplies included, no experience needed.

6pm/$60 a person www.theworkhorsebend. com

Pints & Politics/Broken Top Bottle Shop/ August 20th Join the Oregon League of Conservative Voters and fellow community members who care about protecting Oregon’s natural legacy. Free and open to all!

7pm/ Third Thursday of every month.

GO TO MARKET

If you enjoy fresh produce, live music and arts you chould seek out one of the great local farmers markets.

Farmers Market @ Brooks Alley Come down and pick up some fresh, local, farm-direct foods and agricultural goods.

Every Wed. 3pm-7pm www.visitbend.com

August 21st- Big Hero 6 August 28th- Cinderella September 4th- Guardians of the Galaxy 6pm/Northwest Crossing Dr. www.northwestcrossing.com

Shakespeare in the Park/August 21st-23rd Shakespeare’s Comedy of Errors brought to you by Northwest Classic Theatre Company of Portland announces three shows coming to Bend.

August 21st & 22nd –Drake Park August 23rd- SHARC Amphitheatre Sunriver

5 course dinner with pairings from Oregon Spirit Distillers! Featuring food and spirits from HDFFA members and local farmers. Tickets available for purchase at BTBS or by phone. #541-728-0703 6:30pm/$85 per person

Art of the High Desert/Old Mill District/August 28th-30th Bringing 110 Nationally acclaimed, handpicked visual artists from The U.S. and Canada to the banks of the Deschutes River. This event has been featured on O.P.B. as something not to be missed! Come See, Meet and Buy! 10-6 Friday and Saturday/10-4 Sun./Free

Tickets $22-$75 also available downtown Bend at Douglas Fine Jewelry. More information www.shakespearebend.com

Northwest Crossing Saturday Market Starting August 8th, Northwest Crossing Market features live music, guest chefs and demos, a petting zoo for the kids and local beer and wine. Every Saturday through September 19th, starts at 10am.

Central Oregon Saturday Market @ Wall St. Located downtown Bend, Starts June 6th and continues every Saturday through the summer! Local artisans, food, music and events. For more information www.centraloregonsaturdaymarket.com

Farmers Market @ Mountain View High School Fridays The same great farmers market located downtown can be found at Mountain View HS North Parking lot Fridays June 19th-August 21st.

9 - Level 3, August 2015

MUSIC/ENTERTAINMENT/EVENTS

National Tour Spotlights Ziggy Marley Century Center/August 11th 2015 is the 70th year Anniversary of His father Bob Marley’s birth. In 1979 a young Ziggy had his musical debut on stage with his Father. Over the years he has become the most successful of his siblings, winning 6 Grammy’s to date, and at age 46 he is still going strong. Recently asked what is the most important thing your father taught you he responded “ The idea that music is more than a business and entertainment. Give a piece of yourself, and when you are successful, give back to your community”.

Currently he produces artists on his families Jamaican record label, owns his own independent record company, is involved in many children’s charities including U.R.G.E his own he started in 2014.

He recently released his 5th solo album FLY RASTA and a Children’s book he authored titled “I love you too.”

FIONA APPLE W/WATKINS FAMILY HOUR Tower Theatre/August 24th

Watkins Family hour has been a recurring show with siblings Nickel Creek, Sara and Sean Watkins at Los Angeles beloved Venue Largo, with an amazing following for some time. In 2015 they teamed up with grammy winner Fiona Apple, and Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers keyboardist BenMont Tench. Together they have set out on tour to promote their new album, featuring covers of great folk classics in their unique style. The Family’s live performance has been heralded by the Los Angeles Times as a “Variety show of epic proportions” Making a surprise stop in Bend, Don’t miss it! <>

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THE PORTLAND GAY MEN’S CHORUS AND

THE DRAG SHOW are COMING SOON! do you have your tickets? get them now before it’s too late. bendticket.com ABBAQUEEN

BY THE PORTLAND GAY MEN’S CHORUS SEPTEMBER 19 @ 7PM FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH

ANNUAL DRAG SHOW WITH POISON WATERS AND FRIENDS OCTOBER 17@ 7PM BEND COMMUNITY CENTER

FOR INFO VISIT WWW.HUMANDIGNITYCOALITION.ORG

STAFF PICKS OUR FAVORITE HAPPY HOURS Jen McCoy

THERE ARE TWO THINGS WE AIN’T: RICH OR DUMB. HERE ARE LEVEL MAGS STAFF PICKS FOR BEST HAPPY HOURS. Kristy Zydeco Kitchen & Cocktails/919 Bond St While Zydeco doesn’t have a traditional Happy Hour, they do offer a discounted menu M-F from 11:30-2:30 Lunch Specials.

Kristy always orders the Mama G’s Steak Salad… It’s Amaze balls.

Tina 10 below/10 N.W. Minnesota 10 Below is hidden in the lower level of the Premier Oxford Hotel.

Happy Hour is 4-6/9-11 Daily.

Tina likes to only go when her favorite Bartender Brittany is working, and enjoys the Parma Push (Pomegranate Martini) or the Grapefruit Gem. $5 at HH- Yum!

Mandy Level 2/360 SW Powerhouse Dr./Old Mill District This place has a great view, they usually aren’t insanely busy during the day and it’s a great place to meet up with friends and chat. Happy Hour is 3-6 daily, and on Sundays its ALLDAY! Mandy Likes the Dirty Martini and the Tofu Lettuce wraps!

Mike O’Kanes Whiskey & Cigar Bar McMenamins /700 NW Bond St. In the cool Bend evenings you can sit by the fire-Pit after a long day of Golf lessons and enjoy a cigar and some craft spirits! They have a nice Happy Hour menu with items ranging from $2-$5!

Happy Hour is 3-6/10-11.

Mindy Brother Jon’s Public House/1227 NW Galveston Ave While they don’t have a happy hour menu, they do have reasonable prices and a wide variety of food options. Mindy loves the Prime Rib and enjoys their great selection of IPA’s and Pilsners on tap!

Jason Bend Brewing/NW Brooks St Located in a prime location downtown on the River, Jason and his family love to stop by for Bend’s favorite Fish and Chips! First Friday they sometimes have live music, and I know more than one person has told me about their weekday lunch special Gourmet Burger and a pint for only $10!

Jen Jacksons Corner East/845 NW Delaware Ave I love bringing my kids over here during Happy Hour! 3-6. They do a daily Special Pizza that is always amazing, Order the kids”cheese bread” $4 (It’s a small pizza they can share) Play the card game on the table, so fun!

Adult only Happy Hour$25 pitcher of beautiful Bloody Mary’s! You’re welcome. 

Kristen Red Robin/625 S.W. Powerhouse Dr./Old Mill District Got kiddos? Still want to people watch and not spend a ton on eating out- this is the place for you! Kristen’s kids love the “pound of fries” $4.99!

During Happy Hour 3-6 , appetizers are $3-$6 and in the Bar drinks are $2.50-$3.50!

11 - Level 3, August 2015

YOU’RE SINGING THE WRONG WORDS! TOP TEN MOST BUTCHERED SONG LYRICS

UNLESS YOU ARE SINGING IN THE SHOWER ALONE, SPARE US AND LEARN THE RIGHT LYRICS 1. “PURPLE HAZE” BY JIMI HENDRIX

6. “THE SIDEWINDER SLEEPS TONITE” BY R.E.M. Misheard Lyric: “Calling Jamaica.”

Actual Lyric: “Call me when you try to wake her.”

Misheard Lyric: “‘Scuse me, while I kiss this guy.”

Actual Lyric: “‘Scuse me, while I kiss the sky.”

7. “LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER” BY BON JOVI

2. “TINY DANCER” BY ELTON JOHN

Misheard Lyric: “It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not.”

Actual Lyric: “It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not.”

Misheard Lyric: “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.”

Actual Lyric: “Hold me closer, tiny dancer.”

3. “BLINDED BY THE LIGHT”

BY MANFRED MANN Misheard Lyric: “Wrapped up like a douche, another rumor in the night.”

Actual Lyric: “Revved up like a Deuce, another runner in the night.”

4. “SUMMER OF ‘69” BY BRYAN ADAMS Misheard Lyric: “I got my first real sex dream...”

Actual Lyric: “I got my first real six-string…”

8. “LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS” BY THE BEATLES Misheard Lyric: “The girl with colitis goes by.”

Actual Lyric: “The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.”

9. “BAD MOON RISING” BY CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL Misheard Lyric: “There’s a bathroom on the right.”

Actual Lyric: “There’s a bad moon on the rise.”

5. “MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE” BY THE POLICE

10. “LIKE A VIRGIN” BY MADONNA

Misheard Lyric: “A year has passed since I broke my nose.”

Actual Lyric: “A year has passed since I wrote my note.”

Misheard Lyric: “Like a virgin, touched for the thirty-first time.”

Actual Lyric: “Like a virgin, touched for the very first time.” <>

Move.Build.Restore.

Melanie Embree PT, OCS, CSCS melanie@momentumbend.com 541-639-9770 Jen Powell MS jen@momentumbend.com 206-402-8967 http://www.momentumbend.com

13 - Level 3, August 2015

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

How well do you match your zodiac?

By TeIn DeWin

TAURUS

CANCER

Positive Traits

Positive traits

Generous. Will help anyone in need.

Dependable. This is what makes them excellent employees and friends.

Down to earth. Also polite and pleasant.

Patient. Unlike the impulsive rams, a true Taurus is patient.

Independent. Financially and emotionally.

Persistent. Failures and setbacks rarely occur.

Creative. Brilliant ideas are expected from them.

Spontaneous. Crabs usually rely on their intuition when taking decisions.

Faithful. Moreover, they often do not expect anything in return.

Loving and protective. In case a crab loves you, you’ll immediately know.

Emotional. Although sometimes they seem distanced and icy.

Negative Traits Stubborn. Horns are horns, though they are easy going and respectful.

Self-indulgent. They tend to be rude and ignorant of others’ emotions.

Lazy. When not motivated properly, they won’t move even a muscle.

Materialistic. Mainly because their future is extremely important for them.

Possessive. We can say that this is the major negative trait of Taurus which leads to jealousy and resentment.

Negative Traits Moody. Cancer-born people tend to suffer from mood swings.

Pessimistic. Willing to abandon everything if they experience a failure.

Clingy. They sometimes find it hard to move on.

Overemotional. Imaginary hurts and setbacks are not-rarely seen.

Suspicious. Again, imaginary fear.

LEO

ARIES GEMINI

Positive Traits Adventurous. Aries absolutely adore taking risks and are not afraid of them.

Courageous. There is no braver sign than the Ram’s!

Versatile. Since they have a constant thirst for adventure, an Aries often tries new things in the life.

Lively. The typical Aries is extremely energetic; there is no way for you to miss it.

Positive. This is why they are so popular in social circles.

Passionate. Rams will usually take up a new project with all of his heart.

Negative Traits Arrogant. Aries tend to be insensitive of others emotion since it is their belief that they know everything.

Stubborn. I am pretty sure you know this if you have an Aries close to you. This trait makes them hard to deal with!

Impulsive. And in addition, impatient.

Undisciplined. They are not the most organized people in the world.

Confrontational. Sometimes you’ll even have the feeling that Rams love to argue.

Positive Traits Adjustable and flexible. Twins definitely don’t want to miss a thing.

Versatile. Because they are interested in a wide variety of subjects Enthusiastic. And al so lively.

Soft-Spoken. They possess brilliant communications skill s.

Witty and ver y humorous. The best part of it-you’ll never get bored in their company.

Intellectual. Clever and sharp.

Negative Traits Lack of Consistency. It’s hard for them to stay dedicated to one thing for a long time.

Superficial. Twins don’t really pay attention to detail s.

Lack Decision Making Ability. Constantly on two minds.

Lack of direction. And they easily get bored.

Anxious. Gemini-born people tend to bite off more than they can chew and this results in anxiousness.

Positive Traits Kind and helpful. The Leo easily shows love and affection on people.

Energetic. Ruled by the Sun, this sign has tons of energy.

Optimistic. The glass is half-full and that’s it.

Straightforward. Honesty is something the Leo is familiar with.

Loyal. And they demand the same in return.

Negative Traits Headstrong. It takes a lot of convincing to change their mind.

Egoistic. Actually, their ego is so big that it stumbles them in their path to success.

Possessive. Prone to jealousy.

Dominating. Because he/she is the King of the Jungle, remember?

Impatient. I want it all and I want it now!

Arrogant. Self-centered. Because this is how a king should behave!

VIRGO Positive Traits Watchful. An extreme attention to detail.

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Intelligent. And they are always happy to learn more!

Practical. A true Virgo doesn’t believe in living in a fantasy world.

Analytical. Something complicated? Call a Virgo and he/she will solve the mystery.

Reliable and trustworthy. He/she will absolutely do their best to do the job.

Modest perfectionists.

Negative Traits Overcritical. This is because they already have a clear picture in their minds how the things should be done.

Fussy. Sometimes they get lost in the details.

Fastidious. Everything must be perfect!

Harsh. No sugar-coating.

Conservative. No modern ideas, please!

Judgemental. Because, as I said, everything must be perfect!

LIBRA Positive Traits Tactful. And also experts in getting things done.

Romantic. Don’t forget their ruling planet is Venus.

Charming. Their manner is very pleasing.

Just. The fair play is a high-valued virtue by them.

Diplomatic. A true Libra will always listen to the different points of views patiently.

Negative Traits Superficial. Can be so impressed by someone’s outer beauty that they can forget about inner beauty easily.

Detached. Sometimes they pretend to be pleasant just because they don’t want to displease anyone.

Unreliable. Prone to changing their minds and this is why they sometimes don’t keep their promises.

Lazy. Of course. Like the other air signs.

Indecisive. The hardest thing for Libra-born people is to make decisiond.

SCORPIO Positive Traits Focused. One does not simply divert a Scorpio from his path.Brave. Regardless of how difficult the situation may seem, they will make their best to solve it.

Balanced. Passionate, but not immature and careless.

Faithful. He/she will always stand by you as he/ she promised.

Ambitious. What motivates them best are power, position and money.

Intuitive. In fact, they often read other people’s mind.

Negative Traits Jealous. And even possessive.

Secretive. They just don’t trust people.

Resentful. Despite their look, a Scorpio can be hurt easily by negative treatment.

Manipulative. They love to dominate.

SAGITTARIUS Positive Traits Straightforward. The brutal truth must be spoken at whatever cost!

Intellectual. You can be easily impressed in conversation by them.

Philosophical. In addition, they have a very strong sense of right and wrong.

Large-hearted. Generous.

Negative Traits Careless. Prone to taking things for granted.

Tactless. Being honest is not a negative trait, but sometimes they overdo it.

Impatient. Sagittarius-born people often push the things too hard.

Inconsistent. A consistent performance is something they find really difficult.

Over Confident. Because they think they are perfect!

CAPRICORN Positive Traits Practical. All facts must be taken into account before a decision is made.

Ambitious. Goats usually have big goals.

Wise. Also mature and sensible.

Disciplined. Because their big goals require it.

Patient. They understand everything good takes time.

Cautious. Definitely not impulsive.

Negative Traits Pessimistic. Going against the odds is not something they like.

Stubborn. Goats do not easily change their views.Shy. They enjoy only the company of their best friends.

AQUARIUS Positive Traits Friendly. Aquarius-born people are famous for their ability to make a lot of friends.

Humanitarian. They do their best to make the world a better place to live.

Intelligent. Their interests are wide-ranging.

Creative. There is nothing more boring than the monotony.

Independent. Both emotionally and financially.

Loyal. If an Aquarius gives his word, he will fulfill it for sure.

Negative Traits Unpredictable. This sign will not follow any behavioral pattern.

Inconsistent. In fact, it depends on their mood.

Detached. Live and let live!

Stubborn. Though they are excellent listeners it is extremely difficult to make them change their mind.

Aloof. Sometimes they become distant for no particular reason.

Extremist. No middle path exists for them. All or nothing!

PISCES Positive Traits Imaginative. They like to think outside the box.

Kind. Fish are unusually soft people.

Compassionate. Always in a helpful mood!

Intuitive. And they rely on their intuition when making decisions.

Sensitive. Moreover, Fish are affectionate and gentle.

Selfless. Though this trait is not always appreciated by others.

Negative Traits Escapist. When the things go wrong, their luck is responsible.

Idealistic. Hence even the best sometimes seems mediocre to them.

Over-sensitive. It is not hard for them to get very emotional.

Pessimistic. Especially when things don’t turn out as they expected.

Lazy. Only about things that don’t matter to them.

15 - Level 3, August 2015

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Come see our huge selection of gifts, flowers and plants.

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New to Bend? Hang in There…

It will be 3 years in January since my family and I moved to Bend. The best advice we received was from a really honest realtor (yes, they exist here) who told us to not purchase a home upon first moving here. She counseled us to wait a year or so and really get to know the city first, and the people in it, find out where we fit in, what parts of Bend we loved the most and then settle in.

She was right on.

Our first year we spent on one side of town, and literally hated it. The experience was more like living in some awful suburban nightmare. Then we moved across the tracks to another part of town and felt like we had moved 100 miles away to a whole new city.

The energy of Bend is very different all over the city. The people are different. The vibe is different.

So if you’re new to this city and you haven’t yet fallen completely in love…try giving another area of town a new chance. There’s so much to fall in love with here…just give it some time. <>

17 - Level 3, August 2015

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HOW

CECIL

CHANGED THE WORLD

By Kristy Sinsara

If you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t yet heard of the killing of Cecil the Lion in West Africa, you either live under a rock (with no wi-fi) or you refuse to participate in modern day society.

19 - Level 3, August 2015

COMMUNITY

T

The death of Cecil has changed how the world views sport killing, poaching, and big game hunting. It has also brought to all of our attentions the growing power of social media.

Let me set the stage for you and provide a little more background to help you understand fully the outrage surrounding his death.

Cecil was a male Southwest African lion who primarily lived in the Hwange National Park in Matabeleland North, Zimbabwe.

He was a major attraction at the park and reportedly brought in a significant amount of money for tourism in the region. He was also being tracked and studied by Oxford University as part of a larger group study.

In June 2015, Walter Palmer, an American dentist and recreational game hunter (from

Minnesota), reportedly paid $55,000 to professional hunter, Theo Bronkhorst, to enable him to kill a lion. Cecil was allegedly lured out of the sanctuary where he was shot and wounded with an arrow. He was tracked and approximately 40 hours later, he was killed with a rifle. He was then skinned and his head was removed. The killers also removed his tracking device.

Zimbabwe National Parks have stated that neither Bronkhorst nor the landowner, Honest Ndlovu, on whose property Cecil was believed to have been shot, had the appropriate permit for a lion. Bronkhorst, declared that he believed they had received the correct permit for both bow hunting and lion hunting. The two Zimbabweans were arrested by Zimbabwe police and accused of assisting Palmer in the killing. Palmer had already returned to

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the United States, where he issued a statement that he had “relied on the expertise of my local professional guides to ensure a legal hunt” and “deeply regret that my pursuit of an activity I love and practice responsibly and legally resulted in the taking of this lion.”

Cecil was named after Cecil Rhodes, the creator of the “Rhodes Scholarship-as was Zimbabwe itself, formally known as Rhodesia.

Since the killing there has been worldwide outrage. Within 24 hours of this story going viral on social media, 100,000

signatures were given on a petition to have Dr. Palmer extradited to face criminal charges. Within days, I suspect, it will be in the millions. Palmer has received numerous ` death threats, has been forced to shut down his practice and is now in hiding, according to news reports.

The Zimbabwean officials have officially called for his extradition.

By the time this article goes to print, I’m quite sure there will be new developments in this case but we can still discuss the effect it has had on our society, as it relates to sport hunting and the power of social media.

When I first heard of this story I had two very distinct thoughts. My first thought was: Wow, the power of social media is insane, almost scary, and it has become something to be in awe of and have respect and reverence for.

Never again will we underestimate the power social media can have on our society.

Second I thought: Why is this such a big

Just so that I’m clear here, where have we now drawn the line? Is it okay to kill as long as you eat it? I mean let’s be really honest, we don’t actually need to eat meat, we choose to eat it. And most of the world doesn’t actually give a shit how inhumanely their meat is killed.

Why is the world up in arms about Cecil when we are treating farm animals as egregiously inhumanely as we are? Have you ever watched a documentary about the killings on our farms? Or seen how farm animals are raised and treated?

Those documentaries are everywhere, all over the internet and Netflix, and nothing significant has changed. Until now.

Now the world cares about a roaming lion in West Africa? What about the roaming cows in South Dakota? Is it because they’re not as beautiful? Is it because there are more of them? So are we now basing the worth of the animals on their attractiveness and population?

I’m thinking we need a new hierarchy of acceptable killings of animals in order for the world to eat with a clear conscience.

deal? Humans have been killing animals for millions of years, including big game hunting, for sport. Why now? Why did this particular story feel so different?

Our beloved Theodore Roosevelt was well known for hunting big game, including rhino’s, elephants and leopards. I’ve never read a news story that shed his actions in any negative light. No one ever called for him to abdicate his position, nor did I hear of anyone attempting to prosecute him for such actions.

I am also a little confused by what seems to me to be a clear contradiction of morality as it relates to the killing of animals.

Listen, I think that that Dr. Super Douche Canoe is exactly that, a super asshole, for killing Cecil. It was a needless senseless killing and big game hunting and sport killings just need to stop all together, if you ask me. What’s the point in them?

about the change we need in this world on how we collectively treat animals in general?

In order for our society to promulgate change, we must first find collective need for that change. Unfortunately, Dr. Palmer is just a societal pawn in the cause and effect of that need. Is it fair what he did? No, it wasn’t. But is it fair how we are all responding to him personally? Nope. It’s not!

My hope is that this senseless killing of Cecil actually starts a real conversation about how humans treat all animals, not just the beautiful endangered ones living thousands of miles away on distant lands. <>

For the record, it isn’t a testament of your brute strength or wit if you sneak up on a creature, who otherwise has no clue of your presence or intention, and you shoot him in the back. It actually makes you a coward. It’s nothing to brag about.

But in this story of Cecil the Lion I am far more mesmerized with how the general public is acting and reacting to this story.

Is it possible that Cecil’s death can bring

21 - Level 3, August 2015

COMMUNITY

REFLECTIONS OF LIFEâ&#x20AC;Ś.

A

As I was settling the kiddos in on the porch to play Legos and snuggle in for the night with their sleepover, I stopped to look out over the city lights and just stood still.

I go so hard some times, we all do.

Whatever our roles are. Being a mother, a father, a wife, a husband, a friend, a lover, a family member, a community member, a hard worker, a student, a care provider, a neighbor.

The list goes on. We all wear so many hats.

I looked out at our amazing view and I realized I had forgotten to soak it all in these last few days... All of the calm in the hustle and bustle.

I wanted to honor my last year and I felt compelled to write.

Not because I want to just talk but because I felt a pull to share in hopes it touches someone.

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These last 6 years were hard.

After Gavin was diagnosed and has long since healed, I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t snap back quite as fast.

The experience was life changing for me.

While things were moving in a successful direction, I started to experience intense anxiety.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve actually always had it.

But it started to become a routine.

And it began to cripple me.

I still could function but it was hard.

And I was embarrassed. I hid it as best I could.

As the years progressed, it got worse, and then I experienced my first panic attack.

Until then, I never believed that the severity of panic was so real.

It was what I can only describe-felt like the beginning of a heart attack and wouldn’t let up.

I would have to brace myself with my hands on the counter, hold my chest and try to breathe.

I don’t know why I am compelled to write about this other then-I am reflecting at healthy changes I’ve experienced over the last couple of years and also because I have had several dear friends reach out to me separately today to share their anxiety, their pressure and how alone the feeling is.

I know very well how raw the feeling is.

It can feel like you are isolated as the world functions around you, you can question if you’re ‘crazy’, and why is it so hard when everyone else has it so easy.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Life can sometimes expect so much of us as a current society.

Sometimes, it can feel like you never got the ‘manual to life’ and you’re truly not sure how to best proceed. That can be stressful. It can be scary.

And then there is fear of judgment, feeling pressure, trying to make ends meet, trying to provide, hoping you are successful, hoping you can make a difference, wanting to work hard and be the best version of yourself, or maybe adjusting to circumstances you had no control over.

Why do we feel so alone in our fear sometimes? I hope by exposing my snippet of my story, it will help someone, maybe make it a bit less crippling and isolating. To help someone feel less alone. As a support. As a reminder that we are all in this beautiful journey together and we all are just trying to experience it. Trying to find what fits. And a gentle reminder to just let yourself soak it in and just ‘be’ sometimes. And a way of just saying hey, you don’t have to be perfect. And you don’t have to put such high expectations on yourself.

It’s okay to stumble, it’s okay to not know what is next, it’s okay to wait for a bit and just have faith, it’s okay to be lost for a bit and allow yourself to find the right path. I personally hold myself to high expectations and I’m a fixer. I worry if I can’t fix something.

I am learning as I get older to let go, to just breathe and to not worry so much about what is next, what people might think, why I am not....{dot.dot.dot} whatever. One trick my friend shared with me when I was very young was: ‘My mother said to me if I worry at night, to close my eyes and just be, feel your presence, your arms, your fingers, all of your body-think of nothing but a blank sheet of white paper and just concentrate on letting your mind go.’

I always liked the idea of a blank, white sheet of paper.

Because for me, it was a trick that allowed my mind to slow for a bit and center.

Please know, tomorrow will still be here when the morning arrives.

For tonight. Just Be.

I think what struck a cord with me today, is when my beautiful girlfriend said to me ‘I had no idea this was all going to be so hard. Why didn’t anyone warn us? And why don’t people talk about it more.’

Or my other girlfriend letting me know how scared she was as she is immersed in the beginning of her new journey in life with no current solid answers. Did she make a mistake?

Will she make it through the intense stress she is experiencing?

Yes, she will. It will take time.

But, I have to agree, why don’t we allow for our guards to come down a bit more? Allow ourselves grace and hopefully, grace for others.

And know you are perfect just the way you are.

Who you are and the gifts you have are just the tools you need to have.

Believe in yourself. xo,

xo

Heather Nashelle

23 - Level 3, August 2015

Shelley Texley’s

CENTRAL OREGON DREAM TEAM Shelley & Shelly are born and raised in Central Oregon and combined have over 20 years of Real Estate experience. “We love living and working in the best place on earth. We are dedicated to serving the needs of our clients before, during and after each transaction and strive to make their Real Estate experience Magical”.

‘The Service You Deserve, The Realtor You Can Trust!’

Shelley Texley-Principal Broker Shelly Duhn (530)227-4836 or (541) 241-8696 (541)408-1230 shelleysellsbend@gmail.com shelly@bendre.com CentralOregonDreamTeam.com www.shellyduhn.bendrealestate.org Aerial Map General Area Lot 2 Williamson Park 6th Add https://www.facebook.com/shelleysellsbend NE DOGWOOD DR

ART WALL

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pantry

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MASTER BEDROOM #2 P.O. BOX 8713 BEND, OR. 97708 PHONE : 541-408-6212

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MEGAN CT Source: Esri, DigitalGlobe, GeoEye, Earthstar Geographics, CNES/Airbus DS, NE TWIN KNOLLS DRUSGS, AEX, Getmapping, Aerogrid, IGN, IGP, LIVINGSTON USDA, swisstopo,DR and the GIS User Community

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Costco

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LA PINE

³

Deschutes County Title Company 2015

Future Development Potential 5 acres close to town with home. Good mountain views. 62167 Hamby Rd Bend $429,000

Clean home in great neighborhood close to town 52560 Lost Ponderosa Rd Lapine $189,900

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DISCLAIMER: This map was created from digital databases provided by the Deschutes County GIS. Deschuts County Title has provided this information as a courtesy and assumes no liabilbity for errors, omissions, or the postitianal accuracy of the data and does not warranty the fitness of this product for any particular purpose.

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Beautiful custom built home in Shevlin Crest Subdivision 2916 NW Celilo Lane Bend $924,500

13'-2" X 13'-0"

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Very private home on nearly 20 acres with amazing views 19865 JW Brown Bend $779,900 SEE IT ON YOUTUBE! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aiPbDZe0dOI

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Park Terrace Subdivision!

19 beautiful single level duplexes/condosnslocated in a prime location on the NE side of Bend

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4 bedroom home on quiet cul-de-sac 20576 NE Boyd Court Bend $319,900

Custom Home across from golf course on double corner lot 20385 Buttermilk Ct. Bend $549,900

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St Charles Medical Center - Bend

NE 27TH ST

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2,200 Feet

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LOCAL POLITICS the West side.

We welcome all opinions, whether you agree, or whether you are wrong. Send them in. We will publish some of them in next month’s issue. If you don’t put your name on it, why would we?

CITY GAS TAX Our Bend City Council has been considering a gas tax, if you haven’t heard. Our local streets are in such disrepair; it will take an estimated eighty million dollars to achieve roads that can receive a passing grade. The considered gas tax figures to give many of our guests the opportunity to help pay for our local transportation costs. Some agree that the tax is needed.

Some say it is needed as soon as possible. I don’t agree.

“We asked the council to hold off on putting a gas tax on the ballot until a comprehensive transportation package can be considered,” said Erin Foote Marlowe, executive director of Bend 2030. “We believe that a gas tax is just one of the funding streams we need to consider for funding roads and bike and ped safety projects.”

At the August 5 City Council meeting, the decision will be made to put the tax initiative on a special ballot this November.

Or not. Erin and I agree here. We repair what we can afford today, of course, while we consider the larger picture this Fall.

OSU CAMPUS FIGHT CONTINUES….

Construction on the Westside OSU Campus has begun. The fight is over...Not so, if you listen to longtime-resident and rabble-rouser Calvin Mann.

“Central Oregon deserves a university and location that serves all of Central Oregon.” He believes that OSU has “no respect for our community, that their arrogance and lack of competence is astounding... “ Calvin is not alone in his concerns. Bend Says No To OSU, and Truth In Site, are two different organizations working in tandem in support of a 4-year university location that is not on

I also have yet to understand the benefit to the larger community of this project, especially at the cost of the destruction of a neighborhood. Someone please educate me.

So, I hear that the Mirror Pond Ad Hoc Committee is still in pursuit of a deal with Pacific Power. I cannot imagine what they are thinking. I look at this political group of white men of privilege. I wonder, how do they think. What motive compels them? As men and as politicians, we want to control things we love. Even if we don’t own them. We don’t own the dam. We don’t own the water. We don’t own the land. We don’t even own the silt. Ponder.

When I was a professional bill collector, I never made a call, or began a negotiation, without first establishing the debt.

Simple.

Pacific Power is liable for a debt larger than most of us imagine, in my opinion. Yet, our representatives rush to the negotiating table without that number. Will someone please tell me how this makes sense? I understand how the power company benefits from this style of negotiation.

It seems clear to me that the ad hoc committee is more concerned with making a deal to preserve a prescribed waterline, then to seek what is best for Bend, and what is best for the River.

Activist Foster Fell says, “I do think that the freetheriver.org petition is still the best way to stop the new dam at Mirror Pond.

Though we won a critical battle by blocking the award of $5 million in State Lottery funds to the MP Ad Hoc Committee, we still must stop the Park Board from buying and replacing the existing dam.”

Love Rondo.

Ron Boozell aka “Rondo” 24-year resident. Cyclist commuter 365. Navy Veteran. Community activist and Volunteer. Provocateur.

Peace-maker. Blood Donor. StraightAlly. Loves cats and dogs. Original Bendifarian. 54-years old. Tall.

25 - Level 3, August 2015

THE CHANGE

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

”

”

A FEW YEARS AGO MY MOTHER HANDED ME A BOOKLET ON “PREMENOPAUSE: THE CHANGE.” UMMM, THANKS, MOM. I WONDERED WHAT SHE WAS THINKING. I WAS ONLY 45!

I SAT IT ON MY DRESSER, FORGOT ABOUT IT, AND AFTER A WHILE I THINK I THREW IT AWAY.

N

ow, as I sit here, realizing I am in that “35-55 year old” age range, dumbfounded by my body and it’s weirdness, I wish I had that damn book. I feel like a freak as I research WebMD and other websites for answers to my questions and discoveries. For starters:

1. Cellulite. WTF? I always prided myself on having bump and dent free skin. Much like the proud owner of a brand new car than hasn’t yet been touched by a swinging car door or runaway grocery cart.

Smooth. Then I turned 40 and WHAM! Seriously, it was THE DAY I turned 40. Like my body had some storage unit of cottage cheese it was scheduled to dump into my thighs on a certain day. I was sitting next to my sister on the couch one day and squeezed the flesh around my knees, witnessed the telltale orange-peel texture, turned to her and asked, “What the . .? Is this CELLULITE on my KNEES??” She laughed and said, “It’s about damn time.” And I thought only fat or lazy people got dimpled thighs. Or it was some inherited thing. This was just the beginning of my foolish and naïve thinking.

2. Hair. I think a lot of pre-menopause symptoms show in a woman’s hair. I’m not talking the thinning hair on the head – I’m talking about WHERE ELSE the hair is showing up.

I went to the doctor right after I turned 40 for a check-up. We talked about the usual stuff, then I asked him, “So, am I turning into a man or something? LOOK! I have a hair. . on my chin!” He chuckled. Shocked, I asked him, “So, you find my chin hair humorous??” He realized I was serious, and explained, “It’s perfectly normal at your age, with hormonal changes, to get hair in places you normally wouldn’t.” Oh great. “Pre-menopause” means “pre-MANopause,” apparently. I’m just waiting for a chest hair to

26 - Www.Facebook.Com/Bendlevel

By Yvonne McGaha

pop out, and then I’ll really freak.

3. Grays. Not the aliens. I mean gray hairs. So, I expected to get gray hairs. Of course! It’s the natural progression. But I’m talking about gray ones DOWN THERE. There I am one day, just taking care of business, making sure the bikini line is all cleaned up and THERE IT IS. A friggin gray hair. Like a dead tree growing in the middle of my love garden. WHAT. THE. HELL??? My landing strip is feeling less “sexy” and more “skunky.” Do I shave it all off?

Do I dye it? Or do I just leave it alone? I pluck the bitch out, of course.

Ain’t nobody got room for an old-looking yoohoo. Yes, I realize this action will lead to more plucking being needed, until I am eventually bald there.

But then I figure the pre-pubescent look will make me feel young again.

My denial wins.

4. Skin. I’ve stopped worrying about turning into a man and am now convinced I am turning into a lizard. I should buy stock in the companies where I buy my lotions. I literally coat myself every morning.

If I don’t, I end up leaving my scales wherever I go. Like a skin confetti.

Woo hoo! Party on! But seriously, if I had saved all the skin I’ve lost the past year due to pre-menopause, I could have built my own personal assistant to put the lotion on me.

5. Weight. Do you work out now? NEVER. EVER. QUIT!! I used to run or ride my bike (or both) 5-6 times a week. Then I got pregnant at 43 (we’ll address that trick later). Because it was so hard on my body at that age, it was difficult to work out anymore. Combine that with premenopause, and you get what you see today -- me still trying to convince myself that I’m not fat, it’s just my “baby tummy” five years after childbirth.

I have now read that these hormone changes make it so I have less fat supporting my face and more fat being stored in my hips, stomach, and thighs. So, basically my face is melting into my ass. Lovely.

6. Periods. Sorry, guys. If you can’t handle talking about “Aunt Flo” coming to visit every month, you’d better ditch this article now. It doesn’t get any prettier from here on out. . You’ve been warned. .

Basically, they’re all effed up. For the last two years, sometimes I get one. Sometimes I skip a month. If I skip a month, my body makes up for it the next month by giving me a period that lasts two weeks. And they aren’t light ones either, like in my teenage years. Oh, hell no. It’s like Niagra Freaking Falls! During a rain storm of blood, in a slot canyon, resulting in a flash flood of epic proportions. And Super Plus tampons?? I may as well be using a Q-tip. Just give me a roll of paper towels to jam in there. That ought to take care of it! Every month I fully expect to either die from blood loss or at least see my uterus and a few other body organs flow out of me.

7. Mood.

I used to get PMS sometimes.

Tired, bloated,wanting to eat all the chocolate in the pantry. That sort of thing.

But now?

People’s breathing can be annoying.

Or the way they eat. Or look. Or talk. Or exist.

OMG. Everyone becomes an irritating asshole.

“ But don’t feel sorry for me, people. The joys of getting older are many. “

OR I’m an emotional marshmallow. Seriously. It’s like being pregnant all over again. Talking about my kids? The tears flow. That damned commercial is on TV with the abused pets and that Sarah McLachlan bitch singing in the background? Basket case. And don’t let me hear the Star Spangled Banner. You’re just asking for waterworks. This is PMS on steroids.

8. Pregnancy. Ya, you heard me right. Because I am premenopausal and have high blood pressure, I can’t take birth control. I can’t have the hormones. Too risky. Too old. However, my gyno tells me I am NOT too old to get pregnant. So, what do I do?

TWO WORDS:

Apple Nachos!!

Need we say more?

Now, we all know the hubby doesn’t want to wear a condom. “It’s like trying to screw wearing a raincoat.” I’m allergic to spermicides, so those options are out. So we’re left with the rhythm method. And I don’t mean we’re doing it to the beat of our favorite sex song. And we’ve all heard that old joke: “What do you call couples who use the rhythm method? Parents!”

No kidding.

But don’t feel sorry for me, people. The joys of getting older are many.

I’ve learned not to care what other people think of me. I am comfortable with who I am. I have gained a good sense of humor, learned to laugh at myself, and I keep a positive attitude about what life throws my direction.

And when I start getting those hot flashes, I’ll just tell myself it’s my inner child playing with matches. Either that or my sagging boobs have fallen into my coffee. <>

27 - Level 3, August 2015

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

FIT OVER 40 Mike Palen

The Real Deal When we were in college, high school and even younger, we could eat drink and be merry, without the consequences of becoming thicker than ideal. As you keep getting older, the pounds come on a lot quicker, and they are a lot harder to get off.

Have you noticed? Especially with busy lifestyles, working, kids, goals – all this keeping us from being as active as we’d probably like to be, and probably eating as well as we’d like to. The thing that sucks, is that now you have to make working out a priority, when it never used to have to be.

You’d think it would be easy to stay fit in an active town like we live in, but a few years back I woke up one day and was super sick and tired of the extra 30 pounds I’d packed on somewhere between dating, getting married, and having our first kid. Beer is good. Family is good. I was working out at the gym a few times a week, getting outside from time to time, and chasing my kid around. Wasn’t that enough? I guess it wasn’t. That spare tire just wasn’t going anywhere.

I think what most of us don’t realize is what we are really doing to ourselves, even when we think we’re doing good things. What I thought was a healthy diet ended up being the real reason why I couldn’t shake that extra weight.

Everyone thinks that you can out exercise a shitty diet; not so my friend. Ever heard if the 80/20

rule?

My epiphany (thanks to my wife and a little education) is that the formula is 80% diet, 20% exercise. I had it backward.

My other epiphany was “consistency”. Consistency in working out. Consistency with diet. Consistency with moderation in my alcohol intake.

So many of us want that magic bullet, that quick fix, that one product that is going to change everything. News flash: there isn’t one. It takes time. It takes dedication. It takes learning about what works for you and what doesn’t. It takes more than just being active; it takes a whole lifestyle change that starts with a decision. It’s not about fad diets.

It’s about making simple changes that you keep going with for the rest of your life.

It took about a year to get to where I really wanted to be and most people give up way before that. I lost the weight pretty quickly, once I decided to change my lifestyle, but I wanted to see muscle tone again. I wanted to see my abs, and now I can.

Here’s what I did, and it’s really not rocket science.

Just consistence, dedication, and time:

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*I cut out wheat and dairy for 30 days : Just like Joey

from Friends, my favorite food is sandwiches. What I didn’t realize was how much bread I was eating on a daily basis and the affects on my body, such as the bloating and the gas. But the real awakening came to me from a program called Transform 30 through Juice Plus.

The program talked about how wheat and dairy cause inflammation in the body. It starting making sense to me so I started educating myself as to why these changes might be a good idea. Sure enough, when I cut out the wheat, I started feeling so much better!

Less bloated, less gassy, and my waistline started to shrink!

*I Quit drinking alcohol for 30 days – As much as I love

Pale ales and IPA’s, having 1 or 2 a day was not helping my waistline and they also made me feel bloated and gassy. Was it the wheat again? So for 30 days, I cut these hoppy libations out of my routine. This was HUGE for me. A gamechanger really. I’m kind of in denial about this one still, I realize, because I’ve gained a few pounds back (I can’t quit them all together).

*Added more consistent cardio. I was lifting weights

pretty consistently, but I wasn’t as consistent with cardio. I am not really that fond of running, but I decided to add at least a 1 mile warm up run before every work out and 5 minutes on the elliptical for a cool down. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but doing this

consistently over time starts adding up. I also made sure I wasn’t that guy sitting there between sets on the weight machine, just waiting for my next set. I make sure I keep moving during a work out, going from one machine to the next with little delay and filling in any down time with some crunches or push ups.

Quit being lazy at the gym. You don’t have to spend hours there.

Get in, do your stuff, make it good, and get out.

*Smoothies and Protien Shakes: I needed more nutrient

dense food and I knew that smoothies and protein shakes were a great way to do just that.

So I made smoothies a part of my daily routine, either as a meal replacement or as a healthy snack between meals. (see bonus recipe at the end). Put in some spinach, some fruit, some plant based milk and blend with your favorite shake mix. I’ve got a great one that I’ll post at the end.

*Fruits and veggies: Thanks to documentaries like Food Inc., Forks Over Knives, and Fed Up, I became more conscious about what I was eating and what I should be eating. I became more educated on the incredible healing power of fruits and veggies. So I started eating more salads, eating more raw veggies before dinner, adding more produce like spinach, kale, and fresh fruit to my smoothies, and basically made sure I ate some sort of fruit or veggie at every meal. *Psyllium: Many years ago I read an article in Men’s Health magazine about your colon. I don’t remember the exact title but

it was something like “Do you remember your first chili dog? Well your colon probably does.” The point of the article was that most of us have the equivalent of a brick or 2 of waste just sitting around in our colon.

The article went on to tell the story of a guy who lost a bunch of weight simply by cleaning out all the junk in his colon. One of the main products he used was Psyllium Husk. I have been using this “colon cleanser” for years and it has worked wonders for me. I have seen some interesting stuff come out of me, when I use this on a regular basis, and it has been an important part of losing and keeping weight off.

Smoothie Recipe

1 large handful of Spinach, Kale, or both.

1 banana 1 Scoop of your favorite Protien shake mix (I use Juice Plus Complete) 1 Tbsp of Psyllium (I get mine at Trader Joes) 1 ½ cups liquid (I use almond milk and water) 1 handful of frozen berries or anything else you want to through in there!

It has been over a year since I started my lifestyle transformation and I have been able to keep the 30 lbs off. I still drink beer, I still eat cheese, and I still eat wheat, just not as much as I used to. Like I said in the beginning, it isn’t rocket science. Make better choices, keep them consistent, and give them time! <>

I’m a vegan, but…

So when I confronted her about this, she said it was actually more for “animal cruelty reasons”. She loves the animals too much to eat them. LOL, Okay. That doesn’t explain the leather shoes, purse and jacket you’re wearing. “Oh, I don’t I’m so sick of food fads. I have recently discovered that mind wearing them, I just don’t want to eat them”. MMMKAY, there are a huge group of people that just like to say they’re PUMPKIN. You’re just an idiot. part of the newest fad, but don’t actually follow it. All talk, no walk.

I’m all for food fads if there is a responsible, honest, reason behind them. Then it’s not a fad, it’s a real life issue! It’s not I seriously just want to punch everyone in the face that says really trendy to be a committed vegan, or to avoid gluten they’re Vegan but they eat “some animal products”. Or because it makes you sick. Let’s be really, real here, for they’re vegetarian, unless they’re at a steakhouse with juicy, reals. If you’re going to talk the talk, walk the frickin’ walk.. <> meaty options in front of them. OR (my personal favorite) they’re “gluten free” but “only during certain meals”.

One of the parents at our son’s school told us that her kid was only gluten free at night, and he was allowed to eat whatever he wanted while at school.

Wait. What? I’m confused here. What exactly is the point then of being gluten free? Just so you can say you are?

Does this automatically make you feel like you’re hip and cool?

I used to work with a woman that claimed to be a vegan.

When I inquired as to why she chose to be a vegan, she first said it was for health purposes. As she explained, “It caused her to be more considerate of what she put in her mouth”.

Hmmmmm…Okay. I’ll buy that. Right up until I noticed that she ate more shit (literally) than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life. She was constantly eating chips, and cookies, and pure sugar sweets and calories galore. So much for being “conscientious of what you put in your mouth”.

29 - Level 3, August 2015

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

Edible Flowers EVERY GARDEN NEEDS

Jen McCoy To take any dish up a notch adding flowers really does add a gourmet feel.

Here is a list of 10 flowers you can grow in your own backyard. Be creative and add them to your own dishes!

LAVENDER This plant should already be in your garden. It smells amazing, attracts bees and butterflies, and also repels mosquitos! Probably the best cookie I’ve ever had was from a lavender farmers kitchen. The flowers he mixed into his shortbread recipe and it was perfection. Lavender can be used in drinks, tea, and desserts especially. *English Lavender has the best culinary flavor.

SQUASH

and summer squash flowers are edible.

BORAGE

PANSIES (violas, Johnny Jump ups) These cute little flowers have a light taste of grapes, and sometimes wintergreen.

Add the whole flower to salads, ice cube trays, Any Hour oeuvres or as a decoration on a cake.

PINKS (Dianthus) These Beautiful Delicate flowers have a mild spicy clove flavor. They are excellent in hot teas, ciders, salads, desserts, and even to creamy soups.

ELDERFLOWER

These giant flowers taste just like zucchini and are excellent for stuffing and deep-frying. Both winter

ROSE

These flowers have been used hundreds of years to flavor many things. They work the best in drinks, jams, syrups and sorbets.

It’s hard to describe their taste its more an aroma is added. In Europe they love adding these to compotes for meat dishes.

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These Blue Star-like Flowers have a mild pepper, slightly cucumber like taste, and are popular in salads, frozen ice cube trays, and make beautiful cake decorations.

SUNFLOWER The sunflower grows quickly and easily and has a variety of uses. The petals, flower buds and seeds are all edible! The flowers can be used in a wide variety of dishes from breads, pasta dishes, muffins and syrups.

Probably one of my personal favorite edible flowers, the Rose has so many varietals a taste test is recommended. They are all uniquely different.

Some are full-bodied floral, spice, and others have undertones of ginger and even anise. Use petals to flavor honey, teas, mixed drinks sorbet and even fruit compotes. Great in salads and desserts.

CALANDULA/ MARIGLOD Yellow Calendula can be used in place of pricy Saffron. These flowers are tangy and spicy and great to add to a wide variety of dishes.

SAGE In the summer month’s sage has beautiful small purple and sometimes white flowers. Great added to meat dishes. Also to add as a finishing touch to any dish. <>

SAFETY TIPSNot all flowers are edible! Do your research and refer to a flowers botanical (true) name, when confirming.

Avoid eating any flowers that could be sprayed with pesticides, or on the side of a road. If you don’t know, don’t eat them.

Not all edible flowers have a pleasant taste, and not all varietals taste the same, so experiment!

Do to pollen allergies clean your flowers well and when trying them for the first time do it sparingly.

SoME good-ass shit `

I love going to the grocery store. Really. Especially Natural Grocers or Whole Foods because there is always good, weird-ass stuff to try.

I

’m a weirdo by trade but I hang with a crowd that can blow my weirdness out of the water. Hang out with a group of Nutritional Therapists for a weekend and you’ll learn something close to a new language!

Maybe it’s my dad in me; he kinda does the same thing I do. We both love going to the store, finding new things to try , and bringing them home for all to see. I never get the excitement from people at home that I expect or that I want, and neither does he. Why don’t they want to try the weird things that we do? These things are AWESOME! Usually.

On a recent trip back from the store, I looked over at my box o’ goodies and thought that there kinda was some pretty weird shit in there. But it was all good shit! And I needed to let everyone know about the good shit that I’m finding, because more people should be enjoying this good shit!

So my new column is going to be about all of the cool, good-for-you, awesomely weird and groovy things you too can find at the store. I’ll let you know why they are so good, why you might want to try, and why I’m so damn excited about this weird-ass stuff.

Seriously though, I love finding good, natural, healthy stuff that actually works, or tastes good.

When I find something like that, I must share it!

Lucky you.

Here’s my first go.

Badger Sunscreen: I’m always looking for a non-toxic sunscreen for my kiddo. One that isn’t too thick, or smells bad, or is too oily. The Badger line is a GREAT one. If you go to EWG.org, they have a great resource for checking out the toxicity of the body products you use. They rate them on a scale from 1-10, explaining the numbers and the risks associated with products. This sunscreen gets a rating of 1 out of 10 on their website, meaning it’s about as good as you can get. No endocrine disruptors, no artificial ingredients, all good stuff. This one smells like tangerines and doesn’t make my kiddo oily, or too ghostly white. He actually asked me to put it on him the other day! And, I implore you; stop using spray and/or toxic sunscreen on your kids. Our skin absorbs so much of what we put onto it. Be aware, be conscious, know what

you are absorbing. Our kids are vulnerable. Their systems are relatively clean, so lets keep them that way. Every little bit adds up and this is a great place to start in getting the toxins out of your life.

Wild Brine: A student of mine introduced me to this product line last year during a nutrition class I was teaching. He was raving about fermented salsa.

What? Fermented salsa? Little did I know this would become one of my new favorite things.

So much so, that I’ve been trying the rest of their products as well. You can Google, or ask a nutritional expert about the benefits of fermented foods in your diet. Having these as a regular part of your diet can be very beneficial to your digestion. This stuff is amazingly good, tangy, a bit spicy, and so wonderful on tacos, or burritos, or chips! The product pictured is actually fermented beets and cabbage. So pretty! Like I said, I like trying all of their stuff! This is currently what is in my fridge.

Dandi Blend: I won’t go into the benefits of dandelion root here, but I recently learned that this tea can be beneficial for our livers. It’s a GREAT replacement for that hot coffee in the morning, if you are one of those crazy people that is trying to get rid of their coffee habit.

It’s instant, dark like coffee, nutty, healthy, and actually brings a calming affect to me when I drink it.

Maybe it’s just me. But this is one of my new favorites for adding in to my diet. As I’m writing this, I’m currently sipping on a cup having added some canned full fat coconut milk. Yummy!

MANDY PALEN

and making my family be the guinea pigs for this purpose. I’ll do the work, you just sit back and learn.

Be well.

Do you have a fantastic recipe for beets? Let us know! <>

Beets and Goat Cheese (bonus recipe!)

Step 1: Go to Locavore (Or you local farmers market or natural foods store).

Step 2: Buy organically grown good lookin’ beets Step 3: Also buy goat cheese, Extra Virgin Olive oil, garlic, lemons, sea salt and pepper, if you don’t have them.

Step 4: Follow the recipe following my comments.

I’ve been trying to incorporate DIFFERENT types of veggies into our meals because we tend to eat the same things ALL THE TIME! Beets are amazing for you but I always just steam them. BORING! Here is a nice, easy, quick, side dish recipe that you can try! Even the kids might like it. Warning: your poo and pee may be pink the next day.

Steamed BEETS with dressing and Goat Cheese: Wash beets, cuts into quarters. Put 2 inches of water in your steamer (I have a steamer thingy that goes in a pot) and steam, covered for 15 minutes. They are done when you can poke a knife into the beet.

Dressing: 3TBS of Extra Virgin Olive Oil 2tsp lemon juice 1 garlic clove – more or less, depending on taste Sea Salt and Pepper to taste

Toss beets with dressing when still hot. Carotenoids (good for you stuff) in some foods are better absorbed with when consuming oils.

Toss with some goat cheese, if you like, as well!

Cramp Bark:

This would also be great on a salad with some walnuts!

O.K. ladies. Cramp much? This little tincture was introduced to me this month when I was having some not so awesome cramping during that time of the month. Like, debilitating, can’t function normally cramping. This was formulated for women for this exact purpose. Of course make sure that all of the ingredients agree with you, but my dose of ibuprofen this month went from about 3 pills every 4 hours for 3 days, to 6 pills over a 5 day period of time. That is significant! Anti-inflammatories are not something I want as a permanent part of my diet, and this helped me so much. It REALLY worked. They didn’t disappear, but made them tolerable enough to where I didn’t need medication. AMAZING. Seriously.

I hope that I can impart some good information to you through this column! I love trying new things

31 - Level 3, August 2015

WHY ARE YOU SO

FAT?

BY Michael Ryan

I

’ll preface this piece: Bend is an anomaly to me. This utopia-ville of awesomeness has some really great things like the gift of endless fun stuff to do from the mountain bike trails, fishing, Mt. Bachelor & it’s siblings, we all get it. Bend is rad. And it’s blessed with a food culture that’s intrinsic to Oregon more than the rest of the states. Add in that people are just nicer here and that takes the stress levels down. Bend is a utopia. As you read this and think about what you see on a day to day, when you pop in the grocery store or bike shop, please understand that the health of our fellow Americans is worse in most other cities in America.

As I’ve traveled across the country and around the world, I’ve had my eyes opened to witnessing the real life version of those stats we’ve all seen from time to time. You know the stats from places like the CDC about obesity, type II diabetes, childhood type II diabetes affecting 1 in 3 children born after the year 2000, how we are 17%+ heavier than Americans in the 1960’s, and on and on. Call me crazy but that’s a pretty horrible story. Yet it’s a story that’s playing out in most nooks and crannies of this country and many others.

Doctors have always told people to eat right and exercise. It doesn’t mean they do it. We have plenty of smart people and we have more tools than ever, but the problem is growing, kind of like our waistline.

Recently, I met a lady who asked for help in getting to her health & fitness goals. She had this mantra on auto repeat in her head, “I’m fat...I’m fat...I’m fat”. That’s a pretty awful way to think about oneself and the emotion behind her words really made me feel

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for her. My initial response was, “hey, you have fingernails right?”

She replied, “yes, of course”. I said, “great, does that mean ‘you are fingernail’?” My goal was to get her off the negative self talk and shed some perspective, and ultimately help empower her to come down the successful path health wise. Just because you “have fat” doesn’t mean you “are fat”.

GYM MEMBERSHIPS IN AMERICA ARE AT THEIR HIGHEST LEVELS IN HISTORY YET SO IS THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC. I know as well as anyone that people buy on emotion and they justify with facts. Think to the last car or home you bought.

Somewhere in there, you probably said, “I love this car in have to have it” and that preceded seeing the finance person or an appraisal. That’s literally how people make such ridiculous food selections. I’m not the food nazi or the guy running around saying “your body is your temple”, as it’s more than that. It is your temple and it’s your playground’! Food is meant to be fuel and it’s meant to be enjoyed. Have you ever had the tacos at Spork? They are divine and should be enjoyed! Your body is meant to be used.

Had it not been for our ability to run great distances, Homosapians would fallen to the Neanderthals who were bigger, stronger, and had larger brains.

RANDOM FUN FACT; DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MORE PHYTONUTRIENTS IN A GOOD CRAFT BEER THAN MOST MILK SOLD IN THE UNITED STATES? The big culprit; Food has changed and people (in most places) are exceedingly more sedentary. As an example, an apple today has about 25% of the nutrient content compared with apples 2530 years ago. Farming has changed. That’s not a secret. Many are in denial with that however. Mix in “American portion sizes” and you have a recipe for obesity.

Working out 3 times a week is like falling down a flight of stairs.

You’ll feel it and remember you did it, but it won’t really change your life. 4 Workouts a week will be great maintenance, but when you hit that 5 times a week or 22 times a month, that’s where the results live and prosper!

Mixing things up is key. Athletes use periodization and muscle confusion so they don’t plateau. We have to change things up and our metabolism will never know what hit it! Not all workouts are equal in their efficiencies, but we’ll cover that another time.

A person’s motivation is born in the details of their goals and dreams. So the best place to start is knowing what your goals are.

I find that many people tend to be disconnected with where it is they want to go. Often people don’t want to challenge the thought of “how am I really doing?” The wild irony to this anti depressant movement is that those meds hope to someday release a little bit of what you can get from exercise in about 20-30 minutes from right now. There’s a part of your brain called the Hippocampus and is where neurotrophic brain function occurs. Dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and norepinephrine flow and it’s the most magical cocktail of feel good to a human being. You can make this part of the brain come to life in about 20-30 minutes of vigorous exercise or sex. So get on your bike, pop in P90X, and/ or go get laid, you’ll be doing everyone a favor.

It also suppresses cortisol levels. Stress gift-wraps cortisol like a neurotic Santa Claus who is willing to show up with presents as often as you’ll open the door. Once a year is fine thank you. Keep your damn cortisol. When your body is dealing with cortisol, it is physiologically incapable of leaning out or burning fat. And cortisol likes to be suppressed with carbs. So the stress eater gains weight. Not surprising. But the super beauty of dopamine for instance, is that the more you create dopamine, the easier it is to create! That’s a huge factor in good moods when you think to what I said about exercising 5/6 items a week vs 3/4 or less. This is why I’ve had so much success in helping companies with wellness programs that actually work.

Perfect doesn’t exist but when you focus on what you really want, you’ll find a way...or you’ll find an excuse, but you can’t do both!

You get one chance to live this life. Don’t live this life like you have another in the bank. We all have a date with death but don’t know when it is. I want to get to the end of this ride called life, sliding sideways, dust flying, body used up, full freaking speed into that tombstone, and have that moment where time stands still, your life flashes before your eyes for the millisecond it is...but

Michael Ryan Super Star Diamond Coach Elite 10 & 4x Elite Coach Team BeachBody (the P90X people) Follow me at www.fb.com/michaelvincentryan @ryansports (instagram & twitter)

mike@1fitnation.com

33 - Level 3, August 2015

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

WHOLE 30 I MANDY PALEN

’ll be honest with you, it’s extremely difficult to relegate the life and passion of this woman into a small article in this magazine, so we’re probably going to be publishing this in parts.

Thinking of Doing a Whole 30?

Did you just say “What the F*$& is That Now?”

One of the most entertaining and awesome food/nutrition books that I’ve read is “It Starts With Food” by Melissa and Dallas Hartwig. *First off, I should state that, of course, this is a very specific challenge and it is not for everyone. You should consult your doctor if you have anything serious going on, and reading the book “It Starts With Food”, is a really great idea. Doing your own research is good too. I get excited about this and want others, who are so inclined, to be excited too. There.

Now that that’s taken care of. On with it.

I will state, to begin again, that I am not a fan of fad diets. Really. I’m not.

But sometimes you just need some damn rules to follow so that you can figure some shit out.

As a 30-something I’ve started dealing with bodily issues, as I’m sure many of us have. If not, good for you! Stop reading. But I know, in my circle of friends, we’ve all got our challenges. Mine have included, but were not limited to: headaches from stress and diet, low energy, digestion issues, and food cravings (mostly sugar!). I’m a nutrition nut, am into the world of becoming a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, and have most recently come to realize that I’m doing some things that don’t work for me. That is, if I want to feel great as much as possible. And I do.

Enter “The Whole 30”, which I’ve spent many an evening researching, reading about, and talking to people about doing, what they have done, and what they are about to do. Here are the conclusions that I have come to after having done these things, as well as doing a Whole 30 myself, and realizing that so many of my “issues” had all but disappeared.

#1 You WILL Eat Lots of Veggies!

Are you aware that we need 7-13 servings of fruits and veggies per day for optimum health? Are you getting that in?

Be honest. How many servings did you have today? Truly. 1 cup = 1 serving. Most of us are not

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getting as much as we think we are or want to admit. Enter Whole 30!

The gal who writes the Nom Nom Paleo blog says that when she went Paleo she began to eat WAY more veggies than when she was actually vegetarian! We tend to fill up on bread, pasta and other grains, but when you can’t have those, you tend to eat a TON more vegetables (if you are following the guidelines). More fiber, more phytonutrients, more everything fruits and veggies offer for good health. Yay! Oh! And good news! The more veggies you eat, the more veggies you crave. Is half of your plate veggies right now?

#2 Challenge Yourself!

When is the last time you REALLY challenged yourself and your habits?

For a period of time? And followed it through until the end? If you have health reasons you would do this or you are just reading about the benefits of a higher fat lower refined carbohydrate diet, and wonder if you might benefit, just do it! You CAN do anything for 30 days. Like Melissa Hartwig says in the book, “Don’t you dare tell us this is hard.

Beating cancer is hard. Birthing a baby is hard. Losing a parent is hard.

Drinking your coffee black is. not. hard.” That pretty much says it for me.

Show yourself what you can do. Commit to yourself. How proud will you be? Your future self will thank you.

Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Beating cancer is hard.

Birthing a baby is hard. Losing a parent is hard. Drinking your coffee black is. not. hard. #3 Figure Out What Affects You and

Stop Doing it!

Do you feel great 100% of the time? Yes? Then why are you reading this?

If not, what’s the major issue? Headaches? Low energy? Bad mood?

Aches and pains? Yes, yes, and yes! You would freak out if you knew all the affects that the things you eat can have on your body. Have you ever done an elimination diet to see if there is something you are eating that is affecting you? So many of us think that feeling the way that we feel is just the way it is. But if you don’t feel good, that is not normal. By doing a Whole 30 and eliminating foods that are common triggers for 30 days, when you add them back in one at a time, you will know what your body

does not like, and these are probably things you should consider eliminating from your diet all together.

AROUND THE BEND....

It is a tool! It is not meant to be long term. The results, hopefully, will affect you and change your habits long term, but the diet is not long term. Do it!

Feel better.

#4

Eat Well At it’s core, this really is a healthy way to eat. No processed food! Lots of veggies! Good fats! No sugar! No alcohol! No dairy! No bread! Some will argue about the no grains and no beans, but for reals! It’s getting the junk out. Get it out! Get the processed shiz out, and get some good fats and nutrients in. And when you do start adding the other things back in that you CAN tolerate, then what a healthy diet you will have! Please read that part of the book too. It’s important to know what to do when the 30 days is over.

#5

Cut Cravings It isn’t perfect, but if you stick with it, you stop wanting the bad things. Can you imagine? Now, if you start binging after this is over instead of reintroducing like you are told, you’ve ruined it, and all the evil cravings will come back. Be smart.

There are also phases while you are getting all the junk out (detoxing, if you will). You may get angry, you may really want bread. You may want hazelnut creamer NOW or you will throw something. You will be OK! Hold on - drink some tea - make sure you are eating enough food and following the guidelines and before you know it, those cookies in the breakroom won’t even phase me! Er, I mean you.

Helpful Hints: *No Cheating *Find some support *Plan *Find some website/blogs to follow (Nom Nom Paleo, Against All Grains, Whole 30) *Get your “Why am I doing this?” on paper *Don’t wing it, read the book “It Starts With Food” so you can do it right and reintroduce things right *Make some mayo! It’s fun! *Drink some Kombucha!

By the way, most people (and I say most, but you know there are ALWAYS those people that can tell you different) report sleeping like a baby, having an overall sense of elevated energy, and having many intestinal bloat and gassy symptoms all but go away. Just a thought.

Now, go learn, go do, and go be GREAT! And go start YOUR Whole 30! <>

35 - Level 3, August 2015

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

20 HEALTHY BENEFITS OF YOGA Kristy Sinsara

1-Improves your flexibility 2-Builds muscle strength 3-Perfects your posture 4-Prevents cartilage and joint breakdown 5-Protects your spine 6-Betters your bone health 7-Increases your blood flow 8-Drains your lymphs and boosts immunity 9-Ups your heart rate 10-Drops your blood pressure 11-Regulates your adrenal glands 12-Lowers blood sugar 13-Helps you focus 14-Relaxes your system 15-Improves your balance 16-Maintains your nervous system 17-Releases tension in your limbs 18-Helps you sleep deeper 19-Supports your connective tissue 20-Improves your sex life!

BEND YOGA STUDIOS Call or check websites for current classes, schedules, and specials.

JUNIPER YOGA-369 N.E. REVERE AVE. 541-389-0125, Open Seven days a week.

Juniperyoga.com NAMASPA YOGA & MASSAGE- 1135 N.W. GALVESTON AVE. 541-550-8550 namaspa.com YOGA LAB-550 S.W. INDUSTRIAL WAY 541-633-7363 theyogalab.com GROOVE YOGA-1740 N.W. PENCE LN 541-706-9388 *ALL CLASSES ARE PERFORMED WITH MUSIC grooveyyogabend.com IYENGAR YOGA OF BEND-660 N.E. 3RD ST 541-318-1186 yogaofbend.com STEVES HOT YOGA- 25 N.W. MINNESOTA AVE. 541-410-1285 BIKRAM YOGA COLLEGE OF INDIA- 805 S.W. INDUSTRIAL WAY 541-389-8599, Open Seven days a week bikramyogabend.com ABUNDANT GRACE YOGA- N.E. 5TH ST. 541-383-9360 abundantgraceyoga.com SUNNY YOGA KITCHEN- 2748 N.W. CROSSING DR #120 541-678-3139 BHUVANA- 5 N.W. Minnesota AVE. #106 541-706-9400 bhuvana.biz SOL ALCHEMY YOGA- 568 N.E. SAVANNAH DR. 541-285-4972 MUKHA YOGA- 1150 N.W. KNOXVILLE BLVD. 541-306-9583

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Othy’s Oil SORE MUSCLES

ARTHRITIS RELIEF

Did you know that Level Magazine offers FREE ADVERTISING for all non-profit groups in Central Oregon? It’s just our way of saying “thank you” to this beautiful community! You keep filling our hearts with overwhelming gratitude! Any way we can give back, we are here for you!

Thank you for being here for us!

37 - Level 3, August 2015

MINDFUL LIVING

A CHRISTIAN IF THE PICTURE ON THE LEFT BOTHERS YOU MORE THAN THE PICTURE ON THE RIGHT, THEN YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER YOUR VALUES!

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PERSPECTIVE? `

WHY THE WORLD IS CALLING BRUCE CAITLYN JENNER A HERO Kristy Sinsara

D

o you actually know what it means to be called a “Christian”? It means to be “Christ-like”. As in Jesus Christ.

The man that came and hung out with the prostitutes and druggies, offered hope to the hopeless and loved the disenfranchised and misunderstood souls in this world.

Was there mass love from the Christian community?

NOPE. Instead, the generic response was of disgust and disrespect; and it came completely out of pure ignorance and unsubstantiated and misunderstood hate for people they do not “relate” to.

Pathetic! Jesus spent his life around people he was NOT like; people he couldn’t “relate” to. THAT was his I have never seen a more disgusting display of life’s mission, and you have taken that mission and “Christianity” than when Bruce Jenner revealed his true, perverted it into becoming the very people your “GOD” authentic identity and struggles he’s been facing as fought against! someone with gender identity issues.

The truth is that I do not get it. In fact, I don’t understand Bruce Jenner is not a hero because he became a it at all. Never in my life have I ever wanted to be, or felt woman. Caitlyn Jenner is a hero because, despite the like I was anything, other than a woman. I have never opposition, judgment, ridicule and extreme hate she even tried to understand anyone with gender identity faces now daily, she still decided to stand on her own issues. two feet and say “even if the rest of the world hates me I am going to stand up for what I believe is right, which AND THAT’S OKAY. I DON’T NEED TO UNDERSTAND is living my authentic self”.

SOMEONE’S STRUGGLES IN ORDER TO SUPPORT THEM, LOVE THEM, PRAY FOR THEM OR BE THERE How many of you judgers out there are actually FOR THEM IN ANY CAPACITY. AND NEITHER DO living an authentic life? I think you’re pissed that she YOU. had the guts to do something so authentic, free from the concern of judgment, and you can’t even imagine Whatever happened to people saying, “I don’t really making a decision without mass approval. understand it, but I’m here for you. I’m here for you because, at the core of me, I am a Christian. And to be I think we need to move more into a world where we a Christian means that I have a higher calling to love praise each other’s differences and individual strengths those that are least like me, not just the ones that are to be authentic, because it most certainly does take most like me”. strength!

Why do Christians seem to constantly miss their If Jesus Christ physically came to this world today he opportunities to be a beacon of love and hope for the would stand against 98% of the churches today. My rest of the world? Why are they constantly the first to question is this: step up and condemn?

DO YOU STAND FOR JESUS OR DO YOU STAND FOR YOUR PREACHER?

39 - Level 3, August 2015

MINDFUL LIVING

5

THINGS

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By Kristy Sinsara

1

Did you know that happy people say “good morning” more often than unhappy people? Do you ever say “good morning”, out loud? Try it, not just to people in your home, but as often as you can once you leave the house!

Saying “good morning”, out loud, to as many people as possible, creates positive energy... and what better way to start your day than through spreading positive energy. LIFE is an echo. What we put out, we all get back.

3

2

Successful people have an innate belief that the universe is conspiring FOR them, not against them. They believe wholeheartedly that all things work together for their good. Thoughts become things... thoughts become things...

Successful people believe in the law of attraction...what are you attracting?

5

When did we lose sight of the fact that we are in control? Why have we convinced ourselves it’s easier to be a victim in life? Stop pretending like you keep falling into bad days...when the truth is that you keep CHOOSING to have bad days!

Sure, you may not have control over everything that happens to you but you have 100%, absolute control over how you respond to it. You get to choose whether or not it puts you in a bad mood or good mood. So, just choose better! YOU own today!

4

I am pretty sure this is not coincidental that truly successful human beings in life seem to praise others, a lot, AND try and help others too. Successful people aren’t selfish by nature. They are kind and helpful. The best way to get what you want in life is to help others get what they need. Is your life in the shitter? When was the last time you actually helped anyone in need?

The truth is that those who say “thank you” will always have the most to say thank you for. This is why when it rains, it pours. Usually the minute something bad happens in your life you start to get fixated on it and you attract more of that negative feeling you’ve just started cultivating. STOP! Stop complaining, stop talking about what’s wrong (all of the damn time) and start saying THANK YOU and reminding yourself of what’s right!

Say thank you, live in gratitude and your life will open up in ways you never thought imaginable.

Stop fixating on yourself and everything that’s wrong and shift your energy to be more kind and giving!

41 - Level 3, August 2015

MINDFUL LIVING

RELIGION VS

By Kristy Sinsara

SPIRITUALITY

I heard someone say once that “religion is someone else’s experience of God” and “spirituality is your own experience”. There is no room for argument with that theory if you have truly had the experience of both. I would say that most religious people have not had a truly spiritual experience, although most would argue with that.

Religious studies and following, is the adaptation and adoption of someone else’s interpretation of who God is, and all of the surrounding teachings therein. Spirituality is a “coming to” on your own, a self-realization, self-teaching, personal enlightenment of who God is to YOU. Religion can be taught. It can be learned. It can be relegated to a specific group, experience or even thought. However the personal concept of God, from a truly deeply personal understanding that comes only with time, openness, and mindfulness is something that cannot be taught by another human, past the extent of someone simply saying “open your mind and be willing to take it all in, and be okay with whatever may come to you in each moment”. That is the beginning of a true spiritual movement.

Mahatma Ghandi said, “Religion should be like a room full of windows where you feel the breeze from each one, but are never swayed by any of them in particular”. There is something to learn from all teachings, but understand that no religion

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has the corner market on the path to enlightenment, salvation or God. For me, growing up in a super strict Southern Baptist home, I was indoctrinated with religion at a very early age, and, being inquisitive by nature, I had questions at an early age as well.

Questions of which were never answered with any degree of intelligence, most were actually scoffed at or dismissed instantly with a disdain for their very nature to begin with.

In the typical Christian environment, your average question is met with the typical answer “just have faith”.

But when you’re 8, and you’re not even sure what exactly “faith” is, and you can’t figure out how the story of ‘Jonah and the Whale’ makes any sense, the confusion starts to set in, and it never goes away.

How in the hell did Jonah survive being swallowed alive by a whale, for 3 days? And then, to boot, according to the picture depicted beside the story in my children’s bible, he apparently found campfire wood and marshmallows? My teacher said “we don’t ask questions, we just have faith”.

As I grew older my questions grew more and more advanced.

“If being materialistic was so sinful, why does God entice you into heaven with gates of pearl, streets of gold and huge mansions”? …..And also I don’t want to live in a mansion without my family, that sounds really scary (and wasteful).

“Just have faith”…it’s the “go to” answer for all things that cannot be answered.

Okay, what about the fact that we were told that the Bible was the infallible word of God, no mistakes, all perfectly written by the creator of the universe himself?

How about the story of Joshua fighting the Amorites in the Old Testament book of Joshua (Joshua 10:10-14) . He wanted so badly to win the battle by the time the sun went down, that he actually prayed that God would command the sun to stop moving. AND THE BIBLE SAYS GOD COMMANDED THE SUN TO STOP!

I searched high and low, everywhere. Under each rock, inside each person, read countless books, experienced a multitude of churches, synagogues, cathedrals, temples and holy places…

I took “religious studies” courses and minored in theology. I took Greek, Hebrew, Ancient Aramaic writing, Bible History, World Religions, Popular Cults, Theology 1-3, The Life of Paul (he wrote 13 books of the New Testament). I studied in depth the uncanonized books of the Bible (the Book of Thomas).

There are some who believe the more difficult the journey in life the greater depth of purification. So they walk for miles and miles to cleanse their souls.

There are some who believe 12 Then spake Joshua to the Lord in the I felt like my spirit had walked from one day when the Lord delivered up the end of this earth and back looking for the more difficult the Amorites before the children of Israel, the answers. I was searching, and and he said in the sight of Israel, Sun, fed me but nothing “filled” journey in life the greater everything stand thou still upon Gibeon; and thou, me. The more I found an answer, the Moon, in the valley of Ajalon. more questions it also revealed. depth of purification. So 13 And the sun stood still, and the I will never forget my first day of they walk for miles and Theology moon stayed, until the people had class, my professor said to us avenged themselves upon their enemies. all, as he so casually walked into my miles to cleanse their Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So uber Christian university, that if any of us the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, souls. sitting in his class room had any wavering and hasted not to go down about a whole day.

How exactly did this happen? The sun was never moving to begin with. We now know that this was the primitive mind of the writer at the time, not understanding what we now know as basic elementary solar system knowledge. We revolve around the sun. Although it may look like the sun is moving across the sky, we know it is not, and never has.

So why would the Bible say “God commanded the sun to stop”?

Perhaps the primitive writer didn’t understand but certainly GOD DID? I mean “he” did after all, just 3 books prior, create the darn thing!!

It’s this and a million more examples for me. I grew up understanding that the Bible was inconsistent. Furthermore, I soon started realizing that most people’s “religious” views were more of that of their “preacher”, NOT the Bible.

ONE BOOK and over 3,000 interpretations, almost all claiming to be “the way”?

I went on a mission when I was in my early twenties to find truth.

MY truth was that I believed in God, and I felt like I could truly feel God, but I didn’t understand what that meant. So, like a pilgrim on a mission, I sat out to find the real truth.

faith and wanted to absolutely remain Christian, it would behoove us to get up and walk out immediately. When asked why he said this, he said “because there’s no chance you can learn about religion and stay religious, the two do not go hand in hand”.

You cannot, in fact, be filled with truth and stay ignorant.

You can’t learn that there are over 2,000 scribal errors alone in a book that claims to be “infallible” and still follow it verbatim. You can’t understand that most of the books of the Bible were found with huge missing chunks, and had been misinterpreted and reinterpreted over years and years, yet people claim to know the original meaning. You can’t discover through Greek that the words are spelled backwards, and without punctuation, it would be similar in English to say “God is nowhere” and, “God is now here” both look the exact same, yet both have contrasting meanings?

So after years and years of searching, no stone unturned, no book unread, no mountain unexplored in this world of spiritual enlightenment, I have finally found MY truth.

Who is God? What does it all mean? I truly do believe that I have discovered truth, for all wandering, searching souls. <> ….To Be Continued….September 2015

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MINDFUL LIVING

TO THE LOST AND BROKEN SOULS…

“Beaten down, at times…BUT NOT DEFEATED….not yet my friend. Not ever! “

Kristy Sinsara

That darkness around you is overwhelming. It suffocates you sometimes in the middle of the clearest and brightest days…. it is haunting and lonely. But there is a purpose in its presence in your life. The light cannot shine without darkness…and so I ask you to not treat it with disdain and fear…but more so with reverence and understanding for its very presence. It’s purpose will some day reveal itself and it will be powerful beyond your own understanding.

Understand that you’re on a “need to know” basis with God. The universe will reveal only what is necessary in each of the moments as they come. If you don’t understand something…it’s simply because you don’t yet “need to know”. Move on.

Above all things you must never let go of the undeniable fact that you are here for a reason and that purpose, no matter how great or small, is unique to you and only you.

There is only one you in this entire world. Rise and rise again, for you are holier than you realize, more magnificent than you understand, and greater than anything that has ever tried to defeat you.

You cannot be defeated! And no matter how weary and tired you may ever feel, it is an undeniable fact that you have yet to be beaten in this life. Broken, maybe. Fallen, perhaps often. Beaten down, at times…BUT NOT DEFEATED….not yet my friend. Not ever!

One day your most powerful enemy will stand humbly before you…as you look in the mirror and realize you only needed to get our of your own way. The power to be anything, do anything, go anywhere and have anything has always been there. And it always will be.

This life IS yours for the taking…and all you must do is simply believe that to have it. #ninjaup #ninjalife #weareundefeated Follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ksinsara

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45 - Level 3, August 2015

RESTAURANT REVIEWS

FOODIE LOVE

STARS CABARET EVIEW

R RANT U A T S RE

I

have read many restaurant reviews over the years. Often regarding my own restaurants. Some by professionals while others by the novice who doesn’t know the first thing about food, beverages or service (can you say Yelp?). I have thought I could do a better job than ninety percent of the hacks out there. I mean, thirty-three years of toiling in the industry must account for something, right? So, when I approached Kristy and Tina about writing a food column, I was overjoyed with their enthusiastic response. “Yay”, I said all a flutter, “where is going to be my first review?” Thinking of some of the delicious spots here in Central Oregon. Tina and Kristi looked at me and said, “Stars!” Oh, I thought, this is going to be one interesting evening! The sorted details, I trust will remain, shall we say, sorted.

Three lovely ladies and I, dressed to the nines sauntered in about nine pm and were greeted by the host. After the formalities we found a table two back from the stage. Our server Kimber came by, dropped menus, explained the specials and took our drink order. A glass of red wine and three cocktails arrived and I realized this is about as far as most people get. You’ve got your drink, boobs in your face and a pocket full of 5’s for tipping. Yes fives you cheap bastards. Extra for pole tricks!

We are here for more than just boobs. I want to know how a filet mignon tastes with boobs in my face. My assumptions are that it can only be better…more on that in a bit.

Kimber suggested we start with the fish tacos. Two tacos of Mahi Mahi were served on corn tortillas with red bell pepper, cabbage, crispy corn strips and avocado. The dish was served with a side of salsa verde, which added a mild spice. Flavors were good, fish was seasoned well.

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A good suggestion.

Next we went the soup and salad route. Today’s soup was a beef and barley. The soup had a good viscosity, and flavor. Lurking within the dark liquid were the promised beef, barley and carrots. Solid effort. The salad however fell flat. I opted for the Caesar. The greens were not crisp, the dressing had no real discernable lemon or anchovy notes. First misstep.

Now, the moment for which I had been waiting. Steak and boobs. Two of my favorite things coming together to create a harmonic bliss which the universe has never known. The boobs were out in full force. And, let’s face it, everyone loves boobs. All that had to happen was the filet mignon be half decent and worlds would collide. It was better than I imagined. My steak was cooked as ordered, was tender and had wonderful flavor. The sides were non descript other than the mashed potatoes had the skins in them. The boobs were well, boobs. All was right with the world. Only one thing could make it better...

Chocolate. The table also agreed that “chocolate is better with titties!”

(Yes, I actually have that on tape). The chocolate mousse was a so-so offering. It needed to be denser and have a darker chocolate note. So without the boobs...eh.

Overall the experience was a good one. Being completely honest, the meal was better than I had expected. Chef Christopher Plascencia came out of the kitchen and introduced himself. Kimber was fantastic throughout. Good hospitality can elevate or ruin an experience.

Fortunately, we got the former and the whole experience was much to my liking.

And, that’s just what this all is. My liking. All reviews are just that. No matter the novice or the seasoned vet. It’s just one person’s opinion.

That was mine. Take it or leave it.

Your (new) Favorite Food Critic, Anon

SIN BIN the

food cart

UNLIKE IN ROLLER DERBY, YOU WILL WANT TO TAKE A TIME OUT IN THIS SIN BIN! Mindy Jones FYI: Sin Bin is what they call the penalty box in hockey and roller derby.

Kara Madison

, the owner of one of the newest, awesomest food carts in Bend, moved from the Portland area where she played roller derby for the Rose City Rollers. Her goal was to begin a new life of adventure, and I think she succeeded. She sold most of her belongings, bought a motorhome, and together with her teenage daughter headed out to travel the country to see just what the world had to offer them. Driving through Central Oregon, they decided to visit some family and stay for a little while. That was last summer. While she was visiting, she ran across this old camper for sale for $500. More than intrigued, she managed to haggle the price down to $325 and purchased it, not knowing what she would exactly do with her. A decision to move permanently to Bend, her passion for food, and the camper in her possession, she decided that opening a food cart would be a wonderful opportunity. Kara says “I’m no chef, I just love food”!

I beg to differ. This lady is one hell of a chef! She won’t be taking a back seat to anyone’s cooking around here. Kara’s grandfather helped her with much of the updates needed to pass city and state codes. Last summer, she did a few events to learn the ins and outs of the biz of food carts and in her words she says, “It’s damn hard work but you know what? I go to work every day with a smile on my face and I come home with one too!” Kara loves meeting new customers every day, learning what kinds of food they want and then creating it for them. Kara has the gift of creating a blend of flavors that I found very unique. She trusts her own judgment and she should. We wandered through a local spice store together which was like being in a candy store with a kid. “Oh smell this!”, “Ooh taste this one”, “I could use this on such and such dish!” It was a delightfully entertaining spice lesson.

Recently everything seems to be coming together for Kara and the cart is all fixed up and ready to go. It may look a little rough around the edges, but don’t let that fool you. The Sin Bin food cart has everything needed to make your “time out” an enjoyable one.

The Sin Bin opened June 1st of this year and is currently located at Humm Kombucha,1125 NE 2nd st., in Bend. What a perfect duo.

On this visit, I had the pleasure of trying the waffle chicken sandwich with fresh greens and Kara’s secret honey mustard sauce, which went nicely with my favorite strawberry lemonade kombucha from Humm.

The menu changes often due to the availability of fresh and in season ingredients, and gluten free and vegan choices are always offered. The summer roll is a customer fave, which is served with either her secret peanut sauce or her original chili sauce. Are you hungry yet? Well then, may I suggest an order of jalapeno popper egg rolls? Wow! Kara’s plans have changed a bit from when she first left the big city in her motorhome in search of what life had to offer. Today she is building a business as a self-employed entrepreneur, moving into a house and calling Bend her home. She is also now a member of The Lava City Roller Dolls here in Bend. When I asked her if she was keeping the motorhome, her response was, “ Oh hell yeah! You never know when the girls are going to need a road trip!”

Sin Bin Food Cart is also available for events including community projects and non-profits. To inquire about these you can contact her on Facebook or reach her at 971-222-9770.

Open Mon-Sat 11:00-5:00

47 - Level 3, August 2015

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

Sometimes I

wonder...

(IF I’LL HAVE GAY CHILDREN)

By John Palovitz

I’m not sure if other parents think about this, but I do, quite often.

Maybe it’s because I have many gay people in my family and circle of friends. It’s in my genes and in my tribe. Maybe it’s because, as a pastor of students, I’ve seen and heard the horror stories of gay Christian kids, from both inside and outside the closet, trying to be part of the Church.

Maybe it’s because, as a Christian, I interact with so many people who find homosexuality to be the most repulsive thing imaginable, and who make that abundantly clear at every conceivable opportunity.

For whatever reason, it’s something that I ponder frequently. As a pastor and a parent, I wanted to make some promises to you, and to my two kids right now…

1) If I have gay children, you’ll all know it.

My children won’t be our family’s best-kept secret.

I won’t talk around them in conversations with others. I won’t speak in code or vague language. I won’t try to pull the wool over

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anyone’s eyes, and I won’t try to spare the feelings of those who may be older, or easily offended, or uncomfortable. Childhood is difficult enough, and most LGBT kids spend their entire existence being horribly, excruciatingly uncomfortable. I’m not going to put mine through any more unnecessary discomfort, just to make Thanksgiving dinner a little easier for a third cousin with misplaced anger issues.

If my children come out, we’ll be out as a family.

2) If I have gay children, I’ll pray for them.

I won’t pray for them to be made “normal”. I’ve lived long enough to know that if my children are gay, that quite likely is their normal.

I won’t pray that God will heal or change or fix them. I will pray for God to protect them; from the ignorance and hatred and violence that the world will throw at them, simply because of who they are.

I’ll pray that He shields them from those who will despise them and wish them harm; who will curse them to Hell and put them through Hell, without ever knowing them at all. I’ll pray that they enjoy life; that they laugh, and dream, and feel, and forgive, and that they love God and all people.

Above all, I’ll pray to God that my children won’t allow the unGodly treatment they might receive from some of His misguided children, to keep them from pursuing Him.

3) If I have gay children, I’ll love them.

I don’t mean some token, distant, tolerant love that stays at a safe arm’s length. It will be an extravagant, open-hearted, unapologetic, lavish, embarrassing them in the school cafeteria, kissing them in public, kind of love.

I won’t love them despite their sexuality, and I won’t love them because of it. I will love them for the same reasons I already do; simply because they’re sweet, and funny, and caring, and smart, and kind, and stubborn, and flawed, and original, and beautiful… and mine.

If my kids are gay, they may doubt a million things about themselves and about this world, but they’ll never doubt for a second whether or not their Daddy is over-the-moon crazy about them.

4) If I have gay children, most likely; I have gay children.

If my kids are going to be gay, well they pretty much already are.

God has already created them and wired them, and placed the seed of who they are within them. Psalm 139 says that He, “stitched them together in their mother’s womb”. The incredibly intricate stuff that makes them uniquely them; once-in-History souls, has already been uploaded into their very cells.

Because of that, there isn’t a coming deadline on their sexuality that their mother and I are working feverishly toward. I don’t believe there’s some magical expiration date approaching, by which time she and I need to somehow do, or say, or pray just the right things to get them to “turn straight”, or forever lose them to the other side.

You’re not the one I wept with joy for when you were born.

You’re not the one I bathed, and fed, and rocked to sleep through a hundred intimate, midnight snuggle sessions.

You’re not the one I taught to ride a bike, and whose scraped knee I kissed, and whose tiny, trembling hand I held, while getting stitches. You’re not the one whose head I love to smell, and whose face lights-up when I come home at night, and whose laughter is like music to my weary soul. You’re not the one who gives my days meaning and purpose, and who I adore more than I ever thought I could adore anything.

And you’re not the one who I’ll hopefully be with, when I take my last precious breaths on this planet; gratefully looking back on a lifetime of shared treasures, and resting in the knowledge that I loved you well.

If you’re a parent, I don’t know how you’ll respond if you find out your children are gay, but I pray you consider it.

One day, despite your perceptions of your kids or how you’ve parented, you may need to respond in real-time, to a frightened, frantic, hurting child; one whose sense of peace, and identity, and acceptance; whose heart and very life, may be placed in your hands in a way you never imagined… and you’ll need to respond.

If that day should ever come for me; if my children should ever come out to me, this is the Dad I hope I’ll be to them. <> * Note: The word “gay” in this post, is used as an umbrella term, and refers to anyone who identifies themselves as LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, or Questioning) . Though I certainly realize and respect the distinctions and differences, it was simply the word that would quickly and easily communicate within the context of the piece. It was the clearest and best way to address non-heterosexual individuals in the post, by using a common term that would resonate with the average reader. Hopefully my heart for the entire diverse LGBTQ community is still clear in the writing. <>

They are today, simply a younger version of who they will be; and today they’re pretty darn great.

Many of you may be offended by all of this, I fully realize. I know this may be especially true if you are a religious person with a particular theological stance. Perhaps you find the whole topic unsettling.

As you’ve been reading, you may have been rolling your eyes, clicking the roof of your mouth, or drafting familiar Scriptures to send to me. You may be praying for me to repent, or preparing to Unfriend me, or writing me off as a sinful, evil, Hell-bound heretic… but with as much gentleness and understanding as I can muster; I really couldn’t care less.

This isn’t about you. This is a whole lot bigger than you.

You’re not the one I waited on breathlessly for nine months.

49 - Level 3, August 2015

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

Movies Ruin Love I tell our kids all of the time, that they can’t expect to meet someone in life that’s actually going to “write them every day for a year”. And the truth is, that if they did, it most likely wouldn’t be someone that looks like Ryan Gosling, more like a character from CSI, and he’d probably be writing them from prison, not some immaculate three story gorgeously renovated Victorian seaside home he built for you.

Television, movies and books ruin lives. Also, marriages and relationships and friendships and careers, because most of them offer such an unrealistic expectation of love, loyalty, and life. A fantasy is infinitely more powerful than reality, and if you don’t learn that at an early age you can go into your adult relationships believing all of your fantasies will come true.

One of my friends on Facebook messaged me and said she and her boyfriend (of four years) were breaking up because there wasn’t enough “passion” between them. Exactly what part of life told you that passion always exists in relationships? I’m confused. Oh wait. That’s right. THE MOVIES!

The truth is that marriages last because of commitment and respect, not passion! I’m not saying it doesn’t or shouldn’t exist in most long lasting marriages, I’m simply saying that it’s fleeting, and fickle and often hard to find; especially in the middle of a chaotic and confusing life filled with responsibility. Don’t walk away from a relationship because someone wouldn’t write you every day for a year. Walk away from a relationship because they don’t have the same future goals as you do, or because you’ve discovered they’ve been writing someone else every day for a year.

Now don’t get me wrong, we have a 16 year old at home that is a hopeless romantic, and we very much want her to find the man of her dreams. I never want her to stop fantasizing about their dreamy life together, while she’s doodling his name in different fonts, (that’s just adorable!). But we also want her to know that he’s going to come with his fair share of issues, and that their relationship, no matter how adorably naïve, will be a challenge on one or many levels. Challenges that cannot be fixed in a two-hour time period, and some of which may not end so perfectly and coincidentally (omg) awesome.

Kristy Sinsara

what happens when you look outside of your relationship for passion (only). You’ll find it, no doubt, but that passion will also come with its fair share of issues and drama.

Remember the movie Steal Magnolias? That shit was as real as it gets, and we were all still very entertained. Proof that we need less Nicholas Sparks and more reality. Nicholas Sparks isn’t saving marriages. Personally, I think he’s ruining them because the majority of his best sellers depict unrealistic expectations for love and life.

It’s just too “real-world” Disney-ish.

Our daughter loves to read romantic books.

She gets all starry-eyed and has that dreamy glazed-over look when she’s contemplating her future love life while she’s reading. This is

The truth is, that if your relationship has some simple compatibility you have found yourself in a comfort level most never find. You may not even realize that.

You may not find passion when you’re going through hard times in life, but once that hard time is over the passion exists when the reality sets in of what you have just dealt with together.

THAT is REAL passion! Getting through REAL LIFE SHIT breeds passion in a relationship!

If you have passion every day for 50 years, you’re not married OR you’re not dealing with life together, nor are you being honest about… everything?

The movie Unfaithful, with Diane Lane and Richard Gear, is a pretty realistic portrayal of

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why we periodically trade out those books in her hand with some real life books, such as The Four Agreements, or How to Win Friends and Influence People or some other character developing book that will also help build real life perspective.

I’m not saying we all need to collectively stop reading books or watching movies, I’m saying we all need to stop acting like the silver screen will always transfer into real life.

Bottom line: Don’t let someone else’s fantasy ruin your reality! <>

THE UNTOLD REASON WHY PEOPLE GET DIVORCED

By Kristy Sinsara

I think one of the biggest reasons so many marriages deteriorate is because people stop dating the minute they get married. They stop trying to impress one another.

They stop trying to be sexy with each other. They even stop trying to get laid. It’s no wonder why so many people find themselves in these humdrum marriages, wondering if there’s more for them out there. Actually, there’s MORE for you RIGHT INSIDE YOUR MARRIAGE, if you would just look for it.

WHAT? What a gross injustice to your wife. You were more concerned about being clean and kept for all of those women you didn’t know and love? How does this make any sense?

Same for all of those women out there that do everything they can to stay sexy while they’re dating, but the minute they get married and have kids it’s “all over”.

They go down hill and use every excuse in the book as to why they no longer need to be attractive.

Listen to me. If you truly want to be in a long lasting marriage, (one that isn’t wrought with constant wonder of whether or not there’s someone better for you out there), start by trying to be MORE for each other!

affection. Talk about what you used to talk about. Make it a point to discuss “getting to know you” stories, discuss your dreams, and talk about your silly thoughts.

Just have fun, like you used to.

If you’re both fat and happy, stay fat and happy and go eat some biscuits and gravy.

Yeehaw! If you’re both into working out, go eat some kale and go on an intimate hike once a week just the two of you. If you’re both lazy and pointless, go get high and be lazy and pointless together.

My point is that sometimes life’s demands pull us away from our spouses, but you have to remember that at the center of all of that chaos are two people who originally fell in love. Whatever you need to do, at all costs, never forget that!

Be the difference you want to see in your relationship. Start with getting your sexy back and going out on a date every now and then. My wife and I have date night once a week. There’s nothing more important than making sure we are connected because we are the center of our family unit.

Make a vow right now to at least try and fall back in love. Make a promise right now to commit to the commitment you originally made. Lay out new rules that you both can work on. Rule one is to acknowledge you still care. Rule two is to take action.

A few years ago when our relationship was on the precipice of divorce, one of the major changes we made in our marriage was a vow to start dating again! It helped, tremendously.

Within seven days of reading this article you MUST schedule and go on a date, dress up, be fun, no discussing “hottopics” and end it with some intimacy (sex or otherwise).

And (date tip) while you’re out on the town, do NOT discuss anything that may deter your attention away from love and

That’s the beginning… <>

beginning

of

a

NEW

I met a guy a few months ago that had this long, unruly, completely unkept beard (it was gross), and when I made the comment about how weird and dirty it looked he responded by saying “it’s nice to be married, I don’t have to worry about keeping up with my beard anymore like I did when I was single”.

51 - Level 3, August 2015

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

AND THE

BAD PARENTING

AWARD GOES TO…

W

hen you shoot pictures of your kids doing something adorable in the backseat and post that shit online, we don’t actually stop to consider how cute they are.

We are all only reminded of what an awful parent you are, shooting pics while you’re clearly driving down the road, with everything blurred in the background because you’re driving just that fast. It’s not only irresponsible parenting, it’s also treading on public endangerment.

Take a pic before you take off. Take a pic when you get where you’re going, but for the love of God, please stop trying to drive and take pics at the same time. No one wants to see you capture your kids’ last moment of life on film, because you’re a freaking idiot.

I saw a video on Facebook the other day where a mom was actually driving WHILE USING HER SMART PHONE to video blog.

She pans over to her toddler sleeping in the backseat and while she’s driving and vlogging, she’s trying to capture everyone in the car (dog included).

She clearly almost drives off the side of the road and then laughs it off, as if it were just adorable. “Oopsy!” she says, as she steers back onto the pavement. ”I almost killed us! “ giggle, giggle.

Do me a favor and post when you’ll be on the roads. Give us all fair warning so we can actually just stay the hell out of your way, you douche-canoe.

And for the record, we’ve all seen adorable sleeping toddlers and babies that like to beep-bop to music. Unless your kid is doing some serious shit like levitating or busting into flames (like baby Jack Jack) we don’t actually care anyway. Just drive. Safely. <>

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R O F D E S S HARRA

NOT HAVING CHILDREN I met someone last weekend who gave me that annoying, shocked look when she asked me if I had kids & I told her I didn’t want them - EVER. And yep, got the cliché replies “oh I said that too... but when you’re ready.... When you change your mind....” Blah blah blah.

I seriously have to politely cut people off & spare them the time & energy of giving me their motivational speech of trying to convince me otherwise, and I tell them NO. I will not change my mind. When you’ve known since age 10 that kids aren’t for you, pretty sure it’s something you’re not going to change your mind about at 35. But that’s just me... And I wouldn’t dare to try to convince YOU that your choice was wrong, so don’t do it to me. Thanks, though! I’ll just be over here... Doing whatever the hell I want, when I want. Cheers!”

Another childless friend of mine said it starts to get better when you turn 40. Which in my case might not apply since I still look 20. (another benefit of not having children) I just want people to back off when I tell them confidently and firmly I have made up my mind. Why can’t my answer be good enough or just be accepted without judgment? I don’t want to hear how “it’s different when they’re you’re own...” (That came

from a male coworker of mine who would not get the hint that I was done with the convo... So finally I followed his comment with, “exactly, it’s different when they’re you’re own. I can’t give them back to anyone when I’m sick of em...” He responded with “fair enough” and walked off.)

Or, “who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?”

“They give your life purpose...” Or what’s best is the shocked, almost disgusted look followed by “NEVER?!!” When I tell people I am never having children. Bottom line? Motherhood isn’t the only thing that can define womanhood. I can be loving, nurturing, and caring, without the need to have children. I have two godsons, and a ton of friends with kids who call me auntie Gogo. And when people say I’m selfish, I proudly agree, and tell them it would be more selfish of me if I were to have a baby for the sole purpose of pleasing other people, my family, or society, rather to truly and wholeheartedly want kids. Bringing a child into the world knowing I wouldn’t be the best mother I could be? Knowing I am not up for the challenge of motherhood that I hold utmost respect for? That would be selfish. <>

53 - Level 3, August 2015

TIME OUT KIDS DRAW

THE DARNDEST THINGS:

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The 2nd Annual, most awesomeness, fun FANtastic Fundraiser “Aloha” Cornhole Tournament & BBQ! To have fun while raising funds and awareness for local, non-profit F.A.N. (Family Access Network), who helped improve the lives of nearly 10,000 local kids and families during the 2014-15 school year!

Anyone who wants to play...whether you’re a pro or a rookie...all are welcome and encouraged to come!

Thursday, August 13, 2015. Practice/Check-in start at 2 pm. Tourney starts at 3 pm!

Riverbend Park @ the Pavilion - 799 SW Columbia St., Bend, OR

(by the kayak art flower, next to the newer Bend Park & Rec building, dog park and Deschutes River)

$50 per team (2 person teams), includes BBQ & 2 drinks and prizes for winners!

Consider being a $250 Supporting Sponsor which includes 1 team entrance and promotion for your business!

Go to: http://FANtasticAlohaCornholeTourney.eventbrite.com “Join” and “Share” the event on Facebook too: http://bit.ly/FANtasticAlohaCornholeTourney Limited to 64 teams. Sign up ASAP. Prizes for 1st-3rd place AND most creative Hawaiian team name.

Bring: chair, sunscreen, canopy (must have stakes for wind), a few bucks to donate for BBQ/drinks if not playing...

Donate and learn more about FAN here: www.FamilyAccessNetwork.org

Questions: adbrown@firstam.com or kevin@arbormg.org

Supporting Sponsors: www.FirstAm.com/Deschutes

Active Life Therapeutic Massage 541-480-1427

OREGON

kevin@arbormg.com

fabian.clark@countryfinancial.com

shelleysellsbend@gmail.com www.CentralOregonDreamTeam.com

Chase: Eline Kaufman

www.WorthyBrewing.com

Mortgage Banker NMLS 665626 Eline.Kaufman@chase.com

55 - Level 3, August 2015

3 GOLF

Ways to avoid those “BLOW UP” holes.

MIKE PALEN

All too often, a student will leave a lesson at the range having made a decent amount of progress, especially on their full swing, but when you look at their scores, they still aren’t improving. One reason their scores may not be getting better, even though their swing is, is because they are still having a hard time avoiding those “blow-up” holes.

I know one of the big reasons for blow up holes is the errant tee shot that goes out of bounds. Hitting 3 off the tee is never fun and never good for the score card. While fixing the driver is definitely one of the best things a golfer can do, I will address that topic in a future issue. So for now, let’s talk about 3 simple DECISIONS you can make during a round that can help you avoid these BLOW UP holes, lower your scores, and have more fun on the links.

Don’t try the miracle shot every time. Leave yourself a full swing into the green!

Scenario #1. You’ve hit a pretty good drive and you’ve managed to put the ball in play and actually find the fairway. You’re 188 yards or so from the center of the green. The pin is tucked back left. If you hit your best shot, you MIGHT make it to the green. But there are bunkers on the left and the right. You haven’t been hitting your long clubs very well lately. You don’t like hitting out of bunkers but you go for it. You miss the green and put yourself in a tricky situation. You end up with a triple bogey 7. Sound familiar?

Now I certainly don’t want golfers not to be aggressive and try to hit that “miracle shot.” After all, that is why we play the game, right?

Good scores are one thing, but hitting that awesome shot is what we are after, that shot that keeps us coming back for more. But if lowering your scores and avoiding the blow up hole is what you are after, then you might consider this helpful tip. The next time your find yourself considering the miracle shot, trying cutting your yardage in half and playing 2 shots instead of 1.

For example, let’s go back to 188 yards out. If your favorite yardage from the green, is say 90 yards, then use your 100 yard club first and leave yourself 88 yards in. Leaving yourself a full swing shot will allow you to get more spin on the ball and more height on your shot, giving you a better chance at hitting the green and getting closer to the hole.

So until you start working on your sand game and feel really

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confident out of the bunker or feel really good with those half swings from 40 yards from a tight lie over a bunker to a tight pin, try playing 2 full shots into a green, especially one that is heavily guarded. You might start making more pars and bogeys instead of double’s and triple’s and start reducing those “blowup” holes.

Don’t short side yourself! Aim for the middle of the green on your approach shot!

Scenario #2. You are analyzing your approach shot into the green. You are taking into consideration the pin position, whether it is a front pin or a back pin. If it is in the front, you will either take a little off or club down. If it is in the back, you might swing a little harder or club up. Every once in a while, this approach may pay off. However, more often than not, even the best of us end up short siding ourselves.

We go a little long on that back pin and come up a little short on that front pin, leaving us with not much green to work with.

While I understand it is fun trying to get cute with your approach shot and getting as close as possible to the pin, short siding yourself can also lead to a blow up hole. One of the trickiest shots in golf is the shot around the green with not much green to work with. Chunking or blading your next shot is far too common from this position.

The next time you are faced with a front pin or a back pin, and you want to avoid that awkward short side shot, try aiming for the middle of the green. Most of the time the worst thing that can happen is you have a long putt for par or birdie. Much better than trying to get cute with little green to work with.

Put the lob wedge away and putt with your hybrid around the green!

Scenario #3. You have come up a little short on your approach shot. You have a clear path to the green and the pin. You immediately reach for your lob wedge or some lofted club thinking you need to hit the ball high in the air and land it soft. From a tight lie, this can be a very tricky shot. The bigger the swing the bigger the errors. These are the shots that all too often get chunked and left short again, or bladed, and rocketed across the green, leading to even trickier shots than before.

While I understand that most of us want to prove that we can hit a

flop shot like Phil Mickelson, most of us are not able to pull it off very often. And when we don’t, we can be sure a blow up hole is not far behind. That is why I always remind my students to putt first, chip second, and pitch at last resort. The putting stroke is a much shorter, simpler stroke that has a smaller margin of error.

But when you have even the smallest amount of fairway to go through to get to the green, using your putter may not be the best shot either. Putting with your hybrid can be a great alternative to using your putter in this situation. First off, since there is at least 20 to 25 degrees of loft, depending on which hybrid you use, it will get the ball in the air just enough to give it that little extra to get through the fairway without slowing it down too much. Secondly, putting with your hybrid will also allow you to use a little less swing than you would with your putter, thus reducing the margin of error. And lastly, with a nice wide sole, putting with a hybrid is also less risky than trying to chip with a lofted club that has a sharper leading edge that can lead to chunking and blading.

Putting with your hybrid can be very useful on courses that have extremely tight lies, especially links style courses like Tetherow and Bandon Dunes, as well as courses like Pronghorn, Crosswater, and Brasada Ranch. No matter where you play, when you miss a green, always consider putting first, even with a hybrid. Keeping the swing short and the ball on the ground will help minimize the errors and help avoid the potential “Blow Up” hole.

When putting with a hybrid, remember these 4 keys to success: -Choke down to the end of the grip

-Toe the club down so the heel of the club is off the ground.

-Play the ball in the middle of you stance -Use a putting stroke with quiet hands and quiet body. <>

MCMENAMINS

THE WAY GOLF WAS AND & WAY GOLF SHOULD BE

MIKE PALEN

I can’t believe it took me 15 years, but I finally played the Pub Courses at The Edgefield Mcmenamins in Troutdale. I mean, it’s right there on the way to I-84 from Bend. I’ve driven that route what seems like a few hundred times. I’ve been to the Edgefield at least a dozen times, and yet I had never taken the time to play golf there. I had heard many good things about the course. And being a PGA pro and a beer lover you’d think that I would have been all over this place. But for some strange reason, I hadn’t. So this spring, on our way to the Portland Golf Show, we had some time to kill. Not enough time for 18 holes somewhere that would take 5 to 6 hours. But we had at least 3 hours, the weather was good, and what the heck? It is right there on the way to the interstate. The time had come to finally play the infamous Pub Courses. And what a treat it was!

I started playing golf somewhere around the age of 6 in my home town of LaCrosse, Wisconsin. Some of my fondest memories from my childhood were playing golf at a local Par 3 course called Hillview. It was only a couple of miles from my house so we could ride our bikes with a few clubs on the handle bars or the whole bag on our backs (which didn’t have the back pack straps we have today). Somehow we made it work. As a kid, Hillview was so much fun because you always had a chance to hit the green. A couple of the holes may have been out of reach for us youngsters, but at least you could come close. It was quite the rite of passage if you could hit the green on some of those holes. Bragging rights for sure. It was a great place to learn the game and a great place to spend my summers Back to my story. Based loosely on the mythic links in the novel Golf in the Kingdom, there are 32 holes that meander through the Edgefield property, the 12 hole East course and the 20 hole West course. Winding around thickets of blackberry bushes and offering

great views of the Columbia River Gorge, holes vary in distance from 43 to 84 yards, giving golfers of all ages and abilities the chance at glory. Most golfers will only need 2 clubs; a Sand Wedge and a putter. You can rent clubs and buy golf balls there, but I would recommend bringing your own stuff (even though it was fun to play with funky clubs out of the rental barrel). You hit from artificial turf tees to well manicured grass greens. Most of the holes are on the slope of a hill, so you get a nice little work out walking around the place.

I have to tell you, it was the most fun I’ve had playing golf in a very long time! I felt like a kid again, playing golf the way it used to be, or at least the way I knew it back in the day. The only difference is that I had a Hammerhead IPA in my hand instead of an RC Cola.

It was so refreshing to play all 32 holes in just over 2 hours for less than $30. I had so much fun, I had to play again the next weekend on our way to the Seattle golf show. I can’t wait to take my family there this summer!

My 6 year old son will get a kick out of it for sure. <>

57 - Level 3, August 2015

DESERT PEAKS GOLF COURSE

GOLF COURSE LISTING

Phone: 541.475.6368 Address: 565 NW Adler, Madras, OR 97741 Public Course BRASADA CANYONS AT BRASADA RANCH Phone: 541.526.6380 Toll Free: 866.373.4882 Address: 16986 SW Brasada Ranch Road, Bend/Powell Butte, OR 97753 Semi-Private GREENS AT REDMOND Phone: 541.923.0694 Address: 2575 SW Greens Blvd, Redmond, OR 97756 Public Course RIVERS EDGE GOLF COURSE Phone: 541.389.2828 Toll Free: 866.453.4480 Address: 400 NW Pro Shop Dr, Bend, OR 97701 Public Course CROSSWATER Phone: 541.593.4402 Toll Free: 800.386.2243 Address: 17600 Canoe Camp Dr, Sunriver, OR 97707 Semi-Private Course WIDGI CREEK GOLF CLUB Phone: 541.382.4449 Address: 18707 Century Dr, OR 97702 Public Course RESORT, RIDGE, & CHALLENGE COURSES AT EAGLE CREST RESORT Phone: 541.923.4653 Toll Free: 866.583.5212 Address: 1522 Cline Falls Rd, Redmond, OR 97756 Public Course BROKEN TOP CLUB Phone: 541.383.0868 Address: 62000 Broken Top Dr, Bend, OR 97702 Private Course PRINEVILLE GOLF CLUB Phone: 541.447.7266 Address: 7120 NE Ochoco Hwy, Prineville, OR 97754 Public Course LOST TRACKS GOLF CLUB Phone: 541.385.1818 Address: 60205 Sunset View Dr, Bend, OR 97702 Public Course CROOKED RIVER RANCH Phone: 541.548.8939 Toll Free: 800.833.3197 Address: 5195 SW Clubhouse Rd, Crooked River Ranch, OR 97760 Public Course BEND GOLF & COUNTRY CLUB Phone: 541.382.3261 Address: 61045 Country Club Dr, Bend, OR 97702 Private Course JUNIPER GOLF COURSE Phone: 541.548.3121 Toll Free: 800.600.3121

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Address: 1938 SW Elkhorn Avenue, Redmond, OR 97756 Public Course ASPEN LAKES GOLF COURSE Phone: 541.549.GOLF Address: 16900 Aspen Lakes Dr, Sisters, OR 97759 Public Course CENTRAL OREGON INDOOR GOLFING Phone: 541.633.7277 Address: 1245 SE Third St, Suite C-4, Bend, OR 97702 Public Course MEADOW LAKES GOLF COURSE Phone: 541.447.7113 Address: 300 SW Meadow Lakes Dr, Prineville, OR 97754 Public Course THE MEADOWS GOLF COURSE Phone: 541.593.1000 Toll Free: 800.547.3922 Address: 17600 Center Dr, Sunriver, OR 97707 Public Course BLACK BUTTE RANCH Toll Free: 866.901.2961 Address: Black Butte Ranch, OR 97759 Public Course THE WOODLANDS COURSE Phone: 541.593.1000 Toll Free: 800.801.8765 Address: Sunriver, OR 97707 Public Course TETHEROW Phone: 541.388.2582 Address: 61240 Skyline Ranch Rd, Bend, OR 97702 Public Course QUAIL RUN Phone: 541.536.1303 Toll Free: 800.895.GOLF Address: 16725 Northridge, La Pine, OR 97739 Public Course AWBREY GLEN GOLF CLUB Phone: 541.385.6011 Address: 2500 NW Awbrey Glen Dr, Bend, OR 97701 Private Course OLD BACK NINE AT MOUNTAIN HIGH Phone: 541-382-1111 Address: 60650 China Hat Rd, Bend, OR 97702 Public Course CALDERA LINKS Phone: 541.593.4402 Address: 17750 Caldera Springs Dr, Sunriver, OR 97707 Semi-Private Course SMITH ROCK GOLF COURSE Phone: 541.923.3426 Address: 1401 NE Maple Ave, Redmond, OR 97756 Public Course PRONGHORN, AN AUBERGE RESORT | TOP 100 NICKLAUS GOLF Toll Free: 877.481.2039 Address: 65600 Pronghorn Club Dr, Bend, OR 97701

Join the revolution!

www.levelmagazine.net 59 - Level 3, August 2015

SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

Single and

Cynical in the City

By Chloe Cantore

Mark and I were just three weeks shy of our one-year anniversary when I officially and profoundly panicked. We were sitting on Mark’s couch in his trendy Northwest Portland condo when he said, “Maybe after our anniversary we should talk about moving in together.” Those were the last words I heard before my ears started ringing – like a bomb went off right next to my head. My limbs went numb and I grew an instant mustache of cold sweat on my upper lip. I wish I had a picture of my face at this moment because without me uttering a word, Mark said, “Orrrrr…..not.”

We broke up a week later and I officially became a single woman in my 30s.

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Y

ou might be thinking, single is single no matter what your age. Not true. Actually, I take that back. Of course it’s true for men because agerelated stigmas don’t apply to men. Sadly, but not surprisingly ladies, that’s not the case for us.

When you’re single in your 20s, it’s no big deal because there’s plenty of time for all that love and family stuff.

Plus, your rack is perky as hell and it’s time to play the field!

You go to clubs and let guys buy you shots called blow jobs and buttery nipples because at 23, that’s romantic. You have your first one-night stand and you date guys who still wear fraternity t-shirts. If you get engaged, it’s because you’ve been planning a wedding since you were 9 and your friends are dying to adorn you with plastic penises at your bachelorette party. Several women I know got engaged right after college and I was in three weddings by the time I was 27. I guess it made sense for them, but it wasn’t for me yet. I was idealistic, focused on my career and looking for adventure! I also dropped 15 pounds of college beer weight and discovered I was good at sex. I “expiration dated” a few guys that I knew I wouldn’t end up with. I was independent and my parents raised me to never need a man. They forgot to tell me I would eventually want one. That’s when I turned 30.

For single women in our 30s, dating can be a cruel game of musical chairs. We try to casually stroll around the circle, pretending to enjoy the music. But some women are so terrified they won’t find a chair when the music stops that they hover over the closest one, trying to ignore its chipped paint and uneven legs. They refuse to listen to people telling them to keep walking because there’s no guarantee they’ll get to that next, better chair and then…silence. The music stops, they plop down and now they’re stuck with a wobbly stool that some asshole made in junior college wood shop.

Then there’s THE CLOCK. I turned 32 and my “mommy instinct” kicked in. I always kind of knew I wanted kids, but all of a sudden, it was a primal need – like getting tacos when you’re drunk. I had vivid dreams about being pregnant and giving birth. I started canoodling with random toddlers on the street like you might pet a stranger’s dog. With every squeeze of a chunky baby’s thigh, my uterus ached.

On top of the pressure to procreate, dating becomes tedious, like a job interview with wine. You join an online dating site and start “man shopping.” Like house hunting, you tell yourself it’s a numbers game – the more I see, the closer I get to escrow. You have three go-to date outfits and you find yourself telling the same stories over drinks – the ones that showcase your charm, your wit and an appropriate amount of cleavage. You smile and laugh about the time he finally beat

his boss at racquetball. But with most guys, you know within five minutes if you’re interested. When you’re not, you just want to disappear through an escape hatch in the floor or be air lifted out by SEAL Team 6. But because I’m polite, I put in at least an hour with the guy who showed up in Carhartts and a work retreat t-shirt….and the guy who dropped 30 f-bombs in 2 minutes….and the guy who talked exactly like Napoleon Dynamite’s brother. I cannot get naked with Napoleon Dynamite’s brother. These pressures and frustrations give the single, 30-something woman two choices; settle or risk being alone by refusing to settle. When I broke up with Mark, I chose the latter.

Mark was, what I like to call, G.O.P. – not Republican, but Great On Paper. He was so handsome – dark hair, dark eyes, a perfectly symmetrical face and the best ass I’ve ever seen on a man. He was driven and on a mission to make millions in technology. He regularly sent me flowers at work, garnering a chorus of “oooohs” and “awwws” from my female coworkers.

GOP, right? But the flip side of the Mark coin was BAD. Mark had a colossal chip on his shoulder. The sarcasm I loved in the beginning eventually revealed itself as just a shitty attitude. He routinely said rude things to my friends.

The dragon tattoo on his shoulder I once thought was artistic and cool started to fill me with rage. And the most annoying thing of all – Mark hated to hike.

After months of begging, Mark finally gave in and joined me on my favorite trail in Forest Park. We walked through a gauntlet of wild flowers and amazing smells, passing happy joggers and even happier dogs along the way. At the top, under a canopy of beautiful trees, I asked him, “So, what do you think?” He said, “Well, I’m never doing that again.” I realized two things; I found the ONE guy in Portland, Oregon, who hates the outdoors – an achievement, really - and I am not the kind of girl who can placate the wrong guy. Being alone is one thing, but there’s nothing lonelier than being with the wrong guy.

So here I am, 38 years old and still, (whispering), *single*.

Sure, there are some lonely nights, stretches of sexual amnesia, and times when I swear I can hear my eggs dying.

I’ve considered settling for an aged frat boy just so I have a guaranteed New Year’s Eve date and my parents will finally believe I’m not a lesbian. But under my layers of cynical sarcasm, the romantic and glass-half-full me truly believes that my guy is out there and he’s worth waiting for. The impatient me likes to recall my favorite “Sex and the City” moment when Charlotte says, “I’ve been dating since I was 15!

I’m exhausted! Where is he?!” Then I think, maybe he’s stuck in his own horrible game of musical chairs, hoping he has the courage to keep walking. <>

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SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

SEX in the Workplace To screw or not to screw that is the question…

KELLY MADISON “Wow am I going to come off as the biggest hypocrite ever. I met my husband on the job over 16 years ago.

Even worse, I was his boss at the time!”

I

was 33 working at commercial printing graphics company just recently promoted to VP of sales and in walks in the cutest surfer dude who turned my world upside down. He was 23 and regardless of the age difference and the inappropriateness of sleeping with an employee, he was also the best friend of one of my good friends that I had worked with for years.

Triple threat. Oh yeah, and I was in an 8 year relationship with a guy I thought I was about to marry, should I go on with what is so wrong with this entire picture?

Because of everything I know and have been through and compromised I can give some advice on the matter and thankfully say it was all worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat. But, unlike the majority of situations out there that I have been privy to, the heavens and the universe came together in perfect synchronicity to make it all work out in the end, and speaking from experience, that rarely happens, at least not to me so I figure that was my one and only “freebie”.

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So now do as I say, not as I do.

1. Really, is it worth it?

I am purely speaking dollars and cents. Is having those few minutes of heated passion going to pay the rent? Before making a huge mistake, weigh the good and the bad. If you aren’t that fond of your job and you see an opportunity for blissful happiness for the rest of your life or at least until next summer, then go for it. But know the risk you take. You could very well lose your job, lose your respect if you had any to begin with, and worst of all, lose a good recommendation to your next job, ouch, that one hurts.

SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS 2. Does this put you in a legal situation?

Could you be accused of in any way shape or form of it being sexual harassment? This could haunt you for the rest of your life. Especially for the really career minded individuals that spent years in college and still are paying off the loans to get that degree. Here you are in possibly your first management position and the hot, usually younger subordinate starts flirting with you. Stop it, I got lucky, remind yourself of that. Being in a position of authority makes you sexier than you really are so don’t let it go to your head, no pun intended. Keep your distance and date and/or fool around with equals. Stay away from the minions!

3. Don’t go drinking with the minions.

See, that’s how it all happened with me. Innocent flirting, or at least that is what I told myself, wasn’t going to cause any problems. I thought to myself, “How could this be bad?”. God I was stupid. But then stupidity hit an all time high when I then went out drinking at a bar with him after work. WTF? Oh yeah, this hot, sexy blond surfer dude at a bar, drinking beer, and me feeling sexier than I had ever felt in my entire life and I thought that was going to be a safe situation? So what if the person happens to be your co-worker and not someone that has to answer to you? In my opinion it is still risky business. Do you know how uncomfortable you are both going to be the next day when you are hung over in the workplace with guilt written all over your face and you have to work with this person. Oh gawd, kill me now.

4. And to you minions out there, don’t sleep with your boss!

This one isn’t so much about losing your job, it is about possibly losing yourself. Your boss most likely isn’t going to leave their husband or wife for you. You are a minion so losing your job is no biggie, but getting your heart broken can stay with you a long time. Be careful out there in the workplace, it can be a hostile environment. Don’t fall in love with your boss, go out and have fun with the other minions. Go on Tinder, do anything but put yourself in a position where you feel less than. It is hard enough being a minion.

In conclusion, yes I am very happy. I have been with my “subordinate” for over 16 years. But to our defense, neither one us liked our job and from our first encounter we discussed doing a business together. We were like-minded and I feel I had been searching for this person for a long time. It wasn’t a fly-by-night, or rather screw-by-night sort of thing.

I still don’t recommend taking the chance I did because love can make you blind to the reality of a particular situation. Lucky for me my blinders weren’t on, but in the past I made some dumb mistakes. Ones that embarrassed me where the guy I worked with told everyone about our little romp so I looked like a giant slut, one where I was lied to about him leaving his wife, and one where I broke the guy’s heart and still had to see him all the time at work. All those situations suck. So take care and don’t shit where you eat just to be safe, or screw where you make your money, you know what I mean. <>

NEWS FLASH!!

READ ALL ABOUT IT!!

y Your Wife Isn’t The Onl

One Faking It

Did you know that some fish fake orgasms? And we women thought it was just us! Ha! In 2001, Sweden’s National Board of Fisheries researchers discovered this littleknown fact about courting pairs of brown trout. When they get ready to spawn, both fish will quiver and swim around with their mouths open (sound familiar?). Then usually the eggs and sperm are released at the same time to maximize the chance of fertilization. However, sometimes the female quivers without releasing her eggs.

This apparently happens more than half the time! I kid you not. I can’t make this shit up.

63 - Level 3, August 2015

SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

ASK KRISTY

ANYTHING

...C:\>_

Dear Kristy. I think my husband may be cheating on me but I’m not 100% sure. We have been married for almost 12 years now and have always been very open with each other, to my knowledge.

He has never cheated on me before and I thought we had a pretty good marriage, not all perfect but better than a lot of marriages I see out there. But lately, he has been acting very strange and distant from me. When I ask him what’s up he just shrugs it off and says nothing. When I say I can sense there’s something wrong he says there’s not.

feeling close to sudden distance without reason.

The reason I think there’s something more to this is because on top of all of this weird and distant behavior he also suddenly put a passcode on his cell phone and keeps it by his side 24/7. This is a man who used to go days without being able to find it, now suddenly can’t seem to live without it. I asked him about it and he said it’s because he doesn’t want the kids on it. I don’t want to jump to conclusions but I think there’s definitely something going on but I don’t have enough evidence to make a good argument yet. What do you think? I’m feeling very confused by all this, but still quite calm at this stage.

So this is what I would say. “Hey, I’m not sure what’s going on here but I can tell you that I am starting to feel really uncomfortable about it. I don’t want to jump to conclusions and assume you’re cheating but I will assume a lack of communication on your part means you want me to jump to that conclusion. So fess up here. What’s up.? Why are you suddenly addicted to your phone and distant?. Is there another woman? Are you in trouble? What’s going on? I’m giving you 100% opportunity to be honest here. But if you are not honest with me I will walk away from this relationship because I can’t keep living like this.

Ball’s in your court”.

Dear Confused (But Calm) You have this thing called “intuition” for a reason. It is our internal compass to guide us through darkness. Darkness is anything that is not in the light. Your instinct telling you something is wrong usually means there’s something wrong, but make sure it’s your instincts and not your insecurities. They can often feel the same.

Change of behavior doesn’t happen without reason in relationships.

Is he cheating? No clue. Is something different and out of the ordinary happening, absolutely!!! No one on this planet goes from “no phone” to “can’t live without it” overnight without reason. No one goes from

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But don’t jump to conclusions. One of my favorite movies is Jumping The Broom. The matriarch in that movie assumes the entire time her husband is cheating, and by all accounts he has the behavior of someone who is, but it’s discovered that what he had been hiding all along was not a mistress on the side, but that he had made some bad financial decisions and lost a ton of money.

For any degree of dishonesty, the behavior looks the same. Is he hiding something? YES! A resounding ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY!!!

Take control of this situation and NEVER (ever, ever) allow someone else to be 100% in control of your future, your life, or your relationship!

If he still refuses to come clean and you’re still sensing something’s up, alternatively, you could also jump online and check out phone records. If there’s a mysterious number that’s suddenly showed up find out who it belongs to and go from there.

Kristy Sinsara is a relationship author and blogger.

Please email all questions to kristy@levelmagazine.net

Dear Gentlemen, Please:

MANSCAPE I

will never forget being at my friend’s house for her mother’s 60th birthday. Her mother, whom on all known accounts was your typical good ol’ southern Christian woman, sat around the dinner table telling us women that she had informed her husband that “…now that she’s 60 she is no longer pleasuring him orally, unless he is showered and trimmed up down there”.

We all sat there in silence, looking at each other in horror, and in a little shock and awe. My thought was, “Wow. I can’t believe you actually give your husband blowjobs. Good for him”. I am not sure why but I’ve always had this idea that older women just don’t do that.

Certainly not older Southern Christian women. I mean, for sure my mom has never had a penis in her mouth. Like. Ever. OMG. But then the reality set in of what she actually just said. “Wait. So you mean all of these years you’ve been pleasuring him without demanding he first be showered”? EW! Just Ew. The idea of that is only a reminder of exactly how women have always been the lesser important class.

Gone are the days of going native. Gone are the days of women flossing their teethe with your bristly coiled rogue hairs. Gone are the days of you not being considerate of them. Long, long gone are the days where being manicured and looking “perfect” for your partner is left only for the female.

Not so many years ago, it seemed to be only the female’s sole responsibility to ensure that the nether regions were beautifully landscaped to the partner’s liking. No, no. All is fair in love and war.

ALL. IS. FAIR. So the next time you ask some woman to consider pleasuring you orally, I would like for you to consider how conducive you’ve made it, down there, for her to want to spend any length of time there at all.

Choking on a bone is hard enough. Choking on a hairy bone? now that’s just unacceptable. <>

Sex, for so many years, has been so one-sided in our society. To be a “mans only” sport that no one even considered what women prefer, until recently. Now most women demand that their male counterparts be just as groomed, cleaned and shiny as their budding flowers.

So “manscaping” is the act of a man grooming his nether regions.

However, “grooming” is a word that is left to personal preference.

I had a male friend ask me if I could ask my online female followers what their preference was for a man’s grooming habits “down there”.

What I discovered from the multitude of answers was that not only so many women have different preferences (trimmed, shaved, patched) but also that it was unacceptable to be un-manscaped all together.

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SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

5 Swag Tips for Men How To Properly Hit On A Woman! general statement on all of their beauty, and then if you want to single out one, say something cute specifically to her or perhaps make a general statement about how gorgeous they all are and then single her specific smile out.

FROM THE LADIES AT LEVEL MAG. What’s the deal with the men here in Bend? So many of them are attractive, kind-hearted, funloving, good ol’ boys, but when it comes to hitting on women, their social skills are nowhere to be found.

I have never seen such an attractive group of socially inept dorks in my life, actually.

Let me give you guys some pointers (do’s and don’ts) on how to properly approach women.

1.

NEVER (EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER) point out the attractiveness of one woman over the other(s).

This is when a guy walks up to a table of more than one woman and calls out ONE SINGLE woman’s looks over the others.

It’s just rude, and you seem like a total douche-canoe to all of the other women. It’s also awkward!

For example, if you’re going to walk up to a group of ladies sitting together you should make a

“I have never seen such a beautiful group of ladies together in my life”. And then turn to one specific woman and say, “I love your smile.

That’s just gorgeous”. THAT IS IT! You have then made ALL of them feel special and beautiful as well as gotten the attention of one specific woman!

There is nothing more awkward than when you walk up to more than one woman and point out one over the others. It just feels weird.

Trust me, if you single out one woman in a group NO ONE (including her) will think you’re charming.

It would be like a woman walking up to a group of guys sitting at a bar and grabbing their “packages”, one by one, and then stepping back and saying, “okay, I choose you”.

Instantly every other man would feel like something was wrong with him. DO NOT SINGLE PEOPLE OUT BEFORE YOU COMPLIMENT THE GROUP!

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2.

Leave them wanting more. It’s always the rule in all social settings. Doesn’t matter if you’re in a bar with friends, at a BBQ, at a dinner party, always leave when they want more, NOT LESS of you. This means do not overstay your welcome!

Do not walk up to a woman, or group of women, say something charming, and then just stand around awkwardly. You’ll go from being adorable and mysteriously sexy to instantly annoying and weird. Yes, it happens. Just like that.

Leave with the room wanting more of you, not less of you.

3.

Make eye contact. Shifty eyes are creepy. If you’re going to take the time to approach a woman, or group of women, for the LOVE OF GOD, please look them in the eyes. I can’t think of anything creepier than when a man walks up to talk to me and cannot look me in the eyes!

That level of insecurity or social ineptness is just not attractive!

If you have trouble making eye contact with people, make it a point to notice the colors of their eyes and then compliment them.

Your eyes are gorgeous; I love the shape and the color.

EYE. CONTACT. MAKES. YOU. APPEAR. CONFIDENT.

4.

DO NOT just stand around and talk about yourself incessantly.

KILL ME. The minute you lay in with some story about how amazeballs you are, or your job, is

or your life is, or your penis is, it’s ALL over for us.

For the record, men that “talk the talk” don’t usually “walk the walk”.

We all know this. No one that has ever truly done anything with their life leads with stories about themselves.

Go read the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. It’s actually the best way to pick up anyone, love interests or otherwise. #1 rule in getting a woman interested in you? BE INTERESTED IN HER!

5.

Compliment her! DO NOT walk away without complimenting her. Give her a little preview of your good side. The sweet side that notices her earrings or beautiful smile. Women DIG that SHIT! There’s no one on this planet that doesn’t love a compliment.

More importantly, confident people compliment others. Kind of like the concept of how real leaders build leaders, not followers. Truly confident people help bring confidence out of others…not insecurities.

Lastly, just be you. Don’t be who you think someone wants you to be. Then someone will fall in love with who they think you are and not who you truly are, and that charade would be exhausting.

There are 7 billion people on planet earth. Believe me, there are people out there that will love you for you. There’s no need to pretend like you’re anyone else! <>

67 - Level 3, August 2015

SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

TOP 10 THINGS THAT BOTHER MEN THE MOST ON A DATE

1.

By Kristy Sinsara

When women are rude to the wait staff.

If I’m on a date and a girl is mean to someone who is serving us it’s an automatic killer for me. I end the date after dinner and thank her for coming out. I can’t imagine spending my life with a woman who thinks it’s okay to talk down to wait staff.

2.

When they take pics of the date (food, me, them, etc) during dinner.

It’s just rude. Get off your damn phone and try getting to know me.

Last week a chick seriously tweeted over ten different pics of our date.

Glad she got some pics of me because it’s the last of me she’ll be seeing.

3.

much.

When they talk about themselves way too

I know a lot of women do this out of insecurity but I wish they would stop. It’s not attractive. I’m not saying we have to talk about me the whole time but at least act like you’re a little interested in my life.

4.

Smokers! Gross.

I was on a date last week with a lady who asked if I cared if she stepped outside to smoke. I thought it was weird the first time she asked. The 5th time however was just gross. No, thank you!

5.

When they’re condescending.

Not sure what makes you think this date is going to go any further with you talking down to me before you even get a chance to get to know me. I hate it when women talk down to me. I feel like I’m on a date with my mother.

6.

Not offering to help pay for the bill.

Yes, I’m probably going to pay the bill, especially if the date is going well but please don’t act like you expect it. At least pretend to offer to pick up your half or a portion of it. I hate the entitlement that many women have these days and they assume I’ll pay for everything.

7.

When she texts her friends during the date.

Unless there’s an honest emergency with someone, I’m done the minute she grabs her phone and starts texting. She’s clearly incapable of interacting in person.

8.

Talking about their exes.

It’s a sign I’m probably going to get laid, I won’t lie, but it’s also a definite sign that this relationship isn’t going anywhere but to my bedroom.

Women that talk about their exes shouldn’t be out dating! Stay home and don’t waste our money.

9.

Pretending like nothing is wrong when something is clearly wrong.

This is probably my biggest pet peeve. I hate it when women say nothings wrong when something is clearly wrong. Why can’t you just be honest?

10.

When they cuss like a sailor.

No thanks. If I wanted to marry a classless woman I would have stayed married to my ex wife. I’m looking for a lady that can hold her own with a little dignity and class.

Have questions about this?

Find me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ksinsara

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Badass

Brave.

Meet Kristin - a cancer surviving golf pro-to-be, BADASS BRAVE Bend woman.

To learn about her amazing journey go to ShopBraveCollective.com.

To nominate the next Badass Brave woman and enter for a chance to win a $300 shopping spree at Brave Collective text: #brave to 541-359-1133

Kristin Van Donk â&#x20AC;&#x201C;

Cancer survivor, future golf professional

133 SW Century Drive â&#x20AC;˘ Bend, Oregon

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69 - Level 3, August 2015

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