THE DAY BEFORE' CHRISTMAS (Contractor Styk)

By BISHOP TtrHITE

(The following whimsy zaas penned as the yard's Christmas greetina to its customers las.t ngear and is reprinted by permission. " Bish" White, its author, is the ztice-presi.d.ent and. portner of John C. Entz, president,i.n the Entz-White Lumber & Supply, Inc., Phoenir, Arizona..l

I

'Twas the day before Christmas when all through the tract Cement block was crumbling or starting to crack.

Some 4 by 4s propped up the chimney with 'care; I hoped after Christmas it still would be there.

The painters were painting the trim with white lead

While visions of overtime danced through their head.

And the plumber in Levis and me in a flap

Were unbolting the basin and cleaning the trap;

Ii

When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter

We got up off the floor to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash

Cranked open the casement and. off fell the sash.

The sun on the breast of the scrawny Bermuda

Gave a lustre of sunburn to any intruder;

When what to my wandering eye should appear

But the FHA man with a bug in his ear.

Iii

He turned in the driveway so lively and quick I knew in a moment he was plastered or sick. More vapid than Beagles his inspectors they came And he whistled and shouted and cursed them by name: Now Lien Law ! Now Putty ! Now Mortgage and Excavation !

Let's turn down this job for the Federal Housing Administration.

They pried up the porch and poked holes in the wall Now smash away, crash away, bash away all.

Iv

As knuckles that from the wild table saw fly

When they meet with the saw and mount to the sky; So up to the housetop the inspectors they flew And pulled off the shingles and promptly fell through. And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of someone's big hoof

As I reached for a shotgun and was turning around Through the chimney the Inspector fell to the ground.

V

He was dressed in a lawsuit from his head to his foot And his hair was all matted with sawdust and gook. A bag of complaints he had flung on his back

And he looked like a newsboy just opening his sack. His eyes-how myopic ! His mustache-how chary !

His cheeks were like road maps; his nose like a berry. His thin little mouth was drawn up in a borv And the beard on his chin was as black as a crow.

Vi

My check for last draw he held tight in his teeth And his sweat it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a red face and a big bloated belly

That boomed when he growled like the Canyon De Chelly. A grubby old chump and his surly old self, f screamed when I saw him in spite of myself ; A blink of his eye and a shake of his head

Soon gave me to know I had plenty to dread.

Vii

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work And ripped off some casing; then turned with a jerk And waving his fingers in front of his nose And giving a nod up the chimney he rose. He sprang in his truck, to his crew gave a whistle And away they all flew like an air mail epistle; But I heard him explain ere he drove out of sight: "I won't pass this shack, Go get boards from... ENTZ-WHITE."