Time Bomb, A Short Play

Time Bomb, A Short Play by Bryan William Myers

bmyers271@gmail.com

Cast of Characters __________________ JOEY: ____

One of four brothers.

WILL: ____

One of four brothers.

KEVIN: _____

One of four brothers.

TOM: ___

One of four brothers.

DAD: ___

Father of four sons, husband.

MOM: ___

Mom of five children, including husband.

1.

ACT I _____ One by one, four cameras show four young dudes ... each one is drinking beer. JOEY, WILL, KEVIN and TOM. Joey in the house!

JOEY

WILL OOOOHHHH! Will. Will. WILL. WILL! JOEY and WILL take sips of their beers.

KEVIN I see Mom and Dad aren't here yet?

CHEERS! LET'S DRINK.

WILL WILL drinks by himself. JOEY shakes his head. KEVIN shows no expression. He drinks quietly. TOM appears, saying nothing.

KEVIN So, we're still waiting for Mom and Dad? JOEY Yeah, they were supposed to be here by now.

DAD shows up.

My boys!

DAD JOEY and WILL smile. KEVIN and TOM show no emotion.

Hey, dad.

KEVIN

DAD Hey! You guys are looking good! Everybody's got their beers?

They all show their beers, including Dad. DAD Okay! Let's make a toast...

To what?

JOEY

2.

To Father's Day!

KEVIN

WILL Such a stupid, typical American holiday...

They all roll their eyes.

KEVIN Here we go. Cynical Will. Always negative.

JOEY (laughing mockingly) EFF THE SYSTEM, MAN! TOM Who cares what he says? He just wants attention.

WILL Oh, look who's talking. You finally grace us with your words, wow. Everything you say is encased in gold and truffles.

KEVIN Don't you ever get sick of yourself?

DAD Come on, boys. I thought I raised you to be men!

Everybody drinks their beers.

JOEY Dad, did you get that thing I sent you?

What thing?

You know. The thing...

DAD WILL

KEVIN You mean, that other thing?

No. No. The other thing.

I'm so confused.

I sent you some flowers?

TOM DAD KEVIN Everybody laughs.

3.

DAD You guys. Such smartasses.

That's us.

Handsome though.

Except for Will.

WILL JOEY KEVIN

JOEY And Kevin's got a big nose.

KEVIN Hey, at least I don't have that ... hair.

JOEY What's wrong with my hair?

TOM Nothing. I mean, if you don't mind it growing out of your ears and nose.

JOEY At least I can smell my own bullshit.

TOM You can't smell, remember? You got punched in the face at that show when you were younger.

What show?

Straight edge for life.

We're all vegan now...

KEVIN WILL TOM

DAD Vegan? I thought you stopped that years ago, buddy.

JOEY Tom doesn't know what he's talking about. He hasn't come out of his room for nine years.

KEVIN Yeah, he doesn't go anywhere...

TOM At least I can talk to girls.

Everybody laughs.

4.

Delusional.

Delusions of grandeur.

KEVIN JOEY

DAD Guys, go easy on each other...

WILL We're just acting out our DNA. What do you mean?

DAD

WILL Science hurts dad's brain.

KEVIN Yeah, so does being a normal human being, for you.

Look who's talking.

TOM

KEVIN Shut up. You're a mouse. Go crawl back in your hole.

Dad, where's mom?

JOEY

DAD I'm really surprised at the way you guys are talking to each other. This is supposed to be all about me...

MOM appears. She's wearing a wig: yellow, brunette. Doesn't matter.

JOEY There's Mom! How are you feeling? Is your leg okay?

MOM Yes, it's all right. Hi boys.

HI MOM!

ALL THE BOYS IN UNISON

MOM Oh, you guys sound too loud. Gary, can you turn the volume down?

DAD The volume? How do you do that.

5.

MOM starts laughing at her own joke.

Boys are so stupid.

MOM

KEVIN We were just talking about that.

Oh, yeah?

What's with the wig?

Chemo, you asshole.

MOM JOEY TOM

KEVIN I thought that was over with?

DAD Guys, Mom needs to tell you something.

MOM Boys, this is very hard...

JOEY Jesus, don't say what I think you're gonna say...

Let her speak!

WILL

KEVIN Are you kidding me? You never shut up.

Neither do you.

TOM

DAD Guys, let your mother speak! I'm sick of the way you talk to each other! This is getting on my nerves! Now, just let your Mom talk! Before I give you all a smack!

DAD raises his hand at the camera, getting angry.

WILL I can't tell if he's really mad or not.

TOM That's because you're an idiot.

WILL NOBODY'S A BIGGER IDIOT THAN YOU.

6.

KEVIN Will, can you actually shut up for once? This isn't about you.

MOM You boys. Are something else.

What is it, honey?

Honey?

Sweetheart.

The apple of my eye.

DAD MOM JOEY KEVIN

TOM I eat crackers in my soup.

Nobody says anything.

MOM That's right, honey. You do.

KEVIN (rolling his eyes) Can you just tell us what you were trying to say?

I'm sick...

MOM

WILL I knew it! This whole world is such a scam! We're all going to die! Nothing even matters anymore! Why bother with anything? Why go on? Why continue?

KEVIN Can you save that kind of talk for your diary?

Mom, what's wrong?

TOM

DAD You didn't tell me about this. Was it something I did?

MOM I sick ... of all of you!

JOEY Mom, is it because of the medicine? I can help you get on a new regimen...

7.

TOM You'll probably kill her.

KEVIN Yeah, bacon bits made outta soy sauce.

MOM See? This is what I'm talking about.

DAD What do you mean? I thought you were telling me about how much you missed hugging your children.

I lied.

MOM (resolutely)

KEVIN Mom, what about that lasagna you said you were gonna make me?

WILL And what about the next installment of our inheritance money?

MOM You boys aren't getting it. So, I'll say it slowly for you all. That way you'll understand it.

MOM removes the wig from her head, then she lifts a beer bottle to her lips.

JOEY Mom! You're allergic to hops!

MOM Oh, lighten up, son. It's not gonna kill me.

Let's all drink to that.

Wait, before you do.

DAD MOM A pause.

I'm boycotting.

Boycotting what?

Father's Day.

MOM JOEY MOM

8.

I feel the same, Mom.

WILL

MOM No, you don't. You just think you do. That's not the same, my dear.

DAD I don't know what to say.

MOM That's just the whole point. I've made enough dinners, I've done enough coddling. It's time for you to grow up...

MOM takes a sip of her beer.

And be ... men.

MOM She hangs up on all of them.

JOEY Dad, have you and Mom been fighting at all?

DAD I don't know. Let me think.

They all drink at their beers.

DAD Now that I think about it, she did do the dishes, clean the kitchen, scrub the bathroom floors, buy the groceries, and, uh ... what else?

KEVIN Well, for starters. She puts up with you.

DAD I TOLD YOU GUYS I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING THAT WAY ANYMORE. TOM You're too stupid to follow your own rules.

WILL Yeah, you'd know plenty about that.

KEVIN Can't you ever just leave him alone?

WILL You guys are all a waste of time.

9.

TOM WILL'S TOO GOOD FOR EVERYBODY. WE ALL KNOW HOW GREAT YOU THINK YOU ARE. WILL Hey, at least I'm doing something with my life.

JOEY Guys, let's stop fighting and try and think about Mom, for once.

DAD What are you talking about? It's Father's Day. She has her own day, too.

WILL Dad. You just don't get it.

To hell with it.

DAD DAD finishes his beer and leaves the "room". One by one, each of his sons follows suit.

THE END _______