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By Cooper Dinowitz ’17 & AK Alilonu ’16
• Track team sponsored by Heelys, Inc., glides to a first-place finish
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• Incoming freshman sports UCLA sweatshirt
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News in Briefs Course evaluation system reformed
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R ea l. C o m fo r ta b le. N e w s .
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May 2015 Edition Roman Numeral Forty
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The Wrangler
TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT: Survey Monkey depicted here, hoping students will go bananas over new survey. Students report high levels of satisfaction with the system, but declined to go ape over it so as to not offend the primate.
• Indecisive senior wears 5 shirts to College Day • Le Cordon Bleu willing to admit entire senior class
ALL THE WAY DOWN THERE: The Dr. Phil of surveys has arrived, and it’s asking all the right questions, except not. A faculty member commented that the survey “tells it like it be.” For his privacy, we will not release Mr. Birgenheir’s name.
• Fossilized Lenovo laptop discovered beneath Brophy Hall • New gym to include regulation four square court • Waka Flocka Flame proposes insightful domestic policy legislation as his first act in student council • Bopp rejects name for Innovation Commons as “not innovative enough” • Maynard sharpens pitchfork for Class of 2019 • Info Commons fish disillusioned by students lining up for books, hopes of new home dwindle
Is your friend ‘caping’?
Students armed for finals
By Max Basile ’17
Is your friend ‘caping’? Researchers here at The Wrangler have done extensive testing to narrow down the signs of someone who capes. First, let’s dissect the cape itself. Cape can be used as a verb, noun, adjective, helping verb, gerund, antecedent, interjection, article, and preposition. It comes from the Latin capario, capere, which means “to be really cool.”
the real question, is your bro ‘caping’? Symptoms of ‘caping’ can be anything from a wardrobe change, to an adjustment of vernacular. A red flag is wearing snapbacks that have dollar signs on them. One caper added, “You can find me in Fashion Square with my squad to my left, my parents to my right, swag on my shirt, and my cape on my back.”
The modern-day meaning itself is to wear a cape outside of any LARP atmosphere. The “noobs” (CapeGød. org) of ‘caping’ typically begin with a starter-cape which includes all of the cape-abilities at a very affordable price. Then, the more advanced capes can range anywhere from sixty dollars to one thousand dollars.
Since caping is still a very new trend, Dean Higgins has yet to make a decision on whether or not it should be allowed. Until then, the student body continues to wear capes every day.
Health Experts have also responded to this national phenomenon. “No capes,” says Edna Mode, PhD in Pointless Information. Others welcome the new trend, as the inventor, Swag Cool Guy, is being nominated for a Nobel Peace Sign. Now onto
The question has yet to be answered of whether or not ‘caping’ is actually a problem. All side-effects point to an overall increase of both swag and cool. The legality of ‘caping’ has yet to be settled in a court of law. Anti-cape groups plan on putting the issue on the 2016 ballot. Until then, cape on, capers.
By Cooper Dinowitz ’17
UP AND AWAY: Further proving how much he just “gets” the student body, alumnus Mick Ebeling ’88 has developed arms that study for you. Since the Arm’s release, self-acclaimed tryhards have gone into hiding, and are reported to be engaged in an intense “study sesh” in a locked room down at the Info Commons. Administration officials plan to allow it into finals, but refuse to reconsider their ban on the Apple Watch.