Brighton SOURCE February 2012

GIGS, CLUBS, CULTURE & BRIGHTON’S BEST LISTINGS

ONE INCH BADGE SEA MONSTERS’ INDIE OCEAN

VOLUME 2. ISSUE 41 FEBRUARY 2012

HIGH RANKIN INTERVIEWED THE WORST FIRST-DATE MOVIES SOURCE VIRGINS: HOT YOGA

S.C.U.M. - SEE GIG PREVIEWS, PAGE 10

JUST THE TICKET

People often ask us how long before we stop printing SOURCE and turn it into an iPad app or something. And while it’s true that the cost of printing is insane, we’re hanging on to paper for as long as possible. For a start, how many 20-somethings – or 30-somethings for that matter – have iPads? Everyone makes it into a record shop or pub each month, though. Or should do.

But we’ve been putting a lot of effort into our website for a few years now and, you know what, it’s pretty damn good. And now that the Buffalo guys have given it a proper polish it should be much easier to use – not least in the listings section which now goes much further in advance and is easy to read and filter.

A secondary reason for taking so much care of the listings (after the fact that it’s the part you all look at most) is that we want to make it easy for you to buy tickets from them. The more tickets you buy the more money we can put into making the website even better. Maybe we’ll even make an app.

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK

PERSONNEL

EDITOR James Kendall MANAGER Rosie Kendall DESIGNER Matt Barker at Artwerk DEPUTY EDITOR Nick Coquet SALES MANAGER Annie Lorenzini LISTINGS EDITOR Ben Bailey CLUBS EDITOR Zac Colbert REVIEWS EDITOR Jessica Marshall McHattie STAFF WRITER Thirza Tooes COVER Kenny Mc Cracken Set build: Matthew Ring, Faye Fillingham, assisted by Carl Francis.

Photo assistants: Matthew Ring, Leon Foggett. Shot at Create Studios.

CONTRIBUTORS

Ian Chambers, Steve Clements, Zac Colbert, Gavin Hughes, Carlos Garcia, Joe Grant, Stuart Huggett, Esme Jalla, Tom Jenkins, Tim Lincoln, Rebecca Linzey, Jessica Marshall McHattie, Amy Jo McLellan, Ben Miller, Lisa Marie Mundy, Adam Peters, The Recommender, Neil Smith, Carin Summers If you want to contribute to SOURCE email james@brightonsource.co.uk

LISTINGS

Email: listings@brightonsource.co.uk

EDITORIAL CONTACTS

Tel: 01273 609955 Email: james@brightonsource.co.uk Write or send promos to: The Brighton SOURCE, PO Box 3313, Brighton, BN1 4BJ

ADVERTISING

To advertise contact Annie Lorenzini Tel: 01273 609090 Email: annie@brightonsource.co.uk

CONTENTS

News New In Town Gig Previews Interview: One Inch Badge Club Previews Club Review: Even Interview: High Rankin Culture Critic SOURCE Virgins: Hot Yoga Street Style Unsung Hero: Keith Baldock Secret Eater: Iydea In Conversation With: StartBrandAgency Listings Six Of The Worst: First-Date Movies

4 6 8 16 18 24 26 28 32 34 36 38 40 42 44 54

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NEWS

WORDS BY NICK COQUET, JAMES KENDALL, TIM LINCOLN, JESSICA MARSHALL MCHATTIE, THIRZA TOOES PHOTO BY MIKE BURNELL

SOURCE WEB 2.0

There are times when your copy of SOURCE isn’t to hand so that’s why we’ve got a huge website – and now it’s better than ever. Rebuilt by the amazing team at Buffalo, it’s easier to use and there have been some big changes. The main improvement is that you can now buy tickets to events while browsing the (much clearer) listings or previews. It’ll be as simple as clicking a button as you check out what’s on – you’ll never miss another gig or club night again. And that’s not all, we’re also doing food deals which will give you 50% off food, a third off the food and drinks bill and maybe even a free bottle of wine – all at our favourite restaurants like Indian Summer, Graze and Pub Du Vin. The website is updated pretty much every day and we hope you’ll add www.brightonsource.co.uk to your toolbar as Brighton’s online home.

SOURCE NEW MUSIC

Here’s Foxes! indie pop superstardom plan: Form a band with your other half, move from Oxford to Brighton, release a brilliant single on legendary indie label Elefant records, get signed to new Brighton label Big Salad Records, guest on local supergroup Milk & Biscuit’s album (which also features members of Restlesslist, Brakes, and Jennifer Left), release your own album rammed with brilliant jangly pop tunes, headline the SOURCE New Music night on Thursday 16th, become indie heroes. It’s all going well so far.

RUN THE MARATHON

If you’ve so far spectacularly failed to get your shit into gear for the Brighton Marathon on April 15th, it’s not too late to get involved. Better still, you don’t actually have to run it yourself – you can stand about as a marshal, organising the noveltysuited and knackered as they wheeze through town. Volunteers get proper training in March, possibly the use of some kind of clipboard and a general rosy feeling of charity-aiding do-goodery. Register at brightonmarathon.co.uk.

LIKE TO WIN

If you like art and ‘liking’ on Facebook, your clicked endorsements could be winning you more than timeline stares from your friends. Our Create In Brighton photography and

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ED SHEERAN AT SHAKEDOWN

illustration competition, in association with Tiger Beer, moves on to its semi-finals this month, with 30 entrants competing for a place in the final. ‘Like’ your favoured image at facebook. com/createinbrighton and get entered into a free draw, with Urban Outfitters and Office vouchers, a year of coffee from Alchemist and crates of Tiger Beer. Ghostpoet plays free at the Coalition on March 29th to coincide with the final.

SHAKEDOWN BACK

After 2011’s inaugural event that saw around 9,000 people thronging to Stanmer Park to see some great dance acts (and a somewhat baffling Razorlight headline slot), good news reaches us that a follow-up Shakedown has been confirmed for 2012, making it the last festival fixture on the year’s calendar on Saturday October 6th. No artists have been announced yet, but early-bird tickets are already available should you be unable to wait. Stay up-to-date at shakedown.co.uk.

MAKE 2012 A CARNIVAL

Do you have an itch to be on stage? Carnival Collective, Brighton’s 21st century big band, are seeking new musicians to join up for an exciting season of gigs. Specifically they’re looking for percussionists, horn players and singers, but would love to hear from you if you feel you have anything at all to contribute. CC will be holding open try-out sessions very soon so please do get in touch. Send an email to carnivalcollective@ gmail.com and tell them a little about yourself.

BRIGHTON SCIENCE FESTIVAL

It’s that time in Brighton when it’s perfectly acceptable to get publicly excited about sciencey stuff. This year the festival organisers have crammed in something to entertain the more arty-farty among us; with poetry events, film screenings and mixed media exhibitions. Even the W Bush-esque science sceptic camp are catered for with plenty of seminars and debates all over the city. There are also hands-on, craft orientated events for the kids, or those of us who didn’t leave Neverland. Many events are ticketed so make sure to bag some while they’re available.

Visit www.brightonscience.com for a full programme.

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/NEWS

NEW IN TOWN WORDS BY NICK COQUET, THIRZA TOOES, LISA MARIE MUNDY, ZAC COLBERT, JAMES KENDALL

STAMPA

STAMPA

If you don’t feel up to having an irrational, one-sided screaming fit at your LPOS (Lexmark Piece of Shit), go to Stampa. Nicely located on Church Road opposite the Dome, this digital printing company can produce almost anything imaginable. They’re flexible enough to print on your paper and have a decent range of stock of their own. The pain and humiliation of headbutting your screen is over. Pop in or get hold of them via email on info@stampa.co.uk.

BRIGHTON BASS

We didn’t think much could be made of the old Ocean Rooms – who remembers The Yard? Exactly. But Psychosocial is proving us wrong with nights like Brighton Bass. Headlining is Far Too Loud, whose housey basslines have a whiff of Nero’s earth shattering drops, a hint of Jack Beats’ balshy funk and a pinch of Skrilllex’s gutter basslines.

With a dress code of “filthy animals”, three floors of underground bass music and generous drinks promotions, this night’s going to be fantastically frenzied.

ALCHEMIST

Brightonians drink so much coffee it’s a wonder we ever sleep. But those with street smarts avoid the mall merchants and head for our more esoteric bean purveyors, and this ranks as a rare find. The Alchemist espresso bar has opened next to The Mesmerist on Prince Albert Street, selling food from the pub and coffee from the acclaimed Small Batch Coffee Company. Add to that the lovely old Victorian ambience inside and you’re getting more star caffeine for your bucks.

PLASTIC SOCIETY

Although every second item of clothing sold in Brighton is a t-shirt, it’s not easy to find something iconic to display on your chest. Thank god for Plastic Society then, a new online

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store offering printed tees which feature seriously cool (and chinstrokingly credible) pictures of artists, actors and pop stars like Warhol, Björk and Ian Curtis. With items between £10 and £15, the site is a reasonably priced place to nab a t-shirt that won’t be in H&M. Get yours at www.plastic-society.com.

ALL MY FINDS

If you’re seeking an original piece of affordable re-fashioned partywear then there’s a pair of new kids on the block. Laura and Nola, two Northern girls transplanted down to Brighton, have recently launched the All My Finds label and online shop. All their pieces start life as handpicked classics, remixed for modern life by their own four paws. And there’s an ethical policy to back up these lovely one-off pieces of vintage with a twist. Go to allmyfinds.com for more information.

DANCE DANCE PARTY PARTY

If you don’t like nightclubs, and gym classes don’t appeal, but you love to dance and want to stay fit, then this New York, via London, import could be perfect. The idea is simple: turn up to the Hobgoblin every Tuesday at 6.30pm, dance like a mad thing to some tunes for an hour and a half, and leave again happy and healthier. At £3.50 a pop it’s cheaper than a gym mebership. Visit facebook.com/DDPPBrighton for more info. No boys or booze allowed though.

TWISTED MARKET

The fetish scene only gets bigger in sexy Brighton and those wishing to dip a tentative toe in (or indeed go right in up to the elbow) have a new outlet to stock up on synthetic sex-wear and hurty-looking genital accessories. Brighton Twisted Market opens from 12-6pm on the last Sunday of the month at Psychosocial (the old Ocean Rooms) and a fiver gets you into that as well as the after party which kicks in at 6pm for more BDSM shenanigans.

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/NEWS

Friday Nite (free) Saturday 17th

10-11pm Irish Champion Dancers take the floor - Hopping Mad Scoil Rinse na hÉireann 11-till late Live Irish Music with The Celtic Tí-grrs - a traditional Irish trio that will keep you on your feet all night long.

"This is the only place to be on St.Patricks weekend" hope to see you all here!

1pm-3pm The Cracklin' Griffins - traditional Irish songs and music, plus some of the greats from the Pogues and Waterboys back- catalogues.

3-5pm Irish Champion Dancers take the floor.

5-7pm Ireland v England Six Nations live on our big screens.

Surprise visit from Ireland - Hint: he is looking for his pot of gold!!!

8-10pm Fred Bullock is a 24 yr old singer and guitarist, known in Brighton for his Irish charm and incredible vocals.

10-onwards Live Irish Music with The Celtic Tí-grrs, support act for The Saw Doctors known to be the emerald gems out of Eire.

Sunday

2pm till late The Crackling Griffins

(£5 after 9pm)

18th

(free)

Traditional Food served all day!

GIG PREVIEWS

WORDS BY IAN CHAMBERS, STUART HUGGETT, TOM JENKINS, JESSICA MARSHALL MCHATTIE, AMY JO MCLELLAN, ADAM PETERS, THE RECOMMENDER, STEVE CLEMENTS, JOE GRANT, CARIN SUMMERS, THIRZA TOOES

WHITEHORSE

Prince Albert Thurs 2nd

Canadian husband and wife duo Luke Doucet and Melissa McClelland have put their solo careers on hold, bringing their new band Whitehorse to Brighton for the very first time, this being one of only three UK shows. With a debut album out on the highly rated label Six Shooter Records, expect a fine mix of gritty rock’n’roll and harmony-fuelled country roots, complete with some of Luke’s renowned guitar playing on his trademark White Falcon. (IC)

KING CREOSOTE & JON HOPKINS St George’s Church Sat 4th

Cynics criticised the Mercury Music Award for the inclusion of this album, dubbing it a token attempt to promote independent music not already propelled by a predestined flurry of hype and money. Such cynicism, though, is to ignore the tender unbridled brilliance of this collaboration. ‘Diamond Mines’ made special the meeting of souls: a stroll through the pastoral weariness of their minds. This meeting is set to fill the raised halls of St George’s with their woozy gentle folk. (TJ)

GANNETS

Blind Tiger Sun 5th

Besides a talent for fishing, what do gannets and guillemots have in common? They’ve both had their names appropriated for bands led by Fyfe Dangerfield. But other than the feathery monikers and the fluffy-haired front man, these bands have few similarities. Far from the placid indie rock of Guillemots, Gannets are a strange beast with influences that could broadly be described as acid jazz, abstract sounds and avant-garde instrumentals. It does sound a bit like five people playing different songs, but when it comes together, it’s worth it. (JMM)

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OUTFIT

MICHAEL CHAPMAN West Hill Hall Fri 10th

Now in his early 70s, legendary acoustic guitarist Michael Chapman rose to prominence at the height of the UK folk scene in the 60s. He was championed by John Peel, recording 10 Peel sessions for the show, as well as appearing on The Old Grey Whistle Test. Still a prolific writer, to date he has released nearly 40 albums, while the past year has seen him invited to tour the UK and America alongside the likes of Bill Callahan and Thurston Moore. (IC)

OUTFIT

Green Door Store Sat 11th

And the winner for The Buzziest Buzz Band Of 2011?

Although this five-piece from Liverpool made it onto the UK music blogs’ parallel version of the BBC’s Sound Of 2012 poll, having caught people’s attention by signing to the hot London label Double Denim and hosting packed-out hipster shows in Dalston, there’s more than mere hype you can award to this group. Impressive song craft, that feels as smooth as digging your toes in sand, has been correctly likened to the likes of Wild Beasts, or fellow-Liverpudlians, Look Stranger. (TR)

THE FLOATING PALACE Dome Sat 11th

A package tour assembled by cult psych pop songwriter Robyn Hitchcock, The Floating Palace sees the sometime Soft Boys leader and a handful of favoured friends collaborating on one another’s songs, or any other tunes they fancy that evening. Tonight, these friends include KT Tunstall, Martin and Eliza Carthy, Giant Sand’s Howe Gelb and Abigail Washburn, so The Floating Palace is likely to drift into folk and country waters. Hitchcock and co’s good humour should keep the evening buoyant. (SH)

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/GIGS

GIG PREVIEWS

GROUPLOVE

HIGH PLACES

Green Door Store 13th

Presenting their latest LP ‘Original Colours’, the Brooklyn/LA duo High Places return to Brighton for a night of dark and ambient electronica. Whimsical and unafraid, expect a hypnotic set packed full with psychedelic vocals (courtesy of frontwoman Mary Pearson) and heavy bass that perfectly combine and create songs worthy of a John Carpenter soundtrack, if his movies were mainly set in the deep and mysterious American desert. (CS)

BIRDEATSBABY Ranelagh Weds 15th

Heralded by last October’s schlock horror YouTube video of the title track, Birdeatsbaby’s second album ‘Feast of Hammers’ hits record stores this month. The dark cabaret four-piece celebrate its release with this intimate launch party. Doom-laden keyboards, Psycho-esque violin stabs and melancholic lyrics provide the perfect soundtrack for those who wish Halloween came the day after Valentine’s. Support act Annaca’s shadowy gypsy jazz provides a less melodramatic yang to the headliners’ nailed-on gothic sensibilities. A feast indeed. (AP)

GROUPLOVE

Haunt Thurs 16th

What’s not to like about bands who punch way above their weight when playing live? This LA five-piece delivered a perfectly solid debut album last year, but it’s their shows that lift them well above any other average pretenders. They’re guaranteed to do their absolute best to knock the roof off every venue they’re invited to play, as each set of their anthemic, climactic indie pop songs is played to bursting point. It’s so infectious you’re guaranteed to be as caught up in the moment as they are. (TR)

S.C.U.M

Green Door Store Tues 21st

Fresh off the back of their European tour, London-based quintet, S.C.U.M are set to bring their atmospheric goth rock vibes to the Green Door Store, a few days before an appearance at the NME awards. The five’s listening habits in psychedelia, space-rock, avant-garde and ambient soundtracks collide to form a pop trip that neatly balances the innovative with what is rapturously danceable. Debut album ‘Again Into Eyes’ (released on Mute) was unmistakably one of, if not, the best British rock records of last year. (JG)

MICHAEL KIWANUKA

THE DEVIL WRAYS

Perhaps you heard? This is the winner of the BBC Sound Of 2012 poll, but unlike previous winners, such as Jessie J, or Ellie Goulding, here the UK has itself a genuinely pleasant talent.

Perhaps you caught him (out-)performing on Later With Jools Holland, or maybe you’ve seen his soulful grooves supporting the likes of Laura Marling and Adele on recent tours. One thing is sure, with influences such as Otis Redding, Sam Cooke and Bill Withers, we’re witnessing an old soul in a young body. (TR)

Supporting The Graveyard Johnnys, The Devil Wrays are proving to be one of Brighton’s most active rockabilly outfits.

They combine 50s tempos with some British punk riffs, stuck together with pomade and a bit of swagger for good measure. Lyrics are playfully gloomy, as is par for the course with the genre. Reminiscent of Vince Ray’s Boneshakers, the quartet are sure to get the crowd going on what looks to be a pretty decent rockabilly night at the Hydrant. (TT)

Komedia Weds 15th

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Hydrant Weds 22nd

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advancepromotions

THE HAUNT // FEB 12

THE HAUNT // FEB 14

THE HAUNT // MAR 18

Plus special guests

CONCORDE 2 // APR 19 24 HOUR TICKET HOTLINE: 0870 264 3333

ONLINE: www.seetickets.com / www.ticketweb.co.uk

Also available from ROUNDER RECORDS / RESIDENT MUSIC C2 BOX OFFICE / THE DOME BOX OFFICE (C2 events only)

www.advancepromo.co.uk // www.facebook.com/advancebrighton

GIG PREVIEWS

WE HAVE BAND

ODDFELLOW’S CASINO Proud Brighton Ballroom Thurs 23rd

When you hear about a band named after a Victorian freak show who predominantly write songs about death, you’d be forgiven for envisaging teenage goths with three un-tuned guitars. But wait! Brighton band Oddfellow’s Casino are hauntingly enchanting, with sweet melodies and, despite the darkness of the lyrics, a mature and tightly styled outfit. Their third album, ‘The Raven’s Empire,’ launches tonight with sideshows of short horror film screenings and support acts. (JMM)

THE VALENTINES Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar, Fri 24th

Clashy, punchy glam rock band The Valentines take you back to the time when being a band was about getting together some good pals, bashing your instruments, swinging your hips and winking at the girls in the front row. Swaggering lyrics, lazy doo-wop backing vocals and rock guitars make for a good show. Tyrannosaurus Dead are also on the line-up, with a different take on what being a band’s all about: grungy, lo-fi riffs and the kind of vocal melody which could have put their poster on the walls of every 90s indie kid. (JMM)

JOHN FOXX & THE MATHS Haunt Fri 24th

Following his pioneering electro pop success, first with Ultravox and then solo, John Foxx effectively retired from music in the mid 80s, but recent years have seen a slow and steady re-emergence back into the discerning public eye. John Foxx And The Maths is a collaboration with fellow electronic musician, producer and synthesiser

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historian Benge, expanded into a group with Static Caravan artists Hannah Peel and Serafina Steer. Tonight’s one-off British date invites immersion in The Maths’ lush, deeply textured pop. (SH)

FREE SWIM

Green Door Store Fri 24th

We could suggest that you prepare yourselves for this gig, but advice like that is rather futile – there’s absolutely nothing you can do to get ready for what you’re about to receive. The quartet, if we’re including key member, Yolanda The Panda, are here to introduce us to their, ahem, unique live show. 2011’s concept EP about a panda climbing Everest, was not only as bat-shit-bonkers as it sounds, but enormously good. This is Super Furry Animals at their experimental best, or Frank Zappa at his most productive. (TR)

WE HAVE BAND Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar Sat 25th

We’ve had the chance to enjoy a sneaky preview of this band’s sophomore album, ‘Ternion’, which should be in the shops by the time you’re reading this, and we can confirm it’s another heady concoction of upbeat electronic pop music. However, the band have grown and expanded their sound into something altogether more organic on album number two, so it will be interesting to see how the trio translate it into their notoriously excitable live sets. This will be fascinating. (TR)

GENERAL FIASCO

Haunt Sat 25th

Irish lads General Fiasco first made a name for themselves with debut single ‘Ever So Shy’, an excitable romp through teenage hedonism and awkward romance that could force a grin out of even the staunchest of cliché despisers. As new EP ‘Waves’ suggests though, extensive touring has brought out a harder edge in the young indie rockers. The charmingly apparent naïveté is still there, but 12 months on, their grittier direction guarantees a night of sweat-soaked frenzy. (TJ)

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/GIGS

Gigs in Brighton Thin Lizzy

BLeeding knees cLuB

Brighton Dome

Green Door Store

Friday 3rd February

Wednesday 22nd February

young guns

The MinuTes

The Haunt

The Prince Albert

Saturday 11th February

sTeve hackeTT

Sunday 12th February Komedia

aLesana

+ We caMe as RoMans Sunday 12th February Concorde 2

LighTs

Friday 17th February The Haunt

The Big Pink

Saturday 18th February Digital

Thursday 23rd February

John Foxx & The MaThs Friday 24th February The Haunt

sPecToR

Saturday 25th February Green Door Store

MaRina & The diaMonds Saturday 25th February St Georges Church

The WhiP

Monday 27th February Green Door Store

www.loutpromotions.co.uk

FANFARLO

Blind Tiger Weds 29th

GIG PREVIEWS

With their self-released debut album ‘Reservoir’ giving them the acclaim of a new, improved Beirut back in 2009, Fanfarlo have stretched the hype about as far as it can go. Follow-up album ‘Rooms Filled With Light’ is to be released at the end of February, so if you like heart-rending indie, tense guitars and arty haircuts, you’ll be excited. But fundamentally, they’re about as rock’n’roll as you’d expect from a band with chai and veggie burgers listed as interests on Facebook. (JMM)

SOKO

Komedia Weds 29th

No stranger to Brighton, Stéphanie Sokolinski has spent the last couple of years living in LA and appearing in a few French movies.

After completing and scrapping a double album, her first official full-length offering ‘I Thought I Was An Alien’ finally sees the light of day on Monday 20th. Having made her name with witty songs about ex-boyfriends, dandy cowboys, the drummer from Flaming Lips and other teenage concerns, it will be interesting to see how she’s matured. (SC)

TINY DRAGONS Prince Albert Weds 29th

Tiny Dragons definitely aren’t a tiny sound. Lead singer Lizzie’s vocals echo somewhere between your throat and stomach, without being drowned by the rhythmic bass line signature on most of their tracks. Songs like ‘Anthem For The Dark And Handsome’ easily stir people from the head-nodding malaise that befalls so many hometown gigs. Releasing their new EP ‘Phantoms In The Night’ on the same date, this Brighton trio are making a name for themselves all over the south. (TT)

SOKO

ONE INCH BADGE AWORDS LOCAL LABEL TO PINPHOTOS YOURBY HOPES ON

BY JAMES KENDALL KENNY MC CRACKEN

PHOTO ASSISTANTS: MATTHEW RING, LEON FOGGETT SET BUILD: MATTHEW RING, FAYE FILLINGHAM ASSISTED BY CARL FRANCIS. SHOT AT CREATE STUDIOS.

If Brighton had a New Year Honours list for services to the local music scene, we’d be calling the guys behind Sea Monsters Sir One Inch Badge. Few cities are lucky enough to have anyone to document their sound in a way that offers the best music Brighton has to offer not just to its residents, but also to music fans around the world in the form of an annual double CD compilation. It’s such an achievement that the six-day festival – that will have wound up by the time you read this – seems like a bonus.

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But with 23 of the best bands around packed into a week at the Prince Albert, it’s become a perfect opportunity to catch up with what’s going on the city’s stages and as such is packed out. With bands like Twin Brother, Sons Of Noel and Adrian and Tall Ships it’s easy to see why.

“We decided to do Sea Monsters because we didn’t really feel that any festivals that happen within the city were necessarily reflective of our pocket of Brighton,” explains Alex. “I think Brighton Live, the Great Escape and Brighton Festival are three incredible festivals, and Brighton is so much better off for having them, but I just didn’t really feel like it was reflective of the day-to-day scene.”

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/BANDS

done something within that year that warranted them having a higher place in Sea Monsters 2.”

This year’s Us Baby Bare Bones could be Tyrannosaurus Dead, the only band OIB haven’t seen live, being a late addition to the bill when an artist dropped out. Their ‘1992’ has become Alex’s favourite of the 23 tracks on the CD, an American post-grunge indie pop song that has nods to another dinosaur, J. Mascis’ Dinosaur Jr. Other highlights include a shimmering new track from Fear Of Men, a preview of Restlesslist’s forthcoming psyche-prog storybook and an explosive Jumping Ships number. It could be the best fiver you spend all year. If you went to the festival then you probably bought it and are playing it to death. If not, it’s available at Rounder and Resident before a worldwide release in April.

“The reason we put it out worldwide,” says Todd, “is because I want kids in, say, Alaska to see it and think, ‘I’ve heard the Brighton scene’s pretty good, it’s only $5, I’ll pick it up.’ It’s a real snapshot of what’s going on in 2012. Our intention really was to try and do something nice for the Brighton scene but also be able to present that and package it to the rest of the world at a reasonable price, so that people will have a little window into what’s going on here.”

‘Seamonsters’ isn’t the only exciting release coming on OIB Records. The new Sons Of Noel & Adrian album is due at the end of April and Alex reckons it’s “one of the greatest folk albums I’ve heard in a long, long time.” Todd has also got a record coming with his band Nullifier (James is in Munich – they’re quite a musical bunch), which is less synth pop than his previous output.

“It’s kind of a bit more of a prog kind of route,” Todd says, “but mellow with no beards. Just pretty clean-shaven prog.”

Those releases follow a diverse back catalogue that includes Casiotone For The Painfully Alone, Robert Stillman and Lonely Ghosts. When you add those names to the people whose gigs they’ve promoted – from Outkast’s Big Boi to The Maccabees and The Kooks – it makes an impressive list. Coming up in February they’ve got Kurt Vile, Man Overboard, Grouplove and War On Drugs, but that selection only hints at the diversity.

Last year they put on Japanese post-rock band Mono with a 24-piece orchestra, Apparat and Why? alongside 111 other international bands and 300 local bands.

FYI

WEB: oibrecords.com ALBUM: ‘Sea Monsters 2’ out now WANT A SUPPORT SLOT?: Email info@oneinchbadge.com about a specific gig your band is right for (see Facebook and Twitter)

As if it wasn’t enough to get twenty-odd bands together each year, the OIB team have attempted to put a completely different line-up together each time. Only Pope Joan (who crept in on a name change technicality as Black Black Hills) and Us Baby Bare Bones have played on both bills.

“When we worked with Us Baby Bear Bones last year they were very new,” says Alex. “I think it was only their second or third gig, and in the 12 months between Sea Monsters 1 and 2 they’ve come on in leaps and bounds. They’d got quite a lot of national recognition through the year and we felt that they’d

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/BANDS

But as much of a challenge orchestras must have been, it was nothing compared to a trip round the UK with the infamously impossible-to-tour-manage hip hop group the Wu Tang Clan, previous stars of a hefty FBI secret dossier.

“What can you say about the Wu-Tang Clan,” ponders James, “that won’t get you…”

Killed? “…in massive trouble?”

“I guess the short version is,” starts Alex with a sigh, “we had a sold-out tour in the UK and two days before the tour we realised that Wu-Tang Clan hadn’t really organised anything.

So 24 hours before the show we had to fly to Germany, book ourselves into the same hotel they were in and at 5am persuade them that having just come offstage they should stay up and get on a plane to the UK in a couple of hours.”

Full credit to RZA: he organised the troops, made the flight and the tour went great. For everyone apart from OIB’s poor runner, that is – the Wu-Tang Clan requested a minimum of 174 condoms a night on their rider.

“In each city she had to go to every single Boots she could find and buy every single condom in the shop,” smiles Alex. “So she was that poor girl that had to go to the counter and be like ‘Have you got any more condoms?’ Cos, you know, this 300 isn’t enough.”

Arise Sir One Inch Badge indeed.

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CLUB PREVIEWS

WORDS BY MATT BARKER, ZAC COLBERT, JAMES KENDALL, REBECCA LINZEY, JESSICA MARSHALL MCHATTIE, LISA MARIE MUNDY, NEIL SMITH

BONOBO

Coalition Weds 1st

With his ‘Black Sands’ LP came a huge renaissance for Bonobo, Brighton’s prodigal son who returns for this one-off DJ set. A newfound love of post-dubstep like Joy Orbison led him to give his melodic, jazz-tipped grooves a new clean edge, winning him DJmag’s Album Of The Year. Frequently playing records tougher than his albums (he once gave a complaining European clubber his €5 back and told him to go and have a dance), DJ Food and Diplo took Bonobo across America in 2000 and he’s ruled the dancefloor ever since. (JK)

ZINC

Audio Weds 1st

He’s a through and through the King Kong of UK bass music, conquering jungle, d’n’b, garage and breakbeat in the 90s alone. His more recent sounds have been house-orientated, melding deep, funky and fidget to develop his signature genre – crack house. His latest collaboration with A-Trak didn’t disappoint either. Although ‘Stingray’ hasn’t got a bassline so sexual you want to get naked and rub yourself on it, it’s still a solid little rave number with an ear-pricking submarine siren and skipping drum break. (ZC)

SHLOHMO

Green Door Store Weds 1st

First stop on Shlohmo’s European tour is our own fair town, to top an impressive line-up. His lo-fi, psychedelic take on the LA hip hop beat scene has gained him many admirers, especially as he’s still but a youth. Last year’s album ‘Bad Vibes’ was unanimously popular. Also playing is Salva, the Californian whose ‘Yellobone’ EP recently caused waves of attention on both sides of the Atlantic, Brighton’s off-kilter creator Warm Thighs, and resident Donky Pitch DJs Grinel and Nameless Pete. (JMM)

BLOUSE

Green Door Store Fri 3rd

Dreamy three-piece Blouse make the kind of music Sega would have used if it made games about falling in love. Airy high vocals, crashing synths, waves of nostalgia, old Casio

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BLOUSE

sounds and drum pad samples feature heavily, as will vintage hats, faded Levi’s, and dancing like everyone’s watching.

Support comes from resident Teen Creeps DJs, Green Door staples Ed Lilo and Celia Mae Jones, and our dear old editor James Kendall. (JMM)

BLACK OUT

Life Fri 3rd

Headlining are the fittingly titled Black Sun Empire. The Dutch trio, made up of Rene Verdult and brothers Milan and Micha Heyboer, primarily concerned themselves with the neurofunk side of drum’n’bass, creating masterpieces like ‘Arrakis’ with its creepy church bell percussion and apocalyptic drop. Since then they’ve moved towards dubstep with the release of ‘Hyper Sun’, but their tunes still retain the startling breadth of atmospherics inherent in their sound previously. In perfect support is the UK’s own darkstep lord, Optical. (ZC)

BOY 8 BIT

Audio Sat 4th

A blatant favourite with the Audio promoters, and who can blame them? Boy 8 Bit’s techy house is driven by marching rhythms and bass-laden synthesizer riffs. ‘Baltic Pine’ is still a firm favourite in our offices. His idiosyncratic electronica has seen him remix the likes of Florence And The Machine when he turned ‘Drumming Song’ into a techno stomper, as well as La Roux for whom he reworked ‘Quicksand’ into a cool, Caribbean drum calypso delight. His sets are an education in EDM, an education you can dance to. (ZC)

DIGITAL SOUNDBOY Concorde 2 Sat 4th

Shy FX is a drum’n’bass don, no doubt about it, but for us this line-up’s all about Breakage. His percussive productions have a real spaciousness to them, often sparse yet somehow remaining rich with gravelly basslines and jazz-inspired halfstep beats, as is evident on his masterful dubstep remix of Clare Maguire’s ‘Ain’t Nobody’. His drum’n’bass tunes demonstrate a love of old school jungle, the chilled minimal amen breaks with yearning strings and echoing effects mean there’s plenty of atmosphere. (ZC)

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/CLUBS

CLUB PREVIEWS

MAYA JANE COLES

J-DILLA CHANGED MY LIFE

Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar Sat 4th

One of the finest hip hop producers to ever swagger the earth, J-Dilla’s hold on the genre lives on strong after his untimely death in 2006. The Detroit man behind the stylistic production of De La Soul, Busta Rhymes and A Tribe Called Quest is perpetually listed as an influence for hip hop honchos and that’s no different in Brighton, with his biggest local fans Spin Doctor, Figure of Wax and Ruff Snippets paying tribute tonight.

Even J-Dilla’s mum’s going to be there. Honestly. (JMM)

KRYSTAL KLEAR

Tube Sat 4th

The boss of boogie reinvigorated new jack swing with his glitter-encrusted productions that had more soul than a shoe shop. They’ve got clapping dubstep snares echoing over electro funk squeaks and disco synth squeals. After listening to his mixes for Vice and Dazed & Confused we knew we had to catch him at Life last year and his set proved he could make a dancefloor bounce by bumping out the juiciest joints this side of the Atlantic. If you’ve got a date this is the gig to get you laid. (ZC)

EMALKAY

Audio Wed 8th

‘When I Look at You’ was such a huge tune it destroyed 2009 with its incredibly low-end sub bass. Last year witnessed the release of Emalkay’s debut album ‘Eclipse’, which saw the Birmingham-based producer show off his unbridled talent for making dubstep. Tracks like ‘Space Hopper’ and ‘Transpose’ are full of hard-hitting percussion and gnarly, gurning wobbles.

His sets during the dub police takeovers of Fabric became a talking point of the London club so we’ll definitely be catching him at Audio. (ZC)

STAY SICK!

Blind Tiger Sat 11th

King Salami & the Cumberland Three, London’s greatest rhythm’n’blues beat sensation, return with their 50s & 60s-influenced wild and crazy sounds. The King howls and

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growls like Screamin’ Jay greased up with Andre Williams’ ‘Bacon Fat’. He never stops twistin’ and a-movin’ while his wurst men bash out vintage rock’n’roll with a li’l bit o’ soul to boot. Plus, from Japan, the youthful crooner Nao-kun and The Stompin’ Riff Raffs, his band of masked, glittering, shimmying banditas ripping it up with 50s surf’n’roll and 60s frat rock.

Spilling drinks and dancing on tables is compulsory. (NS)

MODESELEKTOR Concorde 2 Sat 11th

Following this German duo’s packed night at Digital last October, their latest album ‘Monkeytown’ has gone down so well that they’re still on the road. So if you were one of the hundreds streaming out onto the beach last time, or ragingly envious as it was on a weeknight, here’s your second chance – they’re back, and this time it’s on a Saturday. Support comes from deep house pro Duff Disco and local DJs Klic and Manni Dee. (JMM)

MAYA JANE COLES Audio Fri 17th

2011 was a big year for house music, with artists like Julio Bashmore stripping the genre back to its basics and removing the outdated, and frankly embarrassing, vocal hooks that house had come to stand for. Londoner Maya Jane Coles’ obvious love of smooth, simple beats and chunky basslines place her as one of the most solid members of the scene, and her characteristic dub and rich, unforgettable chord progressions give the genre a deeper, warmer sound. (JMM)

BUDDY HOLLY TRIBUTE Green Door Store Thurs 23rd

At their worst, ‘tribute nights’ are paunchy, balding, karaoke versions of your idols. This however is altogether different, and a bit special too. A ‘Winter Dance Party’ recreating the spirit of early blue-eyed rock’n’roll, as personified by Buddy Holly, is the tribute in this case. Playing Holly’s songs – in tribute and in their own way – will be Thomas White (he of Electric Soft Parade, Brakes etc), Derek Meins (formerly the Agitator and The Famous Poet) plus Brighton’s own rock’n’rollers Holy Vessels and Hollerin’ Stollar and the Pine Box Boys. (MB)

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/CLUBS

DRESSED IN BLACK

CLUB PREVIEWS

Komedia Studio Bar Fri 24th

Be seduced by the dark side at this morbidly fascinating new night from Brighton DJ stalwarts Chris King (Da Doo Ron Ron) and Jon Slade (Born Bad). It promises to be a bewitching affair, full of Twin Peaks-style twists, death disc melodrama and sinister pop songs from the shadows. Which roughly translates as everything from Johnny Cash to Joy Division, Scott Walker to Siouxsie And The Banshees. And you get in cheap dressed in, you’ve guessed it, black. (LMM)

IN THE FACE

Volks Fri 24th

Tonight is a Rag & Bones Records takeover with Stagga and Warlock topping the bill. The former’s distinctive sound heralds a formidable talent in British bass music: from the accordion grind of ‘Glass Bong’ to the slide whistle synth-lines of ‘Hypno’, his tunes can’t be ignored.

His trip hoppy breakstep album ‘Warm Air Room’ displays clear dub roots updated with dark electronic leanings which have earned him Soundcloud followers like Bassnectar and Mele. (ZC)

ALPHABET’S HEAVEN Riki Tik Sat 25th

There are more producers in Brighton than we have sticks to shake at, but Alphabet’s Heaven stands out as one of the most innovative.

An incredible live performer who crafts live sets that keep openmouthed spectators gasping in awe (if you don’t believe us, get on YouTube), he’ll be playing tracks from the recently released ‘Rosewater’ cassette and more. Support comes from Last Dance London, demonstrating why his choice selections for his blog and NTS Radio show make him so popular. (JMM)

ALPHABETS HEAVEN

30 venues 300+ new artists

Brighton, uk 10th - 12th may 2012

Dome shows

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CLUB REVIEW

EVEN

DOWNLOAD THESE PHOTOS FROM BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK

WORDS ZAC COLBERT PHOTOS BY JAMES KENDALL

Typically, headlining DJs only get an hour or two to entertain you, but Even throws the rule book straight out the window.

The philosophy behind this club night is to book one big act and let them loose on the decks for as long as they want. Last year Ben UFO had four hours playing to the sweaty heads filling The Tube and this month Appleblim’s getting similar treatment.

Tonight it’s Space Dimension Controller, whose psychedelic techy-house productions on his astral album – ‘The Pathway to Tiraquon 6’ – demonstrated a cosmic love for disco,

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FYI

NEXT EVENT: Appleblim and Lorca, Sat 11th, The Tube PREVIOUS GUESTS: 2562, Ben UFO, Jackmaster SPACE DIMENSION CONTROLLER MIX: tinyurl.com/SDCmix

TOP TEN

Blawan ‘Getting Me Down’ Kassem Mosse ‘Untitled#1’ Carl Craig ‘Void 23 (Appleblim & Ramadanman Remix)’ Joy O ‘Ladywell’ Space Dimension Controller ‘The Love Quadrant’ Levon Vincent ‘Impressions Of A Rainstrom’ Huxley ‘Shower Scene’ New York Transit Authority ‘Off The Traxx’ Deadboy ‘Wish U Were Here’ Eliphino ‘More Then Me’ Gerry Read ‘We Are’

funk and deep house, as does the first hour of his set tonight.

It culminates with Bob Sinclar’s controversial ‘Gym Tonic’ before dropping back down into some stomping techno that chugs along like a celestial locomotive. His own track ‘Usurper’ finds its way into the mix, the palatial soundscape indicative of the interstellar epicness of all his tunes, before Siedah Garrett’s ‘Do You Want It Right Now?’ tops the night off nicely.

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Metropolis Music by arrangement with Coda Agency present

PLUS GUESTS

ICEAGE S.C.U.M ARTHUR BEATRICE

MONDAY 7TH MAY

BRIGHTON CENTRE 0844 847 1515 | 0844 811 0051 | BUY ONLINE: GIGSANDTOURS.COM The debut album ‘What Did You Expect From The Vaccines?’ out now thevaccines.co.uk facebook.com/thevaccines

HIGH RANKIN

SUPER-HEAVY, GENRE-MASHING DANCE MUSIC STICKING TWO FINGERS UP TO THE PO-FACED WORDS BY JAMES KENDALL You seem to enjoy poking fun at the dubstep/dance scene.

Do you feel the scene has become all too serious and perhaps a little boring?

I think the scene is far from boring if you know how to entertain yourself. I’ve always seen the dubstep scene a little like a trendy party where I don’t know anyone. Everyone there is looking at me weird because I keep making drunken advances at their girlfriends and threatening to perform penis puppetry while stood on a table. My actions might not be to everyone’s tastes but it’s likely I’ll be the topic of conversation over breakfast the next day. And, you know, fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.

You’re playing with a live band for this gig – how does that work?

I now have vocalist Tigerlight, who featured on my last EP and has sung backing for Beyonce, will.i.am and Christina Aguauuawauaulera. On keys and backing vocals I have local talent Frankie Young. On guitars, James Pryor who has slept with 1,000 women but never made love, and lastly a drummer with balls as big as Bournemouth who goes by the name of Faceman. I then have various buttons to press, knobs to twiddle and shouting to do with a microphone. I wanted to try and keep as much emphasis on being ‘dancefloor’ but at the same time giving it a live band feel. It’s basically amazing and anyone who says otherwise is just angry I never called them back the day after.

You cross quite a few genre boundaries, what are your tracks made up from?

Well I’m currently in a territory dispute with drum’n’bass over a couple of my recent tracks. Their solicitor is insistent that the roots of one of my tunes come much too far over the boundary line and the whole thing must be removed before it causes subsidence of d’n’b HQ. To be honest I just

PAGE 26

like to make what I feel like at the time. The boundaries of dance music are so blurred these days it just doesn’t really matter. DJs are playing across the board much more in clubs and I think the days of playing solidly one genre are gone for the moment.

You wisely advise to ‘Don’t Carry On Like A Rude Boy When Daddy’s Got A Yacht’ – how rudeboy-yachty is Brighton?

Brighton is one of the top rudeboy-yachty spots in the UK, just after Bristol and just before Dalton. The skit from the beginning of the aforementioned tune is almost verbatim of a conversation I heard one offender having outside Audio. I was tempted to par him jawside with a leng but as I didn’t, at the time, know what that meant I just watched and felt a bit sad.

You’ve got a new EP in the works – how’s it sounding?

Like a bunch of half-baked ideas and badly recorded foul language at the moment. But not for long, hopefully. Just need to lash together a few raw beats and a bit of old Negro wisdom and this nightmare should be over. It should in all likelihood be a bit of a mixed bag of nuts. A couple of more clubby, radio tunes, some humour and then some serious noisy boys.

Soon you’re moving to Berlin for a bit. Why would you leave lovely Brighton?

Well, I just don’t feel Brighton is trendy enough for me any more. I have been to the Green Door Store and seen students with bad haircuts crying into their own puke. I’ve had my photo taken by both Sam Hiscox and Justin De Souza at some point or another. Aaaaand I know all the words to every record on the jukebox in the Heart & Hand. OK, that last one was a lie.

WEB: facebook.com/highrankin Really I’m moving to Berlin to make LIVE: Coalition, Sat 4th LABEL: suicidedub.co.uk minimal techno and go to Scheiße parties at Berghain.

FYI

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/CLUBS

CULTURE

WORDS BY JESSICA MARSHALL MCHATTIE, BEN MILLER, ADAM PETERS

FILM: CHEMICAL BROTHERS Duke of York’s Fri 3rd

Fancy joining 100,000 fellow revellers and partying for days in the shadow of Japan’s Mount Fuji, submersing yourself in the audience’s whoops and cheers as Chemical Brothers take to the stage? Realising you’ve run out of money, can’t remember how to order a beer, and aren’t exactly sure where your tent is? If you’d rather watch the set unfold through the eyes of 21 talented cameramen and from the comfort of a sofa with a great soundsystem, here’s your chance. (JMM)

THEATRE: THE BEAUTY QUEEN OF LEENANE Little Theatre until Sat 4th

Of the sackful of awards Irish playwright Martin McDonagh has clutched, several have been for The Beauty Queen Of Leenane, his 1996 black comedy which claimed an Olivier Award and, when it went to Broadway two years later, four Tony Awards. The accolades will mean nowt for those disheartened by bleakness, but this tale of a lonely virgin spinster, desperate to escape the suffocating clutches of the piss-stained cottage she shares with her poisonous mother, invariably makes for affecting stuff. (BM)

THEATRE: SOMNAMBULES Nightingale Sat 4th

The Nightingale’s loft has been a consistently fantastic little cavern in which to imbibe fringe/cult/bizarre theatre under the cover of darkness, and its notoriously elusive programming has always seemed part of that charm. But to the unbridled delight of culture junkies and tired scribes across Brighton, the line-up is now emblazoned on a shiny new website. It starts with this work-

PAGE 28

BROKEN GROUND

in-progress goblet of physical theatre, dance and siteresponsive improvisation, all informed by the seven deadly sins. (BM)

FILM: BORN IN FLAMES Duke of York’s Sun 5th

Life can sometimes really suck, but this just goes to show it can always get worse. This feminist science fiction film paints an alarming picture of a Western world rife with sexism and racism. The narrative follows two plucky female DJs who refuse to accept the injustice in the community around them. Mix in an all-woman guerrilla army and some suspicious political assassinations and you have an engaging piece of original cinema, knee-deep in uncomfortable modern issues. (TT)

TALK: THE SPACE Komedia Thurs 9th

If ever anyone needed to back up their contacts list on their phone, it’s got to be the people behind The Space. They’ve plucked a duo to send film fans all aquiver from their bulging proverbial address book this month, as Rachel Portman – the first female composer ever to win an Oscar, thanks to her score for hit Gwyneth Paltrow blockbuster Emma, in 1996 – appears alongside Dan MacRae, the Head of Development for Four Lions producers StudioCanal. (BM)

ART: BROKEN GROUND Phoenix from Sat 11th

A timely shot of urban angst at the Phoenix, where Canadian artist Derek Besant – a veteran of knockout-scale public commissions who’s exhibited just about everywhere – presents an installation of large-scale prints pondering major redevelopments and the resulting sense of chaos in big cities. The underlying theme is one of psychogeography and the way the streets we walk every day affect our fragile little minds. Short films by Jayne Wilson and image sequences by Peter Marsh also feature. (BM)

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The Lord Nelson Inn

* Classic unspoilt pub close to Brighton station. * Full selection of Harveys of Lewes real ales * Home cooked lunches served Monday to Saturday 12 noon - 2:30 p.m. * Traditional roasts served every Sunday 12:30 p.m - 4:30 p.m. * Pub Quiz every Tuesday eve 8:45 p.m start ÂŁ entrance cash prizes. * Folk club every 1st Monday of the Month. * Two cosy bars with open fires. * Large conservatory for private functions. * Cask Marque acredited for real ales.

February @ The Nelson Brighton Togs on tour photographic exhibition in the Gallery Monday 6th Feb Brighton acoustic session Free admission

The Lewes Exiles

36 Trafalgar Street Brighton BN1 4ED 01273 695872 www.thelordnelsoninn.co.uk

CULTURE

ROBOT INVASION! BY CHRIS MCEWAN

GIG/FILM: RIOT GRRRL VALENTINES BALL West Hill Hall Sat 11th

It takes a lot to remain credible after making your name with a love song about McFly’s bassist, but Liverpool’s Town Bike have somehow managed it. Five years on, the two-girl, two-boy power pop combo are still churning out Helen-Love-frontingAsh two-minute anthems designed to fill the shy and empty horseshoe in front of gig stages with happy dancing. Riots Not Diets have organised four bands plus a screening of But I’m A Cheerleader in a quaint BYOB venue. (AP)

THEATRE: PINK FRINGE Nightingale Sat 11th, Sun 12th, Fri 17th, Sat 18th

Crikey, right…musical sorceress Lorraine Bowen’s Comfort Zone kicks things off in headrushingly inimitable style on the weekend of the 11th, whizzing through the rooms of the venue in the company of authors, filmmakers, jazz musicians, knitters, soft furnishings and potatoes. His Spread Legs, a “poetic and political bedtime story” based around a heartbreaking trilogy from the Risking Enchantment theatre company, takes over the following weekend in a pay-what-you-can, Arts Councilbacked piece which is heading to London in March. (BM)

COMEDY: SIMON EVANS Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar Mon 13th

If, like us, you’ve resolved to be a better person in 2012, you can’t go wrong by starting at a comedy club. IOU Comedy put on monthly nights at Sticky Mike’s, and this month’s is a particularly high calibre. Simon Evans counts the BBC and the Guardian amongst his fans, and we’re not going to argue, as we interviewed him for our Comedy Issue. Five comedians, four pounds, and you haven’t just spent the night in the pub. (JMM)

THEATRE: CRUELTY & ROMANCE Upstairs at Three And Ten Weds 15th - Sat 18th

Rising stars Spun Glass Theatre return with a double bubble, seemingly handcrafted for those who were left cutting their toenails in the company of Morrissey b-sides or simply

PAGE 30

engaged in the throes of a good old row on Valentine’s Day. They’ve worked with Stark Tree on Floyd Dell’s Enigma, a poetic ode to the breakdown of a relationship lamented in one act. It’s followed by Hang Up, a final phone chat between two lovers which was Anthony Minghella’s first radio play. (BM)

THEATRE: THE PERMANENT WAY New Venture Sat 18th-25th

Voicing the travails resulting from the privatisation of our railways, this lament portrays government ministers, survivors and the bereaved through multimedia, sound and first-hand accounts, building up to the frequently astonishing picture of mismanagement we’ve all witnessed. But beyond a story ripe for the floorboards, the most promising part of this production will be in seeing the gifted New Venture team do their dextrous thing, deploying ensemble performance skills and verbatim theatre as they go. (BM)

EXHIBITION: ROBOT INVASION!

Hove Museum until Tues 21st

Hove Museum might not be the sexy underground lair you can brag about to your mates, but this exhibition features a truly glorious array of ray guns, robots, and the kind of very fetching space-wear that Cyberdog can only dream about.

From Sussex illustrator Chris McEwan’s personal collection – the mind boggles – the exhibition takes you up to the 21st Century, and the 21st February. They also do a splendid cream tea, if you’re so inclined. (JMM)

THEATRE: NO ROOM & THE ANIMAL LOVER Upstairs at Three And Ten from Tues 29th

Jamie Martin and Max Day, the Brighton duo behind Tramp TV Productions, are a stupefyingly talented pair when it comes to theatre with comedy and soul. Returning here with a darkly comic mix of gender bending and uncertain identity, the two short plays also feature Richard Hawley (the actor, not the one out of Pulp). Day won a Best Actor nod at the Fringe in 2007 and, bluntly, anything they do is worth seeing. (BM)

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK

february: comedy

simon munnery

thursday 16 february, 20:00

comedy

john peel’s shed

thursday 23 february, 20:00

Presenting Hats Off To The 101ers And Other Material; an extravagant mess of foaming bubble hats, superlative jokes, bad guitar riffs, delightful monologues, hand-made engineering feats and an overly ambitious one-man punk musical about the R101 airship of the 1930s.

John Osborne’s show, first performed in Brighton, was a five-star, sell-out at Edinburgh Festival and has featured on BBC Radio 4. It is an ode to radio, the records in John Peel’s collection and anyone who’s ever sought solace in wireless.

march: event

doug allan: life behind the lens

Adventures, encounters and insights from the cameraman whose TV credits include Blue Planet, Planet Earth, Life, Human Planet, Ocean Giants and Frozen Planet. Join Doug for an unforgettable evening of stunning stories and wednesday 14 march, 19:30 pictures for all ages.

TOM’s bar: miniclicks photography night

tuesday 7 february, 19:30

laughtermarket comedy

Sean McLoughlin, Amy Howerska, Chris Brazier, Paul Jones, Julie Oliver, Ben Carter , Fraser Geesin, Ian Nicholls

thursday 9 february, 19:30

www.theoldmarket.com twitter.com/TOMvenue | facebook.com/TOMvenue

box office: 01273 201 800

11a Upper Market St, Hove, BN3 1AS

TOM’s bar

Now open every Thurs & Fri from 6pm. Full listings online.

CRITIC

WORDS BY NICK COQUET, JESSICA MARSHALL MCHATTIE, ADAM PETERS, THIRZA TOOES

EP: ALPHABET’S HEAVEN Rosewater (alphabetsheaven.bandcamp.com)

Never one to keep things simple, this release from Alphabet’s Heaven is only available on cassette. Although it features 12 tracks, only one has a name. Because they collectively last under half an hour, it’s an EP rather than an album. And with every purchase you also get three different mp3 tracks, not on the cassette. Still with us? Good – because it’s worth it. Layers of ambient electronica await, with delicately placed samples and crackly glitches building the charm. Heavenly. (JMM)

ALBUM: BIRDEATSBABY Feast Of Hammers (birdeatsbaby.co.uk)

From gaudy gloom-core to chamber goth, the suggested superlatives helpfully included with this album invite the listener to a decidedly dark party. Eerie folk tales are loaded up with musical melodrama as sinister pianos chime around power chords and percussive bombast; an immersive experience that suggests live proximity is probably necessary to fully take it all in. And people certainly are; dates preceding this release have seen a rapidly growing audience of vaudeville shadow dwellers and inveterate gloomists. (NC)

ALBUM: FOXES! Foxes! (Big Salad Records)

Ever wondered what Super Mario playing maracas sounds like? Listen to the first track on Foxes! self-titled debut album and you’ll know. The LP is a cheery collection of upbeat indie, reminiscent of what America produced in the 90s. Tracks like ‘The Panda Bear Song’ sound perfect for bouncing down Brighton beach on a space hopper. The band skilfully keep the album from falling into synth overkill with moodier tracks like ‘Descartes’, a hidden gem on this charming offering. (TT)

EP: GHOST MUTT Sweat Mode (Donky Pitch)

Brighton maestro Ghost Mutt’s been twisting bass music round his little fingers for a few years now, but he’s been suspiciously quiet for the past couple of months. With this release, all is forgiven: four tracks of sultry vocal hooks nestle over relentlessly catchy bass riffs, melding the smoothness of

PAGE 32

BIRDEATSBABY

r’n’b with futuristic hip hop’s wonkiness. Title track ‘Sweat Mode’ is a very memorable toe-tapper, and EP closer ‘Figure You Out’ has grooves that could make even the most heinous dad-dancer look good. (JMM)

SINGLE: HINT

Crash and Burn / Aliens Enter (Tru Thoughts)

This double a-side single really shows how diverse an artist Hint is. ‘Crash and Burn’ features Jamaican vocalist Natalie Storm, and is a dirty lesson in how to make a UK funky track brilliant. If you’re not nodding when this drops, you’re probably wearing a neck brace. ‘Aliens Enter’ is a laid-back, low-slung hip hop track with the tough vocals of Texan rapper T-Fly. Hint’s next album is due out this year and if this is a taster, we can’t wait. (JMM)

EP: PIXELORD Keramika (Hit And Hope)

Local record label Hit And Hope have a talent for sorting the superb from the subordinate, and although they only have a few releases, they’ve all been of a very high quality so far. This EP from Pixelord is no different, with opening track ‘Imaginary Friends’ being the stand-out, with waves of cut up glitches, sweet vocal snatches, and a progressive beat that starts out innocently enough before morphing into a sci-fi bass explosion.

The Groundislava remix is equally impressive, adding resonance and warmth. (JMM)

COMIC: PAUL STAPLETON

The Undisputed King of Nothing #1 (Bedsit Press)

Stapleton is widely known for his cartoons of cheery biscuitfaced characters exchanging witty banter in everyday Brighton locations. TUKON is the antithesis of that. A mass of dark grey shading scatters sparse shards of light across multi-panel dioramas of a post-pandemic world. A sole survivor, more Gary Neville than Robert Neville, wanders desolate streets pondering his lot in life. The cliff-hanger ending to this first 28-page comic will have genre enthusiasts eagerly awaiting issue two, due out later this month. (AP)

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Bliss Hairdressing is an independent Brighton salon. Cutting and colouring specialists. Permanent straightening. A weekly model school. Wi-Fi, fairtrade coffee, chocolates and cookies. Artwork display by local artists.

Students receive 25% discount, Mon - Fri. 77 Dyke Road Brighton BN1 3JE Tel: 01273 207 400 www.blisshairdressingbrighton.co.uk

PAGE 34

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SOURCE VIRGINS:

HOT YOGA

the 90 minutes stretches on. I try to think of this hour and a half as precious. I spend so much time outside this sweaty box moving to someone else’s rhythm I have forgotten my own beat. I remind myself when I exercise I feel alive and I don’t have to share WORDS BY ESME JALLA ILLUSTRATION BY CARLOS GARCIA. CARLOSGARCIAILLUSTRATION.COM it with anyone.

My body is shy to respond to my slow and “I should never have come… I should never have come,” is controlled movements. It hesitates and stalls, bracing itself for the mantra playing through Esme Jalla’s head as she the moment I break out into a run or a manic squat thrust. It’s contorts her body into the shape of a flying bird. She’s not tense waiting for the punishment I usually deliver in the name soaring high in her first yoga class; she’s falling towards of fitness. The heat doesn’t bother me, it pulls me out of this her mat, racing her drops of sweat to see who will reach room. The intensity, the head rush, the bending and arching of the ground first. In between poses she flops and she my back, ‘the doggy pose’ – it all reminds me of more wobbles like a bird that’s been skimmed by a hunter’s pleasurable exertions I’ve undertaken. bullet and knocked out of that big blue place where it feels at home.

You can’t hide anything in here, behind their concentration I see the men looking regretful at their choice to wear Speedos as a tell-tale bulge swells to the sound of the teacher’s voice.

I try not to laugh; a true yogist would never laugh at such a I’m not at home here. In fact, if it wasn’t for Groupon I wouldn’t spiritual undertaking. Smiling in moderation is encouraged be here at all. Today marks the start of my new fitness journey though, it’s a dignified ‘fuck you’ to the pain and the challenge.

– 10 classes of Bikram yoga at a highly discounted price.

Inflexible and impatient, I’d never even considered yoga as My bad mood continues to grumble, almost mocking me for something I could enjoy. The slow, controlled movements and my choice to end up in here. I don’t blame it. It’s funny; the one the grace they’re practised with feel disgustingly out of step day I want to be invisible, the day I want to curl up in a small with my hectic modern life. ball I end up here standing tall.

“That’s not real exercise,” I say to myself, dismissing yogii The yoga teacher is a Nazi dressed in hippie’s clothing, the claims that a toned mind could compete with toned thighs. I smell of incense poorly masks her intentions to sort out the tried it once when I was 18 and it remains unclassified in my healthy elite from the experimenters. She draws near, I make memory banks. silent thanks that my unusual name may make me forgettable, and then I remember it’s unlikely in a room of ‘right oners’; I bet As I hit 25, the throwaway experiences I once thrived on are there are four Naomis and Sebastians in here. starting to bore me. I punch my way through Boxercise The teacher can smell my Groupon deal, I know it. uninspired; I spend hours in the gym, a hamster on the fitness wheel. What’s new? I scour the internet for ideas; I want to go “What’s your name, girl in the grey?” Already my shackles are on a journey. raised out of my pose – it’s not grey, it’s black. I feel her patronising stare wither my lotus pose: “Kick your legs higher Esme, higher”. I imagine kicking them towards her face. I shouldn’t but it works. Maybe I’ve got her wrong, she’s only Welcome to hot yoga. In a nutshell, it’s yoga for masochists. trying to help, but I suspect I haven’t. By the end of the class Feeling sick, seeing stars and internally combusting, pave your everyone knows my name, Esme the girl in the fourth row who way to a better shape and a better you. Redefining fitness can’t even master the prayer pose without rebuff. limits and mental boundaries is entirely possible in this subtropical heated studio where the doors remained locked for My 90 minutes are up, only the camel pose stands in my way. the full 90 minutes.

I approach it with trepidation. Last time I tried it left me feeling sick and stirred up. I cried. A line from my friend’s book on When I left for my first session friends and family waved me off inner mastery pops into my upside down head: to be hopefully, I hear the words they will speak when I’m safely successful is to be uncomfortable. down the road, “Perhaps this is it, it might calm her down, I lean back on my damp knees, far back, and dip my head bring her peace”. So far though, so far I just feel angry, and back in submission. I’m already thinking about the next time. today I am envious of the girl in front of me; her abs, her poise, her look of inner calm, although I’d never want her hairy legs.

As we lay on the floor in resting pose I fantasise about taking a sharp razor to her natural armoury.

Three months later my Groupon is all used up, I can touch my head to my toes and, yes, finally I like that camel pose.

Concentrate…It’s hot in here, really hot.

Although I haven’t been back to the studio, my yoga journey I chance a look in the mirror hoping my reflection will give me has just started. Unwilling to pay £13 and then being asked to some conviction, that I look just as comfortable as the girl in rent a mat I have decided to hit the open road on my own. A front of me. I see none. I feel a twinge of disappointment, or it Total Yoga DVD cost me £8.99. Under the guidance of Tracey might be pain in my chest, as I realise that maybe Bikram won’t Rich and Ganga White, from the comfort of my living room, I be life changing. practise being calm and learn how to empty my head – it’s quiet without life’s chatter. I nurse my way through a break-up, Time in here is elastic, the more I wish it were over the more I cure a knee injury, I can finally do a headstand. Namaste.

THE REASONS

THE EXPERIENCE

WAS IT WORTH IT?

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PAGE 35

STREET STYLE

WORDS BY NICK COQUET PHOTO BY KEVIN MEREDITH AT LOMOKEV.COM/STYLE

Harry is a photographer, whose work (see harry-watts.co.uk) revolves around street-based still life. A famous photographer once said that all the profession required was a camera and a good pair of shoes, and it’s this solid foundation that Harry builds upon as he walks and works. “My ambition is to wear a suit every day,” he says – a dapper aspiration he’s well on the way towards with this collection of wellmade, well fitting, mostly classic British clothing.

Hereford Assorted tweed cap by Olney, from Badger White Oxford shirt by Polo Ralph Lauren, from eBay Purple and dark blue paisley Amberwick cotton tie by Aubin & Wills Yellow V neck wool jumper by Brooks Brothers, from eBay Blue wool jacket by Oliver Spencer, from Peggs and Son Grey cotton trousers

by Manson from TK Maxx Dark brown Oscar Chukka boots by Grenson Shoe Makers Silver and black Fuji X100 digital camera from Robert White in Poole Khaki and tan Hadley Pro satchel by Billingham, from eBay

PAGE 36

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UNSUNG HEROES 100 PEOPLE WHO MAKE BRIGHTON WHAT IT IS NO.26 KEITH BALDOCK WORDS BY THIRZA TOOES

Road safety officer Keith Baldock is quite literally a lifesaver – he’s there to stop you getting killed to bits as you wander into the city traffic with your headphones blaring; texting and tweeting as you go like a big doomed idiot.

Tell us a little bit about what you do daily to help keep us all safe.

Workwise my role is delightfully varied; working on campaigns, education sessions, research projects.

Tomorrow for example I’m meeting with colleagues to determine how to bring together a community safety package and running a cycle awareness session at Brighton station.

What can we all do to help minimise the number of collisions in Brighton and Hove?

The first thing is to accept that we all need to share the roads and share the responsibility to minimise the risk for everyone. The roads are probably the most risky place we’ll be each day. Be visible, aware and ensure you are competent. Anticipate others won’t be. Most importantly – don’t be distracted or emotionally elsewhere.

A large number of Brightonians cycle, how can they avoid collisions?

See and be seen, ride to protect yourself (a metre or so away from the curb or parked cars). Be aware of vehicle blindspots, obey the Highway Code and wear a helmet. It’s great that more and more people cycle – the sustainable way to go – but take care. The city is investing in infrastructure but we’re responsible for our own and others’ safety.

What do you hope to achieve in Brighton during the UN’s Decade of Action For Road Safety?

Personally I’d like to have helped – in my minor way – to reduce casualties by half. The Scandinavian goal is zero and we work towards that too but I’m realistic – or maybe not optimistic enough.

What’s your favourite thing about having an unconventional job?

I enjoy all the variety, but ultimately engaging with people to try and achieve something that is worthwhile – minimising the misery in our world. Got to be worth it!

PAGE 38

SECRET EATER

IYDEA

17 KENSINGTON GARDENS (01273) 667992 MON-SAT 9.30AM-5.30PM, SUN 10AM-5.30PM

THE PLACE: So you’ve finished you January detox, what now? Back to Frosty Jacks and McDonald’s or plotting a more righteous path? The trouble is that being healthy is expensive and a pain in the arse. Unless you get that arse down to Iydea.

The set-up is simple: pick one main dish, add a couple of hot veg dishes or salads and throw on a pair of toppings. There’s normally 20 dishes to get you going, all for something either side of a fiver.

THE MEAL: There isn’t a menu on the table as everything changes each day but get up and look at the counter and you’ll see one of the clearest offerings around. Simply named dishes,

with a full list of ingredients, it’s perfect if you have allergies or intolerances or if you’re vegan. We go for the sweet potato, aubergine and chickpea tagine (£5.90 to eat in, £4.50 to go), which is warmly spiced and chunky enough to see us through the afternoon. To it we add sweet chilli beetroot with garlic and ginger, which is earthy yet exotic, and roasted carrot and mixed squash with black sesame seeds. The latter is a real winter warmer and by the time it’s on the small plate we hardly have room for our two toppings – a lovely, fresh salsa and more beetroot, this time in rich chutney form. Another plate is filled with roast leek, aubergine, fennel and courgette lasagne (£6.60 to eat in, £5.20 to go), which doesn’t in any way make us sad that it has lentils in it and not meat. The remaining plate is given over to houmous mash, which tastes wonderfully peppery rather than houmousflavoured, and green beans with almonds that are very fresh and garlicky.

THE VERDICT: What’s not to like? You’re really doing your body a favour, the price is more than fair and it tastes great.

There’s loads of variety, and obviously for vegetarians it’s like being let loose in a sweet shop. But without the sweets. You get the iydea.

WE’RE WE SUSSED: Well, we were served by a friend of ours who knows what we do for a living, but we’re pretty sure everyone gets the same lovely service from him. We don’t think that he knew we were reviewing as we’re often in here.

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IN CONVERATION WITH

STARTBRANDAGENCY WORDS AND PHOTO BY JAMES KENDALL

Sarah Lu’s YooDooDolls are frequently held up as one of the biggest successes of the Dragon’s Den and now, with Rage and the rest of the StartBrandAgency, she’s trying to help potential Brighton entrepreneurs turn their ideas into a proper business.

for it. Because of the lack of growth at the moment the government are putting money in to help people start businesses and we’d like to be the agency that can get that for people. And isn’t it a good time to get out and do something rather than wallow in the misery? I know what it’s like to start up with nothing. Before Dragon’s Den I was fulfilling my orders for Topshop from my bedroom.

What’s the idea behind StartBrandAgency?

Sarah Lu: I had the idea when I came back from New York where I’d been working for a year at an ad agency, concentrating What are your top three tips to get started? on guerrilla marketing. I found my role over there too oneSL: The first one would be to find out what your market is. dimensional and I wanted to do something that encompasses Research is really, really important – to see if there an existing all the skills I’d picked up over the last 11 years. I like the market or not, or who might be into your product or service. business area, design and marketing so I contacted people R: The second is that you’ve got to believe in what you’re who had worked with me before and have formulated a team doing because, particularly now, it’s not going to be an easy of seven. road. You have to have the drive and the Rage: Everyone has other ambition. You’ve got to be prepared to jobs, but we’re a prime work for it. example of a group of SL: Thirdly, you have to know how you’re people getting together to going to fit it into your life at the moment. make something happen.

People are either in jobs and they don’t The main point of the have time to do the things they want to company is to work with do, or they aren’t in jobs and they’ve lost new business start-ups, and that will to do what they want to do. But SOURCE and StartBrandAgency are coming half of the team have already that’s why we’re holding the competition. together to offer three readers the chance to get done that themselves. And We want to prove that we can all do this. a year of full backing from SBA to get your idea that’s what the agency is of the ground. From business planning to about – giving a direct What sort of thing are you looking for? mentoring and branding, it’s a package worth up approach to setting up your SL: It could be anything, even if it’s an to £10,000 to each winner – basically guidance own business. idea they’ve kept in the bottom draw for and execution from idea-on-napkin stage ages. Someone suggested a hip hop through to market. This could be the turning Isn’t it an absolutely sandwich shop, which I really like. point of your whole life. terrible time to be starting R: We’re professional in what we’re • Upload a 20 second video to a new business, to become doing but at the same time we really startbrandagency.co.uk an entrepreneur? want to tap into the idea scope that’s in • Include your name, your current situation and SL: But hasn’t everyone Brighton. We all must walk past people what you want to achieve in 2012 been saying that for the last every day that have a great idea.

• You must be a resident of Brighton & Hove god knows how long? I set SL: If we could get hold of those people • Deadline is 31st March up YooDooDoll with no and make it happen that would be so • Full terms and conditions at money at all. I worked in inspiring for other people to see. That’s brightonsource.co.uk/features/startbrandagency pubs and saved money up the whole point of the competition.

WIN A YEAR OF BACKING

PAGE 42

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LISTINGS FEBRUARY 2012 WEDNESDAY 1ST

ABOVE AUDIO Doctor’s Orders Sick hip hop Time tbc £free AUDIO Supercharged: Zinc Drum&bass and breaks 11pm £tbc

BEE’S MOUTH Open Mic 8.30pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Now That’s What I Call A Party In this instance, it is okay to judge a book by its cover 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Detention 8pm £free BLACK LION Fresh Acoustics Live music 8.30pm £free BRUNSWICK Magic & Mentalism A mental night of cabaret magic 7.30pm £8 COALITION Bonobo, Anchorsong, Rob Luis The Brighton boy returns from his NY HQ (this show has now sold out) 10pm £tbc

DIGITAL Poundance Like a coin operated dancefloor 11pm £4/3/1

DRUID’S ARMS We Change The Tempo DJ set of international sounds 9pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA The Descendants 11am/4pm/9.15pm £tbc; J. Edgar 1.30pm/6.30pm £tbc FISHBOWL Tea & Biscuits: DJ Gareth Stephens Retro swing, soul and ska 10pm £free GLOBE Global Bass: DJ Ted Lauren Dub, digi and dancehall 9pm £free

GRAND CENTRAL Film Night Time tbc £tbc GREEN DOOR STORE Shlohmo & Salva Lo-fi beat junkie mixing chillwave and trip hop with slide guitars 7.30pm £tbc; The Jazz Store Live jazz with an open jam 11pm £free IRON DUKE The ID Weekly General Knowledge Quiz 8.30pm £1

LATEST MUSIC BAR A Glimmer, Martha Rose, Donna Fullman Three acoustic singer songwriters 8.30pm £6 LONDON UNITY Open Mic Night Open session hosted by Pemma Ashdown 8.30pm £free LORD NELSON Life, The Universe And Everything: Brighton Science Festival Everything from the Big Bang to Big Brother in 13.72 minutes – that’s one minute per billion years 8pm £free

MASH TUN Tin Cup Collective Live funk soul band 9pm £free

MESMERIST The Swing Ninjas Gypsy swing band 9pm £free

NORTHERN LIGHTS Prognosis Set the DJ controls for the heart of psychedelia 9pm £free OCEANA Fuzzy Logic Dance and dubstep student night 10.30pm £3.50-5

OPEN HOUSE Safehouse Free jazz and avant garde improvisation 8pm £6/5 PRINCE ALBERT Sin To Survive, Childbrain Live music 8.30pm £4/3

RIKI TIK Keep On Keepin’ On DJs play rock&roll, northern soul and Motown 9pm £free THEATRE ROYAL Elkie Brooks Pop and blues vocalist performs songs from her 50-year career 7.45pm £27.50/26.50 THOMAS KEMP Kev & Jenna’s Open Mic 8.30pm £free VOLKS Switch Up Drum&bass, electro and dubstep night Time tbc £tbc

THURSDAY 2ND

AUDIO Bastard Pop Musical mash-up 11pm £2/free BEE’S MOUTH Andy Twyman One man blues band 9pm £free

BELUSHI’S BAR Karaoke 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Fallout Live Live indie bands 10pm

£3/2

BLACK LION Yo Yo Retro New DJ night playing 60s garage and psyche 8.30pm £free BLIND TIGER Cook The Rabbit: King Lagoons Flying Swordfish Dance Band, Estrondo Psychedelic Afro-Latin dance and electro samba reggae funk - raising funds for a Nigerian samba school 8pm £5/3/free BRUNSWICK Hutchins Live: Common Tongues, Lolly And The City Of Flies, Felix Fables Live bands 7pm £5/4/3 CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Brighton Bike Night Weekly biker’s social - we’re talking leather, not lycra 7pm £free COALITION Secret Discotheque Replaying the soundtrack to your youth 11pm £4/3/2 DRUID’S ARMS Nice Weather For Air Strikes: We Walk In Straight Lines, Dog In The Snow Local label indie showcase 8pm £free

DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA J. Edgar 1pm/6pm £tbc; The Descendants 3.45pm/9pm £tbc FIDDLER’S ELBOW Live Lounge: Leerodi Traditional Irish music 8.30pm £free FISHBOWL Residents Association: DJ Will Sumsuch DJs play hip hop, funk and world beats 10.30pm £free GLADSTONE Student Mashup Funk and electro 8pm £free GLOBE Hang The DJ! A night of punter-picked playlists 9pm £free

GREAT EASTERN Dr Bluegrass & The Illbilly 8 Brighton’s busiest buskers - country standards and pop covers put through the hillbilly thresher Time tbc £free GREEN DOOR STORE Owen, Dad Rocks!, Stuart Warwick Solo project of indie emo legend, Mike Kinsella 7.30pm £8;

Shameless Famously debauched pop night 11pm £free HED KANDI Caramel 11pm £2 HONEY Exposed!: Willerby, Squiz, Dan Creasy Club night playing electro, dubstep and chart nonsense 11pm £3/2 KOMEDIA Hammer And Tongue: Brighton Science Festival A special science-themed performance poetry slam 7.30pm £5/4; Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £5-18 LATEST MUSIC BAR The Indelicates, Jonny Cola And The A-Grades, Pog Indie rock band with knowing lyrics and catchy choruses 8.30pm £6/5 LIGHTHOUSE Gary Thomas Part of a series of monthly talks with artists, thinkers and filmmakers - this time with an experimental animator 7pm £3 LOLA LO Kitsch Commercial but quirky club night 9pm £5/3 MASH TUN They Mostly Come Out At Night Indie, electro and hip hop 9pm £free MESMERIST Bad Bad Whiskey Skifflebilly trio 9pm £free MUCKY DUCK Open Mic Jam session with Joe Newman 8pm £free

OCEANA Pound Party R&B and disco tunes from the bargain bin 10.30pm £3/free PRINCE ALBERT White Horse, Danni Nicholls New band with Luke Doucet and Melissa McClelland 8pm £8/7 QUADRANT Fractured Toast Music and spoken word come together in this unique storytelling gig night 8pm £free RANELAGH The Long Haul Live country rock 8.30pm £free RIKI TIK Sizzurp: Lil Wayne, Tyler, Gucci Mane Swaggy hip hop with added crunk 9pm £free ST JAMES’ TAVERN Stay Sick, Turn Blue DJs play vintage soul, jazz and blues 8.30pm £free STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Catholic Discipline Noise rock, disco pop and acid folk from the Superheroes of BMX 8pm £free

THEATRE ROYAL That’ll Be The Day Rock&roll nostalgia fest 7.45pm £15.50-26 THOMAS KEMP Mode Music Presents Live music 9pm £free

WHITE RABBIT The Move-Ons Open Mic 8pm £free

FRIDAY 3RD

ALIBI Comedy Cooler Local underground comedy 8pm £4 AUDIO Miguel Campbell Disco funk from the Hot Creations star 11pm £tbc BELUSHI’S BAR Muy Loco Pop and house DJs with a dancing contest 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Abandoned Rock and metal night 10pm £3/2

BLACK DOVE Hot-Tip Hi-Fi DJ with a fine collection of vintage reggae and rocksteady records 8pm £free BLIND TIGER Soul Casserole A melting pot of hot funk beats and soul grooves 8pm £3/free BRIGHTON BALLROOM Blind Pig: Arther Shillin’, Cherry Bella, Lexi Allure, The Big Brad Wolf, Acacia Blue, Ethan Miss Bombshell, This Is Laura Vintage jazz and electro swing burlesque night Time tbc £7/5 BRUNSWICK The Lost Highway Live Americana and blues music 8pm £5 CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Shake ‘N’ Stomp: DJ Citizen Lane Surf, twang and garage tunes 9pm £free COALITION Friday I’m In Love No more lectures for a day or two 11pm £1-5 CONCORDE2 Martha Reeves And The Vandellas Motown legend (this show has now sold out) 7.30pm £tbc DIGITAL Stonelove Indie rock&roll club 11pm £4/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTON’S Funky Friday: DJ Nick Hirst, DJ Wayne 9.30pm £free DOME Thin Lizzy, Clutch, Triggerfinger The middle-aged men are back in town 6.30pm £27.50 DRUID’S ARMS Hot Pepper Sauce DJ I.D.G. plays old school funk, soul and house 10pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Carnage 4pm/9pm £tbc; The Chemical Brothers - Don’t Think 11.15pm £tbc EASY BAR DJ Rudeben R&B, hip hop and reggae 8pm £free FISHBOWL Keep It Wheel DJs plays rare disco, soul and boogie 9pm £free FORTUNE OF WAR Fever Latin, salsa and reggae DJs 8pm £free

FREEMASONS ALTA Proper underground house music with DJs Jeff Daniels, Danny Williams and Sumsuch on rotation 9pm £free

FUNKYFISH The Funkyfish Club Soul, funk, jazz and Motown 10pm £6/3.50 GLADSTONE Catch A Groove Funk, soul and Motown 8.30pm £free

GLOBE Eclectic Chair: 3rd Rum Friday DJ Lamp mashes genres while you get mashed on rum 8pm £free GRAND CENTRAL Dad’s Old Vinyl DJs play retro records Time tbc £tbc

GREEN DOOR STORE The Upset Thy Rhythm Kingdom Tour: Gentle Friendly, Peepholes, Way Through Pastoral punk, junked rhythms and tribal synth dance 7.30pm £7/6; AEREO: Blouse Electro and synth pop night from the Teen Creeps peeps 11pm £free HAMPTON ARMS DJ Night From pub rock to disco fever 8pm £free

MOBILE COMPATIBLE ONLINE LISTINGS WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/LISTINGS

HED KANDI Vanity House and electro club 10pm £4 HONEY Lollipop ‘Pink Fridays’ Get your fingers sticky to R&B and pop treats 11pm £5/4/3 HOPE Stacked Nasty DJs play funk, soul and 60s garage (downstairs) 9pm £free HYDRANT Man Overboard, The Story So Far, Save Your Breath, Forever Is Over Pop punk bands (upstairs) 7pm £7; Heroes Of Folk Punk, Beans On Toast, Kelly Kemp, Fighting Fiction Live music 8pm 2pm KOMEDIA Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £11.50-14.50; Terry Alderton Stand-up comedy 8pm £12.50/10.50; The Maydays - Top Story Improvised comedy based on local news stories 8pm £8/6; Ultimate Power Do you possess enough irony reserves to get you through an entire night of power ballads? 11pm £5 LATEST MUSIC BAR The George Kypreos Band Greek bouzouki band 9pm £8/5 LOLA LO Tiki Beats Totally tropical tunes 8pm £5/4/3 LONDON UNITY Dr Bluegrass & The Illbilly 8 Brighton’s busiest buskers - country standards and pop covers put through the hillbilly thresher 9pm £free MARLBOROUGH This Is England, Skard 4 Lyf Reggae and ska with a splash of the 80s and a dollop of dubstep 9pm £free MESMERIST Shake, Holla & Roll Vintage blues, swing and rock&roll 9pm £free MUCKY DUCK Rough Citizen Live music 8pm £free NEPTUNE Simon And Sleeze Trio Loud and nasty rhythm and blues band 8.30pm £free NORTHERN LIGHTS Thin Lizzy Pre Gig Warm Up, DJ Meerkuts Set the DJ controls for the heart of psychedelia 5pm/9pm £free

OCEANA Escape With seven themed rooms you should find one you like 10.30pm £6/free PAVILION THEATRE The Treason Show Long-running comedy show mixing sketches, song and topical satire 8pm £13.50/10.50

PRINCE ALBERT Bend Over I’ll Drive Rock&roll DJs (downstairs) 8.30pm £free; Little Episodes 8.30pm £5 PSYCHOSOCIAL Brighton Bass: Far Too Loud, Atomic Drop, Katch Pyro Big bad bass night with top names from the UK underground 10pm £10/8/7 RANELAGH Ben Poole Blues rock 8.30pm £free RIKI TIK ENK Vs MIMM: Ashburner, Hanc, Limit, Phenex, LZ Dub and grime showcase 9pm £free ROSE HILL TAVERN Farewell Party Pub closes down and invites the best bands of the last two years for a final knees-up Time tbc £tbc

STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Soulfood Funk, hip hop and disco night 11pm £3 THEATRE ROYAL The Rat Pack Live From Las Vegas The songs of simpler days when smug crooning was part of everyday life 7.45pm £19/18 THOMAS KEMP DJ Flying White Dots 9pm £free TIKI BEATS Kitsch Totally tropical tunes 8pm £5/4/3 VOLKS Future Dub Dubstep and ragga hits from an era yet to happen 11pm £tbc WHITE RABBIT WTF? Brighton Wonky electro and synth pop nonsense 8pm £free

SATURDAY 4TH

A-BAR Honey Hush Queer-friendly blues and rock&roll night with the Frockabilly gang 9pm £free ANCIENT MARINER The Acoustic Sessions: The Orange Circus Band Banjo and mountain music 8pm £free BEACHIGOGO BAR Good Times Remember them? Maybe the feel-good retro tunes will jog your memory (in the White Room) 9pm £free; The R&B Lounge R&B DJs (in the Main Room) 11pm £6/5 BELL PUB Soul Casserole A melting pot of hot funk beats and soul grooves 8pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Unplugged: Rocket Dogs, DJ Sleeps Live acoustic duo 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Deviant Time to untie those pony tails and start headbanging 9pm £5/2 BLACK LION Molly Malone’s Dex In The City DJ night 9pm £free

BLIND TIGER Saturday Kid’s Club! Films, workshops, cabaret and a disco for little sprogs 10am £3/free; Mean Poppa Lean, Sundown Fun and funky cross-dressing party band 8pm £3/free

BRUNSWICK ‘Harpin’ By The Sea’ Winter Festival: The Blackjacks, Will Greener, The Uncontrollables, Paddy Byrne Blues bands play the blues 8pm £6/5 CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK ReallyGoodStock: Sanity Valve Comedy hip hop duo host a night of musical comedy acts (upstairs) 8pm £free; Teenage Wasteland These DJs play both kinds of music: post punk AND new wave (downstairs) 9pm £free

COALITION High Rankin Dubstep dandy now backed by a full live band 11pm £5; Blow: Vince Manganaro, Charly Lopez, Charles Green The party never stops 3am £5 CONCORDE2 Supercharged: Shy FX, Breakage, Youngman MC, B Traits, Casio, Element, Pablo Riddla, Lofty, Flatline, Dagger Soundsystem, Phenix, LZ, Sublo Drum & bass legend 11pm £10 DIGITAL Pussycat Club - Live & Unleashed DJs accompanied by live musicians, vocalists and club performance artists 11pm £10/8/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTON’S Sexy Saturday: DJ Tony B 9.30pm £free

DOME Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra Music by Beethoven, Rachmaninov and Shostakovich 7.30pm £10-27.50 DRUID’S ARMS DJ Green Man’s Garden Of Delights A mixed bag of soul, psychedelia, funk, folk and pop 10pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Ratatouille 11am £tbc; Carnage 4pm/9pm £tbc EASY BAR Fam Daniels, Legs MC, Lucky Hip hop floor fillers 8pm £free

FIDDLER’S ELBOW DJ Russ Rockwell Funk rock and psych soul 9pm £free FISHBOWL Gareth Stephens DJ plays funk, nu-jazz and broken beats 9pm £free

FORTUNE OF WAR Deckchairs: Duncan Disorderly DJ night 8pm £free FREEMASONS Aran Reynolds & Ollie Sturdy Classic and funky house DJs 8.30pm £free FUNKYFISH The Funkyfish Club Soul, funk, jazz and Motown 10pm £6/3.50 GLADSTONE Jam Nights Live music 8pm £free GLOBE DJs Disco, house and electro 9pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Club Zygotic: Medicine & Duty, Dmp, Birchall/Brice/Marks Trio, Ekca Liena, Embla Quickbeam, Cementimental, Thought Forms, Xulsigiae, Mothers Of The Third Reich, 9, Hamilton Yarns, Dylan Nyoukis & Co, Rapesbladder Punk and rock all-dayer 2pm £tbc; Sonic Switch Funky house and soulful garage with the Tru Thoughts DJ 11pm £free GREY AREA GALLERY Aural Detritus: Jason Kahn, Phil Julian & Daniel Jones, Paul Khimasia Morgan An evening of sound art 7pm £4 HONEY Hat Club: Andrew Glaea, Damien Stone & Vince Frimpong, Addictive Hardworx, Aaron Lewis House hits and hats 11pm £8/5 HOPE Drugs Indie rock club with live bands (upstairs) 8pm £4/3 HYDRANT Finding Grace, Wilson, Stacks, Stark Live music 7.30pm £5

IRON DUKE Resident DJs 9pm £free JIVE MONKEY Free Jazz It’s unclear if the ‘free’ in the title refers to the price or to the crazy atonal music heard within 10pm £free

KOMEDIA The Maydays - Confessions Improv group turn your secrets into musical comedy 8pm £10/8; Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 7pm/8pm/10.30pm £15-20; Brighton Rock Classic rock and metal night 11pm £10/8; ipop! Like an iPod full of party anthems on perpetual shuffle 11pm £3/free LOLA LO Zombie Nation Where the dancefloor is never dead 8pm £10/7/6

MARLBOROUGH Luck Me Up Pop party with DJ Dame Amy 9pm £free

MESMERIST Juke Joint Jamboree Rhythm & blues and rock&roll records from the days of the dance halls 9pm £free MUCKY DUCK Sizzle And Pop! DJ Mick plays 50s rock&roll and 60s soul 9pm £free NIGHTINGALE THEATRE Somnambules: Yael Karavan & Tanya Khabarova A work in progress combining physical and visual theatre 8pm £6/5 OCEANA Sound Of Saturday Disco club for West Street’s finest 10.30pm £10/free OLD MARKET Electric Soft Parade, British Sea Power, Toy: 10th Anniversary Holes In The Wall Live Brighton psych-pop brothers play their first album 7.30pm £tbc PAV TAV Songs For The Deaf Ear pounding rock and grunge from the 90s 11pm £3 PAVILION THEATRE The Treason Show Long-running comedy show mixing sketches, song and topical satire 8pm £13.50/10.50

PRINCE ALBERT The Crucks Live music 8.30pm £4 RIKI TIK Schtumm!: Neal Lewis, Sam Watts Disco and underground house 9pm £free ROSE HILL TAVERN Farewell Party Pub closes down and invites the best bands of the last two years for a final knees-up Time tbc £tbc

SHAKESPEARE’S HEAD Bitter Disko DJ plays mutant funk, post punk and John Peel favourites 8pm £free ST JAMES’ TAVERN 3rd Annual Cramps/Lux Interior Tribute Night Stay Sick DJs celebrate the classic rockabilly punk band 8pm £free STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR J-Dilla Changed My Life: Phat Kat, Maureen ‘Ma Dukes’ Yancey, Spin Doctor, Figure Of Wax, Ruff Snippets Memorial night for the Detroit hip hop producer with local DJs and Dilla’s mum 10pm £7/5 THEATRE ROYAL Russell Kane - Manscaping Stand-up comedy 8pm £21.50 THOMAS KEMP DJ Molar 9pm £free VOLKS Future (Is) Hardcore: MC Whizzkid, DJ Hixxy 10pm £5

WHITE RABBIT The Mixer Men DJ night 8pm £free

SUNDAY 5TH

BEE’S MOUTH The Hive DJs wade through the sub genres of the 50s and 60s 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Now That’s What I Call A Party In this instance, it’s okay to judge a book by its cover 9pm £free BLACK LION Live & Swingin’ Lion Live gypsy jazz, swing and blues 9pm £free BLIND TIGER Gannets Feat. Fyfe Dangerfield The Guillemots’ frontman returns in his new guise as the leader of a free jazz improv band 7pm £9.50 BRUNSWICK Bob Hillary & The Massive Mellow, Carrie Tree Live music 8pm £6 CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK The Geekest Link Possibly the only time in your life anyone will care how much you know about the conflicting story arcs in the two versions of Battlestar Galactica 8.30pm £1 CONCORDE2 Misfits, Juice Head Horror punks still rocking after 30 years of weirdness 7pm £17.50 CORN EXCHANGE Herbie Flowers’ Jazz Breakfast Celebrated bassist smears your toast with his jazz 11am £6 DOME Johann Strauss Gala Music, song and dance from the Strauss family and friends 3pm £11-28.50 DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Born In Flames 11am £tbc; Carnage 2pm/7pm £tbc EASY BAR Reggae And Roast Noon £free FIDDLER’S ELBOW Sham-Rock Open Mic 8.30pm £free FISHBOWL Recovery?: Asbest, Sinner DJs play rare reggae and soul records 9pm £free FOOD FOR FRIENDS Hajar Solo vocalist does pop and jazz covers with some originals thrown in Time tbc £tbc GLOBE Rockoustic Open Mic 8pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE oOoOO SuPer dARk aND staRK gLiTch bOOtY bOuNCe 5pm £tbc; Green Door Blues Blues band and DJs 10pm £free HAMPTON ARMS Acoustic Sessions Live music 5pm £free HONEY Sundays At The Honey If your house was this sexy

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you’d never go outdoors 11pm £3/2/free HYDRANT The Divided, Some WIll Be Saved, In Ruins, The Homecoming Live music (upstairs) 7pm £7/5; The Liabilties, The Dead Betas, The Masts Live music 8pm £3 JAG GALLERY I HeART U: Ryan Brown Open house art show with ‘speed arting’ and an auction to raise money for the Argus Appeal Noon £free KI CENTRE Contact Improvisation A dance form based on an awareness of one’s body and that of one’s partner, but not in a daggering sort of way 1pm £5 KOMEDIA The Sundae Club Kids’ event with workshops, games and dancing 11am £free; Krater Comedy Club Standup comedy 8pm £5-11.50; Bent Double Zoe Lyons hosts a night of alternative comedy acts 8pm £10.50/8.50 LATEST MUSIC BAR Bark Like A Dog Blues Jam A chance for first-timers to shed their nerves - and old-timers to show off their licks 8pm £free NEPTUNE Nick Stephenson Acoustic singer songwriter 8.30pm £free

NORTHERN LIGHTS Misfits Night Warm up for the gig at the Concorde2 5pm £free OPEN HOUSE Quiz Night Free jazz and avant garde improvisation 8pm £2 PAVILION THEATRE Red Riding Hood: Horse & Bamboo Silly and spooky pantomime fairytale for children 11.30am/2.30pm £7/5

RANELAGH Mike Ross Live blues rock 8.30pm £free STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Any Persan HALP Me New poetry night for loveless loners 8pm £tbc THEATRE ROYAL Chris Addison - The Time Is Now, Again Clever comedy from the star of The Thick Of It and In The Loop 8pm £25

THOMAS KEMP Jazz In The Afternoon: Groove Jazz Quartet Live jazz Time tbc £free THREE & TEN Two Days of Plays (Day 2): A Bite-Size Buffet Informal previews of ten minute plays (upstairs) 4pm £5 VICTORY Up Against It Born Bad DJs play an assortment of punky trash 8pm £free WHITE RABBIT Hush Hush Live acoustic music 8pm £free

MONDAY 6TH

ANCIENT MARINER Quiz Night 8pm £1 BEE’S MOUTH The Bee’s Mouth Jazz Forum Jazz jam with a house band 8.30pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Pump Up The 90s 9pm £free BLACK DOVE The Bell Jar MP3 Club Reinventing the record club 8.30pm £tbc BLIND TIGER Knockout! Student night where you control the music - until the crowd votes you off 8pm £1/free BRUNSWICK Open Mic 8.30pm £free CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK MovieBar So you wanna make it in the glamorous world of film? Go shmooze with the movers and makers and other out-of-work actors. Includes film screenings, Q&A with directors and a movie quiz 7.30pm £free COALITION Trash Monday Filthy tunes for students and layabouts alike 10.30pm £5/3/free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Carnage 4pm/9pm £tbc GREEN DOOR STORE Punk V Hardcore Guess what? It’s a night of punk and hardcore 7.30pm £free HED KANDI Oosh Commercial house, electro remixes and indie bootlegs 11pm £tbc HYDRANT Rio Bravo Promotions Live music 8pm £free LOLA LO Fat Poppadaddys Student indie night 9pm £3 LONDON UNITY Texas Hold Em Poker night for serious players 8pm £tbc LORD NELSON The Lewes Exiles Live acoustic music 8.45pm £free

GLOBE Basement Cinema Underground films, comfy seats and free popcorn 8pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Myriad Books Literature launch event 7.30pm £free; Hard Times They can take our disposable income, but they’ll never take our nowave disco! 11pm £free HED KANDI SUBTRKT Dance music night 11pm £3 HONEY Latin Fever: DJ Aaron George, Gabriel Angel, Yersin Rivas Dance lessons followed by a tropically vibed salsa club 8pm/10pm £3/1/free HOPE SlipJam B Hip hop battleground for Brighton b-boys with an open mic and a set from London Zoo 8.30pm £free HYDRANT Attention Thieves Live music 8pm £3 LATEST MUSIC BAR Ana Silvera, Gil Karpas Singer songwriter brought up on a blend of indie rock and classical piano 8.30pm £6/5 LECONFIELD Quiz Night 9pm £1 LOLA LO Dirtee Laundry Student night 10pm £6/4/2 LONDON UNITY Fun Pub Quiz Have your brain drained by a drag queen 8.30pm £1 LORD NELSON Pub Quiz Quiz me, Hardy! 8.45pm £1 MESMERIST The Mesmerist Conjurers Consortium It could be a magical night 7.30pm £free OLD MARKET Miniclicks: Chris Floyd Discussion event with a portrait photographer Time tbc £tbc OPEN HOUSE Jazz Work Shop Throw away those jazz mags and try out your trumpet in public 8pm £tbc PAVILION THEATRE Sussex Salon Series - Inclusive Education: Judy Sebba, Jacqui Shepherd, Professor Alan Dyson, Tara Flood A panel of academics discuss the importance of inclusive education 8pm £6/4 PRESTONVILLE ARMS Entertainment Quiz 9pm £1 PRINCE ALBERT Aaron King, Otti Albietz, Autumn And The Falls Live music 8.30pm £4/3 RED LION Challenging General Knowledge & Music Quiz 8pm £1

THEATRE ROYAL Spaghetti Western Orchestra Ennio Morricone’s soundtracks reworked by an Australian ensemble makes a change form Muse doing it 7.45pm £27.50/22.50 THOMAS KEMP Poker Evening 8pm £free

WEDNESDAY 8TH

ABOVE AUDIO Doctor’s Orders Sick hip hop Time tbc £free AUDIO Supercharged: Emalkay Drum&bass and breaks 11pm £tbc

BEE’S MOUTH Open Mic 8.30pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Now That’s What I Call A Party In this instance, it’s okay to judge a book by its cover 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Detention 8pm £free BLACK LION Open Mic Night Live music 8.30pm £free BLIND TIGER Lethal Quizzle Pub quiz with zany rounds 8pm

AUDIO Guerilla Rocks Club night for rock chicks, skater bois and indie kids 11pm £3/2/1 BEE’S MOUTH Roll ‘Dem Bones Blues, jazz and 60s tunes 8.30pm £free

BELUSHI’S BAR Pump Up The 80s 9pm £free BLACK LION Hit The Decks Open decks spin off (book a slot online) 9pm £free BRIGHTON CENTRE Olly Murs He’s not the only one chanting the words “Please Don’t Let Me Go” 6.30pm £30 BRUNSWICK Ucanukulele Rediscover your potential with the help of a small toy guitar 7.30pm £5; Jazz Jam Open sessions with a house band 8pm £free CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Skeptics In The Pub Dr Antony Lempert discusses religious opposition to scientific advances 8pm £2 COALITION Clap Your Hands Say Yeah The long awaited return of the fuzzball indie rockers whose first album became an internet success story 7pm £12.50; Full Volume If your bass was this filthy you’d have to take it back to the fishmongers 10.30pm £2-5

DIGITAL CU Next Tuesday It’ll teach the universities to timetable lectures for Wednesday mornings 11pm £4/3 DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA We Have A Pope 11am £tbc; Carnage 4pm/9.15pm £tbc FIDDLER’S ELBOW QUIZness Time Are you a pub quiz whizz, or bit of a half-wit? 8pm £1

PAGE 48

DRUID’S ARMS Druid’s Arms Presents Live music 8.30pm £free

DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Carnage 2.30pm £tbc; Travelling Light: NT Live 7pm £tbc FIDDLER’S ELBOW Live Lounge Live music 8.30pm £free FISHBOWL Residents Association: DJ Will Sumsuch DJs play hip hop, funk and world beats 10.30pm £free GLADSTONE Student Mashup Funk and electro 8pm £free GLOBE Hang The DJ! A night of punter-picked playlists 9pm £free

GREAT EASTERN Rabbit Foot Electric blues band Time tbc £free

GREEN DOOR STORE Damage Club night 11pm £free HED KANDI Snapback 11pm £3 HONEY Exposed!: Willerby, Squiz, Dan Creasy Club night playing electro, dubstep and chart nonsense 11pm £3/2 HOPE Joolz Denby, Steve Pottinger The queen of spoken word has a new book out (upstairs) 7pm £6; Noches Del Sur Flamenco dancing and live music (downstairs) 8pm £free HYDRANT Wilson Willis, The Vaudeville, The Witches Live music 8pm £free IRON DUKE ID Goes Acoustic Live music 8pm £free KOMEDIA Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £518; The Space: Rachel Portman, Dan MacRae Discussion event with a film composer and the head of a film distribution company 8pm £8.50/5.50 LATEST MUSIC BAR Catalyst Club Catastrophe!: Brighton Science Festival Guest speakers give a short talk about whatever their weird obsession is 8.30pm £5 LOLA LO Kitsch Commercial but quirky club night 9pm £5/3 MASH TUN They Mostly Come Out At Night Indie, electro and hip hop 9pm £free MESMERIST Dr Bluegrass & The Illbilly Eight Brighton’s busiest buskers - country standards and pop covers put through the hillbilly thresher 9pm £free MUCKY DUCK Open Mic Jam session with Joe Newman 8pm £free

THEATRE ROYAL Swan Lake: Moscow City Ballet Tchaikovsky’s romantic tragedy about a flock of birds endowed with the power to break people’s necks with their wings

£free

THOMAS KEMP David Ross Live music 9pm £free VOLKS Up & Down Techno and psytrance night 11pm £tbc WHITE RABBIT The Move-Ons Open Mic 8pm £free

COALITION CoCo LoCo Commercial chart music for students 10.30pm £5/3/2 DIGITAL Poundance Like a coin operated dancefloor 11pm £4/3/1

DRUID’S ARMS We Change The Tempo DJ set of international sounds 9pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Carnage 11am/4pm/8.45pm FISHBOWL Tea & Biscuits: DJ Gareth Stephens Retro swing, soul and ska 10pm £free GLOBE Global Bass: DJ Ted Lauren Dub, digi and dancehall

MESMERIST The Swing Ninjas Gypsy swing band 9pm

TUESDAY 7TH

£4/3/2

9pm £free

£5

VOLKS Strictly Reggae

Dancehall, roots, revival 11pm

BLACK LION Soul Casserole A melting pot of hot funk beats and soul grooves 8.30pm £free BLIND TIGER Super Mishto: Nico de Transilvania Balkan beats and live gypsy music 7pm £4/3 BRUNSWICK University Of Sussex Music Showcase Live music from post grad students 8pm £tbc COALITION Laid Blak, General Roots, Running Numbers Eight-piece new wave reggae group 7pm £5; Secret Discotheque Replaying the soundtrack to your youth 11pm

£tbc

BRIGHTON CENTRE Olly Murs He’s not the only one chanting the words “Please Don’t Let Me Go” 6.30pm £30 BRUNSWICK Conversation Cafe Discussion group 7.30pm

KOMEDIA Rattle Tales Local writers try out new stuff in an informal, interactive setting 8pm £4; Stan Webbs Blues guitarist from Chicken Shack 8pm £14 LATEST MUSIC BAR Ahab, Stark Live music 8.30pm £8 LONDON UNITY Open Mic Night Open session hosted by Pemma Ashdown 8.30pm £free MASH TUN Tin Cup Collective Live funk soul band 9pm

£26.50

£3/2

OCEANA Pound Party R&B and disco tunes from the bargain bin 10.30pm £3/free PRINCE ALBERT Twin Brothers, Phantom Runners, Little Electric Chairs Live music 8.30pm £4 PSYCHOSOCIAL Live ‘N’ Laughing: Max Dickens Stand up comedy 8.30pm £10/6 RANELAGH Roland Chadwick Blues guitarist 8.30pm £free RIKI TIK Sizzurp: Lil Wayne, Tyler, Gucci Mane Swaggy hip hop with added crunk 9pm £free ST JAMES’ TAVERN Stay Sick, Turn Blue DJs play vintage soul, jazz and blues 8.30pm £free STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Catholic Discipline Noise rock, disco pop and acid folk from the Superheroes of BMX 8pm

£1

MARLBOROUGH Dames Games Quiz night 8.30pm £1 MESMERIST Stroll On Mondays 60s and 70s night with DJs and film projections 8.30pm £free OCEANA Vodka Rocks Cheesy club night apparently named after a drinks promotion 10.30pm £3/2/free PRINCE ALBERT Bleeding Hearts Club: Naomi Hates Humans, Ampersand, Nick Pynn, Kate Daisy Grant Downbeat and melancholic acoustic music 8.30pm £3 STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Where Is My Mind? Music quiz 8pm £1 THEATRE ROYAL Rumours Of Fleetwood Mac There are rumours among Fleetwood Mac fans that Rumours Of Fleetwood Mac are playing Rumours by Fleetwood Mac - it’s true 8pm £5/4.50

BEE’S MOUTH Tudo Bem! Live Brazilian music with a samba duo 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Karaoke 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Fallout Live Live indie bands 10pm

GRAND CENTRAL Film Night Time tbc £tbc GREEN DOOR STORE Strangers From Birth Live music 7.30pm £tbc; The Jazz Store Live jazz with an open jam 11pm IRON DUKE The ID Weekly General Knowledge Quiz 8.30pm £1

£free £free

NORTHERN LIGHTS Mystery Train Rockabilly DJ 9pm £free OCEANA Fuzzy Logic Dance and dubstep student night 10.30pm £3.50-5

PRINCE ALBERT Eagleburger Live music 8pm £4 RICHARD HERRING Richard Herring Stand-up comedian with a Hitler moustache and a fist of fun 8pm £15 RIKI TIK Keep On Keepin’ On DJs play rock&roll, northern soul and Motown 9pm £free STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Arcade Not Disco While you geek out playing retro video games try and act excited as if you hadn’t already exhausted the nostalgic possibilities by downloading an emulator and geeking out on your own for the last few weeks - there’s a reason you’re beating everyone else at Mario’s Troublesome Blockage, or whatever the fuck it’s called 8pm £free

THEATRE ROYAL Swan Lake: Moscow City Ballet Tchaikovsky’s romantic tragedy about a flock of birds endowed with the power to break people’s necks with their wings 7.45pm £19-36

THOMAS KEMP Kev & Jenna’s Open Mic 8.30pm £free VOLKS Switch Up Drum&bass, electro and dubstep night Time tbc £tbc

WHISTLESTOP INN Express Comedy Stand-up comedy with a community vibe 7.30pm £4

THURSDAY 9TH

AUDIO Bastard Pop Musical mash-up 11pm £2/free

£free

2.30pm/7.45pm £19-36

FRIDAY 10TH

AUDIO Strictly Drumz: Culture Shock Bass is also allowed 11pm £tbc

BELUSHI’S BAR Muy Loco Pop and house DJs with a dancing contest 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Abandoned Rock and metal night 10pm £3/2

BLACK DOVE Mo Taters! DJs play vintage tunes from across the Americas 8pm £free BLACK LION Medium Rare DJs serve up a platter of semiobscure funk and soul 9pm £free BLIND TIGER Electric Playboys Filthy electro and dirty funk 8pm £5/free

BRIGHTON BALLROOM Friday Night Speakeasy “Roll up!

Roll up!” Indoor circus with fire-breathing beauties, ring leaders and roaring lions - followed by a club night 10.30pm £8 BRIGHTON CENTRE Katherine Jenkins Multi platinum selling mezzo-soprano 7pm £27.50-47.50 BRUNSWICK Voodoo Funk: Kalakuta Millionaires Afro funk night with live band 8pm £5 CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Funny Girls: The Short & Girlie Show, Debbie’s Obsession, The Suburban Dom, Lara A King Stand-up, sketches and music (upstairs) 8pm £5/4; DJ Lost Rock and metal DJ (downstairs) 9pm £free COALITION Friday I’m In Love No more lectures for a day or two 11pm £1-5 CONCORDE2 Sine Language: DJ Randall, Sammy Dread, Equinox, Voytek, ADHSJ’s, Originate Drum&bass, heavy dub and jungle 11pm £7/6/5 DIGITAL Stonelove Indie rock&roll club 11pm £4/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTON’S Funky Friday: DJ Nick Hirst, DJ Wayne 9.30pm £free DRUID’S ARMS DJ Tommy G Electro beats, indie and house tunes 10pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Martha Marcy May Marlene 4pm/9pm £tbc

EASY BAR DJ Rudeben R&B, hip hop and reggae 8pm £free FISHBOWL Jeff Daniels Soul and hip hop DJ 9pm £free

MOBILE COMPATIBLE ONLINE LISTINGS WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/LISTINGS

FORTUNE OF WAR Fever Latin, salsa and reggae DJs 8pm £free

FREEMASONS ALTA Proper underground house music with DJs Jeff Daniels, Danny Williams and Sumsuch on rotation 9pm £free

FUNKYFISH The Funkyfish Club Soul, funk, jazz and Motown 10pm £6/3.50 GLADSTONE Catch A Groove Funk, soul and Motown 8.30pm £free

GLOBE Rum Fridays & TSOB Philly disco from Juice FM DJ 8pm £free

GRAND CENTRAL Dad’s Old Vinyl DJs play retro records Time tbc £tbc

GREEN DOOR STORE Yoofs, Kinnie the Explorer, YRRS Scuzzy lo-fi indie from Bournemouth 7.30pm £4.50; SOUL-ID GOLD Soul club 11pm £free HAMPTON ARMS DJ Night From pub rock to disco fever 8pm £free

HED KANDI Vanity House and electro club 10pm £4 HONEY Lollipop ‘Pink Fridays’ Get your fingers sticky to R&B and pop treats 11pm £5/4/3 HOPE Love Thy Neighbour Indie DJs (downstairs) 9pm £free; Love Thy Neighbour 10: Still Corners, My Sad Captains, Us Baby Bear Bones, LTN DJs Live bands (upstairs) 8.30pm £6/5 HYDRANT Punk & Pasta Live music 8pm £free IRON DUKE ID Does Karaoke (Differently) Karaoke night, this time with a Rat Pack theme 9pm £free JIVE MONKEY The Jive Monkey Cabaret Cabaret with Dolly Rocket - plus an uncensored and partially undressed Marilyn Monroe 9pm £free KOMEDIA Steve Fishwick Quintet: Brighton Jazz Club Live jazz 8pm £15/13; Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £11.50-14.50; Carnivalesque – The Lover’s Ball: Swing Ninjas, Boxettes, Gypsy Hill, Merlin Shepard, DJ Penny Metal Sexy vintage swing night 8.30pm £10 LATEST MUSIC BAR The Singing Heart Live music 8.30pm £5

LOLA LO Tiki Beats Totally tropical tunes 8pm £5/4/3 LONDON UNITY Walrus Presents Monthly folk night 8pm £free

MARLBOROUGH Cake Core! Alternative electro and femme fronted tunes 9pm £free MESMERIST Shake, Holla & Roll Vintage blues, swing and rock&roll 9pm £free MICRO Soundproof Open night for electronic producers 10pm £tbc

MUCKY DUCK Hot-Tip Hi-Fi DJ with a fine collection of vintage reggae and rocksteady records 8pm £free NEPTUNE Terry Popple Funky rock 8.30pm £free NORTHERN LIGHTS DJ Jazzy D Jazz, funk and soul 9pm £free

OCEANA Escape With seven themed rooms you should find one you like 10.30pm £6/free PRINCE ALBERT Nick Williams Woozy and languidly beautiful blues folk from a singer songwriter who supported Ben Howard and Willy Mason Time tbc £tbc RANELAGH Darius Alexander, Autumn Red Live flamenco and folk music 8.30pm £free RIKI TIK Reggae Bombing: Boulevard Soundsystem, Serocee, DJ Cut La Vis Reggae, hip hop and Caribbean bashment 9pm £free ROCK & ROLLER Soul Casserole A melting pot of hot funk beats and soul grooves 8pm £free SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE Marcus Brigstocke - God Collar: Brighton Science Festival Atheist stand-up ponders the almighty 7.30pm £8/6 STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Sandwich Club’s Club Sandwich Hip hop squeezed between tasty slabs of Italo and dancehall 10pm £4/3 THEATRE ROYAL The Nutcracker: Moscow City Ballet Tchaikovsky’s fairy-tale ballet about a young girl who develops a serious allergy after eating an experimental almond-flavoured Ryvita 7.45pm £19-36 THOMAS KEMP DJ Jody Lee Hooker 9pm £free THREE & TEN Katy & Rach, The Hee Ha’s Double bill of improvised sketches, songs and comedy theatre (upstairs) 8pm £10/9

VICTORY Open Mic 8pm £free VOLKS Simply Vinyl: Drum and bass club’s second birthday party Time tbc £tbc WEST HILL HALL Michael Chapman, Mark Wynn Legendary folk guitarist 7.30pm £10/9 WHITE RABBIT WTF? Brighton Wonky electro and synth pop nonsense 8pm £free

SATURDAY 11TH

ANCIENT MARINER We Love The Ancient Mariner Party Pub celebrates its first birthday with disco, soul and funk from the Lazy Boys DJs 8pm £free AUDIO Minimal Kids: Hane & Lore Techno night 11pm £5/ free

BEACHIGOGO BAR Good Times Remember them? Maybe the feel-good retro tunes will jog your memory (in the White Room) 9pm £free; The R&B Lounge R&B DJs (in the Main Room) 11pm £6/5 BELUSHI’S BAR Unplugged: Rocket Dogs, DJ Sleeps Live acoustic duo 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Synergy Industrial goth and electro night 9pm £5/2

BLACK DOVE The Chop Sauce DJ plays Caribbean rhythms and jump-jazz cuts 8pm £free BLACK LION Burnt Toast DJs play sleazy soul and dirty breaks 9pm £free BLIND TIGER Stay Sick!: King Salami & The Cumberland 3, The Stompin’ Riff Raffs, Surfgaragerocknroll DJs Bands and DJs play garage, punk and rock&roll 9pm £3/free BRIGHTON BALLROOM Pop Kraft Pop tunes and cheeky cabaret with Boogaloo Stu and crew 7pm £6 BRUNSWICK Mark Edward’s Charity Jazz Roar Up: Ben Castle, Renato D’aiello, Ben Sarfas Jazz fundraiser 8pm £10 CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Replica Goth and industrial night 9pm £free

COALITION Rewind: Cutmaster Swift, Fidel Cutstro, Nomark, Tom Yum Old school hip hop night with the DMC champion 11pm £5; Blow: Vince Manganaro, Charly Lopez, Charles Green The party never stops 3am £5 CONCORDE2 Beat Dimension: Modeselektor, Duff Disco, Klic, Manni D, Nightmoves DJs New genre-bending electronic music night launches with a full-on experimental audio visual show from the Berlin-based duo 11pm £15 DIGITAL Hospitality: Camo & Krooked, NU:TONE, Fred V & Grafix, Stanza/Callous, MC Wrec, MC Messy, MC Visionobi Premier drum&bass night 10pm £13.50 DOCTOR BRIGHTON’S Sexy Saturday: DJ Tony B 9.30pm £free

DOME Dome Discovery Tour Explore the historic venue’s backstage areas 11am £8.50; The Floating Palace: Robyn Hitchcock, Martin Carthy, Abigail Washburn, KT Tunstall, Eliza Carthy, Howe Gelb Mass collaboration between folk musicians and singer songwriters 8pm £22/15 DRUID’S ARMS DJ Green Man’s Garden of Delights A mixed bag of soul, psychedelia, funk, folk and pop 10pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA UP 2D 11am £tbc; Götterdämmerung: Met. Opera 5pm £tbc EASY BAR Fam Daniels, Legs MC, Lucky Hip hop floor fillers 8pm £free

FIDDLER’S ELBOW Molly Malone’s Dex In The City DJ night 9pm £free FISHBOWL What’s Wrong With Groovin’?: Ed Meme, Matt Beatwell Two DJs set out to answer the age-old question with a stack of drum-driven funk and soul 9pm £free FORTUNE OF WAR Deckchairs: Flevans DJ night 8pm £free

FREEMASONS Aran Reynolds & Ollie Sturdy Classic and funky house DJs 8.30pm £free FUNKYFISH The Funkyfish Club Soul, funk, jazz and Motown 10pm £6/3.50 GLADSTONE Jam Nights Live music 8pm £free GLOBE Alphabet City Disco DJs 9pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Outfit Guitar pop outfit called Outfit 7.30pm £tbc; Pop Not Pop: Eddie The Goatboy, Matatatat, Dynamite Sal, DJ Halfbeat Mixed up pop music party mayhem from Dynamite Sal and crew 11pm £free HAUNT Young Guns, Polar Alt rock band who enjoyed the dubious honour of supporting Bon Jovi 7pm £10 HONEY Smartie Partie: KKlass, Krispee, Tom Maverick, Miss Kelly MD, Squiz, Ben G Anthemic sounds from the promised land of Ibiza 11pm £8/5 HOPE Holly Throsby, Tiny Ruins, Jordan Ireland Singer songwriter backed by found-sound multi-instrumentalist (upstairs) 8pm £tbc

HOVE MUSEUM Robot Animation Workshops Hands-on robot making day for kids - design a robot character, animate it and screen the results 10.30am/1.30pm £free HOVE PARK UPPER SCHOOL Bright Sparks: Brighton Science Festival Science games for kids and parents 10am £6/4

HYDRANT Pritchard Vs Dainton (Dirty Sanchez), The Junk, Asbo Retards Live music 8pm £12.50; DJ Pritchard Vs Dainton Afterparty Midnight £2 JAZZ PLACE Night At The Jazz Rooms Legendary Brighton club returns to its old home for a night of heavy funk, soul, Afro and dance, etc 9pm £5/4 KOMEDIA Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 7pm/8pm/10.30pm £15-20; Funny Women Comedy, by females 8pm £10/8; ipop! Like an iPod full of party anthems on perpetual shuffle 11pm £3/free; Life’s A Gas Club night mixing glam, punk and bubblegum power pop 11pm £5 LOFT Big Love Inn: Seamus Haji, Chamboché, Affy & Ali, Pablo Contraband Disco club raising funds for the local homeless charity, Clocktower Sanctuary 10pm £7/5 LOLA LO Viva Lola Vegas!: Valentines In Sin City Dress up night with a Vegas valentines theme 8pm £10/7/6 LONDON UNITY Live Poets Society Poetry slam 8.30pm £free

MARLBOROUGH Luck Me Up Pop party with DJ Dame Amy

9pm £free

MARLBOROUGH THEATRE Valentine Massac Her Lesbian wedding murder mystery party 7pm £20 MESMERIST Juke Joint Jamboree Rhythm & blues and rock&roll records from the days of the dance halls 9pm £free MUCKY DUCK DJ Juan Corbi Hip hop, funk and beats 9pm £free

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE Lorraine Bowen’s Comfort Zone: Lorraine Bowen, Mick Jackson, Kate Sullivan, Charlotte Glasson. Interactive musical performance exploring what makes us truly comfortable 8pm £9/7 NORTHERN LIGHTS Young Livers Indie and punk DJ 9pm £free

OCEANA Sound Of Saturday Disco club for West Street’s finest 10.30pm £10/free PRESTON MANOR Spooky Storytelling Freaky but familyfriendly fables of fiendish fear 7pm £6/4/3 RIKI TIK Mile Wide Smile Club: Phil Asher, Mickey Duke, Chri5tian Housey dance DJs 9pm £free RODHUS STUDIOS Soldering is Easy!: Brighton Science Festival Make your own Drawdio synthesizer pencil with the BuildBrighton Electronics Workshop 11am/3pm £10 STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Jake Mackay, Luke Hyttner, Stuart Lee, Rotait, Alfie Bernardi Americana singer launches EP 7pm £3; Unhooked Generation Retro club night with an ear for 60s Motown and northern soul 11pm £5/4 THEATRE ROYAL The Nutcracker: Moscow City Ballet Tchaikovsky’s fairy-tale ballet about a young girl who develops a serious allergy after eating an experimental almond-flavoured Ryvita 2.30pm/7.45pm £19-36 THOMAS KEMP DJ Spindo 9pm £free VOLKS Resonance In the basement of the garage is a jungle of beats Time tbc £tbc WEST HILL HALL Riots Not Diets Valentines Ball: Halo Halo, Town Bike, Homosexual Death Drive, Bellies A film screening and live bands in an old community hall is probably the ideal setting for a lo-fi indie kid romance 6pm £6 WEST HILL TAVERN Tonight We Fly Epic melodrama and literate indie pop 9pm £free WHITE RABBIT The Mixer Men DJ night 8pm £free

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/LISTINGS MOBILE COMPATIBLE ONLINE LISTINGS

SUNDAY 12TH

BELL PUB Soul Casserole A melting pot of hot funk beats and soul grooves 2pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Now That’s What I Call A Party In this instance, it’s okay to judge a book by its cover 9pm £free BLACK LION Live & Swingin’ Lion Live gypsy jazz, swing and blues 9pm £free BLIND TIGER How To Be Magic!: Brighton Science Festival Learn tricks from top magicians 5.30pm £5/3; Behind the Illusion - The Science of Magic: Brighton Science Festival Discover the science behind the world’s greatest illusions - with workshops and late night cabaret 9pm £8 BRIGHTON CENTRE Brighton Records & CD Fair For those who still savor the thrill of the chase 9.30pm £2 BRUNSWICK Ukulele Jam It tastes sweet but a little woody 3pm £free; Lianne Carroll Live jazz from the award-winning pianist and singer 8pm £15 CONCORDE2 Alesana, We Came As Romans, iwrestledabearonce, Glamour Of The Kill American rockers on a co-headline tour of Europe 7pm £12 DOME Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Barry Wordsworth conducts a concert of Spanish classical music 2.45pm £9-32 DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA The Dark Crystal 5pm £tbc EASY BAR Reggae And Roast Noon £free FIDDLER’S ELBOW Sham-Rock Open Mic 8.30pm £free FISHBOWL Recovery?: Asbest, Sinner DJs play rare reggae and soul records 9pm £free FOOD FOR FRIENDS Miss Mandy Jazz Duo Soulful jazz duo Time tbc £tbc GLOBE Rockoustic Open Mic 8pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Sunday Service Live music 5pm £free; Green Door Blues Blues band and DJs 10pm £free HAMPTON ARMS Acoustic Sessions Live music 5pm £free HAUNT Devil Wears Prada American metalcore band Time tbc £tbc

HONEY Sundays At The Honey If your house was this sexy you’d get a lot of carpet burns 11pm £3/2/free HOVE PARK UPPER SCHOOL White Heat: Brighton Science Festival Science games for kids and parents 10am £6/4

HYDRANT Circle Of Rage, Subservience Loud and political hardcore (upstairs) 7.30pm £2; Our Time Down Here, Living Daylights Live music 8pm £3; Steve Hackett The guitarist who left Genesis in 1977 because he couldn’t hackett 7pm £20; Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £5-11.50 LATEST MUSIC BAR Robot Woman Of The Future: Brighton Science Festival Comedy, science and shadow puppets with radio comic Helen Keen 8pm £5 NEPTUNE The Porchlight Smoker Folk and bluegrass band 8.30pm £free

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE Lorraine Bowen’s Comfort Zone: Lorraine Bowen, Mick Jackson, Kate Sullivan, Charlotte Glasson. Interactive musical performance exploring what makes us truly comfortable 8pm £9/7 PRESTONVILLE ARMS General Knowledge Quiz 9pm £1 PRINCE ALBERT Ian Nagoski, The Family Elan, Embla Quickbeam Live music Time tbc £4 RANELAGH Simon Sparrow Blues rock guitarist 8.30pm £free

THEATRE ROYAL The Nutcracker: Moscow City Ballet Tchaikovsky’s fairy-tale ballet about a young girl who develops a serious allergy after eating an experimental almond-flavoured Ryvita 2.30pm £19-36 VICTORY :KINEMA: DJ set of 80s classics from the Brighton pop band’s singer 9pm £free WHITE RABBIT Hush Hush Live acoustic music 8pm £free

MONDAY 13TH

ANCIENT MARINER Quiz Night 8pm £1 BEE’S MOUTH The Bee’s Mouth Jazz Forum Jazz jam with a house band 8.30pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Pump Up The 90s 9pm £free BLACK DOVE The Bell Jar MP3 Club Reinventing the record club 8.30pm £tbc BLIND TIGER Knockout! Student night where you control the music - until the crowd votes you off 8pm £1/free BRUNSWICK Open Mic 8.30pm £free COALITION Trash Monday Filthy tunes for students and layabouts alike 10.30pm £5/3/free DRUID’S ARMS Quizageddon! The only pub quiz to have a Lionel Richie award 8pm £1 DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Martha Marcy May Marlene 4pm/9pm £tbc

GREEN DOOR STORE Be Nothing: High Places Dark and ambient electronica from the US duo 7.30pm £8/7 HED KANDI Oosh Commercial house, electro remixes and indie bootlegs 11pm £tbc HYDRANT Playmakers Live music 8pm £free LATEST MUSIC BAR Monkey Butlers And Voices Of The Dead: Brighton Science Festival Arcane science, banter and live music with Professor Elemental and Sarah Angliss 8pm £5 LOLA LO Fat Pops Valentines Love-In Treat your sweetheart to a special night out at a student indie club 9pm £3 LONDON UNITY Texas Hold Em Poker night for serious players 8pm £tbc MARLBOROUGH Dames Games Quiz night 8.30pm £1 MESMERIST Stroll On Mondays 60s and 70s night with DJs and film projections 8.30pm £free NEPTUNE Folk, Rock, Blues & Poetry Session 8.30pm £free

OCEANA Vodka Rocks Cheesy club night apparently named after a drinks promotion 10.30pm £3/2/free PRINCE ALBERT Benjamin Folke Thomas, Trent Miller Live music 8pm £6 STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR IOU Comedy: Simon Evans, Horse & Louis, Max Dickins, Dan Wright, Laurie Rowan, Mike Cox, Michael Fabbri Stand-up comedy night 8pm £4 THEATRE ROYAL Fireman Sam - Pontypandy Rocks Kids’ stage show in which Sam and his friends debate whether to

PAGE 49

strike over government cuts to emergency services - then they go rescue a dog who fell into a pond 1pm £12.50-17.50 THOMAS KEMP Quiz Night 8pm £1 VOLKS Strictly Reggae Dancehall, roots, revival 11pm £5/4.50

TUESDAY 14TH

AUDIO Guerilla Rocks Club night for rock chicks, skater bois and indie kids 11pm £3/2/1 BELUSHI’S BAR Pump Up The 80s 9pm £free BLACK LION Hit The Decks Open decks spin off (book a slot online) 9pm £free BRUNSWICK Jazz Jam Open sessions with a house band 8pm £free

COALITION Full Volume If your bass was this filthy you’d have to take it back to the fishmongers 10.30pm £2-5 CONCORDE2 Sir John Holt, The Rough Cut Band Jamaican singer and hit-maker who fronted The Paragons 7pm £22.50

CORN EXCHANGE Valentine’s Ball: Berkeley Square Society Band Relive the age of ballroom dancing with a tenpiece band 8pm £14 DIGITAL CU Next Tuesday It’ll teach the universities to timetable lectures for Wednesday mornings 11pm £4/3 DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Romantics Anonymous Film launch with chocolate tasting 11am £tbc; Martha Marcy May Marlene 4pm/9pm £tbc EASY BAR Mac The Back Presents Live comedy 8pm £free FIDDLER’S ELBOW QUIZness Time Are you a pub quiz whizz, or bit of a half-wit? 8pm £1 GLOBE Basement Cinema Underground films, comfy seats and free popcorn 8pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Irongiant US metal band 7.30pm £tbc; Hard Times They can take our disposable income, but they’ll never take our nowave disco! 11pm £free HAUNT Alestorm, Claim The Throne Heavy metal pirates with only one thing on their mind: wenches and mead Time tbc £tbc HED KANDI SUBTRKT Dance music night 11pm £3 HONEY Latin Fever: DJ Aaron George, Gabriel Angel, Yersin Rivas Dance lessons followed by a tropically vibed salsa club 8pm/10pm £3/1/free HOVE MUSEUM Robot Challenge! Hands-on robot making day for kids - build and decorate a robot then see how it does in a race around a giant maze 10.30am/1.30pm £free IRON DUKE Speed Dating If speed dating doesn’t work for you, try moving onto harder drugs Time tbc £5 JIVE MONKEY Valentines At The Jive Monkey Impress your sweetheart with music, style and fancy chocolate Time tbc £free KOMEDIA Valentines Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £12.50 LATEST MUSIC BAR Pocket Science Funfair: Brighton Science Festival An incredible Machine and incredible talks from Richard Robinson 11am £5/3 LECONFIELD Quiz Night 9pm £1 LOLA LO Dirtee Laundry Valentine’s Day Party Treat your sweetheart to a special night out at a student indie club 10pm £6/4/2

LONDON UNITY Fun Pub Quiz Have your brain drained by a drag queen 8.30pm £1 LORD NELSON Pub Quiz Quiz me, Hardy! 8.45pm £1 MESMERIST The Mesmerist Conjurers Consortium It could be a magical night 7.30pm £free OPEN HOUSE Jazz Work Shop Throw away those jazz mags and try out your trumpet in public 8pm £tbc PRESTONVILLE ARMS Entertainment Quiz 9pm £1 RED LION Challenging General Knowledge & Music Quiz 8pm £1

THOMAS KEMP Poker Evening 8pm £free

WEDNESDAY 15TH

ABOVE AUDIO Doctor’s Orders Sick hip hop Time tbc £free AUDIO Supercharged: Feed Me Drum&bass and breaks 11pm £tbc

BEE’S MOUTH Open Mic 8.30pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Now That’s What I Call A Party In this instance, it’s okay to judge a book by its cover 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Detention 8pm £free BLACK LION Fresh Acoustics Live music 8.30pm £free BOOTH MUSEUM Dinosaur Disaster: Brighton Science Festival Child-friendly talk about the world of dinosaurs 10.30am/ noon/2pm £free

CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Funny HaHa: Andi Osho, David James, Joe Foster, Sam Savage, Julie Jepson Standup comedy night 8pm £5 COALITION CoCo LoCo Commercial chart music for students 10.30pm £5/3/2 CONCORDE2 Ben Howard Acoustic singer songwriter with folk leanings (this show has now sold out) 7.30pm £13 COWLEY CLUB The Infernal Salon 8pm £3 DIGITAL Poundance Like a coin operated dancefloor 11pm £4/3/1

DOME Anton & Erin - Let’s Do It Glitzy ballroom dance show with a live orchestra 3pm/7.30pm £24.50-36.50 DRUID’S ARMS We Change The Tempo DJ set of international sounds 9pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Martha Marcy May Marlene 11am/4pm/9pm £tbc

FISHBOWL Tea & Biscuits: DJ Gareth Stephens Retro swing, soul and ska 10pm £free GLOBE Global Bass: DJ Ted Lauren Dub, digi and dancehall 9pm £free

GRAND CENTRAL Film Night Time tbc £tbc GREEN DOOR STORE Real Music Club: The Space Agency, The Plastic Sturgeons Psychedelic bands on an epic space funk journey 7.30pm £6/5; The Jazz Store Live jazz with an open jam 11pm £free HOPE Crap: Sanity Valve, MC Cashback, Dave Waller as Leonard Neon-themed comedy rap 7.30pm £4 HYDRANT Boy In The Cupboard: Depth Charge Wry and blackly humorous songwriting from indie folk trio 8pm £free

PAGE 50

IRON DUKE The ID Weekly General Knowledge Quiz 8.30pm £1

JUBILEE LIBRARY In The Beginning - In The End: Brighton Science Festival Storytelling event for kids looking at creation myths and destruction myths 2.30pm £free KOMEDIA Michael Kiwanuka Soul singer with a vintage vibe 7pm £9; Vieux Farka Toure Desert blues trio 7.30pm £15 LATEST MUSIC BAR Science Show Off: Brighton Science Festival Open mic where anything goes - as long as it’s objectively verifiable and peer reviewed 8pm £5/free LONDON UNITY Open Mic Night Open session hosted by Pemma Ashdown 8.30pm £free MASH TUN Tin Cup Collective Live funk soul band 9pm

£free

MESMERIST The Swing Ninjas Gypsy swing band 9pm £free

OCEANA Fuzzy Logic Dance and dubstep student night 10.30pm £3.50-5

PRINCE ALBERT Brother & Bones, Royal Blood Live music

8pm £6

RANELAGH Birdeatsbaby, Annaca Gothic orchestral cabaret band launch their debut album 8.30pm £free RIKI TIK Keep On Keepin’ On DJs play rock&roll, northern soul and Motown 9pm £free THEATRE ROYAL Omid Djalili - Tour Of Duty Stand-up comic who is either begrudgingly fulfilling his gigging commitments or is seriously addicted to WW2 shooting games - perhaps the latter explains the former 8pm £23 THOMAS KEMP Kev & Jenna’s Open Mic 8.30pm £free THREE & TEN Cruelty And Romance A double bill of new theatre works - Stark Tree presents Enigma by Floyd Dell, while Spun Glass Theatre presents Hang Up by Anthony Minghella (upstairs) 8pm £8/6 VOLKS Switch Up Drum&bass, electro and dubstep night Time tbc £tbc

THURSDAY 16TH

AUDIO Bastard Pop Musical mash-up 11pm £2/free BEE’S MOUTH Jason Henson Trio Gypsy jazz 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Karaoke 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Fallout Live Live indie bands 10pm £3/2

BLACK LION Yo Yo Retro New DJ night playing 60s garage and psyche 8.30pm £free BLIND TIGER Dub Organiser Jam session with a dub reggae band 8pm £3 BOOTH MUSEUM Dinosaur Disaster: Brighton Science Festival Child-friendly talk about the world of dinosaurs 10.30am/ Noon/2pm £free

BRUNSWICK George Williams, Morning Town, Greg Hall Live music 8pm £tbc COALITION Secret Discotheque: Rock & Roll Special Replaying the soundtrack to your youth 11pm £4/3/2 DRUID’S ARMS Main Ingredients Live Showcase Live bands play funk and soul Time tbc £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Martha Marcy May Marlene

THREE & TEN Cruelty And Romance A double bill of new theatre works - Stark Tree presents Enigma by Floyd Dell, while Spun Glass Theatre presents Hang Up by Anthony Minghella (upstairs) 8pm £8/6 VOLKS Dreadbeat Deep roots, dub and dancehall 10pm £3 WHITE RABBIT The Move-Ons Open Mic 8pm £free

FRIDAY 17TH

ABOVE AUDIO Don’t Panic - Rise Above Live art and DJs 10pm £free

AUDIO Motel: Maya Jane Coles Tech house 11pm £tbc BELUSHI’S BAR Muy Loco Pop and house DJs with a dancing contest 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Abandoned Rock and metal night 10pm £3/2

BLACK LION Stop Go!: The Planet Groove Collective, DJ Lanx, DJ Dave Stone “Unbeatable beats” 8.30pm £free BLIND TIGER Forestears EP launch for indie ska band 7pm £3; Discoism!: DJ Deniable Disco New night playing tropical sounds, Nigerian funk and plenty disco 10pm £free BRIGHTON BALLROOM Friday Night Speakeasy “Roll up!

Roll up!” Indoor circus with fire-breathing beauties, ring leaders and roaring lions – followed by a club night 10.30pm £5 BRUNSWICK Mountain Fireworks Company Country blues with an undertow of heartbreak 8pm £tbc CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Distortion Rock and metal DJs 8pm £free COALITION Friday I’m In Love No more lectures for a day or two 11pm £1-5 CONCORDE2 Asian Dub Foundation Sound System 11pm £10/8

DIGITAL Stonelove Indie rock&roll club 11pm £4/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTON’S Funky Friday: DJ Nick Hirst, DJ Wayne 9.30pm £free DOME Reginald D Hunter: Sometimes Even The Devil Tells The Truth Stand-up comedy 8pm £20/18 DRUID’S ARMS Hot Pepper Sauce DJ I.D.G. plays old school funk, soul and house 10pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA A Dangerous Method 4pm/9pm £tbc; The Day the Earth Caught Fire: Brighton Science Festival British reporters suspect an international coverup of a global disaster in progress - and they’re right 11.15pm £7-13

EASY BAR DJ Rudeben R&B, hip hop and reggae 8pm £free FISHBOWL The Mixer Men Reggae and hip hop DJ mash-up 9pm £free

FORTUNE OF WAR Fever Latin, salsa and reggae DJs 8pm £free

FREEMASONS ALTA Proper underground house music with DJs Jeff Daniels, Danny Williams and Sumsuch on rotation 9pm £free

FUNKYFISH The Funkyfish Club Soul, funk, jazz and Motown 10pm £6/3.50 GLADSTONE Catch A Groove Funk, soul and Motown 8.30pm £free

4pm/9pm £tbc

GLOBE Electro Swing Rum Friday 8pm £free GRAND CENTRAL Dad’s Old Vinyl DJs play retro records

£free

GREEN DOOR STORE Dead Cars, TheEvilSon, Soulmates Never Die Experimental pop geeks preview new tracks from their upcoming release 7.30pm £4/3; Sub Bop Down and dirty grunge night with added shoegaze 11pm £free HAMPTON ARMS DJ Night From pub rock to disco fever

FIDDLER’S ELBOW Live Lounge Live music 8.30pm £free FISHBOWL Residents Association: DJ Will Sumsuch DJs play hip hop, funk and world beats 10.30pm £free GLADSTONE Student Mashup Funk and electro 8pm £free GLOBE Hang The DJ! A night of punter-picked playlists 9pm GREAT EASTERN Tracy Jane Sullivan Acoustic rock and soul soloist Time tbc £free HAUNT Grouplove US alt rockers 7.30pm £8 HED KANDI Made 11pm £3 HONEY Exposed!: Willerby, Squiz, Dan Creasy Club night playing electro, dubstep and chart nonsense 11pm £3/2 HOPE Kabeedies, Alloy Ark Spiky energetic indie band, about to head off on a tour of Europe 8pm £4 HYDRANT Hybrid Myth Live music 8pm £free KOMEDIA Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £518

LATEST MUSIC BAR Bright Club - Bodies: Brighton Science Festival Comedy and music exploring the human body - not necessarily yours 7.30pm £5 LOLA LO Kitsch Commercial but quirky club night 9pm £5/3 MASH TUN They Mostly Come Out At Night Indie, electro and hip hop 9pm £free MESMERIST Hollerin Stollar & The Pine Box Boys Hillbilly rockers 9pm £free MUCKY DUCK Open Mic Jam session with Joe Newman 8pm £free

OCEANA Pound Party R&B and disco tunes from the bargain bin 10.30pm £3/free OLD MARKET Simon Munnery: Hats Off To The 101ers And Other Material Brand new show from the comedy eccentric, this time taking the form of a one-man punk musical about a 1930s airship Time tbc £tbc PAVILION THEATRE Foxes!: SOURCE New Music Brighton’s best bands chosen by Brighton’s best listings mag this time round it’s the quirky and catchy indie pop band, Foxes!

7.30pm £4

PHOENIX GALLERY Brown Site, Green Site See the city bloom as you create an urban paradise in a box 11am £free PRINCE ALBERT Boy Cried Wolf, Bat Country, LL Cosmonaut Live music 8.30pm £4/3 RANELAGH Americana Night Live country music 8.30pm £free

RIKI TIK Sizzurp: Lil Wayne, Tyler, Gucci Mane Swaggy hip hop with added crunk 9pm £free ST JAMES’ TAVERN Stay Sick, Turn Blue DJs play vintage soul, jazz and blues 8.30pm £free STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Catholic Discipline Noise rock, disco pop and acid folk from the Superheroes of BMX 8pm £free

THEATRE ROYAL Beyond The Barricade Extracts from classic musicals such as Miss Saigon and Les Miserables - as well as extracts from We Will Rock You 7.30pm £18.50-22.50 THOMAS KEMP Mike “Rock‘N’folkin’ Roll” Live music 9pm £free

Time tbc £tbc

8pm £free

HAUNT Lights Live music 7pm £10 HED KANDI Vanity House and electro club 10pm £4 HONEY Lollipop ‘Pink Fridays’ Get your fingers sticky to R&B and pop treats 11pm £5/4/3 HOPE Seero, Dead Empire, Loose Lips Progressive pop rock 7.30pm £5

HOPE Strychnine Nights Holy Vessels on the decks (downstairs) 9pm £free HYDRANT Kunt And The Gang, Skurvi, MC Cashback Subtly witty punk band with songs called things like ‘Wank Fantasy’ and ‘I’m Gonna Lick You Out’ 8pm £5 JIVE MONKEY Anti Valentines - Singles Night Rock & roll and rockabilly dress-up bash Time tbc £tbc KOMEDIA Big Boy Bloater Bluesy guitarist and singer 7.30pm £12.50; Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £11.50-14.50; Born Bad Vintage rockabilly for pompadour cats and polka dot kittens 11pm £6/5 LATEST MUSIC BAR Sirens A glamorous cabaret of music, burlesque and pole-assisted dancing 8pm £5 LOLA LO Tiki Beats Totally tropical tunes 8pm £5/4/3 LONDON UNITY Kings Muse Live jazz and soul band 8.30pm £free

MARLBOROUGH Q&A Queer and alternative tunes 9pm £free

MESMERIST Shake, Holla & Roll Vintage blues, swing and rock&roll 9pm £free NEPTUNE The Diablos Country rock 8.30pm £free NIGHTINGALE THEATRE His Spread Legs A young man talks about love and loss in this poetic and political bedtime story 8pm £tbc

NORTHERN LIGHTS Bitter Disko DJ plays mutant funk, post punk and John Peel favourites 8pm £free OCEANA Escape With seven themed rooms you should find one you like 10.30pm £6/free PRINCE ALBERT They Might Swim, Oliver Eaves, The Jipsy Switch Live music 8pm £4 RANELAGH Bad Bad Whiskey Rockabilly trio 8.30pm £free RIKI TIK Kung Fu Hard hitting hip hop and house night 9pm £free

STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR The Outer Church Live music 7.30pm £5

THOMAS KEMP DJ Lamp 9pm £free THREE & TEN Cruelty And Romance A double bill of new theatre works - Stark Tree presents Enigma by Floyd Dell, while Spun Glass Theatre presents Hang Up by Anthony Minghella (upstairs) 8pm £8/6 VICTORY Open Mic 8pm £free VOLKS Propergander Drum&bass and jungle all-nighter Time

MOBILE COMPATIBLE ONLINE LISTINGS WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/LISTINGS

tbc £tbc

WHITE RABBIT WTF? Brighton Wonky electro and synth pop nonsense 8pm £free

SATURDAY 18TH

ANCIENT MARINER The Acoustic Sessions: The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers Acoustic rock and blues 8pm £free

AUDIO Warehouse: Severino House and techno club night 11pm £5/free

BEACHIGOGO BAR Good Times Remember them? Maybe the feel-good retro tunes will jog your memory (in the White Room) 9pm £free; The R&B Lounge R&B DJs (in the Main Room) 11pm £6/5 BELUSHI’S BAR Unplugged: Rocket Dogs, DJ Sleeps Live acoustic duo 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW RAWK-IT Nu metal and classic rock 9pm £5/2

BLACK LION Burnt Toast DJs play sleazy soul and dirty breaks 9pm £free BLIND TIGER The Chewy Gummy Physics Fete!: Brighton Science Festival Vegetable carving, edible balloons and a jelly baby wave machine - it’s supposed to be for kids but let’s see if it turns out that way 10am £2/1; Dutty Moonshine The dirtiest electro swing known to man 8pm £4/free BRIGHTON BALLROOM Viva Las Vegas Fancy dress and cabaret night with showgirls and Elvis impersonators 10.30pm £8 BRUNSWICK The Lost Highway Live Americana and blues music 8pm £5 CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Cazza Karaoke 8.30pm £free

COALITION Old Yellow Bricks: DJ Monty, DJ Charles Green, Shmooze, Skank R&B, house and funky soul club 11pm £7/5; Blow: Vince Manganaro, Charly Lopez, Charles Green The party never stops 3am £5 CONCORDE2 The Kings Of The Jungle: Serial Killaz, Micky Finn, Nicky Blackmarket, Bryan Gee, Ragga Twins, Junglizm Cru, Mr Natural, The Lunarcy Soundsystem, Unity Hi-Fi, Scratchmaster Techno It’s like a jungle in there 11pm £8 DIGITAL The Big Pink, 2:54, Two Jackals Electro rock duo 7pm £10.50; Blah Blah Blah: Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, The 2 Bears, Blah Blah Blah DJs Straight-up dance music, in the best possible sense 11pm £8 DOCTOR BRIGHTON’S Sexy Saturday: DJ Tony B 9.30pm £free

DOME London Philharmonic Orchestra Music by Rachmaninoff and Kreisler 7.30pm £10-32.50 DOME FOUNDERS ROOM Children’s Storytelling Playwright, Dvora Liberman, entertains the kids with interactive tales 10am £free DRUID’S ARMS Nice Weather For Air Strikes: Brontide, Deer Ray, A Hundred Black Kytes Local label indie showcase 7.30pm £free

DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA A Dangerous Method 4pm/9pm £tbc

EASY BAR Fam Daniels, Legs MC, Lucky Hip hop floor fillers 8pm £free

FIDDLER’S ELBOW Beans On Toast Bits of funk and blues swimming in a reggae sauce 9pm £free FISHBOWL DJ Åbo & Ally Jazz Room DJs play dirty funk and hot jazz 9pm £free FORTUNE OF WAR Deckchairs: FIP DJs DJ night 8pm £free

FREEMASONS Aran Reynolds & Ollie Sturdy Classic and funky house DJs 8.30pm £free FUNKYFISH The Funkyfish Club Soul, funk, jazz and Motown 10pm £6/3.50 GLADSTONE Jam Nights Live music 8pm £free GLOBE Silent Disco DJ Battle Soul and Motown versus bashment house and electro 9pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Underground Railroad Live music 7.30pm £tbc; Da Doo Ron Ron Club night with a obsession for girlgroups and soul sirens 11pm £free HONEY Pukka Up: Scott Giles, Ed Moore, Tom Maverick, Squiz, Ben G If your house was this pukka you’d never run out of pies 11pm £8/5 HOPE Screama Ballerina, Nightworkers Feisty rock&roll 8pm £4

HOVE MUSEUM Robot Animation Workshops Hands-on robot making day for kids - design a robot character, animate it and screen the results 10.30am/1.30pm £free HYDRANT End Of Time Quartet, The Program Initiative Live music 8pm £tbc IRON DUKE Resident DJs 9pm £free JAZZ PLACE Night At The Jazz Rooms Legendary Brighton club returns to its old home for a night of heavy funk, soul, Afro and dance, etc 9pm £5/4 JIVE MONKEY Free Jazz It’s unclear if the ‘free’ in the title refers to the price or to the crazy atonal music heard within 10pm £free

KOMEDIA Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 7pm/8pm/10.30pm £15-20; Spellbound “An 80s night for people who hate 80s nights” - Simon Price plays the alternative highlights of the decade 9pm £6/5; ipop! Like an iPod full of party anthems on perpetual shuffle 11pm £3/free LATEST MUSIC BAR What Can Possibly Go Wrong?: Brighton Science Festival Learn how to avert ecological disasters with Jonathan Hares’ famous windmill workshop 10am £5/3

LOFT Crazy Turtle Club Dress up and dance to proper oldtime swing and jive 9pm £8/6 LOLA LO Zombie Nation Where the dancefloor is never dead 8pm £10/7/6

MARLBOROUGH Luck Me Up Pop party with DJ Dame Amy 9pm £free

MARLBOROUGH THEATRE The Steampunk Hidden Nautilus Neo Victorian cabaret with live music, performance art and special guest Professor Elemental straddling both 8pm £7/6.50

MESMERIST Juke Joint Jamboree Rhythm & blues and rock&roll records from the days of the dance halls 9pm £free MUCKY DUCK Eclectic Chair: DJ Lamp Indie, reggae,

breaks and rock 9pm £free NEW VENTURE THEATRE The Permanent Way Play about the privatisation of the railways and the resultant crashes Time

4pm/9pm £tbc

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE His Spread Legs A young man talks about love and loss in this poetic and political bedtime story

7.30pm £8/6

tbc £tbc

FRIENDS MEETING HOUSE Rupert Sheldrake - The Science Delusion: Brighton Science Festival Examine the roots of your shallow beliefs in this Philosophy In Pubs discussion

8pm £tbc

GREEN DOOR STORE Ram’s Pocket Radio Exciting new Northern Ireland band, named after a German industrial designer

£free

HED KANDI Oosh Commercial house, electro remixes and indie bootlegs 11pm £tbc HYDRANT Rio Bravo Promotions Live music 8pm £free LOLA LO Fat Poppadaddys Student indie night 9pm £3 LONDON UNITY Texas Hold Em Poker night for serious players 8pm £tbc MARLBOROUGH Dames Games Quiz night 8.30pm £1 MESMERIST Stroll On Mondays 60s and 70s night with DJs and film projections 8.30pm £free NEW VENTURE THEATRE The Permanent Way Play about the privatisation of the railways and the resultant crashes Time

OCEANA Sound Of Saturday Disco club for West Street’s finest 10.30pm £10/free OFFICE Hot-Tip Hi-Fi DJ with a fine collection of vintage reggae and rocksteady records 8pm £free PHOENIX GALLERY Broken Ground Symposium - How Do We experience The City?: Brighton Science Festival Academic discussion event 10.30am £10 PRINCE ALBERT Deadbeat Decendant Stonesy rock&roll with a tongue in cheek slant 8.30pm £4 RIKI TIK In Motion: Loren Heer, Bryn Critchard, Jake Bibby, Filippo Blasi, Marcus Smith Funk, disco, house and soul 9pm RODHUS STUDIOS Arduino Coding With Protosnap: Brighton Science Festival Learn how to code on the Arduino microprocessor environment with BuildBrighton Electronics Workshop 11am £70/40 STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Back To The Future Retro tunes from before you were born 11pm £4/3 THOMAS KEMP DJ Bianca 9pm £free THREE & TEN Cruelty And Romance A double bill of new theatre works - Stark Tree presents Enigma by Floyd Dell, while Spun Glass Theatre presents Hang Up by Anthony Minghella (upstairs) 5pm £8/6 THREE & TEN Music Box - The Improvised Musical Comedy songs and stories plucked from the air (upstairs) 8pm £8/6

TUBE Hold Up! Long-running and much-loved indie night kept afloat by the influx of fresh-faced students 11pm £5 VOLKS Frequency: Optiv & Btk, High Maintenance, Mattix & Futile, D Double U, Deceit Drum&bass sessions 10pm £2 WHITE RABBIT The Mixer Men DJ night 8pm £free

SUNDAY 19TH

BEE’S MOUTH The Hive DJs wade through the sub genres of the 50s and 60s 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Now That’s What I Call A Party In this instance, it’s okay to judge a book by its cover 9pm £free BLACK LION Live & Swingin’ Lion Live gypsy jazz, swing and blues 9pm £free BLIND TIGER Make It!: Brighton Science Festival Have a pint while your kids get stuck into science-themed craft stuff like making dinosaurs out of towels. “That’s very impressive, darling.

Now make me a flammable inhalant using a piece of paper and the contents of this pouch...” 10am £2/1; Festival Of The Spoken Nerd!: Brighton Science Festival Talks by clever science people about stuff like how the universe works 8pm £8/4 BRUNSWICK Brighton Folk Monthly folk night 8pm £free CORN EXCHANGE Endellion Quartet Music by Haydn and Mendelssohn 11am £17.50/15 DOME Melissa Etheridge US singer songwriter 7pm £30 EASY BAR Reggae And Roast Noon £free FIDDLER’S ELBOW Sham-Rock Open Mic 8.30pm £free FISHBOWL Recovery?: Asbest, Sinner DJs play rare reggae and soul records 9pm £free FOOD FOR FRIENDS David Spivak Live acoustic duo Time tbc £tbc

GLOBE Rockoustic Open Mic 8pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Sunday Service Live music 5pm £free; Green Door Blues Blues band and DJs 10pm £free HAMPTON ARMS Acoustic Sessions Live music 5pm £free HONEY Sundays At The Honey If your house was this sexy you’d soon wear out the wallpaper 11pm £3/2/free KI CENTRE Contact Improvisation A dance form based on an awareness of one’s body and that of one’s partner, but not in a daggering sort of way 1pm £5 KOMEDIA Topp Twins Country music comedy duo 7.30pm £15; Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £5-11.50 LATEST MUSIC BAR Quabinet Of Quantum Quriosities: Brighton Science Festival Quantum science explained by a hypothetical cat in a box 10am £5/3; Kevin Montgomery World wonderin’ country rock&roll singer 8pm £14 NEPTUNE Mike The Mic & Friends Recession era jazz tunes 8.30pm £free

NEW VENTURE THEATRE The Permanent Way Play about the privatisation of the railways and the resultant crashes Time tbc £tbc

OPEN HOUSE Quiz Night Free jazz and avant garde improvisation 8pm £2 PRESTONVILLE ARMS General Knowledge Quiz 9pm £1 PRINCE ALBERT The Men, Hookworms, Sealings Live music 8.30pm £5 RANELAGH The Will Johns Band Blues rock 8.30pm £free THOMAS KEMP Jazz In The Afternoon: Miss Mandy Live jazz Time tbc £free; Tango Sessions 8pm £free VICTORY Teen Dream 60s garage and punk DJs 9pm £free WHITE RABBIT Hush Hush Live acoustic music 8pm £free

MONDAY 20TH

ANCIENT MARINER Quiz Night 8pm £1 BEE’S MOUTH The Bee’s Mouth Jazz Forum Jazz jam with a house band 8.30pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Pump Up The 90s 9pm £free BLACK DOVE The Bell Jar MP3 Club Reinventing the record club 8.30pm £tbc BLIND TIGER Knockout! Student night where you control the music - until the crowd votes you off 8pm £1/free BRIGHTON CENTRE The Wanted Whoever wants them can have them. We don’t mind, really 6.30pm £27.50/19.50 BRUNSWICK Brighton Stanza Poetry group 7.30pm £5 BRUNSWICK Open Mic 8.30pm £free COALITION Trash Monday Filthy tunes for students and layabouts alike 10.30pm £5/3/free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA A Dangerous Method

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/LISTINGS MOBILE COMPATIBLE ONLINE LISTINGS

7.30pm £tbc

tbc £tbc

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE US Puppeteers: Whitebox Collective Crime drama told with dance, fancy dress and toy soldiers 7.30pm £8.50/6.50 OCEANA Vodka Rocks Cheesy club night apparently named after a drinks promotion 10.30pm £3/2/free PRINCE ALBERT Glenn Jones, Simon Drinkwater Folk guitar genius 8pm £9/8 THEATRE ROYAL Star Quality Lisa Goddard stars in Noel Coward’s comedy drama 7.45pm £12-32 VOLKS Strictly Reggae Dancehall, roots, revival 11pm £5/4.50

TUESDAY 21ST

AUDIO Guerilla Rocks Club night for rock chicks, skater bois and indie kids 11pm £3/2/1 BEE’S MOUTH Roll ‘Dem Bones Blues, jazz and 60s tunes 8.30pm £free

BELUSHI’S BAR Pump Up The 80s 9pm £free BLACK LION Hit The Decks Open decks spin off (book a slot online) 9pm £free BRUNSWICK Jazz Jam Open sessions with a house band 8pm £free

CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Skeptics In The Pub Dr Matthew Pope discusses a lesser-known threat to the planet: global cooling 8pm £2 COALITION Full Volume If your bass was this filthy you’d have to take it back to the fishmongers 10.30pm £2-5 DIGITAL CU Next Tuesday It’ll teach the universities to timetable lectures for Wednesday mornings 11pm £4/3 DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA A Dangerous Method 4pm/9pm £tbc

FIDDLER’S ELBOW QUIZness Time Are you a pub quiz whizz, or bit of a half-wit? 8pm £1 GLOBE Basement Cinema Underground films, comfy seats and free popcorn 8pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Be Nothing: S.C.U.M. Atmospheric goth rockers back from their European rampage 7.30pm £7/6; Hard Times They can take our disposable income, but they’ll never take our nowave disco! 11pm £free HED KANDI SUBTRKT Dance music night 11pm £3 HONEY Latin Fever: DJ Aaron George, Gabriel Angel, Yersin Rivas Dance lessons followed by a tropically vibed salsa club 8pm/10pm £3/1/free HYDRANT In League, Mind Set A Threat, Some Will Be Saved Live music (upstairs) 7.30pm £5/4; My Extraordinary Live music 8pm £tbc LATEST MUSIC BAR Cafe Scientifique - Fone Fun: Brighton Science Festival The mobile phone has come a long way from merely being a status symbol for yuppies. This wonderful device is now a status symbol for everyone including young children. But how do they work? Find out in this circuitous science lecture 8pm £free LECONFIELD Quiz Night 9pm £1 LOLA LO Dirtee Laundry Student night 10pm £6/4/2 LONDON UNITY Fun Pub Quiz Have your brain drained by a drag queen 8.30pm £1 LORD NELSON Pub Quiz Quiz me, Hardy! 8.45pm £1 MESMERIST The Mesmerist Conjurers Consortium It could be a magical night 7.30pm £free NEW VENTURE THEATRE The Permanent Way Play about the privatisation of the railways and the resultant crashes Time tbc £tbc

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE US Puppeteers: Whitebox Collective Crime drama told with dance, fancy dress and toy soldiers 7.30pm £8.50/6.50 OPEN HOUSE Jazz Work Shop Throw away those jazz mags and try out your trumpet in public 8pm £tbc PRESTONVILLE ARMS Entertainment Quiz 9pm £1 PRINCE ALBERT Cable Club Live music 8.30pm £4 RED LION Challenging General Knowledge & Music Quiz 8pm £1

THEATRE ROYAL Star Quality Lisa Goddard stars in Noel Coward’s comedy drama 7.45pm £12-32 THOMAS KEMP Poker Evening 8pm £free THREE & TEN Pappy’s - Work in Progress Catch the sketch troupe’s new material before they head off on tour (upstairs) 8pm £8.50/6.50

WEDNESDAY 22ND

ABOVE AUDIO Doctor’s Orders Sick hip hop Time tbc £free AUDIO Supercharged: Dub Phizikz Drum&bass and breaks 11pm £tbc

BEE’S MOUTH Open Mic 8.30pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Now That’s What I Call A Party In this instance, it’s okay to judge a book by its cover 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Detention 8pm £free BLACK LION Open Mic Night Live music 8.30pm £free BLIND TIGER Lethal Quizzle Pub quiz with zany rounds 8pm £1

COALITION CoCo LoCo

Commercial chart music for

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students 10.30pm £5/3/2 DIGITAL Poundance Like a coin operated dancefloor 11pm

and hip hop 9pm £free MESMERIST John Crampton Foot-stomping blues explosion

DRUID’S ARMS We Change The Tempo DJ set of international sounds 9pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA A Dangerous Method

MUCKY DUCK Open Mic Jam session with Joe Newman

£4/3/1

11am/4pm/9pm £tbc

FISHBOWL Tea & Biscuits: DJ Gareth Stephens Retro swing, soul and ska 10pm £free GLOBE Global Bass: DJ Ted Lauren Dub, digi and dancehall 9pm £free

GRAND CENTRAL Film Night Time tbc £tbc GREEN DOOR STORE Bleeding Knees Club, Hockeysmith Indie punks from down under 7.30pm £6; The Jazz Store Live jazz with an open jam 11pm £free HYDRANT Graveyard Johnnys, The Devil Wrays, The Hell Cats Live music 8pm £5 IRON DUKE The ID Weekly General Knowledge Quiz 8.30pm £1

KOMEDIA An Audience With Mr Nice The wit and wisdom of a celebrity drug dealer 8pm £12/10 LATEST MUSIC BAR Cole Stacey, Joseph OKeefe, Ergo Schmidt Singer songwriters Time tbc £5/4 LONDON UNITY Open Mic Night Open session hosted by Pemma Ashdown 8.30pm £free MASH TUN Tin Cup Collective Live funk soul band 9pm £free

MESMERIST The Swing Ninjas Gypsy swing band 9pm £free

NEW VENTURE THEATRE The Permanent Way Play about the privatisation of the railways and the resultant crashes Time

tbc £tbc

NORTHERN LIGHTS Mystery Train Rockabilly DJ 9pm £free OCEANA Fuzzy Logic Dance and dubstep student night 10.30pm £3.50-5

PRINCE ALBERT The Wiyos Live music 8.30pm £12 RIKI TIK Keep On Keepin’ On DJs play rock&roll, northern soul and Motown 9pm £free SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE Simply Brilliant: Brighton Science Festival We celebrate a magic evening of inventions yours, ours and Trevor Baylis’s 7.30pm £7/5 STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Arcade Not Disco While you geek out playing retro video games try and act excited as if you hadn’t already exhausted the nostalgic possibilities by downloading an emulator and geeking out on your own for the last few weeks - there’s a reason you’re beating everyone else at Mario’s Troublesome Blockage, or whatever the fuck it’s called 8pm £free

THEATRE ROYAL Star Quality Lisa Goddard stars in Noel Coward’s comedy drama 7.45pm £12-32 THOMAS KEMP Kev & Jenna’s Open Mic 8.30pm £free THREE & TEN Pappy’s - Work in Progress Catch the sketch troupe’s new material before they head off on tour (upstairs) 8pm £8.50/6.50

VOLKS Switch Up Drum&bass, electro and dubstep night Time tbc £tbc

THURSDAY 23RD

AUDIO Bastard Pop Musical mash-up 11pm £2/free BEE’S MOUTH Mike Newsham Rocking and folky Americana 9pm £free

BELUSHI’S BAR Karaoke 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Fallout Live Live indie bands 10pm £3/2

BLACK LION The Lion’s Raw! Live bands 8.30pm £free BLIND TIGER Club Maassah World music club with live Afrobeat and Nigerian funk 8pm £9/free CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Steve Lake The frontman of 80s punk band Zounds plays an acoustic solo set 8pm £5 COALITION Secret Discotheque: Secret Discotheque 4th Birthday Replaying the soundtrack to your youth 11pm £4/3/2 CONCORDE2 INME Big riffs and mosh pits 7.30pm £12 DOME NME Awards Tour 2012: Two Door Cinema Club, Metronomy, Tribes, Azealia Banks These are the bands you have to like 7pm £19.50 DRUID’S ARMS Overhead Wires Local label live music showcase Time tbc £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA A Dangerous Method 4pm/9pm £tbc

FIDDLER’S ELBOW Live Lounge Live music 8.30pm £free FISHBOWL Mixer Men - 4 Deck Sessions Turntable mashups 10.30pm £free FORTUNE OF WAR Throw Some Shapes: Bullion The One Handed DJ 8pm £tbc FRIENDS MEETING HOUSE The Science Of Bees: Brighton Science Festival Find out more about the plight of the bumblebee 6.30pm £free GLADSTONE Student Mashup Funk and electro 8pm £free GLOBE Hang The DJ! A night of punter-picked playlists 9pm £free

GREAT EASTERN Danni Nicholls Country and bluegrass singer Time tbc £free GREEN DOOR STORE Narc Showcase Live music 7.30pm £tbc; Buddy Holly Night - Winter Dance Party 11pm £free HONEY Exposed!: Willerby, Squiz, Dan Creasy Club night playing electro, dubstep and chart nonsense 11pm £3/2 HOPE Communion: Kyla La Grange, Native Roses Live music (upstairs) 7.30pm £5 HYDRANT Heart In Hand, Dead And Divine Live music (upstairs) 19.30pm £tbc; Mcnazza Presents Live music 8pm £free

IRON DUKE ID Goes Acoustic Live music 8pm £free KOMEDIA Comic Boom: Iain Stirling Stand-up comedy 8pm

£9/7

KOMEDIA The Noise Next Door Comedy Lock-In Improv comedy troupe 8pm £10/8 LATEST MUSIC BAR Catalyst Club Guest speakers give a short talk about whatever their weird obsession is. This time they’ll be celebrating the lovelier things in life - computer games, hedgehogs and custard 8.30pm £5 LOLA LO Kitsch Commercial but quirky club night 9pm £5/3 MASH TUN They Mostly Come Out At Night Indie, electro

PAGE 52

9pm £free 8pm £free

NEW VENTURE THEATRE The Permanent Way Play about the privatisation of the railways and the resultant crashes Time tbc £tbc

NORTHERN LIGHTS Northern Darkness Nothing but the finest Nordic metal 9pm £free OCEANA Pound Party R&B and disco tunes from the bargain bin 10.30pm £3/free OLD MARKET John Peel’s Shed John Osbourne won a box of Peel’s records which took eight years to listen to and inspired this affectionate comic homage Time tbc £tbc PAVILION THEATRE A-LADD-IN Adult pantomime about a young boy who ventures into a dark wet cave and rubs someone’s lamp to uncork a gaseous man who satisfies his wishes 5pm/8pm £17 PRINCE ALBERT The Minutes, Tigercub, Dead Whisky, Black Bonds Dublin rock trio 8pm £6 PSYCHOSOCIAL Live ‘N’ Laughing: James Acaster Stand up comedy 8.30pm £10/6 RANELAGH The Diablos Americana country band 8.30pm £free

RIKI TIK Sizzurp: Lil Wayne, Tyler, Gucci Mane Swaggy hip hop with added crunk 9pm £free ST JAMES’ TAVERN Stay Sick, Turn Blue DJs play vintage soul, jazz and blues 8.30pm £free STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Shrag, Tunabunny, The Metatrons, Dogtooth! Local indie pop favourites 7pm £5.50; Catholic Discipline Noise rock, disco pop and acid folk from the Superheroes of BMX 8pm £free THEATRE ROYAL Star Quality Lisa Goddard stars in Noel Coward’s comedy drama 2.30pm/7.45pm £12-32 THREE & TEN Philip Jeays Witty and passionate singer whose contempt for the world is matched only by his love for Jacques Brel 8pm £8/5 WHITE RABBIT The Move-Ons Open Mic 8pm £free

FRIDAY 24TH

AUDIO Supercharged: Benga, Youngman Drum&bass and breaks 11pm £tbc BELUSHI’S BAR Muy Loco Pop and house DJs with a dancing contest 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Abandoned Rock and metal night 10pm £3/2

BLACK LION Attic Monkeys Vs Molly Malone’s Dex In The City Funk, soul and hip hop DJ battle 9pm £free BLIND TIGER Bootleg: Shirt Tail Stompers Electro swing night with a live swing band 8pm £3/free BRIGHTON BALLROOM Ton Club: The Repeat Prescriptions, DJ Jonny ‘Be’ Bad, DJ Senor Mick, DJ Simon Rockerswitch, DJ Dia Deadmen’s Live bands, dancers and DJs allow you to experience the thrill of a being part of an old school biker gang without having to go through with the dodgy tattoos and carpark chain fights Time tbc £8/5 BRUNSWICK House Of Hats Live folk music 8pm £4/3; The Blues Corporation Ten-piece blues band 8pm £10 CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Eclectic Chair Eclectifying alt classics 9pm £free COALITION Friday I’m In Love No more lectures for a day or two 11pm £1-5 CONCORDE2 The Kemptown Carnival Launch Party: Kalakuta Millionaires, Maracatu Cruzeiro Do Sul, CooktheRabbit DJs, Robin’D’Rich, DJ Eggs Legs, Mycle, Matt Copcut Carnival fundraiser with a Brazilian roots collective and twelve-piece funk fusion band 10pm £5 DIGITAL Stonelove Indie rock&roll club 11pm £4/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTON’S Funky Friday: DJ Nick Hirst, DJ Wayne 9.30pm £free DRUID’S ARMS DJ Tommy G Electro beats, indie and house tunes 10pm £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Mulholland Drive: Brighton Science Festival 11.15pm £7-13 EASY BAR DJ Rudeben R&B, hip hop and reggae 8pm £free FISHBOWL Freestyle Records Funky DJ set from the label manager, Greg Boraman 9pm £free FORTUNE OF WAR Fever: Caracazul Latin, salsa and reggae DJs - and a live Brazilian band 8pm £free FREEMASONS ALTA Proper underground house music with DJs Jeff Daniels, Danny Williams and Sumsuch on rotation 9pm £free

FUNKYFISH The Funkyfish Club Soul, funk, jazz and Motown 10pm £6/3.50 GLADSTONE Catch A Groove Funk, soul and Motown 8.30pm £free

GRAND CENTRAL Dad’s Old Vinyl DJs play retro records Time tbc £tbc

GREEN DOOR STORE Free Swim, Twin Brother, Stick In A Pot Experimental power pop with a bass playing panda 7.30pm £5; VICE Issue Launch: Cymbals Bhurgiest Bands and DJs promoting the post-ironic fashion mag 11pm £free HAMPTON ARMS DJ Night From pub rock to disco fever 8pm £free

HAUNT John Foxx & The Maths, Gazelle Twin Analogue pioneer dragged back into relevance by ongoing synthpop nostalgia 7pm £20; Nowhere To Run The best of 60s Motown, soul and rock&roll 11pm £4/3 HED KANDI Vanity House and electro club 10pm £4 HONEY I Love R&B Juicy house with a twist of hip hop - and plenty of the R and the B 11pm £5/4/3 HOTEL PELIROCCO Synthesize Me: Thomas H Green, Tom Mugridge, Chris Tomsett DJ night with era-spanning electronic music and psychedelic light show - tonight celebrating their second birthday 8pm £free HYDRANT The Subhumans, Headfuct Classic punk band who gave us the line: “Are you prepared to die for your beliefs or just to dye your hair?” 7.30pm £10 IRON DUKE ID Does Karaoke (Differently) Karaoke night, this time with a Glam Rock theme 9pm £free JIVE MONKEY The Jive Monkey Cabaret Cabaret with Dolly

Rocket - plus an uncensored and partially undressed Marilyn Monroe 9pm £free KOMEDIA Marius Neset’s Golden Xplosion Quartet: Brighton Jazz Club Live jazz 7.30pm £15/13; Keep It Cash Tribute act celebrates Johnny Cash’s 80th birthday 7.30pm £13; Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £11.50-14.50 LATEST MUSIC BAR Catalyst Club Guest speakers give a short talk about whatever their weird obsession is 8.30pm £5 LOLA LO Tiki Beats Totally tropical tunes 8pm £5/4/3 LONDON UNITY Gadzooks European folk with a twist of gypsy jazz 8.30pm £free MARLBOROUGH I <3 Electro DJs play alt electro 9pm £free MESMERIST Shake, Holla & Roll Vintage blues, swing and rock&roll 9pm £free MUCKY DUCK Bitter Disko DJ plays mutant funk, post punk and John Peel favourites 8pm £free NEPTUNE Shauna Parker & The Saloon Bar Band Country swing band 8.30pm £free NEW VENTURE THEATRE The Permanent Way Play about the privatisation of the railways and the resultant crashes Time tbc £tbc

NORTHERN LIGHTS DJ Oli Party tunes 9pm £free OCEANA Escape With seven themed rooms you should find one you like 10.30pm £6/free PAVILION THEATRE A-LADD-IN Adult pantomime about a young boy who ventures into a dark wet cave and rubs someone’s lamp to uncork a gaseous man who satisfies his wishes 5pm/8pm £17 PRINCE ALBERT Loki, Safehouse, Owls Live music 8.30pm £4

RANELAGH Al Start, Qukulele: BWC Live Folk pop and ukulele mash-ups raising money for Brighton Women’s Centre 8.30pm £free

RIKI TIK Skittish: Hint The past and present of house and hip hop 9pm £free ROCK & ROLLER Soul Casserole A melting pot of hot funk beats and soul grooves 8pm £free SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE Robin Ince - Happiness Through Science: Brighton Science Festival Erudite and shambolic stand-up explores the human condition 7.30pm £8/6 STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Late Night Lingerie 2: Skirts, Tyrannosaurus Dead, The Valentines, The Gaa Gaas, Cousin, Whaleman Wall of sound grunge bands rock right through the small hours 10pm £3 THEATRE ROYAL Star Quality Lisa Goddard stars in Noel Coward’s comedy drama 7.45pm £12-32 THOMAS KEMP Hot Tamales: DJs Citizen Lane, HepCat Matt 50s and 60s rock&roll 9pm £free; DJ Flying White Dots 9pm £free

THREE & TEN Rabbit In The Headlights Stand-up comedy hosted by Angela Barnes (upstairs) 8pm £6/5 VICTORY Open Mic 8pm £free VOLKS In The Face: Stagga, Warlock, Yeahhbuzz, Badical, Gash, Hadean, Simtek, Donkey Pitch Records, Audio Hornet Bass mash-ups from Rag & Bone Records 10pm £8/5 WHITE RABBIT WTF? Brighton Wonky electro and synth pop nonsense 8pm £free

SATURDAY 25TH

ANCIENT MARINER The Acoustic Sessions: Boogie Woogie Troop Boogie, swing and shuffle 8pm £free AUDIO Warehouse: Alex Metric House and techno club night 11pm £5/free

BEACHIGOGO BAR Good Times Remember them? Maybe the feel-good retro tunes will jog your memory (in the White Room) 9pm £free; The R&B Lounge R&B DJs (in the Main Room) 11pm £6/5 BELUSHI’S BAR Unplugged: Rocket Dogs, DJ Sleeps Live acoustic duo 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Faceplant Punk rock and ska night 9pm £5/2

BLACK LION Burnt Toast DJs play sleazy soul and dirty breaks 9pm £free BLIND TIGER Breakout Zoo Live reggae, funk and breakdancing 8pm £4/free BOOK NOOK Lucy Hawking - George And The Big Bang: Brighton Science Festival Investigate the mysteries of physics, science and the universe, to the edge of a black hole and back again 11am £free BRIGHTON BALLROOM Blitz Party! Relive the highlife of wartime Britain in this 1940 themed ballroom blitz 10.30pm £8 CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Punk In Drublic Dunk PJs 9pm £free

COALITION Wired: Vince Manganaro, Vince Frimpong, Charles Green, Charly Lopez House DJs and VJs 11pm £5; Blow: Vince Manganaro, Charly Lopez, Charles Green The party never stops 3am £5 CONCORDE2 Devotion: Hype, Subzero, Phantasy, Harry Shotta, IC3 Drum&bass night 11pm £10 COWLEY CLUB Birdengine, Crayola Lectern, Woodpecker Wooliams Deeply strange folk tales with twisted vocals and irregular guitar lines 8pm £4 DIGITAL Playroom Housey hedonism in a playground of bouncy inflatable fun 11pm £12/10 DOCTOR BRIGHTON’S Sexy Saturday: DJ Tony B 9.30pm £free

DOME Sarah Millican: Thoroughly Modern Millican Standup comedy (this show is now sold out) 8pm £tbc DRUID’S ARMS The Compost Heap Grassroots hip hop night Time tbc £free DUKE OF YORK’S CINEMA Ernani: Met. Opera 6pm £tbc EASY BAR Fam Daniels, Legs MC, Lucky Hip hop floor fillers 8pm £free

FIDDLER’S ELBOW Soul Casserole A melting pot of hot funk beats and soul grooves 9pm £free FISHBOWL Daddy Marcus Disco, soul and funk DJ 9pm £free

FORTUNE OF WAR Deckchairs: Kidkanevil, Gilla First Word Records night 8pm £free FREEMASONS Aran Reynolds & Ollie Sturdy Classic and funky house DJs 8.30pm £free FUNKYFISH The Funkyfish Club Soul, funk, jazz and

MOBILE COMPATIBLE ONLINE LISTINGS WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/LISTINGS

Motown 10pm £6/3.50 GLADSTONE Jam Nights Live music 8pm £free GLOBE Andy Ash, Pablo Contraband, Rich Harmer: The Unity Agency Deep house and disco DJs 10pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Spector, David’s Lyre Live music 7.30pm £6; The Big Itch Back to basics rock&roll 11pm £free HAUNT General Fiasco Belfast indie kids on tour 8pm £tbc HONEY Honey Music Funky house club 11pm £7/5/3 HOPE The Hope Headbanger: Loose Lips, Run Young Lovers, Graces Collide, Rising Tide Indie punk benefit gig for Amnesty International (upstairs) 7.30pm £5 HYDRANT Touche Amore, Basement, Maths, No Coast Live music (upstairs) 7pm £10; Wide Eyed Order, Funge, Dub ‘N’ Tuff Allstars Energetic ska punk with a gypsy edge 8pm £tbc

IRON DUKE Resident DJs 9pm £free JAZZ PLACE Night At The Jazz Rooms Legendary Brighton club returns to its old home for a night of heavy funk, soul, Afro and dance, etc 9pm £5/4 KOMEDIA Kids’ Popcorn Comedy Kid-friendly comedy and short film funnies 2pm £8.50/6.50; Krater Comedy Club Standup comedy 7pm/8pm/10.30pm £15-20; Mod For It Club night playing garage and Motown, soul and ska 11pm £5; ipop! Like an iPod full of party anthems on perpetual shuffle 11pm £3/free LIGHTHOUSE Intuition & Ingenuity: Brighton Science Festival An open day with informal talks about the exhibition celebrating the computing pioneer, Alan Turing 11am £free LOLA LO Zombie Nation Where the dancefloor is never dead 8pm £10/7/6

MARLBOROUGH Luck Me Up Pop party with DJ Dame Amy 9pm £free

MESMERIST Juke Joint Jamboree Rhythm & blues and rock&roll records from the days of the dance halls 9pm £free MUCKY DUCK Chip Shop Hip Hop: DJ Fletcher C Ellis 9pm £free

NEW VENTURE THEATRE The Permanent Way Play about the privatisation of the railways and the resultant crashes Time tbc £tbc

NORTHERN LIGHTS DJ Åbo Funk and soul tunes 9pm £free

OCEANA Sound Of Saturday Disco club for West Street’s finest 10.30pm £10/free PAV TAV Snap Crackle & Britpop Join Dynamite Sal for a 90s indie party, this time with an Oasis theme Time tbc £4 PAVILION THEATRE A-LADD-IN Adult pantomime about a young boy who ventures into a dark wet cave and rubs someone’s lamp to uncork a gaseous man who satisfies his wishes 5pm/8pm £17 PRINCE ALBERT Club Meow Meow Ska night 8.30pm £4 RIKI TIK It’s Goin’ Off 007: Alphabets Heaven, Last Dance London, W.A.T? DJs Forward thinking bass music with no best before date 9pm £free ROCK INN Frighten Brighton: Frankenstein & The Monster From Hell, The Gore Gore Girls, Re-Animator An afternoon of classic horror films preceded by a macabre market full of home made curios and gory nicknaks Noon/5pm £free/6 SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE Big Science Saturday: Brighton Science Festival Talks and debates for those who want to understand the future before we get there 10am £10/6 ST GEORGE’S CHURCH Marina & The Diamonds Pop balladeer 7.30pm £20 STICKY MIKE’S FROG BAR Stick It On This is a night with a difference - one in which you become the DJ! An iPod is all you need to make your musical journey. YOU decide which requests to take, which classics to play and which self-indulgent B-sides to risk 10pm £5/4/3 THEATRE ROYAL Star Quality Lisa Goddard stars in Noel Coward’s comedy drama 2.30pm/7.45pm £12-32 THOMAS KEMP DJ Danny 9pm £free THREE & TEN Off The Cuff Audience-seeded jokes made up on the spot (upstairs) 8pm £8/6 TUBE Hold Up! Long-running and much-loved indie night kept afloat by the influx of fresh-faced students 11pm £5 WEST HILL TAVERN L’Amour Electronique French pop and electronic delights pour vous 9pm £free WHITE RABBIT The Mixer Men DJ night 8pm £free

SUNDAY 26TH

BELUSHI’S BAR Now That’s What I Call A Party In this instance, it’s okay to judge a book by its cover 9pm £free BLACK LION Live & Swingin’ Lion Live gypsy jazz, swing and blues 9pm £free BLIND TIGER John Crampton Foot-stomping blues explosion 8pm £2/free CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK The Infernal Salon Alternative cabaret of experimental noise, poetry and DJs 4pm £free

EASY BAR Reggae And Roast Noon £free FIDDLER’S ELBOW Sham-Rock Open Mic 8.30pm £free FISHBOWL Recovery?: Asbest, Sinner DJs play rare reggae and soul records 9pm £free FOOD FOR FRIENDS Hajar Solo vocalist does pop and jazz covers with some originals thrown in Time tbc £tbc GLOBE Hot-Tip Hi-Fi DJ with a fine collection of vintage reggae and rocksteady records 9pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Sunday Service Live music 5pm £free; Green Door Blues Blues band and DJs 10pm £free HAMPTON ARMS Acoustic Sessions Live music 5pm £free HONEY Sundays At The Honey If your house was this sexy you’d need to keep the letterbox well-oiled 11pm £3/2/free HOPE Cap In Hand, Wrecktheplacefantastic Post-hardcore punk rockers (upstairs) 8pm £4 HYDRANT The Social Club, Matadors, Get Human, Cautionhorses, Emergency Bitter Live music 1.30pm £4; Brave Yesterday Live music 8pm £free; Krater Comedy Club Stand-up comedy 8pm £5-11.50; The Humble Quest For A Universal Genius Absurd gameshow in which comedians are required to excel in every field of human knowledge 8pm £9/7 LATEST MUSIC BAR Rosie Wilby, Aidan Goatley A double bill of nostalgic comedy about Britpop and father-son relationships

PAVILION THEATRE A-LADD-IN Adult pantomime about a young boy who ventures into a dark wet cave and rubs someone’s lamp to uncork a gaseous man who satisfies his wishes 5pm/8pm £17 PRESTONVILLE ARMS General Knowledge Quiz 9pm £1 PRINCE ALBERT Authorities, The Accelerators, Legal Highs, Dog Disco 70s US punks 8pm £6 RANELAGH Killer Joe Hey, where you going with that guitar in your hand? 8.30pm £free SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE It’s Make Your Mind Up Time Brighton Science Festival All day event with one question - how much of our world is a figment of our imagination? 10am £10/6 THOMAS KEMP Jazz In The Afternoon: Lee And His Piano! Live jazz Time tbc £free VICTORY DJ Rob Taylor Soul, rock and alt pop 9pm £free WHITE RABBIT Hush Hush Live acoustic music 8pm £free

MONDAY 27TH

ANCIENT MARINER Quiz Night 8pm £1 BEE’S MOUTH The Bee’s Mouth Jazz Forum Jazz jam with a house band 8.30pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Pump Up The 90s 9pm £free BLACK DOVE The Bell Jar MP3 Club Reinventing the record club 8.30pm £tbc BLIND TIGER Knockout! Student night where you control the music - until the crowd votes you off 8pm £1/free BRUNSWICK Open Mic 8.30pm £free COALITION Trash Monday Filthy tunes for students and layabouts alike 10.30pm £5/3/free GREEN DOOR STORE The Whip Manc foursome making baggy computer electro 7.30pm £10 HED KANDI Oosh Commercial house, electro remixes and indie bootlegs 11pm £tbc HYDRANT Portraits, Protect Your Neck, Centralia DC Live music 8pm £tbc KOMEDIA Dressed In Black Sinister pop and the sound of gothic cinema 11pm £3 LATEST MUSIC BAR Charlene Soraia Poppy London singer songwriter (this show is now sold out) Time tbc £tbc LOLA LO Fat Poppadaddys Student indie night 9pm £3 LONDON UNITY Texas Hold Em Poker night for serious players 8pm £tbc MARLBOROUGH Dames Games Quiz night 8.30pm £1 MESMERIST Stroll On Mondays 60s and 70s night with DJs and film projections 8.30pm £free OCEANA Vodka Rocks Cheesy club night apparently named after a drinks promotion 10.30pm £3/2/free PRINCE ALBERT Born To Lose 8.30pm £3 THEATRE ROYAL The King’s Speech David Seidler’s drama about a monarch who developed a debilitating stammer, unfortunately it wasn’t Prince Philip Time tbc £tbc THOMAS KEMP Quiz Night 8pm £1 VOLKS Strictly Reggae Dancehall, roots, revival 11pm £5/4.50

TUESDAY 28TH

AUDIO Guerilla Rocks Club night for rock chicks, skater bois and indie kids 11pm £3/2/1 BELUSHI’S BAR Pump Up The 80s 9pm £free BLACK LION Hit The Decks Open decks spin off (book a slot online) 9pm £free BRUNSWICK Jazz Jam Open sessions with a house band 8pm £free

CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK Skeptics In The Pub The events of 2011 seen through sceptical eyes 8pm £free COALITION Full Volume If your bass was this filthy you’d have to take it back to the fishmongers 10.30pm £2-5 DIGITAL CU Next Tuesday It’ll teach the universities to timetable lectures for Wednesday mornings 11pm £4/3 FIDDLER’S ELBOW QUIZness Time Are you a pub quiz whizz, or bit of a half-wit? 8pm £1 FORAGERS PUB C.U.L.T. Stand-up comedy 8pm £4 GLOBE Basement Cinema Underground films, comfy seats and free popcorn 8pm £free GREEN DOOR STORE Hard Times They can take our disposable income, but they’ll never take our nowave disco!

11pm £free

HED KANDI SUBTRKT Dance music night 11pm £3 HONEY Latin Fever: DJ Aaron George, Gabriel Angel, Yersin Rivas Dance lessons followed by a tropically vibed salsa club 8pm/10pm £3/1/free HYDRANT Still Bust, Three Summers Strong, Harker, Some Sort Of Threat Live music 8pm £free LATEST MUSIC BAR When I’m Pretty: The Sumerian Kyngs, Plus, DJ Melita Psychedelic swamp groove 8pm £4 LECONFIELD Quiz Night 9pm £1 LOLA LO Dirtee Laundry Student night 10pm £6/4/2 LONDON UNITY Fun Pub Quiz Have your brain drained by a drag queen 8.30pm £1 LORD NELSON Pub Quiz Quiz me, Hardy! 8.45pm £1 MESMERIST The Mesmerist Conjurers Consortium It could be a magical night 7.30pm £free OPEN HOUSE Jazz Work Shop Throw away those jazz mags and try out your trumpet in public 8pm £tbc PAVILION THEATRE A-LADD-IN Adult pantomime about a young boy who ventures into a dark wet cave and rubs someone’s lamp to uncork a gaseous man who satisfies his wishes 5pm/8pm £17 PRESTONVILLE ARMS Entertainment Quiz 9pm £1 PRINCE ALBERT String Of Colonies Live music 8.30pm £4/3

RED LION Challenging General Knowledge & Music Quiz 8pm £1

THEATRE ROYAL The King’s Speech David Seidler’s drama about a monarch who developed a debilitating stammer, unfortunately it wasn’t Prince Philip Time tbc £tbc THOMAS KEMP Poker Evening 8pm £free

8pm £6/5

NEPTUNE Sam Chara Live jazz 8.30pm £free

WWW.BRIGHTONSOURCE.CO.UK/LISTINGS MOBILE COMPATIBLE ONLINE LISTINGS

WEDNESDAY 29TH

ABOVE AUDIO Doctor’s Orders Sick hip hop Time tbc £free AUDIO Supercharged: Logistics, ST, Lofty Drum&bass and breaks 11pm £tbc AUDREY EMERTON BUILDING Doctor Talk - The Old Person Whisperer: Brighton Science Festival Dr Muna Al-Jawad illuminates some of the scientific mysteries of old age 7pm £free

BEE’S MOUTH Open Mic 8.30pm £free BELUSHI’S BAR Now That’s What I Call A Party In this instance, it’s okay to judge a book by its cover 9pm £free BELUSHI’S BELOW Detention 8pm £free BLACK LION Open Mic Night Live music 8.30pm £free BLIND TIGER Fanfarlo NME-endorsed indie pop band from London 7pm £8 COALITION CoCo LoCo Commercial chart music for students 10.30pm £5/3/2 CONCORDE2 The War On Drugs Drone-led childlike ambient pop 7.30pm £10 DIGITAL Poundance Like a coin operated dancefloor 11pm £4/3/1

DRUID’S ARMS We Change The Tempo DJ set of international sounds 9pm £free FISHBOWL Tea & Biscuits: DJ Gareth Stephens Retro swing, soul and ska 10pm £free GLOBE Global Bass: DJ Ted Lauren Dub, digi and dancehall 9pm £free

GRAND CENTRAL Film Night Time tbc £tbc GREEN DOOR STORE Thee Bald Knobbers, Bolide Awkwardstra, Bad Orb Live music Time tbc £tbc; The Jazz Store Live jazz with an open jam 11pm £free HAUNT Juice New Music Showcase Live music 7pm £3 HOPE Hi Zero Poetry Readings “Fiercely fine modern poetry readings from across the now-zone of liminal word-love” (upstairs) 7.30pm £4 HYDRANT Tellison, Jumping Ships Live music 8pm £5 IRON DUKE The ID Weekly General Knowledge Quiz 8.30pm £1

KOMEDIA Soko Uplifting bedsit troubadour 7.30pm £10 LATEST MUSIC BAR Harry Oakwood, Dan Powell, Mark Wright Live music 7.30pm £5 LONDON UNITY Open Mic Night Open session hosted by Pemma Ashdown 8.30pm £free MASH TUN Tin Cup Collective Live funk soul band 9pm £free

MESMERIST The Swing Ninjas Gypsy swing band 9pm £free

OCEANA Fuzzy Logic Dance and dubstep student night 10.30pm £3.50-5

OPEN HOUSE Safehouse: Maggie Nicols, Mark Whiteford, VV Gawel, Annie Kerr, Garima Free jazz and avant garde improvisation 8.30pm £6/5 PAVILION THEATRE A-LADD-IN Adult pantomime about a young boy who ventures into a dark wet cave and rubs someone’s lamp to uncork a gaseous man who satisfies his wishes 5pm/8pm £17 PRINCE ALBERT Tiny Dragons, Meatloaf At Mary’s, Alice Amelia EP launch for funky rock band 8.30pm £4/3 RIKI TIK Keep On Keepin’ On DJs play rock&roll, northern soul and Motown 9pm £free THEATRE ROYAL The King’s Speech David Seidler’s drama about a monarch who developed a debilitating stammer, unfortunately it wasn’t Prince Philip Time tbc £tbc THOMAS KEMP Kev & Jenna’s Open Mic 8.30pm £free THREE & TEN No Room, Animal Lover A double bill of darkly comic short plays by Jamie Martin 8pm £9/7 VOLKS Switch Up Drum&bass, electro and dubstep night Time tbc £tbc

VENUE Title Time £free

EXHIBITIONS

BRIGHTON MUSEUM & ART GALLERY “It’s Hey! For The Tartan!” Scottish history told through the medium of tea pots Until Mar 4th; Robert Goff: An Etcher In The Wake Of Whistler Edwardian etchings of Brighton and Hove Until Apr 29th; Dreams of Here: Julian Bell, Tom Hammick, Andrzej Jackowski New work by three contemporary painters and printmakers Feb 18th - June 10th FRIESE-GREENE HOUSE GALLERY Conquer Artists Paintings, videos, installations and drawings of male forms - can you spot the camouflaged penises? Feb 1st - Feb 14th HOVE MUSEUM & ART GALLERY The Five Senses: Paintings From The Fine Art Collection Interactive familyfriendly exhibition exploring sensory aspects of art Until Mar 1st; Robot Invasion! An army of retro robots and space toys Until Feb 21st

INK_D Refresh For 2012 New work by Ian Hodgson, Pink, Eelus and others Until Feb 11th LIGHTHOUSE Intuition And Ingenuity: Brighton Science Festival Art inspired by Alan Turing, the computing pioneer who helped crack the enigma code and was then prosecuted for being gay, fed female hormones and killed himself with the help of a poisoned apple Feb 17th - 26th LORD NELSON Tog On Tour Photography exhibition Feb 1st - 29th

PHOENIX BRIGHTON Broken Ground: Derek Besant, Pete Marsh, Jayne Wilson Three artists explore architecture, technology and urban chaos Feb 11th - Mar 25th PRINCE REGENT GALLERY Dress For Excess: Fashion In Regency England Exhibition looking at the extravagant clothes worn by George and his cohorts Until Feb 5th £4.90-9.80 ROCK INN Toby Mason Pictures by local photographer Until Feb 29th

ROUND GEORGE’S PUB AND GALLERY Francois Boutemy: A Decade Behind The Lens Gigs, fashion and urban anomalies captured over ten years of photography Until Feb 10th UNIVERSITY OF BRIGHTON GALLERY The Incredible Lightness of Being British premiere of recent work by the famous Czech designer, ­­­­­­­­­­­Jiri Pelcl Until Feb 20th

PAGE 53

SIX OF THE BEST WORST

FIRST DATE MOVIES WORDS BY NICK COQUET, JAMES KENDALL

We suppose it’s principally the inherent darkness that’s attracted generations of randy romantics to take their dates to the movies, but the wrong film choice can seriously hamper your chances. Here’s a selection that work like a cold shower right up there on the screen.

9 SONGS

(2004)

On paper, a great date movie. A couple indulge in the most sexually explicit scenes ever granted UK certification, performed against a backdrop of going to Primal Scream and Franz Ferdinand gigs. Sweet as. But the reality is a date no-no – she kind of turns into a pain in the arse and they pretty much stop the sexy stuff after a bit. Then she cries a lot while the bloke gazes at boring glaciers for his work. A relationship’s weary decline that the money shots do little to rescue. (NC)

CLOSER

(2004)

Glamorous Jude Law and Natalie Portman in a film about relationships. That’s got to be a winner, right? Er, no. Closer is a 104-minute long argument and will have you immediately breaking up with your date just to save yourself inevitable future heartache. “You like him coming in your face?” asks Clive Owen of his adulterous girlfriend Julia Roberts before thanking her for her honesty (she did like it, apparently) and shouting, “Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag.” Happy never after. (JK)

NIL BY MOUTH

SLEEPING DOGS LIE

(2006)

We knew our new advertising manager was going to fit right in when she offered up a film about a bored woman who gives her dog a blow job in college and then, years later, admits as much to her new fiancé. It’s the height of awkward – partly because it was written in three days and shot in a couple of weeks for $50,000 – and likely to lead to conversations on the way home you want to avoid. “So, what’s your dark secret?” asks your date as you run away, imagining theirs. (JK)

SCHINDLER’S LIST

(1993)

A money-spinning multiplex awards magnet, as a Spielberg title this might have confused some dim-witted fans of the director into jolly Raiders Of The Lost Ark-type adventure expectance. Wrong. Schindler’s List’s relentlessly gruelling torrent of Nazi barbarity has no place whatsoever in dating, save perhaps for the gentleman to mentally refer back to as he attempts to delay ejaculation. That would only be some considerable time later, though – no one ever got laid after watching this film. (NC)

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS (2003)

(1997)

Ladies: if your fella insists this is “nothing like Scum, honest”, he’s right. It’s worse. Ray Winstone’s idea of knockabout fun in this bleak family drama extends only to domestic violence, and the sheer unpleasantness of everyone on the screen seems unlikely to foster any notions of you ever settling down and having a lovely family, or ever even dating anyone again. Fellas: Winstone is pretty much date suicide whatever the film, but this is the true Daddy of bleakness. Don’t even think about it. (NC)

PAGE 54

SLEEPING DOGS LIE

OK, so we’ve seen the obvious genres to avoid, how about some safe ground? Rom coms might not push you mentally, but they’re perfect gentle fodder for a first date. Unless they star Hollywood’s-most-hated, Matthew McConaughey, and Kate ‘disappointment to my mother’ Hudson (see also Fool’s Gold). The hamfisted premise here leads to disgusting gender stereotypes that won’t have you looking at the opposite sex with anything other than pure contempt. By the end you don’t know which of them you want to snap and commit murder first. (JK)

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