^
Relationship 101
That First Day
I
t was a typical summer day in Oklahoma. It was warm, sunny and of course, windy. But there was something special about this day. This was the day I and my special someone were moving in to our new home together. From all the excited conversations and dreams about how spending the rest of our lives together were going to be so awesome, I was so ready to have the love of my life under the same roof. When that day happened, I knew it was going to be magical. No longer would we have to say goodbye and go to our respective homes. No longer would I have to pine for him for a whole week until I got to see him again on the weekend. When that day arrives, I would be able to tell him my innermost secrets and feelings directly and not through an email, text or phone call (although, those calls into the middle of the night were magical).
By Jenny George
Of course we would each have our own sinks and things like that; but I forgot about his computer. OMG, I never even thought about it. I just assumed we would use my computer and desk space. It never occurred to me that this was personal space and he would need his own desk for his own computer. Never thinking he may not want to use my computer and desk because this was my personal space. Then came other miscellaneous parts of life, like cd’s and food items we each liked (or didn’t like). How the dishwasher was to be stacked. The fact there would be his shampoo and my shampoo never even crossed my mind. I was scared and suddenly felt I was walking on eggshells in my own life, in my dream home with the person of my dreams. What happened to all the magic and fairytale feelings? I even asked myself “did I make a mistake?”
...What happened to all the magic and fairytale feelings? I even asked myself “did I make a mistake?”
So after all the planning, packing and excruciating waiting that seemed as if it would never end; feeling like a child waiting Christmas Eve for Santa to finally arrive…. the day came. And it was every bit as magical and exciting and thrilling as I thought it would be….even more now that it was no longer just a dream. It was a reality. Yes, it was a reality. And with that reality came some stark surprises. Through all the dreaming and planning, it never really occurred to me that we would be blending two people’s idiosyncrasies, habits and of course, stuff. We were each going to need our own space for our own things. We each had our own way of living and now that has to be changed. I really wasn’t prepared for that part of the reality. No one ever told me that living together will take getting used to and require a great deal of patience and love as these two lives who have been apart, now are living as one. I remember that it all started with a computer. In planning for moving into our dream life together, I made sure that there would be space in the closet, drawers in the dresser and a pristine spot for his toothbrush.
The answer was no. The key to all of this fear and angst was to let each other know what we were feeling. It turns out he was just as worried about me not having my space as I was worried about him not feeling he had his space. With time, patience and love, we learned how to live together and make space for each other. Taking spiritual nourishment from the energy we gave one another. Realizing that all the little habits and idiosyncrasies were little more than a drop of water in the vast ocean of our new life together our new home and the love we shared. But I am here to tell you, 14 years later, that life with my lover and best friend has been a wonderful gift from God. I cannot imagine my life without him and don’t ever want to. We both share our home, we both still have individual computers and we both have our little household islands that we have accepted responsibility for. But most of all, we both have the love we started with and the magic of being able to tell my love my innermost secrets and feelings, face to face. This life is wonderful. Talking it out, communicating with one another was and is the answer to all of our problems. Don’t be afraid to have a spirited debate and express your feelings. Remember to be kind to one another and not forget that you are both scared. I can tell you that we still don’t always agree and I still take over the house….but rarely do I stack the dishwasher. :)
^
14 Bridalifestyle Wedding Magazine Fall/Winter 2012 | BRIDALIFESTYLE.COM